A Madea Family Funeral (2019) Movie Script

Subtitles by explosiveskull

- All right.

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Hello.

Hey!

Hey, sis! You made it.

- Oh, yes, I did.

- Mmm!

- Hey.

- Will, you look good.

Oh, I didn't know

you were helping!

- Yes, I wanted to.

- Aw.

Renee has been right here,

helping us with Mama and Daddy.

Oh, stop.

What's up, what's up?

Ah.

Well, hey there,

little brother.

- What's up?

- Uh-huh.

- You lookin' happy.

- All right, all right.

I am. I'm engaged.

- Oh, well, congrats!

- Thank you.

Yeah, she clearly

ain't too fond of her.

- How'd you meet her?

- She works with A.J.

And he's not too fond

of her either.

Hey, congrats, man.

Thank you.

I'll tell you

about it later.

I'm sure you will.

Wow, this looks great.

Renee brought the flowers.

Oh! Mama's gonna love these.

She will.

- Mmm.

- Daddy, too.

Thank you so much

for helping us, Renee.

I would do anything

for your mama and daddy.

- I love 'em so much.

- I know.

You always have.

So, are you picking up

the cake?

No. Uncle Heathrow said he got

somebody to take care of it.

What?

No. No way. Oh, no.

- No. That's not happening.

- What's wrong?

You know he's half-crazy.

I heard that.

Uncle Heathrow!

Who's picking up the cake?

Don't worry about it.

I wanted to do something,

so I got it covered.

Oh, okay.

We can't let him get that cake.

How about you pick up

the crackers?

I'm bringing the cake.

Let him do it.

It's their anniversary.

It's too important.

Give him something to do.

The cake will be

sexually explicit. No!

You right, it will be sexually explicit.

I want a old chick on a cat.

That's it.

I'm calling Donovan.

Okay. We'll just

have a backup.

Of course.

So, is this fiancee of yours

coming to the anniversary party?

Yes.

Good. We'll get

to meet her, then.

That's right. Thank you.

And you,

don't start with me, okay?

I won't.

Uh-huh. Or her, either.

Thank you.

You know, she's just always

looking out for us.

I know.

Sometimes too much.

Hey, somebody need

to wash their ass.

Did he just say that?

Girl, you know him.

He always says what's on his mind.

I don't know,

he kinda funny.

When you jacked-up like this,

all you can do is laugh, and hump,

- and screw.

- Hey, Uncle Heathrow.

Hey. How are you?

I'm good.

Okay, great. Who are you?

I'm Sylvia,

your granddaughter?

And that's

my husband, Will.

You just ruined

a crippled man dream.

Oh!

Is Madea and Joe here yet?

You invited them?

Hell, yes, I did.

This is supposed

to be for family.

They are family.

You married into this.

You are not family.

- You a in-law.

- Yeah, they should be here.

You know how

Daddy feels about them.

Hey, they're still family.

And they're funny.

If you say so.

Look, this is

a special anniversary.

Oh, anniversary is crazy.

Don't ever get married.

That's a waste of time.

Well, uh, I'm getting married.

Oh, congratulations.

What's his name?

I ain't gay, Uncle Heathrow.

Then why are your pants

so tight?

That's it.

Get out. Out!

That's it, son.

Get out. Of the closet.

Look, I have a beautiful

fiancee, all right?

And you will get a chance

to meet her this weekend.

And I love her, just like

you loved our grandmother.

I was so happy

when she died.

Losing my legs was easier

than dealing with her every day.

And she smelled

like sanitation.

Okay, stop that.

Who are you calling?

That better not be

a drug dealer.

Hello. Yeah, I'm running low

on my prescription.

I mean it!

What are you saying?

You better get your ass away

from me 'fore I mess you up.

- Ah, God damn.

- Who that?

Oh, Lord. It's Heathrow.

That's our brother.

Answer the phone.

I don't like talking

to Heathrow on the phone.

That thing he talk with,

- it be vibrating my ears.

- Okay. Mmm.

Make my ear about

to have a orgasm.

Well, give me the phone,

let me answer it.

No, no, no.

We don't wanna see or hear you have a orgasm.

Ain't that the truth.

Ain't that the damn truth. Not up in here.

Still don't hear her

have no organism.

Now, I don't know about that,

Bam, you might not...

I might wanna see that.

Joe.

That's Heathrow.

Heathrow calling me again.

Joe, go on

and get the phone.

I'mma put it on speaker

'cause I don't wanna...

Hello?

Y'all on the way?

Oh!

See how that feel?

That do tickle.

- Wait.

- Don't even feel right, do it?

- Hello?

- Oh, he can hear me.

That's making

my nipples hard.

Oh, yeah, we over

at Brian's house,

waiting for him to get here

so he can drive us over there.

Why can't you drive yourself?

I have some vibration going on.

You know I ain't got

no damn driver license.

Ain't none of us

got no driver license.

We can't drive that far here.

Well, I'm here.

Well, I know, Heathrow.

You can't go nowhere too far.

If your battery dead,

you can't go nowhere.

Okay, when you come, bring me

some of that good-good.

Heathrow, you done had that

cancer from all that smoking.

That's how you got

that hole in your throat.

You ain't supposed to be

smoking nothing.

Well, we all gonna

die from something.

This fool crazy.

He getting ready to die.

I'm looking at a few girls

planning to kill a few men,

if you know what I mean.

You still on the

phone with Uncle Joe?

I'm talking

to one of my hoes.

All right, fine,

I'll see you when you get there.

Get off that phone!

I can't stand his ass

sometimes, you know.

- He just always that...

- Excuse me.

Oh, you here.

All right, hang on...

I wasn't talking about you.

I wasn't talking

about you at all.

I'll see you

when you get here.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

Why you didn't tell me

to hang up the damn phone?

I thought you did.

He's sitting there,

sitting there listening.

Ain't nothing wrong

with his ears.

- What'd he say?

- I had the phone on speaker.

You didn't hear?

He said, "Hurry up and get down

here." And he want to smoke.

How long they been married?

They tell me 40-something

years they been married.

Forty years. I can't imagine waking

up, looking at the same ass every day.

You need to trade ass

in every few years.

Wouldn't nobody be married to

you for 40-something seconds.

Do you know what you smell like?

Marriage is a beautiful thing.

I love it.

I love it, I love it.

Oh, she's so damn dramatic.

You know, I think

I'd like to get married.

Hattie, you killed your

last three husbands.

What you wanna

get married for again?

Do you know that bastard

had the audacity

to come talking to me

about some hoes?

Uh. We get it, we get it.

- Right.

- We get it.

What? I ain't do nothing

but give him a little

painless anti-freeze.

Yep, well, she anti-froze him.

Anti-froze all his organs.

I'm so glad I'm single.

Ain't seen old Heathrow

in all this here time.

Can't wait to spend

a little time with him.

You know, I heard his wife died.

Well, she died,

but something else died on the vine, too.

Hold on, now. That man

had the finest set of legs

on this here side of heaven.

Well, he don't

have 'em either, Hattie.

You wait a minute, Bam.

Old age ain't

never stopped nobody

from having no sexiest legs.

Oh, but a doctor will.

That ain't funny.

Joe, that ain't funny, talking

about what the doctor did.

You say what?

Hattie, well, you know he...

Nothing. Nothing. Don't worry about it.

You go on, have your fantasy

- about Heathrow.

- Yeah.

Hey!

- Hey, Brian!

- Hey, Madea!

- Hey, Brian.

- Don't you look nice.

Don't be sitting there,

telling that damn lie.

Look at her, sitting there

looking like a bag of flour.

Don't listen to him.

You look great.

This is my good vintage dress.

You don't even know.

I borrowed this from Aretha Franklin.

And Miss Hattie, Miss Bam,

you two look nice, too.

Thank you, Brian.

Oh. Oh... Dude.

Why you sitting here

lying to these old...

Brian, you always seem to say

the nicest things to me.

I'm not flirting with you,

I'm just saying you look nice. That's it.

This is my fur.

I bought it in 1976.

I wear it

for special occasions.

And I thought this would be

a special occasion.

You mean faux, right?

That's not a real fur?

Four what?

Four dollars.

- Four dollars for what?

- That.

That what he mean.

Four dollars.

Miss Bam,

you wearing real fur?

F-U-R. "Fur."

No, listen to me. You know how many

animals had to die for you to wear that?

But, what the hell?

I didn't kill 'em.

What do I care about that?

That's really,

really horrible.

Soon as I can afford to buy me

a fur, y'all gonna say,

"You can't take that.

You can't wear that."

To hell with what y'all saying.

Well, look like the only part of the

fur you could afford is the collar.

You shouldn't wear fur, okay?

Do you know what people would do?

You'll be walking down the

street, and they'll take paint

and throw it all over your fur.

You let somebody put

some paint on my fur.

Paint my rabbit.

I don't know why that

just turned me on.

But I sure would like to put

some paint on your rabbit.

Oh, my God.

You're sick.

I'll make it hop.

Okay! All right,

we got the car all gassed up, all right?

- So, let's go.

- Hey, boy.

How the hell you

gonna talk about them,

how they look, and not say...

You don't see me sitting here?

How do I look?

You look like

you always look.

Boy, you a hater.

I looks good.

Daddy, I smelled you

before I walked in the house.

No, you didn't smell me.

I'mma tell you what you smell.

That dude right there.

I smell like fresh

berries and springtime

with a little sprinkle of cinnamon

across the middle section.

More like old ass

and roasted nuts.

Okay, all right, all right.

Brian, thank you for driving on over there.

Thank you for driving.

You know I can't drive nowhere.

My license ain't right.

I keep telling you,

I can help you with that.

Yes, but you also told me

I would have to go to court.

Yeah, Madea,

you got tickets

and warrants and license

and everything.

Bench warrants, all the stuff.

Yeah, you have to go to court.

I don't go

to court, okay?

I'm dragged to court.

I don't just go to court 'cause

the judge said to go to court.

I'm a thug, hell.

These new kids don't know

nothing about being no thug.

I'm a real thug.

I'm a O-G M-A-D-E-A.

Your mama try and take me

to court for 42 years, hell.

I was like, "I ain't

going to no court."

No child support.

Changed my address.

I was using your social security number.

That's why she couldn't find me.

Every time they tried to track

and find out where I was,

went right back to your house.

Mmm.

I'm sorry I jacked

up your credit.

Can we go, please?

Look here, young blood,

how long this drive?

About three hours.

I hope there's a bathroom

on the way

'cause I may have to tinkle.

Just a little drop-drop.

Just a drop-drop.

Maybe two.

Just what I thought, kids.

Okay, come on, let's go.

Come on, y'all. Let's go.

Get in the car.

Let's get on up here.

Come on.

Come on, y'all, come on.

- Here we come, Mabel.

- Come on, Hattie.

We getting ready to go.

Gotta go on the road.

We'd better go

to the bathroom first.

Aw, look at them.

They are so in love.

Look, they're

still holding hands.

Who?

Mama and Daddy.

What? Wait, they are not

supposed to be here.

- Wait, what? Oh, that's right.

- Oh, my God.

Hi.

- Mama, y'all are not supposed to be here.

- Mmm-mmm.

And neither are you, Daddy.

I told her.

Y'all gotta go.

- Fine.

- Mmm-hmm.

I can do some work

at the church.

Yeah. And I can do

some shopping.

You forgot you and Mama's

anniversary, didn't you?

- No, I did not.

- Yes, you did.

Oh. You better be glad

that mall is still open.

Oh, come on.

And don't come back

till 7:00.

Be glad I didn't put you

on no schedule.

- This is a long-ass way.

