A Good Man in Africa (1994) - full transcript

I suppose there are a few
compensations about living here.

Bea is pretty good,
and there's always Hazel.

You go be late.

Oh, come on, Hazel.
Just a quick one.

You must go for work.

Three years in the tropics,
and still no sign of a tan.

I'll just have to wait
until all my freckles join up.

I wonder what London did
with my file.

Lost it, I suppose.

I'll be here forever.

Hi.
Hi, Sir.



Watchum car?
Yes. Watchum good.

See you next time.
Bye.

Fill in the form,
and bring it back by Monday.
Don't forget.

What the hell's going on,
Kojo?

Christmas is coming, Sir.
The birth of our Lord Jesus.

Down, all of it.
Down?
You mean--

Every last ribbon.
Every... strip of tinsel.

But I thought all white men
like Christmas, Sir.
You were misinformed.

I loath and despise Christmas.
I... abominate Christmas!

- Morning!
- Hello, Dickie.

Cutting it a bit fine,
aren't you?
What?

Aren't you meant to be
at the airport?

Everything's under control.
I'm allowing for
African flight schedules.

Ah! Masterful.



Oh, ah, these
need your signature.

Visa applications.

Step on it, Peter,
we're late!
Yes, Sir.

Why are you
bloody stopping?
Sir, the street, I must--

Drive on, man,
for Christ's sake!

You maniac!
Watch where you're going!

You're not in
the bloody bush now!

And move that wreck.
This is
an official car on--

You aren't talking to me,
are you, sonny?

Ah... yes, well, perhaps
I was a little hasty--

You dosey bastard.

You're very lucky
you're not mincemeat.

Sorry.

All right.

Jesus!

That's Alex Murray,
isn't it?
Yes, Sir.
That's him.

A very good man.

- That's me, of course.
- It's not valid.

Not valid? How could
it be bloody invalid?

I'm a diplomat!
He's the British
High Commissioner, you idiot.

He must go back to London
for residence permit.

Go back?
Don't be bloody stupid!
It's out of the question.

I'll have your job.
I happen to be the
British High Commissioner.

Oh, Leafy, thank God.
Talk to this fellow,
will you?

I can't enter the bloody
country. Don't even want
to enter the damn place.

This wouldn't have happened
in the old days.
Damn right.

It appears this problem
of the visa can be overcome...

Ah!
With a payment
of 50 pounds.

What? Impossible!
Absolutely
out of the question.

It might be advisable,
Arthur.

He did mention the possibility
of an anal search.

Oh.

Welcome.

Oh, no! No, no.
I thought, who wants
Paris or Washington?

Africa's where
it's all happening.
So exciting!

There's all the... bush!

The animals!

I thought you'd been applying
for a transfer.
Transfer?

Don't be bloody silly.
Been trying to extend my term.

Enjoying yourself,
darling?

Mind if I steal this one
for a minute?

Leafy.

So, you were at Rodean!
My sister was at Rodean.

You know this chap
Sam Adekunle?

Adekunle.
Head of the K.N.P.
No, not personally.

They found these
bloody huge oil reserves
off the coast. Vast!

And we don't want
the French or the Yanks
or the Germans...

pumping the stuff out.
What do you propose
to do about it?

- Not me. You.
- Sorry, Arthur. What do
I propose to do about it?

Get to know Adekunle socially.
Influence him.

I need hardly tell you
that success here...

will be our passport
out of this place.

I'd like something
harsh, cruel and inexplicable
to happen to Fanshawe.

Something shocking
and arbitrary just to put him
in touch with real life again.

Supercilious twit!

Umbrella!

Friday!

Umbrella!

Jesus Christ!
Bloody--

Merde!

Mon dieu!
Ca va pas, monsieur?

Evening, Friday.
I'm home!
Je suis ici.

When I call
for an umbrella,
mon parapluie,

I expect you--
I always put your umbrella
on backseat of car, Sir.

Every day I tell you.
Oh. Well,
keep telling me.

Anyway, I want
a gin and tonic
tr?s vite--

Chop ready?
I'm starving.

No, Sir. No chop.
Why not?
Pourquoi?

Last night
you never come home.

Today you
never call me.
Oh.

It's just a few minutes, Sir.
I do les oeufs.

The K.N.P. will stamp out
the taking of bribes
and political corruption.

Do some sausages
with those oeufs, will you?

The K.N.P. will bring Kinjanja
pride and prosperity in Africa.

Ah... shit!

Bloody hell!
Stupid, fucking asshole!

Hello, Arthur, Chloe,
Priscilla.

Just showing Priscilla
around the nerve center.

What super
Christmas decorations!
What?

Oh!
Just one of my talents.

Cheers the place up...
bit of the Christmas spirit.
They're so artistically done!

Really? I just supervised
it all actually. The uh--

Good God!
What are you doing, man?

Sir, yesterday
you said to me...

to take down all the
Christmas decorations.
I said what?

Oh, nonsense!
Kojo, just leave them.
Now, come on.

Put that back up.
Come on, Kojo.

Chloe and I were years
in the East.

A beautiful elegant person,
your oriental.

Harmony, you know.
That's the back of it all.

The yin and yang.
Yin and yang, eh, Chloe?

Quite.

