Art School Confidential (2006) - full transcript
Jerome, a kid from the suburbs who loves to draw, goes to New York City's Strathmore College for his freshman year as a drawing major. Competition and petty jealousy consume faculty and students, with an end-of-first-semester best-student award held out as a grand plum. Worse, a strangler is on the loose, killing people on or next to campus. The idealistic Jerome falls in love with Audrey, a student who models for life-drawing classes and who responds to his sweetness. But he has a rival: the clean-cut, manly Jonah, also a first-year drawing student, whose primitive work draws raves and Audrey's attention. As cynicism seems to corrode everything, Jerome is desperate to win.
I am a genius.
I am the greatest artist
of the 20th century.
My name is Pablo Picasso.
I pretty much invented modern art.
And I do weird, abstract paintings...
...even though I can paint totally
realistic, if I wanted to.
Also, even though
I'm super short and bald...
...I am able to have sex
with any beautiful woman I want...
...just because I'm so great.
Come here.
Look.
- Pretty good.
- Thanks.
Some day, if you get famous,
this can be worth a lot of money.
You're wasting your time, Jerome.
You gotta set your sights
on a more realistic girl.
Shit, here comes Stoob.
Hey, pencil-prick, thanks for helping
me with that poster for Erikson's class.
- He said I was a natural artist.
- A natural scam artist.
Got that right, queer-bait.
What's this?
- Are you jacking off in school now?
- It's a college brochure, you moron.
What college has a naked chick
for a teacher?
She's an art model, you stupid ape.
Hey. You're all right, Platz.
I don't know, Jerome. It just seems
a little too good to be true.
Don't you think?
Fucking shit!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's based on the whole thing
with the campus murder, but...
Hell no, it ain't
no boring-ass documentary.
Look, forget that shit, okay?
Yeah, fucking A, there's gonna
be tons of action, are you kidding me?
- You're an art major?
- Yeah. Drawing and painting.
- What are you guys?
- I'm fashion. He's film, I guess.
Are you for real?
You're shitting me, right?
- Well, yeah.
- God, this is so depressing.
- Why, what's wrong?
- I just really, really miss my girlfriend.
One hundred percent.
Yeah, you won't be sorry.
I love you too, Grandpa. Yes!
Yes! I'm so fucking pumped!
- I'm Vince.
- Hi. Jerome. How are you?
- What's your name again?
- Matthew.
God, I'm so fucking jazzed.
I get to make my movie.
That's fantastic.
- You guys freshmen?
- Yeah.
- You a sophomore?
- Junior.
It's all right.
You listen to me, you'll be okay.
Why do you still live in the dorm?
A lot of juniors still live in the dorm.
What's wrong with that?
That guy's some hot shit
sculpture major.
I have never seen
so many beautiful girls.
This is nothing. Dude,
you should've seen last year's crop.
Enrollment's way off
since the murders.
- What murders?
- You're shitting me, right?
I heard about it. Somebody killed
a guy on campus, or whatever.
Yeah. Three people
in the neighborhood since March.
You're fucking with me. You've never
heard about the Strathmore Strangler?
He killed a guy, like, 10 days ago.
- Are you from out of state?
- The suburbs.
Then you have no excuse.
What about Richard Natwick?
- Jesus.
- Sorry, I don't really follow the news.
Okay, I'm gonna give you the story...
You gotta pay attention.
Because this story is huge.
This is, like, national news, man.
I'm listening.
Just after the first murder,
there's this guy, Richard Natwick.
He's, like, some second-year
painting major.
Does these stupid-ass
word paintings.
He has a show at the student center.
Cops send some guys to check it out.
But they're not used to
this kind of artsy bullshit, right?
- Fucking...
- Cut your shit.
Get used to being bent over, prick.
So then a couple of professors
freak out.
And before you know it,
he's like a fucking martyr.
Art is not a crime! Art is not a crime!
Of course, it turns out
he's completely innocent.
And the cops have to totally eat shit.
- So, what happened to him?
- He had his 15 minutes of fame.
Then he got hurt real bad in
some crazy-ass performance art thing.
Okay...
...hit the juice.
Anyway, you gotta read my script.
I mean, it's all in there.
It's totally huge.
So, what, you don't get the paper
in the suburbs?
I mean, for all they know,
the killer could be from the suburbs.
Those cops, they don't know shit.
So, what, you're a drawing major?
Yeah. Drawing and painting.
That's awesome.
I hear you guys get to see
tons of naked vagina.
Okay, Leslie.
Time to work your magic.
First pose, people.
We're gonna hit
the ground running.
Okay, first pose.
I don't have any particular wisdom
to impart to you people, except this:
These four words:
Don't have unrealistic expectations.
If you wanna make money,
better drop out right now.
Go to banking school
or website school.
Anywhere but art school.
And remember,
only one out of 100 of you...
...will ever make a living as an artist.
Hello?
Yes.
Ah, Lorenzo.
No. Absolutely, yes...
Sandy, can I get a break up here?
Take a break. Five minutes.
Are you kidding? I would absolutely
love to have you look at it.
No, because I feel like I've really
turned a corner with this latest series.
In January?
Yeah, yeah. I'm sure I could.
I mean, I don't think my plate
is completely full.
Well, I'd be happy...
No, of course not.
Hi.
- Really pretty, what you're doing.
- I gotta go.
Jesus.
Why are the people in these freshman
classes exactly the same every year?
Look.
You got the vegan holy man.
The boring blowhard.
- The angry lesbian.
- Professor?
Professor? Professor?
And here, you got kiss-ass.
I wanted to tell you that I looked up
some of your paintings on the Internet.
- I thought they were really terrific.
- You get an "A" for the class.
And Mom.
I feel that I am finally about to ripen.
Artistically.
Mom's youngest just left the nest...
...so she's ready to explore
her creative side.
How do you know all this stuff?
Because I'm a living cliché
just like the rest of these guys.
I'm the guy who keeps dropping out
and changing majors...
...because he's afraid
he really sucks at everything.
So who am I?
I don't know.
I haven't figured you out yet.
Jesus.
Who's the weirdo?
Professor? Professor?
Professor Okamura?
What is your attendance policy
for this class?
I...
...don't...
...care...
...if you come to class or not.
This is ready for the kiln.
Let me see if I got this right:
You're the guy
that never got laid in high school.
So you came here
to try to bone your way through...
...an endless lineup of art skanks.
Not exactly. I mean,
I really do wanna be an artist.
A great artist, you know, if possible.
Which enables you to bone your way
through a lineup of art skanks.
So why wait, man?
Art school's like a pussy buffet.
I don't want just any girl.
All right.
There she is.
There is the beautiful beatnik
art chick of your dreams.
- Yeah, so?
- So ask her to borrow something.
It's the easiest thing in the world.
Want me to teach you?
Daddy will bring you there.
- Jesus...
- Come on.
Hi...
Do you think I could borrow
your pencil?
Why?
- What for?
- Doesn't matter, it was a stupid idea.
Oh, my God.
You have the most beautiful eyes.
You have to let me
take a picture of them.
Okay.
How about pizza?
Do you wanna go get pizza?
The only trouble with that is all those
beatnik chicks are totally insane.
Look, what you really want is a nice,
innocent, suburban girl.
Some freshman chick
who hasn't been corrupted yet.
Stay out of that cave, Koala Bear.
There's snakes and bats.
Don't be silly, Pepper.
I'm not afraid of a little snake.
You know, come to think of it,
they're all insane.
Just find yourself some nympho slut
and get it over with.
Excuse me.
Can you help me get this off?
I want you to know,
I definitely don't have AIDS.
I've been tested, like, 40 times,
so I know it for a fact.
Keep the fucking kid quiet,
you motherfucking asshole!
It's just my old man.
Are you serious?
You've never been laid before?
It just hasn't worked out yet.
I have very high standards.
Man, I gotta take you out
whore-busting some night.
We gotta remedy this situation
before it gets any worse.
Maybe you have issues
that make it difficult...
...to feel comfortable
with your own sexuality.
Could be, I guess.
You guys know what
whore-busting is, right?
You leave the money on the dresser,
fuck the whore and go to sleep.
You wake up, not only is your money
still there, but she's left you a tip.
It's the fucking
greatest deal ever, man.
Crackheads aren't so good.
Their tip is a little glass pipe
and a piece of tinfoil.
You don't want that shit. Get a nice
call girl or something, you know?
You fuck a lot of chicks, Matthew?
Yeah, I figured, man.
Fashion, and all that shit. Models...
Crack whores, call girls, strippers...
We could bust some strippers
together, that'd be fucking awesome.
What is art?
Is this art?
Or this?
Or this?
Who's that?
Ignore that. That's a mistake.
Hamlet. War and Peace.
"Beethoven's 9th". Guernica.
These are works which hold as much
emotional resonance today...
...as they did at the time
of their creation.
What makes a work of art timeless?
What qualities must it possess?
- Yes?
- Everything on your list...
...was done by a dead white male.
I noticed that too.
To be clear, they were not yet dead
when they created those works.
You're just playing into
the patriarchy.
The history of art is largely about
the implementation of masculinity.
- That is such bullshit.
- Part of some Darwinian imperative.
Most artists become artists
because...
...they have no way
to attract a mate.
I hardly think
I'm the first to point out...
...that the vast preponderance
of artists are, shall we say...
...physiologically deficient
in some way.
Dribble the ball, Hurst!
Please don't yell.
- Going to Marvin Bushmiller's talk?
- Yeah, are you?
We better get there early.
It's weird how he's so famous.
I used to see him around Strathmore
when I was a freshman.
I saw his show at Broadway Bob's...
...now he's on
the cover of Artforum.
- Well, that's how it works.
- Platz! Get in there.
Mr. Bushmiller, The New York Times
has called your work:
"An expedition to the far contours
of an evolving techno-culture."
With that in mind, where do you see
art headed in the 21st century?
"Art" who?
No, really, that's such...
...a stupid question.
Why don't you
ask me something relevant.
Ask me how much money I have
in the bank, or...
Did you learn anything
at Strathmore?
Yes, I learned many things.
I learned that the faculty
is made up of old failures...
...who teach only because
they need the health insurance.
Present company excluded,
of course.
I was about to say.
David was too busy trolling the halls
for fresh meat to worry about health.
What advice would you give
to a young artist...
Shut up. There's only one question
any of you wanna ask.
You wanna know what it would take
to turn you into me.
Well, listen closely, because
I'm gonna give you the answer.
In order to be a great artist...
...you simply have to be
a great artist.
There's nothing to learn, so you're all
wasting your time. Go home.
Why are you such an asshole?
Now, that's a great question.
No, it really is.
I am an asshole
because that is my true nature.
Maybe it's everybody's true nature.
Every one of you looks like
a fucking asshole, but who knows?
The difference between
you and me is that...
...I have gained the freedom
to express my true nature.