- Oh, yeah.

Yes, it is.

Could you please stop saying

"long-ass way"?

Whenever you say

"long-ass way,"

it makes me

have to go again.

I wish to hell you wouldn't

have to stop one more time.

I've been stopping

every five minutes,

talkin' 'bout you have

to go to the bathroom.

We've done

stopped nine times.

Brian, how far we done went?

Nine miles.

You stop to piss at every mile.

Well, you know

I can't help it.

Well, I suspect we better

get you one of these here.

Ugh. What is that?

That girl done pull out

a damn diaper.

And I wouldn't have

to go so much

if Brian wasn't

driving so slow.

Right, speed up here.

I am doing

the speed limit.

It's called obeying the law!

He always drive the speed

limit, old bitch ass.

Oh, I'll get you to speed up.

Hey!

- Hey!

- Joe!

- Damn!

- Madea, don't do that.

Speed up here.

That's the po-po. Hey, throw all the stuff out the window.

Give it to me, Joe.

Hell, I'm legal.

Okay, Betty, hold mine.

It's just one blunt. Or 30.

Please don't tell me you have

marijuana in this car.

I'm legal. That's why

I got a prescription.

Hold on, let me

fix my makeup.

For what?

I'mma flirt with him.

You gonna flirt?

Hell, you finna send all of us to jail.

What the hell is you doing?

- I'm pulling over.

- No!

Pulling over?

What the hell you mean?

You pulling over for what?

- The police?

- Are you insane?

If you see red lights,

that means stop, okay?

If you see green light,

that mean go.

If you see blue lights,

that means you better blow your engine

trying to get the hell

away from 'em.

I am gonna show you

something here, okay?

Your ignorant ass

about to get shot.

Madea, this is

the problem, okay?

This is why so many people

are getting shot.

Because they're not obeying the

law, they're not complying.

Every officer is not

a bad officer,

so we just pulled over.

Okay. All right, I'm gonna

put that on your tombstone.

"All officers are

not bad officers,

"except the one

that shot my ass."

Will you guys

please just stop it?

Oh, we all about to die.

I never thought

I'd die like this.

I thought I'd die

at the strip club.

You wanna stop?

Go, stop. Watch this.

What are you doing?

Do not throw anything

out of this car.

Ain't nobody throwing nothing

out the window.

We putting our hands out the window

'cause we don't wanna get shot.

You know what? This is

absolutely crazy.

I'm sure that's why

all these people got shot.

You know what they were doing?

They weren't complying.

Boy, you damn crazy.

You ain't seen all

the people complying

and the damn officers

still shot 'em?

Man laying down on the street

trying to help a patient,

and they shot him?

All them people ain't crazy.

I'm gonna show you and teach you

that this is how you comply

when an officer

is walking up to the car.

All right, you'll see.

No, you will see.

Somebody get their phone out,

so y'all can record 'em.

Hell, no. I ain't finna

reach for my phone.

He might think that I'm trying

to reach for a gun or something.

Good! You reach for a gun,

they'll shoot your ass,

and put me out of my misery.

You mean put him

out of his misery.

No, I mean put me

out of my misery

'cause if he dead,

I won't be miserable no more.

I'll have a nice little lump

of insurance.

Driver, turn off your engine.

That's new. They never

said that to me before.

Boy, you don't know

nothing about no police.

You don't know nothing

about no police.

Driver, I repeat.

Turn off your engine.

Oh, he getting mad.

He done said it twice.

They don't like

to talk twice, Brian.

Hey, you better leave that bitch

running so we can get up out of here.

Daddy, I want y'all to stop,

okay? Just stop it.

Take your foot off the brake.

Brian, he telling you what to do.

Take your foot off the brake.

Shh!

Now put your foot on the gas,

and let's get the hell up out of here.

Wait a minute. How he know

your foot was on the brake?

Calm down.

When your foot is on the brake, the brake

lights come on, on a car that works.

Oh, the tail light

connected to the brake.

You see that?

That's how they get you.

That's how they

get you, right there.

Brian,

you gonna be a wimp all your life?

Just go for it.

You know why Tupac got shot?

He stopped, at the red light.

You know why Biggie got shot?

He stopped, at a red light.

So you need to go. Drive!

It's so much fun,

your heart skips a beat.

Don't you wanna be

a daredevil once?

Why you gotta be such a square?

Madea, all right.

I'm not running

from the police.

We're not doing

that today.

Oh, really? Really?

I'm gonna show you that

there is nothing wrong

with getting stopped

by the police at all.

Nothing. You'll see.

That ain't funny, Hattie.

Get your hands

in the window.

Oh, Lord.

Hello, officer.

What seems to be the problem?

Put your hands

where I can see 'em.

Oh, okay. They're right here.

No, don't move!

Do not move again.

I told you, you had to put your

hands out the window, didn't I?

I was just putting

my hands on the wheel.

Oh, you wanna play this

resistance game today.

No, I was...

He's complying. That's what he's

doing, officer. Freely complying.

Who told you to speak, huh?

I'll be the judge and jury

on compliance today.

License and registration.

Don't move!

I just said don't move!

Well, how am I

supposed to get it?

Let me see your hands.

They're right here.

Okay, you're gonna listen to me.

Listen very closely,

so there's no mistakes out here today.

Left index finger.

Reach across your body

and open up

the glove compartment

with your left

index finger, sir.

What the hell is he talking

about, "Use your left..."

I'm gonna use my middle

finger in a minute.

Shut up.

I don't know... I don't know

how that's possible.

- Left index finger, sir!

- Uh-huh.

When you touch the glove compartment,

invert that into the peace sign

and grab the documents.

How is that possible?

Don't talk back to me!

Quit doing it!

Damn, I should have

paid your insurance.

Wait, my wallet is...

Don't! Don't!

Hey. Hey, just cooperate.

He on that stuff.

Okay, okay, just stay calm.

I am calm! I'm very calm!

You are not! I am!

If he calm, I don't

wanna see him upset.

You are hostile.

No, sir, I'm not.

Still doing this resistance

thing with me, huh?

No. Can I get it

out of my jacket?

Reach for your jacket.

Don't you be pulling

nothing out of your jacket

unless it's a phone,

so you can record his ass.

You put that camera on 'em,

they start acting different.

They different when they see

you taping them on them phone.

Well, get yours out

and let's go live.

Hell, no. I ain't finna

reach up in there.

Hell, I done had too many

bullet holes and stab wounds.

I done got old, they don't

heal the same no more.

I got diabetes.

You smuggling anything

in here, huh?

Just your license and registration,

what you got in there?

All of you sit right here,

and don't move.

Well, I'm really perturbed.

Ain't that something?

That white boy crazy.

He's

schizophrenic, you know.

I don't like this.

I told you. Didn't I tell you?

What I tell you?

He wasn't supposed to do that.

"He seems so upset. He seems

so outraged here, guys.

"He seems so upset. Wow."

This is really out of line.

This is very wrong.

This is not right.

We didn't do anything.

He didn't even tell us

why he was stopping us.

They don't never tell you, son.

This that racist stuff

that make me

wanna go burn something down.

Make me wanna go protest.

We didn't do anything.

I don't think I like this very much.

This is just wrong of him.

Mr. Simmons.

The reason I pulled

you over back there

is 'cause you swerved

and we can

never be too careful.

God bless you all.

Drive safe out there.

The hell?

Wait a minute. I wanna...

Hold the hell on, boy.

You better let him go.

Don't be trying to stop

him now. It's over, let's go.

We done got away. Let's go.

'Cause if he had

ran me, ha-ha,

we was all going down.

Let's go.

Right. Now drive, hell.

- Why was he so nice all of a sudden?

- I wanna talk to him.

Okay. Okay, great.

You get to the bottom of it.

Can we go now, please?

Can we go?

Wait a minute. They probably

pulled your name up

in that computer back there

and he saw what

you do for a living.

Now he scared,

now he running scared.

Running scared now, ain't you?

This is injustice.

And where there is injustice,

you have to fight.

You go on and get

to the bottom of it,

Martin Luther the King.

Congressman John Lewis, he said,

where there's injustice,

you have to fight.

Get the hell on.

Do what you have to do. Let's go.

Andy Young, and Joseph Lowery,

and everybody would

not allow this.

You've named all them

civil rights leaders.

Do you know what

they have in common?

All of 'em got their ass whipped

trying to make change.

Is that supposed

to be an excuse?

That's not supposed

to be an excuse.

Ooh, they ain't blue.

He said, "Peace."

Well, he just left.

I got his number.

His name is Eddie. I'll get

to the bottom of this.

You ain't never gonna learn.

Who learned a lesson here today?

Did I learn a lesson,

or did you learn a lesson?

Come on, let's go.

Oh, Lord, I really, really

got to go now, y'all.

Bam, if you say you have

to pee one more time,

I'm gonna rip out

your fallopian tubes.

It's just two drops, Brian.

Come on, let's drive.

- Hey, baby.

- Hi.

- Where are you?

- I'm on...

Hey, babe, guess who

I ran into at the airport?

- Who?

- A.J. He was on my flight.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Wow. Oh, well,

I'll have to tell Carol.

Yeah, we're going to go

get a car together.

Oh, no, no. Let me

come pick you up.

Babe, you stay. We'll get one.

All right.

All right, well, let me talk

to my brother real quick.

Okay, cool. Hold on.

Yo, what up, bro?

Hey, you take care

of my fiancee, man.

You know I will.

All right. I'll

see you when you get here.

All right, will do.

Yeah, you gotta be here by 6:00.

We will. We will.

- All right.

- Bye.

Better make sure you

hung up that phone.

I feel really, really

bad about this.

- I don't.

- It's your brother.

Look, I introduced you.

So you know

you didn't want him.

Yeah,

I just need...

You don't need

nothing but me.

- I really love him.

- That's cute.

I mean, what you

gonna do with him?

You know his

broke ass is boring.

You need a man.

Like me.

I'm just...

Look, we don't

have much time.

Hell, look, we took

a flight early

to be here, so we

could hang out.

Yeah.

Now, let's just

enjoy this, aight?

- Okay?

- Yeah, okay.

- Baby.

- Yeah.

Come over.

All right, room's

almost ready.

Who the hell paying for it?

That's what I wanna know.

I am. I'm paying for it.

Oh, you got it, Mr. Big Spender.

Go ahead.

Oh, you a big spender? When I call

your ass up asking for 20 dollars

so I can get a little joint

or something,

you ain't got no money for me.

I don't know why the

hell we just can't go

over there and stay

at Vianne's house.

Do like all the other

poor black people do

when they go out of town

to visit somebody.

They stay with their cousin, their mama

near 'em, and everybody else is near 'em.

You know what happened last time

we stayed at Vianne's house.

You know why the hell we can't

stay over there. He don't like us.

That's not it at all.

Then what the hell

is it, then, joker?

You don't remember you almost

burned the woman's house down?

I refuse to accept

the consequences,

responsibilitation for that.

- That wasn't my fault.

- Yeah, okay.

Hell, Heathrow was

up in there smoking,

and you know he got

that Jheri curl.

I don't know why the hell

Michael Jackson taught everybody.

If you got a Jheri curl,

don't put no fire near.

That dumb bastard sitting there

smoking, smoking, smoking.

Hair caught on fire.

I said, "Run, nigga, run!"

How the hell you gonna tell

our brother to run?

You know what happened to him.

He was rolling,

and rolling, rolling,

smoke coming out

of the top of his head.

He looked like a damn

chimney on wheels.

You know

I love you, right?

I know. I love you, too.

- Gia, hold on.

- What?

No, come here...