Of course such incidents as
the Tiananmen Square massacre...

could be said
to detract somewhat...

from the oriental reputation
for harmony.

In fairness, Mr. Adekunle,
Africa could hardly be said
to be a peaceful continent.

What of Europe,
Mr. Fanshawe?

Two world wars in one century,
and how many minor conflicts?

The Royal House of Windsor.

Not enjoying the show?

I, uh--

I thought I'd sit it out.
It's not
very British of you.

Nor of you!
I'm not British...
anymore.

Anyway,
it makes me homesick.

How are your plans coming
along with Sam Adekunle?

Oh! Um...
not too well actually.

Perhaps your Mr. Fanshawe
is something of a drawback.

That's always been the case.

No, it's getting anywhere near
Adekunle that's the problem.

We won't be getting him
back here again. The
Royal film should see to that.

Well, maybe
I could arrange something.
You could?

I mean...
you could?

I think so.
I'm Celia Adekunle,

Sam's wife.

Now the Queen,
with pages behind her,
goes down this Royal gallery.

People bow as she passes.
Women of the Bedchamber
on the right,

the Mistr?ss of the Robes,
the Duchess of Grafton--

Ha! That's it!
Nine-zero.

Yes, Sir?
I coming, Sir.

Morgan?
Mmm?

Just between us,
Chloe and I are a bit
concerned about Priscilla.

Priscilla?
Yes. She was engaged
to a chap.

Simon Latimer-Harvey.
Very good family.
Father's a rear admiral.

Would that be
Rear Admiral Latimer

The very same!

Then out of the blue,
last month he announces
it's all over,

and he's going to marry
this Malaysian girl.

In Singapore!
Can you imagine?

Incredible.
Yes.

So this trip's really a bit
of serious therapy for her.

You know your way
around here.
Show her the sights.

Just leave it to me, Arthur.

I'll see she gets a taste
of the local culture.

No, Morgan.
Not now.

Did daddy tell you,
by any chance, the real
reason I came this Christmas?

No. Actually...
I thought you
just wanted a holiday.

No. I--

Well, I was engaged
to this chap,
Simon Latimer-Harvey.

And one day, I just knew
it was all wrong.

I told him,
"Simon, it's over."
Just like that.

How long was it?
How long was what?

The engagement.
Oh! Two years.

But as I told him,
if you fall out of love...
you fall out of love!

You're an incredibly
attractive girl, Priscilla.

Incredibly.

You're the sweetest man.

But I'm not ready
for another involvement... yet.

Oh, Jesus Christ!
Who the fuck are you?

What are you--
Hi, man. I'm Sonny.

What are you doing here?

I go be Hazel's brother.
She say I can go stay here
for this night.

Hazel's brother?
I didn't know she had one.

Yeah, man.
Same father, different wife.

Oh. Well, you can't
stay here I'm afraid.

This isn't Hazel's flat.
It's mine.

That's okay, man.
If you don't want me, I go.

So long.
Where's Hazel, anyway?

She's for here.

Look, just what the hell's
going on?

Can't you ever keep
this bloody place tidy?
Where's Sonny?

Sonny's gone.
Sonny's been kicked out.

For why?
"For why?" Because this
is my flat which I pay for.

Not some transit camp.
Sonny done be
my friend!

All the time I here
by myself and my friend
come to greet me.

You done shame for me.

Yes. Well, haven't you got
any women friends?

Why we never go out
like man and woman?
You tell me this.

Well--

Well, we will... soon.

It's just that--

I don't like going out much
because--

Well, because
I find we have...

much more fun
when we stay in.

Oh. Ow.

Oh, my God!

Can I help you, Sir?
Emergency.

You can't go up there.
British High Commission.
Emergency.

Ah! Excuse me,
I need to see the doc--

Dr. Murray!

I'm Morgan Leafy,

First Secretary of
the High Commission.
Oh, yes, the diplomat.

Mr. Leafy.

Sorry we've not had a chance
to get to know each other,

properly, that is.

Have you been
out here long?

Twenty-three years.

Oh.

Now, what can
I do for you?

Well, actually,
it's a little embarrassing.

You didn't see all the
people waiting outside?

Well--

yes, but I was a little
concerned, so--

So you just jumped
the queue of 150 people!

What's your problem?

Well... last night I went
to the lavatory and it was...

excruciatingly painful.

And there was, I think,

in fact there definitely was
some... discharge.

But it's only happened once.
Hasn't recurred.

Right.
Let's have a look.

What, you mean--
Here.

Come on.
Breeks down, the lot.

Um... see anything?

Nothing significant.

Any cankers?

Any what?
Sores, boils,
rashes.

Crabs
Good God, no!

All right.
You can get dressed.

What do you think?
Hopefully
it's nongonococcal.

That sounds ghastly.

It's probably
not too serious.

Here.
Shake the dew off the lily.

Over there.

Are you having sex
with anyone out here?
What?

Sex?
Mmm.

Oh, yes, there's, um...
there's this girl.

Girl?
A local girl...

that I see,
I mean... I have been
seeing for some while.

Do you use a sheath?

I think she's on the pill.
In fact, I'm sure she is.

You should always use a sheath.
It's a barrier
against infection.

This girl is
perfectly respectable!

