All's Well, Ends Well Too (1993) - full transcript

Come and try your luck.

Bet more, win more, come on.

Try your luck...

I can't gamble again?

Ok, it will be the last one.

Just try your luck.

How can I gamble?

Damn it, I love gambling.

Last bet! Open!

Calabash and chicken.

Sister gut,
aren't you feeling well, take a rest.



Damn you! You are not feeling well!

I am betting now.

How much does my head worth?

You are the daughter of lady chow,
it worths at least 500 taels.

Keep your word, it worths 500 taels.

I want to bet on chicken, open it.

Make your bet now...

It's open now.

Chicken, chicken, chicken.

I am rich!

Hey, it's the result
of the next table, not this one.

Open!

Coin, calabash and shrimp.

Where are the chickens?



Please sign this bill now.

I will ask your mom to pay it.

500 taels?

Yes, my head worth 500 taels,

but I didn't mean to bet all.

Come on, I wanted to bet 10 taels only.

Take the tips.
I give much more than enough, see?

Miss chow, you can't leave
without paying the debt.

Are you kidding? Do you
know who is my brother?

"Air-conditioned"

master tung.

This way.

Oh, this way.

You come early this morning.

Master tung, we have been
long waiting for you.

I have to dress up.

It's hot, use more force, got it?

Ok...

Have the tea please.

Your brother is chow tung.

He is the number one villain in lok Yung.

But when you see
your brother again, you'll become shit.

I won't forgive you...

Watch out! It's dangerous.

The frog as mortgage?

You scumbag, it's a twin frog.

My brother and I have one each.

Once I press it, my
brother's frog will scream.

My brother will come to save me at once.

This is called...

Paging frog.

Which one is screaming?

Yes, which one is screaming?

You are still using screaming frog?

Why don't you use a trembling frog?

Trembling frog?

It knows screaming and trembling,
and it's thin too.

It is designed to fit man's hand,
and it's convenient for carrying.

If you don't feed it over 24 hours,
it can function too.

It makes loud noise.

It's a faithful,

trustable, and useful paging frog.

It's a call from my sister;
I guess she is calling me to visit the zoo.

I am pretty and kind,
how can you beat a beauty like me?

I have no money, but...

You can sell me to brothel.

I do think so.

You are smart, let's meet at the
entrance of the brothel. See you there.

You want to leave?

He is returning my call.

What call?

My brother answers my call now.

Your brother?

The paging frog! It's finished.

Come, hurry up.

Master tung, no service
charge is added, sir.

Minimum charge, 1.2 taels, sir.

Master, miss is having trouble.

Follow me.

Who dares to fool me?

How dare you fool chow tung.

Sir...

Stop! Please stop writing.

I am leaving.

But I have finished filling the form.

Pay the money for illegal parking.

Do you have any bonus from it?

Benz, go, hurry up,
my sister is waiting for me.

- Master.
- Hurry up.

Don't bother me.

You'd stop in front of the red light!

Help! They want me to be hooker.

Brother!

They want me to be hooker!

- How dare you bully my sister?
- She lost the money in gambling.

Pal, be careful.

Do you feel dizzy?

A little bit...

You are nosy.

Are you taking weapon?

Guess who will win!
I think my brother will win.

Come on, make your bet,
I will be the banker.

I am rich!
Thank you very much, see you next year.

I have enough money for plastic surgery.

Brother, I am scared.

Lok-Yung is a city of crimes;
They will take revenge on me.

I am scared, please help me.

You bastard, you abuse violence!

Do you feel shame?

I will kill you all if you
dare make trouble again.

Who dares scold me, I'll
send him to be eunuch.

My mom is...

A good friend of the duchess.

She will help anyway.

Who dares challenge me?

Am I great? Clap your hands please.

Hero is easily to be misunderstood.

Right!

Don't be that hard, it hurts.

Hold it.

Hold it, it'll soon be fine.

Son, daughter

mom!

You must be thirsty.

Come on, have some tea first.

Mom!

Come on,

- take some tea first.
- Just leave this thing to the maid.

No, I want to apologize to you two.

So you were born,

we didn't get your consent beforehand.

I know you, you hate me,
that's true, right?

Forget it, mom.

Mom, stop fooling us.

I am wrong, I should not fight.

I know it's wrong, mom.

You know it now?

You know it?
So why should I talk to you like this?

Don't get angry, mom.

You always fight. You like a bowl of rice!

And you, except gambling, you know nothing,

I prefer having barbecue pork as daughter.

So, both of us will be a dish
of "barbecue pork with rice".

A bowl of rice with barbecue pork.

From now on, just eat and sleep.

I won't give you a penny.

Don't do this to me, mom.
I wanna quit gambling.

Can you make it?

I can do it.

If you don't believe it. Let's bet on it.

You shit head, you are rubbish!

Ok, I will leave you to your husband.

I won't take care of you anymore.

Husband?

I have received the letter
from my future-son-in-law for a long time.

He is coming from Kai-fung to lok-Yung,
but it's taken a month!

Husband?

Honey, I open a bank specially for you.

