Asterix and Obelix Meet Cleopatra (2002) - full transcript

An Old Egyptian poem goes as follows: "Nile,

Nile, Nile,
impetuous and turbulent river

you're like our queen,
the source of life.

ASTERIX AND CLEOPATRA

Our story begins
in a distant past, in Alexandria,

or at Alexandria, both are possible...

...in Egypt, at the palace
of the queen of queens.

The legendary and elegant Cleopatra.

Enough!

I'm saying Egypt's culture
isn't all that great...

There were good times of course.



I'm just saying the current people are decadent.

And that Egypt is merely a Roman province.

A "province"!
- Yes...

Until further notice, o Caesar...

...it's not the Romans
that build the great pyramids.

Those pointy things?
- And the sphinx?

And the tower of Pharos?
What do you think of that?

That's old news.
- Yesterday...

...or today, my people are superior.
- In fact your people are...

...Greek, and I know better
true Egyptians.

Enough!

I can prove to you, o Caesar...

...that my people are still brilliant.

Yes? How?
Painting portraits?



No, by building a palace.

I already have a palace in Rome.

You'll get one in Alexandria too.
So when you visit the "province"...

...you'll have somewhere to sleep.
But it will be bigger...

...and more luxurious
than all other palaces.

Bigger than "Caesar's Palace"?
I'd like to see that...

You will see.

Rome wasn't built in one day.
When will it be finished?

Three centuries from now?

Three months.

Three months?
- Three months?

Three...
- ...months?

Within 3 months you'll have your palace.

It'll never be finished in time.

But fine,
I accept the challenge.

If you make it, I'll publicly admit...

...that your people is still brilliant.
But I have my doubts.

See you in three months...

He really gets the most of me.

Oh no...why is the floor already finished?

First the water pipes.
Now we have to break up the floor.

Malococsis, I'm not an architect.
I'm a tiler.

What's that door doing there?
- No idea.

Ask Edifis, the architect.
- Architects...

Along with cart wrights
they're the most incompentent.

Malococsis!

Edifis...
- I'm happy to see you.

How are you?
- Terrible!

W...w... What's the problem?

The door in the ceiling?
- That?

I anticipate.
Should you want a second floor, no problem.

And the tiles. Beautiful, huh?
Feudartifis, come see.

Are they beautiful or what?
- Beautiful.

Malococsis... trust me...

...I'm not a cart wright.
- You're worse.

You're running two months behind.
Watch it, I have connections.

People in high places who could
cause you a great deal of problems.

Preferably from Alexandria...

Architect Edifis?

No, that's...
What's it about?

I had to laugh because of the Alexandria joke...

...because people in high places
makes me think about monkeys in a tree...

You don't have to get angry.

My little one... Wake up.
Breakfast.

Kinepolis...

What's that?

Lovendpis...

Serge...

Artifis... clean the water.
It stinks.

I don't smell anything...

I was just doing what I always do.

That's your problem.

You always do like you always do.

Yes, I always do.

The floor is weird.
I don't feel it.

Where is it?

Good day.

Edifis, is Egypt
the most powerful empire in the world?

Yes.
No one in the world has more power.

Of course I don't know everyone.

The Romans and Caesar
have their doubts.

I'm going to show him what we can do.
- Ok.

I'm building him the most magnificent palace.
- Ok.

And you, Edifis, will be the architect.

Ok.

I'll be the architect.
Meaning?

I'll have to...

Al my other architects are busy.

No, I'm not busy.

He's not busy.

Edifis, you're the only one available.

I have no time.
I have to finish my work for Malococsis.

Only the tiles, but anyway...

My Queen, as your architect
I offer you my services.

When the crocodiles
have fresh water, I could...

No, you're good, but too conservative.

Conservative...
What does that mean?

I want something new, something refreshing.

But... help Edifis.
Find some land.

Land?

As you wish.

Go, Edifis, you've got three months.

Three months?
What margin?

Because three months,
that's merely enough for the plans...

...and with the foundations,
that's three times four, nine...

Three months, that's...

I don't think that's enough.

Edifis! You've got three months.
Exactly!

If you succeed, I'll cover you with gold.

If you fail,
I'll feed you to the crocodiles.

Where's the sweet little lamb?

They ate the little lamb?

I should build that palace.

Then I,
neither Cleopatra, the rain...

...the hail nor the locusts...

...would be Egypt's worst nightmare.

17, 18, 19, 20, 21...

474, 475, 476, 477...
- Boss!

Boss!
I rushed myself...

I was thinking about some sort of machine...

...that would enable us
to reach the top of the pyramid.

Otis... can't this wait?

What are you counting, boss?
- I'm measuring.

Cleopatra wants a palace for Caesar.

Here.
On this stroke of land.

From there... to there.

That would be a big palace.

It has to be modern and daring.

That's great.
You can stop now...

...leave it to the experts.

No time, we've got 3 months.

Fine.
And how much extra time?

None.
We've got 3 months, not a day more.

Impossible.
- That's obvious.

However urgent jobs
can be interesting.

It's not urgent, it's suicide.

If I fail, I'll be fed to the crocodiles.
And I saw them...

A crocodile is fast.

Not good.
I can't finish my machine.

Did you hear me
did you hear me?

Yes, no, but...
- Sorry, but I can be eaten.

Three months starting when?

The clock is ticking.
- They've been working on the gardens for years.

And there's nothing.
Completely nothing.

We need magic.

We need to be magicians.
Gods.

Exactly...
We need magical powers.

Yes, it's not good news,
but that's it.

When I was little...

...my dad told me about this druid.
Geta-Getabemix.

