At zije neboztík (1935) - full transcript

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Presents

Hugo Haas

in

LONG LIVE THE DECEASED

Screenplay by

Director of Photography

Production Designer /Set Designer

Music by / Lyrics by

Executive in Charge of Production

Director's Assistant

Made by / Sound System

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Cast

Directed by

And should you get married,

I shall provide you with dowry.

Wait, wait.

In the amount of.

There.

I beg your pardon,

isn't it too much?

Why do you take such concern

about her getting married?

That's none of your business.

That's my business.

She saved my life.

Took care of me.

She stayed up many nights

looking after me.

That's why she somehow grew on me.

And besides, I know what it is,

when one is left all alone

in one's old age.

That's why I'd like to enable her

to get married.

Are you leaving already?

You know, I'm almost

sorry I got well?

I'll feel lonesome without you.

I wish you good health

and take care of yourself.

Don't forget to take your

medicine every two hours.

And in case you need anything,

call the sanatorium.

Then, there's the matter

of your nephew.

Don't talk about him!

- There are several bills here.

And I don't know where to send them,

as he has changed his name.

At my order

Because I shall not allow

that rascal to discredit

our family name!

I don't want to hear a word about him

until he starts leading a decent life!

He's a rakish sluggard and a gambler,

constantly running into debts!

That man is a genius.

Nothing but bills.

Nobody can do it like him.

There's no ink here.

How interesting,

he writes with brandy

Philip!

Whatever label is on a bottle,

gasoline, kerosene, turpentine,

it's always full of spirits!

And I won't stand spirits

Throw everything away!

I always do that.

- Throw this away too.

My master makes me worried.

He does nothing but drink and lie about

and he's surprised he's got a headache.

That he has a jabbing pain here.

- And there.

Where has all this lead to?

He's at the doctor now.

Poison.

Poison, of course.

He won't fool me

I can see through him.

What's wrong with the man?

- A truly interesting case.

Could it be rib angulation?

Or a dermoid cyst.

He's definitely a freak The professor

will be interested to see him.

Don't breathe!

Thank you Next!

- Yes

Is it done?

- Go, Muffy.

If the pictures turn out well,

I'd want some for my passport.

I can wait for the pictures now.

That's very practical Don't

overdo it with the retouch though.

So that I look like myself

at least a little.

If I'm satisfied, I'll recommend you

to my friends, I have a lot of friends.

Oh my, I broke my eyeglass.

Well, at least I'll see well

Let's go.

- Yes?

Sir!

- Here's your number.

That's so nice of you Thank you.

- Take a seat.

Here? Alright - Here's your control

stamp, stick it on the back side.

Here? Thank you.

- You're welcome - Come, Muffy!

Sit! Beg!

That's a good boy.

Excuse me, I'm Peter Suk.

Is this seat vacant?

Some people tend to be rather

unfriendly, aren't they?

Number 15!

What a pity.

She was.

You liked her, didn't you?

I'm here for you,

you must go home.

It's crowded with creditors

We've never had so many visitors.

One of them wants to sleep there

You must calm them down.

But I have to wait

for my diagnosis here

I'll wait instead of you Hurry home,

else there'll be big trouble.

What am I to do? Come, Muffy.

Number 16!

Come in!

Sit down.

Number 16, miss.

Your pulse is alright.

Why shouldn't it be?

Don't you feel overall feebleness?

Feebleness?

Quite on the contrary.

An interesting case.

Are you Peter Suk?

- He's my master, you see.

I was waiting here instead of him

I see, so he's your master.

What is your impression of him?

- Quite bad.

I believe you.

- He stays up all night long.

It's no use talking.

I shall be quite frank.

Your master will die

in twenty-four hours.

You seem so serious.

You're joking, aren't you?

This is no joke, sir

It may seem improbable,

but I've never made

a mistake in my diagnosis.

But that means.

- Ascending aortic aneurysm

with imminent perforation.

Good Lord, is it true?

My poor master.

What are you playing at?

It can't go on like this!

You really amaze me, gentlemen

You all bring your bills and.

What would become of me?

Though, to show you my good will,

I'll put all bills into a basket.

Philip!

Let's have a lottery.

The ballot will be twice a year

To be quite fair I'll cover my eyes

and draw lots This is the winner.

Mr. Madera.

That's me.

I'm sorry, gentlemen,

maybe the next ballot.

I beg your pardon, but I disagree.

