Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988) - full transcript

♫ Been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me

("I've Been Watching You" by Knight Time)

♫ Monsieur oh la la

♫ You looked really good out there

♫ Voulez vous dance avec moi

♫ I got offered it in Montreal

♫ Parlez vous

♫ I made it come

♫ I felt like I was
sitting on top of the world



♫ Ooo baby, ooo baby, ooo ooo baby

♫ I bet you know my destiny

♫ And, now I need someone to please

♫ I'm looking for that special guy

♫ Who will hold me at night

♫ And, light up my life

♫ 'Cause I
♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ Boy
♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ Oh

♫ I want your body



♫ Oh, boy

♫ I want your body

♫ Oh, oh, oh
♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy ♫
- Hey Ralph,

how's it going?

Give me the usual.

- Big Buff's Bertha coming up.

You just caught the late night show off.

- Oh, hubba, hubba, hubba.

(man in blue suit laughs)

- Hey, how's it going, Frenchie?

Hey, you know, you're
looking really good tonight.

(Ralph laughs)

Wee!

- Alright, here's the deal, Poodles.

We wait 'til after the
show, then we make our move.

- Oh, I'm having the time
of my life, Big Vinnie.

(short drum roll)

- I love doing that.

Hey, you, lovers and your bosses,

I want to welcome you all to my club,

the Aladdin Go-go.

I'm your late night
host, Shifty Joe Malone.

And, this is the time when
we get down and dirty.

Now, what do you say?

Okay.

This time,

I want to present to you,
direct from Broadway,

by way of the New York City jail,

(short drum roll)

I'm just kidding, boys.

The queen of the go-go
dancers, Miss Peaches Page.

(whistles)

(crowd cheers)

- Hello, boys.

Glad you could make it.

(crowd cheers)

(go-go music)

- Hey, Peaches, baby!

I'm your biggest fan.

- Who the hell cares, huh?

- She's a great artist.

- Yo, doll.

Hey, doll (snaps).

Doll, I'm talking to you.

- Oh golly, I'm sorry, mister.

- Yeah, yeah right.

- Peaches Page is the greatest, isn't she?

- Yeah, right.

Look, could you get me and my model

another Greyhound here, please

And, make it snappy.

- Sure, coming right up, mister.

(waitress gasps)

I'm sorry.

(crowd cheers)

Oh wow, she's incredible, isn't she.

- Where the hell is that bitch, dammit?

I'm gonna strangle her.

- Who?

- Pocahontas, who else.

She's supposed to be here at 10 o'clock.

Look, it's 11:30, no
phone call, no nothing.

You know, I'm getting sick of this shit.

I got a professional show place here.

I got a schedule to maintain.

- Mr. Malone, I could go
in Pocahontas's place.

I could do that for ya.

- What, are you nuts?

Come on, kid, don't be stupid.

- Oh please, Mr. Malone.

Please, Mr. Shifty Joe.

Let me dance, just give me a shot, please.

I've been practicing like crazy.

I have my own costume and everything.

I made it all by myself.

I know I can do it, just
please give me a shot.

- Okay, kid.

This is your lucky night.

You're on next.

- Oh, thank you Mr. Malone.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You won't regret this.

- Remember now, you owe
Shifty Joe a big one.

Now, get dressed and all.

(Lulu giggles)

- Five minutes to show time, pussy cat.

So, move your ass.

- [Voiceover] I'm dyin' out here.

- Oh darn, I should have
sewn these on better.

Oh.

- Uh, men's room?

(go-go music)
(crowd cheers)

Smooth sailing, baby.

- Everything's all set, snookums?

- I hate that name.

Snookums.

(crowd applauds)

- Whoa, oh, oh!

- Peaches, I'm going up next.

The boss is giving me a shot.

- Oh my God!

That's great!

(short drum roll)

- Alright, Peaches Page,
ladies and gentlemen.

Put your hands together for the Peach.

- I can't do it.

I'm too scared.

Do I look okay?

Oh, I'm gonna be sick.

- No, you look great.

You're gonna be great.

Here wait, let me take a look, dear.

- Peaches is here, four shows
a night seven days a week.

You like her, you stay
right where you're put,

she's gonna be right back.

Just can't keep away from me.

- Did you use my makeup?

You look adorable.

- Oh, god!

I can't remember the steps!

- Look, forget about the steps.

This crowd is a piece of cake.

- Okay, at this time, we've
got a real treat for you,

a sweet young missy, right off
the bus from Penokee, Kansas,

makin' her first appearance
right here at the Aladdin Go-go.

- You just get your
little tookus out there

and show them how it's done, girl.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I give to you, the
beautiful, the talented,

the one and only, Lulu.

- Oh!

- Oh, don't be nervous.

Just remember what I told you.

Wink at the guys, and knock
them dead, and remember

the little move I showed you.

- Okay.

- Right.

- Okay.

Oh Peaches, thanks for everything.

- Go get 'em, kid.

(crowd jeers)

- Swim!

- No, no, no!

- I don't believe this.

Hey, I want my money back.

- Get out of here!

We love her!

We love her!

- Why do I get these bimbos?

- I want to marry you, June bug.

- Oh, please.

(Shifty Joe growls)

- Hey, what the hell is this?

- Aren't we supposed to
be throwing shit at you?

- Oh, oh.

- Keep dancing.

- [Crowd Member] Take it off! Take it off!

- What, are you kidding?

Put it back on, sweetheart.

- [Voiceover] Get off the stage!

- Shut up, you low lives.

- What the heck do you think you're doing?

This ain't no lousy strip joint.

You're trying to get
me shut down, or what?

- I'm sorry.

I'm trying.

- Get the hell out of my club.

You are fired.

Bimbo!

- What did you call her?

- What?

- [Peaches] I said, what did you call her.

- Stay out of this, Peaches.

I do not need any lip from you.

- You called her a bimbo, didn't you?

Didn't I tell you never to
use that word around me?

Didn't you know that's the
most goddamned degrading thing

you can call a woman?

