An Ordinary Family (2011) - full transcript

>> OH!

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> YOU LITTLE MONKEYS!

>> WE GOT YOU!

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> COME HERE!

I'M GONNA GET YOU.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HUH?

SNEAKING UP ON THE OLD MAN, HUH?

THERE YOU GO.

YOU BETTER GET TO HOME BASE.



YOU BETTER GET THERE.

[ LAUGHS ]

THERE YOU GO.

ANNIE, JACK, LET'S GET OUT OF

THE TUB.

COME ON.

YOUR UNCLE'S HERE.

LET'S GO.

UNCLE SETH'S HERE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> I'M GETTING READY TO MEET

YOUR MAKER.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

YEAH.



CAN YOU JUST TONE IT DOWN A

LITTLE BIT?

I'M NERVOUS.

>> OKAY.

YOU OUGHT TO CHANGE THAT SHIRT,

THEN.

>> YOU PICKED THIS SHIRT OUT FOR

ME.

>> WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS

GONNA BE SO TIGHT ON YOU.

YOU PUT ON A LITTLE.

>> I DID NOT.

YOU PUT IT IN THE DRYER, AND IT

MADE IT --

>> I SHOULD HAVE PUT IT IN THE

TRASH.

>> YOU -- [ SCOFFS ]

>> GOOD JOB, CHRIS.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> CHRIS, YOU GOT TO TAKE THE

SEEDS OUT.

TAKE THE SEEDS OUT.

>> HE'S SO METICULOUS.

>> I CAN'T FOCUS.

>> WELL, GO TURN DOWN THE AIR.

YOU ARE SWEATING LIKE --

>> I'M SWEATING LIKE A --

>> LIKE A PIG.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> THANKS.

>> LOOK AT THAT TUB OVER THERE.

>> IT'S PALM SUNDAY.

>> [ Laughing ] I KNOW.

SEE, IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S NOT

ALWAYS HOT.

WE SOMETIMES KEEP IT COOL.

>> GREAT, LIKE A TEPID TUB.

>> LIKE A TEPID TUB, YEAH.

>> THAT'S GREAT.

>> SO, HEY, LISTEN, UM...

I'M NOT SURE THAT EVERYONE

KNOWS.

>> THAT YOU'RE COMING HOME OR

THAT YOU'RE COMING OUT?

>> THAT -- YOU KNOW, ABOUT --

YES.

ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION.

>> THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME?

>> NO, NOT EXACTLY.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

>> WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A

WHINER?

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.

>> NO, I'M SORRY.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

>> SON OF A BITCH.

>> I'M REALLY SORRY.

>> Both: HEY!

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> OH, HI.

GOODNESS.

>> HI, MOM.

HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> OH.

>> GOOD.

HEY, MOM, THIS IS -- THIS IS

WILLIAM.

>> HELLO, MOM.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'VE, UH, HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.

>> THIS IS SARAH.

>> SARAH.

>> HI!

>> IS THERE SOMEBODY ELSE HERE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YEAH, THERE IS.

>> WHO?

>> SETH'S HERE!

>> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

>> HEY.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

>> HEY.

>> HEY, CHRIS.

HI, MATTIE.

>> WELCOME HOME.

>> HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, OKAY, EVERYBODY.

THIS IS MY FRIEND WILLIAM.

MEET WILLIAM.

SAY HELLO.

>> HELLO.

>> HI.

>> THAT'S CHRIS, SHARON, MY

SISTER.

THIS IS ANNIE.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE.

>> IT IS A LOT OF PEOPLE.

>> LET ME SHOW YOU.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> SO, GOOD. YOU SEE THE --

>> I'LL SHOW YOU THE VIEW.

>> HI, THOMAS.

>> HEY.

>> SO, I'M GONNA GO HEAD OUT

THERE WITH THEM.

>> OKAY.

>> GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.

>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YEAH.

>> SO, WHAT WAS THAT?

>> HE'S HOME.

HEAVENLY FATHER, WE THANK YOU

THAT WE CAN BE HERE TOGETHER.

WE THANK YOU FOR THIS DAY.

WE THANK YOU FOR THIS FOOD THAT

IS IN FRONT OF US.

WE PRAY THIS IN THE NAME OF THE

FATHER AND THE SON AND THE

HOLY SPIRIT.

AMEN.

>> All: AMEN.

>> AMEN.

>> TELL ME, WHAT KIND OF THINGS

DO YOU DO IN GYMNASTICS?

>> I DO JUMP SPLITS.

>> JUMP SPLITS.

>> I JUMP, AND THEN WHEN I HIT

THE GROUND, I DO A MIDDLE SPLIT.

>> AND CAN YOU DO A BANANA

SPLIT?

>> YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> SALAD, RIGHT?

>> HUH?

>> THERE IS SALAD FOR DINNER.

>> YEAH, I'LL HAVE SALAD WITH

THE SPAGHETTI.

>> MAYBE. YEAH.

THREE WEEKS OLD IS THE YOUNGEST,

AND WE GO UP TO AGE THREE.

>> WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

>> OH, IT'S WONDERFUL.

>> YOU DO IT EVERY DAY?

>> I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME

FEEL YOUNG.

EVERY SUNDAY, AND THEN WHEN THEY

HAVE SPECIAL MEETINGS.

>> A NEIGHBOR THAT CALLED IN

THIS COMPLAINT.

HE HEARD SOME WHIMPERING AND

SOME -- SOME GROWLING AND SOME

SCRATCHING, SO I WENT OUT THERE.

AND, LIKE, THEY WEREN'T HOME, SO

LIKE, I BUSTED IN THROUGH THE

BACKYARD, LIKE, JUMPED OVER THE

FENCE.

>> WHAT WAS IT?

>> AND, UH, THERE WAS A -- THERE

WAS A -- LIKE A TARP LAYING IN

THE BACK, AND I LIFTED IT UP,

AND THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PIT

BULLS IN THIS PIT.

>> OH.

>> AND THEY SAW ME AS SOON AS I

OPENED THAT THING, AND THEY JUST

CAME RUNNING OUT.

[ GROWLS ]

>> OH! [ LAUGHS ]

>> IT WAS RIDICULOUS.

SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

>> THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT --

I'M SORRY, BUT IT SCARED ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T SIT NEXT

TO EACH OTHER.

>> I DON'T -- I SHOULDN'T

HAVE --

>> WHO IS HE?

>> WHO IS -- THAT'S WILLIAM.

>> YEAH, I'M WILLIAM.

THIS IS SETH.

WE'RE, UH...FRIENDS.

>> WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS.

VERY GOOD FRIENDS.

>> WE MET ON CHATROULETTE.

IT WAS LIKE LOVE FROM THE WAIST

DOWN.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> Stop.

NO. WE MET -- WE MET --

>> I WAS TYPING.

I WAS -- I HAD POSTED AN AD.

I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY.

>> WE MET ONLINE.

>> YOU TELL THEM.

>> YEAH, WE MET ONLINE.

>> OKAY.

>> YEAH.

>> I WANTED TO MEET SOMEBODY

THAT WAS, YOU KNOW, NOT WORKING

NEAR ME, BUT SOMEBODY THAT, UM,

I COULD BE FRIENDS WITH, AND

SO --

>> YOU KNOW, SOMETIME EARLY --

LATE -- EARLY, UH, FALL.

IT WAS BEFORE DAD --

>> YEAH, SO WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER

FOR LIKE A YEAR, LIKE, A LITTLE

OVER A YEAR, SO...

>> YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE YOU'RE A

GAY COUPLE.

>> Shut up.

>> [ COUGHS ]

>> WHAT?

>> UM, WE'RE HAPPY.

WE'RE A HAPPY...COUPLE.

>> YEAH, SO...

THOMAS, HOW ARE THINGS FOR YOU?

>> HEY, MOM?

THE KIDS ARE GETTING KIND OF

TIRED.

MAYBE THEY COULD, UM...

>> YOU WANT TO TAKE -- YOU WANT

TO GO WITH GRANDMA?

YOU WANT TO GO PLAY UPSTAIRS?

>> I WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS.

>> GOODNIGHT, MOM.

>> BYE, KIDS.

>> LATER, KIDS.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

SEE YOU LATER!

>> BYE, UNCLE SETH.

>> NIGHT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

THEY ARE SO CUTE.

>> YEAH.

>> EXCUSE ME, WILLIAM.

>> YEAH?

>> I'M VERY HAPPY THAT YOU'RE

HERE WITH MY BROTHER.

>> SEE?

>> BUT I WANT TO MAKE IT VERY

CLEAR THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS

I'D RATHER WE NOT TALK ABOUT IN

FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.

LIKE MEETING ONLINE, ALL RIGHT?

>> THOMAS.

>> I MEAN --

>> I-I'M SORRY.

>> FROM THE WAIST DOWN?

>> IT WAS JUST A JOKE.

>> BUT THEN WHEN THEY ASK, WHAT

AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT?

>> HE WORKS WITH KIDS ALL THE

TIME.

HE WOULD NEVER DO --

>> I STEPPED OUT OF LINE.

I JUST WANTED SETH TO LAUGH.

I'M SORRY.

I JUST --

>> Shh.

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

>> I'M -- I'M SORRY.

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

>> THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH

ME.

>> OH, YEAH?

>> ALL RIGHT, I'M TRYING TO

PROCESS SOME UNEXPECTED NEWS

RIGHT NOW, ALL RIGHT?

I'M SORRY, WILLIAM, THAT WE HAVE

TO SAY THIS IN FRONT OF YOU.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA BE

HERE, ALL RIGHT?

>> WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS

THE VERY FIRST NIGHT WE WALK IN

THE DOOR?

YOU CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH A

MEAL.

>> DON'T START WITH ME ON THAT.

>> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WERE

AFRAID OF!

>> COME ON, LET'S GO.

COME ON. WE'RE LEAVING.

>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE KIDS!

>> YOU JUST GOT HERE.

>> I'M SORRY, MATTIE.

WE'RE LEAVING.

>> SETH, I DIDN'T --

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

>> WELL, I'M GONNA GO TRY AND

TALK TO HIM.

>> [ SIGHS ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> YOU GUYS DON'T LET THEM GO

ONLINE?

>> NO, THEY DO GO ONLINE.

>> WELL?

>> CHRIS, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND

ANYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED?

>> CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?

>> YOU KNOW, SETH AND WILLIAM

ARE A GAY COUPLE?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> IT'S NOT A JOKE.

>> NO WAY.

'CAUSE SETH'S STRAIGHT AS SHIT.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> HELP ME CLEAN UP.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> YOU FINISHED?

>> CAN I HAVE MORE SPAGHETTI?

>> NO.

YOU HAD ENOUGH.

>> THEY'RE GONE.

>> WELL, OF COURSE THEY'RE GONE.

>> WELL, I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE

TO SAY ANYTHING TO THEM.

>> YOU JUST CHASED THEM OUT OF

HERE, THOMAS.

>> I DIDN'T CHASE THEM OUT.

>> YOU CHASED THEM OUT OF HERE

WITH WHAT YOU SAID.

>> I WAS SIMPLY TRYING TO MAKE

IT CLEAR WHAT I EXPECTED WHILE

HE'S HERE.

I THINK I HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY

WHAT I FEEL ABOUT WHAT IS SAID

IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.

>> NOTHING WAS SAID IN FRONT OF

THE CHILDREN THAT THEY HAVE ANY

UNDERSTANDING OF, SO YOU DON'T

NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

>> WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO

WHEN THEY START ASKING ABOUT IT?

>> WE TELL THEM THAT UNCLE SETH

IS WITH WILLIAM.

>> WHAT AM I GONNA TELL MOM?

>> THE SAME THING.

EVERYONE CAN HANDLE THAT.

