Abschussfahrt (2015) - full transcript
Hey! Hands off, you spacko!
I didn't mean to touch your, uh ... things ...
Ummm, Ummm, Ummm...what?
I'm so sorry, I'm...
- Whatever. loser!
During August 21st, 1968, the
capital of Czechoslovakia, Prague,
was occupied by troops from the Warsaw-Pact countries.
This means that, as it were, the end of the efforts to ask...
So. Not with word or reforms,
but, rather, with tanks,
the Prague spring...
How did the tits feel?
Come on!
How did the tits feel?
Which ones?
The porno-tits.
The ones you checked out.
I didnt check out her tits!
- Psst!
Mr Kuhl?
You have something funny to tell us about about female breasts?
What's up, Un-Kuhl?
Have you even seen tits up close before?
Only his mum's...
--and Berni's.
At least I have tits...
unlike your girlfriend.
Bernhard!
- What did you say?!
Sit down! I want to see the tanks.
Now, let all just calm down.
I know that you all find this boring,
but this study trip takes place
in a very important part in European history.
After all,Prague is also the
heart of Europe.
Or the pussy of Europe.
I expect each of you to write a two-page report about Prague.
Magnus, wait a minute.
Did you faggots make out again last night?
Of course, and your father was there too.
He found it even hotter than with your mum.
Ka-ching!
Spastic.
Dude! That was the worst comeback of all time.
What?! It was extra-phat!
I dissed him, his dad and his mum all at once,
by saying that.
- I understand, Berni.
Max! Are you coming?
And no running, Maximilian!
And?
- Red Bull and a Coffee, please.
Black?
- Yeah.
And very hot.
Here.
Thanks.
Woah, I'll tell you what.
She's so into me.
She's so not!
- Max, come on!
Berni, she's really not.
Can't you make a joke?
- But not about my mum.
Why? You gonna kill me? Huh?
Like your Dad, the Boxer?
I don't like Boxing!
How can you say that?
Your dad was a real champion.
Yeah, and when he became a champion,
he walked out on me and my Mum.
I'm in tears. For real!
Anyway, let's talk about Prague.
- What about Prague?
Prague is our chance.
For what?
- We already have one foot in the grave.
We need to get out of here before schools all over.
Bullshit. When did we ever leave?
Dude, all the time.
- When, Berni?
The rave the other night?
Which your mum had to pick us up from
because you had an asthma attack...
from the fog machine.
We're losers, and losers go to loser school.
Then don't whine when you sell insurance for you dad later on in life.
I'm not going to work for my dad.
- Yeah? And does he know that yet?
Of course.
You know what they are afraid of,
and you insure them against it. Chop!
And chop and chop and chop-chop.
Look what I’ve accomplished.
Or look at the watch on your arm.
That’s your grandpa’s watch,
what did he get it for?
The best...
-The Best Representative '73.
And who did you grandad leave the watch to?
You.
- The Best Representative '88.
And who has the watch now?
- Me.
There you go!
Anyway, in Prague, we are the kings.
In Prague, your deepest and darkest wishes can come true.
I want to drive a tank!
Hey‚ Max. Sometimes I think you’re just fucking with us.
Since we met,
it's been ten straight years of bullshit.
Geht's nicht?
- No.
Driving tanks is out of the question.
Okay. What's the plan?
We make a pact.
We’ll go to Prague and we’ll get in real deep.
Until it gets really warm and humid.
And we’re not getting out until we’ve gone down like ever before.
What are you gonna do when it’s done?
Mom, I don’t want you to smoke!
And I want you to stop getting on my nerves.
So embarrasing. Come on, let's go.
Wait!
Wait!!!
I think I’m going to be sick.
Magnus, get the sickbag.
- Fuck, he's gonna blow.
Magnus, the bag infront of you ...
Blaargh!!!!!!
Amazing! Magnus totally puked.
Here, Magnus.
I don't need to blow my nose.
- You forgot some.
Hey, Magnus, you look like a zombie after dinner.
Say "Brains".
"Brains"?
Stop fucking with my brother!
Give it to me!
Maybe he is pregnant.
Idiot!
- I didn't do anything...
- - Don't stare at that thing.
This is a reproduction of the Prague Castle in Minecraft.
Fine, but it makes you feel sick.
- 3784 blocks.
Just look out the window, okay?
I gave him my french-fries bag!
There was fries still in it.
What’s the matter with you?
I don’t want her to think I’m making fun of Magnus.
Fuck what that snobby chick thinks.
Hey, Magnus! Have you ever seen your sister naked?
- Yes, many times.
Thanks.
No...you...I don't...
Woah. It smells like puke in here.
Whoa! Hey, look, Berni!
Pussy of Europe, or what?
Looks more like the ass of the world.
You're alway so negative. Must be a hell of a view up there.
Welcome to Praha Beach Hotel.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- There's even a beach here!
This beautiful establishment will be your home for the next few days.
Between 9pm and 8am, you must stay here.
Any disregard or violations
will be punished with an immediate return home.
Okay, okay. Yes, yes.
No. I know.
But since Mrs Hofer became "ill"
in the short term, there is no other way.
Besides, your life’s only on Facebook
or Twitter or whatever...
Do you have internet here?
Uh, no. Internet.
Uh, broken.
- Broken.
- What a dump!.
- Is he fucking with us?
Luisa?
Are you crying?
Paul?
Hm.
Tomorrow night’s gonna be phat, right? Just us.
Logo, dude.
Night.
I’d like to be as tired at night as I am in the morning.
Dude, please don’t say you’re doing what I think you’re doing.
Don’t think. Are you a pervert?
No, but you wouldn’t happen to be alone, so can you please not?
I can’t sleep if I don’t.
What building are we in front of?
Other than Magnus, please, this is the...?
Karlsbrücke.
This is a famous landmark of Prague
and the oldest stone bridge in Europe,
built in what year?
Except for Magnus.
1997...250...
Yesterday... 1965.
Stick with me.
- Now, please pay attention to the screen.
- Magnus.
One of these locks can be opened with the key.
Max!
Excuse me! Hello! Don’t touch!
This is no fun.
Magnus!
We're waiting!
Ow!
Are you not going shopping at all?
Uh...no.
I just wanted to say that
yesterday on the bus...
I really didn’t mean to make fun of Magnus.
- Yeah, I know.
And I'm sorry too. I overeacted earlier.
It’s not easy with him...
I also have a retarded cousin.
I know what it's like...
Magnus isn't retarded!
- No! No, of course he's not disabled!
I mean...because of...his...
Alzheimers?
- Aspergers?
It’s not a disability, it’s an mild form of autism.
Sorry, I'm...
Because actually ... I find him quite ... normal.
Really?
- Yeah.
Actually, I think he’s pretty cool.
That’s nice of you to say.
Um, I was just thinking...
- Yeah?
Marcella and I were gonna sneak out
tonight and go to Heart,
some super cool club.
- Really?!
Yeah, and I was wondering if you...
- Yes! Of course I will!
Really?
- Definitely.
Because I couldn’t possibly take
Magnus with me, so...
What? Magnus???
I promised our parents I wouldn’t leave him alone.
But if he does something with you, that would be cool.
Totally.
Ey, that’s really nice of you.
- Hey.
- - Hi.
Hey, Mr. Un-Kuhl?
What's up with you, you leek [Hamburgish for pussy]?
Nothing much, what's up with you... celery?
- Isn't this a little slutty, or?
- Western-Style, Baby!
We have to do something if
we want to keep up here.
Jonas also bought a super sexy shirt.
I can’t wait to see that.
I'm going to get a coffee..
You coming with me?
- Yeah.
Hey? Hey?
Check it out, man. Great, isn't it?
"Adadas".
- Yeah, man.
Hey, only 2,000 crowns. Jackpot!
- That's over 70 euros.
Really?
Hey, Max. I wouldn't tuck my shirt in
my pants like that if I were you.
Why's that?
Hey, leave it that way.
It's cool, man
I’ve already checked everything out for tonight.
It will be awesome.
Oh, yeah...
There's a...little problem.
... and by sacrificing the fire-goblin,
I can increase my attack and defense by one point.
Why are we sitting here with this freak
when we’re supposed to be going out?
I've already explained it to you.
- Explain it again.
...and the original starting point...
Because Magnus asked me.
I hate Magnus.
- Why didn't you say no?!
Now you have to defend
- We don’t have to do anything!
Yes, that's the rules.
- Woah, hey, Magnus. If I were you...
Who would you like to be?
- Uh, what? No.
Who would you like to be, Berni?
- Huh? Nobody.
