Asking for It (2020) - full transcript

Hey, Jennifer.

Greetings from Pensacola.

I'm gonna disembowel you

and f * k you
as you are dying.

Gary, get off your phone.

The kids are only young once.

Hi, Jenny.
Serious question.

Why are fat foids like you
so confident?

I've never seen you,
but I can tell

you're a real land whale.

Dear Jenny,
Lena Dunham is



the preeminent feminist scholar
of our generation.

Why do you hate women
so much?

I hope this finds you well.

Sincerely, Felicity Warren.
Send.

You know what's
been on my mind lately? Failure.

Failure is about the lies
that we tell ourselves.

"I can't do this,
I'm not good at that."

But the truth is, the only
thing standing between you

and the life you desire
is yourself.

You dictate the terms
of your life.

You decide what
you're willing to accept.

You show the world
what you--

- I'm sorry?
- I just wanted you to know

that I think you look
really pretty.



Thank you.

Come in.

Hi, Cheryl, I--

I was wondering if I could
talk to you for minute?

Absolutely. Come on in.

Did you order the cake
for Jason's birthday?

The intern's at Electric Zoo
until Monday.

- It's been ordered.
- Oh, my gosh!

Thank you so much.
You're amazing.

Thank you for bringing
that up. Um...

Because I--I--I actually--
I actually agree.

With what?

I am...am...

I've been working
really hard lately.

I've kept up with
all my post quotas.

I've stayed late
every single night,

and...and I think it shows.

I'd like a raise.

First of all, let me say
that I am honored

that you chose
to speak to me about this.

Well, you're my boss, so...

As the first female
editor-in-chief

for "The Scribbler,"
it is so very important to me

that the women here
feel respected and heard.

Thank you.
And we--we feel it.

- How old are you?
- Twenty-nine.

Oh, my God.
I wrote this 20 years ago,

so I've been lifting up women
since you were an idiot baby.

As you probably knew,
I was the first female editor

of the "Harvard Crimson,"
and that I went to Harvard.

I did know that, yes.

And I was the first female
embedded journalist

in Bosnia in 1991.

Wow.

Seven days ago,
I helped a woman

I'd never met before

carry a mattress
up 12 flights of stairs.

Twelve.

I did not know that.

So believe me when I tell you

when you want something

you find a way
to make it happen.

Yas, queen.

Yas, queens.

Yas. Queen.

Queens.

- Cheryl?
- What?

It's just about that raise...

Yes, okay, it's a hard no.
I'm so sorry.

We just don't have the budget
for it. Maybe next year.

I bring in more traffic
than anyone else on staff.

Please stop talking
about traffic.

All you kids,
always with the traffic.

This is not a place
that cares about traffic.

Not a place that cares
about traffic.

- Okay?
- Right. No traffic.

Lena Dunham's rescue dog
gave birth this morning

and I want you to write
something up.

Why wasn't the dog neutered?

That's a good question.

Unless, of course,
the dog was adopted

in a family way.

Do you see
where I'm coming from?

I'm curious about it also.

It's just if I could get
40 instead of 36

it would make
a huge difference to me.

Cancel one of
your porn site subscriptions!

There's your $4,000!

- Porn is free.
- Is it?

Most of the time.

Okay, well, then, stay away
from the avocado toast.

Nothing is guaranteed
in journalism.

Nothing. In this economy?

Oh, God damn it!

Do you not know how lucky
you are to have a job?

I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you,

I'm just speaking
in strident tones.

- No, yes.
- But it's time

to get back to work, okay?

- Okay.
- Here we go.

- Oh, this is--
- Oops, sorry.

- Back to work.
- Oh.

- One more thing.
- Yeah?

You have lipstick
on your teeth.

- Thanks.
- Women helping women.

Oh, honey.

No, no, no, it's fine,
it's fine.

I just--I just need
to stay positive.

Bullshit, Jenny,
it's not okay.

Your work gets more traffic
than anyone in this office.

She says this isn't a newsroom
that cares about traffic.

- Then why did I just spend

an hour on a quiz
that determines

which Jewish celebrity
you are?

Okay, that quiz is bullshit,
Meredith.

I got Roseanne.

It's based on science, Ellen.

You must have chosen
racist answers.

I don't get it. Jason makes
twice as much as I do,

and he only writes like
one article a week.

Yeah. Jason sucks.

- Sucks.
- Did you read his piece

about millennials and
Williamsburg?

No, what did it say?

That they like
to hang out there.

- It was like 5,000 words.

- Uch.
- What is it?

It's another email
from that creepy guy.

CryptoBoner?

God, that's like
the 50th this week.

He's obsessed with you.

What's it say?

"Dear Jenny."

I know you think

you understand cryptocurrency,

but I feel like you have
no idea

what cryptocurrency
actually is.

It's digital currency,
designed as a means of exchange

for all kinds of goods
from all kinds of places,

not just the dark web.

I recently bought a vest
from L.L. Bean with it,

and I wear it
all of the time.

Et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera.

All right, I gotta go.

Where are you going?

I gotta clean out
my apartment.

Subletter gets here tomorrow.

Wait, don't you live
in a 1-bedroom apartment?

- Yes.
- Are you moving?

Okay, bye!

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Are--are you still
coming over tomorrow?

Not good.

No. Not good.

Hello?

Hi, this is Penelope
from Sallie Mae calling.

Wrong number.