- What?

- You hear that?

What?

Bad! Bad, Daddy.

That?

Yeah, right next door.

You hear that?

They're doing it.

Anthony! Anthony!

Gia, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

What? I don't

wanna hear that.

- I know, but I heard that...

- Who your daddy?

I know that voice.

You know the voice?

- Anthony!

- What? Who...

That's my daddy.

This here

a nice hotel, yeah.

It do remind me of the one

I used to pimp out of.

I had these hoes

running in and out, right?

And I had this one,

they used to call her

a contagious.

Don't ask why.

But anyway, she was running in and out

and I was like, "Look here,

"you better bring me

this money, hoe,

"'cause you got to go home

and feed this boy. He hungry."

Daddy, please, okay? Stop it.

Sorry, I didn't mean

to talk about your mama.

- Here you are.

- Thank you very much. Okay.

Sure.

All right, come on. Let's go

get ready for the party.

Yeah, hurry up. I need to get

my drink on and my smoke on.

Okay. Come on.

- Your daddy?

- Yeah, that's my daddy.

- What're you doing?

- I'mma go wait for him

- to come out.

- What?

- What're you sayin'? Why?

- What do you mean, "Why"?

He ain't supposed to be

in there with her.

You ain't supposed

to be here with me!

That's some bull,

because you know

you always get up with me.

A.J., are you really

about to go over there?

Yeah.

If you go over there,

I'm leaving.

- Well, go. I don't care, go.

- Go?

- Go. There's the door. Go.

- A.J.

Renee?

A.J.?

- What the hell is going on?

- Oh, my God.

- What's happening?

- I don't know.

Call the ambulance, A.J.!

Oh, there's A.J.

Hey, man.

- How you doing?

- Oh, my...

What're you doing here?

- Okay.

- What's going on?

- What it...

- Wait.

What the hell?

- Look at her. Hey.

- What in the...

- Oh, shit.

- Wow!

Mabel, what

happened to him?

That rope

got too tight.

You know, that happened to me

one time, but I lived.

Will you shut up, Hattie? I wish to

hell it would've choked you. Shut up!

I believe that's Anthony.

That sure look like his

face, but I can't...

I ain't never seen

the other part of him.

Talk about pitching a tent.

What is this?

Oh, that

there right there

that go right across

his body so...

- Hush your mouth!

- What?

Hattie, stop tellin' everybody

in the whole damn world

that you into this.

Shut up!

Hattie, we don't need no tutorial

on S and M's, okay? Hush!

That's that

boy's daddy.

So what? Hell,

he gotta learn at some point!

Wait, he's not breathing.

He's not breathing. He's not breathing.

What is it?

I don't know about that.

Look like one part of him

is breathing pretty good...

Getting plenty of oxygen.

Joe, I want you

to shut the hell up.

You'd be laying there

just like he is.

Instead of trying

to catch your breath.

That's it!

Rep your set, fool!

Rep your set!

Hey, man, hey!

Hey, rep your set. South side!

That girl fine

as hell over there.

Shut up, fool!

He needs mouth-to-mouth!

Well, get to it.

Make sure you bend over when you do it.

- I don't think I can!

- Joe!

You ask me to blow no air

in that nigga lung.

Y'all better get a plunger.

- Oh, get the hell outta the way! I'll do it!

- Mmm-hmm.

- Hattie!

Hattie, that ain't

his damn face!

- Hattie! Hattie!

- What?

Hattie, that's not his mouth!

I told y'all she

ain't got no tonsils.

Get your ass up and

come on back over here!

- What?

- Hattie!

You a pro.

Damn!

Is that a ball

in his mouth?

Yeah, I had one,

and it got stuck right there.

What

happened to him?

I don't know!

He just stopped breathing.

Maybe there's something wrong

with his heart, his chest.

No, baby.

It wasn't his heart or his chest.

I believe it was your

heart and your chest

that stopped his heart

in his chest from beating.

What?

Joe, would you

shut your mouth?

I know you into the older

persuasion.

I can tell 'cause

you with his old ass...

...but you think that's something?

Renee, call the ambulance!

Oh...

- Hey.

- Hey, baby.

What's... What's

going on? You late.

Yeah.

Okay, so what happened?

Flight delayed or something?

No, no, no, traffic.

Where is A.J.?

I don't know.

I thought you two were

taking a car together.

No, we didn't.

But you said you would.

Well, I lost him.

He's not answering

his phone.

Have you seen him?

Yeah, we got separated

at the airport.

Oh, okay.

I'm gonna

call him again.

Okay.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Uh, is your mama here?

No, not yet.

I've been calling her

and Daddy.

They were supposed

to be here at 7:00.

I don't know where

they could be.

Did you get them?

No, and A.J.

knows better.

Beep-beep!

Uncle Heathrow!

Excuse me.

Beep-beep!

Oh, no. No, no, no.

What is this?

This is the cake

I wanna give.

You're not giving

this cake...

Take your damn hands

off the cake

before I knock you down

and run over you.

Okay, wait. How about this?

How about I take the cake

and go put it in the kitchen?

No, I want it here

on this table.

You are not putting that cake

on the table! No, sir.

Leave her alone!

Leave her alone! Don't touch

the woman on the cat.

- Give me!

- Leave the woman on the cat.

- Give me!

- Leave the woman on the cat.

I got it.

Thank you.

Come on now,

Uncle Heathrow.

Touch this and see if you

don't get kicked in the nut.

You don't have legs.

Oh, I forgot about that.

But I got a cane,

and I got a fist.

I want it on the table.

With the kitty on the cat.

Put the kitty on the cat!

Where is everybody?

No one's answering their phone

and all these people are here.

Is my mama here?

You're late!

Yeah. Where is she?

This is why

we always fighting.

- Is my mama here?

- No, she's not.

Damn, man!

Why do you

look like that?

Why the hell are you

so late, A.J.?

See, this is what

I'm talking about.

You are never on time.

Carol, wait.

Something's wrong.

What's wrong?

No, wait.

All these people are here

for your mother and your

father's anniversary

and you can't even

be on time.

You are so irresponsible.

Look, I need to talk

to my mama.

That's it.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

A.J., what is it?

- Oh. Surprise!

- Surprise!

Mama! You okay?

I'm sorry. Your daddy never

picked me up at the church

and he's not answering

his phone.

I don't know where he is.

Is he here?

That's not like Daddy at all.

Let me go try and call him.

He's in...

He's in the hospital.

What? What

happened to him?

He had

a heart attack.

- What?

- Oh, my God!

Why the hell didn't he say

that when he walked in?

Where is he?

St. Andrews.

He's stable, but he's

in intensive care.

We might not be able to see

him till tomorrow morning.

Mama,

go with us. Come on.

Don't worry. I'm coming.

Hold on, hold the car for me.

Get the van, the special one.

I'm coming.

Oh.

Hold on.

Damn! Damn!

I dropped the damn kitty cake.

They ain't have

to do me like that.

I don't like

being in no hospital.

Come in for one thing,

and then something else

goes wrong.

I went up in there

because I had a headache.

You know, when I came out, they

were trying to cut my foot off.

I said, "Hell, no,

"y'all ain't finna cut my foot

off for a headache!"

Joe, shut up.

Just shut the hell up.

I wonder what they doing

to him back there.

Well, they probably trying to

take that ball out of his mouth.

- What?

- Well, they're gonna need

to get some lube

on it or something,

'cause it was

down there pretty deep.

Mabel, how a woman get a ball

that deep down a man's throat?

Joe, say one thing, Joe,

and I'mma slap your ass pissy!

Somebody slappin' you pissy,

that don't sound good at all.

And on you,

it ain't gonna be good,

'cause you know piss sting

when you have it

on too long. It stings.

Here, pissy, pissy, pissy.

Bam, "Little Pissy,"

that what we call her.

That was her stage name

back in the day.

"Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome

"to the stage, Little Pissy."

Hey, nigga, how long we gotta

be up in this hospital?

We can't leave until

we find out he's okay, okay?

I'm sure Vianne and the family

are on their way down here.

What the hell we waiting

to see if he okay for?

I don't give a damn.

I don't give a damn

if he okay. I don't like him.

You know, a heart attack

sure can put a damper

on an anniversary party.

You think?

Yeah, sure can,

'specially if you dead.

That's right.

Death can do that to you.

Death will take you

out of here.

That's right.

Death make you dead.

You think that's something,

honey?

I sure in hell hope

she don't find out

how he died and what he was

doing, I sure do.

Well, she ain't

gotta do anythin',

we can go

and tell her that now.

Hattie, you ain't

finna say nothing.

Well, why not?

That ain't none of your

business, what that man

was doing in that hotel

with that girl!

- Well, ain't that your family?

- Yes.

Then that make it

our business, then.

My family, not yours.

Mabel, who you think

you talkin' to?

What is you talkin' about

over there, Auntie M.?

You know you can't wait

to tell her what happened

and what you saw in that hotel.

Nobody's saying anything,

Miss Bam. Nobody.

I ain't finna tell her nothing!

Let me tell you something.

Folk get mad at you when you tell

'em something about their husband.

I'm not gonna

tell Vianne nothin'.

I'mma sit here

with my mouth shut.

Good, 'cause let me

tell you something...

Hold on... Hold on

a minute. Hold on a minute.

Where was you hoes

back in the day

when I needed somebody

to hold my secrets

when I was running all them

hoes and had all that weed

and dope and everything,

and the heroin?

What happened to the bro code?

Why you keep saying that?

We are not men, Joe.

You know,

in the animal kingdom,

some species,

they have both sexes.

Keep it up, I'm gonna

raise this dress up

and show you how much

of a dude I am.

You know what? I just can't

wait for you to be maggot food.

I just want maggots

all over you,

just eating you alive.

- Dang, Ma!

- What?

That's what I want him to be,

some damn maggot food.

There she is. Come on, Vianne.

Hey, Vianne.

How you doing, baby?

Any word?

Not nothing yet.

- Hey, A.J.

- Hey.

- How you doing?

- Fine.

Baby, you got on

too much damn cologne.

That's funky.

And it's too sweet, Mabel.

I can smell it all the way over here.

Yes, it's too strong.

Don't wear that no more.

I don't have on cologne.

The hell you preach?

Go with her, player.

She might be trying to save your life.

Will you stop it?

It's a sad occasion.

It's sad for you. I don't like your

daddy, so it ain't sad for me.

I'm just trying to help you out.

Whatever. What is going on,

and where's the doctor?

- Calm down.

- No, that's my daddy.

I know that.

And he's been like

a father to me.

He been like a father

to a lot of women.

Will y'all get the

doctor, please?

Come on, A.J.

The nurse said

she'll be right back.

Oh, okay.

She look good

in that green dress.

Oh, yeah. You all right,

Vianne, baby?

Yes, I just wanna

know what happened.

Well, see, what

here happened was,

he got this here ball

stuck in his throat...

Hey! Hey! Hallelujah!

Hattie,

you better shut your damn mouth.

And it was lodged

back there, in the...

- Hush.

- Damn, Ma!

I'm sorry.

You ain't had to hit me like that.

Keep your damn hands to yourself!

Hattie. Shh.

Don't be shushing me!

Will y'all stop it, please?

You are worse than fourth graders!

This is a serious situation.

Stop it.

I don't know who the hell

you think you're talkin' to.

I ain't no damn...

Your mama a fourth grader!

Will somebody tell me

what's going on?

From what we understand,

he had a heart attack.

That's all we know.

Yeah, I know that. A.J.

said that back at the house.

- Yeah.

- But is he all right?

I was with him, he was fine.

I just left him.