Getasonixme...

Something ending in ix?

Helmutlottix?

It starts with Geta...
and ends in ininekix.

How about Pommederainettepommedapix.

A druid.

A Gallic druid with a magic potion.

It gives people enormous strength.

Using that potion I'll
finish in no time and stay alive.

Imhotep, I didn't expect it,
but suddenly I'm freed.

Boss...

...magic potions don't exist.

Only on children's papyrus
drawings.

Get us some workers.
Let them start the foundations.

There will be a lane with big statues.
Called "Big Statue Lane".

And there gardens with olive and
orange trees, willows, ....

Yes, and there the palace,
luxurious and magnificent.

With a huge court yard
and lots of dancers.

And there a small geranium,
yes, that will be beautiful.

That will be really beautiful.

You have to picture it.
- Yes.

I'm leaving. See you in a month.
- A month?

Max.
The time to find Getabemix and come back.

Go, Cannabis.

Go, Cannabis!

Let's go!

You're not moving, Cannabis.

Move it!
Go, Cannabis!

Where does that Mix live?

Up north.
He lives up north.

Go, go Cannabis.

The year is 50 B.C.

Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans.
Well, not entirely...

One small village of invincible Gauls still
holds out against the invaders.

And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries
who garrison the fortified camps of

Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum
and Compendium...

En garde, Gaul.
Defend yourself!

One moment please.

What was that?
- Are you new here?

Yes, we've just been transferred.

I understand.
This potion is a magic potion...

...made by our druid
and it makes us stronger.

Look.

Getamanix!
Getamenixme!

What kind of country is this?

Incredible, it's minus 8000 degrees here.

I don't have to drink it,
I fell in when I was a little boy.

It gives me extraordinary power.

Look.

Nice, huh?

Good day.
Where's the Gallic village.

If you follow them
you'll get there

I'm not going with you, ok?
I'm staying here.

I'm going to think a little.

Those Romans are good,
they fly better than the others.

It's because of their new helmets.
They're more aerodynamic.

Listen...

Landing could be better.

Excuse me?
Are you Asterixme?

Rix. Asterix.
And this is Obelix.

And the dog is Dogmatix.

Do you know Getabamenix?
A druid.

Getafix, excuse me for disturbing,
but you have a visitor.

Sir?
- It's me!

He obviously doesn't know you.

I, I, I'm Edifis.
I'm Tumeris' son, your old friend.

What a pleasant surprise.

You must be frozen.

I'm very happy to see you.

He's from Alexandria.
Come warm yourself.

That's the magic potion?
- No, chestnut soup.

No.

I can't sell you any potion.

Not all of it.
One cauldron.

No.

He won't budge, it's the principle.

A small cauldron.

No.

A flask.
- No.

A small flask.
- Nee.

A cup. A small cup.
A small cup, that's all.

It's a secret among druids
and not for sale.

A little cup is not much.

I'm sorry, Edifis.

Ok then.

You were my only hope.

The small chance of survival.

But I understand.

You have other things to worry about.

Caesar, the Romans.
Who I'm not fond of.

Maybe I'm going to die...

But it was nice knowing you.

Gentlemen...

Midifix...

But what's wrong?

Edifis, wait.
I've been planning to consult some manuscripts...

...in Alexandria's library.
I can't promise anything...

...but I'll join you.

Thanks.
Thanks a lot, Getamanix.

My ship is waiting, there's enough room
for everyone.

There's no time to loose.
- Let's go, Dogmatix.

You're not going to take him are you?
- Why not?

He's too small for such a big trip.
And Egypt is the land of cats.

Pack your bags and don't talk about any longer.

"Don't talk about it..."

Accompanied by the arctic wind,
on board of the Napadelis...

...a long journey to Egypt begins,
the land of Ra, the Sun God.

Cleopatra's kingdom would
soon welcome...

...Asterix, Obelix and Getafix

And Dogmatix?

What?

I bark.
I'm not allowed to talk anymore, so I bark.

Fine.
Take him out, before he suffocates.

But it's empty.
- "It's empty".

Such a smart dog.
My baby.

How nice.
He wanted to be with me.

He got in there himself.
- We were just saying...

...three months is a little short.

Artifis is a real hyena.

Do you know hyenas?
Just the same.

He wants me dead and he has many talents.

Like what?
- No, he's rich.

He's got many golden talents.
The Egyptian coin.

In Gaul not the ones with most
talents are the richest.

Do we have to fear anything else?
- No, nothing.

Red Beard!
Red Beard!

Men, last time we weren't
very lucky meeting those Gauls...

...with their magic potion,
and that big dog.

Completely outnumbered we
had no other option than to...

Run away.

No, not really.

We had to abandon ship
as soon as possible.

Swimming in that ice-cold water.
- No, it was nice.

It was ice cold.
- Fine.

To prevent further trouble,
we'll avoid the Gauls.

But for any others, no pity!

Ship at starboard!

Ready to board, daddy.
Raise the oars.

Calm down, my girl.

Besides you're not making any sense.

That's what I thought.

How many ships, Boy?

Just one, Captain, a small one.

Egyptian, Captain.

Egyptian.
- Egyptian. Sounds good.

This will get us back on track.
- "Ipso facto et manu militari".

Triplepod.

Man your posts.
Bosco, Gambler, Mullet, hoist the sails!

Rackham, Worley, Husk,
blow the horns.

Get ready to board.

I'm king of the world!

Pirates!

Help, pirates!

Look, pirates.
Quick, we have to have to get out of here.

The pirates.

It's us!

The G... The Ga...
The Gau...

The Gauls!