>> NO, I MEAN, WHAT AM I GONNA

TELL MOM ABOUT THE FACT THAT

THEY LEFT?

>> WE'RE GONNA GO FIND THEM.

>> WHAT?

>> WE'RE GONNA GO FIND THEM.

WE'RE GONNA GO GET IN THE CAR,

AND WE'RE GONNA FIND THEM.

AND WE'RE GONNA TALK TO THEM,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO APOLOGIZE.

>> HOW ARE WE GOING TO GO FIND

THEM?

>> I BET THEY WENT TO THE GAY

BAR.

>> DON'T YOU EVER STOP?

>> [ SIGHS ] CHRIS.

>> LOOK AT THOSE FLAGS.

[ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ]

NOT SO MUCH.

>> THEY HAVE LIKE FIVE FLAGS UP.

>> OH, BUT THAT ONE'S --

>> OH, THEY'RE LOOKING AT US.

HELLO.

>> HEY.

I SAY NO. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

>> I SAY IT'S EMPTY. GO ON.

>> LET'S GO.

>> YEP.

>> IS THIS A --

>> YEAH. COME ON.

>> HEY, BOYS.

>> HOW YOU DOING?

>> GOT SOME I.D.?

>> THAT'S A BEAR.

>> DEFINITELY.

>> SETH!

>> AN I.D.?

>> SETH, HOLD ON.

>> WHAT IS HE --

>> THAT IS MY BROTHER.

>> OH, MY GOSH.

>> HEY.

>> LISTEN, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS.

SORRY.

I CAN'T HANDLE THIS MOMENT RIGHT

NOW.

>> SETH, COME ON.

WHAT IS HE, 12?

>> NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST -- I JUST THINK THAT HE

NEEDS SOME TIME ALONE.

THAT'S ALL.

BUT IF YOU COULD JUST LET ME

HANDLE THIS PIECE, PLEASE?

>> WILL HE COME BACK OUT?

>> I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'LL HOUND

HIM.

I'LL GET HIM.

JUST LET ME DO THIS RIGHT.

UM, I DON'T NEED TO --

>> TELL HIM I'M NOT GONNA YELL

AT HIM.

>> OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> COMING IN?

>> I CAN'T, YOU KNOW.

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> SEE THAT GUY?

>> YEAH, TOUCH HIM.

>> HE'S HUGE.

>> JUST TOUCH --

>> NO. HE'S --

>> OH! OH.

>> HEY.

>> HEY!

>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

>> I'M FINE.

>> HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO

US.

>> HE'LL TALK TO ME.

[ SIGHS ]

>> HE'LL TALK TO YOU.

>> I'M FINE.

>> NOT A WORD.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULDN'T

HAVE DONE?

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE KEPT HIM A

SECRET.

>> I TOLD YOU THAT.

>> I KNOW. I KNOW.

>> IT WAS HIS IDEA.

>> IT WAS NOT MY IDEA.

THAT WAS YOUR IDEA.

NO, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT

SUGGE-- DOESN'T MATTER.

>> IT WAS HIS IDEA.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH

LIQUOR.

>> NO, I CAN'T.

>> YEAH, HAVE ONE.

>> NO, I'M DRIVING.

>> COME ON, DRINK IT.

JUST GO FOR IT.

>> MMM.

>> OH, THAT'S -- THAT IS GOOD.

I SHOULDN'T 'CAUSE I'M -- I'M

DRIVING EVERYBODY.

>> WELL, THAT'S OKAY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

JUST STAY, HAVE A LITTLE DRINK

AND DANCE -- HAVE IT ALL.

>> NO, I GOT TO GO.

SO, YOU GUYS COME BACK, OKAY?

DON'T STAY IN A HOTEL.

HOW DO I GET OUT?

I GUESS I CAME FROM THIS WAY.

OKAY. BYE.

>> BYE.

>> HAVE FUN.

>> ISN'T SHE GREAT?

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> ALL THIS TIME, I'VE BEEN

BLAMING MYSELF, WONDERING WHY HE

DIDN'T COME HOME, WHY HE WASN'T

HERE AFTER HIS FATHER DIED.

I JUST MET THE FELLOW TODAY.

HE SEEMS NICE ENOUGH,

WORKS WITH CHILDREN.

[ SIGHS ]

I DON'T KNOW, DOLORES.

I...

NO, NO.

I DON'T MEAN THOMAS.

THOMAS ISN'T GAY.

IT'S SETH.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> SO, YOU'RE REALLY GONNA GO TO

SLEEP?

WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS?

>> THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE, YEAH.

>> OKAY.

OKAY.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

[ SIGHS ]

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THOMAS.

YOU CAN'T JUST GO TO BED.

>> LOOK, I KNOW THAT MY, UH,

BEHAVIOR WAS NOT...

GREAT TODAY.

>> UH-HUH.

YEAH.

>> MATTIE?

>> MM-HMM?

>> I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOUR BIG HEART AND THAT

YOU WANT TO EMBRACE EVERYBODY IN

EVERY WAY, ALL RIGHT?

BUT I DON'T LIKE BEING TRICKED.

I DIDN'T KNOW WILLIAM WAS

COMING.

YOU DID.

NEXT TIME, CAN YOU LET ME IN ON

THOSE KINDS OF THINGS?

>> HOW WOULD YOU HAVE ACTED IF

YOU HAD KNOWN?

IF I HAD TOLD YOU A FEW WEEKS

AGO?

>> I WOULD HAVE BEEN ANGRY.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN UPSET, BUT I

WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DEAL

WITH IT ON MY OWN TERMS ON MY

TIME.

AND NOW HERE WE ARE IN THE

MIDDLE OF A FAMILY VACATION, AND

I'VE GOT TO JUST COPE.

AND THAT'S NOT MY --

IT'S MY PROBLEM.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

>> IT'S MY FAULT.

>> YES, IT IS.

>> OH, OKAY.

NOTHING'S YOUR FAULT.

>> NO, THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE

MY FAULT.

I'M JUST SAYING THIS ISN'T ONE

OF THEM.

>> OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> SWEET DREAMS.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FALL ASLEEP.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE SWEET

DREAMS.

>> ALL RIGHT, TELL ME THIS --

HOW -- HOW -- HOW LONG HAVE YOU

KNOWN THAT WILLIAM WAS COMING?

>> UM...

ABOUT MAYBE...

A MONTH?

MAYBE -- YEAH, ABOUT A MONTH.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> HMM.

>> I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO

SETH.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN --

>> THEN TALK TO HIM!

>> HOW CAN I WITH WILLIAM ALWAYS

AROUND?

>> OH, YOU CAN SAY, "I WANT TO

TALK TO YOU WITHOUT WILLIAM

AROUND."

>> I MEAN, SEE, THAT'S THE

THING.

YOU -- YOU BOTH -- YOU TRY TO

ENGINEER THIS HOMECOMING, BUT

YOU DON'T GIVE US THE -- WHAT WE

NEED TO...

>> YOU MEAN WHAT YOU NEED.

>> NO, WHAT SETH AND I NEED.

WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT

ANYTHING.

>> OKAY, SO, THIS WEEK, YOU FIND

HIM AND YOU TALK TO HIM.

AND IT WOULD HELP IF YOU STARTED

BY BEING NICE --

>> GOOD LUCK, IF HE DOESN'T RUN

OFF TO ANOTHER BAR.

>> [ GROANS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

>> ALL RIGHT.

LET'S PLAY THE "WHAT IF" GAME.

>> OKAY.

WHAT IF...

WE WON A MILLION DOLLARS?

>> A MILLION DOLLARS?

>> YEAH, A MILLION DOLLARS.

>> UM...WOW.

WELL, FIRST THING I WOULD DO...

>> UH-HUH?

>> ...IS I WOULD MAKE THIS A

BIG, FAT DIAMOND.

>> OH. [ LAUGHS ]

A BIG, FAT DIAMOND?

HOW BIG?

>> HUMONGOUS.

YOUR FINGER WOULD PROBABLY LOOK

CRIPPLED AND YOU'D HAVE, LIKE,

A WEIRD MESSED-UP HAND.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

ARTHRITIS.

>> AND THEN THE NEXT THING I

WOULD DO IS PROBABLY GET A

BIGGER PENIS.

>> HEY. WE'RE HERE.

GO SIT DOWN.

>> LOOK AT YOU GUYS.

WHAT HAPPENED?

>> BUG IN MY NOSE.

>> Shh, Shh, Shh.

A BUG IN YOUR NOSE?

HALF IN MY NOSE, HALF NOT.

CAN I HAVE SOME?

>> YEAH, GET HIM A SPOON.

GET YOU BOTH SPOONS.

GET SPOONS.

ARE YOU OKAY?

>> YES!

>> GOD.

>> WHERE WOULD YOU GO IF YOU

COULD GO SOMEWHERE YOU'D --

YOU'D NEVER BEEN BEFORE?

>> THE MOON.

>> THE MOON?

WHY?

>> YOU KNOW, THEY ARE GONNA

START HAVING, YOU KNOW, NORMAL,

PUBLIC FLIGHTS, TRANSPORTATION.

>> [ Chuckling ] OKAY.

>> I'M SERIOUS.

>> OKAY, BUT, LIKE --

>> THEY'RE LIKE 250 GRAND A

TICKET.

>> BUT -- OKAY.

>> WE HAVE A MILLION DOLLARS.

THAT'S LIKE 500K THAT'S --

THAT'S -- THAT BARELY PUTS A

DENT IN IT.

>> OKAY, I MEAN, THAT'S

AFFORDABLE, BUT --

>> THAT'S HARDLY ANY.

>> AND ALL OF A SUDDEN --

>> SHE THROWS UP ALL OVER HIS

SHIRT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> PROJECTILE STRAWBERRIES.

>> AND HE NEEDS A NEW SHIRT FOR

SCHOOL PICTURE DAY, SO HE GOES

TO HIS BROTHER...

>> I GO TO THOMAS, AND I SAY,

"THOMAS, LET ME BORROW YOUR

SHIRT FOR THE PICTURE DAY."

AND HE SAYS, "NO."

>> SAYS, "NO."

>> "NO."

AND I HAVE TO GO AND GET ONE OUT

OF LOST AND FOUND.

>> HE'S NEVER GOTTEN OVER THIS.

>> AND THIS IS EXACTLY HOW HE

MADE ME FEEL TONIGHT -- JUST

STUPID.

NO, HE JUST -- IT WAS STUPID.

>> IT WAS SO STUPID.

THAT STORY'S SO STUPID.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> IT IS.

SUCH A STUPID STORY.

>> WHERE ARE WE SLEEPING, BY THE

WAY?

>> OH.

DID NOBODY TELL YOU GUYS?

>> MNH-MNH.

>> YOU GUYS ARE IN THE BASEMENT

ON THE COUCHES.

>> IS THIS THAT DUMB HOUSE RULE

THAT NO BOYFRIENDS OR

GIRLFRIENDS OR WHATEVER CAN

SLEEP --

>> YEAH.

>> THAT IS SO STUPID.

>> WE HAVE THAT RULE, TOO,

THOUGH.

>> MOST PEOPLE HAVE THAT RULE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOU GUYS CAN, YOU KNOW, LOOK AT

EACH OTHER ACROSS THE ROOM...

>> THAT'LL BE GREAT.

>> ...ON THE COUCH.

>> WELL, LET'S DO IT.

LET'S LOOK AWAY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

>> BYE.

>> GIVE ME SOME MORE KISSES.

>> GOOD NIGHT, MATTIE.

>> All: MWAH!

[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]

>> YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

>> PREPARING.

>> OH, ARE WE GONNA GET A

PERFORMANCE?

>> WE ARE.

>> IS THAT RIGHT?