Yeah, baby, that's 'cause

you left him in a restful state.

Sometimes, when people

have a heart attack,

they doin' somethin' strenuous.

Daddy.

- What was he doing?

- He was fu...

Hey!

You lucky you didn't

swallow them bastards,

have them go in and

chewing up your esophagus

going down to your stomach.

I paid a lot of

money for these damn teeth.

Keep it up, I'mma give you

a asstric bypass.

I wanna tell you this.

Brian really did

try to help him

when he gave him

mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Thank you.

I'm tellin' ya,

I saw my nephew

kissing on that man,

on his lips,

I said, "Lord, have mercy,

blow him air in his lungs."

He went in farther

than any man

should ever go with another man.

Unless you're into

that kinda thing.

Where was he?

At the ho...

Shut up!

Damn it, Ma!

I'm gonna fuck you up!

Shut up!

Well, where was he?

He was...

Well, he was

at a...

You got one more time to hit me.

I promise, you got one more time

to hit me. I'm gonna pull...

Joe. Hattie.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are we all still acting

like we wasn't at the hotel?

Ma?

- Wait. What hotel?

- A-ha!

Now you askin'

the right question.

Bam. Bam, hush.

Oh, there's the doctor.

Listen. Hey, doc.

Can you please come back

in a little while?

They're asking us questions

and we wanna answer them

before you start talking.

Keep going now.

Next question, please.

No. I wanna know what's going

on with my father-in-law.

What is going on?

You were so close.

Ooh, shut your mouth!

Sitting over there looking

like Raj and Dee's mama.

- Are you the Thompson family?

- Yes.

- Is he all right?

- And you are?

His wife.

I'm sorry,

he didn't make it.

- What?

- I'm sorry.

- No.

- I'm sorry.

No. No.

Did she just walk off like that?

What kind of hospital is this?

Y'all have insurance or

somethin', the way she just left?

- Bam.

- Mabel.

Why the hell

are you crying?

I just cry when I see

everybody else crying.

Oh, Lord! He dead.

- Joe.

- Yeah?

You sad, too?

Yeah, I'm real sad.

He owed me

some money.

Will you

shut the hell up?

Can't you see this

is a sad occasion?

Look at these people crying.

And you sitting there

saying something stupid

like that ignorant ass.

Look here, Nate Dogg.

If I'm not in his will,

I'm telling you right now,

that funeral's finna be messed up.

Can you smoke weed

in a hospital?

I'm gonna hit you next.

You all right,

Uncle Heathrow?

I know y'all were close.

Yes, we were close.

Did y'all get

his personal things?

Nah, not yet.

You get his driver's license?

Why?

Well, I wanna know if

he's a organ donor.

No, I need a kidney.

I'm sure he had good organs

left in that body somewhere,

except for his heart.

Don't really want that.

Will you stop it?

Miss Vianne's getting ready

to come in here.

Hey, maybe you can have

the bottom of his legs.

Or his liver.

Or maybe you can get a lung,

just cover up the...

Hey, Vianne, how are you?

I'm so sorry, baby.

I'm so sorry.

Mom,

are you all right?

I'm okay.

Try not to get that Jheri

curl juice on your hand

that's on my shoulder.

Sorry about your sheets.

And your couch.

And your husband.

Mama, we'll go with you.

No. I just

need some time.

Okay.

Hang on in there.

The Bible said, Two Timothy,

that the wages of the employed

shall be unemployed

when they go to work.

Amen.

You know what they say

about lonely women, don't you?

They give it up.

You okay, baby?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I was just a little...

Yeah.

Oh, you talking

to her.

Don't be whispering up

in this ear,

talking about,

"You okay, baby?"

I'll be gettin' ready to give you some.

I'm so sorry

about your daddy.

Thank you, honey.

You okay, A.J.?

That's a stupid question.

He just call her dumb?

I was just trying to

see if you were okay.

Wasn't trying to...

My daddy died.

What you think?

I'm sorry.

Why the hell you being

so mean to that girl?

I don't know why

you're being so mean to her.

I'm gonna shut my mouth,

'cause I been punchin'

him in his damn face.

Y'all better tell his

ignorant ass something

'cause I don't like that.

A.J., now is not

the time, okay?

Thank you.

Now, y'all know we gotta be

here to help Mama through this.

That's right. Listen,

we'll be here to help do anything we can.

- Thank you, Brian.

- Sure, sure.

Anything y'all need.

We right here any time,

day or night.

We right here. But if you

need something right now,

you gonna have to wait till the

morning 'cause we getting ready to go.

In the morning.

That's right.

Hell, yeah, we ain't

finna be here tonight.

I'm tired. I gotta

go lay it down.

Player have to rest.

- Brian?

- Yeah?

Thanks for trying.

I wish I could've

did more. Sorry.

It's okay.

And, baby,

let me tell you something. He tried.

Brian looked down

at Daddy. He was a hero.

He just went and tried

to help that man

with all that stuff strapped

to him. I mean...

Nothing.

It was just, you know...

He was just... It was...

It was terrible.

He was at a hotel?

- Uh...

- Baby, I'm exhausted.

I'm more tired

than Harriet Tubman

and Rosa Parks,

all put together.

Yeah, I believe

that's about right.

We need to go. Uh...

Come on, guys.

It's getting late.

Wait, why was he

at a hotel?

Um... She wants to know

why he was at the hotel.

Well, these hoes

don't tell. Okay.

Okay, wait, what

the hell is going on?

Nothing, just let them go.

I know you're tired.

Yeah, they exhausted.

Yeah. All of a sudden,

I got real tired.

Where's my purse?

Oh, it's on my lap.

Yeah, we're all tired, uh...

- Where we going?

- Come on. Come on.

Here we come.

- We ain't never been...

- Come on. Come on, Hattie.

- Hurry up!

- Good Lord!

Come on,

let's go. Go on.

If you ain't there

in 30 seconds, I'm leaving.

I'll see y'all later on.

What are they

not telling us?

I'm sorry, y'all.

I gotta go.

I gotta go pick up

my son. I'm sorry.

Oh, thank you. Um...

You should go upstairs

and talk to Mama.

I'm sure she's still up.

She don't have to do that.

Nah, you don't

have to do that.

What?

Nah. Just let her rest.

Come on.

I'll walk you to your car.

You know this neighborhood's

rough, right?

No, it's not.

Nah, I'll walk with her.

Let me tell your

hoe-witch ass something.

Don't you talk

to me like that.

Don't bring your damn ass

to this house no more.

You hear me?

Get your damn hands

off of me!

Look, I will

tell my mother.

And I will

tell your brother!

About you and his wife.

What, you think

I didn't see that?

You don't know me.

You better get in that house

and get with that girl

so you can keep her

daddy's money coming in

and leave me

the hell alone.

I am not the one.

Yeah, okay. I know

you heard me, though.

And I know your ass

better heard me, too.

Now move.

Yo. What's that about?

Nothing, man.

Come on.

Hey, um...

I'm glad

you're here, man.

Come on, man.

We just...

We just lost our daddy, man.

I don't know. You were more

of a father to me than he was.

Man, he was

a great dad, man.

But he was always gone.

Always. Ever since

I was born.

But you,

you were there.

I'm glad you're here now.

Come on, man,

let's just go in the house.

There's one more thing, actually,

I wanted to ask you, um...

I was going to ask you

after the party,

but I want you

to be my best man.

Best man?

Yeah. I asked Gia to marry

me, and she said yeah.

You like her, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Good.

I know Carol don't.

Man, she don't

like nobody.

So, um...

What you think?

Can you do that for me?

Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, sure.

All right.

- Love you, man.

- I love you, too, man.

I can't believe he's gone.

Yeah, I know.

I'm sorry, baby. It's okay.

And it's just Mama now.

I don't know what she's

gonna do without him.

She loved him so much.

Yeah. I...

And all those years.

I'm sure she's devastated.

Yeah, I'm sure she is.

You know,

your brother seems strange.

Yeah, well,

Jessie and my dad never got close.

But, um, Anthony and A.J.,

they are the same.

Just alike.

Why'd you have to go

out to talk to her?

I just did.

But why?

Carol!

I just asked you

a question.

Well, my daddy

just died, okay?

Can you just

give me a break?

Just back off,

all right? Back off!

You know, I'm really getting tired

of you talking to me like this.

Well, good, because I'm getting

tired of talking to you.

Okay.

I see how

it's gonna be.

Look...

Can you just give me

a moment to breathe?

I'm sorry.

Yeah, fine.

Where you going?

To take that moment.

- Everything all right, bro?

- Yeah.

Sure? You wanna

talk about it?

Nah, man. I'm just gonna go

outside and get some air.

All right, let me throw a shirt on.

I'll come with you.

No, no need.

You just stay with her.

All right.

Man, baby.

What's up?

My brother ain't

taking this too well.

Yeah, I know.

What about you?

How you feeling?

I'm fine. Just sad.

Yeah, I know.

I know, baby.

You don't seem too upset.

I mean, I'm sad.

It's just...

I'm good.

I just can't believe

I lost my daddy.

Yeah. I'm here.

I know, baby.

I know.

I'm so glad

I got you.

I'm so glad

I got you, too.

I'm right here for you.

Hi.

You're up early.

Yeah. Couldn't sleep.

Yeah, I didn't do

much better myself.

Hi.

I started breakfast.

- I knew your mama wouldn't be up to it.

- I know. Thank you.

Smells good in here.

What the hell

you doing in here?

A.J.!

No, you need to get

your ass out of here.

What is

wrong with you?

You don't know

who she is, do you?

She's Mama and Daddy's friend.

She ain't no damn friend.

No? Well, then

tell me who I am, A.J.

Tell me!

- You better get...

- Okay, what the hell is going on?

A.J.! A.J.! Baby.

No. Don't follow me, Carol.

I don't think you ought

to follow him.

I'm sorry.

I guess I could say

good morning to you.

- Hi, good morning.

- How y'all doing?

- Good.

Hell, y'all got a hell of a morning

going on up in here, don't you?

- What was all that about?

- Mmm-hmm.

Nothing.

Yes, it was gotta be

something, honey.

- Right.

- What did he do?

What did you do?

Bam, hush, hush, hush.

- How're y'all doing?

- We're good, baby.

We came over here

to be with y'all

'cause I know that

y'all just going through,

'cause your daddy is dead.

Yeah. I know.

And I know it's hard for you,

'cause y'all don't

even know what to do,

'cause he's so dead,

but I hope

y'all all right 'cause

grief is something.

Somebody just

here one day,

and then just drop

damn dead the next.

Don't even know, people die

that ain't never died before.

- I know.

- And it's just horrible.

Yeah.

Heart ain't beating, no blood

running warm in his vein,

no nothing.

But we here to encourage

you, and lift you up

and pray with y'all

and let the Lord be...

Have his way.

That's the one.

Have his way with the dead man.

Yeah. And I appreciate that.

And I'm just here for y'all.

I want y'all to know that

I came to courage you.

That's what I'm here for.

To courage you.

- You understand?

- Yes.

- I'm bringing you courage.

- We appreciate that.

- All the way from my house.

- Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

- Sorry he dead, though.

- Uh, um, um...

- Listen, Madea.

- Hmm?

My mother asked

about you this morning.

- Do she?

- Mmm-hmm.

I ain't got no money to

help bury nobody. I'm sorry.

No. She just wants

to talk to you.

Okay, 'cause your dad is dead.

Where she at now?

She's up in her room.

In the upper room?

She upstairs

in the upper room?

Lord, she dead, too?

- Oh, Jesus!

- Hattie, Hattie!

I don't even know

why I be bothered

with you, Hattie.

