A Country Christmas (2013) - full transcript
When Santa Claus loses his magical powers and becomes stranded in their barn, two children from a small farming community help him save Christmas before it's too late.
HO, HO, HO.
YES, YES, THIS IS LOVELY.
OH, THIS ONE CERTAINLY.
LET ME CHECK MY LIST.
SCHMEIKERT, SCHMUCKLY,
AND SCHMUCKER.
YES.
* GOT A WIFE AND TWO KIDS,
ALL GATHERED AROUND *
* A 20-POUND TURKEY *
* SNOW ON THE GROUND *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* ERIC WANTS A GLOVE,
HE TEARS INTO A BOX *
* HIS EYES ARE WIDE
WITH WONDER *
* I SIT BACK AND WATCH *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* I HAVEN'T HEARD
A SINGLE REINDEER *
* RUNNING ON MY ROOF *
* I JUST LOOK
INTO MY CHILDREN'S EYES *
* AND THERE I SEE MY PROOF *
* AND COULD IT BE
THAT JOLLY OLD MAN *
* RIDING IN HIS SLEIGH? *
* IS REALLY JUST
THE KID IN US *
* ON EVERY CHRISTMAS DAY *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* MOLLY GETS A DOLL,
AND MOMMA'S CAMERA CLICKS *
* GUESS WE ALL GET
THE PUPPY *
* HE'S GETTING IN HIS LICKS *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* I'M TRYING TO READ A CARD
IN CROOKED RED AND BLUE *
* ONLY PART THAT REALLY MATTERS
IS "DADDY, WE LOVE YOU" *
* WHO SAYS THERE
AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* I HAVEN'T HEARD
A SINGLE REINDEER *
* RUNNING ON MY ROOF *
* I JUST LOOK
INTO MY CHILDREN'S EYES *
* AND THERE I SEE MY PROOF *
* AND COULD IT BE
THAT JOLLY OLD MAN *
* RIDING IN HIS SLEIGH? *
* IS REALLY JUST
THE KID IN US *
* ON EVERY CHRISTMAS DAY *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
IS IT ANIMAL CRUELTY
OR JUST SENIOR PRANK FUN?
GOOD MORNING, ARIZONA.
I'M ANDERSON HEMMER.
THERE'S BREAKING NEWS OUT OF
WASHINGTON, D.C. THIS MORNING,
WHEN THE NATIONAL MOVEMENT
TO BAN THE BELIEF
IN SANTA CLAUS
CAME TO A HEAD
EARLY THIS MORNING.
THE SENATE OVERWHELMINGLY
APPROVED THE VOTE
82 TO 18
TO BAN THE BELIEF
IN JOLLY OL' SAINT NICK.
AND SPEARHEADING
THE NATIONAL MOVEMENT ON THIS
IS OUR OWN ARIZONA U.S. SENATOR
MAX SCHMUCKER.
AS A GENERATION,
WE HAVE FAILED
BECAUSE OF OUR GREED
AND OUR FOLLY.
OUR CHILDREN FACE
A HARD FUTURE
RIFE WITH STRUGGLE
AND TURMOIL.
WE CAN'T PREPARE THEM
FOR THIS HARD FUTURE
BY FEEDING THEM A LIE
ABOUT A JOLLY, FAT MISANTHROPE
WHO COMES IN THE NIGHT
AND GRANTS THEIR WISHES.
WE MUST TEACH THEM THE LESSONS
THAT WE HAVE LEARNED.
WE ARE ALL, EACH ONE OF US,
IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN DESTINY,
AND THEREFORE MUST GRANT
OUR OWN WISHES.
ON THE LOCAL FRONT--
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT GUY?
WHY AREN'T PEOPLE BELIEVING
IN SANTA ANYMORE, DADDY?
I DON'T KNOW, SWEETHEART.
DAVID BAXTER SAYS IT'S
BECAUSE NO ONE CAN SEE SANTA.
WHO CARES WHAT STINKY OLD
DAVEY BAXTER THINKS ANYWAY.
JUST BECAUSE SOME SENATOR
DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS
DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE CAN'T,
RIGHT?
YEP.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S THE BUS, GUYS.
LAST ONE TO THE BUS
IS A POOPER SCOOPER.
YOU GOT YOUR HOMEWORK?
GOT IT.
ZACH, YOU GOT YOUR HOMEWORK?
WAIT UP, ZACH.
OKAY.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER, WHAT ARE
YOUR PLANS FOR THE PRESIDENCY?
SENATOR, ARE YOU CONSIDERING
A CAMPAIGN?
LISTEN, IF A RUN FOR
THE PRESIDENCY'S IN THE CARDS,
I'LL CERTAINLY TAKE IT
VERY SERIOUSLY,
BUT IN THE MEANTIME
ALL OF MY FOCUS
IS ON REMOVING THE SANTA MYTHOS
FROM OUR CULTURE
AND CERTAINLY OUR SCHOOLS.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE OUR GOVERNMENT'S WORK TO DO.
SENATOR--
VULTURES,
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.
THEY'RE NOT LIKE VULTURES, MAX.
THEY WON'T UNTIL YOU DIE
BEFORE THEY EAT YOU.
YOU KNOW, MAX,
I HOPE YOU DON'T GET CAUGHT UP
IN THIS WHOLE SANTA THING.
IF THEY WANT YOU TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ECONOMY,
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE ECONOMY. OKAY?
I WILL. IF THEY ASK SMART
QUESTIONS, I WILL ANSWER THEM.
TEETH.
MM, LOVELY.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE
TO DO EVERYTHING YOU SAY.
WELL, THEN DON'T.
DRIVE, CAN WE JUST MOVE ALONG,
PLEASE?
CAN YOU BACK UP FIRST?
SO ABRAHAM LINCOLN
AND STEPHEN A. DOUGLAS
TOURED THE COUNTRY DEBATING
THE MORALITY OF SLAVERY
AND THE LOGIC BEHIND IT.
NOW, WHO REMEMBERS WHAT YEAR
THESE DEBATES TOOK PLACE?
MILEY. WHAT'S THAT, MILEY?
IT'S SANTA. HE'S SAD BECAUSE
NO ONE BELIEVES IN HIM ANYMORE.
EXCEPT FOR ME AND ZACH.
I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.
YOU DO?
MS. PIPKIN, MAY I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU, PLEASE?
LEGISLATION BANNING
SANTA CLAUS HAS PASSED.
THERE'S NO MORE SANTA CLAUS.
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM
IN CLASS.
NO PICTURES, NO SANTA CLAUS.
YES, SIR, I UNDERSTAND.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY, CLASS.
HOMEWORK WILL BE DUE
FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.
BYE, MILEY.
BYE, ELISA.
THEY'RE GETTING RID OF SANTA,
AREN'T THEY?
I'M AFRAID SO, SWEETIE.
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAPPEN
IF SANTA WOULD JUST SHOW
THE WORLD HE'S OUT THERE.
OH, MILEY--
HEY.
HEY.
I GUESS YOU HEARD,
HUH?
YEAH.
WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BAN SANTA
FROM CHRISTMAS?
I MEAN, WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
HEY, HOW Y'ALL DOING?
HI, DADDY.
HI, SASHA.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
WITH THAT RUMPLED OLD POSTER?
UH--
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
LOGAN POWER.
THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, GOD, CAN'T YOU KNOCK?
COME ON. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE BARN.
COME ON, COME ON.
OH, MY GOD!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WHAT?
COME ON.
HURRY UP.
DO YOU NOT SEE ME RUNNING?
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
HO, HO, HO, DON'T WORRY.
WOW.
WHAT IS IT?
SANTA.
SANTA?
WHERE'S SANTA?
HE WAS HERE.
I SAW HIM.
YOU'RE JUST IMAGINING THINGS.
NO, HE WAS HERE.
ASK LEROY.
OKAY, FINE, I'LL ASK LEROY.
HEY, LEROY, WAS SANTA HERE?
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE IT.
LISTEN, WE SHOULD GET
BACK TO THE HOUSE.
MOM AND DAD WILL WONDER
WHERE WE ARE.
BUT I KNOW HE WAS HERE.
COME ON.
I'M TELLING YOU,
I KNOW WHAT I SAW.
YEAH, YEAH, I'M SURE YOU DID.
YOU BELIEVE ME, PLEASE.
WHATEVER.
SANTA WAS THERE,
I PROMISE YOU.
YEAH, AND THE EASTER BUNNY'S
IN THE KITCHEN.
COME ON.
I'M TELLING YOU.
YOU SAW THE LIGHT.
IT WAS MAGICAL,
AND SANTA WAS THERE.
YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?
MILEY, COME ON.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.
JUST FOLLOW ME.
BE GENTLE.
SO WHAT ARE THESE COOKIES FOR?
THEY'RE FOR SANTA.
WHO ELSE WOULD THEY BE FOR?
MAN, THESE COOKIES MOM MADE
ARE REALLY GOOD.
YOU FEED LEROY.
I GOT DUKE.
DUKE, WANT A CARROT?
LOOK. OH, YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT.
THAT WAS A HARD BITE.
MILEY.
YEAH?
GOTCHA. YES!
HEY! HEY!
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?
COME HERE,
YOU LITTLE BOOGER.
HOLD STILL.
WE AREN'T GOING TO HURT YOU. I PROMISE.
YOU CAN COME OUT.
WE HAVE YOUR LITTLE FRIEND.
YEAH, COME ON OUT.
GAME'S UP.
WE MEAN NO HARM, SANTA.
HONEST.
HO, HO, HO.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
WOW. YOU'RE BIG.
IT IS YOU.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
CLEVER LITTLE ONES,
AREN'T YOU?
TOO CLEVER.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
THIS WILL GO ON THE NAUGHTY LIST,
YOU KNOW.
OH, THERE, THERE, ELLIOT.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO COULDN'T
RESIST THE COOKIES.
WELL, DASHER AND DANCER,
I KNOW, BUT...
BESIDES, WE ARE GUESTS
IN THEIR HOME.
YOU CAN BE A GUEST ANYTIME,
SANTA.
WE SAW THE GLOW EARLIER.
MY SISTER SAID SHE SAW YOU.
HM, IT SEEMS SHE DID.
BUT HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
WELL,
THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.
WE GOT HERE--
HM. WE GOT HERE--
HOW EXACTLY DID WE GET HERE,
ELLIOT?
I DON'T REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD--
YOU SEE, WE TRAVEL
THROUGH A SERIES
OF MAGIC PORTALS
THAT TAKE US
ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
PORTALS?
YES, LIKE A MAGIC DOOR
OR A PASSAGE.
RIGHTEOUS.
RIGHTEOUS INDEED.
SO THE LAST THING I REMEMBER,
WE WERE GOING AROUND THE WORLD
AND CHECKING TO SEE IF THE CHILDREN HAD BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE
IN THE FINE TOWNS OF TIMBUKTU
AND KALAMAZOO
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
WE FOUND OURSELVES HERE
IN HOPE, ARIZONA
INSTEAD OF THE NORTH POLE.
THERE MUST'VE BEEN A SHORT
IN THE SYSTEM.
HM.
SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO BACK?
WE CAN'T.
WHATEVER THE GLITCH
IN THE SYSTEM IS,
WON'T ALLOW US.
SYSTEM?
YOU'VE USED ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.
OH, ELLIOT, IT'S OKAY.
THE TRUTH IS THAT WE DON'T KNOW.
THE MAGIC PORTALS ARE NOT WORKING THE WAY
THAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO AT THIS MOMENT.
THAT MEANS YOU'RE
STUCK HERE WITH US?
HM, IT WOULD SEEM SO.
YOU CAN STAY HERE
FOR EVER, SANTA.
OH, MILEY LOGAN.
YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD
AN EXTRA SPECIAL HEART.
HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?
ZACH, I KNOW ALL THE NAMES
OF ALL THE CHILDREN
AROUND THE WORLD.
WOW, SO IT IS TRUE.
SO WHAT NOW?
WELL...
FIRST OF ALL,
YOU MUSTN'T TELL ANYONE
ABOUT US.
IT'S ONE OF THE SPECIAL RULES
THAT WE HAVE TO FOLLOW.
RULES?
OH, YES.
EVEN SANTA HAS RULES.
IN FACT WE HAVE A RULE BOOK.
WHOA, THAT'S BIG.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PAGE?
I HEARD THEY HAVE
WRITER'S BLOCK.
RULE NUMBER ONE.
NEVER SHOW YOURSELVES
TO MORTALS.
OH, UH, UNLESS WE ENCOUNTER THE OCCASIONAL ACCIDENT,
OF COURSE,
LIKE YOU SEEING US.
RULE NUMBER TWO.
WE CAN NEVER USE OUR POWERS
FOR EVIL.
WHO WOULD WANT TO?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T EITHER.
RULE NUMBER THREE.
AND PROBABLY
THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL.
WE MUST NEVER INTERFERE
WITH THE LIVES OF MORTALS
IN ANY WAY.
HM.
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU BREAK
A RULE?
DON'T KNOW.
NEVER DONE IT.
YOU THINK WE COULD TRUST THEM?
YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH US,
SANTA.
SCOUT'S HONOR.
I BELIEVE YOU, ZACH.
YOUR PARENTS WILL BE BACK SOON.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
YOU BEST GET HOPPING.
OKAY.
WAIT, IF YOU FIX YOUR GLITCH
IN THE SYSTEM,
YOU WON'T LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING
GOOD-BYE, WILL YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
SCOUT'S HONOR.
OH, WAIT.
IT WOULD BE A SERIOUS MAR
ON MY REPUTATION
IF YOU LEFT MY PRESENCE
WITHOUT A LITTLE SOMETHING.
THANKS, SANTA.
WHOA, LET ME SEE.
COME ON.
STEVE WAS FINISHING
SHOEING BUCKY, AND HE KICKED,
AND STEVE ABOUT JUMPED
OUT OF HIS BOOTS,
AND, WELL,
AND SOMETHING ELSE.
SO HOW WAS SCHOOL?
FINE, I GUESS.
THEY STARTED TAKING DOWN
THE SANTA DECORATIONS.
SO THAT'S WHERE THE POSTER
IN YOUR ROOM CAME FROM.
MM-HM.
WELL, I LIKE IT.
IT WAS, LIKE, LIFE-SIZE.
LIFE-SIZE? NOT EVEN CLOSE.
HE'S A GOOD 6' 7" AT LEAST.
REALLY?
OH, YOU KNOW,
SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.
I MIGHT'VE READ IT
SOMEWHERE.
HM.
WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT NECKLACE?
GUMBALL MACHINE AT SCHOOL.
ANYWAY, THAT SCHMUCKER GUY HAS
NO CLUE WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
WELL, HE'S ENTITLED
TO HIS OPINION.
EVEN IF WE DON'T LIKE IT.
HE'S ENTITLED TO A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
HM.
LOGAN POWER.
HONEY.
I'M GOING TO GO DO THE BARN
CHECK BEFORE DARK.
NO, DAD.
WHY DON'T YOU LET MILEY AND ME DO IT?
YEAH, DAD.
I APPRECIATE THE OFFER,
BUT DON'T Y'ALL HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO DO?
AT LEAST LET US HELP YOU.
WE'LL GET OUT HOMEWORK DONE.
PROMISE.
HUH, I DON'T FEEL A FEVER.
READY TO DO IT, THEN?
MM-HM.
LET'S GO. GO.
ALL RIGHT, HOMEWORK
RIGHT WHEN YOU GET BACK.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
DON'T KEEP THEM OUT TOO LONG.
I WON'T.
WAIT, WAIT,
YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.
WHAT IS IT?
UM, YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.
YOU SEE, LEROY AND DUKE
MIGHT NOT BE READY FOR YOU YET.
MM-HM.
LEROY AND DUKE
MAY NOT BE READY?
YEAH, DADDY.
ANIMALS NEED THEIR PRIVACY,
TOO.
IS THAT SO?
