A Genius, Two Partners and a Dupe (1975) Movie Script

God will punish you,

Jelly Roll.

You scared

the bejesus out of me.

Well, it ain't smart

to live alone, Tom.

You start seein'

scary shadows...

red shadows.

God will fry

those savages in hell.

I see 'em,

now and again,

draggin' their beasts and their

belongings through the valley.

And I think,

"What a waste of the Promised Land."

You see here.

These little flags are us,

and all this nothin' is them.

Does it make

sense to you?

It's Indian territory.

Back in the olden days

of the Spanish conquest, every Friday,

they used to kill off 12 savages

in memory of the 12 Holy Apostles.

Those religious traditions

ought to be kept up.

There're hundreds

of fine, Christian souls

ready and waitin' for this land

to be opened up,

and willin' to pay

good prices for it.

Not everybody's as good

a Christian as you are, Tom.

Nowadays you gotta have

a practical excuse for killin' Indians.

Like what Major Cabot had...

when he found

all them wells poisoned.

Yeah.

We know, sure.

Someway the major did

a bit of poisoning himself.

But he found lots of Indian beads

gathered 'round those wells, didn't he?

All we need is an excuse.

Why don't we cook one up

for ourselves, is what I say.

We get undressed

like those pagan savages,

and get rid of some no-account

white trash livin' off by hisself.

Fess up, Tom.

You've been chewing the fat

with Major Cabot.

No I ain't.

Why?

You're saying exactly the same

what he's been sayin'.

That's 'cause him and me are

practical people--

pioneers of the old frontier.

No.

It's 'cause you both are

made out of the same clay.

You both got

the evil genius in you.

Good old Cabot.

Tell me, you fellas decided yet

who you're gonna scalp?

Hey, Frank!

Bring the gent

a cup of coffee.

"Oh, look at my body."

Stop it, man.

You're hurtin' the fleas.

Look like a rooster dance,

didn't it?

Like a rooster.

You're smart

to grease that barrel.

If you want some good advice,

file down the sight, too.

- Why's that?

- Why?

'Cause sooner or later, strangers

around here get their guns

shoved up their...

And you don't wanna get

scratched, do ya?

Thanks.

Thanks?

Thanks for what?

That's my name--

Joe Thanks.

I'm impressed.

I really am.

Hey!

Huh?

- I know you.

- Do ya, now?

Yeah.

You're the village idiot!

There's always somebody in every town

that gives me that kind of welcome.

You wouldn't talk like that

if I had a gun on me.

I'm looking for a man

who can shoot fast.

How fast?

Well, let's see...

not a man who shoots first,

but if somebody else shoots at him,

he's sure as hell a man

who doesn't shoot second.

You sound like a hard

fella to please.

But you might give, uh,

Doc Foster a try.

Now Doc,

one of these days...

you're going to have

to get up from this table

and go on out

and see what's going on out there.

Not a thing goin' on there,

never will be.

This town's

one long Sunday afternoon.

Five.

Gimme two of 'em.

Same here.

Pass.

Five dollars.

Pass.

Ten dollars.

Careful, it's very hot.

Pass.

Last I saw my missus

she was nine months heavy.

For all I know I got a family

to take care of by now.

Let me go home, Doc.

I'm waitin' for somebody.

Looks like omebody's

already here.

He ain't somebody.

Nobody at all.

Sorry, Doc.

For what? Keep goin'.

No.

The five.

Okay.

Yeah.

Two.

Three.

One.

- Pass.

- Same here.

Ten, just to keep

things goin'.

Ten.

Up you a hundred.

What happens in this game

when a fella's got four cards a like?

What happens is, I'm out.

- Same here.

- Ah?

Four aces,

all four in the same hand.

Never saw the like

in all my born days.

Not even when I cheated.

Give this a try, Doc.

Colt Navy, model '86.

All these nice folks are gathered around

on account of they wanna see a duel.

What duel?

Well, you know how these things

work out here in the West.

Two fellas come

out of the saloon...

and stand

opposite each other.

One of them's usually got

his legs spread apart.

And the folks in the town get scared,

and edge backward to a safe distance.

And somebody starts playin' a funeral

march on a bugle in the background.

And then nothin'.

Not a sound.

Only the whistlin' wind

from the desert.

Let me tell you the rest.

In a couple of minutes

you're gonna be

one of the deadest

men that ever lived.

Outside!

My time is precious.

I know, I know.

