Alice in Wonderland (1985) - full transcript

Thank you, Alice.
You've been a big help.

I wish I could have tea
with everyone.

I really wish I could.

Tea is for grownups,
dear.

But, Mother,
when will I be grown up?

Oh, be patient, Alice.

Teatime for you
will come soon enough.

Now, why don't you
go outside and keep
your sister company?

Yes, Mother.
Okay.

(BIRDS TWITTERING)

You know,
I really do wish
you'd tell me,



just what good is a book
without any pictures?

It looks so dull.
I mean, it really does.

You'll understand soon enough,
when you grow up.

Look, I'm already
seven and a half.

I think
that's quite grown up.

And I really do wish
you'd stop talking to me
as though I was a child.

But you are
still a child, Alice.

You can't really think
that you're a grownup.

Yes, I do. Almost.

I mean, just how on Earth
am I supposed to know
when I'm grown up or not?

Would you mind
telling me that?

There are a lot of ways
to know that.

Well, then tell me.
At least a hint.

Well, for one thing,
you have to be much taller
to be grown up.



And you won't cry as much.

You are a bit
of a crybaby.

I am not.

I don't cry much at all.
Hardly ever.

Well, when you've grown up,
you'll cry much less
than you do now.

And one of the best ways
to know if you've grown up

is when Mother asks you
to join the rest
of the grownups for tea.

(CAT MEOWING)

Dinah, dear,
you think I'm grown up,
don't you?

(PURRING)

(PANTING)

Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
I shall be too late.

Mr. Rabbit!
Mr. Rabbit!

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Mr. Rabbit!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTING)

(GASPING)

Oh, my ears and whiskers,
how late it's getting!

(BELL DINGS)

Mr. Rabbit!
Mr. Rabbit!

ALICE: Wait! Wait!

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(CREAKING)

That's strange.

I wonder how many there are.

How am I ever
gonna get home?

I can't imagine
who could fit through there.

Unless it was for a mouse.

This must fit
that little door.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

ALICE: Oh, how beautiful.

This must surely
be the way home.

I can't get through.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

It's all very well
to say, "Drink Me."

I'll look first and see
whether it's marked poison
or not.

Mmm.

Oh.

Oh, I... I feel so strange.

Oh, my.

Oh.

What's happening to me?
I'm shrinking!

I'm so small.

So very small.

But now, at least,
I'm the right size

for going through
the little door.

(SIGHS)

Oh, how stupid!
How really stupid!

I've forgotten the key
way up on top of that table.

Come on now, Alice,
there's no use
starting to cry.

Stop it this moment.
Stop! Stop! Stop!

Now, what's this?

"Eat me."

That's certainly
a strange thing
to write on a cake.

But I will eat it.

Perhaps it'll make me
grow bigger.

And If it makes me
grow bigger,

then I can reach the key.

But if it makes me
grow a little smaller,

then I can creep
under the door.

Bigger or smaller?

Which way?

Oh, I think
I'm staying the same size.

Oh.

Oh, something is happening.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Ooh.

Now I'm opening up
like a telescope.

Ooh. Goodbye, feet!

I'm so big, now I'll never
get through that little door.

(CRYING) I wanna go home.

I wanna go home.

I wanna go home.

RABBIT: Oh, the Duchess,
the Duchess!

Won't she be savage
if I kept her waiting?

If you please, sir.
Sir, Rabbit!

(SCREAMING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

What's happening now?

Ooh.

It's the fan
that's making me shrink!

Oh, that was a narrow escape.

(SCREAMS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Oh, now I've fallen
into the sea.

But this isn't the sea.

These are my tears
when I was nine feet tall!

Oh, I wish
I hadn't cried so much.

I should be
punished for it now,

for being drowned
in my own tears.

Won't that be a queer thing?

However, everything's
been queer today.

(SPLASHING)
What is that?

It must be a walrus
or a hippopotamus!

(DODO BIRD SQUAWKING)

(DODO BIRD
CONTINUES SQUAWKING)

For goodness' sake,
stop crying.

Stop crying!
Don't cry anymore!

Sir?

Me?

Do you know
the way out of here?

I'm a stranger here myself.

Mouse, do you know
the way out?

Mouse, don't you
understand English?

What?

(PANTING)

Are you French?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

That means, "Where's my cat?"
You know.

(SCREECHING)

ALICE: Oh, I beg your pardon.

I quite forgot
you don't like cats.

Our family has
always hated cats.

Nasty, low, vulgar things.

Don't ever let me
hear that name again!

I won't. I promise.

Are you afraid of dogs?

There's a nice old terrier
who kills all the rats.

(SCREECHING)
ALICE: Oh! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!

I won't mention
those creatures again!

All right. Come on.

Let's go to shore
and I'll tell you
why I hate cats and dogs.

That's a very good idea.

Excellent, Sir Mouse.

(SQUAWKING)

(ANIMALS CLAMORING)

# I hate dogs
and I hate cats #

# I'm also not
too fond of bats #

# I'm a helpless
little fellow #

# Consequently
rather yellow #

# Now, you may think
that dogs are sweet #

# Since they love to
snuggle at your feet #

# But to me
they're oh, so large #

# That I tremble
when they charge #

# Now, certain words
like "big" and "small" #

# Mean what?

# Would you
please tell me? #

# To me all cats
are 10 feet tall #

(SQUAWKING)
# So I worry
when they smell me #

(ALL LAUGHING)

# I run from owls
I hide from hawks #

# I scurry from
whatever squawks #

# I'm a coward

# From my whiskers
to my spats #

# I hate dogs
and cats! #

(ANIMALS CLAMORING)

# Now, certain words
like "big" and "small" #

# Mean what?

# Would you
please tell me? #

# To me all cats
are 10 feet tall #

# So I worry
when they smell me #

# I run from owls
I hide from hawks #

# I scurry from
whatever squawks #

# I'm a coward

# From my whiskers
to my spats! #

(ALL LAUGHING)

# But I tell you straight

# That I really hate

# Owls, dogs, hawks, bats!

# I hate dogs and cats! #

(ANIMALS CLAMORING)

ALICE: Hey,
what are you running for?

Wait a minute.

Just what is
going on around here?

Are you all crazy?

Won't anybody answer me?

Now, wait a minute! Hey!

(ANIMALS CLAMORING)

Now I know what it means
to act like animals!

Somebody should
teach you all proper manners.

(ALL LAUGHING)

RABBIT: The Duchess!

The Duchess!
Oh, my dear paws!

Oh, my fur
and whiskers.

She'll have me executed

as sure as ferrets
are ferrets.

And where on Earth
did I drop my fan
and gloves?

I know, Mr. Rabbit.

I had them,
but I seem to have
lost them.

Mary Ann, what are you
doing out here?

You go home this moment
and... and fetch me a pair
of gloves and fan.

Quick now, Mary Ann!

(SCOFFS)

He mistook me
for his housemaid.

How surprised he'll be
when he finds out
who I am really.

But I'd better find
his fan and gloves

and bring them
back to him if I can.

(INAUDIBLE)

It seems so silly
to be running errands
for a rabbit.

I suppose Dinah will be
giving me orders next.

Like, "Alice,
come here directly

and watch this mouse hole
until I get back."

There's the fan and gloves.

I know something interesting
is sure to happen

whenever I eat
or drink anything.

So I'll just see
what this bottle does.

(THUDDING)

Now, that's quite enough.

I hope I won't grow
any more.

As it is,
I'm sure I won't be able
to get through the door.

I wish I hadn't
drunk so much.

Mary Ann! Mary Ann!

Fetch me my gloves
this moment!

(EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTS)

Pat! Pat!
Where are you?

Back here
digging for apples,
Your Honor.

Digging for apples,
indeed!

Come and get me
out of here!

Your Honor,
what happened? Here.

(GROANING)

RABBIT: Pat! Pat!
Wha-What's that in the window?

I-I-I-It's an arm,
Your Honor.
An arm?

You goose!

Did you ever see
an arm that size?

It fills the whole window.

PAT: It sure does, Your Honor,
but... but it's an arm anyway.

RABBIT: Yeah, well,
at any rate,
it has no business there.

You... You go
and take it away.

Oh, I don't like this at all,
Your Honor.
I... I don't like it at all.

Bill! Bill!
Come out here and help!

PAT: And bring the ladder!
Quick, Bill!

I got it.

PAT: Hurry up!

I got it.

(GROANING)

What are you doing?
Come on, bring it here.

PAT: Here,
tell him what to do.

Get up on the roof.

Oh, my goodness.

PAT: Hurry, Bill.

Do you think
the roof will hold him?
I hope so!

(BILL GRUNTING)
Bill!

RABBIT: Oh, my goodness.

RABBIT: Bill!
Bill, go down the chimney!

PAT: That's a good idea,
Your Honor.
Down the chimney, Billy!

RABBIT: Down the chimney!

Bill's got to go down
the chimney, does he?

I think I can
take care of that.

(GRUNTS)

PAT: Watch your step, Bill!

PAT: Down the chimney, Bill.
Hurry up. Hurry up.

That's for Bill.

(BILL SCREAMING)

There goes Bill.

Goodbye, Bill!

I wonder what
they're gonna do next.

You'd better
not do that again.

They're such little cakes.

If I eat one,
they're sure to make
some change in my size.

And since it can't possibly
make me grow larger.

RABBIT: Mary Ann!
Mary Ann! Come back here!

RABBIT: Come back here,
Mary Ann! You hear me?

Come back here!

Mary Ann! Stop running!
Come back!

(BOTH PANTING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CATERPILLAR COUGHING)

Who are you?

I hardly know, sir.

I knew who I was
when I got up this morning,

but I keep changing sizes.

And I'm afraid
I'll never find
my way home again.

Explain yourself.

I can't, sir.
Because I'm not myself,
you see?

No, I don't see.

Well, being so many sizes
in one day

is very confusing
to a little girl.

(SNICKERING) No, it isn't.

Well, perhaps
you haven't found it so yet.

But when you have to
turn into a chrysalis

and then a butterfly,
you'll feel a little bit queer
then, won't you?

Not a bit.

Well, it would feel
very queer to me.

You? Who are you?

Well, I think
you ought to tell me
who you are first.

Why?

Well, I don't know exactly.