YEAH, THEY TAUGHT US THAT
IN SCHOOL.
OH. MY TAX DOLLARS
HARD AT WORK, HUH?
OKAY.
THINK THEY HAD ENOUGH TIME?
I'LL CHECK.
OKAY, COAST IS CLEAR.
THEY TAUGHT US THAT IN SCHOOL,
TOO.
NOW I'LL SLEEP BETTER
AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, LEROY, HOW YOU DOING,
BUDDY?
HEY, LEROY.
HEY.
Y'ALL EAT ALL THOSE?
WELL, WE WEREN'T SURE
WHAT TIME YOU AND MOM
WERE GOING TO BE BACK,
AND WE WERE-- WE WERE--
WE WERE HUNGRY.
REALLY.
YOU KNOW ABOUT SWEETS
BEFORE DINNER.
WE KNOW.
CAN'T SAY I BLAME YOU.
PRETTY DARN GOOD,
AREN'T THEY?
ALL RIGHT.
Y'ALL TAKE THIS WHEELBARROW OVER
THERE AND CLEAN SOME STALLS.
DAD, DO YOU WANT ALL THE STALLS
OR JUST DUKE'S?
THANKS.
ANYTIME, JOE.
I GOTTA LAY OFF
THOSE HABANERAS
CLEAN THEM ALL.
OKAY.
MAN, YOU ARE SO CLEANING
THE FIRST ONE.
MILEY.
LET'S GO.
WOW.
COOL.
HO, HO, HO.
IF ELLIOT AND I CAN'T BE
AT THE NORTH POLE TONIGHT,
I THOUGHT I MIGHT BRING A BIT OF THE NORTH POLE TO US.
HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE?
OOH, NOT LONG AT ALL.
NOW YOU SEE IT,
AND NOW YOU DON'T.
WOW.
COOL. DO THAT AGAIN.
HO, HO, HO, HERE WE GO.
NOW YOU SEE IT.
AND NOW YOU DON'T.
UH, NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
UH, NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
OOH.
WHAT'S WRONG, SANTA?
I'M NOT SURE.
IT'S LIKE TONIGHT,
WHEN DAD WAS HERE,
THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
YEAH.
THE GLITCH IN THE HITCH.
MUST BE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
WHERE DID THAT HITCH
OF YOURS COME FROM?
WHY, FROM YOU OF COURSE.
ME? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING--
FROM ALL OF YOU,
FROM THE WHOLE WORLD IN FACT.
YOU SEE,
IT'S YOUR BELIEF IN ME
THAT PROVIDES
THE MAGICAL MOMENTS
THAT SURROUND ME.
IT'S QUITE SIMPLE REALLY.
SO IF PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING.
THEN THE MAGICAL MOMENTS
STOP AS WELL.
SAD BUT TRUE.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU,
SANTA?
WELL, I SUPPOSE EVENTUALLY
I WOULD CEASE TO EXIST.
NO, YOU CAN'T, SANTA.
OH, NOW, NOW, NOW.
WE MUSTN'T WORRY ABOUT THINGS
THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
ALL WILL BE FINE.
ALL IN GOOD TIME.
OKAY.
SANTA'S NOT DONE YET.
IT MUST HAVE TO DO
WITH MAX SCHMUCKER'S PLAN
TO BAN YOU FROM CHRISTMAS.
SCHMUCKER?
HE WAS ON THE NAUGHTY LIST
FOR YEARS AS A KID.
OH, SWEET LITTLE BOY.
A BIT DIFFICULT, I SUPPOSE.
HE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN--
NOTHING MORE
THAN A SAD LITTLE BOY
WHO NEEDED LOVE AND AFFECTION.
IF THERE'S ONE THING WE'VE
LEARNED IN THESE MODERN TIMES,
IT'S THAT MONEY
CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS.
YOU THINK HIS PLAN TO MAKE
PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING IN YOU
IS CAUSING YOU TO LOSE
YOUR MAGICAL POWERS?
WELL,
IT IS A CAGEY COINCIDENCE.
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE,
SANTA.
THE DAY AFTER SCHMUCKER
CALLED FOR THE VOTE
THIS ALL STARTED TO HAPPEN.
WELL, WE'VE WEATHERED THE STORM
OF NONBELIEVERS BEFORE,
AND WE'VE ALWAYS COME OUT
ALL RIGHT.
BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT.
THIS IS A GLOBAL MOVEMENT.
OH, DEAR.
YOU MAY BE RIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT TO LET THE WORLD
KNOW YOU'RE HERE, SANTA,
THAT YOU EXIST.
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
WE CAN'T WILLINGLY SHOW
OURSELVES TO MORTALS.
YOU REMEMBER.
EVEN IN A STATE
OF EMERGENCY?
EVEN IN A STATE
OF EMERGENCY.
MORTALS SPOTTING US
IS ONE THING,
BUT US WILLINGLY SHOWING
OURSELVES, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE,
NO MATTER WHAT.
OH, HAVE FAITH, LITTLE ONES.
THE MAN UPSTAIRS HAS A PLAN.
HE ALWAYS DOES.
NOW, I SEE TWO CHILDREN
WHO OUGHT TO BE IN BED.
THE NAUGHTY AND NICE RULES
STILL APPLY
DESPITE THE PRESENT
CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND I DO BELIEVE
THAT THE TWO OF YOU
SNUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE
WITHOUT PERMISSION.
NOW, ELLIOT, I BELIEVE WE
CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION
IN THIS ONE CASE.
BUT I--
BUT WE ARE GUESTS,
LIVING IN THEIR BARN.
WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE?
NOW, THAT'S A CONVERSATION
FOR ANOTHER TIME.
COME ON, NOW, OFF TO BED.
OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
MAY YOU DREAM OF CANDY-CANE KISSES
AND MILK-CHOCOLATE STARS.
OKAY, I THINK
THEY'RE STILL ASLEEP.
AWESOME.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO HELP SANTA?
WOW. OH, I GOT IT.
WHAT?
SANTA SAID HE COULDN'T KNOWINGLY
SHOW HIMSELF TO OTHERS, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
BUT HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE
DISCOVERING SANTA ON THEIR OWN.
LIKE WE DID.
OKAY, SO?
SO ALL WE'VE GOT TO DO
IS GET SMUCKER, THE MEAN DUDE,
TO DISCOVER SANTA FOR HIMSELF.
ONCE HE SEES SANTA'S FOR REAL,
HE'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF
THE MOVEMENT.
AND SANTA WILL GET HIS
MAGICAL POWERS BACK.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
BUT HOW ARE WE
GOING TO DO THAT?
LEAVE THAT UP TO ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'LL SEE.
I'M GETTING US OUT OF SCHOOL
TOMORROW.
KIDS, COME ON.
LET'S GET A MOVE ON.
BUS IS GOING TO BE HERE.
ZACH?
ZACH?
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
OH, MY.
ALL RIGHT, BABY,
JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
JOE. JOE.
YES!
MOMMA, MY TUMMY HURTS.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
THE KIDS ARE SICK.
OH, COOKIES.
HUH, BUDDY?
UGH, LESSON LEARNED.
ALL RIGHT, GO GET IN BED.
OKAY.
JUST TRY AND GET
SOME GINGER ALE OR SODA WATER
OR SOMETHING DOWN THEM, OKAY?
HONEY, I'M GOING WITH YOU.
NO, YOU'RE STAYING HERE.
STEVE'S HERE.
HE CAN LOOK AFTER THEM.
STEVE? REALLY.
YEAH.
BABY, PLEASE?
JUST STAY. IT'S A CHECKUP.
I'LL BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT?
JUST LET THE SCHOOL KNOW.
AND IF YOU LEAVE,
USE THE WALKIE'S, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
I LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
CALL ME ON YOUR WAY HOME.
I WILL.
ALL RIGHT.
HUH,
NOTHING LIKE A SUGAR COOKIE.
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GOING TO THE TURN OUT.
I'M GOING TO WATCH STEVE RUN
THAT COLT. ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, DAD.
WE'LL BE IN OUR ROOMS.
CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.
WILL DO.
ALL RIGHT. BE GOOD.
WE'RE IN BUSINESS.
OKAY, I THINK
THE COAST IS CLEAR.
WHAT NOW?
NOW CAN YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
YOU'LL SEE.
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
YOU SEE, THOSE MOTION SENSORS
SENDS A SIGNAL TO THIS BOX
THE SAME WAY
THE SCHOOL BUS DOES
WHEN IT COMES ONTO THE DRIVEWAY.
THAT WAY WE'LL KNOW WHEN DAD
COMES THROUGH THE GATE.
GREAT IDEA.
AND ALL WE GOTTA DO IS RUN
BACK TO THE HOUSE
AND WAIT FOR OUR CHECK-IN.
I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU
ON THIS ONE, ZACHY.
NOT BAD FOR FIFTH GRADE, HUH?
PLAYING HOOKY FROM SCHOOL.
THAT'S DEFINITELY A VIOLATION.
OH, ELLIOT.
NOW, YOU TWO LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
WELL, WE FIGURED,
SINCE SCHMUCKER'S MOVEMENT IS PROBABLY BEHIND ALL THIS,
WE THOUGHT
WE'D CHALLENGE HIM.
CHALLENGE HIM?
YEAH, TO A DEBATE.
A DEBATE?
YEAH, LIKE LINCOLN AND DOUGLAS.
ZACH AND ME AGAINST HIM.
TWO KIDS AGAINST A WORLD
RENOWNED POLITICIAN?
WE FIGURED WE HAVE THE ONE
SECRET WEAPON THAT HE DOESN'T.
OH, WHAT'S THAT?
WE KNOW YOU EXIST.
HO, HO, HO.
SO TELL ME THIS.
HOW DO YOU PROPOSE TO GET
MR. SCHMUCKER HERE?
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MR. SCHMUCKER?
MANO-A-MANO, WINNER TAKE ALL.
UNLESS OF COURSE YOU'RE AFRAID
OF LOSING TO A LITTLE GIRL.
OOH.
HO, HO, HO, HO...
NOW I'LL I'VE GOT TO DO
IS POST IT.
OKAY. COOL.
THAT WAS WONDERFUL, MILEY.
THANKS.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S DAD.
OH.
OH, NO.
IS HE HEADED
TOWARDS THE HOUSE?
NO, HE'S HEADING
TOWARDS THE BARN.
OH.
THE DECORATIONS.
OH, NOW YOU SEE THEM.
NOW YOU DON'T.
OH, BELLS OF HOLLY,
WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
NOW YOU SEE THEM.
NOW YOU DON'T.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HE'S STILL GETTING CLOSER.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS
THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.
LET'S GET BUSY!
CHILDREN, ELLIOT.
WE MUST WORK TOGETHER.
ZACH TO PAPA JOE.
COME IN, PAPA JOE.
HEY, ZACH.
DAD, YOU NEED TO COME
TO THE HOUSE, LIKE, RIGHT NOW.
I'M FIXING A SADDLE DUKE.
I'LL BE UP IN A FEW MINUTES.
ALL RIGHT?
DAD, IT'S LIFE OR DEATH.
JUST PLEASE COME TO THE HOUSE.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
THIS KIND OF THING ISN'T GOOD
FOR MY BLOOD PRESSURE.
WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?
I'M HUNGRY.
YOU'RE HUNGRY.
YEAH, A MAN HAS TO EAT.
THAT HE DOES.
I GUESS YOU'RE RUNNING
ON EMPTY, AREN'T YOU?
GUESS SO.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GO DOWN TO THE KITCHEN
AND SEE WHAT WE CAN SCARE UP?
OH, I'M GOING TO HAVE
SOME PA-TATERS.
PA-TATERS?
LET'S GO, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT, WE GOT
THE WORLD FAMOUS PB&J
FOR MY NUMBER-ONE FAVORITE
SON.
NOW, NEXT TIME YOU CALL ME,
IT'S GONNA BE AN EMERGENCY.
ATTA BOY. BE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT?
ON TO PHASE TWO.
OKAY, SO I UPLOADED OUR VIDEO
ONTO ALL THE MAJOR SITES.
YOU NAME IT-- NEWS CHANNEL, YOUTUBE, HULU, FACEBOOK, TWITTER,
DOT THIS, DOT THAT,
EVERYTHING.
IT'S THE WHOLE ENCHILADA.
EXCELLENT.
NOW WHAT?
I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
MAYBE WE JUST SIT BACK AND WAIT
FOR ALL THE COMMENTS TO ROLL IN.
YEAH, MAKES SENSE.
GET READY, SMUCKER.
GET READY.
HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN ASLEEP?
NOT SURE.
WE'VE SLEPT FOR THREE HOURS.
LET'S SEE HOW MANY HITS
WE GOT.
THREE.
THREE?
THREE.
TRY THE NEXT SITE.
THIS ONE SAYS TWO.
THAT'S WORSE
THAN THE FIRST ONE.
MI-MILEY.
MILEY.
WHAT?
THESE KIND OF THINGS
TAKE TIME.
THAT'S JUST IT.
SANTA DOESN'T HAVE TIME.
HE'S LOSING HIS MAGICAL POWERS
WITH EVERY SINGLE SECOND
THAT GOES BY.
ALL BECAUSE OF ONE MAN.
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT--
YES, I DO.
AND WE NEED TO GET HIM HERE.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I GOT AN IDEA.
OKAY,
SO THE MOMENT DAD LEAVES...
OKAY, THE COAST IS CLEAR.
OKAY.
YOU GOT THE KEYS?
YEP.
LET'S GO.
SANTA, ELLIOT,
WE'VE GOT AN IDEA.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
WHY AM I DRIVING?
BECAUSE I ONLY DRIVE THE SLEIGH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.
IT'S OKAY, ELLIOT.
IT LOOKS SO EASY ON TV.
JUST KEEP HER NICE AND STEADY.
YOU'VE ONLY GOT ABOUT, LIKE,
FIVE MORE MILES.
FIVE MORE MILES!
ELLIOT. ELLIOT.
WHY FIVE MORE MILES?
THAT'S WHERE TOWN IS.
AND WHY IS THAT
SO IMPORTANT AGAIN?
WE CAN GET ON THE LOCAL NEWS
AND SPREAD THE WORD
ABOUT OUR CHALLENGE.
CLEVER LITTLE GIRL.
OKAY, I THINK
WE'RE GOOD TO GO.
WHERE DO YOU WANT
THIS EQUIPMENT AT?
I DON'T KNOW, COFFEE.
WHAT IS IT?
SOUNDS STUFF.
PUT IT IN MATT'S OFFICE.
I'M GOING ON MY BREAK.
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
LET'S GO.
OKAY.
WHOA, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.
WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IT IS?
WILL IT BE OVER THERE?
THAT ONE.
HERE, GIVE IT TO ME.
OKAY.
OKAY, LET'S OPEN THIS UP.
COME ON.
HEY!
WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING
IN HERE?
UH, WELL, WE'RE--
SPIT IT OUT.
WE'RE LOST.
WE'RE TRYING TO FIND
THE BATHROOM.
BATHROOM?
MM-HM.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT BACK THERE?
GIVE ME THAT.
GIVE ME THAT.
YOU WERE GOING TO STEAL OUR KYLE COULD CHRISTMAS SEGMENT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?
YOU GUYS ARE IN TROUBLE.
I GOTTA CALL SECURITY.
HEY, YOU GUYS ARE ON TV.
LOOK, WE DID IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS COULD'VE GOT
ME FIRED OVER THIS.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HERE?
YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU
A SECRET?
YES, I DO.
WELL, FIRST, DO YOU BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DO.
OKAY, SO THE PLAN IS--
IT MIGHT SOUND CRAZY,
BUT ZACH AND I WERE THINKING.
OH, HERE THEY COME.
HOW DID IT GO?
LET'S BEAT IT!
YOU EVER HEAR OF NASCAR?
WELL, DUH, WE GOT TV.