>> ISN'T THIS WHY YOU FELL IN

LOVE WITH ME?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

YES, BECAUSE OF YOUR LIP CARE.

>> JUST GONNA LOOK FOR SOME

PROPS.

OH, I KNOW WHAT I CAN USE.

OH, THIS IS EVEN BETTER.

>> WHAT?

>> LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE --

>> IN DALLAS.

>> THE CLOSET.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, YEAH.

THIS WILL BE PERFECT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I'M GONNA NEED A LITTLE

DRUMROLL.

>> YOU NEED SOME DRUMROLL?

OKAY, OKAY. HERE I GO.

I MIGHT NEED TO TAKE SOME NOTES

ON THIS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR --

>> [ Southern accent ] AND OUT

OF DOOR NUMBER THREE WE HAVE

SETH, THE REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL,

COURTESY OF 1950.

>> I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT.

>> FULL OF BAGGAGE, FULL OF

SHIT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT...

>> NO, NO, NO.

ROUND TWO.

>> ...OR LOOK LIKE THAT.

>> [ Normal voice ] MAY I NOW

PRESENT THE MILLENNIUM

HOMOSEXUAL.

HIS NAME GOES BY WILLIAM WITH A

LIGHT KITTY KARRY-ALL BAG.

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.

LIGHT, TIGHT, YUMMY.

>> LIGHT, TIGHT.

WATCH YOUR HEAD.

BE CARE-- BE --

[ SIGHS ]

HE'S SO LOUD.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SO MUCH

CAULK IN YOUR HAND?

>> YOU --

[ BOTH LAUGHS ]

OKAY, THAT WAS TERRIBLE.

THAT WAS -- PLEASE.

OH, NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU GOT TO BE MORE QUIET HERE.

>> BUT DID YOU LAUGH?

>> I DID. I DID.

YOU MAKE ME -- YOU ALWAYS MAKE

ME LAUGH, AND I'M VERY GRATEFUL.

>> GET DOWN.

>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

>> NOT THAT KIND OF DOWN.

JUST GET DOWN IN FRONT OF ME.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ SIGHS ] OH.

>> LAY BACK, SPREAD THEM OUT.

>> THIS IS -- [ LAUGHS ]

>> GIVE YOURSELF TO THE WILLIAM.

>> MM.

THANK YOU.

>> NOW JUST RELAX.

>> THANK YOU.

OH, GOSH.

I'M SORRY I'M SO -- I'M JUST NOT

MYSELF WHILE I'M HERE.

I JUST HAVE TO --

>> I NEED YOU TO SHUT UP REAL

QUICK.

>> OKAY.

I CAN DO THAT.

>> YEP. OKAY.

>> WHAT?

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> ARE YOU DONE?

>> I AM.

>> HEY, LISTEN, I'M -- I MADE

THAT BED UP THERE FOR YOU RIGHT

THERE.

>> I KNOW, BUT I'M ALREADY HERE,

SO I'M JUST GONNA LIE BACK A

LITTLE BIT.

>> I KNOW, BUT THAT ONE'S YOURS.

>> I SEE THAT.

YOU'RE GONNA LOOK REALLY GOOD ON

IT.

>> NO, THIS ONE IS LONGER, AND

I'M TALLER, SO...

>> AND I'M COMPANY, SO...

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> VAMOS.

>> WH--

>> Shh.

>> LET ME GIVE YOU A BACK RUB.

>> OOH.

>> YEAH, FOR MAMA.

HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

>> HEY, THANK YOU FOR DINNER

LAST NIGHT, MRS. BIEDERMAN.

>> OH.

MRS. BIEDERMAN?

SARAH TO YOU.

>> SARAH.

THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU.

THAT WAS REALLY NICE.

I'M SORRY.

>> HEY.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.

>> HI, DADDY!

>> HOW'S IT GOING?

>> MWAH!

>> MORNING, MAMA.

>> GOOD MORNING.

>> DID YOU GO FOR A RUN?

>> I DID. I DID.

>> HOW WAS IT?

>> NOT A LONG ONE, BUT IT WAS

GOOD.

IT WAS GOOD.

>> CAN I JOIN YOU?

>> YEAH, YOU CAN.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I NEED A DRINK OF WATER.

WHERE AM I GONNA PUT THIS?

WHERE'S THIS GO?

[ GROANS ]

UH-HUH.

WELL...

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

>> WE'RE -- YOU KNOW, WE'RE DOWN

IN THE BASEMENT ON THOSE, UH,

TWO COUCHES.

>> CHECK IN THE CLOSET, THE

UPSTAIRS CLOSET.

THERE MAY BE AN OLD AIR MATTRESS

UP THERE THAT --

>> IT'S JUST KIND OF SHORT, YOU

KNOW.

I KEEP, LIKE, IN THE MIDDLE OF

THE NIGHT, I'M, LIKE, PUSHING

THE --

>> IT'S OKAY.

>> OKAY.

WE'RE FINE. WE'RE GOOD.

>> LOOK AT THIS.

GRANDPA GOT HIM THIS ROBE

WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TWO...

>> MM-HMM.

>> ...AND SAID, "HE'LL GROW INTO

IT."

>> WHEN HE'S ABOUT 14.

>> HE'S GETTING CLOSER.

>> BUT IT'S VERY MAGICIAN-Y.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU CAN WEAR THIS IN YOUR

MAGIC ACT.

>> THAT'S A GREAT MAGICIAN'S

ROBE.

>> JACK, LOOK.

HOW BEAUTIFUL.

THIS COULD BE YOUR -- YOUR ROBE.

>> GUESS WHO'S ON CALL.

I HAVE TO COVER FOR FATHER JOHN

THIS MORNING, SO I AM GOING TO

GO IN JUST FOR A QUICK MEETING

AT NOON.

I'LL BE BACK.

>> WHY DID THEY NEED YOU?

IT'S YOUR VACATION.

THERE'S NO ONE ELSE?

>> ROGER'S NOT AVAILABLE.

VIVIEN'S NOT AVAILABLE.

THERE YOU GO.

>> GIVE HIM A KISS.

>> BYE-BYE.

>> HAVE A GOOD DAY, THOMAS.

>> WE'LL MISS YOU.

>> BYE.

WHAT IS HE GOING TO WORK?

WHY IS HE GOING?

>> DON'T ASK ME.

YOU CAN MAKE DADDY DISAPPEAR

TONIGHT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> HE'LL BE LIKE...

>> THANKS, EVERYBODY, FOR, UH,

BEING HERE TODAY, ESPECIALLY

YOU, THOMAS, UH, COMING IN ON

SHORT NOTICE.

REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

WE'RE GONNA TRY TO QUICKLY GO

OVER THE AGENDA FOR THE WEEK,

MAKE SURE WE HAVE COVERAGE.

OKAY.

FOR WEDNESDAY, CHURCH UNPLUGGED.

THOMAS, DO YOU HAVE THIS ONE

COVERED?

>> YEAH.

ARTS FESTIVAL'S READY TO GO,

GOT A GOOD BAND.

ALL OF OUR VOLUNTEERS ARE READY.

UH, WE JUST NEED PEOPLE TO SHOW

UP.

>> OKAY.

>> UM, JOHN WAS ALSO SAYING HE

WON'T BE THERE.

WE'VE GOT THAT TAKEN CARE OF,

BUT HE CAN'T MAKE IT FOR

SATURDAY BECAUSE HIS RASH IS

HEAT-RELATED.

>> WORKING IN THE PARK.

>> YEAH.

UH, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH

MY FAMILY, SO, UM, THIS IS WITH

SINGLES MINISTRY, OUTREACH, JUST

SANDWICHES AND --

>> WHAT TIME?

>> UH...

>> FOR THE -- IN THE PARK WITH

THE SINGLES MINISTRY.

WHAT TIME DOES IT START?

>> UH, 11:30 MEET AT THE CHURCH,

AND WE'LL BE THERE AT NOON.

>> OKAY.

>> SO, WE NEED COVERAGE.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU'RE ALREADY DOING ONE

THING THIS WEEK ON YOUR WEEK

OFF.

>> YEAH.

I'D LIKE THERE TO BE A STAFF

MEMBER OR A MEMBER OF VESTRY TO

BE THERE, SO IF ANYBODY'S

AVAILABLE SATURDAY MORNING?

>> THAT IS A GRAND ENTRANCE.

WHOA!

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, I'M DROWNING!

I'M DROWNING!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

>> SO, I DON'T -- I DON'T MEAN

TO PRY, BUT OF COURSE I DO,

ACTUALLY.

>> YES.

>> SO, HOW -- HOW DID YOU GUYS

GET THIS HOUSE?

I MEAN, THOMAS IS A PRIEST,

RIGHT?

NOT A --

>> THIS HAS BEEN IN THEIR FAMILY

FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS.

THEIR -- THOMAS AND SETH'S

GRANDPA.

IT'S HIS HOUSE.

>> OH, OKAY.

>> HE PASSED IT DOWN, SO...

>> [ SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY ]

>> ISN'T THIS NICE?

>> NO.

>> ARE YOU GUYS RELIGIOUS?

>> UH, YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND'S A

PRIEST.

>> WELL, I KNOW, BUT ARE YOU?

>> YEAH, YEAH.

I'M RELIGIOUS.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?

>> MM.

>> YOU'RE NOT SO RELIGIOUS?

>> NO. NOT SO MUCH.

>> DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD AT ALL?

>> I BELIEVE IN THE BLOODY MARY.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ Laughing ] THAT'S PROBABLY

ABOUT IT.

>> THAT'S -- THAT'S KIND OF

RELIGIOUS.

>> I WANT TO GIVE YOU A $10,000

BILL.

>> A $10,000 BILL?

>> UH-HUH.

>> OKAY.

>> HAVE YOU EVER DONE THIS

BEFORE?

BROUGHT A BOYFRIEND HOME?

>> I'VE BROUGHT A BOYFRIEND

HOME.

>> YEAH?

>> IT WAS CHRISTMAS.

>> YEAH?

>> WE HAD FLOWN HOME.

MY MOTHER ANSWERS THE DOOR, AND

ALL SHE CAN SAY IS, "MERRY

CHRISTMAS."

THAT'S JUST ALL SHE COULD SAY.

>> "MERRY CHRISTMAS."

LIKE, SHE WAS NERVOUS.

>> ALL THROUGH THE WHOLE THING,

"MERRY CHRISTMAS."

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> "MERRY CHRISTMAS."

THAT'S ALL IT WAS FOR A WHOLE

WEEK.

>> AW, THAT'S SO AWKWARD.

>> GRANDMA, CAN YOU SAVE ME FROM

THIS ONE?

>> I'LL TRY.

>> SAVE ME!

>> HOW -- WHAT DID YOUR DAD DO?

HOW DID HE RESPOND?

>> HE CAME OVER TO ME REALLY

POLITELY BEFORE DINNER AND SAID,

"I WANT THE BED PULLED AWAY FROM

THE WALL."

>> BUT HE LET YOU SLEEP IN THE

SAME BED?

>> HE LET US SLEEP IN THE SAME

BED, WITH THE DOOR OPEN, BUT...

>> YEAH, WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING.

>> WE WERE IN THE SAME BED.

IT WAS.

>> THAT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.

>> IT'S REALLY HOT AND...

IT'S TWISTING MY BODY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ GROANING ]

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> WOW.

>> LOOK AT THAT AND TELL ME THAT

YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

>> I THINK I KNEW THE MINUTE I

MET HIM.

>> SO, DO YOU THINK THOMAS KNEW?

>> I DON'T THINK.

I THINK PEOPLE SEE WHAT THEY

WANT TO SEE, AND NOBODY WANTED

TO SEE THAT, SO...

