Art School Confidential (2006) - full transcript

I am a genius.

I am the greatest artist

of the 20th century.

My name is Pablo Picasso.

I pretty much invented modern art.

And I do weird, abstract paintings...

...even though I can paint totally

realistic, if I wanted to.

Also, even though

I'm super short and bald...

...I am able to have sex

with any beautiful woman I want...

...just because I'm so great.

Come here.

Look.

- Pretty good.

- Thanks.

Some day, if you get famous,

this can be worth a lot of money.

You're wasting your time, Jerome.

You gotta set your sights

on a more realistic girl.

Shit, here comes Stoob.

Hey, pencil-prick, thanks for helping

me with that poster for Erikson's class.

- He said I was a natural artist.

- A natural scam artist.

Got that right, queer-bait.

What's this?

- Are you jacking off in school now?

- It's a college brochure, you moron.

What college has a naked chick

for a teacher?

She's an art model, you stupid ape.

Hey. You're all right, Platz.

I don't know, Jerome. It just seems

a little too good to be true.

Don't you think?

Fucking shit!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's based on the whole thing

with the campus murder, but...

Hell no, it ain't

no boring-ass documentary.

Look, forget that shit, okay?

Yeah, fucking A, there's gonna

be tons of action, are you kidding me?

- You're an art major?

- Yeah. Drawing and painting.

- What are you guys?

- I'm fashion. He's film, I guess.

Are you for real?

You're shitting me, right?

- Well, yeah.

- God, this is so depressing.

- Why, what's wrong?

- I just really, really miss my girlfriend.

One hundred percent.

Yeah, you won't be sorry.

I love you too, Grandpa. Yes!

Yes! I'm so fucking pumped!

- I'm Vince.

- Hi. Jerome. How are you?

- What's your name again?

- Matthew.

God, I'm so fucking jazzed.

I get to make my movie.

That's fantastic.

- You guys freshmen?

- Yeah.

- You a sophomore?

- Junior.

It's all right.

You listen to me, you'll be okay.

Why do you still live in the dorm?

A lot of juniors still live in the dorm.

What's wrong with that?

That guy's some hot shit

sculpture major.

I have never seen

so many beautiful girls.

This is nothing. Dude,

you should've seen last year's crop.

Enrollment's way off

since the murders.

- What murders?

- You're shitting me, right?

I heard about it. Somebody killed

a guy on campus, or whatever.

Yeah. Three people

in the neighborhood since March.

You're fucking with me. You've never

heard about the Strathmore Strangler?

He killed a guy, like, 10 days ago.

- Are you from out of state?

- The suburbs.

Then you have no excuse.

What about Richard Natwick?

- Jesus.

- Sorry, I don't really follow the news.

Okay, I'm gonna give you the story...

You gotta pay attention.

Because this story is huge.

This is, like, national news, man.

I'm listening.

Just after the first murder,

there's this guy, Richard Natwick.

He's, like, some second-year

painting major.

Does these stupid-ass

word paintings.

He has a show at the student center.

Cops send some guys to check it out.

But they're not used to

this kind of artsy bullshit, right?

- Fucking...

- Cut your shit.

Get used to being bent over, prick.

So then a couple of professors

freak out.

And before you know it,

he's like a fucking martyr.

Art is not a crime! Art is not a crime!

Of course, it turns out

he's completely innocent.

And the cops have to totally eat shit.

- So, what happened to him?

- He had his 15 minutes of fame.

Then he got hurt real bad in

some crazy-ass performance art thing.

Okay...

...hit the juice.

Anyway, you gotta read my script.

I mean, it's all in there.

It's totally huge.

So, what, you don't get the paper

in the suburbs?

I mean, for all they know,

the killer could be from the suburbs.

Those cops, they don't know shit.

So, what, you're a drawing major?

Yeah. Drawing and painting.

That's awesome.

I hear you guys get to see

tons of naked vagina.

Okay, Leslie.

Time to work your magic.

First pose, people.

We're gonna hit

the ground running.

Okay, first pose.

I don't have any particular wisdom

to impart to you people, except this:

These four words:

Don't have unrealistic expectations.

If you wanna make money,

better drop out right now.

Go to banking school

or website school.

Anywhere but art school.

And remember,

only one out of 100 of you...

...will ever make a living as an artist.

Hello?

Yes.

Ah, Lorenzo.

No. Absolutely, yes...

Sandy, can I get a break up here?

Take a break. Five minutes.

Are you kidding? I would absolutely

love to have you look at it.

No, because I feel like I've really

turned a corner with this latest series.

In January?

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure I could.

I mean, I don't think my plate

is completely full.

Well, I'd be happy...

No, of course not.

Hi.

- Really pretty, what you're doing.

- I gotta go.

Jesus.

Why are the people in these freshman

classes exactly the same every year?

Look.

You got the vegan holy man.

The boring blowhard.

- The angry lesbian.

- Professor?

Professor? Professor?

And here, you got kiss-ass.

I wanted to tell you that I looked up

some of your paintings on the Internet.

- I thought they were really terrific.

- You get an "A" for the class.

And Mom.

I feel that I am finally about to ripen.

Artistically.

Mom's youngest just left the nest...

...so she's ready to explore

her creative side.

How do you know all this stuff?

Because I'm a living cliché

just like the rest of these guys.

I'm the guy who keeps dropping out

and changing majors...

...because he's afraid

he really sucks at everything.

So who am I?

I don't know.

I haven't figured you out yet.

