A Four Letter Word (2007) - full transcript

Six people in New York are adrift. Zeke and Luke work in a sex shop: Zeke takes gay liberation seriously, Luke likes to sparkle and takes nothing seriously. He's offended when Stephen calls him a gay cliché, then, surprisingly, they find each other attractive and interesting. Stephen, it turns out, has a great apartment, trust fund, and artwork he's painted on his walls. Meanwhile, Peter, a neat-freak, and Derek, nice to everyone, move in together. Peter's compulsiveness threatens the relationship. Last, newly-engaged Marilyn, a recovering alcoholic stuck at step 2, can't stop obsessing about wedding details. Can these folks sort out civilization and its discontents?

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The party's over boys. Move on.

Let's get a group together.

Please be respectful of the
neighbours and go home quietly.

Mace. The sidewalk
sale has commenced.

Sidewalk sale. Everything
marked down fifty percent.

Total liquidation.

Everything must go.

Giveaway.

Love in the twenty-first century?

People can be what
they wanna be?

Any way you want it?



Any way you want it?

Love in the twenty-first century?

Good morning, Marilyn.

Though we're living
in a modern world?

I still believe in?

Baby, maybe I'm a special
girl 'cause I'm looking for?

A different kind of love?

Turn around, baby.

Not the ordinary one?

I'm trying to find?

Inhale. Come back
into ''warrior one'

A different kind of love?

And exhale. Bring the
hands to the floor...

and take your left foot
back 'downward facing dog.'



Take your right foot
up to your hands...

and breathe into
'warrior one' posture.

And exhale come into a
''warrior two' posture.

Pause here for a moment.

Alive?

Did I have fun?

Yes.

Did I?

Yeah.

Got everything?

Cell phone?

Yes.

Wallet?.

Yes.

Self-respect?.

That wasn't with me last night.

I'm dying to find?

A different kind of love?

I bought this for my... girlfriend.

And, uh... you know...

It just...

It wasn't the right fit.

So what's your return...

Sir, we kind of have a policy -

There's no exchanges or
refunds on dildos...

or penetrating devices.

I mean, but it wasn't what we
were looking for, you know.

I understand. Maybe
you can take it home...

and use it as a dog chew
toy or a paperweight.

Thanks for coming
to the Gaybourhood.

Thanks.

Have a good day.

'morning.

Good morning.

You're late.

I know.

Considering this is only your
second week on the job -

You sure treat it with
a lot of contempt.

Oh, don't take it personally, Zeke.

I treat all of my
jobs with contempt.

Don't expect me to last very long.

I don't.

Good morning, sir.

All purple dildos are on sale today.

Don't forget to buy in bulk.

It's a wonderful day
for dildo-buying.

Zeke, I had the most
incredible fourgy last night.

I just don't even
know where to begin.

Please, don't. I just had breakfast.

Zeke -

Sex can be a lot of fun.

Don't knock it.

Just because I define
myself as a gay man,

doesn't mean that I'm a whore.

I never charged a penny in my life.

Hi. Swimwear is on sale, right?.

For you, anything.

Twenty-nine dollars.

I'll take them.

These are going to
look hot on you.

Hey, don't I know
you from somewhere?

I don't know.

You look familiar, too.

Long John'

Excuse me?

That's how I entered
you in my cell phone.

We hooked up about a year ago.

I fucked you in my bathroom.

Jesus Christ.

Right. I vaguely remember now.

Fun times.

How you been?

Good.

Long John, these
are gonna hug you...

in all the right places.

So do you still have my number?.
We should do it again sometime.

I'm flattered, but actually
I don't do that anymore.

Bathtubs?

Sex.

I'm in S.C.A.

Oh I'm sorry, I
don't speak acronym.

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous

Right, hush hush.

Why?

You couldn't tell I'm
a sexual compulsive?

No. I thought you had sex
with me because you like me.

Not because you're a compulsive.

When we had sex...

I had a slip.

I never smelled anything.

Here's my card.

Perhaps we can
hang out sometime.

Yeah, but how will I know
when you're having a slip?

Oh, not for sex.

Maybe you'd like to
check out an SCA meeting?

Or a cuddle party.

Cuddle party?

How sad.

He is one of life's
cruel contradictions -

A total bottom with
a dick to die for.

And then - when he should
be going to meetings...

to learn how to top -

He decides to stop
having sex all together.

Double sad.

I don't see what's sad about
someone realizing they have...

a problem, and trying to
do something about it.

Seeing all these grown
up men spending...

all their time trying to
get laid, now that's sad.

Oh Zeke, please.

There's a lot of important
stuff happening out there.

Issues that we need to fight for...

Civil rights,

Discrimination, equality, marriage.

Well I don't see you
out on the barricades.

You're working here with me
here, peddling rubber dick.

Now why is that?

This is just temporary.

Hey Marilyn.

Oh Peter. Peter.

Guess what?

What?.

Who's getting married?

I am.

Bart asked me to marry him
this morning. I'm engaged.

Congratulations.

My God, that's awesome.

Did you guys set a date?

We're thinking mid-September.

There's just so much to do.

Oh Peter. I am so excited for us.

You and Derek moving in together
and me off to get married.

It really goes to
show, you, you know -

Dreams do come true.

Congratulations, Bart.

Bart, sit down over here...

so we can discuss the
wedding invitations.

Not your department?.

I thought so.

Leave us alone then.

Kissy Kissy.

Kissy Kissy.

Men - it's never too late
to teach them new tricks.

Anyway, it might be a
bit premature, but...

I've started working
on a seating chart.

Let me get your input.

This is huge.

Maybe this would be a good
time to go over some rules.

What kind of rules?

I would just hate for us to fight...

about the small stuff,
you know, like...

...who's turn it is to do the dishes,

and taking out the
garbage and stuff.

And then there's the
toilet seat issue.

You know how much
that bothers me.

Maybe we could put up a sign,
you know, to remind me.

I'm serious.

A lot of relationships go bad
when people move in together.

I just don't want
that to happen to us.

Baby, it won't.

We just have to be
considerate of each other,

and give each other some slack.

Right?.

Right.

Besides, it's too late.
Unless you were planning...

on putting me out on
the street or something.

I didn't say I changed my mind.

Are you trying to get me drunk?

Yeah, a little bit.

Here, let's have a toast, okay?

To ten wonderful
months together and...

many, many more to come.

I love you.

I love you more.

Let the manhunt begin.

Loose a button, make a friend.

You gonna come up for air, baby?

It's just so cavernous.

I'm addicted to cleavage.
I don't understand it.

Um, maybe because
it resembles ass?

Halt.

Quality control.

I need to verify that this
drink is not poisoned.

Water?.

What?. Are you
pregnant or something?

That is a rare species of cock.

What are you? Some kind
of penis anthropologist?.

What do we have here, Mace?

We have an ergonomic variety.
Not often found in North America.

I am South African.

Well that explains it.

So what will it be Luke?

Something stiff and
fruity. Like my men.

Two vodkas. Splash of cranberry.

I've got me a
twenty-five dollar pussy,

ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my god.

A five dollar ghetto booty
and two dollar titties.

Oh there they go.

Who needs Botox when
you got cupcakes?

You know what Annie
said, don't you?

Uh, who?

You know, Orphan Annie.

That lucky little bitch
with the red hair.

I give up.

You're never fully
dressed without a smile.

And that would make you naked.