- Then you're out from the next ballot.

I'm sorry Do come in please

Good-bye, gentlemen.

Congratulations.

You're a lucky winner.

Wait, how much is it It's 3,900.

That's 1,100 to 5,000.

Do you have the 1,100 by chance?

- Oh yes, I do.

It would be most helpful,

if you could.

Just a moment.

- We can.

There it is.

- Excellent.

This means that you'll play with

5,000 in the next ballot.

Good-bye.

Thank you.

- You're welcome

I've overworked myself again

I don't feel well at all.

Balthazar.

I don't feel well.

- Oh dear.

It's starting.

Why don't you lie down. Come.

I feel terrible.

Listen, I need to write something.

Fetch me the bottle with ink, will you?

We've ran out of ink, sir.

You'll have to stay sober.

Oh dear.

I had a bottle with deadly

poison here Where is it?

I drank it.

So you drank the poison

and made me sick.

What will I do? Lucky I have that

hot-water bottle here.

Here, drink your nail polish.

There's something wrong here

Why are you suddenly so kind, eh?

What's the matter with you? Why are

you behaving as if someone's dying?

Someone is.

- What?

I always told you

to take care of yourself.

Not to live it up, but you didn't

listen! And it's too late now.

You're out of your mind

Why is it too late now?

The professor said so.

- What did he say?

That you'll die

I don't need a professor

to tell me that, do I?

But soon.

- Soon? How soon?

Tomorrow -Tomorrow? Well, if the

professor says so, it must be soon then.

It's interesting, you come

and tell me that I'll die.

The professor said that such a case

happens once in a century.

You see, I'm an extraordinary

person after all.

Let me see it.

Aortae ascendentis, that sounds bad.

It's in Latin so it must be true.

Why are you crying?

Who's dying, you or me?

You won't die.

You're fit as a fiddle.

And your dog as well.

My dog? What dog?

You had to hold a dog on your lap.

- A dog on my lap? Me?

I've never had a dog my whole life.

Wait There seems to be

something wrong.

You can cancel the papers.

Tell the woman downstairs that she

doesn't have to bring milk any more.

You can return the empty bottles.

What else. Stop all the payments.

- Don't make silly jokes

I beg your pardon! If I didn't pay

till now, I won't start today.

There was something else I wanted

Oh yes, take care of Muffy.

Muffy!

And there's something else

You must arrange my funeral

I'm playing poker at 4 o'clock

I'll start dying at around 4:30 pm.

So they could come and pick me

up at around 5 o'clock Good-bye.

Hello?

Is that the Central Press Office?

Please publish the following

obituary notice in all papers tomorrow.

We announce to all his friends that

Mr Peter Suk passed away suddenly

after a short and rather painless

illness at the age of

thirty-five, I mean thirty-four years

That's enough.

It's a pity he's dead

No, don't put that down.

He was a man of a kind

and delicate nature,

as well as manners

Arrange it as you deem fit.

And put a note in the end

that instead of sending flowers,

all are invited to the auction

at the home of the deceased.

Thank you.

Did you arrange everything?

Very well, this means

that everything is in order.

And now, we're going on the last spree.

I'll change into my tail-coat.

I'll have a hell of a time today.

- Get your snoot full.

Enjoy yourself! It doesn't matter now.

Don't spare anyone, drink and smoke.

And make the day of it.

But don't catch a cold!

It is true, you ought to marry.

If I had a dowry like this.

Marry I have no one,

who'd marry me.

And besides,

I don't love anybody

I'll find somebody myself.

What about the old man?

Pardon me.

Hello?

I have sad news

about your nephew

I don't care about him

I'm used to sad news

about my nephew.

What? He won't run

into debts any more?

I don't believe you.

He's a rakish rascal and playboy.

I wonder who's thinking about me.

I'm all fed up with my life.

We all get tired of it

from time to time.

For a little while

we enjoy our life,

they can't shoot you

for having a good time.

Those who seek will find peace.

Those who can depart with ease.

And when I think of it

just by the way.

I'm actually in the way.

It's time to give up,

I know how it goes,

and all I'll do is lie in the grass.

Time will come,

when you'll be fed up

with your life.

Never mind

I'm all fed up with my life.

The air here is becoming quite dank

and such an ambience

isn't what I'd like

in the last moments of my life.

Ladies and gentlemen,

to show you that

I'm not narrow-minded,

all you here,

without any exceptions,

are paying me a drink.

