Aquaslash (2019) - full transcript
Thrills, Chills and screwball comedy meet tiny bikinis and gory dismemberment in this chlorine and blood drenched murder mystery.
♪♪ [ominous]
[owl hooting]
I want you so bad, baby.
I can see that.
[twig snaps]
Who's there?
No one's here, baby.
No one's here.
No reason to stop
what you're doing.
No, I don't like it.
I feel weird.
All right, I got a super idea.
It's gonna make you freak out.
Come on.
Okay.
[giggling]
[laughing]
Been saving this baby
for you, baby.
Double trouble, lover.
[woman moaning]
Yeah.
[moaning continues]
♪♪ [terror]
- What the fuck?
- [screaming]
Please, no!
[screams]
[thud]
No! Please! Please!
[woman screaming]
♪♪ [ominous]
[yelling]
Hey, lovers,
I thought I told you
not to fuck up my weekend
with your ugly-ass faces.
Dude, we're not gonna
miss our own grad
'cause you say so, dick.
Nice guitar, man.
Yo, I can't believe this.
Our last weekend together,
and I have to listen
to this shit?
You guys know
you suck, right?
Put the guitar down, Phil.
Or what, man?
Or nothing, man.
Why do you have to be such
a fucking douche all the time?
What'd you call me, Chip?
It's Chad.
God, what did we ever do to you?
Music sucks.
Kick his ass!
Yeah, kick his ass, Phil!
Kick his ass!
Kick his ass, kick his ass!
ALICE: Pick on someone
your own size, Phil.
There's nobody my size,
princess.
Let him go, Phil,
or I'll tell everyone
about your ugly,
tiny, malformed,
wart-infested, limp dick.
Oh, shit, is this thing on?
[laughter]
Later, assholes.
We did it, bitches!
Valley Hills fuckin' High,
Class of 2018!
[cheering]
All right, everyone, listen up.
The grad committee,
headed by none other than moi,
have worked hard to make this
a weekend to die for.
Head right to the slides
or check out the motel.
But don't forget.
The bonfire starts at sundown,
and we're getting live music
by The Blades!
'80s style. Fuck yeah!
[cheering]
Cringe!
Remember...
partying here's
a tradition since 1988.
Can we not fuck it up
for the future alumni?
It's all about
the three C's, people:
courtesy, control and consent.
All right, people,
let's get lit!
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
♪♪ [upbeat]
[cheering]
It's exactly what they said.
Six feet.
Look at this.
This is our big stage?
Better than the stage
at your high school, I bet.
Holy shit.
You scared me, dude.
Just trying to be friendly.
Welcome to Wet Valley
Water Park.
I'm Conrad Carter.
I make everything work here.
All by yourself?
How old are you, man?
You wanna find out, kid?
Hey, I hope you guys
aren't gonna be playing
any of that electronic
dance shit tonight.
Nah, we're gonna be playing
hits from the 1980s.
Probably your favorite.
Really? The '80s?
I was here opening day,
summer of '84.
This park used to be
something back then.
Go!
It was alive.
Really?
That's not what I heard.
Didn't people die here?
The Wet Valley Murders.
Murder?
Come on, kid.
Accidents happen, huh?
JOSH: Okay, so you're saying
nobody died?
Dying and being murdered
are not the same thing
is all I'm saying.
- Dark, dude.
- Don't get me wrong.
I'm riding high. This is
the best weekend of the year.
Listen, you guys
need anything else,
just give me a holler.
Power's over there
by the machine room.
And have a good show tonight.
Keep your head on straight.
Why?
Well, once in a while,
things can get a little bent
around here.
[whistling]
Good morning, ladies!
For the past 12 years,
Wet Valley's Water Park
annual car wash
has become a tradition.
Each year, we raise
thousands of dollars
and send two lucky graduates
to Europe.
Who wants to go to Paris?
[cheering]
Ooh! This car is so dirty.
Let's get washing, ladies.
♪♪ [rock]
Kim!
Kim!
Where's Kimberly?
Tom, you should
be at the slides.
- Don't tell me what to do. Kim!
- Stop!
Where is she, Priscilla?
Who knows, who cares?
Get out.
Whatever.
[tuning]
[tuning continues]
Kim! Wow.
So you did it.
Did what?
Graduate, moron.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, barely.
You still play?
Yep, yep, still do.
Obviously.
So what you doing here?
I mean, is your school
partying here too?
Oh, no, I work here.
Yeah, I didn't go
to another school
when I ditched Valley Hills.
It's just not really my thing
right now, you know?
It's cool.
I'm really glad to see you.
I missed the time...
TOMMY: Missed what?
Oh, Tommy, hey, this is Josh.
He's an old friend from school.
Tommy. I manage this place.
You must be proud?
Babe, I'm hungry.
Dude, she's hot as fuck.
Shut up, Slim.
I think I'm hungry too.
You guys in, huh?
JOSH: Hey, Michael,
it's me your son.
You know I'm graduating
today, right?
Well, if you care to, you can
show up at school at one.
Otherwise, I'll be at
the old Wet Valley Park
for the weekend.
I'm also playing music
tonight with The Blades.
It'd be cool
if maybe you'd show up.
♪♪ [ominous]
Fuck you, Baywatch!
Kim, I'm shutting it down.
Two fuckers are coming down
with a bottle.
What?
[whistle]
[laughing]
You have to wear my glasses.
Oh.
Ooh.
PHIL: Who wouldn't want
a piece of that?
Damn. Hot as fuck.
Who is she?
Priscilla Wilkinson.
Graduate class
of Valley Hills '92.
So you guys went
to school together?
Yo, shut the hell up, man.
No, seriously, Phil.
For how many years now
you've been trying to graduate?
He can't count that high.
- Yo.
- Fuck!
There are no more teachers
to protect you, dick.
When you least suspect it,
I'll be right behind you.
Right where you like to be.
- Do you wanna die?
- [laughing]
- Fuck.
- Oh, my God.
I heard she chooses
one guy every year.
A guy? To do what?
To fuck.
Have sex, you idiot.
What, you live under a rock?
She's The End.
The End?
The tag in the second floor
bathroom, that's her?
Yeah. The road to virginity
ends in The End.
Oh, my God. No way.
You're still a virgin?
Me? No way.
- Fuck, dude.
- [giggles]
Would a virgin do this?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hi, Michael.
Just making sure
you're dying to see me.
8:00 still good?
- Yeah, definitely.
- Okay.
Bye now.
Bye.
♪♪ [upbeat]
[snorting]
[snorting]
[laughing]
[phone buzzing]
- ALICE: Hello.
- PAUL: Hey, it's me.
Hey, baby.
What are you girls doing?
I'm almost done.
I can't wait to see ya.
Come play with me.
- Mm, I miss ya.
- I know.
Anyway, I'm running late.
Some idiot cracked
his skull open,
- and there's blood everywhere.
- [girls laughing]
Shut up, guys!
I'm on the phone.
I'm sorry, baby.
Yeah, so I'm still busy, honey.
I wanna be with you.
Well, it's just gonna
have to wait a bit.
I gotta run, baby.
Love you, baby.
[giggles]
- Bye.
- Bye.
Let's party!
[siren blaring]
MAN: Every fuckin' year,
Wilkinson.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you, Doctor.
