Alfredo, Alfredo (1972) - full transcript

Send him in.

Signor Sbisa.

Alright c'mon, let's go in.

Your Honor... this is
Signor Sbisa.

Sit down please.

Still certain you want a divorce?

Yes, yes.

Positive? No doubts?

Either moral, religious, or
above all, economic?

No, no.

- Clerk, do you have that?
- Yes, I do.



Send the lady in.

- What's the problem?
- Calm down. Sit down.

My duty is to try to bring
about a reconciliation.

First separately, then jointly.

That is the law.

All right, so it's the law.

But the law doesn't know I'm
ready to have a stroke!

Come in Mrs. Sbisa.

Oh, my God, there she is!

Would you sit down.

I won't look at her... then maybe
I'll live through this.

That perfume... The same perfume...

Now I'm getting the shivers!

I'm talking to you, too.



Yes... excuse me.

So everybody is here...

In an attempt to reunite
this family...

Now I feel fine. Strange.

Maybe I'm cured. Should I try
looking at her?

No reaction at all. I can
look straight at her...

Maria Rosa... The witch!

Funny when I think back to a few years
ago when Maria Rosa didn't exist in my life.

Funny because I passed by
that pharmacy all the time.

How mysterious, and sinister it is...

that sheer chance rules our lives.

What most attracted me to her?
The way she walked." loose, yet controlled.

A strange mixture of sensuality
and modesty...

...as if she were in a bed or
in a church at the same time.

It's better like this. Yes,
it's better like this.

How many times have I said,
"Better like this?"

Remember Clara?

And Luisa?

You kept them dangling.

And Marcella?
Poor thing... so sweet.

And Rita... so jealous!

They all dropped me.
Or so they thought.

I really dropped them... saying every
time, "Better like this."

What can I do? I'm afraid
of responsibility

Top honors in architecture, and
what did I do with it all?

I'm pretty sure these stocks
will go up tomorrow.

But it's too much responsibility
for me. You decide.

Well, buy!

Well, buy!
Thanks.

I work in a bank.

A temporary job.
I thought at first.

Yet, I'm still here.
"Deposited" for life.

The counter that separates me from
the crowd is like a barricade...

...protecting me from the hordes
on the other side.

Yes, people frighten me.

Oh, but here's where I have no fear.

I'm really myself here...
free, without a care.

For years, Oreste and I went
mountain climbing on weekends.

He was my only friend. Even though
he was the exact opposite of me.

He never gave up anything. He
never said, "Better like this..."

I lived with my father, and
we got along just fine.

Thanks Papa.

A very quiet life.
Nothing extraordinary

Why did it all have to
change? Why?

My golden opportunity!

I just have to help her pull
it down. Nothing to it.

Yes, nothing to it...

Alfredo!

Hi Oreste.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm waiting for a streetcar.

They stopped running in 1959!

So that's why I didn't see one!

Are you OK?

Want a lift?
I'm going to the hospital.

No thanks.
I'll call you later.

Oreste, I changed my mind.
You can drive me home.

Wait!

A golden opportunity...

Alfredo! Alfredo!
Come here!

At that moment, I hated Oreste.

I was feeling so bad.

And what if she laughed at me
for following her?

But she didn't.

Pleased to know you.

My pleasure.

Pleasure ...

I felt even worse. She hadn't
even noticed me!

Oreste, doing his act again...

with her! I was infuriated.

Can't I get a word in?

Go on, talk.
I look like an idiot.

What does this one want anyway?
Talking about her cat. Who cares!

She doesn't even notice me.

Damn it, she's beautiful.
He stole her from me.

Give me a pen..

Here are all my phone numbers...

...office, hospital, clinic, home.

Say it's Maris Rosa...
...and I'll let my patients croak!

I know guys like you...

...but I might take you up on that.

Give your number to Gianna.

Go on, write it down.

Yes, c'mon.

Thank you.

Hello, Oreste!

How are you?

Fine. But, who is this?

What are you doing tonight?

Guess who it is.

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes.
Oh, yes. How's your cat?

Oh, yes. How's your cat?

Sorry, I didn't expect you call me...

I already made plans
for this evening.

You're making a mistake. This
isn't Gianna, you know.

Aren't you...?

No. Who am I?

Come on, guess... who am I?

Maria Rosa!

Was it so hard?

Hello! Hello!

Still busy tonight?

Yes, yes... no, no...
I'm not busy tonight! Why?

See you then.

I couldn't believe it.
But it was hen

Maybe there was something behind it...
maybe it was all a joke.

Not a joke, it was really her...

Here she comes. With that
same bewitching smile.

And the walk that drove me
out of my mind!

Why didn't you recognize
my voice?

Right away she made me the guilty
one. That was her specialty.

But I didn't know that then.

Now she's clinging to me!

And what's even more incredible,
she chose me over Orestes.

Oreste? That man? Listen, he's
just the type I detest.

So cynical. So sure of himself.

When he looks at you, it's as
if he's undressing you.

Alfredo, you're different.

You were too shy even
to approach me.

I thought you didn't notice me.

Of course I did.

I was ridiculous, right?

Yes.

But so tender...
And moving...

I was in seventh heaven! I went to
our second date, as if in a dream...

8 o'clock sharp,
at the usual place.

...8:20... 8:35...