Hello, and welcome
to Meditation with Fran.

I'm Fran. Thank you so much
for sharing your time

and your energy with me.

And thank you for allowing me

to guide you
through your practice.

Let's begin
in a nice comfortable seat.

Dear Jenny.

Are you deleting my emails?

That's really not
okay with me if you are.

I deserve to be heard and
I'm going to be very angry

if you don't respond to me.

As we go through
this practice today,

remember:
suffering is a choice.

Stop deleting emails
or else.

Uh, who are you?

Lisa.

Your new roommate.

Oh. Oh.

Both doors were unlocked,
and you weren't answering,

so I let myself in.

Um, hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Lisa.

- Hi.
- I-I-I'm Jenny.

Your n-new roommate.

- Yeah.

Is that all your stuff?

My Prius is parked out front.

Oh, you might not
want to leave it out there.

It's--lot of theft
in this neighborhood.

I have a security system
installed.

If anyone touches my car,
I'll be notified immediately.

That's right, run.
Punk-ass bitch.

I got his photo.

Always get their photo.

So, where are you moving from?

I'm moving from
a couple blocks up the way.

Rent hikes are brutal, huh?

My landlady was murdered
last month.

Her husband sold the building

like ten minutes
after it happened.

He made $20 million.

Oh, my God.

Did they find the murderer?

No.
Where's my room?

This'll do.

Great.

This is your room?

Hmm?

I thought you said this was
a 2-bedroom apartment.

It is now.

Seriously, though,
I-I-I prefer small spaces.

When I was little,
my parents were constantly

finding me curled up
in the fetal position,

like, under the bed
and in the bathtub,

in the trunk of their car
and stuff.

It's very small.

Okay, I get that.

You do?

Yeah, it's like a disease,
right?

Right.

It's a--it's a disease.

Oh, so, uh, actually,
I'm, uh,

I'm meeting up
with a few friends in a bit

if you--if you want to join,

maybe get to know
each other a little?

I should probably
unpack the rest of my stuff.

Okay, yeah. Cool.
Another time.

Actually, can I be straight
with you?

Of course.

I-I don't really want
to be your friend.

No offense.

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah, dude, I totally get it.

Home is a safe space.

You want total you time
when you're here.

Just...feel you, sister.

I mean, it's specific to you,
but yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- I get it. It's totally cool.
- Okay. Okay, bye.

Um...

Jenny! Jenny!

- Oh, my God!

It's Ellen!
I begged her not to, Jenny!

I begged but she wouldn't
listen to me!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Ellen!

Who did this to you?

Is he still here?

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

What is it, Ellen?

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

You dumb f * king bitch!

You thought someone I knew
tried to murder Ellen?

No one murders Ellen!

I know Krav Maga, asshole!

You are such a stupid slut.

Stupid slut!

Stupid slut! Stupid slut!

This is a sexist cake,
you guys.

It's not sexist if it's true.

Where are all your roommates?

Mm. Tom is at Acroyoga,

and nobody's seen Mackenzie
in like three months.

Oh, my God,
aren't you guys worried?

I mean, kind of, but she pays
her rent via direct deposit

and we don't want to mess up
a good thing.

She takes the longest showers.

Ooh. Door's open!

Shit, Meredith!
You invited Rob?

Who's Rob?

He's my third cousin, Jenny.

You know how much I've always
wanted a third cousin.

Also, he just moved to town
a month ago

and he wants to meet
other writers.

He's not a writer.

That's not true.
He was published

in a cryptocurrency blog
just last month.

- Hi, Rob!
- Hey, fam jam.

- Hey, Ellen.
- Whatever.

Oh, dang.
I missed the surprise.

Oh, it's, uh,
it's quite all right.

Uh, Rob, I'm--I'm Jenny.
Nice to meet you.

Hi, Jenny.

I've heard a lot about you.

Sounds like your work
is really important.

Uh, it's really not,
but thanks.

Don't undersell yourself.

It's mostly just documenting

which celebrities
are gaining weight,

and deleting emails
from men

who would rape me
if I weren't so ugly.

- Jesus.
- What?

You are a talented idiot.

Ignore the emails, okay?
They're just assholes

who are pissed
they're not better at Halo.

Thank you.

CryptoBoner texted me today.

He texted you?

How did he get your number?

I don't know.

You don't--uh, I'm sorry.

- You don't know?
- I don't know, okay?

The phone book?

- The phone book?
- Okay, no.

No, Jenny, we know
what a phone book is.

Jenny, this is serious.

Okay, texting is next level.

Didn't you take
the proper precautions

as a woman on the internet?

Of course.

What?

What?!

You have to change your social
media profiles to private.

Yeah, and get a VPN so
your laptop is harder to trace.

Change your social security
numbers every four months.

I paid a guy $5,000
to eliminate all record

of my ever having been born.

Okay? The government
has no idea I even exist.

I don't have fingerprints.

Holy shit.

The surgery
was really expensive.

I have a lot
of family money.

Mm-hmm. Super rich.

You did take precautions,
Jenny, right?

No.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- I'm sure you're fine.
- Yes.

- Yeah, you're--you're so good!
- You're so good!

- You're so good.
- Yeah.

Well, I would be terrified
if I were you.

Thanks again for walking
with me.

You really didn't have to.

It's no problem.
I'm going this way anyway

and again, I would be literally
terrified if I were you.

So, what brought you
to the neighborhood?