I see...

So, what do you do?

Oh.

Now did you go ask him
what he does for a living?

Yeah...

Cause Luke is allergic
to that question.

Vodka.

I cannot be defined
by how I pay my rent.

Then how? By that ridiculous scarf
and all the body glitter?

Honey, if you're not sparkling -
what the fuck are you doing?

Touch?.

I'm Luke.

What name do they call
out when they pin...

your ankles behind your ears?

I'm Stephen.

Stephen with a V or
Stephen with a PH?

Uh... PH.

Just verifying that you are gay.

Just for the record - my ankles
are never behind my ears.

Try yoga. You'll get there.

Not necessary, I'm a total top.

How... Limiting. Why?

Not that it's any of your business
but I just don't like to get fucked.

Wait, your name is
Stephen with a PH...

and you're a total top?

Papi, how could you neglect
your prostate like that?

You know, nice talking
with you girls -

And a great reminder of why I
don't come to places like this.

And just what do
you mean by that?.

People here are so... typical.

Are you calling me typical?

Typical might not be
flamboyant enough.

I'd say, you're more
of a gay clich?.

Eres mas pasiva que
la puta que te pario.

(You're more of a bottom than
the bitch that gave you birth. )

He called me a gay clich?.

Oh fuck him.

What does he want me to do?
Wear flannel and go hiking?

I'll show him gay clich?.

Oh, no.

Would the crazy faggot
get off the furniture?.

Would the drag queen please
get a wardrobe budget?.

Security.

I'm Tess Tickles
and this is my show.

Get your paws off me.

Whoa.

Oh.

Hey there, shy boy.

Where do you live?

No, where do you live, stud?

I'm sick of changing my sheets.

Eightieth and Broadway.

Where do you live?

I live around the corner actually.

Bye.

I was starting to judge myself...

And I have the potential
to judge myself...

right back into a bar.

So I dumped that little pee-wee,

cause ain't nobody taking
my fucking sobriety.

No way. No how.
Ain't gonna happen.

Hi, I'm Marilyn and
I'm an alcoholic.

Hi Marilyn.

Thanks for the share, Sheila.

I'm still having
trouble... Letting go.

I'm having trouble
getting to step three...

But thanks to my sponsor
Trisha, I think I'll get there.

I'm learning to appreciate
the little things in life.

You know, like cranberry juice.

I used to resent
cranberry juice because...

it made my vodka taste so...

I don't know...

Sweet.

Now I realize cranberry
juice can be really tasty.

Straight up.

Luke?

Try to look busy.

The owner said he
might come by today.

What do you want me to do?

I don't know... Dust porn.

You know, I never in
a million years...

imagined I'd grow up to be this -

A duster of porn.

Who said you're grown up?

God knows you're no
spring chicken...

...but as far as fitting into the...

sociological
framework of an adult?

Eh-eh.

I suppose you learned all this...

sociology mumbo-jumbo
at the New School?

Before they kicked you out?

They didn't kick me out. I left.

Well, I didn't have to
waste time at college...

to learn about sociology.

Did you know that some
study on the correlation...

between penis size
and various things -

Found that there is no
connection whatsoever...

with the size of the feet?.

And you bring this up because...?

The study did claim however,

there is a connection between
penis size and height.

But I often find glaring
exceptions to that rule.

Well maybe their sampling
wasn't as big as yours.

True.

So why did you leave?

What?.

School?

My parents stopped
helping me with tuition...

after I came out to them.

Ouch.

They decided New York wasn't
the best place for me -

And instead enrolled me at
some religious school in Ohio.

Eww.

That's why I didn't go back.

Black anal lickers.

I think I know that guy.

That's a picture of an ass.

Yeah...

I think I slept with it.

God, you're so typical.
Where are the normal gay people?

Typical?

You just hold it right there, Mister.

The other night, some guy
called me a gay clich? -

Very perceptive of him.

Excuse me?

For your information, there
is nothing typical about me.

At all.

Just because we work together
you think you know me.

I went home with
you once. Remember?.

Bits and pieces...

So?

So, I know you're not very good.

I passed out.

Exactly.

I was drunk.

No kidding.

Yoo-hoo.

You two are such a cute couple.

And you sweetie...

Oh, you remind me so much
of myself as a young man.

Peter, tell me...

Am I just a pathetic gay clich??

Don't answer that.

I know what you think.

But seriously -

Why does this
bother me so much?

I guess everybody
has a need to feel...

significant in some way.

You have Derek and that
whole lovey-dovey shit.

But that's not for me.

I guess being single and
easy makes me feel good.

If I wanna fuck I fuck.

Are you following me?

Hey Marilyn. How is restaurant
managing treating you?

Luke. What a pleasant surprise.

Maybe I should
come work for you?

We had such fun waiting tables
together last summer, didn't we?

Yes, didn't we?

Oh, and Peter tells me you
got engaged to the owner.

Way to go.

Thank you, Luke.

But... I thought you couldn't
have a relationship...

if you're in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It's not a cult.

Anonymous means
anonymous, Peter.

Sorry.

Right. Hush, hush. If only
your liver could talk.

As a matter of fact,
I'm late for a meeting.

Trusting you can close things up?

Don't forget to throw out the trash.

Goodnight, Marilyn. Iets
go for drinks soon.

Hey baby.

Hey.

How you doing?

Good.

I'll have another.

Actually, we're closed.

Oh, come on. A friend in need.

Derek, you remember Luke,
one of our regulars.

Hello there Luke.

And hello to you.

He's just depressed because
he found out today...

that he's a gay clich?.

I am not.

Okay, baby... Just
give me a few minutes.

I just have to close out.

OK.

So Luke, right?

Why don't you tell me
what's bothering you?

How can it be?

I've worked so hard to stand out.

To sparkle.

Not to be some stereotype.

I don't think you have
to worry about that.

You seem to stand out to me.

Besides, nobody fits neatly
into a stereotype Luke.

Do you have a big dick?

Uhh, I don't know.

Really?

Let me investigate.

OK, sure, sure. I have a big dick.

So you're a black
man with a big dick.

We're all just a
bunch of stereotypes.

All of us.

There are black men
with small dicks.

Poor, poor souls.

There are exceptions
to all stereotypes.

But I don't want to be an
exception, or a stereotype.

I wanna be exceptional.

Sometimes it all
seems so pointless.

Are you lonely?

I'm drunk.

You know before I met Peter -

I felt that way a lot.

You know, I wasn't
unhappy, but something...

definitely was missing in my life.

Baby, I'm ready to go.

Luke, out.

Don't let him
pussy-whip you, okay?

Excuse me?

I'm just saying. I know Peter.

I think I can take care of myself.

Hey, I said time to go.

No kidding. Where's the party?

Now we'll get you a cab
and get you home, OK?

Home? Who's going home?

Home is the four-letter
word for no other option.

I am not going home.

Where's Mace?

Come on, honey, lets go.

Audrey.

Hi.

What are you doing later?

There's a party in my pants
and everybody's coming.

I'm Luke.

I know.

We've hooked up like three times.

You never remember me.

Sorry. Just trying to be polite.

Luke. Yeah, you made it.

I always do.

You've got to see Mace
performing in the dark room.

I just... I just saw like,
seven hands and a trunk.

It's something out
of Indian mythology.

Have you been
pollinating again, baby?

Give us the blow by blow.

I was nursing a giant banana slug.