This can't be happening.

Is there an axe here?
Watch out. Pardon me.

Calm down there.
- What are they doing?

Cheater!
- It's not fair.

Good.
Sink it yourselves.

They know who we are.

They're old friends.
We've met them many times at sea before.

You see,
"Abyssus abyssum invocat."

Enough of those
Latin proverbs.

What's that at the horizon?

The lights of Alexandria.

Let the butterflies of my youth strand.

I don't know why I just said that.

I'm hungry.
- We'll be there in the morning.

That's the tower of Pharos,
a beacon for ships.

A beacon for ships.
Egyptians are mad.

It's one of the seven wonders of the world.
The biggest construction ever made by man.

I'm hungrier than a barracuda.

Bar-ra-cu-da.

You wanted to see me, Edifis.

My Queen, the palace is getting along
nicely but there is not enough time.

That's why I asked some Gallic friends,
a druid and 2 warriors...

...to help me with my task.

I'm here to ask your approval...

...for their help.

If it's ok with you.

I wasn't sure.

You can ask anyone for help.

Finish the palace in time.
That's all I ask.

Caesar mocks me every day.
I can't afford to loose this bet.

He's completely full of himself.

Completely.

Completely.

Listen...

...make sure you finish in time
and everyone shall receive gold.

I would like that.

Else... the crocodiles.
- I wouldn't like that.

Now go.

He's cute with that moustache.

A little old.

No, the other one.
- No, too fat.

You do it on purpose?

She's probably got an evil personality,
but a lovely nose.

She'll feed me to the crocodiles.
- Very lovely.

Lovely nose,

and with a little braid on the side.

I'm going to be crocodile food
and he's dreaming about her nose.

Do crocodiles taste nice?

Could you show a little
more interest in me?

A big ant.

What a crowd!

Looks like the biannual
cattle market of Lutetia.

All new breeds of
cows are presented there.

A great show.

Which kind of cows do you have?

Yes, continue.
There's nothing going on.

Yes, still a lot of work to be done.

And only 2 months left.

About that magic potion,
when I visited you in Gaul...

...you told me you would take care of things.
Now I would like to know...

I said I would see if I could help.
- How do you mean?

Where did all that sand come from?
- That was already here.

All those stones were
delivered by the Nile Express.

Hitting those slaves is very violent.

They're not slaves.
They're construction workers...

...they do this voluntarily
and they get paid.

And those whiplashes are for fun?
- No.

Yes... I don't know.
We haven't had any complaints so far.

"Istou"?
- Maybe it means "continue".

The signal that the soup has arrived.

No.
They're relieved.

Tradition calls for
them to exchange hair.

Now they're bonded by hair.

It's a different culture.

Do you remember that menhir
I threw at Caius Bonus?

I bet it weighed just as much
as that bunch of stones.

You should ask him.
He's best positioned to answer.

It's a different culture.

Another bill.
I hate paperwork.

Otis, my writer.

Writer, that's a comfortable position...

I don't think there are
any good or bad positions.

If I have to summarize my life,
I'll start with my encounters.

The people that stood up for me,
when I was all alone.

It's strange that coincidence
determines your faith...

...because once you've had
a taste of the good life...

...it's sometimes hard to find
someone to speak to.

The mirror that helps you forward.

But not in my case, cause I succeeded.
I thank life...

...I sing, I dance.
I'm love...

...and when people ask me
why I'm so humane...

...I tell them it's
the taste of love.

Which today leads me to this kind of
mechanical construction.

But tomorrow might lead me to be of
service to the whole community...

...and I'll give myself.

What's for dinner this afternoon?
- Lentils.

I'll be back.

This is the place where
soon Caesar's Palace will be.

To be finished in 58 days.

What are you looking for?

I've lost my lentil.

Workers

Workers.

Friends.

Have we gone back to the days of the pharaoh's?

Slaving away
and getting whipped?

And for whom?

For Caesar...

Let him build his palace in Rome.

Everyone at his place
and the hippos will be fine.

That's true...

Friends, you are being exploited.

You're being exhausted and...

...to be honest...

There.

He's right.

And there two huge statues.

But not too huge.
15 meters high is enough.

And at the edge
of the sphinxes, a big kitchen.

Next to the bedrooms,
that's maybe not ideal.

Because of the noise and odour?
- Could become annoying.

Didn't think about that.

Why are those grapes so big?

They're dates, Obelix.
They grow on those trees.

Crunchy on the inside.
- That's the stone.

Not bad.

Lunch break is over.
Get to work!

I hardly said anything.
Only that lunch break was over.

We're not satisfied!
We're not satisfied!

Please?
- Yes...

We're not satisfied!
We're not satisfied!

We refuse to work any longer
under these conditions.

It's unbearable.
- We're not satisfied!

Calm down, calm down.

We're not satisfied!

Who's in charge?

Ok fine.

I'll speak for all of us.

I'm Itineris.
- I'm listening.

You have two new messages.

First of all: we're working more than
18 hours a day or 36 hours in 2 days.

We want it lowered to 35 hours.

That'll never work.
It'll cause problems.

Secondly,
and sorry for interrupting you...

...we want a decrease of at least 50%.

An increase you mean.
- No.

A decrease of the number of whiplashes.

We get too many whiplashes.

Some people get headaches
from the noise.

Their head is ready to burst.
- Yes...

...and concerning the food...
Some wild boar alongside the lentils would be nice.

The less whiplashes,
the slower you work.

Then the palace doesn't get finished in time,
and I'll be fed to the crocodiles.

Enough, Edifis.
Itineris is right...

...to not allow that.