And this credit card is for you.

You can draw the cash 24 hours a day.

So you can gamble at any time you like.

Hubby!

Hubby...

Aunt, aunt, may I ask...

Ask? You want to beg, right?

Leave me alone.

Aunt, you have misunderstood.

I came from Kai-fung, I want to...

Marry the daughter of lady chow.

You? My god!

Aunt, be careful!

Aunt! Aunt!

It's you?

Aunt!

Gut, get up. Hurry up.

What? She is gut?
Then you must be brother chow tung.

Who are you?

Lam ka sing!

Lady chow, how are you doing?

You are like your mom.

London bridge is falling down...

Dear friend, you come to wash

the clothes with me?

What's the matter with you?

I am fine,

you are the best friend of mine.

Yes.

Hey, why don't we arrange
the marriage of our coming children?

Great idea, let's make an oath now.

Look at them!

If they are boys, let them be buddies.

If they are girls, let them be sisters.

If one boy and one girl, let them marry.

It's a deal, if any of us deny this oath,

the son will have no bottom,

the daughter will have one more bottom.

You have no bottom! Don't you eat rice?

How dare you!

Ka sing, your family is the
richest family of the world.

Why are you that poor now?

Yes, my family in Kai-fung
used to be the richest one.

We had thousands miles of field,
and thousands of houses.

Our villa was as beautiful as a palace.

I lived in a deluxe life!

We had over 3000 guests living
with us & 500 servants served us.

Precious dishes were common in diet.

I was born is such a lucky family!

What a world, sweet world!

You shouldn't be that poor!

But it's changed!

Last month, my dad failed in his business,
he went into bankruptcy.

Later, he passed away.

Then, my family was getting poor.

Now, my home is empty,
I have nothing valuable left.

I checked from my bank account...

Only 30 million taels of gold are left.

Master sing.

But, the fate is fooling me again.

After the close down of bank cc,

I have nothing left.

What a poor story of mine, my honey!

Shut up, I won't admit
you to be my husband.

- I won't take him as my wife.
- Your husband,

impossible! You idiot!

Mom, since he has shown up,

gut fainted twice.

If she married him, she will die soon.

We won't accept a poor relative like you.

Anyway, you are not our
relative, get lost now.

How dare you! Kneel down!

My dear son-in-law, I don't mean you.

It's your parents
who should decide your marriage.

Marry gut 3 days later;
You'll be adopted into our chow's family.

Damn it, I won't marry him.

If you refuse, you can never marry again.

I have long been a widow.

Let me marry him.

Why don't you help?

If he marries my mom, he will be my dad.

Hubby, are you tired?

I am not.

Let's eat now.
I've prepared some special dish for you.

See, the dishes are your favorite.

I love it.

Fried rice.

I am satisfied.

Let's dine now.

Dad, it's the beginning of the month.

Give my some pocket money please.

Thank you.

Don't waste it!

How poor am I?

Kidding!

You!

Don't hit me! Don't hit me!

I am leaving now...

I am leaving!

Don't go, my dear brother-in-law.

I will marry my sister to you tomorrow.

I will pay you too. It's deal.

Stop!

Please come down.

He is adopted.

Hey, change it, hurry up.

I don't want to marry a beggar.

If you don't, he will be our dad.

So we will have poor life!

Don't worry. I will teach him a lesson.

So he will obey you for the rest of life!

What a happy day! Be careful, sir.

This fool is willing to marry gut chow,

he must be idiot!

He will be bullied by his brother-in-law!

- Yeah...
- Bull shit!

He is a lucky guy!

You deserve it.

Walk slowl?

Do you want to enter the
bridal chamber now?

Go out, let's discuss something.

You are one of our family now.

You are the son-in-law of
chow's family, so you'd listen to us.

You should change your surname
to chow from now on.

And you should be named chow,
chow chow is your new name.

Chow chow?

It's easy to be remembered,
why don't you thank my brother?

Save it.

Sister, spread your legs, be quick.

You'd not spread like this.

Stand and spread your legs.

Sorry, I think it's bedtime.

Go under your wife's legs,
you'd listen to your wife forever.

Come on!

No, how can I face the others?

Are you refusing?

No.

Ok, but...

Are you civilized?

Ok, I will give you an 1q test.

What kind of beast will ask
"why why" when seeing people?

- Parrot.
- No, it's turtle!

It's pig!

Pig?

Why? Why?

You are the beast who asks
"why why" when seeing people.

Turtle...

You are quite wise.

Move it out!

Now, it's a test of your guts.

If you can step through the fire basins,
you needn't go under her legs.

Hurry up! I am tired.

- Hold it!
- Help.

Good!

So what?

You are wearing the fireproof shoes.

You are tricky!

I want you to go under her legs now.

No! I won't do it.

Hurry u p. - Now!

You can't insult the civilized scholar!

Hurry up...

Stop fooling around,
it's time for the wedding ceremony.

My dear son-in-law, it's time to get up.

Burn the firecrackers now.

Go I?

After washing by the pomelo leaves,
you won't be demon!