>> I WISH TO GOD I HADN'T SEEN

THAT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ SCREAMING ]

>> IT'S MAKING ME SICK, ALL THE

SWAYING BACK AND FORTH.

>> OH.

ARE YOU GETTING MOTION SICK?

>> YEP.

>> WELL, I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME

DRAMAMINE INSIDE.

YOU WANT SOME?

>> I'M GONNA GO GET SOME.

>> YEAH.

OKAY.

OKAY.

LET ME GO GET IT FOR YOU.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> OH! HONEY!

I'M SORRY.

OH, ARE YOU OKAY?

DO YOU WANT SOME HELP GETTING

UP?

I'M SORRY.

>> CAN YOU JUST GET THE PILLS,

PLEASE?

>> YES. I'M SORRY.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> THANK YOU, SIR.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> THANK YOU.

>> SERIOUSLY, THERE IS ACTUALLY

A DRINK CALLED A PRESBYTERIAN.

>> YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING.

>> I SWEAR.

I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY WHAT'S IN

IT.

>> WHERE I COME FROM, ANYTHING

THAT'S GOT THE NAME PRESBYTERIAN

ASSOCIATED WITH IT HAS TO HAVE

BOURBON IN IT.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW HE

HAS A HAPPY SEX LIFE.

>> HE DOES! HE DOES. YES.

VERY HAPPY.

>> HE'S GAINED LIKE 50 POUNDS.

>> 50 POUNDS?

>> YEAH, IN LIKE A YEAR.

>> SO, CAN YOU BREATHE?

>> WELL [CHUCKLES]

>> 'CAUSE I FEEL -- I HONESTLY

THINK THAT SOMETIMES.

I THINK, HOW DO YOU GUYS...

>> I MEAN, I KIND OF SPEND A LOT

OF TIME ON TOP, YOU KNOW?

>> THERE WAS ONE SUNDAY

AFTERNOON WHEN YOUR FATHER

DIDN'T PREACH BECAUSE HE WAS...

INDISPOSED.

I THINK THAT'S THE WORD.

>> YEAH.

>> ANYWAY, HE ALWAYS CARED ABOUT

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT, AND I

THINK HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A

BAD THING FOR PEOPLE TO THINK WE

ACTUALLY HAD SEX ON A SUNDAY.

>> THAT WOULD BE SO BAD FOR --

FOR ANYONE TO DO THAT ON A

SUNDAY.

>> I MEAN, THEY MUST HAVE AT

LEAST THREE TIMES, RIGHT?

>> MM-HMM.

>> I MEAN, WE'RE HERE.

>> YEAH, BUT THAT'S ALL.

JUST THOSE THREE TIMES AND THAT

TIME.

FOUR TIMES.

>> FOUR TIMES.

>> WELL, AND THEN THERE WERE

THREE TIMES ON THAT PARTICULAR

SUNDAY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> WOW.

>> YES.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, MY.

>> YOUR FATHER WAS A SEXY MAN.

DON'T YOU THINK?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> HE COMES IN REGULARLY AND

ASKS THAT WE PRAY FOR HIS

SMALLER-THAN-USUAL TESTICLE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I'M NOT KIDDING.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

>> HE ASKS YOU, OR HE ASKS --

>> WELL, I KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

HE COMES IN AND ASKS ME IF

FATHER THOMAS IS AVAILABLE.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> LAY YOUR HANDS ON THIS ONE.

>> [ LAUGHS ] YEAH.

>> JUST PRAY IN THAT DIRECTION.

>> I JUST PRAY IN THAT

DIRECTION.

>> BUT NEITHER OF YOU GUYS WERE

MUCH INTO SPORTS, WERE YOU?

YOU WERE MORE INTO THE

THOUGHTIER STUFF -- MUSIC AND

GOD.

>> I MISS SETH'S MUSIC.

>> I DO, TOO.

>> YEAH, I DO, TOO.

>> SHARON.

SHARON!

[ DOOR OPENS ]

[ FOOTSTEPS ]

>> OH, MY GOD.

PAUL BUNYAN.

>> GOD DAMN IT.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

>> ARE YOU A CLOSET SMOKER?

>> YEAH.

>> ARE YOU SMOKING?

>> I WAS.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SHARON.

>> HELL, NO.

>> DO YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE?

>> YES, I DO.

THANK YOU.

>> DO YOU HAVE A LIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> [ Chuckling ] HOW LONG HAVE

YOU BEEN COMING DOWN HERE?

I GOT IT.

>> OKAY.

[ LIGHTER CLICKING ]

UM, WOW.

I DON'T KNOW. PROBABLY...

>> THROW THAT UP HERE.

>> ...MAYBE 10 YEARS.

>> DOES SHE KNOW THAT YOU COME

DOWN HERE?

>> NO.

>> ME AND PAUL USED TO COME DOWN

HERE.

>> PAUL?

>> YEAH.

>> THE DAD?

>> MM-HMM.

[ LIGHTER CLICKING ]

>> AIN'T WORKING.

>> YOU KNOW, SHE WOULD KILL ME

IF SHE FOUND OUT I SMOKED.

YOU WANT TO MONKEY FUCK?

>> [ Laughing ] WHAT?

>> WHERE YOU PUT THE --

>> OH.

>> YOU KNOW, LIGHT WITH MY

CIGARETTE.

>> OH, YEAH. HERE.

>> ARE YOU --

OH.

>> RIGHT HERE.

>> YOU GOT IT?

>> MM-HMM.

>> I CAN'T REACH YOU.

>> MM-HMM.

>> [ Strained ] THANK YOU.

>> OKAY.

>> YOU'RE A SAVIOR.

YOU WANT TO COME UP HERE?

OR I COULD COME DOWN THERE?

>> WE SHOULD PROBABLY STAY

SEPARATE, LIKE WE ARE.

YOU KNOW, WE DON'T GET CAUGHT.

JUST SMOKED IN CLOSETS.

>> I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

>> YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

>> YEAH.

>> UM, HAVE YOU GUYS PRETTY MUCH

GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL, 'CAUSE I

GOT TO GO CHECK ON CHRIS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING

TONIGHT.

>> OKAY. GOOD.

>> SEE YOU.

>> I THINK THIS IS IT.

>> HEY.

>> YEAH?

>> I'M SORRY.

ABOUT THE WHOLE COMING IN AND

DINNER.

>> YEAH.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS

RIGHT NOW.

>> BUT I REALLY -- I WANT YOU TO

KNOW THAT I DIDN'T MEAN --

>> I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

RIGHT NOW RIGHT BEFORE FAMILY

NIGHT AND ALL THAT KIND OF...

LATER.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON MOM.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> THAT'S GREAT THERE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> I HAVE THREE BALLS.

AND THREE CUPS.

NOW, I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS BALL

GO THROUGH THE YELLOW CUP.

>> [ GASPS ]

>> OH!

[ LAUGHS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> WHOO!

>> WOW.

>> WOW.

>> WOW.

>> THAT IS GREAT.

>> THAT'S MY BOY.

>> HOW DID HE DO THAT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

[ GASPING ]

>> OOH.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

OH, NO.

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

That piece is missing.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, NO.

>> THAT'S OKAY.

THAT'S OKAY.

SHOW THEM THAT THE ROPE IS OKAY.

♪ BUM-BUM BUH-DA-DA-DA

BUM-BUM-BUM ♪

>> [ GASPS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> MISTRESS MATTIE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> THAT IS MAGIC.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

PBHT!

[ SQUEALS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, BOY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, OUCH!

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> I SHOULD SAY, VERY PROPER.

>> WHERE DID GRANDMA GO DURING

THAT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> SHE VANISHED.

>> [ High-pitched ] HI.

MY NAME IS SHARON.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I'M A DUMMY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I ALSO LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BOY

RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S OKAY!

THAT'S OKAY!

[ LAUGHS ]

MY HUSBAND, CHRIS, IS ALWAYS

SWEATY BECAUSE THIS HOUSE IS

LIKE 5 BILLION DEGREES ALL

THE TIME.

HE'S TOO BIG FOR ME.

EVERYWHERE WE GO, TOO BIG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I...

[ LAUGHS ]

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ Normal voice ] I'M -- I

CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> THAT'S ENOUGH.

[ APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S PLENTY.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

>> OH, MY GOD.

ABOUT TIME.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

WAIT.

AREN'T YOU GONNA TAKE YOUR SHIRT

OFF?

>> NO.

>> WHY NOT?

>> YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE TAKING

MY SHIRT OFF.

EVERYBODY'S HERE.

>> IT'S OKAY.

>> AND WILLIAM?

>> WHAT ABOUT WILLIAM?

JUST TAKE YOUR --

>> WILLIAM.

>> JUST TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF.

COME ON.

OFF.

OFF.

>> DAMN IT. SHARON.

I'VE BEEN SWEATING ALL DAY.

>> I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW.

>> MY NUTS ARE ALL GUMMY.

>> JUST TAKE IT OFF.

JUST GET IN.

YOU'LL COOL DOWN.

>> RIGHT.

>> IT'LL HEAT UP.

>> IT'S A HORSEFLY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> IT'S NOT FUNNY.

>> OKAY.

>> HEY.

>> YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> HELLO.

WE BRING OFFERINGS.

>> HE'S NICE.

THANK YOU, DARLING.

>> OOH!

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> WHOO.

ARE WE INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?

>> OH, NO. NO.

>> OOH.

LOOK AT HIM!

>> CAREFUL.

WATCH THAT STEP.

>> [ Laughing ] I KNOW.

I TOTALLY MISSED THAT.

I FEEL LIKE WE'RE IN, LIKE, THE

SEA LION POOL AT SeaWorld.

[ LAUGHTER ]

CAN YOU GUYS TALK A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT HOW MUCH PRACTICE YOU PUT

INTO THAT GREAT ROUTINE TONIGHT?

>> OH, YEAH.

HOURS AND HOURS.

COULDN'T YOU TELL?

>> YOU GUYS STARTED WORKING ON

THAT LAST YEAR, I THINK.

>> OH, YEAH.

IT WAS -- IT WAS --

>> THE BIEDERMAN FAMILY SINGERS.

>> THAT'S JUST THE NAME I JUST

CAME UP WITH.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> THAT WAS GOOD.

>> THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

>> IT'S GOOD.

ARE YOU GONNA DO YOUR OWN TALENT

LATER OR SOMETIME THIS WEEK?

>> I MIGHT DO A COUPLE OF

LECTURES OR SERMONS.

I DO THOSE.

>> OH, GOD, I CAN'T WAIT.

>> NO, NO.

>> NO, HE DOES NOT.

NO, HE DOES NOT.

>> NO, NOT SO MUCH.

>> MNH-MNH.

KIND OF GROSS, BUT GOOD.

>> YEAH.

>> YEP.

I THINK I'M GONNA CALL IT A

NIGHT, Y'ALL.

>> I'LL GO, TOO.

ANYBODY WANT THIS?

>> OKAY.

>> I'LL TAKE THAT.

>> HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.

>> NIGHT.

>> THANK YOU FOR COMING DOWN.

>> THANK YOU FOR COMING DOWN.

ENJOY.

THERE'S MORE WINE UP THERE.

>> OOH.

>> OKAY.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

>> GOOD TO KNOW.

GOOD TO KNOW.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

SO, UH, HOW SERIOUS ARE YOU

GUYS?

>> Stop.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> LIKE, MEET THE FAMILY

SERIOUS, I GUESS.

>> YEAH. HE'S HERE, SO...

>> SO...

YEAH.

THAT'S -- HOW SERIOUS ARE YOU

GUYS?

>> YOU WHAT?

>> HOW SERIOUS?

>> WELL, YOU KNOW WE'RE MARRIED,

AND --

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> WELL...

