¡Asu Mare! 3 (2018) - full transcript

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- Sorry
- Ow!

Hold on

Like that

- You better walk
- Yes

The room is ready

Dial zero if you want anything

And you wanted the
fanciest room for this...

Where were we?

Don't mind, it will stop soon

- Hello!
- Wassup Cachín, it's us

How's it going?
You're doing good, right?



Why did you even call?

To give you strength, Cachin

Cachin! Cachin!

Don't pay attention to that

Maybe it's something important

Sir, we want to offer you

a beautiful dinner for the newlyweds

Can't you guess what a newlyweds

wants to do instead of eating

Hello there

Hello

Maybe is not a bad
idea to grab something...

How are you, my son?

Mom, what are doing here?



I imagine you must be so nervous

You lose your virginity only once

- Mom, I'm not a...
- Your first time is the most important

I remember my first time...

- Ugh!
- This is what I did...

I don't want to know

Who could that be?

Cachin, how are you?

Now that you're bougie can you
tell me what what's "Jabon"

Because I asked for soap
and they gave me "Jabon"

What's "Jabon"? Cachin, tell me...

Come on, this can't be happening

Sir, we want to apologise a million times

for what just happened

The hotel manager has written this letter

Allow me to read it to you

Dear guest...

Cachin, now I know what's "Jabon" for
You rub it

It's French

Get out! Out! Out!

We apologise a million times for
the event that took place

It's a boy!

Aaaaaahhhh!!

Are you ok?

I dreamed you were pregnant

But I am pregnant

Aaaaaaahhhh!!

Hey! I'm seven months pregnant already

Asu mare

Shhh! Cachin, be quiet

The baby gets stressed

Oh, come on Like he can listen

How can he even listen, if he's in there

He can listen everything

Fuck!
Shhh

He's listening

Okay

That's why I avoid the police blotter

And from 4 to 6 I play him classical music

Right now, he's having English class

"Boca" Mouth!

Ok son, repeat after me:

Cachin! Don't bother the baby

Actually, you bother me, and thus
the baby

Did you know that if the mother
gets stressed out

the fetus is stressed
and then he's born stressed out

Uh-huh

I can't bring a stressed baby
to this world because...

Alright, don't get stressed

I'm not stressed!

Good...

What the hell is wrong?

Why are you crying?

I have no idea

I don't know What can I do?

Nothing

I am fine

- Are you sure?
- Yes, my dear

You're the most precious thing
in the world

That's good

I was starting to get worried

Worried about what?

No, nothing

The thing is, you can't notice

but you're all over the place

You're very moody

You're calling me crazy?

No, I didn't say that

Ah, you call me a liar now!

No

Aah, you look so handsome when
you say: "No"

No

No

¡No!

What happened?

Why you always have to
tell me "No"

Nooo

Oh no, I mean, yes

Oh, no

You know what, honey
let's watch TV

So you can relax, ok?

No, not that talkshow

- It's all fake
- It's fake?

Of course

Look, Bambi

Bambi!

God dammit, they killed the mother

Easy, easy

Dumbo!

Dumbooo!

Oh, they captured the mother

You're not helping much, Disney

Calm, baby

Look!
"El Chavo del Ocho"

No problem with this one
He has no mom

- Hello
- Mom, I need your help

Ah, now you're calling

How long has been since you
last came to visit, damn you

I'm the woman who gave birth to you
and you don't call, you son of a...

That's me

Spit it out, quick
What do you need?

Emilia doesn't stop crying

You must have done something

I didn't do anything

Even she doesn't know why she's crying

If she doesn't know, how could I?

But you're a woman

Oh dear, all women are the same?

You're not?

Sure, we are all the same

And your wife cries out of nothing
because

all women cry out of nothing

See?
I can cry too

I have to go now
My cebiche is getting cold

Mom, but cebiche is served cold!

I have cravings

Cravings?

Sure Ok, what do you like?

Chocolate?
Ice cream?

I know, that expensive cheese
that you love

They smell like feet

I need you to find me some love

Sympathy

Tenderness

That is what I want

Ok, can you write it down?
Otherwise I'll forget it

Chesu mare!

Emilia has gone crazy

Ugh Cachin, please
we can see your hairs

Can't you see we're eating here?

- Sorry
- That's not what we're refering to

We can see you all down there
for God's sake

That's a good sausage

I'm sorry, I came in a rush

I must have lost it
on the way here

Don't worry, we're used to by now

- I can't stand him anymore
- But you were the one who said

that he stays here
until the baby is born

and then they can go to their own place

Hey!
In-laws

I don't know if you realize
but I can hear you

So embarrasing

Well then, let's stop whispering

What are we playing now?

Play with me too, don't left me out

Stop!

Sorry!
This is serious

Emilia is mad as a hatter

She's sad. She's happy. She screams
She gets down

And all that comes
as quick as a fart

Excuse me

Cachin, please

Let's not make those cheap jokes
of farts and cursing

Why?
People likes it

See? People laughs at it

Hello family

Cachin, put some clothes on

And my girl is the crazy one

- Congratulations Mrs. Emilia
- What for?

You know why

Cachin, you want to eat something?

How do you like yours eggs, Mr. Cachin?

Very fresh, apparently

I'm going now before I get late

Bye

- Bye beautiful
- Bye dad

Bye love, bye kid

Mr. Felipe, I need your help

Please

Emilia is not well

And I haven't done anything to her
I swear

Ok, it's not like I did nothing

Something I must have done
to get her pregnant

Not like she got pregnant out of the blue

nor from the Holy Spirit

The thing is...

I love her I'll die for her

I know you love her too

But, she's acting weird!
She's like she doesn't know...

I need your help please

Don't worry, she's pregnant

She got her hormones all mixed up

She's exactly like Elena

When she got pregnant
she got crazy too

More?

Hey, are you leaving or not?

"Oh, I'm so late"

- Crazier
- Crazier

Ok, I'm running late

Come by the office at 3
so we can talk

Seriously?

- Yes, yes
- Thank you

And do me a favor, son

Put some clothes on
When we hugged, I felt you

Mr Felipe?

- Carlos Carlin is asking for you
- Alcantara

That It's the clown, they say...

- Claun
- That one

- But you recognized him
- I didn't. The rest of the office did

- Can I touch you?
- You already did

- He looks a little bit older
- Shut up, old hag!

Ok, what then?
I let him in?

Please, let him in, yes

"Claun" says the funny guy

Come, sit down, while I check
some stuff

Wow sir, your money
laundering is going well

What?

No, nothing

Ok, I'm ready, sorry

How are you?

- Worried
- I can tell

- Because of the eye bags? ¿Por las ojeras?
- No, because of the sign

Ok, Felipe, like I was telling you
in the morning

- I'm worried about Emilia...
- Believe me, I understand

Emilia is like her mother

Add to that the pregnancy

While me...

I'm just like you I'm hood

- I thought you were like a t-shirt
- How's that?

No hood

- Losers says what
- What??

Yes, he's hood

Good one, man

Wanna a drink, bro?

I have something saved
for special occasions

Sorry, here I keep a lamp

Here it is the Pisco

No, Felipe. I appreciate it

but they don't recommend to drink
while pregnant

Some water will be fine

Viper! That's how they call you

Because you bear in the soul

the deadly poison

of slander

and evil

Down it!

I'm in and you're down

Felipe, I'm seeing you blurry already

And you're all over the place

When did we get up to this
Ferris wheel?

Cachin, I have something to confess

Despite the fact you're a lout

filthy, untidy

irresponsable...

Bite me!