So much the better.

We're all walking
on thin ice.

All of us.
Every little precaution helps.

Kinjanja!

I guess that's
the end of that.

So you made it!
Of course!

That's all
very fetching.

Thank you. Sam likes me
to wear it at political rallies.

Come with me.

All these political parties
in Kinjanja. There must be 30!

At least I made a big effort
to learn as little
as possible about them.

Incredible to think
British government policy
could be based on my report.

Wonderful speech!

Do you speak Kinjanjan?
No.

But the...
the tone, the mood!

Sit.

So?

Yes, um, we...
my government...

would be pleased
to arrange your travel
and accommodation...

if you could see
your way...

to visiting Britain
in the near future.

First-class air tickets
and a suite at Claridges?

Business-class,
we thought.

Oh, no, no!
No, first-class, of course.

My God.

Mr. Fanshawe must think of us
Africans in simplistic terms.
Yes!

Oh, no, no!
I mean...

simplistic in
the sense that...

we hold you in
the highest regard.

We'll see if my staff
can fit your offer
into my itinerary.

Itinerary? You mean--
When I've visited Paris,
Rome, Washington, Berlin,

there might be time
for a day or two in London.

Rome, Berlin, Washington
and Paris?
That's what he said.

If we don't get him to London,
I'll be spending my life
in this place!

It could be worse.
You could be in New Zealand!

That's it!
That's where they'll send me.

Do stop whingeing, Arthur.
Have another drink.

Aren't you dancing,
Morgie?

Me?
Who with?
Me, of course.

Come on, silly.

You know, the other day
I was a bit... standoffish.

Yes.

I feel different tonight.
More relaxed.

We could slip back
to your place for a drink.

I'm tired of dancing.

Right.

I'll just go
and powder my nose.

Evening, Doc!

Ah! Good evening.

By the way,
I'm feeling great.

No recurrence
of my little problem.

You obviously didn't get
my note.

Note?
No.

My initial diagnosis was wrong
about it being nongonococcal.
So it probably was.

Never mind, Doc,
you can't win 'em all.
You don't understand.

It's not...
nongonococcal.

What?

It is... gonococcal.

What does that mean?

You have an
unfamiliar bacillus.

Bacillus? Sounds like
the plague or something.

It could be a rare strain
of gonorrhea.

What?

What did you say?

A rare strain of--
No, no, no,
I understand.

I'll be doing further tests,
but meanwhile there
has to be a complete ban.

Ban?
Ban on what?

Alcohol. Sex.
Your two favorite pastimes.

Ready?

Morgie?

Some nights I just want
to do the wildest things.

Climb mountains barefoot.

Swim in phosphorus seas.

Search for lost cities.

Don't you ever feel
like that, Morgie?

Morgie,
you're not listening.
Sorry, Priss, I--

Look, maybe I should just
drop you off at home.
It's not far.

Very funny!

Stop teasing.

Oh...
look at that moon!

Africa! Africa!

Bloody Africa.

Morgie?

Priscilla,
there's something I--

I never thought
I'd feel like this again...

after Simon.

Never thought a man
would attract me again...

until you.

Priscilla,

I... I don't think
your parents...

would approve
of us.

Oh, my God.
Don't you think
I'm beautiful?

I feel beautiful!

Oh, please!

I want you, Morgie.

I want to give myself
to you.
Oh, Priscilla.

Oh, no.
Oh, please.

No. No, don't touch it!
Whatever you do,

don't touch it!
What?
What's going on?

What is it?
Priscilla, I--

I can't explain.
You see, I--

I thought it would
be better if we, you know,
got to know each other.

Take me home.

There is an explanation
for all this.

Please don't think--
I feel sorry
for men like you.

I'm just furious
I didn't see it earlier.
You're pathetic creatures,

with your big talk,
your sexy swagger.

Pathetic, weak, feeble
creatures!

I don't hate you, Morgan.
I pity you.

Yes!

Oh, yes, hello, Arthur.

What can I do
for you?

What

What's going on?

No, no. No, no.
I'll-- yes.

Innocence is dead.

Innocence is dead?

Do you mean we're all guilty?
Original sin,
that sort of thing?

Innocence, the maid!
She's dead.

Struck by lightning.
Absolutely ghastly.
Poor Innocence.

It's too, too ghastly.
Oh, yes, of course!
It's horrible!

What am I meant
to do about it?

There's a problem.
Kojo knows about it.

I can't deal with it.
I want you to sort it out.

Me? But--
Yes, you!

I can't make any sense
of the African mind. None.
Now the oriental--

Arthur, for goodness sake!

He's terribly upset.

Poor darling.
I'm afraid this has ruined
your lovely evening.

Good evening, Isaiah.

Don't touch the body, Sir!

Never touch her, Sir.
This be Shango killing.
Never touch the body.

Shango killing?
Who the hell is Shango?

Shango is God in sky.
Shango's the God of thunder,
the God of storm and lightning.

Shango has killed this woman.

Come on, Kojo,
you don't believe all that?

If anybody touch this woman,
it brings much trouble,
plenty Wahallah.

Plenty, Sir.

You no go die well.

Ah, here come the undertakers.
Sorry, chaps.

It's out of your hands now.