And what could be more beautiful
than truth and freedom?
Another day, another dollar.
Hello, Larry.
Oh, by the way...
...are you and Lois gonna be free
the night of January 18th?
How the hell should I know?
Well, I have to do
this little gallery thing.
Lorenzo Massengale
has been torturing me...
...to put my new series of paintings
in his new space...
...and I just thought maybe you
and Lois would want an invitation.
I think I'm busy that night, Sandiford.
Here, I stopped off at Broadway Bob's.
You're welcome.
I thought Broadway Bob's
was an art gallery or something.
It's a very famous shithole
run by an obnoxious windbag...
...who takes credit for the career
of every half-talented monkey...
...who ever took a class
at Strathmore.
But the coffee's good.
Hello, Lorenzo, it's Sandy.
Just wanted to make sure
you got the slides and...
You don't need to call me,
because I have a class starting.
So I will call you afterwards.
Thanks. Bye.
Sorry I'm late.
Hello, dear.
Looks like this is our lucky day.
I'm sorry, Sandy,
I'm just dying for a cigarette.
Yes, absolutely.
Five-minute break.
I'm gonna go to the john.
Let me borrow this.
All right.
She smiled at you, how sweet.
You've seen her before?
Who is she?
Don't get your hopes up.
She's prime real estate, my friend.
Hey, faggots.
What a cute couple.
I think they like us.
- Is she a student or just a model?
- Can we forget about her for a minute?
We're about to have
a life-changing experience here.
Jimmy, it's Bardo.
Brought someone over to meet you.
I got a bottle of Slivovitz here.
It's 80 proof, made in Poland,
imported by...
Boys, welcome.
I'm afraid you've interrupted me
in the middle of one of my shows.
This is Jerome.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Thank you for having us.
A pleasure.
Isn't this a great place?
Jimmy's got rent control.
So Jerome here...
...wants to be a great artist, Jimmy.
How terrific.
Jerome, are you exceptionally skilled
as a cocksucker?
It wasn't a rhetorical question.
Are you a great artist
when it comes to fellatio?
No.
No, I guess not.
Well, that's no good.
So who do you like?
Who's your favorite artist, Jerome?
- Maybe Picasso.
- I see.
Very good.
Our old friend...
..."pick-asshole."
The nasty little dwarf
who went his whole life...
...without a single original thought.
I presume you're joking, right?
Jimmy's a Strathmore grad.
Just look at me now.
Just think, Jerome.
One day, this could all be yours.
You're going places, young man.
I can feel it.
But you need to take some lessons
in sucking cock and licking ass.
Otherwise, you might find yourself
rotting away in some shithole...
...postponing suicide for the slim
chance that you might one day...
...possibly see some glorious plague
or pestilence...
...bring horrible suffering
to your hateful species.
What are you smiling about?
Laugh away, laughing boy!
I will stomp your guts
till they shoot out your ass!
I will bury you alive
and shit on your grave!
Okay, boys. Show's over.
I have to get back
to my masturbation.
Isn't Jimmy great?
Yeah, definitely.
Self-portrait.
Starting next week...
...I will be selecting the most effective
work from each session...
...and placing it in the hall gallery.
- Which gallery?
- It's on this floor.
- Down at the end of the hall.
- By the men's toilet?
Yes.
Now, let's get started on these.
Who wants to comment?
I like Flower's drawing.
- Yeah. Me too.
- It seems like she's trying to do...
...something more
than just draw herself.
It's more about
the process of drawing.
All right. Does anything else up here
command your attention?
Does anyone have anything more
to say on Flower's piece?
Yes, Jerome?
- Nothing.
- Well, "nothing" doesn't exist...
...in this classroom.
What are you thinking?
We're waiting, Jerome.
I don't know. It just...
It looks like a lame
Cy Twombly imitation to me.
It looks like she did it
in about two minutes.
That is such bullshit.
Because her drawing isn't perfect,
it's automatically bad?
At least it has humanity.
Yeah, totally.
Jerome, your drawing looks like
it was done by a machine.
Whereas Flower's...
Flower's is full of playfulness and...
Yeah, like, humanity.
What's so great about humanity?
Humans are a bunch of jerks.
I hope a plague wipes out the species.
- What is your problem?
- Jesus Christ, Jerome.
Okay, that's enough.
This is a required assignment.
I have to give it to you.
And, Flower, it is certainly
not worth crying about, okay?
Hey, man.
I agree with you 100 percent.
I think the entire human race should
be wiped off the face of the earth.
Oh, I didn't really mean... I was just...
You don't have to apologize.
I'm totally with you on this.
So this is the hall gallery.
Hey.
You guys have to come
to my opening tonight.
You were really an asshole
in class today.
Hey. You guys.
So are we gonna go see
Shilo's opening?
- How did she ever get a gallery show?
- It's totally meaningless.
Any idiot could sign up
for a student gallery.
Oh, my God.
What?
I didn't notice that.
We gotta go.
Great work, Shilo.
Hey.
Do you know this girl?
Yeah. We had her as a model.
Remember?
But do you know who she is?
Do you know her name?
You are such a prick.
What? You can't say anything nice
about my photos?
- Hi.
- Hi.
That came out really good.
- Thank you.
- Shilo.
What?
Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.
So is that your real name?
Or are you just obsessed with Audrey
Hepburn like every art school chick?
I was named after an old cartoon.
Another ironic pop culture reference.
She's a keeper.
- Hey.
- God, do you know that guy?
- No. I thought he was your friend.
- No way.
Oh, you're the guy
from Sandy's class.
I have such a bad memory for faces.
I'm sorry.
That's okay. I'm Jerome.
I was thinking about you today.
I saw an old photo
of Marie-Thérèse Walter...
...and it looked just like the way
that you drew me.
She's one of the women
who modeled for Picasso.
I know just the picture
you're talking about.
You do?
Let's get out of here.
What? I said I liked your photos.
- You didn't have to do that.
- It's okay.
I couldn't bear to watch you
get cornered by that creep again.
Well, I have to get going anyway.
I'm kind of making the rounds tonight.
Really?
Well, maybe sometime we could...
I have to go to
a Donald Baumgarten show.
Oh, I know who he is.
He's an old pop art guy, right?
Yeah, he's really good. He's great.
He's absolutely awful.
But I can't get out of it.
Do you wanna go with me?
Come on, please.
I hate to take the subway by myself.
Especially with that weirdo
out there strangling everybody.
A little bit. Well, my parents go a lot.
Hi.
Audrey, I was afraid
you weren't coming.
So how's it going?
Well, I think I might have sold
two of the small ones.
- The ones you hate.
- I like them just fine. You know that.
Just not as much
as the big, blue ones.
I know.
Daddy, this is Jerome.
Jerome is a big fan of yours.
I brought him to meet you.
Jerome, this is Donald Baumgarten.
Wow. I'm a big fan of yours, sir.
It's really a pleasure.
My pleasure, son.
Daddy, I hate to do this,
but I don't think we can stay.
Jerome has to meet someone
at another party, and we're late, so...
- Will I see you on Sunday?
- I'll call you.
I can't believe you grew up
with a dad like that.
He's a famous artist.
He's hardly a famous artist.
It's really heartbreaking.
He should've given up, like,
30 years ago.
God, I am starving.
- Should we go eat somewhere?
- Sure.
Have you ever heard
of Broadway Bob's?
So why are you a model?
Just for the money?
Oh, yeah. I make a fortune.
My God, is that who I think it is?
He's always here.
That table is practically reserved
for post-minimalists.
This is where everybody gets
their first big show.
It's like the launching pad
from Strathmore to the real world.
- How do they pick who gets a show?
- They go to the surveys and all that.
What's the matter?
Don't you love me anymore?
When's the last time
you came to see me?
Jerome, this is Broadway Bob.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
Bob knows everybody.
Every artist you can think of
had their first show in this place.
Bushmiller, Naugle, Bilbo,
you name it.
The minute they get famous,
they got no time for me, right?
Hey! I told you to stop hassling
my customers!
Hector! Fucking Brown Shirts.
What are you doing?
- Good to see you.
- Bye.
- Tell your father I said hi.
- Okay.
- Hey. Excuse me.
- Yeah, what?
You wanna help me out?
I got two homeless fucks outside...
...that panhandle all day.
They bother my customers outside.
This kid's not a serial killer.
Look at that guy out there.
- Just get the fuck out.
- All right, let's go.
- Your coffee sucks.
- Go to Starbucks.
Who's this?
- Jerome, this is Candace.
- Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Audrey and I used to bump cunts.
Just kidding.
But little Audrey doesn't wanna play
with me anymore, does she.
What do you think
of these paintings?
They're okay.
I mean, they're not the most...
They're Candace's paintings.
- They're really good.
- Where do you find them, Audrey?
Anyway, thanks to this little exhibit,
I'll get a spring show at the Haberman.
- That's really great. Congratulations.
- I know. Golly gosh!
- You. Get over here.
- Later, kids.
What's this I hear about a show at
Haberman? You gotta let me know...
So, what do you wanna do, Jerome?
I wanna be the greatest artist
of the 21st century.
Oh, I just meant,
"What do you wanna do now?"
I should probably get home.
- I'm stupid...
- No, no, I think it's great.
I think you really could be
a great artist.
You have the right kind of...
...energy.
- You won't believe...
- Did you hear the news?
- No, but guess where I was?
- The strangler got another one.
Some poor schmuck on his way to
the subway. I got a major rewrite to do.
- I was on the subway tonight.
- You're lucky to be alive.
- Anyway, guess what I was doing.
- Smoking pole?
No, I was on a date with the most
beautiful girl in the whole school.
All right. Can I smell your finger?
Look.
No shit.
- Nice.
- Yeah. She thinks I'm a great artist.
You fucking snake.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Did you already pop her?
No, I...
- You know, we just met...
- Man, if she was my girlfriend...
...I would be pounding that shit
day and night.
November 28th.
November 28th.
Try and keep that date...
...in your tiny, little,
drug-addled brains.
That is the date of
the post-Thanksgiving assessment...
...where you'll put up all your work...
...and a bunch of us professors
are gonna sneak in...
...behind your backs
and give you a grade.
However, that is but a mere prelude
to this day:
December 19th.
December 19th is the final survey
where you will receive...
...your one-and-only official grade
for this class...
...provided, of course, you all
haven't been murdered by then.
I heard the final survey
is where big-shot gallery owners...
...show up to troll for new talent.
I wouldn't worry about that
too much right now.
This could be a big break
for somebody.
But this is not Schwab's drugstore.
You are definitely not Lana Turner.
- What does that mean?
- It means you children are too young...
...to be worrying about that.
Now, Eno, why haven't you
been doing the assignments?
Frankly, I find them constricting
and largely irrelevant.
My work has nothing to do
with form or light or color...
...but with questioning the nature
of aesthetic experience.
