A Fine Mess (1986) - full transcript

Two friends an actor and a chef discover a plot to fix a horse race and try to capitalize on it. But also have to deal with the two men who fixed it who are trying to silence them. And there's also the mob boss whom the two guys work for who planned the fixing thing whose wife is having an affair with the actor.

♪ Love

On the borderline ♪

♪ It's messing

With my mind ♪

♪ I just won't give you up

♪ I'm tired of falling

Gettin' back up ♪

♪ See, I know

One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head

With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess

That we're getting in ♪

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

I don't know what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

♪ Wait by the telephone

♪ One ring

He's not home ♪

♪ Leave in the nick of time

♪ Girl, will you ever be

All mine? ♪

♪ See, I know

One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head

With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess

That we're getting in ♪

♪ We're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

Don't know what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

Midway around

the turn for home.

Gary's Bell still in the lead.

Come on, you got 'em,

you got 'em.

You got 'em, you got 'em,

you got 'em! Go, go!

There's Laryngitis.

- Come on, come on!

- Go, go, go!

No!

Aw!

Oh!

I lost!

I lost.

That's a cut.

Spence, come on.

Print that.

She's supposed to be

with me, Spence.

No, she is with you,

Harvey.

I was just

making it real.

All right, everybody.

That's lunch.

Food's over

by the stables.

Hi there.

I don't really

think--

Louise.

I'm Natalie.

Natalie!

Natalie!

Spence, why haven't

I heard from you?

I'll call you

Saturday night.

Hi.

Just wanna grab

an apple here.

Mm-hm.

Still seeing

that linebacker?

Yeah. And he found

your picture

the other day too.

He did?

How'd he like it?

He ate it.

Did he?

Frame and all.

Is that a new perfume there?

Yeah, it's called

Never Again.

Oh, come on, Agnes.

Where you're concerned,

"never" is just not

part of my vocabulary.

Mm.

Will the other ADs

make sure everyone's

back from lunch?

And if you aren't

involved in this shot,

have a seat

and be quiet.

Keep a lookout.

- Yeah, it's okay. Just--

- Just hurry up.

Steady, Susie.

This is a frisky one.

In 24 hours,

she's gonna be

a whole lot friskier.

Just in time for

the third race tomorrow.

That's amazing.

How come it takes

so long?

Who am I,

a research chemist?

It works.

Who cares how long?

Hoist her tail.

And the beauty is,

it don't show up

in no pre-race blood test

or urine sample.

Okay, darling.

Up the old kazoo.

Jeez, she almost

kicked my head off.

What would you do

if someone shoved

something that size

up your rear end?

Shh, shh.

See you at the finish line,

sweetheart.

Hey, Binky.

Binky.

Come on!

Uhh!

Come on.

♪ I look into your eyes

♪ I see the dream

That I've been searching for ♪

Come here!

♪ I'll search no more

♪ The age of innocence

♪ Is never truly spent

When there is love ♪

♪ Still there to touch

♪ So don't slow down

♪ The wheels are turning

The fire's burning... ♪

I'll get the car!

♪ Hey

♪ Don't slow down

♪ Don't lose the magic...

We're ready

for rehearsal.

Okay.

♪ We've come too far

To turn back now ♪

♪ I ask to share

Your dreams... ♪

Okay, darling,

now, look, this horse

is the most important thing

in your life, next to Joe.

So you look at the horse,

but think Joe.

Now, walk with me.

And...

looking for Joe.

Look over here.

What do you see?

Nothing.

No Joe. Okay.

And look over here.

No Joe. Uh-huh.

Okay, now look

straight forward.

Now over here.

No Joe. Uh-huh.

I just gotta see it

in your eyes.

I really want you to sell...

"looking for Joe."

Okay, look right here.

Now, what do you see?

Someone is stealing my car.

Uh-huh.

Come back here!

Stop! It's the only

car we got!

Excuse me.

Hey! Whoa!

♪ Don't slow down

♪ Don't lose the magic

♪ We've come too far

To turn back now ♪

♪ Hey

♪ Don't slow down

Ah, hello, boss.

♪ Don't slow down

You crazy son of a bitch!

No, no, no, boss,

not you. Not you.

I would never say

anything like that to you, boss.

Me and Turnip,

we took care of the filly,

but I got a little problem here

with, uh...

Binky!

Could you hold on a second,

boss? What is it?

How do I stop? I--

Four Adam six, you said

something about a...

♪ I'm gonna be a wheel someday

I'm gonna be somebody ♪

♪ I'm gonna be a real gone cat

Then I won't want you ♪

♪ Everything's gonna go my way

I won't need nobody ♪

♪ I'm gonna be a real gone cat

Then I won't want you ♪

♪ You can cry

♪ You can sigh, sigh, sigh

♪ You'll wonder why

I don't look at you ♪

♪ When I walk on by

♪ I'm gonna be a wheel someday

I'm gonna be somebody... ♪

Mr. Powell.

Hi, Wardell.

What the hell are those

on your feet?

Those are

bunny rabbits.

Get 'em off.

But they're my

lucky rabbit's feet.

What the hell

are you laughin' at?

Get 'em off!

Now?

Now.

Well, I gotta

take my skates off.

Then take your

skates off, Powell.

Well, what about

my order?

That's him.

Deliver it.

Then get rid

of the bunny rabbits!

Putz.

Number 27,

your order's getting cold

up here.

Number 27?

♪ I'm gonna be a wheel

Someday... ♪

Pick up, 14. Let's go.

Bye. See you later.

See you tomorrow.

Dennis!

Whoa!

Powell. Powell.

Whoa, whoa!

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop.

You have three minutes

to get those skates off,

or you're fired!

I can do it in three.

You're really

pushing it, Powell.

You're really

pushing it.

That's one Nut Burger,

hold the onions,

a strawberry shake

and an order of fries.

Oh, come on. I'm sorry.

I would've called you,

except I lost your number.

I am in the book.

You're kidding me.

I never even thought

of looking there.

Sure.

You're not mad

at me, are you?

No.

Hi. Listen, we gotta talk.

Where'd you

get the car?

I stole it.

See, these two guys--

Come on, where'd you

get the car?

I'm trying

to tell you.

I'm trying

to tell you.

I overheard these

two guys at the racetrack

doping this horse

with this, uh,

special stuff.

You stole it.

Yeah, I stole it,

but that's not the--

Oh, shit.

W-w-what are you

doing?

♪ Although she gives me

The feeling... ♪

Come on, what

are you doing?

Are you crazy?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

Wait.

Whoa!

Come on, Spence. Stop.

♪ Well, I know

That I love her so

But I'm afraid-- ♪

Stop and let me out,

Spence.

Hey, relax, will ya?

Relax? We couldn't be

more conspicuous

if we were driving around

in a space shuttle.

Slow down. Let me

jump out. I'm not

kidding around.

I gotta get this car

back to the studio.

Now you have to

get it back?

Well, I couldn't before.

The cops are after me.

It was one hell

of a chase too.

I'm gonna vomit, Spence.

You better not.

Oh, God. I hope

that's an ambulance.

I'm afraid

he didn't hear you.

Hold on here.

Oh, man.