I mean, who the hell do you think you are,

you stupid prick?

(hits bar)

- Party time.

- Come on, Big Vinnie,

what are you waiting for?

Get it over with.

- Look, let's get this straight, Poodles,

once and for all, I'm the
one who says when it's time.

(Poodles sighs)

Alright, it's time.

- Alright, that does it.

You are both fired.

Now, get the fuck out of my club,

you stupid bimbos!

- Well, let me tell you something, Jack.

You can't fire us, 'cause we quit!

- We do?

- We quit.

- What are you looking at?

Go get the car and bring it around back.

- Just don't screw it up, big shot.

- I'm so humiliated.

I wish I was dead.

- Oh honey, listen, don't you
dare let that guy get to you.

Everyone is entitled to a
bad night every now and then.

- I'm never gonna make it as a dancer.

I'm too stupid.

I should have gone to college.

- Listen, you stop talking like that.

You have got a lot of enthusiasm.

You're just lacking experience,
that's your problem.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

Are you kidding me?

Do you know how many dives
are gonna be dying to hire us

when they find out we're out
of these lousy contracts?

- Bubbles, Shifty Joe here.

How you doin', doll?

Uh listen, babe, tonight
is your lucky night.

I cleared a spot for you on the schedule.

Hey, who the fuck are you?

Get out of my office!

- I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

I gotta message from Dirty Louie.

(gun fires)

(Vinnie laughs)

- [Lulu] What was that noise?

(women scream)

- Here, hold this.

It's your tip, sweetheart.

- What the fuck?

- Oh my God!

They've offed Shifty Joe!

- I'm gonna call the cops,

and then we're gonna
ruin that pretty face.

- I didn't do nothin'.

I was just holdin' it for him.

- Alright, hold it, I mean it.

Nobody move.

Just take it nice and easy.

Come on Lulu, let's get out of here.

Come on.

- What did you go and
do that for, Peaches?

We didn't do nothing wrong.

- Oh, just shut up and get in the car!

- Oh!

Why don't we just call the police

and tell them what happened?

They'll believe us.

- Cops never listen to girls like us.

Trust me, I know.

- Well, if we could
find the guy who did it

and turn him in,

then they'd believe us, right?

- Lulu, you're dreaming.

That guy's probably in
another country by now.

- Want to go to my place?

I have some ice cream in the fridge.

- No, listen, forget your place.

Your place is gonna be crawling with cops.

Now, just chill out a minute, okay.

I have to get my head together.

Okay, Lulu.

This is your last chance to bail.

- Bail, what do you mean?

You think they'll let us out on bail?

- I'm headed for Mexico.

It's the only chance I've got.

The Heat's getting way
too close for comfort.

- What are you talking about, Peaches.

You're beginning to sound like
Humphrey Bogart or something.

- No, Lulu, you don't understand.

I'm a wanted woman.

I'm a fugitive, I'm on the lam.

- Oh my God.

What did you do?

No, no, don't tell me.

I don't want to know.

- A really long time ago, I
used to be really hot stuff

on Broadway.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

Yeah, musical comedy was my forte.

- Wow!

- Except for, there was this producer,

Benny Smegman, what a low life,

he offered me this really big part.

And, it was a real star vehicle,

except, the only problem was,

in order for me to get that part,

I had to, oh you know.

I had to show him a good time.

- Oh.

Oh, oh what a bummer.

- Yeah, so I said what the hell.

I mean, I made it with guys
for a lot stupider reasons

than that, but this guy
was a fuckin' pervert.

I mean, I show up at his house.

I'm in the sack, and the
guy expects me to put on

this Wonder Woman mask and
then he tries to handcuff me

to his fuckin' German Shepherd.

- Oh, yuck!

So what'd you do?

- I fuckin' decked him, that's what I did.

I gave him a black eye, a bloody nose,

was a mess.

And then, he accuses me
of assault and battery.

- Oh, wow!

So then what'd you do?

- Well, I skipped bail,

I got the hell out of town,

and then I just started over in Vegas.

A new name, the whole potato.

But, that's the honest truth, kid.

And, if I was you, I'd bail
out of this scene right now.

- No way, Peaches.

You're not getting rid of me that easy.

You got me into this mess, so
you'd better get me out of it.

- Well, okay, kid.

But, listen, take it easy.

I'll let you come along for the ride.

But, from now on, it's
us against the world.

Now, we're going to Mexico.

- Cool.

I like Mexican food.

Let's go!

Peaches?

- Hmm?

- You ever see a flying saucer?

- No, I've seen a couple of
flying plates in my time.

- No, this is serious.

UFOs, I read about 'em in the Inquirer.

They always attack people on
deserted roads, like this one.

- Oh, get out of here.

- No, really.

This one lady, what was her name,

oh anyway, she was
travelin' all by herself,

this flying saucer landed,

and it made her car stop right
in the middle of the road.

These Martians scooped her
up inside the flying saucer,

and they had this machine,
it took off all her clothes.

Martians actually saw her naked.

I mean, can you believe that?

- Oh, come on, Lulu.

I mean, that's a bunch of hoobie.

- No, it's true.

Boy, if a Martian ever
saw me naked, I'd freak.

(Peaches tunes radio)

I'm starving.

- [Voiceover] Police in Los Angeles

are investigating the
murder of underworld figure,

Shifty Joe Malone, who was gunned down

in his nightclub last night.

The suspects in the case,
two female go-go dancers,

were last seen in a
purple and black striped,

skin tight party dress

and a two piece light
blue ruffle top and skirt.

They are considered armed and dangerous.

♫ Have you heard that story

♫ Did you get the news

♫ What a hillbilly did
to an old John Blue ♫

- Okay, look, hand me that bag, okay.

Alright, we gotta 86 these outfits.

Yeah.

Shit.

Oh, okay here, put this on.

It screams you.

- Out here?

- No, out there on the
gas pumps, you ding dong.

Let's go!

(truck driver howls)

- Hey, baby,

that outfit come with spurs?

I prefer the kick brassiere myself.

