Ann Rolls Green (2018) - full transcript

would you be interested in committing
your life to God today ma'am I'm familiar

with God thanks and quite frankly I think
this leaflet seems a little bit

misrepresentative all right in what way
well I'm assuming this is Jesus right

right
well he's too big. Big? Well do you really

think Jesus was that big? Well, no it's just
an artwork. An artwork to induct people

who don't know or don't care about
Christianity and all you're telling them

is that Jesus was the size of a building.
It's because it's representative because

God's love
so surpasses our own it just seems like

he's bigger. Bullshit, if you wanted him to
seem big then you could have just put

him in front of a crowd and let
perspective do its job instead you made it

look like attack of the 50-foot Jesus.
Alright I get it. Have you ever met Jesus?



No. No, me neither but he definitely
wasn't that big. Look I didn't do the

artwork alright? But you are handing it
out and I don't want it. Um we have other

leaflets. I'm fine thanks though if you
want my advice people won't find Jesus

in a leaflet.

Ann. Jane. how was your morning? Uneventful, mostly, I had a cup of coffee.

I noticed and how was your weekend?

Equally uneventful.

Is that right? What an exciting life you lead Ann

Somehow I ended up Sunday
morning back of house in a bowling alley.

Had you been bowling? I don't think so,
always wanted to but no one ever wants to go

Well at least you came close.

Jane do you know if those red cupboards
came in? I dunno maybe. Maybe? There was a

delivery yeah. And did any of them
resemble red cupboards? Could have been

cupboards could have been tables could
have been a grand piano for all I know,



didn't open the crates.
Well that's incredibly helpful, Thank You

Jane.
No problemo

Oh wait I was meant to say Ann, there's
some crazy dude looking for you, said

something about you helping him find a
nice lamp or something like that

Well what was his name?
I dunno, he was kinda cute though, don't

know what he's looking for you for
perhaps it's your superb furniture

expertise

Denny. That's a nice chair actually. You don't look that excited to see me. Just wasn't

expecting to see you, especially when I'm at work. Well it's been

a while so I thought you know, I'd make a
surprise visit. It hasn't been that long

it's been about a month Ann, I think that
qualifies as a while. Is there something

going on? You know me Ann, there's always
something going on. With you there is

yeah, so what is it? what's so important
that you had to come here while I'm

working? New business cards firstly. Of
course. And wristbands! I mean I would give

you one but unfortunately I've already
given them all out so... So what you're

starting another revolution? The revolution
never stopped Ann, just now we have

wristbands. Well good for you, so what,
you're here to try to attempt to get me

to rejoin your club again with the
promise of ugly wristbands? It's not a

club and ugly? Yeah ugly I don't know
what you were thinking when you ordered

them in contrasting red and green. Well
Stuart designed them and I thought they

stood out at least. Look Denny I don't
have time to stand here talking to you

about wristbands
so is that all? No Ann I did have something

more important to tell you. And what's
that? Well it's one of them good news bad

news situation. Just spit it out. Alright.

We found Frank, Ann

Where? We found Frank Ann, but unfortunately that's where the good news ends

What happened? Nothing happened, it's just that, well, he's gone mad

quite frankly. Mad how? This whole thing's
a bit complicated Ann, I just thought I'd

tell you, you know, we're working on it.
Who's we? The club? We're not a club

we are the order of the Holy Redeemers.
And what fucking right do you think

you've got coming into my personal
business like that? You asked me to help

Yeah I asked you to help me find him
not to deal with him - where is he?

Ann, listen, we can help, we are helping just
come to the next meeting. Just tell me

where he is.
I promise we'll take you there but it's

not as simple as giving out an address
so will you come please? What is this

meeting? Well it's to recruit new members,
you know, so we can help find Frank.

I thought you said you'd found him! Yeah but it's a bit more complicated than that

we need help to get to him. You better
tell me what exactly you mean by that

Denny. I'll tell you at the meeting Ann. I
don't need a public forum to discuss

Frank, Denny. It won't be like that
believe me just come. When? It's on the

card. Join the resistance, stop the end of
the world, that's how you're selling this?

yeah why not? Because you're not fighting
off aliens with your laser vision Denny

I'm not and I don't get what you're
referencing to there. You just better not

be messing me around,
that's all. I'm not, I promise, look Stuart

really wants to see you anyway I mean he
would have come today but he's moving

house at the moment so it's a bit
difficult really. Right well I hope he's well.

He'll be at the meeting. Okay,
so is that all? Yeah I think that's about

it. Um actually, do you have any sword
polish? I don't...

You have a sword now Denny? I recently
acquired a rather nice sword yes.

I don't even think sword polish is
specifically an actual thing, I can

probably get you some metal polish if
you'd like? No, no I think I'll be

alright actually, anyway I think I better
get back to handing out these business

cards hopefully we can whip up a good
crowd this time! How many people have

you invited to this thing? Well as many
as I have business cards. And that is?

don't worry about it Ann, just make sure
you get there early to get a good seat.

alright?

what's wrong with the posters anyway?
Can you please try to remember the last

time we went for posters. Every time we
put them up someone always rips them

down. Yes and people are always chucking the business cards away. I don't know why you

always shut down my idea of getting pens.

Not much of a turn up then

especially considering the fact I'm five
minutes late. People still might come

They will still come. If I didn't know
you two, and I wasn't aware of the club

already and I turned up to this old
creepy Church in the dodgy end of town I

would probably think you were gonna kill
me and eat me. See I was saying this to

Denny. Yes you've said it a million times
we don't need to hear it again I swear

every day I either have you trying to
move our meetings to some ugly community

center or campaigning for damn pens.
People like the pens. People don't need

flippin pens people use iPads. What's the
problem anyway we don't need more people

we have Ann. It's a problem because we
need a bigger team you know that. Ann's

fucking right this is all because you
fucked up the pens. Ann doesn't like

the pens? I didn't say I hated them
I just said they're an interesting color

choice.
They stand out. She called them ugly.