I'm sure they would be
happy with some wild boar.

It's Ready.

No, you fell in when you
were little.

Come on, Dogmatix.

Give them a demonstration, Asterix.

Be careful, it might be a bit too strong.

It's a little too strong.
- No, it's very good.

Dogmatix, do a trick.

Do a trick.

Sit!

It's a miracle...

Is there enough for everyone?

I'll make some more.

No, Obelix, you...
- Fell in when I was little....

Yes, alright.

No!
Obelix, no.

Hohis.
That's his name.

Nobis?

No, Hohis.
With an h.

Nexusis.

Can I help you?

An Imhotep.
- Two.

I have a job for you.

No problem.
Who do you want me to kill?

No, we're not killing anyone.

Here you go, two Imhoteps.

The construction of the palace has to stop.

They're waiting for stones from the south.

Make sure they don't arrive.

No stones, no construction.

No construction, no palace.

No palace...

...no palace.

Here's some gold to cover your expenses.

You give back whatever's left.

Nice tunic.

I came, I saw, I conquered.
Veni, vidi, vici.

The usual stuff.
And sign with:

"Cesare".

"Cesare" or "Caesar"?

Caesar.
It sounded cool, but...

Engrave 4 plates.

Ave Caesar.
Power and prosperity...

Power and prosperity, Caius C+.
Good news?

I came, I saw, I conquered.
As usual

Veni, vidi, ok.
Vici is a little premature.

What do you mean?

Gaul for example...

What about Gaul?

Gaul is vici.
It's completely occupied.

No it isn't. One small village of
invincible Gauls still holds out...

...against the invaders,
yes I know.

I've heard it over and over.

And Cleopatra, they stopped construction?

No, it's going fine.

It's beautiful.
They even... on the inside...

No.
- Excuse me.

Don't touch me...
- They'll finish in time.

Impossible.
- The Gauls don't know the meaning of the word.

Edifis got 3 of them to help him.
One of them is the druid Teachix.

Getafix?

Yes, I knew it sounded like that.

Also a little clever one
and a big brute: Aikix and Journalduhix.

Or Malcomix.

Keep an eye on them for now.
I'll decide later what to do.

Si vis pacem, para bellum.
If you want peace, prepare for war.

The little Gaul has the
name of a hero: Brucewillix.

In the mean time,
the ruthless Nexusis...

...sent by Artifis,
was completing his mission.

Cut off the supply of stones...

...by bribing
the foul convoy supervisor.

There the buildings can form
a "C", from Cleopatra.

It's Caesar's palace.

That's possible too.
- What do you mean?

The stones have arrived.

The supervisor says there are
no more stones in the quarries.

Funny language.
- He wants to be paid.

He's lying.
- No, he really wants to be paid.

No, about the quarries.
There have to be more stones.

I could make him talk.
Can I?

Ok. But don't overdo it,
he needs to be able to talk.

How do you say "talk"?

In the sense of
"I don't speak Egyptian very well"...

...it's "medou ene ere comete".

If it's "talk a little slower",
then it's "medou ere keteb".

"Medou ere keteb".
- No, "ketebece".

"Ketebece".
- "Keteb". "Ketebece", when they're 8 of them.

"Ketebece".
- No, not "ketebece".

No, sorry.
- No one understands you.

"Keteb" open, "keteb" generious.

Say...

"Ouchebe".

"Ouchebe".

No?
Not "ouchebe"?

No, Obelix, not so furious.

He says Artifis paid him
to throw the stones into the Nile.

There are enough stones in the quarry.

Ai... Ai... He says...
- Yes, ai, I understand that part.

He says "ai" because he's in pain.
I'm in pain.

Not the moustache.
Not the moustache.

He's finished.

We'll go with him.

I'll stay here to keep an eye on things.
Otis will accompany you to...

Yes, to...

Here.
Amulets.

Lucky charms to protect you.

Thanks.

Amsterisque.
- Rix.

Risque.
- Yes, rix...

Risque.

The faith of Egypt is in your hands.

Isn't that a little exaggerated?

My faith is in your hands.
- That's better.

Go, Amsterisque!
- Rix.

Risque.

So our Gallic friends
and Otis went on their way...

...to the quarries
to get the stones.

What's wrong with your dromedary?

It's my stomach.

While I pack up the boat,
you can visit the sphinx.

There will be many restaurants.

You can stuff yourself with
all kinds of things...

...steamed fish, meat in sauce.

I knew it, nothing to eat.

Nice, those little sphinxes.

I could make little menhirs.

Sphinx!
- Never mind.

Sphinx!
- No, thanks.

Stranger,
a portrait with the sphinx as souvenir?

A statue in 30 minutes?

Yes why not?
It would look nice at my place.

Do you accept sestertius?
- Sure. Stand in profile please...

...shoulders up front.

Not to far.

We have to be more alert.
Artifis is a snake.

Besides the transport he could attack
the construction site.

We must organise a guard.

What do you think, Obelix?

Now where did he go?
Obe?

Obe.
Obelix!

Not to short?
- No no.

So you're from Gaul?
- Yes.

Been pretty hefty
there lately...

Obe...

Obelix...
- H?! H?! Asterix!

Obelix, I'm sure that's forbidden.

Come down at once.

How nice...

Come down.
You're being childish.

You look so small down there.

Don't be stupid.
Get off that sphinx.

I'm going to take a walk on his head.

Wise guy.

Broken nose.

Great.
Remarkable.

Congratulations, Obelix.

You've outdone yourself this time.

We could attach it again.

Really?
That's a great idea.

With what?
Did you see the size of that thing?