(truck driver chuckles)

♫ If you want to rock it
like you know you should

♫ Everybody jump and shout ♫

- I'm comin'.

Come out of your skin!

- [Voiceover] Hot damn!

Oh, you girls are killin' me.

(crowd cheers and whistles)

- I hate this outfit of yours, Peaches.

It makes me feel like everyone's staring.

- I know, everybody is staring.

But, that's the whole point.

See, the way a girl
dresses is your statement.

And, if a guy can't handle it--

- How y'all doin'?

Cute outfit.

Coffee?

- Gee, thanks.

- Nice day, huh?

There you are.

So, what'll it be for you, gals?

- Um, I don't know.

Let me have a King of the Road Special

and a large OJ, please.

- Alright.

- And, I'll have the Bye Bye
Toast, My Gift to Phoenix,

and a milk.

- Good choice.

- Does that come with hash browns?

- You got it, sug'.

Y'all seem real nice.

I'll see if I can't get
you a side of pancakes too.

No charge.

- That'd be neat, I love pancakes.

- Darlene, check.

I gotta be in Utah by six.

- [Voiceover] Come on Darlene,
I gotta be in Tucson by five.

- Darlene, where's my toast?

- She's sweet, isn't she.

It's too bad she's got
such a crummy job, huh.

- I know, too bad.

(rock music)

- Oh my God!

Check out these bozos!

Surf's up, dude.

- The blond one, check him out.

- Are you kidding?

God, you've got weird taste in guys.

- No, he is cute.

- Dude, serious vibe.

Potentially fucked up scene.

- Yeah, hurts my feelings.

- Relax, I've got this shit wired.

Hey, 'sup.

Cowabunga.

- Ain't no beach around here, girls.

- That's funny, I like that.

I'm a tell my buddies that.

- Dude, what are you doin', dude.

- Come on, desert chicks, surfer dudes,

chips, salsa, Cuerva, drop it.

- Oh no, one of them's coming over.

Oh God, don't look.

- Which one, which one?

- Baby, how you doin'?

Come here a lot?

- Bad time for a love song, dude.

You always need the--

- Excuse me.

- Hello.

- I'd like to apologize
for my friend, here.

What's going on here?

- It wasn't me.

- Look at my hand.

What's your excuse, huh?

- Nothing, nothing.

- Grab your ear.

Go on, get out of here, go on.

- Wow.

(Peaches giggles)

- Come on, dude.

I was preparing to lay some pipe.

- We have no time for those bitches.

- Forget about that shit, man

We got to get Billy
Boy, here, in the water.

- Jeez.

They're kind of stuck up, aren't they.

- God, do yourself a favor.

Don't get hung up on surf bums.

Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

(harmonica music)

- Here y'all go.

One Phoenix Special, one King of the Road,

a side of pancakes, no charge.

- Cool.

- I am starving.

- Let's have some more of
your special donuts, Darlene.

You know, big round ones.

(harmonica music)

- God, what a bunch of douches.

- Oh, you're telling me.

- They treat you terrible.

- [Darlene] So, where y'all headed.

- Mexico.

We're fugitives, I mean we're on vacation.

- [Darlene] Vacation, ooo wee!

I wish I was on vacation.

You know, I'd give
anything, I mean anything

to get out of this greasy spoon.

- What's wrong, Peaches?

(cocks gun)

- Oh, that's just Arnie.

How do you do, Officer Arbury?

Your usual?

Jelly doughnut?

- You two are under arrest, put
your hands up nice and easy.

- You're with us, Darlene.

- Oh no, a bimbo with a gun.

- Drop that weapon, deputy.

Or, this waitress is history.

I mean it.

- There's my gun.

Just don't hurt her.

- Come on, kid.

We're out of here.

- I'll save you, Darlene.

I swear to God, I will.

- Let her go!

- Hang on, boy.

I hope you go down.

- Eat lead, bozos.

(shoots gun)

(Peaches screams)

(Peaches and Lulu scream)

(fires gun)

- Slow down, Peaches,
there's no one after us.

Listen, are you alright back there?

Oh no, listen, I'm sorry if I scared you.

Listen, I had the safety
catch on, I swear to God.

- Y'all aren't gonna kill me, are you?

- Kill you, what?

- Yeah, what?

- There ain't nobody gonna pay my ransom.

Y'all kidnapped the wrong girl.

- Kidnapped?

Okay, wait a minute.

Let's you and I get something straight.

Nobody kidnapped anybody.

We rescued you from a miserable situation.

And, if you're not happy about it,

you're free to walk,
no one's stopping you.

(Darlene gasps)

- I'm free to go?

- Yeah, you're more than free.

Look, here's cab fare home.

- Right, a cab out here, right.

Where am I gonna go?

Fine, just hit the road.

I've never been south of the border.

- Are you through?

- Put the pedal to the metal.

(men coughing)

- Dude, you guys fucking blew it, man.

- I had pooter in the
pop for all of us man,

and you blew it.

- What, are you happy.

- Dude, we got one day
of scorn, maybe two,

depending on jaw and the circumstance,

and we're not even close to the border.

- I know dude, here.

We gotta move, man.

- Lulu, check the map.

I want to get us off this main road,

and let the Heat pass by.

- I'm not really good with maps, Peaches,

I always get lost.

- Oh here, give me that thing.

I'll give you a hand.

Take that little road up ahead.

It looks pretty good.

- Yeah, that one babe
was calm as it gets, man.

- Yeah, she was.

Hey dude, what's the scoop?

- Gotta scrape, you gotta get?

- No.

- Oh yeah.

- I don't know, man.

I thought the one who hostage drive

was kind of skexy, myself.

- What's skexy, man.

- Kind of skanky, kind of sexy.

- No, man, I'm not talking
about the hostage, man,

and definitely not that Bournefield bitch,

the other one.

- Man, you liked her, she was kind of--

- Yeah, I did, man.

So what?

- Dude, you loved her.

- I didn't love her, dude.

- Yes. you did.

- No, I didn't.

