At klappe med een hånd (2001) - full transcript

Elisabeth ...

Elisabeth ...

T'was me and Magga Duddi

A girl who was so lively ...

Svensson doesn't have to sell.

- We'll pay the right price.

It's a life's work: healthy

companies and shareholdings.

There are other interested parties.

- They won't pay more.

Listen.

... I'll count to three.

And each time I reach "three"

without your accepting the deal -

- my price will go up by a million.

One, two ...

Three.

One, two, three.

One, two ...

- We accept.

Jolly good.

All that remains is to agree on

the currency of the last two million.

Dollars or Euros.

They're a little cheaper, of course.

You and Elisabeth found

in your partnership -

- the happiness

that could fill the void -

- that the absence

of children causes.

Then misfortune struck.

Elisabeth was not to enjoy ...

Elisabeth's and my life

is not up for discussion.

I lost her every single day

for 16 years.

My tears have been cried.

The grief left will remain private.

We shall go to

the crematorium together.

Those of you who wish

to look back and mourn on -

- may do so at the Strandpark Hotel

from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.

I shall not be there.

These sometimes ...

make me feel a bit sick.

That's because

you wolf them down.

I like mixing the flavours.

Sweet and sour.

What now?

- I just don't get it.

Right.

Sound the horn.

What's going on?

- Car trouble, Mummy.

He's coming over.

Put the sweets away.

Sorry to bother you. May I take your

place? We've a spot of bother.

Of course ...

Off you go.

Don't hold back.

Go on! Move it! My wife is dead.

Two eggs as usual?

Yes, please.

I've no living relatives.

I understand that bit.

But why a contract?

Well, with a contract you know

what you've got to go on. Cheers.

I hope I've got this right.

She commits herself to

living with you for five years.

Then you'll marry her and your

property will be joint and several.

And when you die she gets

the entailed 50 million.

Yes. I like the idea that there's

a jackpot waiting for her.

Even so, I'd like to say ...

Yes? Well, you've said it, right?

Yes.

She is a lovely girl.

She knows what she's letting

herself in for. Won't that do?

I bet she doesn't

look at it like you do.

She happens to like you.

Yes. Maybe.

It's also for her sake.

I'm going to miss you, damn it.

Come along, then.

I'm sure they need expensive

lawyers in Spain as well.

It made me happy,

seeing you at the church.

How are you feeling now?

I don't want to seem cynical,

but I feel relieved ... Thank you.

Hey, come on ...

Cheers!

"A thousand thanks".

No, a thousand times a thousand

thanks.

You mean there's a million

on that card?

You're nuts.

It's only for the furnishings.

It'll be lovely

seeing the real thing.

The pictures only give

you a 2D perception.

The house will seem like an island.

More light, more sea ...

.. more air.

Why do I go on? It's your house.

But that's the way I'd like it.

I've got a piece of paper

I'd like you to read -

- and preferably sign.

There mustn't be

any paper between us.

We've known each other almost 5

years. We'll live together 5 years -

- and then if we still think

it's a good idea -

- we'll get married.

I've no heirs, after all.

Is that the way you'd prefer?

I'll sign, then.

But it's for your sake.

Thank you.

There's H.C.!

Hello, H.C.!

What the hell are you doing here?

- Yes, do excuse me.

I'm really sorry, but complications

have arisen regarding the per pro.

You said it was

all under control?

I wouldn't bother you

if it weren't necessary.

It requires your personal presence.

What the devil can be so important?

Sort it out. I'll go on ahead

and enjoy it all in 3 dimensions.

I'll be as quick as I can.

- Jolly good. You'll need this.

'Bye, H.C.

It's all right. It's all right.

Read this.

I haven't got a daughter.

If you have got a daughter your

contract with Helene's blown.

What was your relationship

with this Lotte ... Eriksen?

Exhausting.

Erik, help me.

Was it a one night stand?