I held a left hook in one hand and
a sloping cascade in the other.

That is the most highly
evolved species.

It's naturally angled to just slide...

My turn.

Follow me.

Beware of the trolls, Mamita.

Audrey, can I go home now?

Aww, just nuzzle in, hon. It's OK.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

Where did you learn that?

Hobby.

You've got some talent.

Umm, practice makes perfect.

You wanna...

You wanna finish this at my place?

I kind of want your
undivided attention.

Are you always this needy?

Not always.

Well, it's not everyday that
I find a sloping cascade.

A what?

A sloping cascade.
My friend Mace -...

You?
- Stephen?

With a PH.

Well that's funny.

Are you stalking me?

Hell no.

Still wanna come home with me?

No.

Why not?

You called me a gay clich?.

Aw. You didn't strike me
as the sensitive type.

I didn't mean to upset you.

Yes you did.

Well, I take it back.

Woof.

Meow.

Iets blow this joint.

I already have.

I'm beat.

I bet. Long day, huh?

Anything I can get you?

Always the gentleman.

Anything for my baby.

Been in this daze for days?

From the love you gave?

Still so sweet on my mind?

Feeling kind of crazy?

But I can't hardly wait?

To see you again?

Just do what you do?

Don't ever stop?

Giving me that love you got?

Don't ever stop?

Always rely on things you feel?

Things you feel inside?

When you need to put
your sense beside?

Let your heart decide?

I can't get enough.
Though it can be rough?

Even make you cry?

Never say goodbye?

Maybe feel the same?

This is not a game we're playing?

It's the truth we make?

I can't get enough...?

Get enough.... Get enough....?

Roses are very
conventional, of course.

But that's not
necessarily a bad thing.

At my cousin Suzy's
wedding, they had tulips.

Tulips. Everywhere.
It was so bizarre.

Just a few more minutes,
honey. I'm so ready.

Umm, right there, honey.

Umm, right there. That's it.

No tulips.

No tulips for me.

Wait, let me get this straight.

You met your perfect man -

In the backroom at Boys Room?

Isn't that ideal?

Most people would be
ashamed to admit that.

I am not most people.

No Kidding.

I've been with a lot of guys.

I mean, A LOT of guys...

But this was something
out of the ordinary.

What, you didn't pass out?.

Stephen and I had
a real connection.

I think we even looked
each other in the eyes.

And the way he fucked me,
I went right into the stratosphere.

And then he didn't care
about cumming himself.

He didn't cum?

No. He said he didn't need to.

It was all about my pleasure.

Well, you must have liked that.

Oh, I did.

I bet he's on anti-depressants.

Or Tina

What?.

Or E. He probably couldn't cum.

That is not true. I
can make anyone cum.

He just chose not to.
For him it was all about Moi.

Jesus.

So what about you?

Did you bang anyone from
naked yoga class last night?.

Naked yoga class is
not about sex, Luke.

Me and Jasper were busy...

making flyers for the
equal rights march.

Huh.

Who's Jasper?.

My dog.

Aren't you non-stop fun.

Hey you.

Now that's customer service.

Luke is trained to satisfy.

Zeke, this is Stephen.

With a PH.

So you're the guy who's been
keeping Luke awake all night?.

Hey don't I know you?

I don't' think so.

So, to what do we
owe the pleasure...

of your presence here
at the Gaybourhood?

Interested in a butt-plug?

May I introduce you to
the anal intruder?.

No smart ass, you know
I'm not into that.

I came to ask you on a date.

How proper.

Luke doesn't date.
Too much commitment.

Is that true?

Not necessarily. It's just
the idea of dating...

Hi. How are you?

Hi.

Sitting across from a
complete stranger...

and having them ask me
forced questions...

Like how many brothers
and sisters I have,

where I grew up, and
what my star sign is.

It's so unnatural.

Credit or debit?

Debit.

Go ahead and swipe your
card and press your pin.

Date is a four letter
word for interview.

And if I wanted one of those -

I'd look for a real job.

Thank you.

So, may I schedule one?

What?.

I like the skills on your resume.
Can I set up an interview?

Only if it's a very modern-day,

very no-strings-attached
type interview.

I'm a no-strings-attached
employer.

I won't even bother to
check your references.

Yeah, that would take years.

So, how about tomorrow?

Yes.

You don't know me,
and I don't know you.

Perfect.

There's a spinning class at
David Barton Gym at 7.30 PM.

Be there.

Will do.

Oh, fuck you, Zeke.

Come on.

Five... four... three... two... one.

Hit it. Up and off
that seat, come on.

Yeah go for it.

That's right, up that hill.

Go. Nice.

Pound with that foot. Pound it.

Yeah. Come on, you can do it.

Keep going. That's right.

All right guys...

...you ready?

I said are you ready?

One - go.

Yeah. Go. Come on.

Yeah. Come on, you
can do it. Push.

Push. Yeah.

Save it for the steam room.

So I was wondering:

How many brothers and
sisters do you have,

where did you grow up,
and what's your star sign?

One of each.

Beaverton, Oregon.

Cancer.

And you?

I'm an only child. Beverly
Hills, California. Leo.

So, what do we do now
that we know each other?

I think we take it slow.

All the way to my place.

Impressive.

You don't remember my
place from the other night?

Not at all.

I just hope you don't substitute
taste with a price tag.

Well, I brought you home didn't I?

You calling me cheap?

So how do you afford
all your baubles?

Are you asking what
I do for a living?

Let me rephrase the question.

Who had to die for you
to afford this place?

Well if you must know,
I have a trust fund.

Well it's not something I'm
proud of, or not proud of.

It just is. And it allows
me to focus on my passion.

Which is?

Painting.

I'm getting my MFA
at the New School.

Everything you see
on the wall is mine.

Nice.

I'm trying to evoke visual
emotions from my art.

I want you to feel something
when you look at it.

Like those ink blots?

Would you like to lay down?

Don't mind if I do.

How does that one make you feel?

Horny.

And this one?

Horny.

What's your passion in life?

I would have to say sex.

Nothing more? Nothing
a little deeper?

Oh, deeper...

And you wonder why I
called you a gay clich?.

And what would you
like to hear doctor?

That all I want is to
love and be loved?

And until I find that,
I'll fuck to forget?.

Well, now you've given me
something to work with.

Great.

That'll be our little secret.

So, um...

How much do I owe
you for this session?

Just a kiss.

I'm sorry, I gotta head out.

I have a friend who's
going through some drama...

and I told her I'd meet her
for dinner at nine-thirty.

Oh.

To be honest I had no idea that
our date would go so well.

But I'm looking forward to
getting more inside of you.

Pun intended.

I'll call you tomorrow.

I'll call you after dinner.

Honey - no.

Because I don't want you to
re-arrange anything in there.

Just wait until I get home, OK?

Thank you.

I love you more.

I don't know what to do.

What's that honey?

I just... I just need things...

to be a certain way,
you know, and...

...Derek doesn't get that.

And now he's started re-arranging...

the bedroom closet to
fit his things in.

Even though we both know,
I would do it better.

Is there something
else bothering you?

No.

Well... Yeah.

He takes everything so lightly.

Always so sweet to everyone.
Always in a good mood.

Always so perfect, all the time.

And I guess that just
makes me feel...

Not so perfect.

Don't you sabotage
this, now Peter.

Relationships can be very scary.