- That's why you bagged the farm boy.

You know, I'm kind of into
the hostage situation, myself.

- You liked that.

Where are we?

- Jesus Christ, it is
hotter than hell out here.

- Listen, Lulu, take the wheel.

- Huh?

- Take the wheel.

Oh, there, much better.

Now I can work on my tan.

- What kind of dancers you
all say you were, again?

Go-go dancers, out of LA.

- Go-go dancers?

Ain't that just a wee bit passé?

- Darlene, the go-go happens

to be a highly respected
classical art form.

It is interpretive dance
in a rock and roll format.

- And bikinis.

- Come on, man, pass me your paper.

(men fight)

Here we go, let's gun 'em.

Dude, you're freaking--

- Oh, fuck!

That's fuckin' gnarly, man.

Okay, what's next man?

- Wait up.

- That's right, give me one.

- Dude, pack me a Dudley load.

- Get that fuckin' thing out of here.

- Marley says yes.

Go! Go! Go!

I got the wheel, I got the wheel.

(men yelling)

- I just seem to have
the worst luck with guys.

I don't know what it is.

- Yeah, me too.

They always think I'm some
kind of bimbo, or something.

- Hang a right on that road up there,

and it'll hook us back to the highway.

- Right.

- Say, y'all mind if I borrow
one of these cute outfits.

I feel like such a hick
in this waitress uniform.

- Sure thing, Darlene, help yourself.

- Uh-oh!

Someone's after us!

Is it the cops?

- They're right on our tail.

- Are you sure it's the cops?

- Well, I'm not gonna take any chances.

- Step on it, Peaches.

- Oh God, we're gonna get caught for sure.

- It's the surfers, oh boy.

- Oh, great.

- Wow, what a totally cool car.

- Jesus, those surfers
scared the shit out of me.

- Doggone it!

- What, are you okay?

- I broke a doggone nail.

- Oh, look in my purse.

I should have some super glue in there.

You can fix it right up.

- Ah, thanks.

Ooo, lord, gal, you got more stuff

in here than a beauty parlor.

Oh, here we go.

Superglue.

- Well, darlin', a
girl's got to be prepared

for a night on the town
or a weekend in Hawaii.

- There we are, good as new.

(surfer boys converse)

- I think we're out of gas.

Yeah dude, we gotta put it in the tank.

- Hold on.

- Whoa, man.

- Dude, man, I nearly fucking killed us.

- Where are we, man?

(harmonica music)

- Dude, the secret hidden dock-station

in the middle of nowhere.

- I told you man, I got ESP from LSP.

- Hey, man, can we get some service?

- Well, well, well, well
looky what we got here.

A bunch of long haired sissy ass surfers.

I don't know what this
country's coming to,

a bunch of no goods on the road.

Fill it yourself.

I ain't your mama.

What you think I'm here for?

- What an asshole.

- Oh my God, it's them!

- Oh no, not the surf rats from the diner.

- Do I look okay?

- You look just fine.

- Are you sure?

- Oh brother.

(surfer dude barks)

- Hey dude, dude be cool.

- Yes, ma'am.

My name's Rick, your
friendly gas station tenant

at your service.

- Just check the oil, Casanova.

- [Rick] You betcha.

(women giggle)

- You know, you look
pretty good for a hostage.

- Hostage?

(Darlene laughs)

No, I'm not a hostage anymore.

Now I'm along for the ride.

- You know, you surf bums
almost ran us off the road

back there.

Maybe somebody better teach
you boys some manners.

- Peaches, please.

(slow music)

- Hi.

- Hi.

- [Both] Hi.

- My name's Lulu.

- Yeah, from the truck stop, right?

- Yeah.

- [Both] Yeah.

- I remember, yeah.

- What's your name?

- My name's Wayne.

My buddies call me Wayn-o.

- Wayn-o.

- Yeah.

- Oh, it's different.

- Yeah, well, you know it's a surfy thing.

- Cool.

Do you surf?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- Oh, you know, you're
great back at the truckstop.

- Ayy--

- You probably saved my life.

- No problem.

- I just wanted to thank you.

- So, how are you doing?

Radical hair.

I got a surf board, same color.

- Fuck off.

- Okay.

- Hey look, I gotta go.

- Yeah.

- Hey Romeo, let's jam, man.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Bye.

- Hey man, you got a serious
attitude problem, man,

you should work on that.

The Bogwon says positive
breeds positive, man.

Live it.

- Dude, you got a girlfriend.

- Cowabunga!

- Cowabunga.

- Come on!

- Oh, I hope I see him again.

- Uh oh.

You ladies got trouble.

- Trouble, what kind of trouble?

- Carburetor trouble.

I can fix it for you.

But, it's gonna cost you a c note.

- A hundred dollars?

- Oh no.

- Get out of here.

I just rebuilt that carburetor.

- I wouldn't chance it
out there on that highway

if I was you.

- Let me take a look at this thing.

(Rick sighs)

- Hey, Peaches, you sure
you know what you're doing?

- What a mess.

Oh yeah, listen, my
old man was a mechanic.

I know about cars.

- [Rick] Let's see what kind
of goodies we've got here.

- There's nothing wrong
with this carburetor,

that guy's just trying to rip us off.

- [Rick] Oh my God, a gun.

- Hey, you know mister,
there's nothing wrong

with that carburetor.

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

- I ain't done nothin'.

- Give me back my dough, you lousy thief.

- I don't know what you're
talking about, lady.

- Quit screwin' around, I
said give me back my dough.

- Here, take your money
and clear out of here.

- You tried to rip us
off, didn't you, huh?

Try and sell us a lousy rebuild, huh.

How many suckers you ripped
off with that lousy line,

you crummy creep?

- Yeah, you crummy creep,
trying to take advantage

of three helpless girls.

- Yeah.

- I know who you are.

- You're them killer bimbos
the police are lookin' for.

Help! Help!

- Ladies, put him over there.

I got a plan.

- Please, you can have my money.

Just don't kill me.

- Shut up, you.

- I won't tell.