>> WE CAN'T REALLY DO THAT,

SO...

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

>> I KNOW.

>> I NEED ANOTHER DRINK.

>> OH, ME TOO.

LET ME COME.

>> OKAY.

>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> JUST, UH...

>> JUST WHAT?

>> MY, UH --

>> WHAT?

>> MY, UH, SHIRT.

>> WHERE YOU GOING THERE,

PAUL BUNYAN?

THEY'RE GONNA COME BACK.

>> [ COUGHS ]

>> ARE YOU -- ARE YOU OKAY?

>> YEAH.

JUST ALL THESE BUGS ALL OVER THE

PLACE.

>> I KNOW.

THEY'RE --

A SWARMY LAND.

>> LOOK AT OUR HANDS.

THEY, LIKE, LOOK ALIKE, BUT

YOURS IS A --

>> I'M PALER.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> PALER, AND A TEENY VERSION.

>> [ High-pitched ] A TEENY,

TINY VERSION.

>> TEENY VERSION.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ Normal voice ] I'M KIND OF

TEENY.

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

AND PRUNEY.

>> PRUNEY, YEAH.

>> A LITTLE PRUNEY.

HOW LONG WERE YOU GUYS OUT

THERE?

>> A FEW MINUTES.

YEAH.

>> WHAT WAS THAT?

>> I JUST WAS TRYING TO GET ON

THE -- I'M SORRY.

>> IT'S THIS THING...

>> THOSE TWO...

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> ...ARE A LOT ALIKE IN MANY

WAYS.

>> I CAN SEE THAT, YEAH.

>> THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

>> WE HAVE SIMILAR TASTE.

[ LAUGHS ]

I MEAN, HE SEEMS NICE, BUT WHY

DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME ABOUT

HIM?

IT'S OKAY.

I MEAN, IT JUST KIND OF HURTS MY

FEELINGS.

THAT'S ALL.

>> SORRY.

I'M SORRY, SHARE.

I -- I SHOULD HAVE CALLED YOU.

THAT'S IT.

PERIOD.

I SHOULD HAVE CALLED YOU.

AND I WILL.

I'LL CALL YOU.

OKAY?

>> OKAY.

>> SO...HOW DID --

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?

>> UM, I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST KIND OF GOT SUCKED INTO

IT.

THIS IS GONNA FEEL LIKE IT'S A

"DELIVERANCE" MOMENT AND I'M

GONNA COME OVER THERE AND

NED BEATTY YOU?

[ CHUCKLES ]

IT'S A JOKE.

>> YOU KNOW, THOMAS IS -- HE'S

GONNA COME AROUND.

IT'LL BE FINE.

>> I LEFT THAT HOT TUB AND ALL

THOSE PEOPLE AND ALL THAT WINE

SO I COULD READ MY BOOK.

>> YEAH.

>> SO I COULD READ MY BOOK.

>> WAIT.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I'M -- I'M SORRY.

>> WHAT?

>> YEAH. I CAN -- I CAN STOP.

>> NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY.

HOW'S IT GOING?

>> IT'S GOING VERY WELL.

>> GOOD.

>> IT'S THE BEATITUDES.

I'M TEARING IT UP.

>> OH, SEXY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I THINK I THOUGHT WHEN YOU

LOOKED AT ME ACROSS THE HOT TUB

AND WENT...

I THINK I THOUGHT YOU WERE

SAYING, "YOU WANT TO GO?"

>> "YOU WANT TO COME UP AND HELP

ME WITH MY SERMON?"

>> YOU WERE LIKE, "DO YOU WANT

TO GO HELP ME WRITE MY SERMON?"

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> "LAY NEXT TO ME?"

>> COME ON.

>> HELL, NO.

>> I'M GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH.

>> WELL, YEAH.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S

ENOUGH.

>> HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT BEING

PULLED OFF AND MISSING OUT ON

FAMILY TIME.

I REALLY AM.

>> YOU'RE FORGIVEN.

>> THANK YOU.

>> NOW STAY AROUND THE REST OF

THE WEEK.

NOW BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND TAKE

OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

>> DONE.

>> WELL, HELLO AND GOOD MORNING.

>> HEY.

>> HOW YOU DOING?

>> HEY.

>> HI, THERE.

>> I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.

>> YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING?

>> HI, UNCLE SETH.

>> WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?

>> DID YOU RUN?

>> I DID.

I WAS UP AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING.

>> YOU'RE KIDDING.

>> WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO RUN

WITH, YEAH.

>> YOU DIDN'T HEAR OUR ALARM GO

OFF?

>> NO, I DIDN'T.

I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING UNTIL

THIS GUY CAME AND GOT US.

>> MM.

>> DID YOU RUN THE LONG TRAIL?

>> THE LONG WITH THE HILLS, YES.

>> AND HILLY.

I DID. I DID.

>> WELL, SEE, NOW THAT'LL JUST

GET YOU WARMED UP FOR TOMORROW.

>> YEAH.

>> WE'RE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT

THE BAND WE'VE GOT COMING

TONIGHT.

>> WHAT?

>> YEAH, TONIGHT'S THE THING AT

THE CHURCH.

I USED TO WORK WITH THOMAS.

I USED TO LEAD THE MUSIC AT THE

CHURCH.

SO, AND WE STARTED THIS THING.

THIS -- IT'S CALLED --

>> CHURCH UNPLUGGED.

>> YEAH, CHURCH UNPLUGGED.

>> [ Chuckling ] OH.

LIKE -- OKAY.

ACOUSTIC THEOLOGIANS.

>> YEAH.

>> THIS IS WHAT COMES TO MIND.

>> IT WAS REALLY -- IT WAS FUN.

IT WAS COMMUNAL AND --

>> OH, HONEY, I KNOW.

I'M JUST TEASING.

IT SOUNDS FUN.

>> IT WAS A COOL THING.

>> IT'S STILL REALLY -- IT'S

GOTTEN BETTER EVERY YEAR.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> UNCLE CHRIS?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> ARE YOU OKAY OVER THERE?

>> WE HAD A LONG NIGHT IN THE

TUB.

>> SPEAK QUIETLY AROUND

UNCLE CHRIS TODAY.

I THINK HE'S NOT FEELING TOO

GOOD TODAY.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK I'M GONNA GO GET READY

BEFORE WE LEAVE.

>> YOU OKAY?

>> YEAH, GIVE ME LIKE 20

MINUTES.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> I THINK I'LL BE READY TO GO.

BYE, GUYS.

>> BYE.

>> SEE YOU SOON.

>> HE'S THINKING ABOUT

SOMETHING.

I CAN TELL.

>> HE'S STARING AT MY PAINT.

>> [ LAUGHS ] I WAS IN A DAZE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

SO, DO YOU WANT TO DRAW ME?

>> YOU DID A GOOD JOB.

>> OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN YOUR DAD

WAS YOUR AGE AND HE AND I USED

TO DRAW TOGETHER.

THOMAS USED TO LOVE TO DRAW.

>> OUR DAD?

>> YOUR DAD. YEAH.

>> IT'S TOO SUNNY.

>> I THINK THAT'S WHERE YOU GET

YOUR TALENT.

>> IT'S TOO SUNNY.

>> I'M GONNA TAKE THE KIDS TO

THE POOL.

>> OKAY.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SETH AND

WILLIAM TAKING THE KIDS?

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH.

>> I HAVE JUST A LITTLE BIT OF A

PROBLEM.

>> WHY?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

I DON'T -- I DON'T WANT THEM

SWIMMING WITH WILLIAM, ALL

RIGHT?

>> WHY?

CAN WILLIAM NOT SWIM?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

>> HE'S BEEN HERE SINCE MONDAY.

WE'VE ALL GOTTEN TO KNOW HIM.

THE KIDS LIKE HIM.

>> I HAVEN'T. I'M TRYING.

IT'S --

>> HE WORKS WITH KIDS.

>> HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO

HEAR THAT?

>> WELL, IT'S --

>> HEY, I WORK WITH KIDS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

CAN I TAKE THEM TO THE POOL?

>> OKAY.

OKAY, FINE.

YOU CAN TAKE THE KIDS TO THE

POOL.

>> THANK YOU.

>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

DOES, UH [CLEARS THROAT] DOES

ANY OF THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH SETH AND WILLIAM'S

RELATIONSHIP?

>> PLEASE, DON'T GO THERE.

>> NO.

I'M -- I 'M -- I'M CURIOUS

'CAUSE I THINK THAT'S AN

IMPORTANT --

>> BETWEEN YOU AND ME, YEAH, IT

DOES.

IT HAS A LITTLE BIT TO DO WITH

THAT, ALL RIGHT?

>> OKAY.

>> DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

MATTIE, I THINK IT'S WRONG,

OKAY?

THERE, I SAID IT.

>> YOU THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP

IS WRONG.

>> YES.

>> THAT'S WHAT I DON'T GET.

I DON'T GET WHAT'S WRONG WITH

IT.

>> THEY MET ONLINE.

HE LEFT HIS FAMILY AND HIS JOB

AND HIS CAREER TO GO BE WITH

THIS PERSON.

>> I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT

YOU THINK IS WRONG ABOUT THEIR

RELATIONSHIP.

>> IT BOTHERS ME, OKAY?

I'M SORRY.

I CAN'T -- EVERYBODY -- HE WALKS

IN THE DOOR, AND EVERYBODY'S

LIKE, "OH, GREAT.

OH, AWKWARD.

MM. WELL, OKAY.

LET'S JUST GET ON WITH IT."

I'M NOT THERE YET, OKAY?

FORGIVE ME.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT -- I JUST CAN'T

TURN A DIAL, MATTIE.

I DIDN'T WAKE UP ONE MORNING

THINKING, "OH, OKAY.

THE BIBLE SAYS ONE THING AND MY

BROTHER'S DOING ANOTHER."

>> OH, THE BIBLE.

THE BIBLE SAYS A LOT OF THINGS,

THOMAS.

>> YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO GET

INTO THIS AGAIN.

>> WELL, I COULD GET INTO IT

WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, SINCE YOU'RE

USING THE BIBLE.

>> ARE WE REALLY GONNA GO OVER

2,000 YEARS OF CHURCH HISTORY

RIGHT NOW?

>> 2,000 YEARS OF CHURCH

HISTORY.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

IS THAT YOUR ARGUMENT?

2,000 YEARS OF CHURCH HISTORY?

>> NO, THAT'S NOT MY ARGUMENT.

>> BECAUSE THE CHURCH -- THE

CHURCH HAS SUCH A WONDERFUL

HISTORY ALL THESE YEARS.

>> YEAH.

>> I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT

CHURCH HISTORY.

>> LOOK, THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS

WRONG WITH THE CHURCH, OKAY?

>> WELL, DON'T USE THAT AS YOUR

REASON FOR NOT APPROVING OF SETH

AND WILLIAM.

>> IT CREEPS ME OUT.

>> IT CREEPS YOU OUT.

>> YEAH.

IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

>> 'CAUSE YOU'RE PICTURING THEM

HAVING SEX.

DON'T PICTURE THAT.

>> THANK YOU FOR THAT.

>> WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T PICTURE

THAT WITH ANYBODY.

I DON'T WANT TO PICTURE SHARON

AND CHRIS.

>> WELL, THANK YOU FOR THAT

IMAGE, TOO.

THAT'S GREAT.

>> WELL, I COULD KEEP GOING.

I COULD NAME A WHOLE BUNCH MORE

PEOPLE YOU SHOULDN'T THINK OF

THAT.

>> IT'S HOW I FEEL, MATTIE.

IT'S HOW I FEEL.

WE'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT HOW SETH

FEELS.

HOW ABOUT ME?

HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE JUST

WALKED AWAY?

DOES THAT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE AT

ALL?

>> WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS

LIKE TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE,

RIGHT?

>> MOST DAYS.

>> CAN YOU JUST PICTURE THAT

OTHER PEOPLE FEEL THAT -- CLEAN

LAUNDRY.

>> SORRY.

[ SIGHS ]

>> I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP THE WAY

YOU FEEL, AND...

SETH AND WILLIAM CAN'T HELP THE

WAY THEY FEEL.

>> DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF I

COULD JUST CHANGE THE WAY I

FEEL, I WOULD?

IF I COULD CHANGE WHAT WAS

WRITTEN THAT I WOULD?

>> ♪ SOMEHOW ♪

>> I'M GONNA COME AND GET YOU!

WHOO!

>> ♪ THIS IS WHERE WE ARE ♪

>> JUMP, GRAB, GRAB, JUMP, JUMP.

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> JUMP, JUMP.

YOUR SISTER'S GOT SOME LUNGS ON

HER.

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> ♪ LITTLE THOUGHTS HAVE

WEIGHED YOUR VISION DOWN ♪

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> ♪ WE MOVE SLOWLY... ♪

>> OH, NO!

I'M A DONUT MONSTER.

[ GRUNTS ]

>> [ SCREAMS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

>> ♪ WE CAN SHAKE BUT CAN'T

CONTROL ♪

♪ THESE POSSIBILITIES TO GROW ♪

♪ WE DON'T WATCH THE PUSH AND

PULL ♪

♪ WAITING ON THE WAY TO TAKE

THIS ♪

♪ WE CAN WRITE WITH INK AND

PEN ♪

♪ BUT WE WILL SOW WITH SEEDS

INSTEAD ♪

♪ STARTING WITH WORDS WE'VE

SAID ♪

♪ WE WILL ALL BE CHANGED ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SPEAK NOW ♪

♪ DON'T TARRY ON LIKE IT'S

ALWAYS GONNA TO BE ♪

>> DAMN IT!

SO...

WHY'D YOU LEAVE?

>> [ SIGHS ]

I...

NEEDED A...CHANGE OF SCENERY.

I WENT THERE FOR THIS GUY...

SPECIFICALLY.

>> RIGHT.

>> SO...

YEAH, HE'S CUTE.

ALL THE GUYS THAT DO -- OH, NO.

>> WHAT DO YOU DO WITH PEPPER?

ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PUT THAT

OVER YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER?

>> SURE.

>> IT'S THE STINKING...

>> YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT.

>> OH, MY GOSH.

LOOK WHO IT IS.

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> HI.

HEY, ERIN.

ERIN, ERIN.

HI.

HOW ARE YOU? IT'S SO --

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> YOU REMEMBER CHRIS AND

SHARON.

>> OH, MY GOD!

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME!

>> I KNOW!

>> NO, YOU LOOK THE SAME.

>> THANKS. YOU DO, TOO.

>> EXCEPT FOR YOUR HAIR.

I LIKE IT.

>> YOUR HAIR'S DIFFERENT, TOO.

>> WELL, A LITTLE.

>> OH, MY GOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> YOU GUYS -- I HEARD YOU GOT

MARRIED.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> FANTASTIC.

>> UM, SO, HERE -- LET ME GET

YOU A CHAIR.

>> OH, NO, SHE'S FINE.

>> SHE NEEDS HER OWN SEAT.

HERE YOU GO.

>> THANK YOU.

>> YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> WOW.

I'VE BEEN WONDERING WHEN I WOULD

SEE YOU, SETH.

>> WELL, HERE I AM.

>> WE'RE ONLY HERE FOR A FEW

MORE DAYS, THOUGH.

>> YEAH.

>> GUESS WE BETTER GET IT IN.

>> SO, UM, I'M SORRY.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

>> WILLIAM.

>> THIS IS WILLIAM.

>> SO HOW DO YOU GUYS -- HI.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> WE LIVE WITH EACH OTHER IN

CHICAGO.

>> YOU'RE LIKE ROOMMATES?

>> NO.

UM, YES, WE ARE ROOMMATES.

>> WE HAVE TWO BEDROOMS, BUT WE

LIVE IN ONE.

>> ONLY ONE BED.

>> ARE YOU STUDYING MATH IN

SCHOOL?

'CAUSE YOU COULD FIGURE THAT

OUT...IF YOU WERE STUDYING THAT.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

WOW.

>> CAN WE GET A -- WOULD YOU

LIKE SOME MORE WINE TO DRINK?

>> YOU WANT MORE WINE?

>> WHOO-HO!

>> MORE WINE! LET'S DO THIS!

>> WHOA!

>> SORRY.

>> OKAY. UM...

>> HANG OUT.

MORE WINE?

I'LL GO GET YOU SOME.

>> YOU KNOW, I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.

UM...I-I --

MY FRIENDS ARE WAITING FOR ME,

SO...

>> OH.

>> I WILL COME BY.

I'LL COME BY, AND I'LL SAY

HELLO.

>> OKAY.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> YEAH.

>> GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

>> BYE.

>> BYE!

>> SARAH!

>> OH, MY GOD.

SHE WAS SO DRUNK.

>> SHE JUST TOTALLY PUT HER

TONGUE DOWN YOUR THROAT.

>> I KNOW.

HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

>> SHE MUST BE FRENCH.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THEY --

>> I AM SO SORRY.

>> OH, IT'S OKAY.

OH, BABY.

>> STOP! STOP!

>> I THINK THAT WAS JUST A

LITTLE RIDICULOUS.

SHE WASN'T THAT BAD.

>> IT WAS PRETTY BAD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> SHE WAS AWESOME.

MAN, I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE

HOOKED UP WITH HER.

>> SHUT UP.

>> WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

>> SO, THE LITTLE CREATURE NAMED

JACK, WHO SAID I'M VERY TIRED,

WENT TO SLEEP IN A LITTLE CAVE.

>> AND THE WIND BEGAN TO BLOW

VERY HARD, AND THE CAVE ACTUALLY

BLEW AWAY.

>> AND THEN, IT CRACKED.

AND THEN, A HUMONGOUS BLOCK FELL

ON TOP OF JACK.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> MOMMY?

>> YEAH.

>> IS WILLIAM OUR UNCLE?

>> WELL, NO.

NO, HE'S UNCLE SETH'S SPECIAL

FRIEND, BUT YOU JUST MET HIM,

RIGHT?

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> CHEERS.

>> [ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ]

OH, LOOK AT THEM.

>> ONE, TWO, THREE.

>> NICE OF YOU TO TEACH ME.

>> ONE, TWO, NO, YOU'RE FINE.

>> ♪ THAT'S THE WAY THAT WE

FOUND IT ♪

♪ STUMBLED UPON IT ON A DEAD-END

STREET ♪

♪ LOST ON ACCOUNT OF THE SEA ♪

♪ OH, BABY, WHO LIGHTS THE

CHANDELIER? ♪

♪ YEAH, I KNOW WHERE TO FIND

IT ♪

♪ I KNOW WHERE TO FIND ♪

♪ DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE SEEN ♪

♪ THINGS THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE

THOUGHT OF ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE GOT THE

RIGHT IDEA ♪

♪ GO INSIDE, SHUT OFF THE

POWER ♪

♪ THEN TAKE OUT THE RADIO TOWER,

BABY ♪

♪ ALL I CAN DO IS SAY ♪

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEAR A

THING ♪

♪ YOU CAN LIGHT A MILLION

CANDLES ♪

♪ YOU CAN WASH YOUR HANDS AND

FEET... ♪

>> HEY!

YOU GUYS GONNA WAIT FOR US?

>> ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO RUN?

>> YEAH!

>> REALLY?

>> YEAH, NOT SOMETHING I LEARNED

FOR NOTHING.

>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

>> I'M SORRY.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA GET OUR

BROTHER RUN IN.

>> IT'S OKAY.

>> NO, I DON'T.

>> COME ON. LET'S GO.

>> WE'RE MOVING.

>> WE'RE NOT QUITE AS FAST.

>> GET UP HERE.

>> COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT.

THAT'S IT.

>> LIFT IT, CHRIS.

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> HEY, BIG MAN.

WHAT WERE YOU AND YOUR SISTER

DOING WITH ALL YOUR LUGGAGE AND

SUITCASES?

>> WE WERE ON A QUEST.

>> ON A QUEST.

HMM.

WHAT DO YOU DO ON A QUEST?

>> WELL, WE LOOK FOR THINGS.

ONE TIME...

WE FOUND A DEAD MOUSE IN THE HOT

TUB.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

YOU FOUND A WHAT IN THE HOT TUB?

>> A DEAD MOUSE.

>> REALLY?

>> UH-HUH.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA COME ON THE

QUEST WITH US, DADDY?

>> SOON.

I'M GONNA GO ON A QUEST WITH YOU

VERY SOON.

>> YOU OKAY OVER THERE?

>> I THINK I GINNED.

>> OKAY.

>> NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S...

>> LET ME SEE IT.

>> I'M PRETTY SURE.

>> AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOU

GINNED, CHRIS?

>> YEAH, EXPLAIN THAT TO US.

>> I'M VERY CURIOUS HOW YOU

THINK THAT'S A GIN.

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO

PLAY THIS GAME.

>> WELL, I THINK WITH ONE MORE

HAND, YOU'LL ALMOST HAVE IT.

>> YOU STILL DON'T QUITE

UNDERSTAND THE RUNS AND THE

SETS, RIGHT?

DID YOU SEE MOM'S HAND?

>> SO, HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

>> WHAT?

I MEAN, I THINK MOSTLY ALL

RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

>> GOOD.

>> RIGHT?

>> YEAH. WE'RE ALWAYS GOOD.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

>> YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE ALWAYS GOOD.

>> OUR MOUSE IS GONE.

>> UH-OH.

>> THEY'RE OBLIVIOUS TO ALL

THIS.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> THANK GOD.

WISH I WAS MORE LIKE THAT

SOMETIMES.

WISH I DIDN'T CARE SO MUCH ABOUT

WHAT THOMAS THOUGHT, BUT I DO.

>> ITCH IT ON THE WAY.

>> DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN ANNIE

STARTED PRE-K?

>> YEAH.

>> AND SHE WAS ALL SCARED AND

NERVOUS, AND SHE WANTED YOU TO

COME, SO YOU CAME WITH US TO

TAKE HER?

>> I DID. I WAS HONORED.

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH, LAST FALL WAS JACK'S

FIRST DAY, SO WE TOOK HIM, AND

HE WAS ALL NERVOUS AND SCARED.

THOMAS TRIED TO IMITATE YOU, AND

HE GOT DOWN ON HIS KNEES REAL

AWKWARD, AND HE TRIED TO KIND OF

HOLD ON TO JACK.

HE SAID, "YOU KNOW, YOU GO IN

THERE," AND HE TRIED TO SAY THE

SAME THING YOU SAID TO ANNIE.

>> REALLY?

>> YEAH.

AND JACK WAS SORT OF LIKE

[WHINES] AND HE FINALLY WENT IN

AND KIND OF SHOT US THIS LITTLE

LOOK.

AND, UM, YOU KNOW WHAT THOMAS

SAID?

HE SAID, "I GUESS WE NEED

UNCLE SETH."

>> REALLY?

>> MM.

HE MISSES YOU.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

I MISS ALL OF YOU.

>> HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HE KNOWS

YOU.

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

>> AND HE'S TRYING.

>> IS HE?

>> HE'S TRYING. YEAH.

>> SOMETIMES, I DON'T BELIEVE

THAT.

SOMETIMES, HE FEELS SO HARD AND

JUDGMENTAL AND COLD, AND I KNOW

THAT'S NOT HIM.

>> NO.

HE LOVES YOU.

HE'S SAD.

