A Perfect Getaway (2009) - full transcript

Guys Guys, we're doing a video
for Cliff and Cydney.

What you wanna say?

First the big studio sale,

now the big wedding.

M.V.P. year for our boy Clifford.

I fucking hate you, Anderson!

Hey, when you're all famous,

don't forget your crew
from film school?

Boys in the Wood Hood!

You dance with who brung ya, Cliff,
you dance with who brung ya.

I mean, we wouldn't be here tonight
if it wasn't me.



I mean, I brought her
to that Black Eyed Peas concert.

I introduced them, I mean,

basically hooked them up.

One.

Two.

Two and a half.

Three!

And when he was ready
to propose, finally,

I was the one that he practiced on
to get it right.

So you gonna fuck him tonight, Rita?

I already did.

Can you...

Can you give me that, please?

Tommy!



My little brother getting married
before me?

Yeah, I wonder why? Come on,
your armpit smells like ass, ok?

I will kill you.
Let the fuck up!

I came all the way from Michigan
to do this one more time.

How does that feel?

Some of our friends did
The Kalalau Trail last year

and came back with
the most amazing pictures,

So they're going to Maui, right?

Kauai, the last island. Five here

Right there, number 5.
One, two, three, four, five, right there.

It's called A dollar dance.

In 1967, it was a dollar dance.

Please, get a fifty.
Get out of there.

I want you guys, to know
how much I love you. I adore you.

And I hope you'll have the best time
on your honeymoon.

And, make it something to remember.

Love you guys.

I think they just wanted to start off their
lives together with some kind of adventure.

The red dot.
Oh, there's a red dot, does nothing.

Are you comfortable?

Cut the camera.

Can I ask you a question,
Mr. Cliff Anderson,

Yes.
Of Venice Beach, California?

Yes, Mrs. Cydney Anderson,

formally Miss Cydney Carswell
of Pacific Palisades, California.

How did you get this scar?

Oh, my God, I can't believe
I didn't notice it before!

It's long story

and it involves...

homeland Security.

It's not funny and me

being unexpectedly pressed into
service as a deputy air marshal.

And I don't really wanna talk about it.

Try again.
A little less grandiose, thank you.

My brother,

hit me with his skateboard
when I was nine.

Hey, which brother is this?

That'd be Tommy.
The dick from Michigan.

I thought he said Maryland
at the wedding.

Excuse me,

but whose brother is this?

I'm so sorry,

he's got like 16 brothers. ok?

All right, Tommy from Michigan
A new wife should know these things.

Christ! Are you insane?

It's a rental.

Mrs. Cydney Anderson,

Mrs. Cydney Anderson No!
Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

Listen, you know, it's like writing
checks in January,

I know I'm gonna blow it.

Yeah, keep practicing.

Get back in here, my God!

I've never seen
so many shades of green!

Hey, hey, get a picture of me.

Hey, hey!

Stop it.

Look, look!

Hey, hey. Look, look!
Trekkers.

Hi!
Hi!

Hey!

I'm gonna do that!

Kalalau! That trail right down there!

Did it myself, back in the day.

I'll show you what it's all for.

The most gorgeous dead-end
God ever made!

You know, like drop me off right here.
Forget the hike.

There's only two ways in
and out, Cydney.

By foot or by kayak.

But that's what makes it so special.

Yeah, beautiful it is, brother.

How many days you allow?

One day in, one day at the beach
and another day back.

Common mistake.

Why, you think I need more?

I don't know if you'll need more,
but you'll sure want more.

As long as all your permits
are updated so...

Yeah, yeah. See.

Ok. Yeah.

Because the rangers do get out
and work the trail.

So you want to keep these close, Cliff.

All right.
And these.

Did you miss me?

No, three days sounds plenty to me.

Oh man.

Nine whole minutes.

Do you realize,

that's the longest we've been
apart since we got married?

You must have missed me
something awful.

It's 11.5 miles each way, right?

Each way.

Tell me you miss me.
What?

I'll give you a B.J. in the car.

Ok.

Another one!

Anyways,

check this out Cliff.

Now, you're gonna cross over
five valleys,

Each time you do, you're gonna gain
or lose a 1,000 feet of elevation.

That's the killer.

I missed you too, baby.
What?

Oh, did you go somewhere?

You are so bad.

$475.35.

All right.

Yeah, I know, it looks like
I robbed a bank.

It's our wedding haul.

Wassup? Wassup?

Scully.

Howzit, baby boy?
It's good to be home.

Glad see back.
Nowhere near Honolulu, were you?

No, on the other side.
Waves was junk for three days.

No bettah over here.

Why, what's the stink in Lulu?

Maybe nuff for now.

Wanna help these two out to their car?

Yeah. I'll just dump my gear
and be right with them.

Boy's gonna help you with your bags.

Aloha!
Aloha!

Get an early start, brother.

Yeah, I will.
Aloha!

Aloha.

Aloha.

I love our new life.

What are you doing?

It's Hawaii!

Just because we're in Hawaii we're
gonna do things we don't normally do?

Like pick up hitchhikers?

Come on, nothing bad ever happens
in Hawaii, right?

Mahalo!

Aloha!

So, how far are you going?

Lumahai Beach.

Lumahai Lumahai.
I don't think we know that area.

It's about 10 miles ahead,

right on this road.

Right by where the big trail is.

You know that trail?

Yeah, the big trail.

But... we're not going that far, so...

So how far do you go?

Just up the road a bit.

So if you guys, you know,
stay here for five more minutes,

I'm sure someone else
will come along who...

We was waiting for, like,
an hour before you stopped.

Maybe more.

Shit, thought this was Hawaii!

Sorry.

Come on.

Hey.

You guys, married?

Yeah. Yeah, we just got married.

Hold this.

Some of these pictures totally suck.

It's one of those cameras you chuck.

This one is a good one.
Hey Cleo, what are you doing?