You're waitin' for somebody.

Hey, come on!

Come on, everyone!

Hey, they're gonna

shoot it out--

Doc Foster and the big guy!

- Come on, come on!

- Come on, Eddie!

They're gonna shoot it out, everyone!

Let's go!

When you're ready, Doc.

Your horse, Doc?

Stand up

and stop actin' like a booby.

Mighty pretty animal.

Don't play the clown.

Nobody takes care

of you, huh?

Aw...

Yeah.

Aw, poor critter was thirsty.

Next shot's for you.

You hear me?!

Sorry, Doc.

You shoot when you

feel like it, huh?

No, Doc, uh-uh.

Did you like the show?

Good.

That makes me happy.

If you'd be

so kind, folks,

whatever you can afford,

right in the hat.

Seems fair to me.

Anything you want

to give, folks,

for the fastest gun

on the face of the earth?

- Thanks.

- There ya go, folks.

See?

Even the wind is on our side.

Watch your head,

watch your head.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks.

Remember, folks,

you just seen a risky show.

I mean,

that is for Doc Foster.

Whatever you can afford.

I really appreciate it.

Ah, thanks.

Thank you.

Hey,

there's people a-comin'!

- This is for your collaboration.

- It's a cavalry coach!

Free these horses

and take 'em to the stables.

Give 'em water.

After they're rested

they'll need some fodder.

Right, sir.

The Wild West.

Oh, boy.

Forgive the reception, sir.

We been expectin' a group of young

ladies to work in this boardin' house,

and the boys made a mistake.

A mistake was made

when you were elected sheriff.

Don't you see

that I'm a colonel?

For your information,

my man,

we are on our way

to Fort Cristabel.

Major Cabot might at least

have sent someone to meet me.

♪ Oh, my darlin',

oh, my darlin'

♪ Oh, my darling Clementine

♪ You are lost

and gone forever

Hey, Doc.

You'd better pick it up.

Doc, why don't you

just go home?

You've been lucky, friend.

I got a job to do.

So have I.

Come in.

She was just a child.

You hear me?

A mere child.

- Who was?

- My sister!

You raped her, you never waited,

you promised to marry her.

- Her?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, let 'em hear you.

I want you to get yours

in front of everybody.

You ravished my only

little sister, do ya hear?

The man is a maniac!

Ya broke her heart!

- He's not a maniac, he's an ass.

- Hey, what's that to you?

That beard!

Yeah, that's the key

to it all.

What key?

The key to the perfect plan.

Hey, you listen now, this ain't wh--

this ain't none of your business.

Thanks for the good idea, Doc.

But this ain't none

of your business.

Hey,

what are you doin'?

- Why are you pushing me?

- Go on home now like a good boy.

- Out! Out! Just in time, huh?

- Ow! Put me down! Don't do that!

My balls!

That's a fascinatin' hand

you got on ya.

I never saw

such a deep life line.

That's not a life line,

it's a scar.

I disarmed a man once

by grabbing his knife blade.

- Oops. Life line interrupted.

- Huh?

Oh, you're goin'

from bad to worse, Colonel.

Death lies in ambush

decked out like an Injun.

Don't try to join Major Cabot--

you'll never get there alive.

You, you're a maniac, too,

aren't ya, boy?

A friend of mine's got red whiskers,

just like yours, Colonel.

Fake,

but you can never tell.

We could send him ahead

to reconnoitre with your uniform on.

But don't try to go

to the fort yourself...

'cause you'll get killed.

Lieu... Lieutenant!

Men! Men!

Soldiers! Men!

Keep on washin'.

I'm just bein' followed.

Are you a bandit?

Stop!

You don't look

the least little bit

like those ruffians

on the wanted posters.

Do they make you

look ugly on purpose...

to frighten the public?

Well...

they're tryin' to show

the evil that's inside us.

Stop!

- Kiss me.

- What?

Papa says the West is

too wild for me,

He's sending me back to Washington.

I've never kissed an outlaw.

When I tell my girlfriends

they'll die of envy.

Kiss me or I'll scream!

Sure.

There was a madman in my room,

and another, a maniac,

a fortune teller

who pulled my beard!

They're both wanted!

Surround the hotel!

I don't want them to escape!

Take 'em, men!

- There's a man in her bed!

- There's a man in her bed?

There's a man in her bed!

- Where?

- Right here.

Yatahey.

Hey.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, save me...

just this once...

and I swear

I'll never do it again.