Come on, keep playing.
Okay, then, um, let’s defend ourselves with our...
Thornwall?
You're welcome to do that, if you want to do something stupid.
With the attack reversal, I would
break through your thorn wall
and destroy your Highland unicorns.
Spontaneous magic. Bad luck!
Tough luck!
- Max!
Well, Magnus, I guess you won.
Not bad.
But we also have a rule.
If you win, you’ll have to taste this potion.
What's in it?
Soda.
Vodka, Rum, Tequila, Gin
and Blue Curacao for the colour.
It’s called "Adios Motherfucker." Cool, right?
Stop! Only who wins...
- what?
That is the rule..
- Well.
Move over.
That's it, Master Magnusson.
I don’t think so, my flaming golden cock has some obsession!
Dude, did you just say your dick is obsessed with pussy?
- No!
I heard that too.
Evil obsession.
Evil obsession.
- Magnus, hey!
We're all a bit obsessed with pussy. Alright.
And that’s why we’re leaving now...
- What?
...on a little excursion.
Okay.
No, not okay!
- What's the worst that can happen?
I also got us extra t-shirts.
Guys, you will be amazed. This is going to be awesome.
What do we do first?
- I’d like to go back to Charles Bridge.
Yeah, we do that on every f...fuck!
There is the...
Magnus! Come here!
What are you doing?
Asking Mr Graeser if he would like
a transcript of our excursion.
Why are we speaking so quitely?
Because we want to surprise Mr. Graeser.
Oh, okay
What do we do now? Max?
What is he up to?
Such a daredevil.
The fuck?
For fuck's sake, Max! Why?!
I just did a little improvising.
By killing our teacher?!
He's just unconscious.
Wait a minute.
All right, up there.
Paul, give us a hand.
See?
Then we take the bottle.
Here, the blanket over ...
Should I take his shoes off??
- No, man. What then?
Come on. Let's go.
Paul, Magnus! Let's go! Come on!
Stop!
What are you doing?
- Why?
Because you wear stupid t-shirts?
" #Embarassing"
"#No Plan at All"
- Mmm!
So what's your great plan then?
- We need to look for an internet cafe.
And how did you get out??
- The rear exit.
Well, have fun, huh?
- See ya.
Don’t be late for bed, kids.
- Have fun too.
- Max, really?
And how do we get out of here now?
- Wait a minute.
Fwoah!
Hello.
Branko?
Yes.
Don’t talk to the driver.
Come on in!
Hey Berni, wait a minute.
Where did you get this?
An insider tipoff.
- And where?
Don't worry.
It said "Best Limo-Service in Prague".
He’s going to take us down a dark alley
where his buddies will be waiting for us.
And then what? Rape us?
Harvest our organs?
Hey‚ you're so paranoid.
Besides, I don’t think he needs
his buddies for that.
Great!
Have fun on the internet!
Everything comes on here.
Hey!
Wow!
Where did you get the money for the limo?
I need some money.
- What for?
For a party in Prague.
We want to buy drugs.
Maybe in the whorehouse.
- All right.
Uh... Branko?
What ... is going on?
Just...stay cool.
Please rape him first instead.
Come along!
Woah!
- Shit.
Cool! A desert eagle, right?
800 euros and it belongs to you.
New iPhone, 200 Euro.
Or here...nice TV.
Full HD, 500 Euro.
Massage chair, also very cheap.
3,000 euros.
You can’t complain about that.
And this is all completely legal, right?
Branko. How much for the MP-2?
Uzi? 2.000.
Can I borrow some money?
Why would anyone hire a goat?
Eurgh!!!
I also have kidneys or new hearts.
Branko has everything.
Cool.
Maybe later.
But right now, let’s celebrate.
Hey Berni!
Paul. Uhhh...
Yes, it's Paul.
I couldn't reach Magnus.
How's it going?
Great. Really great.
It’s so loud in there.
Berni is playing DJ again.
It’s almost like a real party.
Seriously, with Magnus?
Can you put him on please?
No!!!
- Why not?
Shit, Berni!
- What is it? What happened?
No, uh...
Max, you idiot! Watch out!
Max spilled Coke over my bed.
Dude, are you crazy?
Get here now!
Can I please speak to Magnus now?
Magnus is outside.
- I need to...
He needs to go.
Okay, that could take longer with him.
Give him my love, will you?
I will!
Magnus! Please come back inside!
You can see the Andromeda Nebula.
Great, but please come back in!
Branko, I'm going to be sick.
Whoa!
Fuck!
Magnus?
Magnus?
Are you okay?
What is the square root of 4761?
And your favourite position?
- 69!
I told you, take it easy.
Come on, get up.
Honestly, I'm fine.
What's going on?
I need a drink. Who’s in?
I’d like three beers.
Who were you talking to in the car?
Me?
- Yes, you.
Me? No one.
Cheers!
Man, Max!
I had such terrible taste in my mouth.
Ladies and Gentlemen.
It's wrestling time!
Yeah!
I'm Iooking for a fearless volunteer.
Mud-wrestling. Berni, your thing!
You like that shit.
Who dares to challenge
our two beautiful wrestlers?
Here! My friend wants to...
- No, stop it!
Like you said,
"Until it gets really warm and humid."
That’s not what I meant.
- Here, my friend.
Oh oh oh oh. We've got a volunteer!
No.
What's your name?
- Berni.
Okay, Berni. Why not?
Berni. Berni. Berni!
Berni. Berni.
- Stop it!
I don’t want to do it!
Just stop.
Come on!
- No! Hey...Max! Max!
What the fuck are you looking at, ay?
Wanna blow me, fuckwit?
Huh? Geek!
Fucking fudgepacker!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Gentleman. Let's give a great hand
of applause to our fearless challenger:
Berni!
Where are you? Come on!
They are waiting for you.
He is coming.
Oh!
Yeah!
What’s wrong with Berni?
I’ll get us some more beers.
Look at that fatty!
Hey, fatty!
Hey, are you kidding me?
- What?
What was that, you bum?
Fucking German.
Back off, Sauerkraut!
Hey!
It's that fucking knob gobbler again!
This woman has a penis.
- What's your fucking probem?
Hey, there’s another way we can...
Whoa!
Hey!
Yeah!
Whoa!
Oh, are we leaving?
Let's go back to the car.
- Hello!
Magnus, hurry up!
Berni is still missing.
We’ll wait for him in the car, okay?
Shit!
Fuck! Where is he?
Now who the fuck are you‚ huh?
Where to now?
- Magnus is done for.
Let’s go back to the hotel.
It doesn't matter whether he sleeps here or in his bed.
Think of the pact, there’s more waiting for us, I feel it - yes?
I don't understand.
Of course, you can also take a selfie
to the hotel, and I don’t mean a photo.
Yeah.
OK. Then we go to the heart.
It's supposed to be a cool club.
- Mhm.
If you say so.
Branko, bring us to the heart! And turn up the music!
You think this is the right place?
Yes, says right there.
I thought "Heart" was more like Herz.
No, believe me, cool clubs look like this.
I have to go for a piss.
- Me too. Max?
Nah.
Wait!
Brrr.
Hey, Paul.
Hey, Man!
- Pranked. I held it with my left hand.
Ha ha.
What's up?
- Oh.
- Yeah, oh.
Sounds appealing.
Magnus is gone.
- What?
As in, he is no longer here.
He's already inside.
- What?!
Why didn’t you tell me?
- You didn't ask.
Oh, Max!
Okay, I'll get him out.
I'll go as well.
I'll wait here.
Uh... Hello. Erm...
Ahoy.
Could we maybe... I just...
Right.
Well...
What?
Well, I don’t think he liked your style.
Shit, that’s not funny!
Woah, chill out.
Just call Magnus on the phone, huh?, hm?
Hello, Magnus?
Magnus, hello?
Will you please come out?
Okay.
Magnus?
You can hang up.
- I think it was Magnus' turn.
It is.
- Why are you calling me?
Is that your phone?
- No, but you called.
For fuck's sake Max, you're really killing me.
I think it's totally unfair,
that Magnus is alone in there now...
and having fun.
Come on, let's have a look around the back.
Ow! Not on the head!
Don't be like that.
Pfosten ['dumb as a post’].
Okay.
Oh God!
I’m going to fa...fa..fall!
Ow!
Eurgh!
Berni‚ Berni...
Close it! Close it! Close it!
Ahoy.
Yes.
Quick, give him money.
What was that?
My asthma tablets. For emergencies.
Dude, what a freak.
Berni, come!
Small Tip:
If there’s a blood shower
coming from the ceiling. Run. Fast.