Besides, I think
you're very rude.
Goodbye!

Wait! Wait!

I've got something
very important to say to you.

What?

Keep your temper.

Is that all
you have to say to me?

Well, no.

I was also curious
about your earlier remark.

So you think
you've changed, do you?

I definitely have.

In fact,
I think I've actually
grown up quite a bit.

But I can't quite remember.

Why not?

Well, there are
a lot of things.

Oh, like
when I tried to recite
one of my favorite poems,

it came out all wrong.

Well, try You Are Old,
Father William,

and see
how that comes out.

Do you know that poem?

Of course.

Let me see. It starts...

"You...

"You..."
Wait, let me help you.

(EXPLOSION)

# "You are old,
Father William,"
the young man said #

# "And your hair
has become very white #

# "And yet you incessantly
stand on your head #

# "Do you think,
at your age, it is right?" #

# "In my youth,"
Father William
replied to his son #

# "I feared
it might injure the brain #

# "But now that
I'm perfectly sure
I have none #

# "Why, I do it again
and again" #

# "You are old,"
said the youth #

# "As I mentioned before,
and have grown
most uncommonly fat #

# "Yet you turned
a back-somersault
in at the door #

# "Pray,
what is the reason
for that?" #

# "You are old,"
said the youth #

# "And your jaws are too weak
for anything
tougher than suet #

# "Yet you finished the goose
with the bones and the beak #

# "Pray,
how did you manage
to do it?" #

# "You are old,"
said the youth #

# "One would hardly suppose
that your eye
was as steady as ever #

# "Yet you balanced
an eel on the end
of your nose #

# "What made you
so awfully clever?" #

# "You have asked me
three questions
Now, that is enough" #

# Said his father,
"Don't give yourself airs! #

# "Do you think I can listen
all day to such stuff? #

# "Be off, boy!

# "Or I'll kick you
downstairs #

# "Or I'll kick you
downstairs #

# "Or I'll kick you
downstairs #

# "Or I'll kick you

# "Or I'll kick you
downstairs" #

(EXPLOSION)

(LAUGHING)

That was excellent.

Now, what size do you
want to be, little girl?

Well, I should like to be
a little larger, sir.

This is such
a wretched height to be,
you know.

Oh? It happens to be
a very good height indeed,

since it also happens
to be exactly my height.

I'm terribly sorry.

I didn't mean it
as an insult.

(EXPLOSION)

Mr. Caterpillar,
where are you?

Why, he's disappeared.

He just
absolutely disappeared.

Surely someone here
can tell me
the way to go home.

#(FISH FOOTMAN HUMMING)

It's for the Duchess.

It's an invitation
from the Queen
to play croquet.

(SNORING)

There's no use in ringing,

because I'm on the same side
of the gate as you are.

Then how am I
supposed to get in?

Well, I don't know
about you,

but as for me,
I'm going to sit here
until tomorrow

or the next day, maybe.

Well, I'm not.

(DISHES BREAKING)

(BABY CRYING)

(SNEEZING)

Oh, there's certainly
too much pepper in that soup.

Not in my soup.

ALICE: Oh, no.

(SNEEZING)

(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)

Will you please be careful?

If everybody minded
their own business,

this world would go around
a lot faster than it does.

Which would not
be an advantage,
if you ask me.

I mean, you see,
the Earth takes 24 hours
to turn around its axis.

Speaking of axes,
chop off her nose.

You are acting
very hateful to that baby.

Am I?

Well, my dear.

# There's something
to say for hatred #

# For rudeness
and for spite #

# Oh, no, my friend,
we can't pretend #

# That everything's
sweetness and light #

# There's something
to say for trouble #

# For nastiness
and gloom #

# Just try to be cheerful

# And you'll get an earful
of your impending doom #

(SNEEZES)

# This world
is not a paradise #

# lf, indeed, ooh, ooh,
it ever was #

# It's a vale of tears
and so, my dears #

# Throw out the chaff?
Don't make me laugh #

# There's something
to say for misery #

# For suffering
and pain #

# Down at the bank,
now, let's be frank #

# They only care for gain

BOTH:
# There's something to say
for frowning #

# Why must we always smile?

# Forget all your dreams,
resort to schemes #

# And in just a little while

# The best-laid plans
of mice and men #

# Will all come
crashing down again #

# And we'll all
despise each other #

# In the grandest style #

Is the baby all right?

You wanna hold him
for a while?

Here.

I have to get ready.
I'm playing croquet
with the Queen.

(GRUNTING)

(COOK MUTTERING)

If I don't take
this baby away with me,
they're sure to kill it.

(BABY CRYING)

(GROWLING)

(SQUEALING)

Now, look, little baby,
if you're going
to turn into a pig,

then I'll have nothing more
to do with you.

(CONTINUES SQUEALING)

Oh, well,
if it had grown up,

it would have made
a dreadfully ugly child.

But maybe
a rather handsome pig,
I suppose.

(GASPING)

Excuse me, Cheshire Cat.

Would you tell me please
which way I ought
to go from here?

That depends a good deal
on where you wanna get to.

Home.

I need to get home.

I know my mother's
already begun to miss me.

Oh, and my cat, Dinah,
must be very hungry.

Home?

Home, is it?

Well, you listen closely,
little girl.

# There's no way home

# from this strange land

# Don't even try
to understand #

# You're lost in time

# without a trace

# Resign yourself
to your disgrace #

# Somehow you've strayed

# and lost your way

# And now there'll be

# No time to play

# No time for joy

# No time for friends

# Not even time

# to make amends

# You are too naive

# if you do believe

# Life is innocent laughter
and fun #

# There are things to fear

# So you see, my dear

# Your adventures

# have only begun

# The world's immense

# but sad to say

# It makes no sense

# in any way

# So what care I

# if you should cry?

# There's no way

# home #

I think you're a mean,
old cat.

There must be a way home
and I'll find it!

Where are you going?

That way.

Maybe I'll meet someone
kind enough to help me.

Oh.

Well, in that direction,
there's a Hatter,

and in that direction,
there's a March Hare.

Visit either you like.
They're both mad.

But I don't wanna
visit mad people.

Well, you can't help that.
We're all mad here.

I mean, I'm mad.
You're mad. We're all mad.

Meow, baby.

(MEOWING)

Well, a head without a cat

is the most curious thing
I've ever seen

in my whole life.

Oh, goody, I'm just in time
for a tea party.

May I introduce myself?

No, you may not.

But aren't introductions
proper at a tea party?

My dear child,
if you want an introduction,

go and get yourself
an orchestra.

They'll give you a good
four-bar introduction.

(LAUGHING)

Or probably
an eight-bar introduction.

I just wanted to
give you my name.

Why, have you
finished with it?

Did you hear that,
Mr. Hare?

She wants to
give us her name.

That is ridiculous.
Awfully.

We already
have names.

We certainly
don't need hers.
Yes.

May I sit down?

No room! No room!
No room!

No room! No room!
There's plenty of room!

There are at least
nine empty chairs.

Of course there are.

We didn't say
there aren't any chairs.

We said
there wasn't any room.

Yeah, and there
certainly isn't, you know.

We are here
in the great outdoors.
Of course!

And there are certainly
no rooms here.

Right.
There are a few
in the house.

Would you like some wine?

I don't think
I should drink wine.

I'm too young.

Good. There isn't
any anyway.

ALICE: Then it wasn't
very nice of you to offer it.

And it wasn't
very nice of you

to sit down
without being invited!

I didn't know
it was your table!

It's set for more than three.

You know,
your hair wants cutting.

You should learn
not to make personal remarks.

It's very rude.

Ooh.
Ooh.

Why is a raven
like a writing desk?

I give up. Why is a raven
like a writing desk?

I haven't
the vaguest idea.

(LAUGHING)
Then why did you
ask the question?

Because I was hoping
for an intelligent answer!

If I'd known the answer,
I wouldn't have
asked the question, would I?

Oh, you're hopeless.

Incidentally, how did you
become a March Hare?

Well, actually,
I started out
being a January Hare,

and then I worked
my way up.

No, I didn't mean that.

Well, then you should say
what you mean!

Quite!

I do.
At least, I mean what I say
and that's the same thing.

It isn't
the same thing at all.

I mean,
you might just as well say
"I see what I eat,"

is the same as
"I, I eat what I see."

I give up.

Fresh cup. Move down.

Whoop-de-doo.

ALICE:
Who's the stuffed animal?

I am not
a stuffed animal.
Really?

Not since dinner
last night.

I am a dormouse.

What do you mean,
"door mouse"?

You look like
a plain mouse to me.

And you look like
a plain little girl to me.

And if you think
that there's only
one kind of a mouse,

you have another
"think" coming.
MAD HATTER: Quite!

Do you wanna
take it right now?

Take what right now?

Your other "think."
You have one coming,
you know.

No, I... I'm not
a church mouse...
No.

...because I'm
too wealthy.
Of course!

I'm not a field mouse,
and I'm not a...
Well, I'm...

(SIGHING) By the way,
what time is it?

Time? Time?
The time now is,
let me see.

The time is precisely 7:27.

That can't possibly
be right.

It seems to me it was 7:27
about two hours ago.

Young lady,
are you contradicting me?

I am known
as a stickler for accuracy.

A stickler? You are?

Yes, a stickler.

When people round here
want accuracy,

they call me in
and I stickle.

(LAUGHING)

That's what sticklers
are supposed to do,
isn't that right?

ALICE: But are you sure
your watch is running?

Oh, of course
it isn't running.

It's sitting here
quite quietly in my hand.

Besides, it could hardly run,
it has no moving parts.

(MARCH HARE LAUGHING)
No moving parts?

Correct.

But it's absolutely
correct twice a day.

Enough of this folderol!
Enough of this persiflage.

Enough of this badinage.

Enough of this
tomfoolery.

Enough of this banter.
Enough of this
saying "enough."

Oh, every tea party
should have a little music.

MAD HATTER: Of course.
Young lady,

would you like
to sing with us?

That might be very nice.

But what shall we sing?

Do you know
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?

Yes, I do.

# Twinkle, twinkle,
little star #

# How I wonder
what you are #

No, no, no, no.
That won't do at all.

I prefer,
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
how I wonder what you're at."