WELL, THEN PEDAL
THE METAL, DALE.
BAM!
HO, HO, HO, HO,
YOU'RE DOING GREAT, ELLIOT.
JUST LIKE AN OLD PRO.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
OH, YES.
MOST DEFINITELY.
UH-OH, WE GOT COMPANY.
I KNEW IT.
I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.
WHOEVER HEARD OF AN ELF GOING
TO THE SLAMMER?
SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING.
I MAY HAVE JUST THE THING.
TRY THIS.
WHAT IS THAT?
GOOD AFTERNOON, OFFICER.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
WELL, YOU SEE,
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE THAT.
ENOUGH WITH THE SMALL TALK.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
HEY, YOU GUYS THE ONES TAKING
PICTURES OVER AT THE MALL?
OH, NO, SIR, WE--
JUST PASSING THROUGH.
NEXT TOWN OVER MAYBE.
I SWEAR I'VE SEEN YOU
SOMEWHERE BEFORE.
I GUESS WE JUST GOT
THOSE KINDS OF FACES.
WELL, ALL RIGHTY.
SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO
LET US OFF WITH JUST A WARNING?
NO.
YOU WERE DOING 90 IN A 25.
I'D PULL THE POPE MOBILE OVER
DOING 90 IN A 25.
OKAY.
GO, ZACH! GO!
IS HE DEAD?
OF COURSE NOT.
THIS IS SANTA
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT,
NOT JACK THE RIPPER.
IT'S ONLY SLEEPING SAND, ZACH.
HE'LL BE FINE
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
OKAY.
IN FACT HE'LL FEEL BETTER
THAN HE HAS IN MANY YEARS.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, I THINK DAD'S STILL
IN THE CORRAL.
WE MADE IT.
OH, NOT SO FAST.
QUICK. EVERYBODY OUT
OF THE TRUCK AND INTO THE BARN.
INTO THE BARN. QUICK.
OH, MY...
WHAT?
HELLO, SANTA.
YOU CAN TALK?
YEAH, IT'S WILD. HUH?
DUKE AND I REALIZE
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN
THIS LANGUAGE BARRIER.
THE GRAIN.
THE GRAIN.
YEP.
WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THE GRAIN?
IT'S THE SAME THING THAT'S
IN ALL OF THEIR STUFF.
MAGIC.
HO, HO, HO,
HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK MY REINDEER COULD FLY?
THE TALKING IS AN UNWANTED IF
SOMETIMES COMICAL SIDE EFFECT.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BIG GUY.
I CAN SEE THAT.
CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
I CAN DO BACK FLIPS.
WHOA, DUDE.
THIS IS AWESOME.
GOOD BECAUSE I THINK I HEAR
YOUR FATHER.
DAD'S COMING.
GO! GO! GET INTO THE HAY.
INTO THE HAY, ELLIOT.
DUKE, LEROY.
DUKE, LEROY, PROMISE ME YOU
WON'T SAY ANYTHING, OKAY?
RELAX, KID.
IT'S NOT MY FIRST RODEO.
STAY DOWN.
WELL, THAT PB&J MUST'VE
DONE THE TRICK, HUH.
OH, YEAH, I'M FEELING, LIKE,
LOADS BETTER. YEAH.
MILEY?
I ATE THE OTHER HALF OF ZACH'S.
RIGHT, BUDDY?
WELL, I GUESS I KNOW
WHAT I'M GOING TO EAT
NEXT TIME MY BELLY HURTS, HUH?
SO WHAT ARE Y'ALL UP TO?
W-WELL, WE WERE--
WE WERE, UH...
WE WANTED TO HELP
WITH THE AFTERNOON CHORES.
REALLY.
MUST BE SOMETHING
IN THE WATER, HUH.
HEY, MILEY AND I ARE ALL WRAPPED UP IN HOLIDAY SPIRIT.
THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHY DON'T YOU WRAP YOUR HANDS
AROUND A SHOVEL
AND CLEAN SOME OF THESE STALLS.
DON'T SKIMP ON THE SAWDUST.
WHAT'S THAT?
DON'T SKIMP ON THE SAWDUST.
DUKE SHOULD HAVE EXTRA SAWDUST
FOR HIS BEDDING.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS.
GO GET HIM SOME.
MILEY, WHY DON'T YOU CHECK ON
LEROY'S FEED, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
FILL 'ER UP.
I'VE GOT FOUR STOMACHS, YOU KNOW.
FOUR STOMACHS?
YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT,
DAD?
ALL GOATS HAVE FOUR STOMACHS.
WELL, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
HUH, SOUNDS LIKE MOM'S HOME.
WELL, YOU BETTER GO SEE
HOW HER APPOINTMENT WENT.
WE'LL KEEP WORKING HERE.
YEAH, DAD.
GO SEE MOM.
HUH. I THINK I WILL.
LATER.
CHECK IT OUT.
I'M SUPER GOAT.
OKAY.
OOH.
HOW LONG UNTIL THAT WEARS OFF?
YEAH.
IT DEPENDS
ON HOW MUCH HE ATE.
YOU KIDS GO AND CHECK IN
WITH YOUR MOM.
ELLIOT AND I WILL HAVE
A WORD WITH DUKE AND LEROY.
OKAY. SEE YA.
NOW, THEN, MR. GOAT.
MAMMA. WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S NOTHING, BABY.
BUT YOU'VE BEEN CRYING.
IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT?
I PROMISE.
IS IT YOUR COUGH, MOMMA?
HONEY, WHY DON'T Y'ALL GET WASHED UP FOR DINNER.
OKAY?
COME ON, MILEY.
BUT.
LET'S GO.
U.S. SENATOR AND NOW PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MAX SCHMUCKER,
WHO INITIATED WHAT SOME
ARE CALLING THE SANTA BAN,
DECLARED TODAY'S VOTE
A, "MORAL VICTORY."
TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY
FOR AMERICANS
WHO WERE TIRED OF THE LIES.
NO LONGER WILL PARENTS
HAVE TO LOOK INTO THE FACES
OF THEIR SWEET,
INNOCENT CHILDREN
AND PURPOSELY LIE TO THEM
ABOUT A LEGEND
THAT NEVER EXISTED.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, BABY.
FOR THAT FATEFUL DAY
WHEN THEIR TINY HEARTS
ARE BROKEN
OVER A FANTASY
THAT WILL NEVER BE.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER
IS IN HIS HOME STATE...
I CAN'T LISTEN
TO THIS GUY ANYMORE.
...TAKING A VICTORY LAP
FROM CITY TO CITY,
BUT THERE'S ONE LITTLE GIRL
IN HOPE, ARIZONA,
YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM.
LET'S TURN IT OFF.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
IT'S OKAY, MR. SCHMUCKER,
HERE'S THE DEAL.
THE WORLD NEEDS
SANTA CLAUS.
AND I CAN PROVE IT.
IT'S OKAY TO BELIEVE IN HIM
BECAUSE HE STILL BELIEVES
IN US.
THEREFORE I CHALLENGE YOU,
MR. SCHMUCKER,
TO A DEBATE.
WHENEVER AND WHEREVER.
ALTHOUGH MY BARNYARD WOULD BE
A LOT MORE CONVENIENT FOR ME.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MR. SCHMUCKER?
MANO-A-MANO,
WINNER TAKE ALL.
UNLESS OF COURSE
YOU'RE AFRAID OF A LITTLE GIRL.
YOU HEARD THE LITTLE LADY,
SENATOR SCHMUCKER.
THE BALL APPEARS TO BE
IN YOUR COURT.
IN OTHER NEWS,
POLICE OFFICER--
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I GUESS THE CAT'S
OUT OF THE BAG.
CAT'S DEFINITELY
OUT OF THE BAG.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT BAG THE CAT WAS IN.
HOW? WHEN? WHEN DID YOU GUYS--
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
THEY CAME TO OUR SCHOOL.
WE HAD TO DO IT, MOMMA.
SANTA NEEDS US.
SOMEBODY HAS TO STAND UP TO
SCHMUCKER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
MILEY, HONEY,
I LOVE THAT YOU BELIEVE
IN SANTA SO MUCH.
I DO, BUT--
BUT WHAT?
DON'T YOU BELIEVE, MOMMA?
YOU SAID YOU DID.
I DID.
I DO. I JUST--
YOU KNOW, I'M BEAT.
LET'S HASH THIS OUT
IN THE MORNING, OKAY?
I JUST-- HE SAID, SHE SAID.
CAN I JUST PLEASE GO TO BED,
DAD?
YEAH, LET'S GO TO BED.
OKAY?
OKAY. THIS CONVERSATION
IS NOT OVER.
WE UNDERSTAND.
COME ON, ZACH.
SO COME DOWN
WITH AN UNWRAPPED TOY
AND GET IN SOME HOLIDAY SPIRIT.
OUR VERY OWN MILEY LOGAN,
THE LITTLE GIRL WHO PUT HOPE,
ARIZONA ON THE MAP
BY CHALLENGING U.S. SENATOR MATT SCHMUCKER TO A DEBATE
HAS THE WORLD TALKING.
BY UTILIZING
SOCIAL MEDIA OUTLETS, MILEY...
RENAE, KIDS, GET IN THE KITCHEN.
...HIS BAN ON THE BELIEF
OF SANTA CLAUS.
AND AFTER SEEING
THIS LITTLE GIRL IN ACTION...
WHAT, DADDY?
LOOK AT THIS.
WE HAVE NOW LEARNED
THAT THE LITTLE GIRL
THAT PEOPLE ARE BEGINNING
TO CALL SANTA'S LAST HOPE...
COOL.
WHAT IS IT?
YEAH, COOL.
LOOK, MOMMY.
THE WHOLE WORLD'S
TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WE LIVE?
WE'RE HERE AT THE FAMILY HOME
OF MILEY LOGAN,
THE LITTLE GIRL FROM HOPE.
THAT'S ME.
OH, BOY.
THEY'RE HERE? JOE.
HI, SWEETHEART.
ARE YOU MILEY LOGAN?
ARE YOU SANTA'S LAST HOPE?
UH...
GO BACK INTO THE PARLOR.
GO.
DADDY?
LISTEN, Y'ALL.
MILEY WILL BE PREPARED TO MAKE A STATEMENT IN ABOUT AN HOUR.
ALL RIGHT? SO HANG TIGHT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
MAX, WE GOT PROBLEMS.
THOUGHT IS SAID
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED
WHILE I'M IN THINK-TANK MODE.
SURE. LISTEN, I THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO NEED TO SEE THIS.
WHAT IS IT?
MILEY, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU'D
LIKE TO SAY TO SENATOR SCHMUCKER
IF HE'S LISTENING?
YEAH. MY CHALLENGE
STILL STANDS.
ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
BUT SINCE I CAN'T DRIVE,
MY BARNYARD WOULD BE IDEAL.
WOULD IT?
SANTA EXISTS,
AND I CAN PROVE IT.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER'S TAKING
ON POLITICIANS.
NOW LET'S SEE HOW WELL HE DOES
AGAINST A NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.
AND THIS IS ONE REPORTER
THAT CANNOT WAIT
FOR THIS DEBATE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THE PHONES HAVE BEEN RINGING
OFF HE HOOK.
THAT'S WHAT PHONES DO, SUSAN.
SO WHAT?
THIS LITTLE PROBLEM HERE
IS NOT GOING AWAY, MAX.
OF COURSE IT IS.
LIKE ALL CONTROVERSIES,
JUST LEAVE IT ALONE
LONG ENOUGH,
AND EVENTUALLY IT'S
YESTERDAY'S NEWS.
GLOBAL WARMING,
GLOBAL DEFORESTATION,
AND NOW SANTA CLAUS.
TRUST ME.
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.
YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
OF COURSE I AM.
BUT IF YOU'RE WRONG,
YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE
IGNORING THE CHALLENGE
PRESENTED
BY A HARMLESS LITTLE GIRL.
YOU'LL OPEN YOURSELF UP
TO CRITICISM
FROM ALL
YOUR OTHER CHALLENGERS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, MAX.
IF YOU WERE TO MEET
WITH THIS LITTLE GIRL
AND INDULGE HER
IN HER LITTLE FANTASY...
WIN HER OVER.
PRECISELY.
TURN THE LION INTO A FRIEND,
AND THE REST OF THE DEN
WILL FOLLOW IN LINE?
MM-HM.
PERFECT.
AND THEN SOON THEY'LL ALL
FORGET ABOUT SANTA CLAUS
AND HIS PITIFUL BAND
OF LITTLE ELVES.
YOU SAY THAT AS IF YOU
ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN HIM.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
SOMETIMES YOU SCARE ME, MAX.
HELLO?
HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
WHO? WHO?
SCHMUCKER.
HE'S COMING TO HOPE TOMORROW.
THAT'S WONDERFUL, MILEY.
YOU ROPED A BIG FISH.
OH, I HEAR YOUR DAD.
GO ON, GO ON.
OKAY.
DO YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE
THE KIDS HAVE BEEN SPENDING SO
MUCH TIME IN THE BARN LATELY?
I DON'T KNOW.
COULD BE WORSE.
AT LEAST THEY'RE HANGING ON THE RANCH.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT THEY'RE
GOING TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL,
DOING THEIR OWN THINGS.
FORGETTING WE EVEN EXIST.
THEY'RE GOING TO BE
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
JOE, I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MY DADDY COULDN'T SEE IT.
MY MOM WAS ALWAYS THERE
TO REASON WITH HIM.
SORRY, BABY.
WE GOTTA TELL THEM, JOE.
NO, YOU ARE.
OH, NO, I'M NEVER MAKING IT
TO THE BUS FIRST.
HI, MOM.
WHAT'S WRONG?
IS IT ABOUT SCHMUCKER?
BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY DOING
WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.
NO, SWEETIE.
IT'S NOT ABOUT SCHMUCKER.
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE SICK AGAIN.
AREN'T YOU, MOM?
NO.
YEAH, MOMMA'S SICK AGAIN.
NO, MOMMA, YOU CAN'T BE.
MILEY, SOMETIMES
WE JUST DON'T HAVE CONTROL
OVER THINGS LIKE THIS.
OKAY?
DOES THIS MEAN--
ARE YOU GONNA DIE?
DYING IS A PART OF LIVING.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO APPRECIATE
EVERY DAY WE HAVE WITH EACH OTHER.
IS THE CANCER BACK?
AND IT SPREAD.
NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE CANCER.
YOU CAN'T.
YOU CAN HAVE CHEMO.
YOU CAN BEAT IT. RIGHT, MOMMY?
MAYBE I CAN'T THIS TIME.
PLEASE, MOMMY. I LOVE YOU.
PLEASE DON'T DIE.
I'M SORRY.
NO.
I'M SORRY.
MILEY! MILEY!
SANTA, WHAT'S WRONG?
THE CHILDREN.
SOMETHING DREADFUL IS WRONG.
I NEED YOUR HELP, SANTA.
MY MOM, SHE'S SICK,
VERY SICK.
YOU NEED TO HELP HER.
MILEY, I--
PLEASE, SANTA, YOU HAVE TO.
PLEASE DON'T LET HER DIE.
I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T.
BUT YOU'RE SANTA CLAUS.
MILEY, EVEN IF I COULD,
MY POWERS
HAVE ALREADY LEFT ME.
I'M AFRAID MY TIME HERE
IS SHORT AS WELL.
NO, BECAUSE I BELIEVE.
YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING...
MILEY, STOP THIS.
LET ME GO!
JUST LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
THIS ISN'T ANYBODY'S FAULT.
THIS ISN'T SANTA'S FAULT.
THIS ISN'T EVEN SCHMUCKER'S FAULT.
MOM HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE
FOR US.
THIS TIME WE'VE GOT TO BE
THERE FOR HERE.
OH, DEAR ONES, I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR BED?
THERE YOU ARE.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES,
MOMMA?
I WANT TO.
I REALLY DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANT?
WHAT?