No, no, no

Despite all of that

you are a good man

I love...

to see my daugther laugh every day

I have never seen her that happy

That makes me...

happy

Thank you, Cachin

The son I never had

Don't say that, you're going to
make me cry, daddy

I'm crying already

Mr Felipe

Lock the door

I have an idea

I hear you, daddy

I want to make a present
to you...

and to my daughter

A trip to Miami?

To buy gifts for the baby

I love your idea

I was drunk

What?

Hipolito Unanue

your name in my lips

it's a national symbol

of science and glory

Who am I?

Where am I?

Wait

I think Cachin doesn't
have a visa

Those yankees, good for them

At least they can choose

who gets into their home
and who doesn't

Right, honey?

What?

The best is that it's an
all expenses paid trip

Including all the gifts for the baby

What?

"All expenses paid"
"Including gifts for the baby"

When did I say that?

Last night

All expenses paid
including gifts for the baby

That's my daddy

That's my sonny

How they say?
Conga line?

Let's go to Miami!
Let's go to Miami!

No grinding on, son
No grinding on

Conga line?

Oh, no!

Well, as you may know

I need a baby shopping assistant

Oh, dear, I feel honored

I didn't believe you were going
to think on...

Pamela

Helloooo

Pami

Sister

How are you, my teeny-weeny sis?

I'm fine, and you?

How is it going with Culi?

Super, he's a gentleman

And how are you
my teeny-weeny girly?

Well I have some news

that you will find de-

-light-

-ful

Tell all about it please

We're going to Miami

No!

Yes!

We're going baby shopping

Honey, so you know
in Spanish that means

Oh, por Dios

I'm so very much

excited, slash, moved

I have my bags ready, almost

Am I right, baby?

Yes, yes

Well, we're going
my itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny sis

I'll confirm the date

But this will be like
right now, isn't it?

"Right now" means "ahora mismo"

Yes, pretty much

I think that's perfect

Bye bye

"Bye bye" is "chau chau"

Awesome!
We're going to USA

"We" is a lot of people

You'll send me alone?

Ok, let's see...

This is a girls' trip

What? Cachin is not going?

I have no idea

I know I have a rich

aura and heart

but I can't afford your airplane
ticket

Who asked you to paid for it?

I have some savings in
my piggy, look

Sorry, piggy

Oh right, I spend my money
buying this piggy

An Inti!

That doesn't worth anything!

- You have a visa?
- No

But Cachin has two
He can lend me one

You're so...

What?

So...

So what?

That makes me want to...

Want what?
Say it!

It makes me want to pay your
ticket, with interest and all

And I feel like putting
my pride aside

and let you pay it all

Excuse, could you turn off
the music

It's making more nervous

Oh, ok

It's for the yankees to know
that I have

their same music taste

Oh!

They're checking up on us before

they call us to the window

- Really?
- Yes

That's why this guy came
dressed like that

I heard the gringa from window 3
is giving visa to everybody

Have a nice trip

I hope I get her and not
the stupid gringo from Asu Mare 2

He's here?

In window 5

That's why you'll never
get into my country

But I'm only working here mister

I'm not here to ask for a visa

I know, I'm just practising
Lo sé, solo estoy practicando

Oh, no. If you get window 5
you'll get more shit...

that a fat baby diaper

Culicich, window 3

So fuckin' lucky Go for it

- Hello
- Hello

- Papers, please
- There it is

- Purpose of trip?
- Vacations

I'm also meeting some people
because I represent artists

I am 'masenyer'

Masenyer?

Manchester

Manchester?

Manager

Oh, you, manager

Am I a manager?

- Vacations
- Yes, vacations

- My country is lovely, isn't?
- Very lovely

You'll be staying there then?

No, I love my country

The food, above all

Oh, who doesn't
that's why I stay here

I can't live without my Cebiche

The tacu-tacu

- My causita
- Rocoto relleno

- Aji de gallina
- Aguadito

- Pork!
- On a stake!

I got it

Goood!

Go Peru!

The gringa from window 3
is giving away visas

Who wants a visa?

My turn

Window?

- Number 5
- No!

Kidding Number 3

If I'd get number 5
I'd kill myself

Window 3 is easier than
beating your team

Shut up, that's bullshit

- Hi
- Hello

- I've got your window
- Right

- And it's not lunch time yet?
- No

Because in the last movie
right when I was about to get my visa...

Lunch time

Or how you call it:
Lonche time

They changed shifts
and I've got the evil gringo

And I didn't get the visa

Oh, relax

I've seen your movie's trailer
and it says: In Miami

This time you will get the visa

- You mean, there will be no Lonche time?
- No

- Or shift changes?
- No, but window changes instead

What?

You're on window 5 now mister

And what will be your name?

- Carlos Alcan...
- Ehhh!

No, you say it:
"And what will be your name?"

Excuse me?

You must be Cataplum

Television It's very funny

I watch Cataplum

Oh, Pataclaun

Oh yeah, Cataplum

- Uhum, Pataclaun
- Exactly, Cataplum

- Pataclaun
- Cataplum

- Pata...
- Ehhh!

Cataplum

Damn, fuck it, shit

- How was I?
- Very good

- Can I get the visa?
- Of course

Go Peru

Only if you speak like Michan

Machin

- Right, Michan
- Machin

- Michan
- Machin

Yes, that, Michan

Come on, say it: "And
what will be your name?"

Excuse me, mister, with all
due respect

- I would rather...
- Otherwise, there is no...

visa

And what will be your name?

Denied?

So sorry, I did get it

I got my visa!

I didn't get it

They gave me the visa, Emilia!

Cachin, please don't interrupt

Can't you see I'm in
my Flamenco class?

- Here, here
- Yes, sorry

- Like this
- Like this

- This
- This

- This!
- This!

- This!
- This!

- I'm frustrated
- What?

I'm out of here

Cut the music

I'm telling her to do it
like this

And she does it like this

And it's like this!

I can't work with raw pickles

It's like this

It's not your fault

It's Macareno's fault
he doesn't know how to teach

Cachin, like you'd know

Of course I know, I will teach you
how to dance

Flamenco, but Callao style

Flamenco from Callao?

Stand up!

This is a matter of attitude

It consists of three basic steps

The first one

The second one

And right next to it
is the third one

First step, very easy

Grab an apple

An apple?

Grab an apple, come on

Grabbing an apple

An apple. You are grabbing
a banana

This is the apple, here

Grab an apple

Bite the apple

And throw the apple

- Perfect
- Perfect?

But of course!

Second step

The second step is easier

Crush a fly

Crush a moth

Wait

Crush the roach

Crush the other one
but crossing legs

Watch the nuts

And crush the bugs

Like that, beautiful

And the third step,
you're gonna die

Changing the light bulb
in your room

And quickly, smell the armpits

Ew, Cachin, that's disgusting

Come on, smell those armpits

Now, smell the dining room,
the kitchen, the whole house

Now smell my armpits
No, just kidding

You might die there

This is how it goes

I grab the apple, bite the apple

Throw the apple

I grab the apple, bite the apple

Throw the apple

I crush the moth, crush the fly

Crush the roach

Crush the other one

Crush the bugs

I change the lightbulb

Hit it! We're going to dance

Crush the fly

Crush the roach

The bugs

I can't work like this

Thank you, Cachin!

Good technique

Good student

Go Elena!

This pijama is in case
it gets cold

This one, in case it's hot

This pijama is for breakfast

This chic one is in case
someone knock the door

at midnight

You think you're gonna
stay in Miami

Me, instead, I have no problems

This is a tank top, t-shirt,
swimsuit, towel

- And if you feel like it...
- Cachin!