I'll buy that.
- Jonah, what about you?
- I'll bring something next time. Sorry.
I also heard that the student
with the best grade...
- ...gets a show at Broadway Bob's.
- That's been known to happen, yes.
Professor Okamura said no one in
your class ever got the best grade.
Well, Larry seems to care about
that kind of thing a lot more than I do.
And Larry has a tendency to live
vicariously through his students...
...which I find rather pathetic.
I also heard they're cutting faculty,
and all the profs...
...are shitting bricks trying to get
a student to the Broadway Bob show.
Actually. I'm too busy
concentrating on my own painting...
...to get involved with
any kind of faculty intrigue.
Is it true Marvin Bushmiller got his
break when he got the best grade?
Audrey.
Hi.
I just came in to get a coffee.
I have to model for
Professor Bogle's class at 6:30.
Can I walk with you?
God, you're so polite. Sure.
Look at you.
So content with your happy,
little lives.
But none of you know the taste
of true happiness...
...the happiness that
only death can bring.
I am hell on earth, personified!
What do you think?
Should I trim that last part?
How much longer you gonna be?
It's up to the boss.
See you later.
Hey, hey, hey. You can't just leave.
What do you think
of the movie so far?
- It's fine.
- Yeah. Thanks.
She doesn't get this kind of stuff.
I wouldn't worry about it.
I gotta cram some love story
into this thing, man.
Those skags make up 50 percent
of the audience.
You're missing the best part.
Hey.
Now...
...we're not gonna have any more
official assignments in this class.
Last week, I asked you to bring in
what you thought was your...
...best work of art, old or new. Okay?
And we're gonna use that work...
...as a starting point to, hopefully,
help you become better artists.
"We live in a police state."
Ain't that the truth.
This is interesting.
That's not finished, but I thought
the class might find it interesting...
...to see the various stages
of my process.
Indeed.
And what have we here?
- Who did this?
- That's mine.
Where have you been all my life?
- What do we think of this work, class?
- It's so...
It's like, he figured out how to unlearn
all the typical art school bullshit.
It's really great.
It has the singularity of outsider art,
though the conscious rejection...
...of spatial dynamics
could only come from an intimacy...
...with the conventions
of picture-making.
Are you kidding me?
You look at...?
Professor Okamura, what are some
of your favorite Halloween memories?
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
You want a drink? There's some
weird orange punch over there.
- Yeah. That's really sweet. Thank you.
- Okay.
Better get back there. You're about
to get cock-blocked by Joe College.
How did you do that painting?
It's like you've never seen
another painting before.
What the fuck?
My God, we look like
Bonnie and Clyde.
Oh, thanks.
Isn't it weird?
Look how perfectly we match.
- That's great.
- There's an empty seat over there.
Looks like a duel.
No? Comments?
Jonah's seems totally original
and authentic.
And Jerome's just seems lame.
It's pathetic. No offense.
Yeah, it's like Jonah is tapping...
...into this total childhood innocence.
He's got a whole way of seeing
that's completely outside the box.
And Jerome is totally in the box,
you know?
- Yeah. It sucks.
- You know, Jerome's is really...
Okay, I think that's fine.
We shouldn't be too hard on Jerome.
Jerome's trying to do something
that is essentially impossible.
He's trying to sing in his own voice...
...using someone else's
vocal chords.
I mean, it's the greatest.
He picks a completely random victim.
I mean, this chick was, like...
She was, like,
a cashier or something.
- How do they know it's the same guy?
- Come on, it's obvious.
There's a million clues.
For one thing, he always...
- Okay, I believe you.
- Look at her.
She was only 31 years old.
I mean, it's like a goddamn miracle.
Here I am, busting my nuts...
...trying to find some female character
for my movie...
...and this guy goes and drops
one right in my lap.
Murder?
Don't worry so much, man.
No one's gonna murder me.
I don't want nothing
to happen to my best ho.
The streets ain't safe no more.
Not since...
Fuck you.
You're just trying to keep me down,
and I am not your whore any more.
I mean...
I'm not your whore no more.
This is total shit, you know that?
No, I don't know that.
Come on. All of this "gangsta,"
"motherfucker" bullshit.
Why do you wanna regurgitate this
Hollywood crap for the zillionth time?
Don't you have anything original
to say?
- I think I do.
- Then you need to say it.
Because this is
completely worthless.
- Hello?
- Hi. It's Jerome Platz.
- Hey, Jerome Platz.
- Hey, I was just calling...
To... I've got...
I've gotta go home for Thanksgiving,
and I was wondering...
...if you had any plans, if, maybe,
you wanted to come with me...
Unfortunately, I have to go up north
to visit my grandmother.
- But that's really nice of you.
- No...
Don't be silly.
Have a great time.
I'll talk to you soon.
- Okay. Bye.
- Take care. Bye.
I think maybe I'll go on tour
with Dominick's band this summer.
They're playing shows in the Midwest.
They need someone to sell T-shirts.
Who's Dominick?
This guy, who's friends
with Stacy's big brother.
- Forget about it.
- God, you are so unfair.
Jerome gets to go to art school,
and I can't go on a summer trip.
You gonna get a job doing paintings
somewhere once school's done?
That's not really how it works.
Who in their right mind would buy
your paintings?
- Cynthia.
- God, you love Jerome more than me.
You know what you gotta do?
Figure out who's the top guy in your
business and hook up with him.
It's not what you do
so much as who you know.
That's how it is in my business,
and it's all about business.
Yeah. Actually, I've kind of
made a connection already.
My girlfriend's dad
is kind of a famous artist, so...
- Your what?
- Hugh...
...help me get the rest of the pies
out of the oven?
We thought for sure
you were a homo.
My friend's granddaughter paints
little pictures on the shoes...
Oh, what do you call them?
Anyhow, she paints pictures
of little animals and whatnot.
And I believe the other children
pay her for it.
"Sneakers."
Isn't that what they call them?
Anyhow, that's something
I thought you could do, Jeremy.
It's not that at all. It's just that,
I really felt that they were...
...some of, really, the best things
I'd done in a very long time.
And I'm just...
And I'm just slightly...
...surprised that...
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
I'm Helena Sandiford.
Sandy will be right with you.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate...
No, I do. I do understand.
No. Not at all.
And I really appreciate
you looking at the slides.
Yeah.
And you.
Bye.
Go fuck yourself, Lorenzo!
Those are mine, yes.
They're really good.
Yes, I rather like them.
Unfortunately, we're not
in the majority, Jerome.
Apparently, they're a little too "difficult"
for some people.
So how long have you been
doing the triangles?
A long time.
I was one of the first.
So tell me, Jerome...
...what are you not getting
out of my class?
I don't know. I feel like...
...I don't really know
what I'm doing and...
Maybe I should be finding
my own style...
...or voice or something.
That is absolute bullshit.
What would an artist at your age
want with a style?
What about Jonah?
He's got sort of a style.
No, Jonah doesn't have a style.
He has a sort of "nowness."
It's exciting. It's seductive.
But that does not mean, Jerome...
...that he is a better artist than you are.
Far from it.
You're very similar to me.
It is going to take you
a very long time...
...to get where you're going.
Look, do you have any idea...
...how long it took me
to paint like this?
- No.
- Twenty-five years.
Jerome, it is absolutely essential
at your age...
...that you start to experiment
with all the arts...
...all the philosophies
and all the lifestyles.
So, that's what you think I should do,
is try a bunch of different styles...
...and see where it takes me?
Yes, yes and yes, Jerome.
- Okay.
- I have seen so many young artists...
...get locked into
this incredibly rigid way of thinking.
So that's what I should try to do,
is experiment?
Absolutely.
And I am here to facilitate
that experimentation...
...in any way I can...
...either in or out of the classroom.
Thank you, professor.
For the last time, come on, get out.
Get out of my building.
He says they're all done.
We can go in now.
Too experimental.
You're all over the map.
No focus.
Hollow and derivative.
You need to be yourself.
What's up, Platz?
- Hey.
- Hey.
So are you going
to Marvin Bushmiller's opening?
No. I didn't even know about it.
It might be an invite-only thing.
It's probably done
through his gallery.
- I'm sure it'll be a total drag, anyway.
- When is it?
I don't even know.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I can't believe it.
I got an "A."
Everybody got an "A".
It's a total scam to trick everybody
into feeling good about themselves.
Yeah, well, I never got better
than a "C" in my whole life.
That's hard to believe.
Yeah, well, guess I didn't go
to class too much.
- I was too busy getting into trouble.
- Really.
Yeah, me too.
No kidding.
Did you grow up in the city?
Well, not right in the city.
But I came here all the time.
All the fucking time.
Practically lived here.
So...
...how about it, dude?
You got any deep, dark secrets
we should know about?
Forgive me!
What the hell was that?
Don't worry, it's a totally rough cut.
That's a temp score without...
I thought you were gonna make
a nice little murder picture...
...but, here, you got the worms
and the dancing...
- Did you like it?
- It's symbolism, Grandpa.
And where are the guns?
I thought this was a shoot-them-up.
The guy's a strangler, Grandpa.
What am I supposed to do?
I want guns.
The movie is called,
The Strathmore Strangler.
You want the strangler
to shoot people?
I paid for a movie with guns.
Hello, Torsiello Gallery.
I can put you on the pre-waiting list.
It's not working. Do it better.
Excuse me.
We're closed.
I heard that Mr. Bushmiller
was having a party tonight.
And I was just wondering
if there was...
Sorry. Invite only.
I was gonna make up some elaborate
lie, but I decided to be honest.
I'm desperate. I'm not crazy.
I won't even talk to Mr. Bushmiller.
You see how busy I am here?
Please.
Please.
Did you put any grenadine in this?
I'm new to this. I'm sorry.
I'd like a Martell.
There you go.
I heard that Marvin needed some help,
so I figured, why not?
I'll have a...
I'm just gonna take one of these.
Just a Bud is fine.
We have...
Hoegaarden...
...or Stella Artois.
The first one.
You look pretty busy, so...
I drink Slivovitz, not Sambuca.
You were right about art.
It's all about the cock-sucking.
It's not what you do,
but who you blow.
And even that's not enough.
You don't even have a chance,
unless you're the most ruthless...
...cold-blooded...
Jesus, I'm really sorry.
Have you heard about
the great man's latest masterpiece?
- No.
- Some of his finest work, I believe.
Damn good stuff.
Who? The murderer?
"The murderer"?
That's so disrespectful.
Got a few victims for him,
if he's interested.
Do you wanna see my paintings?
This is my humble tribute
to the great man.
He doesn't simply reproduce reality,
like an ordinary idiot artist.
He courageously reshapes it
to suit his own needs.
And why did our great artist
select these particular victims?
Who can say?
A real artist knows
when he's found his ideal subject.
Perhaps, this one
was a dishonest cashier.