FOR YOU TO KNOW IN YOUR HEART,
THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
I WILL ALWAYS BE
WITH THE TWO OF YOU.
JUST LIKE SANTA?
YEAH, JUST LIKE SANTA.
NOW, YOU NEED TO GET
SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE YOU HAVE
A BIG DAY TOMORROW.
OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT, ZACH.
ZACH.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
* SILENT NIGHT *
* HOLY NIGHT *
* ALL IS CALM *
* ALL IS BRIGHT *
* ROUND YON VIRGIN
* MOTHER AND CHILD *
* HOLY INFANT
SO TENDER AND MILD *
* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE *
* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE *
ARE YOU READY?
I THINK SO.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO GREAT.
THANKS.
JUST SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.
YOU CAN'T GO WRONG.
OKAY.
WE WANT SANTA!
WE WANT SANTA!
WELCOME, SENATOR.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE HERE.
UH, MAX.
YES.
IF THINGS GO SOUTH,
JUST REMEMBER.
HM?
USE IT.
GOOD DAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
AND NOW I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE
TO WELCOME
THE ESTEEMED SENATOR
FROM OUR GREAT STATE OF ARIZONA,
THE GRAND CANYON STATE,
SENATOR MAX SCHMUCKER.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER
WILL ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS
BEFORE WE BEGIN.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER.
THANK YOU.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY
WE HAVE IN HOPE.
I LOOK FORWARD TO AN EQUALLY
BEAUTIFUL DEBATE WITH YOUNG MILEY.
FIRST I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS UP FRONT.
YEP.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER,
YOU'RE CURRENTLY KICKING OFF
WHAT MANY EXPECT TO BE A LENGTHY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.
WHY TAKE THE TIME
TO DO ALL OF THIS?
WHY? DEMOCRACY, FRIEND.
CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.
THEY DESERVE TO BE HEARD
EVEN WHEN THEIR IDEAS
ARE A LITTLE, SHALL WE SAY,
MISGUIDED.
SO YOU THINK MISS MILEY'S BELIEF IN SANTA CLAUS IS MISGUIDED?
I--
HEY, THERE SHE IS.
WHY DON'T WE ALLOW YOU
TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES.
YEAH, MILEY.
YEAH, MILEY.
OH, MILEY.
UH, THANKS.
KILL HER.
GOOD DAY, EVERYONE.
MY NAME IS ANDERSON HEMMER,
AND WELCOME
TO THE CITY OF HOPE DEBATE
BETWEEN ARIZONA
STATE SENATOR SCHMUCKER...
AND OUR VERY OWN MILEY LOGAN.
THANK YOU.
WE'RE ABOUT TO BEGIN.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER,
YOU WON THE COIN TOSS,
SO YOU MAY CHOOSE TO DEFER
OR BEGIN.
WELL, SINCE MILEY HAS
THE HOME-FIELD ADVANTAGE,
I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE
THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO FIRST
IF THAT'S OKAY WITH MILEY.
UH, SURE.
EXCELLENT.
FOLKS, I MUST ADMIT
I'M NOT JUST HERE
TO TALK ABOUT SANTA CLAUS.
I HAVE MUCH GREATER CONCERNS.
OUR CHILDREN.
GROWING UP AT A TIME WHEN
DISTRUST OF GOVERNMENT
IS NO LONGER
AN ACT OF REBELLION.
GROWING UP COMFORTABLE
WITH THE IDEA THAT ALL POLITICIANS ARE LIARS AND CROOKS
THIS COULD ONLY LEAD TO APATHY.
I CAME HERE TODAY
TO SHOW AT LEAST ONE CHILD
THAT THE GOVERNMENT
CARES DEEPLY
ABOUT THE TRUTH.
DEMOCRACY IS NOT MAKE BELIEVE.
FAR TOO MANY
HAVE GIVEN THEIR LIVES
FIGHTING FOR ITS VIRTUES
AND VALUES.
SANTA CLAUS...
IS MAKE BELIEVE.
WE DON'T NEED TO BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN OURSELVES.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN OUR COUNTRY.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN EACH OTHER.
THANK YOU, SENATOR.
MILEY, IT'S YOUR TURN.
I'M NOT HERE
TO TELL YOU WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S MAKE BELIEVE
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE
I EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
YOU KNOW,
WHAT IS MAKE BELIEVE?
LET'S SEE.
IS LOVE MAKE BELIEVE?
IS HAPPINESS MAKE BELIEVE?
IF SO, I GUESS
MR. SCHMUCKER'S RIGHT.
SANTA'S MAKE BELIEVE, TOO.
NO.
BUT IF LOVE AND HAPPINESS
ARE REAL,
THEN SANTA'S REAL, TOO
BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SANTA IS.
IT'S NOT WRONG TO BE HAPPY
JUST BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE
ARE SAD.
I AGREE A HUNDRED PERCENT
WITH THAT.
QUIET, PLEASE.
QUIET, PLEASE.
I KNOW THERE ARE SAD THINGS.
THERE'S A LOT
OF SAD, SAD THINGS.
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WE BELIEVE
IN THE SADNESS
MORE THAN WE BELIEVE
IN HAPPINESS.
LIKE WE THINK WE DESERVE TO BE SAD.
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I BELIEVE,
WHAT MY FAMILY
HAS TAUGHT ME TO BELIEVE,
FOR STAYING STRONG
IN THE SAD TIMES,
FOR BELIEVING EVEN WHEN THINGS
ARE AT THEIR WORST,
WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
WE DON'T JUST NEED SANTA.
WE DESERVE SANTA.
THAT IS VERY SWEET.
I APPLAUD YOU.
ISN'T SHE SWEET,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
LET'S GIVE HER ANOTHER HAND.
MILEY, MILEY.
YOU HAVE
A MOST UNIQUE IMAGINATION.
YOU TRULY BELIEVE
THERE'S A SANTA CLAUS,
A SANTA CLAUS
WITH A BAND OF MAGICAL
FLYING REINDEER.
OF COURSE I DO
BECAUSE HE IS REAL.
HE EXISTS BECAUSE
OF OUR BELIEF IN HIM,
AND WITHOUT IT--
WITHOUT IT, I GUESS
MR. SCHMUCKER'S RIGHT.
THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS
BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
WON'T LET THERE BE.
SO I ASK YOU ALL,
DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD
WHERE THERE'S NO SANTA CLAUSE
OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE
IN A WORLD
FULL OF MAGIC, LOVE, AND HOPE
BECAUSE THAT'S WHO SANTA IS
AND WHERE HE CAN BE FOUND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.
FOLKS, EXCUSE ME.
GAVE THE YOUNG LADY
THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK.
I ONLY ASK FOR THE SAME.
MILEY ISN'T LYING
WHEN SHE SAYS THAT SHE TRULY UNDERSTANDS GREAT SADNESS.
HER MOTHER RENAE IS SUFFERING
FROM TERMINAL CANCER.
DON'T. DON'T.
I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT MYSELF.
FIRST OF ALL,
I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER
TO PERSONALLY REIMBURSE
THE FAMILY
FOR ALL OF MRS. LOGAN'S
MEDICAL EXPENSES.
SECONDLY, MILEY,
I HAVE TO ASK,
WHILE YOU MOTHER IS FIGHTING
FOR HER LIFE,
YOU WANT TO WAIT FOR SANTA
TO CURE HER
OR DEPEND ON
THE TIRELESS EFFORTS
OF HER DOCTORS,
DOCTORS WHO WILL USE TREATMENTS
WROUGHT FROM DECADES
OF RESEARCH,
EXPERIMENTATION, AND EVIDENCE.
CAN YOU, MILEY,
OR ANYONE ELSE HERE,
OFFER ONE SINGLE SHRED
OF EVIDENCE
THAT SANTA CLAUS EXISTS, ANY?
ANYTHING.
NO.
NO, I CAN'T.
WELL, I GUESS THAT SORT OF SETTLES THINGS, THEN.
DOESN'T IT?
HEY. HEY, SCHMUCKER!
MILEY! MILEY!
COME HERE! LET GO OF ME.
STAND DOWN, PAPA BEAR.
I'M JUST GOING TO TALK TO HER.
BACK OFF!
RENAE.
I'M REALLY SORRY, SANTA.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MILEY.
WE HAD A GOOD RUN.
OH.
THIS MEANS YOU'RE LEAVING US.
DOESN'T IT, SANTA?
I MIGHT BE LEAVING.
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER.
WHAT?
I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU
IN YOUR HEART,
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL
TO YOU
AND TO ZACH
FOR BELIEVING IN ME
WHEN OTHERS DID NOT.
WELL, LOOKIE-LOOKIE,
WHO'S GOT THE COOKIE.
HELLO, MAX.
SANTA.
WAIT, YOU KNOW SANTA CLAUS?
WE'VE MET.
THEN WHY DID YOU SAY
HE DIDN'T EXIST?
WHY?
THIS IS WHY.
WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THIS
TO A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY?
WHY?
I'VE WONDERED MY WHOLE LIFE.
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?
LOOK AT IT.
BLACK PIECE OF ROCK.
MY DEFINING MOMENT,
EVERYTHING WAS BECAUSE OF THIS,
WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
FOR YOURSELF?
YOU HAD SO MUCH, MAX.
YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL HOME,
YOU HAD A BOUNTIFUL TABLE
AND EVERY TOY THAT ANY CHILD
COULD EVER WISH FOR,
EVERYTHING THAT MONEY COULD BY,
BUT YOU REALLY ONLY NEEDED
ONE THING.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT IS THAT?
LOVE.
LOVE, MAX.
THAT-- THAT'S ABSOLUTELY--
OH, IT'S ABSOLUTELY
THE TRUTH.
AND IT IS NO FAULT OF YOURS.
YOUR PARENTS THOUGHT
ALL THOSE TOYS AND THINGS
WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY,
BUT REALLY ALL
ANY OF US NEEDS...
IS LOVE.
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...
I WANTED YOU TO LOOK INSIDE,
MAX.
NOT AT ALL THE TOYS AND THINGS
THAT YOU HAD ON THE OUTSIDE,
BUT AT THE LOVE
THAT YOU WANTED
AND NEEDED
ON THE INSIDE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
SAY NOTHING.
LOVE IS SILENT.
LOVE IS STRONG.
LOVE IS ETERNAL.
AND YOU CAN KEEP THAT
IN YOUR HEART
FROM NOW ON.
EXCUSE ME.
SOMETHING I GOT TO DO.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER IS HERE,
AND HE WILL ADDRESS THE CROWD.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
WHAT?
I--
I'M SORRY.
THE SHOW IS OVER, FOLKS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WANT OFF THE RIDE.
IT'S OVER.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.
SIR-- TECHNICAL ISSUE.
OH!
YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING,
SENATOR.
YES.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THAT I'VE--
I'VE SEEN THE TRUTH.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS.
THANKS TO THIS HARD-WORKING,
HONEST FAMILY
I'VE LEARNED
SOME LESSONS TODAY
THAT I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED
A LONG TIME AGO.
I WON'T TAKE UP ANY MORE
OF YOUR GOOD PEOPLE'S TIME.
I KNOW YOU HAVE FAMILIES
TO GET HOME TO.
I JUST WANT TO LEAVE YOU
WITH ONE LAST THOUGHT.
AS CHRISTMAS APPROACHES,
LET US ALL EVERYONE
LOOK INSIDE,
DEEP INTO OUR HEARTS,
AND EMBRACE
THE MOST MAGICAL GIFT...
LOVE.
MS. SATCHER, MS.
SATCHER, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?
CARE TO COMMENT? PLEASE.
NO QUESTIONS.
NO QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
OH, THANK YOU.
ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
THIS HAS BEEN
A VERY SPECIAL TIME FOR US.
OH, DEAR ONE.
I LOVE YOU.
OH, MILEY.
I LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE TO GO NOW.
OKAY?
OH.
THAT A TEAR, I SEE, ELLIOT?
NO. S-SOME HAY IN MY EYE.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!
HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!
SHH.
ZACH.
WHAT IS IT?
SHH.
OH, BOY.
UH, UH, UH...
WHAT JUST...
HAPPENED?
I BROKE A RULE.
IT'S GONE.
THE MAGIC.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
THAT'S THE PRICE.
I'M MORTAL NOW.
I'M-- I'M NO LONGER SANTA CLAUS.
THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.
ELLIOT.
THE WORLD JUST STARTED
BELIEVING IN SANTA.
YOU CAN'T BE GONE.
THE WORLD HASN'T LOST
SANTA CLAUS, ELLIOT.
YOU CAN'T BE SANTA
WITHOUT YOUR MAGIC.
NOT ME, MY FRIEND.
YOU.
YOU'RE THE HEAD HONCHO NOW.
I I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE
MORE FIT FOR THE JOB.
I CAN'T BE YOU, SANTA.
OH, OF COURSE YOU CAN.
YOU KNOW THE RULES BY HEART.
YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN NAUGHTY AND NICE
BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.
AND, MY FRIEND,
YOU HAVE THE LARGEST HEART
I HAVE EVER KNOWN.
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE
A WONDERFUL SANTA CLAUS.
JUST PROMISE ME ONE THING.
ANYTHING.
CUT THE KIDS SOME SLACK
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
WE ALL BREAK A RULE
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
I PROMISE, SANTA.
OH, CALL ME NICK.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU, SWEETIE.
ZACH, ZACH,
THE SNOW MAN ANGEL.
ALL RIGHT, MILEY,
IT'S THE LAST PRESENT,
SO OPEN IT SLOW.
OKAY.
OR NOT.
PINK COWBOY BOOTS!
IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!
MOMMY KNEW THAT.
THANK YOU.
YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT.
DIDN'T YOU?
WE GOT THOSE SPECIAL.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH, AAH, AAH, AAH.
OKAY, WHO WANTS PANCAKES?
WHO WANTS PANCAKES?
NICK'S BEEN SLAVING AWAY.
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
DID YOU?
NO, DID YOU?
NO.
YES, YOU DID.
WELL, OPEN IT.
WHAT IS THAT?
"SOME RULES ARE MADE
TO BE BROKEN."
WELL?
I THINK...
NICK.
YEAH.
NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE STILL MAGICAL TO ME,
NICK.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
* DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* TIS THE SEASON *
* TIS THE SEASON *
* TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL *
* FA LA LA, LA LA LA,
LA LA LA *
HO, HO, HO,
YOU KIDS LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
WELL...
WHAT IS IT?
WELL-- I'M SORRY.
WHERE DO YOU WANT
THE SOUND EQUIPMENT?
I DON'T KNOW, COFFEE.
WHAT IS IT?
SOUND EQUIPMENT.
SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
MY FRIEND.
RULE NUMBER THREE.
SAY IT AGAIN.
RULE NUMBER THREE.
WE MUST NEVER INTER--
LOVE!
ARE YOU-- ARE YOU HIDING
A CARROT IN YOUR POCKET?
BAM!
BAM!
I JUST-- AW, MAN.
GET YOUR--
I'M TRYING
THIS IS OUR PLAN.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA--
HEY, MR. J?
YES.
WOULD YOU SING US
A CHRISTMAS CAROL?
* WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS *
* WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS *
* WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS *
* AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR *
I'M TAKING YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW
TO SECURITY.
HEY!
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
HEY, MR. TRACE,
WOULD YOU SING US
A CHRISTMAS SONG?
* YOU BETTER WATCH OUT *
* YOU BETTER NOT CRY *
* BETTER NOT POUT,
I'M TELLING YOU WHY *
HE'S COMING TO TOWN.
CUT!
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS
COMES IN THE NIGHT.
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS,
TAKES A BIG BITE.
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS,
PUTS YOU IN A SACK.
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS,
MAKE YOU A SNACK.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO...
* FA LA LA, LA LA LA,
LA LA LA *
* HEEDLESS
OF THE WIND AND WEATHER *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* WHOA, YEAH *
YES, YES, THIS IS LOVELY.