How about,

# Twinkle, twinkle,
little skunk #

# How I wonder
if you're drunk #

"Twinkle, twinkle,
little ants.

"You do look strange
without your pants."

(LAUGHS)

I must admit,
you three do make me laugh.

Now, that's a very good idea
for a song.

# Laugh at every
single thing we do #

# Just laugh

# And we shall all
perform for you #

# Just smile
and tensions will unwind #

# And you'll find
that your mind #

# Takes a kinder view

# Laugh

# yes, even when your skies
are gray #

# Just laugh

# And troubles
seem to float away #

# You'll find
it's very true, my dears #

# Through the years
that your tears #

# And your fears will fly

# Oh, there are times
when crying #

# Seems the thing to do

# But keep on trying

# Till your dreams
come true #

# Your heart

# I'm sure knows
what is best for you #

# So laugh, little girl

# Just laugh #

Such a lovely song.

Thank you,
I, I wrote it myself.

(SNORING)

Now, how would you
like to tell us a story?

I'm afraid
I don't know one.

Then the Dormouse shall.

The Dormouse will.
Wake up!

Come on!
Come on. Come along.

Wake up!
La, la, la, wake up!

You've got to tell a story!
Wake up!

Tell a story.
Dormouse!

You're going to tell
a story for the little...

Wake up. Dormouse,
we want to hear a story.
You're going to love it.

(LAUGHING)
Come on.
Time to wake up now.

Come on. Wake up.

Wake up. Come on, now.
Tell us a story!

Time to make a story.
Story.
Going to tell a story.

We need to tell a story.
Wake up.

Stop it! Stop it!

It doesn't matter
if anyone tells us
a story or not.

Well, that just shows you
how much you know. Hmm.

Yeah. At teatime,
everyone should tell a story.

Well, now that he is awake,
a story would be nice.

Once upon a time, there were
three little sisters

named Elsie, Lacie and Tillie
and they lived
at the bottom of a well.

But what did they live on?

They lived on treacle.
Molasses to you.

(LAUGHING)

But why did they live
at the bottom of a well?

It was a treacle well.

There's no such thing.

Oh. Oh!

If you can't
keep a civil tongue,

why don't you finish
the story yourself?

No, please, go on.

Well,
these three little sisters,

they were learning
how to draw, you know.

And what did they draw?

Treacle!

(ALL LAUGHING)

I want a fresh cup.
Move down the table!

Here we go round
the table!

Here we go round
the table!

Here we go round
the table!

But I don't understand.

Where did they
draw the treacle from?

Well, if you can get water
from a water well,

I suppose you can get treacle
from a treacle well,
eh, stupid?

(ALL CHATTERING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hello, little fawn.

Don't be afraid,
I won't hurt you.

I'm so happy to find you.

You're the only normal person
I've met here.

# Why do people act
as if they're crazy? #

# Why do they behave
the way they do? #

# Don't they understand

# that the things
I've planned #

# Are dreams
that I demand #

# come true?

# Why can't they be kind

# to one another

# And see the beauty of

# the golden rule?

# Will there come a spring

# when we'll know
how to sing #

# that there are
better things to do? #

# Will there come a day

# we'll all know
how to say #

# I love you?

# I love

# you #

I wish I didn't have to go,
but I really must,

so you can find your mother
and I can find mine.

ALICE: That's very curious.

However,
everything's curious today.

ALICE: Excuse me, sirs.

But would you
tell me, please,

why you're painting
those roses?

Why, the fact is...

You see, miss,
this here ought to have
been a red rose bush,

and we put a white one in
by mistake.

Yes, and if the Queen
was to find out,

she'd cut our heads off,
you know.

The Queen! The Queen!

FIVE OF SPADES:
Here comes the Queen!

#(PLAYING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(JESTERS EXCLAIMING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Who is this?
Who is what?

Oh!

(LAUGHING)
Her. I don't know.

Idiot.

What is your name, child?

My name is Alice,
may it please Your Majesty.

We'll see about that.

And who are these creatures?

How should I know?
It's no business of mine.

Off with her head.

Oh, come now, now, dear,
be calm...

Did you hear me?
Off with her head!

Nonsense!

Nonsense?

(LAUGHS)

Just for that,
off with her head
in small increments.

KING OF HEARTS: Oh, no, no.
Come now, dear.
She's only a child.

Did you think I was
under the impression

she was an alligator
or a rutabaga?

Of course she's a child,
and a remarkably rude one.

And if there's one thing
I cannot stand,

it's insubordination
and impertinence.

That's two things,
Your Majesty.

What? Laughing
at such effrontery!

You stop it.
Stop it right now!

Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh!

Oh, off with their heads, too!

My dear, you must not
excite yourself, really.

# When there are people
who annoy you #

# Or seem determined
to destroy you #

# There's just one thing
that must be done #

# Off with their heads!

Oh, that's rather drastic,
isn't it, dear?

# When there are people
who deceive you #

# Or have the nerve
to not believe you #

# There's one response
that's rather fun #

# Off with their heads!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

KING OF HEARTS: What about
the population?

# Firm

# You must be absolutely firm
when required #

I'm always firm,
dear, always.

# Squirm

# That's what they'll do
when they perceive
they've been fired #

# Or worse

# Never mind negotiation

# You will find
to rule your nation #

# All you need
to keep your slaves
under their beds #

# Is just to flounce about
and shout #

# Off with their heads!

(CROWD GASPING)

You make it all
sound so simple.

It is simple, my dear.
They're all simple-minded.

Off with their heads.

# Firm

Yes, of course, dear.

# You must be absolutely firm
when required #

I'm going to try
to be firm about it.

Yes, darling.

# Squirm

# That's what they'll do
when they perceive
they've been fired #

Don't you...

# Or worse

# Never mind negotiation

# You will find
to rule your nation #

# All you need
to keep your slaves
under their beds #

# Is just to flounce about
and shout #

# Off with their heads! #

I suppose you're right,
as usual.

I am always right,
my dear.

It is simply...

(EXCLAIMS)

Didn't I tell you this morning
that heads would roll?

Yes, indeed,
you did, dear.

But, you know,
it's an extraordinary thing.

Heads do not roll
as they used to.

Nowadays,
they just clump down
on the ground and stay there.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ah!

There's that
impertinent child.

Alice, would you
come here a minute, dear?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Can you play croquet?

Why, yes, Your Majesty.

Although,
I shouldn't be able to
if I had no head.

If you think
such conditions are going
to make me change my mind,

you are quite mistaken.

Your head is as good as gone.

But since you still have it,
we might as well put it
to some sensible use.

Come along to the game.
Oh, yes.

It's a...
It's a very fine day.

The Queen seems
to be enjoying it.

She loves
to chop off heads.

Oh, well, the Queen
is very excitable.

She even ordered
the execution

of a very dear friend,
the Duchess.

What for?

Did you say,
"What a pity?"

No, I didn't.
I said, "What for?"

Oh, it was
a dreadful offense.

She boxed
the Queen's ears.

(SHUSHING)
Oh, don't. Do be quiet.

The Queen will hear you.

See, what happened, you see,
was that the Duchess
came rather late

and the Queen
said to her...

What is that?

Who is doing all that
gibbering and jabbering
back there?

Oh. Oh, dear.

Meaning no disrespect,
Your Majesty.

(STUTTERING)
"Gibbering and jabbering,"
you say?

Well, I... I... I was gibbering
and the... and the young lady
was jabbering.

Well, stop it!

And take your places,
all of you,
for a game of croquet.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(SQUAWKING)

Well, tell me, Alice,
my dear,

are you a skillful
croquet player?

Well, I do beat my sister,
at least sometimes.

Who's the best player here?

I really don't know.

Her Majesty
always manages to win.

And if anyone
ever gets close,
it's always the same thing.

"Off with their heads!"

(EXCLAIMS)

Excuse me, Your Majesty.

I don't see any mallets.

What are we gonna use
for mallets?

These flamingoes, of course.

Of course. Of course!

And what are we to use
for croquet balls?

KING OF HEARTS: Guinea pigs.
He's as keen as mustard.

What are we to use
for wickets?

We do have to hit the ball
through something, don't we?

Wickets,
assume your positions.

Oh, you oaf,
you move much too slowly.

Off with his head!

It's going to be
very difficult, dear,
in that position.

They're dreadfully fond of
beheading people here,
wouldn't you say?

The great wonder is
there's anyone left here
with a head at all.

You, impertinent child,
wipe that smile
off your face.

Is that smile quite gone?

(GUINEA PIG SQUEAKING)
KING OF HEARTS: It's left
the young lady's face.

But it seems to have
reappeared elsewhere.

It's the Cheshire Cat.

Oh, hello, Cheshire Cat.

Hello. How do you
like the Queen?

Not at all.
I don't like the idea
of losing my head. Would you?

I could hardly afford that.

I say, what is that thing?

It's a friend of mine,
a Cheshire Cat.

Allow me
to introduce you.

I'd rather not,
if you don't mind.

My dear, may I introduce
another of your subjects?

No, you may not.

Ugh.

Off with his head,
whoever or whatever it is,
and off with his tail, too.

There's more than one way
to skin a cat, you know.

I'm afraid
he hasn't got a tail.

You can't behead something
that has no body.

Well, you can try.

And exactly
who is the owner
of this monster?

I think it belongs
to the Duchess, Your Majesty.

Perhaps you'd
better ask her about it.

Oh, that shouldn't
be difficult, dear.

You put her in prison.

Fetch the Duchess here
and be quick about it!

When I get home,
I'll have such
wonderful stories to tell

about kings and queens,

strange creatures
in such strange lands.

Well, as I live and breathe,
and I hope to keep it up,

if it isn't the little one.

How are you, my dear?

As well as can be expected.
And you?

Ah, you're thinking.

That makes you
forget to talk.

Well, I can't
tell you just now
the moral to that, but...

Well, I'll remember in a bit.

Perhaps, it hasn't one.

Get out of here.

Tut-tut, my child.

Everything has a moral,
if you find it.

Now, the moral to that is...

# 'Tis love, 'tis love

# 'Tis love that makes
the world go round #

Well, well,
if it isn't Her Majesty.

Well, it is.

And that being the case,
would you be good enough
to grovel?

Grovel?
Yes.

Right here on the gravel.

Well...