Berni, come on!
Hey, guys!
Did any of you see a goat around here?
That way.
- There?
Yeah.
- Cool. Thanks.
Magnus?
Magnus?
Berni, stop it!
- Why?
Just - just don't.
Magnus!
Woah!
Pff. Pussy.
You were just as scared.
Ahoy.
Mann!
Uh... Hello, nice to meet you.
P-Paul... and Berni from Germany.
Deutschland?
Bielefeld?
- Uh... No.
I love Bielefeld.
I've lived there for five years.
But it's all over because...very ugly. Much blood.
I had to go. Came here.
Made everything new. A lot of hard work.
But little rats always come.
Sell drugs here in my establishment.
From Jiri!
He was Jiri, wasn't he?
Ow!
There must have been a mistake.
- We didn't sell any drugs.
Yeah okay, so maybe it looks like... Ouch!
They weren't drugs. We are only looking for our friend.
- Friend?
- Yeah. With glasses...
Looks funny. Talks funny.
He came in when we were outside ...
Jiri forget all mistakes.
And you do small favors for Jiri
and show if you have big hearts too, huh?
Unfortunately, we don't have time.
No time?
Yes. How many times do we have to tell you?
Should we paint you a picture?
We didn't sell drugs...
What? No!
More!
Oh man, this is so stupid!
Ow, Man! Not so hard!
Ow!
Ouch!
- Are you crazy?
Huh?! Shut up! Ow!
- Enough!
Man, ouch!
- Hey!
Shut up.
Stop!
Shit.
You...are doing small favors for Jiri now.
And Jiri will take care of your friend.
Fuck!
Magnus?
What kind of favor?
I'll get Max.
What were you doing in there?
I'll tell you in the car.
Fuck!
Paul!
Paul, come on!
Dude, get in!
There, please.
Dude, are you crazy?
No cops, or do you want them to flatten Magnus?
Where are we going now?
Just doing a little criminal courier service.
Cool.
Hey, where is he going?
Home time.
What do you mean, hometime?
I may have only paid for half the night.
"Maybe"?
- Woah, take it easy!
Now, let’s go inside and do this thing.
Ahoy.
Somehow everything in Czech
always sounds blunt and rude.
Piss off!
German, too.
Here, let me.
Now listen to me very carefully.
We want to see your shitty boss, pronto, ca...piche?
You listen to me, I’ll...
Jiri sent us.
With this.
Wait here.
Oh fuck!
Hi‚ can I get some AK-47 cartridges?
Sure.
Fuck me!
Max...
Mmm...
And now?
I don’t give money to little girls like you.
Talk about yourself!
We are not little girls. We are tough guys.
What a little pussy you've got.
No, please...
- Oh yeah?
Do little girls do something like this here?
Yeah, Berni. Show him what you can do.
No, Berni. Leave it.
I’ve done it a thousand times.
- Yeah, but with a set square.
Quicker!
Quicker!
Yeah, go on!
Fuck!
Not bad.
Stupid bloody shit.
Paul! Paul!
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Oh god, Berni, I have your blood in my mouth!
Bleurggghhhh!
My suit.
Oh God! Oh God! Help me!
Berni?
And another one?
What is that?
Muscle relaxants and vodka.
A right old mix for your friend.
Can I do one of those?
- Don’t touch it.
Yeah, I’d rather not do that.
Great, wonderful, and always laughing.
Mmm.
What are you gonna do with it?
I heard you have to put it in your mouth
and then you can sew it back on.
What? I can’t walk around with my finger in my mouth.
What does it look like?
Thanks.
- You deserve it.
Max, can you please put the knife away?
- Woah, I need a piss.
- Me too, all the time.
- But hurry, okay?
- - Yeah.
Have you drained your seniors' bladders or should I...
Hello‚ wanker!
What's in the bag?
Why don't you show me? Huh?
Look.
This...can either
go the easy way, yeah?
Or the hard way.
I don't really fucking care.
But I probably enjoy
the hard way a little bit more.
Paul, don't give it to him! Ah!
Good boy.
Yes!
Look at this, huh? Fucking jackpot.
Let's go to the club
and get fucking pissed.
Prague, here we come!
We're gonna fuck everyone! Ey, ey, ey!
Prague, here we come
Fuck! Hey, my finger was in the bag.
Yo, this is fucking bullshit, man.
We have to do something!
How long before you can't sew a finger back on?
It's so clear...
This is about Magnus,
and all you can think about is yourself.
What? You are the only one here
who only thinks of yourself.
Don’t you think I care?
You’re just after Juli.
And what if I am?
- When are you finally going to get it?
She’s just fucking with you,
just like Jonas.
Juli is different.
- Sure.
That's why she ties her spacko
brother to your leg.
Dude, we have a pact.
I don't care.
What? The pact was for you!
So that you could finally loosen up a bit.
You want me to loosen up?
Look around you, Berni!
It’s not all easy enough for you, huh?
Fuck your finger!
Fuck your pact!
And fuck you, man!
Paul!
Leave me alone, Max!
Fuck!
To the Heart Club.
Hard Club, yes?
No, no. Heart, with a "T"!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Let's go.
Why don't we just get it back?
What?
The bag.
Very funny.
We don’t even know where the guys are.
We're fucked. Check this out!
My dad always says:
You are not beaten when
you are lying on the ground,
but only when you no longer get back up.
What have you got there?
What do you mean,
"what have you got there?"
The one who had you in a
headlock left something behind.
What? Clean it up.
Oh, it's just an imprint of a stamp.
Probably from the club where
the wankers are celebrating their booty.
What are we going to do now?
- We're going to get the bag back.
That's what I've been saying.
Yo.
Marcella?
- What are you doing here?
Have you seen Juli?
Shouldn't you be doing your nerd stuff with Magnus?
Do you know where Juli is?
Bad timing.
What is going on with you?
Marcella, please!
The last time I saw her,
she was with Jonas. Somewhere upstairs.
Kuhl?
Yes. You are so cool, sexy boy!
Okay, guys. Not today. Sorry.
We know.
It’s not like we didn't distance ourselves.
We know we can't fit in here.
Max, for example.
He has been trying to step
out of his father's shadow for years.
But he'll never be able to do it.
Hey, I wouldn’t say that now.
Or me...
I cut my finger off to prove how tough I am.
I’d probably die of an asthma attack,
if I ever had sex with a hot chick like you.
But we will never give up.
We will keep on fighting.
Because it doesn't matter
if you're lying on the floor,
It’s when you stop lying there,
and then you get up and...
How did it go?
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
Doesn't matter.
The only thing we both want,
is just a little spark of pity.
Okay?
Get in.
Come on, go!
That's' enough, okay?
That's enough.
Max, we need to look for the English men.
We're not here for fun... baby!
Man, we’ll never find them like this.
Wait a minute!
Max, stop dancing like a fool.
I've found our bride.
How about washing up?
You?
- Yes. We.
We want the bag back.
The fucking bag.
Oh. "The fucking bag".
Fucking yes.
You really are the ugliest bride in the world.
Now hand over the bag.
Why don't you try and fucking get it?
Fuck off!
Hey guys, we can...
Leave Berni alone!
Berni!
Berni, we have the bag.
Berni?
Berni, wake up!
Paul?
Hey.
- What?
What are you doing here?
No idea.
And where is Magnus?
Hey Paul, I'm talking to you.
That is my friend, Max!
Max!
Shit! Berni!
Max!
These are my friends! Max!
What happened to him?
So again: you got my brother drunk,
dragged him into a titty bar,
and now he's being held hostage by a drug dealer?
You know, the way you’re saying this sounds a lot more negative than it actually is.
You're completely out of your minds.
- Hello, Juli.
How stupid can you be
to take Magnus to a bar?
In the beginning it was actually quite funny.
Magnus is truly thawed.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Maybe you don't know him
as well as you think you do.
- Bullshit!
I trusted you. I thought you were different.
Bullshit.
I thought you were different.
You were just looking for an
idiot so that you could celebrate with Jonas.
You don’t give a fuck about me or Magnus.
If he weren’t your brother,
you’d make fun of him like everyone else.
Hey, hey. Easy, okay?
Comissioner Stanek.
I have a few questions.
What did you have to do with
these English men?
And where did you get the bag from?
So that was ...
- Paul! Let me. I was there.
So, the guy from the sex club...
...that I never met, because I wasn't there,
captured Magnus,
so that we could do a courier job for him.
Then Berni cut off his finger
and then suddenly the English guys came,
we already knew them from the bar
where Berni fought with the women...