A quarter to nine...

You're here?

Aren't you getting in?

I thought you weren't coming.

I called my - father to find out
if you'd phoned.

I've been here since 8, watching
you. You're exactly as I imagined.

Thank you.
Thank you.

But why?

There are many ways to wait for
a woman... thank you.

What goes on in that head of hers?
What does she want from me?

Does she want to go to bed?
Yes or no?

After all, she came after me...

But suppose I'm wrong?

I studied her, as the leading man
undressed the Nun of Monza!

Do I touch her or not?

Do I kiss her or not?

Our third date is almost oven

I'll do it! No! Yes!

I'll count to five, and then kiss hen
On the lips. Two, three

I can always apologize
afterwards... Four, four and a half.

Isn't it late?

No!

No I can't!

No, please!

Yes!

No, no!

Sorry.

Yes, yes!

No, no!

What's going on here?

Nothing.

Hello!
Wait a minute.

Sbisa?
It's for you.

Hello!

Is this Alfredo Sbisa, Agricultural
Bank, Cathedral Square?

Yes it's me.

Telegram. Shall I read it?

Yes, please.

"Forgive me, forgive me,
forgive me..."

I see, go on please.

It goes on, sir:" "Forgive me,
forgive me..."

"I love you, I love you, I love you..."

"I love you, I love you, I love you..."

Total: 13 "forgive me's" and 25
"I love you's."

Signed "Maria Rosa"...
that's only one time.

Thank you.

You're welcome, sir

Congratulations!

Yes thanks,
thanks!

I told them at the bank I had to
stop at the pharmacy...

Thank you, thank you,
my love, my love...

Signorina, where's the Vitavit?

Your prescription...

Instead of a second kiss,
my first letter...

Think of Maria Rosa
100 times before each meal.

Double the dose at bedtime.

The second letter arrived at the
bank 40 minutes Iaten

It was a heart, filled with words.

You're good, you're sweet,
you're handsome...

You're kind, you're brave,
you're noble... YOU'RE MINE.

I started to get an average
of 4 or 5 letters a day

Alfredo, A letter for you...

Thanks, Dad!

It was the third Papa had
given me in 48 hours.

I knew he was excited.

He understood I was involved with
someone seriously for the first time.

l am thy Goddess. First." Thou shalt
have no other Goddess before me.

Second." Thou shalt sanctify
the day on which we met.

Odd, she listed all except the 6th
Commandment... about impure acts!

What was I to make of this?

Should I try to kiss her again?
When in doubt, abstain.

Good night, I'll call you soon.

When?

When I feel like it! Bye!

Well... maybe I shouldn't have abstained.

Darling we have to face it...
one thing about our relationship.

This is serious...

Each time I call you,
I feel that you don't love me...

...as much as I do love you.

Where are you? Doing what?

What would I be doing?
I'm at the bank, working.

I know that, I called you.

...l want to know all about you.

I want to know more. Are you at
your desk or at the counter?

Sorry, I'm busy. I'll call you later.

One thing I want to tell you...

When I want to hear your voice,
I'll call, no matter where or when!

Where are you? Doing what?

I'm in the manager's office at
an important meeting.

We're much more
important! Always!

Yes, of course.

What are you wearing?

What are you wearing?
Normal.

Normal.

Suit or sport jacket?

First one.

The brown one or the maroon?

Yes, yes.

Yes?
Go ahead!

Thanks, I better call you back
later, Signorina.

Don't be formal with me!

Thanks, and the same to you.

Papa, it's for me.

I'm having more phone plugs put in.

Good night

Hello!

Hello!

Hi!

What are you doing?

Standing in the hallway, as usual.

Were you sleeping?

No, no

No, I was reading.

Are you crying?

Yes!

Why?

What's wrong, another bad dream?

I dreamed you volunteered
to joined the army!

Volunteer?
Which war?

Just a war!
I couldn't stop you.

And you went away on a
long troop train!

It was terrible!

Listen, there's no war, thank God.

So stop worrying.

Damn it, this girl really
has a sixth sense.

I'm not going to war, but mountain
climbing on Sunday with Oreste.

But, how am I going to tell her?

Why should I mind?

Are you sure?

I wouldn't want to deprive you
of something you enjoy.

But, what will you do?

Alfredo, you go and
enjoy yourself.

Just phone me.

From the mountains?

If you can, I'd be very happy.

I'll be home, waiting by the phone.

Alfredo,
Why don't you kiss me anymore?

Can I?

Tickets!

Is that a phone?

It just connects to one up on top.

A phone up there?

The phone up on top just
connects to here.

Alfredo, who the hell do
you have to call?

Something had been torturing
me for days."

How to tell Oreste I'd taken
Maria Rosa away from him.

Coward that I was, I waited till
we were off the ground.

Then I stabbed him in the back... so
I wouldn't see how hurt he was.

I'm sorry

What did you say?
She's a cow!

What?

She's a cow, I said.

All day I'd thought of Maria Rosa
in her room, waiting for my call.

Tell her I forgive you both!

I hoped she wouldn't answer.
I hoped she went to the movies.

Hello!

Damn, she picked up on the
first half-ring!

Why didn't you call me earlier?

But... me...

Alfredo,
you promised me.

I know, I know... but it wasn't easy...

