Any Which Way You Can (1980) - full transcript
Philo takes part in a bare knuckle fight - as he does - to make some more money than he can earn from his car repair business. He decides to retire from fighting, but when the Mafia come along and arrange another fight, he is pushed into it. A motorcycle gang and an orangutan called Clyde all add to the 'fun'.
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How would you like to have
your goddamn rig impounded?
Sorry, officer. My hand slipped.
Hey. You better get ready to
hock your tricycle, Jack.
Yeah? Let's see your
money, big mouth.
- Two hundred on Philo.
- You're covered.
I'll go handle this.
Put all of it on him.
Put all of it on him.
I got it.
Twelve hundred dollars.
Twelve hundred.
Fifty dollars on Philo.
- What's your name?
- Boys.
- Got 1200 more on Philo.
- You're covered.
You know, we're covering
over $8000 here so far.
We'll eat him for breakfast.
Hell, Joe whipped every
Marine in the 1st Division.
Yeah.
But he ain't a Marine.
- Jesus, he's big.
- Yeah, he's sizeable.
They said he beat everybody
in the Marine Corps.
I ain't a Marine.
I got 2800 from the
boys in Bakersfield.
- You're covered.
- All right.
You lose this fight,
we'll be patrolling
Death Valley for the
next five years.
Don't worry about it,
sarge. Eat him up, Joe.
Eat him up, Joe. Ha-ha-ha.
Take care of Clyde, will you?
You know how he likes
to crap in squad cars.
Hold it, hold it.
Okay, Joe. All right.
Come on.
He's killing him.
Come on, boy.
He's moving pretty
good for a corpse.
Come on, get in there. Let's go.
- Get in.
- Come on.
Attaboy.
Get him, baby.
Bingo.
Get up, Philo. You got him.
All right. That's it.
He ain't down yet.
No, he ain't and I ain't
putting him down.
If you want to take his
place, we can arrange that.
- Fight ain't over till he's down.
- Shut up.
Great. You got him.
- How much we pull down?
- Twelve hundred.
Where's Clyde?
- Shit.
- There.
Clyde, you got damn little
respect for the law.
God.
Sergeant Smith.
This is gonna be my last fight.
How come?
Right turn, Clyde.
I'm getting to like the pain.
- Well, I guess it's time, then.
- Yeah, I think.
I don't understand it. I whipped
every Marine in my division.
- Some real tough guys.
- Jesus.
- How can you stand the stench?
- I can't smell nothing.
The captain won't really
transfer us, will he, sarge?
Seeing as how we flushed 2800
of his hard-earned bucks...
it's Death Valley, son,
you can believe me.
Some real tough guys.
Hey. Pull those guys
over. They're littering.
Shut up, will you?
Pardon me, sir, was that, 3000?
No, it is not 3000.
Mr Paoli bets 30,000
on the challenger?
- Ha. That's it. That's it.
- He never touched him.
Your animal's gonna be
dead in 15 seconds.
Young man.
Keep your terrier in
his cage, Beekman.
Junior, he's only looking out
for my interests, that's all.
Your money will be here by 5 p.m.
I expected no less.
Whoo.
Hey, did you set up
a fight for Wilson?
No, not yet.
Well, come on.
What the hell am I paying him 5
grand a month, to
sit on his hands?
Nobody will take him on.
Not after what he did to
those last couple of guys.
Yeah, well, maybe we ought
to, set up a match...
between Wilson and the
rattler, huh? Ha, ha.
Ha, ha. You'd lose a good rattler.
There is a guy on the West
Coast named Philo Beddoe.
Philo Beddoe. I
never heard of him.
Some folks in Dallas
think a lot of him.
Yeah? Which folks?
The folks that bet. And he's
well-known in California.
I think we could get a good piece
of action on this one, Jim.
- All right. You set it up.
- All right.
Well, Loretta, we've
talked about it
for 20 years, but
now we're doing it.
We're in California.
I hear people here are
a little peculiar.
Oh, Loretta, folks are
just folks the world over.
- Luther.
- Yeah?
I think we should go back to Iowa.
♪ Then your whiskey
eyes undress me ♪
♪ As we hide the night away ♪
♪ I know it's wrong to want you ♪
♪ But God knows it
feels so right ♪
♪ Just stay a little longer ♪
♪ Before you go to her tonight ♪
♪ There's one too many
women in your life ♪
- You didn't tell me she was here.
- I didn't know. We can go.
No, it's all right.
♪ There's one too many
women in your life ♪
♪ The one you say you love ♪
♪ And the one you call your wife ♪
♪ You tell me you don't love her ♪
♪ And you say someday
you'll leave ♪
♪ Then when our love
starts feeling right ♪
♪ You walk away from me ♪
♪ Bedroom lies and alibis ♪
♪ Are the only words you know ♪
♪ Just tell me that you love me ♪
♪ Before you have to go ♪
♪ There's one too many
women in your life ♪
♪ Neither one of us
can make it right ♪
♪ There's one too many
women in your life ♪
Lynne Halsey-Taylor,
ladies and gentlemen.