Come here, Lilly!

Look at all the girls

I know her, her and her as well.

Come here, Mimi.

Come to me, Mimi!

You'll spill your glass on me.

- Don't bother.

Hello, Bibi!

Come here, Bibi!

Come!

Look at what you're doing.

What am I doing?

Look at how you look.

You've sprinkled water on me, sir.

Yes.

You see how I can tell.

Oh my!

Help!

Help!

Oh, the sun is shining.

It's a fine day to die, isn't it?

Sir!

That's enough.

It's mine.

It's mine.

I beg your pardon,

I know what's mine, don't I?

No It's mine.

Let's not be fussy, hold it.

Tightly.

There we are.

Good-bye.

Keep the change.

It seems I got off one stop earlier.

And now I don't know where I am.

Hello?

Who's there?

Is that you, Muffy?

I have something important

to tell you, Muffy.

You see, I don't know where I am.

I can't find my way home

and I got drunk again.

Don't be angry at me.

Look, it's the last time.

I swear on Saint Bernard

That should be enough.

If you're not angry at me, Muffy,

I'll bring you a live canary.

You must come and get me though.

Wait, where am I.

What's this,

a railway station or a museum?

You know what?

Come to the theatre.

What a shame. So small and

going to the bar already.

Stop it, will you?

The automobile is mine.

An automobile, eh?

It's an autosuggestion.

Don't push me I was here first.

Oh my, a fine crash, eh?

- A big one.

Hello Hello!

Hey, do you hear me?

Hey, what's wrong with you?

Maybe he got hurt

I'd better get an ambulance.

Well.

- Don't tickle me, you bobbysoxer.

I see.

Give him strong black coffee,

open the window and let him sleep.

Muffy, that's enough

What's this, Muffy?

Why are you yelling at me?

Waiter, bring me a spoon.

Sippity sup, sippity sup,

bread and milk from a china cup.

Watch out, we're entering a tunnel!

Good Lord, the professor

has left already

and that poor man is dying What are

we to do? Give him a compress.

Oh my God What are we to do now?

- Don't do anything.

I must die, the professor

told me I would.

How are you feeling?

Quite well, thank you. And you?

Times are bad now, but the main

thing is that we're healthy.

The poor man is delirious.

Excuse me.

Would you like to do a good turn?

I'd be more than glad.

There's one poor, but very

kind nurse, she's an orphan.

If she gets married,

she'd receive a big dowry.

Would you like to marry her?

- Bring her here.

It doesn't really matter

whether I die single or married.

That's a scandal!

Someone has mixed up the numbers!

We must investigate this

I told the man he would

die today at 5 pm!

Who knows what

he's going through now?

Do you take Peter Suk

to be your lawfully wedded husband

and promise to be

a loyal wife to him?

I do.

Do you take Alice Machova

to be your lawfully wedded wife

and promise to be

a loyal husband to her?

I pronounce you are man and wife.

Hello.

Roentgenology Institute,

what do you.

What? A mistake?

Confused X-rays

So it was not my master?

It was a mistake.

- My master will not die?

You're dear chum.

What a rascal.

He won't die

and I allowed him to drink.

He must be blind drunk.

Just you wait!

Balthazar.

Do you hear me?

Ba...Balthazar!

Where the hell am I?

I must have.

Oh my! I'll be late for my

own funeral I must hurry.

Let's hope they don't leave without me

That would be terrible!

I don't even know

how that poor man looked.

We announce to all his friends that

Mr. Peter Suk passed away suddenly

after a short and painless illness on

September 15, 430 pm, at the age of 34.

He was a generous, gentle and

delicate man. Mourning relatives.

There will be no drinking.

And no lying about.

Listen, you brute,

aren't you ashamed to embitter

the last moments of my life, eh?

What last moments?

You're not dying at all!

I'll show you!

- What are you talking about?

Any minute.

- It was a mistake!

The professor called to say he

confused you with someone else.

Really?

- Really.

You old rascal, you're

making fun of me, eh?

I thought so when you

came and told me I'd die.

It suited me because of the spree.

Wait. We must cancel the funeral.

Have you ever heard of

anyone cancelling a funeral?

Well, the funeral is cancelled because

the deceased didn't show up

I've arranged it even better

I've filled the coffin with

all the bills and they can bury it.

You Wait.

You know that I actually

don't exist now?

Revenue Office.

Voting List.

Creditors.