Yes, it's a rock.
A cliff.

What am I saying?
A peninsula.

Stop making everything so complicated
and find a solution.

You're so clumsy, Obelix.

Luckily no one saw us.

He said:
"Let the Greek balm you."

Imhotep.
- Tep.

Help me, I only have two arms.

Was that lightning?

I told you I saw lightning.
I'm not crazy.

Done.

No one will find it there.

Fine, let's get out of here.

Come on, Dogmatix.

Not a word about this to Getafix.

Nothing happened.
- No.

Nothing.

Hey, my pyramids...

Seeing the palace is
progressing faster than planned...

...we demand, which is perfectly normal...

...an extra day off.

You understand me,
put yourself in my place Adis.

My name's Edifis.

What did I say?

Itineris, I don't understand anything.

Try to move a little.

Now?
- No. How about now?

And now?
- Try it.

Do you understand me now?
Because...

...I've been having that
problem a lot lately.

Are you alright, Obe?
- I'm hungry.

How could the build such a thing?

Stone upon stone.
- Indeed.

Gauls...

Feel like visiting the pyramid?

For free.

Not sure if we can learn anything.

They say it's extraordinary.
We're not in a hurry.

Stay here, Dogmatix.
Guard Getafix.

If you're good, I'll give you a bone.

Don't loose track of me.
You won't get out of this labyrinth alive.

Watch it, the corridors are very narrow.

You can't be too fat.
- No one is fat.

On your right, Anubis.

Touching.
- The god of the dead.

Through here.

Come, distinguished guests, go in here.

These hieroglyphs are beautiful.

After you.
Enter.

Indeed.

No! No!

You'll never get out of here.

This tomb will be your tomb!

No way out.
We are stuck.

"This tomb will be your tomb!"
Nice one.

I'm too good.
- I knew it. A free visit.

Anyway, enough things to read.

Hieroglyphs all look alike.
- No.

Look, Obelix, the colours... are beautiful.

That's all really nice, but...

...if we don't find a way out soon...

...we'll have all eternity
to figure them out.

That's that.

If they get out of here...

...I swear I'll never shave my head
again.

First of all we have to get that door open.

But considering the size...

Here, Obelix...

...for the first time you can have
some magic potion..

Really?
- That's what we said didn't we.

One, two, three drops.

That's enough.

Well...

That didn't seem to
do anything.

No, it's Geta.

Yes, I'm here.

Here.

We're running in circles.

The pharaoh's had splendid architects.

We're in a serious situation here.
- Very serious.

I'm starting to get hungry.

What do those hieroglyphs mean?

There's no time to find out,
we have to get out of here.

We must set our priorities straight.

I'm reporting to mister Asterix
that's I'm hungry.

I keep myself busy
to forget I'm hungry.

I forgot mister Obelix's stomach
was more important.

Wild boars and fights,
that's all he needs.

Mister Asterix knows everything better.

Yes, maybe.
- I'm reporting to mister Asterix...

...who wanted to visit the pyramid
that this wouldn't have happened in a menhir.

2 Sestertius for that logic.

What's keeping them?

The stones are loaded.
We have to leave.

I was excited.
I was just saying something. Mea culpa.

No, I said mea culpa.

It also could have happened in a menhir.

In any case, I can't get us out of this place.

My friends, I fear this is the end
of our adventures.

Could someone light a torch?

No, I have the amulets,
but that's not going to help.

I'm sorry for Edifis.

I'm sorry for Dogmatix.

Or not, Dogmatix?
- Dogmatix?

Yes, so?
Don't blame me for bringing him!

His sense of smell lead him to us.

So he can get us out of here.

That's true!
Dogmatix, listen very carefully.

If you get us out of here,
I'll give you a pile full of bones.

Yes!
That's good... Dogmatix!

Excuse me,
we're fortunate you brought him.

Sometimes I think he
understands everything I say.

And they returned to the construction site...

...aboard ships loaded with stones.

We're going slowly.
- Very slow.

Too slow.

At this speed we won't be
back in time for the wild board banquet...

...lentils aren't that great...

The Nile is an unpredictable river...

...sometimes impetuous, sometimes quiet.

I wonder if you know this
nice Egyptian poem.

It goes like this:
"Nile, Nile, Nile..."

What's he doing?

Men!

We're seaworthy again.

Hip hip hip...
- Hurrah.

Hip hip hip...
- Hurrah.

Watch out!

By Toutatis, I know he fell...

...in a cauldron of magic potion...

...but he'll never cease to amaze me.

Hip hip hip... hurrah...
- Stop it.

And construction was ready to start again.

Edifis knew he would be
finished in time...

...which, in the field of construction,
was rare in those days.

One sip a person.
Just one sip a person.

Fake potion is being spread.

Same consistency,
same colour, but it's pumpkin soup.

The only real potion,
is the one you get from the druid...

...around the cauldron.

Thirty minutes from here.

I closed the door and yelled:

"This tomb will be your tomb."

Not bad.

I was also thinking:
"Jackals, die like jackals".

But that's jackals twice.

What?
They say hyenas?

Locked up in the pyramid?

I don't understand.

They're magicians. You need supernatural
powers to get out of there.

They're tuff, those barbarians.

I need an idea.

Got one. I have a terrible idea.
Two. Even three.

I've got a whole bunch of ideas.
I'm so good.

I don't like that laugh.
It frightens me.

Get to work!

That's not even close to the luxurious
garden we need.

Getamanix, you don't have any
potion to speed things up?

Like seeds for example...

...that grow into palm trees
within no time?

No, potions aren't the solution
to everything.