You really think you can fit
all of that in one suitcase?

And who says I'll bring
just one suitcase?

It's been a long time!

Wassup Cachin, married life
suits you

Look at that

Looking good, buddy

What time are the swim lessons?

I want to sign up my kid

Pass the ball

Ah, look at him

He's on fire because
he got a visa

Right, he got the visa, ain't he?

How did you get it, Culi?
If you can't even get into Miraflores

Shut up!
I got the gringo' look, see

- What gringo, you look like a goblin
- And you like an elf. Fuckface

Well, tomorrow we fly to Miami

Take me with you, in your
suitcase

Can you do me a favor?

- What?
- Grab it!

Don't be crass, kids are
watching this

You feel all bougie now
that you're travelling

Only because of your rich girlfriend

Shut up, I myself almost
pay for my plane ticket

As long as you don't stay
over there

Right, like Wilmer, Percy
Traintracks

- Skull face
- Like Brenda too

Brenda

That's no Brenda, that's Marcelo

Enough, don't pick on him
She still rocks his boat

Rocka my boat

The only thing rocking here is your
place, when you fall out of the bed

Say what you want, but when she
was here, she dumped your ass

True that. He was all day:
"Oh Brenda"

Don't talk shit, that I'm married
and happy

Besides, it's a quick trip
I won't have time for anything

We buy stuff for my kid
and we fly back

Right, this piece of shit reproduced
himself, ain't he?

- And when is due?
- Soon

And Culi, when are you having
your own kid?

Because I'm already expecting mine

They got it wrong thou, they didn't
give me the baby

They gave me the placenta

What this Gremlin is going
to reproduce for?

Shut your mouth, you're pregnated
since two years now

Pregnated with shit

Don't squeeze much...

it might get out

Ok, seriously

How are you going to do
tomorrow in the airport?

You haven't been even in a bus
terminal

Pretty easy, I'm so prepared

What can they ask me there?

- You can't bring this
- But you don't have them there

One fry at least

Confiscated

How did you do to put all these
in one suitcase?

- With hope
- Confiscated

- Let me eat it here then
- Confiscated

Move along

My friend

So em-ba-rra-sing

Listen to this, Cachin was
bringing Leche de Tigre in his suitcase

Sorry

You first

Thank you

Sorry again

You first

Thanks

Make a line!

Go ahead Alcantara

No, Alcántara, with an accent

Bad habits, excuse me Mister
Alcantara

- Are you carrying any metal there?
- No

Take off the shoes and pass again

Again!

Again!

Take it off
We're going to check in there

They hurt you in Customs

They should check that machine

Lady, can you open the window, please

- What?
- The window, open it, it's hot in here

And what's with the walkman?

Straight seats

Seat belt, please

The safety belt

Like you can get a ticket
up here

There's no seat belt

Tbey are down there

So stupid the guy who invented this,
right?

Look, a lifesaver

Lifesaver, what for?
We're in the air

That's true

Miss, can I have a parachute instead
of this lifesaver?

Make that two

It's moving

Easy, this is the worst part

They told me is very smooth
up there

Are you sure?

Trust me

Why do you have to walk in
slow motion?

Because we're in Miami

Pami, there's the store I told
you about, let's go?

Can you hurry up?

We... are... going

Pame, did you find anything?

For the baby

Why do you have the hands
on your back?

So they won't think we
want to rob them

Why the low self esteem?

Nobody is watching you

- Look, look
- Do not make me look

I look straight ahead
otherwise, I'm doomed

You're so slow, Cachin

That is why I wear sunglasses

With one eye I look to the side
and with the other, I look ahead

- Ok, watch backwards
- There you go

How do you that?

Don't be lame, you can't
whistle like that

You're in USA, you have
to whistle in English

- But there's no difference
- Of course there is

Let's see, how do they whistle in Peru?

And in English?

Oh, that's different!

Like in the movies

Hey, Pamela and Emilia

What are they doing with
those two clowns?

- They want to steal the girls
- No, let's kick their asses

Grab a stick, a rock

Hey man, what's up?

Alright, keep moving, those girls
are with us

Excuse me?

They don't speak Spanish

Wasamade with you?

Watsamada?

- What did he say?
- He insulted your mom

Hey man, don't mess with my mom

Go with DeNiro's line, that
never fails

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

Cachín

Stop, they're lifesavers,
they are just helping us

Ok, but they can leave now
we're enough

Notice that we are not like you

We haven't look to any woman

- We look straight ahead
- That's right

The Baywatch girls can pass by
and we're not moving a finger

Look, the Baywatch girls

Hey, they do look like the
girls from Baywatch

Don't you think, guys?

- Guys?
- Help!

Help!

Help! Hey!

Help!

My job is done

Are you an idiot?
You shouldn't have done it

I got scared

Culi! Cachin!

Wilmer Traintracks!

And Skull face

It's been a long time

- A long time, chico!
- Yeah, right

Wilmer is talking like Cuban

It's catchy, brother

Yeah, right

"It's catchy". How long
have you been in Miami?

One week

Yeah, right

One week, and you already are
talking like Cuban

Hey chico, mister, what are your doing?

Well, what are you doing in Miami?

On vacations. I got married, I came
with my wife

And here my man is with his girlfriend

- We have to celebrate
- Yeah, right

Tonight there's a Latin party for
all the guys from the hood

Are you in?

Yeah, right

Emilia, are you ok?
Something's wrong?

I'm sick

That didn't sit me well either

And now I sit well

And now I sit not well

- And now I sit well again
- Ay, Cachín

But, what can I do, love?

- Should I call a doctor?
- No, I'll be fine

Hello, hello!

Hi

How did you get in?

Are you ready?

No, Emilia doesn't feel well

What happened my
my teeny-weeny girly?

Nothing serious

- Baby's coming?
- No, no

Something I ate made me sick

Besides, I have two months left

Are you sure?

Guys, you can go, I'm staying
with Emilia

Seriously, just go. You haven't seen
your friends for a long time

I'm going to be fine

I don't want to leave you alone

But I can stay with Emilia

Of course, I can hang out with Pami
and watch a movie

It's set, we stay and
watch a movie together

You can go

Hey Cachin, I can't find Wilmer
neither Skull face

And I don't see anybody from the hood
there's a lot of people

I know, wise up

If anybody shout "I was mugged"
Skull face must be there

Let's hear it for these guys

Thank you very much

As always, it's a pleasure to
have you here in this stage

We have a wonderful audience
tonight

This wonderful Peruvian band
is sharing their music

to the whole world

Because today Latins party

A party where we all want to celebrate

So, I wanna ask you...

Can I hear it from Colombia?

Beautiful Colombian girls
as always

Can I hear it from Mexico?

Impressive

And can I hear it from Venezuela?

But you have shouted three times
for the three countries

How many passports do you have?

And where's my people?
Can I hear it from Peru?

Here! Here!
Go Peru!

Long fucking live Peru!

Cachin?

Cachin?

Hey, where do you know Homero from?

I don't know, from the Tinka show
I think

- Hello
- Hey Cachin

come up to the stage

No Homero, thanks I'm fine here

Let's put our hands together
for Cachin, please

Go, don't be dumb

Go on

In case you don't know him

Cachin is a very popular actor
in my country

And everytime he climb to the stage
people goes mad

I'll give you... Cachin!

Hi there

I know you Cachin I'm Peruvian

I'm half Peruvian, Cachin

I'm from Ecuador.
And no, I have no idea who you are

Ecuador, Perú, we're close
but no

Hey man, we want to dance

Play something

get off there if you can't play

Play!

