A Fine Mess (1986) - full transcript

Two friends an actor and a chef discover a plot to fix a horse race and try to capitalize on it. But also have to deal with the two men who fixed it who are trying to silence them. And there's also the mob boss whom the two guys work for who planned the fixing thing whose wife is having an affair with the actor.

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♪ Love
On the borderline ♪

♪ It's messing
With my mind ♪

♪ I just won't give you up

♪ I'm tired of falling
Gettin' back up ♪

♪ See, I know
One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head
With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess
That we're getting in ♪

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪



♪ It's a fine mess
I don't know what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

♪ Wait by the telephone

♪ One ring
He's not home ♪

♪ Leave in the nick of time

♪ Girl, will you ever be
All mine? ♪

♪ See, I know
One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head
With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess
That we're getting in ♪

♪ We're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪



♪ It's a fine mess
Don't know what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

Midway around
the turn for home.

Gary's Bell still in the lead.

Come on, you got 'em,
you got 'em.

You got 'em, you got 'em,
you got 'em! Go, go!

There's Laryngitis.

- Come on, come on!
- Go, go, go!

No!
Aw!
Oh!

I lost!

I lost.

That's a cut.

Spence, come on.

Print that.

She's supposed to be
with me, Spence.

No, she is with you,
Harvey.

I was just
making it real.

All right, everybody.
That's lunch.

Food's over
by the stables.

Hi there.

I don't really
think--

Louise.

I'm Natalie.
Natalie!
Natalie!

Spence, why haven't
I heard from you?

I'll call you
Saturday night.

Hi.

Just wanna grab
an apple here.
Mm-hm.

Still seeing
that linebacker?

Yeah. And he found
your picture
the other day too.

He did?
How'd he like it?

He ate it.

Did he?

Frame and all.

Is that a new perfume there?

Yeah, it's called
Never Again.

Oh, come on, Agnes.
Where you're concerned,

"never" is just not
part of my vocabulary.

Mm.

Will the other ADs
make sure everyone's
back from lunch?

And if you aren't
involved in this shot,

have a seat
and be quiet.

Keep a lookout.

- Yeah, it's okay. Just--
- Just hurry up.

Steady, Susie.

This is a frisky one.

In 24 hours,

she's gonna be
a whole lot friskier.

Just in time for
the third race tomorrow.

That's amazing.

How come it takes
so long?

Who am I,
a research chemist?

It works.
Who cares how long?

Hoist her tail.

And the beauty is,

it don't show up
in no pre-race blood test

or urine sample.

Okay, darling.
Up the old kazoo.

Jeez, she almost
kicked my head off.

What would you do
if someone shoved

something that size
up your rear end?

Shh, shh.

See you at the finish line,
sweetheart.

Hey, Binky.

Binky.

Come on!

Uhh!
Come on.

♪ I look into your eyes

♪ I see the dream
That I've been searching for ♪

Come here!

♪ I'll search no more

♪ The age of innocence

♪ Is never truly spent
When there is love ♪

♪ Still there to touch

♪ So don't slow down

♪ The wheels are turning
The fire's burning... ♪

I'll get the car!

♪ Hey

♪ Don't slow down

♪ Don't lose the magic...

We're ready
for rehearsal.

Okay.

♪ We've come too far
To turn back now ♪

♪ I ask to share
Your dreams... ♪

Okay, darling,
now, look, this horse

is the most important thing
in your life, next to Joe.

So you look at the horse,
but think Joe.

Now, walk with me.

And...
looking for Joe.

Look over here.
What do you see?

Nothing.
No Joe. Okay.

And look over here.

No Joe. Uh-huh.

Okay, now look
straight forward.

Now over here.

No Joe. Uh-huh.

I just gotta see it
in your eyes.

I really want you to sell...
"looking for Joe."

Okay, look right here.

Now, what do you see?

Someone is stealing my car.

Uh-huh.

Come back here!

Stop! It's the only
car we got!

Excuse me.
Hey! Whoa!

♪ Don't slow down

♪ Don't lose the magic

♪ We've come too far
To turn back now ♪

♪ Hey

♪ Don't slow down

Ah, hello, boss.

♪ Don't slow down

You crazy son of a bitch!

No, no, no, boss,
not you. Not you.

I would never say
anything like that to you, boss.

Me and Turnip,
we took care of the filly,

but I got a little problem here
with, uh...

Binky!

Could you hold on a second,
boss? What is it?

How do I stop? I--

Four Adam six, you said
something about a...

♪ I'm gonna be a wheel someday
I'm gonna be somebody ♪

♪ I'm gonna be a real gone cat
Then I won't want you ♪

♪ Everything's gonna go my way
I won't need nobody ♪

♪ I'm gonna be a real gone cat
Then I won't want you ♪

♪ You can cry

♪ You can sigh, sigh, sigh

♪ You'll wonder why
I don't look at you ♪

♪ When I walk on by

♪ I'm gonna be a wheel someday
I'm gonna be somebody... ♪

Mr. Powell.

Hi, Wardell.

What the hell are those
on your feet?

Those are
bunny rabbits.

Get 'em off.
But they're my
lucky rabbit's feet.

What the hell
are you laughin' at?

Get 'em off!

Now?
Now.

Well, I gotta
take my skates off.

Then take your
skates off, Powell.

Well, what about
my order?

That's him.

Deliver it.

Then get rid
of the bunny rabbits!

Putz.

Number 27,

your order's getting cold
up here.

Number 27?

♪ I'm gonna be a wheel
Someday... ♪

Pick up, 14. Let's go.

Bye. See you later.

See you tomorrow.

Dennis!

Whoa!

Powell. Powell.

Whoa, whoa!

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop.

You have three minutes
to get those skates off,

or you're fired!

I can do it in three.

You're really
pushing it, Powell.

You're really
pushing it.

That's one Nut Burger,
hold the onions,

a strawberry shake
and an order of fries.

Oh, come on. I'm sorry.

I would've called you,
except I lost your number.

I am in the book.

You're kidding me.

I never even thought
of looking there.

Sure.
You're not mad
at me, are you?

No.

Hi. Listen, we gotta talk.

Where'd you
get the car?

I stole it.
See, these two guys--

Come on, where'd you
get the car?

I'm trying
to tell you.

I'm trying
to tell you.

I overheard these
two guys at the racetrack

doping this horse
with this, uh,

special stuff.
You stole it.

Yeah, I stole it,
but that's not the--

Oh, shit.

W-w-what are you
doing?

♪ Although she gives me
The feeling... ♪

Come on, what
are you doing?
Are you crazy?

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

Wait.

Whoa!

Come on, Spence. Stop.

♪ Well, I know
That I love her so
But I'm afraid-- ♪

Stop and let me out,
Spence.

Hey, relax, will ya?

Relax? We couldn't be
more conspicuous

if we were driving around
in a space shuttle.

Slow down. Let me
jump out. I'm not
kidding around.

I gotta get this car
back to the studio.

Now you have to
get it back?

Well, I couldn't before.
The cops are after me.

It was one hell
of a chase too.

I'm gonna vomit, Spence.

You better not.

Oh, God. I hope
that's an ambulance.

I'm afraid
he didn't hear you.

Hold on here.

Oh, man.