You could have if you wanted to.

Are you... are you angry with me?

No, but, just disappointed.

I never thought you'd go
in the first place.

But you're the one who insisted.

All the more reason not to go.

I didn't understand that.
Forgive me.

No, you forgive me.

But, why?

Forgive me I exist that's all!

Hello! Mario Rosa! Hello!

I promised I'd spend the
next Sunday with hen

But Wednesday she had a bad dream...
Frida_y a cousin in Ancona died...

so Saturday she had to leave.

I won't be able to call you tomorrow.

My cousins don't have a phone.

But I worked out a way
we can keep in touch.

Not now!

Swear you won't open this
before tomorrow morning.

Swear it!

Good morning, my love.
Happy Sunday!

Go to the hospital pharmacy
It's always open.

Say I sent you and they'll
give you something.

See you soon, Ilove you.

I told Oreste to go ahead
and I'd join him Iaten

But I knew I'd never make it.

I suspected what her plan was
to be near me, while far away.

By the third message,
Ihad no doubts.

Each link of this love-chain
led me to the next link.

74, ...75, ...76, ...77, ...78.

I was involved in a
lover's treasure hunt.

Thanks.

My love, enjoy your lunch,
and think about "G 2".

Damn it, what the hell is "G 2"?

I wonder, if I joined this game

just because I was
afraid of Maria Rosa...

No, it isn't true

I do it because I want it.
Just like her, with love.

What the hell is "G 2"?

Under the eaves of an old city towen.
The Captain's Towen..284 steps...

Destroyed by Barbarossa. ..

Then rebuilt to greater heights
by the Camaldolesi monks...

Damn their souls!

Darling, are you tired?

Who's tired? I'm not tired.

You weren't tired putting it here.
Why should I be tired getting it!

You have a letter for me.

Yes, I have.

I'll give it to you in 3 minutes.

Give it to me now, please I'm dead tired
I even got bitten by a female dog.

I see.

Thanks.

Well, darling, you've reached
the treasure. Turn around.

My treasure...

Did you think of me a little bit?

Come!

Your suitcase!

That night, I tossed around,
unable to sleep.

And I, too, had a strange,
disturbing dream.

How sad it was.

Hello!

Where are you? Doing what?

I'm on the toilet...
...taking a crap!

No, I couldn't blame her on the fever...
I had no fever.

I didn't go to work the next day
and skipped my date with Maria Rosa.

I wanted time to think about her,
and our relationship.

About just how important
it was becoming.

I must realize and find the answers.

I read her letters over and over again

So sweet... so tender...

To make me feel ashamed of myself.

They are too much,
but, it's not bad at all.

She's so beautiful!

I asked myself, "What would my life
be like without Maris Rosa?"

The silence of this house...

Papa cooking, and talking
to the dog...

The milkman always delivering the
milk, at the same houn.

Hello, is Alfredo home?

Yes, come in.

You're the father, I guess.

Yes, that's me.

Alfredo, a visitor for you.

Quiet Willy, go to kitchen!

Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

I was worried. I thought
you were sick in bed.

I feel much better now.

This is my father.

I already introduced myself.

I told her I'm Alfredo's father,
not the maid!

These are for you

Thanks.

Why don't you sit down?

Alfredo, you'll offer the lady a
drink, right?

Sure, Dad.

If you'd like to stay to dinner...

Sorry, I can't.

I'm the cook. And not a bad one!

Thanks a lot, but I can't.

Alfredo, you convince her.

Excuse me.

Why don't you sit down?

Have a drink.

You choose.

We have everything.

Then I don't want anything.

My father would be pleased
if you stayed to dinner.

But would you be?

Why did you say that?

Last night... I had a strange dream...

What dream?

It's not important any more.

At last, I'm in your house.

I was thinking about you,
more and more, each day.

But now I don't know if you worth it.

What's wrong,
what've I done wrong now.

Alfredo, tell me,
what do I mean to you?

What?

Yes, I want to know,
what do I mean to you?

You mean everything to me!

Listen!

If we both, me and your father
urged to have a kidney transplantation...

...who would you give
your kidney to?

My kidney?

Tell me the truth now...
who'd you give it to...?

Err..., to my Papa.

I knew it!

But listen, everybody knows it, you
can only give it to your relatives.

Are you leaving?

I was only kidding.

I'd give you both, each of my kidneys.

What were you doing
when I arrived here?

Me... I, I was re-reading your letters.

And I thought - oh...

...sorry forgive me darling.

Please kiss me!

Wait! I have a cold,
you'll catch it!

Maria Rosa, Dad is here!

Cut it out! That's enough!

Alfredo, what's going on?

It's nothing, Papa!

Can't you control
yourself for once?

I knew it. My dreams never lie!

My dreams too!

Suddenly I was terrified I'd lose her.

Maria Rosa!

Sorry, Dad!
Maria Rosa! Wait!

I ran after her like a madman.
Then suddenly I stopped.

What held me back? Was it once
more... "better like this"?

Was it once more...
"better like this"?

The first night was terrible.
I didn't sleep a wink.

I was a wreck the next day too.
I couldn't even work.

But the human mind has
its own defenses.

It refuses to think about
someone 24 hours a day!

Hello!

Hello!

Nothing... just a ghostly silence.
And a kind of pained sigh.