Do you think I'm ready
for gravel-groveling?

Now, I give you a choice.

Either you or your head
must be off, and at once!

Oh, well,
I accept your generous offer,
Your Majesty. Yes, I do.

Ta-ta.

Get out of here.

Bad riddance
to good rubbish.

(SNICKERING)

With all due respect,
Your Majesty,

I think
you've got that backwards.

Oh, have I?

Bad rubbish
to good riddance.

No! It's "Good riddance
to bad rubbish."

What mockery.

And speaking of mockery,
have you met
the Mock Turtle yet?

I don't think so,
Your Majesty.

But then, I don't even know
what a mock turtle is.

Why, it's the thing
mock turtle soup is made from.

Oh, you must meet him.

Now, you just follow that path
and you'll see him.

I must attend
to some executions.

(GOAT BLEATING)

Whatever it is,
it must be trapped in there.

Oh, that poor little goat.

There, there, don't cry.

Bye, little goat.

You hurry back
to your mother.

I'm sure she misses you.

I'm sure mine does, too.

(MONKEY CLAPPING)

(CHATTERING)

Well, thank you,
I'm glad someone
appreciates me.

Thank you,
and you hurry back
to your mother, too.

(SCREECHES)

(RAZZING)

Goodbye!

(GASPS)

Who are you?
Are you a mock turtle?

A mock turtle?

Do I look
like a mock turtle?

Can't you tell
a genuine gryphon
when you see one?

I'm so sorry,
Mr. Gryphon.

Her Majesty told me
that I'd meet
the Mock Turtle here.

Oh, you mean that
"Off with his head" queen?

She's a flibbertigibbet.
Flibbertigibbet,
flibbertigibbet.

A "flibbiti" what?

GRYPHON: A silly ninny.

All the executions
she orders,
they never come about.

They're all her fancy.

Then why does she
even order them?
Why?

Why? Why? Why?

The eternal "why"
of a child.

Ah, but enough
of my gryphosophy.

I'll take you
to the Mock Turtle. Come on.

Everybody says "Come on."

I never was
so ordered around before
in all my life.

Never!
Come on!

(MOCK TURTLE SOBBING)

Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

There's the Mock Turtle.
Right there.

Who are you?

I'm Alice.

Guess what his sorrow is?

Why, he must wanna go home.

I know why I'm so sad,
Mr. Mock Turtle.

I wanna go home.

I just seem to be getting
further and further away.

But why are you crying?

It's all his
morbid imagination.

He really has no sorrow.

Oh, shut up, Gryphon.

Yes, Mr. Gryphon,
please.

So, what is the matter,
Mr. Mock Turtle?

Oh, my dear.

Once I was a real turtle.

We went to school
in the sea.

My teacher
was an old turtle.

We used to call him Tortoise.

But why did you
call him Tortoise
if he was really a turtle?

We called him Tortoise
because he taught us.

Really,
you are very dull.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself,
asking such a silly question.

Please tell me more.

Well, we had
the best of education.
Reeling and writhing,

and then
the different branches
of arithmetic.

Ambition, distraction,
uglification and derision.

Oh, shut up, Mock Turtle.
Enough about your lessons.

Why don't you sing
the little girl a song?

Well, if I'm going
to sing anything,

I suppose a song
is a good choice.

Oh, I don't know.

You could sing her
a sea chantey.

That's a thought.

I used to live
in a sea shanty.

Oh?
But I didn't
care for it much.

For the roof leaked,
as I recall.

Now, really, Mr. Turtle.

Oh, you don't
have to be so formal.

You can call me
by my first name.

And what is that?

Mock.
That's what my mother
used to call me.

"Mock," she'd say...

Well, whoever you are
and whatever you are,

absolutely nothing you say
makes any sense at all.

Oh, that's
the nicest compliment
I've ever been paid.

There's too much sense
in the world for me,
in my humble opinion.

# Please tell me, young lady,
just what is so good #

# About never once
being misunderstood #

# There's far too much
accurate communication #

# And if it continues

# I fear for the nation

# Nonsense! Nonsense!
That's what
we're terribly short of #

# Don't you love nonsense?

I'm not really sure.
Well, sort of.

# We're getting lethargic
from aiming at logic #

# Let's put a stop to that

# If you don't love nonsense
I'll knock off your hat! #

# Nonsense! Nonsense!
Simply can't do without it #

# Burn incense to nonsense
and sing us a song about it #

# Let young master Billy
be hopelessly silly
until he is blue in the face #

# We must never be grave
'Tis nonsense will save #

# The blooming human race

# Nonsense! Nonsense!
Simply can't do without it #

# Burn incense to nonsense
and sing us a song about it #

# Let young master Billy
be hopelessly silly
until he is blue in the face #

# We must never be grave

# 'Tis nonsense will save

# The blooming human race! #

Now, tell us
about your adventures.

I would tell you
my adventures beginning
from this morning,

but it's no use
going back to yesterday

because I was
a different person then.

MAN: The trial's beginning!
The trial's beginning!

Come on, come on!
What trial is it?

Never mind.
Never mind. Come on.

Bye, Alice. Bye, Gryphon.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I wish
they'd get the trial done

and pass out
the refreshments.

(QUACKING)

What are they doing?

They can't have anything
to write down yet,
before the trial's begun.

They're writing down
the names

for fear
they should forget them
before the end of the trial.

Silence in court!

MAN: Silence in the court.

Herald, read the accusation.

"The Queen of Hearts,
she made some tarts
All on a summer day

"The Knave of Hearts,
he stole some tarts
And took them quite away!"

KING OF HEARTS:
Consider your verdict.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
Your Majesty. Not yet.

Not yet.
There's a lot more to come.
Really?

Call the first witness!

Call the first witness!

MAN: Call the first witness!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Oh, I beg your pardon,
Your Majesty,

I was just finishing my tea
when they dragged me in here.

You should have
finished your tea.

When did you begin?

(STUTTERING)

The 14th of March,
I think it was.
15th.

16th!

Don't be impertinent.

Give your evidence
or I'll have you
executed on the spot.

Oh, oh, my dear,
did you hear that?

Bravo!

Oh, Your Honor,
I'm a very poor man,

and I had just begun my tea
not more than
a week or so ago,

and what with the bread
and butter getting thinner

and the twinkling of the tea.

The twinkling of the what?

It began with the tea.

Well, of course,
twinkling begins with a "T."

Everybody knows that.
Do you think I'm a dunce?

Your Honor, I'm a poor man,

and most things
began to twinkle after that.

Only the March Hare said...
I didn't.

You did.

I didn't.

You did!
I didn't.

You did!

# Why deny it?
Be a good sport #

# I'll explain it
to all of the court #

# I offered you tea
and you drank a quart #

# I didn't, I didn't

# You did!

# I didn't, I didn't!
# You did! #

He denies it. Strike it out.

Your Majesty,
I'm a poor man.

You're a very poor speaker,
too.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SQUAWKING)

If that's all
you know about the case,
you may stand down.

Stand down, Your Majesty?

But I can
hardly get any lower.

I'm on the floor as it is.

Well, then, simply go!
Of course.

And just
take his head off outside.

Where he goes, I go.

Call the next witness.

Call the next witness!

MAN: Call the next witness!

(MARCH HARE SNEEZING)

(ALL SNEEZING)

Give your evidence.
No, I won't.

Your Majesty, you must
cross-examine the witness.

Must I?
Of course you must.

Why must I?
Because I say so.

Oh, of course.
That's different. Yes, yes.

What are tarts made of?

What?
QUEEN OF HEARTS: Tarts.

What is a tart made of?

Well, tart starts with a "T."

Then you add an "A,"
then you add an "R,"
then you add...

No! What are the ingredients?

Well, pepper.
Lots of pepper!

They most certainly
are not!

They are made of treacle!

Pepper! Pepper!
Pepper! Pepper! Pepper!
Treacle! Treacle! Treacle!

(GRUNTS)

Treacle! Treacle!
Pepper!

You are an idiot,
it's pepper!
Treacle! Treacle!

Off with his head!

And after that,
pinch off his whiskers.

And off with her head, too!

Treacle. Treacle. Treacle.

Pepper.

Thank you for taking over
the cross-examination,
my dear.

It was giving me
rather a headache.

Well, if these examinations
are really supposed
to be cross,

I am much better
at that sort of thing
than you are.

How true. How true.

Have we a verdict?

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

You haven't got
any evidence yet.

Silence!

(GROANING)

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

You're growing, young lady.

But I didn't
eat a piece of mushroom
or drink anything.

There's no doubt about it.

You're growing up.

Can you...
Can you hear me
up there?

RABBIT: Alice,
you're the next witness.

I can hear you.

She's a monster.

The Queen should chop her
down to size right now.

What do you know
about this business?

Nothing.

Nothing whatever?

Nothing whatever.

Oh, that's very important.

How could it
possibly be important?

Unimportant,
Your Majesty means,
of course.

Unimportant,
I meant, of course.

Rule 42.

All persons over a mile high
are to leave the court.

I'm not a mile high.

Yes, you are.

I most certainly am not!

Nearly two miles high.

I don't mean to be rude,
Your Highness,

but you really don't know
what you're talking about.

Besides,
it's not a regular rule.

You invented it just now.

KING OF HEARTS: Young lady,
that is the oldest rule
in the book.

(WHISPERING)
ALICE: Then it ought
to be number one.

Give me a verdict.
Give me a verdict!

RABBIT: But there's more
evidence to come yet.

Please, Your Majesty.

A very important envelope
has just been found.

Why don't you just
let the poor prisoner go?

You can see he's a nice man.

What's in the envelope?

Your Majesty,
a set of verses.

Your Majesty, please.
I didn't write them.

The Knave didn't sign them.

In fact, nobody signed them.

That proves his guilt.
Off with his head.

Off with his head.

It doesn't prove anything!

And you really
ought to stop yelling
"Off with everybody's head."

It's a terrible habit
you have.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Silence! Silence!

Just set the prisoner free
and let him go home.

His family probably
misses him very much.

And one of the worst feelings
in the whole world
is to be homesick.

I ought to know.

Give me a verdict.
Give me a verdict!

How can they give a verdict
when there isn't

a bit of meaning
in this whole trial?