A red light!

We're gonna die,
Spence.
No.

We're gonna die.
I still got orders.

Oh, man!

Spence,
you're an asshole!

Whoo!

I'll see you later.

Why? What's wrong?
Where you going?

I don't know.

I don't know
where we are.
Where are we?

I don't know. Come on.
Get back in the car.
No! No.

I'm not getting in this car.
I'm not getting in with you,

not in a million years.
You give me one good reason
why I should. One!

All right. Tina Spivack.

That's not good enough!

I'm not gonna
get my ass shot off

for Tina Spivack.

I couldn't care less
about Tina Spivack.

Who's Tina Spivack?

We went to City College
together.

Come on, you remember.

I nicknamed her
"The Hummer."

There's a million--

Every cop in the city
is after you,

and you're gonna find
an old girlfriend?

Is that what
you're gonna do?

What's a hummer?

She can't whistle
while she works,

so she hums.

Oh, that's fascinating,

but under
the circumstances,

I'm gonna take
a rain check.

Sure wish I could
change your mind for you.

I hate leaving you here
with that big black dog.

I'll be fine.

You sure?

Of course I'm sure.

Okay.

Fine.

What big black dog?

Sit! Stay!

Roll over!

A telephone call from
a Miss Spivack, sir.

Who?

Miss Spivack.

I don't know any
Miss Spivack.

Uh, she did say
it was something

about the stolen
motorcar, sir.

Oh.

Well, then, guess I better
go talk to her.

Wonder how she got
this number.

I told you never
to call me at home.

Well, this is
an emergency.

Spence Holden
found the car

that was stolen
from your set.

Are you crazy? He stole it.

I know.

But some men were
trying to kill him,

and he's an old,
old friend.

Well, all right.

I'll try to square it
with the cops.

You just have him
leave the car with you.

Oh, angel, I just knew
you'd think of something.

I can hardly wait
to see you.

Bye, darling.

Bye.

It's okay.

He said he's gonna
square it,

and that you should
leave the car here.

Hmm.

Oh, God.

Oh, I just love that song.

♪ Bow, bow, bow, bow

♪ Rick Dees in the morning
Makes you rise and shine... ♪

"Shake well before using."

♪ Well, he makes you
Feel so fine ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey

♪ Hey, hey, hey

This is Rick Dees

in the morning,
bright and early.

Answering our phones today,
Long John Wong from Hong Kong.

All right...

Good morning.

Terrific day, huh?

How much money
do you have

in the bank?

And don't lie to me,
Dennis.

I can always tell
when you're lying.

I have a little
over $100.
You're lying.

How can you tell?

You're not even
looking at me.

I can tell.
I can tell.

Okay, I have $200.

Come on, come on.

I have $12,000.

Great!

I'm lying.

Gotta be ashamed
of yourself.

Really.

You should never lie
about that kind of money.

How much money
do you have?

I have $423.88.

and it has taken me
three years to save that up.

Four hundred dollars times 25.
That's, um...

Ten thousand.

Ten thousand.

Five thousand
would be your half.

Actually, to be fair,

we should give you back
your original 400,

Wait...
then split.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

How did we get $10,000?

Sorry Sue.

Who the hell is Sorry Sue?
The horse I told you--

A horse?
Yeah, she's running
in the third.

No.
Yes.

No, no, no, and this time
I mean it. There's no way

I'm giving you my life savings
to bet on a horse.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to this,
our 33rd day of racing.

Our feature race
of this afternoon

will be the 41st running
of the $50,000-added

Santa Clarita handicap
for fillies and mares.

Your attention, please.

Here are the changes

in this afternoon's
racing card.

In the first race...

What if he don't
show up?

You keep asking
the dumbest questions.

Why don't you try
answering

your dumb questions
once in a while.

Okay.

What if he don't
show up?

That is the dumb
question. Now, what's
the dumb answer?

Well, if he don't
show up...

I-I guess we can't
grab him.
You see?

You don't have to ask
all those dumb questions.

I got it right?
Certainly,

and if you just think
a little bit,

you'll come up with all
the right dumb answers.

But if he don't
show up--

I got a hunch he will.

But if he don't,

do you think maybe
he's gonna tell somebody

about us
doping the horse?

A little louder
and he won't have to.

Sorry.

I think maybe...

Do me a favor.

Oh, Binky--

Quit thinking
for a while, will you?

I'm liable
to lose my temper

and tear your tongue out
by the roots.

If I promise
not to think,

can I say something?

Yeah.

I think I seen him.

Where?

Over there.

I don't see him.

He ain't there now.

Well, where
the hell is he?

How would I know?

Which means you just
asked a dumb question,

so if you think about it
a little bit--

Stick out your tongue.

No.
Do as I tell you.
Stick out your tongue.

Ew!
Ew.

What was he wearing?

I think a sweater.

What color was it?

I think--
I think yellow.

Think yellow?

I think.
What else
did he have on?

Nothin'.

What do you mean, nothing?
From the waist down?

No, I mean
I couldn't see.

Binky! Bink, Bink,
Bink, Bink.

I saw him.

I'll get you!

Thank you.

Told you
a yellow sweater.

Okay, you gotta do something
to attract their attention.

I gotta?

So I can place the bet.

They're after you,
so you're the perfect
attention attractor.

You really don't care
if I get killed.

I don't want anybody
getting killed,

starting with me.

Okay. All right, all right.

Oh, boy. Oh...
If I don't survive,

pay for the funeral
out of my half.

No, no, nothing elaborate.

Oh, and whatever's left

give to the Screen Actors'
country home.

Okay.
You want my car?
You can have my car.

Thank you, Spence.

Here's the pink slip.

I'll do it.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

You're not gonna
regret this.

I will regret it.
No, you won't.

Hey-- Wait, wait.

Dennis, what are you
gonna do?

Come on. What are you
gonna do?

You're gonna wash
your hands?
No.

What are you
doing with the soap?

I'm gonna eat it.

I'm serious.

I'm gonna eat it.

What are you
gonna do with it?

Watch this.
Denn--

Hey, Michael!
Mike!

Excuse me.

Gentlemen, um,
have either of you seen, um,

a loose brindle bull terrier?

A dog?
No.

Um, he was, uh...

He was foaming.

We ain't seen him.

Foaming?

Yeah,
and he bit me.

Tough, but we
ain't seen him.

Listen, if he was foaming,
you should get him checked.

He might have rabies.
Yeah.

I'm really worried
about that.

Rabies?

Yeah, like Cujo.

Remember
how he foamed?

Spike? Spike?

Spike? Spike?

Here, boy.
Here, boy.

Bink. Bink.
What?

Here, Spike. Here, boy.

Excuse me. Do you gu--?
Would you know

where I could find
a good veterinarian?
I think I've got worms!

The field is loading
into the starting gate.

Two dollars
on number 10.

Look out.

Get out of the way.

Get out of the way. Mad dog!

Binky! Binky! Binky!

- Quit pushing!
- Quit pushing me!

Hold it.

Oh, jeez.

Excuse me!
Coming through!

Excuse me, ma'am!
Gangway!

They're all in the gate.

Watch where
you're going.

Binky!

And they're off!

Sadie Grady tries for the lead.

Miles First is racing second.

