A Carol Christmas (2003) Movie Script

[ROCK INSTRUMENTAL

OF DECK THE HALLS PLAYING]

BIG SHOW TODAY.

YOU BETCHA, BUDDY.

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK

A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS.

OH, LET ME HELP YOU

WITH THAT, BILLY.

THANKS, JIMMY.

GOD REST YE,

MERRY GENTLEMEN.

MORNING.

HI.

I'M GONNA PUT ON 5 POUNDS

LOOKING AT THIS TABLE.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

WE NEED CAROL.

I HAVE TO GO

TALK TO HAL.

THEN I'LL GET HER.

WISH ME LUCK.

Man: YOU HAVE TO STOP BLAMING THE

REST OF THE WORLD FOR YOUR MISTAKES.

IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU TOOK

RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE

AND LOOKED FOR A WAY

TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.

YEAH, THAT OUGHT

TO SHUT HER UP!

Man on TV: LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS,

YOU MAKE LEMONADE.

YOU DON'T WHINE AND MOAN

ABOUT GETTING LEMONS.

YOU'VE GOT

TO STOP CRYING.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP FEELING

SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

AND REMEMBER

THAT IF YOU DON'T

TAKE CONTROL

OF YOUR LIFE,

NOBODY ELSE IS GOING

TO DO IT FOR YOU.

FEELING SORRY

FOR YOURSELF

NEVER SOLVED

ANY PROBLEMS.

LIFE PRESENTS US

WITH LOTS OF CHOICES.

ALONG THE WAY, WE GET

TO MAKE SOME GOOD CHOICES

AND SOME REALLY AWFUL ONES.

REMEMBER, THE MAN UPSTAIRS

IS KEEPING TRACK.

AND SO WE'VE GOT TO BE SURE

THAT THE GOOD CHOICES

OUTWEIGH THE BAD CHOICES,

OR...YOU WON'T BE HAPPY

WITH WHAT HE'S GOT IN STORE

FOR YOUR THE FUTURE.

I'M DR. BOB,

AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HE IS SO FULL OF IT.

I SHOULD INCORPORATE SOME OF

THAT DOUBLE-TALK INTO MY SHOW.

SEEMS LIKE A LOT

OF CLICHES TO ME.

YEAH. WELL,

THOSE CLICHES HAVE MADE HIM MILLIONS.

YOU SHOULD

BE SO LUCKY.

HOW ABOUT

THE CAMERA OPERATORS?

WHAT'D I GET THEM

LAST YEAR?

UH, SOAP.

OBVIOUSLY

THEY'VE GONE THROUGH IT.

HAVE YOU STOOD NEXT

TO ONE OF THEM LATELY?

SOUND CREW?

SOAP.

UH, MAKEUP.

NOW, THEY DO

MAKE ME LOOK GOOD,

SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET THEM

SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT NICER.

NAH. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

IT'S NOT THAT HARD. SOAP.

HOW ABOUT

THE OFFICE STAFF?

GOD, ROBERTA...

AREN'T YOU SENSING

A TREND HERE?

[SIGHS]

YOU'RE MY ASSISTANT.

ASSIST ME AND FINISH

THE LIST YOURSELF.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

"THE MAYOR HAS ANNOUNCED

THAT THIS YEAR'S

"GOOD GUY

OF THE YEAR AWARD

"IS BEING PRESENTED

TO JOHN JOYCE.

"JOYCE FOUNDED THE CENTRAL

VALLEY FOOD PANTRY

AND MEALS ON WHEELS

PROGRAM."

DID I TELL YOU

I USED TO DATE THIS GUY?

YEAH, YOU'VE MENTIONED IT

A FEW TIMES.

I'M SURE HE TALKS A LOT MORE

ABOUT ME THAN I TALK ABOUT HIM.

I HAVE A FEELING HE NEVER

REALLY GOT OVER OUR BREAKUP.

WHY HE'D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH

SMELLY OLD HOMELESS PEOPLE THAN ME,

I'LL NEVER KNOW.

WHATEVER.

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME

LADLING SOUP

TO SOME GUY THAT LIVES

OUT OF A SHOPPING CART?

NOT REALLY.

SPEAKING OF SHOPPING,

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

GO SHOP.

