All These Small Moments (2018) - full transcript

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Oh. Oh, now... now I need to
brush up on my time-management skills.

- You have a problem!
- Thank you for that. A problem?

- Yeah, you're a hoarder!
- A problem? I don't think being a hoarder is the problem.

Yeah, like, look at this.
Okay? A taxi receipt from 2010.

You never know
when you might need it.

I can tell you this right now:
You will not need this.

This is my paperwork. Please put it down.
We'll deal with this later.

And "my paperwork." Like a
taxi receipt is now paperwork?

Oh, so calling it paperwork
is a problem for you now?

Can you please stop saying
the word paperwork? God!



God-fucking-dammit!

I just had this shirt
dry-cleaned.

I'm sorry, man.

Um, I'm sorry, honey, you...
you had your shirt dry-cleaned?

Yeah. Yeah, dry-cleaned.
I took it to whatever that place

is called that you always go to
and asked them to dry-clean it.

If you'll excuse me...

I got a lot riding on this.

Simon, give me your shirt.

- What?
- Your shirt. Let's go.

No.

Come on.

Get off of me!

Jesus Christ!
What's gotten into you, man?



Help me, dude, come on.

Okay, okay, lay off. Jesus.

I'm not gonna even ask, man.

Come on. Let's go. Come on.
Come on, come on.

Do I look okay?

- What?
- Yo, chill! Come on.

Hey, don't worry, man. I didn't
tell her anything about the crabs.

- Sit down and shut up.
- Alright. - Back off, little dude.

This is a
conversation between men.

Glad you could take it there.

Do you need a hand with that?

- What?
- You're so lame.

Alright, kids, let's bring it in!

Hey, are... are you okay?
Do you need some help?

Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Um, you're Howie, right?
Simon's brother?

Hmm. Yeah.
Don't hold it against me.

Uh, Simon and I
are in French class together.

Yeah, he's sort of a buffoon.

No, he's not.

You know, you guys
kind of have the same eyes.

Both deep-set.

Bless you.

Thanks.

Uh, I-I'm Lindsay.

By the way.

What are you in for?

Asthma.

Broken arm.

Yeah, I can see.

No, no, wait. Go back.

- To what?
- The spelling bee.

Do you guys know
that girl Lindsay?

Simon, I think
she's in your French class?

- So?
- So is she?

Maybe.

It's not a tough question.
She is or she isn't.

Does she have, like, dark hair?
A birthmark right here?

- Yeah, I think so.
- Fucking Tigo.

Yeah, Tigo was her nickname,
right?

Bruce Stagno fucked her when
she was a freshman or something

and said she had this, like,
flesh-eating disease all over her body.

- Impetigo.
- That's the most moronic thing I've ever heard.

Well,
that's what Bruce Stagno said,

and apparently it's really contagious,
so just keep your distance, bro.

Fuck me. Look at her.

She knows exactly what she's doing.
She's teasing us, man.

Occasion.

Occasion.

O-C-C-A...

S-I-O-N.

Hey.

- Hello?
- Hi. Uh...

can you tell the boys
that I don't think

I'm gonna make it in time for dinner again?
I just... I got a little...

- Was that Dad?
- It's a wrong number.

Okay.

- Sorry.
- Thank you.

Scoot over.

I just need you to fuckin' move!

Come on,
I want to show you something.

Look.

What?

Dad slept on the couch again
last night.

I just thought
you'd want to know.

You know, we could've met
in a coffee shop.

I can think clearer here.

And what is it that you need
to think so clearly about?

About our current
sleeping arrangements?

I've never slept better.

Yeah, well, the thing is, I
can't look to the right anymore.

- You're not missing anything.
- C'mon, I'm serious.

So am I.

I really don't know
what to tell you.

I was walking to work the other
day and I saw this couple.

They couldn't have been
more than 25.

And they were going at it.

Hands everywhere,
tongues everywhere...

That frenetic... energetic love?

And I saw us in them.

The good part of us.

You know, I'm really not
prepared to talk about this

in a barber shop
if I'm being honest.