Listen to me.

The woman is upstairs.

She's not in the upper room.

Okay? She upstairs.

- Oh.

- Lord, have mercy.

I thought she said upstairs

- in the upper room.

- No. No.

- Come on, Bam, let's go.

- Okay.

I'm going, too.

I said, "Come on, Bam."

I thought you said, "Come

on, ma'am." I'm coming.

I thought you wanted to be

down here with Heathrow?

Right. You like him so much,

you could be

down here with Heathrow.

- Come on.

- No!

- Fine! Come on. Fine! Come on.

- I changed my mind!

Mabel, stairs

is difficult for me.

That's 'cause your ass is

getting difficult to go up 'em.

Shh!

Hush! Hush!

She's sad, she's sad.

Hey.

- Hey.

Hey. How're you?

I'm not good.

That's because

he's dead, huh?

- Bam!

- What, Mabel? He is dead.

Hush your mouth.

Shut the hell up.

I'm just trying to help her.

Minister to her.

That ain't no ministry, hush.

You ain't got no power.

You ain't anointed.

- You're insensitive.

- Yes, it's insensitive.

- Will you shut the hell up?

- Mabel, I'm just trying to help her.

She knows she's sad already.

How're you doing, baby?

I'm okay.

Well, you looks bad.

I mean, you don't

look good at all!

Hattie.

- You look awful!

- Hattie. Hattie!

Don't be saying

that to the woman.

- She can hear you.

- I don't know

why the hell I asked y'all

to come up here with me.

You should've

stayed downstairs.

- Where's she going?

- What, what?

Madea.

Yeah, honey.

Here's a suit that

he liked to wear.

I don't wear no man's suit.

What do I look like to you?

You trying to give me

his old clothes?

I want you to take it

to the funeral home.

- Oh.

- Do you mind?

Oh. Uh...

Okay, I guess I can take

it to the funeral home.

And I want you

to view the body.

Wait.

You want me

to view the body?

Yes, and I don't

want the kids doing it.

Okay, well, I guess I could

take it on down there

and view the body.

Just make sure

he looks normal.

You remember what he looked like

last time you saw him, don't you?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we all remember

what he look like last...

Right, he had that...

We all do, honey,

he had a ball lodged...

Bam! Damn, Bam.

Damn, Bam, Sam.

- Mabel.

- Hush.

I'm trying to help her.

Thank you, Madea.

The kids are gonna be

devastated.

So we're having

the funeral right away.

Yeah, they're gonna be tore up.

Them kids gonna be...

- Wait, what you mean, "right away"?

- In two days.

- Two days for the...

- Two days?

- You gonna bury the man in two days?

- Why not?

Honey, listen to me.

Black people do not bury nobody

in two days. That's illegal.

It take us at least 12, 15,

35, 40 days for us to bury.

We gotta wait for everybody to come

from all over the country to get there.

- That's right.

- Get out of jail,

get permission from the parole board.

Hell, what you talking about?

That's how we're doing it.

I mean, she's shoveling him

up under the dirt quick.

Uh, baby, do you wonder

what happened?

- Hattie.

- What, Ma?

I's just wondering if she's

wondering what happened.

Get the hell out of here.

Just get on up out of here

with your foolishness.

- Yes, get on out!

- Get out of here!

- Get out! Out! Out!

- But...

Get on out of here.

That girl wasn't wondering nothing.

You hush.

Wait. What you telling me to hush for?

I'm trying to tell you something.

We not wondering what

was wrong with him.

I'm talking to you,

too, Bam.

- Because he had a ball...

- Out! Out!

- Out!

- Get on up out of here!

Bam! Out!

You know what?

Get your ass up

out of here, too.

- Get out!

- What'd I do?

Get the hell out of here.

Both of y'all, just go.

Wait a minute, Mabel,

you think I'm finna go back

down them steps...

- Bam, come on, out! Out, out!

- Come on!

Mabel, don't touch me

with that dead man's suit!

Out, out!

No, you come on,

you don't make that...

Thank you, Madea.

- Yeah, baby, I'm...

- I really appreciate you.

I'm so sorry that

they're just so...

Just ignorant.

Ignorant-ass people.

They don't have class

like me or you.

You wanna come downstairs

and eat something?

You don't need to be sitting

up here by yourself.

No, I think I need

a while to myself.

Really? Oh, that's right,

you wanna grieve.

You wanna be up here

and crying and sad.

Yeah, that's usually how people

do it. They just wanna die.

They just wanna die

after somebody that they

loved done went on to glory.

- And hopefully, he went to glory.

- Hmm.

Anyway, um,

I know it's hard

being married all them

years, now he gone.

You know, usually,

when the man dies,

the woman die,

after all them years,

the man or woman

die right behind.

They don't stay

separated too long.

You might not

have too long

'cause y'all were

together so many years.

But it's all right,

I'm glad I could make you feel better.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Amen. This is ministry. Praise him. Hallelujah.

I know this is a sad

occasion, but I'm here

and I want you to

understand something.

No matter what

is going on in your life,

you can always count on

the Lord or somebody.

The Bible say,

"Weeping..."

No. Sweeping. "Sweeping in

the middle of the night

"will bring the dust in

the morning." I don't know,

something like that, babe. I'm trying

to comfort you, you know. Something.

- I got you. Thank you.

- Yeah.

Yes, I want you to be...

"Yea,

though she walked in the valley

"with the shadow

of Little Red Riding Hood

"and the three bears,

"she feared no evil,

"'cause the three little pigs

was not around."

- Amen.

- You gonna be all right. Okay?

- Yes.

Now you just

go on and cry.

Don't you let nobody

tell you not to cry.

You cry, you scream,

you wail, you fall out.

You just do what all black

people do when somebody die.

- You just get ugly cry.

- I'll see.

- Okay.

- I'll see if I can.

You gonna

see him again?

No, I'll see if I can cry.

- You'll see if you can. Okay.

- Yes.

Yeah, but if you

gonna see him again,

I hope you

don't see him with

- the last time we saw him.

- No, I know.

- Mmm-mmm.

I'm sorry.

Every time I think about him

dying, I just...

What are you doing here?

So you just

gonna ignore me?

You need to go.

I wanted you all night.

Stop. Your wife is here.

I don't care about her.

You know what?

I'm not...

- A.J., I can't do this.

- Tell me no.

I cannot do this!

Go! Okay? Go, now!

Get out!

Hey!

Is Jessie in there?

No, no.

Then what you

doing in there?

I was talking to Gia.

- Why?

- What do you want?

Mama wants to have the funeral

the day after tomorrow.

What?

Yeah, so I was just going

around telling everyone.

Why is she rushing

to bury him?

- Is that rushing?

- Yeah.

Look, A.J., I don't know. Okay?

Come here.

Why you talking

to Renee like that?

Don't worry about it.

Hmm.

Well, she asked me to do

what I can to help y'all,

so I'mma do what I can.

That ain't no good idea.

That funeral's finna be

messed up!

I knows about funerals.

I done buried a lot of men.

A lot of them.

Now, I don't know nothing

about no boujee funerals.

All I know is about

black folk funeral,

the way they used to do Negro

spirituals back in the day.

Everybody'd sing a hymn,

and then they departed.

I hope y'all can appreciate

what I'mma try to do.

And if you need anything,

just let us know.

Money. She gonna

need some money.

She always

need some money.

'Cause none of this

is free.

Now, I'll need a coordinating

fee for the funeral

and the coordinator usually gets

75% of what the casket costs.

- We'll work it out.

- Okay, great. Thank you.

Could you let us know why

she's burying him so fast?

Um...

I believe I know why she's

trying to bury him so quick.

She can't stand his ass.

Child, I don't know.

I've been wondering the same damn thing.

Black people don't

bury nobody this quick.

If a woman

don't like the man,

she can't wait to get

him in the ground.

Either that, his insurance.

But I guess you gotta ask her,

'cause I don't know.

Okay, I will.

- Yo, can I smoke weed up in here?

- No. No way. Mmm-mmm.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, boujee.

Can't smoke

no weed up in this...

Joe!

Baby, can I talk

to you for a second?

Hey, you wanna talk to me,

I'll go talk to you.

I think

it's a private situation

because she

whispered it to you.

Did you ever

think about that?

Bam, will you

hush your mouth?

- That's them people talking.

- She said,

"Can I talk to you

for a second?"

He said, "Well, what do you wanna

"talk to me about?" She said...

Bam, hush!

- She just froze.

- Hush!

Bam, that's why

I don't mess with you.

You just don't know how

to keep your mouth closed

at the right time.

If it's private, why would you

say it in front of the public

- in front of everybody?

- He the one won't go.

Yeah, that kid won't get up.

Get on up!

Baby, please.

"Baby, baby,

baby, please."

Mmm-hmm.

She gotta say "please."

Boy, go on up there

and see what that girl...

Get on in there.

I tell you what.

She wouldn't have to beg me.

Hell, with an ass like that,

I'd be running after her.

- He got on too much perfume.

- Way too much of it.

- Much too much perfume to have on.

- Perfume.

Joe!

That girl fine, too, there.

That's nice, too.

I don't know.

Bam.

Mabel.

- Mmm-hmm!

- Hey.

She...

Heathrow. I believe the old

hoes has figured it out.

- Yeah.

- Ain't that the same?

That's the same

damn perfume, Mabel.

You know exactly

what that mean.

Wait, ain't it...

That means shut your mouth!

That's what that mean.

Mabel. Ain't he married

to the one that went up...

Hush! And engaged

to the brother...

You know what?

I'm not finna deal with this.

I'm not finna deal with

this at all. Oh, hell, no!

It took y'all long enough.

Hell, that's just...

See, I'm a player

from back in the day.

I figured it out.

I know what's happening

right when it's happening.

Heathrow.

What the hell

y'all talking about?

You smell that, too?

I'm surprised

you can smell anything

with your damn throat with

the hole at the bottom of it.

I still got a nose.

I told you years ago,

stop all that damn smoking.

But you wanna smoke

52 packs a day.

Now look at you. You got a hole

in the bottom of your throat.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

I just wanna know why

his hoe smell like his bro.

Heathrow,

don't you say

nothing to them!

Right. Right.

This one smelling

like that one.

That one smelling

like this one.

But in a minute,

all these hoes here

gonna be smelling like Joe.

Now, listen.

Vianne asked me

to come over here

and help with this funeral

and that's just

what I'm gonna do.

Y'all need to stop

all this foolishness.

Stop it right now,

and I mean it!

I done been known

to take young hoes before.

I can help you with that.

Now, come on. I done

put the suit in the car.

We're gonna bring it on

over to the funeral.

Gonna get

all this straightened.

Why the hell they

sending y'all somewhere?

To help with the funeral.

Who else gonna do it?

Hell, a professional.

What the hell is sending you...

No, two girls and a dude.

Joe, have you

not been sitting here

listening to what the hell

we just said? They said...

Come on here, come on.

Don't y'all say nothing,

you hear me? Nothing!

- Now, listen up.

- This about to be a mess.

- A damn mess.

- You the mess!

- Come on. Come on, Bam.

- Go ahead on, Mabel.

Shotgun!

Are you okay?

Yeah, what's up?

You tell me.

What're you talking about?

Something's been off

with us lately.

Could you just tell me

what's wrong?

There's nothing wrong.

You act like you can't

stand me sometimes.

That's not it.

Uh, I'm just...

What? So what is it?

Look, my daddy just died.

You can't seem

to understand that.

I'm sorry.

Hey, A.J., I need

to talk to you.

Not right now.

Hey, babe.

Baby, um...