Let's have a big welcome
for Johnny Duncan.
♪ It's raining on the west coast ♪
♪ Snowing in Topeka ♪
♪ The weatherman says there's
ice For old Tennessee ♪
Mind if I sit here?
No. It's a free country.
You're still mad at me, I guess.
No, I like having
my guts kicked out.
I didn't mean to hurt
you. I was mixed up.
Oh?
What do you think I was?
I'm sorry.
But that's in the past.
Yeah, it sure is.
You want me to leave?
Yeah.
♪ I see a loser in my mirror ♪
♪ Got a devil in my brain ♪
♪ And the woman I've been loving ♪
All right, Clyde, keep
your pants on. I'm coming.
♪ She left blossom in my bedroom ♪
♪ And dirty dishes in my sink ♪
I knew you and Philo
came in here a lot.
So I told them I'd
sing for nothing
just to get a chance
to talk to him.
Guess I shouldn't
have bothered, huh?
I don't like drinking
with filthy apes.
Clyde is a clean ape.
Yeah? Well, I'm gonna
kick his ass out of here.
If I was you, friend,
I'd just sit back
there and I'd have
myself another beer.
- You ain't me.
- No.
- I'll have another beer.
- Right.
Looks like Clyde's
getting a little
rowdy. We better get out of here.
You're getting rowdy, Clyde.
Why don't you leave
Philo alone, honey?
I'm not your honey.
Listen, he was down for two
months after you pushed him over.
So was I.
The three of us are
doing fine now so
why don't you just
leave him alone?
Clyde, come on, let's go. Leave
the bananas alone. Come on.
Kind of grows on you, doesn't he?
♪ There's gotta be a better way ♪
♪ But the sun shines bright ♪
♪ In Acapulco ♪
♪ And there's no snow ♪
♪ In old Monterey ♪
We are the Black Widows.
Then who stomped a
mud hole in you?
Philo Beddoe.
Then spat on you, and let
his ape stomp it dry?
Philo Beddoe.
So whose hide you gonna
nail to the gates of hell?
Philo Beddoe's.
All right, then, let's start
doing some stomping of our own.
Yeah.
Good grief, my
brownies are burning.
- His what?
- He's baking brownies.
Why me, Lord?
I mean, you made other
men out of clay.
Mine, you made out of shit.
- I should have expected it.
- Expected what, Ma?
Quitting your job, letting an old
lady die of frostbite,
canker sores.
It ain't froze around
here in 30 years, Ma.
Don't have to freeze.
I got thin blood.
Besides, I didn't quit my
job. Fighting ain't my job.
Yeah.
Well, I have to
admit, it ain't much.
But it's the closest you've come
to earning a decent living.
But, hell, you don't care
about keeping a roof...
over a poor, helpless
old lady's head.
You don't care if she
has to eat dog food.
You don't care if she has to
soak her teeth in Clorox.
Come back here with my
Oreos, you hairy ass.
I'm looking for Mr Philo Beddoe.
You're talking to him.
I'm talking to his feet.
The top half of him can hear you.
I represent a man who would
like to back you, Mr Beddoe.
See that crescent
wrench up on top there?
Yes, I see it.
Well, why don't you hand it to me?
Tail first, of course. The
jaws may be venomous.
Thanks.
- Back me at what?
- A fight?
- Sorry, I'm retired.
- Since when?
Since I decided to retire.
My employer is willing to pay you
$15,000 for this fight, Mr Beddoe.
- Against who?
- A man named Jack Wilson.
- You know Wilson?
- I know of him.
Let's not quibble, Mr Beddoe.
Twenty-five thousand.
Is that win or lose, or just win?
The money will be
payable, win or lose.
Ten thousand in advance.
- Give it to Clyde.
- Yes.
- Who's Clyde?
- He's my manager.
Ah, Jesus Christ.
Don't worry, he won't hurt you.
You want me to give
$10,000 to an ape?
He handles all my business.
You stash that, Clyde, and
don't let Ma see you.
Good boy.
Good boy.
I'll be in touch.
Yeah, I'm sure.
- You there, Harry?
- Yeah, what do you got?
Dead battery at
Sunset and Lincoln.
Green '73 Chevrolet.
Got it. Be about 20 minutes.
Twenty minutes is too
late by half, Harry.
Hang on there, green
Chevy. Harry's on the way.
Have you seen Clyde?
No. Is he gone?
Well, a couple hours.
- Is he in the shed?
- I'll take another look.
No hairy-ass jungle jumper...
is going to outsmart
Senovia Boggs.
That goddamn banana-head
probably ate it.
Send him down to that...
Work and slave for that ape
of yours. Work and slave.
Well, I appreciate that, Ma. You
haven't seen him, have you?
No. No, I ain't seen him.
I'll find it. You better
believe I'll find it.
