Alludu Seenu (2014) - full transcript

Fuck Wolverine.

First, he rides my coattails
with the R-rating.

Then, the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.

What a dick!

Well guess what, Wolvie?

I'm dying in this one, too.

To understand why I took a catnap
on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel...

I need to take you back to the
doody slopes of six weeks ago.

I've gone international. Taking
on mass murderers, gangsters,

unspeakable monsters.

People nobody would touch.
Except me.



I'm gonna touch them all over.

Hey. It's Gail calling.

Love the shiny suit. Really brings out
the sex trafficker in your eyes.

I don't speak
Cantonese, Mister...

Well I'm not even
gonna attempt that.

But I did take eighth
grade Spanish, so...

Donde esta la biblioteca?

Which literally translates to...

"I don't bargain,
pumpkin-fucker."

Uno, dos, tres, quatr...

I'll take a glitter off
your glitter fucking vodka.

I know it's called sea breeze.
Don't make me say it.

Hit it, Dolly.

Taking the hands off the
guns of the criminals.



Do not go in there!

Oh, God! Oh, God! Time out!
Time out!

Cut! Just like Cyclops,
can't open my eyes.

Fuck!

Scoutmaster Kevin?

Too exotic?

My world tour brought
me home to this guy.

Sergei

We'll get to him in a moment.

Because I know what
you're thinking.

"I'm so glad I left
the kiddos at home."

But that's where you'd be wrong.

That babysitter of yours,
is high as fuck right now.

And believe it or not...

Deadpool 2, is a family film.

True story.

And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.

Bambi, The Lion King, Saw VII.

Holy shit-pickles.
That guy's on fire!

That's not CGI, folks. He's
actually on fire. Yeah.

You know, you need to
take out bad guys, right?

But this guy... He was
one of the worst of 'em.

Open up with this fucking door,
and let's kill this motherfu...

Ugh... So gross.

A panic room? Really?

Can you come out?

I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

Open up what you feel inside. Just
not having enough confidence.

Listen, confidence is not something
you have. It's something you create.

And you can create it
any moment in time.

A sense of confidence is nothing but
a sense of power within yourself.

A sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.

And you can create that feeling
within you, in a moment.

Start the fucking car!

- Woo!
- I shit my pants.

Actually, that may have been me.

Mission accomplished?

Well, George W-sort of way.

Fucker can't stay in a
panic room forever.

- You are living the dreams, DP.
- It has been quite the run, Dopinder.

And who'd have thought?

Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus.

Passion of the Christ, then, me.
At least, domestically.

We beat them overseas, where
there's no such thing as religion.

I do want to live the
dreams, Poolboy.

Taxiing is not as
sexy as it looks.

- I want to fill my...
- Pockets? What's your poison?

Little cookie cokey?

Can't maintain an erection
without buying shoes online?

Never experienced that last one.

- Talk to me,
- I was going to say, soul.

I want to fill my soul. I want to belong
to something, like you, Pool, sir.

Dopinder?

You never cease to surprise me.

The depth of your heart
is extraordinary.

We all need a sense of belonging. We
all need a genuine sense of home.

- a place...
- I want to become a contract killer.

I'm sorry. What did you say?

Remember when I kidnapped
Bandhu, and tried to end him...

You kinda killed him.

- Remember the movie Interview with the Vampire?
- I don't want to.

When Tom Cruise fed ten-year old Kirsten
Dunst blood for the first time.

Then she looked up at his
smooth, handsome face,

and said, "I want some more".

Oh, Pool, picture me! A
ten-year old Kirsten Dunst.

I'll never not picture that.

But I can't wait to never speak of this.
As soon as possible.

We're here.

- You're my Tom Cruise.
- And you're my Kristen Dunst!

Kristen? Kirsten?

Sorry I'm late.

There was a bunch of...

Handicappable children stuck in a tree.
I had to...

You're right.

I was fighting a caped badass.

- Then I discovered his mom was named Martha, too.
- No.

Traffic?

Hmm?

- Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
- Well, come here.

I wanna shower and get
out of this suit.

- Don't you want your surprise?
- Do I look like a patient burn victim?

Happy anniversary, baby.

The ski-ball token.

- Our first date.
- Yup.

That's genuine high-grade lead.

I'll keep it forever.

Thank you, baby.

Open yours.

Well that's...

That's just the most
beautiful thing I ever...

I don't know what this is.

My IUD.

A bomb?

No, dick for brains. My
birth control device.

You mean your....

- Baby factory is open for business.
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! I want a boy.

Or a little girl. Just
really one or the other.

I want our kids to
have only one name.

Like Cher.

Or Todd.

- You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy.
- Yes, I do.

- Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss.
- Let's do that.

Does this song sound
familiar to you?

May.

Connor? If it's a boy.

May if it's a girl.

So weird.

Family's a lot like
an "F"-word to me.