OH, THIS ONE CERTAINLY.
LET ME CHECK MY LIST.
SCHMEIKERT, SCHMUCKLY,
AND SCHMUCKER.
YES.
* GOT A WIFE AND TWO KIDS,
ALL GATHERED AROUND *
* A 20-POUND TURKEY *
* SNOW ON THE GROUND *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* ERIC WANTS A GLOVE,
HE TEARS INTO A BOX *
* HIS EYES ARE WIDE
WITH WONDER *
* I SIT BACK AND WATCH *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* I HAVEN'T HEARD
A SINGLE REINDEER *
* RUNNING ON MY ROOF *
* I JUST LOOK
INTO MY CHILDREN'S EYES *
* AND THERE I SEE MY PROOF *
* AND COULD IT BE
THAT JOLLY OLD MAN *
* RIDING IN HIS SLEIGH? *
* IS REALLY JUST
THE KID IN US *
* ON EVERY CHRISTMAS DAY *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* MOLLY GETS A DOLL,
AND MOMMA'S CAMERA CLICKS *
* GUESS WE ALL GET
THE PUPPY *
* HE'S GETTING IN HIS LICKS *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* I'M TRYING TO READ A CARD
IN CROOKED RED AND BLUE *
* ONLY PART THAT REALLY MATTERS
IS "DADDY, WE LOVE YOU" *
* WHO SAYS THERE
AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
* I HAVEN'T HEARD
A SINGLE REINDEER *
* RUNNING ON MY ROOF *
* I JUST LOOK
INTO MY CHILDREN'S EYES *
* AND THERE I SEE MY PROOF *
* AND COULD IT BE
THAT JOLLY OLD MAN *
* RIDING IN HIS SLEIGH? *
* IS REALLY JUST
THE KID IN US *
* ON EVERY CHRISTMAS DAY *
* WHO SAYS
THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *
IS IT ANIMAL CRUELTY
OR JUST SENIOR PRANK FUN?
GOOD MORNING, ARIZONA.
I'M ANDERSON HEMMER.
THERE'S BREAKING NEWS OUT OF
WASHINGTON, D.C. THIS MORNING,
WHEN THE NATIONAL MOVEMENT
TO BAN THE BELIEF
IN SANTA CLAUS
CAME TO A HEAD
EARLY THIS MORNING.
THE SENATE OVERWHELMINGLY
APPROVED THE VOTE
82 TO 18
TO BAN THE BELIEF
IN JOLLY OL' SAINT NICK.
AND SPEARHEADING
THE NATIONAL MOVEMENT ON THIS
IS OUR OWN ARIZONA U.S. SENATOR
MAX SCHMUCKER.
AS A GENERATION,
WE HAVE FAILED
BECAUSE OF OUR GREED
AND OUR FOLLY.
OUR CHILDREN FACE
A HARD FUTURE
RIFE WITH STRUGGLE
AND TURMOIL.
WE CAN'T PREPARE THEM
FOR THIS HARD FUTURE
BY FEEDING THEM A LIE
ABOUT A JOLLY, FAT MISANTHROPE
WHO COMES IN THE NIGHT
AND GRANTS THEIR WISHES.
WE MUST TEACH THEM THE LESSONS
THAT WE HAVE LEARNED.
WE ARE ALL, EACH ONE OF US,
IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN DESTINY,
AND THEREFORE MUST GRANT
OUR OWN WISHES.
ON THE LOCAL FRONT--
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT GUY?
WHY AREN'T PEOPLE BELIEVING
IN SANTA ANYMORE, DADDY?
I DON'T KNOW, SWEETHEART.
DAVID BAXTER SAYS IT'S
BECAUSE NO ONE CAN SEE SANTA.
WHO CARES WHAT STINKY OLD
DAVEY BAXTER THINKS ANYWAY.
JUST BECAUSE SOME SENATOR
DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS
DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE CAN'T,
RIGHT?
YEP.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S THE BUS, GUYS.
LAST ONE TO THE BUS
IS A POOPER SCOOPER.
YOU GOT YOUR HOMEWORK?
GOT IT.
ZACH, YOU GOT YOUR HOMEWORK?
WAIT UP, ZACH.
OKAY.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER, WHAT ARE
YOUR PLANS FOR THE PRESIDENCY?
SENATOR, ARE YOU CONSIDERING
A CAMPAIGN?
LISTEN, IF A RUN FOR
THE PRESIDENCY'S IN THE CARDS,
I'LL CERTAINLY TAKE IT
VERY SERIOUSLY,
BUT IN THE MEANTIME
ALL OF MY FOCUS
IS ON REMOVING THE SANTA MYTHOS
FROM OUR CULTURE
AND CERTAINLY OUR SCHOOLS.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE OUR GOVERNMENT'S WORK TO DO.
SENATOR--
VULTURES,
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.
THEY'RE NOT LIKE VULTURES, MAX.
THEY WON'T UNTIL YOU DIE
BEFORE THEY EAT YOU.
YOU KNOW, MAX,
I HOPE YOU DON'T GET CAUGHT UP
IN THIS WHOLE SANTA THING.
IF THEY WANT YOU TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ECONOMY,
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE ECONOMY. OKAY?
I WILL. IF THEY ASK SMART
QUESTIONS, I WILL ANSWER THEM.
TEETH.
MM, LOVELY.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE
TO DO EVERYTHING YOU SAY.
WELL, THEN DON'T.
DRIVE, CAN WE JUST MOVE ALONG,
PLEASE?
CAN YOU BACK UP FIRST?
SO ABRAHAM LINCOLN
AND STEPHEN A. DOUGLAS
TOURED THE COUNTRY DEBATING
THE MORALITY OF SLAVERY
AND THE LOGIC BEHIND IT.
NOW, WHO REMEMBERS WHAT YEAR
THESE DEBATES TOOK PLACE?
MILEY. WHAT'S THAT, MILEY?
IT'S SANTA. HE'S SAD BECAUSE
NO ONE BELIEVES IN HIM ANYMORE.
EXCEPT FOR ME AND ZACH.
I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.
YOU DO?
MS. PIPKIN, MAY I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU, PLEASE?
LEGISLATION BANNING
SANTA CLAUS HAS PASSED.
THERE'S NO MORE SANTA CLAUS.
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM
IN CLASS.
NO PICTURES, NO SANTA CLAUS.
YES, SIR, I UNDERSTAND.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY, CLASS.
HOMEWORK WILL BE DUE
FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.
BYE, MILEY.
BYE, ELISA.
THEY'RE GETTING RID OF SANTA,
AREN'T THEY?
I'M AFRAID SO, SWEETIE.
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAPPEN
IF SANTA WOULD JUST SHOW
THE WORLD HE'S OUT THERE.
OH, MILEY--
HEY.
HEY.
I GUESS YOU HEARD,
HUH?
YEAH.
WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BAN SANTA
FROM CHRISTMAS?
I MEAN, WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
HEY, HOW Y'ALL DOING?
HI, DADDY.
HI, SASHA.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
WITH THAT RUMPLED OLD POSTER?
UH--
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
LOGAN POWER.
THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, GOD, CAN'T YOU KNOCK?
COME ON. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE BARN.
COME ON, COME ON.
OH, MY GOD!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WHAT?
COME ON.
HURRY UP.
DO YOU NOT SEE ME RUNNING?
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
HO, HO, HO, DON'T WORRY.
WOW.
WHAT IS IT?
SANTA.
SANTA?
WHERE'S SANTA?
HE WAS HERE.
I SAW HIM.
YOU'RE JUST IMAGINING THINGS.
NO, HE WAS HERE.
ASK LEROY.
OKAY, FINE, I'LL ASK LEROY.
HEY, LEROY, WAS SANTA HERE?
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE IT.
LISTEN, WE SHOULD GET
BACK TO THE HOUSE.
MOM AND DAD WILL WONDER
WHERE WE ARE.
BUT I KNOW HE WAS HERE.
COME ON.
I'M TELLING YOU,
I KNOW WHAT I SAW.
YEAH, YEAH, I'M SURE YOU DID.
YOU BELIEVE ME, PLEASE.
WHATEVER.
SANTA WAS THERE,
I PROMISE YOU.
YEAH, AND THE EASTER BUNNY'S
IN THE KITCHEN.
COME ON.
I'M TELLING YOU.
YOU SAW THE LIGHT.
IT WAS MAGICAL,
AND SANTA WAS THERE.
YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?
MILEY, COME ON.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.
JUST FOLLOW ME.
BE GENTLE.
SO WHAT ARE THESE COOKIES FOR?
THEY'RE FOR SANTA.
WHO ELSE WOULD THEY BE FOR?
MAN, THESE COOKIES MOM MADE
ARE REALLY GOOD.
YOU FEED LEROY.
I GOT DUKE.
DUKE, WANT A CARROT?
LOOK. OH, YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT.
THAT WAS A HARD BITE.
MILEY.
YEAH?
GOTCHA. YES!
HEY! HEY!
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?
COME HERE,
YOU LITTLE BOOGER.
HOLD STILL.
WE AREN'T GOING TO HURT YOU. I PROMISE.
YOU CAN COME OUT.
WE HAVE YOUR LITTLE FRIEND.
YEAH, COME ON OUT.
GAME'S UP.
WE MEAN NO HARM, SANTA.
HONEST.
HO, HO, HO.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
WOW. YOU'RE BIG.
IT IS YOU.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
CLEVER LITTLE ONES,
AREN'T YOU?
TOO CLEVER.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
THIS WILL GO ON THE NAUGHTY LIST,
YOU KNOW.
OH, THERE, THERE, ELLIOT.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO COULDN'T
RESIST THE COOKIES.
WELL, DASHER AND DANCER,
I KNOW, BUT...
BESIDES, WE ARE GUESTS
IN THEIR HOME.
YOU CAN BE A GUEST ANYTIME,
SANTA.
WE SAW THE GLOW EARLIER.
MY SISTER SAID SHE SAW YOU.
HM, IT SEEMS SHE DID.
BUT HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
WELL,
THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.
WE GOT HERE--
HM. WE GOT HERE--
HOW EXACTLY DID WE GET HERE,
ELLIOT?
I DON'T REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD--
YOU SEE, WE TRAVEL
THROUGH A SERIES
OF MAGIC PORTALS
THAT TAKE US
ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
PORTALS?
YES, LIKE A MAGIC DOOR
OR A PASSAGE.
RIGHTEOUS.
RIGHTEOUS INDEED.
SO THE LAST THING I REMEMBER,
WE WERE GOING AROUND THE WORLD
AND CHECKING TO SEE IF THE CHILDREN HAD BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE
IN THE FINE TOWNS OF TIMBUKTU
AND KALAMAZOO
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
WE FOUND OURSELVES HERE
IN HOPE, ARIZONA
INSTEAD OF THE NORTH POLE.
THERE MUST'VE BEEN A SHORT
IN THE SYSTEM.
HM.
SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO BACK?
WE CAN'T.
WHATEVER THE GLITCH
IN THE SYSTEM IS,
WON'T ALLOW US.
SYSTEM?
YOU'VE USED ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.
OH, ELLIOT, IT'S OKAY.
THE TRUTH IS THAT WE DON'T KNOW.
THE MAGIC PORTALS ARE NOT WORKING THE WAY
THAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO AT THIS MOMENT.
THAT MEANS YOU'RE
STUCK HERE WITH US?
HM, IT WOULD SEEM SO.
YOU CAN STAY HERE
FOR EVER, SANTA.
OH, MILEY LOGAN.
YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD
AN EXTRA SPECIAL HEART.
HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?
ZACH, I KNOW ALL THE NAMES
OF ALL THE CHILDREN
AROUND THE WORLD.
WOW, SO IT IS TRUE.
SO WHAT NOW?
WELL...
FIRST OF ALL,
YOU MUSTN'T TELL ANYONE
ABOUT US.
IT'S ONE OF THE SPECIAL RULES
THAT WE HAVE TO FOLLOW.
RULES?
OH, YES.
EVEN SANTA HAS RULES.
IN FACT WE HAVE A RULE BOOK.
WHOA, THAT'S BIG.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PAGE?
I HEARD THEY HAVE
WRITER'S BLOCK.
RULE NUMBER ONE.
NEVER SHOW YOURSELVES
TO MORTALS.
OH, UH, UNLESS WE ENCOUNTER THE OCCASIONAL ACCIDENT,
OF COURSE,
LIKE YOU SEEING US.
RULE NUMBER TWO.
WE CAN NEVER USE OUR POWERS
FOR EVIL.
WHO WOULD WANT TO?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T EITHER.
RULE NUMBER THREE.
AND PROBABLY
THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL.
WE MUST NEVER INTERFERE
WITH THE LIVES OF MORTALS
IN ANY WAY.
HM.
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU BREAK
A RULE?
DON'T KNOW.
NEVER DONE IT.
YOU THINK WE COULD TRUST THEM?
YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH US,
SANTA.
SCOUT'S HONOR.
I BELIEVE YOU, ZACH.
YOUR PARENTS WILL BE BACK SOON.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
YOU BEST GET HOPPING.
OKAY.
WAIT, IF YOU FIX YOUR GLITCH
IN THE SYSTEM,
YOU WON'T LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING
GOOD-BYE, WILL YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
SCOUT'S HONOR.
OH, WAIT.
IT WOULD BE A SERIOUS MAR
ON MY REPUTATION
IF YOU LEFT MY PRESENCE
WITHOUT A LITTLE SOMETHING.
THANKS, SANTA.
WHOA, LET ME SEE.
COME ON.
STEVE WAS FINISHING
SHOEING BUCKY, AND HE KICKED,
AND STEVE ABOUT JUMPED
OUT OF HIS BOOTS,
AND, WELL,
AND SOMETHING ELSE.
SO HOW WAS SCHOOL?
FINE, I GUESS.
THEY STARTED TAKING DOWN
THE SANTA DECORATIONS.
SO THAT'S WHERE THE POSTER
IN YOUR ROOM CAME FROM.
MM-HM.
WELL, I LIKE IT.
IT WAS, LIKE, LIFE-SIZE.
LIFE-SIZE? NOT EVEN CLOSE.
HE'S A GOOD 6' 7" AT LEAST.
REALLY?
OH, YOU KNOW,
SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.
I MIGHT'VE READ IT
SOMEWHERE.
HM.
WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT NECKLACE?
GUMBALL MACHINE AT SCHOOL.
ANYWAY, THAT SCHMUCKER GUY HAS
NO CLUE WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
WELL, HE'S ENTITLED
TO HIS OPINION.
EVEN IF WE DON'T LIKE IT.
HE'S ENTITLED TO A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
HM.
LOGAN POWER.
HONEY.
I'M GOING TO GO DO THE BARN
CHECK BEFORE DARK.
NO, DAD.
WHY DON'T YOU LET MILEY AND ME DO IT?
YEAH, DAD.
I APPRECIATE THE OFFER,
BUT DON'T Y'ALL HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO DO?
AT LEAST LET US HELP YOU.
WE'LL GET OUT HOMEWORK DONE.
PROMISE.
HUH, I DON'T FEEL A FEVER.
READY TO DO IT, THEN?
MM-HM.
LET'S GO. GO.
ALL RIGHT, HOMEWORK
RIGHT WHEN YOU GET BACK.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
DON'T KEEP THEM OUT TOO LONG.
I WON'T.
WAIT, WAIT,
YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.
WHAT IS IT?
UM, YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.
YOU SEE, LEROY AND DUKE
MIGHT NOT BE READY FOR YOU YET.
MM-HM.
LEROY AND DUKE
MAY NOT BE READY?
YEAH, DADDY.
ANIMALS NEED THEIR PRIVACY,
TOO.
IS THAT SO?
YEAH, THEY TAUGHT US THAT
IN SCHOOL.
OH. MY TAX DOLLARS
HARD AT WORK, HUH?