Shango! Shango!
This be Shango killing!

Shango!

Shango! Shango!

Shango! Shango!

I don't believe it.

So, what do we do?

You must make one big Juju.
Bring the fetish priest here
for Shango.

All right, Kojo,
find me a fetish priest.

The family must do it, Sir.

All right.
Where's the family?

This is Ijeoma, Sir,
the sister to Innocence.

But, Sir,
she's got no money.

Well, I'll...
I'll lend her a few bob.
How much does she need?

Sir, a Juju man could be
20 thousand Janjans!
Twenty thousand?

Yes, Sir. She must find
all her relatives, and
they put the money together.

How long
will that take?
Maybe a week, Sir.

But what about
the body?
It must stay, Sir.

Shango.
Shango!

Shango! Shango!

- Yes. Died instantly.

The idea is that you come
to the doctor while
the patient is still alive.

What do
you mean?
You need an undertaker!

But, listen.
I just told you--
No! No way!

-Well, it's the opposite of yes.

But you don't understand.
I can't get anyone
to move the body.

Some crazy
religious idea.
Shango.

Nothing will happen until
the rites are performed.
Absolutely nothing.

All right?

Take a look around you,
Leafy.

Ask a few questions.
Find out about the place
you're living in.

What about the fucking
Hippocratic oath, eh?

You're meant to be a fucking
doctor, aren't you?

You mean-spirited,
selfish Scottish bastard!

Watch it, Murray. I warn you.
I won't be held responsible
for--

Aaah!

Never ever talk to me
like that, you little
English shit!

Or I'll rip your
fucking tongue out!

It's unbelievable!
A pagan religion at the
end of the 20th century.

Well, Arthur, I mean,

really at the end of the day,
is it any more ridiculous than
our religious notions?

Our sky God is tortured
to death and miraculously
comes back to life.

Bread and wine become
his flesh and blood.

I will not stand out here
and listen to you
spout heresy, Leafy!

All I'm concerned about
is the visit.

What visit?
The Royal visit.

What...
Royal visit?

In a few days, a close relative
of the Queen...

will be staying in the
residence's guest suite.

And I don't want her staring
out of her bedroom window
at a festering corpse!

What member
of the Royal family?

The Duchess of Ripon.

Never heard of her.
That is irrelevant.

She is 42nd in line
to the throne. A Royal!

Now, get that body
removed!

My knighthood's at stake,
and I'm holding you responsible.

Poor Innocence.

And to think
she's just lying there.

Such a
terrible business.

Go on,
give it a little twirl.

I hope there's some cut-price
Juju men hanging around
Nkongsamba these days.

Now, put the beard on.

Not bad.
Not bad at all.

Just... take your trousers
off a minute.

I want to alter them.
Come on!
I haven't got all day.

I've, uh--

I've just remembered something
very important.

Something
I must... do.

Oh... God!

Oh... blast!

Ah!
You found the Juju man?

No, Sir,
not yet.

This come
for you, Sir.
Hmm?

So nice of you to
come over, Mr. Leafy.

I thought over
your proposal...

and decided to accept
your kind offer.

You'll visit London.
Excellent!

I'll arrange--
London... tomorrow.

Tomorrow?
That's a bit difficult.
I mean--

No, no, no, no, no.
Tomorrow will be fine.
First-class of course.

Yes, of course.
A suite at the Savoy, I think.
A suite overlooking the river.

Savoy. River.
Mm-hmm.

- And adjacent suites
for my assistants.

- Yes, assistants.

- Four.
- And they'll require
tickets too?

If I'm correct in assuming
that it's still a requirement
of British Airways.

One moment please.
Professor Adekunle.

So good doing business
with you, Mr. Leafy.

Something wrong?
No, no, no.

No. Apart from everything
else, I've just picked up...

this bloody suppurating
sexual disease...

because you've been knocking off
that bloody Sonny on the side,
I wouldn't wonder.

He's my brother!
I go tell you
a hundred time.

How am I supposed
to know that, eh?

But what of you?
You go sleep with
plenty, plenty woman!

You go after
that English girl!
That Priscilla.

What I do
is my own business!

I go then.

You keep your apartment
for you and your
sick-looking white girls.

Hazel. Hazel!

Hazel!

She wants me to
take her to some of the Embassy
parties, that's what she wants.

Disaster! I can imagine
Fanshawe's prissy voice...

when he finds out I met her
in a downtown bar!

Just a bit upset,
that's all.
Lots of things going wrong.

You think I be
just a tap-tap girl.

Now, Hazel, I never called
you a tap

There.

Now that's better.

Hazel,
you don't believe in that
witch doctor stuff do you?

That old stuff?
No!

That's for Bush people.
I modern girl!

What do you think of all
this Shango business?
Shango? He most powerful God.

Don't make him angry.
He make plenty wahallah for you.

I think
he already has.

Mr. Leafy, the doctor
will see you now.

How-- how serious
is this?

I mean, will there be
any facial disfigurement?

I hear nostrils are the first
thing to go, sort of rot away.

Or loss of sanity.
That sort of thing.

No.
Good news.

You're all clear.

Oh, thank God!
I--

But I...
I don't understand.

The pain was--
it was agonizing, excruciating.

Well, we found nothing
significant except--
Except what?