Jesus.

Who's the weirdo?

Professor? Professor?

Professor Okamura?

What is your attendance policy

for this class?

I...

...don't...

...care...

...if you come to class or not.

This is ready for the kiln.

Let me see if I got this right:

You're the guy

that never got laid in high school.

So you came here

to try to bone your way through...

...an endless lineup of art skanks.

Not exactly. I mean,

I really do wanna be an artist.

A great artist, you know, if possible.

Which enables you to bone your way

through a lineup of art skanks.

So why wait, man?

Art school's like a pussy buffet.

I don't want just any girl.

All right.

There she is.

There is the beautiful beatnik

art chick of your dreams.

- Yeah, so?

- So ask her to borrow something.

It's the easiest thing in the world.

Want me to teach you?

Daddy will bring you there.

- Jesus...

- Come on.

Hi...

Do you think I could borrow

your pencil?

Why?

- What for?

- Doesn't matter, it was a stupid idea.

Oh, my God.

You have the most beautiful eyes.

You have to let me

take a picture of them.

Okay.

How about pizza?

Do you wanna go get pizza?

The only trouble with that is all those

beatnik chicks are totally insane.

Look, what you really want is a nice,

innocent, suburban girl.

Some freshman chick

who hasn't been corrupted yet.

Stay out of that cave, Koala Bear.

There's snakes and bats.

Don't be silly, Pepper.

I'm not afraid of a little snake.

You know, come to think of it,

they're all insane.

Just find yourself some nympho slut

and get it over with.

Excuse me.

Can you help me get this off?

I want you to know,

I definitely don't have AIDS.

I've been tested, like, 40 times,

so I know it for a fact.

Keep the fucking kid quiet,

you motherfucking asshole!

It's just my old man.

Are you serious?

You've never been laid before?

It just hasn't worked out yet.

I have very high standards.

Man, I gotta take you out

whore-busting some night.

We gotta remedy this situation

before it gets any worse.

Maybe you have issues

that make it difficult...

...to feel comfortable

with your own sexuality.

Could be, I guess.

You guys know what

whore-busting is, right?

You leave the money on the dresser,

fuck the whore and go to sleep.

You wake up, not only is your money

still there, but she's left you a tip.

It's the fucking

greatest deal ever, man.

Crackheads aren't so good.

Their tip is a little glass pipe

and a piece of tinfoil.

You don't want that shit. Get a nice

call girl or something, you know?

You fuck a lot of chicks, Matthew?

Yeah, I figured, man.

Fashion, and all that shit. Models...

Crack whores, call girls, strippers...

We could bust some strippers

together, that'd be fucking awesome.

What is art?

Is this art?

Or this?

Or this?

Who's that?

Ignore that. That's a mistake.

Hamlet. War and Peace.

"Beethoven's 9th". Guernica.

These are works which hold as much

emotional resonance today...

...as they did at the time

of their creation.

What makes a work of art timeless?

What qualities must it possess?

- Yes?

- Everything on your list...

...was done by a dead white male.

I noticed that too.

To be clear, they were not yet dead

when they created those works.

You're just playing into

the patriarchy.

The history of art is largely about

the implementation of masculinity.

- That is such bullshit.

- Part of some Darwinian imperative.

Most artists become artists

because...

...they have no way

to attract a mate.

I hardly think

I'm the first to point out...

...that the vast preponderance

of artists are, shall we say...

...physiologically deficient

in some way.

Dribble the ball, Hurst!

Please don't yell.

- Going to Marvin Bushmiller's talk?

- Yeah, are you?

We better get there early.

It's weird how he's so famous.

I used to see him around Strathmore

when I was a freshman.

I saw his show at Broadway Bob's...

...now he's on

the cover of Artforum.

- Well, that's how it works.

- Platz! Get in there.

Mr. Bushmiller, The New York Times

has called your work:

"An expedition to the far contours

of an evolving techno-culture."

With that in mind, where do you see

art headed in the 21st century?

"Art" who?

No, really, that's such...

...a stupid question.

Why don't you

ask me something relevant.

Ask me how much money I have

in the bank, or...

Did you learn anything

at Strathmore?

Yes, I learned many things.

I learned that the faculty

is made up of old failures...

...who teach only because

they need the health insurance.

Present company excluded,

of course.

I was about to say.

David was too busy trolling the halls

for fresh meat to worry about health.

What advice would you give

to a young artist...

Shut up. There's only one question

any of you wanna ask.

You wanna know what it would take

to turn you into me.

Well, listen closely, because

I'm gonna give you the answer.

In order to be a great artist...

...you simply have to be

a great artist.

There's nothing to learn, so you're all

wasting your time. Go home.

Why are you such an asshole?

Now, that's a great question.

No, it really is.

I am an asshole

because that is my true nature.

Maybe it's everybody's true nature.

Every one of you looks like

a fucking asshole, but who knows?

The difference between

you and me is that...

...I have gained the freedom

to express my true nature.

And what could be more beautiful

than truth and freedom?

Another day, another dollar.

Hello, Larry.

Oh, by the way...

...are you and Lois gonna be free

the night of January 18th?

How the hell should I know?

Well, I have to do

this little gallery thing.

Lorenzo Massengale

has been torturing me...

...to put my new series of paintings

in his new space...

...and I just thought maybe you

and Lois would want an invitation.

I think I'm busy that night, Sandiford.

Here, I stopped off at Broadway Bob's.

You're welcome.