Comfortable?

Quite.

What?

Isn't it a difficult job
for you to massage me?

Yes, it's comfortable indeed.

Use more force!

I will have a grand son soon.

It makes me envy!

Clean my toes.

Do you want to touch my hand?

Where is the gold bracelet from my aunt?

Hurry up.

Time's up.

Do you want to kiss me?

Where is the necklace from my uncle?

Hurry up!

Make it tomorrow!

Want a try?

Isn't it fantastic?

Where is the lucky money?

Your brother took all lucky money from me.

Why don't you tell me earlier?
You fat-headed.

Go to sleep!

Get lost!

Do you want to sleep with me? Never!

Unless, you give me 200
taels, then I will...

You idiot!

Come on

Go under my legs.

No? I want to teach you a good lesson!

It's not wise to stay here!

I am wise,

so I shouldn't stay here.

Let's play games!

Seven, eight!

Six, seven...

Lady chow, I am leaving.

And I won't come back again.

Although I have married with gut,

it's in name only, so I won't bother
if she wants to marry again.

By the way, your daughter's legs
are having bad smell!

Remember to wash them frequently. See you.

What's it? Mom, what are you doing, mom?

Hurry up

hurry up...

I want to sue somebody!

Your honour, you are too polite!

What's the matter?

Your honour, I want to
sue chow tung and his sister.

Do you have any statement?

Yes, your honour.

But it's not enough.

But I am a good judge.
Just like your parents.

I will write on behalf of you.

I have only 5 taels.

I don't mind.

Let's go back.

Your honour, when will the trail be?

I will arrange the schedule first.

Give me another 5 taels,
then I will fix it for you.

That's why he said he was like my parents.

Because I should give him
money for his living.

Buy one and you'll get one free.

Sir, what do you want? Go in.

Want do you want to drink?

Johnny Walker.

To make you wiser.

No.

Why not cock tail?

Cock tail?

So big is the tail! Is
there anything to eat?

Yes, hot dog!

That's good.

You are not lucky.

Your hot dog.

Waiter, check the bill please.

Sir, do you have any horse parked here?

Give me the parking card if you have any.

No.

Thank you...

What? 18 taels?

I have eaten not much.

Minimum charge, sir.

But I have only 3 taels.

How dare you!

Pal, come over here.

How dare you!

He was beaten so seriously.

But I have one tael only! That's shit!

Bloody Mary

It will make you happy.

It will lead you to a fantastic world.

Are you coughing? This is cough syrup.

You won't be addicted. Try!

Give me a try please.

Get lost, you hag.

Repeat!

You hag.

What a big joke!

Do they want to kill him just
because he has not enough to pay?

There is no exit!

Serve you right.

What'll I do?

There is no exit!

Kill her!

Kill that hag.

I need to show you something great!

Watch out!

Watch the banana.

- Go!
- Banana...

Who saved me with the banana?

I can't guess that, I
am a civilized scholar.

Now, I am that poor!

Luckily I have eaten
a lot of banana before my death.

See you in the next life.

The servants of...

Hell?!

Your majesty.

What are you talking about?

Oh, the king of hell is a woman!

I am not the king of hell!
You are still alive.

Alive?

So you are...

Monster! Alien! Evil!

You can never escape
once you enter my home.

What do you want? Money or sex?

Not the first one!

What are you crying for?

I escaped from the
villain chow tung and his sister!

But now, you want to ruin my virgin again.

What? Who is chow tung?

Listen to my story...

My dear son-in-law.

Mother-in-law, guess who I am?

It's you, are you back?

Yes, mom, my hubby is back,
drink the herbal tea now.

Take away your hands,
let me take a look at you.

No, I won't take away my hands,

until you take the medicine.

Yes, come on, drink it. Hurry up.

Son, take away your hand.

No, I am lam ka sing, your dear son-in-law.

I know you are cheating me.

I tried very very best
to be cheated by you.

But you acted so badly.

Go! Get lost!

I can't help.

Brother, think something.

Or we will be orphans.

- I have got an idea.
- How is it?

Let's hold a celebration party for mom.

What do you want?

No one wants to marry her.

A birthday party!

Yeah!

Give me five!

Yeah!

That's it!

Right, you should fight
for your own future.

You are civilized, now take the gold.

Go and join the examination.

How can I take this?

Don't be silly. If you pass the examination
and become senior officer,

come back and marry me.

What?

Sign this contract now.

Carter, Reagan.

Bush, Clinton?

From these names, you can tell
they will become the presidents.

I always meet
civilized scholars and give them gold,

it's called diversify investment.

I will be a lady sometime.

May I know your name?

There is a hag in Kai-fung.

She is fair and is righteous.

- Be careful!
- Sit well!

I am now going!

20taels is more than enough

"taxi horse"

driver, don't fool him!

I won't!

Who is the litter villain chow tung?

Brother, you look happy!
Are you looking for hooker now...

You are stupid.

There is a fa tin lantern
gathering tonight.

There will be many
performances in the market.

Now, I am going to interview one or two.

I'll ask them to give some performances
in our mom's birthday party.