>> OKAY, NOW, THANK YOU.

>> DID YOU SEE THOSE GIRLS ON

THE JET SKI?

>> HEY, GUYS.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING OUT

HERE?

>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> YOU BEEN OUT SKIING?

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> OH, WE'RE PLAYING OUT AT THE

PARK, AND WE RAN OUT OF ICE, SO

I GOT TO MAKE A RUN.

>> PRETTY GOOD.

>> YOU GUYS HAVING FUN OUT ON

THE LAKE?

>> YEAH, COUPLE OF GIRLS IN

BIKINIS OUT THERE THAT WERE A

LITTLE DISTRACTING.

>> YEAH.

>> BUT, UH, SPEAKING OF GIRLS,

WE RAN INTO ERIN.

>> OH, YEAH?

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> HOW'S SHE DOING?

>> SHE WAS GOOD.

HAD SOME GOOD STORIES,

KIND OF INTERESTING STUFF.

>> WHERE ARE YOU HEADING?

>> I MEAN...

>> WE HADN'T HEARD, YOU KNOW --

WE HADN'T HEARD EVERYTHING.

>> WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT SETH.

>> UH...

>> IS THAT COOL, OR WHAT'S...

>> UH, IT IS WHAT IT IS, YOU

KNOW.

>> CAN'T BE THAT MUCH OF A

SURPRISE, RIGHT?

I MEAN...

I WAS SORT OF SURPRISED THAT

ERIN THING WENT ON AS LONG AS IT

DID.

I MEAN, NO OFFENSE.

LIKE, I LIKE YOUR BROTHER.

HE'S A GOOD GUY, BUT HE'S NOT

EXACTLY CHARLTON HESTON.

I MEAN, HE'S --

>> YOU'RE NOT, EITHER, THOUGH.

ARE YOU?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

WELL, HE'S JUST, UH -- HE'S A

LITTLE LIGHT, YOU KNOW.

HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE --

>> YOU KNOW, IT'S GOOD TO SEE

YOU GUYS.

>> OH, COME ON, MAN.

>> NO, NO, NO.

I GOT TO GET THE ICE BACK.

>> OH, COME ON. REALLY?

ALL RIGHT, MAN.

HEY, I'M SORRY.

I HAD A COUPLE.

>> IT'S OKAY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> YOU BE SAFE ON THE LAKE,

THOUGH, OKAY?

>> ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, NOW WE NEED A TEAM

NAME, AND IT'S GOT TO BE A

REALLY GOOD NAME.

ANNIE, WHAT SHOULD IT BE?

>> VULTURES.

>> THE VULTURES.

WE'RE THE VULTURES!

>> WE NEED SOMETHING FIERCE.

>> LIONS.

>> OOH!

THAT'S GOOD, BUDDY.

>> Both: LIONS!

>> AAH, THEY EAT --

>> GO, GO, GO, ANNIE!

GO, GO, GO!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> THIRD BASE!

>> OKAY, READY?

KICK!

YEAH!

>> GO TO SECOND, GO!

GO, GO, GO, GO!

I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> OH.

>> WHAT?

>> OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T.

>> [ GRUNTING ]

>> OH, OH.

>> PICK HIM OVER NOW.

>> ALL RIGHT, ATTABOY!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> HOW DOES HE DO THAT?

>> IT'S COLD.

>> GO.

GO.

GO.

GO.

>> COME ON, SHARON.

>> GO!

>> WHOO!

EVERYBODY OUT HERE CAN DO IT!

>> WHOO!

>> DANG IT.

>> WHAT?

>> IT'S SHALLOW.

>> AH, I KNOW!

THE WATER LEVEL'S DOWN A LITTLE

BIT.

>> SENT ME VERTEBRA UP THROUGH

MY NECK.

>> [ SIGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, CAPTAIN MATTIE, I

DON'T THINK THAT FLIP-FLOPS WERE

THE BEST MOVE FOR OUR TEAM.

>> WELL, I'M SURE IT'S PART OF

THE LOSING TEAM.

>> I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

I'LL BE THERE.

YEP, SATURDAY.

OKAY.

GOOD.

YES, I'M SURE IT WILL CLEAR UP

SOON.

>> THOMAS?

>> OKAY. GOODBYE.

TALK TO YOU SOON.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LIKE, ON

THE PHONE?

>> CHURCH STUFF -- THEY'RE

CALLING.

>> CHURCH STUFF?

WHY ARE THEY CALLING?

YOU'RE ON VACATION.

>> I KNOW, BUT...

>> BUT WHAT?

>> ...THINGS COME UP.

>> LIKE WHAT?

>> LIKE A RASH.

>> WHO HAS A RASH?

>> FATHER JOHN.

>> OH, GOSH.

>> IT'S FLARING UP AGAIN.

>> OH, POOR JOHN AND HIS RASHES.

HE SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR.

>> WELL, IT'S A CHRONIC

CONDITION.

>> OKAY, WELL, I'M TIRED OF HIS

RASHES.

>> WELL, WE'RE GONNA PRAY FOR

IT.

>> OKAY.

>> THE HINGE IS BENT, SO WE

SHOULD...

>> HAMMER IT OUT?

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF WE WANT

TO HAMMER IT OUT.

I THINK WE WANT TO TRY AND

SECURE IT AND SEE IF WE CAN...

>> I THINK IT PROBABLY JUST LIFT

UP HERE.

>> ALL RIGHT. I CAN DO THAT.

>> OH, IT JUST BENT.

>> IN A GOOD WAY?

>> IT JUST BENT.

CAN YOU HELP GRAB SOMETHING?

>> YEAH, I CAN HELP.

YEAH, YEAH.

>> ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON.

LET'S -- WE GOT TO THINK ABOUT

THIS FOR A SECOND.

>> OKAY.

>> STEP BACK.

LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS.

SO...

IT DOES THAT.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO SWING.

>> THERE WE GO.

>> I THINK YOU JUST BROKE THE

OTHER END.

YOU CAN'T SCREW IT IN WITH YOUR

HAND.

>> WELL, IT'S SITTING THERE.

>> OKAY.

>> YEAH, IT JUST NEEDS TO BE --

IT NEEDS...

KNOW WHAT THIS IS FOR?

>> SO, REMEMBER THAT TALK WE HAD

A FEW YEARS AGO?

>> WHICH ONE?

>> ME AND SHARON CAME DOWN TO

THE OFFICE.

>> OH, OF COURSE. YEAH.

>> YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> WELL...

WE'RE THINKING ABOUT IT, REALLY,

LEGITIMATELY.

>> THAT'S GREAT.

>> YEAH?

>> NO, THAT REALLY IS.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

THAT ISN'T IT.

>> YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BE A

GOOD DAD, RIGHT?

>> YOU THINK?

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH?

>> COME ON.

>> REALLY?

>> YOU'RE A GOOD HUSBAND.

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH.

YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.

>> THANKS, MAN.

>> I SHOULD PROBABLY GO GRAB

SHARON.

THIS AIN'T WORKING.

HERE.

SHE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

SHARON!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> I FEEL LIKE THOMAS IS

AVOIDING US.

>> SETH, GIVE IT A REST.

QUIT WORRYING ABOUT YOUR

BROTHER.

THINK ABOUT THOSE SQUIRRELS UP

THERE GATHERING NUTS.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

OH, MY GOSH.

I REMEMBER WHEN I JUMPED OFF

THAT ROOF, RIGHT UP THERE, ONTO

THE DECK.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

JUST WANTED TO -- JUST FOR THE

THRILL.

>> IS THAT THE DAY THAT YOU

BROKE YOUR WRISTS.

>> [ LAUGHS MOCKINGLY ]

MY SIDES.

>> LITTLE MARY POPPERS FLOATING

DOWN.

>> SHUT UP!

SHUT UP. IT WAS JUST FOR FUN.

YOU NEVER JUMPED OFF THE SIDE OF

A BUILDING?

>> NOT UNLESS I HAD MY

WONDER WOMAN BRACELETS ON.

>> CHOONG-CHOONG.

>> ♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ I THINK THAT YOU ARE SUCH ♪

♪ A LOVABLE YOU, AND THAT IS WHY

I SAY ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, TODAY AND EVERY

DAY ♪

[ LAUGHS ]

>> WHOO!

>> THAT WAS FOR YOU, GRANDMA.

>> HOW SWEET.

>> OH, THANK YOU, JACK.

THAT WAS GREAT.

I LOVED IT.

>> VERY NICE.

OKAY.

>> ANY REQUESTS?

>> OH, YOU'RE GONNA COME UP

HERE?

>> I CAN PLAY THE KETTLE DRUM.

>> WELL, I THINK THERE'S SOME

SHEET MUSIC IN HERE.

>> OH, NOT THE SHEET MUSIC.

>> YES.

>> LET'S NOT PULL OUT THE SHEET

MUSIC, PLEASE.

>> LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN HERE.

>> THE SHEET MUSIC.

>> THIS WAS ONE OF YOUR DAD'S

FAVORITES.

YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?

>> OH, YEAH.

BUT I CAN'T SING IT ALONE.

>> ♪ COME THOU FOUNT OF EVERY

BLESSING ♪

♪ TUNE MY HEART TO SING THY

GRACE ♪

>> ♪ STREAMS OF MERCY NEVER

CEASING ♪

♪ CALL FOR SONGS OF LOUDEST

PRAISE ♪

♪ TEACH ME SOME MELODIOUS

SONNET ♪

♪ SUNG BY FLAMING TONGUES

ABOVE ♪

♪ PRAISE THE MOUNT, I'M FIXED

UPON IT ♪

♪ MOUNT OF GOD'S UNCHANGING

LOVE ♪

>> TOM.

>> ♪ OH, TO GRACE, HOW GREAT A

DEBTOR ♪

♪ DAILY I'M CONSTRAINED TO BE ♪

♪ LET THAT GRACE NOW, LIKE A

FETTER ♪

♪ BIND MY WANDERING HEART TO

THEE ♪

♪ PRONE TO WANDER, LORD, I FEEL

IT ♪

♪ PRONE TO LEAVE THE GOD I

LOVE ♪

♪ HERE'S MY HEART, LORD, TAKE

AND SEAL IT ♪

♪ SEAL IT FOR THY COURTS ABOVE ♪

>> [ SIGHS ]

THANK YOU. THAT WAS NICE.

>> GOOD JOB.

>> CHRIS.

>> YEAH, CHRIS!

>> ALL RIGHTY, CHRIS,

>> GO FOR IT.

>> CERTAINLY WAS SHEET MUSIC.

IT'S MY -- YEAH.

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, GRANDMA.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> ♪ GRANDMA, GRANDMA ♪

♪ GRANDMA, GRANDMA ♪

♪ GRANDMA, GRANDMA, GRANDMA,

GRANDMA, GRANDMA, GRANDMA ♪

♪ GRANDMA, GRANDMA, GRANDMA,

GRAM, GRAM ♪

♪ GRAMMA-GRAM, GRAM, GRAM-GRAM

GRAHAM CRACKER, NOT GRAM-GRAM ♪

♪ GRAM-GRAM, THEN GRANDMA, AND

GRANDMA, AND GRANDMA ♪

♪ AND GRAND-MA, HAH, GRANDMA ♪

[ INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY ]

>> GOOD.

>> THANK YOU.

>> TO THE BIEDERMANS!

>> All: BIEDERMANS!

>> ♪ TO THE THEE ♪

♪ HOW GREAT THOU ART ♪

>> YOU'RE GONNA HAVE AN

ANEURYSM.

STOP!

>> ♪ HOW GREAT -- ♪

I CAN'T DO IT.

>> OH, MY GOD.

WHAT WAS THAT?

>> WHAT WAS WHAT?

>> I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING

ALIVE IN HERE.