Bye.

Simon!

How many times do I have
to tell you to stop doing that?

So you excited
to get your cast off?

I guess.

You want to go out and get
some ice cream after?

What am I, like, seven?

No. It's just that's what
we always did.

You know,
we went to the doctor,

and then we went
to go get ice cream after.

Well, I don't need ice cream,
okay?

Relationships are complicated.

Okay?

Look, I know that your brother
thinks it's something that I did.

It's not, you know?

Hello?

Okay, Mom. I'd like to just focus on
my arm for right now, if that's okay?

- Howie Sheffield!
- Dr. Rogers. Good to see you.

- Ready to get this thing off?
- Yep.

- It was sort of a chick magnet, though, wasn't it?
- Uh, I guess.

I can keep it on if you like.

Mm, no, that's okay,
Dr. Rogers.

- Way to go. Yes.
- Thanks.

I'm so proud of you!

Everything okay?

- Oh, he was a real champ. Yeah.
- That's my boy. - Feels great.

Yeah, the kid tells me that you may
have some availability in your schedule.

That's my direct line.

Thanks, Dr. Rogers.

- Here, I got it.
- Kevin?

- Thanks.
- How you doing?

- Good.
- Good.

- Availability? What the fuck?
- I dunno.

I'm sorry I said that.

Come on!

Hey, that means you too, guys.
Come on, bring it in.

Alright. Now.

Hey, where's your cast?

I... got it off.

So what are you still doing
here?

- What do you mean?
- I mean how are you still excused from gym?

Uh, well, uh, they don't know
that I got it off, so...

You don't think
they'll maybe find out?

- Are you gonna tell them?
- Um, no.

Well, I think we're good, then.

What's with you anyway?

What's with me? Nothing.

I'm not trying to pry
or anything.

- I'm fine.
- Fine.

Fine.

- You know, you don't...
- I'm fine.

Sometimes I feel like
I've been eaten by a shark.

Swallowed whole.

But I'm not dead,
I'm just, like...

living in the shark,

in its belly.

And even though they keep
trying, no one will ever find me.

If you want, I... could
bring you a sandwich tomorrow.

I don't mind.

Uh, yeah, okay. Sure.

How old do you think she is?

I dunno. Probably, like, 80.

No, no,
the woman from the bus.

You guys should see him
in the morning.

He spends hours
in front of the mirror.

No, she... she's just, like,
such a woman, you know?

You can just tell she does,
like, womanly things,

like... gets manicures
and eats petit fours.

You ever heard about that kid that
got caught fucking a cantaloupe?

That's bullshit.

Oh, come on, like you
haven't thought about it.

Come on.

- I'm good.
- We're here, though.

Suit yourself.

- Hey.
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Um, one.

- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.

Yeah?

Sorry, Ma. I know that's no way
to answer the phone.

No, I missed the bus.

Uh-huh.

Yes, I know that's
no reason to not go at all.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I was just...

I've got a lot of stuff
on my mind right now.

Yes, yes, okay, I'll make sure not
getting expelled is one of them! Yes!

Fuuuuuck...!!!

Ah, fuck.

What the fuck are you doing?

Um... flying a kite?

Why?

Not sure.

- It doesn't seem like you're very good at it.
- Nope.

No, it doesn't.

Dad's definitely cheating
on Mom.

How do you know?

I saw him
with Felicity Kavanagh.

Jesus.

It wasn't always this way. There were good times.

Great ones, even.

Times when just the thought
of her would make me smile.

I'd be on the subway and...

I would feel myself just...

grinning this stupid grin
and I'd think...

This is love, this is love.
This is... this is it.

A stupid smile
when you're alone.

And then somehow, over time,
I stopped smiling.

I'd try to.

I'd try to get back
to that place.

And I realized you better hold onto
those times when you're smiling,

because when you stop,
that's when it starts.

Fuck.

- What you looking at?
- Nothing.

Talking points?
Marina Abramovic?

Are you trying to win this woman
over with Marina Abromovic?

