A Fine Madness (1966) - full transcript

Samson Shillitoe, a frustrated poet and a magnet for women, is behind in his alimony payments, and lives with Rhoda, a waitress who stands by him through all his troubles. Samson becomes belligerent when he cannot find the inspiration to finish his big poem so Rhoda tries to get him to see the psychiatrist Dr. West, who claims to be able to cure writer's block. Samson ends up being pursued by various women while trying to evade the subpoena servers and finish his poem.

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Samson, you up?


Granite head!

I almost had it!

Your eggs are getting cold.

Oh, Samson.

Samson, I got to go.

I can't...


Samson, I'm late.

You tell her... Now!

Mrs. Shillitoe.

Good morning,
Mrs. Fitzgerald.

If you have a minute...

Well, I'm kind of late for work.

He insulted my husband
again yesterday.

Okay, well, I'll tell him
to lay off, all right?

You keep saying that,
only he's getting worse.

Well, it's this... you see,
this thing he's working on.

Have a nice sunstroke,
Mrs. agastini.

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe,
I must talk with you.

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe,

you're behind
with subsistence payments!

We'll have to take court action!

Mr. Shillitoe!


children, please. Please!
Mr. Shillitoe.


Hey, can you help a fella out?

15 cents...
For the subway.

Mr. Shillitoe!

As of today,
you're four weeks behind

with subsistence payments... $300.


Don't "aah" me.
Unless you pay up,

the former Mrs. Shillitoe
will have to take court action.

15 cents. 15 cents
for the subway.

And you know what will
happen if she does.

If they hadn't raised the fare,

you'd be settling for a nickel.

What foul typhoon
blows from the crib to this?

Mr. Shillitoe, please.

Use your imagination.

You've got to get
to... Baltimore,

Mr. Shillitoe, please.

And the fare is 10 bucks.

Listen to me, please.

Will you let me have 10 bucks

to go to Baltimore?

Mr. Shillitoe, I mean it.

You don't want to go
to jail again.

It could be
three months this time.

If you don't pay
the arrears by tonight,

I'll serve your with a...

I'll get you your blood money!

By tonight, or else!

Hey, 90 cents to get to Newark?

Oh, get away!

You can start in here.

Mr. bingham is out of town
for the week.

Stone walls
do not a prison make.

Do they make a prison?

I beg your pardon?

The hell they don't!

This is where they make them.

We don't make them here.

We're e.E.F.I.N.S.


Yes. E.E.F.I.N.S.


electronic equipment

for interplanetary
navigational systems.

It's used in the rk-402.

You mean that this

is going to conquer all that?

Of course.

That's our universe.

Watch your step, pouty-mouth.

Stars are fragile stuff.

Miss walnicki...


These are Mr. kussman's

of the zy101-4678w.

Thank you, Mr. lukov.


I need your name
for our records.


Hank longfellow.

I'm miss walnicki.


Why did you call me pouty-mouth?

Forget it.

No. Why?

Because you are.

I've never been called
pouty-mouth before.

What factory turned you out...

Radcliffe, Smith, vassar?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I went to secretarial school.



Everything's red.

Annatto sand,

fuchsin sky,

vermilion sun.

Merely different shades of red,

but they tell you
that it's a rainbow

so you won't know
you're in hell.

Ha ha ha!


There's a tasty red,

made from the dried-up bodies
of female insects.

Ha ha!

Why don't you volunteer yours?

Why, Mr. longfellow.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

Miss walnicki...

Miss walnicki...

Do you have $300?

There doesn't seem
to be anyone in there,

but the doors are locked.

It feels like soap!

Where's miss walnicki?

There was someone
cleaning Mr. bingham's office.

Get the key!

Where's miss walnicki?

I'll find her!

Are you sure this
is the right key?

Will please someone check the
cafeteria for miss walnicki!

I've looked everywhere.

We'll find out
what's going on in here!

Mr. longfellow...

What going on in here?

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Come on, folks.
Back to work, please.

Please, coming through!
Coming through!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

All right. Everyone,
get back to work.

Go back to your desks, please!


Samson, what foam?

Rhoda, come and get your order.

Listen, Samson,

can't you apologize
or something?



Yeah, I know. It's 300.

Samson, I can't borrow any more
money from him!

Will you stop yelling?


All right!

Listen, I got to go.

I'll do the best I can.

All right.

Yeah. OK. Good-bye.

Hey, get me
my apple pie, will you?

What about my bologna sandwich?

Excuse me.

Yeah. You get pie with that.

He's got to call at noon?

Well, he's been laid off.

What did he do now?

Nothing. It's the slow season
for carpet cleaning.

Yeah, yeah. Sure.

For what, knocker?

75 bucks a week
alimony for what?

I don't even remember her name.


Yeah. Beverly.

I'll tell you
the secret of life, knocker.

Never marry a Beverly!

Why did you?

Why? She said it was
just a formality.

Just a formality...

Japan surrendered
with less formality.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, knocker,
you're my last hope.

Now, this is the big one,
it's beginning to flow.

But I need time and peace!

Look, I can't write
poetry in jail.

I've tried it.

I told you... Not another dime.


Hey, Samson!

Hi, Rhoda.

Hi, Angie.

Come on.

Hey, Samson, Mr. butter's got
some great news for you.

Hello, Samson.

Mr. butter,
when was the operation?

He don't mean anything.

I mean everything.


Won't you at least listen

to what he's got to say?

Well, tell him what you told me.

I've arranged a cultural

for the woman's league

for tomorrow afternoon
at Picasso hall.

Yeah. This guy playing the harp.