I wanted to be closer
to family.

I actually have a lot
of third cousins down here.

What a twist of fate.

Yeah,
23andMe changed my life.

Yeah, I'll bet.

- Hey, Jenny?
- Hmm?

Are you gonna be okay?
This guy seems really scary.

No, I'll be fine.

Are you sure?

I mean, I think so.

Sort of have to think so.

- Oh, shit.
- Excuse me.

Would you like to donate
to Planned Parenthood?

Just one monthly donation
will give millions of women

access to reproductive
health care.

Yeah, you know,
I normally would say--

I'll donate.

- Really?
- Really?

Sure.

How much do you want
to donate?

- $100.
- It's monthly.

$25.

Men don't usually donate.

Not all men, I guess, right?

Shouldn't you be in like
Times Square or something?

Yeah, I'm, like, really lost.

My shift technically ended
like four hours ago

but I don't know what else
to do, so...

Thanks.

That was really sweet of you.

I'm actually going left.

Uh, are you sure
you don't want me

to walk you
the rest of the way?

I'm like three blocks over.
I'll be fine.

Hey, Jenny?

Yes, Rob.

Do you want to...
play pinball some time?

With you?

Yeah.

You mean like a--
like a date or something?

Sure. Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, no, no.

Uh, no, thank you.

I, uh--you know,
you seem really great.

I just--you know,
I'm just not really--

not really dating right now
and...

you know,
work is really crazy

and I will probably just
go on vacation

somewhere really far away--
away somewhere soon

and--and--you know, Meredith is
a really good friend of mine

and I don't really know
how that would go.

It's cool, I get it.

You do?

Of course.

Thanks for being
so cool about it.

- It's not a big deal.
- Yeah, I know, but you know...

Men can be so mean
about this stuff, so...

Remember, not all men.

I guess so.

- Be safe out there.
- Oh.

I will be.

- Have a good night.
- You, too.

Yeah. Yeah.

Aah!

- Nope. Nope.
- Wait, wait, wait!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- F * k this.

No, no, no, no, no!
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa! Please.

I-I-I'm sorry. I-I thought
you were someone else.

I don't care if you thought
I was Louis C.K.

Uh.
No, this is a safe space.

So I would not think that.

I'll get the rest tomorrow.

I didn't finish unpacking today.

I had a feeling something
like this would happen.

Lisa, please don't go. I--

I have student loans.

So vote.

- Lisa, I-I'm sorry.
- Move.

I think someone
is trying to kill me.

So vote!

What the f * k, man?

F * k.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

It's my constitutional right.

Ladies...

These are wing bones.

Human wing bones.

Chicken wing bones.

- Chicken.
- Buffalo chicken.

Wing bones.

Okay, can you trace whoever
left the box?

Maybe, but that'll be a waste of
your tax money, sweetheart.

He left me a note saying
he can't wait

to clean my bones
of their flesh.

- Mm-hmm.
- I mean,

that can't be legal, right?

Honey, the only victim here
is the toilet,

defaced by whoever ate
these here wings.

- You know what I mean?
- 'Cause they're so spicy.

Someone made a poopie,
you know what I mean?

Yeah, I, um...

- I do know what you mean.
- Okay.

- Sir.
- You ever watch those videos,

people trying really hot stuff
and they vomit?

I love 'em.
I watch 'em over and over.

Those people getting
all red in the face,

- tearing up and vomiting.

That's really neat. Um...

The man who left this
in front of my door

has been sending me
threatening emails for weeks.

I mean--I mean, look,
I printed them out for you.

It's a--it's a--it's a big...

- Pumpkin pie.
- ...stack.

Now, hey, you.

Don't you get hysterical
on me.

Don't do it.

I'm taking very careful notes.

Okay.

And we are going to...

We're going to get
to the bottom of this.

You hear me?

Are you serious?

You just drew a fancy S.

Thank you.

So are you just gonna wait
till he cuts up her body

and buries the pieces
all over Bushwick?

You want my honest opinion?

I think this was sent to you

by some harmless dude
who just wants

the attention
of a pretty girl.

And you know what else
I think?

You should give him a chance.

I do. I do.

Simon.

Tell you how I met my wife.

Simon here.

We've got a black teen
playing hackysack

on the corner of Bedford
and North 6th.

Christ. By the Whole Foods?

Always.

All right, I'm on it.

Gotta go.
This is an emergency.

But...

Okay? Kisses to you.

And you know,

f * king chicken wings.

Really?
It's just chicken wings.

It's just...
Wait, wait, wait, wait...

Don't call us
about chicken wings.

You left your--
you forgot the--emails.

It helps me relax.

Okay.

I'll help you.

Well,
Officer Dumbass was wrong.

- About what?
- Everything.

But specifically these bones.

Most of them come from
a chicken, but not all.

This one is
a human pinky finger.

Oh, my God.

How do you know that?

I took Adderall once
and accidentally spent

10 hours researching
human anatomy.

The point is, Jenny,
I agree with you.

I think this guy
wants you dead.

CryptoBoner.

It's CryptoBoner.
That's what he calls himself.

What am I gonna do?

Kill him first.

Okay, fine, at least
even the playing fields.

Excuse me.

This is my burner laptop.

Totally untraceable.

Totally illegal.

It's safe to assume
he's been here, right?

Between the time it took him
to leave the bones

and the time it took him to
snap a picture of the building

we were on the same network
long enough

for us to access his profile.