UM, WELL, I'M JUST GONNA GO

PICK UP LILY FROM THE SITTER,

AND I'LL GET

RIGHT ON IT.

LILY THIS, LILY THAT.

REMEMBER WHO PAYS

YOUR SALARY, MS. TIMMONS--

ME OR THAT 10-YEAR-OLD

DAUGHTER OF YOURS?

CAROL, WE NEED YOU

OUT ON SET

TO GO OVER

A COUPLE OF THINGS.

WE GO LIVE AT 3:00.

LOOK,

IT WASN'T MY IDEA

TO DO A LIVE

CHRISTMAS EVE SHOW.

IT WAS HAL'S.

IN FACT, I HATE THAT IDEA.

SO GO OUT THERE AND TELL THAT

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF OURS

I'LL BE OUT

WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY.

OK. GOT IT.

UH, AT THE END

OF THE SHOW,

WE'RE GONNA BRING OUT

A GROUP OF FOSTER KIDS

AND GIVE THEM A CHRISTMAS

LIKE THEY'VE NEVER HAD.

WE GOT BIKES,

TOYS, VIDEO GAMES,

ALL SORTS OF STUFF.

DON'T THOSE MARINES

OR FIREMEN

COLLECT TOYS

FOR THOSE KIDS?

WHY ARE WE

SPENDING THE MONEY?

IT'S CHRISTMAS.

OH, BAH, HUMBUG.

NO ONE EVER DID

ANYTHING LIKE THAT FOR ME

WHEN I WAS A KID.

JIMMY!

WHEN I GET OUT ON SET,

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ONE TOY.

YOU GOT THAT?

GOT IT.

[SIGHS]

ALWAYS KEEP THEM WAITING.

THAT'S WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME,

AUNT MARLA.

YOU GOTTA SHOW 'EM

WHO'S BOSS.

ONLY WAY

THEY'LL RESPECT YOU.

WHY MORGAN MADDOX?

SHE DOESN'T EXACTLY SCREAM CHRISTMAS,

DOES SHE?

MORGAN'S A GOOD GUEST

FOR THE HOLIDAY SHOW.

SHE ALWAYS

HAS GREAT STORIES

ABOUT THE CHARITIES

SHE WORKS WITH.

'TIS THE SEASON.

FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS,

SHE'S HELPED

SERVE CHRISTMAS MEALS

AT A SHELTER.

YEAH.

WELL, SHE'S HAD A LOT OF

FREE TIME ON HER HANDS

EVER SINCE MY SHOW,

THE TILLYS OF BEL AIR

KNOCKED HER PATHETIC SHOW

OFF THE SCHEDULE.

NOW, THAT'S

A GOOD STORY.

CAROL...

WE ALSO HAVE A, UM,

SPECIAL GUEST.

WHAT KIND

OF "SPECIAL GUEST"?

SOMEONE HAL BOOKED.

[SCOFFS]

THE WORLD'S

LARGEST SANTA CLAUS.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HE'S IMMENSE.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

EVERYBODY LOVES

JOLLY OLD ST. NICK.

YOU DON'T GET

ANY JOLLIER THAN THAT.

LOOK AT HIM.

HE'S GOT NO LAP, HAL.

WHERE ARE THE KIDS

SUPPOSED TO SIT?

HO HO HO HO.

THAT'S GOOD.

USE THAT

WHEN YOU INTERVIEW HIM.

NO. I'M NOT

INTERVIEWING HIM.

WELL, I'M THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER

OF THE SHOW, AND I SAY YOU ARE.

HE'S A JOKE!

YEAH, YEAH--

A JOKE THAT EVERYBODY'S

GONNA TALK ABOUT.

LOOK, IF MARLA

WAS STILL AROUND,

YOU WOULDN'T BE

GETTING AWAY WITH THIS!

IF MARLA WAS STILL AROUND,

THERE'D BE 2 OF THEM.

FINE. LIKE ANYONE'S

GONNA BELIEVE

ONLY 8 REINDEER COULD

PULL THAT GUY AROUND.

ANOTHER GOOD ONE.

IS ANYONE WRITING

THIS STUFF DOWN?

SIS.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

DON'T WORRY.