I'm rid of the creditors,

that's fine. But what now?

To make things worse, we've

sold the flat with all the furniture.

You're right, they'll come

for the table too.

But we own the flat till January.

It is true then.

- What?

Do you know that I got married?

- What?

With whom?

- If I only knew.

I remember now.

It was an old,

ugly woman with glasses.

And so I'm a young widow.

- It's irony of fate.

You've fulfilled my condition

and got married,

nonetheless, you remain

alone and all by yourself.

Don't be sad though.

You may get married one day again.

You must find yourself a more

durable husband,

who will last longer.

You'll go with me

to my country manor house now,

there you'll get better

and start a new life.

It's easy to say to start a new life,

but where and for what?

Nothing doing, you must think of

something on our way.

Let's go, shall we?

Here, take this.

Didn't we forget anything?

Where's Muffy?

We'll find him, he can't get lost.

- Wait.

Listen, I've got an idea.

What if I pump uncle for some money

and promise him I'd leave Europe?

You'd better call him

His answer won't hurt this way.

I'll call him right away.

Hello?

May I speak to Mr Kornel?

He's not in? I see.

Do you know where he is?

Where? To the manor house?

Where's that? He bought it.

And do you know where it is?

Very well, I know now.

Thank you very much.

We're going to the manor house.

I hope you don't feel bored here?

You've got so many books here,

a piano, a garden.

Come on, smile a little.

A little bit more.

That's it. You look much prettier.

Stay that way.

- You're so kind

I'd like to tell you something nice.

But I can't.

- You'll tell me one day

I've invited a few guests

to raise your spirits. My friends.

Go and tell them I'm here.

- I should tell them?

Should I go and tell them you're

here or what? You're so dubious.

I decide that I'm going in

and I either go in or not, don't I?

What do you think? Should we go in

or not? Let's draw lots.

We're not going.

Welcome.

How was your journey?

- Fine, thank you.

Do come in

And make yourselves at home.

Make yourself comfortable.

- You look splendid.

One can see you've recovered.

Take the luggage and let's go back.

This way, sir.

Let's go then.

Doesn't he remind you of someone?

- No.

That's strange.

Me neither. Let's go.

That seems alright

We can get used to this, can't we?

Good morning.

- What's new?

You see, you were

scared and we're here

I'm going to see my uncle

to show you that I'm not afraid.

He's a rascal!

And remember once and for all

that my nephew should

stay out of my sight!

Go on then, sir.

Your uncle is waiting.

If he calls you once more

hit him on the head with the receiver!

I've run out of patience!

Welcome.

How was your journey?

- Merci, thank you.

Come in and make yourselves at home.

You look splendid

I can see you've recovered

Peter!

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I came to see my uncle

Barbara!

You old rogue, you're here too?

What's the matter? What did he do to you?

- Oh, it's not worth mentioning.

He left me after 20 years of courtship,

saying he can't get used to me.

Listen, you should.

We'll settle this somehow.

You must leave straight away.

- So you're throwing me out too, eh?

How could someone who's fond of you

as I am throw you out.

But your uncle is furious

when he hears about you

I've noticed that.

But how will we get out here?

Not now.

Wait a minute, your uncle

goes to bed early.

He was ill and a nurse, a young widow,

is looking after him.

You can have dinner downstairs

and then get out of here!

Indeed, I wouldn't say no to a dinner

Not to offend you, of course.

I'm so glad to see you again

I still have your picture on my

bed table - Really?

Look.

You're right.

Can anyone be angry at such a man?

See, I was a drinker even back then.

Peter Suk

Remington My wife.

Durieux My wife

I beg your pardon?

- It is a pleasant evening, isn't it?

Oh yes.

Are you here for the first time as well?

Me? Oh yes, it is my first time here

I haven't been here at all

I arrived yesterday from... umm.

From China.

- China? - Yes.

Then you must speak Chinese, don't you?

- It's quite easy.

That's just splendid.

The gentlemen here doesn't

seem to understand.

You don't say!

That's unbelievable.

What did he say?

He told me he had one European

staying at his home

during the holidays.

That the man liked China very much

and enjoyed himself.

That they got along well.

And all of a sudden,

the man became very sad,

didn't go anywhere,

locked himself in his room.

That they were forced

to break the door.

And the poor European lay

there shot dead.

It seems he got fed up with rice.

What an interesting language.

How many things it can express

with a single word.

Would you ask him

whether he plays golf.