Then the click of someone
hanging up.

Hello!

Damn it!

Ifelt okay the fourth day

Except at around 2 pm,
I thought I saw -

But that was all.

Then when Igot home, another
mysterious phone call...

Hello, who is it...

...who is it?

I don't know...lt sounds like...

...someone suffering...

...like someone drowning, Alfredo!

How could a drowning person
make a phone call?

Anything you say...

Hello!

Maria Rosa, is that you?

Maria Rosa!
If it's you, say something.

I'll come right over, if you want.
But I can't go on like this!

Say something, or I'll hang up!

My god! what's up?

Hey! Oreste!

Are you disconnected?
Hurry up, put something on!

Wait for me, I'm coming.

Hurry! we're late.

I have the most wonderful
memories of that Sunday

Sort of an unconscious last
goodbye to my freedom...

I can still see myself there with my
friends, under a blue sky...

...happyjust to be eating and
laughing and joking.

And then coming home, to feel a
wonderful weariness in my bones.

Come to Maria Rosa's
house immediately!

Murderer!

I want to talk to him!
I want to talk to him!

I want you to realize, what have you
done to our poor baby.

You can come in.

Thank you.

What happened?

This way.

This way please.

She's the only child we have left.

We don't want to lose her, too.

She's out of danger now.

Son, how could you push
the girl this far?

Go to her.
Go on, Casanova.

But why?

You made me feel like
as if I were nothing to you...

What?

You made me feel like
as if I were nothing to you!

Forgive me. Forgive me.

That's how I became officially
engaged to Maria Rosa...

...and informed of the family's
most intimate secrets.

Four brothers, killed
in the Wan.

The dusty souvenirs of years
in the Duce's colonies...

And those Friday dinners of fish
sent from the Adriatic...

...and, my future father-in-Iaw
assured us." Caught an hour ago!

My God! Those fish-heads still horrify me.

And those fiends, sucking out
eyes, brains... everything!

Can I have your head?

And this led straight
to my marriage!

Why? Why had I gone this far?

Out of what destructive masochism?

or was it my cowardice?

Three coffies!

Three coffies.

Yes please.
Put all 3 of them in a cup.

In a single cup!

My god!

May I use the phone.

She cried all night long. She was
feeling a bit better in the morning.

But then
she started crying again.

She put off her wedding-gown
and went to bed...

We were afraid.
We still treat her like a child.

I'll tell her after the wedding.

Will you try it?

What about bridegroom.
He's late too.

Suddenly Maria Rosa seemed
like an angel to me.

We both were having
the same crisis

...l was feeling so close to her.

It will be a chance for you!

Alfredo!

Wait! Alfredo!

Don't be stupid. Have some
time to think it over.

Alfredo! Come!
You talk to her.

...I should've called the whole
thing off right then!

It wouldn't be God's fault
if I were missing all those evidences.

Sssh!
I beg you!

When my father-in law realized
he'd forgotten the rings...

...I was the one to help him

Or when the priest made that mistake
because of some bizarre clerical erron

Do you take as your lawful wedded
wife Carla Antonelli?

Why didn't I shout, "No!"

"I don't want to marry Carla
Antone/Ii or anybody else!"

But I just stayed there waiting
to give my imbecilic answer."

Yes.

Maria Rosa Cavarani, do you take
Alfredo Sbisa as your lawful husband?

Yes.

Later! wondered, what if I had
married Carla Antone/Ii?

My wedding night might have been
embarrassing... but Iess complicated!

No! No! No!

Anyway I started struggling
with Maria Rosa at Mantua...

...and finally made it in the tunnel
at Vernio Montepiano Cantagallo!

Open the door!
Open the door!

I'll skip the explanations I gave,
and my confusion and shame.

Yet all this became routine
in our married life.

Be quiet Willy! Calm down.

It's nothing, don't worry.

Quiet, it's alright!

That's enough, Willy!

Cut it out, Willy! Lie down!

Maria Rosa left her job and dedi-
cated herself to me and the house.

The place was full of servants now.

And she started giving orders,
counter-orders, commands...

We were caught
in the middle of a hurricane.

Leave that and get me the flour.

What?

The flour!

No, no, out!

You can't come in here.
That's all we need!

Oh, sorry!

Yes, that is all we need.

No wonder I can't keep
sen/ants in this house!

This dog stinksL

So Willy ended up in the basement,
just like when Mama was alive...

And the hurricane kept
raging about us.

The first cook left, then
the second and third...

A constant stream of new faces...
with the same unhappy ending.

I remember a certain Elda.

An Elisa, a Tina.
Lazare, Georgia, Sandra, Catherina.

Then one day I came home for lunch
to find the house in silence.

Rita!

Papa, anybody home?

Papa!
Where's Maria Rosa?

She went out. She's not back yet.

And Rita?

You mean, Clara.

Yes, right, Clara.

She got fired this morning...
there was a slight argument.

Aren't we eating today?

I've had enough. I'm not letting
sen/ants ruin my life.

There, the delicatessen
has everything we need.

And so Maria Rosa passed from frantic
activity to complete inactivity

No house cleaning, no cooking,
nothing but a pigsty

Dad and I were two single
person once again.

What time it is?

It's half past 2.

I'd like a spaghetti.