Woo! You are smart.

I have heard that there
is a handsome magician.

Remember to ask him to come for the party

magician? What's his name?

David Copperfield.

I see, it's David copper feel!

Yes, hurry up.

I am going now.

Isn't he the guy you've mentioned?

Yes!

He is very handsome.

He is very handsome.

It's troublesome to wear man's wear!

Look, look this way.

Great!

Please sign a name for me. Please!

Now, it's time for the
fantastic show tonight.

I need help from an audience.

Who will come and help me?

You! Mr. big eye, come on...

I think you are
interested to know this sissy man...

What is he wearing inside, right?

What do you want?

Nothing special.

I want to feel you!

What's this?

Woman's underwear?

Oh, you are...

You love something long and straight.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

What's the matter?

Don't go, please stay and sign a name.

Thank you.

Get lost...

Where is the magician?

He is handsome!

I love it.

To cheer up.

How's the stuff?

He is coming. What'll we do?

It smells good.

I come to worship the god.

I wish to fall in love with you.

Please be merciful.

Be polite!

Don't dream of counting him.

I warn you, you should behave yourself.

Get lost now!

I am too hot!

I meet my dream lover at last.

I am a junior in loving affair.

I want to have fun tonight.

It's fate!

We have to take back the underwear.

Sure...

I will take care of the underwear.

Take it.

But you have made it dirty,
you should clean it first.

I will take it back some days later.

You fool, you should be smarter next time.

If we take back the underwear,
we'll have no excuse to see him again.

We just take this for fun,
are you that serious?

What could make daddy marry me to him?

Hey, give me some idea.

Why not this?

Lies!

To cheat him.

I have heard that your girl is cultured.

Many people want to chase her.

They want to chase my daughter snow white?

My daughter is well educated by me.

She has many choices,

she won't choose those poor
and hopeless youngsters.

That means rascals.

That's right...

I wish to know your daughter,
can you introduce her to me?

She is upstairs.

My daughter never goes out.

Snow white.

She must be playing in the backyard.

She is playing.

What? Rascal?

You prog!

It's me, dad!

Daughter, are you alright?

Why are you wearing man's wear?

Did you fool around all night?

They joined the drama club,

they acted as Asia the invincible.

How smart is she.

You are very great.

Miss, lies!

How?

Miss fooled around last night.

She met a boy.

It's common social activity.

That's right.

My son always counts girls at night.

I am going back to my room.

Ok. Ok...

Wait, master.

Miss has done something with that boy.

Oh, they worked together all night!

I see, I see!

It's some kind of psychological balance
to know the different sex.

Right.

But, no sex, that doesn't harm.

They did!

She slept with that boy.

Good! It's...

Well, well...

Although she is hurt physically,

her mind and soul is still pure.

It's peanut...

That's right,
see the famous women from history.

Most of them were hookers.

Thank you!

Also...

Miss is pregnant.

What?

That means my daughter is productive.

She is capable to produce babies.

It's your turn.

I don't know how to find
any excuse for you.

I am going home.

Goodbye.

Listen to me.

Dad, don't hit me.

You should kick my ovary.

Kick your grandson.

Kill him, send him to hell.

So, he won't be a sacrifice of our fault.

Does the bastard admit it?

Hey, where is my future son-in-law living?

What a big shit!

How are you, feel?

How are you, pimp?

Honey lake.

Naked beach again?

There are many north China beauties.

Are they good?

Come on, just take a look!

She is the most popular one in town.

Me too.

Why not this one?

She is married,
but she wants to work as hooker again.

I don't like housewife.

How about this?

She is great in kung-fu.

She loves difficult moves.

- I haven't tried anyone who knows kung-fu.
- Really?

Ok, I want this one.

Ok.

Are you the magician David copper feel?

I am a magician.

My mother will hold a
birthday party tomorrow.

Come to my home and do
some performance, ok?

I won't give a penny less.

Take my deposit first.

I am going to start my show, wait for me.

Do you know who I am,
how dare you ask me to wait for you?

Here comes my show!

You shouldn't be that cocky.

Mister, I used to perform in the market,

I don't think I match your grand party.

Please send my regard to your mom.

Great!

Take this to your mom.

Where is my bracelet?

See, isn't he like an elephant?

How dare you fool me?

"Hag!"

Old man, stay back
if you want to watch the fight.

Or I will hurt you!

Bat man?

Come out! Come out!

I don't think you'd hide up for your life!

I will wait for you.

Great! You are great!

I know it's you!

What are you doing?

I am sorry,
I have mistaken you as another person.

Are you David copper feel?

So what?

Are you David copper feel?

If you want to say yes, then yes.

That's great! Master feel.

Do you know?
My little daughter is madly fond of you.

What? A girl who is madly fond of me?

Sure, you have attractive eyes.

Rosy lips and open minded.

Great figure too.

And strong pen...

I have that too.

You are perfectly made by god.

May I know your family members?

Women.

I have a mom and a sister, all are women.

Oh, you are single.

Hey, man should marry at your age.

It's not that easy.