And endicott brown
reading his poetry,

but endicott's come down
with laryngitis.

Oh, poor dear.

No, no. No. You can
take his place,

and then you read your poetry.


You want me to read
to housewives and mothers?

These are
very intelligent women.

Then you read to them.

You've got a nice soprano voice.

All right.

But I thought you
could use the $200.

200 bucks, Samson.

You only got to recite
for 20 minutes.

Nothing doing!

You owe it to your work,

Your one book didn't reach
too many people.

How many copies did it sell?


Deserved better.

I'm not a performer!

Samson, 200 bucks!

That's 10 bucks a minute!

I don't perform!

Mr. Shillitoe!

Hey, rollie, do you want
to make it 400?


How about 300?


Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe!

I'll take it.

Mr. Shillitoe, I got a subpoena!

I don't know.

Perhaps I'd better have
lelage Davenport

read her poems.

Women don't like listening
to another woman.

They sure don't.

He'll be all right.
You'll see.

They'll love him.

All right.
Noon tomorrow, then.



Put on the fights.

Yeah. All right.

Don't worry, Rhoda.

He'll get another job.


He's very unusual.


No, I do understand.

You can not discuss
case histories that way.

Yes, well, doctor,
in your opinion...

it's not scientifically valid.

In your opinion, can analysis
really help the artist,

the man of genius?

Well, yes.
It depends on the artist.

It depends
on the analyst, of course.

Well, let's take
the classic example...

the writer who's dried-up.

The blocked writer?


Oh, yes. I've had great success
with that problem.

Rhoda, the fights!

All right already!

Well, now.
Oh, yes. Well...

As I said, the person of genius

is my special interest.

Well, he's an extreme
from so-called normality

in the same way that, well,

a man of evil is.

See, these are the edges...


Of the human spectrum,
so to speak.

One thing I find to criticize
in my profession...

more and more psychiatrists
are dealing

only with the middle
of this spectrum.

They're confining themselves

to those fundamentals
of behavioral analyses

which are no longer challenging.

This is a dangerous sign.

Well, doctor, dangerous for who?

Who? The psychiatrist
or the patient?

From our point of view,
from the psychiatrist's.

You see, for our work now,
in the present

and the foreseeable future,

it really must be
largely intuitive.

Doctor, you mean
largely guesswork.

Seriously, Dave.
Dave, listen. No.

See, from there,
it isn't very far

to becoming
pill and serum dispensers.

See, I think
that psychiatrists must move

farther and farther towards
the ends of the spectrum.

Yes, but just a moment, doctor.
In a democracy like ours,

shouldn't we
be more concerned...

Morning, Ava.

Good morning.

I'll just have orange juice
with my coffee.

...eventually tackle
the two areas

about which we still
know next to nothing.

Scott's on a hunger strike.

Is that so?

I suppose we could always
feed him intravenously.

Did you read
my speech for tonight?

I'm talking about the extremes.

That's the important thing...

Not yet.

...merely keep
a neat little file

of cerebral symptoms,
motor symptoms,

sensory symptoms, visceral
symptoms, etcetera, etcetera.

Where do we go from there?

What's simsims?


I'm going to be
out of town Friday.

What's symptom?

Well, a symptom is
something that...

don't give in to her.

Tell me! Tell me!
Tell me! Tell me!

You eat your breakfast.

I won't.

Oh! Can't we have
that thing off?

No harm done.

Look at this mess!

It's the school bus.
They are coming right now.

The school bus, Mrs. west.

All right.
I heard you.

Take them downstairs!

They're coming!
They're coming! Who?

Daddy, flip me!
Flip me!

Oh, all right.

Turn around.
Turn around.

Oh, excuse me.
It's Dr. Vorbeck.

Dr. Vorbeck on the phone.

I'll tickle you!

Dr. Vorbeck on the phone.

Oh, tell him to come right up.

He says to come right up.
Thank you.

Busy day today?


Thought you had a harp lesson
this afternoon.


Why not?

Because I'm a lousy harpist.

My teacher's giving a recital.

I'm going to that.

Well, that ought to be fun.


All right.
Let's have it.

I'm sick of harp lessons,

I'm sick of modern dancing

and painting lessons,

and I'm sick of the kids!

I'm bored.

You know, for a moment,

you sounded like
one of my patients.

Maybe I should be.

At least I'd see you
once in a while.

Darling, if there's anyone

who doesn't need

It's you.


We'll talk, really talk,

Your banquet's tonight.

Oh, damn.
That's right.

Good morning, doctor.

Good morning!

See you tonight.




Hello, Freddie.


Oh, tense, darling, very tense.

You think so?

Oliver says I'm the one person
in the world

who doesn't need analysis.

Everybody needs psychoanalysis.

You think the inner recesses
of my mind

would be interesting?

Be at my office tomorrow, 10:00,
and we'll find out.

Freddie, if I ever think
she needs help,

I'll see that she gets it.

Now, come on.
Let's go.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!



Thank you, Mr. genkov.

Thank you.

That was absolutely brilliant.

Thank you.

And now, we, of the woman's
league of the seven arts

have a very special treat
in store for us...

Mr. Samson Shillitoe...


Mr. Shillitoe has
most graciously consented

to read for us
from his own book of poems,


Hellebore, incidentally,
is a medicinal herb

which, in ancient times,
was used to cure madness.

I looked it up.

Mr. Samson Shillitoe.


Once upon a time,

a boy wrote,
"hail to thee, blithe spirit,"

and they kicked him
out of school.

And a man wrote...

"Here I am a poet
that does drink of life

as lesser men drink wine."