You fucked up Stuart. Why don't you just
order more in different colours? Because

we spent our whole budget on that batch

These are all wristbands? Yes. How many
are there? It's about 20,000. Why in the

name of God would you need 20,000
wristbands?

Please don't blaspheme Ann. I'm sorry but
there's three of us here

not 20,000 what do they even say and how
fucking much did they cost you? It was

about three thousand pounds. Three
thousand pounds? How the hell did you

afford that? Took out a Loan, Ann, it's not a
problem

You don't even have a day job how are
you gonna pay that back? Ann, we're on the

precipice of changing the world all we
need is a little bit of cash to get the

ball rolling and then a tiny little loan
for wristband won't matter.

Do you think I give a fuck about changing
the world? what about Frank? He's part of

that. How is he part of that? How does
he have anything to do with this stupid Club?

We're not a club, once again, we were an order, we are the order of the Holy Redeemers.

You should try to remember that. Yes I
remember when we were 14 and we used it as

an excuse to make graffiti and protest
signs. Things have changed Ann, you never

should have left. I'm glad I left but for
better or worse I'm here now. Now take me

to Frank. We'll get to it in the briefing
okay?

No we'll do it now because believe me, nobody else is turning up.

Well hello all

What?
Oh of course you two must know each other!

Jane, what the hell are you even doing
here?

well Denny is pretty cute in his own
kind of way, but I'm sure I don't need to

tell you that. Plus this whole
revolutionary thing seems kind of fun

didn't think it was your kind of thing though Ann, I always imagined you reading a book in a

bath or something on your nights off.
That's funny, I always imagined you

crying in the corner drinking wine
straight from the bottle

Not quite, so you here for Denny as well
then? providing a little competition?

Denny's my cousin Jane. Great, no
competition at all then, not that I was

worried before of course. Alright
listen up, Jane, we're here you're here

because we're at war. War? Cool, I dig it.
I'm glad you dig it. Can I just ask who's

this war with? This war is with the
world, the world as we know it. Okay but

who do I get to shoot? I guess is my question.
Denny can we just cut the bullshit war

with the world spiel now? Ann, I hate to test
your patience but I have to explain

things to Jane alright?
This won't take long Ann. Stuart is it?

Tell me, where are you from my foreign friend? I'm not foreign I'm British. I'm not gonna deport you I

just want to discern your smokey accent.
It's not an accent. Jane will you stop it?

Stop what? It's okay Ann, it's fine. So
what is it? Uh well I I suffer from this

condition, it makes me sound like this,
it's called foreign accent syndrome.

Is that a thing? It's a thing. Wow that must be weird.

I mean it's okay once you get used to it

and hey at least it's not leprosy! Can we
move on please? Wait I'm still confused

By my accent? No, about this whole war
with the world thing. Jane, our society is

on the verge of collapse. Any Tom Dick or
Harry could give you a reason why but us

we know for sure and we know it can be
stopped

Stuart and I, we've worked tirelessly in the
past to sway the public opinion on the

world.
to try to make a change. We've long been

a secretive group at war with the end of
the world but now we're recruiting to

build an army so we have the manpower to
take on the greatest mission yet.

What might that be?
We're getting to that. Hold on Denny, we

are talking about finding Frank aren't we?
Ann I was in the middle of explaining

things.
Who's Frank? Seriously Ann, you take all the

dramatic effect out of something when
you, you know, you come in halfway

through a speech like that. Denny can I talk to you in private please?

What for? Denny now.

Danny I swear if you
keep treating finding Frank like some

kind of military operation I am going to
kill you. It's not like that.

Yes it is, you're acting like some kind
of army general or something for no fucking

reason whatsoever.
Seriously Ann, when you shout out

halfway through a speech you are seriously
undermining my authority. What, in front of

Jane? Yes in front of Jane. Fuck Jane.
She's here for the cause Ann. you know

and to potentially help find Frank, I
don't know why you can't see that. Well because I

can't think of one reason why she'd want
to help me because I don't want that

bitch's help. Quite frankly Ann you're being a bit of a bitch yourself okay. Excuse me

why should I care in the slightest about her.
Because she turned up, because we need

the numbers. For what? The plan. What
fucking plan? Just take me to Frank and

he and I can talk about it. Ann, listen,
Frank... What?

He thinks he's Jesus. What?

He thinks he's Jesus. Bullshit. He's
dangerous Ann, but we're here to help okay?

how long have I known you? I don't know,
all the time I've been living. Well then

you can trust me then can't you? Even if
it's just this once.

Jane where did you get that from? I always carry them with me, do you want one?

okay Stuart do you want to take it from
here or? Oh yeah yeah okay yeah so hmm

Sorry, bit nervous, so uhh basically Denny and I we did some recon the other day and we

discovered that Frank likes to camp out
in the forest outside the city, most of the time. When did

you do recon? Uh, last Sunday. And why
wasn't I invited?

We wanted to make sure that it was
actually Frank before we actually told

you so...
Wait why why would you tell her anyways

and is someone gonna tell me who this Frank guy is?
Jane shut it. Yeah so um basically yeah

we discovered through the recon that
Frank likes to hide out in the middle of

the forest outside the city most of the
time. Uh, and it's a 15-minute walk

from the car park which is
about three pounds fifty for the day if

that's okay yeah yeah and yeah we must
be very very quiet just so we don't

spook Frank out and yeah and one more
thing actually, it's a bit odd but we discovered that Frank -

Oh, thank you. What the heck does that
mean?

oh don't worry about it's just just
unnecessary info really. Okay, listen

I'm fine if you guys want to keep some
sort of mystery, kind of dig it but I

suppose I just want to make sure that you
guys aren't Nazis or something. We are not Nazis.

it's just I went out with the Nazi once
and it's the worst mistake I've ever

made in my life. Look, we are not Nazis! Not gonna lie you kinda sound like a Nazi. Jane,

we are not Nazis. Alright, then is someone gonna tell me who this Frank guy is then?