His profile?

Everything is connected
nowadays--

your phone, your computer,
your television--

and that means virtually nothing
is private anymore.

Your profile is made up of
every action you take online

but it's also made up
of external information.

Like, where you were
when you took those actions?

- Exactly.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Can anyone access it?

A 4-year-old child
could access it.

But people with something
to hide know better,

and there are lots of ways
to hide.

And it looks like
our friend CryptoBoner

is using them all.

So how do we find him?

We tap into
his discreet network

through the back door
to hash his metadata

and phish our way back out
to the rainbow table

using the rootkit
to decipher the side channel.

Then it's just a matter of
installing the Tor

so this freak show
can't track us.

Well, well, well.

It looks like these emails
have been coming at us

from America's capital city.

Washington, D.C.

No. New Jersey.

Right.

Wake up, bitch.

It's time to catch a predator.

Thank you for helping me.

Oh, hell, no.

This is not about
female friendship.

If that psychopath comes
for you,

do you really think
he's gonna leave any witnesses?

Still don't understand
how you tracked this guy.

You're smarter than you look,

but you're still way too dumb
to understand it.

It's nothing personal.
Almost nobody gets it.

But you do?

Me, a handful
of private citizens,

the Russian
Olympic fencing team.

Wow.
That's impressive.

So what do we do now?

When your freak show
rolls up,

stick this
to the bottom of his car.

What is it?

A tracking device.

Now we'll know where he's at
at all hours of the day,

including our apartment.

No more surprises.

How do you know he has a car?

I looked online
for an image of this house.

We're looking for
a navy blue 4-door sedan.

Until then, we wait.

- Okay.
- Well...

Okay.

Is everything all right?

Yeah.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

No, everything's fine.

'Cause if something's
bothering you, you can tell me.

Everything's great.

Ask me to stop, Jenny.

Ask me to put
the nail polish away.

No.

You're gonna kill somebody
someday, you know that?

Excuse me?

You hate this.
You hate this so much,

but you're not gonna
say anything.

You're just gonna push it down

just like you push
everything else down

until you snap and you drown
all your babies in a bathtub.

I am not
going to have children.

Okay.

Because of climate change.

All right, we'll see.

So...

Oh, f * k, there he is.

CryptoBoner.

Should I do it now?

No.

Do it when you feel
you're ready.

Okay.

Yes, you idiot,
do it now.

Well--you--uh--

- Are you serious?
- Okay, okay!

Okay, okay. Jeez.

Like, do you think
we have all day?

I want to track it.
Here we go.

What a f * king weirdo.

Hello?

Oh, shit.

Help!

This is Penelope calling
from Sallie Mae.

Yeah, hi, Penelope.

This is actually not really
a good time right now.

Help.

Help, you have--
you have to help me.

Ma'am, are you okay?
What's wrong?

It's my dog.
She just ran past here.

We don't want your account
to go into default,

- so this is Jenny Heitz?
- Wrong number.

Okay, um, um, just calm down
for a second.

Do you have any idea
where she might be headed?

Um, she loves...the ocean?

The ocean? Oh, perfect.

Um, my mom loves the ocean.

I know right where that is.

I--I'll drive.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Uh, actually, uh,
she hates the ocean.

She loves waffle fries.

Can you go get them?

I--sorry, it's just, uh,

in a way,
Misty's my best friend.

She's all I've got,
especially

after we lost my husband
to 9/11.

Oh, my God.

Was he in one of the towers?

No, he just
became obsessed with it,

and then one day,
he disappeared.

Because he knew too much.

He knew too much.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, we're gonna find Misty.

- Wait here.
- Okay.

Jenny, run!

Run!
Run, Jenny!

- Use your legs!
- Okay, okay!

- Use your legs, Jenny!
- I'm using them!

I'm using them!
I'm using them!

Okay, okay, you need
to escape New Jersey.

They're not thinking
about the future,

they're living on a prayer!

Who runs like that?
Is she part squirrel?

F * k this, I'm out of here.

Hey, do you think Misty
would respond to

sweet potato waffle fries?

Uh, you know what?
I just remembered

I returned Misty
to the shelter yesterday

because she's too ugly.

Oh.

Yeah, uh, anyway,
thanks for all your help. Bye.

Wait.

What's your name?

Uh, Martha.

Marcy.

Mae.

Marlene. Uh...

But everyone calls me
Caroline.

- Caroline.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm Andy.

Nice to meet you.

Um...

Do you have a number
or anything?

Nope. It's in the trash can.

Your phone number's in--

What about Instagram?

Uh, no.

- Let's keep in touch.
- I hate computers.

I hate everything.

I hate love,
I hate the movies.

You gave him
your phone number?

Chill.

Chill?!

Chill?! Lisa,
I'm not going to chill!

Okay? The man
who's trying to kill me

wants to be your boyfriend.

Jenny, this is genius.
Don't you get it?

Forget the tracker.
Now we have a man on the ground.

Wha--who?

Me.

He wants to take me out
this week.

No. Absolutely not.
No, no, no.

- No, no, no.
- Jenny, don't you see?

This is an opportunity.
I'll go out with him,

and you break into his house
for evidence.

Wait, I'm not breaking in
to anybody's house,

and you are not going
on a date with my stalker.

Fine. I won't go.

- Good.
- He has my number.

You know who else
has my number?

The Domino's guy
down the street,

and they have like three
serial rapists on staff.