I thought Broadway Bob's

was an art gallery or something.

It's a very famous shithole

run by an obnoxious windbag...

...who takes credit for the career

of every half-talented monkey...

...who ever took a class

at Strathmore.

But the coffee's good.

Hello, Lorenzo, it's Sandy.

Just wanted to make sure

you got the slides and...

You don't need to call me,

because I have a class starting.

So I will call you afterwards.

Thanks. Bye.

Sorry I'm late.

Hello, dear.

Looks like this is our lucky day.

I'm sorry, Sandy,

I'm just dying for a cigarette.

Yes, absolutely.

Five-minute break.

I'm gonna go to the john.

Let me borrow this.

All right.

She smiled at you, how sweet.

You've seen her before?

Who is she?

Don't get your hopes up.

She's prime real estate, my friend.

Hey, faggots.

What a cute couple.

I think they like us.

- Is she a student or just a model?

- Can we forget about her for a minute?

We're about to have

a life-changing experience here.

Jimmy, it's Bardo.

Brought someone over to meet you.

I got a bottle of Slivovitz here.

It's 80 proof, made in Poland,

imported by...

Boys, welcome.

I'm afraid you've interrupted me

in the middle of one of my shows.

This is Jerome.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Thank you for having us.

A pleasure.

Isn't this a great place?

Jimmy's got rent control.

So Jerome here...

...wants to be a great artist, Jimmy.

How terrific.

Jerome, are you exceptionally skilled

as a cocksucker?

It wasn't a rhetorical question.

Are you a great artist

when it comes to fellatio?

No.

No, I guess not.

Well, that's no good.

So who do you like?

Who's your favorite artist, Jerome?

- Maybe Picasso.

- I see.

Very good.

Our old friend...

..."pick-asshole."

The nasty little dwarf

who went his whole life...

...without a single original thought.

I presume you're joking, right?

Jimmy's a Strathmore grad.

Just look at me now.

Just think, Jerome.

One day, this could all be yours.

You're going places, young man.

I can feel it.

But you need to take some lessons

in sucking cock and licking ass.

Otherwise, you might find yourself

rotting away in some shithole...

...postponing suicide for the slim

chance that you might one day...

...possibly see some glorious plague

or pestilence...

...bring horrible suffering

to your hateful species.

What are you smiling about?

Laugh away, laughing boy!

I will stomp your guts

till they shoot out your ass!

I will bury you alive

and shit on your grave!

Okay, boys. Show's over.

I have to get back

to my masturbation.

Isn't Jimmy great?

Yeah, definitely.

Self-portrait.

Starting next week...

...I will be selecting the most effective

work from each session...

...and placing it in the hall gallery.

- Which gallery?

- It's on this floor.

- Down at the end of the hall.

- By the men's toilet?

Yes.

Now, let's get started on these.

Who wants to comment?

I like Flower's drawing.

- Yeah. Me too.

- It seems like she's trying to do...

...something more

than just draw herself.

It's more about

the process of drawing.

All right. Does anything else up here

command your attention?

Does anyone have anything more

to say on Flower's piece?

Yes, Jerome?

- Nothing.

- Well, "nothing" doesn't exist...

...in this classroom.

What are you thinking?

We're waiting, Jerome.

I don't know. It just...

It looks like a lame

Cy Twombly imitation to me.

It looks like she did it

in about two minutes.

That is such bullshit.

Because her drawing isn't perfect,

it's automatically bad?

At least it has humanity.

Yeah, totally.

Jerome, your drawing looks like

it was done by a machine.

Whereas Flower's...

Flower's is full of playfulness and...

Yeah, like, humanity.

What's so great about humanity?

Humans are a bunch of jerks.

I hope a plague wipes out the species.

- What is your problem?

- Jesus Christ, Jerome.

Okay, that's enough.

This is a required assignment.

I have to give it to you.

And, Flower, it is certainly

not worth crying about, okay?

Hey, man.

I agree with you 100 percent.

I think the entire human race should

be wiped off the face of the earth.

Oh, I didn't really mean... I was just...

You don't have to apologize.

I'm totally with you on this.

So this is the hall gallery.

Hey.

You guys have to come

to my opening tonight.

You were really an asshole

in class today.

Hey. You guys.

So are we gonna go see

Shilo's opening?

- How did she ever get a gallery show?

- It's totally meaningless.

Any idiot could sign up

for a student gallery.

Oh, my God.

What?

I didn't notice that.

We gotta go.

Great work, Shilo.

Hey.

Do you know this girl?

Yeah. We had her as a model.

Remember?

But do you know who she is?

Do you know her name?

You are such a prick.

What? You can't say anything nice

about my photos?

- Hi.

- Hi.

That came out really good.

- Thank you.

- Shilo.

What?

Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.

So is that your real name?

Or are you just obsessed with Audrey

Hepburn like every art school chick?

I was named after an old cartoon.

Another ironic pop culture reference.

She's a keeper.

- Hey.

- God, do you know that guy?

- No. I thought he was your friend.

- No way.

Oh, you're the guy

from Sandy's class.

I have such a bad memory for faces.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. I'm Jerome.

I was thinking about you today.

I saw an old photo

of Marie-Thérèse Walter...

...and it looked just like the way

that you drew me.

She's one of the women

who modeled for Picasso.

I know just the picture

you're talking about.

You do?

Let's get out of here.

What? I said I liked your photos.

- You didn't have to do that.

- It's okay.

I couldn't bear to watch you

get cornered by that creep again.