That's easy.

If only you wish to marry my daughter.

What? To marry your daughter?

At once.

Would you allow me to
have a second thought?

Time is not allowed!

Otherwise, the baby can't wait.

You guarantee your daughter
to be reproductive?

Hey, you are the only son of your family,
you'd have descendants.

Imagine how happy your mother would be
when you've a baby

mother?

After drinking this cup of tea,
your family will be rich and lucky.

Have the tea, mom.

Mom.

Mom...

Let me clean your shoes.

About the marriage, it should be quick.

It depends.

About the wedding party...

Forget it, if only you marry my daughter,

I am willing to give you money in return...

Are you kidding?

Hey, don't you treat me as your friend?

It seems to be an advantage!

Sure it is.

I want to take a look
at you daughter first.

Daughter.

Snow white!

Beautiful!

I am willing to marry her.

She is my maid.

Normally, if the maid is pretty,

your daughter would be ugly.

Be frank, if your daughter is ugly.

I want to marry our maid.

Dad!

Who is he?

The one who slept with you?

What? She was other's woman already!

That's why you push me to take her!

You are crazy!

What are you doing?

Isn't he David copper feel?

It's some kind of mistake, you may go now.

What? We haven't finished our discussion.

The interview is over.

We will inform you later. Please leave.

You want me to go now?

Go, go.

Are you kicking me away?
Who do you think I am?

Don't you want me to teach you a lesson?

Secu!

Secu?

Se cu!

Yes.

Sel

yes.

Cu!

Yes.

- Show the guest to the door.
- Yes, master.

Hey, where are se and cu?

Did you beg me to marry your daughter?

I talked to one person about this.

Am I the one whom you talked to?

I can't recognize you!

You are breaking the joint declaration.

What good idea would you suggest?

You mean to go against me?

I dare not...

Who is the master here?

Come down!

My god!

You can fool any body in this world.

But not me, the kind-hearted hero.

The righteous and honest...

Little villain chow tung.

Chow lung?

- Tung!
- Lung, right?

It's tung!

Why did you hit my dad?

Beauty, sleep earlier tonight.

I'll come early tomorrow morning
to pick you up for your wedding.

Damn you!

Don't you want to marry me?

I will force you to do so.

Ko yuen, come in.

Young master.

Gather the buddies
from the martial arts school.

Surround this house.

Yes sir!

If any one escapes from this house,
you will be seriously punished.

See you, my dear father-in-law.

See you, my honey.

Copper feel...

Dad, what shall we do?

I want to go to sleep.

There is no time for you to sleep.

You know my bad habit.

When I am nervous, I will feel sleepy.

Don't stop my way upstairs.

I can stand no more.

Go that way, go!

Now, it's time for our fantastic show.

Any one wishes to help me?

Mister...

You are a volunteer. Come on...

No, mister...

Cut the crap, come on...

This is a new hairstyle,
which I have learnt from Hong Kong.

Good!

It's post modern.

Any one wants a try?

Oh my hair.

But, I come for my miss.

Miss what?

The underwear?

What kind of underwear?

I wear the same kind of
underwear of my miss.

Oh, Mr. big eyes.

Miss is forced to marry a villain.

Villain?

She is waiting for you in her room.

Stay one night with her.

May be, you will find
some ways to save her.

Whole night?

Yes, I have prepared the
sedan-chair for you.

I want to buy something first.

Man, do you have any rubber...

Yes!

Extra big size please.

Why do you buy rubber...

Oh, you have sedan-chair sick.

So I have to buy a large rubber bag.

What are you doing?

She is the friend of my miss,
she comes to be the bridesmaid.

Why is she vomiting?

She is pregnant!

A pregnant woman to be a bridesmaid?

It's custom of our hometown.

Don't block the way.

It's strange.

Hey, the poor guy can't
take the sedan-chair!

Should I give you
some pills to stop your headache?

Sit down!

Sit dow?

Miss...

Master, what do you want?

Snow white refuses to marry him.

So, I want to shave and make up

so as to take her place tomorrow.

But, if chow lung is so crazy that...

Then my ass would...

Would be ruined by him!

It doesn't matter, you are so old.

Bull shit!

Who is she?

Oh,

Oh, maste?

Where did you get such beauty?

You are smart!

You have got the same idea as mine.

You want to take this beauty
to substitute the bride!

- No!
- Cut the crap!

Tell miss the good news now,
asks her not to worry any more.

I don't mean it.

Go, she is shouting for help now! Go!

I shouldn't have such dirty thought!

I pay so much to get this beauty,

it's of no reason to
benefit chow lung like this!

I have to do some dirty things this time.

I want to do with this girl now.

Girl, I want to take chow tung's advantage.

You will have a baby of mine soon.

Then I will tell him the
truth after 18 years.

So as to make him crazy!

Be careful!

When he knows that he has
raised a son of mine for 18 years,

he would be crazy!

Don't be nervous!

Don't fall asleep.

Shut u?

I'm powerful!

Don't panic!

You wolf!

You will lose your virgin sooner or later.