Him they locked in a cage.

So when another man wrote,

"put them all together,
and they spell...


him they gave respect,

reverence, money,



What's wrong with a poem
to mothers?

I happen to be a mother.

Briar, briar, limberlock,

12 geese in a flock.

The old ones ride
the young ones' backs,

and they can't get over
the chimney stacks.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means stop passing the buck
to babies.


But, Mr. Shillitoe...


Please, ladies, please.

I do think we should let
Mr. Shillitoe continue.

Shall we proceed?



Have you had love?

How was it told?

With diamonds and brocade?

Did he ever say
he loved your moments

of glad grace?

Or did he ever say,

"o my love is
like a red, red rose

that's newly sprung in June"?

Women you are.

Red, red roses you are.

Then blossom.


Open your corsets and bloom.

Let some metaphors...

Creep above your knees.

I don't like that a bit.


I'll read to you.


Where do you think
you're going? Sit down.

Don't you walk out on me!

You puerile, insolent,

culture-chasing vulture!

Go look for blossoms
in a hardware store!

You're dying for lack of this!

Go on to the gallows!

To the gallows!

Shut up!

Sit down!

Ladies of the moral rectitude

and seven sins society...

You tuberculin-tested hags,

I oppose the fabulous immensity
of your nothingness!


He's doing what?

Rhoda, get off the phone!

I'll be right there.

One American on a kaiser.

Two goulash, hold the corn.

Easy on the Mayo.

What are you doing?

Rhoda, where you going?

Rhoda! Rhoda!

All right for you!

It's obvious he's no poet.

Watch that orchid!

I never was so embarrassed!

You leave him alone,
you silly bitches!

Come on, Samson!

Don't touch him, or I'll bash
you over the head!

You better watch out,
you old bags!

I'll let you have it
right across the head!

Spine snappers!
You don't want my poetry!

You want my liver!

Out! Out! Out!
You go away, you...



You ought to be put away!

Ruining our lovely luncheon!

Get him out of here
before I call the police.

Samson, what happened?

They didn't like my reading.

You're gonna pay
for this damage.

Take it out of my 200 bucks.

He doesn't expect to be paid
for what he's done?

What do you mean?

You promised him 200 bucks.

I'll die first.

They'll never let me
be chairwoman

of anything again.

Now, lo... You invited him.

But he didn't recite
a single poem.

Everything he says is a poem.

Now give me my 200 bucks.

Don't give it to her!

Oh! You give me that money!

You better give me that money!

Don't give it to her!

Please! Please!

I can't take any more!

All right!
This is disgusting,

and you're immoral to take it.

He's finished! He can't write
anymore! He can't hold a job!

Whatever talent he did have
is gone!

You go drop dead, and I mean
right now, you fink!


Ha ha ha!

Here I meet my mockers,
scorn for scorn.

Samson, what happened?

I tried to tell them, Rhoda.

I really did.

Why did I have to
be a poet, Rhoda?

Why a poet?

Why not a Saint?

Why this everlasting song?

Something's wrong somewhere.

All right, Leonard.
Excuse me.

Come on, honey.

Evelyn. Evelyn.

Leonard, will you
leave her alone?

Please! Evelyn. I'll take
care of her.

You'll tell everything
to mother later. Yes.

I've asked the patient
to have her husband come in.

It's possible that he's
encouraged her infidelity,

So I shall ascertain
any lack of virility

on his part.

You can't come in here...

lady, it's very important.

I told you, you must be referred
by your physician.

And I told you,
I'm not the patient!

Well, now, if you don't leave...

hey! Hey!

Hey, listen!

Dr. west?


It's about Samson.

Everybody's been telling me
that he needs help...

you know... your kind of help.

Young lady, in order to take on
another patient,

I'd have to give up
one of my present cases.

Well, so?

That's impossible.

But he's very important!

Well, of course he is.

Doctor, you're due
at the institute.

In know. I know.
Miss bueler...

They called about
the article again.

Well, I'll finish that tonight.

Now, miss bueler, make an
appointment for Mr...

Samson Shillitoe.

Samson Shillitoe.

I think, maybe... Try
Dr. huddleson.

No, you don't understand!

It's got to be him!

Dr. west. Dr. west.

Now there's $200 there. How many
treatments will that buy?

No, no. Pay whoever the doctor
is as you go along.

Oh, no. I got to get rid
of this today.


Sure. If he finds
out about it, pow!

Sorry. You see,
Samson always says to me...

excuse me.

Wait a minute!

He doesn't really hit me.
He just comes close!

You must understand
I'm not complaining about it...

excuse me. Sorry. I'm late.
I have to go.

I saw you on television,

and you said
you could help writers.

I have helped writers
who've wanted to be helped,

but I've never heard of a writer
named Samson Shillitoe.

Well, you should have!

Now, now, listen.

T-this is the buffalo
courier express.

"With hellebore
by Samson Shillitoe,

"a new voice is heard

"throughout the land.

At last we have
a tendentious poet."

Tendentious means
he's got a cause.

I know.

Now, this one... this one in
the poetry journal

is a half a page long.

"Mr. Shillitoe seems determined

"to stand apart

"and to forge a new poetry,

and since poetry his
made from life..."

Hey, wait... Wait a minute!

Go away, will you?

What kind of a doctor are you?

I don't take patients in the
middle of fifth Avenue.

Now go away, will ya?

Oh, no. You gotta listen to me.

Even the New York times

said they're looking
forward eagerly

to his next book.

Oh, lady!

I'm not talking about some phony

teaching at a girls' college.

Samson is a dedicated man!