These people wanna see less of us.
Not more.

Here it is.

That's us doing the deed on Oahu.

We just woke up one morning
and decided to get married.

Pretty, isn't it?

Yeah, it's lovely. It's a...

Is this in a grocery store?
Paula's Market.

They do it up real nice for you.

Yeah, yeah here is an onion.

Yeah. The produce manager
took that picture.

I know it sounds kinda tacky
but it's...

pretty frigging, pretty when
they added all the little,

radishes in their own stuff.

All right, that's bizzare.

Hey baby, look at Kale
and Cleo getting married on Oahu.

Yeah, suitable for framing.

You know what?
We'll just drive you there.

10 miles, I mean, listen...

Could have been there by now.

Maybe next time?

Kale, don't be that way.

Baby, come on.

Come on guys, you don't have
to make this a bigger deal.

Cleo, get the fuck out
of this man's ride.

I think we handled that really well.

Up there!
Go!

Kalalau Trail!

That's good.

How do I look?

Well, I was just
pointing and shooting.

These new things have
too many buttons for me.

Yeah, that's what you get for
buying top of the line.

I might have to...

break down, actually,
read the manual someday.

I'd love to see that.
Thanks.

Ok.

I guess, everybody else did it.

Did they really?

Show it no fear!

Do you think the rest of it kinda
washed away or something?

Ok, watch me!

Keep your eyes down, your speed up.

Avoid those green rocks

And just be fearless.

He made that look easy!

Yeah, but he's not wearing whole
camping store on his back.

All right.

World record, baby!
Ok, ok.

Oh, my God!
Careful!

Got it. Ok.

Well, thank you.

You did great!

Come on, baby, you can do it.

Outstanding!

Did I almost just die right there?

Come here, come here, come here.

Are you ok?

Yeah.

I was doing so well I thought.

Oh, my God!

What's your name?

Have we met before?

Because...

when I first saw you guys,
I was feeling a little déjà-vu.

No, no. Nowhere, I remember Nick.

But that face...

Are you an actor?

No, no, no.

Haven't seen you on TV?

No such luck, you know?

Actually, Cliff is a screenplay writer,

he's very sought after all, the big movie
studios want him to do their projects.

Knew I smelled fame
and fortune on you!

A screenplay writer?

We just say screen, screenwriter.

Any movies I might know?

Actually my...

My...

first script is
in pre-production right now.

So if you ask me again
same time next year,

Who's in it?

Still trying to figure that out.
Still casting up.

Well, Nick Cage is always
money in my book.

I like how he gets all intense
right at the end of the sentence!

So you got a...

good Act Two twist?

Yeah. It's...
Yeah?

Are you in the business, Nick?

Me? No, no, no!

I just took some course

one of those writing boot camps.

I had so many ass-puckering
experiences in life.

I figure hell,

I'll just throw it down on paper,

make myself a million bucks.

Yeah, it's not that easy, is it?

I liked it all except the paperwork.

You know, actually making pages is just...

But I got the basics down.

Three acts, hero with a journey,

red snappers, all that shit.

Red snappers?
Yeah!

You know, you bring in a character
just to fuck the audience.

You try to throw them off-track by

It's a herring, it's a red herring.

I'm pretty sure it's snapper.

Excuse me,
while I shake the bush here.

So you're like halfway to famous, Cliff?

Pretty much.
That's outstanding!

Yeah, there's a whole big crew
getting ready up in Vancouver.

Building sets and stuff.

But they're there,

you're here?

Yeah. Yeah, it's...

It's hard to explain but
they brought in another guy to do a...

A quick rewrite, so.

On your story?

Yeah, just a two-week punch-up.

It's. It's common.

Yeah. And how long ago was this?

Nine weeks. Yeah.

Oh, no, that's fucked up!

That's your vision, Cliff!
That's your baby!

You can't let them get away
with that shit.

He's got these agents,

and they don't do, I mean,
they don't fight for him or anything.

And I was just telling Cliff the other day...

Not that, me isn't my favorite subject.

But maybe we could talk
about something else for awhile.

Well..

I'll leave you with one
last pearl of wisdom.

Get new agent?

You get new story.

I got it! I got it!

What?

Me too.

I have one.

No. Wait a minute.
What shall we do?

Should we go up or
should we just go back to town?

I don't know.
This must be the best service ever.

I don't care.

Did you hear about Oahu?

What happened there?

What?
What happened?

Well, my dad just called from K.C.K.

Reception's like major shit out here,

but he said something about
some murders.

Still there's no reception.

Flat line?

Coming in and out.
Mostly out.

Wait!
Is this in Honolulu?

Dad wants us to leave.

I think he's in major
over reaction mode, ok?

Some newlyweds was killed.
Some more of it he said.

That's what happened. So.
Yeah!

That's awful!

You know, we were just there.
Like, the day before yesterday.

We've been planning this for like,
five and half months.

Does he not even know
it's a different island?

What. What. What did your dad say?

I mean, do they know who did it?
Do they know anything?

He says that they are looking
for two people,

a man and a woman.
That's all I got.

It's like that movie?

It's... Natural Born Killers.

Oh, my God! That movie like,
totally freaked me out.

But when his head was doing that thing?
Majorly!

Well, what do you think?

I mean, that's Oahu, not here.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Hey. I mean, it's our honeymoon, right?

Why don't you guys come with us?
We're going all the way to Kalalau Beach.

All the way to the end.

Wait! You guys are like, newlyweds?

Yeah.

Have a swell honeymoon!

Wait! Stop!

Well, my exit here.

Be safe.

Some hard yards ahead.

Are you?

Are you camping over at Secret Falls?

I read all about it in the guide book.

Yeah, just for the day.

I had to run back to the truck
for a little butane.

Well, how close is it?

It's like everything else in Hawaii,
as close as faraway gets.

Oh, baby, it's sound so romantic?