Now, I will show you the
process of losing your virgin.

I am not wolf!

You will see the wolf tomorrow!

Woo, you are active!

Great!

Come 0?

You are scared by a simple hairpin!

Mister

here is too dangerous.

You'd better leave,
don't come back until tomorrow morning.

Leave your miss to me.

Cut the crap!

Mr. big eyes.

Don't cry, Mr. big eyes.

If you cry,

I'll feel more excited.

Chow tung wants to marry me.

Instead of being raped by him,

I prefer giving you my most precious thing.

Don't you mind this?

I don't think so.

Let's drink the wine first.

What are you doing?

After this wine.

We will reach a happy stage.

Our soul and mind will mix together,
to enjoy the happiest time.

Then the poison will function.

We will be so painful!

Bleeding!

In order to avoid the revenge of chow tung,

I don't want him to separate our corpses,

so before the poison works,

let's chop each other.

Then, burn ourselves,
we'll become ash at last.

Isn't it romantic?

Don't be that impulsive!

Then, we mix together

after that,

no one can separate us again.

It's a great idea.

There are many exciting things in
this world, which you've never tried.

Sa?

Also...

I think you don't want to die
if you try any of it.

Let's hold tightly.

Eyes to eyes.

Maybe, you will blame me
of forcing you at the first time.

But you will urge for it
for the second time, come on.

Where can you escape?

Are you still sleeping?

Damn it!

It's a mistake, go up there. Hurry up!

You said you wanted me instead of my miss,

why don't you take me?

I am not that kind of person!

I emphasize righteousness and courtesy.

I have promised to marry your miss.

I won't change my mind
within a short period.

But after that...

I will take you as concubine.

Wait for me! Get lost!

Take her back!

No...

Don't be that rude.

Be careful!

Chase after them now!

Hurry up...

I am the bridegroom!

How happy am I!

There is romantic lighting.

Hel?

Luckily I have the safety seat belt.

Help...

What kind of monster are you?
A woman with beard!

Bride robbing, your honour!

You mean you? A bride with beard?

Honey, you are tied all night,

because I don't want you to disturb my mom.

Take the bride's dress first.

After my mom wakes up,
we can have the wedding ceremony.

Don't worry; I won't
push you to do anything.

I won't rape you.

Let's take 3 months as pre-marriage period.

After that, we can do that
without any embarrassment.

I am the most
understanding person in the world.

Brother, there are two cops
who want to arrest you.

Arrest me?

They want you to take the statement.

They are going to sue you of kidnapping,
unlawful detention.

Severe sex disturbance,
sexual discrimination.

You want to put me to jail?

Take care of your future sister-in-law.

How dare you!

Brother courted a gay.

Who are you?

I am David copper feel.

Can you imagine
your future sister-in-law is a man?

Why I did so is because...

I want to court you!

Court!

Corrup...

Tion!

Thank you for taking care
of my daughter's matter.

I am your good friend, I should help you.

By the way,
you have brought your evidence here.

Have the tea please

ok.

How dare you do this in my territory?

Arrest him.

Your honour, Mr. chow brought you
many important evidence.

Finish it as soon as
possible, I am in a hurry.

Now, the evidence is enough,

this case is settled.

Mr. chow is a man of piety.

Therefore,

chow tung is acquitted.

Withdraw court.

Your honour, I am the best friend of yours.

This is court,
we'd forget friendship but justice.

Only evidence counts.

Your evidence is not enough.

Then I can add some more.

Save it, it's come to an end.

Why not next time?

Be smart next time, give more evidence.

Dear father-in-law.

Why don't you dress up yourself,

and participate our wedding party?

- That's right...
- Now, I am not going to sue chow tung anymore.

Well, let's go to have tea now.

I want to sue you, you corrupted judge

I want to sue youl!
You would be in great trouble!

Let's see who would be in trouble!

What are you doing? Hey, stop!

What's the matter?

You are framing the officials.

Give him a severe penalty of 70 strikes.

How dare you!

Just strike him 30 times.

30, that's correct.

No, add 30 more, make it total, 100.

One hundred!

That's great!

After dhala lama became my grandma,

she told me I would meet my lover today.

What are you doing?

I am please to hear that.

No, your words made me so happy.

Can you repeat once?

But I can't say the same thing again.

Well, then record it.

Record it?

Copy it with pen and paper.

You said you would court me.

Are you willing to be courted by me?

Yes, I do.

That means, you are courted.

Am I courted?

No, court me once more.

You are the born beauty.

Everybody knows it!

I am a common people.

What I can do is to admire you only!

I don't mind! Go ahead to court
me, and play me if you like.

I don't match you.

I don't mind.

I am sick!

I will give you money
for medical treatment.

I am cheap and I am a wolf.

I am cheaper, come on, let's play in bed.

Stop, you bitch!

Hands off!

You are so tough.

I think I should use my last stance.

Hot lips!

No one can resist my stance!

Stop!

Granny, do you want a try?

Shut up!

I don't want to kiss you.

How about this?

Monster!

She scared herself!

Where are you miss?

I will arrange it for you.