I swear, I won't tell.

- What are we gonna do?

- Give me his hands.

- Oh, oh, no please don't.

Not my hands.

No, please, please.

- Take him to the wall.

Okay, that ought a do it.

We're out of here.

Oh, market, market.

- [Darlene] Let's get food.

- I'm gonna get you for this.

Damn you, bimbos.

(women giggle)

- Did you see the look on his face,

when you pulled out that super glue?

- I know, it looked like he
thought we were gonna glue

his hands to his you know what.

Oh, come on Lulu, what's the matter?

Come on, Lulu, what's bugging you, tell.

- [Darlene] Ah sugar, are you scared

on account of all the trouble we're in?

- No.

- [Peaches] Oh come on
Lulu, what is it then?

Don't be a drag.

- I'm just, I'm ugly.

- [Darlene And Peaches] What?

- [Darlene] Ah honey, you're not ugly.

You're cute as a button.

- Oh come on Lulu, look at yourself.

I mean, you're great.

Look, you got a great face,
you got a great figure,

you got brains, personality,
you got everything.

You know what your problem is?

- What?

- Packaging, you just haven't figured out

how to put it all together yet.

You don't know how to gift wrap yourself

to catch a guy's eye.

You're just too, you're too natural.

You know what, guys love
girls with a lot of makeup

and a lot of hairspray and perfume.

Listen, you can save the natural
look for when he wakes up

in your bed the next morning.

- Oh yeah, absolutely.

By then it's too late,
you got him on the hook.

- Well, will you guys help me?

- Of course we'll show you how.

Oh look, this is the
perfect spot for a makeover.

When we get through with you, girl,

you'll never recognize yourself.

- [Lulu] Oh gosh.

This is gonna be fun.

♫ Been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me

("I've Been Watching You" by Knight Time)

♫ Monsieur, oh la la

♫ You look really good out there

♫ Voulez vous dance avec moi

♫ I got off it with the laundry on

♫ Parlez vous, and made it come

♫ I felt like I was
sitting on top of the world

♫ Oh baby, oh baby, oh oh oh baby

♫ I thought she was my destiny

♫ And, now I need someone to please

♫ I'm lookin' for the special guy

♫ Who will hold me at night

♫ And light up my life

♫ 'Cause I, I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ Oh

♫ I want your body

♫ Oh boy

♫ I want your body

♫ Yeah

♫ I don't usually fall in love

♫ Could he be an angel from above

♫ I'm ready, boy, to be your girl

♫ So come on baby, and rock my world

♫ I want you here with me

♫ And, you're the one I long to be

♫ Take me to ecstasy

♫ Fly me to life

♫ Lead me back to life

♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy

♫ I've been watching you

♫ The way you move

♫ Your body drives me crazy ♫

- What do we all think about that?

- [Darlene] Do you believe
that our actions create ripples

in space and time, so that
everything we do comes

eventually rippling back to haunt us?

- [Peaches] What do you mean?

Like, karma or something?

- [Darlene] Right, what
goes around comes around.

- [Peaches] Oh come on Darlene,

don't start with all that
metaphysical mumbo jumbo.

- [Lulu] Oh no, if there
is such a thing as karma,

we're in big trouble, you guys.

- Okay you guys, just in
case there actually is

anything to this metaphysical routine,

I'm gonna pick us up a
little bit of quick karma.

- [Lulu] Cool.

- Hi, what seems to be the problem?

- It was running fine,

and then it just cocked out.

Right, Paul?

- Well, it sounds like
your carburetor's flooded.

- The nice young man at
Hound station, back there,

just fixed it.

- Hello operator.

Give me the police.

This is Rick, Rick down
at the gas station.

Yeah.

- Can you fix it, young lady?

- Oh yeah, no problem.

Nail polish remover.

- What?

(Peaches snaps)

- [Peaches] Nail polish remover.

- [Darlene] That's what
I thought you said,

nail polish remover.

- Q-tip.

- [Darlene] Q-tip.

- Finger nail file.

- [Darlene] Finger nail file.

- Oh wow.

(Darlene whistles)

- I'll be, where on earth
did you learn to do that?

- I was the majorette in high school,

tri-county twirling
captain of Penokee, Kansas.

- Okay, Pops, when I give you the signal,

start her up.

Hairspray.

- Hairspray.

- Whoa!

- Don't freak, I'm just gonna
prime the engine a little.

Okay Pops, rock and roll.

(car starts)

- [Voiceover] Authorities
are warning motorists,

to be on the look out
for three beautiful women

in a Plymouth Fury.

The so-called, Killer
Bimbos, who have been loose

on a rampage of mayhem and murder

since evading police in Los Angeles

late yesterday evening.

- Uh, so uh, just keep
the pedal off the metal,

'til she's good and warmed up, okay Pops.

Have a nice day.

(police sirens)

- Alright, out of the car.

- Okay, you're under arrest.

- I say that, Walter.

- Oh sorry, Sheriff.

- Alright ladies, nice and easy.

- [Walter] Yeah, yeah.

- Come on.

- Okay, officers, listen,

what would it take for you to
let this whole thing slide.

- You put your hands on
the car and spread 'em.

- Ooo!

- Well, what are you waiting for.

Aren't you gonna read us our rights?

- [Sheriff] What do you think, Walter?

We ought a frisk our
prisoners, don't you think?

- [Walter] Yes, sir.

- [Sheriff] No telling what they got

under those fancy dresses.

- Oh boy, yes sir.

- What do you mean on you, you!

- Oh jeez.

(police siren)

(Darlene yells)

- You didn't have to hit him.

Assaulting a police man leads
to electrocute for sure.

- Shut up, Lulu.

- Hello, this is ah-ah-ah--

- Walter, let me have that.

This is car 19er, in hot
pursuit of the Killer Bimbos.

Put it away, Walter.

- Aye, Sheriff.

- Give me a break Lulu,
I'm going full throttle.

(women scream)

- [Lulu] Here they come, Peaches!

- [Peaches] Oh my God!