Well, I have to get going anyway.

I'm kind of making the rounds tonight.

Really?

Well, maybe sometime we could...

I have to go to

a Donald Baumgarten show.

Oh, I know who he is.

He's an old pop art guy, right?

Yeah, he's really good. He's great.

He's absolutely awful.

But I can't get out of it.

Do you wanna go with me?

Come on, please.

I hate to take the subway by myself.

Especially with that weirdo

out there strangling everybody.

A little bit. Well, my parents go a lot.

Hi.

Audrey, I was afraid

you weren't coming.

So how's it going?

Well, I think I might have sold

two of the small ones.

- The ones you hate.

- I like them just fine. You know that.

Just not as much

as the big, blue ones.

I know.

Daddy, this is Jerome.

Jerome is a big fan of yours.

I brought him to meet you.

Jerome, this is Donald Baumgarten.

Wow. I'm a big fan of yours, sir.

It's really a pleasure.

My pleasure, son.

Daddy, I hate to do this,

but I don't think we can stay.

Jerome has to meet someone

at another party, and we're late, so...

- Will I see you on Sunday?

- I'll call you.

I can't believe you grew up

with a dad like that.

He's a famous artist.

He's hardly a famous artist.

It's really heartbreaking.

He should've given up, like,

30 years ago.

God, I am starving.

- Should we go eat somewhere?

- Sure.

Have you ever heard

of Broadway Bob's?

So why are you a model?

Just for the money?

Oh, yeah. I make a fortune.

My God, is that who I think it is?

He's always here.

That table is practically reserved

for post-minimalists.

This is where everybody gets

their first big show.

It's like the launching pad

from Strathmore to the real world.

- How do they pick who gets a show?

- They go to the surveys and all that.

What's the matter?

Don't you love me anymore?

When's the last time

you came to see me?

Jerome, this is Broadway Bob.

- How you doing?

- Hi.

Bob knows everybody.

Every artist you can think of

had their first show in this place.

Bushmiller, Naugle, Bilbo,

you name it.

The minute they get famous,

they got no time for me, right?

Hey! I told you to stop hassling

my customers!

Hector! Fucking Brown Shirts.

What are you doing?

- Good to see you.

- Bye.

- Tell your father I said hi.

- Okay.

- Hey. Excuse me.

- Yeah, what?

You wanna help me out?

I got two homeless fucks outside...

...that panhandle all day.

They bother my customers outside.

This kid's not a serial killer.

Look at that guy out there.

- Just get the fuck out.

- All right, let's go.

- Your coffee sucks.

- Go to Starbucks.

Who's this?

- Jerome, this is Candace.

- Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.

Audrey and I used to bump cunts.

Just kidding.

But little Audrey doesn't wanna play

with me anymore, does she.

What do you think

of these paintings?

They're okay.

I mean, they're not the most...

They're Candace's paintings.

- They're really good.

- Where do you find them, Audrey?

Anyway, thanks to this little exhibit,

I'll get a spring show at the Haberman.

- That's really great. Congratulations.

- I know. Golly gosh!

- You. Get over here.

- Later, kids.

What's this I hear about a show at

Haberman? You gotta let me know...

So, what do you wanna do, Jerome?

I wanna be the greatest artist

of the 21st century.

Oh, I just meant,

"What do you wanna do now?"

I should probably get home.

- I'm stupid...

- No, no, I think it's great.

I think you really could be

a great artist.

You have the right kind of...

...energy.

- You won't believe...

- Did you hear the news?

- No, but guess where I was?

- The strangler got another one.

Some poor schmuck on his way to

the subway. I got a major rewrite to do.

- I was on the subway tonight.

- You're lucky to be alive.

- Anyway, guess what I was doing.

- Smoking pole?

No, I was on a date with the most

beautiful girl in the whole school.

All right. Can I smell your finger?

Look.

No shit.

- Nice.

- Yeah. She thinks I'm a great artist.

You fucking snake.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Did you already pop her?

No, I...

- You know, we just met...

- Man, if she was my girlfriend...

...I would be pounding that shit

day and night.

November 28th.

November 28th.

Try and keep that date...

...in your tiny, little,

drug-addled brains.

That is the date of

the post-Thanksgiving assessment...

...where you'll put up all your work...

...and a bunch of us professors

are gonna sneak in...

...behind your backs

and give you a grade.

However, that is but a mere prelude

to this day:

December 19th.

December 19th is the final survey

where you will receive...

...your one-and-only official grade

for this class...

...provided, of course, you all

haven't been murdered by then.

I heard the final survey

is where big-shot gallery owners...

...show up to troll for new talent.

I wouldn't worry about that

too much right now.

This could be a big break

for somebody.

But this is not Schwab's drugstore.

You are definitely not Lana Turner.

- What does that mean?

- It means you children are too young...

...to be worrying about that.

Now, Eno, why haven't you

been doing the assignments?

Frankly, I find them constricting

and largely irrelevant.

My work has nothing to do

with form or light or color...

...but with questioning the nature

of aesthetic experience.

I'll buy that.

- Jonah, what about you?

- I'll bring something next time. Sorry.

I also heard that the student

with the best grade...

- ...gets a show at Broadway Bob's.

- That's been known to happen, yes.

Professor Okamura said no one in

your class ever got the best grade.

Well, Larry seems to care about

that kind of thing a lot more than I do.

And Larry has a tendency to live

vicariously through his students...

...which I find rather pathetic.