NOW, SANTA,

WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO HERE WITH YOU TODAY,

IS WE'RE GONNA

HAVE A NICE...

CAN YOU BELIEVE THEM?

THEY WANT ME TO SIT ONSTAGE

WITH SOME FAT SANTA.

OHH! UHH!

YOU KNOW,

IT WOULD BE A SHAME

TO HAVE TO GO HOME

AND TELL YOUR FAMILY

THAT YOU LOST YOUR JOB ON CHRISTMAS EVE,

WOULDN'T IT?

PICK ALL THIS UP. NOW.

COME ON.

I FIGURED YOU'D SHOW UP.

YOU ALWAYS DO

AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.

WHAT'D YOU GET

YOUR LITTLE SISTER?

ACTUALLY, THOSE ARE

FROM LINDSEY AND TYLER

FOR THEIR AUNT CAROL.

WHAT IS THIS?

A ROCK.

IT'S NOT JUST A ROCK.

IT'S A PAPERWEIGHT.

TYLER MADE IT IN PRESCHOOL

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.

LOOK, "MERRY CHRISTMAS

TO AUNT CAROL."

OK, WHAT ELSE?

OH, A ROCK HOLDER.

NO, IT'S A JEWELRY BOX.

LINDSEY WROTE "AUNT CAROL'S JEWELRY BOX"

ALL BY HERSELF.

AND, LOOK, SHE EVEN

LINED IT IN FELT.

WOW.

THEY MADE THOSE.

WELL...

I GUESS IT'S THE THOUGHT

THAT COUNTS, ISN'T IT?

DO TELL THEM THANK YOU.

[RINGING]

HI.

CHRISTMAS EVE, HONEY.

WON'T BE LONG

UNTIL SANTA'S HERE.

WHEN DOES YOUR

CHRISTMAS START?

SOON. I JUST HAVE A LITTLE

MORE WORK TO DO FOR CAROL.

HOW COME YOU SPEND MORE

TIME DOING THINGS FOR CAROL

THAN YOU DO WITH ME?

IT'S MY JOB,

SWEETHEART.

[SIGHS]

I ALSO CAME BY

TO INVITE YOU

TO CHRISTMAS EVE

DINNER TONIGHT.

THANKS.

I DON'T THINK SO.

CAROL, I MEAN,

THIS IS THE SAME THING EVERY YEAR.

I INVITE YOU.

YOU DON'T COME.

COME ON. THE KIDS WOULD

REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU.

SORRY. BUSY.

CAROL, MOM AND DAD

AREN'T WITH US ANYMORE.

WE'RE THE ONLY FAMILY

WE HAVE LEFT,

AND CHRISTMAS IS

A TIME FOR FAMILIES.

YOU HAVE OWN FAMILY NOW,

AND I LOST MINE

A LONG TIME AGO.

I REALLY WISH YOU

WOULDN'T BE THIS WAY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HONEY.

YEAH. WHATEVER.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

WHY DON'T WE GO

GET SOME ICE CREAM

BEFORE WE HEAD BACK

TO THE STUDIO?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

AY-YI-YI.

HELLO?

YOU'RE NOT BACK.

I'M ALMOST FINISHED.

Carol: FINE.

BEFORE YOU GET BACK,

CAN YOU PICK UP A COUPLE OF

PRESENTS FOR MY NIECE AND NEPHEW?

NO PROBLEM.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO GET THEM?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

YOU'RE THE ONE WITH A KID.

GET SOMETHING

A KID WOULD LIKE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

AND DON'T SPEND

MORE THAN 20 BUCKS EACH.

GOT IT?

GOT IT.

MAKE IT QUICK.

I NEED YOU HERE.

[BEEPS]

NO ICE CREAM, HUH?

NOT TODAY.

BUT I PROMISE I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU,

OK?

IN THE MEANTIME,

I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL

ASSIGNMENT

THAT I DON'T THINK

I CAN DO WITHOUT YOU.

SURE. WHAT DO YOU

NEED ME TO DO?

HELP ME PICK OUT

SOME AWESOME TOYS

FOR CAROL'S

NIECE AND NEPHEW?

OK. HOW MUCH?