The urine had an unusually
high alcohol content.

Oh, that!
Ha! I can handle that.

It's the other stuff
that terrified me.

I see.

Listen, if you go around
indiscriminately
dipping your wick,

you get infected!

What is it
about Murray that makes me
want to dash out his brains?

Run him over with his car?
Hack him into dog meat
with a machete?

Who do you think you are,
my father? Some sort
of moral storm trooper?

I'm not a child.
You can't lecture me.
Yes, I can!

If you listen to what
I have to say, I might
never have to see you again.

That would be better
than money in the bank.

Perish the thought.

Your gin and tonic, Sir.

Drowning your sorrows?

Ah! I, uh...
I think I'm celebrating.

I had some tropical bug,
but it's all gone now.

What about you?
Working hard?

Hard as usual.

Sam's out of town
on business.
I know.

What do you mean?
He's in London.

London?
Yes. Well,
we invited him. I--

I'm sorry.
I assumed you knew.

So I'm even more at a
loose end than I thought.

Anyway, what are you doing
on Friday evening?

I thought I'd write
a chapter or two of my novel.

Absolutely nothing.

Why don't you come and
have a drink with me then?
7:00?

I was just scraping by
on a student grant.

And suddenly there was Sam
on the staff, and we all
fell in love with him.

Anyway, we were all after him,
and I got him!

After a while,
we went to America.

That was okay.

And then we came here...
and things changed.

Why?
Oh, come on,
you must've noticed!
Here they treat him like a God!

And that makes him
different.

It's just so hard.

And then there are the women
who are everywhere.

I suppose he'll be taking one
of his girlfriends to London,
one of his assistants.

Mmm.

Let's not talk about Sam
anymore.

Everyone's always talking
about Sam.

Let's talk about you...

and me.

What--

You're back.

How perceptive of you,
Mr. Leafy.

And how nice of you...
to entertain my wife
in my absence.

I don't want you to think--
Don't... tell me what
to think, Mr. Leafy.

Are you familiar, perhaps,
with the local phrase
"plenty wahallah"?

Hmm?

That's what
you're in now!

I know you!

You're Sonny. You're--
You're right, man.
I go be Hazel's brother.

Look over there,
Mr. Leafy.

The University of Kinjanja?
Correct.

And they plan to expand
to over here.

New hall of residence.

Conference center.
Swimming pools.

Fascinating.
But there's one
small problem.

One of the members of the
governing board has decided
to veto the proposal.

Spoilsport.

But... what's that got
to do with you?
I happen to own the land.

I'm also president of
the construction company.

In fact, my family
once owned all of this land,

almost all of Kinjanja.

Until you British of course
came and bought it
from my grandfather for...

a hundred pounds,
I think.

I think it was called a...
compulsory purchase.

And now you're...
taking it all back.

I can see why the veto
must be inconvenient.
Most.

But what you
can do for me...

is to convince this person
to change his mind.

I can?
Yes.

I assure you, the most
appalling things will happen
to you if you refuse.

I don't refuse.
Oh, good!
Wise decision.

Now, to make it easier
for you,

you can offer this
gentlemen... a financial
inducement, if you will.

Say, a 100,000 pounds
to help him change his mind.

A hundred grand?
Yes.

Who do I have to bribe?
Sorry... convince.

Perhaps you're
already friends.

His name is Murray.
Dr. Alex Murray.

Hmm?

Murray. Somehow everything
comes back to Murray.

Even poor Innocence!
He could easily have solved
that problem for me.

Sent one of his fleet
of shiny new ambulances!

What a preposterous idea!

I've never heard anything
so outrageous!
Do you know what you're saying?

Twenty thousand janjans
is only about 200 pounds...

for God's sake!
Have you gone
completely mad?

Her majesty's government
can't possibly be involved
in paying for some...

mumbo jumbo
Juju ceremony!

What's that going to look like
in the report to Whitehall?

I'm only trying to solve
the bloody problem!

You're not going to solve it
that way. You hear?

Just because you've managed
to get Adekunle on a visit
to London...

doesn't mean you can rest
on your laurels.

You're responsible for
this innocence business.
You alone!

I want it sorted out!

Thanks a lot.

I never go like this,
monsieur.

Jamais, Jamais!

I beg you.
Please don't do this.

You go make Shango angry!
And no go die well!

Look, you go die now
if you don't
pull yourself together!

"Movez-vous" vite!

Mon dieu.
C'est pas vrai. Non.

Shut up!
Take the feet.

The, uh, the--

the, the, um, um--

the... pieds!
Pieds!

Watch it!

Maman.

Maman.

Come on.

Merde!
Shut up, Friday!

Merde!

I think I give my notice,
monsieur.

I think I go die now.
Oh, shut up.
Don't be so pathetic.

God, I just remembered.

Merry Christmas, Friday.

A merry bloody Christmas
to us both!

Arthur!
Merry Christmas.

Come in, Leafy.

Notice anything unusual,
Leafy?

Unusual? No.

I suppose it's not quite
as hot as it was.
The staff, man, the staff!

There's not a single member
of staff on duty.
They're all on strike!

Why?

Because the body is gone!
Disappeared in the night.

I'm deeply disappointed
in you, Leafy.