Excuse me, excuse me,
coming through.

Sadie Grady, a short lead.
On the outside...

Where are they?

I don't know!

Well, look for them!

I can't! That guy
looked like Cujo.

Oh, jeez.

Binky.
What?

Where?

Up there.

From the back,
here comes Sorry Sue.

Look out, here comes
Sorry Sue from nowhere,

gaining in stride.
Come on!

Moving down the field,
as they make their way

down the stretch.

Sorry Sue
now in complete control.

Sadie Grady back.

As they come toward the finish,

it's Sorry Sue
in complete control,

winning by some 30 lengths.

Down! Down!

Down! Down!

Dennis, see if
you can cash that.

Quick!

Excuse me!

We won! I won. I won.

Please. I won.

Dennis!

...operations
on the lower level.

Spence, no!

Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention.

Well, hurry up!

...a voucher for $100,000...

Get the other guy.

Come on, come on.

What the...?

I'm sorry.

I'll smash
your gonads, joker!

Leave me alone.

You son of a bitch!

Come on, will you?
Drive!

♪ They say love plays dirty
And I think it's true ♪

♪ Can't talk to you, baby
Like I used to do ♪

Get that shotgun
out of the trunk!

Shotgun, right.

♪ Could be dreaming
Like being sane ♪

♪ Shouldn't feel funny
When you call my name ♪

♪ Love's closing in

♪ Same old story
Starting over again ♪

♪ Yeah, love's closing in

Do you know you nearly
hit that car?

You know
I nearly hit you?

What?

Shoot!

Jeez.
Whoo!

They got a gun!

Not there!
Out the door!

There is no door.

I got you.
Get out of the way!

I hate the California
traffic.

Just calm down.

That's one mad dog
to beat!

Drive carefully,
will you?

I'll neuter you!

Watch this.

Stop!

Here we go.
I got them now.

♪ Love's closing in...

This is my friend Oscar.

Would you--?

♪ Love's closing in...

We're dead.
Goodbye, Spence.

Oh, jeez. Oh, my...

Move! Move! Move!

Give me the gun!

You go after them.
I'll cover the front.

Go on!

Five hundred once.

Sold to the lady in blue
in back for $500.

Thank you, madam.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have here

a very beautiful
antique player piano.

Who would like to start
the bidding at $1000?

That's 1000.
Thank you, ma'am.

One thousand dollars.
Fifteen hundred?

Fifteen hundred here.
Thank you. Two thousand?

Two thousand in the back.
Thank you, sir.

Twenty-five hundred.
Twenty-five. Thank you.

Thirty-five hundred?
Thirty-five?

Thirty-five hundred dollars.

Thank you very much.

Four thousand?
May I have 4000?

Four thousand.
Thank you, sir.

Forty-five hundred?

Well, look!

I can't.

Get in there and look!

They're--
Aw!

Fifty-five hundred,
please?

Fifty-five?
Thank you, sir.

Six thousand over here.
Thank you.

May I have 7000?

Seven thousand
dollars?

Seven thousand in the back.
Thank you, madam.

May I have 7500,
please?

Seventy-five
hundred dollars.

Do I hear $7500?

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is
a very rare piece.

Jesus, Dennis.

What?

Did you step in some dog shit
or something?

Thank you
very much, sir.

Do I hear eight?
Eight thousand?

May I hear $8000?

No.

Eight thousand
from the gentleman.

Well, something sure stinks.

Eight thousand once.

It's not me.

D-do I hear nine?

Maybe it's
something else.

Nine thousand.

Thank you, sir.

Definitely not me.

I don't smell
anything anyway,

and besides, the one
who smelt it dealt it.

No, no, no.

People who smell
usually don't smell it,

so it's gotta be you.

Ten thousand
and it's yours.

Sold for $10,000!

They ain't in there.

I looked
all over the place.

Now we really gotta find them.

What's the big deal?

The race is over.

I was just listening
on the radio.

Sorry Sue dropped dead
after winning the fourth race.

She won
the fourth race too?

At Santa Anita.

Excuse me.

Hi.
Hi.

May I have your
name and address?

Dennis Powell.

120 Westminster.
Apartment B.

And would you like
to pay for it

by check or cash?

Just-- Just how much
are we talking about here?

Ten thousand.

Come on, sweetheart.

Isn't that
a little bit high?

Well, I'm not really
qualified to say.

Well, if you're
not qualified--

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I don't think
that you two

are talking
about the same thing.

Well, what are you
talking about?

No, no, what are you
talking about?

The piano.

What piano?

The one Mr. Powell
just purchased.

What?

I was afraid of that.

What are you
talking about?

I bought a piano, Spence.

When?

When I raised my arm
to smell my armpit.

Two hundred.
No!

You bid 200?

No.
Oh, no, no. No.

He-- He raised his arm.

No, he was just smelling
his armpit there.
Yeah.

I now have 200.

Thank you, sir.

Two hundred dollars
is the bid.

If there's a problem,

I'll have to go
to Mr. Ishimine.

Oh, no, no, no.
Don't do that.

Damn it. Here.

What are you doing?

I'm saving our lives.
Here.

That's every cent.
What do you wanna do?

Wanna have a conference
with Mr. Ishimine,

while our friends there
are watching us?

See those two guys
there in the doorway?

No, no, don't.

They wanna shoot us.

Oh, my God.

Is there another way
out of this place?

Yeah, but if you stand,
they'll see you.

That's all right.
Just lead the way.

Three-fifty.
Thank you, sir.

May I have
400 dollars, please?

Will somebody
give me 400?

Four hundred?
Thank you.

Four-fifty?
Do I hear 450?

Four-fifty.

Four-fifty from
the gentlemen in front.

Tha-- Thank you.

Do I hear five?

May I please have 500?

Someone for five?

Five hundred?

Five hundred
from the lady
in the front.

Thank you, madam.

This rare art deco statue
is certainly worth more

than $500.

They gotta be here
someplace.

Let's ask somebody.

May I have 600?
Yo.

Sold!

You! You!

I tell you,
one of these days,

I really am gonna
tear out your tongue.

Where is the car?

All right,

let me understand
something, okay?

You're telling me
somebody stole your car.

Well, yeah,
and you know,

Binky thinks it was
those two guys.

Well, I'll tell you
something,

you better go
find them two guys,

because if they finger you,

then the cops
might tie you to me,

and then if you don't
go get rid of them,

then I got no choice.

I gotta go
get rid of you.

Capisce?

What is that?

I told you
not to buy that!

But boss,
you like antiques.

This is a real art deco.

Never heard of the bum!

Get rid of that!

Not that! That!

Okay.

Come on, Bink, we gotta go.
All right, boss, see you.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Bop, bop
Bop, bop ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

What are you gonna do
with the car?

Uh, I think
I'm gonna drive it

until we sell the piano
and I can afford another.

You're crazy. Even if
they don't report it,

what are you gonna do
if you get a traffic ticket
or get into an accident?

What if the Russians
invade Pasadena?

Come on, Dennis,
I'm hungry.

Please.

Here we go. Here.

Give me an N.B.,
hold the onions,

an S.S.
and a fries to go.

You got it.

Uh, what do you think
you're doing?

Oh, hi, Wardell.
Putting in an order.