Okay, can you just get them
out of here, please?
Oh, and I got some
free passes for Wet Valley.
Brad, can you get back
up there, please?
Hurry up, man.
How long is this gonna take?
Hey, Paul, do you think
we should drain the pool?
No, no, no, fuck no.
Do not drain the pool, okay?
Just get it done.
Party on.
Party on.
♪♪ [ominous]
[laughter]
Hey, Thomas.
It's just Tommy.
What do you want?
What was it... Chip?
It's Chad.
We can't figure out
the mixing board
and speakers by the stage.
I'm busy.
Conrad will help you dicks.
He said you would.
Something about the breakers
or... I don't know.
Yeah, we need to do
a sound check like now.
Come on, man,
just help us out.
You have five minutes, assholes.
I'll see you at the office.
Josh, if Tommy sees you,
he'll kill us.
Not if I kill him first.
God, I missed you.
Come, come.
I'm sorry about everything.
It's not your fault.
You know that, right?
I'm sorry I scared you.
I didn't know where you were.
God, what do you
see in him?
I just wanna be with you.
Finally! Ah!
This looks
absolutely mediocre.
[chuckles]
Don't hover. Thank you,
Thanks.
Go away.
You okay?
Yeah, it's just, um...
the eyes.
Oh. Don't be grossed out.
I don't believe in waste.
[slurping]
Mmm!
[cracking]
[phone ringing]
- I have to take this.
- Yeah, go ahead.
[ringing continues]
Yeah.
I'm in the middle of dinner.
Oh, sure, okay, later.
I've got a 35-year-old lobster
waiting for me.
Your husband doesn't know
when he's got something good
sitting right in front of him.
No.
But I do.
[chuckling]
Ah.
I'd love to see
all these kids drown.
Don't you hate
this fucking weekend,
working overtime
for these dipshits?
Are you getting paid overtime?
None of your business,
old man.
Hey, Tommy.
You seen Kim around?
I always know where she is.
Yeah, sure you do.
[laughing]
- What?
- Down here.
[chuckling]
Shut up.
I have a room.
This is not the reunion
I was thinking about, you know.
Your room's the first place
Tommy would look.
Besides, I kinda like it here.
It's creepy.
I missed you, Kim.
Did you miss me?
Why did we break up again?
I don't know,
and I don't care.
[snorting]
Ah!
[distant cheering]
[sighs]
Something good is coming.
I can feel it.
Something's coming down tonight.
I found it.
[chuckles]
Okay, so what are
we celebrating?
I don't know.
Just look 'em.
I miss that.
I wanna be that age again.
I am that age, dummy.
Yeah? Come here.
I have the stuff.
Come and get it, boys!
But first,
you gotta hunt for it.
All right, you pill-popping,
dick-sucking,
punch-drunk
graduates of 2018!
Before you head down
to your bonfire,
I got a little surprise
for y'all.
♪♪ [rock]
[cheering]
Ooh, Mr. Wilkinson!
♪♪ [continues]
See you later.
PHIL: He's fucked, man.
Just wait. Something's
gonna happen to him.
Yo, you sliding
with those assholes?
No, man, I was going
for that wet look.
Totally '80s, right?
Radical.
Dude, you tapped that?
Tommy's gonna
fucking kill you, man.
He's not gonna know,
right, Slim?
Yeah.
All right, lovers
and fucking losers!
Give it up for The Blades!
Totally fucking '80s!
[cheering]
♪♪ [rock]
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ So I can, so I can
♪ Watch you weave then
breathe your story lines ♪
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ So I can, so I can
♪ Keep track of the vision
in my eyes ♪
♪ While she's deceiving me
♪ It cuts my security
♪ Has she got control of me
♪ I turn to her and say
♪ Don't switch the blade
on the guy in shades ♪
♪ Oh, no
Where were you?
Night sliding
like everyone else.
♪ I can't believe it
♪ 'Cause you've got it made
with the guy in shades ♪
♪ Oh, no
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ So I can, so I can
♪ Forget my name
while you collect your claim ♪
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
What a fuckin' surprise.
He's terrible.
Yeah, he sucks.
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
Josh! Run, Josh!
♪♪ [ends]
[crowd gasps]
What the fuck, man?
Stay down!
CROWD: Fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight.
Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight.
Any of you fuckers
wanna do something?
Tommy, what's the matter
with you? He's just a kid!
Okay, that's it, you're fired.
Get out of here.
You're all dead!
- No.
- Get up!
[whimpering]
What the hell is wrong
with your people?
Listen, did you see "babysitter"
on my forehead tonight?
Okay, this is your party.
You gotta take care of it, baby.
Okay? I'm gonna be busy
the whole night.
Yeah, I can see that.
Priss, baby.
Go to hell.
What? Come on.
What's your problem?
Come on, it's not like you're
having a good time tonight.
Fuck you, Paul!
Fuck all of you!
Hey, I'm sorry about everything.
Can I help you with anything?
Hold him.
What are you doing?
Just go.
Fun night, huh?
So you wanna tell me what
the fuck you were thinking?
That I needed a shower.
You know there's rules, eh?
Like if a girl has
a psycho boyfriend,
you shouldn't be
fuckin' around with her.
I could take him.
You're built like a Swiffer.
Hello, Chaz.
It's Chad.
Dude, I got your back, eh.
No, it's good.
You can go. I'll see you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I have nothing to say to you.
I'm sorry.
I just couldn't watch
the shit get kicked
out of you like that.
Oh, yeah? So you just leave
and hide in the bushes? Wow.
Please. I lay one finger
on one of these freaks
and bang, lawsuit.
You know how expensive
these things can get.
JOSH: Look, not everything's
about your money.
Josh, you are so wrong.
Everything is about my money.
Not for me.
You hurt?
Are you blind?
I'm just trying to be a...
To be a dad?
Yeah, not happening.
Why are you here anyway?
I got your message.
I wanted to see you perform.
That's bullshit.
You like this place?
Yeah, why?
You want it?
How'd you like to own it?
Fuck you.
You can't buy me off
like everyone else.
I've already started
negotiations.
That Wilkinson prick
is dumber than he looks.
And that squeeze of his?
Mm-mm. Very tasty, Josh.
- Nosy bitches.
- Are we done?
Go home, Michael.
I don't need you.
Get off me!
[door opens]
Paul, something's going on.
You're high, baby.
Okay, just forget
about Priscilla.
She's just jealous
that my piece of ass
is younger and hotter
than her piece of ass.
Are you selling the park?
Hmm? No. Why?
Oh, my God.
You're lying to me.
You're a bad fucking liar, Paul.
No, no, no,
I am a good liar, I swear.
I mean, why would I
sell the park?
I mean, maybe I could cash in
if it burned down or something.
You're fucking selling
and cutting me out.
Fuck, is that it?
That's what you were
talking about in the van!
Come on, cutting you out?
You're not even in!
Look, I just met you, okay?
I'm not selling the park.
- The park's all I got.
- Just met?
We've been seeing each other
once a week
for three fucking months,
you asshole.
Just... You know what?
Come here and have a shot.
You're just tripping
way too hard.
[gulps]
Fucking good!
Get so drunk you vomit.
I hope you choke on it.
I'm sorry!
Hey, let's just...