OKAY.
THINK THEY HAD ENOUGH TIME?
I'LL CHECK.
OKAY, COAST IS CLEAR.
THEY TAUGHT US THAT IN SCHOOL,
TOO.
NOW I'LL SLEEP BETTER
AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, LEROY, HOW YOU DOING,
BUDDY?
HEY, LEROY.
HEY.
Y'ALL EAT ALL THOSE?
WELL, WE WEREN'T SURE
WHAT TIME YOU AND MOM
WERE GOING TO BE BACK,
AND WE WERE-- WE WERE--
WE WERE HUNGRY.
REALLY.
YOU KNOW ABOUT SWEETS
BEFORE DINNER.
WE KNOW.
CAN'T SAY I BLAME YOU.
PRETTY DARN GOOD,
AREN'T THEY?
ALL RIGHT.
Y'ALL TAKE THIS WHEELBARROW OVER
THERE AND CLEAN SOME STALLS.
DAD, DO YOU WANT ALL THE STALLS
OR JUST DUKE'S?
THANKS.
ANYTIME, JOE.
I GOTTA LAY OFF
THOSE HABANERAS
CLEAN THEM ALL.
OKAY.
MAN, YOU ARE SO CLEANING
THE FIRST ONE.
MILEY.
LET'S GO.
WOW.
COOL.
HO, HO, HO.
IF ELLIOT AND I CAN'T BE
AT THE NORTH POLE TONIGHT,
I THOUGHT I MIGHT BRING A BIT OF THE NORTH POLE TO US.
HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE?
OOH, NOT LONG AT ALL.
NOW YOU SEE IT,
AND NOW YOU DON'T.
WOW.
COOL. DO THAT AGAIN.
HO, HO, HO, HERE WE GO.
NOW YOU SEE IT.
AND NOW YOU DON'T.
UH, NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
UH, NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
OOH.
WHAT'S WRONG, SANTA?
I'M NOT SURE.
IT'S LIKE TONIGHT,
WHEN DAD WAS HERE,
THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
YEAH.
THE GLITCH IN THE HITCH.
MUST BE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
WHERE DID THAT HITCH
OF YOURS COME FROM?
WHY, FROM YOU OF COURSE.
ME? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING--
FROM ALL OF YOU,
FROM THE WHOLE WORLD IN FACT.
YOU SEE,
IT'S YOUR BELIEF IN ME
THAT PROVIDES
THE MAGICAL MOMENTS
THAT SURROUND ME.
IT'S QUITE SIMPLE REALLY.
SO IF PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING.
THEN THE MAGICAL MOMENTS
STOP AS WELL.
SAD BUT TRUE.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU,
SANTA?
WELL, I SUPPOSE EVENTUALLY
I WOULD CEASE TO EXIST.
NO, YOU CAN'T, SANTA.
OH, NOW, NOW, NOW.
WE MUSTN'T WORRY ABOUT THINGS
THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
ALL WILL BE FINE.
ALL IN GOOD TIME.
OKAY.
SANTA'S NOT DONE YET.
IT MUST HAVE TO DO
WITH MAX SCHMUCKER'S PLAN
TO BAN YOU FROM CHRISTMAS.
SCHMUCKER?
HE WAS ON THE NAUGHTY LIST
FOR YEARS AS A KID.
OH, SWEET LITTLE BOY.
A BIT DIFFICULT, I SUPPOSE.
HE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN--
NOTHING MORE
THAN A SAD LITTLE BOY
WHO NEEDED LOVE AND AFFECTION.
IF THERE'S ONE THING WE'VE
LEARNED IN THESE MODERN TIMES,
IT'S THAT MONEY
CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS.
YOU THINK HIS PLAN TO MAKE
PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING IN YOU
IS CAUSING YOU TO LOSE
YOUR MAGICAL POWERS?
WELL,
IT IS A CAGEY COINCIDENCE.
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE,
SANTA.
THE DAY AFTER SCHMUCKER
CALLED FOR THE VOTE
THIS ALL STARTED TO HAPPEN.
WELL, WE'VE WEATHERED THE STORM
OF NONBELIEVERS BEFORE,
AND WE'VE ALWAYS COME OUT
ALL RIGHT.
BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT.
THIS IS A GLOBAL MOVEMENT.
OH, DEAR.
YOU MAY BE RIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT TO LET THE WORLD
KNOW YOU'RE HERE, SANTA,
THAT YOU EXIST.
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
WE CAN'T WILLINGLY SHOW
OURSELVES TO MORTALS.
YOU REMEMBER.
EVEN IN A STATE
OF EMERGENCY?
EVEN IN A STATE
OF EMERGENCY.
MORTALS SPOTTING US
IS ONE THING,
BUT US WILLINGLY SHOWING
OURSELVES, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE,
NO MATTER WHAT.
OH, HAVE FAITH, LITTLE ONES.
THE MAN UPSTAIRS HAS A PLAN.
HE ALWAYS DOES.
NOW, I SEE TWO CHILDREN
WHO OUGHT TO BE IN BED.
THE NAUGHTY AND NICE RULES
STILL APPLY
DESPITE THE PRESENT
CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND I DO BELIEVE
THAT THE TWO OF YOU
SNUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE
WITHOUT PERMISSION.
NOW, ELLIOT, I BELIEVE WE
CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION
IN THIS ONE CASE.
BUT I--
BUT WE ARE GUESTS,
LIVING IN THEIR BARN.
WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE?
NOW, THAT'S A CONVERSATION
FOR ANOTHER TIME.
COME ON, NOW, OFF TO BED.
OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
MAY YOU DREAM OF CANDY-CANE KISSES
AND MILK-CHOCOLATE STARS.
OKAY, I THINK
THEY'RE STILL ASLEEP.
AWESOME.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO HELP SANTA?
WOW. OH, I GOT IT.
WHAT?
SANTA SAID HE COULDN'T KNOWINGLY
SHOW HIMSELF TO OTHERS, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
BUT HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE
DISCOVERING SANTA ON THEIR OWN.
LIKE WE DID.
OKAY, SO?
SO ALL WE'VE GOT TO DO
IS GET SMUCKER, THE MEAN DUDE,
TO DISCOVER SANTA FOR HIMSELF.
ONCE HE SEES SANTA'S FOR REAL,
HE'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF
THE MOVEMENT.
AND SANTA WILL GET HIS
MAGICAL POWERS BACK.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
BUT HOW ARE WE
GOING TO DO THAT?
LEAVE THAT UP TO ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'LL SEE.
I'M GETTING US OUT OF SCHOOL
TOMORROW.
KIDS, COME ON.
LET'S GET A MOVE ON.
BUS IS GOING TO BE HERE.
ZACH?
ZACH?
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
OH, MY.
ALL RIGHT, BABY,
JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
JOE. JOE.
YES!
MOMMA, MY TUMMY HURTS.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
THE KIDS ARE SICK.
OH, COOKIES.
HUH, BUDDY?
UGH, LESSON LEARNED.
ALL RIGHT, GO GET IN BED.
OKAY.
JUST TRY AND GET
SOME GINGER ALE OR SODA WATER
OR SOMETHING DOWN THEM, OKAY?
HONEY, I'M GOING WITH YOU.
NO, YOU'RE STAYING HERE.
STEVE'S HERE.
HE CAN LOOK AFTER THEM.
STEVE? REALLY.
YEAH.
BABY, PLEASE?
JUST STAY. IT'S A CHECKUP.
I'LL BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT?
JUST LET THE SCHOOL KNOW.
AND IF YOU LEAVE,
USE THE WALKIE'S, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
I LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
CALL ME ON YOUR WAY HOME.
I WILL.
ALL RIGHT.
HUH,
NOTHING LIKE A SUGAR COOKIE.
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GOING TO THE TURN OUT.
I'M GOING TO WATCH STEVE RUN
THAT COLT. ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, DAD.
WE'LL BE IN OUR ROOMS.
CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.
WILL DO.
ALL RIGHT. BE GOOD.
WE'RE IN BUSINESS.
OKAY, I THINK
THE COAST IS CLEAR.
WHAT NOW?
NOW CAN YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
YOU'LL SEE.
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
YOU SEE, THOSE MOTION SENSORS
SENDS A SIGNAL TO THIS BOX
THE SAME WAY
THE SCHOOL BUS DOES
WHEN IT COMES ONTO THE DRIVEWAY.
THAT WAY WE'LL KNOW WHEN DAD
COMES THROUGH THE GATE.
GREAT IDEA.
AND ALL WE GOTTA DO IS RUN
BACK TO THE HOUSE
AND WAIT FOR OUR CHECK-IN.
I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU
ON THIS ONE, ZACHY.
NOT BAD FOR FIFTH GRADE, HUH?
PLAYING HOOKY FROM SCHOOL.
THAT'S DEFINITELY A VIOLATION.
OH, ELLIOT.
NOW, YOU TWO LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
WELL, WE FIGURED,
SINCE SCHMUCKER'S MOVEMENT IS PROBABLY BEHIND ALL THIS,
WE THOUGHT
WE'D CHALLENGE HIM.
CHALLENGE HIM?
YEAH, TO A DEBATE.
A DEBATE?
YEAH, LIKE LINCOLN AND DOUGLAS.
ZACH AND ME AGAINST HIM.
TWO KIDS AGAINST A WORLD
RENOWNED POLITICIAN?
WE FIGURED WE HAVE THE ONE
SECRET WEAPON THAT HE DOESN'T.
OH, WHAT'S THAT?
WE KNOW YOU EXIST.
HO, HO, HO.
SO TELL ME THIS.
HOW DO YOU PROPOSE TO GET
MR. SCHMUCKER HERE?
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MR. SCHMUCKER?
MANO-A-MANO, WINNER TAKE ALL.
UNLESS OF COURSE YOU'RE AFRAID
OF LOSING TO A LITTLE GIRL.
OOH.
HO, HO, HO, HO...
NOW I'LL I'VE GOT TO DO
IS POST IT.
OKAY. COOL.
THAT WAS WONDERFUL, MILEY.
THANKS.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S DAD.
OH.
OH, NO.
IS HE HEADED
TOWARDS THE HOUSE?
NO, HE'S HEADING
TOWARDS THE BARN.
OH.
THE DECORATIONS.
OH, NOW YOU SEE THEM.
NOW YOU DON'T.
OH, BELLS OF HOLLY,
WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
NOW YOU SEE THEM.
NOW YOU DON'T.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HE'S STILL GETTING CLOSER.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS
THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.
LET'S GET BUSY!
CHILDREN, ELLIOT.
WE MUST WORK TOGETHER.
ZACH TO PAPA JOE.
COME IN, PAPA JOE.
HEY, ZACH.
DAD, YOU NEED TO COME
TO THE HOUSE, LIKE, RIGHT NOW.
I'M FIXING A SADDLE DUKE.
I'LL BE UP IN A FEW MINUTES.
ALL RIGHT?
DAD, IT'S LIFE OR DEATH.
JUST PLEASE COME TO THE HOUSE.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
THIS KIND OF THING ISN'T GOOD
FOR MY BLOOD PRESSURE.
WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?
I'M HUNGRY.
YOU'RE HUNGRY.
YEAH, A MAN HAS TO EAT.
THAT HE DOES.
I GUESS YOU'RE RUNNING
ON EMPTY, AREN'T YOU?
GUESS SO.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GO DOWN TO THE KITCHEN
AND SEE WHAT WE CAN SCARE UP?
OH, I'M GOING TO HAVE
SOME PA-TATERS.
PA-TATERS?
LET'S GO, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT, WE GOT
THE WORLD FAMOUS PB&J
FOR MY NUMBER-ONE FAVORITE
SON.
NOW, NEXT TIME YOU CALL ME,
IT'S GONNA BE AN EMERGENCY.
ATTA BOY. BE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT?
ON TO PHASE TWO.
OKAY, SO I UPLOADED OUR VIDEO
ONTO ALL THE MAJOR SITES.
YOU NAME IT-- NEWS CHANNEL, YOUTUBE, HULU, FACEBOOK, TWITTER,
DOT THIS, DOT THAT,
EVERYTHING.
IT'S THE WHOLE ENCHILADA.
EXCELLENT.
NOW WHAT?
I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
MAYBE WE JUST SIT BACK AND WAIT
FOR ALL THE COMMENTS TO ROLL IN.
YEAH, MAKES SENSE.
GET READY, SMUCKER.
GET READY.
HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN ASLEEP?
NOT SURE.
WE'VE SLEPT FOR THREE HOURS.
LET'S SEE HOW MANY HITS
WE GOT.
THREE.
THREE?
THREE.
TRY THE NEXT SITE.
THIS ONE SAYS TWO.
THAT'S WORSE
THAN THE FIRST ONE.
MI-MILEY.
MILEY.
WHAT?
THESE KIND OF THINGS
TAKE TIME.
THAT'S JUST IT.
SANTA DOESN'T HAVE TIME.
HE'S LOSING HIS MAGICAL POWERS
WITH EVERY SINGLE SECOND
THAT GOES BY.
ALL BECAUSE OF ONE MAN.
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT--
YES, I DO.
AND WE NEED TO GET HIM HERE.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I GOT AN IDEA.
OKAY,
SO THE MOMENT DAD LEAVES...
OKAY, THE COAST IS CLEAR.
OKAY.
YOU GOT THE KEYS?
YEP.
LET'S GO.
SANTA, ELLIOT,
WE'VE GOT AN IDEA.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
WHY AM I DRIVING?
BECAUSE I ONLY DRIVE THE SLEIGH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.
IT'S OKAY, ELLIOT.
IT LOOKS SO EASY ON TV.
JUST KEEP HER NICE AND STEADY.
YOU'VE ONLY GOT ABOUT, LIKE,
FIVE MORE MILES.
FIVE MORE MILES!
ELLIOT. ELLIOT.
WHY FIVE MORE MILES?
THAT'S WHERE TOWN IS.
AND WHY IS THAT
SO IMPORTANT AGAIN?
WE CAN GET ON THE LOCAL NEWS
AND SPREAD THE WORD
ABOUT OUR CHALLENGE.
CLEVER LITTLE GIRL.
OKAY, I THINK
WE'RE GOOD TO GO.
WHERE DO YOU WANT
THIS EQUIPMENT AT?
I DON'T KNOW, COFFEE.
WHAT IS IT?
SOUNDS STUFF.
PUT IT IN MATT'S OFFICE.
I'M GOING ON MY BREAK.
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
LET'S GO.
OKAY.
WHOA, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.
WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IT IS?
WILL IT BE OVER THERE?
THAT ONE.
HERE, GIVE IT TO ME.
OKAY.
OKAY, LET'S OPEN THIS UP.
COME ON.
HEY!
WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING
IN HERE?
UH, WELL, WE'RE--
SPIT IT OUT.
WE'RE LOST.
WE'RE TRYING TO FIND
THE BATHROOM.
BATHROOM?
MM-HM.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT BACK THERE?
GIVE ME THAT.
GIVE ME THAT.
YOU WERE GOING TO STEAL OUR KYLE COULD CHRISTMAS SEGMENT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?
YOU GUYS ARE IN TROUBLE.
I GOTTA CALL SECURITY.
HEY, YOU GUYS ARE ON TV.
LOOK, WE DID IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS COULD'VE GOT
ME FIRED OVER THIS.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HERE?
YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU
A SECRET?
YES, I DO.
WELL, FIRST, DO YOU BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DO.
OKAY, SO THE PLAN IS--
IT MIGHT SOUND CRAZY,
BUT ZACH AND I WERE THINKING.
OH, HERE THEY COME.
HOW DID IT GO?
LET'S BEAT IT!
YOU EVER HEAR OF NASCAR?
WELL, DUH, WE GOT TV.
WELL, THEN PEDAL
THE METAL, DALE.
BAM!
HO, HO, HO, HO,
YOU'RE DOING GREAT, ELLIOT.