This one might have reminded him
of a domineering aunt.
And this one...
Maybe he was just too stupid
to be allowed to live.
All of humanity is too stupid to live.
Fuck them all.
My boy.
I say, you can't do anything
really good...
...until you truly don't care at all
if you live or die.
Kill me right now.
I couldn't care less.
It's only when every human misery
is just a big joke...
...that you can finally get
some enjoyment out of this life.
I wish someone would kill me
right now.
- Do you want me to kill you?
- Go for it.
Well, I guess I'd better be going,
before I throw up on your rug again.
Wait.
I wanna give you something.
- What's this?
- A gift, from me to you.
- No, I couldn't.
- You could.
You could.
Let's see some ID.
ID.
Are you drunk?
No.
Well, look who's here.
One of those.
Where the hell you been all week?
Been having a really hard time.
Yeah?
Well, you should just do
what I always do.
Drop out, and start over again
next semester.
This is my third time,
soon to be my fourth.
You don't understand. I'll never have
another chance like this.
I can't just...
...start over.
I'll never find another Audrey.
Don't start with this shit again.
Every artist needs a subject,
and she's my perfect subject.
- I can't let her slip through my fingers.
- Hey, come on.
Let's rescue these art chicks.
That's easy pickings.
If I can just come up with something
for that final survey...
...she'll forget all about Jonah.
- We're gonna miss our chance here.
- I just need to think of something.
There they go.
What can I do?
You know, I think I just figured out
who you are.
- Who?
- You're the class douche bag.
Thanks for the beer.
Oh, please. You can't fall for every guy
who does a halfway-decent painting.
I don't know.
There's something about him.
You don't need any more boyfriends,
you need about 15 years of therapy.
I thought you were all mad
for what's-his-name... Jonah.
Look...
...when this one doesn't work out...
...you can always come
crawling back to me.
So, looks like you finally
got Jonah on the run.
- What do you mean?
- He was asking about...
...some painting of yours.
You got a surprise for the final survey?
What do you want?
I need a big favor.
- I see you've come empty-handed.
- I know. I'm sorry.
You must think
I'm the cheapest whore in town.
I'll bring you a case of Slivovitz.
Whatever you want.
I just... I wanna buy
the rest of your paintings.
- They're not for sale.
- Please, just tell me what you want.
- I don't want anything.
- I'm just fucking lost...
- I thought you were an artist.
- I am. I am.
You wanna be an artist
or an "aficionado"?
An artist.
What do you think
an artist cares about?
Does he think all day
about fine wines...
...and black-tie affairs...
...and what he's gonna say
at the next after-dinner speech?
No.
He lives only for that narcotic moment
of creative bliss.
A moment...
...that may come once a decade.
Or never at all.
You think I'm wrong?
Fuck you.
You know nothing at all
about anything.
- Listen, I don't care about fine wines.
- Oh, I know what you want.
If it was me, I'd get my way
by any means possible.
I'd grab them by the balls,
and I'd never stop twisting.
Once you're on top,
they're helpless.
You've got them squirming
under the toe of your shoe.
Would you please put out
that goddamn cigarette...
...before you kill me
with your awful smoke!
What about the paintings?
I don't care, do whatever you want.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
I have a confession to make.
Yeah?
Forget it.
- No, what?
- Nothing. Forget I said anything.
- What is it? Some boyfriend problem?
- What? Why?
- I don't know. What is it?
- Why did you say that?
Do you think I'm gay?
- I don't know.
- Really?
Yeah. Maybe a little, I guess.
Yeah. Well, that's it.
That's my confession.
I think I'm gay.
Okay.
Okay.
I thought you said you were working.
I am working.
I gotta have this done for Monday.
It looks fine, Jonah.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It's got a long way to go.
What's gotten into you?
When you were working Narcotics...
...you didn't spend your off-hours
smoking crack.
And what about your son?
He misses his daddy.
Will you get off my ass for once?
Lonny and the guys are here,
or are you too busy for them?
Well, look who's here. How's
the Mona Lisa coming, Rembrandt?
You're off duty, Jonah.
You don't gotta dress like a fruitcake.
Yeah. It's good to see you guys too.
How much longer is this gonna
go on, Lonny?
I never see him anymore
since he became an artist.
I'm just trying to do my job.
That's a good question, Marie.
So, what about it, superstar?
Hey, we got the blow-ups
of the pictures you took.
He used the same colors we found
on the glove of the first crime scene.
I don't know about this guy Platz.
He didn't live near the campus
when the first killings took place.
He used to come to the city
all the time. He told me so himself.
It would've helped
if you had taken a paint sample.
You can't just monkey around
with a piece of art like that...
"Piece of shit" is more like it.
You take a look at this fucking thing?
Excuse me, Marie.
We can't even question this asshole?
It's like he's making fun of us.
I'm taking shit to this day
about that first weirdo you dragged in.
I can't afford any more fuck-ups.
I need better shit than this, Jonah.
Listen to me, Gerry.
Will you listen to me? Look...
I know you're a genius,
but I'm a genius too.
What are you, on vacation?
Move your ass.
Look, this dyke is gonna make us
both a fortune, I'm telling you.
I'm 100 percent on this one.
Fine. Don't listen to me.
What do I care?
Don't you ever call me again,
you ungrateful prick.
Excuse me?
I'm in your Tuesday/Thursday class.
Can I ask you a question?
So, there's this...
...freshman survey tomorrow.
And you wanna know
what you can do...
...to land a big gallery contract
like Marvin Bushmiller.
No. Not exactly.
Perhaps you want a major
retrospective at the Metropolitan?
Actually, there's someone who...
I don't know. I want her to...
It's for a girl?
Yeah.
You wanna take the prize
so you can win the heart of a girl?
Yeah.
That's so exciting.
Think you could look at my paintings
and tell me if they're good enough?
No.
But I'll be rooting for you.
Hey.
Think Jonah's getting any gash
on the side?
No. Marie's got him so pussy-whipped
it's not even funny.
Hey, hey.
That's our guy.
That's our guy, right there.
Will you look at him.
I ought to wring his neck
right now.
- What the fuck are we waiting for?
- He couldn't strangle a cat.
Fucking scumbag!
Where the fuck is Jonah?
Lonny told him to be on the guy's ass.
Jesus, that was disappointing.
Who are you trying to fool
with that badass stuff?
All that murder shit?
Totally September 10th, Jerome.
Jerome...
Have you seen Jonah?
No.
Don't despair, okay?
You call me over the break,
and we'll get you right back on track.
Okay?
Okay, you win.
It's all yours, so live it up.
- Jerome...
- You're the one out of 100...
...that goes on to fame and fortune.
I'm just another deluded asshole.
- These paintings...
- Fuck those paintings, and fuck you.
You have everybody fooled,
but not me.
You came up with a good gimmick,
your tough-guy, Joe Normal act...
...but your paintings are fucking
bullshit, and you know it.
Well I still kicked your ass, didn't I?
Jonah, come on.
Where you been? We gotta go.
Jerome, wait here.
I wanna talk to you.
You have to meet your public.
Marvelous work, Jonah.
Good job, Jonah.
Building burned up.
Everybody died.
Some asshole didn't put out
his cigarette.
This is it.
What the fuck, Jonah.
Mikey, get your ass over here.
Where's Jonah?
So?
What? This fucking nobody
is gonna stand me up?
I gave him the message,
Mr. D'Annunzio.
Hey, come on.
Bob hates people being late.
I really gotta find Jerome.
Come on.
Don't shoot me, man! Don't shoot!
Police! Get down on the ground!
Face down!
Cut! What are you doing,
asshole, you ruined my best take!
My arm...
I think my arm is broken.
Well, that's great!
What in fuck's name do I do now?
Hey!
Where have you been?
What the hell is this?
What is this nonsense?
Let's go, hotshot.
Chief wants you right now, come on.
What are you thinking, huh?
You paying attention to me?
God, I'm a fucking idiot.
Did you see a portrait of me?
A really beautiful...
It was right here.
I chucked everything out back.
Police! Open the door!
I got a warrant!
Police! Don't try anything!
- Oh, Jesus.
- This isn't what you think.
- Jerome Platz!
- Jerome Platz!
Jerome Platz! You in there?
- Jerome Platz!
- Hey, Jerome Platz!
Audrey, I know you
don't care about me...
...but maybe someday you'll...
Excuse me. Police business.
Clear the way, please. Excuse me.
Are we gonna have a problem?
Excuse me, please. Excuse me.
Go draw something, will you?
Lonny, I'm sorry.
I know I let personal things
get in the way of my job...
- ...but it'll never happen again.
- Superstar, we got him.
- All's well that ends well, okay?
- Hey, Jonah.
You suck!!
Have a nice death, pig.
You wanna spit at us again?
I will take you down so fast,
you got no idea, you fucking freak.
Mikey, let's clear it up
and get out of here.
- Kevin, you wanna ride with him?
- Let me do it, Lonny.
- Yeah, you fucking pig!
- Fucking pig!
Well, I knew there was something
weird about you.
What did you really think
about my...?
Did you think my paintings
were any good at all?
- Yeah, maybe.
- I could have made it as an artist?
No, I don't know about that.
Hey.
So are you really the guy?
Jerome, look over here!
Let me get a picture! Jerome!
Jerome. Visiting hours.
Should we judge an artist
by what he does in his personal life?
If he's an anti-Semite,
like T.S. Eliot...
...or a bully, like Picasso...
...or in this case, a murderer...
...should his art
have any less value?
I think not.
Look, if I wanna have a showing
of this artist's work...
...nobody has any right to stop me.
I'm fighting
for First Amendment rights.
You're with me or you're a fucking
Nazi, as far as I'm concerned.
What? Why can't I say that?
We didn't even know it was
a documentary at first, but then...
...you know, it just sort of
all came together.
I mean, that's the way I like to work.
Finding my way as I go along.
No, I don't think I'd ever sell it.
Jerome was always so passionate
about his art.
It's really unfortunate
what happened...
...but, I mean, I always knew
he'd be a famous artist someday.
I just wanna do what's best
for my client.
Why don't you trust Jerome
to know what's best?
And what's best for Jerome
is to stay for as long as possible...
...followed by a lengthy trial.
I have more than enough evidence
to get him out.
- This case should not even go to trial.
- Where the fuck did they find you?
Jerome needs a lawyer
who understands what to do...
...when a situation like this
presents itself.
I am very close to the family.
I went to school with Hugh Platz.
That's real nice. Now, look...
You know how many paintings
I can sell for your client...
...while this is going on?
Jerome. How's my boy?
- How's the work coming?
- It's fine.
Can't believe how many
people are calling about you.
- I had to cut off the waiting list.
- Great.
Jerome, I just wanna let you know...
...if you change your mind,
we can get you out of here.
I know, I know.
But we've been through all this.