No ... I spent a

whole summer with her.

Why hasn't she surfaced till now?

- I've no idea.

She was beautiful.

It was a wonderful summer.

A cut and dried paternity suit.

But I haven't got a daughter.

Surely you can fix it!

No, I can't fix for you

not to have a daughter.

And if she's your heir,

there'll be no jackpot for Helene.

Damn it! I must get

hold of my chauffeur.

You just sacked him,

didn't you?

And the hymns .. we've chosen

No. 111 "Lovely the Earth" -

- and No. 727, "Forever

peaceful where you walk".

And if you have any questions

do come in or phone us -

- and we'll sort them out.

Yes ... could I take

a couple of those? For the bus?

Yes, of course.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

A cup of tea, Mummy?

- Yes, please.

Mint?

- Yes, please.

Hello again ...

I just wanted to say

how happy I was -

- with my wife's funeral.

Thank you ...

I need a driver and your son

was an excellent chauffeur.

They're hard to come by.

I'm sorry.

We've a lot of clients today.

5000, I thought.

- Anders!

We've got coffins coming in.

And a meeting at

St. Jacob's Church -

- With Jytte Larsen's loved ones.

It's too much for you alone.

It's an acute situation.

And it'll be the Jaguar?

Yes, I'd prefer my own vehicle.

- Yes, I know, but ...

6000?

Anders! We would like

to help you if we can.

Wouldn't we, Anders?

- Yes, quite ...

It's a lovely car.

The engine turns over

so beautifully.

I'm really impressed

by the way it pulls.

And leather and mahogany ...

Yes.

I'd like to emphasise that I am

not mad about being overtaken.

But ...

- But?

I don't pay a chauffeur

6000 a day to say "But".

Yes, but ...

"Yes, but ..."

How much?

Another thousand?

We'll make it 7000 a day.

But no more

buts or yes buts -

- or being overtaken again.

Understood?

Yessir.

And put on CD 4, track 3.

But not too loud.

Do put your foot down!

- Yes.

Excuse me? May I take this call?

Yes, of course.

Just a moment, Mummy.

What are you doing?

Using a mobile when

you're driving is an offence.

Just a moment, Mummy.

You what? That's a mistake.

I didn't order oak coffins.

We need a new supplier.

It's always the same.

Yes, I can see that, Mummy.

Can't you ... have a rest?

Make yourself some mint tea.

Yes. Um ... My mother

asks what this music is.

Anders, I think you should

say goodbye to mummy -

- and do a bit of driving.

That's what you're here for.

Mummy, I'll talk to you later.

Make some tea. Yes.

Yes, same to you. 'Bye.

You haven't changed a bit.

You have.

Thanks.

Business not doing well?

I've been in the black

the last ten years. This year, too.

" ... Consummation of this erotic

liaison led to conception -

- whereby Lotte Eriksen's daughter

is the sole heir ..."

The consumption of

this erotic liaison ...

Was it in the boathouse -

- or when we had it off

on the beach?

All I know is that

she's entitled to her money.

I haven't got a bloody daughter.

You buggered off.

I was married. I went home.

You could have got a divorce.

I couldn't.

You didn't want to.

All right, "want to".

"Didn't".

I didn't want to.

I couldn't.

I could. And I wanted to.

Tell me, how much had you in mind?

Five.

- Five what?

Five million, of course.

Million?

Come on! You're rolling in it.

An anonymous gift to your daughter

and that'll be that.

Where is she?

That's no concern of yours.

Hello ...

25 people, all the schnapps

they can drink.

That sounds good.

- The salmon has arrived.

Fine.

How come I think

this feels like blackmail?

Lotte, it's naive of you to think

I'd write a cheque for 5 million -

- just because you claim

she's my daughter.

You knew I was pregnant ...

As a matter of fact I didn't.

The guy you were living with ...

Jørgen?

Jørgen, yes.

You're her father.