Anyway, we need the bag back to
give to that gangster boss.
You think you're very funny,don't you.
- No, not at all.
You have to help us free Magnus.
- I don't have to do anything.
All I know is that a bag full of
money was seized.
And that he has hospitalized
three English tourists.
They started it.
- Mhm.
We’re just here on a class trip.
Talk to our teacher.
Voicemail.
Now, you two are going to the precinct.
You can put it all on record.
Fucking shit!
Do you think we'll get reprimanded?
- No. What?
We have to save Magnus somehow.
All we have to do is get rid of the cops.
Yes, that's right.
Why didn't I think of that?
Because you don't play on
the computer that much.
On three.
What?
- Three!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Max, Max, Max!
What are we going to do now?
- I don't know. You tell me.
I already had the idea of running away.
Berni always says you’re the one with the crazy plans.
- Yeah.
He only says that because he thinks I'm stupid, because I'm going to work for my dad.
I don't think that' is what he means.
More like it's a good thing.
Oh, yeah.
You lost something.
I didn't...
So I have an idea.
But is crazy.
And I don't mean it like it's a good thing.
Hello?
Hello, um...
We just wanted to ...
Hello?
Hello?
Hey!
What are you doing to Mama?
Branko.
Sorry, we just wanted ...
What do you want?
Max.
Not cheap.
We have almost nothing.
- "Almost nothing"? Hm...
Too bad.
Mama asks if you want to sell kidney?
What? No!
What do you get for it?
No, we...
have no kidneys to sell.
I... I can give you this watch.
It's real and Swiss-made.
Show Mama.
Mama likes watches.
- Can I maybe...get a receipt?
No!
- Ha.
Come along!
Ha-ha!
Best schooltrip ever!
Stand still.
- I can also drive in.
No, we’re just trying to scare them.
We want to pick up our friend.
- Where's the money?
Unfortunately, we no longer have that.
I'm sorry. Really.
We still want our friend.
Otherwise it will get ugly.
And?
You can fuck off with this junk.
What?
Max? Max? What’s going on?
I think he’s noticed that our
gun is sealed in the front.
Back! Back! Back!
- Yeah.
We hit something.
- My Mustang!
So what? We have a tank!
I think he's crying.
Pussy!
Uh-oh.
- What?
Max!
Get out!
Uh...
Umm... sorry?
Now...its about to get ugly!
How...how did you find us?
People in Prague don't like it when
a tank drives through the city.
And now we’re going to the station.
- What?
We're going to the station now.
In the car.
No, no, no, no. Listen.
You can arrest us as soon
as this is over, but our friend is still in there.
So this weird story is true?
Yes.
Don't worry, Magnus.
It's me, Paul.
We'll get you out of here.
Hello, everyone.
Magnus?
- That...
This is not our friend..
- This is your friend.
Glasses, looks funny, speaks funny.
Does he look like a friend of ours?
Man, he's ancient!
Sorry.
Jiri innocent.
What did you do to Magnus?
- Shit, Magnus crawled up my ass.
What did you say?
What are you going to do?
Game over.
Exactly.
Where's Magnus then?
No idea. We saw him come in.
Come with me!
Hello?
Excuse me!
Stop! Let me see the footage from midnight.
Stop! Play it from there.
Where did he go then?
I want to know
that too! Come with!
Yes, I remember. Very drunk, but polite.
Took him in.
And?
- Was very hungry.
I like to think so.
Umm... Okay, and then?
As I said. He was hungry and wanted to eat.
Ah, Hunger. I...I understand.
Yeah.
After, we had wonderful sex.
He was hungry.
And then, he went.
Okay. Thank you.
Goodbye
- Bye.
And?
Are you hungry?
Max!
Magnus must have come out
when we went through the back.
He is quite drunk, in a good mood and hungry.
And had amazing sex.
Looks closed, but...let's go over there.
Hello?
{Yes.
Excuse me, please.
We are looking for a friend.
I am not your friend.
No. I mean our friend.
He was here. Maybe three hours ago.
Small, drunk.
Funny looking.
Like an idiot.
An idiot?
Glasses?
Yeah! That's him.
I remember.
He had my fried cheese sandwich.
Very good Sandwich.
I think he was buying drugs.
Drugs?
Yes. But then--
Drugs.
God, you shit head.
Paul! Come on!
Come!
That's what happened.
- Thank you.
In Malaysia, drug smuggling
has the death penalty.
Magnus didn't smuggle drugs.
- I'm just saying.
Sometimes it would be better
if you just think some things.
Okay.
Your friend is at a police station in Vinohrady.
Can we see him?
You're really starting to get on my nerves.
Hello, Magnus.
Hello.
How are you? Everything okay?
I’m afraid I broke the law.
I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have given you alcohol.
You mean the potion?
Ha-ha.
Did you want to smuggle the drugs?
I wanted to help the poor man.
Because of his sick mother.
What sick mother?
- From the spiderman.
His Mama is very sick, so he has to sell drugs.
The man has a spider web all over his face.
Could I see the drugs Magnus bought?
I’m sorry, I don’t like you, Magnus.
I don't like you either.
Cool.
As I thought. You have to release Magnus.
And why would I do that?
Because they are not drugs,
but a medicine for asthma.
And how do you know that?
Because they belong to my friend.
And while we’re at it...
There was something else in the bag with the money,
which I’m sure my friend would like to have back.
This one right here.
I'd like to go to the hotel now please.
Hello.
Hey! Hello.
Um ... Magnus is back at the hotel now.
Thank you.
What are you still doing here?
We thought it would be best if someone stayed here with Berni.
We?
After all,
we have known each other since primary school.
Who's that with Jonas?
That is probably Jonas' new crush.
Is that...isn't that a guy?
Yeah, why?
I thought...lately you and Jonas have been...
Jonas needed a good friend.
- Jonas has thousands of friends.
But apparently nobody
who he could have talked
about his coming out with.
Awesome.
Excuse me.
Can we go in now?
Yes, sure.
Shit, dude.
I'm sorry man.
Tithe...
What?
I have the Ti...
I-I have... I have the titthe...
I don't understand you.
I'm sorry?
Tiethen!
"Tiethen"?
Exactly.
Tits, man, from the nurse.
What?
When she was just above me,
I had them right in front of me.
I almost bit into them.
- Man, your such an arse!
Max, dude.
How did you deal with the English guys?
Boxed them away.
I thought you didn't like boxing.
- I thought so too.
Did you find it?
- Yes, and gave it to the doctor.
What you gave Magnus a doctor?
Yes.
And they said that they would sew it on you any moment now.
Dude, you are really are sick!
Fine!
Stop.
Already awake?
Uh ... yes. We just wanted ...
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Twitter follower, check your Facebook,
E-Mails, Tweets,
the whole lot. Your generation is...
is so...boring.
Morning.
Morning.
Mr. Graeser didn't actually
notice anything at all.
Magnus had prepared a detailed
report of our excursion for him,
and we had to take the
bus home, the next day.
That is so funny.
You're very funny too, Magnus..
- Thank you.
Stop writing for once!
It's about gasoline consumption.
- What?
- It's important.
No, it's not.
- Hey, were over here.
- Yeah.
Dude, did you see Jonas?
That asshole has only just come out
and he's managed to bag the horniest guy in all of Prague.
Are you gay now?
- No, I'm just saying.
- It's no fair.
- I should have gotten the sweater.
I'll be right back.
Hi.
I just wanted to tell you,
I acted like an idiot because I was jealous.
I’ve been into you since first grade. It's true.
And the other day,
I would have liked if you went to the club with me.
But then I took care of Magnus because...
because I just can’t deny you any wish. So that's it.
You can sit back here now.
You can sit here...I mean if you want to?
Yes!
Sorry, Marcella.
Baby! The sun is coming out.
"Baby" me one more time,
and you're going to get it!
I know how you feel about me.
You waited at the hospital especially for me.
Because I like to see you suffer.
- Whatever turns you on.
So, you homos?
- What's going on?
A lot has changed in Prague.
Not the people - we've stayed the same.
But what we know about each other has changed.
And more importantly, what we know about ourselves.
Now I know I don’t have to be
the most popular guy in school
and I don't need five million Facebook friends.
A couple of real friends is enough.
And I know neither my father or school can tell me
what to do with my life.
I still don’t really know myself,
but at least I know that for sure now.
Where's you watch?
I swapped it. With a tank.
- What? The watch from your grandfather.
Best Representative 1973?! Which he passed
down to Best Representative 1988?!
I didn't need it. I have a phone.
Here.
Subtitled by ItsDrewy :)
Hello?