Pile of shit father took
off and bailed, and...

It's not like I have a lot of strong
role models to draw off of for Todd.

Hey.

Look at me.

You are not your father.

Besides...

I will never, ever...

let our child be named "Todd".

But here's the thing. Isn't
that how it always works?

Like in Star Wars...

Men are destined to
become their father?

And then have consensual
sex with their sister?

I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.

- No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
- Baby, that's Empire.

The point is, kids...

They give us a chance to
be better than we are.

Better than we used to be.

You're a lot smarter
than you look.

I'm gonna go make dessert.

You get the strap-on.
Let's make a superbaby.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't
work that way but we can try.

What about Krystal, with a K?

That's too stripper-y.

Kevin with a K?

No. Too stripper-y too.

Earl?

He's gonna go straight to
jail if we name him Earl.

What about Bruce?

- Get down.
- What?

Baby? Baby?

I'm okay.

Thank God, I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

Papa, can you hear me?

Is it just me or does "Do you want
to Build A Snowman" from Frozen

sounds suspiciously like "Papa,
Can You Hear Me" from Yentl?

Papa, can you hear me?

That nobody fucking realizes it.

Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?

You smell like somebody shit in a civil
war wound after it had become gangrenous

They should've just amputated it. Why
shit in it. It doesn't make any sense.

I love Frozen.

I loved her. I loved her
like ocean loved water.

- An ocean is water.
- More importantly...

I liked her.

I really liked her, you know?

George Michael was right. I'm never
gonna dance again. Fuck. He's dead too.

- At least we still have Bowie.
- Yeah.

We still... have Bowie.

I'm sorry.

Shot after shot, it's not gonna change
the fact that I think you're...

Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? You're
making the face that you make when you're urinating.

- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it.

There you go, Dopinder.

You wanna be a contract killer, you're gonna
handle a mop before you handle a gun.

Although I don't quite understand
how they are all similar.

Well, they both have handles.
Now leave me.

Go home, Wade.

I don't have a home.

Whoa. Okay, I'm fine.
Honestly, I'm fine.

You know what fine
stands for, Wade?

Fucked up, insecure,
neurotic and emotional.

According to the...

Kubler-Ross.

According to the Kubler-Ross model, denial
is just one of the five stages of grief.

Jesus Christ, Buck.

No more speaking lines for you.

- I'm thinking it over.
- Motherfucker! Fuck.

What the hell are you doing here?
Don't you know how to knock?

I thought you saw me.
With your ears.

- You're lucky I didn't shoot you in...
- The wall? The refrigerator?

I'm in so much pain.

I heard the news, sweetie.

I'm very sorry. I am.

What am I gonna do, Al?

Probably something terrible.

- Knowing you.
- It was my fault.

I fucking did this.

And all I wanna do is grab her, see her.
Tell her that I'm sorry and I can't.

She's gone.

Sweetheart, can you speak up?

It's a little hard to hear you with
that pity dick in your mouth.

Now look, sugar.

- You need to just keep living.
- Thank you...

Matthew McConaughey, your
words are a treasure.

Listen to the pain.

It's both history teacher
and fortune-teller.

Pain teaches us who we'd all be.

Sometimes it's so bad, we
feel like we're dying.

But we can't really live 'till
we die a little, can we?

Wade?

- Wade?
- I'm right here, Althea.

Maybe that's the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.

You're absolutely right.

I'm about to do
something terrible.

There. All caught up.

You can't really live until
you've died a little.

Let's test that
theory, shall we?

I love you, Wade Wilson.

Ness?

Ness?

Ness?

Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

Your heart's not in
the right place.

Wait. Hold on, what?

Your heart's not in
the right place.

Wait, what's that, what do you mean my heart's
not in the right place? What does it...

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.
You're broken.

Oh, God. I know that voice.

Heart's in the right place.
Heart's not, what does that mean?

You've been sleep
for three days.

- I took the liberty of dressing you.
- No shit.

- Why can't I fucking die?
- Take your mask off, Wade.

We must talk. You
need fresh start.

With training, you can be X-Man.

You're wasting your
time, shiny Jesus.

- I'm not X-Men material.
- Understatement of the year.

Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade.

What, in the
fuck-knuckles is this?

She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.

Whoa! Pump the hate
brakes, Fox and Friends.

I'm just surprised anyone would date you.
Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

- I like this guy.
- Give him a chance.

- It's great seeing you like this.
- Yeah...

Bye, Wade!

Now some ground rules
while under our roof.

Rule number one: No killing.
Anyone. Ever.

No matter how bad.

Rule two: Label everything
in refriger... Wade?

Wade?

Don't try to chase me. Not
ready to be touched yet.

All these elderly white
men on the walls.

Should've brought
my rape whistle.

Those were already damaged
after they fell there.

What am I supposed to do around here, anyway.
Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings?