Let's start a family.
[banging on door]
What the fuck?
What the fuck.
[knocking]
Yeah?
Hey.
Hey.
You're Josh's friend, right?
Chud?
I'm that memorable, huh?
We went to school together.
I blocked out
most of my time there
after what happened.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
Um...
I'm happy you're still here.
Where's Josh?
Thought he was with you.
- CHAD: Fuck.
- Thank God you're okay.
What's going on?
Nothing. I was looking
everywhere for you.
Yeah, me too.
Scared he was about to hurt you.
Fucking gonna kill this guy.
What happened with your dad?
What the fuck is he doing here?
He wants something,
and I don't know what or why.
You guys are so fucked.
Hey, guys, uh...
Get your own room.
Come on, let's go for a walk.
♪♪ [ominous]
God!
You scared me.
Hey, what are you doing?
This isn't funny.
Stop it!
[yells]
You crazy?!
Okay, okay!
I'll do whatever you want.
Anything you want!
I'll give you whatever you want.
What do you want?
What do you want?
[gunshot]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[gunshot]
Fuck.
Hey, I don't know why
you're not picking up,
but I swear to God
if you're fucking that piece...
[footsteps]
I'm sorry, babe.
It's just that...
[footsteps]
I don't know
why I get this way.
I just wanna talk.
Just please call me back.
Just call...
Just call me back, Kim.
I just wanna talk.
[clang]
What the fuck?
Rise and shine, sweetheart.
Ssssss!
What are you doing?
[exhales]
Get the fuck out of my car.
You know you're only
hurting yourself, Tommy.
Oh, you're a psychiatrist now?
She doesn't love you.
Let her go.
What do you know about anything?
Forget her.
She's just a distraction.
Everything was fine.
I hate those fuckin' schoolboys.
Yeah, well,
they aren't the problem.
Dude, you make no sense.
Don't I?
[scoffs]
You're such a fuckin' creep.
I'm not the creep.
Get the hell out of my car.
Leave me alone.
Well, you're already
alone, Tommy.
Have a good one.
[whistling]
[chuckles]
[whistling]
♪♪ [ominous]
Mom, it hurts.
I paid for a full day,
we're getting that full day.
Mom, it's gonna get soaked.
[sighs]
Here. Cover it up.
Okay, now go for a ride.
The more slides you come down,
cheaper it is per run.
Let's go.
♪♪ [pop]
Mom, look.
Priscilla!
I don't wanna talk to you.
[sighs]
Come on!
Where'd you sleep anyway?
I missed you.
You missed me?
Yeah, it's a little late
for that, Paul!
You have to care about somebody
to miss them.
I love you.
We're done, asshole.
I'm busy.
♪♪ [upbeat]
Hey!
Ready to get your ass kicked
in Sea Snake?
Need that money.
You wish. Where's your crew?
You and the fuckin' Blades
gonna get slaughtered.
That's right, baby!
Can I be attached
to your sexy ass snake?
Eww, no.
You're just gonna weigh us down.
More weight, more speed.
Eww. Pass.
Or...
more speed?
Fuck off.
It's your loss.
Anyways, you guys are
dead in the fuckin' water.
Still hate those guys.
A lot.
Same.
[squeaking]
♪♪ [ominous]
Thanks for giving me
a second chance.
I was so messed up last night.
Yeah, you were.
Oh, I'm Slim, by the way.
Yes. Yes, you are.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Getting an eyeful, asshole?
Hey, kid!
Fuckin' get out of here!
SLIM: I'm so sorry, dude.
Don't speak to me.
What are you doing?
I'm doing whatever I want, Paul.
Why don't you go cry
to your little student?
I don't think
I like you anymore.
Really? So why are you
spying on me?
Spying? You think I'm spying?
I can't find Brad or Cindy
anywhere.
They're missing.
I need my staff now.
God, you're messed up.
They're smart, Paul.
And they probably
hightailed it out of here
to get away from you.
And I'm next.
Thanks for nothing.
What were you doing with
that business guy anyway?
What business is that of yours?
He got in touch with me.
Good for you.
Okay, you know what?
Just finish
with your little boy-toy,
put your pants back on,
and please get back
to the slides.
You still work here.
- Loser!
- Cunt!
♪♪ [ominous]
♪♪ [upbeat]
PHIL: Hey, winner,
want some coke?
[sniffs]
This is soap, man.
Fifty bucks.
Only two left.
Don't want it? Fuck you.
There you are, babe.
- A little bump?
- Whatever.
Three, two, one.
[coughs]
- Thanks.
- That's the spirit.
So I'll see you later
for round two?
All right.
Okay, bitches,
where's my fuckin' team?
[girls cheering]
Okay!
Valley Hills High,
how we doing this morning?
- [cheering]
- We good?
Give me some noise!
All right.
You guys ready for
the Sea Snake?
You guys ready
for the Sea Snake?
- Yeah!
- All right, good, good.
We gotta get you signed up,
so come on down.
Hey, fucktard!
We've been practicing our moves.
You wanna see
what you've been missing?
Yeah, show us what you can do.
♪♪ [upbeat]
Is that all you can do?
You look like a worm.
[laughter]
What are you dicks laughing at?
Think you can do better?
Yeah, we can.
♪♪ [upbeat]
- [girls booing]
- Yeah, okay, guys, that's good.
But just, please,
keep it for the slides, okay?
Has anyone seen Brad and Cindy?
Anyone? Has anyone seen
Brad and Cindy?
No one has seen your fuckin'
lifeguards, dude. Get over it.
Burt Cocaine is here.
That's quite the shiner, kid.
[laughter]
If I see your bass player
here again,
I'm gonna chop
his fuckin' head off.
You're sure about that?
Are we ready for Team Blades?
You're in the next heat.
Let's get this show
on the road, guys.
[cheering]
Hey, Kim,
you wanna join our team?
I can't. I'm working.
Actually, maybe I should.
I'm all alone.
Do you wanna be on my team?
Josh, finally!
Have you seen Slim?
No, but we can't miss you, dude.
What you up to exactly?
Put these on,
and the 500 bucks is ours.
What? Do you want me
to get beat up again?
What's wrong with you?
Fuck this.
Come on.
These are Olympic-grade.
Fast as fuck.
[cheering]
All registered teams
should go to top of the slide
right now.
What are you doing here?
I said you were fired.
I'm not here as
your employee, bitch.
[crowd gasps]
I'm here as you customer,
and I wanna race now.
I need to be here.
PRISCILLA:
Okay, this is for the graduates.
Show me the fuckin' rule book.
If you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the cops.
Okay, hold on a second.
No one's calling the cops.
Okay, just be cool.
You're dead.
No, you're dead.
Nobody wants you here.
You get out of my park.
Hey, Ms. Wilkinson,
where's Slim?
It's Priscilla!
And... I haven't
seen him in a while,
but please tell him
I had a great time.
Really?
No way!
That's awesome.
[chuckling]
Come on, Priss.
Priss, we gotta go up now.
You really thought this
through, Paul.
You and me together up there?
Great.
Kim, hold the fort.
Fuck the fort.
We need you.
Let's do this.
No, I don't think
that's a good idea.
No, he's right.
Let's go fuck 'em up.
Come on, let's go.