A red light!

We're gonna die,

Spence.

No.

We're gonna die.

I still got orders.

Oh, man!

Spence,

you're an asshole!

Whoo!

I'll see you later.

Why? What's wrong?

Where you going?

I don't know.

I don't know

where we are.

Where are we?

I don't know. Come on.

Get back in the car.

No! No.

I'm not getting in this car.

I'm not getting in with you,

not in a million years.

You give me one good reason

why I should. One!

All right. Tina Spivack.

That's not good enough!

I'm not gonna

get my ass shot off

for Tina Spivack.

I couldn't care less

about Tina Spivack.

Who's Tina Spivack?

We went to City College

together.

Come on, you remember.

I nicknamed her

"The Hummer."

There's a million--

Every cop in the city

is after you,

and you're gonna find

an old girlfriend?

Is that what

you're gonna do?

What's a hummer?

She can't whistle

while she works,

so she hums.

Oh, that's fascinating,

but under

the circumstances,

I'm gonna take

a rain check.

Sure wish I could

change your mind for you.

I hate leaving you here

with that big black dog.

I'll be fine.

You sure?

Of course I'm sure.

Okay.

Fine.

What big black dog?

Sit! Stay!

Roll over!

A telephone call from

a Miss Spivack, sir.

Who?

Miss Spivack.

I don't know any

Miss Spivack.

Uh, she did say

it was something

about the stolen

motorcar, sir.

Oh.

Well, then, guess I better

go talk to her.

Wonder how she got

this number.

I told you never

to call me at home.

Well, this is

an emergency.

Spence Holden

found the car

that was stolen

from your set.

Are you crazy? He stole it.

I know.

But some men were

trying to kill him,

and he's an old,

old friend.

Well, all right.

I'll try to square it

with the cops.

You just have him

leave the car with you.

Oh, angel, I just knew

you'd think of something.

I can hardly wait

to see you.

Bye, darling.

Bye.

It's okay.

He said he's gonna

square it,

and that you should

leave the car here.

Hmm.

Oh, God.

Oh, I just love that song.

♪ Bow, bow, bow, bow

♪ Rick Dees in the morning

Makes you rise and shine... ♪

"Shake well before using."

♪ Well, he makes you

Feel so fine ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey

♪ Hey, hey, hey

This is Rick Dees

in the morning,

bright and early.

Answering our phones today,

Long John Wong from Hong Kong.

All right...

Good morning.

Terrific day, huh?

How much money

do you have

in the bank?

And don't lie to me,

Dennis.

I can always tell

when you're lying.

I have a little

over $100.

You're lying.

How can you tell?

You're not even

looking at me.

I can tell.

I can tell.

Okay, I have $200.

Come on, come on.

I have $12,000.

Great!

I'm lying.

Gotta be ashamed

of yourself.

Really.

You should never lie

about that kind of money.

How much money

do you have?

I have $423.88.

and it has taken me

three years to save that up.

Four hundred dollars times 25.

That's, um...

Ten thousand.

Ten thousand.

Five thousand

would be your half.

Actually, to be fair,

we should give you back

your original 400,

Wait...

then split.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

How did we get $10,000?

Sorry Sue.

Who the hell is Sorry Sue?

The horse I told you--

A horse?

Yeah, she's running

in the third.

No.

Yes.

No, no, no, and this time

I mean it. There's no way

I'm giving you my life savings

to bet on a horse.

Good afternoon,

ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to this,

our 33rd day of racing.

Our feature race

of this afternoon

will be the 41st running

of the $50,000-added

Santa Clarita handicap

for fillies and mares.

Your attention, please.

Here are the changes

in this afternoon's

racing card.

In the first race...

What if he don't

show up?

You keep asking

the dumbest questions.

Why don't you try

answering

your dumb questions

once in a while.

Okay.

What if he don't

show up?

That is the dumb

question. Now, what's

the dumb answer?

Well, if he don't

show up...

I-I guess we can't

grab him.

You see?

You don't have to ask

all those dumb questions.

I got it right?

Certainly,

and if you just think

a little bit,

you'll come up with all

the right dumb answers.

But if he don't

show up--

I got a hunch he will.

But if he don't,

do you think maybe

he's gonna tell somebody

about us

doping the horse?

A little louder

and he won't have to.

Sorry.

I think maybe...

Do me a favor.

Oh, Binky--

Quit thinking

for a while, will you?

I'm liable

to lose my temper

and tear your tongue out

by the roots.

If I promise

not to think,

can I say something?

Yeah.

I think I seen him.

Where?

Over there.

I don't see him.

He ain't there now.

Well, where

the hell is he?

How would I know?

Which means you just

asked a dumb question,

so if you think about it

a little bit--

Stick out your tongue.

No.

Do as I tell you.

Stick out your tongue.

Ew!

Ew.

What was he wearing?

I think a sweater.

What color was it?

I think--

I think yellow.

Think yellow?

I think.

What else

did he have on?

Nothin'.

What do you mean, nothing?

From the waist down?

No, I mean

I couldn't see.

Binky! Bink, Bink,

Bink, Bink.

I saw him.

I'll get you!

Thank you.

Told you

a yellow sweater.

Okay, you gotta do something

to attract their attention.

I gotta?

So I can place the bet.

They're after you,

so you're the perfect

attention attractor.

You really don't care

if I get killed.

I don't want anybody

getting killed,

starting with me.

Okay. All right, all right.

Oh, boy. Oh...

If I don't survive,

pay for the funeral

out of my half.

No, no, nothing elaborate.

Oh, and whatever's left

give to the Screen Actors'

country home.

Okay.

You want my car?

You can have my car.

Thank you, Spence.

Here's the pink slip.

I'll do it.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

You're not gonna

regret this.

I will regret it.

No, you won't.

Hey-- Wait, wait.

Dennis, what are you

gonna do?

Come on. What are you

gonna do?

You're gonna wash

your hands?

No.

What are you

doing with the soap?

I'm gonna eat it.

I'm serious.

I'm gonna eat it.

What are you

gonna do with it?

Watch this.

Denn--

Hey, Michael!

Mike!

Excuse me.

Gentlemen, um,

have either of you seen, um,

a loose brindle bull terrier?

A dog?

No.

Um, he was, uh...

He was foaming.

We ain't seen him.

Foaming?

Yeah,

and he bit me.

Tough, but we

ain't seen him.

Listen, if he was foaming,

you should get him checked.

He might have rabies.

Yeah.

I'm really worried

about that.

Rabies?

Yeah, like Cujo.

Remember

how he foamed?

Spike? Spike?

Spike? Spike?

Here, boy.

Here, boy.

Bink. Bink.

What?

Here, Spike. Here, boy.

Excuse me. Do you gu--?

Would you know

where I could find

a good veterinarian?

I think I've got worms!

The field is loading

into the starting gate.

Two dollars

on number 10.

Look out.

Get out of the way.

Get out of the way. Mad dog!

Binky! Binky! Binky!

- Quit pushing!

- Quit pushing me!

Hold it.

Oh, jeez.

Excuse me!

Coming through!

Excuse me, ma'am!

Gangway!

They're all in the gate.

Watch where

you're going.

Binky!