How much does he know?

I haven't seen him for years.

So you lied to him.

- Yes. To both of them.

Look.

She's the one in the middle.

Yes ... she's a lovely young lady.

But anyone can see

she's never been my daughter.

You could have cooked it up

together one night at the inn.

You know what? I'm not interested.

My solicitor will

phone your solicitor.

Drive Mrs. Eriksen back.

I'll walk.

Stop it. We'll drive you home.

- I don't want to be driven.

Listen, stop this car! Now!

- Yes.

Turn around.

And the trip went well? Good.

No, no, just a few formalities.

Yes.

Yes, I'm pleased you like it.

It is a lovely place.

Yes.

Yes, it's the floor polisher.

Yes, the acoustics are terrible.

Banks can never have enough marble.

Order 63, cold potato salad

and meatballs ...

Do any of them look like me?

There's something about

the one in the middle.

Does she look like me?

Let me put it this way ...

you couldn't say she didn't ...

So she does look like me?

I didn't say that.

Then say what you mean,

damn it!

I do. I mean what I say.

No. 42, a cheese burger and chips.

Hello, can you give me an address?

It's a ladies' hairdresser's.

Just follow her.

Follow her.

It's a pedestrian precinct.

- Cut the objections and do as I say.

She went through that arch.

She's deaf.

- Who's deaf?

The little girl.

They're using sign language.

You need a haircut.

But I've only just ...

Yes, anyone can tell a mile off.

You need a professional hair cut.

We agreed. Today only.

I've got two funerals tomorrow.

You can have 5000 for tomorrow.

- 5000 is far too much for one day.

Then we've got a deal.

Two single rooms for one night.

I'm sorry. We're full up.

It's the festival.

Festival?

Yes. The international

Festival for Gays.

And Lesbians.

You must have a suite.

The honeymoon suite.

That's occupied, too?

- I'm afraid so.

If I gave the happy couple

a little present ...

... say 5000, and a

similar commission to you, -

- might some

arrangement be made?

5000 crowns?

Yes.

Thanks for the prezzie.

Yes, and do have fun!

I hope this will do.

We'll get somebody

to make up your room.

The house is empty. Stripped bare.

Yes.

Boring as hell.

Of course I'm on my own.

Yes, we're sharing a room.

The honeymoon suite.

Yes, of course he's paying.

Sleep tight!

There's some kind

of festival in town.

One for men and women ...

Well, for men and men

and women and women.

I think it's some kind

of international thing.

No, I don't think it's got

anything to do with the EU.

Mummy, Svensson wants to use the

bathroom now. Order a pizza, eh?

I'll order you one,

I've got the number.

You just go and get it.

Jolly good.

Sleep tight.

Goodnight, goodnight.

Do you need help?

Or can mummy manage?

I'm coming.

I hope you don't snore.

No.

Ask her where she comes from.

Ask about her mum and dad.

About her marital status.

You don't expect me to say

"marital status", surely?

No, of course not.

But when the time is right, -

- ask her if she has

any children or a husband.

... just talk to her.

What if she asks about me?

Tell her we're on a business trip

and you're my son, right?

To do with shipping investments.

I doubt if she knows

much about that.

Nor do I, to be honest.

That's completely irrelevant.

You can't tell her

you're an undertaker, can you?

Actually, I am proud of what I do.

We've no vacancies today. It's

impossible. Because of the festival.

Only a little cut.

Yes, but we haven't time for

a little cut till tomorrow.

It's only a teeny weenie cut.

Bettina, will you come over here?

We've a client

who'd like a teeny weenie cut.

Thank you so much.

Yes, hello. My son

desperately needs a hair cut.

I'm sorry. But perhaps tomorrow ...

Yes, tomorrow, first thing.

- Impossible.

Could Heidi do it? I'm sure

Heidi's quick with the scissors.