Yeah, let's go fuck 'em up!
♪♪ [ominous]
Jesus.
Forgot how high it is
up here.
I have no intention
of making small talk.
Stop the race!
We got this, man.
We got this for sure.
Let me through.
Gotta stop the race.
Stop the race!
Hey, we told you
to get out of here, asshole.
Don't worry, babe,
I got you.
TOMMY: Stop the race!
Let me through.
Thanks, man.
You've had enough
for one weekend.
He's fuckin' crazy.
- Are you high?
- Oh, yes.
- Don't go up. Just don't go up.
- Shut up!
All right,
ladies and gentle-germ!
Since Brad and Cindy
are nowhere to be found,
my wife Priscilla and I
have decided to put aside
our differences
to emcee and lifeguard
your favorite event.
We don't care.
[girls laughing]
Let me remind you of the rules.
On three identical slides,
teams of three members
race against the clock.
Fastest team wins $500.
But remember,
this is the Sea Snake race,
which means you have to
hold on to your teammates.
Keep your arms and legs
inside the slides at all time.
Anyone seen trying
to pull themselves
to the edge of the slide
will be disqualified.
And our charming Conrad
has agreed
to come out of
lifeguard retirement
and will keep track
of the teams below.
Are we ready to do this, guys?
All right!
It is my pleasure to announce
that the 15th annual
Sea Snake competition
is now open!
[cheering]
Whoo!
Good luck, snake racers!
Wet Valley rocks!
Yeah!
♪♪ [ominous]
[girls cheering]
[laughing]
All right, girls,
let's go down this slide.
You know what?
Let's go down this one.
It looks faster.
Actually, I think that one's
shorter, Alice.
Okay. You guys can go there.
[click]
Hey, slow down, girl, okay?
Who's the boss here?
Shut up, Paul. We could've had
two races by now.
Come on, girls.
All right, Blades,
line up here.
Hey, where's your bass player?
I don't know.
All right, emos, goths,
or whatever the fuck
they call you,
before you kill yourselves,
please can you just
line up over there?
Kim, you're not supposed
to up here.
I'll go back to the table
as soon as I'm down there.
I just wanna help out the team.
Whoo!
[cheering]
Okay, Conrad,
we're finally ready up here.
Are you ready down there?
All good, senorita.
Good luck, everybody!
All right, let's do this!
- Three, two, one!
- [bang]
Stop the race! Stop the race!
There's a hole in the slides.
Look what I found.
- Look at this.
- Tommy, what are you doing?
Get back to your team.
I don't want a team!
Look, don't go down.
The slides are gonna collapse.
Yeah, it looks real dangerous.
Guys, let's get into
positions, please!
Kimberly, please don't go down.
Stop trying to control me.
Dude, get the fuck away from us.
Paul, you need to listen to me.
People are gonna die.
Okay, ease up
on the terror talk.
You sound like Conrad, man.
Something fucked up
is going down.
Get off the platform!
Look, don't you realize?
It's 35 years this weekend.
- 35 years since what?
- The murders.
Fuck that!
We just wanna slide.
Come on.
[whistle]
Don't go!
[gunshot]
♪♪ [ominous]
Okay, you guys are next.
Don't listen to the psycho.
You're gonna be sorry,
I promise you!
Jeez!
I wanna be on your team.
What's up, girl?
What's your name?
Get off the platform!
Don't go down!
Hey, fuck you, dude.
Fuck! Ah, fuck!
[screaming]
Fuck!
Whoo!
Conrad, we all good down there?
Houston, we have no problem
because I'm in charge.
I'm Conrad.
Conrad's in charge.
Large and in charge.
PRISCILLA: Tell me when.
We've got three more teams
ready to come down.
[screaming]
♪♪ [terror]
[cheering]
[screaming]
Conrad, can we send
the next one's down?
Conrad?
[screaming continues]
Conrad, come in.
Conrad, can we send
the next ones in?
[straining]
Oh, shit.
No, no.
[grunts]
Shit!
[screams]
Shit!
Conrad?
WOMAN: Hello? Hello?
Hi. I'm calling from Wet Valley.
It's happening again.
[screaming]
Oh, my God!
There's blood everywhere!
You need to come now!
[yelps]
[screaming]
MAN: Wha... What the fuck?
[screams]
Paul, stop everything!
Pull the plug!
[static]
Oh, no.
No, no. This is...
This is too high.
I'm... I'm not going.
Why don't we complete
the teams, Paul?
You against me.
Uh, no, no.
I think we should stay here.
We'll go down and come back up.
Come on, let's do it.
They're ready, Paul.
Let's go, come on.
Okay, fine,
if that's what you want.
Let's fucking do this!
♪♪ [terror]
Hi, mamacita.
Name is Big Phil.
Oh, my, you are big.
Okay, ready, boys?
500 bucks.
Enjoy the ride with
your little sluts, Paul.
- Whoo!
- Come on!
Whoo hoo hoo!
Whoo!
[screaming]
Hey!
Don't let go!
Don't let go!
What the fuck's going on?
I'm gonna try
to pull you up, okay?
There's bodies everywhere.
There's something wrong
in the tunnel.
[screaming]
[slash]
[screaming]
Hey, kid!
Hey, drummer boy!
Turn off the water!
Chuck, turn it off!
It's Chad!
Kim, over there!
Shut the water off!
[panting]
[whimpering]
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
I can't make it up again!
Just get me out of here!
Try to pull yourself
over the slide.
Yeah, and fall to my death!
- Just jump!
- I can't!
Yes, you can! I got you!
I got you.
Tell your dad
to go fuck himself!
I'm sorry, kid.
[screams]
No!
[screaming]
[slash]
MAN: Help!
[screams]
Hey!
Stop it!
Hey!
No! Don't go down the slides!
No! Get off!
Why? We waited 20 minutes, man.
Fuck this.
No, no, it's a bloodbath
down there! Don't go!
Dude, you got issues, man.
You need help.
No! No!
- Whoo!
- No!
Oh, my God!
[screams]
Stop!
[screaming]
CONRAD: You can't go down!
Too dangerous!
Stop!
Hey!
Hey! What are you...
[screaming]
♪♪ [ominous]
[sirens blaring]
REPORTER:
History repeats itself
at Wet Valley Amusement Park
as nine are confirmed dead
in an apparent murder-suicide.
"Why?" is the question
on everyone's mind
as authorities unveil
chilling details
on the tragedy that took
the lives of several graduates
of Valley Hills High School.
More to come on real estate
mogul Michael Randall's
tragic mental breakdown
at Wet Valley Water Park.
Joshua, you have to understand
your father left you
his entire estate.
Oh, my God.
Before the trust is transferred,
you have to authorize
the last real estate transaction
that was left...
well, that was left incomplete.
Your father's...
well, your company...
is building a shopping complex
right over
the Wet Valley Water Park.
It is a sizable amount.
I'm so sorry.
This is not your fault.
Okay? Don't ever forget that.
Go!
MICHAEL: Everything
is about my money.
[girl screams]
GIRL: Dad!
Please!
Help my dad!
Please!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Please!
Help my dad!
Please!
MICHAEL: You crazy?
Okay, okay!
I'll do whatever you want!
Anything you want!
I'll give you
whatever you want!
What do you want?
What do you want?