Is anyone coming?
I didn't mean to touch your, uh ... things ...
Ummm, Ummm, Ummm...what?
I'm so sorry, I'm...
- Whatever. loser!
During August 21st, 1968, the
capital of Czechoslovakia, Prague,
was occupied by troops from the Warsaw-Pact countries.
This means that, as it were, the end of the efforts to ask...
So. Not with word or reforms,
but, rather, with tanks,
the Prague spring...
How did the tits feel?
Come on!
How did the tits feel?
Which ones?
The porno-tits.
The ones you checked out.
I didnt check out her tits!
- Psst!
Mr Kuhl?
You have something funny to tell us about about female breasts?
What's up, Un-Kuhl?
Have you even seen tits up close before?
Only his mum's...
--and Berni's.
At least I have tits...
unlike your girlfriend.
Bernhard!
- What did you say?!
Sit down! I want to see the tanks.
Now, let all just calm down.
I know that you all find this boring,
but this study trip takes place
in a very important part in European history.
After all,Prague is also the
heart of Europe.
Or the pussy of Europe.
I expect each of you to write a two-page report about Prague.
Magnus, wait a minute.
Did you faggots make out again last night?
Of course, and your father was there too.
He found it even hotter than with your mum.
Ka-ching!
Spastic.
Dude! That was the worst comeback of all time.
What?! It was extra-phat!
I dissed him, his dad and his mum all at once,
by saying that.
- I understand, Berni.
Max! Are you coming?
And no running, Maximilian!
And?
- Red Bull and a Coffee, please.
Black?
- Yeah.
And very hot.
Here.
Thanks.
Woah, I'll tell you what.
She's so into me.
She's so not!
- Max, come on!
Berni, she's really not.
Can't you make a joke?
- But not about my mum.
Why? You gonna kill me? Huh?
Like your Dad, the Boxer?
I don't like Boxing!
How can you say that?
Your dad was a real champion.
Yeah, and when he became a champion,
he walked out on me and my Mum.
I'm in tears. For real!
Anyway, let's talk about Prague.
- What about Prague?
Prague is our chance.
For what?
- We already have one foot in the grave.
We need to get out of here before schools all over.
Bullshit. When did we ever leave?
Dude, all the time.
- When, Berni?
The rave the other night?
Which your mum had to pick us up from
because you had an asthma attack...
from the fog machine.
We're losers, and losers go to loser school.
Then don't whine when you sell insurance for you dad later on in life.
I'm not going to work for my dad.
- Yeah? And does he know that yet?
Of course.
You know what they are afraid of,
and you insure them against it. Chop!
And chop and chop and chop-chop.
Look what I’ve accomplished.
Or look at the watch on your arm.
That’s your grandpa’s watch,
what did he get it for?
The best...
-The Best Representative '73.
And who did you grandad leave the watch to?
You.
- The Best Representative '88.
And who has the watch now?
- Me.
There you go!
Anyway, in Prague, we are the kings.
In Prague, your deepest and darkest wishes can come true.
I want to drive a tank!
Hey‚ Max. Sometimes I think you’re just fucking with us.
Since we met,
it's been ten straight years of bullshit.
Geht's nicht?
- No.
Driving tanks is out of the question.
Okay. What's the plan?
We make a pact.
We’ll go to Prague and we’ll get in real deep.
Until it gets really warm and humid.
And we’re not getting out until we’ve gone down like ever before.
What are you gonna do when it’s done?
Mom, I don’t want you to smoke!
And I want you to stop getting on my nerves.
So embarrasing. Come on, let's go.
Wait!
Wait!!!
I think I’m going to be sick.
Magnus, get the sickbag.
- Fuck, he's gonna blow.
Magnus, the bag infront of you ...
Blaargh!!!!!!
Amazing! Magnus totally puked.
Here, Magnus.
I don't need to blow my nose.
- You forgot some.
Hey, Magnus, you look like a zombie after dinner.
Say "Brains".
"Brains"?
Stop fucking with my brother!
Give it to me!
Maybe he is pregnant.
Idiot!
- I didn't do anything...
- - Don't stare at that thing.
This is a reproduction of the Prague Castle in Minecraft.
Fine, but it makes you feel sick.
- 3784 blocks.
Just look out the window, okay?
I gave him my french-fries bag!
There was fries still in it.
What’s the matter with you?
I don’t want her to think I’m making fun of Magnus.
Fuck what that snobby chick thinks.
Hey, Magnus! Have you ever seen your sister naked?
- Yes, many times.
Thanks.
No...you...I don't...
Woah. It smells like puke in here.
Whoa! Hey, look, Berni!
Pussy of Europe, or what?
Looks more like the ass of the world.
You're alway so negative. Must be a hell of a view up there.
Welcome to Praha Beach Hotel.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- There's even a beach here!
This beautiful establishment will be your home for the next few days.
Between 9pm and 8am, you must stay here.
Any disregard or violations
will be punished with an immediate return home.
Okay, okay. Yes, yes.
No. I know.
But since Mrs Hofer became "ill"
in the short term, there is no other way.
Besides, your life’s only on Facebook
or Twitter or whatever...
Do you have internet here?
Uh, no. Internet.
Uh, broken.
- Broken.
- What a dump!.
- Is he fucking with us?
Luisa?
Are you crying?
Paul?
Hm.
Tomorrow night’s gonna be phat, right? Just us.
Logo, dude.
Night.
I’d like to be as tired at night as I am in the morning.
Dude, please don’t say you’re doing what I think you’re doing.
Don’t think. Are you a pervert?
No, but you wouldn’t happen to be alone, so can you please not?
I can’t sleep if I don’t.
What building are we in front of?
Other than Magnus, please, this is the...?
Karlsbrücke.
This is a famous landmark of Prague
and the oldest stone bridge in Europe,
built in what year?
Except for Magnus.
1997...250...
Yesterday... 1965.
Stick with me.
- Now, please pay attention to the screen.
- Magnus.
One of these locks can be opened with the key.
Max!
Excuse me! Hello! Don’t touch!
This is no fun.
Magnus!
We're waiting!
Ow!
Are you not going shopping at all?
Uh...no.
I just wanted to say that
yesterday on the bus...
I really didn’t mean to make fun of Magnus.
- Yeah, I know.
And I'm sorry too. I overeacted earlier.
It’s not easy with him...
I also have a retarded cousin.
I know what it's like...
Magnus isn't retarded!
- No! No, of course he's not disabled!
I mean...because of...his...
Alzheimers?
- Aspergers?
It’s not a disability, it’s an mild form of autism.
Sorry, I'm...
Because actually ... I find him quite ... normal.
Really?
- Yeah.
Actually, I think he’s pretty cool.
That’s nice of you to say.
Um, I was just thinking...
- Yeah?
Marcella and I were gonna sneak out
tonight and go to Heart,
some super cool club.
- Really?!
Yeah, and I was wondering if you...
- Yes! Of course I will!
Really?
- Definitely.
Because I couldn’t possibly take
Magnus with me, so...
What? Magnus???
I promised our parents I wouldn’t leave him alone.
But if he does something with you, that would be cool.
Totally.
Ey, that’s really nice of you.
- Hey.
- - Hi.
Hey, Mr. Un-Kuhl?
What's up with you, you leek [Hamburgish for pussy]?
Nothing much, what's up with you... celery?
- Isn't this a little slutty, or?
- Western-Style, Baby!
We have to do something if
we want to keep up here.
Jonas also bought a super sexy shirt.
I can’t wait to see that.
I'm going to get a coffee..
You coming with me?
- Yeah.
Hey? Hey?
Check it out, man. Great, isn't it?
"Adadas".
- Yeah, man.
Hey, only 2,000 crowns. Jackpot!
- That's over 70 euros.
Really?
Hey, Max. I wouldn't tuck my shirt in
my pants like that if I were you.
Why's that?
Hey, leave it that way.
It's cool, man
I’ve already checked everything out for tonight.
It will be awesome.
Oh, yeah...
There's a...little problem.
... and by sacrificing the fire-goblin,
I can increase my attack and defense by one point.
Why are we sitting here with this freak
when we’re supposed to be going out?
I've already explained it to you.
- Explain it again.
...and the original starting point...
Because Magnus asked me.
I hate Magnus.
- Why didn't you say no?!
Now you have to defend
- We don’t have to do anything!
Yes, that's the rules.
- Woah, hey, Magnus. If I were you...
Who would you like to be?
- Uh, what? No.
Who would you like to be, Berni?
- Huh? Nobody.
Come on, keep playing.