It'll be okay.

Well, you have to--

Don't worry, I have a plan.

God, I love the country.

Tape.

Tape.

Tape.

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

Looks good.

No one's getting past this.

Yeah?

What are you doing?

Knitting a sweater
for my grandma's service dog.

Is it me?

What?

Do you think--

I don't know, do you think
there's something about me

that makes men
treat me this way?

Do you think I'm weak?

Ow!

Jenny, this isn't your fault.

None of this is your fault.

Don't ever, ever
give them the satisfaction

of knowing they've
convinced you otherwise.

What?

Can I sleep in here
tonight?

With you?

Yeah.

Just know I listen
to trashy romance novels

on audiobook to fall asleep.

Why are you helping me?

I used to work
with this woman, Maria.

She was a shitty coder,
but only because

she dedicated all her time
and energy into gaming.

She was a hardcore gamer.

Like, top 200.

Is that good?

In the world.

Is that good?

- Jenny, that's amazing.

But she hated all
these superfluous rape scenes

that these male developers
would insert into the games.

So she decided
to do something about it.

She petitioned
the video game companies.

She started
a social media campaign

to bring attention to it.

She even published articles.

And what happened?

They came for her.

They harassed her.

They published
her personal information

on public forums.

This one guy
was especially bad.

He would send pictures
of her running errands,

at work, through
the windows of her house.

He would call in bomb threats
to local businesses

using her name.

He even cut off
a pig's head once

and left it
on her front porch.

Did he kill her?

Worse.

She quit.

She stopped coding,
stopped gaming.

Got offline and
moved out west somewhere.

She lost everything.

And did they ever find him?

Nobody looked.

I'm tired.

- Good night.
- Good night.

His cock was enormous.

"Perhaps too enormous,"
Rose thought.

Could she take it?
She wanted to.

- Of that much she was positive.

She had signed a contract

explicitly guaranteeing
that fact,

and put down an $800 deposit

in the event
that she changed her mind.

Fabio was super hard
for consent.

"Too hard? Maybe,"
thought Rose,

shuddering with equal parts
anticipation and fear.

Good morning.

Good--good mor--

Good morning.

What?

- How could you?
- How could I what?

"Ten Reasons We Should Raise
the Price of Tampons."

Really, Jenny?

What are you talking about?

"Men pay a price
in emotional trauma--"

--every time they walk by

a box of tampons and
have to imagine

the bloody entrails
of a would-be child

pass through their girlfriend
and into a toilet.

An abundance of Biblical
evidence suggests

that God wanted women to
suffer not just in childbirth,

but all activities
related to reproduction.

To ignore this would be akin
to embracing--

"--Sharia law."

Mm, so this is actually
a pet peeve of mine,

because "Sharia" means "law"
in Arabic,

so what you're effectively
saying is "law law."

Y-you wrote it!

What?

I can barely afford
tampons as it is.

I use a DivaCup, you know that.
It's messy in the bathroom.

Jenny, look.

Oh, my God.

It's him.

Who?

Oh!

F * k!

Oh, my God!

Hey, Jen,

why didn't you run this by me
before it went live?

- Cheryl, I--
- You misspelled "uterus."

I had Jason go in and fix it,

But, it is terribly embarrassin.
You're a woman.

I had no idea
you held opinions like this.

I wish I did. I wouldn't have
wasted money hiring Kelly.

So you know, keep it up,
I guess.

As for you, roll back.
Let me see that--

Just, add some tights.

Just wear tights
and flat shoes,

'cause you'll attract
the right kind of--of--of--

of--of--of person,
you know, taste-wise.

Music, comedy,
that kind of thing.

'Cause that's just--that's--

Anyway, you look great.
I love your eyebrows.

Thank you.

You see
Laura Ingraham last night?

She's making sense, huh?

Stupid bitch.

Where are you going?
It's 10:00.

I don't know.
CryptoBoner hacked

into my work computer,
you guys.

This is my professional
reputation

he's trying to destroy.

- What are you going to do?
- I don't know!

I don't know.

But I'm not just gonna sit there
and let him ruin

everything that I've worked for.

Hey, Jenny.
If Cheryl asks,

you're taking
a really long shit.

We love you.

Ah! Oh, my God. Rob.

Hey, Jenny.

What are you doing here?

I was visiting your neighbor.

Why were you visiting
my neighbor?

It's my third cousin.

- Luiz or Azriel?
- Mm-hmm.

You speak Yiddish?

Yeah. Oy vey.

Okay, it's good to see you,
but...

Wait, Jenny. How are you?

Are you doing okay?

You saw the article,
didn't you?

Yeah.

I didn't write it. I--

I know.

I know. Jenny,
it sounds nothing like you.

I--I read your work
all the time.

You would never advocate for
raising the price of tampons.

You use a DivaCup.

It was him, wasn't it?

Jesus.

I don't know what I did
to deserve this.

You don't deserve this,
Jenny.

Nobody does.

What if, um...

- What?
- Never mind.

What?

What if you took
some time off?

Kinda disappeared for a while
until things blow over?

You mean quit my job?

- Yes.
- Stop writing?

I'm worried.

I'd be really sad
if anything happened to you.

Wait, so you think I should
just...let him win?

Jenny, if you're dead,
doesn't matter who wins.

I have to go.

No, wait. Jenny.

Jenny, I'm sorry.

Jenny, you have to see
something.