No, you don't
get it.

The only people who can
put in orders here

are Dinkie's carhops,

and you ceased
being one of those

at 8:15 last night.

Come on, it's
not my fault.

I was changing
my skates.

See, I took
my bunny rabbits off--

Yeah, and you were
kidnapped by terrorists?

Of course not.

I was changing
my bunny rabbits,

and the left one
got hooked.

It got hooked
on the bumper

of one of those cars,

and the guy
dragged me out,

all the way
to Long Beach.

Pick up your check
Wednesday, Powell.

Come on, Wardell.
I came back.

You guys were closing.
You weren't here.

I couldn't return anything.
Give me a break.

You know, you're
a troublemaker, Powell.

There'll be
no more trouble.

You really need
this job, don't you?

Yes, Wardell.
Of all these people

that work here at Dinkie's,
you're the only one

who calls me
by my first name.

I don't know
your last name.

It's Flecken.

You would rather
me call you Flecken

than Wardell?

I would rather you
call me Mr. Flecken.

Okay, Mr. Flecken.

And, uh, occasionally "sir."

Yes, sir, Mr. Flecken.
Is that Swedish?

No, actually, it's Swiss.
It's an abbreviation.

My paternal
great-grandfather

was a Fleckenshicker.

Is that like
a chicken plucker?

There you go again.

I'm not trying
to be funny.

I meant like
Tinker, Taylor,

Sheppard,
Fleckenshicker.

You know something,
Powell?

I'm gonna give
you a break

because I'm a nice guy.

You are.
But screw up
one more time...

I won't.
and you can
turn in those skates.

You read me?

Yes, I do, sir--
Uh, Mr. Flecken.

Putz.

Wardell nearly
fired me, you know.

Well, when we sell the piano,

you can tell Wardell
to take his job and shove it.

Why would I want
to do that?

Because you'll be rich,
and Wardell's a putz.

No, he's
a Fleckenshicker.

That's 3.40.

Will you take care of that
for me, Dennis?

I don't have any money.

Well, neither do I.

Aw, come on.
Spence.

Mr. Holden.

Uh, Mr. Beanwhacker.
Good evening.

It's the first of the month,
Mr. Holden.

Well, good news.

I'll have the rent
for you tomorrow.

No more checks.

No, no. Cash on the barrelhead.

Be still my heart.

Yeah.

Hey, Alice, how you doing?

Whoa.

What the hell
was that for?

You called me Alice.

My name is not Alice.

Oh, the hell I did.

Now, wait a second.

Come--
Oh, hey, come on.

Alice. Boy, I don't know
where that came from.

Alice is somebody--

It's not important now.
Sweetheart, come on.

Hey, listen, I said Alice,
but in my mind

I was thinking
that I was saying...

Mary.

Susan?

Well, give me a hint here.
How long ago was it?

Last night.

Oh, get out of here.

I wasn't even
in the neighborhood.

Lorraine! Lorraine!
Am I right?

You live in 10 there,
with a little pull-out.

Oh, but come on,
that was Tuesday, sweetheart.

Tuesday.

Whew, Jesus, that was--
Well, hell, it's Friday now.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
That was three days ago.

What--?

No, by God, it was Monday.

Four days ago.

What the hell's
she expect?

Fargo the Memory Wizard?

Boy, what a day.

And here she is shattering
the world record

for a mile and an eighth
by an incredible 30 lengths.

--Darling Tim.

Sorry Sue maintains
that huge lead

as they come
to the wire.

Darling Tim making
a bid for second,

along with
Violet's First.

As they come
toward the finish,

it's Sorry Sue
in complete control,

winning by some 30 lengths.

This evening, Ken Hanson talked

with the county veterinarian,
Dr. Henry Garfurg.

You performed an autopsy
on Sorry Sue.

Yes.

And you ascertained

that she had been
drugged?

To the eyeballs.

With what?

We're not sure yet.

Some kind of
dynamite stimulant.

She ran the last quarter
at Santa Anita backwards

and still won by a tail.

Who do you think
drugged her?

That's not my department.

I tried to talk
to Captain Sean Swelter,

who is in charge

of the Sorry Sue
investigation,

but I was told
Captain Swelter

was not available
to make a statement.

A press conference
is scheduled

for 10 a.m. tomorrow.

Now back to you, Karen.

Thank you, Ken.

We'll be sure
to keep you up to date

on all the latest
developments

in this case.

Hello, um, my name
is Spence Holden,

and I'd like to report
my car stolen.

Just a few minutes ago,
and I've been in all day.

Uh-huh.

Spencer Holden?

Uh, boy, yeah.

Um, can you hold
one second?

Do you own a yellow VW?

Yes--
Yes, I do.

As a matter of fact,

I was just reporting it
stolen here.

Oh. May I?
Sure.

Police Lieutenant Hunker,
Central Division.

Did Mr. Holden
just report his car stolen?

Thank you, officer.

Can we talk?

♪ Wise men say

♪ Only fools rush...

Hi.

Hi. Hi!

How you doing?
What a coincidence.

No, no,
it's no coincidence.

Your landlady told me
where I could find you.

Oh.

Right after you left
the auction house,

a woman asked
for your address.

Well, she wants
to buy your piano.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I gave her your address
before I even thought about it.

Well, that's okay.

Well, I-I thought
you'd wanna know.

That's great.

Yeah.

She was wearing a huge diamond.

You could probably make
a good deal.

Well, if we do,

anything more
than we paid for it,

you can have 10 percent.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

Uh, I just thought
you'd wanna know.

Well, that's okay.
That's great.

You--
Want something to eat?

Well, I...

How about a...
Dinkie Burger and a shake?

It's on the house.

You're kidding.

Who's to know?

"On the house"?

Well, I-I was
just kidding.

What about,
"Who's to know?"

Well, that's just
a figure of speech.

Excuse me--

I suggest you stay
out of this.

Wait, now, look, Wardell--

Now, you look, Powell--

Mr. Wardell, I think--

Fleckenshicker.

It's Flecken,

and I give you
fair warning, Powell.

You have no idea what fair is.

Mr. Fleckenshicker--

That's it,
you're fired!

You're a putz.

You're a king-sized,
useless putz, Wardell.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Well, turn
your skates in.

I will as soon as I come in
to pick up my check.

And they better be
in good shape,

or I'm gonna
charge you for damage.

Have a nice evening.

He's right, putz!
You're a Frecken!

See, normally, we'd treat it
as a recovered stolen auto,

but the bullet holes
are intriguing enough

to prompt us to wanna
hold it for a few days.

I hope it won't
inconvenience you too much.

No, no, no.
Thank you for asking.

No, I'll manage,
thanks.

Doesn't sound like
it could be driven anyway.

Spoken like
a healthy pragmatist.

We'll keep in touch.

Nice meeting you.

Yeah, you too,
you too.

Oh, uh, by the way,
what do you do?

Oh, well, I'm an actor.

Or I'm...trying to be.

Good luck.

Thanks.
Thanks very much.

Bye-bye.

What do you think?

I don't know.

He just discovered
the car

because he's been in
all day.

Mr. Holden's not the type
to stay in all day

unless he's got
a cold or company.

Said he was alone.