Some things can't be changed.

Nature needs time to
turn the seed...

...with sun and water, into a bud...

...and then...

...that bud...
- Please.

Please.

It can't go any faster.

Yes, fantastic!

Can someone get me down from this tree?

They started again?

I'm not happy either.

I also want Edifis to fail,
for personal reasons.

I was thinking I could
be of some assistance maybe.

After we've struck a fair deal...

Not here.
In my tent.

I'm listening.

Honourable Caesar, if I see to it
the construction of the palace fails..

...you'll appoint me and I'll
finish the job in 2 months.

That way you win the bet
and Cleopatra is humiliated.

Alright, if you finish it
after 4 months.

Three, I can't work any slower.

Fine, but not any sooner,
or you'll have to pay a compensation.

That's a deal, honourable Caesar.

How were you planning to sabotage
the construction.

With this.

What shall I wear tonight?

Careful, it's very, very tepid.

A gift for
the queen of queens.

"As a token of honour to the queen
of queens. The 3 Gauls:

Getafix, Obelix and Asterix."
How sweet.

Can I open it?

Oh, that's tepid.

A cake.

Tonight's desert.

Modest meal, 40 dancers...

...80 musicians
and 300 simple dishes.

I don't like crowds either.

Dinnertime!

Ah wild boar...
- Finally some normal food.

Yes.
- With lentils.

That's not really allowed.
It's pork more or less.

We'll pretend we don't know.
- Nobody moves.

We're here to arrest the Gauls.

Come on, for three wild boars.

I'll beat them up
and then we'll eat.

No, wait. Wait!
You're going to fight the whole garrison?

Why not?
That's illegal too?
You can't do anything around here.

Edifis is right.
We're going to see Cleopatra.

Yes, nice opportunity to see the palace.

I'll stay here to keep an eye on the fire.
It tends to go out.

That's why I want to stay.

Everything is tasted beforehand.

Your scheme failed, Gauls.

My taster was poisoned by
your cake.

We didn't send any cake.
What cake?

That cake.
I don't see fifty others.

The wild boars, ok, but for that...

Silence!
You tried to kill me.

You will die.
- By Toutatis! We are innocent.

You have some nerve.
- Ridiculous. We work...

...all day, breath dust...

Eat lentils...
- Yes, no...

Yes we do, lentils.
- Yes, but...

We didn't send you any poisonous cake.

A cake like that we would have eaten ourselves.

Silence!

This is ridiculous.
- If she doesn't want to hear it...

...you don't say anything.
For now.

Take them away.

And give the crocodiles an appetizer.

I'm hungry.

I'm hungry.
Hungry!

When I said hello,
she turned her head.

We used to laugh,
said cuckoo... and now...

...all of a sudden...

...she won't look at me anymore.
I'm a stranger to her.

Cleopatra and you said cuckoo?

He's not talking about Cleopatra,
but about a courtesan.

The one with the nice braid.

Wouldn't surprise me
if he were in love.

I'm not in love.

I want to tell her
I had nothing to do with it.

It's a juridical thing.

Juridical, yes.

Of course.

Stop.
- Cuckoo, I love you.

It's great to look so stupid...

Subtle...

Sometimes you can be really nice,
and sometimes we think you're...

...a fat idiot...
- Who's an idiot?

No idea.
- Drink. A sip of antidote.

Obelix, not everything.
A sip.

Yes, a sip.

Now... Obelix, open the door.

I didn't drink it all.
Get out of my way.

Yes, and when you come back
you'll bring me a suit...

Egyptians are mad. We ask them to
get out of the way but they don't move.

And?
- I'm ready.

I'm sick of standing in profile all the time.

Can't you sketch my front for a change?
Like this...

Modern art...

Please?

Can we?

I'd better leave.

Gauls, since you want to see my demise...

...I'll, by Osiris,
show you how a queen dies.

No, by Toutatis, listen to us first.

Where are your courtesans?
- Why?

No reason.
I'm sure the cake wasn't poisoned.

I think it's very tasty even.

Obelix, cut 3 pieces of cake.

We said three piece.

One...

Go on.
- Two.

And three.

Obviously.

And?
You can see it's not poisoned.

Tell your courtesans.
Especially the one with the braid.

Her name is Guimieukis.
- Guimieukis.

I had a dream last night.

I'd won a million sestertius.

I bought, shoes.
Too big, and ugly too.

Unbelievable.
And weird, because...

That Egyptian architect and
his proposition...

Ilemauris?
- Artifis.

Yes.
- Incompetent. He hasn't achieved anything.

Send one of ours,
to spy and snoop around.

Thinking of someone
in particular, o Caesar?

Someone sneaky...

Cartapus!
- Yes.

Caesar, meet Cartapus.

Our best spy.

Ave Caesar.
Power and prosperity.

Cartapus is a professional.
The queen of camouflage.

If I look that way, you can see me.

When I look this way, you don't.

You can.
You can't.
You can.

Can't. Can't. Can.
- Incredible.

You can't.
Can't.
Can.

You can.
Can't.
You can a little.

Amazing.
- Yes.

She wasn't even trying hard.

They mock me.

Four months...
- Don't rush me.

I've been waiting four months.
- My mother will kill me.

I have connections.
- Come one, stay calm.

Don't touch me!
Impossible to stay calm.

Malococsis,
tomorrow I'll finish everything.

I'll even give you a discount.
I'd like that.

He'd like that.

If you're not there tomorrow,
I'd rather not be in your place.

And?

The magic potion gives them incredible strength.

I drank it and now I'm superman.
Superwoman.

You don't believe me, o Caesar?