Yes ... swap with me first thing

tomorrow. I'll do Mrs. Nørbak -

- and you do ...

Anders ... Anders Svensson.

You do Anders Svensson.

Thank you. Most kind of you.

Goodbye.

We might as well tell them

that we won't be here.

It'll be some time this afternoon.

Three-ish, I think.

Oh?

Then suggest 295,

"God is so firm a fortress".

Yes, because it's always ...

Yes.

Oh? Curried meatballs? Delicious!

Yes.

Yes, that will be ... yes.

See you this afternoon.

Jolly good, Mummy.

'Bye-bye.

Yes ... thank you.

But 18000?

That's far too much for ...

for a ... couple of days.

The job will take an extra day.

I should have been home

by yesterday.

My mother needs me.

I need you, too.

Why don't you just drive?

I think we'll just say I don't.

But ...

- But! 7000.

Listen, it's not the money ...

What is it, then?

Well, I've got ...

I sort things out.

I arrange things.

We have divided

the job between us.

It's very hard, very exhausting work

for my mother to do on her own.

"Curried meatballs"!

I can just picture you -

- chatting cosily about

the next few funerals.

At one point you go into the kitchen

and make some mint tea.

And you sit there nicely

till she goes to bed.

Then perhaps you watch ...

... some kind of

useless crime story on TV.

During the day whenever she

stumbles or clutches at her chest -

- you think "This is it!"

That's how the days go by.

The weeks, the months, the years.

Phone your mum and tell her

how important this is for me -

- and you'll have a dinner that'll

make you forget curried meatballs.

Isn't it kind of woody?

Yes.

Oak. Oak coffin, I think.

Yes. It matured in an oak cask.

It's imparted time to it.

Decay.

And the colour of hell itself.

Hi again!

Undertaker! Why on earth did you

become an undertaker, Anders?

I suppose I was pretty

well born into it, I think.

I used to have my midday nap in

one of the empty coffins in the shop.

With our cat.

As soon as I was old enough

I began helping out with the flowers.

It's just the way things turned out.

And of course I'm my own boss.

And the customers keep on coming,

of course.

"Sooner or later".

That's our slogan.

A touch morbid, perhaps.

But not unamusing.

You've no girlfriend, or ...

No.

I've had a few, but ...

But I think I'm more

of the single type.

Now we'll have a cigar.

Cigar? But I

don't smoke!

Just relax.

You're pretty well off. Aren't you?

Money is a good tool.

How did you make it?

That's what interests me.

Bought cheap, sold dear.

- Well, that sounds very simple.

It's good, isn't it?

Yes, actually it tastes very ...

I was just thinking.

Things like ...

... chauffeurs.

Aren't they a bit old fashioned?

Cheers.

Yes. Cheers.

I'm glad I'm not driving.

I think I feel a bit dizzy.

16 years ago ...

... one warm summer evening ...

I went for a drive with my wife.

We'd had a bottle of champagne

and a bottle of Chateau Petrus.

She was so happy ...

Dean Martin was on the radio.

I don't suppose you've heard of him.

Oh, yes, mummy ...

"Senorita, senorita ..."

Suddenly I found myself

staring into ...

... blazing lights.

A horn sounded.

Screeching brakes. Then silence.

Apart from Dean Martin.

She was paralysed

from the neck down.

I wasn't even scratched.

So ...

For the first few years

I stayed in line.

But you can't live without a woman.

No.

People need love.

What about your children?

I haven't any children.

Oh, no, that's right.

And I'm not going to have any.

Specially not a ladies' hairdresser.

But isn't it rather selfish?

If she really is your daughter?

Selfish?

I'd just rather not

only think of myself.

But that's what one has to do.

Or you end up as a Mr. Nothing -

- who can do nothing, wants nothing,

demands nothing, gets nothing.

The Bible says

love gives everything -

- and demands nothing.

In that case I'll have

your cigar and your 1940 Calva.

That's not exactly love.