And he hasn't got
a cold.

Let's talk
to his landlord.

Well--

I...

I feel real terrible

about you
losing your job.

Oh, no. You shouldn't.

I mean, I'm glad.

It's time for me
to move up.

Someday,
I wanna open up

my own takeout food
restaurant.

Really?

Yeah.

What's your favorite
kind of food?

Your very favorite.

Uh, Indian.

You mean
like buffalo?

No, like East Indian.

Like curry, right?
Uh-huh.

That would be original.
Indian takeouts.

I can call it "Ghandi's."

Curry would be
our specialty.

Hmm.

You wanna co--?
You wanna come upstairs?

For a minute?
Sure.

Just for a drink?
Sure.

Great.

Damn it, Dennis,
where the hell are you?

Sorry to bother
you again.

That's okay.
How you been?

Oh, fine. Just fine.

Uh, Mr. Beanwhacker says

he saw you come in
around 7.

Oh, yeah, right.

Uh, I had just discovered
that my car had been stolen,

and I was coming back up
to, uh, report it to the cops--

The police.

Well, Mr. Beanwhacker
says he came here twice,

once in the morning,

once around 3
in the afternoon,

to collect the rent,

and, well, he said
no one was in.

Well, I didn't answer the door
because I didn't have the rent.

Ah.

How did you know
it was Mr. Beanwhacker?

Oh, that's easy.

Mr. Beanwhacker
visits his tenants

the first of every month.

If he doesn't collect rent
in the morning,

he comes back up
in the afternoon.

You know,
you guys should check around.

I bet I'm not the only person

who didn't answer
his door today.

One thing I gotta say
for you, Mr. Holden:

you sure come up
with good answers,

and fast.

Well, it's easy when you're
telling the truth.

Or if you're
a good actor.

Oh...
See you around.

Yeah, well, thank you.

You better be there.

Shouldn't you
answer it?

It's probably
just Spence.

And that just means
trouble.

Could be a girl.

No.

Do I taste
like onions?

No. Do I?
Mm-mm.

I had gazpacho
for lunch today.

I had a Dinkie Burger.

I think I'd like to go
and brush my teeth.

I don't have any extra
toothbrushes.

No problem.

Got any paste?

Right in there.

Uh, it's messy.

We can straighten it up
in the morning.

Dames...

Hello.

Dennis?

No, there's no Dennis here.

Dennis?

No, there's no Dennis here.

See, there's no Dennis here.

Thank you. I think you have
the wrong number. Bye!

Dennis? Dennis?

Damn it!

That was you, Dennis.

I know it was.

Okay, fine. Fine.

You don't wanna talk to me,
it's okay with me.

You're an accessory.

It's your ass.

Okay, second floor,
apartment B.

As in...
"beautiful day."

Call me later?

I'll call you now.
Ellen...

Bye.

Spence.

Top of the morning
to you.

I wanna talk to you.

Oh, great,
let's go upstairs.

I got some good news
for you.

Well, I'm glad
somebody does.

Where do you
want this thing?

Oh, that's fine.
Right there.

Keep it there.
That's great.

Isn't this neat?

Sign that
right there.

Sure.

You got yourself
a D and a P.

There you go.

You gentlemen have
yourselves a wonderful day,

and may God
bless you both.

Go ahead. Toodles.

Isn't this neat?
Player piano.

Where were you
last night, Dennis?

I got fired.

Really?

Yeah.

What's the matter
with you?

Nothing. Why?

You got a foolish grin
on your face,

and your eyes
look like fried eggs.

Well, I got in
a little late.

Didn't get much sleep.

There's a woman
that wants to buy the piano.

What woman?

Uh, got her name.

It's written down right here.

Pazzo.

Aha.

This isn't
your handwriting.

No.

Who made the bed?
What?

The bed.

As long as
I've known you,

I've never seen
that bed made.

This is...

This is female
handwriting here, Dennis.

Yeah. So what?
I had company, okay?

She made me breakfast
and did the dishes.

She did?
Yeah.

Pazzo?
No.

What difference
does it make?

It's my business.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

Oh, listen,
when the cops come by,

just tell them
you spent the night

with Miss...
what's-her-face.

What cops?

Uh, Sergeant Blist
and Lieutenant Hunker.

They wanna know who put
all the bullet holes

in my car, Dennis.

And what'd you
tell them?

Oh, surprising what
a little adrenaline
does to your eyes.

They look positively poached.

Aw, come on, Spence.

Tell me.

Told them I didn't know,
that I was home all day.

But I don't think
they believed me.

They're keeping the car

and they're gonna check it
for fingerprints.

Fingerprints?
Mm-hmm.

So don't you think
it'd be a good idea

to get our stories
straight?

My fingerprints are all
over that car.
Right.

Now, tell me, who was
up here last night?

What does she
have to do with it?

I don't know, Dennis.

Ellen Frankenthaler.

Who the hell is--?
She's the one from the--

From the auction house?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

What "oh, shit"?

She's a wonderful girl.
Yeah, right.

I'm sure the cops are gonna
think she's twice as wonderful

when they find out
where she works,

and that we spent
yesterday afternoon

with her
where she works,

and that where she works

has an alley behind it
where they found my car,

with your fingerprints
in it.
Oh, shit.

She can also tell them
we told her that two guys

with guns tried
to kill us.
Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

No. Dennis, Dennis.

Answer the door.

Why don't you?

Because it's not my door.

Well, maybe
it's the cops.

Oh, God, maybe
it's the killers.

Uh, pretend
you're the maid.

You're the actor.

I don't do voices.
You do.

Who is it?

Yes, I'm looking for
Mr. Dennis Powell.

I wanna talk to him
about buying his piano.

Relax, relax.
I'll handle this.

Well.

Good morning.

Hello. Mr. Powell?

No, but won't you come in,
please?

I thought I heard
a woman's voice.

No.

No.

Well, I intended
to buy this piano

at the auction.

but this crazy racehorse
got onto the freeway,

and I was held up
in traffic.

You're kidding.
No.

Are you Miss Pazzo?

Yeah.

And I will give you
11,000 for it.

Ele--
Aah!

I think a thousand dollars
is a reasonable profit.

Yeah.

What do you say,
Mr. Powell?

I--

Cash.

Cash. Cash.
Cash.

Well, normally,

that would be a very
attractive offer,

but, see, we've been looking
for a piano like this

for about six years now.

Haven't we, Dennis?
Haven't we?

Twelve thousand.

Twelve. Well, now...

Twelve?
Twelve.

Uh, now, we can't forget about
that client in Munich

who offered us 15.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

That's too much for me.

Oh, well, now, that 15,000
included shipping.

And shipping can be
very expensive.

Yeah, at least $2000.

Still too much.

Well, sometimes
it's $3000.

Changed my mind.

Good day, gentlemen.

Are you sure--?

Do something.

I will. I will.

Oh!

Uh, Miss Pazzo?

We talked it over.

Eight thousand.

Eight?
But we paid 10.

All right.
Wait a minute.

Okay.

Okay.

Eight.

That's including
delivery.

I guess that's better
than nothing, huh?

Where's the cash?

C.O.D.

What?

That's the best I could do,
Dennis.

Well, Spence,
we're flat-ass broke.