Yeah, do you even know
who she is?

Well, you're not the only one
who can read a subway poster.

You'd be better off discussing
the health benefits of Trimino.

Come on.

I threw up before I grew up,

and always wondered
why I was stood up.

In the kitchen just wishing he
would pick me up, raise me up,

my makeup fading, degrading,
turning into hating.

If I cry, I'll just die.

So I suck it up
as my stomach knots up,

and I hold my breath

till this bullshit rests.

Knees up,
lower down. Knees up.

Good.

Lift.

Not only is this exercise
good for your glutes,

it's also really good
for your shoulders,

strength and stability.

Two more.

Lower down. Knees up.
Lower down. Knees up. Good.

Ah, c'mon,
you know who I'm talking about.

Sweetie, I'm gonna have
to ask you to sit down.

The beautiful one
who always sits over there?

Honey, I'm gonna have to insist.
This thing stops short?

You got a date
with the windshield.

Howie, is that you?

Hey, I'm thinking about going
back to the store part-time.

Hattie called me today.

"Wow, that's so great, Mom.
I'm so happy for you.

Seriously,
I know how much you missed it."

Hey, dude, remember that movie
we saw with Joaquin Phoenix

and, like, the shit being
smeared all over the walls?

What the hell are you talking about?

Y'know, like, that beautiful
young girl with the rosy cheeks

gets kidnapped and sodomized
by Michael Caine.

What, Quills?
No, she wasn't sodomized.

There was definitely
some rape going on.

Remember she used
to take Marquis's books

and glue the pages
into another book

so Michael Caine
wouldn't find out?

And then she'd read them in bed
with the dude she was in love with.

So?

So nothing.

I gotta find her.

Who?

The woman from the bus.

Hey, wait.
That's my toothbrush, dude.

Ah, shit. Sorry, dude.

I'm starving.
Can you ask someone for bread?

Who?

I don't know,
someone who has access to it?

Excuse me. Sir? Hi.
Could we please get some bread?

Thank you.

I was handling it.

It's just bread. It's fine.

You say it's bread,
but it's not bread.

Can't it just be bread?

Just this once,
could it just be bread?

That's not...

I knew this would happen.

I wasn't...

I hate this place.

- What did you really expect tonight?
- I know.

- That we'd just go out to dinner and...
- No, I mean, I...

I didn't necessarily think
things would just be wrapped up.

What's going on?

We're fixing the engine
on the car.

What does it look like?

They say that when you're
going through a rough time,

you should busy yourself
with a new project.

So where is Dad?

I don't know.

Is he coming home?

I don't know.

So that's it?

Maybe.

Uh, can I help you, or...

Yes, dear. You can knit me
a fucking sweater.

Here! Take a good look!

What are you doing?!

I know what you've been looking for.
I'm not stupid.

Please!

Bruce Stagno
is a fucking liar, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Alright, man,
let's just get our card and go.

We can't just do that, alright?
We gotta get her a cake, too.

- Cake? Really?
- Yeah.

Okay.

If there is a hell,
this is it.

- "Mother, you've been there since the beginning and...
- No, no.

I didn't even finish.

Uh...

Hey, how about this one?

Whatever, just grab one.

Oh, my God, it's her.

Who?

What do I do?

Just go up to her, dude.

Huh?

Okay, look,
just get my back, okay?

Okay, man.

Shit.

Oh. Uh, sorry.
No, it wasn't you.

It was, um...
Great choice. Really.

Dude, come on, let's go.

There's this kind of bird.
Um...

it's called a grebe.

And, um,
specifically a Western grebe.

And, uh, there's this...

this mating ritual they have,

where they... they kind
of sprint across the water,

together, um, in groups of two.

And, um...
their ability to stay together

while they're going
across the water

is actually what determines
the future of the relationship.

It's like if one of the partners
can't keep stride,

then they don't make the cut.

I think there was a time...
when Tom and I were in sync.

You know, when we were...

running in the same direction...

at the same time.

But...

...I don't really remember now.