Sorry, Papa, I'm ashamed.

Women are mysterious creatures.
That's why they're so fascinating.

Fascinating, sure...

The next morning,
Papa disappeared.

He took his clothes,
his books, and Willy...

...and escaped to his
cottage in the country

Because, as he explained
in his letter."

"Young people should be left alone
to create their own happiness."

I was afraid of hen

Whyl was afraid of Maria Rosa...

From morning till night...
From night till morning...

Together... always!

The only escape left was Oreste.

And I was allowed to see
him less and less.

Hello, yes?

Is Alfredo there, please?

Yes.
Guess who?

You're only supposed to see
him once a month.

It's been a month!

Hello Oreste.

Did I call too late?

No, no.

Want to go to the
mountains Sunday?

Sunday?

Sunday yes.

Sunday... I don't know. Maybe.

Hello, who am I?
Guess who I am.

The best piece in Italy!

Bad boy!.

Don't talk like that or I'll tell
Alfredo...

I know you will.

...what's this about Sunday?

I want Alfredo to go to
the mountains with me.

Would you mind if I came along?

No, no.

Just one time. I won't
ruin your day.

I don't know.

Well, do you want me or not?

Hey, Alfredo!
Help! I'm slipping!

Hey, 5949... help!

That's my phone number!
She remembers it!

She knows the plumber's
number by heart too!

No, that's not true.
It's written on the phonebook.

No, no.
I don't trust you.

Let me help you.

Maria Rosa!

Did you hurt yourself?

No.

Some wine?

Maria Rosa!
Come and have some wine.

Maria Rosa! Come and have some wine.
No. Leave me alone.

No.
Leave me alone.

What's the problem with her?

She's mad at you.

But why?

How should I know why?

I'll go and talk to her.

No Alfredo, not you.

You'll only make it worse.
I'll go, I'm better at it.

Maria Rosa,
come and join us.

Who do you think you are?
Keep away from me.

Maria Rosa!

Dirty pig!
And you're a fool.

I hate you! just hate you!

What's the problem?

What happened to her?

Maria Rosa!
What did you tell him?

Nothing.

Some friend you have!
Ask him what he said to me!

She's crazy!

Oh, no!
Maria Rosa, wait!

I know you! You've always
been like this.

But not with my wife! You liar!

Maria Rosa!

I don't give a damn for
your wife! Idiot!

You believe her?
Then you desen/e her!

Go to hell!

Maria Rosa!

We don't need anybody else.

Not anybody!.

And so, with the heavy feeling
that I'd been unfain.

Ilost Oreste, too. My best friend
for so many years.

It was during this period that
my skin broke out in a rash.

I was covered with strange
red blotches and pimples.

And I wondered what could
have caused them...

Did you eat fish that wasn't fresh?

I don't even eat fresh
fish anymore.

That nut from yesterday is
on the radio again!

We're dialing the lady's
number right now.

Listen, she is crazy.

Hello!

Good morning, Signora...
happy Sunday

Oh, there aren't any happy days
for me any more.

Signora!

Yes?

You're going through a
critical time, we know.

So we've called in a psychologist
to talk with you today

Maybe he could be helpful to you.

Good morning, Signora
What is your problem, exactly?

I can 't make any sense
out of my marriage.

You're not alone.

Signora, many have said that
marriage is senseless!

It's no joke, you know.

I just want to help you.

I realize more and more that!
married a complete mediocrity

A nothing! A real nothing!

A real jackass!

A problem Signor?

No, no, I just remembered
I had a meeting.

Why don't you let me finish it?

I give him everything, and
he's just passive!

Just wait, I'll give you something
when I reach there...

He gives me nothing.

I love him but
he's just passive!

Tell me more. Give me a
clearer picture.

Is your sex life normal?

No!

What should I do, Doctor?
You tell me!

Try the oldest remedy
in the world...

I'll rip the phone out of her hand!

I'll end her radio career
once and for all!

Maris Rosa, where are you?

It's still warm!
Maria Rosa!

Maria Rosa! Open the door
or I'll break it down!

We must have a baby!

Right away!
Then I won't feel so utterly useless!

It is the oldest remedy
in the world...

...but what's a woman
without a child?

She's right, poor thing.
And I like children, too.

At least I think I do...

We'd bring them up...

We'd watch them grow,
little by little...

Through them, we'd find
love again, and the joy of living!

Say you want a child, too!

Of course I do.

I never did
anything to prevent it, did I?

That's what worries me.
It's been six months now.

And since I'm positive
I'm normal and healty...

What worries me...

Alfredo,
...you're probably sterile.

So that's why I'm here, Doctor.

...My wife wants to know
if I'm sterile.

And frankly, I'd like to know, too.

It's a legitimate question...

...and an easy one to answer.

We'll just examine your semen.

Here you are...

When you finish, ring the bell.

Finish what?

My dear boy...

Here, see if you find
something exciting in it.

No, no, it's too much!

I won't do it

My God!
What will I tell her?

I guess a father has to make some
sacrifices for his son...

And there was some satisfaction
in it. Mora/Ly Imean!

It turned out I wasn't sterile...

it was Maria Rosa
who had problems.

In order to get pregnant, she had to
follow a very strict routine.

Two pills at lunch and at dinner.

Intercourse...

Two or more times a day...