What are you going to do about it?

I'm not going to do anything,

of course.

Your problem is what you want.

What do you want, Anders?

Mummy says ...

- No, I didn't ask what she wanted.

What do you want?

I think I just want

to go to bed.

For goodness sake!

You're a young man!

But I'm a very tired young man.

That just makes it worse.

What do you want, Svensson?

What do you want?

We'll get into

that hairdresser's.

Then I'll find out

if she's my daughter.

A father can tell.

How can he tell?

Your father knows

you're his son, too.

I never knew my father.

We men are bastards, kid.

Some are.

My father was

a fully evolved bastard.

Parents and children are

two completely different races.

Two dead 'uns from the pool

and two embalmed.

Two completely different races.

Jeeze, that's disgusting.

Ouch.

- Does it hurt?

I'm just a bit ... sensitive.

Your hair is?

Thanks.

Where were you born?

Where was I born? I'm from

Hirtshals, of course.

How do you want it?

Short.

Really short short?

It won't suit you.

Is it what your hairdresser does?

I haven't been for years.

I do it myself.

And then my mum just ...

... helps do the back of my neck.

Once I've done your hair your mum

will never get the chance again.

How about something like him?

How's that?

It might be a bit ...

Have you any children?

Have I any children?

Yes. Eva's mine.

I'm not going out with

anybody at the moment.

I weigh about 62 kg. I like going for

walks and I sew all my own clothes.

Well, I say!

How do you want it?

You'd better not take too much off,

I don't think.

I was thinking "In just

here and maybe up just here".

How about spikes, or ... Britt?

Look at this ... What was your name?

Anders.

The spikes ...

- Heidi and Britt.

Yes.

I think spiky would be good.

Kind of ...

Ouch, damn it!

I think that was your nail.

No, leave the man alone.

- That's all right.

Daddy'll be here soon.

- Kids are kids.

Not mine.

Remember that Mrs. Jensen

needs rinsing and curling, eh?

It's jolly good.

Hi, kid ...

Heidi?

Can you wait two tics?

- Yes.

Anders, damn it, we need more info.

I need to get started first, right?

I feel a bit ... a bit queasy.

She was looking

forward to it so much!

It wasn't my fault

there were no more bloody tickets.

Now you say

there were no more tickets.

At first you said

you'd forgotten.

All right, I forgot it.

Kenneth, give me back the money

for the circus tickets.

Can't you just rent a video?

Sure, and an elephant,

two lions and a clown.

You stop it or ...

- No, you stop it!

You've had her for the last time.

Broads! Don't you see it, man?

Broads!

Would you mind being

a nice chap and pushing off?

Bettina, I'm really sorry.

I'll pay for the damage.

No, Heidi,

I'm getting sick of this.

I'm terribly sorry.

- Oh, never m...

I can't drive a hearse

with hair like this.

Is she my daughter?

I don't know.

I'm not her father.

Then she's not your daughter.

Do I look like her father?

You don't look like a father.

A shame the little girl

missed the circus.

That's a splendid idea!

What do you mean?

Go and tell her we've got

four tickets for the circus.

Yes, but ... we haven't!

Say it's your birthday.

No, say it's my birthday.

A round of applause for Anton!

Would you mind standing up, Sir?

Nice one, Anders!

- Thanks.

You're with your granddad, eh?

Eva is deaf. So she can't hear you.

She says it's his birthday.

It's granddad's birthday? Well, let's

sing granddad a birthday song, eh?

Dear little granddad,

Dear little granddad

Happy birthday to you

Nobody deserves like you

A day of sunshine and fun

For you there are songs and flowers

And for you

we'll raise the flag ...

This is the horse.

And that's the clown.

There's the clown ...

And then first right, Anders.

She says drive carefully, you've

got live people on board.

What does she want?

- Nothing.

What?

She asks if you'd like to come home

for spaghetti. Don't you mind her.