He's an old friend who unfortunately has
gone mad.

So when you find Frank what are you
gonna do?

The plan. My three-step plan
to rehabilitation. And that is? We'll get

there Ann, alright? Okay well I'm happy
to enlist then sir

in whatever god damn war this may be.
Okay sounds great but please don't

blaspheme, alright? Sorry, sir... Not much of an army are we?

About time. hey Ann, how's things? Denny, Stuart. Hiya. Good to see you Jane, you ready to go?

Yeah I think so what's with the toy
sword?

it's not a toy sword, it's a foam replica,
because apparently you're not allowed

real swords out about. How surprising.
Where's the real sword? At home. I'd like

to see it.
I'd uh... I'd like to show you. Can you stop?

please?
Are you ready Ann? Sure though while we're on the

topic, quite frankly I don't see why you
need any kind of sword at all. We need

the sword so that I can chase Frank and
Stuart can then tie him up. Yeah but I don't even

understand why Stuart's got to tie him
up! You trust me don't you? I'm trying.

Well that's all I ask then. We
definitely have everything yeah?

Yes let's fucking do this shit let's go!
Alright, follow me. Come on Stuart.

Come on.

Are you alright Ann? I'm fine Stu. Just used to parking more like

two minutes away from where I need to be.
You don't like the fresh air? It's not

the fresh air I don't like it's the
walking. Something tells me you don't

much like Jane either. I don't really think I've been keeping that a secret. Suppose not, I think she's all right!

You don't know her.

Maybe you don't her either
Ann, you know enemies don't usually

understand each other's that's the whole
point.

We're not enemies Stu, she's just a
fucking bitch. right well, after this I

hope we can all be good friends, and you
know Ann, I'll always be there for you if it

comes to it. That's very sweet Stu,
you're you're a good guy. Yeah I know I'm

a good guy but I don't get to see much
of you nowadays

No, well, busy people! Yeah, busy... So when are you going to come to my house? you know we've almost

finish the unpacking and dad, dad can
cook you some dinner

Oh he'd love to meet you. Oh yeah, I'll
have to come round some time. You could

see my models. Oh, the ones you
painted right? Yeah yeah and built. Yeah, I think you showed me some pictures.

Yeah I know but they're so much
better in the flesh and we could do some

painting together, maybe we could build some...

So listen Ann, you and Frank - What about
me and Frank? Well Denny told me that you

two went to school together, and that he
was important to you, but no more than that.

It's complicated Stu... Did you love
him? I don't want to talk about it Stu

we're not school children anymore and
love's just a word. it is a word, yes, but

it's a very strong word.
Yeah but it's open to interpretation,

I could easily say I loved Denny or I love you and it doesn't mean the same thing.

Well I am pretty loveable though...

Oi, you two, come over here quick.

There, that tent. What about it? Can you
hear the music and the footsteps? Yeah I

get it. What if we get the wrong hermit?
He's not a hermit. It's him

without a doubt. Denny please put that
sword away you don't need it.

Relax Ann, it's just foam, it's not like
I'm gonna cut him into tiny little

pieces now is it? Aw, that's a shame. Okay so we remember the plan? Stuart and Ann start

circling around and get into position
and then you whistle, me and Jane will

follow suit, get into our position. Jane
it's important that you stay behind me

close, but not too close, you're really
just there to block him. got it, I think.

Are we ready to go? Okay let's go.

Frank...

You asshole! You asshole! Okay stop it! Stop it! What the actual fuck Denny, were you trying to kill him?

No he ran! Yeah he ran, he didn't attack
you! I was trying to chase him towards you!

no you weren't!
I'm sorry is no one gonna mention the

fact that that man looked like a giant
apple? I just saw you chase a dancing

apple through the forest with a toy
sword. It's not a toy. He's also not a real apple.

We know he's not a real fucking
apple Stu. Listen, we don't understand

the apple thing either alright? But you knew
about it, so why didn't you say something?

Because, we knew you wouldn't believe us,
I told you he's gone mad. He's not mad

he's just confused. Well whatever you want to call it he thinks he's Jesus and he

spends his weekends dressed as a dancing
apple, we just want to help you fix him

You want to fix him Denny because you
think he's disgracing your stupid

fucking holy Redeemers. So what if I do
it helps us both! He's not some enemy for

you to take down. Alright! For the
record I think it's kind of hot, to dress

up like fruit I mean. Jane, don't fucking start.
Also for the record I thought he looked

more like a tomato than an apple, and I
don't think this is as strange as you're

making it out to be.
No of course because most people spend

their weekends chasing men dressed like
apples through the forest. Ann, I'm sorry

we didn't tell you alright, but you've
seen him now and we just want to help.

Okay wait, can I just check, so is it
men dressed as fruit that we're fighting in

this army or just apples? The apple thing
is irrelevant.

It's all fucking irrelevant. Ann, for one
second will you just let me speak to Jane?

Be my guest.

Jane, we've been through this before you
know we're nearing the end of the world

and quite frankly, Frank is one of the
reasons why. Because he's an apple?

No, because he thinks he's Jesus. I've not
read the Bible but does Jesus dress up

like an apple? No no forget the apple
thing. Alright, apologies.

Jane, Stuart and I, we belong to a very secret
ancient order. Oh yeah what were you guys

called again? The Holy Redeemers. And what about Ann?