And they're off!

Sadie Grady tries for the lead.

Miles First is racing second.

Excuse me, excuse me,

coming through.

Sadie Grady, a short lead.

On the outside...

Where are they?

I don't know!

Well, look for them!

I can't! That guy

looked like Cujo.

Oh, jeez.

Binky.

What?

Where?

Up there.

From the back,

here comes Sorry Sue.

Look out, here comes

Sorry Sue from nowhere,

gaining in stride.

Come on!

Moving down the field,

as they make their way

down the stretch.

Sorry Sue

now in complete control.

Sadie Grady back.

As they come toward the finish,

it's Sorry Sue

in complete control,

winning by some 30 lengths.

Down! Down!

Down! Down!

Dennis, see if

you can cash that.

Quick!

Excuse me!

We won! I won. I won.

Please. I won.

Dennis!

...operations

on the lower level.

Spence, no!

Ladies and gentlemen,

your attention.

Well, hurry up!

...a voucher for $100,000...

Get the other guy.

Come on, come on.

What the...?

I'm sorry.

I'll smash

your gonads, joker!

Leave me alone.

You son of a bitch!

Come on, will you?

Drive!

♪ They say love plays dirty

And I think it's true ♪

♪ Can't talk to you, baby

Like I used to do ♪

Get that shotgun

out of the trunk!

Shotgun, right.

♪ Could be dreaming

Like being sane ♪

♪ Shouldn't feel funny

When you call my name ♪

♪ Love's closing in

♪ Same old story

Starting over again ♪

♪ Yeah, love's closing in

Do you know you nearly

hit that car?

You know

I nearly hit you?

What?

Shoot!

Jeez.

Whoo!

They got a gun!

Not there!

Out the door!

There is no door.

I got you.

Get out of the way!

I hate the California

traffic.

Just calm down.

That's one mad dog

to beat!

Drive carefully,

will you?

I'll neuter you!

Watch this.

Stop!

Here we go.

I got them now.

♪ Love's closing in...

This is my friend Oscar.

Would you--?

♪ Love's closing in...

We're dead.

Goodbye, Spence.

Oh, jeez. Oh, my...

Move! Move! Move!

Give me the gun!

You go after them.

I'll cover the front.

Go on!

Five hundred once.

Sold to the lady in blue

in back for $500.

Thank you, madam.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have here

a very beautiful

antique player piano.

Who would like to start

the bidding at $1000?

That's 1000.

Thank you, ma'am.

One thousand dollars.

Fifteen hundred?

Fifteen hundred here.

Thank you. Two thousand?

Two thousand in the back.

Thank you, sir.

Twenty-five hundred.

Twenty-five. Thank you.

Thirty-five hundred?

Thirty-five?

Thirty-five hundred dollars.

Thank you very much.

Four thousand?

May I have 4000?

Four thousand.

Thank you, sir.

Forty-five hundred?

Well, look!

I can't.

Get in there and look!

They're--

Aw!

Fifty-five hundred,

please?

Fifty-five?

Thank you, sir.

Six thousand over here.

Thank you.

May I have 7000?

Seven thousand

dollars?

Seven thousand in the back.

Thank you, madam.

May I have 7500,

please?

Seventy-five

hundred dollars.

Do I hear $7500?

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is

a very rare piece.

Jesus, Dennis.

What?

Did you step in some dog shit

or something?

Thank you

very much, sir.

Do I hear eight?

Eight thousand?

May I hear $8000?

No.

Eight thousand

from the gentleman.

Well, something sure stinks.

Eight thousand once.

It's not me.

D-do I hear nine?

Maybe it's

something else.

Nine thousand.

Thank you, sir.

Definitely not me.

I don't smell

anything anyway,

and besides, the one

who smelt it dealt it.

No, no, no.

People who smell

usually don't smell it,

so it's gotta be you.

Ten thousand

and it's yours.

Sold for $10,000!

They ain't in there.

I looked

all over the place.

Now we really gotta find them.

What's the big deal?

The race is over.

I was just listening

on the radio.

Sorry Sue dropped dead

after winning the fourth race.

She won

the fourth race too?

At Santa Anita.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Hi.

May I have your

name and address?

Dennis Powell.

120 Westminster.

Apartment B.

And would you like

to pay for it

by check or cash?

Just-- Just how much

are we talking about here?

Ten thousand.

Come on, sweetheart.

Isn't that

a little bit high?

Well, I'm not really

qualified to say.

Well, if you're

not qualified--

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I don't think

that you two

are talking

about the same thing.

Well, what are you

talking about?

No, no, what are you

talking about?

The piano.

What piano?

The one Mr. Powell

just purchased.

What?

I was afraid of that.

What are you

talking about?

I bought a piano, Spence.

When?

When I raised my arm

to smell my armpit.

Two hundred.

No!

You bid 200?

No.

Oh, no, no. No.

He-- He raised his arm.

No, he was just smelling

his armpit there.

Yeah.

I now have 200.

Thank you, sir.

Two hundred dollars

is the bid.

If there's a problem,

I'll have to go

to Mr. Ishimine.

Oh, no, no, no.

Don't do that.

Damn it. Here.

What are you doing?

I'm saving our lives.

Here.

That's every cent.

What do you wanna do?

Wanna have a conference

with Mr. Ishimine,

while our friends there

are watching us?

See those two guys

there in the doorway?

No, no, don't.

They wanna shoot us.

Oh, my God.

Is there another way

out of this place?

Yeah, but if you stand,

they'll see you.

That's all right.

Just lead the way.

Three-fifty.

Thank you, sir.

May I have

400 dollars, please?

Will somebody

give me 400?

Four hundred?

Thank you.

Four-fifty?

Do I hear 450?

Four-fifty.

Four-fifty from

the gentlemen in front.

Tha-- Thank you.

Do I hear five?

May I please have 500?

Someone for five?

Five hundred?

Five hundred

from the lady

in the front.

Thank you, madam.

This rare art deco statue

is certainly worth more

than $500.

They gotta be here

someplace.

Let's ask somebody.

May I have 600?

Yo.

Sold!

You! You!

I tell you,

one of these days,

I really am gonna

tear out your tongue.

Where is the car?

All right,

let me understand

something, okay?

You're telling me

somebody stole your car.

Well, yeah,

and you know,

Binky thinks it was

those two guys.

Well, I'll tell you

something,

you better go

find them two guys,

because if they finger you,

then the cops

might tie you to me,

and then if you don't

go get rid of them,

then I got no choice.

I gotta go

get rid of you.

Capisce?

What is that?

I told you

not to buy that!

But boss,

you like antiques.

This is a real art deco.

Never heard of the bum!

Get rid of that!

Not that! That!

Okay.

Come on, Bink, we gotta go.

All right, boss, see you.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Bop, bop

Bop, bop ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

What are you gonna do

with the car?

Uh, I think

I'm gonna drive it

until we sell the piano

and I can afford another.

You're crazy. Even if

they don't report it,

what are you gonna do

if you get a traffic ticket

or get into an accident?

What if the Russians

invade Pasadena?

Come on, Dennis,

I'm hungry.

Please.

Here we go. Here.