He says he does.

I beg your pardon,

ladies and gentlemen.

I am to excuse Mr. Kornel.

He's not quite healthy

and he shall stay in his room.

Heavens, she's beautiful.

If you could join me

in the dining room now

I'm staying.

It's not nice to revenge upon me for

your unrequited love by a small mess.

The censors should ban

these leers of yours.

They should've also banned your

loving glances twenty years ago.

Don't taunt me.

You can't keep upbraiding me for

some silly mischief of an old man

I'm going to the hall to prepare coffee.

You see, they're finishing

their dinner downstairs

while I...

Here you are, you passionate man.

Would you like to sit here?

- Oh no, do sit down, please.

But if you wanted to sit here

Let's not be narrow-minded.

We'll send a telegram that we arrived

safely - I beg your pardon.

Tell me, how do you manage

to stay so slim?

I don't know

I have a regular way of living.

I neither eat too much nor too little

I work all week

I have a lot of worries and that's

the best recipe for losing weight.

The main thing is to have

a strong will, madam.

I, for example,

exercise every morning,

I ride a horse, I swim and I row,

and the main thing is that I avoid

soups and desserts.

- How long have you been doing this?

I'm starting tomorrow.

Loving someone who doesn't

love you is also quite helpful, madam.

Fortunately, that has

never happened to me

I meant to fall in love with

someone who disregards you.

Or who always looks the other way.

If you excuse me, it's half past eight

and I must give Mr. Kornel his medicine.

Good night.

- Good night.

And who has to give Mr Kornel

his medicine at half past eight.

Excuse me, ladies.

Hello!

- Yes, madam?

Could you tell me who the man is.

How should I describe him,

he's a tall, dark-haired man.

And he's rather cranky, isn't he?

I know who you mean.

It's Mr. Kornel's nephew, but don't

tell a word to anyone.

He's here secretly Mr Kornel

would kill him if he found out.

So that's him then.

Good evening.

- Good evening.

It's half past eight,

you have to take your medicine

I hoped you'd forget.

And he advised me either to ride a horse

or to fall in love with someone

who doesn't love me.

So you'll buy me a horse tomorrow.

Why don't you fall in love

with someone instead.

I can't wait to see you fall.

I won't fall Look.

She's waving at me to climb up.

I don't think I mix well

with the company

I never know what to talk about.

Don't you like anyone at all here?

No

- You ought to leave it for now.

You're spoiling your sight.

- You're right.

Besides, I have a headache

I'll take a short walk.

Look, she closed the window on purpose

to force me to knock.

She's clever, isn't she?

The nights are cold,

you must be careful.

Good night.

- Good night, my dear child.

Hold it tight.

Look at what a man

is capable of doing for love

I've never thought I'd be an acrobat.

Heavens.

My angel is going to bed.

Hey, come down,

somebody is coming!

Now I'll gently knock on the window,

she'll open it

and I'll take off I mean I can't

take off my hat as I'm not wearing it

I'll tell her: You're so beautiful

and even though

I don't know who you are,

I fell in love with you at first sight

I'd even correct myself because of you

and I'm a genuine blackguard.

And then, I look into her beautiful,

deep and mysterious eyes.

Hold it tight, you nitwit!

My heart is in great disarray,

I now know it's true what they say

that love knows no roundabout way,

that at first glance it

strikes you one day.

One glance is not enough

for me, I daresay,

I want to glance at her

a thousand times every day.

Don't worry, I do not cry,

only something fell in my eye.

When we met

for the very first time,

I desired nothing else

than you to be mine.

And in my cold heart of a cynic

you set off a terrible panic.

My heart was bewitched

by your charms,

like a statue I stood

with open arms.

I wasn't worth

your single glance,

you left me to my fate,

without any chance.

She's pretending she doesn't

hear me, you see?

It's not decent to knock at this hour

But they won't shoot me for that, eh?

That was a terrible night.

I didn't sleep at all

Just imagine.

I was lying in bed and all of a sudden

someone knocks on the window.

I was startled and I look at window

and I see a horrible face

grinning at me.

A one-eyed criminal,

face covered with scars

and a low, imbecile forehead.

An awful creature!

A monster!

I grasp my gun,

I look closer,

and just imagine

that the man is holding

something in his hand.

A devilish device!

But I'll get him.

It's up my alley!

What took you so long?

I'm all anxious.

Oh my a helping fit for a child

Just a spoonful of jam and no ham.