Ann used to be in the order, you see we
live we work and have always worked to

stave off the end of days by
counteracting apocalyptic signs. So, like

like Jesus? Yes,
but the biggest problem isn't that he

thinks he's Jesus is that people are
actually starting to believe him now

Believe he's Jesus? Exactly. That's so silly as if
Jesus was even a real person... Wait so you

guys aren't Jesus freaks are you? Uh we
resent that term. Christians then? Men of

God and of the Holy Redeemer too. Jesus...
Jane, don't blaspheme. So you don't read

the Bible but you do you dig God?
actually the Bible is a fairly accurate

representation and biography of Jesus
Christ who was without a doubt the Son

of God it's just not the be-all and
end-all. So why do you care that Frank's

pretending to be Jesus? Do you remember that time
when Jesus was like thou shalt not

worship other idols. No can't say I do.
it's in the Ten Commandments. Oh right of course!

An increase in false idols is a
sign of the end of the world and at

least one that we're trying to prevent.
What else do you do?

No no not yet. Why? Why not yet? Because
the plan is classified, for Holy Redeemer

eyes only, if you want to be part of this,
if you want to join the order, you have

to be baptized. Alright fine I can get
on board with this whole god thing so

christen me a Holy Redeemer or whatever. So how's this work then?

No that won't be

necessary at least that's not the
trial. So how's it work then? To prove

yourself, to prove you are a warrior of
God, you must let God consume you and

then you will have his power to wield.
Cool.

First, you must walk forward until all
you see is green and then finally

beneath the trees you must accept God
into your heart and shout defiantly God

is in my hands! Alright then.

Ann, any chance you want to be baptized
again? To rejoin the order? No thanks.

So how long's this gonna take then?

Ann, what are you doing? Nothing. Alright, well I'm here to be baptized or something.

Oh, good for you,
letting God into your heart like this!

Well at least I'm open to the idea
unlike some people outright refuse to be

baptized. Not that it matters but I did
the baptism. When? When I was 14

Oh right, before you ditched them. Ditch is
not the right word. Aright then Ann, tell

me, are you a Jesus Freak? I'm not a Jesus
Freak and I'm not a Holy Redeemer I'm just

a Christian. Okay then, so just a plain
old vanilla God lover then? Honestly

though I legit never took you for the
religious type. I've been a Christian all

my life Jane you just don't know me.
Maybe not but you just never seem that into it.

Into what? Jesus.

Anyway, this whole thing seems kind of
cool,

you have to least admit that, when did
the club start? It's not some ancient

order like Denny says it is Jane, It's
just something he made up when he was fifteen.

Oh right, that's a bit less cool then. It's all bullshit. So what's in the red folder? Bullshit, lots of it

but the gist of it? Denny thinks he can
use his power to counteract revelations

and make everyone follow the Ten
Commandments or else we're all going to

go up in flames, oh and he thinks it's gonna
happen any second now. Well, I'm still intrigued

to see what's in the folder, so you just
here for that Frank dude then? It's none

of your business. Well Denny told me not
to say anything but he said you guys used

to be young lovers. Again, none of your
business. You can be so annoying

sometimes Ann, the one time you've got
something interesting going on in your

life you won't tell me anything about it.
Haven't you got a baptism to be going to?

Yeah I do but I'm not really sure what
I'm supposed to be doing. Well you've got

to let God enter your heart, but I don't
see that happening. How would you know?

You're so judgmental sometimes Ann.
Prove me wrong. Nah, it's not worth it.

If I kneel down waiting for some vision to
happen it's just gonna make me really

disappointed, plus I'll get dirty knees.
So I'm just gonna wait here for a bit then

I'm gonna go back and tell Denny that
my life's been changed by Jesus.

And you think they'll believe you? They're not gonna know. God will. Well lucky for me,

God doesn't exist.

Anyways, I'm gonna be going so I'll see
you back at the tent.

It was like I knelt there and God entered
my very body and sat beside my soul. Right

Ann! are you alright?
I'm fine Stu, I just want to find Frank

Now all that remains is that you
bend the knee

and I hereby name you a member of the
Order committed to the cause forevermore

and here you must swear your allegiance
to the cause and its eternal mission to

save the world to prevent the beginning
of the end

Jane, you've got to say I swear. Oh, oh right I swear I guess.

Then that's it you may rise, you are now a

member of the order, a soldier of the
cause. What are those wristbands? Did you not

get a wristband? Apparently not. Well go
get her one! I don't think I brought any...

I told you, always be carrying wristbands! Has Ann got one? She's not even a proper

member! We meant to give you one at the
church. I'm so jealous right now.

What do they say? Deus in manus vestras. What's that? It's Latin. for what?

It means, God is in your hands! Alright,
they're pretty ugly, and I don't really know

what they mean, but I really want one. You couldn't find any?

No, I didn't know I was meant to bring any!
And why don't you have any?

Well that's it, it's just fucking typical
isn't it. We could post you One! Yeah

sure we could post it to you! Yeah what's
your address? Can you just stop? Somehow I

don't think wristbands are the most
important thing right now, and I don't

know about you but I'd actually like to
get out of this fucking forest and go home.

No wait a minute, I wanna know the plan like I was promised. The plans a load of
crap!

Ann, seriously! Just email it to her!
No Ann! Fine, forget it, I'm going.

Stuart, the folder please. Yep, it's in there!

Ann! You didn't have to rush off like that. I
don't need to hear Denny's Looney plan again Stu!

I know it's a bit much...
A bit much?

It's the ravings of a fanatical bigoted
lunatic in a pretty red folder.

He's only exaggerating! Well you say that Stu but maybe you weren't there when he was

swinging his sword at Frank like he was
some sort of flying that needed to be swatted

Well, he can't be any more of a lunatic than
Frank! What do you mean? Well I mean he

was dancing around dressed as an apple.
He's just confused, he has his reasons.

Denny has his reasons too, he's trying to
save the world, and if a few people have

to die and suffer then so be it. He wants to
kill Frank Stu. No, Denny is not going

to kill Frank Ann - if he did then why
would he bring you along, it just

doesn't make sense. We want to help, Ann, we want to help you, we want to help Frank.