[gunshot]
♪♪
♪♪ [terror]
♪♪
[owl hooting]
I want you so bad, baby.
I can see that.
[twig snaps]
Who's there?
No one's here, baby.
No one's here.
No reason to stop
what you're doing.
No, I don't like it.
I feel weird.
All right, I got a super idea.
It's gonna make you freak out.
Come on.
Okay.
[giggling]
[laughing]
Been saving this baby
for you, baby.
Double trouble, lover.
[woman moaning]
Yeah.
[moaning continues]
♪♪ [terror]
- What the fuck?
- [screaming]
Please, no!
[screams]
[thud]
No! Please! Please!
[woman screaming]
♪♪ [ominous]
[yelling]
Hey, lovers,
I thought I told you
not to fuck up my weekend
with your ugly-ass faces.
Dude, we're not gonna
miss our own grad
'cause you say so, dick.
Nice guitar, man.
Yo, I can't believe this.
Our last weekend together,
and I have to listen
to this shit?
You guys know
you suck, right?
Put the guitar down, Phil.
Or what, man?
Or nothing, man.
Why do you have to be such
a fucking douche all the time?
What'd you call me, Chip?
It's Chad.
God, what did we ever do to you?
Music sucks.
Kick his ass!
Yeah, kick his ass, Phil!
Kick his ass!
Kick his ass, kick his ass!
ALICE: Pick on someone
your own size, Phil.
There's nobody my size,
princess.
Let him go, Phil,
or I'll tell everyone
about your ugly,
tiny, malformed,
wart-infested, limp dick.
Oh, shit, is this thing on?
[laughter]
Later, assholes.
We did it, bitches!
Valley Hills fuckin' High,
Class of 2018!
[cheering]
All right, everyone, listen up.
The grad committee,
headed by none other than moi,
have worked hard to make this
a weekend to die for.
Head right to the slides
or check out the motel.
But don't forget.
The bonfire starts at sundown,
and we're getting live music
by The Blades!
'80s style. Fuck yeah!
[cheering]
Cringe!
Remember...
partying here's
a tradition since 1988.
Can we not fuck it up
for the future alumni?
It's all about
the three C's, people:
courtesy, control and consent.
All right, people,
let's get lit!
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
♪♪ [upbeat]
[cheering]
It's exactly what they said.
Six feet.
Look at this.
This is our big stage?
Better than the stage
at your high school, I bet.
Holy shit.
You scared me, dude.
Just trying to be friendly.
Welcome to Wet Valley
Water Park.
I'm Conrad Carter.
I make everything work here.
All by yourself?
How old are you, man?
You wanna find out, kid?
Hey, I hope you guys
aren't gonna be playing
any of that electronic
dance shit tonight.
Nah, we're gonna be playing
hits from the 1980s.
Probably your favorite.
Really? The '80s?
I was here opening day,
summer of '84.
This park used to be
something back then.
Go!
It was alive.
Really?
That's not what I heard.
Didn't people die here?
The Wet Valley Murders.
Murder?
Come on, kid.
Accidents happen, huh?
JOSH: Okay, so you're saying
nobody died?
Dying and being murdered
are not the same thing
is all I'm saying.
- Dark, dude.
- Don't get me wrong.
I'm riding high. This is
the best weekend of the year.
Listen, you guys
need anything else,
just give me a holler.
Power's over there
by the machine room.
And have a good show tonight.
Keep your head on straight.
Why?
Well, once in a while,
things can get a little bent
around here.
[whistling]
Good morning, ladies!
For the past 12 years,
Wet Valley's Water Park
annual car wash
has become a tradition.
Each year, we raise
thousands of dollars
and send two lucky graduates
to Europe.
Who wants to go to Paris?
[cheering]
Ooh! This car is so dirty.
Let's get washing, ladies.
♪♪ [rock]
Kim!
Kim!
Where's Kimberly?
Tom, you should
be at the slides.
- Don't tell me what to do. Kim!
- Stop!
Where is she, Priscilla?
Who knows, who cares?
Get out.
Whatever.
[tuning]
[tuning continues]
Kim! Wow.
So you did it.
Did what?
Graduate, moron.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, barely.
You still play?
Yep, yep, still do.
Obviously.
So what you doing here?
I mean, is your school
partying here too?
Oh, no, I work here.
Yeah, I didn't go
to another school
when I ditched Valley Hills.
It's just not really my thing
right now, you know?
It's cool.
I'm really glad to see you.
I missed the time...
TOMMY: Missed what?
Oh, Tommy, hey, this is Josh.
He's an old friend from school.
Tommy. I manage this place.
You must be proud?
Babe, I'm hungry.
Dude, she's hot as fuck.
Shut up, Slim.
I think I'm hungry too.
You guys in, huh?
JOSH: Hey, Michael,
it's me your son.
You know I'm graduating
today, right?
Well, if you care to, you can
show up at school at one.
Otherwise, I'll be at
the old Wet Valley Park
for the weekend.
I'm also playing music
tonight with The Blades.
It'd be cool
if maybe you'd show up.
♪♪ [ominous]
Fuck you, Baywatch!
Kim, I'm shutting it down.
Two fuckers are coming down
with a bottle.
What?
[whistle]
[laughing]
You have to wear my glasses.
Oh.
Ooh.
PHIL: Who wouldn't want
a piece of that?
Damn. Hot as fuck.
Who is she?
Priscilla Wilkinson.
Graduate class
of Valley Hills '92.
So you guys went
to school together?
Yo, shut the hell up, man.
No, seriously, Phil.
For how many years now
you've been trying to graduate?
He can't count that high.
- Yo.
- Fuck!
There are no more teachers
to protect you, dick.
When you least suspect it,
I'll be right behind you.
Right where you like to be.
- Do you wanna die?
- [laughing]
- Fuck.
- Oh, my God.
I heard she chooses
one guy every year.
A guy? To do what?
To fuck.
Have sex, you idiot.
What, you live under a rock?
She's The End.
The End?
The tag in the second floor
bathroom, that's her?
Yeah. The road to virginity
ends in The End.
Oh, my God. No way.
You're still a virgin?
Me? No way.
- Fuck, dude.
- [giggles]
Would a virgin do this?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hi, Michael.
Just making sure
you're dying to see me.
8:00 still good?
- Yeah, definitely.
- Okay.
Bye now.
Bye.
♪♪ [upbeat]
[snorting]
[snorting]
[laughing]
[phone buzzing]
- ALICE: Hello.
- PAUL: Hey, it's me.
Hey, baby.
What are you girls doing?
I'm almost done.
I can't wait to see ya.
Come play with me.
- Mm, I miss ya.
- I know.
Anyway, I'm running late.
Some idiot cracked
his skull open,
- and there's blood everywhere.
- [girls laughing]
Shut up, guys!
I'm on the phone.
I'm sorry, baby.
Yeah, so I'm still busy, honey.
I wanna be with you.
Well, it's just gonna
have to wait a bit.
I gotta run, baby.
Love you, baby.
[giggles]
- Bye.
- Bye.
Let's party!
[siren blaring]
MAN: Every fuckin' year,
Wilkinson.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you, Doctor.
Okay, can you just get them
out of here, please?
Oh, and I got some
free passes for Wet Valley.