I don't know

how to say this.

What is it?

I think A.J.

and Gia are...

What?

I don't know,

but he smells like her,

and I saw him coming

out of her room.

- Where was Jessie?

- Not here.

Damn.

Can you talk

to them for me?

Yeah.

I don't want this to turn

into a big mess, okay?

Don't worry about it.

I'll talk to 'em.

Okay. All right.

Thank you.

I'm so glad

I can count on you.

You always can.

Yeah, thank you.

Dang!

You work quick.

Miss Vianne said that

we wanted it done quickly.

Do you do

everything quickly?

Hattie, hush!

I only speak slowly.

I'm actually pretty quick.

Ooh. That's good.

He really kind of

creepy, Mabel.

Yes, he is.

I know they're

creepy, but damn!

We have him in the

suit you brought over.

This is our

least expensive casket.

Wait, you finna open that?

Give us some warning

- before you just open it up.

- Right.

We sent all the information

over to Vianne.

- Are you ready?

- Um...

Yes. If you gonna open it,

go on. Open it.

Slow!

He smiling.

- Huh.

- What do you think?

He actually

look pretty good.

He was a fine man.

He don't look bad.

Yeah, worked out

all the time,

- ain't eatin' nothing but salads.

- Maybe that's right.

And green drinks

and stuff like that.

He done got dead now, Mabel.

Didn't eat no pork.

And look at him,

we done outlived him.

Laying there dead,

and we still alive, still kicking.

That pork got us

kicking, though!

Bacon ain't

never hurt nobody!

Better get you a slab!

Too late now, though.

Baby,

why he smiling?

Y'all put the smile

on his face?

He seemed like

he was a happy man

in his final moments.

It stuck.

- Oh, okay.

- What?

Are you satisfied?

Yes, we're very satisfied.

He looks fine.

But he ain't.

No, he's not satisfied.

- Mother...

- Hmm.

We're sorry. Mmm-hmm.

Apparently, he was taking

some sort of stimulant.

We're having some trouble

keeping the thing... It...

Down.

What is "it"?

What you talking about?

- The lid on the casket or...

- Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

Move.

It's still up.

Mmm.

And it's still working?

It's probably what killed him.

Wait a minute.

This thing won't close?

Mmm-mmm...

It's like a pinball machine!

Okay, just try to tape

it down or something,

'cause we don't want

this thing opening like a...

Popping...

Popping up like that

in the funeral. Okay?

What can you do?

We could remove it,

if you like.

- You mean...

- Hmm.

Oh, no. We ain't

finna let you do that.

No, we ain't gonna

Lorena Bobbitt him none.

That don't seem right.

Going into heaven

without your stuff.

Hey.

You good, man?

I will, once I get home.

Yeah.

I know this is hard for you.

No, what's hard

for me is Carol.

I wanted to talk

to you about that.

What? She sent you

down here to talk to me?

No. Sylvia did.

What?

She wanted me

to talk to you about Gia.

What about Gia?

Anything going on there?

Come on, what?

She saw you

in her room, and...

Oh, man, go on with that.

You sure?

Yeah, don't ask me that.

Okay.

Then you might wanna

start showering more,

because you smell like her.

She hugged me.

Y'all serious?

- That's my brother's girlfriend.

- Fiancee.

Yeah, that, too.

Look...

Y'all just go in there,

do y'all thing, man.

Sylvia's just tripping.

Now, if you don't mind...

I have to figure out how to help my

mama with this funeral, all right?

Okay.

Hey.

You okay?

He acts like he hates me.

I'm sorry.

I just wanna

know the truth.

Look...

Our dad did

just die suddenly.

This has been going on

for months before he died.

I don't get it.

Just keep it

together. Okay?

You'll be fine.

♪ Down by the riverside

- ♪ Down by the riverside

- ♪ By the riverside

- ♪ Down by the riverside

Shh!

I think you might

wanna be quiet.

Turn your battery off, son.

Turn your battery off.

♪ Study war no more

All right, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

♪ Study

Thank you.

I wish that dude

would sit down.

♪ Study

They're working

on my nerves.

Do you see how long

this program is?

♪ Study

We finna be up in here

all night, Heathrow.

- How I get them to stop?

- Cut them off.

- ♪ War

- ♪ No war!

How many times

they gonna say "war"?

Because I'm having flashbacks

of being in the war.

War! War!

That's it, hey. Hey, hey.

Hey, thank you.

Sit down. Thank you.

Phew!

Uh, they asked me to be

the minister of service.

She ain't been

to church in years.

First, give an honor

to Popeyes

and, um, all the chicken

that I like.

Amen.

I wanna say,

thank y'all so much

for having me here

as your mistress of service

as we come for this

conspicious occasion.

Who gonna read the obituary?

Daddy. Shh.

I want you to know

this is our program.

It's really thick.

Really thick.

How long is this

service gonna be?

So we want everybody

to be limited

who come up here

to two minutes.

Two minutes, please.

Don't sing long as...

heaven like they just did.

Please.

First, I would

like to start off

with this for Anthony and for the family.

No, I'm just playing.

That ain't in the program

for this funeral. Okay.

Madea,

I wanna say something.

Heathrow.

They can't hear me.

I guess it's not loud enough.

That thing don't go up.

It's all one volume.

I'm so disappointed.

Why, baby, why?

Okay.

'Cause his legs ain't fine

and sexy like they used to be.

First, we gonna have...

Hush, Hattie.

...reading from our pastor.

Then we gonna have the

reading of the new testimony,

then we have the reading

of the old testimony.

Hey. Check her out.

Before the night is over,

I'm getting that.

Then we have

a reading from Psalms.

I wish I still had my legs,

I would help you.

Then we gonna have

a word from the father...

- Hey, how're you doing, babe?

- ...of the dead.

Fine, how're you doing?

She can play hard to

get if she want to.

Then we gonna have

words from his sister.

Yup.

I know it's hard for you

because your husband is dead.

I mean, dead.

He ain't coming back no more.

He ain't gonna

study war no more.

Then we gonna have word from his

Aunt Shirleen. I saw her here.

Hey, baby, I ain't seen you since

around the way. How you doing?

I'm barely holding up.

It's hard for me.

It's hard having

a loss in the family.

You gonna be all

right, Shirleen.

Good to see you

over there.

Then we gonna have

a song, a A, and a B,

and a C, and a D,

and an F, and a G,

and a H,

and a J, K, L, M, N, O, P

from the choir.

Phew. That's just

the first page.

I've looked through

all 85 pages of this program

and your name ain't on

it, Heathrow.

Better my name

be on the program

than my name

be on the cover.

Then I'm going

to read a poem

that was written

by Maya Angelou.

It's called The Rock,

The Tree, and The River.

She knows she's finna

burn up in hell up there.

We would

like to acknowledge

all of y'all for being here

'cause y'all so special.

But we just want the family

on this side, okay?

So if you just a friend of his

or you just know him,

I want you to please

come to this side of the room.

Please.

Look at them. Look at them.

Look at them.

Oh! Excuse me.

I got you.

- Stop! Move.

- Sorry. All right, all right.

All right, all right.

Look at that tattoo.

What that say?

You see that tattoo?

Joanne! What is you

doing up in here?

You trying

to scam somebody?

No, child.

Please, this is not

a Caucasian funeral.

Would you mind leaving?

Please. Step. 'Tep.

Watch your purses and your

wallet. Joanne's a scammer.

You know

you want me.

She all up on me.

Ain't nobody on

this side but dudes.

Anthony was the man.

Sorry, Vianne,

I'm trying to whisper.

Okay, first, we're gonna have

words from the son-in-law.

Well, it's a sad occasion.

We've lost a patriarch here, and, uh...

♪ God has been good to me

♪ He's been so good to me

to me, to me

♪ He dried all

♪ All of my tears away

♪ So instead of complaining I

just lift my hands and I say

- ♪ Thank you, Lord!

- Thank you, Lord!

- ♪ Thank you, Lord!

- Thank you, Lord!

- ♪ Thank you, Lord!

- Thank you, Lord!

♪ Thank you, Lord!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Two minutes. Sit down.

The Lord heard you.

Two minutes. Thank you, Lord.

Two minutes.

♪ Thank you, Lord

- Thank you!

Brother Anthony,

he was a good man.

He was a strong man.

He owed me $5.

You ain't never gonna

get that, I'm telling you.

'Cause they got

all the money.

I'm looking at where

all the money done went.

If you knew Anthony,

raise your hand.

Okay. If you knew

Anthony personally,

raise your hand.

- If you knew Anthony...

- Mom, who are these people?

...like they say in the

Bible, biblically, raise your hand.

Oh, hell, no.

Well, hopefully, when I

see him on the other side...

- Yeah!

- ...he still got a little change left for me.

- Amen. Amen.

- Amen.

Amen. Is it time to go?

How long we gotta be

up in here, Bam?

Joe, hush.

Lord!

We need you to come

down at this time

and grasp the family,

if you will.

They are

in trouble right now.

Put your hands around them

and hold them tight.

Because they've been

through so many changes.

♪ I'll fly away

♪ To a home

on God's celestial shore

Mama ain't

cried one tear.

Maybe she's in shock.

Y'all know Mama's strong.

We just gotta watch her

and make sure she's okay.

Yeah, she is.

I just wanna say

to the bereaved,

it's gonna be all right.

You'll see him

on the other side.

On which side,

I don't know which side,

but you know I seen him on

the other side the other week,

I won't kid you not.

Because he come up

dead this week.

But last week, I seen him

on the other side over there.

♪ Oh, Lord

I just wanna thank you

♪ I wanna thank you

♪ For being so good to me

♪ Thank you!

♪ So good to me

yeah! ♪

Okay, thank you.

Two minutes.

- Damn, Ma!

- Two minutes. Thank you.

You can't cut

people short like that.

Two minutes. Two minutes.

Thank you. Two minutes.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

I'll be back.

Come on, Bam.

First, giving honor

and glory to God,

who's the head of my life.

Yeah. Amen.

I just wanna

say God is good.

Yeah.

Ouch. That hurt like hell.

Ain't nobody trying to

help me go to the bathroom.

Family,

do all you can do.

Yeah.

After you done done

all you can do,

that's all you can do.

Can a player get

some help to the toilet?

Because you done

done all you could do.

Can a player

get some help holding it?

And then after

you've done that,

you can't do no more.

'Cause you done done it.

You did all you could do.

That was deep.

Thank you, Bam.

Come on, sit down.

I feel a song though,

Mabel, in my spirit.

Come on down.

- ♪ And when He looks at me

- Come on down.

- ♪ He sees...

- Yeah, two minutes,

- two minutes.

- ♪ He sees His Holy Spirit...

Come on, Shirleen.

Come on up here.

Come on,

let the Lord use you.

- Get up, Joe.

- Daddy.

This service

taking too long!

You can't

take him nowhere.

Amen, church.

- Amen.

I send my

condolences to the family.

Losing your son

ain't ever easy.

I'mma sing a song I wrote.

You don't mind, do you?

Yeah, go on,

sing the song.

♪ I know

you sitting next to Jesus

♪ You got your robe

♪ Don't worry about

what they say

♪ You got your robe

♪ You had 10,000 women

How long is this woman

gonna sing this song?

I don't know, but she need

to sit down and shut up!

♪ And it's all right

♪ You got your robe

God said, "Shirleen,

write this song

"and give it to the family."

Because people done

spit on the man's name!

They done shamed him.

And these women

who came in here

in front of this

man's poor wife.

He got his robe,

it don't matter what the haters say.

He got his robe.

He got his robe!

The man is dead.

He ain't coming back.