You've let me down shockingly!
Shockingly!

You did tell me to get rid
of the body, Arthur.
Top priority!

I requested that you solve
a problem of protocol
with the African staff.

Damn it, man!
You're employed as
the First Secretary,

not our resident
tomb robber!

Disaster!
Utter, utter disaster!

Well, at least the Duchess
won't have a view of a corpse!

But I can't cope with
her visit without a staff,
you idiot! My God!

What have you done
with the body?

Well, it's
in my deep freeze.

How macabre.

Next thing, you'll
be practicing black magic.

Innocence will come back
to work as a zombie,
poor thing.

Well, it's only temporary
for Christ's sake!

The deep freeze.
Well, I didn't know what to do
with the bloody thing!

Will you stop beginning all
your sentences with "well."

It's intensely irritating.

Once that old dragon sees...

there's no one here to bring
her breakfast in bed, and
no one to wash out her knickers,

I'll have as much chance
of a knighthood as...
the head of the I.R.A.!

They'll leave me
out here to rot in
this Godforsaken country.

I'll be gin-sodden,
malarial.

Chloe will leave me.

I'll be living with some
lubricious black girl...

down African township.

For God's sake,
pull yourself together, Arthur!

Look, when does the Duchess
actually arrive?
In a few hours.

It's over. It's all over!
But she won't be coming here
directly, right?

She'll be going to
the recreation club first.
Yes.

And this evening
there's a dinner
with that bloody Adekunle.

And the Yanks, the Frogs,
the Krauts, and the Wops.

Carolyn, what would you like
for Christmas?

A present?
Yes?

How about--

A present for a
big, beautiful girl!
There we are.

I was here in '38.

It was a different story then.
Quite different.
We ran the place.

Things were properly
looked after.

Independence was given
far too early.

Oh, dear. Let's help you.
Oh, that's all right.

Let's give you
a nice present.

Do you think I could have
another "G" & "T"? No ice.
Of course.

Hello!
And who are you?

Trilby.
Trilby?
What a lovely name.

You having
a good Christmas?
Very good.
Yes.

Innocence!

Oh, fuck!
I mean... golly, gosh.

Silly Santa.

Adekunle.

one whom we assume will be
President, and his wife Celia.

Charmed.

And you, my dear, do you really
enjoy living in this country?

Of course.
It's my home.

Yes!

Help yourselves, children!
There you are.
Everybody in! Yes!

Dr. Murray!

Ah, excuse me,
Dr. Murray.

It seems stupid to say
"Who are you?"
but who are you?

Leafy!

How very festive.
On government business?

This is my son, Will.

How do you do?
I was just handing out
presents for the kiddies.

Season of goodwill
and all that.
Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas, et cetera.

I didn't realize
you're a golfer, Doctor.

I wondered, that is,
if you've nothing else on,

if you'd fancy a game...
tomorrow, say?

With who?
With me.

I thought we should
bury the hatchet.

I've never seen you
on a golf course.

I, uh, play
very odd hours.

Yes, because of the job.
Crack of dawn some days.

What do you say?

All right.
Tomorrow, 4:00... p.m.
Fabulous.

See you on
the first green.

- Tee.
Before we start?

The first tee.
The green is what we aim for.

Of course we do!
What am I thinking of?

All this Christmas spirit,
I must be losing my mind.

See you tomorrow.
I can't wait.

What do you think,
Ezekial?

What do you think
of this Christmas thing?

Do you like it?
I like it, Sir.

My father didn't like it.
Always rushed off his feet.

He was a barman too
at Heathrow Airport.

Is a good job, Sir.

He died at Christmas.

Heart attack.

To think I spent
three years...

at that rotten university...

working my bloody guts out.

And then,
three years more...

facing those dickheads...

at the Civil Service
Selection Board...

just so I could end up
out here,

dressed as
father bloody Christmas,

rat-assed and miserable...

with a dead--

Good night!

And a merry bloody Christmas
to you all.

Aaah!

Ah, Innocence!

Is that fire out?

Can't imagine
what was going on!
Bloody natives.

Something idiotic,
that's certain.

I'd like to know
what we're doing here
in this slum.

I understand that there's
a marvelous guest suite on
the far side of the building.

Mr. Fanshawe
probably didn't think
we warranted it.

Ghastly type he is.

Common as dirt.

That accent doesn't fool me.
And that wife!

Ha!
Hard-faced harridan.

The daughter's sweet,
though.

Hmm. Manipulative
little vixen, I'd say.

Just going to have
a quick shower.

Fix up a couple
"G" & "Ts".

Aah!
Good evening,
Duchess.

I promise I won't say
anything to anyone
about this if you don't.

Ouch!
God's sake!

Oh, my... back!

Mr. Leafy!

Monsieur!

Oh, thanks!
You were a great bloody help
tonight, weren't you?

Well, I don't like
that Shango, monsieur.
All right!

Where did this lot
come from?
Christmas present, monsieur.

Huh?
From Professor Adekunle.

Oh, no!

Good afternoon,
Leafy.
Ah!

Well, who won?

Oh! Slight accident
with my gas cooker.
Blow back, I think they call it.

- Longing for it. God, yes!

You thinking
of turning pro?

Uh... treated myself.
Christmas present.