20 BUCKS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW AWESOME

THEY'LL BE FOR 20 BUCKS,

BUT WE'LL TRY OUR BEST.

NO. NO.

DISGUSTING.

NASTY.

NEVER. UHH!

ARE THESE ALL MY CHOICES?

JIMMY--

HOW ABOUT THESE?

I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!

THIS IS IT?

I THOUGHT

THEY WERE NICE.

NICE?

NICE IS FOR HOUSEWIVES

AND GRADE-SCHOOL TEACHERS.

I WANT TO LOOK FABULOUS.

WELL, FABULOUS

WILL HAVE TO WAIT

FOR THE NEW YEAR'S SHOW.

FINE.

WHICH ONE

DO YOU LIKE?

WELL, THE RED ONE

WITH THE SNOWMAN.

IT JUST SAYS

CHRISTMAS.

I'LL WEAR THE GREEN.

I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD

IN THAT ONE.

GO. GO.

HOW LONG TILL THE SHOW?

WELL, WE HAVE LUNCH,

TECHNICAL RUN-THROUGH,

AND THEN THE AUDIENCE IN

A LITTLE OVER 3 HOURS.

FINE.

I'M GOING TO LIE DOWN,

AND DON'T DISTURB ME

UNTIL IT'S TIME.

OH! SORRY!

YOU AGAIN.

IF I SEE YOU

ONE MORE TIME TODAY,

YOU'RE FIRED!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

CAROL, HE UNDERSTANDS YOU

PERFECTLY.

DON'T YOU?

THERE'S NO PROBLEM HERE.

Crew member:

SORRY, JIMMY.

YOU CAN'T

LET HER FIRE ME.

WHAT ARE YOU

ALL LOOKING AT?

GET BACK TO WORK,

UNLESS YOU WANT

TO JOIN THIS KLUTZ

ON THE SOON-TO-BE

UNEMPLOYED LINE.

THAT'S A LOT

OF COOKIES.

TAKE IT FROM AN EXPERT,

THE TREES ARE MUCH BETTER

THAN THE CANDY CANES.

[GIGGLES]

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE VERY

HAPPY WITH THAT CHOICE.

I ALREADY AM.

HEY.

Roberta: HI.

HOW'S IT GOING?

OK, I GUESS.

CHRISTMAS WITH CAROL

IS NOT THE MOST

WONDERFUL TIME OF YEAR.

WELL, WORKING FOR CAROL,

THERE IS NO MOST WONDERFUL

TIME OF THE YEAR.

NO, I'LL GET INTO

THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT

ONCE I'M DONE

WITH HER

AND I CAN

FOCUS ON LILY.

WELL, WE'RE STILL GOING

TO THE CHRISTMAS TREE LOT

AFTER THE SHOW, RIGHT?

I CAN'T WAIT.

I'M GONNA GET YOU GUYS

THE BIGGEST TREE

THEY HAVE LEFT.

I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL

YOU DO FOR US, JIMMY,

BUT LILY AND I ARE GONNA

BUY A TREE WE CAN AFFORD.

I'LL LET YOU BUY

YOUR OWN TREE.

BUT I CAN STILL GET

YOU GUYS A PRESENT

TO PUT UNDER THE TREE,

RIGHT?

WELL...

LET HIM, MOM.

I HAVE TO GET

BACK TO CAROL.

MOM, I WANT TO COME!

Jimmy: HEY, LILY.

MAYBE WE

SHOULD STAY HERE

AND SEE IF WE CAN'T

DO SOME MORE DAMAGE

TO THIS

COOKIE PLATE.

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

YOU GONNA SHARE

THIS WITH ME?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

ARE YOU ALONE?

YES, MA'AM.

Carol: GOOD.

I DIDN'T REALIZE

IT WAS BRING

THE TINY TIMMONS

TO WORK DAY.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T THINK

IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM,

IT BEING THE CHRISTMAS SHOW

AND ALL.

WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG.

LOOK, IT'S NOT

THAT I HATE KIDS.

WELL, NOT EXACTLY

FOND OF THEM.

BUT HER BEING HERE

KEEPS YOU FROM GIVING ME

YOUR UNDIVIDED

ATTENTION.

THAT'S

NOT ACCEPTABLE, OK?