Why they making all

this noise up in here?

When was the last time

you were in church?

You remember that time me

and you was under them pews?

- That was the last time?

- Mmm-hmm.

And I never went back.

Now we getting

ready to view the body.

The family's gonna go last

and all of y'all people

that didn't know him

or didn't wash your hands,

please be careful.

Don't touch the man.

Don't pull him up

out the casket.

Can you let me sing?

I was in the band

with Rick James.

Can I sing

She's a Super Freak?

Maybe that's

not appropriate.

Okay.

Shirleen, you blessed

my soul just then.

You really did.

We are very happy

that he is, uh, with the Lord.

That's right, with the Lord. Mr. Pallbearers!

Take the flowers

off the casket.

Don't tear up the flowers,

they wasn't cheap.

Before y'all all

rush up here to say

your goodbyes

and your condolences...

Ugh. I wish that dude

would shut up.

We just want y'all

to respect the family

and I want y'all

to respect his wife.

This is a church. I don't mind

busting you in your face.

Lord, ask Jesus

to forgive me.

If they come up here

with that bull...

Okay, funeral over.

Everybody, go. Whoo.

Help me, Jesus! Help me,

Jesus! Help me, Jesus!

Help me, Jesus! Help me,

Jesus! Help me, Jesus!

Mama, why do we all

have to be here?

It's a repass, son.

For your father. Okay?

You sure don't

seem too upset.

Have you been drinking?

Well...

Look, just let her do it

the way she want to, okay?

Come on, Mama.

- It was a nice service.

- Yes, it was. I did good.

It was lovely.

It was really lovely. Uh-huh.

It was quick,

is what it was.

Lickety-split.

We was in, and we was out.

I don't know why

you think that was quick.

That was long as hell.

That service was so long,

I was sitting there

watching my toenails grow.

You must've got them there

on that discount plan, Ma.

You got them the hookup?

I ain't get no damn hookup.

Yeah, that bill was high as hell.

Did he say he sent it you?

Did he send it over there to you?

I got it. It's right over there.

On the lamp.

What?

It cost this much

to bury him?

Good God! That's how much

that funeral cost, $9,000?

We should've

buried his ass in a box

and put him up

under the ground.

People think folk be crying

'cause of the dead.

They crying 'cause their

funeral bill is $9,000!

Do you know how much

ass I could get

for 9,670-something dollars?

Y'all spending it

on a dead man?

Gonna bury that man

for 9,000 damn dollars.

That's a damn shame.

I'll remember that

when you die.

I get a state funeral.

I'm a war hero.

You ain't no war hero.

He said that's

how he lost his legs.

That is exactly

how I lost my legs.

You know how

he lost his damn legs?

He messed around with some gangster's

wife and they got them legs off of you!

Bet you gonna learn next time.

You just gonna tell

all a player's secrets?

Player, you ain't

got no secret.

All them damn medals,

you done got from the Wal-Mart.

Tell the truth, you lost them

legs 'cause you are diabetical.

And everything that they started

adding up in them diabetical

led you to lose your legs.

That went wrong.

You better stop

all that damn smoking.

If you stop that damn smoking,

then you'll be in good shape.

We don't smoke in here.

Boujee ass.

"We don't smoke in the house."

Mama, the funeral

was very nice.

- That funeral was lovely. It was lovely.

- Yeah, Mama. It was.

You doing okay?

I'll be fine,

now that this funeral is over.

The man just died

two days ago

and you already done shoved

him up under the dirt.

My cousin died

three years ago,

they still ain't buried him.

They still

ain't buried Jerome?

- Why?

- Because they don't have the money.

Funeral was

about $485,

so the whole family,

all 75 of us,

chipped in trying to pay it.

And we all give a little money

at a time to bury him,

but one day we gonna get him buried.

But he just laying there...

He worm meat right now,

but black folk, no.

We gotta put the body

on layaway.

When white people die,

know what they do?

They walk up in there,

they put the white people there, they say,

"Thank you for being here.

My white daddy died

"and I want all the white people to

say, 'Amen, God bless.'"

And then all the white people get

up, and they leave. That's it.

Funeral gone. In the ground.

White man dead.

When my Chinese friend

died from Korea,

they put him in a box

and put some rice in it

and sent him down

the Vietnam River.

That was when I was

in the war in Iraq.

That's right. I seen

a Chinese man

from Korea,

they buried him.

Quick. It was over.

Jewish men, you know

what they do?

At sundown, everybody got

to be in the ground.

Please don't forget the wake.

I don't know why

they call it a wake.

He dead. Ain't no need

to wake his ass up.

That's why that bill was

$9,000, 'cause you had a wake.

Should've had no wake,

but then had the funeral,

dropped his ass in the

dirt, put the dirt on,

everything over,

God bless, benediction,

"May the Lord watch between

me and thee," everybody goes.

Right. It's a dead.

No, a wake is...

Our ancestors started it.

All of the ancestors...

Bam, you are

our ancestor from Africa.

Please be quiet. Please!

Mabel, I'm just trying to tell

you how Frederick Douglass,

well, Harriet Tubman,

really...

Listen, I know you knew

all them people.

Hush your damn mouth.

My bladder is too weak to be

sitting around at a funeral

looking at a dead man

with a dead bladder.

That's just what the hell

I've been doing

sitting here looking at

a dead man all this time.

Dead man rolling.

Stop it now, y'all.

Have some respect.

He just died.

What the hell

you think we're doing?

We sitting here

showing him some respect.

That's what I'm doing, talking

about him. That's respect.

I'm sorry, did that

hurt your feelings?

The man was dead.

We didn't have

to be there that long.

Y'all ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

That is torture

to a corpse.

Okay, you two, stop it.

Stop it right now.

You don't tell me what...

Joe and Heathrow,

shut your damn mouth.

- Mabel!

- What?

His sound don't come

from his mouth, honey.

Well, I'm getting ready to plug that

hole up so he can shut the hell up.

That's where it comes from.

That hole in his throat.

Spare.

Vianne, you done bought him

two of them damn things?

Why the hell would you

buy him two?

Mmm-mmm.

I didn't do that.

I wish you would

shut your hole up.

- Oh!

- Let me tell you something.

I'm gonna plug that hole... I'm gonna plug...

I'm gonna plug... I'm gonna plug that...

Say one more thing, okay? Shut your

mouth before I take that one tooth

you got left up

in your throat.

You will not sit here

and threaten my tooth.

That's all I have left,

is that one good tooth up top.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna give you a Cheerio,

so you can put that on

the tooth like some braces.

Say one more thing!

Get him some cotton candy.

Yeah, give him

a corn on the cob.

He'll be able to just go down one row.

Stop it now, y'all.

Stop it. That's enough.

You wanna mess him up,

give him a Cap'n Crunch.

I'll give him

a Rice Krispies Treat.

Somebody better get my rifle.

I see a enemy target at six

hundred oh thirty-four hours.

- Stop it!

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Babe, you all right?

I sure know how

it feel to lose somebody.

- Hattie.

- What, Ma? I do.

I'll never forget

I buried my last...

First three husbands.

Hattie.

I was devastation, Ma,

I was just devastation.

You talk about devastation,

try to have sex with her.

- Renee.

- Yeah?

Thank you for coming.

You're always here.

I always will be.

She don't need to be here.

Give me that.

Don't touch me.

You don't need

to be drinking.

You don't need

to be nagging me.

What is wrong with you?

That's what the hell

I want to know, son.

You better take some

of that tone out of your voice

talking to that

woman like that.

I'm not gonna sit here

and let that happen.

Mama, he all right.

Uh-oh.

Come on, baby,

let's go upstairs.

Why you running?

A.J. Go sleep it off.

Yeah. That's what

he liked to do.

Sleep it off and on.

Ain't that right, Renee?

Is there something

you're trying to say, A.J.?

No.

Are you sure?

- No, ma'am.

- What's going on?

'Cause I ain't got time

to be bothered with this

and you

and your foolishness.

- Why is it always me?

- 'Cause it is.

You're just like

your daddy.

I ain't nothing like him.

I'm not gonna

argue with you.

Hey, I know you're not

just gonna sit there.

Aren't you gonna

say something?

What the hell you asking me

to say something for?

I ain't got nothing to say here.

I'm finna watch this.

Too many secrets

need to come all out.

Yeah, I wish

we had some popcorn.

Come on. Vianne,

let's go upstairs.

We ain't gotta deal

with all this drama.

I'm sick of this!

You help her like you helped

my daddy in that hotel room.

Yeah, they was in that hotel.

That's how he died.

She was with him.

Ooh-ooh.

Mama, look, that's the truth.

I'm sorry.

But it is.

Is he telling the truth?

Yeah.

Ah. Fix it, Jesus.

You need to leave.

Yeah, you right. I'll go.

But why don't you ask him why

he was at the hotel, too, huh?

Uh-oh. I believe it

done hit the fan.

- Yeah.

- He ain't even cold yet.

And you need to stop

messing around with Gia.

- There it is.

- What?

Since we putting it

all out there,

you wanna tell

the whole family

that you and A.J.

was at the same hotel as me and Anthony?

What're you talking about?

Oh.

Sweetie, don't lie.

See, 'cause that

just makes it worse.

- What?

- Oh. Oh, yeah, Jessie.

See, they were in the

same hotel room together

in the room right next to us.

That's how they heard us.

Now it's all out there.

You need to get the

hell out of here now.

Just go.

I'll go.

But I told you.

I'm not the one

to be played with.

Gia?

Baby, it's not

what you think.

Okay.

Come on.

We need to talk.

Now!

What the hell you

looking at him for?

- Let's go!

- Hey! Hey!

What? Huh?

What you got

to say to me?

Say something.

With your trifling ass.

- Don't put your hands on her like that.

- Stop it, A.J. Stop it!

Let's go, babe.

Let's go talk, come on!

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

Say something.

With your weak ass.

Mmm-hmm.

Like I thought.

Just like your daddy

and your mama.

- Stop it now.

- Come on. Step.

Stop it right now!

Hey, cut it out, guys.

Brian, shut up, bitch.

Shut up.

You sleeping with him?

I'm sorry.

Stop it, and stop it now.

Hey. Stop it, guys.

You all wanna

fight like animals.

You just gonna let her walk

out of here like that, Mama?

You're so damn weak.

So you think I'm weak?

Mama, he's drunk.

No, that's what he said.

Thinks I'm weak for

staying with his daddy.

Sometimes,

I thought so, too.

The first time

he cheated,

I walked out on him.

Left him.

He begged me

to come back.

I was filled

with a weakness.

Something y'all

don't know about

called love.

So I went back to him.

Even then,

he didn't stop cheating.

He just got better

at hiding it.

The second time

he cheated,

I left him again.

You all were six,

and four.

And you were

on the way.

What was I supposed to do?

I didn't have no life skills.

I went from my mama's house

and moved straight into his.

But I left him.

Wow.

Walked right on out.

Got me an apartment

and a job working

as a secretary

with no degree.

And I had to leave y'all

with my crazy-ass family.

After a while,

I didn't know who I

was leaving y'all with.

I couldn't protect you

and work at the same time,

and he knew it.

He was an arrogant son

of a bitch.

This time, he didn't

beg me to come back.

I had to make some choices.

When he found me

sitting on the doorstep

at his job,

he asked me if I had

learned my lesson.

I swallowed my pride

and said yes.

He said, "I'll pick up

you and the kids."

It was two more weeks

before he came back to get us.

You say I'm weak.

I say I'm strong.

'Cause I spent years

smiling and grinning

when I hated his damn guts!

He never stopped cheating.