♪ Am I being too tender Or
are you just too tough? ♪
♪ Right now I'm feeling
Like I've had enough ♪
♪ If I've been all wrong
Instead of all right ♪
♪ Either your love's too loose ♪
♪ Or mine is too tight ♪
♪ When the wheel of
fortune spins again ♪
♪ I plan to be a winner ♪
♪ Does the magic in your eyes
disguise A saint or
just a sinner? ♪
♪ Playing your game Is
one hell of a gamble ♪
♪ You're too loose to love And
you're too hot to handle ♪
♪ Am I being too weak when
I need to be strong? ♪
♪ Hanging around here
After your love is gone ♪
♪ Has it all been a lie? ♪
♪ Or am I thinking small? ♪
♪ I love all the way Or
I don't love at all ♪
♪ When the wheel of
fortune spins again ♪
♪ I plan to be a winner ♪
♪ Does the magic in your eyes
disguise A saint or
just a sinner? ♪
- You seen Clyde?
- Yeah. Right behind you, Philo.
♪ You're too loose to love And
you're too hot to handle ♪
Lynne Halsey-Taylor,
ladies and gentlemen.
Now let's everybody get
ready for Fats Domino.
♪ Every afternoon when I wake up ♪
♪ I say a little
prayer and drink up ♪
♪ And thank the Lord For
driving me home once more ♪
He ain't supposed to
be, out like this.
What did I do? I
was just singing a
number and he came
in and sat down.
He probably got lost and
recognised this place.
Maybe he wanted to see me. Not
everybody hates me, you know.
I don't hate you.
I can take just about
any kind of pain.
There's just one I
have no tolerance for.
Some kinds I can't
tolerate either.
You gotta do another set?
No, I'm just doing
one set a night.
They're all here to see Fats.
- You sound good.
- Thank you.
Real good.
♪ Hangovers every day ♪
♪ Flying high with
honky-tonk angels ♪
♪ In whiskey heaven ♪
Do you have any wheels?
No.
I'll give you a ride
home. If you like.
I like.
Okay. Let's go.
♪ In whiskey heaven ♪
♪ We drink a little
beer and wine ♪
♪ Stay drunk most of the time ♪
♪ We're always raising hell
all night In whiskey heaven ♪
This is it?
- Anything wrong with it?
- No. Not a thing.
Well, I guess I can't ask you in.
I guess not.
Good night, Clyde.
Thanks, Philo.
Shut up, meathead.
Hey. It's Philo Beddoe.
Are we bad mothers?
We are bad mothers.
Hey, Beddoe, it's us.
Are you talking to me?
I ain't talking to you, Beddoe.
I'm reading your death warrant.
I didn't know you boys could read.
Oh. Now, that's real
cute, real cute.
We're gonna kill you slow,
boy. Take maybe a week.
Well, I wouldn't want to rush you.
After the first day, I think,
you're probably
gonna be shaking...
like some blind faggot
at a weenie roast.
You got him real good, Cholla. You
got him real good with that one.
Shut your hole.
Except this time, it ain't
gonna be no weenie roast.
No, this time it's
gonna be an ape roast.
Right turn, Clyde.
Hey, Cholla, they're getting away.
Why me?
Ah, what the hell.
I guess maybe it's time.
She's in Room 25, but
you can't go up there.
No, ma'am, I know that.
- You're not allowed up there.
- I won't be long, ma'am.
Operator, get me the police.
Oh. Excuse me, ma'am.
Hey, wait a minute.
Excuse me, ma'am, I didn't
see a thing, hardly.
- You aren't allowed up here.
- I know that, ma'am.
- Who is it?
- Philo.
You're not allowed up here.
Must be true. You're the third
person who's told me that.
Well?
Well, we've got an extra
room at the house.
I don't need any handouts.
Handouts are what you get
from the government.
A hand up is what you
get from friends.
Are you a friend?
I'm a friend.
Well, I don't have so many friends
that I can afford to lose one.
What is it?
Sorry, ma'am.
I believe what we
got here, ladies,
is a case of wishful thinking.
They all think we moon around all
day, lusting after their bodies.
Well, some of us do, Rita.
Where's Clyde?
Shit.
So how are you gonna
write this one up?
I'm not. Plus, you
were a lot of help.
You can always say she was nuts
about your toothpaste smile.
You could bust them for
harassing an officer.
- Just shut up.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Hey.
It's them.
Come on, come on.
We can catch them.
You catch them.
So where are you gonna sleep?
We have a guest room
out back, I told you.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Clyde, you still up?
What are you doing, pal?
An Oreo cookie for me?
I'll save mine till later.
Night, buddy.
- Mind if I come in?
- No, not at all.
What was that?
Just a cookie I was
saving till later.
Well, never mind.
You can have me instead.
No looking, now.
Oh.
We chased him away.
Ah, the fresh air's good for him.
Besides, he'll guard the door.
Is he reliable?
Anything gets past Clyde is
40 feet high with fangs.
- I think we're safe.
- I think.
I think I love you.
I think that's a piece
of luck for me.
Philo?
Jordan said he'd give us 200 big
ones if we scrap
that Merc for him.
Great. Clyde, scrap the Merc.
Come on, Clyde, you
got work to do.
Mind if I jog with you?
Hell no.
We must be three miles out. How
much further before you turn back?
A couple more.
That's 10 miles round trip.
- You do this every day?