Are these my only visitors?
Jerome, you get a chance
to call the guy from Artforum?
He wants to talk. Also, did you take
a moment to look at those papers?
I need you to sign the yellow one.
Keep your chin up, Jerome.
We all love you.
- All right.
- I'll call you tonight.
Hi.
Hey.
- Can we go now?
- Cut.
I am the greatest artist
of the 20th century.
My name is Pablo Picasso.
I pretty much invented modern art.
And I do weird, abstract paintings...
...even though I can paint totally
realistic, if I wanted to.
Also, even though
I'm super short and bald...
...I am able to have sex
with any beautiful woman I want...
...just because I'm so great.
Come here.
Look.
- Pretty good.
- Thanks.
Some day, if you get famous,
this can be worth a lot of money.
You're wasting your time, Jerome.
You gotta set your sights
on a more realistic girl.
Shit, here comes Stoob.
Hey, pencil-prick, thanks for helping
me with that poster for Erikson's class.
- He said I was a natural artist.
- A natural scam artist.
Got that right, queer-bait.
What's this?
- Are you jacking off in school now?
- It's a college brochure, you moron.
What college has a naked chick
for a teacher?
She's an art model, you stupid ape.
Hey. You're all right, Platz.
I don't know, Jerome. It just seems
a little too good to be true.
Don't you think?
Fucking shit!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's based on the whole thing
with the campus murder, but...
Hell no, it ain't
no boring-ass documentary.
Look, forget that shit, okay?
Yeah, fucking A, there's gonna
be tons of action, are you kidding me?
- You're an art major?
- Yeah. Drawing and painting.
- What are you guys?
- I'm fashion. He's film, I guess.
Are you for real?
You're shitting me, right?
- Well, yeah.
- God, this is so depressing.
- Why, what's wrong?
- I just really, really miss my girlfriend.
One hundred percent.
Yeah, you won't be sorry.
I love you too, Grandpa. Yes!
Yes! I'm so fucking pumped!
- I'm Vince.
- Hi. Jerome. How are you?
- What's your name again?
- Matthew.
God, I'm so fucking jazzed.
I get to make my movie.
That's fantastic.
- You guys freshmen?
- Yeah.
- You a sophomore?
- Junior.
It's all right.
You listen to me, you'll be okay.
Why do you still live in the dorm?
A lot of juniors still live in the dorm.
What's wrong with that?
That guy's some hot shit
sculpture major.
I have never seen
so many beautiful girls.
This is nothing. Dude,
you should've seen last year's crop.
Enrollment's way off
since the murders.
- What murders?
- You're shitting me, right?
I heard about it. Somebody killed
a guy on campus, or whatever.
Yeah. Three people
in the neighborhood since March.
You're fucking with me. You've never
heard about the Strathmore Strangler?
He killed a guy, like, 10 days ago.
- Are you from out of state?
- The suburbs.
Then you have no excuse.
What about Richard Natwick?
- Jesus.
- Sorry, I don't really follow the news.
Okay, I'm gonna give you the story...
You gotta pay attention.
Because this story is huge.
This is, like, national news, man.
I'm listening.
Just after the first murder,
there's this guy, Richard Natwick.
He's, like, some second-year
painting major.
Does these stupid-ass
word paintings.
He has a show at the student center.
Cops send some guys to check it out.
But they're not used to
this kind of artsy bullshit, right?
- Fucking...
- Cut your shit.
Get used to being bent over, prick.
So then a couple of professors
freak out.
And before you know it,
he's like a fucking martyr.
Art is not a crime! Art is not a crime!
Of course, it turns out
he's completely innocent.
And the cops have to totally eat shit.
- So, what happened to him?
- He had his 15 minutes of fame.
Then he got hurt real bad in
some crazy-ass performance art thing.
Okay...
...hit the juice.
Anyway, you gotta read my script.
I mean, it's all in there.
It's totally huge.
So, what, you don't get the paper
in the suburbs?
I mean, for all they know,
the killer could be from the suburbs.
Those cops, they don't know shit.
So, what, you're a drawing major?
Yeah. Drawing and painting.
That's awesome.
I hear you guys get to see
tons of naked vagina.
Okay, Leslie.
Time to work your magic.
First pose, people.
We're gonna hit
the ground running.
Okay, first pose.
I don't have any particular wisdom
to impart to you people, except this:
These four words:
Don't have unrealistic expectations.
If you wanna make money,
better drop out right now.
Go to banking school
or website school.
Anywhere but art school.
And remember,
only one out of 100 of you...
...will ever make a living as an artist.
Hello?
Yes.
Ah, Lorenzo.
No. Absolutely, yes...
Sandy, can I get a break up here?
Take a break. Five minutes.
Are you kidding? I would absolutely
love to have you look at it.
No, because I feel like I've really
turned a corner with this latest series.
In January?
Yeah, yeah. I'm sure I could.
I mean, I don't think my plate
is completely full.
Well, I'd be happy...
No, of course not.
Hi.
- Really pretty, what you're doing.
- I gotta go.
Jesus.
Why are the people in these freshman
classes exactly the same every year?
Look.
You got the vegan holy man.
The boring blowhard.
- The angry lesbian.
- Professor?
Professor? Professor?
And here, you got kiss-ass.
I wanted to tell you that I looked up
some of your paintings on the Internet.
- I thought they were really terrific.
- You get an "A" for the class.
And Mom.
I feel that I am finally about to ripen.
Artistically.
Mom's youngest just left the nest...
...so she's ready to explore
her creative side.
How do you know all this stuff?
Because I'm a living cliché
just like the rest of these guys.
I'm the guy who keeps dropping out
and changing majors...
...because he's afraid
he really sucks at everything.
So who am I?
I don't know.
I haven't figured you out yet.
Jesus.
Who's the weirdo?
Professor? Professor?
Professor Okamura?
What is your attendance policy
for this class?
I...
...don't...
...care...
...if you come to class or not.
This is ready for the kiln.
Let me see if I got this right:
You're the guy
that never got laid in high school.
So you came here
to try to bone your way through...
...an endless lineup of art skanks.
Not exactly. I mean,
I really do wanna be an artist.
A great artist, you know, if possible.
Which enables you to bone your way
through a lineup of art skanks.
So why wait, man?
Art school's like a pussy buffet.
I don't want just any girl.
All right.
There she is.
There is the beautiful beatnik
art chick of your dreams.
- Yeah, so?
- So ask her to borrow something.
It's the easiest thing in the world.
Want me to teach you?
Daddy will bring you there.
- Jesus...
- Come on.
Hi...
Do you think I could borrow
your pencil?
Why?
- What for?
- Doesn't matter, it was a stupid idea.
Oh, my God.
You have the most beautiful eyes.
You have to let me
take a picture of them.
Okay.
How about pizza?
Do you wanna go get pizza?
The only trouble with that is all those
beatnik chicks are totally insane.
Look, what you really want is a nice,
innocent, suburban girl.
Some freshman chick
who hasn't been corrupted yet.
Stay out of that cave, Koala Bear.
There's snakes and bats.
Don't be silly, Pepper.
I'm not afraid of a little snake.
You know, come to think of it,
they're all insane.
Just find yourself some nympho slut
and get it over with.
Excuse me.
Can you help me get this off?
I want you to know,
I definitely don't have AIDS.
I've been tested, like, 40 times,
so I know it for a fact.
Keep the fucking kid quiet,
you motherfucking asshole!
It's just my old man.
Are you serious?
You've never been laid before?
It just hasn't worked out yet.
I have very high standards.
Man, I gotta take you out
whore-busting some night.
We gotta remedy this situation
before it gets any worse.
Maybe you have issues
that make it difficult...
...to feel comfortable
with your own sexuality.
Could be, I guess.
You guys know what
whore-busting is, right?
You leave the money on the dresser,
fuck the whore and go to sleep.
You wake up, not only is your money
still there, but she's left you a tip.
It's the fucking
greatest deal ever, man.
Crackheads aren't so good.
Their tip is a little glass pipe
and a piece of tinfoil.
You don't want that shit. Get a nice
call girl or something, you know?
You fuck a lot of chicks, Matthew?
Yeah, I figured, man.
Fashion, and all that shit. Models...
Crack whores, call girls, strippers...
We could bust some strippers
together, that'd be fucking awesome.
What is art?
Is this art?
Or this?
Or this?
Who's that?
Ignore that. That's a mistake.
Hamlet. War and Peace.
"Beethoven's 9th". Guernica.
These are works which hold as much
emotional resonance today...
...as they did at the time
of their creation.
What makes a work of art timeless?
What qualities must it possess?
- Yes?
- Everything on your list...
...was done by a dead white male.
I noticed that too.
To be clear, they were not yet dead
when they created those works.
You're just playing into
the patriarchy.
The history of art is largely about
the implementation of masculinity.
- That is such bullshit.
- Part of some Darwinian imperative.
Most artists become artists
because...
...they have no way
to attract a mate.
I hardly think
I'm the first to point out...
...that the vast preponderance
of artists are, shall we say...
...physiologically deficient
in some way.
Dribble the ball, Hurst!
Please don't yell.
- Going to Marvin Bushmiller's talk?
- Yeah, are you?
We better get there early.
It's weird how he's so famous.
I used to see him around Strathmore
when I was a freshman.
I saw his show at Broadway Bob's...
...now he's on
the cover of Artforum.
- Well, that's how it works.
- Platz! Get in there.
Mr. Bushmiller, The New York Times
has called your work:
"An expedition to the far contours
of an evolving techno-culture."
With that in mind, where do you see
art headed in the 21st century?
"Art" who?
No, really, that's such...
...a stupid question.
Why don't you
ask me something relevant.
Ask me how much money I have
in the bank, or...
Did you learn anything
at Strathmore?
Yes, I learned many things.
I learned that the faculty
is made up of old failures...
...who teach only because
they need the health insurance.
Present company excluded,
of course.
I was about to say.
David was too busy trolling the halls
for fresh meat to worry about health.
What advice would you give
to a young artist...
Shut up. There's only one question
any of you wanna ask.
You wanna know what it would take
to turn you into me.
Well, listen closely, because
I'm gonna give you the answer.
In order to be a great artist...
...you simply have to be
a great artist.
There's nothing to learn, so you're all
wasting your time. Go home.
Why are you such an asshole?
Now, that's a great question.
No, it really is.
I am an asshole
because that is my true nature.
Maybe it's everybody's true nature.
Every one of you looks like
a fucking asshole, but who knows?
The difference between
you and me is that...
...I have gained the freedom
to express my true nature.
And what could be more beautiful
than truth and freedom?
Another day, another dollar.
Hello, Larry.
Oh, by the way...
...are you and Lois gonna be free
the night of January 18th?
How the hell should I know?
Well, I have to do
this little gallery thing.
Lorenzo Massengale
has been torturing me...