JUST LIKE AN OLD PRO.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
OH, YES.
MOST DEFINITELY.
UH-OH, WE GOT COMPANY.
I KNEW IT.
I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.
WHOEVER HEARD OF AN ELF GOING
TO THE SLAMMER?
SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING.
I MAY HAVE JUST THE THING.
TRY THIS.
WHAT IS THAT?
GOOD AFTERNOON, OFFICER.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
WELL, YOU SEE,
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE THAT.
ENOUGH WITH THE SMALL TALK.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
HEY, YOU GUYS THE ONES TAKING
PICTURES OVER AT THE MALL?
OH, NO, SIR, WE--
JUST PASSING THROUGH.
NEXT TOWN OVER MAYBE.
I SWEAR I'VE SEEN YOU
SOMEWHERE BEFORE.
I GUESS WE JUST GOT
THOSE KINDS OF FACES.
WELL, ALL RIGHTY.
SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO
LET US OFF WITH JUST A WARNING?
NO.
YOU WERE DOING 90 IN A 25.
I'D PULL THE POPE MOBILE OVER
DOING 90 IN A 25.
OKAY.
GO, ZACH! GO!
IS HE DEAD?
OF COURSE NOT.
THIS IS SANTA
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT,
NOT JACK THE RIPPER.
IT'S ONLY SLEEPING SAND, ZACH.
HE'LL BE FINE
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
OKAY.
IN FACT HE'LL FEEL BETTER
THAN HE HAS IN MANY YEARS.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, I THINK DAD'S STILL
IN THE CORRAL.
WE MADE IT.
OH, NOT SO FAST.
QUICK. EVERYBODY OUT
OF THE TRUCK AND INTO THE BARN.
INTO THE BARN. QUICK.
OH, MY...
WHAT?
HELLO, SANTA.
YOU CAN TALK?
YEAH, IT'S WILD. HUH?
DUKE AND I REALIZE
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN
THIS LANGUAGE BARRIER.
THE GRAIN.
THE GRAIN.
YEP.
WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THE GRAIN?
IT'S THE SAME THING THAT'S
IN ALL OF THEIR STUFF.
MAGIC.
HO, HO, HO,
HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK MY REINDEER COULD FLY?
THE TALKING IS AN UNWANTED IF
SOMETIMES COMICAL SIDE EFFECT.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BIG GUY.
I CAN SEE THAT.
CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
I CAN DO BACK FLIPS.
WHOA, DUDE.
THIS IS AWESOME.
GOOD BECAUSE I THINK I HEAR
YOUR FATHER.
DAD'S COMING.
GO! GO! GET INTO THE HAY.
INTO THE HAY, ELLIOT.
DUKE, LEROY.
DUKE, LEROY, PROMISE ME YOU
WON'T SAY ANYTHING, OKAY?
RELAX, KID.
IT'S NOT MY FIRST RODEO.
STAY DOWN.
WELL, THAT PB&J MUST'VE
DONE THE TRICK, HUH.
OH, YEAH, I'M FEELING, LIKE,
LOADS BETTER. YEAH.
MILEY?
I ATE THE OTHER HALF OF ZACH'S.
RIGHT, BUDDY?
WELL, I GUESS I KNOW
WHAT I'M GOING TO EAT
NEXT TIME MY BELLY HURTS, HUH?
SO WHAT ARE Y'ALL UP TO?
W-WELL, WE WERE--
WE WERE, UH...
WE WANTED TO HELP
WITH THE AFTERNOON CHORES.
REALLY.
MUST BE SOMETHING
IN THE WATER, HUH.
HEY, MILEY AND I ARE ALL WRAPPED UP IN HOLIDAY SPIRIT.
THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHY DON'T YOU WRAP YOUR HANDS
AROUND A SHOVEL
AND CLEAN SOME OF THESE STALLS.
DON'T SKIMP ON THE SAWDUST.
WHAT'S THAT?
DON'T SKIMP ON THE SAWDUST.
DUKE SHOULD HAVE EXTRA SAWDUST
FOR HIS BEDDING.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS.
GO GET HIM SOME.
MILEY, WHY DON'T YOU CHECK ON
LEROY'S FEED, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
FILL 'ER UP.
I'VE GOT FOUR STOMACHS, YOU KNOW.
FOUR STOMACHS?
YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT,
DAD?
ALL GOATS HAVE FOUR STOMACHS.
WELL, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
HUH, SOUNDS LIKE MOM'S HOME.
WELL, YOU BETTER GO SEE
HOW HER APPOINTMENT WENT.
WE'LL KEEP WORKING HERE.
YEAH, DAD.
GO SEE MOM.
HUH. I THINK I WILL.
LATER.
CHECK IT OUT.
I'M SUPER GOAT.
OKAY.
OOH.
HOW LONG UNTIL THAT WEARS OFF?
YEAH.
IT DEPENDS
ON HOW MUCH HE ATE.
YOU KIDS GO AND CHECK IN
WITH YOUR MOM.
ELLIOT AND I WILL HAVE
A WORD WITH DUKE AND LEROY.
OKAY. SEE YA.
NOW, THEN, MR. GOAT.
MAMMA. WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S NOTHING, BABY.
BUT YOU'VE BEEN CRYING.
IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT?
I PROMISE.
IS IT YOUR COUGH, MOMMA?
HONEY, WHY DON'T Y'ALL GET WASHED UP FOR DINNER.
OKAY?
COME ON, MILEY.
BUT.
LET'S GO.
U.S. SENATOR AND NOW PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MAX SCHMUCKER,
WHO INITIATED WHAT SOME
ARE CALLING THE SANTA BAN,
DECLARED TODAY'S VOTE
A, "MORAL VICTORY."
TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY
FOR AMERICANS
WHO WERE TIRED OF THE LIES.
NO LONGER WILL PARENTS
HAVE TO LOOK INTO THE FACES
OF THEIR SWEET,
INNOCENT CHILDREN
AND PURPOSELY LIE TO THEM
ABOUT A LEGEND
THAT NEVER EXISTED.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, BABY.
FOR THAT FATEFUL DAY
WHEN THEIR TINY HEARTS
ARE BROKEN
OVER A FANTASY
THAT WILL NEVER BE.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER
IS IN HIS HOME STATE...
I CAN'T LISTEN
TO THIS GUY ANYMORE.
...TAKING A VICTORY LAP
FROM CITY TO CITY,
BUT THERE'S ONE LITTLE GIRL
IN HOPE, ARIZONA,
YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM.
LET'S TURN IT OFF.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
IT'S OKAY, MR. SCHMUCKER,
HERE'S THE DEAL.
THE WORLD NEEDS
SANTA CLAUS.
AND I CAN PROVE IT.
IT'S OKAY TO BELIEVE IN HIM
BECAUSE HE STILL BELIEVES
IN US.
THEREFORE I CHALLENGE YOU,
MR. SCHMUCKER,
TO A DEBATE.
WHENEVER AND WHEREVER.
ALTHOUGH MY BARNYARD WOULD BE
A LOT MORE CONVENIENT FOR ME.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MR. SCHMUCKER?
MANO-A-MANO,
WINNER TAKE ALL.
UNLESS OF COURSE
YOU'RE AFRAID OF A LITTLE GIRL.
YOU HEARD THE LITTLE LADY,
SENATOR SCHMUCKER.
THE BALL APPEARS TO BE
IN YOUR COURT.
IN OTHER NEWS,
POLICE OFFICER--
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I GUESS THE CAT'S
OUT OF THE BAG.
CAT'S DEFINITELY
OUT OF THE BAG.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT BAG THE CAT WAS IN.
HOW? WHEN? WHEN DID YOU GUYS--
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
THEY CAME TO OUR SCHOOL.
WE HAD TO DO IT, MOMMA.
SANTA NEEDS US.
SOMEBODY HAS TO STAND UP TO
SCHMUCKER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
MILEY, HONEY,
I LOVE THAT YOU BELIEVE
IN SANTA SO MUCH.
I DO, BUT--
BUT WHAT?
DON'T YOU BELIEVE, MOMMA?
YOU SAID YOU DID.
I DID.
I DO. I JUST--
YOU KNOW, I'M BEAT.
LET'S HASH THIS OUT
IN THE MORNING, OKAY?
I JUST-- HE SAID, SHE SAID.
CAN I JUST PLEASE GO TO BED,
DAD?
YEAH, LET'S GO TO BED.
OKAY?
OKAY. THIS CONVERSATION
IS NOT OVER.
WE UNDERSTAND.
COME ON, ZACH.
SO COME DOWN
WITH AN UNWRAPPED TOY
AND GET IN SOME HOLIDAY SPIRIT.
OUR VERY OWN MILEY LOGAN,
THE LITTLE GIRL WHO PUT HOPE,
ARIZONA ON THE MAP
BY CHALLENGING U.S. SENATOR MATT SCHMUCKER TO A DEBATE
HAS THE WORLD TALKING.
BY UTILIZING
SOCIAL MEDIA OUTLETS, MILEY...
RENAE, KIDS, GET IN THE KITCHEN.
...HIS BAN ON THE BELIEF
OF SANTA CLAUS.
AND AFTER SEEING
THIS LITTLE GIRL IN ACTION...
WHAT, DADDY?
LOOK AT THIS.
WE HAVE NOW LEARNED
THAT THE LITTLE GIRL
THAT PEOPLE ARE BEGINNING
TO CALL SANTA'S LAST HOPE...
COOL.
WHAT IS IT?
YEAH, COOL.
LOOK, MOMMY.
THE WHOLE WORLD'S
TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WE LIVE?
WE'RE HERE AT THE FAMILY HOME
OF MILEY LOGAN,
THE LITTLE GIRL FROM HOPE.
THAT'S ME.
OH, BOY.
THEY'RE HERE? JOE.
HI, SWEETHEART.
ARE YOU MILEY LOGAN?
ARE YOU SANTA'S LAST HOPE?
UH...
GO BACK INTO THE PARLOR.
GO.
DADDY?
LISTEN, Y'ALL.
MILEY WILL BE PREPARED TO MAKE A STATEMENT IN ABOUT AN HOUR.
ALL RIGHT? SO HANG TIGHT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
MAX, WE GOT PROBLEMS.
THOUGHT IS SAID
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED
WHILE I'M IN THINK-TANK MODE.
SURE. LISTEN, I THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO NEED TO SEE THIS.
WHAT IS IT?
MILEY, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU'D
LIKE TO SAY TO SENATOR SCHMUCKER
IF HE'S LISTENING?
YEAH. MY CHALLENGE
STILL STANDS.
ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
BUT SINCE I CAN'T DRIVE,
MY BARNYARD WOULD BE IDEAL.
WOULD IT?
SANTA EXISTS,
AND I CAN PROVE IT.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER'S TAKING
ON POLITICIANS.
NOW LET'S SEE HOW WELL HE DOES
AGAINST A NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.
AND THIS IS ONE REPORTER
THAT CANNOT WAIT
FOR THIS DEBATE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THE PHONES HAVE BEEN RINGING
OFF HE HOOK.
THAT'S WHAT PHONES DO, SUSAN.
SO WHAT?
THIS LITTLE PROBLEM HERE
IS NOT GOING AWAY, MAX.
OF COURSE IT IS.
LIKE ALL CONTROVERSIES,
JUST LEAVE IT ALONE
LONG ENOUGH,
AND EVENTUALLY IT'S
YESTERDAY'S NEWS.
GLOBAL WARMING,
GLOBAL DEFORESTATION,
AND NOW SANTA CLAUS.
TRUST ME.
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.
YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
OF COURSE I AM.
BUT IF YOU'RE WRONG,
YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE
IGNORING THE CHALLENGE
PRESENTED
BY A HARMLESS LITTLE GIRL.
YOU'LL OPEN YOURSELF UP
TO CRITICISM
FROM ALL
YOUR OTHER CHALLENGERS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, MAX.
IF YOU WERE TO MEET
WITH THIS LITTLE GIRL
AND INDULGE HER
IN HER LITTLE FANTASY...
WIN HER OVER.
PRECISELY.
TURN THE LION INTO A FRIEND,
AND THE REST OF THE DEN
WILL FOLLOW IN LINE?
MM-HM.
PERFECT.
AND THEN SOON THEY'LL ALL
FORGET ABOUT SANTA CLAUS
AND HIS PITIFUL BAND
OF LITTLE ELVES.
YOU SAY THAT AS IF YOU
ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN HIM.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
SOMETIMES YOU SCARE ME, MAX.
HELLO?
HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
WHO? WHO?
SCHMUCKER.
HE'S COMING TO HOPE TOMORROW.
THAT'S WONDERFUL, MILEY.
YOU ROPED A BIG FISH.
OH, I HEAR YOUR DAD.
GO ON, GO ON.
OKAY.
DO YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE
THE KIDS HAVE BEEN SPENDING SO
MUCH TIME IN THE BARN LATELY?
I DON'T KNOW.
COULD BE WORSE.
AT LEAST THEY'RE HANGING ON THE RANCH.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT THEY'RE
GOING TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL,
DOING THEIR OWN THINGS.
FORGETTING WE EVEN EXIST.
THEY'RE GOING TO BE
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
JOE, I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MY DADDY COULDN'T SEE IT.
MY MOM WAS ALWAYS THERE
TO REASON WITH HIM.
SORRY, BABY.
WE GOTTA TELL THEM, JOE.
NO, YOU ARE.
OH, NO, I'M NEVER MAKING IT
TO THE BUS FIRST.
HI, MOM.
WHAT'S WRONG?
IS IT ABOUT SCHMUCKER?
BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY DOING
WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.
NO, SWEETIE.
IT'S NOT ABOUT SCHMUCKER.
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE SICK AGAIN.
AREN'T YOU, MOM?
NO.
YEAH, MOMMA'S SICK AGAIN.
NO, MOMMA, YOU CAN'T BE.
MILEY, SOMETIMES
WE JUST DON'T HAVE CONTROL
OVER THINGS LIKE THIS.
OKAY?
DOES THIS MEAN--
ARE YOU GONNA DIE?
DYING IS A PART OF LIVING.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO APPRECIATE
EVERY DAY WE HAVE WITH EACH OTHER.
IS THE CANCER BACK?
AND IT SPREAD.
NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE CANCER.
YOU CAN'T.
YOU CAN HAVE CHEMO.
YOU CAN BEAT IT. RIGHT, MOMMY?
MAYBE I CAN'T THIS TIME.
PLEASE, MOMMY. I LOVE YOU.
PLEASE DON'T DIE.
I'M SORRY.
NO.
I'M SORRY.
MILEY! MILEY!
SANTA, WHAT'S WRONG?
THE CHILDREN.
SOMETHING DREADFUL IS WRONG.
I NEED YOUR HELP, SANTA.
MY MOM, SHE'S SICK,
VERY SICK.
YOU NEED TO HELP HER.
MILEY, I--
PLEASE, SANTA, YOU HAVE TO.
PLEASE DON'T LET HER DIE.
I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T.
BUT YOU'RE SANTA CLAUS.
MILEY, EVEN IF I COULD,
MY POWERS
HAVE ALREADY LEFT ME.
I'M AFRAID MY TIME HERE
IS SHORT AS WELL.
NO, BECAUSE I BELIEVE.
YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING...
MILEY, STOP THIS.
LET ME GO!
JUST LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
THIS ISN'T ANYBODY'S FAULT.
THIS ISN'T SANTA'S FAULT.
THIS ISN'T EVEN SCHMUCKER'S FAULT.
MOM HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE
FOR US.
THIS TIME WE'VE GOT TO BE
THERE FOR HERE.
OH, DEAR ONES, I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR BED?
THERE YOU ARE.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES,
MOMMA?
I WANT TO.
I REALLY DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANT?
WHAT?
FOR YOU TO KNOW IN YOUR HEART,
THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
I WILL ALWAYS BE
WITH THE TWO OF YOU.
JUST LIKE SANTA?