Ok, play something...

I fool around with my wife
you can ask her...

No wonder we don't know him. In Ecuador
we don't like these kind of jokes

Ok, what I can play is the Peruvian
Cajon, but I don't know if you want...

Yes, we do

Wow

That was fast

Ok

I'm going to sing a Peruvian creole
waltz

I don't think you want to dance

But what you can do
is listening to the lyrics...

because it's speaks about what
most of you are going through

people who had to leave their
country

In order to find a better life

Everybody returns to the
motherland

the incomparable enchantment of
its sunlight

Everybody returns to the place
where they lived

a place where love might have bloomed

The air brings in its hands

a flower from the past

its yesterday scent

will whisper very gently

its learned song

from a sunset

The love of this land is sacred

very sad is the absence

that leaves

the past

I love you, Cachin!

Thank you

Brenda!

Cachin!

It's been awhile

I saw you... up there, singing

Oh, so embarrasing

Hey, you have green eyes now

Marketing

They fit you well they look real

Thanks

So, how have you been?

- Just working
- I see

But you never came back...

Not even a visit

I wanted to come back, but...

I'm illegal here

And if I leave, I can't
get in again

I understand

Well, I'm going to be a father

- Oh
- Yeah, I got married

And now we're expecting

That's nice, congratulations

Thank you

And you, are you married?
You're living with somebody?

No, I didn't married
I don't have time for that

But

I live with my Kevin

- Oh, your boyfriend
- My son

You're a mom?

Brenda! Congratulations

How old is he?

Nine

Wow, so big

Nine years

It's the same time you've been
living here

Everyone there is an artist
and they all do well

They're famous

Come on, let's go

I have a career here already

Plus, they've told us they
are taking my group to television

You know what that'll mean?

What am I leaving there for?
To start from scratch?

Nobody knows me there

Besides, I can't speak English

I do want to start
from scratch, Cachin

I'll miss you

Cachin, wait, not here!

- What?
- There are kids

Let's go to the roof?

Well...

I have to... get back
to work

See you later

You're a mom?

- How old is he
- Nine

Nine years?

It's the same time you've been
living here

Let's go to the roof?

He sang, he danced
He played Cajón

He made a lot of people cry

Oh, how could I missed that!

Great night, uh?

Yes, revealing

Ok, the plan for today is

We go shopping until we get hungry

And then, we keep shopping

And then, we go to Bayford Park
to change moods

And keep shopping...

Cachin, there's a Playland Park
here too

No, Bayford Park

Guys, I'm sorry, I just remembered

I have to get out the other exit

You can go, I will catch you up later

I left my disco at the jacket
last night...

What?

I left my jacket at the disco
and I have to pick it up

- We'll go with you then
- No, no

Don't worry, there's no need
I'll go by myself

The thing is I also want to
go buy some things

What things do you have to buy?

- Emilia, I can't tell you
- Oh, I see

Take care Bye, Camilo

Have fun

- Culi!
- Coming

Hey!

Excuse me

I need help

Wassup, Chuck Norris

I hope you can understand

I am... looking for

Looking...

Looking for a...

A woman that works here

Yesterday...

I...

the one who makes the...

the drinks

the drinkera

Brenda

Brenda Zegarra

You know her?

Sure as hell I know her dude

Hold on just a sec, and I'll
tell you where she lives

Hey!
Thor, I didn't understand you

Sir, excuse me...

Yes? Fuck, son!

I told you a hundred times. Do not
play with the ball inside the house

I?

Cachín

Hi

Your eye

Ah, yes...

What are you doing here?

Can we talk?

I'm busy

Brenda, please

Last night I kept thinking

You told me you had a nine
year old boy?

Don't worry

- I don't think she understands
- Hey, aren't you Cachin?

Come here!
Here's Cachin!

Easy

What is it?

"What is it?"

You said your son has the same years
you've been living here

And before you get to Miami

Remember You and me...

In the roof

Oh, Cachin!

Brenda, I did the math

We were together during my last
season in theater

In February

Right before we got our TV show

Your son is nine years old

It means you had him nine years ago

- In November
- What?

Brenda, don't give me "what?"

Your son is my son, I did the math

He's 9 years old, and he was
born in November - Cachín, Cachín

My son...

is not your son

Yes

He's nine years old, but

he was born in January

- January?
- Yes

It was...

a different story, I met someone
right after I got here

It wasn't nothing serious

- So he wasn't born in November?
- No

Sorry

You really thought he was...?

Cringe!

I couldn't sleep, can you
believe it

Come on, Cachin!

What an idiot!
I'm sorry

Don't worry, it's ok

- But I do have one complain
- What?

You forgot about me that quick

After one month

Imagine, me, father of your son

Holy shit

Go to your room!

- Kevin
- Uh?

- When is your birthday?
- November

Ok

- Biologically speaking, he is your son
- Brenda

But I raised him by myself

You don't have to do anything

I never asked you anything
therefore...

You don't have make up for anything

Forget this happened
Just forget it

How could I forget this?

- Why you didn't tell me?
- Because you weren't going to come

And I wasn't coming back to Peru

Because I had decided to
make my life here

And you already had
your life there

Where I didn't have anything
to do

Maybe I'd have come

I had the right to know
It's my son!

Fuck

Asu mare

Kevin

What was that you...

what you heard outside?

Because I was talking about...

Liar!

Son...

I thought you were too young
to understand

But no

I was the one too young,
to know how to handle it

Son, please

Let me explain you how it all
happened

May I?

- Cachín
- Please

- Hello
- Hi

Yes, yes

Very good

Ado?

Oh! Hello

Hello

Yes, we're playing

You're laughing

Ha, ha, ha

Ho, ho, ho

Merry Christmas

Ho, ho, ho

Hey little friend, you
want to play with me?

I'm nine years old

- Don't be such a moron
- Kevin!

But this is

a Barney for grown ups

- Fuck you, fuck you
- Cachin, dammit!

He laughs

Can I play?

He's a wonderful kid

I know

You should talk to him in Spanish
more, Brenda

What for?

So he can learn

Good one, uh?

Cachin

He knows, he just pretends he doesn't

Can I see him tomorrow?

I don't know, Cachin

Everything has happened so fast

I don't know if Kevin is...

- He says if you...
- Yes, I read it on the subtitles

Ok, ok

Well, we'll see you tomorrow

Bye Kevin

Bye dad

I'm sorry, I got lost, I was
walking for hours

- And your jacket?
- Hello, dear

- Oh, it was stolen
- In Miami?

Look all I've got for the baby

Nice, good thing your dad is paying
for these

Why are your dressed like that?

I'm going running

Running? But you don't run

You barely play showball

Miami is a city that inspire
you to be 'finess'

- Fitness
- No, 'finess'

Because I exercise only on weekends

Beside, I know more of the city

Bye, dear

Be back soon

Look at my mouth

- Running again?
- I'm getting the hang of it

Ok, your turn

Shit

No spitting

- 'Pollo'?
- Chicken

They're not here

Excuse me?

They're not here

They left early, to the kid's school

For a parents meeting

And where is the school?

You think I like to gossip?

They're not here

Kevin

I came to see you but
I didn't find you

They always told me Miami
was nice

But I never thought it'll be
this beautiful

You made it beautiful

Thank you

I'm sorry

Sorry for not been there for you

Now I'm heading back to Lima

But I can't wait to see you again

I love you

Your dad

Hey, Pame

Have you noticed something strange in
Cachin since we came back from Miami?