...to put my new series of paintings
in his new space...
...and I just thought maybe you
and Lois would want an invitation.
I think I'm busy that night, Sandiford.
Here, I stopped off at Broadway Bob's.
You're welcome.
I thought Broadway Bob's
was an art gallery or something.
It's a very famous shithole
run by an obnoxious windbag...
...who takes credit for the career
of every half-talented monkey...
...who ever took a class
at Strathmore.
But the coffee's good.
Hello, Lorenzo, it's Sandy.
Just wanted to make sure
you got the slides and...
You don't need to call me,
because I have a class starting.
So I will call you afterwards.
Thanks. Bye.
Sorry I'm late.
Hello, dear.
Looks like this is our lucky day.
I'm sorry, Sandy,
I'm just dying for a cigarette.
Yes, absolutely.
Five-minute break.
I'm gonna go to the john.
Let me borrow this.
All right.
She smiled at you, how sweet.
You've seen her before?
Who is she?
Don't get your hopes up.
She's prime real estate, my friend.
Hey, faggots.
What a cute couple.
I think they like us.
- Is she a student or just a model?
- Can we forget about her for a minute?
We're about to have
a life-changing experience here.
Jimmy, it's Bardo.
Brought someone over to meet you.
I got a bottle of Slivovitz here.
It's 80 proof, made in Poland,
imported by...
Boys, welcome.
I'm afraid you've interrupted me
in the middle of one of my shows.
This is Jerome.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Thank you for having us.
A pleasure.
Isn't this a great place?
Jimmy's got rent control.
So Jerome here...
...wants to be a great artist, Jimmy.
How terrific.
Jerome, are you exceptionally skilled
as a cocksucker?
It wasn't a rhetorical question.
Are you a great artist
when it comes to fellatio?
No.
No, I guess not.
Well, that's no good.
So who do you like?
Who's your favorite artist, Jerome?
- Maybe Picasso.
- I see.
Very good.
Our old friend...
..."pick-asshole."
The nasty little dwarf
who went his whole life...
...without a single original thought.
I presume you're joking, right?
Jimmy's a Strathmore grad.
Just look at me now.
Just think, Jerome.
One day, this could all be yours.
You're going places, young man.
I can feel it.
But you need to take some lessons
in sucking cock and licking ass.
Otherwise, you might find yourself
rotting away in some shithole...
...postponing suicide for the slim
chance that you might one day...
...possibly see some glorious plague
or pestilence...
...bring horrible suffering
to your hateful species.
What are you smiling about?
Laugh away, laughing boy!
I will stomp your guts
till they shoot out your ass!
I will bury you alive
and shit on your grave!
Okay, boys. Show's over.
I have to get back
to my masturbation.
Isn't Jimmy great?
Yeah, definitely.
Self-portrait.
Starting next week...
...I will be selecting the most effective
work from each session...
...and placing it in the hall gallery.
- Which gallery?
- It's on this floor.
- Down at the end of the hall.
- By the men's toilet?
Yes.
Now, let's get started on these.
Who wants to comment?
I like Flower's drawing.
- Yeah. Me too.
- It seems like she's trying to do...
...something more
than just draw herself.
It's more about
the process of drawing.
All right. Does anything else up here
command your attention?
Does anyone have anything more
to say on Flower's piece?
Yes, Jerome?
- Nothing.
- Well, "nothing" doesn't exist...
...in this classroom.
What are you thinking?
We're waiting, Jerome.
I don't know. It just...
It looks like a lame
Cy Twombly imitation to me.
It looks like she did it
in about two minutes.
That is such bullshit.
Because her drawing isn't perfect,
it's automatically bad?
At least it has humanity.
Yeah, totally.
Jerome, your drawing looks like
it was done by a machine.
Whereas Flower's...
Flower's is full of playfulness and...
Yeah, like, humanity.
What's so great about humanity?
Humans are a bunch of jerks.
I hope a plague wipes out the species.
- What is your problem?
- Jesus Christ, Jerome.
Okay, that's enough.
This is a required assignment.
I have to give it to you.
And, Flower, it is certainly
not worth crying about, okay?
Hey, man.
I agree with you 100 percent.
I think the entire human race should
be wiped off the face of the earth.
Oh, I didn't really mean... I was just...
You don't have to apologize.
I'm totally with you on this.
So this is the hall gallery.
Hey.
You guys have to come
to my opening tonight.
You were really an asshole
in class today.
Hey. You guys.
So are we gonna go see
Shilo's opening?
- How did she ever get a gallery show?
- It's totally meaningless.
Any idiot could sign up
for a student gallery.
Oh, my God.
What?
I didn't notice that.
We gotta go.
Great work, Shilo.
Hey.
Do you know this girl?
Yeah. We had her as a model.
Remember?
But do you know who she is?
Do you know her name?
You are such a prick.
What? You can't say anything nice
about my photos?
- Hi.
- Hi.
That came out really good.
- Thank you.
- Shilo.
What?
Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.
So is that your real name?
Or are you just obsessed with Audrey
Hepburn like every art school chick?
I was named after an old cartoon.
Another ironic pop culture reference.
She's a keeper.
- Hey.
- God, do you know that guy?
- No. I thought he was your friend.
- No way.
Oh, you're the guy
from Sandy's class.
I have such a bad memory for faces.
I'm sorry.
That's okay. I'm Jerome.
I was thinking about you today.
I saw an old photo
of Marie-Thérèse Walter...
...and it looked just like the way
that you drew me.
She's one of the women
who modeled for Picasso.
I know just the picture
you're talking about.
You do?
Let's get out of here.
What? I said I liked your photos.
- You didn't have to do that.
- It's okay.
I couldn't bear to watch you
get cornered by that creep again.
Well, I have to get going anyway.
I'm kind of making the rounds tonight.
Really?
Well, maybe sometime we could...
I have to go to
a Donald Baumgarten show.
Oh, I know who he is.
He's an old pop art guy, right?
Yeah, he's really good. He's great.
He's absolutely awful.
But I can't get out of it.
Do you wanna go with me?
Come on, please.
I hate to take the subway by myself.
Especially with that weirdo
out there strangling everybody.
A little bit. Well, my parents go a lot.
Hi.
Audrey, I was afraid
you weren't coming.
So how's it going?
Well, I think I might have sold
two of the small ones.
- The ones you hate.
- I like them just fine. You know that.
Just not as much
as the big, blue ones.
I know.
Daddy, this is Jerome.
Jerome is a big fan of yours.
I brought him to meet you.
Jerome, this is Donald Baumgarten.
Wow. I'm a big fan of yours, sir.
It's really a pleasure.
My pleasure, son.
Daddy, I hate to do this,
but I don't think we can stay.
Jerome has to meet someone
at another party, and we're late, so...
- Will I see you on Sunday?
- I'll call you.
I can't believe you grew up
with a dad like that.
He's a famous artist.
He's hardly a famous artist.
It's really heartbreaking.
He should've given up, like,
30 years ago.
God, I am starving.
- Should we go eat somewhere?
- Sure.
Have you ever heard
of Broadway Bob's?
So why are you a model?
Just for the money?
Oh, yeah. I make a fortune.
My God, is that who I think it is?
He's always here.
That table is practically reserved
for post-minimalists.
This is where everybody gets
their first big show.
It's like the launching pad
from Strathmore to the real world.
- How do they pick who gets a show?
- They go to the surveys and all that.
What's the matter?
Don't you love me anymore?
When's the last time
you came to see me?
Jerome, this is Broadway Bob.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
Bob knows everybody.
Every artist you can think of
had their first show in this place.
Bushmiller, Naugle, Bilbo,
you name it.
The minute they get famous,
they got no time for me, right?
Hey! I told you to stop hassling
my customers!
Hector! Fucking Brown Shirts.
What are you doing?
- Good to see you.
- Bye.
- Tell your father I said hi.
- Okay.
- Hey. Excuse me.
- Yeah, what?
You wanna help me out?
I got two homeless fucks outside...
...that panhandle all day.
They bother my customers outside.
This kid's not a serial killer.
Look at that guy out there.
- Just get the fuck out.
- All right, let's go.
- Your coffee sucks.
- Go to Starbucks.
Who's this?
- Jerome, this is Candace.
- Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Audrey and I used to bump cunts.
Just kidding.
But little Audrey doesn't wanna play
with me anymore, does she.
What do you think
of these paintings?
They're okay.
I mean, they're not the most...
They're Candace's paintings.
- They're really good.
- Where do you find them, Audrey?
Anyway, thanks to this little exhibit,
I'll get a spring show at the Haberman.
- That's really great. Congratulations.
- I know. Golly gosh!
- You. Get over here.
- Later, kids.
What's this I hear about a show at
Haberman? You gotta let me know...
So, what do you wanna do, Jerome?
I wanna be the greatest artist
of the 21st century.
Oh, I just meant,
"What do you wanna do now?"
I should probably get home.
- I'm stupid...
- No, no, I think it's great.
I think you really could be
a great artist.
You have the right kind of...
...energy.
- You won't believe...
- Did you hear the news?
- No, but guess where I was?
- The strangler got another one.
Some poor schmuck on his way to
the subway. I got a major rewrite to do.
- I was on the subway tonight.
- You're lucky to be alive.
- Anyway, guess what I was doing.
- Smoking pole?
No, I was on a date with the most
beautiful girl in the whole school.
All right. Can I smell your finger?
Look.
No shit.
- Nice.
- Yeah. She thinks I'm a great artist.
You fucking snake.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Did you already pop her?
No, I...
- You know, we just met...
- Man, if she was my girlfriend...
...I would be pounding that shit
day and night.
November 28th.
November 28th.
Try and keep that date...
...in your tiny, little,
drug-addled brains.
That is the date of
the post-Thanksgiving assessment...
...where you'll put up all your work...
...and a bunch of us professors
are gonna sneak in...
...behind your backs
and give you a grade.
However, that is but a mere prelude
to this day:
December 19th.
December 19th is the final survey
where you will receive...
...your one-and-only official grade
for this class...
...provided, of course, you all
haven't been murdered by then.
I heard the final survey
is where big-shot gallery owners...
...show up to troll for new talent.
I wouldn't worry about that
too much right now.
This could be a big break
for somebody.
But this is not Schwab's drugstore.
You are definitely not Lana Turner.
- What does that mean?
- It means you children are too young...
...to be worrying about that.
Now, Eno, why haven't you
been doing the assignments?
Frankly, I find them constricting
and largely irrelevant.
My work has nothing to do
with form or light or color...
...but with questioning the nature
of aesthetic experience.
I'll buy that.
- Jonah, what about you?
- I'll bring something next time. Sorry.
I also heard that the student
with the best grade...
- ...gets a show at Broadway Bob's.
- That's been known to happen, yes.
Professor Okamura said no one in
your class ever got the best grade.