Oh, well,
if there's no meaning,

that saves us
a world of trouble.

We don't have to try
and find any.

Sentence first,
verdict after.

ALICE: Are you crazy?

You can't have
the sentence first.

Hold your tongue.

I will not hold my tongue!

Hold yours!

Ooh! Off with her head!
Off with her head!

(ALL CLAMORING)

Get her. Grab her.
Grab her.

Off with her head!

Off with her head!
Off with her head!

Off with her head!

I'm not afraid of you.

You're nothing
but a pack of cards!

Ouch! Stop it! Stop it!

You wicked little thing!

After her!

QUEEN OF HEARTS: Faster!
Faster! Get her! Catch her!

Get her!

(ALL YELLING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Mother, Father, I'm back!

Mother? Father? Anybody?

(CAT MEOWING)

Dinah, I'm home! I'm home!

What are you doing
on that side of the mirror?

Mother! Father!
I'm here! Look!

I'm here! I'm here!

On the other side
of the mirror!

Mother! Father!
Help me, I'm here!

Mother! Father! I'm here!

On the other side
of the mirror.

"Jabberwocky."

"Twas brillig,
and the slithy toves

"Did gyre and gimble
in the wabe

"All mimsy
were the borogoves

"And the mome raths outgrabe

"Beware the Jabberwock,
my son!
The jaws that bite

"the claws that catch!

"Beware the Jubjub bird,
and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

I can just tell
this is supposed
to be a scary poem.

It's a good thing
I'm grown up

or I probably would be
a little frightened.

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Thunder doesn't frighten me.

And I'm not
the least bit afraid.

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(SOBBING)
Please don't hurt me. Please!

(SIGHS)

(GROANING)

I'm terribly sorry.

I really didn't mean
to knock you all over.

(ALL GROANING)

Hello? Hello?

WHITE KING: Are you all right,
my dear?

WHITE QUEEN: I think so.

WHITE QUEEN: Oh, look at me.
My dress is a mess.

Hello?
And I just had it made.

I really don't think
they can hear me.

WHITE KING: Don't fret,
my dear, I'll see to
a new one at once.

Hello?

And they
can't see me either.

(BABY CRYING)

WHITE QUEEN:
My baby!

My precious lily!
My imperial child!

Imperial fiddlesticks.

I think my nose
is out of whack.

So is my sacroiliac.

WHITE QUEEN: Baby!

(SCREAMING)

Oh, my baby. My baby.

Yeah, my baby.

Oh.

Mind the tornado.

What tornado?

The one that
practically blew me up.

Be careful. There's really
a very strong wind.

It's gonna take you hours
to get on that table
if I don't help you.

(CHUCKLING)
Please don't make such faces.

You're making me
laugh so hard,
I can hardly hold you.

(CHUCKLING)

(GROANS)

Well, I warned you
about the tornado.

I've turned cold
to the very end
of my whiskers.

You don't
have any whiskers.

The horror of what
just happened to me
I shall never, never forget.

Oh, my baby.

Hello again. Hello?

If they can't see me
or hear me,

then they certainly won't
be able to tell me anything
about that terrible monster.

OWL: I can tell you
about your monster.

You can?
I'd be ever so grateful.

And you can see me
and hear me?

Of course.

(CROW CAWING)

What happened
to that monster?

Not that I'd want
to meet him again.

Nothing happened to him.

That monster was a thing
you created
in your own mind.

My mind most certainly
did not create
anything like that.

I was simply reading
a silly book.

I...
Your fears
gave birth to it.

And until you overcome
those fears, little girl...

My name is Alice, Mr. Owl.

As long as
you have those fears
inside you, Alice,

the Jabberwocky may come
for you at any time.

Well, I suppose
there are some fears
inside me.

But, please,
I really must know

how to get back
through the mirror.

Well, don't worry.

Why shouldn't I worry?

Well, there's always
another way back.

And there's no point
in going home

until you're not so afraid
of not growing up.

Now, wait a minute.
I've done a great deal
of growing up,

and growing down.

When you overcome
the great fear in you,
then and only then,

will you be able to stop
the frightening appearances
of the Jabberwocky

and return to your family.

But how?

Only you know
the answer to that.

I don't know.

If I knew,
I would tell myself.

And you don't care,
or you'd tell me!

You really would.

Oh, but I do care.

And you will see
that all the creatures
in Looking Glass Land care.

Why should they?

Because when the fear in you
creates the Jabberwocky,

it is dangerous
for all of us around here.

It is really
to our best interest

if you, uh, cure these
terrible afflictions
by yourself.

And the best way to do it
is to stay here

and listen to me
for a few years.

Years? I can't even stay here
for another moment.

My poor mother must be
in a terrible state. Goodbye.

If you don't stay,
you may never
get home at all.

Well, I suppose I could
stay and listen to you
for a while.

In that case,
I'll be on my way.

But you wanted me to stay.

Ah! But now you're in
Looking Glass Land,

and everything here
is backward.

The reverse of
everything you expected.

But we were just
beginning to talk.
Just beginning to...

Yes. Yes, my dear.

But here,
beginnings are endings.

(SIGHS)

Such a lovely garden.

Maybe this is the way home.

I hope.

If only flowers
could talk.
We can talk.

If there's anybody
worth talking to.

Excuse me,
can all the flowers talk?

As well as you can,
and a great deal louder!

It's just not good manners
for us to speak first.

But since you did
before we did,

I can tell you,
when I first saw you,

I thought,
"This little girl has a face
with some sense in it."

Though not very much.

It looks like
a very clever face to me.

If only her petals
curled up a little more,
she might be all right.

Aren't you frightened
at being planted out here

without anybody
to take care of you?

There's the tree close by.

But what can it do
if any danger came?
It could bark.

It says, "Bow-wow."
That's why its branches
are called boughs.

You'd have to be pretty dense
not to understand that.

(LAUGHING)

If you don't speak to me
more politely, I'll...

I'll pick you.

(GASPS)

Good for you.

There's only one flower worse
than the tiger lily.

The daisy. When one speaks,
they all speak.

It's enough
to make you faint,

the way they go
on and on and on.

How is it you all talk?

I've been in
many gardens before,

but none of the flowers
could talk.

Put your hand down
and feel the ground.

Then you'll know why.

Hmm.

It's very hard,
but I don't see what that
has to do with it.

In most gardens,
they make the beds too soft,

so the flowers
are always asleep.

(SNORING)

(GIGGLES)

I never thought of that
before.

In my opinion,
you never think at all.

I never saw anybody
who looked more stupid...

ROSE: Hold your tongue.

As if you ever saw anybody.

You hide your head
under your leaves
and snore away

till you know no more
of what's going on
in the world than a bud.

Are there any more people
in the garden besides me?

ROSE: Oh, a few.

And here comes one
of the stranger ones now.

Oh, my!

The Red Queen's
grown a good deal.

It's the fresh air
that does it.

Excuse me. I really
must go and talk to her.

Goodbye.

(SNORING)

Where did you come from?

I... I...

Look up, speak nicely,

and stop twiddling
your fingers all the time.

I'm lost. I lost my way.

What do you mean, your way?

All the ways around here
belong to me.

And curtsey
while you're thinking
of what to say.

It saves time.

I... I only wanted to see
what the garden was like,
Your Majesty.

I thought
I'd try to find my way
to the top of this hill.

ALICE: Oh!

The land. It's all marked out
like a large chessboard.

RED QUEEN:
Well, of course it is.

ALICE: This is all one
big game of chess?

One big game
that's being played
all over the world?

I can't believe it.

There must be
pieces moving everywhere.

I wish I was one of them.

Oh, you're going to be.

How wonderful!

I wouldn't even mind
being a pawn.

Though I'd rather be a queen.

But you're
going to be a pawn.

One of the White Queen's
little brats is too young
to play,

so you'll have to
take her place.

You will be a pawn,
which will start you
in the second square

at the board, naturally.

I can't play.
I really must be going home.

When you're a queen,
you may go home.

But you said
I was only going to be a pawn.

That's quite correct.

But when you reach
the eighth square
of the chessboard,

then, then you'll be a queen,
and then you may go home.

Hurry.
We'll miss everything.

Hurry where?

RED QUEEN: I'll show you!

RED QUEEN: Faster! Faster!

ALICE: I don't understand!

Don't try to talk!
Faster! Faster!

(WHOOPING)

(LAUGHING)

Are we nearly there?

No! Faster! Faster!

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHING)

You may rest a little now.

(PANTING) But we haven't
gotten anywhere.

If you wanted
to get anywhere,

you'd have to run
twice as fast as you did.

Now what are you doing?

I'm taking measurements.

At the end of three yards,
I shall have
some more rules for you.

And at the end of five yards,
I shall go.

But can't you stay
and talk a while?

Well, that does it.

I really must be going now.

If you do make it
to the eighth square,

then we shall all
be queens together,

and it will all be
feasting and fun.

How will I get home?
Tell me.

What happened to her?

Oh, my.

I will find my way home.
I just know I will.

I want to get to
the eighth square
as quickly as possible.

Which way do I go?
What do I do?

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

(CHUCKLING) Well, well,
what have we here?

(BLEATING)

Ticket, ticket,
ticket, ticket.

Ticket, ticket, ticket,
ticket. Tickets, please.

Here you are.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

There.

Hmm.

Show your ticket.

Well, don't keep him
waiting, child.

His time is worth
$1,000 a minute.

I'm afraid
I haven't got one.

There wasn't a ticket office
where I came from.

No excuses, please.

You should've bought one
from the engine driver.

(BLEATING)
Ticket, ticket,
ticket, ticket.

Ticket, ticket,
ticket, ticket...

He means the man
who drives the engine
also sells the tickets.

You should've known that.

(BELL CLANGING)

There's obviously
no use in even
speaking to you people.

Or whatever you are.

You'd better say
nothing at all then.

Around here, language
is worth $1,000 a word.

I'll dream about
$1,000 tonight.

I just know it.

(BLEATING)

Where are you going, child?

To square four.

Well,
at least she's old enough
to know where she's going,

even if she doesn't
know her own name.

I know my name.

She should've known her way
to the ticket office

even if she doesn't
know the alphabet.

(BLEATING)
I know the alphabet.
I really do.

She'll have to go back
from here as luggage.