And if that means we have to kidnap him on the way then... That's the way it has to be...

And then, we just follow the three-step
plan to rehabilitation. Oh yeah, and I

can't wait to hear that.
Frank isn't hurting anyone - but he is

hurting people, with his words, anyone and
everyone who listens to him. But anything he

does he does it with a good heart. Then he's a lot like Denny then, except, that

Denny is right.

Ann, let us help.

Give us a chance. Alright,
but Denny better fucking tone it down.

Thank you Ann.
I'm going to the car.

You guys are fucking lunatics, I love it! You two alright? Oh, we're fine!

Denny, in future, no swords of any kind alright?
Okay, no swords. I like the sword.

No, no fucking swords! Alright! Fine,
what's the plan anyways? Where do we find Frank?

We look for Jesus... Why didn't we
look for Jesus to begin wit, you know

when we're not in the middle of a
fucking forest? Because it's somewhat

easier to capture a man in the middle of
a forest than it is when he's preaching

to his devout followers in the middle of
town. How many are there?

About three regulars usually, at least.
Doesn't seem like there's much of a chance of his

returning after that Fiasco though.
And we're running out of time.

What's the time limit? Oh, I don't know, just the end of the fucking world. Got it.

He usually preaches in the center of town, by a church there, I don't know, I'll email you when I get all

the details all right we'll sort
everything out

Alright, is that it? I suppose. Well I'll see
you guys soon then. See you soon Ann!

Ann! Can I speak to you for a second?
What is it? I don't know I just um, I just

wanted to say sorry for today and
everything going wrong and me swinging

my sword around at Frank and et cetera.
It's fine.

Good, are you sure? Yeah Denny just forget
about it. Alright, good. Is that it?

While we're chatting - Jane, what do you think of her? I hate her,

with a passion, is that not obvious?
I just I honestly think she's alright.

Yeah, I'm not surprised
she seems just your type in that she's

female and exists. I don't know she just
seems like a sweet girl. She's not sweet

there's nothing sweet about her.
Nice then. Not nice, you think she's hot

because she's a slutty bitch. No! Come on Ann...

What has she ever done to you anyway? Nothing.
Well then what's the problem?

I don't see why I should have to like her when she's
never liked me, she's only here cause she's

trying to piss me off.
Or maybe, maybe, she's here because she

wants to help. You can think whatever you
like Denny, I don't care at this point.

I guess I'll see you later then. Yeah whatever

it's not exactly sunny. It's a disguise.
Not a good one, we're not in Hawaii, we're

not exactly gonna blend in by wearing them.
Just put them on, never hurts to be cautious.

So how are you Ann?
I'm fine thank you.

How about you? Yeah good yeah...
Ann do you know how long Jane will be?

No why would I?

Dunno I just thought it'd be worth asking.
Well she'll be late, she always is, I

wouldn't expect her anytime soon, doesn't
really matter when Frank isn't even here.

He actually likes to go by Jesus two now

Two? Where did the two come from?
I'm assuming, from him being the second

coming of Jesus. Right, well when's he gonna be here?
Well he's usually here by now but

seeing as we scared him in the forest, he's probably not going to come at all.

He'll be here.
What if he isn't? Stuart, he'll come. He better.

Probably doesn't think we're stupid
enough to follow him around in public like this.

And we wouldn't, unless we didn't have any other options.

It's like when we followed him home,
You followed him home?

And where is his home exactly? In the
forest, in that tent, or at least it was

I have a feeling he's moved by now.
We could follow him to where he is now? No.

Ann, do you think I'm right?
No, I'm with Denny, I'm fed up of all this messing about.

Seriously? Yes

People, people, do not fret, seriously enough fretting.

Jesus two is here!

Ann how long do you think jane will be?

now listen up you so-called people

Ann. Ann! What? How long will Jane be?

I don't know, she's probably still in
bed, how late was she last time like 15

minutes? Well that was pretty good for
her, she's normally like 30 minutes late for work at least.

Why don't they fire her? Why do you
think Stu? Because our boss is an old perry man.

Oh yeah, okay yeah I get it.
I was kind of hoping she'd be here to assist

with the plan to be honest. Quite frankly
Denny I think your so-called plan in

honesty is fucking ridiculous and
equally likely to fail with or without Jane.

To be fair Ann, the speaker thing wasn't Denny's idea. What? Yeah, Jane came up with it.

Oh great, that's fucking brilliant, she's in command is she?

Well I don't see any brilliant ideas from you.
Why can't I just go and talk to him?

Cause a lot has changed Ann, he's a different person. It's only been a year.

And a lot can change in a year. Why
can't I just talk to him and if it

doesn't work then we can follow Jane's
ludicrous plan. No we'll stick to our plan,

your plan can be the backup, okay?
What do you mean?

Listen, Stuart and I will head round the
back of the church and we'll start the

sound effects, you'll wait at least five
minutes okay?

And if he doesn't head round the back of
the church, then you can do whatever you

want to do. Fine. We'll meet you around
the back of the church as soon as he

gets round there alright? Yes.

I told you many times before but I'll say
it once again, I ain't just your Jesus, if

you understand then you will call me
henceforth, Jesus two!

Ooh-a-ooh I am Jesus Two!

And I am here to bring love to you!!

Ooh-a-ooh I am Jesus Two!

And I am here to bring love to you, and you

Dooby-doo I am Jesus Two, and I'm the messiah who is brand spanking new!

Dooby-doo, yeah I am Jesus Two, and if you want salvation better get in the queue!

You look at me, and what do you see? A son of God, acting carefree!

And all around things are falling down, but on my face you will see no frown

because ooh-a-ooh I am Jesus Two!

Stop it!!

Shut up! Shut up!

Ann, will you get the rope from the -

Stuart's bag please. Ann get Stuart's - Get the rope!