There's no brandy to start the day

What on earth is this!

Look at the cup!

I want a cup with a handle on this side

so that I can drink with my right hand.

Allow me, sir.

- It's simple, I see.

What a mess

Who prepared the breakfast?

You see how a breakfast

should be prepared properly!

What are you doing?

You'll gain weight.

- Why should I bother,

I don't want to win a woman

with a slender body or my looks.

She has to like my genuine character.

What's happening downstairs?

- They've finished their breakfast.

And my uncle? - Your uncle.

- What's the matter with him?

He left.

- He left? Why are you whispering then?

I caught a cold last night.

Where did I put it? My Kid's Corner

should be here somewhere.

I saw it here.

Oh my, it fell on the ground

I'm so clumsy.

I beg your pardon, may I call

your attention to something?

To what?

- Myself.

Oh, I see.

What are you looking for?

- The nearest train to the city.

Will you allow me to find it for you?

Here it is.

A slow train at 1:25 pm.

Are you leaving?

- I'm not, but you are!

Me?

- Yes, you.

You must leave, your uncle

is getting ready for you.

After what happened last night.

- How do you know?

I mean that my uncle and me,

that is,

I mean us both

I know And I also know that your uncle

is angry at you quite justly.

My uncle is angry at me justly?

Why should he be angry at me?

He knows why.

- Why are you doing all this?

I'm not doing anything - That's just

it, you're not doing anything.

All you do is run into debts,

drink and gamble.

I beg your pardon,

you mean to say I gamble!

That's not true at all.

Good Lord! Me and gamble? Someone

told you this to paint me black.

Because, you see, in my whole life

I've never held cards in my hands.

Golly, now I don't know

where it is myself.

Where did I gamble, eh?

And drink, eh?

Brings me some brandy, quick.

Listen, it was honestly

bad luck with the cards.

Somebody must have set it up on me

I don't know how it could happen.

It's all nothing but gossip,

because I never run into debts

I don't gamble and I don't drink.

Let's shake hands on

it that you won't drink.

Alright.

Your right hand.

- My right hand.

What's that behind your back?

- Where? - Behind your back

I don't see anything.

What did you see, there's nothing.

I have such.

Bad luck!

Miss! Madam, lady,

open the door, please.

It was all a mistake with the brandy.

It wasn't mine,

a stranger gave it to me.

Just a passer-by, a forester.

Do you hear me?

What should I do know.

Where are you going, little girl?

I'm going to the pretty lady.

And what have you got there?

I've picked some flowers for her

I'll give them to her, may I?

No! I'll give them to her myself.

Alright

Why are you looking at me this way?

You're handsome.

Am I? Do you like me.

Very much You'd be a good match

with the pretty lady.

No, wait, not you.

Where's the little girl?

Go on I'm shy.

She's shy.

- There's no need to be shy.

I'd kill the child.

We've searched the whole

place, but we didn't find him.

This is the last place where he can be

hiding We must be thorough.

Guard all doors!

You two stand over there!

You wait here!

You go over there and take the Sabre!

And you stand over here!

In case he appears on the stairs,

shoot him without pardon!

Let me in please, my uncle is here!

Oh no. You won't fool me again.

You don't expect me

to believe you, do you?

I swear it's true!

Let me in, my uncle is at the door!

Open the door quick,

else my uncle will kill me!

You'll have a dead man

on your doorsill! Hello!

Let me go!

Forgive me for bursting upon you,

but we're searching the whole house.

That blackguard has

to be hiding here somewhere!

Probably not here.

Who's that over there?

In case it gets stuck again,

we'll replace the rings and the rope.

And we'll put a stud-work partition

there to make sure it holds.

Who's that?

It must be, I mean

it is the upholsterer.

And if it doesn't hold,

then it can't be helped.

It doesn't hold.

Farewell

Barbara, please, hide me!

My uncle is here!

Didn't someone enter now?

- Here? No.

Nobody at all. Really.

There's nobody here.

Whose that?

- That's.

The new singing-mistress.

- A new singing-mistress?

In the wardrobe!

Watch this!

Forgive me for intruding

I see you have a singing lesson.

Excuse me.

We fooled him, haven't we?

So it's you, you rascal!

Everybody come here!

He jumped out of the window!

Follow him! Give me the Sabre!

I'll go this way to get him there!

Heavens, I hope they don't get him.

I don't think they will.