But when it's right, it's
right. And you'll know.

Yeah, but how do you know?

Well, I don't know. What
are you asking me for?.

Look, don't think so much.

Sometimes you just have
to just plunge ahead...

and go after what you want.

Happiness is not waiting
around for anybody.

It has to be grabbed,
and held on to.

A dirty martini for me is like...

A woman's breasts.

One is not enough, but three -

Three is definitely not enough.

Anybody else with
a burning desire?

I'm Marilyn, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi Marilyn.

I could really go for a Long
Island Ice Tea, right now.

But... thanks to my sponsor
Trisha, she's taught me that -

I only want something
to hold onto.

I want a prostitute.

I've been sober for...

Thirty-four weeks.

And as most of you know,
I'm getting married soon.

To my wonderful fianc?.

So if anybody knows of a
banquet hall that would...

compliment my colours of
cantaloupe and cream -

You can speak to me
after the meeting.

Someone else?

Hi, I'm Sam, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi Sam.

I've got a burning desire
for just... a beer.

Any beer.

One beer.

I've got just two days of sobriety...

and I've been coming
here almost two years.

We must realize that
we're powerless...

in the face of our addictions.

Give me a prostitute.

A prostitute.

Are we all finished here?

Thank you.

It was delicious.

Good.

I just feel so ashamed when
I see people like Bobbi.

Who's been in the program just
a couple of months, and...

...she's already on step seven.

And here I am, and I can't
even seem to reach step three.

It seems like the harder I
try, the further away I am.

Breathe Marilyn.

You just need to give
up the control of...

your life to your higher
power. Just let go.

I guess I feel that if
I don't control it,

it won't get done.

For example: I
registered at Macy's -

And there's this crock pot
that I'm dying to have.

And when I went back
over my registry,

they had forgotten to include it.

Completely overlooked.

I mean, if I hadn't double
checked; that crock pot...

would not be among
my wedding gifts.

You think I can just leave
a 300 Dollar crock pot,

up to my higher power?

Is Bart able to help
you in letting go?

No, Bart thinks I'm making
a big fuss over nothing.

He can't even help me locate
a venue for my bridal shower.

Maybe you should just wait
a little with your wedding,

it seems really stressful.

No. I wanna get it over with.

Do you think we can have my
bridal shower at my home group?

Marilyn...

Yes?

Trisha...

This doesn't feel right.

Marilyn, I know you're
attracted to me too.

I am?

You could be rushing
into this wedding...

To avoid dealing with
your true feelings.

Have you ever...

been with a woman?

No. Never.

Oh, God, I'm so into you.

Waiter.

Dessert menus, ladies.

One vodka sour, please.

Coming right up.

No Marilyn.

What have I done? I'm
to be a married woman.

Marilyn, you cannot
compromise your sobriety.

Just one, Trisha. Just one.

It doesn't work like that.

Just one, damn it. I'm in control.

No you're not. I'm not. We are not.

Look, I shouldn't have let
my feeling come over me.

I'm not in control of them.

But I am your sponsor, and...

Vodka sour.

Ok.

Trisha.

I will not drink you,
just this minute.

Not, just this minute.

Not...

Oops.

Peter, Marilyn is here to see you.

Hey.

Marilyn, what are you doing here?

Is everything ok?

Peter I don't know what to do.

Oh, ok. Come here and
tell us what's wrong.

I don't have any close
girlfriends in the city.

What do you mean?

Well, I thought I
had a maid of honour.

But...

Well, I don't want to get into it.

Anyway, I have to put together
my bridal shower all by myself.

And I don't know where,
or how, or who, and...

One really shouldn't have to
organize one's own shower.

Maybe it's not necessary
to have a bridal shower?.

You know, we would love
to host your shower.

You would?

Yeah, of course we would.

It would have to be a
non-alcoholic event.

Naturally. Naturally.

But who are you going to invite?

Oh, don't worry, we'll find
you lot's of girlfriends.

And Peter, your ass is gonna look
so good in a little slinky frock.

Oh no. No, I played Jo, in
an all male production...

of Little Women, for six weeks.

I think I've had enough
drag to last me a lifetime.

Don't' be selfish. Do it for me.

I mean -

Do it for Marilyn.

And yesterday this other
guy started blowing me.

Also in the steam room.

But this time I didn't cum
because we got interrupted.

Don't you hate
when that happens?

I know. But isn't that crazy?
Twice in the same week.

People have no shame.

So, Luke...

When this... happens to you...

Do you ever think that
maybe... Just once...

You should say no to it?

No. Why?

Well... You say you like
this Stephen guy...

Maybe you should
explore monogamy?

That's true.

I really do like Stephen.

And yesterday as I was
getting my dick sucked,

I thought about
him the whole time.

Isn't that special?

But what can I say?
I get distracted easily.

If attention deficit disorder...

had been around
when I was a kid -

I definitely would have had it.

It's not ADD, Luke.
It's a compulsion.

You have a compulsive disorder.

I do not.

If someone offers you
dick, you can't say no.

Of course I can.

Do you feel that?

Oh, my.

Your steam room story...

Really turned me on.

Maybe it's time we
finish what we started?

I'll lock the front door.

See? You can't say no.

All the world ever sees
of our community...

is people like you.
It's really a shame.

Why are you always trying
to change the world Zeke?

Because it's the only thing to do.

I'm going to lunch.

So you think maybe I'm a nympho?

I think you really
like this Stephen guy.

But, you're petrified of
love and do everything...

and everyone to
keep your distance.

Huh...

Hey, Luke.

Long John? Hey.

Hi Luke.

Tripod.

Luke.

Jackhammer. Hi.

Ok, well, welcome everybody.

Why don't we...

Why don't we get started.

And we'll go around the room
and introduce ourselves.

I'm Bob, and I'm a
sexual compulsive.

Hi Bob.

Hello, my name is Nacho,
and I am a sexual compulsive.

Hi Nacho.

Hi, I'm Nicki and I'm a sexoholic.

Hi Nicki.

Hi, I'm Lair and I'm a sexual addict.

Hi Lair.

Hi, I'm Vlad, and I'm
addicted to Internet sex.

Hi Vlad.

Hi, I'm Sara.

Hi, I'm Brandi.

And we're co-dependant
and sexually compulsive.

Yeah we fuck a lot.

Hi Sara and Brandi.

Hi, I'm Michael.
I'm a sexual compulsive.

Hi Michael.

Hi, I'm Luke and I love sex.

Hi Luke.

So each morning when I wake
up next to a stranger,

I don't blame myself.

I just need to come here
and stick with my plan.

Remembering that compulsion
is not a choice.

Thank you. Someone else?

My name is Roger, I'm
a sexual compulsive.

Hi Roger.

I've learned to accept... surrender.

Whether it be a donut or a bicep.

I realize that I'm
powerless over both.

That's why I'm here.

Thank you.

Anyone else?

Hi, I'm Luke, and I just
have to say I'm one of you.

I was out recently on
the dunes of Fire Island,

fooling around with this stud.

His ass was so hard,

I couldn't help myself
from actually biting it.

So as I'm fucking him, all
these guys start appearing...

out of nowhere pulling
out their fat meat.

I came all over this guys back,
so I wasn't really horny anymore.

But I knew if I didn't have
a piece of everyone there

I would hate myself so
much the next morning.

So I -

Like you all - accepted surrender.

I took to that hard hung herd...

like a mosquito to
blood. And had my...