He's a great poet!

You heard what
those reviews said,

and they were only about

a collection of small poems!

You see, he's writing
this big poem,

and now it just won't come out.

And it's bigger than anything
he's ever done!

Almost five years he's been
working on it,

but now, it just stopped.

Like you said, he's blocked.

Don't you understand?

You know, when the poem
is going right,

he's in another world,

and words are just bouncing
all over the place,

and there's just
nothing like it.

You know, sometimes it can start

in the middle of the night.

It can start anytime at all

and in the craziest places!

Don't you understand?

It's tearing him apart,

and there is nothing I can do

because I don't know

where his inspiration
comes from!

I mean, wherever it comes from,

it sure doesn't come from me.

Now, look, I couldn't possibly...

now listen! I haven't cried
since I was 3 years old,

but I'm afraid

he's going to do something dumb!

I mean, a lot of writers
kill themselves

when they get like that!

You got to help him!

You've got to help him!

All right! Mix it up!
Mix it up! Let's go!

What did I tell you, kid?

You've just got to...

He ain't here.

Thought I'd look around.

Just, keep doing
what you're doing.

Hey! Hey!

All right. Get up.

Get up!

Give it to him.

I hereby serve you
this subpoena,

and officer quirk is my witness.

Take it!

Take it!

Take it!


Oh, now you've
done it, Shillitoe!

an officer of the law!

Shillitoe, you come back here!

Mr. Shillitoe,
you come back here!

Open this door!


You open this door!

Do you hear me?

Come on.

Open this door!

You better get out
of town, Samson.

I'll need 15 minutes.

OK, OK. Git.

In the name of the law,
you open this door!



Go borrow a suitcase
from the fitzgeralds!

Where are we going?

None of your business.

It's my business
if I'm going there, ain't it?

Cob city, Indiana. OK.?


I've got an uncle there.

Come on, hurry up!
Hurry up!

Listen, Samson, you can
run away from here,

but you can't run away
from yourself.

Now, get the suitcase!


Hey! How we going to
get to Indiana?

By bus! Now, get packing!
And give me the 200 bucks!



Well, I haven't got it.

Give me that dough.

I can't.
I gave it to Dr. west.

You're pregnant?

No. He's a psychiatrist.

A psychiatrist?
Stop kidding around!

I'm not kidding.

You gave it to a psychiatrist?

Why? Did somebody tell you

a psychiatrist
can cure stupidity?

Samson, it's not for me.
It's for you.

For me?

And hitting me is not going
to get it back

because I already paid for 20
visits in advance.

You gave him my money?

Samson, it's only
10 bucks a visit.

Usually he charges
a lot more than that,

but he's interested
in your case, you see?

My case?

Yeah. There's his card.
It's 41-a park Avenue.

You're supposed to be there
at 3:00 tomorrow.

You decided that
I needed a psychiatrist?

Well, you need help.

You decided...

you, with a brain smaller
than a pygmy's gene?


Poem's taking shape!

I need time, a place to work!

And you gave my money away!

Samson, I did it for you!

Samson! Oh!

See what's happening!

I did it for you!

The nerve!

Samson, you don't understand!

I did it for you!

Oh, come on! Help her!

Don't you hit her!

Stop it, or I'll
call the police!





Oh! Oh, my leg!


Come on!

You rotten bully!

Get your hands off of me!

I've got to get out of town!


You shouldn't be
walking around loose!

Go to Indiana!
I don't care where you go!

You're crazy!
You're nuts!


Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.
Let's go?


I'll walk you to the elevator.

You'll what?

Well, I've got to go
to the office.

Oh, no, Oliver.

Just for a little while.

No, Oliver. That's three
nights in a row.

I'll be back
in less than an hour.

Not tonight, please!

Oh, honey. Now, look.

I've got to finish dictating
that article.

You know how important it is.

After tonight it will be done.

Do it in the morning.

I'm at the institute
in the morning.

Oh, please.

The deadline is tomorrow.

It has to be typed
and delivered by noon.

Nuts with the article.
Let's go to bed!

All right. Get ready.

I'll be there in 45 minutes.

What the hell are you doing?

Dr. west?

Who are you?

Are you west?


You owe me 200 bucks.



Samson Shillitoe?

Right. 200 bucks.

Now I promised your wife
under no conditions

would I'd give you the money.

I'm pretty good at karate.

Oh, you would be.

Come on, west.
Give me my dough.

Absolutely not.

You can't need
the money that much.

No. But I think you need me.

You idiot!

You really think so?

You appear to be much too

to stoop to name-calling,

but if it helps you
relate to me,

call me anything you like.


Quite frankly, I didn't want
you as a patient.

My schedule is
overcrowded as it is.

However, your wife told me
certain things

that made me change my mind.

What things?

Well, for one, that you've
been unable to write.

West, you stick to mending

scratches of disappointment.

One of the rules
of a tragic time

is that real enemies must
never meet in open combat.

But, I don't
think we're enemies.

No? You protect what is,

while I envision what can be.

We're not enemies?

That's nicely phrased.

Nicely phrased?

You sound just like a woman.

"Oh, you say things
so beautifully."

"I could listen to you forever!"

And by forever,

a woman means,
at most, 20 minutes.

Yeah, but you still get
involved with them.

No. They get involved with me

because they know I'm capable
of a beauty

more real and lasting
than theirs.

The cunning little beasts
can't stand it.

They interfere with your work.

Oh, look!

Give me my money and let me get
out of here!

Shillitoe, listen,
do you have any idea

how dull most
of my patients are?

But of course.

Look at it
from my point of view.