And how would I do that,
exactly, because...

Where the fuck is everyone?

It's always just you
and Negasonic Teenage

- Longest Name ever.
- Enough!

I said no touching.

What the... fuck.

You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

How about that pots with the giant
pigeon wings? What do those do in there?

Carry them three feet off the ground
to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb?

No, no, no, no, no. No.

I am not X-men material, at all.

First off...

I'm not even a virgin.
Sceond, and more...

I should've left you in the
self-pitying mess I found you in.

But this is what friends do.
They show up.

Not when convenient or easy.

When hard.

And you always make it hard.

You are unwell.

I'm sticking my
neck out for you.

One of the assholes who
killed Vanessa got away.

- Jesus Christ.
- Wade.

Whoever they are, we track them
down and bring them to justice.

It was me.

I'm the asshole who got away.

I killed every last one of them.
Except me.

Couldn't kill me.

We were gonna start a family.

We were, uhh...

We were gonna be a family.

Wade, Vanessa is gone.

She is not coming back.

This may not be family you want.

But, it's family you need.

You have a good heart. It belongs
here, where it can grow.

What did you say?

About my heart?

I think I'm in the right place.

Wade.

Wade!

Hey. I was just taking Cerebro for a
spin here. Looking deep into the future.

- This thing...
- That's not how Cerebro works.

Yes. Yes.

- We have mission.
- We have mission. We do.

You do. You guys
stay safe out there.

- No. I want you to join.
- No. You want me to join.

- I'm sorry. What?
- You are ready.

That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.

You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.

It's on my head and smells
like Patrick Stewart.

Be at the X-jet in five.

Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

Live here on a breaking news situation at
the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation.

A mutant boy is appearing to have some sort
of an incident with police here behind me.

There are two police vehicles
that are overturned...

A scene of absolute chaos...

I'll burn you! Just stay back.

Get away from me! You
wanna fucking die?

It appears as if the X-Men are arriving
with, what appears to be a trainee.

Everyone calm down.
The pros are here.

We're the X-Men.

A dated metaphor for
racism in the '60s.

So, respect.

At ease, officer.

What are you doing?

My job.

You're the one who said I was ready
and I frankly disagreed with you.

But here we are. Trying to overcome
our differences. Like Beyonce says:

"Please. Please stop
cheating on me."

Hey!

This is the fifth incident.

This kid needs to be in the Icebox.
Not here.

Russell belongs in our care.
Not in prison.

Not getting a real "under
control" vibe here, Marty.

- It is Glenn, isn't it?
- Daniel.

I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.

You stay here wth your weird...

Secret sex lips.

- You wanna die?
- He's so adorable. Dunno why I packed a hollow point.

- I'll burn your balls off.
- First day. I'm so nervous.

Did you just say hollow points?

Yeah. Probably should've
brought a super soaker.

Hi, there.

Stay back, or
Justin Bieber dies.

Justin Bieber. He called
you Justin Bieber.

Wait, wait. Okay,
let's not do...

Whatever that is. Okay?

Let's just talk. It's Russell.
Right?

- Firefist.
- Firefist!

That's a great name.

Where does it burn? Just the fist
or all the way up to the elbow?

Definitely all the
way up to the elbow.

Come quietly. Or there
will be trouble.

- You stole that from Robocop.
- Robocop!

Just stand down. You're
embarassing me. Look!

Firefi... Fire...!

I can't say it. I'm so sorry!

Shit. That fucking does it!

Put your hands behind your knees
and get down in your head, now!

Wade!

What was first rule?

Label everything in
the refrigerator!

- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!

That's the exact opposite
of what they are meant for!

Fuck! Fine.

I'll start from the beginning.

My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.

- Trainee!
- Shut it!

Look! I get it.

All right? You're scared.

Alone.

You got no family? I didn't have a family.
You live in this dump? Well guess what?

I used to live in a
shithole just like it.

But you know something?

I think that is worse.

It's a confusing time in your
life right now. Your body...

Is going through
some fiery changes.

Too far. I went too far.

That was effervescent.

Stay in school kid.
Or don't. I didn't.

- I'm an X-Man.
- Trainee.

Fuck it. Superhero
landing coming up.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
That's so impractical.

- I could get used to this X-Men shit.
- Trainee!

Trainee!

- Get a collar and restrain him, now.
- Calm down, squirt.

It's over. We got ya.

What's that do?

Power dampening collar.

Shuts down all mutant abilities.
Can't get it off.

Unless you've got a grenade.

Could've used one of
those in the first act.

Thank you.

That was absolutely thrilling.

True heroism in action.
We are in your debt.

We can take it from here.

Take me to the Icebox, please.
Anywhere is better than here.

Believe me son, you do not
wanna go to the Icebox.

Let's get you inside, young man.

No, wait. Wait, you just,
you guys stay there.

Those guys hurt you?