How we gonna get it
delivered?

We'll be all right.

My brother-in-law's
got a truck.

Oh.

Stupid me.

I'm only gonna need it
for a couple hours.

Oh, that's all right.
Use it as long as you want.

Hey, sis.

You might have to
put some gas in it,

and I'll only charge you
50 cents a mile.

What?

I figure every mile
you put on her,

she's gonna depreciate
at least that much.

Come on, Phil,
this is your brother-in-law.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.
You are family.

You should charge him
30 cents.

Forty.

Let's just tie it
on top of the Caddy.

No, I got a better idea,
Dennis.

Phil, you like my Cadillac
out there?

What, the one
with, uh, no doors

and the bashed-in
grille?

Yeah.
Why?

Well, because you're family,
tell you what I'm gonna do.

This is ridiculous.

This is a Cadillac
without doors.

So what?
It's a Cadillac.

How much can a couple
of doors cost?

There you are.

Thank you-- Oh!

I'm--

And he traded you even?

This Cadillac for that
broken-down truck?

Well, not even.

Oh, I thought so.

The truck and how much?

Twenty bucks for gas.

You got screwed, Phil.

Why? How you figure?

I don't know,
but I know Spence,

and you can
take my word for it,

you got screwed.

Makeup mirror.

I love the smell.

Love the smell.

New-car smell.

Hey!
Is this your car?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Shut up.

Yeah!

Hold on!

Where did you
get it?
Yeah.

Shut up!

Yeah.
Hold on!

Now, back off!
One at a time.

And I'm gonna
ask the questions.

Sorry, officer.

Is this your car?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I warned you!

Give me that tongue.
I'm gonna get that tongue,

and I'm gonna pull it out,
and I'm gonna fry it.

I'm gonna turn it
into a quirt,

and sell it to a jockey I know.

Hello?

Miss Pazzo?

Yeah.

Hi.
Spence Holden.

Say, would it be convenient

to deliver the piano to you
around 9:00 tomorrow morning?

Yeah, that would be fine.

I'll tell Covington,
the houseman, to expect you.

Won't you be there?

Why?

Well, I was kind of
hoping to see you again.

Miss Pazzo?

It's Claudia.

Did I say
something wrong...

Claudia?

Where are you?

I'm at home.

And where's your friend
with the high voice?

He's out.

I'll be right over.

Whoa, wait a second.

Why? Did I say
something wrong, Spence?

No, no, you just
don't know my address.

I thought that you lived
with Mr. Powell.

1133 Fountain Avenue,
apartment 14.

And I'm not gay,

but please,
don't take my word for it.

Twenty minutes.

Oh, God. I love it.

I tried to convince Spence
to go to the police,

but he says if we do that,
the mob will put

some sort of contract
out on us.

By the way, if you've never
had Indian food before,

it can be very hot.

You know, I forgot
to mention to you...

You know the lady
you bought--?

Who bought the piano
from you?

Miss Pazzo?

Yeah.

A little bread
might help.

Well, I know I've seen her
somewhere before,

in a newspaper
or magazine or something.

Um, and whatever it was,
it was important.

I think she's notorious.

Good evening.

Oh. Sure looks that way.

May I take your coat?

Sure.

Oh, yeah, it's never your fault.

I'm gonna kill
that brother of yours.

That piece of junk
wasn't even his car.

Yeah, well,
there's something fishy

about the owner
and his friend.

What "fishy"?
He loaned him the car.

Without even knowing
where Spence lives?

Yeah, well, you heard him.
He was selling the Caddy.

And he let Spence
drive it for a few days.

I heard him,
but I don't believe him.

Yeah, well, I believe him.

Your brother could con
a leopard out of his stripes.

Spots.

Were you calling Spence?

You bet your sweet ass
I'm calling Spence,

and when I get through
telling him what
a no-good piece of--

Then I'm gonna
talk to him.

What, are you gonna tell him
I gave those guys his address?

Yes.

You think they're gonna
do something to him?

Well, I'm afraid they might.

They ain't gonna do
nothing to him.

How do you know?

Because I'm gonna
do it to him first,

and there ain't gonna be
nothing left.

That's how I know.

Oh, come on, will you
get off the phone?

♪ --On the border line

Oh, God.

♪ It's messing with my mind

♪ I just won't give you up

♪ I'm tired of falling
Gettin' back up ♪

Keep it down.
Keep it down.

Fingers, fingers,
fingers!

Oh, yeah, the door.

The door, the door,
the door.

Get the lock!
Get the lock!

Get the lock!
The lock!

Ow!

Okay, let's go. Come on.

Bink. Bink.

What are you doing?
Bink! Bink!

Get in there.
Get in!

Keep it down.
Keep it down.

♪ It's a fine mess...

I'll be right back.

Take your time.

Now, you take a lot
of deep breaths.

We're just
getting started.

Oh, God.
You animal, you.

You're getting old, Spence.

No, it's not me. Not me.

Where's your buddy?

- Come back here!
- Come back here!

Wait, wait, Claud--

Claudia! Claudia!

Maybe it just
started by itself.

What are you doing?

Telegram
for Mr. Powell.

Giving him a chance
to get away.

Dennis!

Oh! God! Dennis!

Spence!
My nose, man.

Spence. Shit.

It's all right. It's all right.

My God. My nose.

What are you doing
hiding in here?

Those two guys
found me, Dennis.

They were gonna
shoot me.

Why didn't they?

I don't know. Oh, God.

Well, they took
one look at Claudia,

and they ran.

Are you Irene?

Ellen.

Who's Claudia?

Pazzo.
We were discussing the piano.

Well, Ellen thinks
she knows her.

You do? How come?

I don't know.

When she came in
to Ishimine's,

she thought
she recognized her.

But I can't remember
from where.

She thinks
she's notorious.

I'm gonna ask
Mr. Ishimine

if he knows her.

Well, whoever she is,
she sure as hell saved my life.

Is it swollen?
Yeah.

Careful, man.

Oh, jeez, why did you
have to hit my nose?

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

We can't tell him,
can we?

But if we don't,
and he finds out--

But if we do,
what about her?

Just shut up
and let me think.

Can I think too?

Yeah, but whatever
you come up with

you keep to yourself.

What if it's
a good idea?

You don't believe me
about your tongue,

do you?
No.

I mean it.
Stick it out.

No.
I dare you.

Well, one thing for sure
is I can't go back to my place.

Well, I'm worried
about Ellen.

I'll be all right.

She's gonna be fine

as long as they don't
tie her in with us.

Well, maybe we shouldn't
see each other.

No.

No, I think he's right.

Just until we straighten
this thing out.

But how are you gonna
get it straightened out

if you don't go
to the police?

She's right.

First thing's first.
What's first?

We sell the piano
and get money.

And then what?

Well, then we get
out of town

until things cool off.

But that's only gonna
postpone things.

I mean,
sooner or later,

you're gonna have to go
to the police.

In your heart, you know
she's right.
Yeah, maybe,

but as things stand
right now,

it's gotta be later
than sooner.

Well, it's nearly 2:00.
I better be going.

I'll walk you down.

No. You stay here.

You guys want me to--?

Yeah, maybe I should
just step in here.

Good night, Eileen.