She loves parties and birthdays.

Spaghetti ...

Come in.

- Hello.

Hi, Mum! What a surprise!

I thought I'd tidy your flat.

- I've got visitors.

It's Svensson's birthday.

There ...

Lotte.

Yes, I'm Heidi's mother.

Erik Svensson.

And this is my son, Anders.

You've got to hear this ...

They sang

"Dear little granddad" for him.

Yes, it was really funny.

Anyway, many happy returns!

Thank you.

- So how old are you now?

Well, I am very much

in my late fifties.

So this is where

the little princess lives?

... with lovely hot chocolate

and birthday cake!

Cheers.

Thanks for a lovely supper.

What about some Irish coffee, Heidi?

- Yes. Or how about coffee punch?

Would that suit

our Copenhageners?

No, Irish coffee

will do beautifully.

Anders, will you lend a hand?

Yes.

What have you told her?

- She has no idea who I am.

But I had to see her.

And what do you think?

She's an enchanting little girl.

Very good at drawing.

Lotte! She isn't my daughter.

My solicitor says they can

make you take a DNA test.

It suits you.

The haircut.

Thanks. I need to get

used to it, that's all.

Your mum is no hairdresser.

No, she's an undertaker.

- An undertaker?

Yes.

- But what about your father?

Well, he ... he's a

businessman, of course.

Dad's a businessman,

mum's an undertaker. What are you?

I drive.

- Oh, you're a chauffeur?

I drive the hearses.

I mean ... sometimes.

I'm more of an undertaker

than a businessman.

Do you know what

a "hearse" used to be?

In the very old days

it was an iron frame -

- for carrying candles and banners -

- above the coffin, or for

holding them above the grave.

Isn't it a yucky job?

No.

I don't think you can say that.

They're just dead people, right?

Do you touch the dead people?

Put them into the coffins and stuff?

Yes. Mostly we have

gloves on, of course.

But sometimes we forget.

Or if nobody is around ...

Do you do their hair, too?

It happens.

Not the way you do, of course.

You must meet a lot of

people who are really upset.

Yes, I do.

And you are a magician.

Which hand?

That one.

It wasn't.

- Hey! What on earth ...

In my ear?

Some magician!

I'm just a bit out of practice.

Shall I show you some real magic?

Yes, please.

- I'll need the spoon.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

How did you do that?

Pure magic.

Being a red head doesn't

make her Jørgen's daughter.

Two months ago her hair was black.

A year ago, curly blonde.

Anders knows another trick!

Oh? That looks delicious.

It's just a little

story about two men.

Anders can magic. Watch!

"This is a rocket",

the first man says.

"Rockets don't have tea in",

the other man says.

"OK, we'll take the tea out" ...

There. "Now it's a rocket",

says the first man.

"It isn't a rocket.

Rockets have launch pads".

"OK, fine", says the first man,

"We'll put it onto a launch pad".

"There. Now it's a rocket".

"There are no flames coming out",

says the other man.

"OK, we'll light it."

"Now it's a rocket".

"But it's not taking off!"

"It is!"

"It isn't!" "It is" ...

How did you do that?

Pure magic.

Eva asks if you know any tricks,

Svensson.

No, I don't really think -

- I can contribute to

the entertainment.

Surely you can do something!

- I'm afraid not. Oh, yes ...

I can clap one-handed.

Nobody can do that.

- It's impossible.

I can,

as a matter of fact.

Actually I've never met

anyone else who can do that.

It isn't as easy as you think.

Hey, look, I can do it!

I can clap with one hand!

Look, Svensson! I had no idea

I could do that. Look!

I can!

We'll be getting back

to the hotel, then?

You've got to get hold

of one of Heidi's hairs.

I want to do a DNA test tomorrow.

I'll walk back to the hotel.

I can't just ask her for a hair!

Come off it.

You spent ages in that kitchen.