I also heard they're cutting faculty,

and all the profs...

...are shitting bricks trying to get

a student to the Broadway Bob show.

Actually. I'm too busy

concentrating on my own painting...

...to get involved with

any kind of faculty intrigue.

Is it true Marvin Bushmiller got his

break when he got the best grade?

Audrey.

Hi.

I just came in to get a coffee.

I have to model for

Professor Bogle's class at 6:30.

Can I walk with you?

God, you're so polite. Sure.

Look at you.

So content with your happy,

little lives.

But none of you know the taste

of true happiness...

...the happiness that

only death can bring.

I am hell on earth, personified!

What do you think?

Should I trim that last part?

How much longer you gonna be?

It's up to the boss.

See you later.

Hey, hey, hey. You can't just leave.

What do you think

of the movie so far?

- It's fine.

- Yeah. Thanks.

She doesn't get this kind of stuff.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I gotta cram some love story

into this thing, man.

Those skags make up 50 percent

of the audience.

You're missing the best part.

Hey.

Now...

...we're not gonna have any more

official assignments in this class.

Last week, I asked you to bring in

what you thought was your...

...best work of art, old or new. Okay?

And we're gonna use that work...

...as a starting point to, hopefully,

help you become better artists.

"We live in a police state."

Ain't that the truth.

This is interesting.

That's not finished, but I thought

the class might find it interesting...

...to see the various stages

of my process.

Indeed.

And what have we here?

- Who did this?

- That's mine.

Where have you been all my life?

- What do we think of this work, class?

- It's so...

It's like, he figured out how to unlearn

all the typical art school bullshit.

It's really great.

It has the singularity of outsider art,

though the conscious rejection...

...of spatial dynamics

could only come from an intimacy...

...with the conventions

of picture-making.

Are you kidding me?

You look at...?

Professor Okamura, what are some

of your favorite Halloween memories?

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

You want a drink? There's some

weird orange punch over there.

- Yeah. That's really sweet. Thank you.

- Okay.

Better get back there. You're about

to get cock-blocked by Joe College.

How did you do that painting?

It's like you've never seen

another painting before.

What the fuck?

My God, we look like

Bonnie and Clyde.

Oh, thanks.

Isn't it weird?

Look how perfectly we match.

- That's great.

- There's an empty seat over there.

Looks like a duel.

No? Comments?

Jonah's seems totally original

and authentic.

And Jerome's just seems lame.

It's pathetic. No offense.

Yeah, it's like Jonah is tapping...

...into this total childhood innocence.

He's got a whole way of seeing

that's completely outside the box.

And Jerome is totally in the box,

you know?

- Yeah. It sucks.

- You know, Jerome's is really...

Okay, I think that's fine.

We shouldn't be too hard on Jerome.

Jerome's trying to do something

that is essentially impossible.

He's trying to sing in his own voice...

...using someone else's

vocal chords.

I mean, it's the greatest.

He picks a completely random victim.

I mean, this chick was, like...

She was, like,

a cashier or something.

- How do they know it's the same guy?

- Come on, it's obvious.

There's a million clues.

For one thing, he always...

- Okay, I believe you.

- Look at her.

She was only 31 years old.

I mean, it's like a goddamn miracle.

Here I am, busting my nuts...

...trying to find some female character

for my movie...

...and this guy goes and drops

one right in my lap.

Murder?

Don't worry so much, man.

No one's gonna murder me.

I don't want nothing

to happen to my best ho.

The streets ain't safe no more.

Not since...

Fuck you.

You're just trying to keep me down,

and I am not your whore any more.

I mean...

I'm not your whore no more.

This is total shit, you know that?

No, I don't know that.

Come on. All of this "gangsta,"

"motherfucker" bullshit.

Why do you wanna regurgitate this

Hollywood crap for the zillionth time?

Don't you have anything original

to say?

- I think I do.

- Then you need to say it.

Because this is

completely worthless.

- Hello?

- Hi. It's Jerome Platz.

- Hey, Jerome Platz.

- Hey, I was just calling...

To... I've got...

I've gotta go home for Thanksgiving,

and I was wondering...

...if you had any plans, if, maybe,

you wanted to come with me...

Unfortunately, I have to go up north

to visit my grandmother.

- But that's really nice of you.

- No...

Don't be silly.

Have a great time.

I'll talk to you soon.

- Okay. Bye.

- Take care. Bye.

I think maybe I'll go on tour

with Dominick's band this summer.

They're playing shows in the Midwest.

They need someone to sell T-shirts.

Who's Dominick?

This guy, who's friends

with Stacy's big brother.

- Forget about it.

- God, you are so unfair.

Jerome gets to go to art school,

and I can't go on a summer trip.

You gonna get a job doing paintings

somewhere once school's done?

That's not really how it works.

Who in their right mind would buy

your paintings?

- Cynthia.

- God, you love Jerome more than me.

You know what you gotta do?

Figure out who's the top guy in your

business and hook up with him.

It's not what you do

so much as who you know.

That's how it is in my business,

and it's all about business.

Yeah. Actually, I've kind of

made a connection already.

My girlfriend's dad

is kind of a famous artist, so...

- Your what?

- Hugh...

...help me get the rest of the pies

out of the oven?

We thought for sure

you were a homo.

My friend's granddaughter paints

little pictures on the shoes...

Oh, what do you call them?

Anyhow, she paints pictures

of little animals and whatnot.

And I believe the other children

pay her for it.

"Sneakers."

Isn't that what they call them?