Sometimes I think
that if we were... grebes,

then...

...there's no way in a million
years we would've have partnered up.

Simon, why are you looking at me
like that?

- I wasn't looking at you.
- Yes, you were.

You were very much looking at me
in a way.

Okay, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to be.

- See, that's what we need.
- Hmm.

- What?
- More pictures.

We don't have any pictures
of us as a family.

Excuse me. Excuse me, miss?

Hi. Would you mind
taking a picture of us?

- No, Mom, come on. That's insane.
- It's fine.

Do you mind?
You just press that...

Dude,
it's the girl from the bus.

Okay, come on, come on.
Get over here.

- Okay. - Okay.
- Make it good, boys.

Yeah, Mom,
let's not do too many, though,

because people don't like it
when you interrupt their day.

- It's fine. She's fine.
- Ahem.

Look up. Okay.

One thing. I just want to... like,
just straighten that out a little bit.

- Thank you. - Yeah.
- Look in the camera, Simon.

- Is that good?
- Yeah, I think we got it. I think.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Okay, let's see what we got.

Oh, that's good.

Ugh, I look terrible.

You look nice, Simon. What's that?
Oh, you took a video.

Oh, look at that.
We look so good.

That's cute.
Look how cute we are.

Oh. Okay.

- Thank you.
- Sure. No problem. It was my pleasure.

Nice to see you again.

- You two know each other?
- No. I-I... We don't. We don't know each other.

We took... we take
the bus together sometimes.

- Oh. Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.

- Well, I'm Carla.
- Hi.

And, uh, this is Simon
and Howie.

But I guess
you already know that.

I'm Odessa.

Odessa.

- Sorry?
- No, uh, beautiful?

I just said your name
was beautiful.

- Eh, it's alright.
- Well, thanks, Odessa,

for the pictures. And videos.

See you around sometime.

Where?

The bus.

I work at the, uh,
farmer's market.

I sell vegetables there.

It's the stand right next to the
one that sells all that wool?

I-I love wool.

She'd never know.
Like the snow,

she left him cold, frozen...

She'd never know.
Like the snow,

she left him cold, frozen...

Speak up!

She'd never know.

Like the snow,
she left him cold, frozen,

unable to speak, weep.

No sleep for weeks.

She was his... for a time.

Naked. Sublime.

His eyes breathing her in...
like sin.

Unravelling.

Uh, that's... all I got so far.

Uh... anyone?

Um, I dunno.

"His eyes breathing her in"?

Mm, you're right.

I mean, I was into it. I was.
But that sorta stuck out to me.

It felt a little false. I mean,
just to the rest of the stuff.

Because I really liked
the rest of the stuff.

- Does it have a title?
- Uh...

An Ode to Odessa.

Yeah.

Howie?

Oh, hey.

Hey, come sit with us.
This is Eduardo.

Uh, hey, what's up, Eddy?

- It's Eduardo.
- C'mon.

Uh... no, no, that's okay.
Really.

I'm... not feeling
that side of the room.

But it was really good
to see you.

Hey, so, uh, Eduardo,

what happened there?
Skiing accident?

At least I have an injury,
bro.

Howie, wait.

Hey, um, I'm sorry about him.

And I'm also really sorry
about the other day.

That idiot gave me that nickname
and it took a while to shake.

- No, you don't have to.
- Kinda like when you're fat...

Even if you lose
all this weight,

you still kinda think
you're fat?

I sometimes feel like that's all
people see when they look at me.

It's fine. You don't have
to explain anything to me.

Uh, I... just thought
I owed you something.

No, uh, really, you don't.

Howie.

- Hey.
- Come sit.

- Fancy seeing you here.
- Yeah.

Oh, sorry. Your locket.

Uh, I noticed it before.
It's beautiful.

Thanks. It was, uh,
it was my grandmother's.

I nearly didn't get it,
actually.

Um, my uncle was reading her will
off a Post-It note and, uh...

it was bequeathed to me? I don't what
the word is, but... Is it "bequeathed"?