Brad, can you get back
up there, please?
Hurry up, man.
How long is this gonna take?
Hey, Paul, do you think
we should drain the pool?
No, no, no, fuck no.
Do not drain the pool, okay?
Just get it done.
Party on.
Party on.
♪♪ [ominous]
[laughter]
Hey, Thomas.
It's just Tommy.
What do you want?
What was it... Chip?
It's Chad.
We can't figure out
the mixing board
and speakers by the stage.
I'm busy.
Conrad will help you dicks.
He said you would.
Something about the breakers
or... I don't know.
Yeah, we need to do
a sound check like now.
Come on, man,
just help us out.
You have five minutes, assholes.
I'll see you at the office.
Josh, if Tommy sees you,
he'll kill us.
Not if I kill him first.
God, I missed you.
Come, come.
I'm sorry about everything.
It's not your fault.
You know that, right?
I'm sorry I scared you.
I didn't know where you were.
God, what do you
see in him?
I just wanna be with you.
Finally! Ah!
This looks
absolutely mediocre.
[chuckles]
Don't hover. Thank you,
Thanks.
Go away.
You okay?
Yeah, it's just, um...
the eyes.
Oh. Don't be grossed out.
I don't believe in waste.
[slurping]
Mmm!
[cracking]
[phone ringing]
- I have to take this.
- Yeah, go ahead.
[ringing continues]
Yeah.
I'm in the middle of dinner.
Oh, sure, okay, later.
I've got a 35-year-old lobster
waiting for me.
Your husband doesn't know
when he's got something good
sitting right in front of him.
No.
But I do.
[chuckling]
Ah.
I'd love to see
all these kids drown.
Don't you hate
this fucking weekend,
working overtime
for these dipshits?
Are you getting paid overtime?
None of your business,
old man.
Hey, Tommy.
You seen Kim around?
I always know where she is.
Yeah, sure you do.
[laughing]
- What?
- Down here.
[chuckling]
Shut up.
I have a room.
This is not the reunion
I was thinking about, you know.
Your room's the first place
Tommy would look.
Besides, I kinda like it here.
It's creepy.
I missed you, Kim.
Did you miss me?
Why did we break up again?
I don't know,
and I don't care.
[snorting]
Ah!
[distant cheering]
[sighs]
Something good is coming.
I can feel it.
Something's coming down tonight.
I found it.
[chuckles]
Okay, so what are
we celebrating?
I don't know.
Just look 'em.
I miss that.
I wanna be that age again.
I am that age, dummy.
Yeah? Come here.
I have the stuff.
Come and get it, boys!
But first,
you gotta hunt for it.
All right, you pill-popping,
dick-sucking,
punch-drunk
graduates of 2018!
Before you head down
to your bonfire,
I got a little surprise
for y'all.
♪♪ [rock]
[cheering]
Ooh, Mr. Wilkinson!
♪♪ [continues]
See you later.
PHIL: He's fucked, man.
Just wait. Something's
gonna happen to him.
Yo, you sliding
with those assholes?
No, man, I was going
for that wet look.
Totally '80s, right?
Radical.
Dude, you tapped that?
Tommy's gonna
fucking kill you, man.
He's not gonna know,
right, Slim?
Yeah.
All right, lovers
and fucking losers!
Give it up for The Blades!
Totally fucking '80s!
[cheering]
♪♪ [rock]
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ So I can, so I can
♪ Watch you weave then
breathe your story lines ♪
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ So I can, so I can
♪ Keep track of the vision
in my eyes ♪
♪ While she's deceiving me
♪ It cuts my security
♪ Has she got control of me
♪ I turn to her and say
♪ Don't switch the blade
on the guy in shades ♪
♪ Oh, no
Where were you?
Night sliding
like everyone else.
♪ I can't believe it
♪ 'Cause you've got it made
with the guy in shades ♪
♪ Oh, no
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ So I can, so I can
♪ Forget my name
while you collect your claim ♪
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
What a fuckin' surprise.
He's terrible.
Yeah, he sucks.
♪ And I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
♪ I wear my sunglasses
at night ♪
Josh! Run, Josh!
♪♪ [ends]
[crowd gasps]
What the fuck, man?
Stay down!
CROWD: Fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight.
Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight.
Any of you fuckers
wanna do something?
Tommy, what's the matter
with you? He's just a kid!
Okay, that's it, you're fired.
Get out of here.
You're all dead!
- No.
- Get up!
[whimpering]
What the hell is wrong
with your people?
Listen, did you see "babysitter"
on my forehead tonight?
Okay, this is your party.
You gotta take care of it, baby.
Okay? I'm gonna be busy
the whole night.
Yeah, I can see that.
Priss, baby.
Go to hell.
What? Come on.
What's your problem?
Come on, it's not like you're
having a good time tonight.
Fuck you, Paul!
Fuck all of you!
Hey, I'm sorry about everything.
Can I help you with anything?
Hold him.
What are you doing?
Just go.
Fun night, huh?
So you wanna tell me what
the fuck you were thinking?
That I needed a shower.
You know there's rules, eh?
Like if a girl has
a psycho boyfriend,
you shouldn't be
fuckin' around with her.
I could take him.
You're built like a Swiffer.
Hello, Chaz.
It's Chad.
Dude, I got your back, eh.
No, it's good.
You can go. I'll see you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I have nothing to say to you.
I'm sorry.
I just couldn't watch
the shit get kicked
out of you like that.
Oh, yeah? So you just leave
and hide in the bushes? Wow.
Please. I lay one finger
on one of these freaks
and bang, lawsuit.
You know how expensive
these things can get.
JOSH: Look, not everything's
about your money.
Josh, you are so wrong.
Everything is about my money.
Not for me.
You hurt?
Are you blind?
I'm just trying to be a...
To be a dad?
Yeah, not happening.
Why are you here anyway?
I got your message.
I wanted to see you perform.
That's bullshit.
You like this place?
Yeah, why?
You want it?
How'd you like to own it?
Fuck you.
You can't buy me off
like everyone else.
I've already started
negotiations.
That Wilkinson prick
is dumber than he looks.
And that squeeze of his?
Mm-mm. Very tasty, Josh.
- Nosy bitches.
- Are we done?
Go home, Michael.
I don't need you.
Get off me!
[door opens]
Paul, something's going on.
You're high, baby.
Okay, just forget
about Priscilla.
She's just jealous
that my piece of ass
is younger and hotter
than her piece of ass.
Are you selling the park?
Hmm? No. Why?
Oh, my God.
You're lying to me.
You're a bad fucking liar, Paul.
No, no, no,
I am a good liar, I swear.
I mean, why would I
sell the park?
I mean, maybe I could cash in
if it burned down or something.
You're fucking selling
and cutting me out.
Fuck, is that it?
That's what you were
talking about in the van!
Come on, cutting you out?
You're not even in!
Look, I just met you, okay?
I'm not selling the park.
- The park's all I got.
- Just met?
We've been seeing each other
once a week
for three fucking months,
you asshole.
Just... You know what?
Come here and have a shot.
You're just tripping
way too hard.
[gulps]
Fucking good!
Get so drunk you vomit.
I hope you choke on it.
I'm sorry!
Hey, let's just...
Let's start a family.
[banging on door]
What the fuck?