Anyhow, that's something

I thought you could do, Jeremy.

It's not that at all. It's just that,

I really felt that they were...

...some of, really, the best things

I'd done in a very long time.

And I'm just...

And I'm just slightly...

...surprised that...

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

I'm Helena Sandiford.

Sandy will be right with you.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate...

No, I do. I do understand.

No. Not at all.

And I really appreciate

you looking at the slides.

Yeah.

And you.

Bye.

Go fuck yourself, Lorenzo!

Those are mine, yes.

They're really good.

Yes, I rather like them.

Unfortunately, we're not

in the majority, Jerome.

Apparently, they're a little too "difficult"

for some people.

So how long have you been

doing the triangles?

A long time.

I was one of the first.

So tell me, Jerome...

...what are you not getting

out of my class?

I don't know. I feel like...

...I don't really know

what I'm doing and...

Maybe I should be finding

my own style...

...or voice or something.

That is absolute bullshit.

What would an artist at your age

want with a style?

What about Jonah?

He's got sort of a style.

No, Jonah doesn't have a style.

He has a sort of "nowness."

It's exciting. It's seductive.

But that does not mean, Jerome...

...that he is a better artist than you are.

Far from it.

You're very similar to me.

It is going to take you

a very long time...

...to get where you're going.

Look, do you have any idea...

...how long it took me

to paint like this?

- No.

- Twenty-five years.

Jerome, it is absolutely essential

at your age...

...that you start to experiment

with all the arts...

...all the philosophies

and all the lifestyles.

So, that's what you think I should do,

is try a bunch of different styles...

...and see where it takes me?

Yes, yes and yes, Jerome.

- Okay.

- I have seen so many young artists...

...get locked into

this incredibly rigid way of thinking.

So that's what I should try to do,

is experiment?

Absolutely.

And I am here to facilitate

that experimentation...

...in any way I can...

...either in or out of the classroom.

Thank you, professor.

For the last time, come on, get out.

Get out of my building.

He says they're all done.

We can go in now.

Too experimental.

You're all over the map.

No focus.

Hollow and derivative.

You need to be yourself.

What's up, Platz?

- Hey.

- Hey.

So are you going

to Marvin Bushmiller's opening?

No. I didn't even know about it.

It might be an invite-only thing.

It's probably done

through his gallery.

- I'm sure it'll be a total drag, anyway.

- When is it?

I don't even know.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I can't believe it.

I got an "A."

Everybody got an "A".

It's a total scam to trick everybody

into feeling good about themselves.

Yeah, well, I never got better

than a "C" in my whole life.

That's hard to believe.

Yeah, well, guess I didn't go

to class too much.

- I was too busy getting into trouble.

- Really.

Yeah, me too.

No kidding.

Did you grow up in the city?

Well, not right in the city.

But I came here all the time.

All the fucking time.

Practically lived here.

So...

...how about it, dude?

You got any deep, dark secrets

we should know about?

Forgive me!

What the hell was that?

Don't worry, it's a totally rough cut.

That's a temp score without...

I thought you were gonna make

a nice little murder picture...

...but, here, you got the worms

and the dancing...

- Did you like it?

- It's symbolism, Grandpa.

And where are the guns?

I thought this was a shoot-them-up.

The guy's a strangler, Grandpa.

What am I supposed to do?

I want guns.

The movie is called,

The Strathmore Strangler.

You want the strangler

to shoot people?

I paid for a movie with guns.

Hello, Torsiello Gallery.

I can put you on the pre-waiting list.

It's not working. Do it better.

Excuse me.

We're closed.

I heard that Mr. Bushmiller

was having a party tonight.

And I was just wondering

if there was...

Sorry. Invite only.

I was gonna make up some elaborate

lie, but I decided to be honest.

I'm desperate. I'm not crazy.

I won't even talk to Mr. Bushmiller.

You see how busy I am here?

Please.

Please.

Did you put any grenadine in this?

I'm new to this. I'm sorry.

I'd like a Martell.

There you go.

I heard that Marvin needed some help,

so I figured, why not?

I'll have a...

I'm just gonna take one of these.

Just a Bud is fine.

We have...

Hoegaarden...

...or Stella Artois.

The first one.

You look pretty busy, so...

I drink Slivovitz, not Sambuca.

You were right about art.

It's all about the cock-sucking.

It's not what you do,

but who you blow.

And even that's not enough.

You don't even have a chance,

unless you're the most ruthless...

...cold-blooded...

Jesus, I'm really sorry.

Have you heard about

the great man's latest masterpiece?

- No.

- Some of his finest work, I believe.

Damn good stuff.

Who? The murderer?

"The murderer"?

That's so disrespectful.

Got a few victims for him,

if he's interested.

Do you wanna see my paintings?

This is my humble tribute

to the great man.

He doesn't simply reproduce reality,

like an ordinary idiot artist.

He courageously reshapes it

to suit his own needs.

And why did our great artist

select these particular victims?

Who can say?

A real artist knows

when he's found his ideal subject.

Perhaps, this one

was a dishonest cashier.

This one might have reminded him

of a domineering aunt.

And this one...

Maybe he was just too stupid

to be allowed to live.

All of humanity is too stupid to live.

Fuck them all.

My boy.

I say, you can't do anything

really good...

...until you truly don't care at all

if you live or die.

Kill me right now.

I couldn't care less.

It's only when every human misery

is just a big joke...

...that you can finally get

some enjoyment out of this life.