Fine, I'll do it myself!

Frank, Frank can you hear me?

You're moving like a little fish!

Umm, Denny, could you get me the duck tape please?

Yeah, could you rip off a piece for me? Yeah just a little, enough to cover his mouth.

You really shouldn't have worn a goatee.

yeah I think we did good there Denny.

You alright there Ann? Didn't want to help with

the rope at all, yeah? I bet Jane would have bloody helped.

Yeah well Jane didn't fucking show up did she?
I think we could do with the disguises.

Hold him then! I am!

Remind me Denny, what the fuck was it we're meant to be?

Roman soldiers. Oh great, because for a second there I thought we were going as tourists in Disneyland.

I thought they were pretty good.
They'll do the job, alright? Oh definitely,

it doesn't even look slightly suspicious
on us. Just put the disguise on Ann! No!

Listen Ann, snap out of it okay? All we
need to do is get Frank out of here and

you can bitch and moan all you like
alright? When in Rome Ann.

We're not in fucking Rome.

Can I speak to him now?
I don't think that's a good idea

Well why not? I just don't... How is he?
Oh he's all right Stuart, just a little

bit upset you know considering he's been
kidnapped and all

Good to see you Jane! You too, sorry I missed the whole kidnapping thing, I slept in. Though my plan went perfectly I assume?

Yeah, yeah, it was fine. Good.

So how are you Jane?
Fine. I'm still waiting on that wristband though.

Did you even send it to her Stuart?
Yes I posted it the other day! First class or second?

I don't know, does it matter?
Yes it matters otherwise there wouldn't

be a division between the two postage stamps now would there?
Alright, alright it was

second okay? They were the only stamps I
had. Why didn't you just... Give me one in person?

Why couldn't we just give her one in person Stuart? You told me to mail it!
get Jane a wristband! Denny I've had enough

of your bullshit I want to talk to Frank.
I know Ann, and I don't have a problem with

that it's just you need to let him calm
down first.

What if I speak to him?

How is that that gonna help?
Well he doesn't know who I am so I might be able to talk him down

why don't I speak to him first, since I missed the whole kidnapping thing? No no none of this is gonna help just everyone just

shut the fuck up please.

Denny, I'm going in there.
No you're not!

So what Denny? What do you mean what
What are we doing here? We're waiting.

What about the three-step plan to
rehabilitation?

Yeah Denny, why don't you tell us all about this three step plan you have to save Frank.

Oh, you don't want to hear about that yet
it's just, you don't need to worry about it alright?

Oh, great, thanks that but I think I'd rather know if you don't mind

exactly what you're planning.
Oh it's fine honestly look it's not a

precise plan yet.
It was a precise plan before, it was a very

precise three step plan to rehabilitation,
so let's fucking hear it. The plan is in

constant development and I can't do much
about that okay? Well let's just hear it

as it is now. Fine. Step one then.
Step one was to capture him, and we've done that so -

Not sure that counts but fine, step two.
Step two was to wipe his mind.

And what super spy gadget will you be
using for that then? Right, forget it, I

knew you'd be like this Ann. No go on, I
want to hear all three steps of this

fabulous rehabilitation regime.
You can be such a bitch sometimes Ann.

Step three, shoot. Step three was to
relocate him, in a small village in

Scotland somewhere. And you thought I'd
be alright with that did you? Well if it

means that much to you, you can go with
him. He doesn't need a new identity Denny

he's Frank, not Jesus two. Try telling him
that! I'm trying but someone won't let me through!

I can't, not yet

Right then, that's that.

It's about time, that while we wait that we
celebrate! What are we celebrating, kidnap?

Yes, successful kidnap, you got him didn't
you?

Why don't I go and get the wine? Red or
white Denny? Oh, what do you prefer?

Red of course, malbec if you have it.
Might do, I'll see what I can do!

On second thought, he may need a hand carrying those glasses

Ann, don't do it seriously. Why not?
Because if Danny comes back I hate to

think what he'd do. And what about what
he'll do if I don't help Frank. He told

you he has a plan. He doesn't have the
resources to wipe someone's fucking mind

Stuart. Well he's working on it! Working on
it how? He's lost it all right?

Oh it's my dad, did you want to say hi?

Alright son, how's it going? Thought I better check how you were, and where you were!

Yeah it's fine actually, yeah I'm here
with Denny, and Ann, did you want to say hi?

The one and only Ann Pomeroy! How could I say no!

Hello there, I'm Stu's dad, he's told me all about you!

Nice to meet you!

Hope you lot aren't getting up to too much mischief there!

Oh, only if you count kidnapping as mischief.

Very funny! So when you coming round to our new place then eh? Have a proper introduction!

Oh, umm, that'd be great, would love to.
We'll have you round for dinner yeah? I make a mean beef bourguignon don't I lad?

He does! I'm sure..

Haven't unpacked all the glasses yet so it'll have to be wine from a plastic cup, but other than that it'll be good to finally meet you.

Mmmm... Yeah, yeah, sounds great - I've just got to pop to the bathroom actually

Alright, not a problem, see you soon then eh?

Yep. Cheer up Ann. Hey! Malbec! Let's get
pished!

I feel like we should really be drinking cider
in honor of capturing Frank.

Yes, yes you're so right
Wait, why? Come on Stuart.

Cider Stuart, what's it made of?
Oh yeah I get it now, you don't have to be so patronizing

where's the cider then? I don't have any
Why not? Well I always feel like it's

a bit too apple-y.
Ah yes, unsurprisingly

Hey guys guess what I just remembered?
What? Frank's video camera. Have you got it?

Yeah, just wait. What's on it?
Wait a minute!

Ann? Are you alright?

No, I'm not.

I think she needs more to drink.
Honestly I just want to talk to Frank

And you know what, I don't even think I
like red wine. White wine then?