Luke, Luke. Luke.
You have to stop.

Because what you're
doing is acting out.

And you're enticing others
to act out as well,

and that's not what we're here for.

We're here to help each other,
and support each other.

Not to pander to our vice.

Ok everyone, repeat after me:

Our disease is a cunning
and baffling beast.

Always seeking out new ways,
to trick us into submission.

Our disease is a cunning
and baffling beast.

Always seeking out new ways,
to trick us into submission.

Our disease is a cunning
and baffling beast.

Always seeking out new ways,
to trick us into submission...

It was crazy...

Like they all got into a trance.

Our disease is a cunning
and baffling beast.

Always seeking out new ways
to trick us into submission.

And then -

They started flogging
themselves with ropes.

They did not.

I swear.

They did not.

Well, they might have.

I was out of there
before it came to that.

Met a cute guy though.

Got his number too.

Your hopeless.

But, I didn't call him. I
decided to wait and see...

how things were
going with Stephen.

So, you see -...

not hopeless.

Well, Luke. That reminds me.

What?.

I remember where I
know Stephen from.

You went to college together.

At the New School?

He's getting his MFA in painting.

Callboy. com?

300 dollars. Out only.
Total top with a total package.

A big dick and a college degree.

Remember how you said
he fucked like a pro?

It's definitely him.

And his sloping cascade.

Nico?

Now you know why
he doesn't cum.

With you.

Will make you feel like
you 're the one and only.

He's got testimonials too.

You little gutter snipe.

I can't believe you
printed this out for me.

Tough love, Luke.

You know what I did last
night when he had...?

It's all making sense.

You know what I did last night
instead of fuck a stranger?.

I went home.

Alone.

Thinking about... Nico.

And just what exactly are
you doing on callboy. com?

I wrote a paper on queer culture
and online sex last semester.

For Sociology class.

No wonder your parents
stopped paying your tuition.

Zeke... Do you have a roommate?

Just Jasper.

Who's Jasper?

My dog.

Right. Fabulous. I'm
gonna need your help.

I just wanna feel
special, Nico, and...

you sound like special
people medicine.

Oh I bet you've got a
lot of regulars, Nico.

Maybe if all goes well tonight,
I'll be a regular too.

Really?

Oh, dear me.

Now you're sure you
don't need a passport...

to come all the way to Queens?

Take the W train.

To thirtieth Avenue.
I'm at 1151 Vernon.

Apartment 1C. One second Nico.

What?.

Ask if he'll bottom for you.

Sorry about that,

my wife is all up in
my shit, as they say.

Now one more little thing -

I'm really in the mood to do
a little pummeling tonight.

Are you a strict top?

Double the price?

Well what's money to me?
I'm sure you're worth every penny.

Oh, you don't say.

Excuse me? Can I try these...

Shut up.

Alright, Nico.

Tonight. 7pm.

Ciao.

How may I help you?

What?. Not the climax
you were expecting, Nico?

You tricked me?

You're the only trick I see.
And way overpriced.

Fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you.

I'm the one who's supposed
to be angry here.

Well I guess you got
me real good, huh?

Set me up for your
Bette Davis moment.

You thought I'd cry and apologize?

This is me, Luke.
This is what I do for a living.

Why?

I need the money.

Oh, yeah, what about
the trust fund?

You don't wanna hear it.

Oh, go on - tell me more lies.

I never lied to you.

Look - My parents blocked
access to my trust. OK?

My family has money, but
I haven't seen a penny...

since they kicked me
out when I was eighteen.

Let me guess. They
found out you were gay,

and cut you off, right?.

No. I was molested by my uncle
from the age of thirteen.

When I finally told the
school counsellor...

and the police got involved -

My parents refused to believe it.

They said I was a disgrace
to the family name...

And didn't want to see me again.

I'm sorry.

I still love my parents.

But it's kind of hard to accept...

that they've never
been there for me.

So this is what I do to
put myself through school.

It's not forever.

But if you're going to
stand there in judgment,

like my parents -

Then I don't want anything
to do with you either.

Don't' you turn this around on me.

I tried to be monogamous for you.

I never asked you to.

Look as two men, we're
free to find our own way.

But we're not gonna find it
if you play games with me.

I wouldn't have
confronted you at all...

if I didn't care about you.

A lot.

Really?

Yeah...

I would have just
told all my friends

I'm fucking a rent boy for free.

So...

Are we still good?

Maybe...

Well, should we find out?.

Do I still get to pummel?

Are you still paying double?

Oh, yeah.

So you're going to
date a prostitute?

I realized I can have
my cake and eat it too.

And how did I eat my cake.

But he totally lied to you..

It was a misunderstanding.

But the best part was he
finally came with me.

It shot right past my
head onto the pillow.

Wait - whose pillow?

Oh, don't worry.
I found a sponge in your kitchen.

Ew. I slept there last night.

Hey, babe.

Hey.

So. Is this the accomplice?

You get off a three?

I do.

But I have a bridal
shower to attend.

You wanna come?

Is this the thing where you
need to dress like a woman?

Yes, and it will be lot's of fun.

Why don't you just
come over after.

You can come to
the party to, Zeke.

I've got wigs to spare.

No thanks. I'll be at home.

Washing my sheets.

I swear, Madeleine - men in New
York they drive you to drink.

I have to say you look
real good in that Burka.

You think I'll get any today?

Has a man in drag ever
gotten laid? Ever?.

Luke, don't spill any of that, Ok?

My name is Conness du Cunt.

Everybody, look who just arrived.

Hey.

Marilyn, congratulations.

Oh, thanks Luke.
I hear your dating someone too.

Unbelievable, no?

Is he here?

No, he had to work.

He's a hustler.

It's perfect.

That's such a cop out.

Come Marilyn, lets go put
that in the bedroom...

with the other presents.

So, how are things
going with the hustler?

I call him Stephen.

Oh, so it's serious
then. Maybe love?

No. Absolutely not.

It's anything but serious.
It's not serious at all. Just fun.

For now.

Ah, the lady doth
protest too much...

I'm not even sure there
is such as thing as love.

What our society
refers to as love -...

seems to be all about power
struggle and addiction.

People will do anything
they can to get love.

And once they get it, they'll
do anything to keep it.

Give me my love fix and
I'll make your dinner,

wash your socks and
give up my freedom.

Give me my love now.

Or I'm going to make you
pay, you fucking pig.

And so on and so forth.

Hmm. Or love can be about...

two people helping
each other grow.

Yeah. And where does the love go
once your done growing?

After it all ends?

You know, the last guy
I was serious about...

I knew there was one.

It was really intense, you know.

We really meant
everything to each other.

He had my back.

And then it ended.

I ran into him last year,
and I go up to him. All excited.

All warm inside. Like I
want to hug him all over.

Like he still meant so much to me.

And I run up to him and he says -...

'What up, Luke? '

And that was it.

All those powerful moments.
All the 'I love you's.'

And in the end, that's all it's worth.

A frigid 'What up, Luke? '

Peter, how did you know
that you were gay?

Uh, I just knew.

But... How did you know?

Um. You know, it feels natural,
like writing with my right hand.

But couldn't you learn to
write with your left hand?

Well... Probably, but my
penmanship would be shit,

and it would feel real awkward.

Hi Peter. I brought a cake.

From the Hamptons.

Thank you, Edie.

Congratulations, Marilyn.