Uh, well, if your grandmother
was Queen Elizabeth.

Right. Well, the point is,

- I... I nearly didn't get it.
- Oh.

- So...
- My grandmother once gave me a needlepoint pillow.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, that said "I never finish anyth..."

- Any what?
- No, that's the joke. Right?

"Anyth..."

No, like "anything"
isn't finished,

'cause she never finishes
anything?

Right, right, right.
Okay, yes, yes, I get it.

I just like
hearing you talk about it.

No, no, it's great stuff. It really is.
It's classic pillow.

I like hearing you explain the
most obvious joke in the world.

Sounds like a funny grandma.

Yeah, she's a...
she's a firecracker.

Mm.

Um...

Oh, this is my stop!

- Oh.
- Okay, um... it was nice to see you, Howie.

- Ah!
- Fuck.

- Is your mother home?
- No, she went to Whole Foods.

I came to pick up
some of my stuff.

- That's never good.
- Yeah.

You know,
you kinda look like crap, Dad.

Well...

I'm sorry that I don't meet your
high standards of appearance, son.

Sorry.

I've been a good dad, right?
I went to T-ball games and...

I went to school plays, right?

I mean, I don't think we were in
any school plays, but... I guess so.

I love you, kids.

And I love your mother.

- Oh, hello.
- Let me... let me help you with those.

It's okay. No, I got it.

Jesus. They're just groceries!
C'mon.

Uh, we were gonna go
to Reggie's.

You know, if you wanted to come.

- Oh, it's okay, honey...
- Okay.

I love Reggie's.

Just picking up some stuff.

- You didn't even touch them.
- Look at me.

Do I look like someone who'd be
interested in lifting weights?

- Well, I just thought...
- There's nothing wrong with some tone.

And, well, we think it could help
with your focus and your self-esteem.

- We?
- So you guys are, like, a team now?

Well, fine.
Just give them to Simon.

- Maybe he wants them.
- I don't want 'em.

It wouldn't hurt, you know,
for either of you to buff up.

Eh, it could, actually,
if done incorrectly.

Yeah, since when was being buff
valued in this family anyway?

And I use the term "family"
really loosely.

Boys...

I knew it! You're fucking
Felicity Kavanagh!

- Simon Sheffield!
- What are you talking about?

Felicity Kavanagh. I saw you. Sitting
on the same side of the table.

- Let me explain.
- Okay, boys, boys, that's enough.

Ahem.

Your father and I obviously have
some issues that we need to sort out,

and we are taking
the necessary steps...

Screw it.
He's fucking Felicity Kavanagh.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hey.

You know,
this is a fucking scam.

You think it's gonna be
all cheap and shit

'cause it costs
57 cents a pound,

but what they don't tell you is that
peanut-butter cups are heavy as shit,

so your fucking yogurt ends up
costing, like, $15.

Has anyone ever told you
that you're a moron?

- Has anyone ever told you you should blow me?
- Oh!

In your fuckin' dreams, man!

Look who it is.

- Howie!!
- Shut up! Seriously.

Yeah, what is with you?

She's pissed 'cause Howie's
obsessed with some 30-year-old.

Wait, what?

Idiot.

Nothing. Some woman.

This is gross.
I'm... I'm outta here.

Idiots.

The both of you.

- Yeah.
- What?

What did we do?

It hadn't all gone away.

The beautiful nothingness
had stayed.

And the weight of it
made him choke

as her eyes continued
to make their way through him.

- How much for this? - Two dollars.
- Uh, they're not for sale.

- I'll give you five bucks for these three.
- We told you.

My mom's going through
something, guy.

We're not really selling
anything right now.

Go.

- Oh, it's my turn?
- Yeah.

Hearts.

- Mom, that's you.
- Oh.

Hearts...

I think it's over here.
Come on.

It's gonna be worth it.
It says here:

"Cubes of silky tofu
become a steadfast calm

in an otherwise wild mix
of garlic."

Sounds like you and Mom.

Wait. Am I the, uh, the tofu,
or the garlic?