Ellen.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, you know,
I knew an Ellen--

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Yeah, she was
a shepherdess

on a small seashore
sheep ranch.

I guess you could say
she sheared sea sheep

by the seashore.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Good night.

Good night.

Dennis, can I wear
the tops?

I know where they are.
It's okay.

Recent prints on the car
belonged to Holden

and a man named
Dennis Powell.

I checked on Powell.
They're old friends.

Have you talked
to Mr. Powell?

I dropped by this morning,
but he was out.

We arrested
Leopold Klop

for making
and selling this.

What the hell is it?

So far, Leo refuses
to reveal his family recipe,

but he did confess that
that's what was shoved

up Sorry Sue's ass
that sent her into orbit.

This?

Well, one like it.

Yeah?

Leo say who did
the shoving?

Yeah, he identified
these two gentlemen.

Couple of Pazzo's
henchmen.

Okay, Binky, you and Turnip
have one minute

to come out with your hands up.

There must be
a hundred cops out there.

How come you
didn't spot them?

Well, I was cooking.

It's pancake day.

I hate to do this to you,

but you got to go out
and draw their fire

so I can get away
and warn the boss.

Come on, couldn't you
just call him?

Well, they probably
tapped the phone.

Yeah, but, Binky,
please, I mean,

if I draw their fire,
I could get killed.

Not if you run
fast enough.

I can't beat a bullet.

I wouldn't be too sure
about that.

Oh, please, no, Bink,
no, no, no.

Drop your pants.

Come on, it took 24 hours
to work on Sorry Sue.

You are not a horse!

I-- No, Binky,
please.

Hey, look at this.

Not too shabby.

Okay, here we go.

Eight thousand big ones.

Come in.

Excuse me.

Uh, Mr. Ishimine,

are you familiar
with a Miss Claudia Pazzo?

Careful, careful.

Careful, gentlemen.
Watch the carpet.

Now, you take it up the stairs,

and the recreation room
is the first door on the left.

I'd assist you, gentlemen,

but your tardiness
has put me behind schedule,

and I have to go to the market.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, sorry to bother you,
but how about the money?

If I am not back

by the time
you're finished,

the kitchen
is through there.

Go in and wait.

Knowing your brother,

he probably
sold my truck,

stole another Cadillac
and headed for Florida.

He can't sell the truck
without the pink slip.

Yeah, oh, pink slip.

Your brother needs
a pink slip to sell my truck

like Hitler needed
Churchill's okay
to invade Poland.

Hey, hey.

Watch out where you're
driving, you crazy broad!

Oh, God, Dennis,
I hope her husband isn't home.

Easy, easy.

Watch it, watch it.

Where should we put it?

Let's leave it
right here

till I check

with the lady
of the house.

Oh, my goodness.
Whoo.

Would you look
at this?

Oh, boy.

May I get you a drink,
young man?

Sure.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at these.

"To Tony.

"Best wishes and a long life,
from Dutch, Hymie

and everyone
in the Vigilio family."

Here you go.

That one looks familiar,
doesn't he?

He's in a lot of them.
Look at this.

"To Tony, my godfather.

"You made me
what I am today.

Gratefully,
Giovanni Fusco."

They're all Italian.

Yeah, well,
Claudia's Italian.

Maybe this Tony guy's
her father or something.

♪ When the moon
Hits your eye ♪

♪ Like a big pizza pie

I wonder where she is.

♪ That's amore ♪

You're gonna be gone long?

Probably.

Perhaps. Maybe.

Come in.

Keep a light
in the window.

Good morning,
Covington.

Just put the tray
on the chair, okay?

I'm not awake yet.

Good morning.

In your rush,
you forgot these.

What are you
doing here?

What do you mean,
what am I doing here?

Oh, come on,
I'm not that bad.

Come on.

So I'm not the greatest
in the world.

Don't you think
you're overreacting?

Sweetheart...

Who's that?
My husband. My husband.

What are you doing?

Forget about it.
Just go under the bed.

Ow!

Just...
leave me alone.

What's the matter
with the snookums?

I just wanna
sleep some more.

We're gonna
have breakfast,

so come on, get up.

I wanna sleep a while.

You slept nine hours.

That's two hours longer
than a pig sleeps.

I could've been some singer, eh?

Uh, not for nothing,

you have any idea what happened
to the door handle?

Um, yeah, I...

Well, I just woke up
in the middle of the night

and just, you know...

I-I don't know.

Yeah? What was you
trying to do,

raid the icebox?

Yeah, but I just
couldn't get out.

Yeah? Well, that
serves you right.

Please, I want you
to go downstairs, okay?

Yeah, watch my foot, though.

I'll watch it.

Let me open
this little thing...

So just go downstairs.

Yeah, but before I go,
we gotta--

Pazzo.

Tony Pazzo.

Spence, it's the mob.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, jeez, you found one.

Claudia.

Coming. Let's go. Let's go.

Sweetheart!

Hey, buttercup,
I hate to wake youse up,

but I just had to tell you
how much I love it.

Hey, you hear me? Hey.

It's just what I wanted
for my birthday.

I'm so glad.

How about you give me
a nice big birthday kiss.

Why don't you just go
and have some coffee,

and I'll see you
in a little while.

Okay?

I'll just go down
in a little while.

Okay?

Come on.

You still got it for me,
don't you?

I'll meet you
there, okay?

Yeah.
Okay.

All right,
but don't be long.
No.

Jesus, you got some cold
starting there.

You better make sure
you take the orange juice.

Or the Robitussin.

Shake that gorgeous ass.

I'll come back there,
get another bite of it.

Okay.

Don't.

Someday they're gonna do
my life story.

The Singing Godfather.

Just get off me.

Hurry up.

What are you doing
down on the floor?

Come on.

Spence.

Jump. Come on, jump.

Are you kidding? It's gotta be
20 feet down there.

Aah! Don't do that!
You know who Tony is?

Do I know who he is?
I just spent five minutes
with him.

Jump, you gotta jump.

Go down without
anyone seeing.

How am I gonna do that?
I don't know, but you can.

Back the truck up
under the window.

Hey, honey doll!

Sweetie pie!

Where the hell is she?

Sugarplum!

Hey, we gotta get--

What?

Yeah, the cops...
The cops busted the professor,

and they shot it out

with them numskulls
Binky and Turnip,

and we gotta go to Mexico.

We gotta lay low for a while.

Okay, well,
let me get my jewelry.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, my foot.

So go get the truck.

Um... Uh...

Honeybun, you ready?

I mean,
are we gonna fly?

Yeah, only to San Diego.

Then we gotta take a boat.

Oh, no.

I don't wanna
take a boat.

You know, I hate
to take a boat,

because-- What?

Where's the handle
to this friggin' door?

I don't know.

Well, honeybun,
you know I get seasick.

Six-million-dollar house,

and the friggin' doors
don't work.

Faggot designer bastard!

Are you okay? Yeah?

Well, you know what?

I think if we fly
all the way--

Covington,
where the hell are you?

Honeybun,
if we fly all the way,

it'd be so much better.

Where the hell
is everybody?

Covington must have
gone to the market.

We'll probably have to
drive ourselves.

Get ready, sweetheart.
Get ready.

Yeah, I will.