Thanks.

So you never questioned
your sexuality?

Um. No. Never.

Why not?

I'm just not into women.

Have you ever been
with a woman?

No. I have not.

So how do you know
you're not into them?

Marilyn -...

you and I are friends, ok?

That's not what I meant.

Look at this -

Little black marks
all over my floor.

There was this pervert
who hid in the woods...

behind my junior high school...

and flashed some of the girls.

I used to wander in those
woods everyday after school...

hoping and praying that
he would flash me.

It never happened.

But that's how I knew I was gay.

Derek, what's going on here?

Conness and I were just having
a little heart to heart...

and please, call me La Ronda

La Ronda, take off those pumps.
They're scuffing up my parquet.

Ok, you need to
leave me alone and...

who's La Ronda
without her pumps?

She's the woman who's
going to be on her knees...

scrubbing the kitchen
floor tomorrow.

You see why I prefer the
life of a single gal?

Leave my man alone, slut.

Slut?. Am I a slut?

Are you a slut?.

I can't speak for my ass.
It's public property

What's wrong with you people?

Don't you want somebody
to wake up with?

Who you know will be there
through sickness and in health?

Till death do you part?

God knows that's what I want.

You know it is quite
a beautiful feeling.

Why are you all so
in love with love?

I just want to be able
to unhinge my jaw...

like an anaconda.

Right?. I mean why I can't I
enjoy sex for the sake of sex...

without being labelled a slut?

It's really not our fault, Conness.
I mean we're attractive and social,

so we meet a lot of people.

Precisely. And it's our
duty to take advantage...

of the opportunities
presented us in life.

Sluttiness is life affirming.

Slut is a four letter word for YES.

I can't believe you came
over here wearing that.

Do you know, I have
closet case clients...

who would happily bash
you in the street?

Did you know I was bashed once?
In the West Village. Unbelievable.

Were you in drag?

Are you suggesting it
would be justified?

No, of course not.

Yes you are.

You're saying if I was some
swaggering macho man...

in baggy jeans I'd
never be attacked.

Well, yes.

I mean, you're saying
that I'm asking for it,

because I swish and wear heals.

You're never going to change
the world by thinking like that.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

Change the world?

Take off that wig. I can't
even take you seriously.

Why should I take it off, Nico?

Give me a break Luke.

What, do you feel the
same way as your clients?

Look, just chill out. You
remind me of my sister.

Wait. You have a sister?

Get over here. You still
got glitter everywhere.

Do not take it off. What am
I doing if I'm not sparkling?

You don't need glitter to sparkle.

Yeah, well you don't need to be
straight acting to be a man.

Touch?.

That was a big mistake.

I thought it was fun.

Of course you did.

What is that supposed to mean?

The way you were all over
everyone. All touchy feely.

Oh come one. I was just
being a good hostess,

you know making
everyone feel welcome.

By grinding on them?

I didn't grind on anybody. I
probably overdid it a little...

to make up for your uptightness.

I was just trying to make
sure the party ran smoothly.

Oh yeah, by nagging
and running around...

telling everyone not
to touch anything.

Look it was your idea to have
the party here, not mine.

Maybe you should have taken
a little more responsibility.

Don't used that cloth on the
floor its for the kitchen.

Would you stop telling me what
to do all the God damn time?

Don't yell at me.

I'm not yelling ok. Just relax.
This party was for Marilyn -

And the important thing was
that she had a good time.

And you know what?
I think she did.

Yeah, I'm not so sure.

She was acting strange
the whole time.

And you know she
can't stand Luke.

God only knows why
you invited him.

Peter, stop.

Come here.

What?.

We love each other right?.

Of course we do.

Good, that's all that
matters. Let's not fight ok?

Hi, I'm Carol and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi Carol.

I'm also a sex and a love addict,
'cause I... I really want to find love.

I'm also in cocaine
addicts anonymous,

'cause I love cocaine.

Have you seen Trisha recently?

No, but I hear she's
been going to the...

thirteenth street group
down in the village.

And I'm also in
overeater's anonymous.

Not because I overeat but -

It's all women. It's all loving.

Thank you Carol. Let's continue
with day counts. Ryan.

I'm Ryan.

Hey Ryan.

I'm an alcoholic. I've got
58 days in the program.

Hi I'm Carlos, and I have
a desire to stop drinking.

I had nine days on Thursday.

I'm Marilyn and I'm an alcoholic.
And today is 246 days.

Commercial closet. org.
They're the ones that get...

positive portrayals in
the mainstream media.

See if they can cover it. Great.

What's going on here Guttersnipe?

Your specialty. Dick inventory.

What's with the boa?

Shock value.

You can't shock
anybody is Chelsea.

True, but you should have
seen the sensation...

it caused at my high school
reunion in rural Oregon.

Speaking of high school,
I'm not coming in tomorrow.

I'm on the GLBT panel at

Booker Washington
High in the Bronx.

What's the panel about?.

Teen empowerment.

Did you know that gay
teens are four times...

as likely to commit
suicide as straight teens?

Yeah, especially if
they live in the Bronx.

It's not a joke Luke. It's
an epidemiological trend.

Fancy word Zeke.

And it can be prevented with
education and awareness.

Gay teens are often
conditioned to believe...

that they're not normal,

which leads to feelings of
inadequacy, depression, suicide.

Teen is just a four letter
word for inexperienced.

I prefer men that can teach
me a little something.

Luke, why are such a
egocentric self serving cunt?.

Don't you have any
concern for other people?

Cunt. Why that's just another
four letter word for...

Shut up.

I'm talking about a
superlatively serious issue here,

and as always you make
it into a smartass joke.

Gay kids are killing themselves.
Show some fucking compassion.

Why? You think I haven't
been through it all?

You think I've forgotten
that every day...

of high school was torture?

That not a moment went by
where I wasn't called...

fag, fruit, fairy, Tinkerbelle?

Well guess what? I
didn't kill myself.

I don't think you forgot.

I think you remembered
it when you wore a...

feather boa to your
High School reunion.

And I think you remember it...

each and every time you
have cheap detached sex.

Right I embrace It all now.

No, your trying to prove to the
world that you're a big fag.

Well guess what? You don't
have to prove anything Luke.

Try just being you.

Don't you need a license
to practice therapy?

Why am I always being
analysed by you?

Why are you so self destructive?

You're not only hurting yourself,

but your behaviour is
hurting all of us.

Who? Who else does it hurt?

Us. Gay men as a
group. The community.

The community. You
know what Zeke?

You're only a homosexual
crusader because...

your parents do not and
will never accept you.

Accept that.

So Stephen...

Uh huh?

What do you like about me?

Your hairy chest. Your
kisses. Your ass.

What about my inner qualities?

What about them?

Like do I have any?

Of course you do. Why?

I don't know.

No, it was just
something Zeke said.

It made me think maybe
I'm not such a swell guy.

Oh please, Zeke? He's an idiot.

Why do you say that?

Him and his crazy gay agenda.
That kid's a pain in the ass.

He really does care though.

Yeah, well I don't care for him.

He tried to break
us up. Remember?

He's probably jealous because...

you have somebody
and he doesn't.

I bet he's in love with you.

No, he's not.

Hey.

Yeah I'm available.

Alright. I can arrange that.

Ok you won't be disappointed.

Ok. Yeah, let me call
you back in a few.

It's one of my regulars for tonight.
He wants me to bring a friend.