What the fuck.
[knocking]
Yeah?
Hey.
Hey.
You're Josh's friend, right?
Chud?
I'm that memorable, huh?
We went to school together.
I blocked out
most of my time there
after what happened.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
Um...
I'm happy you're still here.
Where's Josh?
Thought he was with you.
- CHAD: Fuck.
- Thank God you're okay.
What's going on?
Nothing. I was looking
everywhere for you.
Yeah, me too.
Scared he was about to hurt you.
Fucking gonna kill this guy.
What happened with your dad?
What the fuck is he doing here?
He wants something,
and I don't know what or why.
You guys are so fucked.
Hey, guys, uh...
Get your own room.
Come on, let's go for a walk.
♪♪ [ominous]
God!
You scared me.
Hey, what are you doing?
This isn't funny.
Stop it!
[yells]
You crazy?!
Okay, okay!
I'll do whatever you want.
Anything you want!
I'll give you whatever you want.
What do you want?
What do you want?
[gunshot]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[gunshot]
Fuck.
Hey, I don't know why
you're not picking up,
but I swear to God
if you're fucking that piece...
[footsteps]
I'm sorry, babe.
It's just that...
[footsteps]
I don't know
why I get this way.
I just wanna talk.
Just please call me back.
Just call...
Just call me back, Kim.
I just wanna talk.
[clang]
What the fuck?
Rise and shine, sweetheart.
Ssssss!
What are you doing?
[exhales]
Get the fuck out of my car.
You know you're only
hurting yourself, Tommy.
Oh, you're a psychiatrist now?
She doesn't love you.
Let her go.
What do you know about anything?
Forget her.
She's just a distraction.
Everything was fine.
I hate those fuckin' schoolboys.
Yeah, well,
they aren't the problem.
Dude, you make no sense.
Don't I?
[scoffs]
You're such a fuckin' creep.
I'm not the creep.
Get the hell out of my car.
Leave me alone.
Well, you're already
alone, Tommy.
Have a good one.
[whistling]
[chuckles]
[whistling]
♪♪ [ominous]
Mom, it hurts.
I paid for a full day,
we're getting that full day.
Mom, it's gonna get soaked.
[sighs]
Here. Cover it up.
Okay, now go for a ride.
The more slides you come down,
cheaper it is per run.
Let's go.
♪♪ [pop]
Mom, look.
Priscilla!
I don't wanna talk to you.
[sighs]
Come on!
Where'd you sleep anyway?
I missed you.
You missed me?
Yeah, it's a little late
for that, Paul!
You have to care about somebody
to miss them.
I love you.
We're done, asshole.
I'm busy.
♪♪ [upbeat]
Hey!
Ready to get your ass kicked
in Sea Snake?
Need that money.
You wish. Where's your crew?
You and the fuckin' Blades
gonna get slaughtered.
That's right, baby!
Can I be attached
to your sexy ass snake?
Eww, no.
You're just gonna weigh us down.
More weight, more speed.
Eww. Pass.
Or...
more speed?
Fuck off.
It's your loss.
Anyways, you guys are
dead in the fuckin' water.
Still hate those guys.
A lot.
Same.
[squeaking]
♪♪ [ominous]
Thanks for giving me
a second chance.
I was so messed up last night.
Yeah, you were.
Oh, I'm Slim, by the way.
Yes. Yes, you are.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Getting an eyeful, asshole?
Hey, kid!
Fuckin' get out of here!
SLIM: I'm so sorry, dude.
Don't speak to me.
What are you doing?
I'm doing whatever I want, Paul.
Why don't you go cry
to your little student?
I don't think
I like you anymore.
Really? So why are you
spying on me?
Spying? You think I'm spying?
I can't find Brad or Cindy
anywhere.
They're missing.
I need my staff now.
God, you're messed up.
They're smart, Paul.
And they probably
hightailed it out of here
to get away from you.
And I'm next.
Thanks for nothing.
What were you doing with
that business guy anyway?
What business is that of yours?
He got in touch with me.
Good for you.
Okay, you know what?
Just finish
with your little boy-toy,
put your pants back on,
and please get back
to the slides.
You still work here.
- Loser!
- Cunt!
♪♪ [ominous]
♪♪ [upbeat]
PHIL: Hey, winner,
want some coke?
[sniffs]
This is soap, man.
Fifty bucks.
Only two left.
Don't want it? Fuck you.
There you are, babe.
- A little bump?
- Whatever.
Three, two, one.
[coughs]
- Thanks.
- That's the spirit.
So I'll see you later
for round two?
All right.
Okay, bitches,
where's my fuckin' team?
[girls cheering]
Okay!
Valley Hills High,
how we doing this morning?
- [cheering]
- We good?
Give me some noise!
All right.
You guys ready for
the Sea Snake?
You guys ready
for the Sea Snake?
- Yeah!
- All right, good, good.
We gotta get you signed up,
so come on down.
Hey, fucktard!
We've been practicing our moves.
You wanna see
what you've been missing?
Yeah, show us what you can do.
♪♪ [upbeat]
Is that all you can do?
You look like a worm.
[laughter]
What are you dicks laughing at?
Think you can do better?
Yeah, we can.
♪♪ [upbeat]
- [girls booing]
- Yeah, okay, guys, that's good.
But just, please,
keep it for the slides, okay?
Has anyone seen Brad and Cindy?
Anyone? Has anyone seen
Brad and Cindy?
No one has seen your fuckin'
lifeguards, dude. Get over it.
Burt Cocaine is here.
That's quite the shiner, kid.
[laughter]
If I see your bass player
here again,
I'm gonna chop
his fuckin' head off.
You're sure about that?
Are we ready for Team Blades?
You're in the next heat.
Let's get this show
on the road, guys.
[cheering]
Hey, Kim,
you wanna join our team?
I can't. I'm working.
Actually, maybe I should.
I'm all alone.
Do you wanna be on my team?
Josh, finally!
Have you seen Slim?
No, but we can't miss you, dude.
What you up to exactly?
Put these on,
and the 500 bucks is ours.
What? Do you want me
to get beat up again?
What's wrong with you?
Fuck this.
Come on.
These are Olympic-grade.
Fast as fuck.
[cheering]
All registered teams
should go to top of the slide
right now.
What are you doing here?
I said you were fired.
I'm not here as
your employee, bitch.
[crowd gasps]
I'm here as you customer,
and I wanna race now.
I need to be here.
PRISCILLA:
Okay, this is for the graduates.
Show me the fuckin' rule book.
If you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the cops.
Okay, hold on a second.
No one's calling the cops.
Okay, just be cool.
You're dead.
No, you're dead.
Nobody wants you here.
You get out of my park.
Hey, Ms. Wilkinson,
where's Slim?
It's Priscilla!
And... I haven't
seen him in a while,
but please tell him
I had a great time.
Really?
No way!
That's awesome.
[chuckling]
Come on, Priss.
Priss, we gotta go up now.
You really thought this
through, Paul.
You and me together up there?
Great.
Kim, hold the fort.
Fuck the fort.
We need you.
Let's do this.
No, I don't think
that's a good idea.
No, he's right.
Let's go fuck 'em up.
Come on, let's go.
Yeah, let's go fuck 'em up!
♪♪ [ominous]
Jesus.