Do you realize how rarely
I get a case

that's any real challenge?

May I?

Help yourself.
Thank you.

What could psychiatry have done

against the rages of Beethoven?

Could I have cured
Edgar Allen poe of drink

or saved Van gogh?

What is this poetry that you
sacrifice everything for?

Why do you write it?

We can only get the answer
from the artist himself,

and here you are.

Perhaps a writer
of great potential...

Or maybe a phony.

Well, there's nothing I can do

but take the time to find out.

After all, I have been
paid in advance.

"Do not confuse the difficult
with suffering.

To be sad is easier
than going mad."

Look, west, I'm in a jam
with the cops.

I need my dough to get
out of town, honest.

You don't believe me, do you?

No, I don't.

"We've come a long way
toward ignorance,

and all uphill."

What does that mean?

That could put you
out of business.

Shillitoe, I've heard
enough to know

that you have a good mind.

It's alive, alert, inquisitive.

Give me my money!

There has to be
no reason for despair.

What despair?

Your wife has told me
about your moods.

She's afraid
you might kill yourself.


Oh, women.

Somewhere they got the idea

that laughter means happiness.

So from the moment you're born,

they tickle your feet

and Chuck you under the chin

till you laugh yourself sick.

And the moment you stop,

the moment you have
one serious thought,

you're on the brink of suicide.

Mind if I borrow your book?

No, help yourself.

Look, west, if you're
so interested

in making me me happy,
give me my money back.

Now, go home.

Either you give me back my dough

or start earning it right now!

You know what time it is?

"Then a sigh,

"like the caves of hell sighed

"when the incestuous mother

"uttered the name death.

"The sound
reverberated... farewell...

"And again and again...

farewell, farewell."

What does that mean?

Where are you going?

Good night.

What do you mean, good night?

If you can't interpret
a simple dream,

I want my money back.

Good night.

Where am I supposed to go?

Go home.

I told you I can't.

A cop's after me.

What did you do?

I couldn't pay my alimony.

West, tonight,
the third part of my poem

began to take shape.

I need a place to work.

Let me stay here,
just until morning.

I'll dedicate it
to you, to west.

Dr. west.

My secretary gets here at 9:30.

I'll be gone by 9:00.
Cleaned up, locked up, gone.

You'll be back for your
appointment at 3:00?

Don't worry. I still
want my 200 bucks.

It's only 190 now.

You just had your first session.

All right, Samson.

Come on in and see
what you did to me.

Who the hell are you?

I said, "who the hell are you?"

I'm looking for
Samson Shillitoe.

Well, you're wasting your time

because he never
discusses his poetry.

Where is he?

How in the hell should I know?

Where is he?

Right now he's about
halfway to Indiana,

and if you don't get out
in about 2 seconds,

I'm going to start screaming,

cop or no cop, you understand?

1... 2...


Look out!

I'm going to report you
to the precinct,

you fascist finkhead!

Maybe you'd all like
to come in and watch!

Leonard, change your attitude?

Keep quiet.

Don't tell me to keep quiet.

He's doing it to mock me.

Your fancy doctor wants
to see me, so I'm here.

And our son and your
wonderful mother

are witnesses.

That mensch.

He's got a heart

as black as the Ace of diamonds.

Dr. west?

He's not here.

When's he expected?

What time's your appointment?

I don't have one yet.

You got to have an appointment.

You work with Dr. west?

You one of his patients?

In a way.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing. What's wrong with you?

I am not a patient.

Don't be smug. It could
happen just like that.

My wife Evelyn,
she's the patient.


My name's tupperman.

Mine's swinburne.

Dr. west told my wife
to ask me to stop here.


Nah. She wasn't married,
just pregnant.


No. Let me see.

The embezzler, peeping Tom...


It was nice meeting you.

Come here.

What's that?

I think it's your wife.

My wife?

Not until we're sure she's 331.

How do I know
what number she is?

How many times she been here?


Suffers from mild hysteria.

It ain't so mild.

Must be her.

File 3311, 4th visit.

Today, the patient admitted

that she'd recently
committed adultery.

It was this act
which caused her hysteria

and her coming to me.

Dana, take a little stroll

so your mother and I can talk?

I'm tired!

Dana, I said stroll.

Evelyn, you're
holding out on me.

I have nothing to say...

Except to Dr. west.

Dr. west.

Suddenly, he knows better
than your own mother.



I've asked the patient to
have her husband come in.

It's possible that he's
encouraged her infidelity,

so I shall try to ascertain

any lack
of virility on his part.


Lack of...

that's you.

Lack of... Lack of virility?

You're going to ascertain
my virility!

How is this for virility?

How is this?



How's this...

Take it easy.

Easy, now.


Oh, Evelyn.



Everything she wanted
I gave her.

The diamond wrist watch,
a mink coat.

Not a jacket, a full-length.

She wants a psychiatrist,

so I let her have
a psychiatrist.

Did I ever complain

about the $35 a visit?

He only charges me 10.


Come on. She's outside
in the car.

You tell her everything
you heard, swinburne.

Nah. I don't want
to get involved.

Oh, please? Please?

I'll do you a favor someday.

I'm in real estate.
You need an apartment?

I need a room to work in,

but I got to have it today.

Done! Come on.

We'll throw her mother out.

You can have her room!

You thought you'd get
away with something?

Again, you underestimated me!

You and your fancy doctor!

I know everything!

And swinburne here will
back me up, won't you?

Evelyn! Evelyn!


It's him! Get him!

It's him!

Let me out!

Get out! Come here!

Evelyn! Evelyn!
I'm sorry!