Yeah, but I'd like to get
to the beach before the sunset.

But it's only, like, what?
A mile or something?

Honey, come on.
Maybe we'd give the man his privacy.

Don't matter to me.
Plenty of Eden to go around.

What?

Nothing.

One mile?

What? Serious?

Cool!

Hey, wait up!

Well...

I do believe she's clotheless.

Hi there, stranger.

I do believe he is too.

This is Gina!

Did he mention Gina before?

The crazy ass love
of my crazy ass life.

He has now.

Ok, so...

They're like a couple?

You all coming in or what?

Baby, are we going in or what?

Yeah, wait a minute.
Let me...

see if I can get some receptions.

Ok.

That's nice!

I hope we are not...

intruding on your...

your own private paradise here?

Well, forget it!

Nicko's always bringing home strays.

Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

We're newlyweds.

Miss Gina Scruggs.

We're not.

You're so dead!

Here we go Come on!

Thursday on Oahu,

possibly Mainlanders
on their honeymoon.

Teeth and fingerprints removed.

There are reason to believe,

killers may have jumped islands
to Kauai.

Are you shitting me?

No. This girls on the trail told us.

I feel like, maybe
we even saw something?

They know who it was did the killing?

No. I don't think so.

Security cameras release photo
of suspects.

You know what I heard?

A few people die out here every year.

They just stand under a waterfall,

get hit by some falling rock or,

Maybe they just slip
and go right on over

and vanish.

Who knows how?
Or even why?

Could be the wages of your sin.

How you doing, Hot Wheels?

I'm good.

That's two lies in one day.

Comes natural to you, don't it?

Are you following us, Kale?

You know, it ain't the fact
that you deceived us.

Every man's got a pack
of lies in his mind.

It's that you thought,

we were foolish enough to buy it.

I'm sorry, I don't...
What do you think anyway?

Just 'coz we choose to look
a certain way, that makes us, what?

Desperados?

No. I don't think...

Jesus, man! You know, sometimes
it feels like the whole world's just...

spitting in my face.

Excuse me.

Look.

I thought you said
you were going to Lumahai Beach?

Going to that area.

That's what we said.

Well, you didn't say
you were doing the trail, so...

Neither did you.

Look, we offered you a ride,

you didn't want it,
you didn't take it.

So, I don't really understand
what the issue is between us.

Kale.

Joy and happiness here?

Yeah, I think we're good.

Outstanding!

So how far you going, Hot Wheels?

Playing it by ear.

You?

Maybe the next beach...

kind of...
What's it called?

Hanakapiai.

That one, yeah.
Maybe there, maybe further.

You need permits to go farther.

You shoulda just given us a ride, man.

Come on.

So after a $45 taxi ride,

we wind up at the Ocean View Hotel.

Sounds nice, doesn't it?

The problem is it didn't actually had,

an ocean view since 1987,

when all these high-rises
went up across the street.

Jesus! Their ads like
Oh, Waikiki is so great!

Honestly, was dancing
on my last nerve.

Are are we ok?
Yeah.

Let's keep an eye on our time, ok?

Yeah, but do those packs belong
to who I think they belong,

Yeah, they said they were doing
the trail all along.

I don't know, maybe they were.

Shit, it's 1:30 already.
Come on, let's go!

Baby, you wanna break this down?

We should be clack-a-lacking, too.

Okey-dokey.
Thank you.

So, you guys don't mind if we tag along?

I mean, we're all going
to the same place.

Yeah, it's fine with me.

Yeah, are you kidding?

Did you take the permits?

No. I didn't touch them.

Well, they were right here
in this brochure

Did you leave them at the store?

No! I'm pretty sure I put it.

No, I'm positive that I put...

Shit!

While we're still young, Cliff!

Yeah, one sec!

We leave no man behind.

Let's do some hard yards.

Guess you can't have rainbows
without a little rain.

Right?

You hear that,
Cliff here's a big screenplay writer?

You write for the movies?

Well, whoopty-tah!

Yeah, we say screenwriter.

He's on the prowl for a new story.
Sorry.

You know, I could tell you shit

you ain't seen in no
Hollywood movie before.

You watch yourself now.

What?

What what?
You know what!

Maybe Cliff here can change
the names to protect the guilty.

You guys do that in movies, right?
Yeah.

You know Johnny Depp?
He knows Nick Cage.

Can you see him playing me
in some movie?

Baby, you know Nick Cage?

Yeah. Yeah, I do now.

Now, see me myself,
I like that Johnny Depp better.

I mean, he's just... dreamy.

I mean, the way he looks at you.

Jesus Christ!

Honey, it all starts with story.

Am I right, Cliff?
Yeah.

You know, I once made a surprise visit

to a certain dictator's palace
on the Tigris River.

Newly evacuated.

Still smell the Havana tobacco
hanging in the air.

We were tasked with finding
perishable intel

computer disks, shit like that.

But in the master bathroom...

about the size of fucking Ethiopia,

by the way, these golden dolphins
for faucets.

There was this lock box bolted
to the floor.

Had his initials engraved on top.

We started beating on that fucking lock.

Wait Iraq?
You were in Iraq?

Yeah, first in.

Me and my wolf pack.

Fuck those pictures you saw
about the 4th Infantry.

That was later.

What I'm giving you now
is God's Real Shit.

He's not supposed to be talking
about this stuff.

So...

inside this box,

I figure maybe cash,

a set of pearl handled pistolas.

Hell, maybe some damn
fine Presidential-grade hashish.

We finally burned it open
with 50-grain det-cord.

It's a handy tool, det-cord.
Yeah?

Wrap it around a tree three feet thick,

drop it across the trail
when someone's hot on your ass.

Remember that trick.

Yeah.

Yeah Det cord.
It's a nice detail.

You gotta get the details right, Cliff.

Otherwise, you're just making
another big crap-tastic movie.