Okay, then, um, let’s defend ourselves with our...
Thornwall?
You're welcome to do that, if you want to do something stupid.
With the attack reversal, I would
break through your thorn wall
and destroy your Highland unicorns.
Spontaneous magic. Bad luck!
Tough luck!
- Max!
Well, Magnus, I guess you won.
Not bad.
But we also have a rule.
If you win, you’ll have to taste this potion.
What's in it?
Soda.
Vodka, Rum, Tequila, Gin
and Blue Curacao for the colour.
It’s called "Adios Motherfucker." Cool, right?
Stop! Only who wins...
- what?
That is the rule..
- Well.
Move over.
That's it, Master Magnusson.
I don’t think so, my flaming golden cock has some obsession!
Dude, did you just say your dick is obsessed with pussy?
- No!
I heard that too.
Evil obsession.
Evil obsession.
- Magnus, hey!
We're all a bit obsessed with pussy. Alright.
And that’s why we’re leaving now...
- What?
...on a little excursion.
Okay.
No, not okay!
- What's the worst that can happen?
I also got us extra t-shirts.
Guys, you will be amazed. This is going to be awesome.
What do we do first?
- I’d like to go back to Charles Bridge.
Yeah, we do that on every f...fuck!
There is the...
Magnus! Come here!
What are you doing?
Asking Mr Graeser if he would like
a transcript of our excursion.
Why are we speaking so quitely?
Because we want to surprise Mr. Graeser.
Oh, okay
What do we do now? Max?
What is he up to?
Such a daredevil.
The fuck?
For fuck's sake, Max! Why?!
I just did a little improvising.
By killing our teacher?!
He's just unconscious.
Wait a minute.
All right, up there.
Paul, give us a hand.
See?
Then we take the bottle.
Here, the blanket over ...
Should I take his shoes off??
- No, man. What then?
Come on. Let's go.
Paul, Magnus! Let's go! Come on!
Stop!
What are you doing?
- Why?
Because you wear stupid t-shirts?
" #Embarassing"
"#No Plan at All"
- Mmm!
So what's your great plan then?
- We need to look for an internet cafe.
And how did you get out??
- The rear exit.
Well, have fun, huh?
- See ya.
Don’t be late for bed, kids.
- Have fun too.
- Max, really?
And how do we get out of here now?
- Wait a minute.
Fwoah!
Hello.
Branko?
Yes.
Don’t talk to the driver.
Come on in!
Hey Berni, wait a minute.
Where did you get this?
An insider tipoff.
- And where?
Don't worry.
It said "Best Limo-Service in Prague".
He’s going to take us down a dark alley
where his buddies will be waiting for us.
And then what? Rape us?
Harvest our organs?
Hey‚ you're so paranoid.
Besides, I don’t think he needs
his buddies for that.
Great!
Have fun on the internet!
Everything comes on here.
Hey!
Wow!
Where did you get the money for the limo?
I need some money.
- What for?
For a party in Prague.
We want to buy drugs.
Maybe in the whorehouse.
- All right.
Uh... Branko?
What ... is going on?
Just...stay cool.
Please rape him first instead.
Come along!
Woah!
- Shit.
Cool! A desert eagle, right?
800 euros and it belongs to you.
New iPhone, 200 Euro.
Or here...nice TV.
Full HD, 500 Euro.
Massage chair, also very cheap.
3,000 euros.
You can’t complain about that.
And this is all completely legal, right?
Branko. How much for the MP-2?
Uzi? 2.000.
Can I borrow some money?
Why would anyone hire a goat?
Eurgh!!!
I also have kidneys or new hearts.
Branko has everything.
Cool.
Maybe later.
But right now, let’s celebrate.
Hey Berni!
Paul. Uhhh...
Yes, it's Paul.
I couldn't reach Magnus.
How's it going?
Great. Really great.
It’s so loud in there.
Berni is playing DJ again.
It’s almost like a real party.
Seriously, with Magnus?
Can you put him on please?
No!!!
- Why not?
Shit, Berni!
- What is it? What happened?
No, uh...
Max, you idiot! Watch out!
Max spilled Coke over my bed.
Dude, are you crazy?
Get here now!
Can I please speak to Magnus now?
Magnus is outside.
- I need to...
He needs to go.
Okay, that could take longer with him.
Give him my love, will you?
I will!
Magnus! Please come back inside!
You can see the Andromeda Nebula.
Great, but please come back in!
Branko, I'm going to be sick.
Whoa!
Fuck!
Magnus?
Magnus?
Are you okay?
What is the square root of 4761?
And your favourite position?
- 69!
I told you, take it easy.
Come on, get up.
Honestly, I'm fine.
What's going on?
I need a drink. Who’s in?
I’d like three beers.
Who were you talking to in the car?
Me?
- Yes, you.
Me? No one.
Cheers!
Man, Max!
I had such terrible taste in my mouth.
Ladies and Gentlemen.
It's wrestling time!
Yeah!
I'm Iooking for a fearless volunteer.
Mud-wrestling. Berni, your thing!
You like that shit.
Who dares to challenge
our two beautiful wrestlers?
Here! My friend wants to...
- No, stop it!
Like you said,
"Until it gets really warm and humid."
That’s not what I meant.
- Here, my friend.
Oh oh oh oh. We've got a volunteer!
No.
What's your name?
- Berni.
Okay, Berni. Why not?
Berni. Berni. Berni!
Berni. Berni.
- Stop it!
I don’t want to do it!
Just stop.
Come on!
- No! Hey...Max! Max!
What the fuck are you looking at, ay?
Wanna blow me, fuckwit?
Huh? Geek!
Fucking fudgepacker!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Gentleman. Let's give a great hand
of applause to our fearless challenger:
Berni!
Where are you? Come on!
They are waiting for you.
He is coming.
Oh!
Yeah!
What’s wrong with Berni?
I’ll get us some more beers.
Look at that fatty!
Hey, fatty!
Hey, are you kidding me?
- What?
What was that, you bum?
Fucking German.
Back off, Sauerkraut!
Hey!
It's that fucking knob gobbler again!
This woman has a penis.
- What's your fucking probem?
Hey, there’s another way we can...
Whoa!
Hey!
Yeah!
Whoa!
Oh, are we leaving?
Let's go back to the car.
- Hello!
Magnus, hurry up!
Berni is still missing.
We’ll wait for him in the car, okay?
Shit!
Fuck! Where is he?
Now who the fuck are you‚ huh?
Where to now?
- Magnus is done for.
Let’s go back to the hotel.
It doesn't matter whether he sleeps here or in his bed.
Think of the pact, there’s more waiting for us, I feel it - yes?
I don't understand.
Of course, you can also take a selfie
to the hotel, and I don’t mean a photo.
Yeah.
OK. Then we go to the heart.
It's supposed to be a cool club.
- Mhm.
If you say so.
Branko, bring us to the heart! And turn up the music!
You think this is the right place?
Yes, says right there.
I thought "Heart" was more like Herz.
No, believe me, cool clubs look like this.
I have to go for a piss.
- Me too. Max?
Nah.
Wait!
Brrr.
Hey, Paul.
Hey, Man!
- Pranked. I held it with my left hand.
Ha ha.
What's up?
- Oh.
- Yeah, oh.
Sounds appealing.
Magnus is gone.
- What?
As in, he is no longer here.
He's already inside.
- What?!
Why didn’t you tell me?
- You didn't ask.
Oh, Max!
Okay, I'll get him out.
I'll go as well.
I'll wait here.
Uh... Hello. Erm...
Ahoy.
Could we maybe... I just...
Right.
Well...
What?
Well, I don’t think he liked your style.
Shit, that’s not funny!
Woah, chill out.
Just call Magnus on the phone, huh?, hm?
Hello, Magnus?
Magnus, hello?
Will you please come out?
Okay.
Magnus?
You can hang up.
- I think it was Magnus' turn.
It is.
- Why are you calling me?
Is that your phone?
- No, but you called.
For fuck's sake Max, you're really killing me.
I think it's totally unfair,
that Magnus is alone in there now...
and having fun.
Come on, let's have a look around the back.
Ow! Not on the head!
Don't be like that.
Pfosten ['dumb as a post’].
Okay.
Oh God!
I’m going to fa...fa..fall!
Ow!
Eurgh!
Berni‚ Berni...
Close it! Close it! Close it!
Ahoy.
Yes.
Quick, give him money.
What was that?
My asthma tablets. For emergencies.
Dude, what a freak.
Berni, come!
Small Tip:
If there’s a blood shower
coming from the ceiling. Run. Fast.
Berni, come on!