- More or less.
I'm not sure I'm
gonna make it. I'm
kind of new to this
physical stuff.
You're doing real good.
Thanks. The doc said I had
to get some exercise.
All I do is sit behind
a desk all day.
You sit behind it, or
you carry it around?
Well, I play a little
squash sometimes.
You look like you do some lifting.
A little.
- Mostly engine blocks.
- That'll do the job.
Careful of that soft
shoulder there.
That's a hell of a drop.
Hey, you got a pretty
good grip for a new guy.
There's a lot of strength in fear.
- I believe I owe you.
- I believe you do.
Philo.
- You can't do this fight.
- Why not?
I've been checking
with some people
and I found out who
Jack Wilson is.
Look, the fight's gonna
get us a new truck,
a new roof, and a
few extras for Ma.
- He killed two men last year.
- One.
So? The other one's
lying some place with
nothing below the
neck but memories.
Well, I told them I
was gonna do it.
I know I don't have much
influence with you any more...
since you got a girlfriend, but
damn it, you can't do this.
Well, I'm going to do it.
Don't you go telling Lynne
about Wilson now, you hear?
Damn.
Yeah, Clyde.
Looks like both of
us are getting aced.
Yeah.
♪ There's one too many
women in your life ♪
♪ The one you say you love And
the one you call your wife ♪
- A friend of yours?
- Yeah.
Nice voice. Nice style.
I think so.
♪ There's one too many
women in your life ♪
Why don't you get somebody
who can sing around here?
- That's not polite.
- Ah, forget it.
Complaint department's
open now, sonny.
You play a hell of
a game of squash.
So do you.
- I believe that makes us even.
- I believe it does.
Did you find out
what you wanna know?
Yeah, I did.
You're fast and you like pain.
You eat it like candy.
I've seen a few cases
like that in my time.
The more they get hurt, the
more dangerous they become.
But you gotta be durable
too. Real durable.
Most ain't.
Yeah, you're right. Most ain't.
Let's call this fight
off. There's no point.
I ain't doing it for points.
You're good, but you're
not good enough.
I...
I don't wanna hurt you,
and that's the truth.
Sometimes we can't always
do what we want to. Right?
- Yeah.
- Your money's no good here.
Well, thank you.
- Pleasure watching you work.
- Same here.
Who was that?
That was a friend of mine. We
used to play squash sometimes.
♪ The good guys always say
That crime doesn't pay ♪
♪ But for some men
there's no other way ♪
♪ The bad guys always claim
Both sides are the same ♪
♪ The good guys and the bad guys ♪
I don't want you to fight.
You too? I thought you weren't
supposed to say anything to her.
I thought she'd have
more influence.
Don't do it, Philo.
I'm doing it, and
that's the end of it.
But he kills people.
The subject ain't
open for discussion.
Go ahead, get yourself killed,
you selfish lunkhead.
Better still.
Let him scramble your brains
and turn you into a turnip...
so I can spend the next
20 years watering you.
You too?
All right.
All right. Clyde,
go get the money.
Go ahead.
Orville.
Here's the card. Call that guy,
tell him to come
and get his dough.
Under my own mattress.
Humiliating.
Outsmarted by a banana-head.
Hey.
I just spent the
last five hours on
a very bumpy aeroplane, Mr Beddoe.
I'm not in a good mood.
- I don't blame you.
- We have a deal, Mr Beddoe.
We had a deal. Clyde, get
the man his money back.
One does not cancel deals
with James Beekman.
One takes one's money back, or
else Clyde gets bugged at one.
I am holding it for
you, Mr Beddoe.
I will add 15,000 to
it and give it to
you when you show
up for the fight.
What Wilson will do
to you is nothing...
compared to what we will do if
you don't show up for the fight.
Clyde, escort the man out.
You will have a visit from
my friends very soon.
Will they be driving
Cadillacs too?
Yes. Long and black.
Clyde, scrap the Caddie.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God.
He's crazy.
How about we go up to Bakersfield
and mess around for a couple days?
No, thank you. I'm not Clyde. I
can't sit around eating bananas...
while you and the broad
are playing patty cake.
- Hey, she's not a broad.
- I know that.
Damn it, I'm just talking mad.
You're allowed to talk mad to your
friends, you know, if they are.
They are, and you're allowed.
Shit.
She's a real nice girl.
I know.
- A piece of luck.
- I think.
But I don't have to like it.
Hell no. I wouldn't either.
You wouldn't?
Maybe I ought to get
really mad at you, then.
You better go before he goes
down the block again...
after that lady Saint Bernard.
Jesus, I never saw a dog
turn grey overnight before.
That's enough. Come on,
you'll get plastered.
Bakersfield. Let's go.
- You take care, now.
- All right. You too.
Okay, Clyde.
Seems like Orville's not
very happy these days.
I know. I guess he thinks you're
taking up some of his space.
- But I can't give it back to him.
- I know.
Hang on.
- Oh.
- No.
Lock the doors.
Cholla, I'm hardening.
I'm hardening too.
Shut up and get him. Move.
I'm froze.
Dead meat, Beddoe.