He's over there.

Get away. Go on, get outta here,

you dogs! Come on!

Come on, now leave me alone.

Go on, get out of here! Come on!

Get out...

Oh, my chickens!

Oh, my poor little chickens.

Hey. Hey, hey, come on, now.

Get out. Leave me alone.

Go on, get!

Oh, my poor chickens.

What are you,

a priest or a chicken thief?

Aw, you horrible

wild beasts!

- Go on, get!

- Uh, Philipe,

Do you Catholics keep

chickens in your church?

- By God, we caught the wrong man!

- Right chicken, though.

- But we caught the right chicken.

- You chicken thieves!

You'll pay for this.

God will damn you!

He can't.

We're workin' for him.

You're thieves.

You're chicken thieves.

Oh, my poor chickens.

Come, my sons.

Let's look for the real one.

What kind of a place is this?

It's all right. It's a place

of worship. Come on.

Climb aboard, kids.

Get going.

Come on.

They're all beautiful girls.

As you can see.

Where you goin', friend?

I'm just goin' over

there to see the madam.

Now you just wait here

and behave yourself, huh?

Hey, Mike, how you doin'?

Get a move on.

- Hey.

- You'll miss your connection.

Two hundred.

You'll wanna take

a better look.

It's solid silver

and blessed by a priest.

They used to cut the hands

off church robbers.

Two hundred's my offer.

Bag included.

Carousel's off

to paradise right now.

What better way

to spend your money?

¡Vamos, maricones!

Are you, for a change,

trying to screw me, madam?

Lucy?

The offer stays

at two hundred.

Take it or leave it.

Lucy!

Lucy, come back!

It's an order!

Climb aboard, gents!

The girls are ready and waiting!

Howdy, Steam Engine.

I been lookin' for ya.

Well, now

that you've found me,

it's buddies forever

and I'll see ya around.

Come on,

let's empty the hall.

Come on!

Now wait, Bill.

I haven't seen him for ages.

- We hadn't hardly said hello.

- You call that sayin' hello?

One more time around

and you'll be expectin'.

What's wrong with that?

Don't tease him, Lucy.

- He gets jealous.

- Jealous?!

I got more important

things on my mind.

I pulled this little snipe

out of the gutter.

She was a flea hive.

I washed and ironed her,

and combed her hair.

I made a lady outta her.

I surrounded her with luxury.

I catered to her every whim.

She's cost me

an eye and an ear.

But I already told ya.

If you want her, name your price.

I can't do it.

- She's priceless.

- Name your price, Joe.

Please?

Name your price.

Don't be surprised.

And above all, do not jump

to the wrong conclusions.

I'm only here

to perform an act of justice.

Shh.

There he is.

That's him.

Thou art the man.

You've come a long way.

Now you're an informer, huh?

You've been touched

by the grace of God.

Is that not so, my son?

- Admit it, Bill, you've been touched.

- Well, I been touched.

Is it in here, my son?

Check it carefully, padre.

When I found you half dead in the desert,

why didn't I leave you there?

'Cause you never

double-cross a friend.

It's all there.

- Thanks be to God.

- Thanks be to Joe.

Just think of it.

The man before you

was already far away--

free and clear--

when, like Paul

on the road to Damascus,

he was struck

by God's heavenly light.

Burdened with remorse,

he returned...

his heart heavy with despair

for his viscious, misspent life

in sin and shame.

- Who's he talkin' about?

- You.

- Me?

- Mm-hmm.

- Why...

- And his noble gesture

would have

remained unknown

had it not been for the testimony

of this good, Christian soul.

Padre, I only did my duty

as a faithful son of the Church.

- Son of a bitch.

- But when the prodigal returns,

there's rejoicing

in the heavens above.

♪ Glory, glory, glory

♪ On our knees we're bending

♪ Now the erring prodigal

♪ Turns to the righteous way

- ♪ Glory, glory, glory

- ♪ Praying for thy blessing

- ♪ Our hearts in repentance

- ♪ Pledge to Christ today

- ♪ Glory, glory, glory

Cut the hymn thing!

- This is an honest house!

- Thank you.

We don't make fun

of the church.

Joe!

- Where the hell's he takin' us?

- Keep counting.

Where was I?

Uh, 315, 320.

$325 in charity.

That old bag only

offered me 200, you know?

You see, Bill.

Honesty is the best policy.

You're richer

and you been kissed by a priest.

Disgustin'!