So, we open this thing,
what do we find?

What do we found?
What do we found?

Iron Man. Avengers.

The dude was a Silver Age Marvel freak.

And you know, what he had most of?
In his own personal stash?

I don't know, Nick.
I wasn't there.

Sub-Mariner.
What?

All in French for some reason.

Namor, Prince of the Deep?
Why the Sub-Mariner's?

Isn't that like one of the shit titles?
One theory?

Tug-job material.

Mr. President had a thing
for French speaking fellahs

little Speedos and big spears.

One theory.

So

You were like, Special Ops?

Or the Seals, Rangers?

Officially, I'm only allowed
to say that I've been a sworn officer

participating in the tactical phase
of certain missions

that would make most men wanna

crawl up and hide inside
their own assholes.

And unofficially?

I'm a goddamn American Jedi!

Possible Title number one, by the way.

You see this?

Took frag from a bouncing betty.

It's anti-personnel mine.

Caved in the back of my fucking head!

Medivacked out to Germany,
got my skull rebuilt with a...

space-age titanium.

I can't go through a metal detector
without ringing cherries.

But that's cool.

Let's me travel with Gilligan
just about wherever I want.

Gilligan?

It's a...

My little buddy.

That's some toothpick.

Here's the kicker though.

When I took that shrapnel...

I never felt it.

I mean, I felt the impact,

and felt my backside go all wet.
But no real pain.

Now, maybe I don't
recall events in full

they did scoop out
a little Grey Spam back there but,

get this.

My wolf pack, they will swear,

that I was ambulatory
for more than 17 minutes,

before they forced me to lie down.

Tackled me!

And even then, I was looking
to monkey-fuck a Marlboro Light.

There is no nerve endings
in the brain, Cliff.

Remember that,

when you write the scene.

Yeah. There's some...

really good details there.

Yeah, he is really hard to kill.

Hey, y'all make it to the beach?

Yeah, it's great.
Just keep going.

You seen any rangers up ahead?
Not that I saw.

It's only like three miles to the beach?
We hope?

Yeah but,

lots of twists and turns ahead.

Hey, the further we go,
the fewer people on the trail.

And your point is?

Get back there.
Pretend you gotta pee.

Pretend?

The cops in Honolulu released
a photo of the killers.

Apparently they didn't know
they were on camera.

Shit!
What?

It could be anybody.

Are you sure about that?

They don't look familiar to you?

Y'all good or what?

I'm having a bathroom break.

You're freaking me out.

It could be anybody.

What?

I mean, what do we really
know about these people?

Aside from him and his stories?

Which, I might add, are starting to
sound more and more bullshitty to me.

Next thing we're gonna find out
he's got the heart of a...

baboon or something.

I think, he's just trying to impress.

I mean, he's thinking
you're gonna write him

a movie about his life or something.

What do we know?

Well, she's from Savannah,

her father's a controlling
military shit.

She rebelled, she met Nick
in South Carolina,

but he reminded her
too much of Daddy.

He chased her until finally
giving up and moving on,

that's when she got interested in him,
of course.

It's their first time in Hawaii.

They thought Waikiki was
a little Las Vegas,

but they love it here on Kauai.

Girls talk.

So they were on Oahu, too.

I guess they were.

Interesting guy, Cliff.

Yeah.

First man ever who wants to talk
while he's in the bathroom.

What is going on back there?

You keep shaking that bush
so we know you're there!

Keep shaking that bush, Luke!

Honey, we're supposed to be
on our honeymoon, ok?

So slow down
that overactive brain of yours.

Because I want to enjoy myself here.

Babe, we're gonna be fine.

Well, I guess the beach
will still be there tomorrow.

Yeah and hope we are.

All right,
we got macaroni and cheese

with real imitation cheese.

Honey, that's a vegetable dish where
I come from.

What else you got?

Vegetarian Corned Beef Hash?

What's Vegetarian Corned Beef Hash?
That is suspicious.

But, I might. I might dig into that...

before eating Chicken
Omelette Surprise?

Oh, what's bad about that?

Well the surprise is that they're gonna
take the egg, out of the chicken,

whip it up, then put the chicken back
into the egg.

It's good reflexes!

For a writer!

What?

I love that stuff.

What?

What what?

What do you mean, what what?

What's everybody looking at?

Whatever he's looking at.

Probably just a goat.

There's lot of them in these valleys.

I haven't seen any goats.

I don't expect you would, Cliff.

Your situational awareness kinda sucks.

That's not a knock.

You're a screenwriter, I'm a Jedi.

It's just the different paths we chose.

Think they kill him first?

Or he just drown in there?

I always wonder.

No, I'm good.

Just so I know whether
or not to be offended,

define situational awareness.

What's the first thing you do
when you step onto to a plane?

Maybe have a sip
of that fine champagne?

You do fly First Class, right?

I put away my shit like everyone else.

Well, when I board a plane

making my way back
to the cheap seats,

I clock every door.

I pace off the distance
between those exits and my seat.

If that plane loses power on take-off,

I can make egress in the dark,
totally blind.

If the aisle crowds up, I'm gonna
climb over the back of 36D,

the guy with that shiny-ass toupee,
making over the wing exit.

And I know the handle
swings down, not up.

And I know the door swings in, not out.

And I know all that inside of 30 seconds.

Before they even pop
the cork for you up there in,

Hollywood Class.

See, if you wait until
the emergency happens

before you decide what to you do,

you're already died.

What chance do you've of that happen?
Happened in Sioux City.

Sioux City?
DC-10.

Rolled four times on landing.

Wound up in a Iowa cornfield.

112 people died.

Yeah, I remember seeing that on T.V.

Yeah.

I saw it from the inside.

He is really hard to kill.

Let's go.

What are you gonna do
with that thing?

Dinner.

Come on!

Dry underwear, but...

thanks though.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,

Come on, kitty, kitty.