- Alright, you bimbos, pull over.

- Try and make me pull over!

Jesus Christ, what does that
sheriff have under that hood?

- Yo, man.

Check it out, man.

- [Surfers] Whoa!

- Dude, it's those chicks,
and they're in trouble.

- Oh, fuckin' fuck.

- Look.

- No, no way man.

- Dude!

You'd be swerve dude.

- You can't define me man,
you can't define me man.

- Double o seven on the cop block.

- Take the old Mill Road and cut 'em off.

- Jesus guys, I can't
believe those surf bums

helped us out.

- I told you that Wayne is the coolest.

- Oh, you all need to
have your heads examined.

- [Lulu] No, he's so cute.

- [Peaches] Lulu, give me a break.

- You know somethin'--

Oh my God, the cops are onto us again.

- Hey, what the hell are you doing?

Hey, that's my French lingerie.

- What the?

- I can't see anything, Sheriff.

- They're tryin' to kill us, Walter.

- Cut it out!

- Here, let me help you.

- Walter!

Get your head out the window.

(women cheer)

- [Sheriff] Walter.

- [Walter] What Sheriff?

- [Sheriff] Get off me.

- Would you give me that thing, Darlene.

We must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.

- Oh, we're not lost, are we you guys.

I mean, we're not gonna die
in the middle of the desert,

are we?

- No, no, no, no.

Looky here.

Now, you see this mark, right here.

That's the Mexican border.

And, it's ten miles that way.

- [Peaches And Lulu] Are you sure?

- When it comes to maps, I
know what I'm talking about.

- [Voiceover] This is Gimmick's Radio

from beautiful downtown Jalapeño.

We welcome to Mexico, gente.

- [Lulu] Talk to him Peaches,
tell him to let us in, okay.

- Yeah, I used to know
a little bit of Spanish.

Hi, buenos díos muchacho.

Oh God, he's not exactly
being sociable is he?

- Flirt with him, sugar.

That'll get you what you're looking for.

- Why's he looking at us like that?

- Umm, everything's cool, right officer?

Um, (speaks in Spanish)

Oh no.

Oh!

(women cheer)

Muchas gracias, señor.

Have a nice day.

- [Lulu] Oh, we're finally here.

- [Peaches] Welcome to Jalapeño, Mexico.

- [Lulu] You're right.

- [Darlene] Oh, the men look right.

Check out those guys.

- [Peaches] Girls, we
are not here to check

out the local scenery,
we are here to hide out.

- [Lulu] Oh yeah.

- Oh my God.

What a dive.

This isn't exactly what I was expecting.

- Exactly where did you hear
about this place, again?

- Oh, a couple of tough
guys I used to hang out with

in Brooklyn, used to come here

when they were hiding from the cops.

It's the kind of place where
they don't ask any questions

and they keep their mouths shut.

- Uh huh, yeah.

A no-tel motel.

- Oh look, I feel bad.

It's a dump.

Maybe we should go see
what else is cut right,

Tijuana has to offer.

- No, come on, Peaches,

I mean we've been driving around forever.

And, there's no place
else for miles around.

I mean, this place
looks good enough to me.

Don't you think so, Darlene?

- Oh hey, I stayed in a
lot worse, that's for sure.

- Yeah, and they even have a
swimming pool and everything.

Come on, Peaches.

Please.

- Man oh man, what a
couple of cheap dates.

(buzzer rings)

- Buenos días, señoritas.

Hernandez at your service.

- How you doin'?

Um, we would like a room
with a private bath, please.

- A room and a bath.

- No, no, no, we don't
want to take a bath.

We would like el el
roomo with el bathroomo.

Comprende?

- You know, sugar, a room with a john.

- [Hernandez] Oh, sí.

- Sí, sí, a juan.

Juan room and juan bathroom.

- Sí, sí, sí the finest
rooms in all of Mexico.

- Oh, great.

I think we're getting somewhere.

- What about food, I'm starving.

- Oh yeah, room service.

Oh yeah, you have room service don't you?

- Room service, juan, sí no sí.

- Yeah, we juant room service.

(speaks in Spanish)

- 6 o'clock, sí.

- Yeah.

- That's great, God I
don't know about you guys,

but I would really love
some eggs over easy,

some hash browns with
some ketchup on the side.

- [Lulu] Yeah, me too.

- Oh God, I know the word for this.

It's right on the tip of--

Oh! Huevos! Yeah!

(speaks in Spanish)

- Great!

- Peaches, I think you
just said something bad

about his balls.

- I'm so embarrassed.

- Señoritas, por favor.

You wait here.

I fix the room for you, sí.

- Great, whatever, just pronto, alright.

I gotta go sit down,
this is wearing me out.

- Yeah.

- Hernandez!

(speaks in Spanish)

- It's tubular, no.

- It's looking tits for now,

but we won't know 'til tomorrow, dude.

- Jalapeño has the finest
surfing in all the world.

- We know, we were here last year, man.

It's a party, remember.

- Hernandez has the finest
margaritas in all the world.

- Oh, we know man!

And, it's the cheapest stuff in town.

- We love it, hey!

- Hey, come over later, we'll pluff.

- It's the wanted ones.

- Hi, fellas.

- What's happening?

- I can't believe you're here.

I mean, we're here, you're here.

Everybody's here, what are you doin' here?

I mean, I'm glad to see you.

I'm really glad to see you.

- Me too.

- And, you look way different.

I hardly even recognized you.

- You like my new look?

Peaches helped me.

- I think you look like shit.

- Oh.

- A good lookin' babe like
you don't need no makeup.

- Really?

- Really.

What are you doin' later?

You busy?

- No, no.

- Should we get together?

- Sure.

- Okay, I'll come by your room later.

- Yeah.

- Alright.

- Wow, you look nice.

- Thanks.

- Yeah, she's beautiful.

Let's go.

- Alright, let's go.

- Bye.

- Wow, those guys are kind of sweet.

- They are so cute.

- Maybe they're not
such bad boys after all.