Denny have you got any white wine in the fridge? White wine? Sure I got white wine!
sure Wow

Ann, d'you want white wine?

Okay you better be ready for this I think I've got it.

Bloody hell, fancy!

That's enough, that's fine.

Ann, I'm sorry. Don't be sorry.
But I am, I'm not the man that I know you

once loved. Yes you are Frank, you've just
lost yourself. I'm not Frank I'm Jesus Two.

Why did you run away from me? I'm sorry
for that - Why did you run?

Because I didn't want you to see me like this, because I wanted to forget to you

because I had to become the Messiah!
You're not Jesus.

No, no I'm Jesus Two - No you're not.
I'm sorry if you don't believe me but I am

and you now, hanging around with those
heathens, back to the life of a Holy

Redeemer
they just said they'd help me find you

I'm not with them. Good, because let me
tell you right now those three are not

going to heaven, but you Ann, you could
still be saved. Right, and you'll be my

Savior will you? I can be more than that,
I'm not just Christ I'm Christ Two - And

that means I'd have to become a Christ-two-ian? You don't have to become anything, Ann

Just stay good

What are you all planning to do with me?
I don't know, Denny said he wants to

rehabilitate you.
But please, tell me you won't let him. No.

Let me go then, and I promise you I can I can offer you a priority pass to heaven, front

of the queue! I'd like to think I can get
there by myself. Money then - I've got a

shit-ton of money, I mean I could fill a whole bloody pool with... Money.

No you can't, and besides I don't want money.
Then what the fuck do you want

I just want you back, I just want things to go back to how they were, because I don't know anymore...

I don't know what I am without you.

You don't need me Ann. I do, I just don't
understand what's happened to you

I saw the light, that's all and if
you let me out of here I promise you I

can explain everything. Ann, what are you
doing? I'm just talking to Frank.

Ann you need to get the heck out of here before Denny sees you
In a minute... Ann, get out of here now!

We're watching this idiot dance out there anyway

wait a minute, Ann's in this

Turn it off. Turn it off!!

Well that was...

I mean - Jane stop. Stop what?
Stop talking for one goddamn minute!

Ann! Please don't.
Is there a problem? Yes, and it's called

blasphemy. I need another drink. I don't
think we've got any more wine.

Then we drink spirits, because we're simply not pissed enough
If you say so, yeah.

Come on then

me and Denny are popping upstairs for a
minute, and Danny's gonna show me his

real sword

That video - I don't want to talk about it.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Sure

I'm leaving now. You're letting me go?
And taking you with me, yes. Okay if you get me -

First I need you to promise me something.
Promise you what? I don't care

who it is that you think you are now but
whoever is that I'm talking to I need

you to promise me that you won't betray
me I need to know that I can trust you

so I can bring back my Frank.
Alright, I get it, I promise

and if I do betray you, you can slap me
around the face!

Alright. Now let me out of these!

Is that the way out?

Ann!

Frank! Frank!

the time is quarter to twelve and the
weather is looking pretty gloomy, it's

the perfect day for staying inside if
you possibly can

lots of fog overhead and while the sun
may peak through later, it's not exactly

the best day for a teddy bear picnic. Wrap up warm and make sure you get your five a day.

Hi there, my name is Dicky Pearson, and I
admit it, I have an addiction.

It's something I've suffered with for as
long as I can remember, because I spend

all day doing it I spend all night
thinking about it. I am addicted, addicted...

To cleaning your windows! But not just
to cleaning your windows, also to offering you

the lowest most insane prices for window
cleaning you have ever seen! But it

doesn't stop there, because windows are
my life. I also can't sleep unless I am

there at your door within an hour of
your call, 24 hours a day. So damn it,

call Dicky Pearson's window cleaning
company, because only Dicky comes in under an hour.

Half an hour even, I'm not doing
anything else.

I'm just here waiting.

What are you doing? I'm eating.

An apple?
Yes? Why? Why am i eating an apple? Yeah.

It's just an apple, I don't get your issue
Where are your parents?

I'm not four, I'm allowed out the house of my own.
And you leave the house, to be by

yourself, to eat an apple? Yes what is your deal? I will call the police on you! Will you?

Yes, if you just want the Apple then take the goddamn apple!
I don't want the Apple I

just want an answer that makes sense!
What is your problem?

I just want to be in this park, on my own,
eating this Apple. Right, of course you do.

Sorry to bother you.

Hey what the hell do you think you're
doing... Frank?

Who? Frank what on earth are you doing here?

Nothing, I was just passing by and I -
Get up. What for

Just get up. How long have you been
following me for? Watching me?

Not long I... I'm... sorry

Can we please go in? For teas? Why couldn't we have just gone for tea in the first

place. Why did you have to run from me again?

I didn't want to, I just got scared. Scared?!

I wanted to apologize, I want to make

amends, give you some of the answers you
wanted. Don't run away from me

ever again. Understood.

You wouldn't have any biscuits, would you?
No. That's fine, that's okay.

Do you want to explain yourself?
I wasn't trying to be a creep or anything, following you

around, I... I was just keeping an eye on
you. Why couldn't you just talk to me Frank,

that's all I wanted.
Sometimes talking is the hardest thing

and I'm not Frank it's Jesus two. No it's
not. I wanted to thank you letting me go

the other day. Well the best way to have
shown your appreciation would have been

not to run. Well, whatever the case, I'm
here now, and I'm ready to answer your

questions, as best I can.
Alright, did you call the police? On Denny? Yeah.

No I didn't. Really? well I try not to hold
any grudges, especially against kidnappers.

That's very Jesus of you...
You know Ann, I know that this isn't the question that

you're asking but I think you should know I'm not a Jesus impersonator I don't just

think that I'm Jesus. No? Where's your
outfit today then? I can wear whatever I

want, people are just more accustomed to the

conventional Jesus look but I'm not an
impersonator and I am NOT delusional either.