I wish someone would kill me

right now.

- Do you want me to kill you?

- Go for it.

Well, I guess I'd better be going,

before I throw up on your rug again.

Wait.

I wanna give you something.

- What's this?

- A gift, from me to you.

- No, I couldn't.

- You could.

You could.

Let's see some ID.

ID.

Are you drunk?

No.

Well, look who's here.

One of those.

Where the hell you been all week?

Been having a really hard time.

Yeah?

Well, you should just do

what I always do.

Drop out, and start over again

next semester.

This is my third time,

soon to be my fourth.

You don't understand. I'll never have

another chance like this.

I can't just...

...start over.

I'll never find another Audrey.

Don't start with this shit again.

Every artist needs a subject,

and she's my perfect subject.

- I can't let her slip through my fingers.

- Hey, come on.

Let's rescue these art chicks.

That's easy pickings.

If I can just come up with something

for that final survey...

...she'll forget all about Jonah.

- We're gonna miss our chance here.

- I just need to think of something.

There they go.

What can I do?

You know, I think I just figured out

who you are.

- Who?

- You're the class douche bag.

Thanks for the beer.

Oh, please. You can't fall for every guy

who does a halfway-decent painting.

I don't know.

There's something about him.

You don't need any more boyfriends,

you need about 15 years of therapy.

I thought you were all mad

for what's-his-name... Jonah.

Look...

...when this one doesn't work out...

...you can always come

crawling back to me.

So, looks like you finally

got Jonah on the run.

- What do you mean?

- He was asking about...

...some painting of yours.

You got a surprise for the final survey?

What do you want?

I need a big favor.

- I see you've come empty-handed.

- I know. I'm sorry.

You must think

I'm the cheapest whore in town.

I'll bring you a case of Slivovitz.

Whatever you want.

I just... I wanna buy

the rest of your paintings.

- They're not for sale.

- Please, just tell me what you want.

- I don't want anything.

- I'm just fucking lost...

- I thought you were an artist.

- I am. I am.

You wanna be an artist

or an "aficionado"?

An artist.

What do you think

an artist cares about?

Does he think all day

about fine wines...

...and black-tie affairs...

...and what he's gonna say

at the next after-dinner speech?

No.

He lives only for that narcotic moment

of creative bliss.

A moment...

...that may come once a decade.

Or never at all.

You think I'm wrong?

Fuck you.

You know nothing at all

about anything.

- Listen, I don't care about fine wines.

- Oh, I know what you want.

If it was me, I'd get my way

by any means possible.

I'd grab them by the balls,

and I'd never stop twisting.

Once you're on top,

they're helpless.

You've got them squirming

under the toe of your shoe.

Would you please put out

that goddamn cigarette...

...before you kill me

with your awful smoke!

What about the paintings?

I don't care, do whatever you want.

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Sure.

I have a confession to make.

Yeah?

Forget it.

- No, what?

- Nothing. Forget I said anything.

- What is it? Some boyfriend problem?

- What? Why?

- I don't know. What is it?

- Why did you say that?

Do you think I'm gay?

- I don't know.

- Really?

Yeah. Maybe a little, I guess.

Yeah. Well, that's it.

That's my confession.

I think I'm gay.

Okay.

Okay.

I thought you said you were working.

I am working.

I gotta have this done for Monday.

It looks fine, Jonah.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

It's got a long way to go.

What's gotten into you?

When you were working Narcotics...

...you didn't spend your off-hours

smoking crack.

And what about your son?

He misses his daddy.

Will you get off my ass for once?

Lonny and the guys are here,

or are you too busy for them?

Well, look who's here. How's

the Mona Lisa coming, Rembrandt?

You're off duty, Jonah.

You don't gotta dress like a fruitcake.

Yeah. It's good to see you guys too.

How much longer is this gonna

go on, Lonny?

I never see him anymore

since he became an artist.

I'm just trying to do my job.

That's a good question, Marie.

So, what about it, superstar?

Hey, we got the blow-ups

of the pictures you took.

He used the same colors we found

on the glove of the first crime scene.

I don't know about this guy Platz.

He didn't live near the campus

when the first killings took place.

He used to come to the city

all the time. He told me so himself.

It would've helped

if you had taken a paint sample.

You can't just monkey around

with a piece of art like that...

"Piece of shit" is more like it.

You take a look at this fucking thing?

Excuse me, Marie.

We can't even question this asshole?

It's like he's making fun of us.

I'm taking shit to this day

about that first weirdo you dragged in.

I can't afford any more fuck-ups.

I need better shit than this, Jonah.

Listen to me, Gerry.

Will you listen to me? Look...

I know you're a genius,

but I'm a genius too.

What are you, on vacation?

Move your ass.

Look, this dyke is gonna make us

both a fortune, I'm telling you.

I'm 100 percent on this one.

Fine. Don't listen to me.

What do I care?

Don't you ever call me again,

you ungrateful prick.

Excuse me?

I'm in your Tuesday/Thursday class.

Can I ask you a question?

So, there's this...

...freshman survey tomorrow.

And you wanna know

what you can do...

...to land a big gallery contract

like Marvin Bushmiller.

No. Not exactly.

Perhaps you want a major

retrospective at the Metropolitan?

Actually, there's someone who...

I don't know. I want her to...

It's for a girl?

Yeah.

You wanna take the prize

so you can win the heart of a girl?

Yeah.

That's so exciting.

Think you could look at my paintings

and tell me if they're good enough?