I was so worried they'd get you.

You were really worried?

- Terribly.

You don't say, that means

you're fond of me.

So do I.

What in the world are you doing here?

They're chasing you all over,

while you're here.

Leave us alone, will you?

A married man. What a...

What? You're married?

Nonsense.

But he said you're married.

- What? Me?

I'm really surprised,

how can I be married?

Well, in fact I am, but just a little

It's not even worth mentioning.

So you are.

For Chrissake, I'd rip

the man to pieces.

She's locked again. Please,

open the door and let me explain

I'm not really married!

Do you hear me?

Open the door, please.

Good Lord, now that you've

made me fall in love with you,

you let me stand here

Do you hear me?

Open the door

You won't? Very well then.

If you only knew

how much I love you.

Go away and don't make me suffer

I was so glad that nothing

happened to you.

If your uncle gets hold of you now,

it would be terrible.

Why didn't we meet

when we were both single.

Do you know that I even stole for you?

My dear child!

Don't tell me that you have

fallen in love with that rascal

I don't know I think I did.

Don't tell me that you would marry him

I'm afraid I would.

In that case you got me

into a fine situation.

Now I must either kill him,

or take mercy upon him

because of you

I'm not interested in that

That's why I came to you.

Now you know the whole story

and the main thing is

that I'm married and I'm dead,

and I need to be single and alive.

That's what you lawyers are for.

- How do you intend to sustain her?

Well, how could I sustain her

I'll start a new life

I'll quit drinking,

I won't party all night and I'll work

You'll find me a job.

What job?

- What job.

In an office or something like that.

- Like what?

Something, where I'd have enough

movement, I could sharpen pencils.

Alright, I'll investigate the whole

matter, I'll write her a letter,

and I'll invite her to come here.

Mrs. Alice Machova -Sukova,

Dube Manor.

What's this?

How is this possible?

What's this supposed to mean?

What? That your husband is alive?

That's sheer nonsense.

So it happened that your husband

is alive and married against his will.

Therefore, I ask you to visit

our law office tomorrow afternoon.

Let's find out what

this silly matter is about

I'll take you to the city

and you'll visit the law offie.

I'll see to my business

and then I'll pick you up there.

What are you doing?

- I'm dusting.

Furniture used to stand here.

Fancy.

- I see.

I didn't pay you your salary, did I?

Catch it!

What's this?

- Your salary Fancy.

Wait.

- What's the matter?

You gave me too much.

- You can keep it.

Thank you very much, sir.

- I'm going to the post office.

That can't be.

Honestly, nobody

would ever believe me.

I just wanted to send you a telegram

that I'd come for you,

as soon as I was divorced.

What are you doing here?

Nothing at all.

I have a divorce hearing

in a short while.

Could we meet in a half an hour?

Here, for instance.

Balthazar Soucek Tell your master

that I miss him and.

Write me a letter soon

and give my regards at home.

It's only because of the people.

Good day.

- Good day.

I understand that these

unexpected circumstances

rather complicate

your private affairs, madam.

However, once your husband comes,

the whole matter shall be settled.

Could you tell me how my husband looks?

I believe it's not worth mentioning.

He's here.

Excuse me for a moment, madam.

Hello.

- Hello How's it going?

She's here already.

- And how does she look?

It's not worth mentioning

You won't lose by divorcing her.

After all, if you wish to see,

we can go next door.

Oh no! I don't want to see her.

You have to settle it without me.

All I want is to get divorced

as soon as possible

so that I can marry.

She's fabulous.

She's so charming.

You think everything

is quite simple, don't you?

You marry and get divorced

without even seeing your wife.

But I'll try.

- Go.

As soon as I'm divorced,

I'll get married.

You surely admit, madam,

that your marriage was a mistake.

A misunderstanding.

I hope you're not insisting on it.

What do you mean?

- I believe it would be best,

if you consent to a divorce.

A divorce?

I consent to it of course.

You do? That's splendid.

Just a moment, please.

Well?

- It's difficult.

But I'll arrange it for you somehow.

I won't leave you in the lurch.

But how do you intend

to settle it moneywise.

- Ask her what her terms are.

She has given me a hint or two.

Tell her I'll give her

everything I have.

That wouldn't help her much though

Promise her something.

We shall see.

- You'll see.

Well, madam,

your husband is willing

to consent to a divorce

I'll arrange it somehow,

though he insists on your fault.

- Why my fault?