We shall see.

Malivestus!
Slap her.

Caesar will personally deal
with this matter.

The dice is cast.
Alea jacta est.
Excuse me.

In the name of Caesar!
We know the Gauls are hiding here.

I demand that Appendix,
Olympix and Mannekepix...

No, their names are Asterix...

Their names don't matter!

If they don't surrender immediately
we'll attack.

We're here to help Cleopatra.

By Toutatis, we're not leaving
until the work is finished.

Don't be so aggressive.
Maybe we can talk!

We'll kill you all.

I knew it.

Jeanclaudus.
Prepare the troops.
And show no mercy.

Antivirus.

My name is Antivirus.

Arm yourself.
One, two, three...

...four, six...five...

Come on.

Get in line.

Here.
Put him in some shade.

So, amateurs,
coming to see the professionals at work?

Yes, alright.

Yes, if you're not used to it,
it's rather impressive.

Getamanix, magic potion for the workers.
- It's their day off.

So...

This is the palace, there are the gardens.

And there is the temple with the sphinxes.

That's not a good drawing.

No, I'm merely sketching.

In perspective it's more like...

I would have drawn it more
in profile.

Yes, you do it all the time...

Those Romans are mad.

Because of the violence in the next scene...

...we prefer to broadcast
this documentary.

In contrary to common belief...

...the langoustine feeds
exclusively on shellfish.

Which doesn't bother his
humanity.

Careful...

One got through.
Dogmatix, attack!

Leave me alone.
I've been beaten already.

Alright.

Sir, we don't allow such
speeding here.

We're not in Rome.

Ave Caius C+, they withstood the attack...

...but some managed to get
very close to the enemy.

Bravo, brave soldiers.

They shouldn't have challenged me.

And what's that?

We got right up to them...

...but they were nice.

They let us go
without beating us too much.

What will we do now?
I'm asking, as an amateur.

Attack again!

Caius C+, I'm not sure
that's a good idea.

The Gauls are invincible...

...I think we better give up...

I'm very disappointed
by your attitude, centurion Antiquarus.

Antivirus.
My name is Antivirus.

No one humiliates the Roman empire.
If it's attacked...

...the empire counterattacks.

He's mad.
He hurt my throat.

It's too quiet.

I don't like that.

I prefer a little
commotion.

Stop!

War machines...

Take your positions.

How low can you go.

Beautiful landscape.

Not good, not bad either.

Fire!
Destroy the palace!

Ready?
- Ready.

When I lower my arm...

...you fire.

Easy.

There... bingo.

My palace!

I wonder why
all this violence is necessary.

No, it's fine.

Come!

Fine.
Excellent.

With such equipment it's easy.

It's not about the equipment.
- Oh yes it is.

No.
- Yes.

No.
- Yes.

No.

Yes.

My palace is turned into a ruin.

Go on, Romans, fire.
We no longer care.

You missed.
You shoot like girls.

We're still here.

We must inform Cleopatra.
She could force...

...Caesar to stop.

No. No.

No.

No.
- Yes.

Yours sincerely...

I have an idea.
Dogmatix will bring the message.

Dogmatix will bring the message.

That dog?
You want me to die?

Edifis is right.
I mean... it's a dog.

He got us out of the pyramid.

Go on, Dogmatix.

Take this message to Cleopatra.

He's too young to understand.

I'm hit.

Never mind, I'm fine.

Men!
We're seaworthy yet again.

Aboard our trusty old dragon boat.

It's an extraordinary mast,
subtle as a bird.
Hoist the sail.

Yes.

No.

No.

Too far.

I'm amazed.

It should hold.

A big sip.
I'm leaving but I'll be back.

Hurry and be careful.

Hold on, Dogmatix.

Run, Asterisque, run!

Alarm!

I know that one.
He's a grumpy man.

Shields!

Javelin!

Why isn't he stopping?

The magic potion!

Citebus, Trolleybus, get him!
Quickly!

Go on!
- But that's not my name.

Obelix is alone.
Go help him.

I'm strong now?

Edifis...

...prepare your sarcophagus.

Double evasion.

Pryadonis, violence...

...never solved anything.

Stop talking.

Wait, I didn't drink any magic potion.

You lost.
- Are you sure?

Very sure.
- Ok.

No, no!
I beg you, no!

I'm Artifis, and I beat Edifis...

The magic potion has worn off.

Cleopatra will never get the message.

Your family is fine?
- Yes. Imhotep.

And your father?
- Fine, Imhotep.
And your sister.

Everything's ok.
Imhotep.

What has become of your nephew?

He's doing fine, Imhotep.

And how's business?

Sorry, I'm borrowing this cart for a moment.

Many customers?
- Enough, Imhotep.

How useful.

We can't catch him.
- He's got one with 2 horses.

I can't go any faster.

Why does everyone always shout " ja, ja"?

Catch me if you can.

How will you get up?

Like this.

Fighting is ridiculous.
Let's work together.

A lion doesn't cooperate
with a cockroach.

What?

A lion, you know,
doesn't cooperate...

...with a cockroach.

I understood: "an ion...

...doesn't calculate.

That means nothing to me.
- No.

Attack!

When I said lion I meant myself!

I knew that.

What's going on?

The lion doesn't cooperate
with the cockroach.

Who's the lion now?

Say it to my face,
if you're a man.

Everything ok?

By Jupiter, a moment ago he was still here.

We're going home.
Gone is gone.

I've had it with Edifis.

Where are we going?
- To Cleopatra.

I'm scared.
- Yes, play it smart.

I know Cleopatra very well.
Watch me.

I'm afraid I have no choice.