Kitty, kitty.

Excuse me?

Oh, it's no problem.

You wanna stay in the kitchen
with the lady-folk, you stay.

Oh, yeah, I'm an adult!

So that kitty noise that, that...

It's not don't work anymore.

You know?

It crossed my mind,

that it crossed your mind,

that we are the ones.

Me and Gina.

The ones who?

It's ok, Cliff.

That's your screenplay-writer mind
working it's magic,

spinning shit every which way.
You gotta think like that.

What?

The killers?

The Gruesome Twosome!

Possible title number two.

See now,
I think your mind's spinning Nick.

So you think it's just coincidence
we were there at the same time.

On Oahu?
Just like Cydney and I were there.

Just lotta people on Oahu
when the murders happened.

That's the way you look at it?
That's exactly how I look at it, Nick.

Good.

Though would make
a helluvan Act Two twist.

We're not really hunting
goats here, are we?

No.

Then mind telling me
what the hell are we doing out here?

We got us a shadow.
Two of them.

Haven't identified as hostile yet.

But they passed by our camp,
doubled back for a second look.

And then they took cover,
somewhere here.

I know, you didn't see them.

People from the falls?
This, someone else.

All right, we'd get back to camp.
Come on!

Gina could take care of herself.

I was thinking about Cydney.

Gina could take care of her, too.

Are you just so fucking with me, Nick?

If I was the killer,
I wouldn't stay on Oahu.

I'd come right here.

Wait.

I'm, a little worried about Cliff.

He's not really you know,

the bow and arrow type.

Oh, please.

Boys are happiest when they're hunting
something they can't quite catch.

Besides,

gives us a little time together.

No, dope's not really my thing.

So what is your thing, Cydney?

Because we really haven't heard yet.

It could sound kinda boring to you.

Oh, try me.

Well,

we've been working really
hard in getting pregnant.

We're gonna have five kids,

two boys and three girls and...

They'll be beautiful beyond belief,
of course.

We wanna get a place in the Palisades
close to one of the bluffs.

Long walks in summertime and...

watch all the boats come in.

You know, I wanna just be...

us.

You know, our family.

And you I guess you know,

I'd just be happy being called Mom and...

Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

For a while.

You know, there was this...

preacher back in Georgia.

And he used to tell all us kids
how we'd rot in hell,

for having sex outside
the sanctity of marriage.

And then one day,

you know, blessings a little hard.

His wife caught him out back
of the Waffle House with some hooker.

A hooker with a really big dick.

Yeah, so...

Now when people wanna tell me

how so fucking perfect their lives are.

I don't believe them.

Nick!

I do lie about my old life sometimes.

You see,

when my parents stopped scrapping
the crap out of each other and split up,

they decided that they could have
two kids each.

The problem was...

there was five kids.

So I did the, the foster-scare
thing for a while and...

That only lasted until
I met this guy named Rocky.

He was couple of years older.

And...

it's so funny, everyone in the
neighborhood thought he was like this,

fine young gentleman, you know

But I saw something different in him.

Something risky.

Something crooked or cool.

Didn't hurt that he had
his own truck, neither.

He did.
Yeah.

Wrong paint on one door.

But damn, he had some
nice chrome wheels on it.

Yeah, I know Rocky.

Yeah, this one night, he....

drove me on to the lake.

And it was hot and raining.

And I had the top button of my shorts
all undone for this guy.

Just hoping this is why
we came down here.

Oh, my God!

I remember, the way the cracks
in the vinyl seat,

were pinching the back of my legs.

You know, and that was bothering me

but what he was doing
with his fingers sure wasn't.

And suddenly he was in my hand
all slippery and nice

He's about to go off

and I'm about to cum for, like,
the first time ever.

And then he puts the headlights on...

and makes me get out
of the car and to go...

to look at something over by
a pile of leaves.

And it was Goldie,
the neighbor's labrador.

And he still had....

still had the panty-hose
wrapped around his neck

from when he had hung it from the tree.

He said...

he would kill me if I ever told anybody.

Did you ever tell anybody?

Yeah!

Right now.

Jesus.

You know, it always amazes me,

how much people talk about
themselves when they're on vacation.

Talk to people they only just met.

Yes.

Yeah.

Hey, what are you doing?

Cliff? Yeah?

Cliff Anderson?

What are you doing?

I thought it was you, but then I saw
four peeps instead of two, you know.

I got it all mixed up.

But what are you doing here?

Why are you following us
and who's that female?

It's my bitch, Jessie.

But what are you doing here?

Your permits, brother!

You went leaving them
at the store, ok?

You came all this way to?
Aunty thought you'd need them.

This ain't the mainland, brother.

We do that shit here, ok?

Ok? ok?

All right, I'm sorry.
Easy

No, no, no, hey, I'm sorry...

I guess we're all just stressed,

with those killers being
over here now.

I'm. I'm really sorry.

Here.
No, no, no!

On this island?

My papers, brother.

I . I saw a news report on it.
You didn't?

No.

I don't watch the news.

It's way too...

informational.
Fuck!

Hey... just,

why don't you come back to camp
and have some dinner with us?

Ok? You, you and your,
your bitch friend.

Thanks, brother.

You know, I'm not feeling
the running stream of love here.

You know, what I mean?

Here's your permit.

I'm going back to town.

Careful on the trail?

Mess you up good unless
you know it good.

Hey, where have you been?
Are you ok?

Yeah.

Where's Nicko at?

Last time I saw him,

up there.

I don't know, over there.

Well, look at that!

Yeah, baby, look at that.

Hold this for me, please?

One to the neck, I broke it off.

The body's clean.

Baby you are,

a Man in full but, how about
putting the head that away

so the blood runs downhill
instead of all over our shit?

Ok.

And how about, you'd make sure
cinch off the oesophagus this time?

So you don't foul the meat.

Oh, I'm sorry you're gonna do
this or am I?