...during the most fertile hours.

Between 10:30 am and 11:30 am.

In the morning?

...and or between 3 pm and 8 pm.

Always during office hours?

You'll ask for time off,
that's all.

I took off from work three,
four times...

...and then Istarted running
out of excuses.

Well, here it is Sir,
read it yourself, please.

It's a delicate matter.

Please be discreet, sir.

Of course!

Who gets this double egg nog?

Sbisa will take it...

Otherwise he'll never make it!

One day between 3 and 5 pm,
when my rash was killing me...

...I suddenly realized I hated hen

I hated her, I hated hen

I pretended that my father was
sick, and got two days off.

Alfredo, come on, it's ready.

I didn't explain anything,
and he didn't ask...

...maybe not to upset me, or maybe
not to upset himself.

Like all vacations, this one
finished too soon.

Back I went to the front lines.

My son!

Come in.

Alfredo! My son!
Good boy!

I'm a grandfather! Thank you!
You've made it!

I gathered I was going
to be a fathen

I had done it!

B ravo!

I didn't understand
who that gypsy was.

Crucifissa! Why are you always
laughing like an idiot?

Now repeat what your orders are.

You two sleep in the second room.

He sleeps in the sotano.

Call him "Sir." He's the
one who pays you!

She doesn't cost much.
The nuns sent her.

She is not an ordinary sen/ant.

Fine, fine. Only what's a sotano?

Maris Rosa has a difficult pregnancy.

The doctor says we have to be careful.

She has to stay in bed
for two months...

...without moving, not an inch.
Get the idea, Alfredo?

Yes.

We all have to make sacrifices.

We'll stay in your father's room
to take care of her.

And you don't want to put straw
near fire... not in the same bed!

I wouldn't dream of it. Only where
the hell is the sotano?

Please translate it...

That cozy room downstairs...

It's nice and dry, and
right on the garden.

He meant the eel/an So that's
sotano in Spanish...

Fine, as long as they
left me in peace.

I got my things together." my books,
my mountain climbing equipment...

meverything that was really mine, in
a house abandoned to the invaders.

And I discovered things
I'd Iong forgotten.

- You did it?
- A long time ago.

Pretty. I like it!

Crucifissa was right.
It wasn't bad at all.

I had the urge to paint again.
I got out my old easel.

[bought new paints and started in.
And what was the first thing I painted?

Birds flying away!

Excuse me, I'm a little
tired tonight.

We've brought you the third episode
of "The Count of Monte Cristo"...

...from the novel by
Alexander Dumas.

I, too, crept into my cot like
the Count of Monte Cristo...

...when he heard the guard change,
after he'd started digging his tunnel.

And he still clutched his spoon,
to dig deeper the next night!

I dig deeper the next night
and went to Dorde Cafe.

No, nothing new...
Nobody miss me.

She didn't need me anymore.

Third night, I reached out a ban

A cognac... Couurvoisier...

Make it a double.

I made a private toast
to my freedom.

Some freedom! Look at me,
I'm covered with pimples!

Now I'm starting to lose my hair!
The one thing I had left!

I'm finished! Here's to the past!

For a minute, I thought you'd
pour that cognac over your head.

So you were laughing at me.

No, you made me laugh.

Well, how much is this
hair lotion?

800 liret.

See you tomorrow night.

I started looking around again,
looking at girls.

And I couldn't help noticing that
some of them looked back.

There was Nora, the scalp
therapist I'd started going to.

She always smiled at me
in the mirron

And we became friends in this
new, easy atmosphere.

Even Crucifissa became part of it.

To keep you company!

Flowers, too! Well, why not?

I thought of my father
and his garden.

And I bought seeds, bulbs,
a gardening book, tools...

Naturally my new interests weren't
appreciated up at headquarters.

But who the hell cares? At least
my pimples disappeared!

Well, almost...

Since [stopped sleeping with her,
they'd cleared up!

Maria Rosa started to walk
for an hour each day

It was Sunday... a beautiful day

I thought of the mountains,
and of Oreste.

How's Oreste?
Ever hear from him?

No.

My God.
Now she's reading my mind!

She's a witch, this wife of mine!

So is my mother-in-law.

Mum, it's 12:30.
Where is Crucifissa?

I only wish, devil will take her away.

Oh, here she is.

Anyway the next day
I phoned Oreste.

Guess who this is, Doctor.

Alfredo Sbisa!

What a surprise! You bring
tears to my eyes.

How's it going? Did you
strangle your wife yet?

No.

Did you poison her?

No, no.

So things are bad and you need help!

I had a strong desire to see him
again. I asked him to dinen

Not with her!

No, no, I promise...

I reassured him it would be just the
two of us...

Thursday evening at Golden Grill.

Then, on that Thursday I was
jolted by a remark of Nora's...

If you ever invited me to dinner,
I sure wouldn't order an omelette!

You'd go to dinner with me?

Why not? If you invited me...

OK, I'll invite you to dinner.

When?

I'm free tonight.

So am I!

Free like hell. I was having
dinner with Oreste.

I tried phoning him to call it off,
but he wasn't in all day

Should I bring Nora with Oreste?
Two of us and one girl?

I had an idea.

Irene, the cashier, accepted
right away.

She even changed her night off.

Nora thought Irene was for my friend.
Irene thought the same about Nora...