Oh, Evelyn, darling!

I'm sorry for everything I said!

I know who that was.
He shampooed our carpets.

Get a doctor!

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean anything I said.

We'll talk about it.
Everything will be all right.

No, I think we should build.

As we're on our way up
with the glissando,

build more.
Keep building.

Down one and build together.


That's it. Build.

Excuse me.


Oh, Dr. longfellow,
he isn't here.

He said something
about a meeting

at the institute.

And as so often happens

with chimpanzees
upon reaching maturity,

Jo-Jo became savage.

He killed two other
chimps, an orangutan,

and a big baboon.

So what do we do with Jo-Jo?

What do we do with such
a dangerous creature?

Do we isolate him forever?

Do we kill him?


There is another way

of eliminating
this catatonic state.

So the zoo authorities
gave me permission

to use my method.

The Menken transorbital
prefrontal technique.

The procedure is simple

and exactly the same
as I use on humans.

I lift the eyelid

and make the insertion

through the conjunctival sac
and orbital plate

into the orbital surface
of the frontal lobe

to a depth of exactly...

4 centimeters.

I will not appreciably
damage any of the cortex,

but with an arc swing
of the instrument,

I cut the inferior
quadrant of the lobe,

passing just anterior...

thank you.

Just anterior to the tip

of the lateral ventricles.

Of course, this must be done

to both major and minor lobes

for the operation
to be effective.

But the beauty of this technique

is that it can be
done almost anywhere,

even in the doctor's office.

Ha ha! Marvelous!

So I vote we let Dr. Menken

leucotomize all
the nasty chimpanzees

we have as patients.

I've never appreciated

the prussian sense of humor.

I'm not prussian.
I'm viennese.

Dr. Menken,
why have you insisted

on showing us this?

I thought it obvious, doctor.
You the head para park.

Dr. Kropotkin
is resident director.

The rest of us are
members of the board.

You want to use
psychosurgery at para park?

On violent cases, yes.

But this is a creature
from the jungle.

If it had been raised in
a healthy environment...

nonsense. As I've just told you,
he was a destructive...

what you have told us
proves nothing.

There are organic differences

between the ape's
brain and the human's.

My technique has had the same
success on humans.

I've already done it
more than 30 times.

But in a well-organized
organic society...

I thought we'd progressed

beyond lobotomies.

This is not
the old-style lobotomy!

It's the Menken technique.

Anyway, you talk of progress.

You've still got them
on couches.

I resent that.

Why? How far have you progressed
from your precious Sigmund?

Dr. Freud!

He wasn't Sigmund to me,

and he isn't Sigmund to you.

I demand an apology.

Oh, come on.

Are we scientists or diplomats?

All right, let's
keep it scientific.

Whether you call it
lobotomy or leucotomy,

or the Menken technique,

the method is imprecise

and always destroys
brain tissue.

The patients live in
a lower emotional level,

and the damage is irreparable.

So what alternative
do you offer?


Understanding their fathers?

These were destructive people,

and years of wallowing
in self-pity

while you held their hands,

isn't going to
make them any less so.

If you give these people
a congenial environment,

then the stresses and
strains of everyday life

will not affect them.

Let me go! Let me go!

Let me go!


Give... give me that money!

I need it!
You mercenary freak!

No, it's all right.

It's OK.
Let him go!

Give me that money!

- Let him go!
- It's all right!

West, my money.

Excuse me.

I want to talk to you.
Come here. Come here.

Listen, I just might be able

to get you into para park.

Para park?

It's a private hospital.

There's nothing you won't do
to keep my money, is there?

No. You'd be one of
the special cases

admitted free.

Oh, yeah.
Bargain basement.

Of course you realize the police

couldn't touch you as long
as you're at para park.

Or maybe you prefer prison

to a quiet room
where you can work.

See, it depends on me

getting my colleagues
to go along.

Dr. west comes out on Saturdays,

and he'll want
a session with you.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays,

you will have group therapy,

but remember,
if there is anything

that you should
want to thresh out,

I am available.

Are you sure I'll
have a private room?

Oh, yes.

And I'll be left alone to work?

Of course. Communicate
with your muse.

Don't worry.
No one will disturb you.

Did you call him today?

Yeah. He's progressing
nicely, thank you.

They've been telling you
that for two weeks.

They'll never cure him.

Shut up. They're doing
miracles these days.

Maybe you ought
to go out and visit him.

No. They said not yet.

Well, don't worry.

These doctors know
what they're doing.


It... it says surgery there.

Technical term.

Now, that's not so technical.

I know what that means.

In medical terminology,

many things come under
the heading of surgery

which you might not think so.

The extraction of
a tooth, for example.

You call that surgery?

So if you'll just sign here...

Believe me, it's
the right thing to do.

I don't want to do anything
that's gonna hurt him.

Of course not.

Like I said, it's just like
having a tooth out.

Listen, I had one out
right here, you see...

Mrs. Shillitoe.

And it hurt like hell.

You'd like
your husband home again

as soon as possible,
wouldn't you?

Yeah, but I think I ought to
talk to Dr. west about him.

Because he's the one
who's taking care of him.

Yes, but as I've explained,

Dr. west is the head
of para park hospital,

so even with your signature,

no treatment can be
given to your husband

unless Dr. west and his fellow
specialists approve.

So, what are we?

Are we doctors, or are we
a part of the disease?

The others...

They fix leaks in the plumbing.

I say tear out all the pipes

and start from scratch.

Thanks, Vera.

If you want better people,

then you must give them
a better world.

Please, Sammy,

don't work any more today.