Dead meat.
Oh, you're gonna pay for
this. You're gonna pay.
What are you going
to do with them?
Well, we can't leave
them here. Dogs
would come along and piss on them.
Ain't fair to the dogs.
You'll pay for that too, Beddoe.
Will you be able to
get this stuff off?
Sure. We'll just peel
them like bananas.
Of course, that tar will
take their hair off with it.
- Oh. Painful?
- Moderately.
Too bad.
Both of you are really
gonna pay for this.
I already am paying for it.
It's $20 for this tow boom and
another 20 I'm adding on...
for cleaning up my truck.
That's $40 you owe me.
We should be back in 15,
20 minutes, I hope.
- Good luck.
- Come on, Clyde. Scrap the gate.
Despite your
irresistible charm, old
buddy, she may have
some reservations.
You just feed her this banana
and it'll put her out.
Not more than about 40 minutes.
If that doesn't work, pop her in
the ass and squeeze the bulb.
Got that?
Clyde, sometimes I think you're
not too tightly wrapped.
- Oh, no. What happened?
- Ah.
I seem to have the only primate in
the country that's a dope addict.
- Be right back.
- Be careful.
Well, it's his own damn fault
if I get the wrong one.
- Who the hell are you?
- We're looking for Philo Beddoe.
Well, he ain't here.
Get out of my house.
Who the hell are you?
That ain't him. Where is he?
- Why don't you go f...
- Ma.
Where is he?
- Bakersfield.
- Where in Bakersfield?
I don't know.
He's gonna find a motel
when he gets there.
Orville.
Son of a bitch.
Looks like you got the right one.
Yeah.
Come on, Clyde.
Do you think he knows what to do?
Well, there have been primates
around for 80 million years.
I don't think they'd
set that kind of
record without, knowing something.
I guess not.
What is that?
It's just Clyde showing off.
It's part of the courtship.
My God. That's obscene.
Sure sounds obscene.
Hey. Don't I get a courtship?
Well, what do you want me to do?
I don't know. Show off a little.
What do you say, big boy?
How's that?
I'm impressed.
Will it hold both of us?
We're leaving this place
immediately. Get up.
Savage.
Luther.
Luther, stop that.
My back.
I've thrown out my back.
Stretch your arms,
Luther. Don't tense.
Oh. Damn fool. I
should've known better.
It was very brave, Luther.
That was a heavy chair.
You looked very impressive.
So did you.
It's been a long time.
How many?
About a hundred.
Let's go.
Bakersfield.
Hey. Get away from there.
It ain't right to watch
folks go humpity-bumpity.
Hey, baby.
Oh, my God, what have I done?
The first live one in 20
years, and I disabled him.
Oh.
- Aw, come on, sweetie.
- Oh.
That was just a little tickle
to loosen you up, you know?
Now, I tell you what you do. You
get yourself a good eyeful.
Come on. Just look right
in. Enjoy yourself.
And then when you're ready
for a little romp...
I'll be in the office.
♪ Roll me in the clover ♪
♪ Roll me in the clover Ha-ha-ha ♪
♪ Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha ♪
You know, I ain't a
churchgoing person...
but, I swear, that's gonna
be a thing of a past.
Let him be all right.
I didn't hit him hard, he should
still have one good one left.
Sweetie.
Thank you, Lord.
That's it.
Say, excuse me,
officer. Can you tell
me where the Pink Cloud Motel is?
Yeah.
Just hang a right
out here. Go down a
little bit of ways. Can't miss it.
How would you and your girlfriend
there like to race me over?
Come on, guys. Come on.
Philo.
All right, wise guy.
- Which station?
- Fourth Street. Why?
Fourth Street Station.
What is it, snookums?
Somebody's bashed into
our car, honeybunch.
We can always get another car.
Come back to bed, sweetheart.
What's that for?
Just in case.
Here. Take her home.
Hurry on back.
You wait here.
Over this way.
That's enough.
Thanks, old buddy. That
took guts. I owe you one.
Don't even think about it.
- How long has she been like this?
- All morning. Ain't said a word.
I suppose you'll
have to fight now.
Yeah.
I don't think they're
gonna hurt her.
I think they just
want you to fight.
I know.
- Piece of crap, though.
- Yeah.
She's getting on.
I think maybe her brains
are, you know, turning soft.
Jelly, sonny. Jelly.
♪ Jellyroll killed my momma ♪
♪ Drove my daddy stone blind ♪
You're going to church
next Sunday. You too.
Philo. It's him.
Yeah?
Jackson, Wyoming. Saturday, noon.
Not until I talk to her.
You are in no position
to set conditions.
You heard me.
Nino.
- Philo?
- You okay?
I'm fine. Don't fight,
they don't dare hurt me.
I trust you're not so foolish
as to believe that, Mr Beddoe.
No, I'm not.
Lynne, the fight's
not your concern.
I'll have you out of
there on Saturday.
Philo, listen...
We have a deal, Mr Beddoe?
You'll produce her Saturday
noon, before the fight, right?
Deal.
All right, boys. Belly
up to the table.