Oh, why do you have to act

worse than you already are?

Yeah, sure.

Twinkletoes here never pukes, does he?

If he does,

he doesn't do it in his hat.

He knows enough to do what he has to do

where decent folks do it-- in the privy.

That's where

you're wrong, Lucy.

If you'd spent less time

walkin' the streets like a gypsy

and more time sitting

with decent folk on the privy,

you'd have met Joe

before you met me.

Hey, I've been dreamin'

a weird kind of dream.

The red of the rising sun touches

the tops of the highest mountains

so they seem

to be bathed in blood.

The peaks throw long shadows

down into the bottomless valley.

In the clear blue sky

a hawk glides,

wide and easy.

- The whistlin' wind?

- No.

The wings cleavin' the air.

- What's that?

- Shh.

That's horses' hooves.

And now...

from behind the rocks appears the fabled

figure of a man on a white horse.

He's the ancient ruler

of these lands.

The shadow of a dead king

reaches out for a fleein' man.

His silhouette is dark

against the red circle of the sun...

ringed with a halo

of eagle feathers,

like rays of light.

Oh, yeah?

It's your old man

and he's lookin' for you.

My old man

never had feathers.

I'm a white man.

I got a sunburnt face, but you can always

tell a white man by the color of his ass

Look!

What's wrong

with being an Injun?

So your father's got feathers

and your mother was white.

So what?

Black, white, red,

what difference does it make?

We're all

somebody's children.

As it happens,

I am the child of a white woman.

She was so white, the other girls

in the whorehouse called her the Ghost.

I'm not bragging.

I'm just getting the facts straight.

And what I've told

you's all I know.

I'm a lone wolf.

I don't run with the pack.

And ya know why

they call me Steam Engine?

Because one day I got fed up

with city society and I jumped a train

and I ditched

the whole crowd.

That's right--

ditched the whole tribe.

Man Who Gallops

on Iron Horse.

You've gone far enough.

Come on!

Yeah, you reached the end

of the road, Steam Engine.

You crazy?

You gonna fight?

Not me.

We're at the end

of the track!

- What's happening?

- Jump. Jump!

Bill!

Bill. You all right?

Di-- Did you get hurt?

Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.

I'm all right, Lucy. I...

Hey, who ever planned

this railway to end here?

Maybe they're gonna build

a bridge across the valley

with a big town

around it.

I remember this place

whe it was nothin'.

Is this where the rails stop?

This here's the end

of the Western Railroad Company.

- You're darn right.

- It sure is.

Those are all the tracks

we've got left.

And where's

the Pacific, huh?

Answer me that.

He's right.

Where is it?

Listen to what

I'm gonna tell you.

There's no future for railroads

In this country.

- Now where're ya goin'?

- We're lookin' for a new job.

The company left us

high and dry

and we're a-skedaddlin'

outta here right now!

Joe, Bill, come on.

There's still some hot coffee.

Come on, Bill.

Hey, take it easy, Bill.

Don't go gettin'

yourself plastered.

I don't get plastered.

- I just get happy.

- Oh, come on, you call that happy?

Injuns are gloomy by nature.

Hang on to yourself, Bill.

The son of a chief shouldn't

fly off the handle like that.

Oh, yeah?

If I had

a handful of men,

men who really knew

where their balls are,

I'd screw this

whole goddamn country.

Loneliness.

That's what it is.

The loneliness of genius.

Listen to me,

lonely genius... will ya?

I got a proposition

to make to you.

You wanna go

into a partnership with me?

- Oh, let's make it...

- Hmm?

- A three-way partnership.

- Not that kind of partnership, Lucy.

You interested?

Oh... And who are we

supposed to screw this time?

A man called Major Cabot.

That bastard

Injun killer?

A man who deserves

our respect.

No dice.

Look, Bill,

if you can make $300 all

by yourself-- with a little help--

you'll be able

to make $300,000.

How much is that again?

That's the amount

the major kept

instead of turning it

over to the Injun Agency.

What do I have to do?

You've been in the army.

That's right--

like-- like all white men.

What rank?

Uh, deserter.

How'd you like

to be a colonel?

That could be nice

for a change.

What do you say, Lucy?

I say, where you gonna

get the uniform?

The uniform's on its way,

but you're also

gonna need whiskers.

- Whiskers?

- Uh-huh.

- Like these.

- Mmm.

The colonel you're

standing in for has a set.

Only his are real.

Then I'll grow my own.