I ran into your friends.

They looked a little spooked.
What'd you say to them?

Just...
Hey Cliff, can I see that thing?

Thank you.

You see, I spent a summer,

in the meat department,

at Piggly Wiggly's so...

this aint nothing to me, but...

if you're squeamish,

You wanna get all the way back
here the anus,

And now what you wanna do is,

get the bag, well the gut bag...

out.

I mean,

I find that more interesting
than gory, really.

Are you guys hungry?

Ok.

These two have graduated,
to the official...

crazy category.
You know that, right?

So let's just pack our bags
and get out of here.

We can make some excuse.

We can.
Like what?

Like, we think you are the killers?

No!

But we can, we can say one of us
doesn't feel good.

Or something look, we don't have
to go through with this.

We can just packup our bags.
Hey, look!

It was hard enough getting in here.
We can't just leave.

What do you suggest?

It's only two more miles
to the beach, right?

Two long miles!
I know!

But I think we have to ride this thing out.

Keep Nick talking, keep him thinking,

he's gonna be the star
of some Hollywood movie.

Keep them both happy.

So that everybody gets
to that beach alive.

But we keep our game face on.

Do not let them know,

that anything is wrong here.
Do you understand me?

Hey.

Do you understood me?

I just thought we were gonna
have a real honeymoon.

Rise and shine!

Wake up, folks!

Out of your tents, now!

Outside, now!

We wanna see all your faces!

Shit!
It was only one goat!

This is the Kauai County police.

We want you face down
on the ground, now!

Those boys are coming in heavy.

You might wanna hang back,
let them do their thing.

Get down on the ground!
Fucking pigs!

Raise your hands!

Fuck you!
What're you messing with us for, man?

We got nothing to do with it.
Nothing!

Just hold it, right there!

So what the hell they do?

I can't say.

Quit groping me!

All right, man!
Hey, relax!

Does it has something to do
with murders in Honolulu?

Really can't say.

It's those guys, it's Kale and Cleo.

They think it's them!

Hey, baby, don't worry!
Relax!

They ain't got nothing on us!

I will sue your fucking ass!

You go ahead, man.
Look all you want.

Is there a gun in there?
Show me a gun.

We almost picked
these guys up in the car.

What the fuck, man!

You know, I have to admit I...

I thought it might have been you guys.

Are you joking?

So much for our game face?

I can't believe it!
I thought it was you!

I gotta admit your face!

You, the killer?

Well, whoopty-tah!

Ample time to sunset, too?

Outstanding!

Hey, you guys!

Mind getting a shot

of us in front of this rainbow?

Oh, baby, I look like hell.

No, you look great.
Come on!

You you're a good liar.

All right, here we go.
Ok.

Just point and shoot it?
Yeah.

Right, rolling!
Hey!

We survived the trail!

And our honeymoon!

There are sea caves down the coast.

Yeah, read about that.

West-southwest,
round this point, I guess.

So let's do it!

No, I cut a deal with these guys.

I got two kayaks, one hour, 40 bucks.

And no, you don't owe me 20.

Yeah, I just got plans, that's all.

What kind of plans do you have?

Covert plans.

You do know how to handle a kayak?

Pallie, I've done shark fishing in a kayak!

Of course!
Loud and real, coast off Alaska.

Kinda 400 pound sand beach shark.

He put up hell of a fight, but you know
who's gonna win that battle.

Nick, are any of your stories true?

You want me to send you pictures?

Yeah.
Yeah

Come on, let's go!

Come on! It give us a chance
to talk about our movie deal.

Cydney!

Tell her I'll be back for a sunset walk.

Me and Gina!

Where are they going?

What?

To the sea caves.

They won't be long!

Son of a bitch!

Nick! Wait!

Don't go!

Nick!

Hey, what is she saying?

I don't know.

Come back!
Come back!

She got a nice bounce
to her though, don't she?

Nick!

Sunset! I'm coming back!

Damn it! Nick!

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on! Come on!

Shit!

Are you running out of gas?

Our own tactical frequency?

I just wanna make assure
we get you back in time.

Copy that. Jedi out.

Jedi out.

Outstanding!

Shit!

Where are you?

Gotta ask you something.

Shoot!

What is that?

Shake that bush.
What is. What is that mean?

Kidding me?

What some Special Op lingo?

What we have got here is...

failure to communicate.

It's Paul Newman,
Cool Hand Luke.

Right before he breaks
from the chain-gang.

You should know that.

I should, yeah!

He goes in alive.

Well, the stories were great, Nick.

They're really helpful.

But your situational awareness?

It actually kinda sucks!

Cliff.
Call me Nick.

Rule number one..

Never cut forensics a break.

It always amazes me how much
people talk about themselves

when they're on vacation.

Talk to people they just met.

How did she say?

It always amazes me how much
people talk about themselves

when they're on vacation.

Talk to people they just met.

Wait, what was,
what was the other one?

We say screenwriter.

We say screenwriter writer.

We say it's screenwriter.

I'm gonna give you some books.
Yeah.

Yeah, working on a,
two week punch-up.

And we invited I had
to invite my other sisters,

you know, my sorority sisters.

I basically hooked them up.

Check this out!
Hello?

Yeah, we're in pre-production...

in Canada.

And we're still casting up.

Hey, my brother is a dick.

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

We just came here to dance.

You dance with who brung ya, Cliff,
you dance with who brung ya.

I absolutely love you

just the most magical weekend.

Our wedding haul!

Magical! Magical!

This is the happiest day of my life!

She was kind of classy?

Hey, Rule Two.

Keep your game face on.

Come on, honey.

Babe, get a picture of me
with Honolulu in the back.

I have a better idea.

Let's get the both of us.

It's right there!
It's right there! Help!

Excuse me?

Can you...

Wait, wait!

Crap!

Honolulu!
Hawaii!

We made it!
We made it!