He's a man

and men...

- What's that?
- What?

Oh, vitamins for pregnancy

Vitamins?

Miss, do you have a cream for
stretch marks?

And for eyebags?
Hers, not mines. I don't have those

Sure, can I have your ID to get you
a discount?

Discount?

What for?

- I forgot
- What?

Prenatal classes

What for?

Good morning, mommies and daddies

Let's begin

Excuse me sir, but...

my wife hasn't arrived yet

To be a father is to expect...

the unexpected

Ok

Hold your baby in the Majin Boo position

No

- Like this
- Like this?

- Like this
- Like this?

- Like this
- Like this?

- Like this!
- Like this

It's of vital importance to know how to
change a diaper

But even more important is to change it
the fastest way possible

Because, the main rule is...

a clean baby is a happy b...

- baby
- beast

baby

Ok, on the count of three

Uno, dos, three

I better wait for my wife

The first to finish gets a discount

There! Done

Mama

But the diaper is holding

Yes, I understand, but can you give me
two more weeks?

Please, I get my paycheck on the 8th

Yes, of course this will be the
last time

Oh, really

Thank you Mrs Fatima, you are an angel

Bye

Fucking bitch, old hag

Hello

Yeah, hold on

Kevin

Dad!
Dude

Hi Kevin Hola Kevin
how are "yuca", kid

How are "yuca" How are you

How are you

Me too

I can't speak louder, they are
sleeping here

Yes

I want to see you too

But I can't, for now

Uh?

Listen, you're going to have
to wait a little more

Yes, I'll go there as soon as I can

But you have to be patient

Ok?

I have to go now

Bye...

son

Cachin, what's up?
Your're numb. Say something

No, I'm just worried because my kid
is about to be born

By the way, before I forget

Next week is the baby shower party

These are the invitations

Hey Cachin, what this baby shower shit?

Don't be stupid, don't you know?

- Tell him, Cachin
- You tell him, Yugoslav

"Yugoslav"

Easy, 'bebe' is baby

Now he think he's gringo because
he went to Miami

And 'shower'?

- 'Shower' means...
- What is it?

'Shower' is...

'Chau', just like it sounds, 'chau'
'baby chau'

The baby says 'chau' to the
mom's belly

'Bye my friend'
There you have, idiots

Wow, he does know
I thought it meant 'adios'

And how does it go,
that 'baby chanel' thing?

You drink there?
What music they play?

Shut up

Listen, this is a party where they'll
give you food

they'll give you drinks

And Emilia's friends will be there

And you have to bring presents

- I'm out...
- Sit down, you midget son of a...

Hear me out...

you will behave

And I want to see you looking good

Get out of here, Cachin!

Relax we're gonna be...

really classy

Cachín, what's going on with you?

You're acting weird since Miami

It's nothing

Why are you studying english, then?

- I'm not studying english
- What is this then?

Give me that

You hit a chick in Miami?

Shut your mouth, I will never
do something like that

So?

Yes, I am studying english
but for another reason

Why?

- I'm going to tell, but don't make a fuss
- I swear

You have a kid in Miami?

Oh, a son in Miami!

- Will you shut up?
- Emilio knows?

No

Shut it. This is why you wanted me
to tell you?

I'm screwed man, screwed

I'm going to be a dad, twice
don't you see?

Like Jose Jose, the singer
I will be Dad Dad

And I don't know what to do, since
I don't have a father figure

I look around for a father figure
and all I see is my mom

I have this picture

Me, as a kid

Coming home from school at 2 o'clock

My old man, sleeping

Drunk

Holding a cigar lit

the burned blanket

the room reeks of booze

tobacco

and car grease

He sure knew how to lie

He got home at five in the morning

Full of car grease, saying...

"I was getting the car fixed"

He never fixed anything

That's why I don't think I'll ever be
a good father

Take it easy, Cachin

You are a good friend

I'm sure you'll make a good father

Culi

Stop it, I was drunk that night

- Me too
- Let's get some booze?

Damn, you're so easy

I swear it feels like he's the one
pregnated

I don't know what's the matter
with him

He'acting weird

Whatever it is, he must have told Culi

If you want, I'll make him talk
and tell you

Hi love

Guess who is back

I'm going to the bathroom
I had too much beer, and it's diabetic

Diabetic?

The thing that makes you
want to pee a lot

- Diuretic, idiot!
- That one!

Ok sis, tell you later.

Bye dear, kisses, I love you
so much. Bye, bye

You're late...

I'm sorry honey, I was talking
with Cachin

About what?

Nonsenses

Tell me

Nothing important

- Nothing?
- Oh!

Nothing baby, nothing

If you don't tell me...

- you get no ass
- No ass?

None

I don't know anything

- Friend: From Lat. amicus.
- Adj. whom one can share a secret.

Ok then See you later

Bye

Are you sure you don't know anything?

99 point 100 percent

Alright

Oh!

I know He-Man, take it easy

Cachin owes us this one

How was the game?

Good

Cachin

You want to tell me something?

Yes

Tell me

I have a nine year old son
in Miami

What?

No

No

- Emilia
- No!

Emilia

Emilia, wait!

Let me explain you

Emilia!

You were going to tell me something

I ran

Ran?

Ran out of paper

In the bathroom

Ah

There's more, under the sink

Ok Thanks

Emilia

Yes?

I love you

Me too

Good night

Good night

Because I don't have papers, mom

There's no job that will take me
for long time

I don't know

Kevin has his while life here

I'll think about it

Chabela

- How did you see me?
- Because I'm right here, dear

It's been a long time

I live here

- What are you doing here?
- Cookies

- There are none
- Cookies

- No
- Cookies

- No!
- Cookies!

- Cookies!
- No!

Motherfucker

We've done this since the first movie

Well

Cut the deck

What do you want to know?

I bet what everybody wants
to know

My answer is no, Peru will not
qualify to the World Cup

- No?
- It's not going. I don't know when

Perhaps in 2018, who knows

That's not what I want to know

I want to ask you about my grandson

Ok then

Pick a card

This one

What are you doing here?

I feel lonely, godmother

- Can I stay?
- No

- Can I stay?
- No!

Can I stay?

- Can you stay?
- No

I hate you

Pick a card, please

Your grandson will be a boy

We knew that already

Anything else?

Your grandson...

is on his way

Ready?

This boy

will turn everyone upside down

and he'll arrive earlier than expected

a seven-month or eight-month baby

I have to talk to Cachin, so he have
everything ready

Don't interrupt me

This kid... will come from heaven

From heaven?

A little angel

I hope he won't look like his dad,
or worst, like his useless grandfather

Shut up already

The road will be rough

Very rough

He will bring a blessing

So, Culi won't say anything?

No dear, lo siento!

That means... excuse me

Must be the paternity effect

Well, everyone deals with it
their own way

Give me a hand?

- Looking good
- Cute girls, cute

Is it true than the lights turn off
with clapping?

Of course, they rule

Oh, really

- Can I try?
- And if you like it?

I leave Pame

Pame!

- It works!
- Go, go!

One more time Culi, and I will
kick you out myself

Excuse me

What?

I love it when you try to
speak English

Want to what?

Want to

Hey, where did they go?

You know where they went

Excuse me

Cachin, that doesn't work with me

Don't bother, I'm eight months pregnant

But there's one month to go yet

By the way, did you give your friends
the invitations?

Yes, but it's all on you

You're so mean

No, relax, I told them to dress
very classy

Wassup peeps!

Brenda?