I'M SORRY.

APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

HERE'S YOUR TEA,

AND I'LL JUST WRAP UP

THESE GIFTS,

AND I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

I WANT TO REST NOW.

BUT IF I DON'T

WRAP THE PRESENTS,

YOU WON'T HAVE ANYTHING

TO HAND OUT AFTER THE SHOW.

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

WAITED TILL THE LAST MINUTE.

BUT WE JUST FINISHED

THE LISTS--

YOU CAN WRAP THEM

AFTER THE SHOW

AND DELIVER THEM

LATER ON.

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE

SPENDING IT WITH LILY.

YOU WILL...

DELIVERING GIFTS.

YOU'RE THE BOSS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW,

I WANT TO GET A NAP IN BEFORE THE SHOW.

DON'T WAKE ME

TILL 3:00.

OK.

P.A.: ELECTRIC, LINE 2.

PLEASE PICK UP.

SOMEBODY FROM ELECTRIC,

PICK UP LINE 2.

[SIGHS]

IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD,

YOU HAVE TO HOLD

THEIR HAND EVERY MINUTE.

[WIND HOWLING]

FIRE! FIRE!

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE WAKE ME?

I'M ONLY THE STAR

OF THE FRIGGIN' SHOW!

Woman, echoing:

CAROL CARTMAN.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE

YOUR FAVORITE AUNT?

WHAT?

[CHAINS RATTLING]

WHOA.

AUNT MARLA?

IS THAT YOU?

THE ONE AND ONLY.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

SORRY. I DIDN'T

RECOGNIZE YOU.

THANKS.

WELL, YOU DO LOOK

KIND OF PALE.

I'M DEAD.

YOU'D LOOK PALE, TOO.

WHEEEEE!

I'M HERE

TO HELP YOU, LOVEY.

EXCUSE ME?

NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY.

I'M DOOMED TO WANDER

THE EARTH LIKE THIS

BECAUSE OF

ALL THE ILL WILL

I SPREAD

WHEN I WAS ALIVE.

ILL WILL?

MY MISTREATMENT OF OTHERS.

I'M HERE TO WARN YOU,

CAROL CARTMAN

AND TO SPARE YOU

A SIMILAR FATE.

YOU TAUGHT ME

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS.

HELLO! AM I NOT

MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?

[ECHOING]

I WAS WRONG!

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I PUSHED YOU AND PUSHED

YOU AND PUSHED YOU

AND PUSHED YOU

AND TURNED YOU INTO--

WELL, ME.

YOU MADE ME A STAR.

I HAD ANOTHER WORD IN MIND,

BUT IT RHYMES WITH "RICH."

[GASPS]

LOOK, SURE,

WE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES.

I MEAN THE MONEY,

THE HOUSES,

THE EXTRAVAGANT

LIFESTYLE.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND

SO HORRIBLE.

THE ONLY THING

HORRIBLE ABOUT IT

WAS HOW WE DID IT.

WE DID IT AT THE EXPENSE

OF FRIENDS, OF FAMILY,

OF LOVE.

WELL, IT'S TOO LATE

FOR ME, CAROL,

BUT IT'S NOT

TOO LATE FOR YOU.

YOU STILL HAVE TIME

TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS,

TO SAVE YOURSELF,

TO REDEEM YOUR LIFE.

BE NICE.

WHAT?

[SCOFFS]

NO, THIS--

THIS GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING

THAT YOU TAUGHT ME.

I KNOW.

EVERYTHING I DID

FOR YOU WAS WRONG,

WHICH IS WHY

I'M HERE TO WARN YOU.

YOU'RE BEING GIVEN

A GIFT, CAROL.

YOU WILL BE VISITED

BY 3 SPIRITS.

THE FIRST,

AT THE STROKE OF 12:00.

[ECHOING]

THE STROKE OF 12:00!

12.

Marla: 12.

HEED MY WARNING.

[ECHOING]

HEED MY WARNING.

Marla: HEED MY WARNING.

HEED MY WARNING.

HEED MY...

SO THEN SHE SAID

SHE NEEDED 3 MORE.

QUICK!

Crew member: OW!

P.A.: JIMMY

TO CRAFT SERVICE, PLEASE.