- Hey, let's go check out the pool.

- Yeah!

- That sounds like a plan.

- Margaritas all the way around.

(shaking maracas)

- Gee, this is romantic, huh?

- I know, this isn't half bad.

(mariachi music)

- [Vinnie] Hernandez, two more Greyhounds!

(Peaches gasps)

- Oh, holy guacamole!

- What are y'all doin'?

- [Vinnie] Yo, amigo, Hernandez.

- Oh sí sí, Señor Vinnie,
Hernandez at your service.

- Would somebody please tell
me what's going on here?

- Shh.

- Is that the only song you guys know,

you are drivin' me fuckin' nuts.

Here, there you go, get out of here.

Siesta! Siesta! See you later.

- Your Greyhounds are ready.

- Oh yeah yeah, good boy good boy.

- Gracias Señor Vinnie, so humble sir.

- Yeah right, get out here.

- Oh man, oh man this is our chance

to get this whole mess straightened out.

- Thanks babe,

baby when are we gonna blow this joint?

When you said Mexico,

I thought you meant Acapulco or something.

Is this the whole enchilada?

- Oh Poodles, doll face, I told you,

as soon as Dirty Louie calls
me and tells me it's cool,

we are out of here baby.

I mean, first class all the way.

- I'm bored.

- Oh yeah, well Big Vinnie
has something that will

entertain you.

- Yeah, what's that?

(Poodles screams)

- Come on, come on.

Let's go upstairs.

- You're such a beast.

- Yeah, well they don't call
me Big Vinnie for nothing.

- See, the problem is, is
that if he sees Lulu or I,

then that's it, the show's over.

That's why it's gotta be you, Darlene.

- Me!

Why do you figure that one.

- Well, Lulu, are you paying
attention to any of this?

- Huh?

- Jesus you guys, you know this

is very serious business here.

- You know what he said to me?

- Who?

- Wayne-o.

He said, "A good looking babe like me,"

"Doesn't need to wear any makeup."

- What?

- What kind of smart alec remark is that?

Good lookin' babes don't need makeup.

- Good looking babes
don't need to wear makeup.

I don't know.

What do you suppose he meant by that?

(knocking at door)

- Who the hell do you think that is?

Yeah, what do you want?

- I am Juan.

Here to satisfy your every desire.

- [Peaches] Oh, room service.

- Sí sí.

- Oh great.

Where's the food?

- What food?

I'm Juan, the great slobbering ghoul.

- Oh my God, you guys,

I think we ordered a room service gigolo.

- What do we do now?

- Listen, you know what?

All of us three girls have a
headache, isn't that something.

So, I'm real sorry for the inconvenience,

thanks a whole lot anyway.

- No problema.

If you change your mind,

you call 976-Juan.

- Great! Will do.

Okay, you guys, first thing in the morning

we're getting a Spanish dictionary.

Alright, now back to business.

Tonight at the bar,

is our chance to get that
hit man that framed us.

Darlene, this is what you gotta do.

(knocks on door)

- [Darlene] Peaches, no way.

I am not gonna go out
there with that killer.

- Oh shit, check it out.

Look at that cowgirl move.

- What, what?

Hey, hey, Hernandez, Andre, Andre.

(speaks in Spanish)

And, a drink for the lady.

- Señorita, compliments of señorini.

- Just a coke, thanks.

- Oh, on second thought, make
it a nice cold margarita.

- Ah, bueno.

(speaks in Spanish)

Jose Cuervo, is a very
good friend of mine.

- Oh, Darlene, not on an empty stomach.

- [Poodles] Adios amigo.

There's other bars in this town.

- Oh brother, Darlene,
don't get carried away.

- Big Vinnie, I'm starvin'.

I want jumbo shrimp, at that
fancy place on the beach.

- I cannot believe that I'm doing this.

I should have known the
minute I laid eyes on you

that you were nothing,
nothing but trouble.

- Would you girls calm down.

This is gonna be a piece of cake.

- Oh, come on, that's easy for you to say.

It's not your piece of cake
that's on the taco line.

- You're not gonna kill
him, are you Peaches?

- Hell yes, she's gonna kill
him if she has to, right?

- You guys!

- Right?

- We've been out of
bullets since San Berdu.

- Oh no!

(knocking at door)

- Now, y'all ain't gonna wait
too long before coming out

of there, right?

- Oh no, don't worry.

We're gonna be right on top of it.

- Hey doll.

It's me, Big Vinnie.

Aren't you gonna invite me in?

- Yeah, sure, come on in, sugar.

I was beginning to think
you weren't gonna make it.

- Are you kidding me, babe.

Wild bushes couldn't get me away.

You know, it just takes
a shit pot full of booze

to put Poodles out.

Son of a bitch.

To the sexiest broad in the world.

I think this is gonna be the
beginning of something big.

- Oh, keep it in your pants, Jack.

- Well, let's get cooking babe.

I ain't got a lot of time, alright.

- What kind of a dick hip picks

a little piece on a first date?

- What's the matter?

Scared of guns, baby huh?

- Only when they're in the wrong hands.

- That's a good one.

I gotta remember that one.

- Where you goin', sugar?

- I'm just hangin' up my treads.

You know, this bucket problem

and wrinkles like the sun.

- Oh, let me get that for you.

Oh, this is a nice warm coat.

- Oh baby, I am fuckin' ready for this.

- The gun, get the gun.

- You know, I could hear your heart beat

all the way over here, you know.

- Oh, that's not my heart,
sugar, that's my knees knocking.

- Oh, I must be dreamin'.

What the fuck are you doin', huh?

- Can we put this away?

I'm really scared of guns,
they make me nervous.

See, my daddy saw it, he
shot himself in the left foot

when he was deer hunting once.

- You are too much, you know that.

I can't say no to you.

- Okay, kiddo, we're on.

- Yeah!

- The fuck, there's no doorknob.

We're stuck.

Oh, come on, open up you stupid door.

- Come on, baby.

It's lonely down here.

- Just a second, sugar.

This polyester wrinkles
like a son of a bitch, too.