- Brenda, you got yourself new eyes
- You're a gringa

What gringa, stupid midget

- Hey Brenda, I love you
- Uh?

No, I mean...

I mean, I love that you are here
with us

Son, come here

This is Kevin, my son

You have a son?

Say hello, dear

Hi, nice to meet you

He's gringo

Fuck, how are we going to understand him
if there are no subtitles

And how come you're here?

Shit man, I missed this so much

And to be honest, things are rough
over there

And why are you so dressed up?

What happen is that today is
Cachin' Baby shower

Look, if you want to go, here's an
invitation

No, I can't make it, I'm tired

He rocks your boat, my man

I'm here to see my mom

It's a gift

How big it is?

Mine is bigger

Motherfucker, you'll say one
of these days

- Brenda!
- Mommy!

Excuse me

Kevin!

The suitcase, boy

How cute is my baby

Tomorrow

It's not a party, it's a baby shower

And we don't have anything
to do there

Now, get changed

- Oh, how nice, can I touch it?
- Me too

Oh, he kicked me

Right, guess who is in Lima?

Tarron's mom

Yes, the fat one

No, no Brenda

Shit

And with her kid
I gave her an invitation

You did what?

- You did what?
- But if you were there

Don't talk back to me motherfucker
we're not the same

- What did you do?
- Take it easy

She told me she couldn't make it
because she was tired for the trip

Shut your holes!

Not a single word to Cachin
He cannot know about this

And why is that?

Don't be so nosey

- What was that for?
- Dunno, felt like it

Hey motherfucker do not talk back
to me. We're not the same

Stop hitting him - Why the
fuck, like it's your favorite friend

- He's my man
- He's my man, too

It is time...

to open the presents

Presents!

Presents!

¡Todos juntos!

Presents!

Presents!

And this is from...

From Verito

Cheers!

And this is from...

Stephie

Cheers!

Ok everybody, we're done, there are
no more presents

Hold on, what do you mean no more?
What about our presents?

There you have them

Where to?

You're too young to go out
this late

You're so gutsy, have you run away
from your house?

You have money, haven't you?

Where are you from, brother?

You're not from here, I can tell

You speak english you're gringo

I can speak english too
I know my stuff

Yeah, sometimes... I made some quick
money working...

as a tour guide, for gringos
for tourists

I took them by the city, the streets

I'd tell them

You for example Tú ser niño

Yes or no?

"Boy", that's it

I'd say: "esto es..."

"Esto es... street"

"Esto es..." whatever

Ah

A rattle made with beer caps

Cheers!

Ok, there are no more gifts
Now, the picture

- You're missing my gift
- There are no more gifts, I said!

Kevin?

Kevin?

Residence of the Rizo Patron family

Ok family, smile everybody

Suck in the gut, you all

Little Emilia, you don't have to

You have to make room for the baby

Ok, one...

Two...

Dad!

Dad!

You have a son?

No, no, it has to be a joke

It is a joke, obviously

Isn't it, Cachin?

Cachín

I didn't know how to explain it

I'm sorry Emilia

- Emilia
- Don't you dare

The only thing we asked you to...

- was honesty, Cachin
- Yes, but let me explain

Take your son with you

- At least, allow me to...
- Get out of here

Come on, kid

So, Cachin got Brenda pregnant
before she went to USA?

No, you idiot
it was after that, by phone

Oh, well then I better don't call
my girl

Why do you talk shit?

Ok!

What are you looking at?

The baby shower is over

Keep moving, now!

I'm not "okay", kid

I was "okay" in there, now
out here I'm not "okay"

Ok?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing in Peru?

What were you thinking, coming to
the baby shower to call me "dad"?

Where is your mother?

Son

Mom please, don't say a word

My son

You were the one the witch was
talking about

You're so handsome

Just like your father

I wanna fucking talk to you later

You had a son and you won't say
anything?

Idiot!

Hey buddy, I've been waiting so long
can you pay for the ride?

It's you?

Finally, I found you, clown

- What's the matter?
- "What's the matter"?

You don't remember now

Give me my money!

Fuck me, stupid door

Run kid!

Come here, motherfucker!

You're so fucked, I know where you live
I'm gonna eat your dog

Cataclaun!

I'm going down

Dammit

Emilia, open the door please

I don't want to talk to anybody

Leave her alone

How can I leave her like that

She needs to think, don't pressure her
please

Dear, we're going to be
next door, ok?

Remember, you're not alone

We are here for you

Why you didn't tell me anything?

Cachin asked me not to tell

So, if Cachin asks you to jump off a bridge
you jump off a bridge

Yes, look, here we're doing
"salting jumping"

Bungee jumping!
No "salting jumping"

"Salting jumping"

If I had any idea where he could be
I wouldn't have called you

- Calm down, please
- Yes, calm down, please

How can you ask her to calm down
if the kid is missing

The...

kid...

is...

mis... sing

We arrived to Lima today, he has no place
to go, he doesn't know the city

Mom!

Kevin!

Where were you, stupid kid!

Ah!

Alcantara

Fuck

What were you doing with the boy?

Yes, what were you doing
with the boy?

- I'm the father
- Biological father

Because he didn't even recognize
the boy

Ah that's great, because I decided that

We have to go to the police station

Yes, to the police station

Why would I go with you?
I have nothing to do there

You should take her instead
for damages

You don't talk like that
to my daugther

You can be famous and all that

But with one good slap and will shake off
that smile of yours, fucking clown!

What, you dare to hit my son?

I will make your head turn around
like in "The Exorcist"

I will become a criminal with you now

That's a confession

Con...

fe...

ssion

If you're going to file a complaint against
mister Alcantara

come with us to the police station

Yes, come with us

No, there's no need. I just want to
be with my son, thanks

No complaint?

No complaint?

We'll be leaving then

I'm watching you, Alcantara

- We're watching you
- Come here, you

What are you doing here, Brenda?

- What was Kevin doing in the baby showe?
- He ran away, he wanted to see you

- What do you want from me?
- I never wanted anything from you

Brenda, I have a life here
and I'm happily married

My wife is expecting my baby

And now she doesn't want to see me!

- You didn't tell here anything?
- Sure, so easy

Hi love, remember the party I went
the other day?

I ran into my ex and she told me
we had a nine year old son

- How do you like that, cool uh?
- Oh, cool

Well, if you don't trust her enough
to tell her the truth

that's not my problem

Not your problem?
It is your problem

You hid Kevin from me
for nine years

I don't know what are you
thinking on

- Let's go mom
- Yes, let's go

Before I kick her ass to this
piñata

Who are you kicking, stupid midget

Stupid will look your face when
I kick your ass

you dumb fuck

I'm not scared of you
I'm an independent woman

"Independent", sure, because you're the
only one in the whole building

who doesn't pay the water bill, cheap!

Cheap, that's you

Clean your mouth before you want
to speak to me, bitch!

Old hag!

- Excuse me
- Excuse me

Fucking drunk!

Hey, don't slam the door
are you buying me a new one?

- You too
- Me too what?

You're against me

Oh the victim

Excuse, mister victim

Who lied to his pregnant wife

To the family, to his in-laws

To your mother

I better get the hell
out of here

I saw your father

How come?

Where is he?

He's standing right in front of me

Go to sleep

- What's up Cachin
- Hey Erick

- Mrs Rosa, good morning
- Look, he had some manners

- Is Brenda home?
- She went out early, I don't know where

Any message?

I wanted to know if I could
see Kevin

I'm not the one you should
be asking

Kevin?

Kid, I know that...

I shouldn't have talk like that
to your mom and...

neither to you

- But, I can explain
- Can you?