...I got to work,

Oh, but you should relax

just a little.

You're right.
I know.

Dr. Kropotkin?


Dr. Kropotkin,

Dr. west is arriving.

Thank you.


Good afternoon, Mrs. west.

Doctor, could I talk to
you for a minute?

Yeah. Come over here.

Exactly what has he done?

What ain't he done?

Have you been bothering him?

No. You know the group
therapy meetings...


Well, they ain't
meetings no more.

They're lectures.

And how about
the new ripple bath.

It's supposed to be for
all the patients,

only he's always sittin'
in there writing.

Well, suppose we let
Dr. Kropotkin deal with that.

Dr. west!

If you ask me, they're having

an extra-marital relationship.

Hello, doctor.

Dr. west, Mrs. west.

I'm so glad that you
got here before Dr. Menken.

We should talk about his
wanting to operate.

Don't worry. There won't be
any surgery here. Excuse me.

Lydia, this whole thing

take more than an hour.

Well, let's see.
One hour your time's

about 6 hours standard time.

Excuse me.

I'll, see you inside.

Come on, now.
Be a good girl.

As soon as the meeting's over,

we'll go down to the bay

and find a special place
for dinner.

Talk to the patients.
They like company.

Maybe I should have
brought my harp.

All right!
All right!

Hello, Freddie!

Lydia, darling!
So good to see you.

Where's Oliver?

With Dr. Kropotkin, I think.

And left you all alone?


If you were my wife, I...


You wouldn't be out of
my sight for a second.

I think your meeting
is ready to start.

Menken with his knife.

If Freud knew.

See you later, darling.

Good-bye, Freddie.

Oh, excuse me!

What's so fascinating?


The ripple bath. I was curious.

If you want to go first,
go right ahead,

but don't dawdle.

No, thank you.

Don't let me disturb you.

We've met before, sort of.

I know.
You're one of them.

One of what?

Intake valves with
maternal tendencies.

We can't all live in
the world of Apollo.

What would you know
about Apollo?

Oh, some of us intake valves

have read a little.

Well, this place seems
to be agreeing with him.

Oh, yes. He's
adjusting very well.

He's been working
very hard on his poem.

He's on the third part.

I'll show it to you.

You know, this might be
a great help at the meeting.

Oh, no. I...

I'll get his permission.

Very well. You want
I should look for him?

No. I'll find him.

You might look
in the hydrotherapy room.

All right, don't worry.
I'll talk to her.

Thank you, doctor.


I thought the meeting
was ready to start.

Yeah. In Dr. Kropotkin's office.

Aren't you coming?

I'll be there
in a few minutes, yes.

Oliver. I...



Hee hee hee hee!

Ha ha ha ha!


Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

And what does this place
offer as a cure?

Painting, ping-pong,
and whirlpool baths.

How has the patient
been responding?

He seems to be happy.

Happiness is not
a psychiatric term.

I mean, he is functioning,
he's identifying,

and he is actually writing.

Oliver, we are
discussing Mr. Shillitoe

and his accomplishments.

Dr. Menken
has proposed surgery.

I have insisted!

He is not a chimpanzee!

He's destructive!
I've been investigating...

But he's responding
to treatment!

Dr. west, tell him.

Yes, tell me.

How are you curing
his violent spells?

Well, it's really...
it's much too early to say.

We have been helping him
with understanding,

with encouragement,
and with his environment.


I appeal to you as scientists.

I demand a chance
to prove I'm right!

He is not violent now!

Of course! Not here in a cocoon!

But could he stay here
for the rest of his life?

But your technique
is a form of castration.

You will make him a vegetable.

You will destroy his passion.

And what about his gift?

What gift?

His poetry.

To hell with his poetry!

I want to make him a useful
social human being!

I think maybe the poetry
is a substitute for sex.

Yes, the man's obviously

not successful with women.

His wife has given her consent.

She wants to help him.

I insist we take a vote.
I vote yes.

I vote an emphatic no.

I say no.

Dr. Vorbeck?

I'm considering.

If I say no, no operation.

And if I say yes, then...

Dr. west has the deciding vote.

I think under the circumstances,

I say...


Thank you, Dr. Vorbeck.

You are another mechanic.

Well, you have lost, anyway.

We all know what Dr. west feels.

Your methods have
failed on this man.

Make it official,
Oliver. Vote.

Oliver, for the well-being
of the patient,

for his wife,

for society, you must vote yes.

It's two for, two against.

Give them your
"no" vote, doctor.

I say...


Thank you.

76 degrees.



29.85 and falling.

There's a 90% probability
of thundershowers

commencing in late afternoon

and continuing through the night

with little prospect
of clearing by morning.

The weekend forecast
is for intermittent showers

with an expected drop
in temperature.

Sammy... Run!

What's happened?


Was that his wife?

You've got to get out
of here! Run!

You guys ought to be ashamed.

You know, you got dirty minds.

I was just asking
the guy for a match.

Oh, shut up, will you?

Some job for grown men.

Compared to you,
I'm a shining example!

It's him!

Stop! Pull up!

I can't till we get
to the other end.

Call the other side.

Keep your grubby hands off!

My poem!
They took it! My poem!

Hey, you! Stop!

Where's Rhoda?

She's busy.

One American on a kaiser.



They took my poem.

I got to get it back.

Did you hear?

I heard you.

It's only 30 miles.

You can get there and back
in a couple of hours.

I'll draw you a map.


I'm not going anywhere.

Come on, Samson.
She's busy.

You gotta go.

You walk out once more,
Rhoda, you're through.

Don't worry.
Don't worry.

You got to go!