Well, Larry seems to care about
that kind of thing a lot more than I do.
And Larry has a tendency to live
vicariously through his students...
...which I find rather pathetic.
I also heard they're cutting faculty,
and all the profs...
...are shitting bricks trying to get
a student to the Broadway Bob show.
Actually. I'm too busy
concentrating on my own painting...
...to get involved with
any kind of faculty intrigue.
Is it true Marvin Bushmiller got his
break when he got the best grade?
Audrey.
Hi.
I just came in to get a coffee.
I have to model for
Professor Bogle's class at 6:30.
Can I walk with you?
God, you're so polite. Sure.
Look at you.
So content with your happy,
little lives.
But none of you know the taste
of true happiness...
...the happiness that
only death can bring.
I am hell on earth, personified!
What do you think?
Should I trim that last part?
How much longer you gonna be?
It's up to the boss.
See you later.
Hey, hey, hey. You can't just leave.
What do you think
of the movie so far?
- It's fine.
- Yeah. Thanks.
She doesn't get this kind of stuff.
I wouldn't worry about it.
I gotta cram some love story
into this thing, man.
Those skags make up 50 percent
of the audience.
You're missing the best part.
Hey.
Now...
...we're not gonna have any more
official assignments in this class.
Last week, I asked you to bring in
what you thought was your...
...best work of art, old or new. Okay?
And we're gonna use that work...
...as a starting point to, hopefully,
help you become better artists.
"We live in a police state."
Ain't that the truth.
This is interesting.
That's not finished, but I thought
the class might find it interesting...
...to see the various stages
of my process.
Indeed.
And what have we here?
- Who did this?
- That's mine.
Where have you been all my life?
- What do we think of this work, class?
- It's so...
It's like, he figured out how to unlearn
all the typical art school bullshit.
It's really great.
It has the singularity of outsider art,
though the conscious rejection...
...of spatial dynamics
could only come from an intimacy...
...with the conventions
of picture-making.
Are you kidding me?
You look at...?
Professor Okamura, what are some
of your favorite Halloween memories?
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
You want a drink? There's some
weird orange punch over there.
- Yeah. That's really sweet. Thank you.
- Okay.
Better get back there. You're about
to get cock-blocked by Joe College.
How did you do that painting?
It's like you've never seen
another painting before.
What the fuck?
My God, we look like
Bonnie and Clyde.
Oh, thanks.
Isn't it weird?
Look how perfectly we match.
- That's great.
- There's an empty seat over there.
Looks like a duel.
No? Comments?
Jonah's seems totally original
and authentic.
And Jerome's just seems lame.
It's pathetic. No offense.
Yeah, it's like Jonah is tapping...
...into this total childhood innocence.
He's got a whole way of seeing
that's completely outside the box.
And Jerome is totally in the box,
you know?
- Yeah. It sucks.
- You know, Jerome's is really...
Okay, I think that's fine.
We shouldn't be too hard on Jerome.
Jerome's trying to do something
that is essentially impossible.
He's trying to sing in his own voice...
...using someone else's
vocal chords.
I mean, it's the greatest.
He picks a completely random victim.
I mean, this chick was, like...
She was, like,
a cashier or something.
- How do they know it's the same guy?
- Come on, it's obvious.
There's a million clues.
For one thing, he always...
- Okay, I believe you.
- Look at her.
She was only 31 years old.
I mean, it's like a goddamn miracle.
Here I am, busting my nuts...
...trying to find some female character
for my movie...
...and this guy goes and drops
one right in my lap.
Murder?
Don't worry so much, man.
No one's gonna murder me.
I don't want nothing
to happen to my best ho.
The streets ain't safe no more.
Not since...
Fuck you.
You're just trying to keep me down,
and I am not your whore any more.
I mean...
I'm not your whore no more.
This is total shit, you know that?
No, I don't know that.
Come on. All of this "gangsta,"
"motherfucker" bullshit.
Why do you wanna regurgitate this
Hollywood crap for the zillionth time?
Don't you have anything original
to say?
- I think I do.
- Then you need to say it.
Because this is
completely worthless.
- Hello?
- Hi. It's Jerome Platz.
- Hey, Jerome Platz.
- Hey, I was just calling...
To... I've got...
I've gotta go home for Thanksgiving,
and I was wondering...
...if you had any plans, if, maybe,
you wanted to come with me...
Unfortunately, I have to go up north
to visit my grandmother.
- But that's really nice of you.
- No...
Don't be silly.
Have a great time.
I'll talk to you soon.
- Okay. Bye.
- Take care. Bye.
I think maybe I'll go on tour
with Dominick's band this summer.
They're playing shows in the Midwest.
They need someone to sell T-shirts.
Who's Dominick?
This guy, who's friends
with Stacy's big brother.
- Forget about it.
- God, you are so unfair.
Jerome gets to go to art school,
and I can't go on a summer trip.
You gonna get a job doing paintings
somewhere once school's done?
That's not really how it works.
Who in their right mind would buy
your paintings?
- Cynthia.
- God, you love Jerome more than me.
You know what you gotta do?
Figure out who's the top guy in your
business and hook up with him.
It's not what you do
so much as who you know.
That's how it is in my business,
and it's all about business.
Yeah. Actually, I've kind of
made a connection already.
My girlfriend's dad
is kind of a famous artist, so...
- Your what?
- Hugh...
...help me get the rest of the pies
out of the oven?
We thought for sure
you were a homo.
My friend's granddaughter paints
little pictures on the shoes...
Oh, what do you call them?
Anyhow, she paints pictures
of little animals and whatnot.
And I believe the other children
pay her for it.
"Sneakers."
Isn't that what they call them?
Anyhow, that's something
I thought you could do, Jeremy.
It's not that at all. It's just that,
I really felt that they were...
...some of, really, the best things
I'd done in a very long time.
And I'm just...
And I'm just slightly...
...surprised that...
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
I'm Helena Sandiford.
Sandy will be right with you.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate...
No, I do. I do understand.
No. Not at all.
And I really appreciate
you looking at the slides.
Yeah.
And you.
Bye.
Go fuck yourself, Lorenzo!
Those are mine, yes.
They're really good.
Yes, I rather like them.
Unfortunately, we're not
in the majority, Jerome.
Apparently, they're a little too "difficult"
for some people.
So how long have you been
doing the triangles?
A long time.
I was one of the first.
So tell me, Jerome...
...what are you not getting
out of my class?
I don't know. I feel like...
...I don't really know
what I'm doing and...
Maybe I should be finding
my own style...
...or voice or something.
That is absolute bullshit.
What would an artist at your age
want with a style?
What about Jonah?
He's got sort of a style.
No, Jonah doesn't have a style.
He has a sort of "nowness."
It's exciting. It's seductive.
But that does not mean, Jerome...
...that he is a better artist than you are.
Far from it.
You're very similar to me.
It is going to take you
a very long time...
...to get where you're going.
Look, do you have any idea...
...how long it took me
to paint like this?
- No.
- Twenty-five years.
Jerome, it is absolutely essential
at your age...
...that you start to experiment
with all the arts...
...all the philosophies
and all the lifestyles.
So, that's what you think I should do,
is try a bunch of different styles...
...and see where it takes me?
Yes, yes and yes, Jerome.
- Okay.
- I have seen so many young artists...
...get locked into
this incredibly rigid way of thinking.
So that's what I should try to do,
is experiment?
Absolutely.
And I am here to facilitate
that experimentation...
...in any way I can...
...either in or out of the classroom.
Thank you, professor.
For the last time, come on, get out.
Get out of my building.
He says they're all done.
We can go in now.
Too experimental.
You're all over the map.
No focus.
Hollow and derivative.
You need to be yourself.
What's up, Platz?
- Hey.
- Hey.
So are you going
to Marvin Bushmiller's opening?
No. I didn't even know about it.
It might be an invite-only thing.
It's probably done
through his gallery.
- I'm sure it'll be a total drag, anyway.
- When is it?
I don't even know.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I can't believe it.
I got an "A."
Everybody got an "A".
It's a total scam to trick everybody
into feeling good about themselves.
Yeah, well, I never got better
than a "C" in my whole life.
That's hard to believe.
Yeah, well, guess I didn't go
to class too much.
- I was too busy getting into trouble.
- Really.
Yeah, me too.
No kidding.
Did you grow up in the city?
Well, not right in the city.
But I came here all the time.
All the fucking time.
Practically lived here.
So...
...how about it, dude?
You got any deep, dark secrets
we should know about?
Forgive me!
What the hell was that?
Don't worry, it's a totally rough cut.
That's a temp score without...
I thought you were gonna make
a nice little murder picture...
...but, here, you got the worms
and the dancing...
- Did you like it?
- It's symbolism, Grandpa.
And where are the guns?
I thought this was a shoot-them-up.
The guy's a strangler, Grandpa.
What am I supposed to do?
I want guns.
The movie is called,
The Strathmore Strangler.
You want the strangler
to shoot people?
I paid for a movie with guns.
Hello, Torsiello Gallery.
I can put you on the pre-waiting list.
It's not working. Do it better.
Excuse me.
We're closed.
I heard that Mr. Bushmiller
was having a party tonight.
And I was just wondering
if there was...
Sorry. Invite only.
I was gonna make up some elaborate
lie, but I decided to be honest.
I'm desperate. I'm not crazy.
I won't even talk to Mr. Bushmiller.
You see how busy I am here?
Please.
Please.
Did you put any grenadine in this?
I'm new to this. I'm sorry.
I'd like a Martell.
There you go.
I heard that Marvin needed some help,
so I figured, why not?
I'll have a...
I'm just gonna take one of these.
Just a Bud is fine.
We have...
Hoegaarden...
...or Stella Artois.
The first one.
You look pretty busy, so...
I drink Slivovitz, not Sambuca.
You were right about art.
It's all about the cock-sucking.
It's not what you do,
but who you blow.
And even that's not enough.
You don't even have a chance,
unless you're the most ruthless...
...cold-blooded...
Jesus, I'm really sorry.
Have you heard about
the great man's latest masterpiece?
- No.
- Some of his finest work, I believe.
Damn good stuff.
Who? The murderer?
"The murderer"?
That's so disrespectful.
Got a few victims for him,
if he's interested.
Do you wanna see my paintings?
This is my humble tribute
to the great man.
He doesn't simply reproduce reality,
like an ordinary idiot artist.
He courageously reshapes it
to suit his own needs.
And why did our great artist
select these particular victims?
Who can say?
A real artist knows
when he's found his ideal subject.
Perhaps, this one
was a dishonest cashier.
This one might have reminded him
of a domineering aunt.
And this one...
Maybe he was just too stupid
to be allowed to live.
All of humanity is too stupid to live.
Fuck them all.
My boy.
I say, you can't do anything
really good...
...until you truly don't care at all
if you live or die.
Kill me right now.
I couldn't care less.