He was a whore,

and that's what he did.

But I kept

my damn mouth shut

so he would

take care of you.

So, forgive me

if I didn't do it your

21st-century way

with all your options.

- Mama.

- No, "Mama" nothing.

You're just like him.

You got a good woman

and you won't stop

whoring around on her.

No, Mama.

No.

You hate. You rebel.

You won't do right.

Now, Carol,

you got options.

No kids

and daddy's money.

If I was in your position,

I'd leave this boy

until he found out

what the hell a man is.

And, Jessie,

you wanted your daddy's

attention so much,

you found a woman

just like him.

Mama, I'm sorry.

No. Don't be sorry.

I'm all right.

I promise you.

Now that your

daddy's gone,

I'm gonna live for me.

Y'all are grown.

It's my time now.

Let's go on

in the house.

Hell, you know how people

in these nice neighborhoods,

they don't care.

Don't tell me nothing.

I'm going in here, and I'm gonna sit down.

I ain't got nothing to say.

- That's exactly what you need to do.

- Mabel?

- Huh?

- Leave me alone. Still got that funeral smell.

It sure do. Hey, honey,

how you doing?

- Hi.

- Y'all still here?

I thought you'd be

gone after all of that.

Yeah, we're...

We're leaving today.

You all right? Sit down,

sit down, sit down.

How things go with y'all?

I'm just waiting for A.J.

to get up. I wanna talk to him.

What you mean,

"waiting on him to get up"?

He's asleep after all of this?

What you wanna talk about?

I wanna leave him.

Then that's

what you should do.

She should walk

on out on his ass.

That's it. What you do.

But that's gonna hurt

like hell, and I don't...

Baby,

just 'cause something hurt like hell

don't mean you

ain't supposed to do it.

Sometimes, you gotta

go through the hurt

and the pain,

and the suffering or whatever the hell

to get away from somebody

that ain't treating you right.

Take some time

for yourself.

Get away from the situation

and really think

about it, pray about it,

talk to God,

and see what it is.

Lot of folk run out

on marriages too quick

just 'cause somebody

messed around and cheated.

Now, I'm not saying stay with

somebody that's cheating.

What I'm telling you is this,

sometime people

leave too early.

Take your time,

try to figure out what's going on first.

Well,

what if he does...

- What if he does it again?

- You can't just sit there

and let that happen over

and over again.

Make him respect you.

- I can see if you was ugly...

- Mmm-hmm.

...but you ain't even ugly.

No, she ain't ugly.

She's a pretty girl.

You a pretty girl.

Sometime ugly women have to

sit there and deal with that,

- but not a pretty woman.

- They do.

Not with a ass like yours.

Did you see this ass?

I've never dealt with nothing

because of this ass right here.

- Do you understand?

- Mmm-hmm.

- You gotta make him respect you.

- That's right.

When you got a ass,

you make him respect you.

So this is what you need to do.

If you wanna be with the man, fine.

That's your choice, your call.

Y'all figure it out.

But you got to

set up some rules.

You tell him, "Look,

if you break these rules,

"I'mma break your neck."

If you can't break his neck,

hire somebody.

Look, $25. I got him.

Sounds like

we're playing a game

and I don't wanna

play games with him.

It's not a game.

It's life.

When somebody do something

to you that ain't right,

that hurts your feelings,

that makes you

feel really bad,

what you have to do

is straighten that out.

That ain't no game.

You understand?

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Good morning, there.

- Good morning.

You bashing me, too?

Oh, did he say

he wanna be bashed?

That's exactly what it

sounded like he said to me.

I know you ain't

walking up on me.

You better back up

and sit down somewhere, son,

'cause I will knock your...

"Am I bashing you, too?"

I'm trying to help

your ignorant ass.

Oh, yeah?

I already feel like hell.

You feel like hell?

What the hell you think

you done did to her?

You ought

to feel like dung.

Dumping this woman out when

she done been good to you.

Look, baby,

I am so sorry.

Watch this.

Let me tell you what he gonna say.

"I don't even know

why I was with her."

I don't know why I was

with her. I'm... I'm sorry.

Then he gonna say,

"I'm just tired."

You know?

I'm just tired.

Then he gonna say,

"I apologize, baby."

Baby, you know

I'm sorry.

"It'll never happen again."

And I'll never do it again.

- You the only one for me.

- "You the only one for me."

- Baby, I love you.

- "Baby, I love you."

- Baby, I'd be lost without you.

- "I'd be lost without you."

Boy, let me ask you something.

You know how many women

done heard this before?

Cleopatra heard this.

Harriet Tubman heard it,

Rosa Parks,

everybody heard this.

Mary and Martha,

they all heard

the same lines.

Son, you wanna be

with this woman?

Watch, he'll say, "I do."

- I do.

- Mmm-hmm. I know. Do you love her?

Yes.

Then why're you

cheating on me?

Is there something that I could do?

Do you want me to...

To be a better person?

Is there...

No, honey. No. No.

- Mmm-mmm.

- Did she just say that?

- She did.

- Yeah, she did.

No. When he walk up

out of this house,

he gonna do what he wanna

do, the way he wanna do it.

That ain't got nothing

to do with you.

Marriage is just a contract

between two people.

Y'all supposed

to do everything

in them contract

about them vows.

If you don't do it,

you broke the deal.

So he broke the deal.

So, I don't know why

you would stay with him.

You need to walk the hell

on up out on him.

No. Don't tell her that.

What you mean,

"Don't tell her that"?

Hell, you broke the deal,

didn't you?

Yeah, but that don't necessarily

mean I want her to go.

Let me make sure

I understand this.

So you wanna cheat on her,

you wanna dog her out,

you wanna talk to her

like she ain't nothing,

but you don't want her to go.

Something is wrong

with you, boy.

Do y'all wanna stay together?

Yes.

Do you wanna

try to do better?

Yes, I swear I'll change.

You gonna stop lying?

Yes.

First thing y'all can do

is get some counseling.

You need some

separate counseling

'cause you got anger issues.

And I used to be really angry,

but now I'm so much better.

The only time I punch

a bitch in the face

is if she say something

to me I don't like.

So I'm so much better

than what I was.

Get some counseling,

all right?

Then y'all get some counseling

together to work on this marriage.

Baby.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Until you can learn to

respect me and yourself,

I gotta go.

I can't do this anymore.

Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait.

You gonna leave me?

I'm sorry.

Come on, baby.

I'm sorry.

- Good morning!

- Good morning.

- Hey.

- Good morning.

Well, we'll see y'all.

Has Mama been down?

No, she hasn't.

How you holding up?

Not great.

But I'll be all right.

Yeah. I know.

It's been a mess.

I'm so sorry.

- Hey.

- Good morning.

- Good morning to you.

- Good morning.

So good

to see all of y'all.

Truly, honestly.

But don't call me

unless somebody die, okay?

Damn, boy, come back here.

That's your family.

Jessie!

You ain't got nothing

to say to me, man.

Just hear him out, okay?

I'm sorry, man.

- Yeah.

- Really.

I was tipsy last night,

and I didn't really

mean none of that.

I'm sorry I messed

around with her.

I'm sorry that

I was lying to you.

It's coming from the heart, man.

I'm really sorry.

No, you sorry

you got caught.

Look, it's really

all I can say.

Yeah. You right about that.

That's all you can say.

Look, son.

You can't choose your family.

If I could choose my family,

none of them

would be in my life.

Family is all you got.

Even if you can't stand them.

So y'all try to work this out.

He gonna get some counseling,

he gonna get some help.

Listen, just keep your women

away from him.

Don't ever bring

a woman around him.

Unless she toe-up.

You wanna really get him,

get you a toe-up woman

and bring her around him

and keep your nice, fine,

sexy woman like me hidden.

Hattie, you bring around.

But me, you keep hidden,

you understand?

Tall and sexy.

At least say bye to Mama.

Where's she at anyway?

We're waiting for her

to come down.

Look, um, I'll make us

some breakfast, okay?

Girl, hush! Hell, nobody wanna

eat no food right now. We mad.

Carol. You still here?

Not for long.

Look here. I'm glad

he trying to apologize, baby.

Even if you can't

hear it right now,

at least you can

take that apology,

put it somewhere

in your pocket,

maybe one day

it'll make some sense to you.

But until then,

may not be nothing you can do.

'Cause I'mma

tell you right now.

You're just like your daddy

and if you don't wanna be

like him, you can change.

Just 'cause your daddy did it,

don't mean you got to do it, too. Change.

People be lying to themselves

and lying to God, too.

Start with you,

working on you.

Telling the truth to yourself.

I don't wanna be this guy.

I don't wanna be my father.

Your daddy was something else.

If he was here,

you know what he probably

be saying right now?

What?

- What the hell?

- Wait, what?

- It's your dad.

- What?

How the hell

he calling here?

Oh, you've got

to be kidding me.

Mmm-mmm.

He calling from hell.

- Don't answer that, boy!

- That's God, don't!

Okay.

Wait, what happened?

What'd he say? Did he

say he was in hell?

You know Mama and Daddy

got the same phone.

She at the door.

Oh.

- Why the hell she ain't knock?

- That what I said.

I'll be just a second.

Well, you all still here.

Who that out there?

Thought you were gone.

Since you still here,

y'all gonna get a eyeful.

Oh-oh.

Um, Mama, who is that?

The man that should've

been your daddy.

- Ooh.

- Ooh!

What?

Mama, where you been?

I think you call it hoeing.

Why is he still

sitting out there?

He is taking me

to Vegas for the weekend.

Oh, no, Mama.

You are not about to go to Vegas

with some strange man

you just met.

I know the pot ain't

talking about the kettle.

Mama!

I don't believe

he's no stranger.

I think they ain't just met last night.

I believe that's been

going on for a while.

I just came by

to get my phone.

And this.

And what is that?

It's called a hoe bag.

I know what that is.

- Toothbrush...

- Mmm-hmm.

...and a little bit of floss and

I'm not talking about the kind

you put in your teeth.

It has all the equipment

for an overnight stay.

Started to take it last night,

but I didn't wanna

seem desperate.

Oh. Mama.

Don't make him

think you a hoe

until it's time

for you to be one.

I don't care what

y'all dealing with,

I don't wanna hear

no more of it.

Figure it out for yourselves.

I'll see y'all later.

Ta-ta!

Wait, I got to see

who she's with out here!

Come on, y'all see him.

Mama! Ma, come back!

Let me see what you...

- Ma! You can't... What?

- Look who she with, girl!

Vi, where you going?

Oh, I'm taking you

to Vegas with me tonight.

All right, baby. Thank you.

- Mama!

- Where did you meet him?

He big.

All right,

y'all have a good time!

- Uh-huh, we will.

- Don't even worry about her.

- She's gonna be okay!

- Ta-ta!

All right, now.

- Ooh, Vianne!

- See y'all later on!

Bye, bye!

We'll see y'all later.

Y'all gotta figure it out

for yourself,

like your mama said.

Hold on. Let me tell you something.

There come

a time in your life

where the parents have

to do what they gotta do

and the kids gotta do

what y'all need to do.

Y'all grown.

Figure this out!

- Come on, let's go!

- Um...

You ain't gotta

stay with him there.

- Bye, y'all.

- Come on,

I'll show you

how to get a man.

Mabel, tell me what

that was on that man's face.

You

and Heathrow brothers?

And Madea, yeah.

You didn't know that?

I didn't know he...

That's my brother.

Your ignorant ass didn't know that?

- No!

- Did you read the damn script?

Yeah, I read it.

How you gonna take away

a man's ability to make sound?

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A Madea Family Funeral (2019) - full transcript