One, two, three, four, five.

Antelope and lion.

What does the prediction say?

A message and a loved one.

Whatever.

My queen...
- Malococsis.

Come on in.
- Go, Dogmatix. Give her the message.

That's the message.
- And there's the loved one.

My queen, as you may know
I'm building.

In fact, it should have been
easily finished four months ago.

What?
- Easily.

He can't get away with that!

Thank you, my queen,
that you care so much.

By Isis, he's a sore looser.

This is typical of Caesar.
But this time...

...he'll have to accept his defeat.
We will finish in time.

No, the construction isn't finished.
That's exactly the problem.

I'll see to it.
You can go now, Gaul.

Guimieukis, show him the way.
I'll be right there.

Pardon me, old man.

Come, my Dogmatix.
- Come, my Gaul.

I believe you don't understand
my problem.

It's that way.
Straight ahead.

Be careful.
- Yes.

Everything will be destroyed.

Everything will be fine Tranquilum.

That attack was a good idea, wasn't it?

Yes, not bad.

Asterix is coming back.

When I lower my arm...

Well?

Don't know.
A reflex.

How did it go?

Cleopatra got the message.
- Great.

The magic potion took
this long to wear off?

Well, it's like this...

You had a taste of
the best magic potion there is.

Good.
Come, my dog.

Dogmatix just came back
and he succeeded.

I was sure he could do it.

There's a little pink...

Ave Caesar.

Somebody wishes to see Caesar.

Who?
- Someone.

I understand.

My queen,
what a pleasant surprise.

Enough!
I rushed over here...

... without changing,
when I heard about what's going on here.

What happened?

When you accept a bet
you have to play fair.

The Gauls may help me.
- I never said...

If I may say something...

Just one...
- This is not conquered territory.

I demand the Romans
leave the construction alone...

...and repair all damages.

But...
- Silence! Immediately!

So what do we do now?

What she said.
We leave and repair the damages.

Of course, naturally.

I wouldn't want her to sniff
her nose at me.

No matter how lovely it is.

The Romans are leaving.

That's good news.
- They're leaving already?

Incredible that each of those Romans
leaves his footprint in the sand...

Excuse me, I couldn't help myself.

That's alright.

For the first time Romans and
Egyptians were working together...

...on the construction of the palace.
And just in time...

...when the last grain of sand fell...

What are you going to do now, Edifis?

I still have to finish my work
for Malococsis...

You don't have to worry about the
crocodiles any longer.

That's why it could take a bit longer.

Not too lang.
Can't become a habit in this line of business.

Caesar admitted his defeat...

I bow to the most beautiful queen of all...

...and to the Egyptian people
that after the Ro...

And I bow to the Egyptians who
are the greatest people of all.

Cleopatra kept her promise
to Edifis.

Let him be covered with gold!

That was the deal.
Cover me with gold.

The queen gave Getafix...

...valuable manuscripts
from her library in Alexandria.

Your nose...

Your Majesty is too good, by Belenos...

Otis also gave the palace
a modern touch.

What's this little chamber for?

It's Otis' invention.

It's the "no-effort".

We chose that name
when we noticed...

...that people can go up and down
with no effort.

Speak for yourself.

Oh it tickles when it stops.

By Jupiter.

I want to explore every room
of this miracle with you.

The palace is huge, Caesar.

It consists of 162 rooms.

It could take a while.

What do you think Cleopatra and Sesam are doing?

Caesar.
- Cae-sar.

Nothing unpleasant.

As an exception to the rule...

...the banquet,
that concludes all of Asterix's adventures...

...didn't take place in Gaul
but in Egypt.

Those big shrimps are nice.

Homarus.
- Obelix.

And the guy says:
"That's the pha-ra-o."

Because his name is O.

His name is O and comes from Phara.

It's O from Phara.

The guy's name is O.

He says he's from Phara.

from Phara.
Like the pharaoh.

The boss... our boss.

You have a lovely moustache.

Is it real?
- Yes.

It's nothing.

You just let it grow.

Like your braids...

...which are nicer then Obelix's.

Thanks.
You know how to please a woman.

That's a local custom.

In Gaul.

Good evening.
Your name, please.

What for?

It's a private party.
I've got a list.

I'm Julius Caesar.

Sorry, impossible.

There must be a problem, because...

Excuse me.
Make some room.

A warm evening?
- Are you alone?

We're with two, four, six, eight.
It's crazy.

Good evening.
- There's a problem...

...I have to be on that list.

How do you spell your name?
- C, A, E, S, A, R. Julius.

Cetaparis, Seinesaindenis,
C+, but I can't find any...

C+, that's me.
- Are you C+?

Why didn't you say so?

Nice harness.
- Thanks.

I'll see you inside.
- Are you ok? Have a good time.

Can you look for Julius?

J, U, L, I, U, S.
- Sir, I'm not...

I work here.

I don't know, but I know...
There's one of my amphorae inside.

With a J?
- U, L, I, U, S.

Yes, that's right.
Julius Caesar.
At the queen's table.

Good evening.

Is it in Alexandria
or at Alexandria?

Because in the south of Gaul
there's a city called Avignon.

There's a beautiful bridge.
And people say "at Avignon".

Are you a courtesan?

Yes, and I used to do other
things too.

I can talk without moving my lips.

It's funny, the way...

I have another one... here.

Every part of your face hides
something beautiful.

A rose out of your ear...

A sphinx from your nose.

The guy says:
"That's the pharaoh."

O is his name.

And he's from Phara.

That's where he comes from.
Where he was born.

The pharaoh,
because his name is O.

Help!