Give me an N.B.,

hold the onions,

an S.S.

and a fries to go.

You got it.

Uh, what do you think

you're doing?

Oh, hi, Wardell.

Putting in an order.

No, you don't

get it.

The only people who can

put in orders here

are Dinkie's carhops,

and you ceased

being one of those

at 8:15 last night.

Come on, it's

not my fault.

I was changing

my skates.

See, I took

my bunny rabbits off--

Yeah, and you were

kidnapped by terrorists?

Of course not.

I was changing

my bunny rabbits,

and the left one

got hooked.

It got hooked

on the bumper

of one of those cars,

and the guy

dragged me out,

all the way

to Long Beach.

Pick up your check

Wednesday, Powell.

Come on, Wardell.

I came back.

You guys were closing.

You weren't here.

I couldn't return anything.

Give me a break.

You know, you're

a troublemaker, Powell.

There'll be

no more trouble.

You really need

this job, don't you?

Yes, Wardell.

Of all these people

that work here at Dinkie's,

you're the only one

who calls me

by my first name.

I don't know

your last name.

It's Flecken.

You would rather

me call you Flecken

than Wardell?

I would rather you

call me Mr. Flecken.

Okay, Mr. Flecken.

And, uh, occasionally "sir."

Yes, sir, Mr. Flecken.

Is that Swedish?

No, actually, it's Swiss.

It's an abbreviation.

My paternal

great-grandfather

was a Fleckenshicker.

Is that like

a chicken plucker?

There you go again.

I'm not trying

to be funny.

I meant like

Tinker, Taylor,

Sheppard,

Fleckenshicker.

You know something,

Powell?

I'm gonna give

you a break

because I'm a nice guy.

You are.

But screw up

one more time...

I won't.

and you can

turn in those skates.

You read me?

Yes, I do, sir--

Uh, Mr. Flecken.

Putz.

Wardell nearly

fired me, you know.

Well, when we sell the piano,

you can tell Wardell

to take his job and shove it.

Why would I want

to do that?

Because you'll be rich,

and Wardell's a putz.

No, he's

a Fleckenshicker.

That's 3.40.

Will you take care of that

for me, Dennis?

I don't have any money.

Well, neither do I.

Aw, come on.

Spence.

Mr. Holden.

Uh, Mr. Beanwhacker.

Good evening.

It's the first of the month,

Mr. Holden.

Well, good news.

I'll have the rent

for you tomorrow.

No more checks.

No, no. Cash on the barrelhead.

Be still my heart.

Yeah.

Hey, Alice, how you doing?

Whoa.

What the hell

was that for?

You called me Alice.

My name is not Alice.

Oh, the hell I did.

Now, wait a second.

Come--

Oh, hey, come on.

Alice. Boy, I don't know

where that came from.

Alice is somebody--

It's not important now.

Sweetheart, come on.

Hey, listen, I said Alice,

but in my mind

I was thinking

that I was saying...

Mary.

Susan?

Well, give me a hint here.

How long ago was it?

Last night.

Oh, get out of here.

I wasn't even

in the neighborhood.

Lorraine! Lorraine!

Am I right?

You live in 10 there,

with a little pull-out.

Oh, but come on,

that was Tuesday, sweetheart.

Tuesday.

Whew, Jesus, that was--

Well, hell, it's Friday now.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

That was three days ago.

What--?

No, by God, it was Monday.

Four days ago.

What the hell's

she expect?

Fargo the Memory Wizard?

Boy, what a day.

And here she is shattering

the world record

for a mile and an eighth

by an incredible 30 lengths.

--Darling Tim.

Sorry Sue maintains

that huge lead

as they come

to the wire.

Darling Tim making

a bid for second,

along with

Violet's First.

As they come

toward the finish,

it's Sorry Sue

in complete control,

winning by some 30 lengths.

This evening, Ken Hanson talked

with the county veterinarian,

Dr. Henry Garfurg.

You performed an autopsy

on Sorry Sue.

Yes.

And you ascertained

that she had been

drugged?

To the eyeballs.

With what?

We're not sure yet.

Some kind of

dynamite stimulant.

She ran the last quarter

at Santa Anita backwards

and still won by a tail.

Who do you think

drugged her?

That's not my department.

I tried to talk

to Captain Sean Swelter,

who is in charge

of the Sorry Sue

investigation,

but I was told

Captain Swelter

was not available

to make a statement.

A press conference

is scheduled

for 10 a.m. tomorrow.

Now back to you, Karen.

Thank you, Ken.

We'll be sure

to keep you up to date

on all the latest

developments

in this case.

Hello, um, my name

is Spence Holden,

and I'd like to report

my car stolen.

Just a few minutes ago,

and I've been in all day.

Uh-huh.

Spencer Holden?

Uh, boy, yeah.

Um, can you hold

one second?

Do you own a yellow VW?

Yes--

Yes, I do.

As a matter of fact,

I was just reporting it

stolen here.

Oh. May I?

Sure.

Police Lieutenant Hunker,

Central Division.

Did Mr. Holden

just report his car stolen?

Thank you, officer.

Can we talk?

♪ Wise men say

♪ Only fools rush...

Hi.

Hi. Hi!

How you doing?

What a coincidence.

No, no,

it's no coincidence.

Your landlady told me

where I could find you.

Oh.

Right after you left

the auction house,

a woman asked

for your address.

Well, she wants

to buy your piano.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I gave her your address

before I even thought about it.

Well, that's okay.

Well, I-I thought

you'd wanna know.

That's great.

Yeah.

She was wearing a huge diamond.

You could probably make

a good deal.

Well, if we do,

anything more

than we paid for it,

you can have 10 percent.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

Uh, I just thought

you'd wanna know.

Well, that's okay.

That's great.

You--

Want something to eat?

Well, I...

How about a...

Dinkie Burger and a shake?

It's on the house.

You're kidding.

Who's to know?

"On the house"?

Well, I-I was

just kidding.

What about,

"Who's to know?"

Well, that's just

a figure of speech.

Excuse me--

I suggest you stay

out of this.

Wait, now, look, Wardell--

Now, you look, Powell--

Mr. Wardell, I think--

Fleckenshicker.

It's Flecken,

and I give you

fair warning, Powell.

You have no idea what fair is.

Mr. Fleckenshicker--

That's it,

you're fired!

You're a putz.

You're a king-sized,

useless putz, Wardell.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, turn

your skates in.

I will as soon as I come in

to pick up my check.

And they better be

in good shape,

or I'm gonna

charge you for damage.

Have a nice evening.

He's right, putz!

You're a Frecken!

See, normally, we'd treat it

as a recovered stolen auto,

but the bullet holes

are intriguing enough

to prompt us to wanna

hold it for a few days.

I hope it won't

inconvenience you too much.

No, no, no.

Thank you for asking.

No, I'll manage,

thanks.

Doesn't sound like

it could be driven anyway.

Spoken like

a healthy pragmatist.

We'll keep in touch.

Nice meeting you.

Yeah, you too,

you too.

Oh, uh, by the way,

what do you do?

Oh, well, I'm an actor.

Or I'm...trying to be.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Thanks very much.

Bye-bye.

What do you think?

I don't know.