What did you both get up to?

Well, we ...

I thought so.

Ask her to come for a ride.

Women love this car.

Listen, I'm not very good

at that kind of thing.

You're driving along.

You stop.

We're driving along.

I stop.

Have you no imagination?

I thought you were full of tricks?

How about sprinkling

some stardust on your own life?

I'm off.

Hi ...

What do you want?

I just wanted to ask if ...

to ask if you felt like ...

You'd like another one?

You'd like another one.

Oh ...

Close your eyes, then.

What is it, Heidi?

I'm popping out for a moment.

So ...

You're not seeing anybody?

Anders, Eva matters most in my life.

Yes, I understand that.

I mean ...

If I had a kid I'd feel just

the same way, that's for sure.

Come on! I bet you've got

a couple of kids somewhere.

I haven't!

Give over, man!

You've been about a fair bit.

On business trips with your dad?

And you live in Copenhagen!

Heidi, I haven't any children.

And anyway I don't go out much.

You'd rather watch the box.

No ... I've just had so much to do

... with the business and stuff.

It's tough always

having to work so much.

I'd like to have

my own hairdresser's one day.

Then I'd be able to do everything at

my own pace. If it wasn't too big.

I've often thought ...

... of doing something else, too.

Something with more life in.

Something with kids.

Teaching, or ...

I've no idea if I'd be any

good at that kind of thing.

Actually I think

you'd be pretty good at it.

But you'd be dragging your classes

off to the churchyard all the time.

Yes, or ...

... to the hairdresser's.

Anders, I'm going upstairs now.

With one hand?

- Yes.

No, I don't think so.

No, I thought not.

There are a couple of faxes for you.

And I'm to ask you to phone home.

- Phone home?

A Helene Jørgensen has phoned

a couple of times to ask you to.

Good.

How did you get hold of that hair?

Sounds like you're her father

or my father-in-law-to-be.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Sleep tight.

Is she in love with you?

Well, we're ... going

back to Copenhagen, so ...

I mean we're leaving

this place behind.

Yes. Oh, she'll find

her Mr. Right, I'm sure.

Mmm, yes ... a pubic hair.

Excellent. Now I need one of yours.

Normally it takes two or three days.

"Normal" isn't of any

interest in this case.

I can hurry things along a bit.

- A splendid idea.

Today. Do you think

you could let me know today?

You can reach me

at the Palace Hotel.

I'll be home

in a couple of days or so.

Yes. You'll simply ... you'll simply

have to learn, then, Mummy.

You surprise me.

Positively.

Pussy snatcher!

I'm back.

... Mummy?

Erik, don't you see? I lied to her.

She'd never forgive me.

One can't do things

like that anonymously.

She'd ask where it came from.

- I'd think of something.

If she's going to have my money

she's got to know who I am.

You're her mum. I'm her dad.

Let's make it a happy occasion.

Tonight. At 7. At the Palace Hotel.

Have you noticed

how much she takes after me?

Specially when she smiles.

Shouldn't my hair

be spikier?

Yes ... Yes, hello, Helene.

No. Yes, I got your messages.

I can't explain on the phone.

Helene! Helene!

It never works

when you really need it.

She can tell

something is wrong.

Of course she can.

But what am I to tell her?

The truth.

The truth?

The other night Heidi expanded

the dimensions of Italian cuisine.

A perfectly ordinary

weekday evening -

- was transformed by fate

into a festive occasion.

And I am sure that this evening

will also prove to be very special.

Yes. I'd like to welcome you all

and drink your health.

Cheers.

Heidi, the way you and your

daughter welcomed me and Anders -

- was quite unique.

Oh, you just had ordinary spaghetti.

Yes, but ...

Heidi, looking at you -

- and having got a sense

of how you cope every day -

- I think I know where

you got your willpower.

And Anders will confirm

that you are a good hairdresser.

So I see it as a gift ...

Svensson?