Well

I know I can't speak in English, but

But I can speak to you
from the heart

Wanna go for a walk?

- Hello Cachín
- Hi, how are you?

What?

Famous

Famous? No, people here
are very friendly

This a nice neighborhood

Asu mare

What happened?

No, nothing, they're playing

It's called "Catch the mouse"
it's a Peruvian game

One person runs, and the other pum!
Hits him with a broom

It's a fun game

Ma'am, a kilo of camote please

Camote?

"Camote" is like "patata"

But this one is not "amarillo"
it's purple

And it's sweet instead of salty

Ah, chicken?

Here's different than in USA

These chickens hanging there
were alive just before

This guy takes them out of the cage

The chicken squeaks, he cuts its throat
and the blood poors in a bucket

Then, while they're alive

still alive, some run away

and they go running, headless

And when they're alive
they throw them into a boiling pot

To remove the feathers.
The chicken's legs will shake

And then, the bucket with blood

People will buy it

they'd fry the blood

and eat it for breakfastw
we call it "sangrecita"

In Argentina, they call it
"morcisha"

Oh sorry kid,
I squeeze it too hard

Take note of our special low
prices

Lower than Emilia forgiving Cachin

Cheated ones, to the cash
register number 3

What?

I'm sorry, I thought I heard...

the girls

- Nothing, I'm crazy
- Sure you are

Wait that you try the Aji de Gallina
you're grandma Chabela has cooked for you

Kevin, does your mom cook this
for you in USA?

What did he say?

And what does that mean?

It means no

Oh, so you haven't tried
Anticuchos either

What's that?

Cow heart pierced with a stick

Sorry kid, I did it again

- Who is this?
- I don't know

Kid, finish your food

We have to pick your stuff
to go play "pichanga"

Pichanga?

"Pichanga" it's like soccer
but mini

Super mini Just you and me

Because we don't have money
to pay extras

Who are you looking for?

To Mrs Rizo Patron

But, which Mrs Rizo Patron?

To Mrs Rizo Patron mother?
Or Mrs Rizo Patron daugther?

If it's the mother, then it's
Rizo Patron

She wasn't Rizo Patron, but she married
a Rizo Patron, so now she's Rizo Patron

And if it's the daughter, it's
Rizo Patron. Who will it be then?

To Cachin's wife

So, to Mrs Rizo Patron
Whom may I say is asking?

Brenda Ramos?

- It doesn't ring a bell
- She's waiting downstairs

Florencia

Why did you let some stranger
get into the house?

It could be anybody

I had it with you
I don't understand you sometimes

Ok, don't yell at me
Should I tell her to leave?

Hello?

You must be Emilia

- And you are?
- Brenda Ramos ma'am, remember?

I told you "Brenda Ramos"
and you said "Who is she?"

- "I don't know her. Maybe she's a burglar"
- Florencia

- I'm the mother of...
- No, Brenda Ramos

I'm the mother of Cachin's boy

And that is why I haven't tell
nothing to Emilia yet

Ah?

To tell..
Emilia

Ah, yes

I'll tell her today With you

I want you to join me

That's why it was very hard for him
as it was for you to learn about this

And I don't want to justify Cachin

But I can understand how difficult is
to keep a secret like this

For months

I don't know how I did it
for nine years

Nine...

years, Emilia

It's been nine years

Looking for the perfect day
to tell my kid the truth

But no

Each day it got more difficult

Each day, he grew up

And the lie grew too

And the only reason I didn't dare
to tell him the truth

was because I love him

I love him more than anything
in this world

And I don't want to crush him
with a news like this

And I guess that's the same reason

Cachin didn't tell you anything

Because he loves you

Excuse me

Are you ok?

Yes

It's Cachin's son, so he kicks
like a futbol player

Like mine

That's not a baby kicking

Florencia!

I've been here all the time, ma'am

Those are contractions

What was that?

Damn, your water broke

Fuck, I just mopped the floor!

Call my mom!

There's no time, after water breaks
every minute counts

I can go with you, and then
I'll see if I can find your mom

Don't worry, my mom is coming

Ma'am, don't come here, we're going
to the hospital

- Ah!
- Romualdo!

Breath Florencia, breath

We're almost there

The one having a baby here is
Emilia

Don't yell, it makes me more nervous

Cachín!

Cachín, Your baby is coming!

- Asu mare!
- Asu mare!

Hurry up

Hurry up, or we'll be late

How the fuck did you heard?

This is Mirones here gossip fly

Where's Yonni?

He was driving, but I put him on the trunk
so we can fit in here

"Driving"

Ma'am, let me drive, I drive better
than this fatso

Because you're a midget, you can't
reach the pedals

What's this shit?

Come on, get in there

Come on!
Go, go!

Come Tarron, take Venezuela

No, it's a mess there

Take Cuba, it's free

Ma'am, they blocked it long ago

- Then, let's take Colombia
- Lots of traffic, dumb-ass

So what do we do?

- And if we take Argentina?
- I don't know

Mom, how did you learn that my baby
was coming?

- Who told you?
- Felipe!

She had to know, she'll be a grandma
just like you

Oh, I can't believe I'm going
to be grandmother

Felipe, tell me the truth
Do I look like a granny?

Buckle up!

What's all this racket!
Three blocks, screaming

I'm going to be an aunt!

I mean, not like real aunt, but
an aunt from the heart

- You call that godmother
- Why so grumpy

Watch out!

Inhale

Exhale

Calm down ladies

In this cases, one must be remain
very calmed

But the baby is coming out!

I don't understand, the baby was supposed
to be coming in a couple of weeks

Don't worry miss, I was born three months
earlier, and I came out perfect

Speed up!

What if he's born too early, we will be
shorty, like Yonny?

As long he won't came out fat
like Tarron

So much traffic, fuck me

Fuck me

Oh no, don't repeat that son

And you, give your son
a good example

Fucking traffic

Cachin, where are you going?

Cachin, you can't pee out here!

- Isn't that Cachin?
- That's my bro

Cachin!

Ok, Culi!

Go, go

Let's go, Tarron!

Wait up, motherfucker!

What is going on out there?

I don't know, it looks like an idiot
is stop the traffic

We're not going to make it

Of course we are

What are you doing?
The park is right there

Felipe, you're so brut!

I'm sorry, we wouldn't make
otherwise

I love it

Remember you were like this
when we first met?

What happened with you?

Forgive us for our sins Amen

It hurts!

- How far are we?
- We're here

We're here

We're here

We arrived

That means: We're here

Oh, we're here

Deep breaths, Emilia

- What are you doing here, Cachin?
- I'm the father, I have the right to be here

- Brenda, what are you doing here?
- She's my mom, she has the right too

Calm down

Don't get upset

This is not a public hospital

From here are allowed only the mother
and the father

- Who are you?
- I'm the father

I'm the father of the patient

I am so 'padre'

I've been mother
and father at once

I've been like a father too

I'm the son

And I'm the Holy

- Spirit
- Amen

I... I just want to be popular

I didn't came here for nothing

And I...

Sir, I don't have a line to get into
this scene. What should I do?

Get in there, go

So exciting!

Everything is going to be fine

Now, put your legs here

Wait, wait

Ok, this view is exclusive for me
Get moving

- Go, go
- Yeah, get moving

Such a nerve, people

Get out of there!

- What are you doing here?
- Isn't this a family reunion?

- Are you drunk?
- Of course I am

A lemonande, but with a shot of Pisco
because this makes me a little bit tense

- You want some, sister, to relax?
- No, no

- Friend?
- No, thanks

- Son, you...
- No, no!