No.

But I'll be rooting for you.

Hey.

Think Jonah's getting any gash

on the side?

No. Marie's got him so pussy-whipped

it's not even funny.

Hey, hey.

That's our guy.

That's our guy, right there.

Will you look at him.

I ought to wring his neck

right now.

- What the fuck are we waiting for?

- He couldn't strangle a cat.

Fucking scumbag!

Where the fuck is Jonah?

Lonny told him to be on the guy's ass.

Jesus, that was disappointing.

Who are you trying to fool

with that badass stuff?

All that murder shit?

Totally September 10th, Jerome.

Jerome...

Have you seen Jonah?

No.

Don't despair, okay?

You call me over the break,

and we'll get you right back on track.

Okay?

Okay, you win.

It's all yours, so live it up.

- Jerome...

- You're the one out of 100...

...that goes on to fame and fortune.

I'm just another deluded asshole.

- These paintings...

- Fuck those paintings, and fuck you.

You have everybody fooled,

but not me.

You came up with a good gimmick,

your tough-guy, Joe Normal act...

...but your paintings are fucking

bullshit, and you know it.

Well I still kicked your ass, didn't I?

Jonah, come on.

Where you been? We gotta go.

Jerome, wait here.

I wanna talk to you.

You have to meet your public.

Marvelous work, Jonah.

Good job, Jonah.

Building burned up.

Everybody died.

Some asshole didn't put out

his cigarette.

This is it.

What the fuck, Jonah.

Mikey, get your ass over here.

Where's Jonah?

So?

What? This fucking nobody

is gonna stand me up?

I gave him the message,

Mr. D'Annunzio.

Hey, come on.

Bob hates people being late.

I really gotta find Jerome.

Come on.

Don't shoot me, man! Don't shoot!

Police! Get down on the ground!

Face down!

Cut! What are you doing,

asshole, you ruined my best take!

My arm...

I think my arm is broken.

Well, that's great!

What in fuck's name do I do now?

Hey!

Where have you been?

What the hell is this?

What is this nonsense?

Let's go, hotshot.

Chief wants you right now, come on.

What are you thinking, huh?

You paying attention to me?

God, I'm a fucking idiot.

Did you see a portrait of me?

A really beautiful...

It was right here.

I chucked everything out back.

Police! Open the door!

I got a warrant!

Police! Don't try anything!

- Oh, Jesus.

- This isn't what you think.

- Jerome Platz!

- Jerome Platz!

Jerome Platz! You in there?

- Jerome Platz!

- Hey, Jerome Platz!

Audrey, I know you

don't care about me...

...but maybe someday you'll...

Excuse me. Police business.

Clear the way, please. Excuse me.

Are we gonna have a problem?

Excuse me, please. Excuse me.

Go draw something, will you?

Lonny, I'm sorry.

I know I let personal things

get in the way of my job...

- ...but it'll never happen again.

- Superstar, we got him.

- All's well that ends well, okay?

- Hey, Jonah.

You suck!!

Have a nice death, pig.

You wanna spit at us again?

I will take you down so fast,

you got no idea, you fucking freak.

Mikey, let's clear it up

and get out of here.

- Kevin, you wanna ride with him?

- Let me do it, Lonny.

- Yeah, you fucking pig!

- Fucking pig!

Well, I knew there was something

weird about you.

What did you really think

about my...?

Did you think my paintings

were any good at all?

- Yeah, maybe.

- I could have made it as an artist?

No, I don't know about that.

Hey.

So are you really the guy?

Jerome, look over here!

Let me get a picture! Jerome!

Jerome. Visiting hours.

Should we judge an artist

by what he does in his personal life?

If he's an anti-Semite,

like T.S. Eliot...

...or a bully, like Picasso...

...or in this case, a murderer...

...should his art

have any less value?

I think not.

Look, if I wanna have a showing

of this artist's work...

...nobody has any right to stop me.

I'm fighting

for First Amendment rights.

You're with me or you're a fucking

Nazi, as far as I'm concerned.

What? Why can't I say that?

We didn't even know it was

a documentary at first, but then...

...you know, it just sort of

all came together.

I mean, that's the way I like to work.

Finding my way as I go along.

No, I don't think I'd ever sell it.

Jerome was always so passionate

about his art.

It's really unfortunate

what happened...

...but, I mean, I always knew

he'd be a famous artist someday.

I just wanna do what's best

for my client.

Why don't you trust Jerome

to know what's best?

And what's best for Jerome

is to stay for as long as possible...

...followed by a lengthy trial.

I have more than enough evidence

to get him out.

- This case should not even go to trial.

- Where the fuck did they find you?

Jerome needs a lawyer

who understands what to do...

...when a situation like this

presents itself.

I am very close to the family.

I went to school with Hugh Platz.

That's real nice. Now, look...

You know how many paintings

I can sell for your client...

...while this is going on?

Jerome. How's my boy?

- How's the work coming?

- It's fine.

Can't believe how many

people are calling about you.

- I had to cut off the waiting list.

- Great.

Jerome, I just wanna let you know...

...if you change your mind,

we can get you out of here.

I know, I know.

But we've been through all this.

Are these my only visitors?

Jerome, you get a chance

to call the guy from Artforum?

He wants to talk. Also, did you take

a moment to look at those papers?

I need you to sign the yellow one.

Keep your chin up, Jerome.

We all love you.

- All right.

- I'll call you tonight.

Hi.

Hey.

- Can we go now?

- Cut.