Get yourself some hair there.
And here. Paint on some eyebrows.
You look like a bunch of freaks.
Hey.
You promised me a moustache.
Cholla promised me I
could be a blond.
I want to be a redhead.
Give me that brown
one. I like brown.
Cholla, why don't you tell them
to give me what I asked for?
I love it.
Nobody knows nothing.
I checked everybody I
know, even the sleazies.
Well, they're probably holding
her somewhere near Jackson.
We'll just do a little scouting.
Oh, Jesus.
Why don't you just
shut up and start
passing out them tickets there?
I ain't got the heart.
You've got enough trouble.
Wait a minute.
You have to give us them
tickets. You have to.
I mean, didn't you see
us? We're lawbreakers.
I mean, we are totally despicable.
We have earned them tickets.
Son, you are a walking violation
of the laws of nature.
But we don't enforce them laws.
Lord...
you have given me these
crosses to bear...
and I will carry them...
all the way from Jerusalem to
Jackson, whichever's closer.
But hear me, Lord.
Though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death...
I will chew on Philo Beddoe's
ass for my last supper.
Hyah.
♪ Yippie-aye-ay Cow Patti ♪
I lose.
♪ The killer hit town at daybreak
Ate the door off
the local saloon ♪
♪ He started to drink you
could tell He was thinking ♪
♪ There'll be a showdown soon ♪
♪ Patti hit town in
a cloud of dust ♪
♪ Ol' Flame was
buzzing like a saw ♪
♪ And the whole town got
As quiet as a church ♪
♪ When the killer stepped
out for the draw ♪
Excuse me, sir, there's a
call for you. A Mr Beekman.
Hello, Beeky, it's your dime.
Zack? I got a sporting event
laid out for this Saturday.
A fire-eater named,
Philo Beddoe. Ha, ha.
Against Jack Wilson.
Philo Beddoe? Never heard of him.
Hey, Melvin, can Beddoe
whup Jack Wilson?
Beddoe's good, real good, but I'd
have to give Wilson the edge.
- How big an edge?
- If it was my money, 7-to-5.
But 6-to-5 is a fair bet.
I might be interested in 4-to-1.
Even money, Zack.
Well, I might go 3-to-1.
I've reserved your suite for you.
I'll be there.
♪ Yippie-aye-ay, yay Cow Patti ♪
Yee-haw. You all saddle
up. We going on a trip.
Jim Martin and his crew are
coming in from Kansas City.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
We got contingents coming in
from Seattle, L.A., Frisco.
Any takers at 6-to-5?
We got about 30 grand.
You know, Jim...
might have to go 2-to-1 we
wanna pick up the action, huh?
We'll get enough action at 8-to-5.
All right.
I'll call up Boston,
set up a layoff.
No.
No. There's not gonna be a layoff.
Jim.
We're liable to get a couple
million bucks on this.
Wilson's not going to lose.
We try any funny
stuff here, they're
gonna retire us to
the Jersey Flats.
No, no funny stuff. I'm telling
you, Wilson's gonna take him.
Jim.
All we gotta do...
We set up a little layoff.
You and me, we take a
nice 6, 7 percent cut.
We walk away, couple
hundred grand. No risk.
I'd rather walk away with
a couple of million.
Yeah.
Yeah, all right. All
right, I'll go along.
But if Wilson loses, you
better have snowshoes.
Because north of the Arctic Circle
is the only place we'll be safe.
Welcome to Jackson,
Mr Wilson. Welcome.
It's a great honour to
serve you. Great honour.
I'm going to take
you up to the suite
myself. Here, let me take this.
There are three parties
in progress, one
of which started
yesterday afternoon.
If there's anything
you need, anything.
The hotel does allows
pets in the room.
If you understand my meaning.
I don't keep pets.
No pets, no booze.
- I can read.
- And no parties.
Oh, that's Aunt Hortense.
The last party she was at was,
Teddy Roosevelt's inauguration.
Is she your aunt by
blood or marriage?
Blood.
I'd be careful about having
any children if I were you.
Always am.
That's the fifteenth private jet
this morning. What's going on?
Bare-knuckle fight.
California boy named
Philo Beddoe...
is taking on some monster
from the East Coast.
I ain't seen anything
in the papers.
Strictly illegal.
No referee, and the
fight won't end
until one or the
other's half dead.
Oh, my God.
I think I'm doing something wrong.
You're doing just fine, hon.
Yeah, but we've been flying
upside down for 15 minutes, Zack.
It takes a little time
to get the hang of
it. Don't be so hard
on yourself, foxy.
It's like that ride at the fair
where everything falls out.
- I hope so.
- Oh, you're terrible.
- You can't drink upside down.
- Sure, you can.
- Here, try it.
- All right.
Hey, it worked.
You'd be surprised what
you can do upside down.
- Surprise me.
- Oh.
I'll take the south side of
town. You take the north.
- What are we looking for?
- I don't know.
Keep your eyes out for
anything peculiar.
And keep Aunt Hortense
out of sight, will you?
Why, you're Philo Beddoe.
- Yes, ma'am.
- It's him.