How dare you sue me?

Honey, let's go to our wedding.

Are you feeling shy?

Honey, you have good smell!

You have slim waist!

Big bottom.

The legs are long enough.

What? Mom.

What kind of evil is it?

Dragon ball?

She looks horrible!

There are so many strong men in lok-Yung.

Miss, are you coming from other town?

What do you want?

Are you interested to have any escort?

What's the price?

Only 120 taels.

What kind of quality?

High quality of course! Never be pregnant.

Shit! Men can't be pregnant!

They haven't made any client pregnant!

They are safe, have a
look at the sample first.

He gained a lot of prizes.

What now?

How about this one?

Has he got any prize before?

He is longing for any prize.

But now, he runs his own business,
it doesn't matter to fight for prize.

He hasn't got any.

It doesn't matter...

How about this?

I am afraid you can't stand him.

How is it?

He told me personally that...

He needs fun any time anywhere!

I love this one.

Please leave me money for a motel.

Mister, how lucky to meet you!

Miss is waiting for you at the motel.

Motel?

Chow tung is searching for her,
so she should hide up.

She is eager to see you, go now!

Come!

Take the money,
go and buy some food in the market.

Don't come back until sunset.

I don't think it's enough for me
to spend until sunset.

Isn't it ok?

Sure! I can spend till dawn!

Come back!

Where is the key?

Go up, turn left, the second room that is!

Turn left, the second one?

So bitchy!

But I love it!

It needs to be sharpened!

One, two...

Return to basic law.

Ma li ma li hung!

I am sorry, I made you long waiting!

Do you want me to be gentle or rude?

Rude!

Sure!

What's wrong? Are you feeling shy?

Why do you cover your eyes?

Take off your hands.

You are very pretty!

All people in America and Canada know that!

So, I can't match you!

I paid! Do you want to leave like this?

Well, why I did this

because... l love you!

I need to pay!

Because I don't need love!

I need making love!

But I can't help you!

I can never imagine,
I would be raped by a lady wolf!

I hate men crying!

Go to hell!

Don't tell me you are
pushed by lady loan-sharks!

No!

Your dad is having bust cancer!

No, a villain has made a dead set at me!

Isn't it chow tung again?

That's right!

Help!

I can't refuse it, or my boss will hit me!

No, help!

You are not as ugly as my boss described!

Snow white, are you alright?

Pal, I chare more for serving 3 of you.

Hey, he said he would
offer a foreigner to me.

I came from foreign country too.

Damn you!

Tell me how chow tung treated you!

Get in the sedan chair now.

Master chow...

How dare you challenge me!
You are not qualified to do so!

Go now.

I am the bridegroom tonight.

My dear daughter...

Madam, have the tea from the bride.

Cut the crap.

Mother, have the tea now.

Mother, what are you doing?

Mother!

Youth! Lovely youth!

I want to be youth!

I want to have fun tonight!

Mom, you have recovered.

I want to produce
a fat grandson for you tonight.

I am going to the west chamber.

My bride is waiting for me.

In such a romantic night.

All of you please leave us alone.

Fantastic!

Honey, come and drink some wine first.

Are you feeling shy?

That's correct.

Come on, take some wine to make u high...

Then, we will go to bed and...

After the wine, we will go to bed!

Turn off the light please, I am shy!

What a pure virgin!

But after tonight, you will be experienced.

Honey, do you want me to be gentle or rude?

Rude!

Me too!

I think, there will be great race tonight!

I can't see you now.

You can't see me too, isn't it romantic?

Oh my god!

You scared me!

Chow tung, you used to bully women.

Now, it's your turn! I
was sent to punish you!

You can't escape from me!

Who are you?

There is a jinx in Kai-fung.

Please don't sing, you sang terribly!

I don't want to marry you, leave me alone!

But we have had the wedding ceremony.

How can you ask me to leave like this?

I will have a grandson next year!
Thank god.

I am jealousing!

Be frank, you tell me!

How many women did you have before?

1,2,3...

Woo, it's a long list!

But from now on.

I will treat you like a statue of goddess.

I serve you whole-heartedly, alright?

Before me, how many men did you have?

Mr. Lee, Mr. wong,

the gardener ping, and pocky wing...

I am just kidding.

You are the first man
of mine, you silly boy.

I want to teach you a lesson now!

You should promise to take good care of me.

Don't cheat me.

I hate men crying.

Go to hell!

Help!

How poor am I...

I was tortured...

Brother, you are looking awful and tired.

You worked so hard for my grandson,

I appreciate so much!

Let me take a look of my daughter-in-law.

Don't! Mom, don't go, she is so ugly!

No matter how, she should greet me.

Don't bother me!

My daughter-in-law is very...

Very ugly, right?

She is so pretty!

Don't scare me.

Son, don't scare me!

Brother, look at you face!

It was infected by that woman,
it's the first stage of leprosy.

Get away,

or you will be infected too.

Not exactly, she is so pretty that,
I don't think she is having leprosy.

My god, she infected that to me,
she must be a witch!

Damn you, bitch!