(ALL LAUGHING)

No, I won't.

I don't belong on this
railway journey at all.

I was in the forest just now,
and I wish
I could get back there.

Well, "If wishes were horses,
beggars would ride."

That's an old expression.

Here's another
old expression.

(EXCLAIMING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

If you're so anxious
to make a joke,
why don't you make one?

I...

Well, it's the most unheard of
thing I've ever heard of.

(SNORTING)

What a bunch
of grouchy people
you all are.

(BLEATING) We should
send her on by mail.

She's got quite a stamp
on her.

No, no, no.
We should send her
as a message by telegraph.

(LAUGHING)

Whoa!

Hold on. I think this train's
out of control.

Oh, who cares?
As long as it'll take me
into the fourth square.

Uh, I really think I should
pull an emergency cord.

There isn't
an emergency cord.

There's not even
a non-emergency cord.

No.

There's got to be!
All trains have one.

You pull it
and the train stops.

Well, there isn't,
you little crybaby.

There's got to be one.
There isn't.

The only thing you can
pull around here
is your own weight.

That's what you think.

(SCREECHING)

(HORSE NEIGHING)

(GOAT BLEATING)

Well...
I must say...

(ALL PANTING)

Who stopped the train?

HORSE: She's the culprit.
GENTLEMAN IN PAPER SUIT:
Tattletale.

Well, how did she do it?

She yanked on his
chinny chin-chin.

Almost pulled my whiskers off,
she did.

Little girl, didn't you know
it's against the law
to stop the train?

Unless, of course,
it's an emergency.

It was.
The train was running away.

Oh! And who was it
running away from?

That's a silly question.

And you're a silly girl.

And you're
a silly-billy goat.

(LAUGHING)

She got your goat that time.

"Got your goat,"
that's very good.

I'm going to write
that down on paper.

Next time, stay off my train.

I will!

She almost ruined my lunch.

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

GNAT: (SHOUTING) Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

What do you want?

You look
like a very nice person.
A very, very nice person

who wouldn't hurt me
even if I am an insect.

I can see that.

But exactly
what kind of insect are you?

I'm a gnat.

But what kind of insects
do they like
where you come from?

Well,
I don't usually like insects
where I come from.

But could you please tell me
if this is the fourth square?

You see, I'm on my way
to the eighth square
where I'll be a queen.

Why would you
want to be a queen?

I guess then
I'll be grown up enough
to go home.

And my mother
will be so glad
to see me.

She'll see how grown-up I am.

Invite me to sit at tea.

Is this forest
the fourth square?

Yes, but I wouldn't
go in there if I were you.

Well, as long as
there aren't any monsters,

I'm sure I'll be quite fine.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I really must be going.

Don't say
I didn't warn you.

No, I really
would never say that.

Bye.

"To Tweedledum's house."

"To the home of Tweedledee."

I suppose those two
live in the same house.

Hmm.

Maybe they can tell me
how to get to
the eighth square.

If you think we're waxworks,
you really ought to pay,
you know.

Waxworks weren't made
to be looked at for nothing.

I didn't know you were alive.

Contrariwise,
if you think we're alive,
then you should speak.

Oh, yes. I'm very sorry.

Hmm. I know
what you're thinking about.

Well, it isn't so. No how.

Contrariwise,
if it was so, it might be,

and if it were so,
it would be,
but as it isn't, it ain't.

That's logic.
That's logic.

Well, I was thinking
which way was the best way
out of the wood.

Well, you've begun wrong.

The first thing you do
in a visit is you say,

"How do you do?"
And you shake hands.

BOTH:
# How do you do? Shake hands

# Welcome to you
Shake hands #

# It's really quite
important to be proper #

# And don't you dare
to be dumb #

# Or you may come a cropper

# The weather is fine
Shake hands #

# The pleasure is mine
Shake hands #

# And though the meeting
may be fleeting #

# It's so lovely,
don't you see #

# If you'll shake hands
with me #

# The weather is fine
Shake hands #

# The pleasure is mine
Shake hands #

# And though the meeting
may be fleeting #

# It's so lovely,
don't you see #

# If you shake hands

# Don't be a fool
Shake hands #

# If you'll shake hands

# With me! #

(GASPS)

I hope you're not too tired.

TWEEDLEDUM: Oh, no how.

But thank you very much
for asking.

So much obliged.

You like poetry?

Well, some poetry.

But would you tell me
which road leads
out of the wood?

But I know so much poetry.

You really must
stay long enough
and let me entertain you.

What marvelous poem
shall I recite to her?

Why, The Walrus
and the Carpenter.

It's the longest.

If it's very long,
would you please
tell me first which road?

I mean, you're both
so very exhausted.

Nonsense!
Nonsense!

#(TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM
WHISTLING)

BOTH: # The sun
was shining on the sea
Shining with all his might #

# He did his very best
to make the billows
smooth and bright #

TWEEDLEDUM: # And this
was odd, because it was
the middle of the night #

BOTH:
# The moon was shining sulkily
because she thought the sun #

# Had got no business
to be there
after the day was done #

# "It's very rude of him,"
she said,
"to come and spoil the fun!" #

TWEEDLEDUM:
# The sea was wet
as wet could be #

# The sands were dry as dry

# You could not see a cloud
because no cloud
was in the sky #

# No birds were flying
overhead #

# There were no birds
to fly #

#(SINGING OPERA)

#(SINGING IN HIGH-PITCH)

WALRUS: Oi!

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS)

# The Walrus and the Carpenter
were walking close at hand #

# They wept like
anything to see
such quantities of sand #

# If this were only
cleared away, my friend,
it would be grand! #

# If seven maids
with seven mops
swept it for half a year #

# Do you suppose
in that much time that
they could get it clear? #

# I doubt it really
could be done
At least by me, my dear #

Oh, oh!

You see that?

# O, Oysters,
come and walk with us #

# We truly do beseech

# A pleasant walk,
a pleasant talk #

# Along the briny beach

# We cannot do
with more than four
to give a hand to each #

# The time has come,
I'm quite convinced #

# To talk of many things

# Of shoes and ships
and sealing wax #

# Of cabbages and kings

# And why the sea
is boiling hot #

# And whether pigs
have wings #

OYSTERS: # But wait a bit,
if you don't mind #

# Before we have our chat

# For some of us
are out of breath #

# And all of us are fat!

# We do not wish
to hurry you #

OYSTERS:
# We thank you much for that

# A loaf of bread
and butter, too #

# Is what we chiefly need

# And vinegar
and salt besides #

# Are very good indeed

# Now if you're ready,
Oysters, dear #

# We can begin to feed

OYSTERS: # But not on us,
if it's all the same #

# And strictly entre nous

# For after such a kindess

# What a dismal thing
to do! #

# Shall we have some wine?

# The night is fine

# Do you admire the view?

# It was so kind
of you to come! #

# And you are so very nice!

# Talk is cheap
by the briny deep #

# Cut us another slice

# I wish you were
not quite so deaf
I've had to ask you twice #

# It seems
a rather dreadful shame
to play them such a trick #

# After we've
brought them out so far
and made them trot so quick #

# Say what you will,
but as for me #

# The butter's spread
too thick! #

Look, they're getting away.

Turn around,
and get after them.

# I weep for you,
my little friends
I deeply sympathize #

# I sob a sob
and I weep some tears #

# All those
of a larger size #

# Oh,
hold your pocket handkerchief
before your blooming eyes #

# "O, Oysters,"
said the Carpenter #

# "You've had
a pleasant run! #

# "Shall we be
trotting home again?" #

# But the answer
came there none #

# And this was
scarcely odd, because #

(BOTH BURPING)

# They'd eaten every one #

They ate them all?
What monsters.

(WIND HOWLING)

Oh, it's somebody's shawl.

WHITE QUEEN: Bread and butter.
Bread and butter.

Bread and butter.
Bread and butter.

My shawl.

Where's my bread
and butter, baby?

Oh, thank you.
I've been looking for that.

Then I'm really glad
I happened to be in the way.

Bread and butter.
Bread and butter.

Bread and...

My hat.

Am I addressing
the White Queen?

Well, yes, if you can
call that a dressing.

It's not my notion
of the thing at all.

If Your Majesty
will only tell me
the right way to begin,

I'll do it as well as I can.

May I help put your shawl on
straight for you?

Please.

It's out of temper, I think.

It's in a snit.

It's peevish.
It's having a fit.

I've pinned it here
and I've pinned it there.

There's no pleasing it.

Well, you look better now.

But really,
you should have a lady's maid.

I'll take you
with pleasure.

Tuppence a week,
and jam every other day.

I don't want you to hire me
and I don't care for jam.

Well, it's very good jam.

Well, I don't want
any today at any rate.

Well, you couldn't have it
if you did want it.

The rule is "Jam tomorrow,
jam yesterday,

"but never jam today."

It must come sometimes
to "jam today."

No, it can't.

It's jam every other day.

Today isn't any other day,
you know.

# Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday
But never, ever jam today #

# I said, jam tomorrow,
jam yesterday #

# But never, ever jam today

# You can wish as you want
You can want as you wish #

# Still you'd
better hear me say #

# Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday
But never, ever jam today #

# I'm ashamed of marmalade!

# Not jelly, not honey,
for love, nor money #

# Never, ever jam today

# Oh, you can wish as you want
You can want as you wish #

# Still you'd
better hear me say #

# Jam tomorrow,
jam yesterday #

# But never, ever
jam today! #

(GIGGLING)

It's dreadfully confusing.

Well, that's the effect
of living backward.

It makes everyone
a little giddy at first.

But there's one
great advantage.

The memory works both ways.

Well, I'm sure mine
only works one way.

I can't remember
things before they happen.

Well,
it's a poor sort of memory
only works backwards.

What sort of things
do you remember best?

Things that happened
the week after next.

(SHOUTS)

My finger's bleeding!

(SHOUTS)

How'd that happen?

Have you stuck your finger?

Well, I haven't stuck it yet,
but I soon shall.

(SCREAMING)

When do you expect to do it?

When I fasten
my shawl again.

The brooch will
come undone directly.

Be careful!
You're holding it
all crooked!

See? That accounts
for the bleeding.

Now you understand
the way things happen here.

How old are you?

Seven and a half exactly.

I'm just 101.