Not in the mood.

He was here, CryptoBoner.

What's he doing?

Crafting?

Just fast forward.

Shit, man.

Jenny, I think he wants
to kill you.

Oh, you think so?

- So let's kill him first.
- No.

Why not?

If we kill one of them,

it'll send a message
to the rest.

No.

Men kill women
all the time for no reason.

I'm not a murderer.

Fine.

But I'm not living here anymore
without protection.

Whose house is this,
anyway?

Missy English,
my stepdaughter.

You're married?

I was, for two weeks,
three years ago.

I am not
buying a gun from a child.

She's not a child.

Emotionally.

Rich people never lock
their doors.

Missy?

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Lisa Lewis.

Sit.

Hi, Missy.
I-I'm Jenny.

I'm a friend of your...

Of your stepmother's.

The last time I saw you
was on Flag Day,

down at the cape house.

You left your G-string,
by the way.

Keep it.

I wore it.

And then I sold it
on a website for perverts.

And then I donated that money

to an elephant charity.

Disgusting.

Hey, look, uh...

Missy, I--um, I'm sure
your intentions

were probably super great,
but, um,

that behavior's actually not
considered socially acceptable.

Well, it's too late.

Now, do you want
to buy a gun or not?

Missy, isn't your nanny
upstairs?

- She's taking a pill nap.
- Okay.

What's a pill nap?

Like a Xanax.
Oh, my God.

It's like
"Princess and the Pea."

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

Fine.

Wow. Oh, wow. Wow.

- That's a--
- Yeah.

Saved the best for last.

That's really impressive.

That's quite the collection
you have in your couch.

Um, could you tell me
about this one?

No.

I stole them
from my dad's friend's house.

I don't actually know how
any of them work.

- Oh.
- It's fine.

He's a racist.

Missy, that's...
unprofessional.

I'm not a school shooter.
Jeez.

I'm sorry I can't tell you
the science behind riflery.

And if you guys
are school shooters,

you can take your money and
get the hell out of my house.

We don't do that.

Does your mother know
you do that?

Are you gonna tell her?

No.

Okay, look...

Missy, we're not trying
to kill anyone.

All right? We're just--

We just might need to scare
someone in the event that he--

in the event that he tries
to kill me.

So really, we're just here to--
we're just looking, you know?

- Nope!
- We're seeing what's out there!

Okay, nope!
Oh!

F k.

- Looks like this one's perfect.
All right.

Have you ever used
one of those before?

Have you?

I mean, yeah, of course.

Damn.

My parents made me play softball
throughout high school.

I hated it.

They made you?

I wanted to be
in astronomy club.

My physics teacher
was really f * king hot.

Like, really f * king hot.

Like, incredibly attractive.

Right. Got it.

Do you ever do
what you want to do?

I'm a writer, aren't I?

Jenny, I've looked you up.
You wrote 700 words

on Lena Dunham's rescue dog's
circumcision last week.

Yeah, that's my beat.

Lena Dunham's rescue dog
is your beat?

That's just the industry
these days.

I'm lucky to even have a job.

Do you feel lucky?

Where are you going?

It's cold.

I'm sorry.

I want to start
a media company.

Tell stories
like your friend's.

- Maria.
- Yeah, Maria.

You know, people only ever
ready about women

after they've disappeared
or they've been killed and...

Yeah, I want people to know
what comes before that.

I know, it's crazy,
I mean...

How would I
ever get the money?

And even if I did,
who would read it?

- But...
- It's not crazy.

I just don't want to f * k up
everything I've already built.

You live in a closet.

To be honest,
it's kind of nice.

I mean, it's all right.

It's not the Bahamas,
you know?

Why are men allowed
to sit like that?

I don't know.

- Hello?
- Hi, this is Penelope

from Sallie Mae
calling for Jenny Heitz.

Well, like I said,
you have the wrong number, so.

No.

You are Jenny Heitz
and you owe us over $60,000

worth of student loans.

Give us our money!

Well, Jenny's dead.

Jenny.

In my office, please.

We have ways of finding you,
Jenny.

Hi.

I confess I'm surprised.

I expected this kind
of behavior from Jason, maybe.

But not from you.

Why are men allowed
to sit like that?

Why are you asking me
that question?

You're in no position
to judge,

considering
your own moral indiscretions.

Excuse me?

I'm so disappointed in you.

After months of working under
such a strong female leader,

you still think the only way
to get what you want

is sleeping your way
to the top.

Cheryl, what are you
talking about?

I was devastated.

I was devastated.

Oh, my gosh, Jenny sent me
something with fun stickers.

I thought, "Finally somebody
remembers my birthday.

Finally."
But what do I find?

A flagrant desecration
of my religion.

Cheryl...

I didn't send these.

No, no, no! I-I-I'm serious.

These are from
my college boyfriend!

This--this guy's
been following me.

He's been--
he's been stalking me

and somehow getting to
all my information. I--

- You're a coward, okay?
- I am not a--

This is your return address,
right there.

Cheryl, anyone can put a
return address on any envelope.

This is a digital media site.
Welcome to the 21st century.

Your mail fax ain't getting you
anywhere, honey.

I can't believe
I almost gave you a raise.

You didn't almost give me
a raise.

Don't you tell me
what my intentions were.

- No, you didn't almost give--
- Don't assume

you know what I know, okay?

You better get out of here
before I have IT

search your computer
for porn.

Fetish porn.