And I preferred to ignore
the problem.

At last, I was bringing
a girl for Oreste.

Alfredo!

Nice to see you again.
You look good!

But Oreste had brought
a girl for me!

Nothing to do.
He is Oreste.

I felt like leaving all four of them
with him and running away

But then I would've
never met Carolina.

It seems to me that you two
really screwed things up!

Six of us... if you haven't invited
some other girls...

It's better like this.

I sit here.
Alfredo, you sit there.

Alfredo, sit down!

Hey girls, your turn.

There's something about Carolina
that's appealing.

Live/M direct, genuinely happy

I never met anybody like hen

Are you and Oreste -
very close friends?

He's just a client.
I landscaped his garden.

You do landscaping?

Yes, that's my profession.

If I give you some steak, will you
give me a stuffed olive?

Yes sure.

Thanks.

I'll order you some.

Then I wouldn't want
them anymore.

Why?

I only like things that
belong to others.

The other night I made a list
of the men in my life.

And guess, what did I notice?

What?

And I realized they
were all married.

May I take one more?

I'm married, too.

Unhappily married.

Does it show?

Your friend told me about it.

It's as bad as he says?

Better skip it?

OK, then I won't.

Can I have one more?

What's on your hair?

A special egg preparation for
undernourished roots.

If you want it...!

Yes, I want it.

Now's the time to plant flowers.

Mimosa, geraniums, gladiolas...
Some bloom three times a year,

...depending on the sun, of course.

Does your garden get sun?

Only in the morning.

Too bad.

Listen!

I feel we're close friends!

I wish we were...

Let's go to the greenhouse
to see the flowers.

...and have some fresh air.

Leave now?

But how?

Yes, why not?

But what about others?

Forget it.
Let's go.

But the bill?

Hell with it!

These are called Croton.
Beautiful, aren't they?

And those are philodendrum.
And that's a maidenhead fern.

Oh, my work is so lovely.

Yes, but I don't see any flowers.

That was just an excuse, of course.

It's really possible to
kiss like that?

And even better.

Only now, at the age of 35, do I
discover what it means to love.

It's something I haven't
experienced before.

and while waiting that horrible
scream of her at the end.

I forget time, my obligations,
my problems...

...my fear of Maria Rosa
and even her existence.

Go on, it's late.

I couldn't care less.

My sweet! Maria Rosa!

Calm down
for the sake of your baby.

Call Sbisa!
Calm down honey.

Crucifissa!
Bring a towel!

Damn you! Damn you!

Don't say it!

If she loses the baby,
it'll be on your head!

You'll go to hell!

Oh my God!!

An hysterical pregnancy...

It's quite a rare phenomenon.

Even the most thorough madical
analysis can't detect it.

No tests can prove
it is a false pregnancy

So it'll be a long time before...
we can have intercourse?

No, don't worry. In a few days,
your wife will be back to normal!

Back to normal...Oh my God!

But what about Carolina?

Back to normal...

Everything back to normal...
The TVgoes back in the living room.

And I go back to TV

And I break out again
from head to foot.

My pajamas go back on our bed.

And all too soon, just as
the doctor predicted...

...Maria Rosa is back to normal.

Excuse me.
I'll be with you in a minute.

I want to shave before I -

Alfredo!

Alfredo!

Carolina!

What are you doing here?

I ran away from home.

What happened?

Better not talk about it?

What will you do now?

I don't know.

You can't stay here on
the church steps.

I can't go to a hotel, or to
my father's. She'd find me.

Yes, let her calm down first.

Let's see what I have to do today.

Oh, to hell with it.

I'm taking you home.

Home to my parents. Come on.

Mamma! Papa!

Meet my friend Alfredo.

He'll stay with us a while.

Mama, make up the bed in my studio.

Hurry, he's been up all night.

There's no chance of us getting
married, so don't worry!

Oh! excuse us.

Feel yourself at home please.

Mama, where are the sheets?

Oh, I'll show you.
Excuse me.

Would you like to have some coffee?

No,no, thanks.

Better to have a breakfast Dad.

Sorry.

Where is your suitcase?

I'm afraid I left it at...

No problem, I'll go and get it,
while you're taking a shower.

Tell me the telephone number
of your work.

What?

You can use this one.

There must be a razor blade...

My work telephone number?
Why?

You'd better have some days off.

Not agree with me?
Or you want to go to work?

3-2-5-0

What are you doing?

You just go and take a shower

Agricultural Bank?

Head officer please.

Hello!

Signor Sbisa is taking a few days
off, for personal reasons.

To have some time with his family.

What do you mean?
Who are you?

If you must know, he left his wife.

If he came to work, she'd
make a scene at the bank!

What a wonderful woman!
Just like an angel.

During that time, she
devoted herself to me.

She found me an apartment.

Later she helped me to move in.

And she turned a miserable
fugitive...

into a happy man.

Bye.

It was marvelous having her
with me.

And marvelous that she had
a life of her own.

I'd stretch my legs out
in bed, alone.

At the end, all alone...

And listen to the silence in
those two small rooms.

I wondered how I could be so happy

Who knew I'd be crucified for it?

I could never imagine those
knocks on the door would be...

...the beginning of years of
persecution, four long years...

...that would bring me
to addressing in a meeting fon..