I can't believe that.

You can't?

I hope your finger's
better now.

Better.

Much better.

Better.

(SHEEP BLEATING)

(WOLF HOWLING)

What a thick,
black cloud that is.

I believe it's got wings.

I hope it's not...

(SQUAWKING)

It's only a giant bird.

I thought the Jabberwocky
was coming back again.

(SIGHS)

It can't reach me here.

It's too large
to get through the trees.

I wish it wouldn't
flap its wings so.

It's like a hurricane.

It's Humpty Dumpty.
It can't be anyone else.

And he looks
exactly like a giant egg.

Young lady,
it's not very nice
to tell someone

he looks like an egg.

But some eggs
are very beautiful, you know.

Some people
have no more sense
than a baby.

My name is Alice, sir.

That's a stupid name.

I may be stupid, sir,

but don't you think
you'd be a lot safer
down here on the ground?

The wall is very narrow.

Of course
I don't think so.

Why, even if I did fall off,
the King has promised...

To send all of his horses
and all of his men

to put Humpty Dumpty
back together again.

You've been snooping
at doors,

or you couldn't
have known that!

Oh, no. It's in a book
of very famous
nursery rhymes.

What a beautiful belt
you've got.

Really? When a person
doesn't know
a cravat from a belt!

(LAUGHS)

It's a cravat, child,
and a very beautiful one,
I might add.

It's a present
from the White King and Queen.

Really?

Yes, really.

They gave it to me
for an unbirthday present
just this past week.

An unbirthday present?

What's an unbirthday present?

It's a present given
when it isn't your birthday,
of course!

I like birthday presents best.

You don't know
what you're talking about!

How many days are there
in a year?

365.

And how many birthdays
do you have?

One.

And if you take
one from 365,

that means you can get
364 unbirthday presents.

You see, dum-dum?

Certainly.

And only one
for birthday presents,
you know.

Now there's glory for you.

I don't know
what you mean by "glory."

Of course you don't.

Till I tell you.
I mean, there's a nice
knockdown argument for you.

But "glory" doesn't mean
a "nice knockdown argument."

When I use a word,
it means just
what I choose it to mean!

Neither more nor less.

The question is

whether you can make words
mean so many different things.

The question is
which is to be master.
That's all!

Words, they've a temper.

Hmm.

Some words,
particularly verbs,

they're the proudest.

Adjectives you can
do anything with,
but not verbs.

However, I can manage
the whole lot of them!

(LAUGHING)

Impenetrability.
That's what I say.

Would you please tell me
what that word means?

Now you talk like
a reasonable child.

I meant by "impenetrability"
that we've had enough
of that subject.

And it would be just as well
if you'd mention
what you mean to do next,

because I suppose
you don't mean to stop here
all the rest of your life.

That's a great deal
to make one word mean.

When I make a word
do a lot of work like that,

I always pay it extra.

Mr. Dumpty, if you're going
to skip and dance,

don't you really think
it'd be a bit safer
down here on the ground?

Actually, no!
If I thought that,
I'd do that!

You are a rather
fearful little child,
aren't you?

Mr. Dumpty,
you don't understand.

I suppose I do have
a lot of fears inside me.

And Mr. Owl,
at least I think
that was his name...

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Mr. Dumpty, my fears
are bringing back
the Jabberwocky!

The Jabberwocky?

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Hello, little girl.

Did you happen to see
my two messengers
as you came through the wood?

No, Your Majesty.

Well, would you mind looking
along this road here

and tell me if you can
see either of them?

I see nobody on the road.

Oh. I only wish
I had such eyes
to be able to see nobody.

It's as much as I can do
to see real people
by this light.

I see somebody now!

But he's coming very slowly.

His name is Haigha.

He's an Anglo-Saxon
messenger.

Listen.

I love my love with an "H"
because he is happy.

I hate him with an "H"
because he is hideous.

I fed him with... with...

With ham sandwiches and hay.

His name is Haigha
and he lives...

He lives on the hill.

My other messenger's
called Hatter.

I must have two,
you know, to come and go.

One to come and one to go.
Oh, yes.

I beg your pardon?

It isn't respectable to beg.

(SCREAMING)
Your Majesty.

You frightened me!

I feel faint.
Give me a ham sandwich.
Nothing but hay left now.

Well, hay then.
Okay.

There's nothing
like eating hay
when you feel faint.

I think throwing cold water
over you would be better.

I didn't say
there was nothing better,

I said there was
nothing like it.

(SNEEZING)

Who did you pass
on the road?

I'll whisper it.

(SHOUTING)
They're at it again!

Do you call that a whisper?

Who's at it again?

Why, the Lion
and the Unicorn,
of course.

Let's run and see them.

Oh, no, please.

I really must be
getting on my way.

BOTH: # The Lion
and the Unicorn were fighting
for the crown #

# The Lion beat the Unicorn
all around the town #

But you don't understand,
I really must be going home.

# La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la #

(HITE KING
AND MESSENGER SCATTING)

ALL: # The Lion
and the Unicorn
were fighting for the crown #

# The Lion beat the Unicorn
all around the town #

Play!

# Some gave them white bread
and some gave them brown #

# And some gave them plum cake
and drummed them out of town #

# And drummed them out of town
And drummed them out of town #

# And drummed them out of

# Town

(ALL SCATTING)

# The Lion and the Unicorn

# The Lion and the Unicorn

# The Lion and the Unicorn

# The Lion and the Unicorn

# Were fighting for the

# Crown! #

Does the one that wins
always get the crown?

(SCOFFING) Dear me,
no, what an idea.

(EXCLAIMS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(GROWLING)

(GROANING IN PAIN)

Oh, my!

All right, all right!

Ten minutes allowed
for refreshments!

(LAUGHING)
I don't think they're gonna
fight anymore today.

I should hope not.

Go order the drums
to begin.

You know, boom-boom, boom.

I had the best
of it this time!

You shouldn't
have run him through
with your horn.

UNICORN: It didn't hurt him.

What is this?

WHITE KING: A child.
We only found it today.

It's as large as life
and twice as natural.

A child?

But I... I... I always thought
that children were
fabulous monsters.

Is... Is it alive?

Oh, yes.
It can even talk.

This is incredible.
Talk, child.

(ALL GASPING)
Well,

do you know I always thought
unicorns were
fabulous monsters, too?

(SNICKERING)

Though I never saw
one alive before.

Well, now that
we have seen one another,

if you'll believe in me,
I'll believe in you.

Is it a bargain?

Yes, if you like.

That'd be rather pleasant.

(NEIGHING)

(RASPING)

Are you animal,

vegetable,

or mineral?

You dum-dum!

I already told you
she's a fabulous monster!

Then hand round the cake,
monster.

ALICE: Yes, sir.
Right away, sir.

May I please have the cake?

Be careful.

If you drop it,
the lion will eat you.

I wouldn't do that.

Yet!

Please don't say that.

You're making me nervous.

You'd better hurry.

He's very short-tempered.

Don't do what
he says, monster.

Don't listen to him.
Cut the cake!

And I say "Don't!"
And I say "Do!"

What a fight
we might have
for the crown now, sir!

Oh, and I will
surely win.

Oh, I don't think so.

Why, I'll beat you
all around the town,
you cluck chicken!

All around the town, eh?

Ha! Well,
that's a good long way.

Will you go by
the old bridge
or by the marketplace?

The best view
is by the old bridge.

(CHORTLING)

Cut the cake.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

The monster's
having an awful time
trying to cut that cake.

I've cut it twice,
but it just seems
to go back together again.

You don't know how to serve
Looking Glass cake?

Hand it round first,
then cut it afterwards!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SHOUTING)

Now cut the cake!

This isn't fair.
The monster has given
the lion twice as much as me.

LION: Well, she's kept none
for herself, anyhow.

Do you like
plum cake, monster?

Well...

#(DRUMS BEATING)

What is that sound?

Oh!

What is that sound?
What is it?

I don't understand!

What is it?

If that noise doesn't
drum everybody out of town,
nothing ever will.

(HOOVES CLOMPING)

MAN: Ahoy! Ahoy!

(MARSHALLING)

Wow.

(NEIGHING)

Check.
You're my prisoner.

MAN 2: Ahoy! Hey! Hey!

(MAN 2 MARSHALLING)

Check.

She's my prisoner,
you know.

Yes, but then I came
and rescued her.

Well, then we must
fight for her.

You will observe
the rules of battle,
of course.

I always do.

(BOTH SHOUTING)

There are so many fights
in Looking Glass Land.

(HORSES NEIGHING)

Check.

Check.

It was a glorious victory,
wasn't it?

(LAUGHING)

I don't know.

I don't wanna be
anybody's prisoner.

I just know
I must become a queen

if I'm ever
to get home again.

And you will.

When you have
crossed the next brook,

you will definitely
be a queen.

I will see you safe
to the end of the wood.

Then I must go back,
you know.

Yes, that is the end
of my move.

Thank you very much.

Come.
I'll get you on your way.

All right.

You can go ahead,
lead me.

All right.
Come on. Come on.

All right,
to the end of the wood.

I hope you've got your hair
well fastened on.

Only in the usual way.

Oh, that's not good enough.

No, you see, the wind
is so very strong here.

It's as strong as,
uh, uh, soup.

But I have a plan
for keeping your hair
from falling off.

Well, I should like to
hear it very much.

Well, you see,
the reason hair falls off
is because it hangs down.

(CHUCKLING)
Things never fall upwards,
you know.

This is a plan
of my own invention.

You might try it
if you like.

First, you take
an upright stick.

Oh, there's one.

(HORSE NEIGHING)

I hope no bones
are broken.

None to speak of.

The great art of riding,
as I was saying,
is to keep your balance.

How can you keep on talking
head downward?

What does it matter
where my body happens to be?

My mind goes on
working all the same.

In fact,
the more head downwards I am,

the more I keep
inventing new things.

Like this song I am
about to sing to you.

Is it long?

Because you said
you would see me
to the end of the wood.

That I shall.

I take your hand.

I understand.

And we are dancing.

Without a word,
it seems absurd.

# But we are dancing

# We didn't need a cue

# Yet with a girl like you

# It seems the thing to do

# Don't you agree?

Yes, I do.