No.

No?

- No?
- No.

I quit!
I don't want to work here.

Cheryl, you don't support women.
You're a hypocrite.

I have been forging a path

for ungrateful bitches
like you since 1982.

Do you know how hard it is
to self-publish

- in the Reagan revolution?
- No, no, no, we get it.

We get it, you were the first.

And you are just trying
to make sure

- that you are the only, okay?
- That is not true.

You don't understand
anything about me.

Cheryl, what does this title
even mean?

What does it mean?

You spend two chapters listing

which Korean spas are
your favorite

based on how good
at English the staff is.

- You have no idea--
- That's f * king offensive!

You have no idea how much
anthropological research

went into proving that
not all women speak Korean.

I could've f * king
told you that!

But you didn't,
'cause you're cavalier.

Everything's so easy for you.
So easy.

- Give me the book.
- It's so--no, no, no, no.

You don't get the book!
You don't get the book!

By the way, the only thing
that this newsroom cares about--

Don't you say it.
Don't you say it.

- Don't you say it.
- Is f * king traffic.

- She said it! Give me--
- F * king traffic!

Is f * king traffic!

Not. The only thing we care
about is not traffic.

And Betty Friedan was racist!

Oh! Oh, Kelly!
2,000 words on ten ways

millennials willfully
misunderstand

Betty Friedan's relationship
to race.

She was born in 1921!

Mom...

No smoking in the house!

And do your dishes,
you f * king sociopath!

And if you ever watch porn
without your headphones in

at 3:00 in the morning,
I will kill

your entire f * king family.

Now text that piece of shit.
You're going on a date.

Mama, I have to go.

All right.

Here.

What is that?

A hard drive.

You need to get his laptop
onto that, the whole thing.

The password to the laptop
is "DavidFosterWallace."

- One word.
- How do you know that?

I tracked his VPN
for a zero-day verification--

Okay, you know what?
Never mind.

All right.

It should take about two hours.

Bring it back here.
We'll mine the drive

for usable evidence and then...

take it to
the f * king police, I guess.

You sure you can keep him
distracted for that long?

I'm an amazing
conversationalist.

Oh, my God, how dare you?

Look, I even made a list
of things

I might like to talk about--
fishing, libertarianism,

Legos, hair loss, their rights,

boobs, craft beer,
grandfather clocks,

protein, their school,
their mom, their friends.

Ask them about cryptocurrency.

Okay.

And the Chicago Seals.

What is that,
like a sports team?

I mean, probably, right?

Yeah.

Okay, well, text me
when you're done.

I'll tell him I went
to the bathroom or something.

Oh, and...

Something wrong?

I'm afraid I'll use it.

Good.

He's asking for it.

Okay...

Rich people
never lock their doors.

Andy, where are you
taking me?

It's a surprise.

Ta-da.

Oh, my gosh, Andy.

What is this?

It is my favorite roof-top
in Jersey City.

My friend used to live here
and after he moved out,

I kept coming back on my own.

Um...nobody in the building
uses it.

When did you have time to do
all this?

I texted you
like two hours ago.

Oh, I set it up
right after we met.

I'm super into manifesting
my desires.

The bread might be stale.

So Caroline,
how old are you?

Thirty-one.

Oh. And you were married
in 2001?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I was found
in a trash can,

so there's no real way
of knowing how old I am.

- I could be 40.
- Oh.

So, um, how about
the Chicago Seals?

Is that a sports team?

Maybe.

I'm not really into sports.

I go paintballing on the weekend
sometimes for exercise.

Actually, me too.

That's quite synchronistic,
isn't it?

Actually,
I have to admit something.

I'm on a bit of
a self-help kick recently.

I love self-help.

Have you read Martha Beck?
She's Oprah's life coach.

I love Martha Beck.

Her Cycles of Change chart

totally transformed
my perspective.

In fact, her books inspired me
to try out veganism.

You're vegan?

Yeah, for five years now.

But, don't you
like buffalo wings?

Eh. Sports bars make me
feel vulnerable.

Andy, you live alone, right?

Yeah. I mean,
except for my two moms,

but they're always on cruises.

And my third cousin.

- Excuse me?
- It's crazy.

I didn't even know I had
a third cousin,

and then he found me
on some ancestry site

a few months ago.

Turns out we're both
direct descendants

of Mr. Rogers.

I'm letting him crash
in the basement

- until he finds a place--
- No, no, no, no.

Wait, where are you going?

The hell out of here.

Andy, have you ever made
a citizen's arrest before?

F * k yeah, baby!

Oh, you f * king nerd.

Andy, can we just
go a little faster, please?

We're like Thelma and--
what's her name?

Louise.
Right.

Rob?

I don't recall
inviting you over, Jenny.

Uh, Rob, Rob, please.

Why don't you listen?

I've given you
so many chances.

Please don't hurt me.

You think you're better
than me?

You're just another dumb,

idiot woman
who thinks she's too good

to pee standing up.

And I hate you.

- I hate you!
- Hey, hey.

Hey, Rob.

Listen, listen.

I'm sorry, okay?

But I've been really
stressed out at work,

and I--and I--

And I haven't even called
my parents in like three months.

People like you, you want
the whole world to cry for you.

Not me. I see
right through your game.

And tonight,
we're gonna play my game.

- Boop.

Technology.

Everyone is so starved for
true human intimacy

that they'll believe
anything you tell them.