I've got to finish that poem.

Well, then you go
get it yourself!

You come marching in here!

You haven't even seen me

since you threw me
down the stairs!

I didn't throw you!

My ankle was like a grapefruit!

Did you care?

Did you wonder if I was hurt?

Did you even bother to call me?

We haven't got a telephone.

Or send me a post card?

A post card?

And then you come
marching in here

and you start drawing me maps!

You ignorant, ungrateful lump!

I'm asking you to save my poem!

I don't give a damn
about your poem!



Well, it's mine.

You see, Arnold, I told you
he'd come back for this.

Who is it?

Your dear Freddie.

Oh. Hello.

Good morning.

He' isn't here. He left
about half an hour ago.

Dr. Menken picked him up.


Aren't you going to para park?

I have better things to do.

Oh, Lydia.

Even in the morning, you...

You look so lovely.

Freddie, don't be silly!

The maid.

It's her day off,

and your children are at school,

and Oliver is at para park.

Let go!

All right, all right.

Let's talk a little first?

I have to get dressed.

I'm late for an appointment.

Suddenly, you are afraid
of a little talk.

It wasn't so long ago,

you were begging me
to analyze you.

I was just trying
to make Oliver jealous.

Oh, I understand.

An American making love

is like a Hungarian
playing baseball. Ha ha!


Is this any good?

Get out of here!

No more acting aloof with me!

Stop it!
Freddie, stop it!

Stop struggling.

You're hurting me!

Stop struggling.

Lydia, I...

what are you afraid of?

We are only two nervous systems

reacting to each other.

Stop struggling.

Lydia, darling.


Oh, Freddie.

Don't laugh at me.

If you don't leave now,

I'll tell Oliver.

You wouldn't do that.

Oh, wouldn't I?




You don't want...

He should have Menken

cut me up, too?

Is that why they went
to para park?


I thought you knew.
I mean...

Lydia, he saw you
in the ripple bath.

I mean...

What went on didn't influence
Oliver's decision.

Where is he?


Dr. west.

Dr. west is
in the examination room.

Let me in!

Let me in!


I thought there was
going to be an operation.

Oh, Mrs. west.

If I knew you were
interested in psychosurgery,

I would have invited you.

Dr. Menken.

Mr. Shillitoe is
coming out of anesthetic.

Good. Good.

Perhaps the next time.



I hate you.

I always find this
an intensely moving moment...

science walking
hand in hand with humanity...

To have changed a destructive,

antisocial creature

into a responsible citizen.


He'll be able to make a living,

to provide for his loved ones,

to take his rightful
place in the community.

Mr. Shillitoe.

Mr. Shillitoe.

You feel better?

You feel...

More relaxed.


Give me back my poem!


Orderly! Orderly!

We need some help!

You parasites!

Dirty thieves!


Give me my poem!

Give me my poem!

I don't understand.

It works on most people.

OK. I'll tell her.

Two goulash, hold the corn.

Bologna on kaiser.

Bananas and berries.

Two burgers.

Hey, where's the ketchup?

What does that
look like, marmalade?



You better take
the afternoon off.

What for?
What did I do?

Nothing, but your
neighbor just called.

Your husband's home.

Where are
those c.B. Platters?

Don't, Shillitoe!

Don't! I warn you!

Bloodsucking legal hyena!

That thing's going to cost!

Stuff your courts,
your subpoenas,

your decrees, your judges!

Let me go!
Let me go!


Now you have to be in court

at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

And if you don't have
the alimony,

you're going to prison
for 6 months! 6 months!

Let me go!
All right!

That mirror... 50 bucks.

How much does he owe you?

How much?


Who do I make it out to?

Beverly Shillitoe.

Who's that?

Shut up.


This won't bounce?



Don't forget. There's another
75 due next week.

Hey, what was that check for?

Rhoda, Lydia.

What was it for?

She's a patron of the arts,

and she believes in my poetry.

Well, so do I.

You? You said you didn't
care about it anymore.

She doesn't understand my work.

I do, too!

Yeah, I understand
a lot of your stuff!

Are you all right?

Never better.

You just got me out of jail.

Now I'm going to finish
this damn poem.

Please, I have to talk to you.

Go ahead.


Nothing doing!

Keep out of this!

I'm leaving my husband.


What are you going to do?

Join Apollo?

Hey, did you hear that, knocker?

The only hope for the world

is for everybody
to move in with me.


Don't make fun of me.

I'm not! Where's your luggage?

Now wait a minute!

She can have the couch.


Then you can have the couch.

Samson, there's no room...

you're out all day!

She can help with the
cleaning, the cooking.

What are you talking about?

You want to join Apollo.

You're out of your mind!

Oh, the words of Mercury

are harsh after
the songs of Apollo.

Samson, I want to talk to you.

Come on.

Hey, Samson!



Hey, Samson!

You didn't mean that about her

moving in with us, did you?

I mean everything.



I think your poetry's

the most important thing
in the world, sure,

but now with the alimony
and everything,

I think you ought to get a job.

Not until I finish the poem.

Well, sure, I know
you got to finish it, but...

Samson, there's something else
I got to tell you!


Remember when you asked me
if I was pregnant?

Well, I was afraid
to tell you before,

but it's been more
than 4 months now.

Well, I got to stop work soon.

Samson, say something.

Samson, say you ain't mad at me.

I'm not mad at you.

Come on.

Samson, are you sorry?


Well, show me you're not sorry.


No, now.
Come on, Samson.

How long does it take
to throw one?

Oh, I missed!

Here. Hold this.

Shut up!

Get out!


Out! Out!