- Why, he's looking too good.
- Oh. Too good by half.
Excuse me, ma'am.
We can't get decent odds
on you looking that good.
We're trying to find some
fool who'll give us 2-to-1.
Try to look a little
more peaked, would you?
Excuse me.
- Oh. Sorry.
- You damn fool.
- Let me see that hand.
- What?
Wiggle your fingers.
You could have broke that hand and
made paupers out of all of us.
Sorry.
What are you standing here gabbing
for? Get on back to jogging.
I think I might do that.
Oh, and no booze, no
parties. In bed by 8:00.
You can count on that.
I do.
Did you all see that?
The way he grabbed me with one
hand like I was a feather?
Son of a gun, boys,
we're gonna be rich.
We're already rich, Zack.
Mind if I jog with you?
You work for some
pretty strange folks.
Who I work for is my business.
They got my girl.
Hey, they're running together.
Jesus. Talk about
beef on the hook.
Wilson will eat him for breakfast.
- I got 40 on Beddoe.
- You're on.
I didn't know.
I didn't say you did. I just said
you worked for some strange folks.
Well, their business isn't mine.
I never said it was.
We're even, remember?
Yeah.
Oh, Jim.
Tony Paoli's on the way up.
Poor little Tony, he never learns.
Not junior, senior.
- Big Tony?
- Big Tony.
What's he coming here for?
Ah, Mr Paoli. What a
pleasure to see you.
I hear you ain't laying
off any of the action.
No, not so far. No, sir.
You got guts. I admire
a man with guts.
So I says, "Big Tony, maybe
now's the time you go out...
and make a little bet with this
high-roller Beekman with guts."
A hundred thousand?
Mr Beekman, you and I are not
men who deal in five zeroes.
He means six zeroes, Jim.
"He means six zeroes, Jim."
Of course, I have to cover it.
Ha, ha. Of course.
Give us a look, sweetie.
Come on, honeybunch, show
us those big blue eyes.
No.
He's a menace. Goes around
peeking in windows.
Ogled at me last night while I was
getting it on with
two young beauties.
Look, Clyde has no
interest in human sex.
What were you doing,
getting it on with apes?
Get out. Out.
Let's go.
- The fight ain't on till noon.
- I know.
But I found where
they're holding Lynne.
Best to hit them
when they move her.
- What's going on?
- He found out where Lynne is.
Let's go.
I know they're packing heat
and they might use it.
I'm his friend and Clyde's
his friend. We go.
Hop in there, kid.
Hey.
Right turn, Clyde.
- You all right?
- I'm fine.
Why don't you get the
cops and the ambulance?
The cops ain't part
of the bargain.
Just the ambulance, then.
That bullet was mine.
I like being a hero too,
sometimes, you know.
Well, you're doing a
good job with it.
Look, I just saved you
guys' ass from the slam.
So now they belong to me.
But if I ever see you again,
I'm gonna come a-collecting.
You just get in this car and keep
driving west, till
you see the surf.
You got it? Move.
- I owe you one.
- We're even.
Your hairy friend back there
saved my skin for me.
- We're even, then.
- You're not gonna fight, are you?
Well, if I don't, it's a forfeit.
A lot of people bet money on
me. Not all of them are rich.
If neither one of us showed up,
then there wouldn't be any fight.
Then all the bets would be off.
That's something to think about.
Wilson. He hung up.
Well, that's it.
Neither of them are gonna show.
- All the bets are off, then.
- Damn it.
I spent a lot of time, a lot of
money setting this thing up.
Well, you better let the
sporting folks know.
Yeah.
- So are you gonna fight?
- I don't know. Depends on Wilson.
You wanna stay here with Orville?
On your way out, could you kind of
tell the nurses what a hero I am?
- Why didn't I think of that?
- Is that the hero?
Oh, yeah. That's him
lying right there.
You're a good man, Philo Beddoe.
It hurts right here.
Young man's got a real
healthy appetite.
That he does.
I don't think we can end it even.
I don't think.
But then, on the other hand...
I don't have any great
desire to make Beekman rich.
You figure you would?
I figure.
But then, I guess
we'll just have to
find out if I would
have or not, huh?
I guess.
Real shame.
It would've been the
fight of the century.
Sure as hell would have.
I blew a $100,000 deal to get
out here for this fight.
Hell, it would have been worth it.
- Wilson would have taken him.
- Ha.
- The hell he would have.
- Who cares?
Get up there.
Hey, look at this.
- What?
- What?
Whoa.
Let me see.
All right, you kids,
what are you doing here?
I said, what are you
kids doing here?
Come on. Move back, move back.
It's on. It...
- What? What?
- The fight. Give me that.
Jackson Base, this is Car 2. The
fight... The fight is on. Here.
Breaker, breaker, 1-9. This
is your good news channel.
It's on. The fight is on.
Did you hear that?
What you waiting for, dummy?
Aren't you gonna
have any? Come on.
Yeah?
Jim, the fight is on.
They're fighting.
What time is it?
- It's 11:50.
- All bets don't cancel till noon.
That means all bets are still on.
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
It's on.