Hey, guys!
Did any of you see a goat around here?
That way.
- There?
Yeah.
- Cool. Thanks.
Magnus?
Magnus?
Berni, stop it!
- Why?
Just - just don't.
Magnus!
Woah!
Pff. Pussy.
You were just as scared.
Ahoy.
Mann!
Uh... Hello, nice to meet you.
P-Paul... and Berni from Germany.
Deutschland?
Bielefeld?
- Uh... No.
I love Bielefeld.
I've lived there for five years.
But it's all over because...very ugly. Much blood.
I had to go. Came here.
Made everything new. A lot of hard work.
But little rats always come.
Sell drugs here in my establishment.
From Jiri!
He was Jiri, wasn't he?
Ow!
There must have been a mistake.
- We didn't sell any drugs.
Yeah okay, so maybe it looks like... Ouch!
They weren't drugs. We are only looking for our friend.
- Friend?
- Yeah. With glasses...
Looks funny. Talks funny.
He came in when we were outside ...
Jiri forget all mistakes.
And you do small favors for Jiri
and show if you have big hearts too, huh?
Unfortunately, we don't have time.
No time?
Yes. How many times do we have to tell you?
Should we paint you a picture?
We didn't sell drugs...
What? No!
More!
Oh man, this is so stupid!
Ow, Man! Not so hard!
Ow!
Ouch!
- Are you crazy?
Huh?! Shut up! Ow!
- Enough!
Man, ouch!
- Hey!
Shut up.
Stop!
Shit.
You...are doing small favors for Jiri now.
And Jiri will take care of your friend.
Fuck!
Magnus?
What kind of favor?
I'll get Max.
What were you doing in there?
I'll tell you in the car.
Fuck!
Paul!
Paul, come on!
Dude, get in!
There, please.
Dude, are you crazy?
No cops, or do you want them to flatten Magnus?
Where are we going now?
Just doing a little criminal courier service.
Cool.
Hey, where is he going?
Home time.
What do you mean, hometime?
I may have only paid for half the night.
"Maybe"?
- Woah, take it easy!
Now, let’s go inside and do this thing.
Ahoy.
Somehow everything in Czech
always sounds blunt and rude.
Piss off!
German, too.
Here, let me.
Now listen to me very carefully.
We want to see your shitty boss, pronto, ca...piche?
You listen to me, I’ll...
Jiri sent us.
With this.
Wait here.
Oh fuck!
Hi‚ can I get some AK-47 cartridges?
Sure.
Fuck me!
Max...
Mmm...
And now?
I don’t give money to little girls like you.
Talk about yourself!
We are not little girls. We are tough guys.
What a little pussy you've got.
No, please...
- Oh yeah?
Do little girls do something like this here?
Yeah, Berni. Show him what you can do.
No, Berni. Leave it.
I’ve done it a thousand times.
- Yeah, but with a set square.
Quicker!
Quicker!
Yeah, go on!
Fuck!
Not bad.
Stupid bloody shit.
Paul! Paul!
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Oh god, Berni, I have your blood in my mouth!
Bleurggghhhh!
My suit.
Oh God! Oh God! Help me!
Berni?
And another one?
What is that?
Muscle relaxants and vodka.
A right old mix for your friend.
Can I do one of those?
- Don’t touch it.
Yeah, I’d rather not do that.
Great, wonderful, and always laughing.
Mmm.
What are you gonna do with it?
I heard you have to put it in your mouth
and then you can sew it back on.
What? I can’t walk around with my finger in my mouth.
What does it look like?
Thanks.
- You deserve it.
Max, can you please put the knife away?
- Woah, I need a piss.
- Me too, all the time.
- But hurry, okay?
- - Yeah.
Have you drained your seniors' bladders or should I...
Hello‚ wanker!
What's in the bag?
Why don't you show me? Huh?
Look.
This...can either
go the easy way, yeah?
Or the hard way.
I don't really fucking care.
But I probably enjoy
the hard way a little bit more.
Paul, don't give it to him! Ah!
Good boy.
Yes!
Look at this, huh? Fucking jackpot.
Let's go to the club
and get fucking pissed.
Prague, here we come!
We're gonna fuck everyone! Ey, ey, ey!
Prague, here we come
Fuck! Hey, my finger was in the bag.
Yo, this is fucking bullshit, man.
We have to do something!
How long before you can't sew a finger back on?
It's so clear...
This is about Magnus,
and all you can think about is yourself.
What? You are the only one here
who only thinks of yourself.
Don’t you think I care?
You’re just after Juli.
And what if I am?
- When are you finally going to get it?
She’s just fucking with you,
just like Jonas.
Juli is different.
- Sure.
That's why she ties her spacko
brother to your leg.
Dude, we have a pact.
I don't care.
What? The pact was for you!
So that you could finally loosen up a bit.
You want me to loosen up?
Look around you, Berni!
It’s not all easy enough for you, huh?
Fuck your finger!
Fuck your pact!
And fuck you, man!
Paul!
Leave me alone, Max!
Fuck!
To the Heart Club.
Hard Club, yes?
No, no. Heart, with a "T"!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Let's go.
Why don't we just get it back?
What?
The bag.
Very funny.
We don’t even know where the guys are.
We're fucked. Check this out!
My dad always says:
You are not beaten when
you are lying on the ground,
but only when you no longer get back up.
What have you got there?
What do you mean,
"what have you got there?"
The one who had you in a
headlock left something behind.
What? Clean it up.
Oh, it's just an imprint of a stamp.
Probably from the club where
the wankers are celebrating their booty.
What are we going to do now?
- We're going to get the bag back.
That's what I've been saying.
Yo.
Marcella?
- What are you doing here?
Have you seen Juli?
Shouldn't you be doing your nerd stuff with Magnus?
Do you know where Juli is?
Bad timing.
What is going on with you?
Marcella, please!
The last time I saw her,
she was with Jonas. Somewhere upstairs.
Kuhl?
Yes. You are so cool, sexy boy!
Okay, guys. Not today. Sorry.
We know.
It’s not like we didn't distance ourselves.
We know we can't fit in here.
Max, for example.
He has been trying to step
out of his father's shadow for years.
But he'll never be able to do it.
Hey, I wouldn’t say that now.
Or me...
I cut my finger off to prove how tough I am.
I’d probably die of an asthma attack,
if I ever had sex with a hot chick like you.
But we will never give up.
We will keep on fighting.
Because it doesn't matter
if you're lying on the floor,
It’s when you stop lying there,
and then you get up and...
How did it go?
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
Doesn't matter.
The only thing we both want,
is just a little spark of pity.
Okay?
Get in.
Come on, go!
That's' enough, okay?
That's enough.
Max, we need to look for the English men.
We're not here for fun... baby!
Man, we’ll never find them like this.
Wait a minute!
Max, stop dancing like a fool.
I've found our bride.
How about washing up?
You?
- Yes. We.
We want the bag back.
The fucking bag.
Oh. "The fucking bag".
Fucking yes.
You really are the ugliest bride in the world.
Now hand over the bag.
Why don't you try and fucking get it?
Fuck off!
Hey guys, we can...
Leave Berni alone!
Berni!
Berni, we have the bag.
Berni?
Berni, wake up!
Paul?
Hey.
- What?
What are you doing here?
No idea.
And where is Magnus?
Hey Paul, I'm talking to you.
That is my friend, Max!
Max!
Shit! Berni!
Max!
These are my friends! Max!
What happened to him?
So again: you got my brother drunk,
dragged him into a titty bar,
and now he's being held hostage by a drug dealer?
You know, the way you’re saying this sounds a lot more negative than it actually is.
You're completely out of your minds.
- Hello, Juli.
How stupid can you be
to take Magnus to a bar?
In the beginning it was actually quite funny.
Magnus is truly thawed.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Maybe you don't know him
as well as you think you do.
- Bullshit!
I trusted you. I thought you were different.
Bullshit.
I thought you were different.
You were just looking for an
idiot so that you could celebrate with Jonas.
You don’t give a fuck about me or Magnus.
If he weren’t your brother,
you’d make fun of him like everyone else.
Hey, hey. Easy, okay?
Comissioner Stanek.
I have a few questions.
What did you have to do with
these English men?
And where did you get the bag from?
So that was ...
- Paul! Let me. I was there.
So, the guy from the sex club...
...that I never met, because I wasn't there,
captured Magnus,
so that we could do a courier job for him.
Then Berni cut off his finger
and then suddenly the English guys came,
we already knew them from the bar
where Berni fought with the women...
Anyway, we need the bag back to
give to that gangster boss.