Are you sure? Yes, I really am
Jesus Ann, Jesus Two - I know you're

struggling to believe me and I don't
blame you

but dad did send me down here to deal
with the end of the world! Your dad being

God right? Yes!
So what exactly happened to Jesus one?

Oh, he's my brother, dad doesn't trust him anymore with these

kind of things he's been drinking - Jesus
fucking Christ Frank, what is wrong with

you? What happened have you lost your mind?

Do you remember who you were? I remember Ann.
Well what do you remember? I remember us

I remember we grew up together, I
remember we spent every day together, I

remember loving you... But we were young
then. It's only been a year. And a lot can

change in a year, in a day even, when God
called upon me that's the day I ran away,

everything changed. How? When I woke up
that morning, all I saw was light, a

guiding presence that told me who I am,
who I always was, and that's when I was

sent forth on a mission to save the rest
of mankind, Jesus two style! Alright, well I

guess it's time for the burning question
then... If you really are Jesus - Jesus Two.

Right, if you really are Jesus Two, then I
guess there's just one question.

You want to uh... Yes, why you, Jesus two, son of God, would be in the middle of a forest

in an apple costume. Well, everyone's
gotta have a hobby! So Jesus one was into

carpentry and Jesus two, a dancing apple?
I don't think... It just makes me happy Ann.

Do you remember where you got it from? No... I just found it one day... Is that it?

Yes... I think so
Fine, forget it. Ann, I'm sorry about Frank

I'm sorry I can't be Frank for you anymore

but I want you to know that I am a son
of God because I want you to know that

Denny's little gang, all of you, you're
all too late to save the world. What do

you mean? I mean these Holy Redeemers
aren't helping people they are

escalating things. What they don't
realise, Ann, is that nothing they do

matters, that the end of the world comes
when we say it does and by the looks of

things I think it's about time. Well then
what the hell are you doing following me

around? Why aren't you preparing for the
end of days? Because Ann, if only for the

sake of Frank, I think you can still be
saved, because even though Frank is gone

I want to give you Jesus Two! I don't want
Jesus two. When the time comes, you will.

When I next see you, Ann, it will be the
end of the world.

Save the world!
Oh, Ann, it's great to see you...

Not very convincing Denny. No seriously.
Still trying to shift the wristbands I see?

Oh it's not hard, Ann, people love wristbands. Do you want another one?
That'd be great thanks

Uncool. You have thousands.

It doesn't make it any less uncool.
You need to grow the fuck up Denny.

Yeah whatever Ann. You need to stop with
this bullshit, do something useful for once.

Ann, you don't seem to understand if
I give this up, the whole world dies.

No it fucking doesn't Denny. I wanted to go
bowling finally but Denny's made me come

and hand out these wristbands instead.
And you are meant to be at work! So are you.

Not for an hour, and I'm on my way at
least.

Where's Stuart? I don't know he got a
little bit depressed after you let Frank

beat him up, he said he was gonna jump
off a cliff for something. What?!

He doesn't mean it. How'd you know that?
I don't know, he just needs time to think or a

moment or whatever you know.
What a good friend you are, we need to find him!

Why? Well, to stop him jumping off a cliff,
come on drop the wristbands and let's go

Do you want one first?

Come on Ann! Move on Denny! Now where is Stuart most likely to be?

Wait, what's going on? We're trying to stop you killing yourself Stu.

Oh! I wasn't actually going to jump, no my dad would kill me. See I told you.

There must be something wrong Stu.
Well yes there kind of is. I didn't like the way that

you and Frank beat me up. I'm sorry Stu, but it wasn't my fault It kind of was, you did let him go.

Alright, I'm sorry. s

There is a way you could make it up to me Ann...

What? You could go on a date with me,
you could have dinner with me and my dad.

I can't Stu, I don't want to go out with
you, and I don't want to lead you on either.

It's my accent isn't it?
No no it's not, we're just not compatible alright?

You can be such a bitch sometimes Ann.
Sorry. Oh, stop saying sorry!

I have a compromise, why don't we all go bowling?
Tonight? Yeah. Sure,

though now I need to be at work and so
do you. I'm taking a sick day. Alright.

Right I better be off then. Alright, well we'll text you then. Alright.

The time is five to twelve and the weather today is fairly regular across the board there

are some spots of Sun in the East but
it's mostly cloudy weather around the

rest of the country, only a little bit of
that pitter-patter rain here and there.

It's looking as though the weather
should be improving at least as we enter

the weekend though so wrap up warm for
now but keep those sunglasses at the ready.

Up next, we're gonna be playing a requested song from an up and coming local artist. It's quite catchy though we

rather like this one.

What the fuck are you doing? I'm here for
you Ann!

How long have you been here? Not long. How the fuck did you get in my house?

Oh I just, just climbed through the window, I thought it'd be more dramatic if I descended the

stairs at the end of the world, you know?
And this smoke, is this your doing?

Everything is my doing Ann, I'm Jesus Two!
What the fuck is going on.

It's the end of days Ann, I've come to get you, I promised!

And take me where? To salvation! And
what if I don't want your salvation?

What do you mean?
Well what if I don't want to go with you?

If you stay here, Ann, you'll burn... But if you
come with me then - You don't seem to quite

get it Mr. Jesus Two - I don't want to go
anywhere with you! So you're saying no, no

to me? No to eternal salvation?
I'm telling you to fuck off!

You don't understand, you don't know what
you're doing! No I don't think you

understand Mr. Jesus Two, I'm telling you to fuck off out of my house and yet you're

still here!

Can I at least get my speaker from upstairs?
Fuck off!

Frank! Wait!

Do you remember the promise you made? Back at Denny's? I said I wouldn't

double-cross you. And do you remember what you said I could do, if you did? now wait a second, I can -

You alright mate?