Just gimme time.

I could give you all the time you want

and you still wouldn't have whiskers.

They don't grow

on Injuns.

On me they do

because I'm not an Indian!

- What is it?

- Shh!

Someone's comin'...

a wagon or a stage...

I was just showin' you what the stupid

redskins do to hear far-off sounds.

They still do.

Here we are in the age

of the telegraph

and they still throw

themselves on the ground.

- Comin' this way?

- Who?

How do I know?

Ha!

'Cause you really believe.

you can just put your ear to the ground

and hear if there's a stagecoach comin'.

- With an escort?

- No, but it's bein' followed.

- How many riders?

- Four.

Injuns?

No, the horses are shod.

There's gunfire, Joe,

they're shootin'!

Yeah, I know.

How the Christ can ya know

if you don't put your ear to the ground?

Tell me that.

How the hell can ya know?

They're shootin' at a colonel

with a red beard.

Ya see?

When you're not an Indian

ya get it wrong.

Where are ya?

There's the coach

and there's the idiot.

But where are

the four riders?

Here we are,

Steam Engine.

Mortimer!

What are ya doin'

with the beads on?

It's the fashion, Bill.

But what ain't never

the fashion is witnessin'.

Throw down your gun.

I'm sorry, Bill.

You shouldn't have seen

what you just saw.

Why?

What did I just see?

You saw the colonel.

You saw us

made up in beads.

Oh, you got

beads on, huh?

I swear to God

I never even noticed.

In any case,

you noticed us, didn't you?

Me?

No. No!

Then who the hell

are ya talkin' to?

Myself.

I always talk

to myself.

You know what

prairie folk are like.

I talk and I listen...

Hopin' that someone,

somewhere,

will hear

and answer me.

For God's sake,

Mortimer,

For the sake of the old days when

we worked together, side by side,

remember?

Uh, Mortimer, I...

Jelly Roll'd hate ya, huh,

for even thinking about such an idea.

Why don't you answer me?

- Let's cut it short.

- No.

It's a joke.

Naw!

Stop!

Don't shoot.

He's my brother.

Well, Steam Engine.

Where did you get

hold of a sister like her?

Ah, come on,

let's have a better look.

Be a good girl...

bring up the curtains.

Say, if you wanna save your

brother's life and make us all happy,

you're gonna have

to split yourself into four.

Stop!

Don't lay

a hand on my girl.

Christ!

How many are ya back there?

Leavin' out the women

and the unarmed men,

it's just me.

But I'll split myself into four

if that'll make y'all happy.

Heh, cool off, buster.

We only meant to have

a little fun with your girl.

Why not, Joe?

Let 'em have

a little fun.

Let's all have

a little fun.

What's wrong with that?

Why take chances,

darlin'?

There're too many of them.

Throw down your gun.

Throw it down,

darling.

Damn it, I missed!

Yeah, naturally.

He moved.

What do you mean,

naturally?

You learned to shoot

in a circus.

You can't hit anythin'

but a sittin' target.

Yeah,

throw it away.

You're better off

with a bow and arrow.

I was so scared.

Ohh. Oh.

You know, Lucy, keep it up

and I'll name my price.

Name it!

- Ah, Bill.

- Okay.

How come you go calling him

darling and me brother?

The true fact is

I can't make up my mind.

I don't know which one

of you I love most.

I told ya.

But ya had to have it

your own way.

I'm... gonna die.

Well,

we're sorry as we can be.

- Yeah! It's real!

- Please!

Don't let me die like this,

not knowin'...

- What, Colonel?

- Why do you all keep pullin'...

my beard?

Too bad.

Didn't have time to tell him.

And, in a little while,

Major Cabot'll know the colonel's dead.

- Back to square one.

- Yeah.

Huh. He's beginnin'

to get the hang of it.

Jesus! Is he movin'!

He's not headin'

for Cabot.

He's goin'

to Jelly Roll.

What's this

Jelly Roll like?

Believes in an eye

for an eye.

Well, we didn't get

all of 'em, did we?

One got away.

Yeah, but three

of 'em are dead.

So?

Everythin' depends

on how ya tell it.

He did it.

He killed the three of them--

shot 'em right between the eyes.

But he threw me the gun,

Jelly Roll.

I'd never let myself

shoot your men.

Hey, keep movin'!

Come on!

Yeah, and you caught their attention

with your creamy thighs.

I didn't force them

to look, did I?