I'm only gonna take two suits.

Morning, Covington.

Buenos dias, señora.

God damn Covington

is never around
when you want--

Where the hell
have you been?

Buongiorno, godfather.

"Buongiorno," my ass.
Pack this.

You got it.

Shoes.

My foot swells up any more,

I ain't gonna get it
into an egg crate.

Hey, Covington.

Where'd these come from?

I have no idea, sir.

All right, you take that stuff
down to the car.

I found these in my closet.

Throw them out.

They're not mine.

No?

How did they get
in your closet?

You don't know?

Well, how should I know?

They belong to some guy.

Hey, my car!

Why, you-- You!

What the hell is going on here?

Dennis!

Hey, slow down, Dennis!

Got you. I got you.

You're not getting away from me.

Spence! Spence!

Oh, no.

Wait for me!

Hold your fire!

Tony, give it up.

You're surrounded,
and the SWAT team's on the way.

Hold it right there!

Tony.

Tony, you got one minute
to come out.

What are you guys
doing here?

They're
the piano movers.

You're the piano
movers, eh?

Well, not exactly.

No? Then what
are youse?

Well, actually,
I'm an actor.

And this one's
trying to be a chef.

Oh, yeah?
I'm a waiter.

You always deliver pianos
with your socks on?

No, not all the time.

Yeah. Just today?
Well, it's hot out.

Hey, Covington,
go get them shoes.

Yes, godfather.

Thirty seconds.

Would you mind trying on
these shoes here?

For me?

Oh, Pooh Bear.

Yes?

Excuse me.

If it isn't
too much trouble,

I'd like to have a word

with Mr. Dennis Powell,
please.

Keep down.

Cease fire.

Dennis, you gotta
get out of here.

I spoke to Mr. Ishimine,
and he said that Claudia Pazzo

is married to Tony Pazzo.

We know.
Irene...

If he finds out

that Spence has been
sleeping with--

No. Not now.

This is Tony Pazzo.

Ellen. She's a friend.

Would you just tell me

who it was, exactly,
sleeping with my wife?

It couldn't be Spence.
He's gay.

Dennis!

Hold your fire.

Go start the car.

You stepped on my foot!

Get off of it!

You'll never make it, Tony.

Then the broads are dead meat.

This is the way
it's gonna happen over here.

We're gonna drive away,
and you're gonna let us,

or I'm gonna kill
the both of them.

What are you gonna do?
I don't know.

Think he'd really
kill them?

If I knew that,
I'd know what to do.

Step on it!

Not my foot. Drive! Drive!

Damn it! I'll kill her!

Look.

He'll kill me! Don't shoot!

I swear, I'll kill her!
He swears!

I'm crazy! I'm crazy!

He's crazy! He's crazy!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

That's not a woman.

No, that's Powell.

He's gonna kill me!

I'll kill her!

He's gonna kill me!

Drive! Drive!

Aren't you gonna stop them?

What for?

Let's see
where they go.

I'll kill them!

♪ Come on, pretty baby...

Easy there! What are you, nuts?

I'll blow your brains out!

♪ Come on, pretty baby
I'll give you one more chance ♪

♪ Baby, one more chance
To do the best ♪

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby, baby, why
You're moving way too fast ♪

♪ You'd better
Give me a little lovin' ♪

♪ Give me a little lovin'

♪ If you want
Our love to last ♪

♪ You know that I love you
Tell the world I do ♪

♪ Oh, pretty baby
What are you trying to do? ♪

♪ I need your lovin', baby
Oh, so bad ♪

♪ You're the prettiest woman
That I ever had ♪

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby...

Binky!

Oh, yeah.

See you!
♪ --Give me a little lovin'

Whoo!
♪ Give me a little lovin'

♪ If you want our love
To last ♪

What the hell
is going on here?

Ow! My neck!

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna kill you!

Come on, ladies.

Get in, get in.

Go, go, go.

Hold it, Tony.

What are you, crazy?

Well, what's become known
as the sad saga of Sorry Sue,

the little horse
who was doped

and ran herself to death

while breaking records
at two different racetracks

in the same afternoon,

came to an end today

when mafia boss
Tony Pazzo

was sentenced to
15 years in prison.

But Sorry Sue's saga
has a happy ending.

This is Ghandi's,

a fast-food Indian restaurant
owned by Dennis Powell

and his new bride
Ellen.

Dennis and Ellen

have been involved
in this bizarre tale

almost from the beginning.

Good evening.

Hey, dude.

I see business
is very good.

Oh, very, very good.

Always, because...

♪ If you want a meal
That's fine and dandy ♪

♪ Go to Ghandi

♪ If you want some curry
In a hurry ♪

♪ Go to Ghandi

Everybody.

It's crowded, I see.

It's been reported
that Tony Pazzo's wife

has helped finance
this place.

True?

Well, it was a favor to Dennis

for helping
save her life.

She's a majority stockholder.

And today, the buffet is 2.50
for entire bowl.

I hear
that she's in Chile

making a movie,

which she also helped
to finance.

Well, she was
a big star in Chile

before Tony Pazzo
married her.

The vegetables are cut fresh
daily.

Yeah, but what happened

to your pal
Spence Holden?

Spence? I don't know.

I haven't seen him
in a couple of weeks,

but he's around somewhere.

Gracias.

My pleasure, Maria.

Cut!

Hey, that was great.

Why'd you cut?

Who's Maria?
What?

...Maria?

Yeah, who is Maria?

Did I say Maria?

It's Juanita.

You have been calling me
Juanita for six weeks.

Why now do you
call me Maria

and ruin
a beautiful take?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Yes, you do know.

Oh, hey, come on--

You come on.
Tell me who is Maria!

What do you mean
you don't know?

You two-timing
son of a bitch!

Who is Maria?

You don't know?

Honey, come on,
that's no--

Oh, hey--

You don't know?
You don't know?

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

Come back here,
you son of a bitch!

And so, as the sun sinks
slowly in the West,

we bid a fond farewell
to Spence and Maria--

I mean, Claudia.

--and everyone else
who made such a fine mess.

♪ Love
On the borderline ♪

♪ It's messing
With my mind... ♪

I knew it.

I should have made a left...
at Brazil.

♪ --I'm tired of falling
Gettin' back up ♪

♪ See, I know
One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head
With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Wait
By the telephone ♪

♪ Wondering
He's not home ♪

♪ Leave
In the nick of time ♪

♪ Girl
Will you ever be all mine? ♪

♪ See, I know
One of these nights ♪

♪ He'll find me there

♪ When I'm in over my head
With you ♪

♪ I don't care

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ We're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ Don't know what to do

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

♪ More than you

♪ Both of us are crazy

♪ Both of us are fools

♪ There's so many ways

♪ A man can dream
Of being cruel ♪

♪ I don't wanna be around
When he finds I'm the one ♪

♪ Dancing with his baby

♪ Loving her on the run

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Oh, ah

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ That we're getting in

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ Hey, hey, ha-ha, hey

♪ We're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ I don't know what to do

♪ 'Cause I may wind up losing
Baby, more than you ♪

♪ It's a fine mess

♪ Ha-hey, hey-hey, babe

♪ 'Cause we're alone tonight

♪ And there ain't
No sign of him ♪