He just discovered

the car

because he's been in

all day.

Mr. Holden's not the type

to stay in all day

unless he's got

a cold or company.

Said he was alone.

And he hasn't got

a cold.

Let's talk

to his landlord.

Well--

I...

I feel real terrible

about you

losing your job.

Oh, no. You shouldn't.

I mean, I'm glad.

It's time for me

to move up.

Someday,

I wanna open up

my own takeout food

restaurant.

Really?

Yeah.

What's your favorite

kind of food?

Your very favorite.

Uh, Indian.

You mean

like buffalo?

No, like East Indian.

Like curry, right?

Uh-huh.

That would be original.

Indian takeouts.

I can call it "Ghandi's."

Curry would be

our specialty.

Hmm.

You wanna co--?

You wanna come upstairs?

For a minute?

Sure.

Just for a drink?

Sure.

Great.

Damn it, Dennis,

where the hell are you?

Sorry to bother

you again.

That's okay.

How you been?

Oh, fine. Just fine.

Uh, Mr. Beanwhacker says

he saw you come in

around 7.

Oh, yeah, right.

Uh, I had just discovered

that my car had been stolen,

and I was coming back up

to, uh, report it to the cops--

The police.

Well, Mr. Beanwhacker

says he came here twice,

once in the morning,

once around 3

in the afternoon,

to collect the rent,

and, well, he said

no one was in.

Well, I didn't answer the door

because I didn't have the rent.

Ah.

How did you know

it was Mr. Beanwhacker?

Oh, that's easy.

Mr. Beanwhacker

visits his tenants

the first of every month.

If he doesn't collect rent

in the morning,

he comes back up

in the afternoon.

You know,

you guys should check around.

I bet I'm not the only person

who didn't answer

his door today.

One thing I gotta say

for you, Mr. Holden:

you sure come up

with good answers,

and fast.

Well, it's easy when you're

telling the truth.

Or if you're

a good actor.

Oh...

See you around.

Yeah, well, thank you.

You better be there.

Shouldn't you

answer it?

It's probably

just Spence.

And that just means

trouble.

Could be a girl.

No.

Do I taste

like onions?

No. Do I?

Mm-mm.

I had gazpacho

for lunch today.

I had a Dinkie Burger.

I think I'd like to go

and brush my teeth.

I don't have any extra

toothbrushes.

No problem.

Got any paste?

Right in there.

Uh, it's messy.

We can straighten it up

in the morning.

Dames...

Hello.

Dennis?

No, there's no Dennis here.

Dennis?

No, there's no Dennis here.

See, there's no Dennis here.

Thank you. I think you have

the wrong number. Bye!

Dennis? Dennis?

Damn it!

That was you, Dennis.

I know it was.

Okay, fine. Fine.

You don't wanna talk to me,

it's okay with me.

You're an accessory.

It's your ass.

Okay, second floor,

apartment B.

As in...

"beautiful day."

Call me later?

I'll call you now.

Ellen...

Bye.

Spence.

Top of the morning

to you.

I wanna talk to you.

Oh, great,

let's go upstairs.

I got some good news

for you.

Well, I'm glad

somebody does.

Where do you

want this thing?

Oh, that's fine.

Right there.

Keep it there.

That's great.

Isn't this neat?

Sign that

right there.

Sure.

You got yourself

a D and a P.

There you go.

You gentlemen have

yourselves a wonderful day,

and may God

bless you both.

Go ahead. Toodles.

Isn't this neat?

Player piano.

Where were you

last night, Dennis?

I got fired.

Really?

Yeah.

What's the matter

with you?

Nothing. Why?

You got a foolish grin

on your face,

and your eyes

look like fried eggs.

Well, I got in

a little late.

Didn't get much sleep.

There's a woman

that wants to buy the piano.

What woman?

Uh, got her name.

It's written down right here.

Pazzo.

Aha.

This isn't

your handwriting.

No.

Who made the bed?

What?

The bed.

As long as

I've known you,

I've never seen

that bed made.

This is...

This is female

handwriting here, Dennis.

Yeah. So what?

I had company, okay?

She made me breakfast

and did the dishes.

She did?

Yeah.

Pazzo?

No.

What difference

does it make?

It's my business.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

Oh, listen,

when the cops come by,

just tell them

you spent the night

with Miss...

what's-her-face.

What cops?

Uh, Sergeant Blist

and Lieutenant Hunker.

They wanna know who put

all the bullet holes

in my car, Dennis.

And what'd you

tell them?

Oh, surprising what

a little adrenaline

does to your eyes.

They look positively poached.

Aw, come on, Spence.

Tell me.

Told them I didn't know,

that I was home all day.

But I don't think

they believed me.

They're keeping the car

and they're gonna check it

for fingerprints.

Fingerprints?

Mm-hmm.

So don't you think

it'd be a good idea

to get our stories

straight?

My fingerprints are all

over that car.

Right.

Now, tell me, who was

up here last night?

What does she

have to do with it?

I don't know, Dennis.

Ellen Frankenthaler.

Who the hell is--?

She's the one from the--

From the auction house?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

What "oh, shit"?

She's a wonderful girl.

Yeah, right.

I'm sure the cops are gonna

think she's twice as wonderful

when they find out

where she works,

and that we spent

yesterday afternoon

with her

where she works,

and that where she works

has an alley behind it

where they found my car,

with your fingerprints

in it.

Oh, shit.

She can also tell them

we told her that two guys

with guns tried

to kill us.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

No. Dennis, Dennis.

Answer the door.

Why don't you?

Because it's not my door.

Well, maybe

it's the cops.

Oh, God, maybe

it's the killers.

Uh, pretend

you're the maid.

You're the actor.

I don't do voices.

You do.

Who is it?

Yes, I'm looking for

Mr. Dennis Powell.

I wanna talk to him

about buying his piano.

Relax, relax.

I'll handle this.

Well.

Good morning.

Hello. Mr. Powell?

No, but won't you come in,

please?

I thought I heard

a woman's voice.

No.

No.

Well, I intended

to buy this piano

at the auction.

but this crazy racehorse

got onto the freeway,

and I was held up

in traffic.

You're kidding.

No.

Are you Miss Pazzo?

Yeah.

And I will give you

11,000 for it.

Ele--

Aah!

I think a thousand dollars

is a reasonable profit.

Yeah.

What do you say,

Mr. Powell?

I--

Cash.

Cash. Cash.

Cash.

Well, normally,

that would be a very

attractive offer,

but, see, we've been looking

for a piano like this

for about six years now.

Haven't we, Dennis?

Haven't we?

Twelve thousand.

Twelve. Well, now...

Twelve?

Twelve.

Uh, now, we can't forget about

that client in Munich

who offered us 15.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

That's too much for me.

Oh, well, now, that 15,000

included shipping.

And shipping can be

very expensive.

Yeah, at least $2000.

Still too much.

Well, sometimes

it's $3000.

Changed my mind.

Good day, gentlemen.

Are you sure--?

Do something.

I will. I will.

Oh!

Uh, Miss Pazzo?

We talked it over.

Eight thousand.

Eight?

But we paid 10.

All right.

Wait a minute.

Okay.

Okay.

Eight.