Shit!

Maybe that wasn't the one to Kauai.

Pretty sure it was, doll baby.
No, no, no.

It's probably the one to Kauai,
smaller boat.

We are looking for something
more substantial,

something with some big-ass.
Have a look,

hydrofoils...
right, there.

Pretty sure it was.

Let's see how much time
we need to kill.

You know, if you're so freaking smart,

you'd play stupid once in a while.

That would be your job.

Something I can show you?

Well, not me, but...

see that dangerously
handsome man over there?

When he comes in here
and asks you, what I was looking at,

can you show him, this ring?

And that one.

And let's not deny him
that little rascal right there.

Seems like he's more interested
in water sports, right now.

Well, that's just an operational cover.

Trust me, he is watching us.

Any second now,
he's gonna come in here.

Drag me out and then...

forget some.

He'd double-back
and ask you all private-like,

what was that what I was looking at.

Been playing this game awhile?

Nicko.

I love him to tears,
but he does take his own sweet time.

Anytime, hon.

You know what?
Also show him that one, right there.

Ok?

Shit!
What?

Left my drink.

Well, let's go back and get it.
No, no, no.

I'll get it.

I'm sorry.

It's ok.

I'll wait right here.

And let's not forget
this little rascal right here.

So I take it you're planning the next step?

Oh, I got plans.

Covert plans.

I'm gonna make a sunset proposal,

on Kalalau Beach.

Ok, I just need to make sure,

that this isn't gonna be...

you know, underwhelming

compared to whatever's stuck inside
that twangy little head of hers.

You know, let me...

Is that gonna work?

If it's truly gonna disappoint her,

I'll roll over and play dead for you.

Gonna be the easiest mark you ever had.

Just please, help me get it right.

Gina is gonna be the first
and the last for me.

She is the one.

Well, to tell you the truth...

I think she'll love anything you give her.

So you didn't buy anything?

What I wanna buy in there?

I don't know I mean just...

Yeah, its took you so long I was
thinking may be they got you.

No, no, I got away clean.

Yeah, it's 16:00 hrs,
we should catch that ferry.

Where is your drink?
Goddamn it!

No!

You big dope.

This is the scene right now
in the Harbour area near Pier 19.

Where, late today,
a City trash collector

stumbled upon what appears
to be another of those homicides.

Come on,

this ain't got nothing to do with us.

Congratulations Mr. Anderson,

it's part of the honeymoon package.

Thanks, you're the best.

Fucking repeat.

Tell me it'll never end.

It will end.

Trick is to have more starts than ends.

Hate this whole

C-world always playing catch up.

All I wanna do is catch up on my sleep.

Rule Number Three.
Oh, go away with your rules!

Nothing is getting me
off this balcony today.

You're such an incredible asshole!
Asshole!

Hey, never wear the same skin too long.

We keep moving.

Hey baby, look at Kale and Cleo
getting married on Oahu.

Suitable for framing.

While we're still young, Cliff!

One sec!

Here's your permits.

I'm going back to town.

Careful on the trail?

Mess you up good unless
you know it good.

Hey, wait a minute

Maybe you're allowed
to carry guns out here?

Guns? No, no.
Who's got guns?

A guy named Kale,
runs with a girl named Cleo.

I think it was a 9mm.

I'm not too good at these things so...

Maybe when you get back,
you can tell somebody about it, ok?

Let the cops decide
if it's important or not.

You keep shaking that bush
so we know you're there!

Keep shaking that bush, Luke!

What is this idiot talking about?

I say we let Nick keep
pitching his stories.

Let him dig his own grave.

This isn't Honolulu and he's not
some soft-boy screenplay writer.

What, you actually buy this Jedi shit?

Gets his skull opened up by
a land-mine and just walks it off?

He's trying to impress me.

Me, because he thinks I'm gonna
make a movie about his life,

everything becomes
exaggerated and overblown.

Trust me, I know a narcissist
when I see one.

This guy amateur-hour.

Screenwriter!

I don't know,
if half his stories are true?

Look.

I know exactly what he is.

He has no clue what I am.

That's the advantage
that we exploit.

We'll do it on the beach.

There will be people there.

So?

I just think we're rushing.

Don't tell me you're starting
to like Gina.

See...

that's your mistake.

You too close, you're too attached
Maybe I'm starting to like Cydney.

Bigger mistake!

She's a nice girl.

I want you to start thinking about me
the way Cliff would think of her.

Even if it's not real.

Even if you're physically incapable
of feeling anything.

I want you to pretend that part, too.

We're supposed to be on our
honeymoon, ok?

This is one of the most beautiful
places on Earth, rain or shine, so.

Slow down that overactive
brain of yours.

I want to enjoy myself here.

Babe, we're gonna be fine.

Sometimes it seems like...

like nothing exists until we get there,

until we put our eyes on it.

Like the whole fucking
world was manufactured

for our wants and needs, you know?

You think it'll be a nice sunset?

I mean like if I take,

if I just turn my head.

You know?

For just a minute
and but don't tell me.

But does everything just stop?

Just shut down?

Go into some energy
saving hibernation mode.

Till I choose to reactivate them,

by simply...

You should say sweet stuff
to me sometimes.

Look at this.

Look at that.

I mean, fucking idiots, man.

Just say it.

How many times do I need to tell you?

If there's anyone in this world
that I could love, it's you.

Why is that never enough?
Just forget about it.

Look.

You helped create this
fevered dream of immortality.

You are the privileged witness,

who's gonna help me lead
a hundred different lives.

How about this for a new rule?

Always be sincere even if you're not.

I know that in some bend way,

your need for detachment fits
my need for attachment.

That's it!

It's fitting fucking and fucking fit!

I get it, ok?

Let's stop lying to ourselves, ok?

I'm not lying now.

I love the idea of loving you.

And I love hearing it.

It's sick and it's sad.