Don't look at me. I
will never charge.

I wouldn't dream of it.

I never mix business
with pleasure.

Kind of hard to believe
in your line of work.

Let me make it perfectly
clear to you...

that when I'm working,

I'm able to remove intimacy
from sex completely.

Like a switch.

I'd like to see you afterwards.

Won't you be all fucked out?

Fucked out yeah.
And ready to make love to you.

Define 'make love.'

'Make love.'

When you're with one
special person...

and you're completely present.

You can close your eyes
and there's nobody else.

Just the two of you.

All other sexual fantasies vanish.

Can you try that?

Who are you fantasizing about?

I love you Luke.

Stop trying to fix me.

What?.

I know I'm not perfect,
but I'm pretty happy...

with who I am. I'm a good guy.

Do you even know that?

Yeah, of course I do.

Let me be me, Peter.

Baby, what are you talking about?.

You don't even know do you?

You don't even realize
what you're doing?

What?.

Listen, I prefer doing
dishes using a brush -

I'm fine with you using the sponge
even though its less sanitary.

But I won't have you tell
me I have to do it as well.

It doesn't fucking matter, Peter.

Watch your potty mouth, dear.

Stop telling me what to do.

Oh man.

Why don't you just
go ahead and say it?

Say what?.

That you don't love me
anymore and that...

it was a mistake to
move in together.

That's not what I'm saying Peter.

But that's what you're
thinking isn't it?.

That's not true.

There's no use denying it.
I can feel it.

You don't love me anymore.

The only reason you're still
here is because you gave up...

your apartment and you
have no where else to go.

I have places to go.

Yeah, then why don't you?

Are you asking me to?

If you aren't happy with
me, you shouldn't stay here.

You know what,
you're unreasonable.

Wait, don't you dare leave
while I'm trying to talk to you.

For the last time, stop
telling me what to do.

Where are you going?

Out.

Trisha.

I really missed you.

Marilyn.

I haven't seen you in weeks.

And you didn't bother
coming to my bridal shower.

Why haven't you called me back?

Haven't you found
a new sponsor?.

I thought about what you
said and I just feel...

really confused about everything.

I need you.

Like you need a drink?

I feel very close to
you. As a friend.

Marilyn, why are you here?

I want to keep you in my life. I...

Let me help you work
through your feelings.

Feelings?

You don't have to
disappear just because...

you're in love with me.

In love with you?

Marilyn...

I just wanted to bump your donut.

Bump... donut?

I did not switch meetings
because I'm in love with you.

I just disappeared because...

...you're a threat to my sobriety.

What?.

I can't be around people
who have tendencies...

to fall out of the program.

But you're my sponsor.

Not anymore.

Nothing so wrong,
nothing so right?

I say it's just a
matter of perspective?

You try to move on?

But in a hard light?

Things are even worse
than you suspected?

Inhale...

Exhale, come back
into Warrior One.

Inhale.

And exhale. Bring your
hands to the floor...

and your left foot comes
back. Downward Facing Dog.

Roll the bones away?

Help is on the way?

Roll the bones away?

Help is on the way?

Help is on the way?

'Morning Zeke.

Stephen had to work all night,
so I went out and got even.

God I am so tired.

I think I'll take a nap
behind the counter for...

a couple hours if that's ok with...

you.

You must be Luke.

Who are you?

Dale.

I used to work here. I'm
covering Zeke's shifts...

until they find a replacement.

Where's Zeke?

I dunno. He quit.

He quit?

Yes. And no you cannot
sleep behind the counter.

What are you doing here?

Didn't you get my messages?

I've been busy Tinkerbelle.

Look Guttersnipe, I'm sorry about
what I said about your parents.

That was below the belt.

Oh. Thanks.

You don't mean you came
all the way out here...

to apologize did you?

Zeke, please come back
to work. I miss you.

And that Dale person
is scaring me.

Luke, I didn't quit because of you.

You didn't?.

Of course not. I got a better job.

You did?

Yes.

Doing what?

It's very exciting actually.

The administration at
the school I spoke at...

offered me a job as
a student councillor.

They might even pay for
me to finish my degree.

But, it's in the Bronx.

That is correct.

But, what about me?

This isn't about you Luke.

I'm doing something I believe in.
Be happy for me.

I'll miss you.

We can still be friends.
We just won't work together.

Will we hang out?.

Sure we will.

And for what it's worth,
I think you're normal.

I am not normal. I'm exceptional.

I mean inherently normal.

Normal enough to exist
outside of the gay ghetto.

I tricked in Jersey once.

You know what?. I gotta go.

But wait. We have
things to talk about.

Like what?.

Nico, for example. He
told me he loves me.

What do I do?

Do you love him?

I think I might.
So, I should tell him then? Right?.

Is that what you're saying?

I don't know Luke.

I shouldn't tell him?

Do you really know this guy?

Do we ever really know anyone?

He told you he was getting
his MFA in painting...

from the New School, right?

Don't tell me the New
School has no MFA program?

Oh, they have an MFA program.

In creative writing.

There you are.

Cheers.

To what?.

Us. Happy one month anniversary.

You've been counting days?

Yes. And I wanted to
show you this gallery.

I've been thinking about buying it.

Sounds expensive.

Well, I've always
wanted my own gallery.

I've been saving up.

And Christopher said he'd
help put the money together.

Christopher?

Ciccone. Madonna's brother.

You know Madonna?

Well we've hung out a few times.
She's a sweetheart.

The thing is, Christopher
used to be in love with me.

So, I'm hoping it
won't be a problem.

Anyway, he says he
really likes my work...

and wants to help out.

Those paintings at your house...

Yes?

Are they even yours?

What did you say?

Did I stutter?

Well, what do you
mean by that Luke?

Why don't you tell me Stephen?

What the fuck.
You don't think those are mine?

I spoke to Zeke. The
New School has no

MFA program in painting.

Zeke's a fucking freak, ok?
Look I never said...

My degree is at the New School.

The MFA is in
conjunction with Parsons.

You know, this isn't
the first time you...

fucking tried to trick me Luke.

You have a real problem.

This isn't the first time
I caught you lying to me.

Did I ever say that
I wasn't a hustler?.

So you take classes at Parsons?

My studio is at Parsons.

What's the address?

Oh fuck you Luke.

I just want to know where
the Parson's studio is.

Fifth and thirteenth, ok?

Do you want me to take you there?

Yes.

You know, you are unbelievable.

I don't have to prove
anything to you.

Happy Anniversary baby.

I gotta go.

Obviously we have some
serious trust issues here.

Yes we do.

I believe in you Luke.
Will you believe in me?

I'll call you later.

I want to give you my
faggotty attention?

Baby, let me make you feel right?

With my faggotty attention?

Baby all I need is the night?

Let the manhunt begin.

Loose a button, make a friend.

I don't think so.

Oh, homerun honey-lover.

Knick knack paddy whack,
give this dog a bone.

An undiscovered species.

Impossible.

I want to give you my
faggotty attention?

Baby, let me make you feel right?

With my faggotty attention?

My favourite flavour is
yum yum butterscotch.

Hi, I'm conducting
an informal survey.

Which is more important -

Length or girth?

There's only one answer.

Oh look. Fur.

I'm a mammal.

Oh que pasa Luke? What your
heart not in it tonight?

Yeah, I'm not into it tonight.

Que lindo.