That's including

delivery.

I guess that's better

than nothing, huh?

Where's the cash?

C.O.D.

What?

That's the best I could do,

Dennis.

Well, Spence,

we're flat-ass broke.

How we gonna get it

delivered?

We'll be all right.

My brother-in-law's

got a truck.

Oh.

Stupid me.

I'm only gonna need it

for a couple hours.

Oh, that's all right.

Use it as long as you want.

Hey, sis.

You might have to

put some gas in it,

and I'll only charge you

50 cents a mile.

What?

I figure every mile

you put on her,

she's gonna depreciate

at least that much.

Come on, Phil,

this is your brother-in-law.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

You are family.

You should charge him

30 cents.

Forty.

Let's just tie it

on top of the Caddy.

No, I got a better idea,

Dennis.

Phil, you like my Cadillac

out there?

What, the one

with, uh, no doors

and the bashed-in

grille?

Yeah.

Why?

Well, because you're family,

tell you what I'm gonna do.

This is ridiculous.

This is a Cadillac

without doors.

So what?

It's a Cadillac.

How much can a couple

of doors cost?

There you are.

Thank you-- Oh!

I'm--

And he traded you even?

This Cadillac for that

broken-down truck?

Well, not even.

Oh, I thought so.

The truck and how much?

Twenty bucks for gas.

You got screwed, Phil.

Why? How you figure?

I don't know,

but I know Spence,

and you can

take my word for it,

you got screwed.

Makeup mirror.

I love the smell.

Love the smell.

New-car smell.

Hey!

Is this your car?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Shut up.

Yeah!

Hold on!

Where did you

get it?

Yeah.

Shut up!

Yeah.

Hold on!

Now, back off!

One at a time.

And I'm gonna

ask the questions.

Sorry, officer.

Is this your car?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I warned you!

Give me that tongue.

I'm gonna get that tongue,

and I'm gonna pull it out,

and I'm gonna fry it.

I'm gonna turn it

into a quirt,

and sell it to a jockey I know.

Hello?

Miss Pazzo?

Yeah.

Hi.

Spence Holden.

Say, would it be convenient

to deliver the piano to you

around 9:00 tomorrow morning?

Yeah, that would be fine.

I'll tell Covington,

the houseman, to expect you.

Won't you be there?

Why?

Well, I was kind of

hoping to see you again.

Miss Pazzo?

It's Claudia.

Did I say

something wrong...

Claudia?

Where are you?

I'm at home.

And where's your friend

with the high voice?

He's out.

I'll be right over.

Whoa, wait a second.

Why? Did I say

something wrong, Spence?

No, no, you just

don't know my address.

I thought that you lived

with Mr. Powell.

1133 Fountain Avenue,

apartment 14.

And I'm not gay,

but please,

don't take my word for it.

Twenty minutes.

Oh, God. I love it.

I tried to convince Spence

to go to the police,

but he says if we do that,

the mob will put

some sort of contract

out on us.

By the way, if you've never

had Indian food before,

it can be very hot.

You know, I forgot

to mention to you...

You know the lady

you bought--?

Who bought the piano

from you?

Miss Pazzo?

Yeah.

A little bread

might help.

Well, I know I've seen her

somewhere before,

in a newspaper

or magazine or something.

Um, and whatever it was,

it was important.

I think she's notorious.

Good evening.

Oh. Sure looks that way.

May I take your coat?

Sure.

Oh, yeah, it's never your fault.

I'm gonna kill

that brother of yours.

That piece of junk

wasn't even his car.

Yeah, well,

there's something fishy

about the owner

and his friend.

What "fishy"?

He loaned him the car.

Without even knowing

where Spence lives?

Yeah, well, you heard him.

He was selling the Caddy.

And he let Spence

drive it for a few days.

I heard him,

but I don't believe him.

Yeah, well, I believe him.

Your brother could con

a leopard out of his stripes.

Spots.

Were you calling Spence?

You bet your sweet ass

I'm calling Spence,

and when I get through

telling him what

a no-good piece of--

Then I'm gonna

talk to him.

What, are you gonna tell him

I gave those guys his address?

Yes.

You think they're gonna

do something to him?

Well, I'm afraid they might.

They ain't gonna do

nothing to him.

How do you know?

Because I'm gonna

do it to him first,

and there ain't gonna be

nothing left.

That's how I know.

Oh, come on, will you

get off the phone?

♪ --On the border line

Oh, God.

♪ It's messing with my mind

♪ I just won't give you up

♪ I'm tired of falling

Gettin' back up ♪

Keep it down.

Keep it down.

Fingers, fingers,

fingers!

Oh, yeah, the door.

The door, the door,

the door.

Get the lock!

Get the lock!

Get the lock!

The lock!

Ow!

Okay, let's go. Come on.

Bink. Bink.

What are you doing?

Bink! Bink!

Get in there.

Get in!

Keep it down.

Keep it down.

♪ It's a fine mess...

I'll be right back.

Take your time.

Now, you take a lot

of deep breaths.

We're just

getting started.

Oh, God.

You animal, you.

You're getting old, Spence.

No, it's not me. Not me.

Where's your buddy?

- Come back here!

- Come back here!

Wait, wait, Claud--

Claudia! Claudia!

Maybe it just

started by itself.

What are you doing?

Telegram

for Mr. Powell.

Giving him a chance

to get away.

Dennis!

Oh! God! Dennis!

Spence!

My nose, man.

Spence. Shit.

It's all right. It's all right.

My God. My nose.

What are you doing

hiding in here?

Those two guys

found me, Dennis.

They were gonna

shoot me.

Why didn't they?

I don't know. Oh, God.

Well, they took

one look at Claudia,

and they ran.

Are you Irene?

Ellen.

Who's Claudia?

Pazzo.

We were discussing the piano.

Well, Ellen thinks

she knows her.

You do? How come?

I don't know.

When she came in

to Ishimine's,

she thought

she recognized her.

But I can't remember

from where.

She thinks

she's notorious.

I'm gonna ask

Mr. Ishimine

if he knows her.

Well, whoever she is,

she sure as hell saved my life.

Is it swollen?

Yeah.

Careful, man.

Oh, jeez, why did you

have to hit my nose?

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

We can't tell him,

can we?

But if we don't,

and he finds out--

But if we do,

what about her?

Just shut up

and let me think.

Can I think too?

Yeah, but whatever

you come up with

you keep to yourself.

What if it's

a good idea?

You don't believe me

about your tongue,

do you?

No.

I mean it.

Stick it out.

No.

I dare you.

Well, one thing for sure

is I can't go back to my place.

Well, I'm worried

about Ellen.

I'll be all right.

She's gonna be fine

as long as they don't

tie her in with us.

Well, maybe we shouldn't

see each other.

No.

No, I think he's right.

Just until we straighten

this thing out.

But how are you gonna

get it straightened out

if you don't go

to the police?

She's right.

First thing's first.

What's first?

We sell the piano

and get money.

And then what?

Well, then we get

out of town

until things cool off.

But that's only gonna

postpone things.

I mean,

sooner or later,

you're gonna have to go

to the police.

In your heart, you know

she's right.