Too bad ya can't hit

a moving target.

Poor Steam Engine.

That's right.

But I was wise to 'em.

And I got

out of the way.

You see?

I can hit six out of six!

But you didn't know

that Mortimer was...

wise to you.

No, I didn't.

Where did ya go to?

To my right.

And that's what

you should have done.

It's easy to hit

a movin' target.

Okay.

Now there's only four of us that know

that Colonel Pembroke is dead.

It's good to meet a man

who catches on so fast.

What are we gonna do

with Mortimer?

"Bury him in a Mexican cemetery."

Your friend's a wise guy, huh?

You can trust him,

Jelly Roll. He's with me.

Looks to me

like you're with him.

Now let's see if we can't raise

the colonel from the dead.

Steam Engine.

"We're not ordinary people."

Huh? Oh.

We're not ordinary people,

Major Cabot, we're Americans.

The Western prairies must be

firmly anchored to our great country

if we're gonna realize

our lofty ideals.

- How's that?

- That'll do.

Now the beard.

Jesus!

Oh, well.

But with the proper...

trousers...

and boots,

shoulders,

a little spit and polish

here and there...

Well,

what do you think?

- I think he's fine.

- Uh, so do I.

Then...

there's no doubt about it.

They'll shoot you.

Say it again, Bill,

keep sayin' it.

We-We're not ordinary people,

Major Cabot, we're Americans.

Yeah,

I know ya know that.

You been sayin' it over all night long.

The instructions.

God damn it! I'm fed up

to the teeth with this clown act!

You get to the fort,

ya pass yourself off as Pembroke.

and confiscate the $300,000.

Then what?

Then, if they haven't

strung me up, I head due east

as fast as a jackrabbit

to where you're gonna meet me.

If Cabot gives me

an escort,

you're gonna stop the coach,

shove your gun

into my Adam's apple and say,

"Don't anybody move or I shoot."

Go on.

But if there's

no escort,

ya don't shout

anything at me,

we beat it the hell

outta there,

and live happily forever after

on a beach in the Sandwich Islands.

That's fine.

Perfect.

What are you so sore about?

That'll do, Michelangelo.

What am I so sore about?

Look at him!

Ya think for a minute

he's gonna pass for a cavalryman?

You think for a minute

you're gonna pass for a colonel?

That's what I'm saying!

They won't even

let us into the fort!

They'll eat us alive!

- Too bad for them. Let's go.

- Hey, giddy up then!

Whoa!

A wagon without driver.

Who the hell

are you talkin' to?

Me?

A colonel in the

United States Army?

Keep on croakin'.

Can't understand

a word you're sayin'...

if what you're

sayin' is words.

Well, before it withers,

ya know what you can do with it.

Hey!

Let's have

a little respect here.

This is a man who

sees beyond mountains.

And I'm a man who sees

right in front of his nose.

An if an old redskin can

see it, too, I'm screwed.

What the hell

was that?

The Western Railroad Company,

back on its relentless march

through the mountains to the sea.

Bill, this is

where I get off.

Good luck,

Colonel Pembroke.

I'm afraid that branch is

too big for that old Indian.

Hey, Joe!

Give old Dry Branch

there a hand, will ya?

Guard-hut!

Whoa!

Ten-hut!

Whoa!

Colonel.

Welcome to Fort Chrystomel,

Colonel.

I am Major Cabot.

- We're not ordinary people, Major Cabot--

- Later, Daddy.

And this young lady,

I presume, is Miss Pembroke?

Y-Yes, presumably

she's my daughter.

Well, many a flower was born

to blush unseen in wasted sweetness

on the desert air.

Shall we go inside?

- Major, who did you build a gallows for?

- Oh, uh, that Indian, sir.

A horse thief.

Follow me.

This way.

As you will see, I've had the very

best quarters in the fort prepared

especially for you.

I'm genuinely astonished,

Major Cabot,

because frankly,

I never expected.

to meet up with--

with such a polished gentleman

in this neck

of the woods.

Compliments

on the set-up, Major.

My dear, beneath these rough uniforms

lurk hearts of purest gold.

Take Sergeant Milton

for instance.

He looks like a great bear but really,

he's just a child who's grown too fast.

In here.

As for the rest of us,

we're just ordinary people.

We're not ordinary people,

Major Cabot, we're Americans.

Colonel,

would you care for a cigar?

I think it's a flavor

A Genius, Two Partners and a Dupe (1975) - full transcript