The scent of a man.

Hey Mace -

Wanna take off and maybe
catch a movie at my place?

You're kidding.

Right?.

Actually no.

Luke, a libido is a
terrible thing to waste.

It's Tuesday night.

Luke, what did you expect?

Mace and I have always
been like this.

That's because you've always
been on the same track.

Maybe you're moving in
a different direction.

When are you going to settle down
with a man that deserves you?

What?. And give up all my boys?

Watch it Audrey. That's my line.

Did you sleep with
someone else last night?

You know you don't
need to ask that.

I know.

Hey boys.

I knew I could find you here.

I need some relationship advice
from the perfect couple.

I've really been making an effort
with my rent boy, Nico.

That's nice.

I just don't believe a thing he says.

He tells me it's me.

Maybe it is.

Well, what is it that he's saying
that you don't believe?

Small things. Big things.

Everything.

He told me he used to
hang out with Madonna...

and date her brother.

Well, maybe it's true.

Yeah, and maybe not.

You just can't anyone
fuck with you Luke.

Hey Marilyn. Great
party the other night.

Are you fully recovered?

There's no use. She won't talk.

What do you mean?

She came in about an hour ago,
made a double vodka cranberry,

and has been sitting over there
starring at it ever since.

I can't get a hold of Bart.
I just, I don't know what to do.

Let me take care of this.

Hey Marilyn.

If you're not going to shit
you need to get off the pot.

Some people are actually
into that stuff.

Can you believe that?.

Isn't that sick?

I guess I could pee on someone
if they really wanted me to.

Wouldn't necessarily turn me on.

Which I guess is a good thing,
cause it's kinda hard...

for a guy to pee if he's
turned on. Know what I mean?

Hey this is good stuff.

I guess if you're
going to drink again,

you ought to go for top shelf.

So do you want some?

Then you better give
me a good reason.

I can't let go and let God.

Excuse me?

I need to be in
control of everything.

And I feel like I'm loosing it.

I want to get married, I do.

But I'm scared.

And how do I know he's it?.

Or that any man is it?.

I might be a lesbian you know.
I kissed a girl.

Did you like it?.

It was soft.

So, you are a sexually confused,

obsessive compulsive,
control freak.

And now you don't know what
to do about what's his name.

This could call for a
drink. I admit that.

But what I always ask myself
in times like these -

Could I really give up dick
for a pair of titties?

I think not.

Could you?

No.

I thought so.

And the second thing,

and this is really important
so listen carefully;

Do I love him?

That's the question you
need to ask yourself.

It's the one that matters.

Do you love him?

What's his name.

I do.

Good. Then go home
and tell him so.

The rest will work itself out.

Thank you Luke.

Don't mention it.

Oh, hey Marilyn.

Thanks for the drink.

And thank you boys.

Now I know what I need to do.

Please forgive me Derek.

I'm just going to let you be you
from now on, I promise.

You're amazing.

I love you.

I love you more.

Hey.

I was just on my way out
to get something to eat.

Not that I've had an
appetite all day.

Hey listen...

I don't know why I'm so paranoid.

Stephen, I'm sorry.

If you're willing to let me,
I'd like to work on trusting you.

Let's work on it together, ok?

We have something really special.
Just don't freak out on me.

Agreed.

Luke?

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm going to work on the trust
after some minor verification.

Get out of there.

Canada?

Look I lived there briefly
after my parents kicked me out.

Stop giving me excuses.

They're not excuses,
they're explanations.

Wait you said you were 18
when your parents kicked you out -

This license you got
when you were 16.

Look, they didn't cut me off
until I was 1 5 I moved to my...

grandparents for a
while and then...

You're not even a Leo.

My rising is in Leo.

Who are you?

Stephen.

Not Nico? Just plain Stephen?

Look. I've had a lot of shit happen
to me in life. Ok?

I have to be a lot of different
things to a lot of different people.

And sometimes I get confused.

So you lie?

No.

Stephen, I don't know if anything
you've ever told me is true.

I don't care where you're from.
I don't care if you're a painter.

And I certainly don't care
whether or not you're a Leo.

But I do care about honesty.

You're going to have
to trust me, Luke.

Trust has to be built. You
have a problem Stephen.

I don't have a problem.

You know, I knew
the day I met you...

that you were a typical gay clich?.

Things get a little
rocky, and you run, huh?

So fucking typical.

Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I had Madonna on the phone,

She said her brother's
never even heard of you.

Fucking typical. Do you hear me?

Try accepting who
you are Stephen.

Whoever that is.

You're just like every
other gay man out there.

Yeah? Well if putting honestly
first makes me a gay clich? -

Then that's what I am.

I love you Luke.

I've never been able to
say that to anybody.

Will you stop lying?

I don't lie.

Then love is just
another four letter word.

For what?

Huh?

A four letter word for what?

I don't know.

I don't know.

And after all that
we've been through?

It's sad I'm still in love with you?

And in my heart I know it's true?

That I'm still in love with you?

That I'm still in love with you?

At my friend Melinda's wedding,

you should have seen how
that little girl squealed.

I guess what I'm getting at Bart,

is that flower girls can
really ruin a ceremony.

And that niece of yours,
has just got to stop eating.

I've never seen a three
year old quite so big,

and she's only getting bigger.

Keep in mind that her dress
has already been fitted.

I mean what is she just going
to bust out at the seams...

right there in the
middle of the isle?

I refuse to be upstaged...

by the world's biggest
toddler at my own wedding.

Oh.

Yes. Oh Bart. Baby. Yes.

Right there.

Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh Bart.

The wedding is off.

I mean the ceremony is off.

The formalities, the
production, the protocol.

Fuck it.

Let's elope.

You killed Bridezilla?

I did.

I finally did step 3 Bart.

Thank you Higher Power.

So how many teenagers have
you saved from themselves?

I have a great rapport
with my students.

I bet you do.

And what's going on
with you young Luke?

Have you ever wanted to
press Control/Alt/Delete...

and start over?

Definitely.
Steven slash Nico?

Hopeless case.

I'm sorry.

How are you?

Normal.

No, it's all good. I had
a nice time with Stephen.

And it's nice to know
I'm capable of having...

a relationship with someone.

It just has to be the right someone.

Or I could get a puppy.

So cute. What's his name?

Jasper.

Jasper. Such a pretty name
for such a pretty dog.

He's the best. Aren't you babe?

I'm glad you called.

I actually missed you.

Really? What did the community
have to say about that?.

The community is at
peace with that.

I missed you too.

So what did you miss about
me you little guttersnipe?

I don't know Tinkerbelle.
Your 'joie de vivre.'

I guess I am pretty
fun to be around.

And argue with.

What? Are we going to
home and fuck now?

Let's just go for coffee.

Unless you wanna fuck behind
that tree over there.

Oh, I was just going to say,

let's go fuck behind
that tree over there.

Or we could get a gang
bang with those guys.

What do you think?

Ehhh...

You go ask them, I'm intimidated.

You?re intimidated?

Love in the twenty-first century?

People can be what
they wannna be?

Anyway you want it?

Anyway you want it?

Love in the twenty-first century?

Though we're living
in a modern world?

I still believe in?

Baby, maybe I'm a special
girl 'cause I'm looking for?

A different kind of love?

Not the ordinary one?

I'm trying to find?

A different kind of love?

One that gives me what I want?

I'm dying to find?

A different kind of love?