Yeah, maybe,

but as things stand

right now,

it's gotta be later

than sooner.

Well, it's nearly 2:00.

I better be going.

I'll walk you down.

No. You stay here.

You guys want me to--?

Yeah, maybe I should

just step in here.

Good night, Eileen.

Ellen.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, you know,

I knew an Ellen--

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Yeah, she was

a shepherdess

on a small seashore

sheep ranch.

I guess you could say

she sheared sea sheep

by the seashore.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Good night.

Good night.

Dennis, can I wear

the tops?

I know where they are.

It's okay.

Recent prints on the car

belonged to Holden

and a man named

Dennis Powell.

I checked on Powell.

They're old friends.

Have you talked

to Mr. Powell?

I dropped by this morning,

but he was out.

We arrested

Leopold Klop

for making

and selling this.

What the hell is it?

So far, Leo refuses

to reveal his family recipe,

but he did confess that

that's what was shoved

up Sorry Sue's ass

that sent her into orbit.

This?

Well, one like it.

Yeah?

Leo say who did

the shoving?

Yeah, he identified

these two gentlemen.

Couple of Pazzo's

henchmen.

Okay, Binky, you and Turnip

have one minute

to come out with your hands up.

There must be

a hundred cops out there.

How come you

didn't spot them?

Well, I was cooking.

It's pancake day.

I hate to do this to you,

but you got to go out

and draw their fire

so I can get away

and warn the boss.

Come on, couldn't you

just call him?

Well, they probably

tapped the phone.

Yeah, but, Binky,

please, I mean,

if I draw their fire,

I could get killed.

Not if you run

fast enough.

I can't beat a bullet.

I wouldn't be too sure

about that.

Oh, please, no, Bink,

no, no, no.

Drop your pants.

Come on, it took 24 hours

to work on Sorry Sue.

You are not a horse!

I-- No, Binky,

please.

Hey, look at this.

Not too shabby.

Okay, here we go.

Eight thousand big ones.

Come in.

Excuse me.

Uh, Mr. Ishimine,

are you familiar

with a Miss Claudia Pazzo?

Careful, careful.

Careful, gentlemen.

Watch the carpet.

Now, you take it up the stairs,

and the recreation room

is the first door on the left.

I'd assist you, gentlemen,

but your tardiness

has put me behind schedule,

and I have to go to the market.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, sorry to bother you,

but how about the money?

If I am not back

by the time

you're finished,

the kitchen

is through there.

Go in and wait.

Knowing your brother,

he probably

sold my truck,

stole another Cadillac

and headed for Florida.

He can't sell the truck

without the pink slip.

Yeah, oh, pink slip.

Your brother needs

a pink slip to sell my truck

like Hitler needed

Churchill's okay

to invade Poland.

Hey, hey.

Watch out where you're

driving, you crazy broad!

Oh, God, Dennis,

I hope her husband isn't home.

Easy, easy.

Watch it, watch it.

Where should we put it?

Let's leave it

right here

till I check

with the lady

of the house.

Oh, my goodness.

Whoo.

Would you look

at this?

Oh, boy.

May I get you a drink,

young man?

Sure.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at these.

"To Tony.

"Best wishes and a long life,

from Dutch, Hymie

and everyone

in the Vigilio family."

Here you go.

That one looks familiar,

doesn't he?

He's in a lot of them.

Look at this.

"To Tony, my godfather.

"You made me

what I am today.

Gratefully,

Giovanni Fusco."

They're all Italian.

Yeah, well,

Claudia's Italian.

Maybe this Tony guy's

her father or something.

♪ When the moon

Hits your eye ♪

♪ Like a big pizza pie

I wonder where she is.

♪ That's amore ♪

You're gonna be gone long?

Probably.

Perhaps. Maybe.

Come in.

Keep a light

in the window.

Good morning,

Covington.

Just put the tray

on the chair, okay?

I'm not awake yet.

Good morning.

In your rush,

you forgot these.

What are you

doing here?

What do you mean,

what am I doing here?

Oh, come on,

I'm not that bad.

Come on.

So I'm not the greatest

in the world.

Don't you think

you're overreacting?

Sweetheart...

Who's that?

My husband. My husband.

What are you doing?

Forget about it.

Just go under the bed.

Ow!

Just...

leave me alone.

What's the matter

with the snookums?

I just wanna

sleep some more.

We're gonna

have breakfast,

so come on, get up.

I wanna sleep a while.

You slept nine hours.

That's two hours longer

than a pig sleeps.

I could've been some singer, eh?

Uh, not for nothing,

you have any idea what happened

to the door handle?

Um, yeah, I...

Well, I just woke up

in the middle of the night

and just, you know...

I-I don't know.

Yeah? What was you

trying to do,

raid the icebox?

Yeah, but I just

couldn't get out.

Yeah? Well, that

serves you right.

Please, I want you

to go downstairs, okay?

Yeah, watch my foot, though.

I'll watch it.

Let me open

this little thing...

So just go downstairs.

Yeah, but before I go,

we gotta--

Pazzo.

Tony Pazzo.

Spence, it's the mob.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, jeez, you found one.

Claudia.

Coming. Let's go. Let's go.

Sweetheart!

Hey, buttercup,

I hate to wake youse up,

but I just had to tell you

how much I love it.

Hey, you hear me? Hey.

It's just what I wanted

for my birthday.

I'm so glad.

How about you give me

a nice big birthday kiss.

Why don't you just go

and have some coffee,

and I'll see you

in a little while.

Okay?

I'll just go down

in a little while.

Okay?

Come on.

You still got it for me,

don't you?

I'll meet you

there, okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right,

but don't be long.

No.

Jesus, you got some cold

starting there.

You better make sure

you take the orange juice.

Or the Robitussin.

Shake that gorgeous ass.

I'll come back there,

get another bite of it.

Okay.

Don't.

Someday they're gonna do

my life story.

The Singing Godfather.

Just get off me.

Hurry up.

What are you doing

down on the floor?

Come on.

Spence.

Jump. Come on, jump.

Are you kidding? It's gotta be

20 feet down there.

Aah! Don't do that!

You know who Tony is?

Do I know who he is?

I just spent five minutes

with him.

Jump, you gotta jump.

Go down without

anyone seeing.

How am I gonna do that?

I don't know, but you can.

Back the truck up

under the window.

Hey, honey doll!

Sweetie pie!

Where the hell is she?

Sugarplum!

Hey, we gotta get--

What?

Yeah, the cops...

The cops busted the professor,

and they shot it out

with them numskulls

Binky and Turnip,

and we gotta go to Mexico.

We gotta lay low for a while.

Okay, well,

let me get my jewelry.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, my foot.

So go get the truck.

Um... Uh...

Honeybun, you ready?

I mean,

are we gonna fly?

Yeah, only to San Diego.

Then we gotta take a boat.

Oh, no.

I don't wanna

take a boat.

You know, I hate

to take a boat,

because-- What?

Where's the handle

to this friggin' door?

I don't know.

Well, honeybun,

you know I get seasick.

Six-million-dollar house,

and the friggin' doors

don't work.

Faggot designer bastard!

Are you okay? Yeah?

Well, you know what?

I think if we fly

all the way--

Covington,

where the hell are you?