Excuse me a moment.

Look!

I didn't have any Brilliantine -

- so I used

that sachet from my room.

The test? Positive?

- Yes. No, negative.

Both tests independently

came out negative.

... It means that Heidi Eriksen

is not your daughter.

That's what you were hoping,

wasn't it?

How reliable are these tests?

Absolutely reliable.

We've the same nose.

And she can clap with one hand.

That would make me your son, then.

It can't be negative.

There's only an ice

cream kiosk, but ...

Why don't you just tell her?

I can't.

Excuse me ...

What's going on?

How could you be so sure

I was her father?

You've had a DNA test done?

I suppose I had this naive hope

that she was yours.

But she isn't.

No.

What's going on, Mum?

- Nothing, Darling.

Nothing? Eh? What's all this

whispering? Please explain!

Heidi! Heidi.

I'm not Svensson's son.

Who are you, then?

- Heidi, let's just go.

I knew it!

"Clapping with one hand!"

And this guy,

your son who isn't your son!

And pure magic, right?

It's just trickery, Anders.

You're precisely

the type I don't need.

Bloody Copenhageners!

Give her a clap!

Hi, Erik.

What on earth

are you two doing here?

Helene insisted.

Won't you sit down?

Helene, we're on our way to Spain.

I'll be in the bar

if anyone needs a lawyer.

Are we going to keep things

from each other?

Of course we're not.

We'll have loads of time together.

How much would you think of asking

for the keys to your business?

The keys?

Yes. How much is your shop?

We just happened to be passing.

What do you want?

- I'd like to talk to you.

Have we anything to talk about?

- You two will have to wait.

Heidi?

Open the door! Heidi!

Please stop shouting on my stairs!

Oh, yes. Sorry.

There is ... there was ...

a theoretical possibility ...

I thought I was your father.

I've got one father, thank you,

Svensson, and that's plenty.

Yes, of course.

But I've bought the hairdresser's.

For you.

- Get stuffed. Both of you.

She's a damned fool.

She is no fool.

Oh, isn't she?

What the hell do we do now?

Lotte! We'll go to Hirtshals.

- What?

What is it now? Don't you think

we should get a move on?

If you want her you'll have

to wait till another time.

There may not be another time.

I am not your chauffeur any more.

I have just resigned.

I won't have it.

You're fired.

I don't care what you'll "have".

At first you wanted nothing

to do with these people.

Then suddenly you pretend

they're your long-lost family.

I've lied and smoked and drunk

and ... I'm grateful for that.

But you're not my father.

You're not anybody's father.

Well done, Anders!

Well done!

You pathetic little bastard!

Svensson?

- Yes?

This time I think I was

the one who was a bit selfish.

Yes, you're a quick study.

I'd also like to say I was mistaken.

What?

When I said

you weren't like a father.

You are.

You're not only a fool.

You're a sentimental fool.

Thanks.

And thanks for the clothes and

thanks for the trip and everything.

I'm the one to thank you.

Good luck, my boy.

We'll both need it.

The accelerator.

is on the right.

The other one is the brake.

The car drifts to the right.

Don't forget your seat belt.

Hi ...

The deeds.

To a building in Esbjerg

complete with lady's hairdresser's.

Any use to you?

You bet I can.

You're nuts.

I've told Helene I'm on my way.

Told her answering service.

She isn't answering her phone.

No, I'll be at the airport

in a couple of hours.

Yes. Yes, I am a fool.

A big fool. Yes, see you.

Hello, Helene?

Yes?

Where are you?

What do you want?

What do you want?

I love you.

Hello? Are you there?

Helene?

We'll get married in Spain.

- But we've a contract.

What contract?

No, I want to get married.

- Is that what you'd prefer?

"A thousand times

a thousand thanks".

Kenneth?

Do you think you could find

somewhere else to have a slash?

Copenhagener!

Bloody Copenhagener!