YEAH, JUST LIKE SANTA.
NOW, YOU NEED TO GET
SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE YOU HAVE
A BIG DAY TOMORROW.
OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT, ZACH.
ZACH.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
* SILENT NIGHT *
* HOLY NIGHT *
* ALL IS CALM *
* ALL IS BRIGHT *
* ROUND YON VIRGIN
* MOTHER AND CHILD *
* HOLY INFANT
SO TENDER AND MILD *
* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE *
* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE *
ARE YOU READY?
I THINK SO.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO GREAT.
THANKS.
JUST SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.
YOU CAN'T GO WRONG.
OKAY.
WE WANT SANTA!
WE WANT SANTA!
WELCOME, SENATOR.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE HERE.
UH, MAX.
YES.
IF THINGS GO SOUTH,
JUST REMEMBER.
HM?
USE IT.
GOOD DAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
AND NOW I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE
TO WELCOME
THE ESTEEMED SENATOR
FROM OUR GREAT STATE OF ARIZONA,
THE GRAND CANYON STATE,
SENATOR MAX SCHMUCKER.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER
WILL ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS
BEFORE WE BEGIN.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER.
THANK YOU.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY
WE HAVE IN HOPE.
I LOOK FORWARD TO AN EQUALLY
BEAUTIFUL DEBATE WITH YOUNG MILEY.
FIRST I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS UP FRONT.
YEP.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER,
YOU'RE CURRENTLY KICKING OFF
WHAT MANY EXPECT TO BE A LENGTHY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.
WHY TAKE THE TIME
TO DO ALL OF THIS?
WHY? DEMOCRACY, FRIEND.
CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.
THEY DESERVE TO BE HEARD
EVEN WHEN THEIR IDEAS
ARE A LITTLE, SHALL WE SAY,
MISGUIDED.
SO YOU THINK MISS MILEY'S BELIEF IN SANTA CLAUS IS MISGUIDED?
I--
HEY, THERE SHE IS.
WHY DON'T WE ALLOW YOU
TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES.
YEAH, MILEY.
YEAH, MILEY.
OH, MILEY.
UH, THANKS.
KILL HER.
GOOD DAY, EVERYONE.
MY NAME IS ANDERSON HEMMER,
AND WELCOME
TO THE CITY OF HOPE DEBATE
BETWEEN ARIZONA
STATE SENATOR SCHMUCKER...
AND OUR VERY OWN MILEY LOGAN.
THANK YOU.
WE'RE ABOUT TO BEGIN.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER,
YOU WON THE COIN TOSS,
SO YOU MAY CHOOSE TO DEFER
OR BEGIN.
WELL, SINCE MILEY HAS
THE HOME-FIELD ADVANTAGE,
I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE
THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO FIRST
IF THAT'S OKAY WITH MILEY.
UH, SURE.
EXCELLENT.
FOLKS, I MUST ADMIT
I'M NOT JUST HERE
TO TALK ABOUT SANTA CLAUS.
I HAVE MUCH GREATER CONCERNS.
OUR CHILDREN.
GROWING UP AT A TIME WHEN
DISTRUST OF GOVERNMENT
IS NO LONGER
AN ACT OF REBELLION.
GROWING UP COMFORTABLE
WITH THE IDEA THAT ALL POLITICIANS ARE LIARS AND CROOKS
THIS COULD ONLY LEAD TO APATHY.
I CAME HERE TODAY
TO SHOW AT LEAST ONE CHILD
THAT THE GOVERNMENT
CARES DEEPLY
ABOUT THE TRUTH.
DEMOCRACY IS NOT MAKE BELIEVE.
FAR TOO MANY
HAVE GIVEN THEIR LIVES
FIGHTING FOR ITS VIRTUES
AND VALUES.
SANTA CLAUS...
IS MAKE BELIEVE.
WE DON'T NEED TO BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN OURSELVES.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN OUR COUNTRY.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN EACH OTHER.
THANK YOU, SENATOR.
MILEY, IT'S YOUR TURN.
I'M NOT HERE
TO TELL YOU WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S MAKE BELIEVE
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE
I EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
YOU KNOW,
WHAT IS MAKE BELIEVE?
LET'S SEE.
IS LOVE MAKE BELIEVE?
IS HAPPINESS MAKE BELIEVE?
IF SO, I GUESS
MR. SCHMUCKER'S RIGHT.
SANTA'S MAKE BELIEVE, TOO.
NO.
BUT IF LOVE AND HAPPINESS
ARE REAL,
THEN SANTA'S REAL, TOO
BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SANTA IS.
IT'S NOT WRONG TO BE HAPPY
JUST BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE
ARE SAD.
I AGREE A HUNDRED PERCENT
WITH THAT.
QUIET, PLEASE.
QUIET, PLEASE.
I KNOW THERE ARE SAD THINGS.
THERE'S A LOT
OF SAD, SAD THINGS.
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WE BELIEVE
IN THE SADNESS
MORE THAN WE BELIEVE
IN HAPPINESS.
LIKE WE THINK WE DESERVE TO BE SAD.
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I BELIEVE,
WHAT MY FAMILY
HAS TAUGHT ME TO BELIEVE,
FOR STAYING STRONG
IN THE SAD TIMES,
FOR BELIEVING EVEN WHEN THINGS
ARE AT THEIR WORST,
WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
WE DON'T JUST NEED SANTA.
WE DESERVE SANTA.
THAT IS VERY SWEET.
I APPLAUD YOU.
ISN'T SHE SWEET,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
LET'S GIVE HER ANOTHER HAND.
MILEY, MILEY.
YOU HAVE
A MOST UNIQUE IMAGINATION.
YOU TRULY BELIEVE
THERE'S A SANTA CLAUS,
A SANTA CLAUS
WITH A BAND OF MAGICAL
FLYING REINDEER.
OF COURSE I DO
BECAUSE HE IS REAL.
HE EXISTS BECAUSE
OF OUR BELIEF IN HIM,
AND WITHOUT IT--
WITHOUT IT, I GUESS
MR. SCHMUCKER'S RIGHT.
THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS
BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
WON'T LET THERE BE.
SO I ASK YOU ALL,
DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD
WHERE THERE'S NO SANTA CLAUSE
OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE
IN A WORLD
FULL OF MAGIC, LOVE, AND HOPE
BECAUSE THAT'S WHO SANTA IS
AND WHERE HE CAN BE FOUND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.
FOLKS, EXCUSE ME.
GAVE THE YOUNG LADY
THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK.
I ONLY ASK FOR THE SAME.
MILEY ISN'T LYING
WHEN SHE SAYS THAT SHE TRULY UNDERSTANDS GREAT SADNESS.
HER MOTHER RENAE IS SUFFERING
FROM TERMINAL CANCER.
DON'T. DON'T.
I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT MYSELF.
FIRST OF ALL,
I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER
TO PERSONALLY REIMBURSE
THE FAMILY
FOR ALL OF MRS. LOGAN'S
MEDICAL EXPENSES.
SECONDLY, MILEY,
I HAVE TO ASK,
WHILE YOU MOTHER IS FIGHTING
FOR HER LIFE,
YOU WANT TO WAIT FOR SANTA
TO CURE HER
OR DEPEND ON
THE TIRELESS EFFORTS
OF HER DOCTORS,
DOCTORS WHO WILL USE TREATMENTS
WROUGHT FROM DECADES
OF RESEARCH,
EXPERIMENTATION, AND EVIDENCE.
CAN YOU, MILEY,
OR ANYONE ELSE HERE,
OFFER ONE SINGLE SHRED
OF EVIDENCE
THAT SANTA CLAUS EXISTS, ANY?
ANYTHING.
NO.
NO, I CAN'T.
WELL, I GUESS THAT SORT OF SETTLES THINGS, THEN.
DOESN'T IT?
HEY. HEY, SCHMUCKER!
MILEY! MILEY!
COME HERE! LET GO OF ME.
STAND DOWN, PAPA BEAR.
I'M JUST GOING TO TALK TO HER.
BACK OFF!
RENAE.
I'M REALLY SORRY, SANTA.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MILEY.
WE HAD A GOOD RUN.
OH.
THIS MEANS YOU'RE LEAVING US.
DOESN'T IT, SANTA?
I MIGHT BE LEAVING.
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER.
WHAT?
I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU
IN YOUR HEART,
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL
TO YOU
AND TO ZACH
FOR BELIEVING IN ME
WHEN OTHERS DID NOT.
WELL, LOOKIE-LOOKIE,
WHO'S GOT THE COOKIE.
HELLO, MAX.
SANTA.
WAIT, YOU KNOW SANTA CLAUS?
WE'VE MET.
THEN WHY DID YOU SAY
HE DIDN'T EXIST?
WHY?
THIS IS WHY.
WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THIS
TO A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY?
WHY?
I'VE WONDERED MY WHOLE LIFE.
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?
LOOK AT IT.
BLACK PIECE OF ROCK.
MY DEFINING MOMENT,
EVERYTHING WAS BECAUSE OF THIS,
WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
FOR YOURSELF?
YOU HAD SO MUCH, MAX.
YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL HOME,
YOU HAD A BOUNTIFUL TABLE
AND EVERY TOY THAT ANY CHILD
COULD EVER WISH FOR,
EVERYTHING THAT MONEY COULD BY,
BUT YOU REALLY ONLY NEEDED
ONE THING.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT IS THAT?
LOVE.
LOVE, MAX.
THAT-- THAT'S ABSOLUTELY--
OH, IT'S ABSOLUTELY
THE TRUTH.
AND IT IS NO FAULT OF YOURS.
YOUR PARENTS THOUGHT
ALL THOSE TOYS AND THINGS
WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY,
BUT REALLY ALL
ANY OF US NEEDS...
IS LOVE.
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...
I WANTED YOU TO LOOK INSIDE,
MAX.
NOT AT ALL THE TOYS AND THINGS
THAT YOU HAD ON THE OUTSIDE,
BUT AT THE LOVE
THAT YOU WANTED
AND NEEDED
ON THE INSIDE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
SAY NOTHING.
LOVE IS SILENT.
LOVE IS STRONG.
LOVE IS ETERNAL.
AND YOU CAN KEEP THAT
IN YOUR HEART
FROM NOW ON.
EXCUSE ME.
SOMETHING I GOT TO DO.
SENATOR SCHMUCKER IS HERE,
AND HE WILL ADDRESS THE CROWD.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
WHAT?
I--
I'M SORRY.
THE SHOW IS OVER, FOLKS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WANT OFF THE RIDE.
IT'S OVER.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.
SIR-- TECHNICAL ISSUE.
OH!
YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING,
SENATOR.
YES.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THAT I'VE--
I'VE SEEN THE TRUTH.
WE NEED TO BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS.
THANKS TO THIS HARD-WORKING,
HONEST FAMILY
I'VE LEARNED
SOME LESSONS TODAY
THAT I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED
A LONG TIME AGO.
I WON'T TAKE UP ANY MORE
OF YOUR GOOD PEOPLE'S TIME.
I KNOW YOU HAVE FAMILIES
TO GET HOME TO.
I JUST WANT TO LEAVE YOU
WITH ONE LAST THOUGHT.
AS CHRISTMAS APPROACHES,
LET US ALL EVERYONE
LOOK INSIDE,
DEEP INTO OUR HEARTS,
AND EMBRACE
THE MOST MAGICAL GIFT...
LOVE.
MS. SATCHER, MS.
SATCHER, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?
CARE TO COMMENT? PLEASE.
NO QUESTIONS.
NO QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
OH, THANK YOU.
ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
THIS HAS BEEN
A VERY SPECIAL TIME FOR US.
OH, DEAR ONE.
I LOVE YOU.
OH, MILEY.
I LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE TO GO NOW.
OKAY?
OH.
THAT A TEAR, I SEE, ELLIOT?
NO. S-SOME HAY IN MY EYE.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!
HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!
SHH.
ZACH.
WHAT IS IT?
SHH.
OH, BOY.
UH, UH, UH...
WHAT JUST...
HAPPENED?
I BROKE A RULE.
IT'S GONE.
THE MAGIC.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
THAT'S THE PRICE.
I'M MORTAL NOW.
I'M-- I'M NO LONGER SANTA CLAUS.
THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.
ELLIOT.
THE WORLD JUST STARTED
BELIEVING IN SANTA.
YOU CAN'T BE GONE.
THE WORLD HASN'T LOST
SANTA CLAUS, ELLIOT.
YOU CAN'T BE SANTA
WITHOUT YOUR MAGIC.
NOT ME, MY FRIEND.
YOU.
YOU'RE THE HEAD HONCHO NOW.
I I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE
MORE FIT FOR THE JOB.
I CAN'T BE YOU, SANTA.
OH, OF COURSE YOU CAN.
YOU KNOW THE RULES BY HEART.
YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN NAUGHTY AND NICE
BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.
AND, MY FRIEND,
YOU HAVE THE LARGEST HEART
I HAVE EVER KNOWN.
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE
A WONDERFUL SANTA CLAUS.
JUST PROMISE ME ONE THING.
ANYTHING.
CUT THE KIDS SOME SLACK
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
WE ALL BREAK A RULE
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
I PROMISE, SANTA.
OH, CALL ME NICK.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU, SWEETIE.
ZACH, ZACH,
THE SNOW MAN ANGEL.
ALL RIGHT, MILEY,
IT'S THE LAST PRESENT,
SO OPEN IT SLOW.
OKAY.
OR NOT.
PINK COWBOY BOOTS!
IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!
MOMMY KNEW THAT.
THANK YOU.
YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT.
DIDN'T YOU?
WE GOT THOSE SPECIAL.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH, AAH, AAH, AAH.
OKAY, WHO WANTS PANCAKES?
WHO WANTS PANCAKES?
NICK'S BEEN SLAVING AWAY.
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
DID YOU?
NO, DID YOU?
NO.
YES, YOU DID.
WELL, OPEN IT.
WHAT IS THAT?
"SOME RULES ARE MADE
TO BE BROKEN."
WELL?
I THINK...
NICK.
YEAH.
NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
NOW YOU SEE IT.
NOW YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE STILL MAGICAL TO ME,
NICK.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
* DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* TIS THE SEASON *
* TIS THE SEASON *
* TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL *
* FA LA LA, LA LA LA,
LA LA LA *
HO, HO, HO,
YOU KIDS LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
WELL...
WHAT IS IT?
WELL-- I'M SORRY.
WHERE DO YOU WANT
THE SOUND EQUIPMENT?
I DON'T KNOW, COFFEE.
WHAT IS IT?
SOUND EQUIPMENT.
SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
MY FRIEND.
RULE NUMBER THREE.
SAY IT AGAIN.
RULE NUMBER THREE.
WE MUST NEVER INTER--
LOVE!
ARE YOU-- ARE YOU HIDING
A CARROT IN YOUR POCKET?
BAM!
BAM!
I JUST-- AW, MAN.
GET YOUR--
I'M TRYING
THIS IS OUR PLAN.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA--
HEY, MR. J?
YES.
WOULD YOU SING US
A CHRISTMAS CAROL?
* WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS *
* WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS *
* WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS *
* AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR *
I'M TAKING YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW
TO SECURITY.
HEY!
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
HEY, MR. TRACE,
WOULD YOU SING US
A CHRISTMAS SONG?
* YOU BETTER WATCH OUT *
* YOU BETTER NOT CRY *
* BETTER NOT POUT,
I'M TELLING YOU WHY *
HE'S COMING TO TOWN.
CUT!
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS
COMES IN THE NIGHT.
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS,
TAKES A BIG BITE.
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS,
PUTS YOU IN A SACK.
KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS,
MAKE YOU A SNACK.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO...
* FA LA LA, LA LA LA,
LA LA LA *
* HEEDLESS
OF THE WIND AND WEATHER *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* FA LA LA LA LA *
* LA LA LA LA *
* WHOA, YEAH *