Honeybun,

if we fly all the way,

it'd be so much better.

Where the hell

is everybody?

Covington must have

gone to the market.

We'll probably have to

drive ourselves.

Get ready, sweetheart.

Get ready.

Yeah, I will.

I'm only gonna take two suits.

Morning, Covington.

Buenos dias, señora.

God damn Covington

is never around

when you want--

Where the hell

have you been?

Buongiorno, godfather.

"Buongiorno," my ass.

Pack this.

You got it.

Shoes.

My foot swells up any more,

I ain't gonna get it

into an egg crate.

Hey, Covington.

Where'd these come from?

I have no idea, sir.

All right, you take that stuff

down to the car.

I found these in my closet.

Throw them out.

They're not mine.

No?

How did they get

in your closet?

You don't know?

Well, how should I know?

They belong to some guy.

Hey, my car!

Why, you-- You!

What the hell is going on here?

Dennis!

Hey, slow down, Dennis!

Got you. I got you.

You're not getting away from me.

Spence! Spence!

Oh, no.

Wait for me!

Hold your fire!

Tony, give it up.

You're surrounded,

and the SWAT team's on the way.

Hold it right there!

Tony.

Tony, you got one minute

to come out.

What are you guys

doing here?

They're

the piano movers.

You're the piano

movers, eh?

Well, not exactly.

No? Then what

are youse?

Well, actually,

I'm an actor.

And this one's

trying to be a chef.

Oh, yeah?

I'm a waiter.

You always deliver pianos

with your socks on?

No, not all the time.

Yeah. Just today?

Well, it's hot out.

Hey, Covington,

go get them shoes.

Yes, godfather.

Thirty seconds.

Would you mind trying on

these shoes here?

For me?

Oh, Pooh Bear.

Yes?

Excuse me.

If it isn't

too much trouble,

I'd like to have a word

with Mr. Dennis Powell,

please.

Keep down.

Cease fire.

Dennis, you gotta

get out of here.

I spoke to Mr. Ishimine,

and he said that Claudia Pazzo

is married to Tony Pazzo.

We know.

Irene...

If he finds out

that Spence has been

sleeping with--

No. Not now.

This is Tony Pazzo.

Ellen. She's a friend.

Would you just tell me

who it was, exactly,

sleeping with my wife?

It couldn't be Spence.

He's gay.

Dennis!

Hold your fire.

Go start the car.

You stepped on my foot!

Get off of it!

You'll never make it, Tony.

Then the broads are dead meat.

This is the way

it's gonna happen over here.

We're gonna drive away,

and you're gonna let us,

or I'm gonna kill

the both of them.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Think he'd really

kill them?

If I knew that,

I'd know what to do.

Step on it!

Not my foot. Drive! Drive!

Damn it! I'll kill her!

Look.

He'll kill me! Don't shoot!

I swear, I'll kill her!

He swears!

I'm crazy! I'm crazy!

He's crazy! He's crazy!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

That's not a woman.

No, that's Powell.

He's gonna kill me!

I'll kill her!

He's gonna kill me!

Drive! Drive!

Aren't you gonna stop them?

What for?

Let's see

where they go.

I'll kill them!

♪ Come on, pretty baby...

Easy there! What are you, nuts?

I'll blow your brains out!

♪ Come on, pretty baby

I'll give you one more chance ♪

♪ Baby, one more chance

To do the best ♪

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby, baby, why

You're moving way too fast ♪

♪ You'd better

Give me a little lovin' ♪

♪ Give me a little lovin'

♪ If you want

Our love to last ♪

♪ You know that I love you

Tell the world I do ♪

♪ Oh, pretty baby

What are you trying to do? ♪

♪ I need your lovin', baby

Oh, so bad ♪

♪ You're the prettiest woman

That I ever had ♪

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby...

Binky!

Oh, yeah.

See you!

♪ --Give me a little lovin'

Whoo!

♪ Give me a little lovin'

♪ If you want our love

To last ♪

What the hell

is going on here?

Ow! My neck!

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna kill you!

Come on, ladies.

Get in, get in.

Go, go, go.

Hold it, Tony.

What are you, crazy?

Well, what's become known

as the sad saga of Sorry Sue,

the little horse

who was doped

and ran herself to death

while breaking records

at two different racetracks

in the same afternoon,

came to an end today

when mafia boss

Tony Pazzo

was sentenced to

15 years in prison.

But Sorry Sue's saga

has a happy ending.

This is Ghandi's,

a fast-food Indian restaurant

owned by Dennis Powell

and his new bride

Ellen.

Dennis and Ellen

have been involved

in this bizarre tale

almost from the beginning.

Good evening.

Hey, dude.

I see business

is very good.

Oh, very, very good.

Always, because...

♪ If you want a meal

That's fine and dandy ♪

♪ Go to Ghandi

♪ If you want some curry

In a hurry ♪

♪ Go to Ghandi

Everybody.

It's crowded, I see.

It's been reported

that Tony Pazzo's wife

has helped finance

this place.

True?

Well, it was a favor to Dennis

for helping

save her life.

She's a majority stockholder.

And today, the buffet is 2.50

for entire bowl.

I hear

that she's in Chile

making a movie,

which she also helped

to finance.

Well, she was

a big star in Chile

before Tony Pazzo

married her.

The vegetables are cut fresh

daily.

Yeah, but what happened

to your pal

Spence Holden?

Spence? I don't know.

I haven't seen him

in a couple of weeks,

but he's around somewhere.

Gracias.

My pleasure, Maria.

Cut!

Hey, that was great.

Why'd you cut?

Who's Maria?

What?

...Maria?

Yeah, who is Maria?

Did I say Maria?

It's Juanita.

You have been calling me

Juanita for six weeks.

Why now do you

call me Maria

and ruin

a beautiful take?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Yes, you do know.

Oh, hey, come on--

You come on.

Tell me who is Maria!

What do you mean

you don't know?

You two-timing

son of a bitch!

Who is Maria?

You don't know?

Honey, come on,

that's no--

Oh, hey--

You don't know?

You don't know?

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

Come back here,

you son of a bitch!

And so, as the sun sinks

slowly in the West,

we bid a fond farewell

to Spence and Maria--

I mean, Claudia.

--and everyone else

who made such a fine mess.

♪ Love

On the borderline ♪

♪ It's messing

With my mind... ♪

I knew it.

I should have made a left...

at Brazil.

♪ --I'm tired of falling

Gettin' back up ♪

♪ See, I know

One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head

With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Wait

By the telephone ♪

♪ Wondering

He's not home ♪

♪ Leave

In the nick of time ♪

♪ Girl

Will you ever be all mine? ♪

♪ See, I know

One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head

With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ We're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ Don't know what to do

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

♪ Both of us are crazy

♪ Both of us are fools

♪ There's so many ways

♪ A man can dream

Of being cruel ♪

♪ I don't wanna be around

When he finds I'm the one ♪

♪ Dancing with his baby

♪ Loving her on the run

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Oh, ah

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ Hey, hey, ha-ha, hey

♪ We're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing

Baby, more than you ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ Ha-hey, hey-hey, babe

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't

No sign of him ♪