JIMMY TO CRAFT SERVICE.

P.A.: ART DEPARTMENT,

DELIVERY AT THE OFFICE.

ART DEPARTMENT, YOU HAVE

A DELIVERY AT THE OFFICE.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

WHAT DID ROBERTA

PUT IN THAT TEA?

TOO WEIRD.

OH, TOO WEIRD.

[WIND HOWLING]

[RADIO PLAYING JINGLE BELLS

INSTRUMENTAL]

I ALWAYS LOVED THAT SONG.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M THE GHOST

OF CHRISTMAS PAST.

DIDN'T AUNT MARLA

TELL YOU I WAS COMING?

NO, NO, NO, NO.

I RECOGNIZE YOU.

YOU'RE THE GUY THAT USED

TO HAVE THAT TV SHOW

WHEN YOU WERE A KID.

LITTLE PETE.

YEAH. I USED TO

WATCH THAT SHOW.

YOU'RE A FAN?

I SAID I WATCHED IT.

I DIDN'T SAY I LIKED IT.

HOW LONG DID THAT

TILLYS SHOW OF YOURS RUN?

5 YEARS.

MINE RAN FOR 7 YEARS,

SO DROP THE ATTITUDE.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

I GREW UP.

WELL-- HEH.

I GREW OLDER.

THERE'S NOT MUCH WORK

FOR A MIDDLE-AGED ACTOR

WHOSE EVEN TOO SMALL

TO BE A JOCKEY.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

WE'RE HERE

TO TALK ABOUT YOU.

THAT'S OK.

NOT NECESSARY.

I SAID THE SAME THING,

BUT I GOT OVERRULED.

IT WAS A CLOSE VOTE,

THOUGH.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS

YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN

A GREAT GIFT,

MS. CARTMAN.

LOOK, I'M A LITTLE BUSY,

SO...

[THUNDER]

[BOOMING VOICE] TOO BUSY TO SAVE

YOUR SOUL FROM ETERNAL DAMNATION?!

OK, YEAH.

MAYBE I CAN GIVE YOU A COUPLE MINUTES.

THAT THUNDER THING

ALWAYS WORKS.

TAKE MY HAND,

CAROL CARTMAN.

WHY?

IN ORDER

TO ALTER YOUR FUTURE,

WE MUST GO BACK

TO YOUR PAST.

PLEASE TAKE MY HAND.

COME. COME ON.

COME ON...

LEFT...

RIGHT...

THAT'S IT.

WE HAVE A LOT

OF WORK TO DO.

[RECORD PLAYER PLAYING HARK!

THE HERALD ANGELS SING INSTRUMENTAL]

OH, MY GOD!

Carol:

THAT'S GRANNY GRESHWALK.

THAT'S MY

THIRD-GRADE TEACHER!

HI, MRS. GRESHWALK.

Christmas past:

OH, SHE CAN'T HEAR YOU.

WE'RE JUST SPIRITS VISITING

THE SHADOWS OF YOUR PAST.

IT'S ME.

[DOOR OPENS]

SORRY I'M LATE!

LOVEY...

WOULD YOU COME HERE

FOR A MINUTE?

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING?

MYRRH?!

OUTRAGEOUS.

THE LEAST THAT OLD BAG

COULD'VE DONE

WAS GIVE YOU THE GOLD.

MYRRH.

THIS IS AN INSULT

I WILL NOT STAND FOR.

I'D LIKE A MOMENT

OF YOUR TIME.

Marla: UGH, I CAN'T

BELIEVE THIS.

Christmas past: QUITE A CHARACTER,

THAT AUNT MARLA.

SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE

WHO BELIEVED IN ME.

WITH HER AS AN EXAMPLE,

I CAN SEE WHY

WE'RE HERE TODAY.

WHAT IS THAT

SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

JUST WATCH.

Marla: I WILL CONTINUE

TO FUND THE SCHOOL.

ALL RIGHT?

IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?

Carol: WHAT IS

SHE SO SAD ABOUT?

I WAS TWICE THE VIRGIN MARY

SHE COULD HAVE BEEN.

YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT THAT LITTLE

GIRL'S MOTHER DIED THE YEAR BEFORE.