Damn you bitch, yo?

Hubby...

How are you? Are you alright?

Are you hurt?

Honey, your birthmark...

It's a heritage form my mom.

It will disappear after an intercourse.

My mom told me that
she had that birthmark before.

Oh I see,

it's a symbol of being a virgin.

You are bad!

Honey, you have my birthmarks now.

Now, you are my man,
so, you should be obedient.

What?

I mean, I want to serve you, and obey you.

I don't mind to have scar on my face!
It's rather smart!

But, make up your mind,

is there anything else
you have passed to me?

You are bad, of course not.

That's good.

What are you doing?

Hubby, you are so attractive!

Honey, you are attractive too.

Congratulation!

What do you mean? Are you teasing me?

Lam ka sing has become a courtier,
he is coming.

Who is lam...?

Hubby?

My dear son-in-law.

Mom, I want to do something with my hair.

Good, and make up too.

My dear son-in-law.

Hurry up!

Your excellency!

Stop! Your excellency!

I have forgot my seat beat.

Your excellency.

Sorry for a late reception.

I should be punished

men.

As an old Chinese saying,
there is treasure inside a book.

Your excellency, how about this one?

You are in bad luck!

His excellency has become
the commissioner against corruption.

Arrest him.

I was framed...

It's not necessary for you to confess,

but what you have said
will become the statement.

Exile him now.

Your excellency,
may I be excused from being exile?

Ok.

Be the hooker of the army!

Oh my ass!

Watch out! There is assassinator.

Lam ka sing!

Who are you?

Don't you recognize me?

There is a jinx in Kai-fung.

My jinx!

Oh, no, my benefactor!

You become so pretty!

Have you taken any plastic
surgery in Japan?

I am so lucky!

I am going to marry a pretty wife soon.

I am married.

Stop bothering me!

My dear brother-in-law!

Little villain?

Hubby!

He's got your birthmarks!
Why did you marry chow tung?

My dear son-in-law.

Lady chow, I have to thank you
for taking care of me!

Don't mention it, you are my son-in-law!

My daughter misses you so much!

She wants me to be dead.

Hey, anyway, you are married.

We haven't any affection.

But, I have taken care of you.

Yes, although you didn't ask for my help,

I did help you.

Yes, be generous, take gut back with you.

I can't!

Hubby... here comes a beauty!

Look at you! You hag!

I am a woman who can be easily hurt.

Stop!

Yes.

Hubby...

You are heartless! Damn you!

Shut up!

You tortured me in our wedding,
do you remember?

If you want me to take you back,
you'd do 3 most difficult jobs first.

First, you should go under my legs.

Easy job!

I am lucky to go under the courtier's legs.

I will be rich then.

Isn't it enough?

Don't you think it's enough?
Want another round?

Give her a basin to wash her feet.

Why don't you take off your shoes?

Come on.

It stinks!

I have advised you
to wash your feet frequently!

You don't listen to me!

Now, I want you to drink the dirty water.

Stop!

Your excellency, when you left.

Your letter was sent to me.

I should be blamed of
not pushing her to wash her feet.

Well, let me drink the water as penalty.

No, mom, you can't drink this.

Or you will have cancer, don't drink it.

Stop!

What a good mother!

However,

she has a crazy daughter.

Forget it.

Thank you, husband.

Hold it, there is another test

hey, is your sister doing a show up there?

This is called "an idiot
looking for husband?

Have you ever heard of getting back
the water after it's poured?

Poor?

Any poor guy here?

That means...

You can't get back every drops of water
after you have poured it.

If you want me to take you back.

Unless, you can get
any drops of poring water back.

Give her a basin.

I want to suicide, mom...

Stay calm, I am here to help you.

Brother-in-law,

hold it.

Brother-in-law,

you should keep your promise.

If I can gather all drops of water,
will you take my sister back?

Sure.

But, you can never make it.

Let's wait and see.

Get ready to gather the dirty water.

Be careful, brother, that's my future!

Be careful! That's my future!

Take care!

Ok.

Big brother.

See, I did it.

You are great!

One drop left.

Sister!

Hold tight of your sister!

Be careful!

Hurry up, you can make it.

2 steps, 3 steps, mov?

You'll soon get I?

It's ok!

I am your wife again!

It's fate! If I take you back again...

I will be punished.

Your excellency, the god is merciful.

Let me do it.

Take it.

Ma li ma li hung!

Return to basic law.

Hubby, stay calm.

You can make it soon.

With the help of my hot lips,
it will be better.

Water!

- Your excellency, what do you think?
- It's fixed.

My god, give me a ten!

You are great!

Really?

Son-in-law, what's the matter?

The son-in-law of lady chow
has become a courtier.

Really?

Let's go to send our regards.

Sure.

Let's go home

are you happy to marry me?

Go back to wash your feet.

Ok.

Hubby, it's perfect!

It'd be the ending of a comedy.

Honey, let's go back to make baby.

I love it.

Don't sleep, don't sleep!

Wish you good luck, don't sleep!

Let's sing together!

All's well end's well...

Too!

Good luck!