Scoot yourself through there.

What? Why?

Because...
I think it's the right way.

So you think the way to this fancy
restaurant is through this fucking fence?

Really?

I'm really trying here.

Okay?

You should know that.

C'mon.

Yeah, whatever.

I'm starving.

Fuck you!!

Fuck you!

Uh... it is okay
if we just go home?

I mean, Mom made a ton
of eggplant parm, so...

...we can eat the leftovers.

Yeah, it's my favourite.

Hey, how was dinner?

Uh, we hit some snags.

Mom, you look really pretty
in this light.

Ah, thank you, honey.
That's so sweet.

Maybe it's the, uh,
incandescent lighting.

- Oh, this looks great. Thanks.
- Sure.

Hey, Simon.

Uh, gimme a break.

I just like a good bulb,
ya know?

- Hmm.
- I think lighting as a whole

should be taken
way more seriously.

Mm.

- Hey.
- Hey yourself.

Hi.

- Want to smell something nice?
- Yeah. Yeah!

Wow. Yeah.

- You know what that is?
- Uh... no. What is it?

- It's basil.
- Alright.

Yeah, it's my favourite.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

I, uh, I got you something.

Uh...

it's Paul Newman.

- Yeah.
- But he's not Paul Newman yet.

- Mm-hmm.
- He's just Paul Newman.

You know,
like another face in the crowd.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, I find it hopeful. - Yeah.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Hmm.

So... this is...
this is your stuff, huh?

Yeah.

- You grow all of it, huh?
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Ahem.

Actually, you know what?
I, uh...

My mom's waiting for me
at, uh... the carwash.

Okay. Yeah, no, go.

- Alright, cool. Um, it's good to see you.
- To see you, too.

See ya. Oh, you know what?
Let me, uh...

give you something
from my garden.

- Oh.
- That's for you.

- Alright.
- Yeah.

I mean...

- Excellent.
- It is? Okay. Good.

Well, I...
I prefer them cooked, myself.

Eh.

Maybe I'll cook the rest.

You know,
I once saw a shoe up there,

hanging like the ones
on the telephone wires.

I could never really figure out
how it got up there, though.

Hi.

I never slept
with Bruce Stagno.

Him and my brother...
they used to be friends.

He'd always be hanging around my
house and he'd give me these looks.

I guess I maybe liked
the attention, so...

...I'd flirt back.

It was harmless, though.

It was totally harmless.

I remember I'd...

I'd used to make him cookies
and... and brownies.

I would just bake for him
if I knew he was coming over.

And, um...

...then one day, I...

I noticed that he started
spending more time with me

in the kitchen
than with my brother.

And he was really popular,
you know?

So, uh...

one day,
we were in the basement.

He started to give me a massage.

I liked it.

So... I let him do it.

I remember he was snacking
on Goldfish and...

...when he went in to kiss me,
there was still one in his mouth.

I can't...
actually eat them anymore.

Anyways, he, um...

...he... he tried to go further.

I pushed him off,
but he kept trying.

I guess I was yelling
or something...

'cause my brother...

...came down and basically threw him
off of me and beat the shit out of him.

Bruce was crazy...

...calling me a tease and...

whatever he could think of.

I think he was embarrassed,
really.

This little nothing girl
turning him down.

That's how it started.

The next day at school,
he spread the rumour.

Took a really...
really long time to shake it.

Him and my brother
never spoke again.

So, um...

Yeah, that...
that's what happened.

You're not nothing.

Thanks.

Remember when we first met,
you would tell me

about all the pottery classes you
took and all the books you'd read?

I really did read all those books.

Maybe I made up the bits
about the pottery.

Yeah. No matter how many times I asked,

nothing would ever materialize.

It was always
still in the kiln.

I wanted you to think
that I was smart...

and cultured.

I did.

You are.

You know,
when it was just the two of us,

before the kids,

I used to go through my day
just...

collecting little stories and...

pieces of things that happened,

and I couldn't wait
to tell you about it.

And then at some point, I...