I thought we were friends.

Right? We're friends.

Jenny, I gave you
so many chances

to prove
you're not a selfish whore.

I'm too soft.

At least that's what
5InchesAndCounting says.

Who?

5InchesAndCounting?

From the incel forum.

Where'd you get
the pinky finger, Rob?

You can buy anything
on the dark web, Jenny.

Actually,
could I have that back?

The pinky finger?

Never mind, I'll just
stop by your house

and grab it after I kill you.

Won't you have
two pinky fingers?

That one is special!

Guess what, Jenny?

#notallmen.

And don't worry. I like to do
things the old fashioned way.

Hey, you have value, okay?

You--you don't have
to do this.

Do you like it?

It's from sixth century.

Used to belong
to Japanese royalty.

I speak Japanese.
Did you even know that?

Do you know what that means?

It means
"Therapy is for f * gots."

Jenny, you stupid bitch!

Jenny?

That was a really stupid thing
you did back there.

I was gonna kill you quickly.

I guess now...
I'll take my time.

Don't come any closer
or I'll shoot.

You wouldn't.

You don't know me.

You wouldn't kill someone.
You're not that kind of girl.

I said you don't f * king
know me.

What kind of girl am I, Rob?

I'm a bitch.

I'm a f * king angry bitch.

Please put the gun down.

I was just joking.
I'll leave town.

You don't have
to hear from me again.

I won't contact you.

There have to be
consequences.

And I am not going to live
in fear anymore.

You stupid, stupid slut.

You forgot to load the gun.

Oh, that's stupid.

Hey, asshole.

Yeah, that's right, you.

The little bitch.

The little pussy,
crafting-ass bitch.

- Who you talking to?
- I'm an artist.

Tilda Swinton's an artist.

You're a crafting-ass bitch.

Crafting. Ass. Bitch.

- Shut up.
- Crafting. Ass. Bitch.

Shut up!

Get down,
you crafting-ass bitch.

Help.
Shh.

I was saving these
for tonight,

but this felt like
the right time to use them.

Yeah, Andy.

Let me go.
Hell, no.

This is a citizen's arrest,
baby!

Free our streets!

- Whose streets?
- Our streets!

- Whose streets?
- Our streets!

Who are these people?
Antifa.

I can't believe
you didn't load the gun.

I thought you did.

Hey, Jenny!

Ellen? Meredith?

What are you guys doing here?

As journalists,
we have to find creative ways

to participate
in politics.

Nobody's objective,
not in the face of fascism!

So true!

Jenny, I'm really sorry
about Rob.

Technology has me so starved
for human intimacy

that I was willing to believe
anything anyone told me.

It's okay!

There is absolutely no way any
could have ever known.

- That's true.
- We love you.

Love you!

Whose streets?

It's our streets.
Definitely our streets.

So where are they taking him?

Gowanus.

Andy, what the hell? No.

Andy, no.

And my name is Lisa.

And I'm gay.

I'm sorry, I only went
on a date with you

'cause I thought you were
trying to kill Jenny.

You deserve better.

Well, that's okay.
I understand.

My mom is gay.

And my other mom
doesn't subscribe to labels.

But she's gay, too.

Hey, Andy.
Sorry for the mix-up.

Thanks for--thanks
for taking Lisa back, okay?

Okay, but no.

Um, yeah.
Sorry about that.

Andy, uh, listen.

I have an extra ticket
to Tilda Swinton's

latest art installation.

It's her taking a shower
in the middle of the MOMA

while Lorde plays the recorder.

Would you want to go
with me, as friends?

- I'd love to.
- As friends.

As friends. Hey.

You know what?
I have something for you, too.

I want you two to have this.

What is it?
- Uh, Rob used to brag

about how much money he made
selling bracelets online.

A few weeks ago,
he ate too many buffalo wings

and he told me
where this was hidden.

Bracelets?

Yeah, it looked like
he was selling candy bracelets,

but the candy was made
out of MDMA.

That's actually kind of
brilliant.

Look, Andy, we--
we can't take that.

Well, if you don't take it
it's going to the government.

Well, let them have it.

I'm not taking money
from my stalker.

It's roughly $500,000.

The government will
just use it to bomb Libya.

- Thank you. Thank you for this.
- Thanks.

I can't wait
to see Tilda Swin--

what's her name again?

- Tilda Swinton.
- I can't wait to see

Tilda Swinton shower together.

You kinda look like her.

Holy shit.

It's yours.

- No, I--
- Yes.

Start your media company.

You deserve this.

- Lisa, we should at least--
- Jenny.

Shut the f * k up.

Your job is a joke
but you're not.

The world needs you.

Thanks.

Do you mind if I make
a phone call real quick?

Yeah, sure.

Hi, thank you
for calling Sallie Mae.

Hi, Penelope.

Hi.

This is Jenny Heitz.

I see.

I just want you to know
that someone gave me $500,000.

And I'm not gonna give you
any of it.

Oh, we'll get that money.

Yeah, well, you'll be looking
for the rest of your life.

- It's ours.
- I'm rich now.

And rich people
can get out of anything.

We will never, ever
stop looking for you.

- Bye.
- There's nowhere you can run,

nowhere you can hi--

We did it!

Just promise me one thing.

What?

That when you start
your business,

your first investigation

will be into who killed
my landlady.

Deal.

- Lisa.
- Yeah?

Your landlady was definitely
murdered by her husband.