Can I try a little?
Thanks

What is this?

A market?

Let's see

- Eliana, isn't she?
- Emilia

Ok.
It's the same

What do you prefer?
Normal delivery or C-section?

The one that hurts the less

Prepare the epidural

Normal Normal delivery

It's the same Same injection

Let me examine you now
to see if you're dilated

Hey, what a sec, that area is only for
me to touch

There's no need It is dilated

There's the head

What head...

Damn, Cachin has fainted!

- Pamela too
- No, she just want to be popular

- Alcohol, we need some alcohol?
- This early?

What's wrong?

Right, that's you

- You're so boring, sis
- Me, boring?

I was super fun

Before being a mom, I was wild

You're still fun, ma'am

You see?

- Did you hurt yourself?
- Yes

I think I have to go to a hospital

Push lady, push!

Come on dear, you can do it

Give me your hand

- Push!
- Oh!

Emilia, honey

I don't know if this is
the right time...

- It is not the right time
- Shhh!

- Keep going
- The thing is, I'm an idiot

I should have told you everything
the second I knew about it

- But...
- Push!

Oh, my hand...

You were saying

- I hear you
- Yes

I couldn't tell you the truth
because...

Because I didn' want to
lose you, honey

Hey, you really cannot wait
until your baby is born?

Can't you see he's trying to
apologize?

Go on

Emilia, I promise you I won't
let you down again

But, please forgive me

I forgave you an hour ago

Why is she yelling so much?

Imagine you swallowed a watermelon
and then you want to take it out by...

Giving birth to a baby is very difficult

but once it's born, it's the best
thing that can happen to us

I'm a father!

Again

Oh this is the cutest thing

Cachin, I never thought you could make
something so beautiful

Thanks mom, you always trusted me

He's so cute, Cachin

He's looking good, Cachin

Hey, but he's yours?

Why are you talking shit uh?

I'll put you in an incubator so
you'll finish to grow

Don't be rude in fron of the baby

And you, do not make my daugther
suffer again

or else I will kick your ass
with your mother's permission

Permission granted

- Congratulations, son
- Thank you dad

Excuse me

Hi Camilo

I love you, honey

I love you, Cachin

Kevin, are you alright?

You have a son

You won't love me the same

I have two sons

And you won a little brother

I have an idea

- Christmas, all together?
- Like a family

Don't you think it sounds nice?

- We'll do it in my house
- In Mirones

I don't know, it's been a tradition
to celebrate Christmas here

- Your dad will say no
- I love the idea

But it's super dangerous there
What are you going to do with your car?

Where will your park it?
They'll steal it

Relax, all the petty thieves will be
in my house

You see, nothing to worry about

And Florencia?

We're not going to leave her here
alone in Christmas

I was invited before than you, ma'am

Yes or no, guys?

- You'll bring gifts, right?
- Will you have more cookies?

If you want, I give you my cookie

Besides, you said it yourself
you were still fun, weren't you?

Let's go then

Why didn't we come here before?

That's my gift

Where is my son?

Dad!

No. Another one bite the dust

- Ma'am
- Yes, ma'am

We brought you a Paneton

And since I'm little, I brought
a tiny Paneton

Are you kidding? This one
comes with the big Paneton

Come on, I bought that

Romualdo, don't drink much

- Want a drink?
- Sure

- Are you drinking from the same glass?
- Relax, it's okay

- You're not hood
- Me?

Ma'am, wanna a drink?

Of course, she's so much fun

Oh, darn, the hell with it
There, cheers!

Then they say I'm the drunkard
of the family

Do you feel like having a cocktail?

Forget the cocktail

I thought you weren't
going to make it

- Where were you?
- We had to make a quick stop in the clinic

- Everything okay?
- Better than ever

We are going...

to be...

parents!

- Oh, why dind't you tell me?
- We just learnt

Sister, our kids will be friends!

They're going to be millennials
from 2000

Well, your kid was born in '99 but...

- We can lie to him until he's 15
- Ok, but keep it quiet

- How are you doing?
- I'm fucking scared

Calm down, it's like that at the beginning.
I was the same. Then, look at me

- How are feeling now?
- Still fucking scared

And now I have two kids

Dear, want to dance?

Sure thing

- And the baby?
- He's with Pame

- Come dance with your mother
- Please, no!

- No more
- Kevin!

Leave him alone if he doesn't
want to dance

Hey, leave the fatso alone!

The best day of my life

Shall we dance, miss?

Thank you mom, for everything

Oh, Cachin

Honestly, if it wasn't for you

I would be nothing

I'm so proud

You should be, proud of yourself

Of course I was refering to me

I'm proud of myself

Ok mom, listen to this

I'm working on my first stand-up show

That's good

- And what is it about?
- It's comedy

I have to stand in fron of the audience
and tell my life's story

Hey, you won't be saying anything
about me, will you?

No, how can you think that
I could never say anything about you

You better not

And how are you calling it?

"Asu mare"

Thank you very much to all the people that
in one way or another was part of Asu Mare.

To my mother, for her strength.

To my brothers, and my family.

To my neighborhood and
to my chilhood friends.

To the actors and actresses.

To my wife Jossie, for her love and
her unconditional support.

To my kids, who taught me
how to be a father.

To Pataclaun and July Natters, for the best
years of learning

And for giving me the best tool
for a lifetime.

To Ricardo Maldonado, for joining me in this
crazy journey that was Asu Mare 1 and 2.

And for trusting me.

To Jorge Ulloa for accepting the great
challenge that was Asu Mare 3.

To everybody in Tondero,
for all they have done for me.

To my dear friend and partner Miki
Valladares, for making my dreams come true.

Thank you for giving me the chance
to make movies in Peru.

And special thanks to all of you,
dear people for joining me in Asu Mare

Always by my side, from the very beginning.
Thank you, Peru!

How could I not love you!

Scene 1. Shot 1. Take 1

The finger!

I was dreaming I was pregnant

No, not me, excuse me

Of course I heard it

With Mrs Rizo Patron mother or
daugther, because if it's the mother...

My turn

Number? Window?
Crap, I fucked it up

The window, open it a little
it's getting color...

Color yes, color

It's yellow, sometimes it's green

Let me examine you to see
if you're dilated

You and me?

Hey, put that down

How are you driving?

It's automatic

This is for breakfast, and this chic
pijama is in case

someone will knock at the door
at midnight

And this one, what will you
use it for?

It could be anyone, I had it with you
Sometimes I don't understand you

Why won't you go fuck yourself already?

I'm coming, I'm coming

What does the kitty do?
Meow!

Where is that shit?

Pame, did you find anything?

For the baby?

Why are you wearing that?

What are you doing tomorrow in
the airport?

If you haven't even been in a bus
terminal

Shut up, I'm so ready

If you're looking

for me

You should speak to him more in
Spanish, so he can...

He can screw it up

He knows, he just pretends...

Sorry

Go to your room!

- Kevin
- Uh?

Go to your room!

Midget, you can't reach the pedals

Fuck, the door is locked

A beautiful dinner for the newlyweds

Still drunk, still drunk

Hello Cachin, how are you?

Asu Mare 3!

- How many millions?
- Five

Goodbye "Asu mare", thank you very much
for everything

I love you

Bye!
It's over. Cut

Damn, that's a good song!

There, there, you want your pacifier?

There's your pacifier

I don't give a fuck for your pacifier

Or your stupid crib

I don't give a shit for this stupid
thing

I don't give a fuck for your old man!
And I hate that...

I wasn't in this movie!