...it just didn't seem worth it.

I'm sorry, Carla,
for fucking this up for us.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry
I stopped giving a shit.

Uh, need any help
with these?

Hi.

Yes, I do. That would...
that would be great. Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.
- You can put this crap... - Okay.

- Grab... some of those and... and pop 'em in the back.
- Okay, yeah.

- I'll take this.
- Thanks. - Yeah.

The poem is really beautiful.
Who is it?

Uh, me.

- You wrote that?
- Yeah.

I like that colour.

Oh.

Yeah, it's stupid.
I thought it was fun.

It's just, um...

It's called Jade Dragon.

Mm.

Jade Dragon.

It's all hidden by the snow
right now,

but you should see it.
It's really amazing.

It's already amazing.

- You can put that right there.
- Over here?

Here.

Thanks.

It's so different up here.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, my... my dad uses one.

I always thought it was weird,

but then... I dunno,
I understood it.

- Yeah.
- It felt masculine.

You know I've seen you before
at the market.

All those times
before you came up to me.

I actually started
to look forward to it.

Feeling you watching me.

I didn't mean to...

No, no, no. It's me. I, uh...

Fuck.

You just don't know
what it's been like.

This knot... in my stomach.

Everywhere I go,
I think I see you.

My throat is dry all the time.
My head is hazy.

I... I don't even fucking get dressed in
the morning without thinking about you.

C'mere.

C'mere.

Look, I-I'm sorry. I'm...

That was so fucking, like,
moronic of me. I...

What? What? What's the matter?

- Oh!
- No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry...

- No, no!
- I fucked up!

No, no, no. I'm going through
a really hard time right now.

I'm going through a really hard time
right now. I'm in the middle of a divorce,

and, um, he wants to take the garden
from me, because he's a fucking asshole.

I just...

You must be so freaked out
right now.

No, no.
Uh, I-I-I know how it is.

- No, I can't...
- If-if you... want...

want me to stay, I...
we can talk.

I can't believe I unloaded
all this crap on you.

If... if you ever want to...
talk...

No.

What is wrong with me?

You're a fucking teenager!

Well, uh...

...thanks for...

everything.

Uh...

Sometimes,
when I'm lying in bed...

...I think back to when
I didn't know her at all.

When she was a question mark...

and I had to fill in
all the blanks.

She was perfect then.

And as I got to know her...

...something amazing happened.

I loved her more.

This is something
I could actually feel.

Each day, I... could feel...

my love growing,
like an affliction.

My heart was growing so big and so
full, it was actually making me choke.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

So here we go from this...

...this bare canvas,

and all those years in between
and...

now to that same canvas,

but now...

...there are...
there are too many colours.

It's all muddy, right?

And I wish I could take
some of that away,

I wish I could take some of
the paint away, but I can't.

It's, uh, it's dry, you know.
I can't... I can't change it.

I guess... I guess, uh, what I'm
trying to get around to is...

...that I'm realizing
that I like it.

That... this muddy painting is...
it's beautiful in its own way.

The colours all stacked up
on top of each other.

It's substantial, you know?

It's heavy.

Carla?

Do you feel the same way?

Ma?

Ma!

What the fuck?

Hey.

Okay, why don't we all just take
a minute and talk about this?

No, I'm going crazy with all
this passive-aggressive bullshit.

Either end it or don't.
For godssake,

I've been holding my breath
for months.

- Honey, please.
- Ah, who gives a shit?

I don't think
I've ever seen you cry.

- I'm allergic to ragweed, so...
- Where you going?

Do you want me to come with you?

Now we're just tossing. Alright, let's see 'em.

Come on.

- I thought you had asthma.
- So did they.

Oh, yeah?

And years later, when I was
in my thirties and drank red wine,

people called me Howard and asked
me stupid questions at parties...

...I'd realize
it had all meant something.

If you asked me
to pick out one,

a moment that made me,

that shaped me,

I'd probably take a deep breath,

look you square in the eye

and say:

Hell if I know.

Subtitles by explosiveskull