Well, I'm in trouble
if your game is on a par
with your equipment.

Oh, wonderful putt!

Oooh!

Wonderful game, golf.
Yes. You must
try it sometime.

Aaah!

Ahh.

I hope you don't mind
me asking, Alex,

but do you like it
out here?

I mean, in Africa?

Oh, well enough.
There's good and bad
everywhere.

You're completely content
then?

Show me the man who's
completely content, and
I'll show you the lobotomy scar.

Oh, yes.
Thin ice and all that.

But you're not going
to retire here.

Are you?
No.

Back to Scotland?

No.

In fact,

I'm thinking
of Portugal.

Houses--
houses in Portugal...

don't come cheap,
I would imagine.
No.

I bet a
hundred thousand pounds
would come in useful.

A hundred thousand
pounds?
Yes.

Cut to the chase,
Leafy.

I will give you
100,000 pounds if...

if you do something.

And what do
I have to do?

Uh... you have to put in
a positive report on
the university extensions.

So...

Adekunle's got the English
to carry out his garbage now.

What has he got
on you?
Nothing.
Anyway...

it's not Adekunle.
Come on.

Look, couldn't you, you know,
just turn a blind eye?

I-If this doesn't
come off, he'll--

You're in the wrong game.
Why don't you just
get yourself out of here?

And what about
my bloody career?
Your career?

You have more chance
on the P.G.A. Tour.

I know I've been
a bloody fool.

Well, at least we agree
on something.

Why oppose his plans?
What's wrong with
the university extensions?

Adekunle will make millions
from the deal,

and that's nothing to what
he'll steal when he's President.

And I'm not endorsing
crooked politicians
in Africa nor anywhere else.

You won't be endorsing him,
just not opposing him.

One way or another, he's
gonna get what he wants.
So why not take his money?

Christ!
You've worked out here
for years for a pittance.

I'm sorry
you don't understand.

I'll be using
my veto.

I'd been rude, sulking,

bullying, selfish,
unpleasant, hypocritical,
cowardly and conceited.

A normal sort of week?
Yes.

But am I...

any different from
anyone else in this country,

in this
wide, swarming world?

Hazel,
where are you going?
I go to vote.

Oh, Jesus!
The election.

How long
have I been here?
You come yesterday.

You be drunk.
Who are you going
to vote for?

Mmm-hmm!
As if I didn't know.

Vote K.N.P.
for a united Kinjanja!
For a united Kinjanja.

Yes, yes, I know.
I know.

It is a day of celebration
throughout Nkongsamba...

as the K.N.P. party led by
professor Sam Adekunle
has taken power,

ousting the ruling
K.I.P. party...

with a swing of 14%.

Professor Adekunle, seen here
arriving this afternoon
at the downtown Hilton...

has str?ssed in his campaign
the elimination of corruption
in Nkongsamba.

He has promised that the country
will undergo an unprecedented
year of prosperity.

We hope to bring you
an interview with him
later in the program.

What would I do
without you, Friday?

I don't know,
monsieur.

You look tr?s elegant,
tr?s chic.

Thank you, Friday.
Nice of you to say so.

But your face,
monsieur.
Thank you, Friday.

But for the moment,
there's nothing
I can do about that.

Adekunle has come through
with the oil lease.

All signed.

How does it sound?
Sir Arthur Fanshawe.

Richly deserved...
Sir.

Thank you, Morgan.
Ah! Here we are.

Here he is, Duchess,
the only member of my team
you haven't met.

First Secretary
Morgan Leafy.

He's a good man.

How do you do, ma'am?
How do you do,
Mr. Leafy?

You know, you seem
oddly familiar to me.

Have we met before?
Don't think so, ma'am.

Perhaps you once had a beard.
Facial hair so alters
a man's appearance.

Another "G" & "T"
please, Arthur.

No ice.
Morgan!

Whatever happened
to your face?

Uh, cigarette lighter.

Adjusted the flame
the wrong way, and...
whoomph!
Dear me!

I just wanted to say
I thought you were a success
as Father Christmas.

Oh! Oh, right, Chloe.
Yes. Well, look,
thanks a lot.

It was--
It was so much fun.

Yes, it was, uh,
most interesting.

Mr. President,
I must congratulate you
on your victory.

Thank you, Mrs. Fanshawe.
May I borrow your
First Secretary for a moment?

We have some business.
Of course.

So, I assume your discussion
with Dr. Murray...

was satisfactory,
huh?
Um--

No, actually. No.

There's a slight problem
there.

He is going to veto
the project.
What?

Listen, Mr. Leafy,
increase the offer.

Make it 200,000 pounds.
It wouldn't do
any good.

He's just...
one of those people.
Maybe the last one left.

An incorruptible.
Oh.

In that case, Mr. Leafy,
I would not advise you
to invest in any pension plans.

Your career could be short,

as well as inglorious.

Coming.

Celia!
Where have you been?

Celia, be careful.
I've been trying
to find you for days.

What happened
to your face?
Well--

there was this child
trapped in a burning house,
and--

No, no.
It was just an accident.

I'm leaving him,
Morgan.
Who?

Sam, of course.
And I need your help.

My help? Why would--
You have to get me
a British passport.

What are you
talking about?
You know
the situation.