Forgot how high it is
up here.
I have no intention
of making small talk.
Stop the race!
We got this, man.
We got this for sure.
Let me through.
Gotta stop the race.
Stop the race!
Hey, we told you
to get out of here, asshole.
Don't worry, babe,
I got you.
TOMMY: Stop the race!
Let me through.
Thanks, man.
You've had enough
for one weekend.
He's fuckin' crazy.
- Are you high?
- Oh, yes.
- Don't go up. Just don't go up.
- Shut up!
All right,
ladies and gentle-germ!
Since Brad and Cindy
are nowhere to be found,
my wife Priscilla and I
have decided to put aside
our differences
to emcee and lifeguard
your favorite event.
We don't care.
[girls laughing]
Let me remind you of the rules.
On three identical slides,
teams of three members
race against the clock.
Fastest team wins $500.
But remember,
this is the Sea Snake race,
which means you have to
hold on to your teammates.
Keep your arms and legs
inside the slides at all time.
Anyone seen trying
to pull themselves
to the edge of the slide
will be disqualified.
And our charming Conrad
has agreed
to come out of
lifeguard retirement
and will keep track
of the teams below.
Are we ready to do this, guys?
All right!
It is my pleasure to announce
that the 15th annual
Sea Snake competition
is now open!
[cheering]
Whoo!
Good luck, snake racers!
Wet Valley rocks!
Yeah!
♪♪ [ominous]
[girls cheering]
[laughing]
All right, girls,
let's go down this slide.
You know what?
Let's go down this one.
It looks faster.
Actually, I think that one's
shorter, Alice.
Okay. You guys can go there.
[click]
Hey, slow down, girl, okay?
Who's the boss here?
Shut up, Paul. We could've had
two races by now.
Come on, girls.
All right, Blades,
line up here.
Hey, where's your bass player?
I don't know.
All right, emos, goths,
or whatever the fuck
they call you,
before you kill yourselves,
please can you just
line up over there?
Kim, you're not supposed
to up here.
I'll go back to the table
as soon as I'm down there.
I just wanna help out the team.
Whoo!
[cheering]
Okay, Conrad,
we're finally ready up here.
Are you ready down there?
All good, senorita.
Good luck, everybody!
All right, let's do this!
- Three, two, one!
- [bang]
Stop the race! Stop the race!
There's a hole in the slides.
Look what I found.
- Look at this.
- Tommy, what are you doing?
Get back to your team.
I don't want a team!
Look, don't go down.
The slides are gonna collapse.
Yeah, it looks real dangerous.
Guys, let's get into
positions, please!
Kimberly, please don't go down.
Stop trying to control me.
Dude, get the fuck away from us.
Paul, you need to listen to me.
People are gonna die.
Okay, ease up
on the terror talk.
You sound like Conrad, man.
Something fucked up
is going down.
Get off the platform!
Look, don't you realize?
It's 35 years this weekend.
- 35 years since what?
- The murders.
Fuck that!
We just wanna slide.
Come on.
[whistle]
Don't go!
[gunshot]
♪♪ [ominous]
Okay, you guys are next.
Don't listen to the psycho.
You're gonna be sorry,
I promise you!
Jeez!
I wanna be on your team.
What's up, girl?
What's your name?
Get off the platform!
Don't go down!
Hey, fuck you, dude.
Fuck! Ah, fuck!
[screaming]
Fuck!
Whoo!
Conrad, we all good down there?
Houston, we have no problem
because I'm in charge.
I'm Conrad.
Conrad's in charge.
Large and in charge.
PRISCILLA: Tell me when.
We've got three more teams
ready to come down.
[screaming]
♪♪ [terror]
[cheering]
[screaming]
Conrad, can we send
the next one's down?
Conrad?
[screaming continues]
Conrad, come in.
Conrad, can we send
the next ones in?
[straining]
Oh, shit.
No, no.
[grunts]
Shit!
[screams]
Shit!
Conrad?
WOMAN: Hello? Hello?
Hi. I'm calling from Wet Valley.
It's happening again.
[screaming]
Oh, my God!
There's blood everywhere!
You need to come now!
[yelps]
[screaming]
MAN: Wha... What the fuck?
[screams]
Paul, stop everything!
Pull the plug!
[static]
Oh, no.
No, no. This is...
This is too high.
I'm... I'm not going.
Why don't we complete
the teams, Paul?
You against me.
Uh, no, no.
I think we should stay here.
We'll go down and come back up.
Come on, let's do it.
They're ready, Paul.
Let's go, come on.
Okay, fine,
if that's what you want.
Let's fucking do this!
♪♪ [terror]
Hi, mamacita.
Name is Big Phil.
Oh, my, you are big.
Okay, ready, boys?
500 bucks.
Enjoy the ride with
your little sluts, Paul.
- Whoo!
- Come on!
Whoo hoo hoo!
Whoo!
[screaming]
Hey!
Don't let go!
Don't let go!
What the fuck's going on?
I'm gonna try
to pull you up, okay?
There's bodies everywhere.
There's something wrong
in the tunnel.
[screaming]
[slash]
[screaming]
Hey, kid!
Hey, drummer boy!
Turn off the water!
Chuck, turn it off!
It's Chad!
Kim, over there!
Shut the water off!
[panting]
[whimpering]
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
I can't make it up again!
Just get me out of here!
Try to pull yourself
over the slide.
Yeah, and fall to my death!
- Just jump!
- I can't!
Yes, you can! I got you!
I got you.
Tell your dad
to go fuck himself!
I'm sorry, kid.
[screams]
No!
[screaming]
[slash]
MAN: Help!
[screams]
Hey!
Stop it!
Hey!
No! Don't go down the slides!
No! Get off!
Why? We waited 20 minutes, man.
Fuck this.
No, no, it's a bloodbath
down there! Don't go!
Dude, you got issues, man.
You need help.
No! No!
- Whoo!
- No!
Oh, my God!
[screams]
Stop!
[screaming]
CONRAD: You can't go down!
Too dangerous!
Stop!
Hey!
Hey! What are you...
[screaming]
♪♪ [ominous]
[sirens blaring]
REPORTER:
History repeats itself
at Wet Valley Amusement Park
as nine are confirmed dead
in an apparent murder-suicide.
"Why?" is the question
on everyone's mind
as authorities unveil
chilling details
on the tragedy that took
the lives of several graduates
of Valley Hills High School.
More to come on real estate
mogul Michael Randall's
tragic mental breakdown
at Wet Valley Water Park.
Joshua, you have to understand
your father left you
his entire estate.
Oh, my God.
Before the trust is transferred,
you have to authorize
the last real estate transaction
that was left...
well, that was left incomplete.
Your father's...
well, your company...
is building a shopping complex
right over
the Wet Valley Water Park.
It is a sizable amount.
I'm so sorry.
This is not your fault.
Okay? Don't ever forget that.
Go!
MICHAEL: Everything
is about my money.
[girl screams]
GIRL: Dad!
Please!
Help my dad!
Please!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Please!
Help my dad!
Please!
MICHAEL: You crazy?
Okay, okay!
I'll do whatever you want!
Anything you want!
I'll give you
whatever you want!
What do you want?
What do you want?
[gunshot]
♪♪
♪♪ [terror]
♪♪