It's only when every human misery
is just a big joke...
...that you can finally get
some enjoyment out of this life.
I wish someone would kill me
right now.
- Do you want me to kill you?
- Go for it.
Well, I guess I'd better be going,
before I throw up on your rug again.
Wait.
I wanna give you something.
- What's this?
- A gift, from me to you.
- No, I couldn't.
- You could.
You could.
Let's see some ID.
ID.
Are you drunk?
No.
Well, look who's here.
One of those.
Where the hell you been all week?
Been having a really hard time.
Yeah?
Well, you should just do
what I always do.
Drop out, and start over again
next semester.
This is my third time,
soon to be my fourth.
You don't understand. I'll never have
another chance like this.
I can't just...
...start over.
I'll never find another Audrey.
Don't start with this shit again.
Every artist needs a subject,
and she's my perfect subject.
- I can't let her slip through my fingers.
- Hey, come on.
Let's rescue these art chicks.
That's easy pickings.
If I can just come up with something
for that final survey...
...she'll forget all about Jonah.
- We're gonna miss our chance here.
- I just need to think of something.
There they go.
What can I do?
You know, I think I just figured out
who you are.
- Who?
- You're the class douche bag.
Thanks for the beer.
Oh, please. You can't fall for every guy
who does a halfway-decent painting.
I don't know.
There's something about him.
You don't need any more boyfriends,
you need about 15 years of therapy.
I thought you were all mad
for what's-his-name... Jonah.
Look...
...when this one doesn't work out...
...you can always come
crawling back to me.
So, looks like you finally
got Jonah on the run.
- What do you mean?
- He was asking about...
...some painting of yours.
You got a surprise for the final survey?
What do you want?
I need a big favor.
- I see you've come empty-handed.
- I know. I'm sorry.
You must think
I'm the cheapest whore in town.
I'll bring you a case of Slivovitz.
Whatever you want.
I just... I wanna buy
the rest of your paintings.
- They're not for sale.
- Please, just tell me what you want.
- I don't want anything.
- I'm just fucking lost...
- I thought you were an artist.
- I am. I am.
You wanna be an artist
or an "aficionado"?
An artist.
What do you think
an artist cares about?
Does he think all day
about fine wines...
...and black-tie affairs...
...and what he's gonna say
at the next after-dinner speech?
No.
He lives only for that narcotic moment
of creative bliss.
A moment...
...that may come once a decade.
Or never at all.
You think I'm wrong?
Fuck you.
You know nothing at all
about anything.
- Listen, I don't care about fine wines.
- Oh, I know what you want.
If it was me, I'd get my way
by any means possible.
I'd grab them by the balls,
and I'd never stop twisting.
Once you're on top,
they're helpless.
You've got them squirming
under the toe of your shoe.
Would you please put out
that goddamn cigarette...
...before you kill me
with your awful smoke!
What about the paintings?
I don't care, do whatever you want.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
I have a confession to make.
Yeah?
Forget it.
- No, what?
- Nothing. Forget I said anything.
- What is it? Some boyfriend problem?
- What? Why?
- I don't know. What is it?
- Why did you say that?
Do you think I'm gay?
- I don't know.
- Really?
Yeah. Maybe a little, I guess.
Yeah. Well, that's it.
That's my confession.
I think I'm gay.
Okay.
Okay.
I thought you said you were working.
I am working.
I gotta have this done for Monday.
It looks fine, Jonah.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It's got a long way to go.
What's gotten into you?
When you were working Narcotics...
...you didn't spend your off-hours
smoking crack.
And what about your son?
He misses his daddy.
Will you get off my ass for once?
Lonny and the guys are here,
or are you too busy for them?
Well, look who's here. How's
the Mona Lisa coming, Rembrandt?
You're off duty, Jonah.
You don't gotta dress like a fruitcake.
Yeah. It's good to see you guys too.
How much longer is this gonna
go on, Lonny?
I never see him anymore
since he became an artist.
I'm just trying to do my job.
That's a good question, Marie.
So, what about it, superstar?
Hey, we got the blow-ups
of the pictures you took.
He used the same colors we found
on the glove of the first crime scene.
I don't know about this guy Platz.
He didn't live near the campus
when the first killings took place.
He used to come to the city
all the time. He told me so himself.
It would've helped
if you had taken a paint sample.
You can't just monkey around
with a piece of art like that...
"Piece of shit" is more like it.
You take a look at this fucking thing?
Excuse me, Marie.
We can't even question this asshole?
It's like he's making fun of us.
I'm taking shit to this day
about that first weirdo you dragged in.
I can't afford any more fuck-ups.
I need better shit than this, Jonah.
Listen to me, Gerry.
Will you listen to me? Look...
I know you're a genius,
but I'm a genius too.
What are you, on vacation?
Move your ass.
Look, this dyke is gonna make us
both a fortune, I'm telling you.
I'm 100 percent on this one.
Fine. Don't listen to me.
What do I care?
Don't you ever call me again,
you ungrateful prick.
Excuse me?
I'm in your Tuesday/Thursday class.
Can I ask you a question?
So, there's this...
...freshman survey tomorrow.
And you wanna know
what you can do...
...to land a big gallery contract
like Marvin Bushmiller.
No. Not exactly.
Perhaps you want a major
retrospective at the Metropolitan?
Actually, there's someone who...
I don't know. I want her to...
It's for a girl?
Yeah.
You wanna take the prize
so you can win the heart of a girl?
Yeah.
That's so exciting.
Think you could look at my paintings
and tell me if they're good enough?
No.
But I'll be rooting for you.
Hey.
Think Jonah's getting any gash
on the side?
No. Marie's got him so pussy-whipped
it's not even funny.
Hey, hey.
That's our guy.
That's our guy, right there.
Will you look at him.
I ought to wring his neck
right now.
- What the fuck are we waiting for?
- He couldn't strangle a cat.
Fucking scumbag!
Where the fuck is Jonah?
Lonny told him to be on the guy's ass.
Jesus, that was disappointing.
Who are you trying to fool
with that badass stuff?
All that murder shit?
Totally September 10th, Jerome.
Jerome...
Have you seen Jonah?
No.
Don't despair, okay?
You call me over the break,
and we'll get you right back on track.
Okay?
Okay, you win.
It's all yours, so live it up.
- Jerome...
- You're the one out of 100...
...that goes on to fame and fortune.
I'm just another deluded asshole.
- These paintings...
- Fuck those paintings, and fuck you.
You have everybody fooled,
but not me.
You came up with a good gimmick,
your tough-guy, Joe Normal act...
...but your paintings are fucking
bullshit, and you know it.
Well I still kicked your ass, didn't I?
Jonah, come on.
Where you been? We gotta go.
Jerome, wait here.
I wanna talk to you.
You have to meet your public.
Marvelous work, Jonah.
Good job, Jonah.
Building burned up.
Everybody died.
Some asshole didn't put out
his cigarette.
This is it.
What the fuck, Jonah.
Mikey, get your ass over here.
Where's Jonah?
So?
What? This fucking nobody
is gonna stand me up?
I gave him the message,
Mr. D'Annunzio.
Hey, come on.
Bob hates people being late.
I really gotta find Jerome.
Come on.
Don't shoot me, man! Don't shoot!
Police! Get down on the ground!
Face down!
Cut! What are you doing,
asshole, you ruined my best take!
My arm...
I think my arm is broken.
Well, that's great!
What in fuck's name do I do now?
Hey!
Where have you been?
What the hell is this?
What is this nonsense?
Let's go, hotshot.
Chief wants you right now, come on.
What are you thinking, huh?
You paying attention to me?
God, I'm a fucking idiot.
Did you see a portrait of me?
A really beautiful...
It was right here.
I chucked everything out back.
Police! Open the door!
I got a warrant!
Police! Don't try anything!
- Oh, Jesus.
- This isn't what you think.
- Jerome Platz!
- Jerome Platz!
Jerome Platz! You in there?
- Jerome Platz!
- Hey, Jerome Platz!
Audrey, I know you
don't care about me...
...but maybe someday you'll...
Excuse me. Police business.
Clear the way, please. Excuse me.
Are we gonna have a problem?
Excuse me, please. Excuse me.
Go draw something, will you?
Lonny, I'm sorry.
I know I let personal things
get in the way of my job...
- ...but it'll never happen again.
- Superstar, we got him.
- All's well that ends well, okay?
- Hey, Jonah.
You suck!!
Have a nice death, pig.
You wanna spit at us again?
I will take you down so fast,
you got no idea, you fucking freak.
Mikey, let's clear it up
and get out of here.
- Kevin, you wanna ride with him?
- Let me do it, Lonny.
- Yeah, you fucking pig!
- Fucking pig!
Well, I knew there was something
weird about you.
What did you really think
about my...?
Did you think my paintings
were any good at all?
- Yeah, maybe.
- I could have made it as an artist?
No, I don't know about that.
Hey.
So are you really the guy?
Jerome, look over here!
Let me get a picture! Jerome!
Jerome. Visiting hours.
Should we judge an artist
by what he does in his personal life?
If he's an anti-Semite,
like T.S. Eliot...
...or a bully, like Picasso...
...or in this case, a murderer...
...should his art
have any less value?
I think not.
Look, if I wanna have a showing
of this artist's work...
...nobody has any right to stop me.
I'm fighting
for First Amendment rights.
You're with me or you're a fucking
Nazi, as far as I'm concerned.
What? Why can't I say that?
We didn't even know it was
a documentary at first, but then...
...you know, it just sort of
all came together.
I mean, that's the way I like to work.
Finding my way as I go along.
No, I don't think I'd ever sell it.
Jerome was always so passionate
about his art.
It's really unfortunate
what happened...
...but, I mean, I always knew
he'd be a famous artist someday.
I just wanna do what's best
for my client.
Why don't you trust Jerome
to know what's best?
And what's best for Jerome
is to stay for as long as possible...
...followed by a lengthy trial.
I have more than enough evidence
to get him out.
- This case should not even go to trial.
- Where the fuck did they find you?
Jerome needs a lawyer
who understands what to do...
...when a situation like this
presents itself.
I am very close to the family.
I went to school with Hugh Platz.
That's real nice. Now, look...
You know how many paintings
I can sell for your client...
...while this is going on?
Jerome. How's my boy?
- How's the work coming?
- It's fine.
Can't believe how many
people are calling about you.
- I had to cut off the waiting list.
- Great.
Jerome, I just wanna let you know...
...if you change your mind,
we can get you out of here.
I know, I know.
But we've been through all this.
Are these my only visitors?
Jerome, you get a chance
to call the guy from Artforum?
He wants to talk. Also, did you take
a moment to look at those papers?
I need you to sign the yellow one.
Keep your chin up, Jerome.
We all love you.
- All right.
- I'll call you tonight.
Hi.
Hey.
- Can we go now?
- Cut.