The Instution of the Divorce Law,
without even stammering.

Me, yours truly, Alfredo Sbisa.

Is it fair to deny a man a
dignified life?

...without been forced in hiding...

Or for the police to persecute us,
at the whim of a vindictive spouse?

Number 10.

Three years of being careful...

...three years of running and hiding.

That's the real sentence."

...to love, and have to hide.

For some time we had
no news of Maria Rosa.

Finally we had enough...

We started demonstrating
to make divorce legal.

We and our companions hoped Italian
law would change, but it didn't.

Finally and incredibly
divorce became legal!

Let's toast the real heroines
of this past tragedy:

The women who have suffered
humiliation and slander.

And now my personal toast to a lady...

...who for 14 years
has been my companion...

...of my life and mother of my children.

Now I can call her, my wife...

...my companion and my wife.

Sbisa!

We want to listen to Sbisa!

Sbisa! Sbisa!

Thanks.

I... I...

I...

Go on, go on.

I...

My friends!

I'm afraid we've lost
one of our speakers.

...maybe he's nen/ous because
he's a bachelor again.

Easy darling,
I can handle it.

Anyway, I guess everything
already has been said.

Long live republic,
long live marriage!

What is it? Don't you
want to talk with me?

You..., you.

Do you want to come with me?

No, no,
not tonight.

Why?

It won't be fun tonight.

But why?

Cos' everybody will
be doing it tonight.

Do you think so?

Yes, I'm sure.

Mira and Sherman too?

I don't wanna think about it!

Take me home, OK?

Bye.

Bye.

See you tomorrow!

Carolina!

Signorina, the moment I saw you,
I knew I couldn't Iive without you.

Now with deep emotion, I humbly
ask for your hand.

This is such a surprise,
Signor Alfredo.

Give me time to think about it.

May I at least hope?

There is nothing
I can do to prevent that.

Next morning Iwoke up
with my back aching me.

Maybe I had too much drink
the night before.

Hello!

Where are you,
what are you doing?

Listen, don't ever play
those jokes on me again.

But, I wasn't kidding you know...

...l'm starting to learn
how to be your wife.

Yes, I decided to accept your proposal.

I'm going to break the news
to my father and mother tonight.

I'll cook fish-heads for the dinner
to celebrate our engagement.

8 o'clock will be alright?

OK.

Bye, I have to go.

Bye.

Good evening professor.

These are for you.

No.

Oh, but...

...excuse me professor.

...oh, you see, they are Cuban.

How can you do this to us after all
the sacrifices we've made for you.

Stop it Mama will you!

I'm sick and tired of these
Greek tragedies or farce anyhow.

I'm a mother who is trying
to prevent her daughter...

...from ruining her life and
do you call that a farce.

Oh, go on, go on.

And the sacrifices we've had to bring
you up for years. Is that a farce too.

Alfredo, sorry. We wont be eating here.
C'mon I'll take you to a restaurant.

The plans and hopes
of a mother for her daughter...

Oh, I know what you've
wanted for me.

Do you think I want him as
my son-in-Iaw? A mediocrity.

...who can't even earn
a decent living...

...he is just a little bank clerk.

He'll never do better
things in his life.

How can you respect him?

A man capable of leaving his wife!

One day he'll do the same to you.

When he was my lover
you didn't mind.

But now he is no good!

We thought he was
just a boy friend.

I swear we didn't know.

We've never thought
you'd been in bed with him.

Let's go.

Don't take her away
from us please!

Stop this Mum.

She means everything to us!

You know, as long as I stay with them
they wouldn't mind if a became a lesbian

Like Saint Rita.

Oh, she was preventing virgins?...

I tried joking to cheer her up...

...that everything would be alright.

Go on. Go on sleeping.

I'd like to see you
when you awake.

I don't want you to regret for the things
you did for your mother and father.

After that you won't be sleeping.

Good night... good night...

What are you doing. Stop it.

Give it to me, give me!

What else could I do?
I came here.

And you left her just like that?

No, I first disinfected her
with a bit of...

But you can't leave her now.

She... she might try it again.

Alfredo! How naive you are.
She only did it 'cos I was there.

Things are gone too far, either I'll
spend my life with them or with you

What do you think?

Now, you gonna let me come in?

Oh, excuse me... I... am... sorry.

I have to admit she took me
a bit by surprise.

I watched Carolina putting
her things on to my bed.

underwear, shoes, stockings...

Just like a wife coming back from a trip

I just noticed even the things
had different sexes.

...they blend... unite...

...side by side
wear each other out and marry

Well!

I've never seen you
in a night gown before.

Take it off.

There, it's done. Maria Rosa and I
are no longer man and wife.

It's oven All those years of loving,
and fighting, and hating.

Now we can go our own way.

Carolina!

It's over. All over.

And here I am again.

This time it's city hall,
instead of a church.

And next to me is Carolina...
my own sweet Carolina.

But I still feel the same terror
I did the first time.

The same desire to run away!

Do you, Alfredo Sbisa, take as
your lawful wedded wife...

...the here present
Carolina Bettini?

Yes.

Do you, Carolina Bettini...

My love, say no!
At least you say no!

I'm a coward. But you've always
been brave and honest.

Tell the truth, I beg you.

My love, say no!

Yes.