>> OH!

>> THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.

THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.

>> R2, SHUT DOWN ALL THE TRASH

COMPACTORS.

R2, SHUT DOWN ALL THE TRASH

COMPACTORS.

>> SHUT THEM ALL DOWN.

SHUT THEM ALL DOWN.

SHUT THEM ALL DOWN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NICE.

C-3PO -- THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

>> [ Imitating R2-D2 ] WHOA!

>> DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!

>> AAH!

[ ALL SCREAM ]

>> WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?

>> OH, MY GOD.

[ ALL SCREAMING ]

>> IT'S A REAL BUG.

>> DID YOU SEE THAT THING?

AAH!

>> WHAT? WHAT?

>> DID YOU SEE THAT?

>> WHERE IS IT?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> IT'S JUST A BUG.

>> WHERE AT?

>> IT WAS LIKE A CICADA.

IT WAS HUGE.

>> I SEE HE'S SCARED OF BUGS.

>> THAT'S MY BIG DUMB HUSBAND.

>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, CHRIS?

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THE BIG

DUMB CHRIS"?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

>> I LOVE YOU, TOO.

>> DOES IT FEEL GOOD FOR YOUR

PITCHER'S SHOULDERS?

>> OOH, THAT FEELS SO GOOD.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GETTING

TOO OLD FOR KICKBALL.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD FOR

KICKBALL.

>> I'M TOO OLD FOR KICKBALL.

>> MAYBE NEXT TIME WE'LL THROW

YOU INTO A LITTLE "RED ROVER."

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> SEND CHRIS RIGHT OVER.

>> ANNIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK

HIM.

OH, HE WAS USING IT.

THAT'S GOOD.

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, GAH!

LEGS -- OH, MY GOSH.

>> OH, I WISH DAD COULD HAVE

SEEN THAT -- ME WHOOPING YOU

TWICE.

>> YEAH.

>> [ PANTING ]

OH, GOD, I MISS DAD.

>> ME TOO.

>> WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME TELL

DAD?

>> WHAT?

>> WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME TELL

DAD?

>> SETH, YOU THINK I'M HAVING A

HARD TIME WITH THIS?

>> I REALLY FIND IT HARD TO

BELIEVE THAT DAD WOULD ACT THE

WAY YOU ACTED.

I KNOW HE WOULDN'T HAVE.

>> I KNOW I'M NOT DAD.

BUT...

THERE IS NO WAY.

THERE IS NO WAY IN GOD'S GREEN

EARTH HE WOULD HAVE LET YOU JUST

WALK IN WITH WILLIAM LIKE THAT.

>> I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO WALK

IN.

I WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM.

BUT YOU DIDN'T LET ME HAVE THAT

CHANCE...

'CAUSE YOU SAID, "NO, YOU CAN'T

EVER TELL DAD."

YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOLD ME

THAT?

>> YEAH.

>> BUT I NEED THOSE WORDS FROM

SOMEBODY IN MY LIFE, AND I WANT

THEM FROM YOU.

>> I CAN'T BE DAD, OKAY?

>> I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE DAD.

I JUST WANT YOU TO ACCEPT ME.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

HUH?

JUST OPEN ARMS?

YOU WANT ME TO WORK OUT A LITTLE

MARRIAGE CEREMONY FOR YOU AND

WILLIAM?

>> NO! NO.

YOU ARE SITTING IN SUCH JUDGMENT

OF ME.

THE MOMENT YOU WALKED IN THE

HOUSE --

>> THIS ISN'T ABOUT -- I'M NOT

JUDGING YOU.

I'M SIMPLY RESPONDING THE WAY I

FEEL, OKAY?

>> WELL, YOUR RESPONSE SUCKS,

OKAY?

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> IT SUCKS.

>> DO NOT WALK AWAY.

SETH, JUST ONE THING.

ARE YOU HAPPY?

ARE YOU FULFILLED?

FOR FOUR YEARS, YOU AND I WORKED

TOGETHER SIDE BY SIDE, AND I

DON'T THINK IT WAS JUST A FAMILY

BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> NO, IT WAS NOT.

IT WAS NOT.

AND DO I MISS BEING WITH YOU AND

BEING WITH MY FAMILY?

YES.

>> DO YOU MISS BEING WITH GOD?

DO YOU MISS SINGING TO GOD?

ARE YOU -- IS THAT IN YOUR LIFE

AT ALL?

HAVE YOU JUST WRITTEN HIM OFF?

>> I CAME TO YOUR OFFICE, AND

YOU FIRED ME.

>> DID I FIRE YOU, OR DID YOU

QUIT?

>> YOU FIRED ME. YOU TOLD ME --

>> I GAVE YOU A CHANCE.

I GAVE YOU A CHANCE.

YOU WALKED OUT, AND YOU NEVER

CAME BACK, AND YOU LEFT ME.

YOU LEFT THE MINISTRY.

>> YOU TOLD ME THIS WOULD NEVER

WORK.

>> YOU COULD COME BACK TOMORROW

IF YOU WANTED TO.

EVERYONE WOULD ACCEPT YOU WITH

OPEN ARMS.

>> WITH WILLIAM BY MY SIDE, I

CAN COME BACK TO ST. JAMES.

>> BE REALISTIC.

>> TOM!

THIS IS WHO I AM.

>> YEAH, YOU WANT TO WALLOW IN

THIS, AND YOU WANT EVERYONE TO

FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

>> I'M TIRED OF HATING MYSELF SO

MUCH.

I'M TIRED OF PRAYING THAT I WAS

NOT SOMETHING -- I WAS NOT ME

ANYMORE.

>> THEN LET IT GO.

>> HOW CAN I LET IT GO?

IF SOMEBODY ASKED YOU TO GIVE UP

MATTIE TODAY, WOULD YOU DO IT?

WOULD YOU GIVE UP MATTIE TODAY?

>> WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? YES?

NO, I'M NOT GONNA SAY THAT.

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU BACK ME

INTO THAT ARGUMENT.

>> WELL, THEN, DON'T EXPECT ME

TO DO THE SAME THING.

SO, I CAME BACK THIS WEEK TO SEE

IF THERE IS ANY WAY THAT THESE

TWO THINGS CAN BE COMPATIBLE --

IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.

SO, CAN YOU ACCEPT ME...

LIKE THIS?

"YES" OR "NO," THOMAS.

IT'S NOT A TRICK QUESTION.

YOU EITHER LOVE ME OR YOU DON'T.

>> IF YOU'RE GONNA DRAW A LINE

IN THE SAND LIKE THAT, I'M NOT

GONNA CROSS OVER.

>> WELL, TOM, I LOVE YOU.

VERY MUCH, AND I ALWAYS HAVE.

[ Voice breaking ] I CAN'T KEEP

FIGHTING WITH YOU.

>> SETH.

OH, MY GOD.

[ SIGHS ]

[ DOOR CREAKS ]

>> THOSE ARE CLEAN?

>> YEAH, YOU WANT A DRINK?

>> YEAH.

THANK YOU, MOM.

>> MM-HMM.

WELL, WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT TO

YOU?

THAT YOU'RE RIGHT, OR THAT YOU

HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR

BROTHER?

>> WE GOT THIS, MAN.

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

GOT TO GO.

>> DO YOU NEED A RIDE?

>> NO, NO.

I'M GOING INSIDE, SO I'LL SEE

YOU ALL TOMORROW MORNING?

>> COOL.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> SEE YOU TOMORROW, REVEREND.

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> HEY!

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

I APPRECIATE IT.

>> THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME.

>> UM...CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING

TO DRINK?

>> YES, PLEASE.

>> WOULD YOU LIKE A BEER?

>> YES.

>> UM, I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO

YOU AWAY FROM ALL THAT, YOU

KNOW.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

NO, I APPRECIATE THAT.

>> I DON'T KNOW REALLY WHY I

CALLED YOU.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> I WILL SAY THAT -- CAN I

INTERJECT FOR A SECOND?

>> SURE.

>> I DO THINK THAT I'M AN

ACQUIRED TASTE, SO...

>> OKAY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I MEAN THAT -- I MEAN THAT IN

THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY, OF

COURSE.

BUT I THINK YOU ARE, TOO.

>> YEAH.

>> WE BOTH ARE WHO WE ARE.

I RESPECT THAT.

I LIKE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR

FAMILY.

I LIKE WHO I AM WITH SETH.

>> YOU TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER?

>> YEAH, WE TAKE CARE OF EACH

OTHER.

IS THAT YOUR MAIN CONCERN?

>> I JUST REALLY MISS TALKING TO

SETH.

>> ♪ PASS ME NOT, O GENTLE

SAVIOR ♪

♪ HEAR MY HUMBLE CRY ♪

♪ WHILE ON OTHERS, THOU ART

SMILING ♪

♪ DO NOT PASS ME BY ♪

♪ LET ME AT A THRONE OF MERCY ♪

♪ FIND A SWEET RELIEF ♪

♪ KNEELING THERE IN DEEP

CONTRITION ♪

♪ HELP MY UNBELIEF ♪

♪ SAVIOR, SAVIOR ♪

♪ HEAR MY HUMBLE CRY ♪

♪ WHILE ON OTHERS, THOU ART

CALLING ♪

♪ DO NOT PASS ME BY ♪

YOU THINK DAD WOULD ACCEPT ME

NOW?

>> I DON'T KNOW, SETH.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> I'M SAD I DIDN'T TELL DAD.

I WANT TO BE HOME.

AND I WANT WILLIAM TO BE ABLE TO

COME WITH ME.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT WITH THAT?

>> YES.

>> REALLY?

>> AS LONG AS YOU COME WITH HIM.

I JUST WANT YOU HOME, SETH.

>> YOU GOT IT.

>> GOOD.

GLAD WE GOT THAT SETTLED.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

LOVE YOU, MOM.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I MEAN I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.

WOULD YOU JUST SHOW ME HOW?

>> All: AMEN.

>> HERE'S TO MAGIC.

>> All: MAGIC TRICKS!

>> CAN EVERYONE LOOK AT THEIR

PLACE MATS?

>> OH, YEAH, THE KIDS MADE

PLACE MATS.

>> LOOK AT THESE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> BUT WHY DO I LOOK LIKE THE

WOMAN?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> THAT'S YOU WITH A WIG ON.

>> HEY, ANNIE, I'VE BEEN SHAVING

ALL WEEK.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> LET'S EAT.

HOW DO WE START THIS THING?

>> VERY FUNNY, DADDY.

>> [ IMITATES GUITAR STRUMMING ]

>> ♪ GRANDMA, GRANDMA ♪

>> ♪ GRANDMA, GRANDMA ♪

>> ♪ GRANDMA ♪

>> [ LAUGHS ]

YOU WON ME OVER WITH THAT.

SO, IT TOOK A BIT, BUT YOU KNOW.

>> MAN, IT'S BEEN AWESOME

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

>> REALLY?

>> YEAH.

>> THAT'S -- THAT'S PROBABLY THE

FIRST GAY THING YOU'VE SAID.

>> SERIOUSLY, THOUGH...

IF YOU HURT SETH, I'LL KILL YOU.

>> OKAY.

>> OKAY.

>> OH, MY.

>> OKAY.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ GRUNTS ]

>> WHOA!

>> I'LL TAKE THAT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OKAY, WHO WANTS COOKIES?

>> ME!

>> THESE KIDS NEED MORE SUGAR.

>> MM.

THANK YOU.

>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> SO, I HEARD A NEW JOKE TODAY.

>> YEAH.

>> A PRIEST WALKS INTO A GAY

BAR...

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S NO JOKE.

>> CHEERS.

AAH.

THESE GOOD WITH BEER?

>> YEAH.

>> THEY ARE NOT.