You think you're very funny,don't you.
- No, not at all.
You have to help us free Magnus.
- I don't have to do anything.
All I know is that a bag full of
money was seized.
And that he has hospitalized
three English tourists.
They started it.
- Mhm.
We’re just here on a class trip.
Talk to our teacher.
Voicemail.
Now, you two are going to the precinct.
You can put it all on record.
Fucking shit!
Do you think we'll get reprimanded?
- No. What?
We have to save Magnus somehow.
All we have to do is get rid of the cops.
Yes, that's right.
Why didn't I think of that?
Because you don't play on
the computer that much.
On three.
What?
- Three!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Max, Max, Max!
What are we going to do now?
- I don't know. You tell me.
I already had the idea of running away.
Berni always says you’re the one with the crazy plans.
- Yeah.
He only says that because he thinks I'm stupid, because I'm going to work for my dad.
I don't think that' is what he means.
More like it's a good thing.
Oh, yeah.
You lost something.
I didn't...
So I have an idea.
But is crazy.
And I don't mean it like it's a good thing.
Hello?
Hello, um...
We just wanted to ...
Hello?
Hello?
Hey!
What are you doing to Mama?
Branko.
Sorry, we just wanted ...
What do you want?
Max.
Not cheap.
We have almost nothing.
- "Almost nothing"? Hm...
Too bad.
Mama asks if you want to sell kidney?
What? No!
What do you get for it?
No, we...
have no kidneys to sell.
I... I can give you this watch.
It's real and Swiss-made.
Show Mama.
Mama likes watches.
- Can I maybe...get a receipt?
No!
- Ha.
Come along!
Ha-ha!
Best schooltrip ever!
Stand still.
- I can also drive in.
No, we’re just trying to scare them.
We want to pick up our friend.
- Where's the money?
Unfortunately, we no longer have that.
I'm sorry. Really.
We still want our friend.
Otherwise it will get ugly.
And?
You can fuck off with this junk.
What?
Max? Max? What’s going on?
I think he’s noticed that our
gun is sealed in the front.
Back! Back! Back!
- Yeah.
We hit something.
- My Mustang!
So what? We have a tank!
I think he's crying.
Pussy!
Uh-oh.
- What?
Max!
Get out!
Uh...
Umm... sorry?
Now...its about to get ugly!
How...how did you find us?
People in Prague don't like it when
a tank drives through the city.
And now we’re going to the station.
- What?
We're going to the station now.
In the car.
No, no, no, no. Listen.
You can arrest us as soon
as this is over, but our friend is still in there.
So this weird story is true?
Yes.
Don't worry, Magnus.
It's me, Paul.
We'll get you out of here.
Hello, everyone.
Magnus?
- That...
This is not our friend..
- This is your friend.
Glasses, looks funny, speaks funny.
Does he look like a friend of ours?
Man, he's ancient!
Sorry.
Jiri innocent.
What did you do to Magnus?
- Shit, Magnus crawled up my ass.
What did you say?
What are you going to do?
Game over.
Exactly.
Where's Magnus then?
No idea. We saw him come in.
Come with me!
Hello?
Excuse me!
Stop! Let me see the footage from midnight.
Stop! Play it from there.
Where did he go then?
I want to know
that too! Come with!
Yes, I remember. Very drunk, but polite.
Took him in.
And?
- Was very hungry.
I like to think so.
Umm... Okay, and then?
As I said. He was hungry and wanted to eat.
Ah, Hunger. I...I understand.
Yeah.
After, we had wonderful sex.
He was hungry.
And then, he went.
Okay. Thank you.
Goodbye
- Bye.
And?
Are you hungry?
Max!
Magnus must have come out
when we went through the back.
He is quite drunk, in a good mood and hungry.
And had amazing sex.
Looks closed, but...let's go over there.
Hello?
{Yes.
Excuse me, please.
We are looking for a friend.
I am not your friend.
No. I mean our friend.
He was here. Maybe three hours ago.
Small, drunk.
Funny looking.
Like an idiot.
An idiot?
Glasses?
Yeah! That's him.
I remember.
He had my fried cheese sandwich.
Very good Sandwich.
I think he was buying drugs.
Drugs?
Yes. But then--
Drugs.
God, you shit head.
Paul! Come on!
Come!
That's what happened.
- Thank you.
In Malaysia, drug smuggling
has the death penalty.
Magnus didn't smuggle drugs.
- I'm just saying.
Sometimes it would be better
if you just think some things.
Okay.
Your friend is at a police station in Vinohrady.
Can we see him?
You're really starting to get on my nerves.
Hello, Magnus.
Hello.
How are you? Everything okay?
I’m afraid I broke the law.
I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have given you alcohol.
You mean the potion?
Ha-ha.
Did you want to smuggle the drugs?
I wanted to help the poor man.
Because of his sick mother.
What sick mother?
- From the spiderman.
His Mama is very sick, so he has to sell drugs.
The man has a spider web all over his face.
Could I see the drugs Magnus bought?
I’m sorry, I don’t like you, Magnus.
I don't like you either.
Cool.
As I thought. You have to release Magnus.
And why would I do that?
Because they are not drugs,
but a medicine for asthma.
And how do you know that?
Because they belong to my friend.
And while we’re at it...
There was something else in the bag with the money,
which I’m sure my friend would like to have back.
This one right here.
I'd like to go to the hotel now please.
Hello.
Hey! Hello.
Um ... Magnus is back at the hotel now.
Thank you.
What are you still doing here?
We thought it would be best if someone stayed here with Berni.
We?
After all,
we have known each other since primary school.
Who's that with Jonas?
That is probably Jonas' new crush.
Is that...isn't that a guy?
Yeah, why?
I thought...lately you and Jonas have been...
Jonas needed a good friend.
- Jonas has thousands of friends.
But apparently nobody
who he could have talked
about his coming out with.
Awesome.
Excuse me.
Can we go in now?
Yes, sure.
Shit, dude.
I'm sorry man.
Tithe...
What?
I have the Ti...
I-I have... I have the titthe...
I don't understand you.
I'm sorry?
Tiethen!
"Tiethen"?
Exactly.
Tits, man, from the nurse.
What?
When she was just above me,
I had them right in front of me.
I almost bit into them.
- Man, your such an arse!
Max, dude.
How did you deal with the English guys?
Boxed them away.
I thought you didn't like boxing.
- I thought so too.
Did you find it?
- Yes, and gave it to the doctor.
What you gave Magnus a doctor?
Yes.
And they said that they would sew it on you any moment now.
Dude, you are really are sick!
Fine!
Stop.
Already awake?
Uh ... yes. We just wanted ...
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Twitter follower, check your Facebook,
E-Mails, Tweets,
the whole lot. Your generation is...
is so...boring.
Morning.
Morning.
Mr. Graeser didn't actually
notice anything at all.
Magnus had prepared a detailed
report of our excursion for him,
and we had to take the
bus home, the next day.
That is so funny.
You're very funny too, Magnus..
- Thank you.
Stop writing for once!
It's about gasoline consumption.
- What?
- It's important.
No, it's not.
- Hey, were over here.
- Yeah.
Dude, did you see Jonas?
That asshole has only just come out
and he's managed to bag the horniest guy in all of Prague.
Are you gay now?
- No, I'm just saying.
- It's no fair.
- I should have gotten the sweater.
I'll be right back.
Hi.
I just wanted to tell you,
I acted like an idiot because I was jealous.
I’ve been into you since first grade. It's true.
And the other day,
I would have liked if you went to the club with me.
But then I took care of Magnus because...
because I just can’t deny you any wish. So that's it.
You can sit back here now.
You can sit here...I mean if you want to?
Yes!
Sorry, Marcella.
Baby! The sun is coming out.
"Baby" me one more time,
and you're going to get it!
I know how you feel about me.
You waited at the hospital especially for me.
Because I like to see you suffer.
- Whatever turns you on.
So, you homos?
- What's going on?
A lot has changed in Prague.
Not the people - we've stayed the same.
But what we know about each other has changed.
And more importantly, what we know about ourselves.
Now I know I don’t have to be
the most popular guy in school
and I don't need five million Facebook friends.
A couple of real friends is enough.
And I know neither my father or school can tell me
what to do with my life.
I still don’t really know myself,
but at least I know that for sure now.
Where's you watch?
I swapped it. With a tank.
- What? The watch from your grandfather.
Best Representative 1973?! Which he passed
down to Best Representative 1988?!
I didn't need it. I have a phone.
Here.
Subtitled by ItsDrewy :)
Hello?
Is anyone coming?