MS. GRESHWALK WAS JUST TRYING

TO GIVE HER A PROMINENT ROLE

TO RAISE HER SPIRITS

A LITTLE.

OH.

GOOD NEWS, SWEETIE.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE

THE VIRGIN MARY.

BUT, AUNT MARLA,

THERESA'S SUPPOSED

TO BE THE VIRGIN MARY,

AND...

SHE'S CRYING.

OH, DON'T WORRY

ABOUT THAT.

BETTER SHE LEARNS ABOUT

DISAPPOINTMENT EARLY IN LIFE.

BUT I DON'T EVEN

KNOW THE PART.

SO, WE'LL WORK ON IT

AFTER SCHOOL TODAY

FOR AS LONG

AS IT TAKES.

BUT THERE'S A CHRISTMAS

PARTY AFTER SCHOOL.

YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME

FOR OTHER PARTIES, KIDDO.

YOU DO WHAT I SAY,

AND YOUR WHOLE LIFE

WILL BE A PARTY.

I DON'T KNOW.

LISTEN TO ME.

I DIDN'T WANT

TO TELL YOU THIS,

BUT YOUR MOTHER

AND FATHER TOLD ME

THAT IF YOU DIDN'T

GET THE LEAD

IN THE SCHOOL PLAY

THIS TIME,

THAT THEY WERE NOT

GOING TO ALLOW YOU

TO CONTINUE

YOUR ACTING LESSONS.

MOMMY AND DADDY

WOULDN'T DO THAT.

OH, YES, THEY WOULD.

NOW,

THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU THE WAY I DO.

THEY THINK IT'S A WASTE

OF TIME AND MONEY

TO ALLOW YOU TO

PURSUE YOUR DREAMS.

THEY DO?

NOW, YOU ARE GOING TO BE

THE BEST VIRGIN MARY,

AND YOU ARE GOING TO GO UP

THERE AND PROVE TO EVERYONE

JUST HOW SPECIAL

YOU REALLY ARE.

OK? GO. SKEDADDLE.

SO, YOU WERE THE BIG HIT

THE NIGHT OF THE PLAY.

I WAS GREAT.

GOT A STANDING

OVATION.

YOU LIKED THAT.

LIKED IT?

I LOVED IT.

Carol: BUT THE OTHER KIDS

DIDN'T LIKE WHAT HAPPENED.

WELL, I'M SURE

YOU MUST'VE MADE

YOUR PARENTS

VERY PROUD.

[SCOFFS]

THEY DIDN'T COME.

THEY WERE WORKING.

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THEY

WERE BUSY PROVIDING YOU

WITH THE MEANS

TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS.

LOOK, AUNT MARLA

WAS THE ONLY ONE

WHO WAS ALWAYS

THERE FOR ME.

AND SHE WAS RIGHT TO

FORCE MRS. GRESHWALK

TO MAKE ME

THE VIRGIN MARY.

IF IT WAS UP

TO MY PARENTS,

I WOULD'VE BEEN

THAT LOUSY MYRRH GUY.

THEY WERE NEVER THERE

FOR ME THE WAY SHE WAS.

LOOK,

THEY WERE ONLY TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,

TO HELP YOU SUCCEED.

YOU KNOW, THEY SACRIFICED

A LOT TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

YEAH. LIKE WHAT?

WELL, LIKE LETTING THE

DAUGHTER THEY LOVED DEARLY

GO OFF AND SPEND

MORE TIME WITH HER AUNT

THAN WITH THEM.

THAT SOUNDS

PRETTY UNSELFISH TO ME.

SO, DO YOU REMEMBER

THIS PLACE?

HOW COULD

I FORGET IT?

THE KNOLLWOOD

COMMUNITY PLAYHOUSE.

IT'S WHERE I HAD MY FIRST

PROFESSIONAL ACTING JOB.

Carol: IT WAS ALL PART

OF AUNT MARLA'S PLAN.

SHE'D GET ME IN SMALL

THEATERS WITH BIG PARTS,

AND THEN SHE'D

GET ME NOTICED.

AH.

I SEE ONE THING

SHE HADN'T PLANNED ON.

Carol, whispering: So, then I'll wait

for him to cross me, yeah.