What are y'all waitin' for?

Get your asses out here.

- What the?

Hey, I know you.

You're the bimbos from the go-go.

- That's right fucker, the ones you tried

to pin a rap on.

- Hey, hey, hey easy.

- Where's my boyfriend?

- Poodles!

- You lousy little.

- Hit her, darling, hit her.

- Nobody takes my man.

You asked for it.

- Poodles.

- Shut up.

- She's gonna kill her.

- Get her, Peaches.

- Alright, everybody freeze.

Okay, now all you bimbos, hands up.

- Big Vinnie, baby, I could give you a k?

- Later.

Alright, all you bimbos, on the bed.

Come on, move.

So, you thought you
were gonna pull one over

on Big Vinnie, huh?

Huh?

- You bimbs, don't know
who you're dealing with.

- Shut up.

You know, doll, it's really a shame.

We could have made
beautiful music together.

- Oh please, just kill us you big ape,

don't make us puke.

- Oh, don't rush me.

Don't rush me.

I want to savor the moment.

You see, I ain't never
offed no broads before.

And you, yeah, you,

you are truly the worst fuckin' dancer

I ever saw in my life.

You know, coggin' you will
be like my significant

contribution to mankind.

(Lulu cries)

- Hey girls, party--

Who the fuck are you?

- No, you got it backwards punk,

who the fuck are you?

- We're nobody, man.

- Dude, wrong room.

- Ahh, my eyes.

My eyes, ahh.

- Alright, girls.

Later.

Maybe we'll catch you next time.

- Let me go, let me go.

You're gonna regret this you bimbos.

- Get out of here, bully.

- Police, freeze.

- Officer Arbury.

- Everybody, reach for the sky.

It's okay, Darlene, you're safe now.

- Oh boy, am I ever glad to see you.

- I told you I'd save you, Darlene.

I always keep my word.

- Excuse me, cowboy,
but we saved ourselves.

Thank you very much.

- You two are in a shit load of trouble.

Let's go.

- Us two?

This is the guy that you want.

- Really, Arnie, they got it
all wrong back in the states.

That guy's the go-go killers.

- What's going on here?

- Sugar, it's a long story.

- It all started on Broadway,

a long time ago,

there was this producer
named Benny Smegman,

I used to be this really
great dancer on Broadway.

And, he offered me this part,
and so that's it officer.

We never meant to hurt anybody,

but we don't want to take a murder rap

for some scumbag.

- And, that's the honest
to God truth, you honor.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

- That's right, I believe 'em.

And, you should too.

- Alright, tell you what I'm gonna do.

I don't have any authority
down here, anyways.

So, I'll haul these two in for now,

and sort through the
rest of this mess later.

- Hooray!

- Alright, you two, let's go.

Come on, Darlene.

I'll take you home.

- That's okay, Arnie.

I think I'm just gonna
hang around for a while.

With my girlfriends.

- Are you sure?

Okay, if that's how you want it.

I'll be around when you change your mind.

See you, Darlene.

Move it, you two.

Come on, let's go.

- Wow, what a trip.

- Oh my goodness, he forgot his coat.

(Peaches gasps)

- Oh my!

Holy cow!

What a wad!

This must be the money he
got for offing Shifty Joe.

- You're not thinking what
I think you're thinking?

- We're gonna give it back, aren't we?

- Oh, fuck no.

Are you kidding.

That guy owes us.

This little wad here, is gonna bankroll us

a vacation like you two
have never seen before.

Yeah!

- Jeez you guys, everything's
sure turned out great,

didn't it?

- Boy, I'll sure say, you girls
are more fun than a rodeo.

I say we hit every beach
between here and the South Pole.

- Yeah, I mean, we really
might have a future

with this beach bunny routine.

- It's the sand bunnies, guys.

- Hey honey, did you like my jams?

- Hey babe, pass me another
Kona out of the cooler.

- [Bimbos] Rad surfing, dudes.

- [All] Cowabunga!

♫ Cowabunga

♫ Say girls

♫ Yeah

♫ Let's say we have some fun

♫ Hey girls

♫ Uh-huh

♫ Want to find me a real beach bum

♫ And, girls

♫ Now what

♫ You bring your comb and hairspray

♫ 'Cause girls every
lovin' day is a go-go day

♫ Don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ I don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Please don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no, no, no, no

♫ Some guy once said that to me

♫ Now, that guy's history

♫ Girls
♫ Mm-hmm

♫ You know I got things on my mind

♫ World affairs
♫ Oh yeah

♫ The bum, the state of mankind

♫ Girls
♫ What now

♫ I'm thinkin' it will be okay

♫ As long as I get to go-go dance

♫ Every single day

♫ Cowabunga

♫ Don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Honey, don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Please don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no, no, no, no

♫ Some guy once said that to me

♫ Now, that guy's history ♫

- [Voiceover] Police in Los Angeles

are investigating the
murder of underworld figure,

Shifty Joe Malone.

The suspects in the case,
two female go-go dancers

who were last seen in a
polka dot midriff bolero top,

with matching hip hugger capris,

and a little blue ruffle top with a skirt.

They are considered armed and dangerous.

♫ 'Cause every dude or guy you ever find

♫ They all just got
one thing on their mind

♫ When they say Cowabunga, babe let's go

♫ I say, okay, but there's
one thing you should know

♫ Don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Honey, don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Please don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no, no, no, no

♫ Some guy once said that to me

♫ Now, that guy's history

♫ Don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Honey, don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Please don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no, no, no, no

♫ Some guy once said that to me

♫ But, that guy's history

♫ Cowabunga

♫ Say, girls

♫ Yeah

♫ Let's say we have some fun

♫ Hey girls

♫ Uh-huh

♫ Want to find me a real beach bum

♫ And, girls

♫ Now what

♫ You bring your comb and hairspray

♫ 'Cause girls every
lovin' day, is a go-go day

♫ Don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Honey, don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no

♫ Please don't call me bimbo

♫ Oh no, no, no, no ♫