When I married Sam,
I had to give up
my British citizenship.

And now to get
a British passport I need
his permission in writing.

He'll never give it.

But you can get one
for me, Morgan.
It's easy for you.

I see.

I think I...
see a lot of things.

Let's face it. If I'd just come
to your office and applied,

you'd have told me to get
Sam's authorization.

Wasn't my method
more exciting?

Yes.

Well, it's going to be
a bit difficult.
I'm leaving, resigning.

Resigning?
Ooh!

Oh, Morgan.
Oh.

Don't worry,
Celia.

You'll get
your passport.

We want Fanshawe!

English out!

Come out, Fanshawe!

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!
Fanshawe! Fanshawe!

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!

Fanshawe is doer
of the imperialists.

Imperialist dog?

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!
Fanshawe!

British out of Kinjanja!

Fanshawe out of Kinjanja!

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!
Fanshawe!

Put out the lights!
Put out the lights!

Leafy! This is
your doing, Leafy!

I'm holding you
responsible!
It's my fault?

How can it be my fault?

It seems to me as if
Mr. Fanshawe is the object
of their hatred.

If he goes, perhaps
they'll leave us alone.

Don't be ridiculous.
Go out there?
They'll lynch me.

But it is I think
our only chance.
Next they'll take the house.

Muller is right.
You... should leave.
Take him out.

What the fuck
do you think you're doing?

How dare you!
Get your hands off my husband!

This common African country
of yours is finished!

Hold it! Hold it!
Listen!

I-I've got an idea.

This better be good, Leafy.
They want Arthur,
right?

So,
we'll give them Arthur!

- Morgan!
- Leafy, are you
out of your mind?

No, not you, Arthur.
Me! I'll go in your place.

What? No!

Yes.
You're too valuable a man for
the diplomatic corps to lose.

- That's true.
- Come on. We'll change
clothes here.

In the dark,
they'll never know!

Well, come on!
We all look the same
to them anyway!

Nonsense.
Mr.--

Mr. Dalmire
should go.
Me?

He more closely resembles
Mr. Fanshawe.

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!

Morgan,
you need a mustache.

My darling,
heroic Morgie.

Priss!

See you soon,

if you're not
torn to pieces.

Wait!
I'm coming with you.

I forbid it.
Chloe, I really don't think--

Oh, shut up, Arthur.
It'll be more convincing
if we both go.

Arthur would never
make a dash for it
without me.

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!

Morgan?

- I shall never forget this.
- Neither will I.

Fanshawe! Fanshawe!

Right!

I'll change it.
I'll give you a hand.

Oh, my God!

Come on, Chloe!

There's Fanshawe!
C'mon!
Shit!

Come on!

God! No!

Over here!
Over here!

Shit!

Chloe!

We-- We request
your assistance.

Mon dieu!
Say, Monsieur Leafy.

Friday, what are you
doing here?
Tonight is my night off.

And this be
my friend's bar.
This is Friday, my cook.

Friday, we need
a lift into town.

Morgie, do you
remember that day?

What day?

That day you came to try on
the Santa Claus outfit.

Well, what about it?

I've been thinking
about you since then.

A lot.

Have you, Chloe?

You...
Ahh! Ahh!

Stallion.

Chloe, my God!
Wha--
I can't leave you
tonight without--

I want our loins
to mingle.

Ah! Mon dieu!

Who are you?
What you do here?

British High Commission.

We have been attending
your President's
victory celebrations.

Sorry.
We had demonstrators here.

We've got to be
vigilant.
Of course, Officer.

So, what's
happened here?

We collided
with that ambulance.
Anyone hurt?

Yes, Sir.
The driver was killed,
one man hurt.

Most serious.

One white man.

Murray!

I don't believe it!

Happens just when...
you least expect it.

Silly little...
accident.

We've got to move you,
get you out of here.
No, no.

Can't be moved.

What are you
up to now?

I-- I was at
Adekunle's--

It's all too complicated.

But listen,
I'm following your advice.

Really?
Yes, really.

I'm sorry about what
I've done and said.

You were right.

Alex, this is
so fucking unfair!

Aah, you're right
this time.

Thin ice.

Thanks... for being here,
Morgan.

It's very good of you.

I'm gonna turn in Adekunle.
They'll all know about
your veto.

We'll get him!
We'll finish him
in politics.

Don't you worry--
Some other time, eh?

I haven't got all night.

- I have to say this.

You look bloody ridiculous
in that outfit.

Why Murray?

Why Murray,
a good man like that?

There aren't many of 'em
around.

Kojo, Isaiah,
Friday, Murray.

Poor Murray.

Dead... like innocence.

Bloody Shango.

Bastard!

Morgie!

Chloe! Forgot about her.
Morgie!

Not so sure
about this at all.

Murray said I was in
the wrong game.

Time to find a new one,
I think.

So, Kojo,
everything ready?

Some person
moved the body
three days ago, Sir.
Yes.

Mr. Fanshawe told me.
Bad business.

There's never
been respect.
Never, Sir.

I know, I know.
That's why I've decided
to do something.

Tell Ijeoma it's a gift.

Thank you, Sir.
You're a good man,
Mr. Leafy.

Think so?

Well, better late
than never.