Does that make me crazy, Rocky?

Am I crazy? Am I?

It's makes you exciting.

Well, whoopty-tah!

Outstanding!

No!

Nick?

Nick!

Who is this?

Hello, my name is Woody.

And I'm calling to make sure

you're getting the most
out of your AT&T calling plan.

Sweet flaming Jesus, you don't
work the whole trip.

Where are you at?
What state are you in?

I'm not supposed to say.

Ok, Woody, there's been
some murders in Honolulu.

Maybe you've heard,
maybe you haven't.

But they're coming after me
and I need your help.

Can you do this for me, Woody?

Woody, are you there?

I hear your concerns, madam.

But with our free to roam plan,

we can offer you more minutes
regardless of the time of day

Screw the calling plan.

Now listen to me good, ok?

You're gonna be my 911 boy,
ok Woody?

All right, I need you to call the
Princeville, Kauai Police Department.

And you tell them that.
I can have the killers...

to the Kalalau Beach
in about 30 minutes.

Can you do that for me?

Woody?

I must put you on brief hold.

No! No!
You do not put me on hold!

You do not check with your supervisor.

I need you to just do it!

Ok and I also need you to,

maybe call for some
air-ambulance or something.

Because just...

Hello?

Hello madam?

Hello?

Please tell me that
you would do this for me.

Please, please, please, please,
swear to me that you'll.

Is this in the Pacific Ocean?

Jesus!

God, I hope you're recording this call.

Yes, it is in the Pacific Ocean!

Yes, it is one of five islands.

I'm on Kauai.

In the Hawaiian chain of islands.

You're almost there.
A little more, baby.

Right there!

Bitch!

She got a call off,

asked for help back at the beach.

Remember, nothing exists
until we get there.

Got it.

But Rocky,

nothing exist until I get there.

Here I come, baby.

Sorry to scare you.

But you haven't seen
two dudes, two kayaks?

He shot my boyfriend.

He shot me in the fucking hand.

So, let's just go back to the beach.
Let me see, let me see that.

No, let go off me! Let go!
Hey, listen to me, I'm an EMT, ok.

I don't care who you're. I need to go, ok?
Let me take a look at that.

Because he's right behind me! He is just...
Let's get her down. Let's get her down.

No! Let me go!

Listen, I'm an EMT.
Hold on! Calm down!

Come here, come here!

Let me take a loot at it first!

Let’s get her down.

Ok. Ok. I go down. I go down.
Calm down ok. Calm down.

Ok, there's gonna be help...

Hey, get her! Get her!
Put her down.

Hey, listen to me!
You are safe.

No. He was right behind
me just a minute ago

He want...
What? What're you talking about?

Gina, you feeling better?

Just relax! Relax!
We need to go right now,

do you hear me?

She's a friend of my wife's,
and she has a little issue with...

crystal meth, ok?

Normally she's pretty functional
but obviously,

this ain't normal.

He killed my Nicko!
He killed...

Oh, come on!

He wants to be us!
That's what he wants, ok?

Him and his girlfriend wanna be us!

She's iced out of her mind
right now.

I mean it's been...

Look! Look, look, look,
come here.

No, no, no!
Don't open, don't go, don't go.

Look at this.

I've been finding these the whole trip.

I think she just got in over
her head this time.

So, I hope you don't have to involve
the police or anything like that.

I mean, I promise
I'll get her back safe ok?

Don't listen to him!
Don't listen to him!

Look man, we just are here because

someone took off with two of our boats.

The last thing we want is to get
involved in somebody else's mess.

Ok.

Right?
Yeah, right.

Except.
Except what?

It's just that...

I don't get why her pupils are normal,

and yours the size of olives.

Guys....

that was a perfectly good story.

Fuck!

Count your fucking shots!

Gina, hey!

No way!

Nicko!?

How many people?

Enough to get good at it.

Oh, I bit my tongue.
I hate that.

That's gonna stop hurting in a second.

Hoo-yah, Nick.
You think this is it?

Bad guy, buys it, crowd goes nuts?

You know what I hate about that ending?

Aside from it being cliche?

It's your version of reality, pallie.

Not mine!

Oh, it's feel so good to squeeze
that trigger right now, wouldn't it?

Yeah!

If you kill me, you kill yourself.

You ain't gonna do that.

Drop all weapons, now!

Drop all weapons, now!

You got too much to live for.

You got too many attachments.

You're just too soft.
Kitty, kitty kitty, kitty, kitty kitty, kitty.

The guy standing
with the weapon, correct?

He's the one,
you talked about, correct?

This area is closed.
All trails are blocked.

Come on, Nick!
Come on, do it!

If you don't kill me, I'll just come back.

These fucking idiots
can't keep me locked up.

Hey, hey. One year from today,
Honolulu, Pier 19.

Ok? By noon, be there.

Weapon's ready.

Someone gonna brush by you,
maybe give you a little nudge.

It might not look-like me, ok?

It might look a little something like you.

Circle the date, Nick.

Because that is the day

that you're gonna realize
just how good I really fucking am.

I have to know,
I'm about to kill the right man.

Now, is he the one I want?

Come on, do it!
Just do it! Come on!

Do it!

Do it!

Outstanding!

Get away!

Don't die on me.
Don't die on me again. Christ!

I would have done, if I were you.

Well, you ain't him!

The one you want.

The one who killed all those people.

The one that I let fuck up my life.

Is the same guy,

who's about to pick up that gun.

Yeah, him.

What are you doing?

It's all right.

This is for you.

Holy crap!

Did you get it from
that store in Honolulu?

E-Bay.

E-Bay

How long you had it?

Year and a half.

A year and a half?

What were you waiting for,
you dumb bastard?

The right moment.

Baby you are...

a man in full.

Wait a second.

Let's not do a honeymoon.
I don't need no honeymoon.

By LESAIGNEUR
Sync & corrections December 2018