It means without further claims.

Good heavens, I want nothing

I earn my own living.

In that case I shall try to persuade

him to grant his consent.

I'll be back in a moment, miss.

I'm telling you,

she's a wonderful woman.

She doesn't want a penny.

She only wants to get rid of you.

I have a feeling she has someone else.

I pity the poor man.

Could you draw the agreement,

I'll be right back.

Hello, sir!

Isn't Muffy there?

- No, he isn't.

I wonder where he is.

Good afternoon, I came to tell you

that everything is settled

I'm divorced, so it's up to you now,

whether you want to marry me or not.

Is Mrs. Machova here?

- She'll be back in a moment.

Are you her father?

- Almost

I'm her old friend.

- I see.

Let's continue.

- Whereby she waives.

Whereby she waives

any and all legal claims.

Mr. Peter Suk, put his real name

Peter Kornel in brackets.

Excuse me, what's with the gentleman?

That's her ex-husband.

- You don't say!

You mean to say that Peter Suk

in fact is Kornel?

And Mr. Kornel wishes to divorce.

Mrs. Sukova?

He wishes to divorce the nurse?

Yes. Continue.

Good God, how I'd love to marry you.

This is no life,

I keep thinking about you.

I do nothing else all day

because of you.

And at night, when I lie in bed,

I think about you.

And when I finally fall asleep,

I'm awake in some ten hours.

It would tire anyone, wouldn't it?

When did you arrive?

Typical female headlessness.

She went by train and she forgot

the thing that you hold in your hand...

a brick, no.

It's not a violin. A brake.

Good-bye.

Now the signatures of both the parties

and all shall be settled.

Good day.

- Good day.

Come here.

Sit down.

And hold tight!

It will turn out well, badly,

well, badly.

Lucky I have only nine fingers.

And your husband is my nephew.

Really?

- I've learned a moment ago.

That can't be possible.

- It is.

If you could sign it, madam.

Here's a pen.

- I won't sign it.

Why?

I've decided I don't want a divorce.

But you agreed!

And I disagree now

Kindly tell this to my husband.

Give it to me so that I can sign it.

You can sign it, nonetheless.

What?

- She won't.

How can that be?

Everything seemed alright.

But some old gentleman came.

He seems like an adventurer to me.

And he persuaded her not to sign it.

It's beginning now.

Family of blackmailers is gathering!

I fell into the hands of gangsters!

They'll kidnap me in the end.

They couldn't carry you away

How much do you weigh?

207 pounds! Stop it!

Tell her I insist on the divorce,

even if it means divorcing her! Go.

Your husband wants a divorce, madam

I won't get divorced!

She won't get divorced.

- I insist!

He insists.

- Not on his life!

Not on your life!

- We'll see!

We'll see!

- Never!

Never!

I don't know.

- If she wants to fight, we'll fight!

Let's take her to court!

But you must take care of her till then!

I will, I don't mind

I'll stand it somehow.

But she won't, just you wait.

Here's the key from my house,

here's the key from my flat. There!

The second door leads to her room.

Good-bye!

I'll make her suffer.

I beg your pardon!

I'd go mad myself,

this is no good.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Where would it lead to?

Why should I live here with you,

if I'm head over heels in love

with another woman.

Why should I waste my youth on you!

You!

I know, you don't care, as long as you

have a nice home and a charming husband.

Go open the door.

Wait, I'll go myself.

Come in. What a surprise.

I'd never expect you to come here.

How are you?

A nicely furnished place you have here.

Oh yes.

It's not finished, you see?

A small picture will be hanging here.

So you're married, eh?

Yes, I am.

And are you happy?

Terribly, I'd like to divorce her.

You won't get divorced.

Why shouldn't I, Uncle?

Enough!

I came to make peace with you.

Should you get divorced though,

you won't get a penny from me!

I don't want a penny from you

I've had enough of all this!

I won't let you force me, I'm head

over heels in love with that

and I'm to live with this one.

Come and see for yourself.

How ugly she is. Can anyone

force me to live with this.

They definitely can.

Well I'll be blowed!

What are you doing here?

How did you get here?

I am.

- Your wife.

That can't be. Wait.

That means that I'm...

- My late husband.

What?

I need a little space,

I think I'm going crazy.

I am crazy

I am absolutely crazy!

A married man.

By the way,

Muffy is nowhere to be found.

Wait.

Didn't I tell him to wait

at the theatre?

THE END