# I hear the strings
My poor heart sings #

# And we are dancing

# We share a smile,
and for a while #

# We two are dancing

# If ever time

# Should bring another year

# Another spring

# They'll be compared

# To what I've shared

# With you

# I hear the strings
My poor heart sings #

# And we are dancing

# We share a smile,
and for a while #

# We two are dancing

# If ever time should bring

# Another year

# Another spring

# They'll be compared

# To what I've shared

# With you #

Oh!

Now, you've only
a few yards to go.

Down the hill
and over the brook,
and then you will be a queen.

Then I just know
I'll be home,
I just know it.

But you will stay
to see me off first,
won't you? I shan't be long.

And if you simply
wave your handkerchief,

it will encourage me
very much.

All the finest damsels
do that sort of thing.

Of course I'll wait.

And thank you very much
for saving me.

Farewell, fair maiden.

Farewell, gallant knight.

Oops.

I hope I encouraged him
a little.

This must be
the eighth square.

I'm so happy to get here.

What is this on my head?

Now how in the world
did this crown
get on my head

without me knowing it?

Oh, but this is wonderful!

I never expected
to be a queen so soon.

Now, I'll tell you
what this means,
Your Majesty.

It'll never do for you
to be rolling around
on the grass anymore.

Queens have to be
very dignified, you know.

And if I really am a queen,

I shall be able to manage it
quite well in time.

I just know it.

Please,
would you tell me
how I might...

Speak
when you're spoken to.

If everybody
obeyed that rule,

nobody would
ever say anything.

Ridiculous.

I overheard you
saying to yourself,
"If I really am a queen..."

What right have you
to call yourself
anything of the sort?

I'm sure I didn't mean to...

That's just what
I'm complaining about!

You should have meant it.

What do you suppose
is the good of a child
without meaning?

Even a joke
has some meaning.

Well,
she's in that state of mind

that she wants
to deny something,

only she doesn't
know what to deny.

A nasty, vicious temper!

Now, my dear White Queen,

let me invite you
to Alice's dinner party
this afternoon.

And I invite you.

Now, if you'll pardon me!

I didn't know I was giving
a dinner party at all.

But if there's
going to be one,

I think I ought to
invite the guests,
don't you?

We gave you the opportunity
of doing it,

but you didn't
invite anybody.

It's obvious you never
had any lessons in manners.

(SIGHING) Manners aren't
taught in lessons.

Lessons teach addition,
subtraction

and things of that sort.

Well, then,
I have a lesson for you.

# Can you do addition?

# What is one and one
and one and one #

# And one and one
and one and one and two? #

# Can you do subtraction?

# Eight from nine and two
from eight and six from three
and one from seven, too #

# Can you do division?

# Six divided by a three
and then a two #

# Yes, you

# Can you multiply, my dear?

# Then what are three times
six and two times ten,
and then again #

# Addition

# Subtraction

# Division

# Multiplication!

# Can you do addition?

# What is one and one
and one and one #

# And one and one
and one and one and two? #

# Can you do subtraction?

# Eight from nine and two
from eight and six from three
and one from seven, too #

# Can you do division?

# Six divided by a three
and then a two #

# Yes, you!

# Can you multiply, my dear?

# Then what are three times
six and two times ten,
and then again #

# Forget your slumbers,
recall your numbers #

# Just add up the list

# Just think of pluses
and of minuses #

# It's sure
to clear your sinuses #

# We simply must insist! #

Well, Alice,
what's your answer?

I don't know.
I lost count.

Well, then. Of course,
you do know your ABC's?

Sure, I do.

So do I.

Oh, we shall have
such glorious times together

saying the alphabet
over and over.

Can you answer
useful questions?

How is bread made?

I know that.

First, you take
some flour...

(SNICKERING)

But where do you
pick the flower?

It isn't picked at all,
it's ground.

RED QUEEN: Oh, fan her.

She's probably just feverish
from all this thinking.

Do you know languages?

What is French
for "fiddle-de-dee"?

I'll tell you what.

If you'll tell me
what language
"fiddle-de-dee" is,

I'll tell you
the French for it.

Queens never make bargains.

I wish queens
never asked questions.

Well, here's a question
with an answer.

Is life just
a giant game of chess?

I assure you,
the answer is yes.

Do you mean something
is moving us about?

That's for me to know
and you to find out.

# Is the ocean
as level as a pool? #

# Well, to think so
you'd have to be a fool #

# There are millions
of waves in an ocean #

# So something obviously
keeps them all in motion #

# And do you stand motionless,
my girl? #

# No, you constantly
are running in a whirl #

# But since
you've come uninvited
for this visit #

# I should think that
you'd be wondering #

# What is it?

(SIGHING)

# Should I reveal to you
the secret, my dear? #

Yes, Your Majesty,
that's what I want to hear.

# When the world
seems full of trouble
and of strife #

# What moves us through this

# Crazy game of life?

# Emotions

# Emotions

# They're much stronger

# than magical potions

# They make us behave

# as we do

# You may like it or not

# But it's true

# Emotions

# Emotions

# When we smile or we frown

# That is why

# Some are good

# Some are bad

# Some are sweet

# Some are sad

# Can't escape them

# However we try

# We've emotions, my dear

# Till we

# die #

Oh, poor thing.
She's tired.

Smooth her hair,
lend her your nightcap,

and sing her
a soothing lullaby.

I haven't got
a nightcap with me

and I don't know
any soothing lullabies.

But if you'd only tell me
how I might go home,

I'd be certain to get you
anything you need.

I promise you I would,
I truly would.

Oh, I must do it myself.

(SNORING)

# Hush-a-bye, lady

# In Alice's lap

# Till the feast's ready

# We've time for a nap

# When the feast's over

# We'll go to the ball

# Red Queen

# And White Queen

# And Alice

# And

# All #

(SNORING)

Mother, Father,

will I ever see you again?

#(MUSIC PLAYING)

# To the Looking Glass world
It was Alice that said #

# I've a scepter in hand
I've a crown on my head #

# Let the Looking
Glass creatures,
whatever they be #

# Come and dine

# With the Red Queen,
the White Queen and me #

# Then fill up the glasses
as quick as you can #

# And sprinkle the table
with buttons and bran #

# Put cats in the coffee,
and mice in the tea #

# Welcome Queen Alice
with thirty times three #

# Oh, Looking Glass creatures
I pray, draw near #

# 'Tis an honor to see me,
a favor to hear #

# 'Tis a privilege high
to have dinner and tea #

# With the Red Queen,
the White Queen and me! #

# Then fill up all the glasses
with treacle and ink #

# Or anything else
that is pleasant to drink #

# Mix sand with the cider
and wool with the wine #

# And welcome Queen Alice

# With ninety times nine

(ALL CHEERING)

# Then fill up all the glasses
with treacle and ink #

# Or anything else
that is pleasant to drink #

# Mix sand with the cider
and wool with the wine #

# And welcome Queen Alice

# With ninety times nine #

RED QUEEN: Welcome,
Queen Alice!

ALICE: Thank you.

We drink to your health.

Good idea.
To Queen Alice's health!

KING OF HEARTS: Hear, hear!
ALL: Hear, hear!

(ALL CHATTERING)

You ought to return
your appreciation
in a neat speech.

We're only teaching you
the very basics
of proper behavior.

Oh, yes, dear.

If you were ever
invited to tea anywhere,

you'll need to know
these little pleasantries.

It's proper that
you should know
about proper behavior.

I... I thank you all.

But please, everyone,
show me how I go home.

I don't want to be here
anymore.

All I want to do
is to go home.

I've never heard
such a thing in my life!

What nerve!
Ingrate! Did you hear...

(ALL CHATTERING)

Well, I...
MAN: Ridiculous!

BOTH: A present's
come for you, dear.

For me?

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(JABBERWOCKY GROWLING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Off with his head!
Off with his head!

By Jove!
I certainly scared him off,
my dear.

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

I'm coming, fair maiden.
I'm coming!

Have no fear.
The White Knight is here!

No! Go back!
He'll kill you!
He really will!

I'll save you, fair maiden.
Do not be afraid!

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTING)

Go, fair maiden! Go,
I'll hold the monster off.

Go, I say!
Save yourself!

(GRUNTING)

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Please help me, Mr. Owl.

I don't know what to do.

Don't let the monster
hurt my friends.

You ask me, but it's you
that must be brave.

I am brave!

But not that brave.

Then you will never grow up,
will you, Alice?

Until you conquer
the fears inside you,

you will never be
more than a child.

Home?

(ALICE SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

Go away! Go away!
I'm not afraid of you!

You're a fake,
like the owl said!

You're a fake!

I've grown up now!

I don't believe in you!

I don't believe in you!

I don't believe in you!

(GROWLING)

(ECHOING)
I don't believe in you!

MOTHER: Alice!

Alice?

There you are, Alice.

I've been calling you
for some time, dear.

Where on Earth
have you been?

Oh, so many places, Mother.

I have so much to tell you.

But you really won't
believe half of it.

So I'll only tell you
a few things. Like,
one time, I had to sit...

I'm sorry, dear.
I'm afraid it's teatime now,

but I'd love to hear
all about it later.

Is it? Is it really?

Is it really what?

Teatime?

Yes. Yes, it is.

We're having
strawberry shortcake.

And your father
bought gingerbread cookies

and Aunt Dorothy's
insisted on opening

one of her precious jars
of raspberry preserves.

It sounds very lovely,
Mother.

But why were you calling me?

Ah. I almost forgot.

I wanted to tell you
that your father and I think

you're finally
quite grown up enough
to join us.

Would you like that,
Alice?

To join the grownups
at tea?

Yes, Mother.
I should like that very much.

Thank you. Thank you.

I truly have grown up, Mother.
You'll see. You truly will.

Well, you run along now
and get ready.

VOICES:
# Alice, can you hear us?

# Can you see us?

# Alice, tell us,
can you hear us? #

# Alice

# Ooh, ooh

# Alice

# Can you hear us, Alice?

# Can you see us, dear girl?

# Here in Wonderland

# We have known you

# Only for a dream or two

# But here

# We remember you

# Oh, Alice

# Don't forget us, Alice

# If you let us, we'll prove

# Dreams can all come true

# Someday

# through a mirror
you'll get a clearer view #

# Till then

# Alice, we love you #