- What?
- The fight.
It's on. The fight's on.
Hey, Cholla. What are
we doing on foot?
I told you, the cops
pinched the bikes.
Yeah, but what for?
Who's running this outfit
anyway, you or me?
- Come on, Clyde.
- Come on.
Just right around the corner
and we'll be ringside, boys.
- Get along, honey. Come on.
- It's just around the corner.
Where's the fight?
Come on, Zack. Let's go.
That's it. That's it.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Come on, Philo. Come on.
Come on.
Kill him. You heard me. Right now.
Nino.
Listen up. That's
Beekman's hoods up there.
They're gonna kill Beddoe.
Cholla, that's great.
Let's give them a hand.
You twit.
I sold all the bikes and put every
nickel we had on Beddoe to win.
Cholla, how could you?
We've been at war with
Beddoe for over a year.
War is war, but
business is business.
If Beddoe losses,
we are flat busted.
Hell yeah, business is business.
Don't just stand there,
you freaks, go get them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shall we?
We could end it here, you know.
Even?
No, you owe me one.
- Hey, is it over?
- I don't know.
You think I'd buy that
when I'm still standing?
Nope.
It's broke.
That's it.
- No, it ain't.
- That's it.
- His arm's broke.
- Philo broke his arm.
Stop this. It doesn't matter.
- It matters to me.
- Beddoe.
We're even.
I owe you.
Come on. Put that
spaghetti down. Come on.
I knew he'd do it.
You get your money's worth.
- Was I out?
- Yeah.
- How long?
- Long enough.
That's it, then.
That's it.
That was one hell of a fight.
You better get that arm fixed.
I think we better get out of here.
I think you're right.
He's paying off 30
cents on the dollar.
But he offered us 40 cents if
we promised not to touch him.
- Did you promise?
- Of course.
Good.
Now go back there and kill him.
Hell, Zack, 30 cents
on the dollar isn't
gonna pay for the
cost of that plane.
It don't matter.
Hell, it's worth it to pay for the
privilege of seeing
a fight like that.
Sure as hell is.
I should say.
I'm gonna have to call you
on your bloomers, ma'am.
Oh, damn it. Chivalry
ain't dead in Texas.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
- What's the matter? Who is it?
- Tony's boys.
Tony's boys? What are
they coming here for?
- What the hell do you think for?
- Yeah, but they promised.
Come on. Come on.
Hurry up. Grab the case. Come on.
Hey, Beekman, I believe you owe us
another 70 cents on the dollar.
Come on, get out of
the way, you punks.
You really don't know who we are,
do you? Tell him who we are.
We're the Black Widows. We're
feared throughout the land.
- Jim.
- Let's get the hell out of here.
Hey.
You see how they lit out of here
when they found out who we was?
Didn't I tell you
I'd make you great?
Yeah.
Yeah, but we sure
got screwed, man.
Right, Dallas, we got screwed.
Not quite.
And I'd, check that
case if I were you.
- Nothing.
- Ha-ha-ha.
♪ Just love me any
which way you can ♪
♪ My love's not the choking kind ♪
♪ You've got your life
And I've got mine ♪
♪ So if you can never be free ♪
I got a telegram from
Ma in Bakersfield.
She's at another revival meeting.
What are you gonna do, you
gonna head back East?
Yeah, I guess so.
California ain't such a bad place.
Well, I'm not all that wild about
it. But I do like the people.
And the music is great.
Why, thank you.
What about Beekman? You gonna
have problems with him?
Beekman's the one with a problem.
He can't cover the bets.
Orville, what do you say?
I'm staying here in
Jackson. Medical care.
Sure.
I love the place and
I love the people.
Right, Clyde?
Right, Clyde.
♪ Just love me any
which way you can ♪
♪ My love's not the choking kind ♪
♪ You've got your life
And I've got mine ♪
Hey, Beddoe.
You talking to me?
Yeah, I'm talking to you. We
got a little debt to settle.
We do, huh?
Forty bucks.
Now, I believe that makes us even.
I believe so.
You know, Beddoe,
that was one hell
of a fight you put up over there.
I mean, one hell of a fight.
I understand you boys had a
little scuffle yourself.
Yeah, wasn't half bad.
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
These things don't look bad
when you get them on straight.
No, they look real good.
You take care, Beddoe.
You do the same.
Let's go.
- Are we rich, Widows?
- We are rich, brother.
What do we have here?
New girlfriend, Clyde?
Very nice, but we may have
trouble getting you this one.
We'll do what we can, boy.
I thought I recognised you
and your hairy friend.
Because of you, I'm stuck out
here in this steam bath.
I'm citing you for speeding
and reckless driving.
What? We were only doing 50.
I'm impounding this
truck for evidence.
Impounded for what?
Evidence for
transporting an animal
without certificates
of ownership...
and certificates of inoculation.
Nobody owns Clyde.
He's a free person.
The animal goes to the kennel.
The truck goes to the yard.
I'm gonna be roasting
out in this desert
for three years because
of you, Beddoe.
You're gonna pay.
Right turn, Clyde.
Onward.