That feels better.

I think so.

I think--

THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I

LAID EYES ON JOHN JOYCE.

HE CAME TO PICK UP

SOME OLD COSTUMES

THE THEATER WAS DONATING

TO THE HOMELESS SHELTER

HE WORKED AT.

MY FRIEND BRIDGET

KNEW HIM

FROM THE SHELTER.

SHE INTRODUCED US.

LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO

REALLY HIT IT OFF.

YOU THINK?

HE ASKED ME OUT

THAT DAY.

[SIGHS]

AND A LOT OF DAYS

AFTER THAT.

[SONG BEGINS]

♪ WHAT'S THE SENSE

IN HOLDING ON? ♪

♪ WHEN I CAN LET GO,

I CAN LET GO ♪

♪ WHAT'S THE USE

IN GOING OUT ♪

♪ WHEN IT'S NOTHING

BUT SNOW, JUST SNOW? ♪

♪ EVERYONE THAT PASSES BY

♪ NEVER FELT THE WAY

I FEEL RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE,

AND IF YOU LET IT GO ♪

♪ YOU LET IT GO

♪ I COULD FLY ANYWHERE

♪ BUT THIS IS

WHERE I LAND ♪

♪ YOU COULD

JUST TAKE HIGHWAY 1 ♪

♪ AND STOP

TO SMELL THE SAND ♪

♪ IT'S ANOTHER LIFE

WE PLANNED ♪

♪ AND HERE I AM

[SONG ENDS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

I NEVER MET ANYONE

QUITE LIKE YOU.

REALLY?

REALLY.

MY WHOLE LIFE,

SOMEONE'S BEEN

TELLING ME

WHAT TO DO,

WHAT CLASS TO TAKE,

WHAT SHOW TO BE IN.

LET ME GUESS.

AUNT MARLA.

YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON

WHO HAS EVER ASKED ME

WHAT I WANT TO DO,

WHAT I CARE ABOUT.

AND NO ONE'S EVER ASKED

ME TO HELP SERVE SOUP

TO PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T

EATEN IN DAYS.

FEELS PRETTY GOOD,

DOESN'T IT?

NOT BAD.

COME HERE.

THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE

THAT I WANT TO ASK YOU.

[PAGER BEEPING]

OH.

OH, MY GOD.

LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS.

I HAVE TO GET

TO THE THEATER.

CAROL, I--

I'M SORRY.

CAN IT WAIT?

TONIGHT THERE'S A CHRISTMAS

PARTY AFTER THE SHOW.

I'D LIKE YOU

TO COME WITH ME.

THEN AFTER THAT,

WE'LL HAVE THE REST

OF THE NIGHT

TO OURSELVES.

YEAH. SURE, OK.

GREAT.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

WHAT WOULD

YOU HAVE SAID?

Man: HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

Second man:

COME ON, HURRY UP.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'M SORRY.

WE WERE OUT.

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL BE READY.

YOU'D BETTER BE.

THIS IS A BIG NIGHT,

SWEETIE.

THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SHH! I'LL TELL YOU

AFTER THE SHOW.

BUT TONIGHT YOU'VE GOT

TO BE NOT JUST GOOD,

BUT GREAT.

I'M GREAT EVERY NIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU

AFTER THE SHOW.

Marla:

YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING

A LOT OF TIME

WITH MY NIECE.

YOUR NIECE IS SPENDING

A LOT OF TIME WITH ME.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT,

THAT'S ALL.

[CHUCKLES]

I'M A BIG BOY.

IT'S NEVER GONNA

WORK OUT, YOU KNOW.

ARE YOU

SURE OF THAT?

OH, YES.

I KNOW CAROL.

SHE NEEDS TO BE

IN THE SPOTLIGHT.

WHAT CAN YOU

OFFER HER?

THE CHANCE

TO HAND OUT A BLANKET

TO SOME GUY WHO LIVES

IN A REFRIGERATOR BOX?

THERE ARE WORSE

THINGS IN LIFE.

YEAH, TO BE THE GUY LIVING

IN THE REFRIGERATOR BOX.

[LAUGHS]

ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH HER

WHILE IT LASTS.

YOU'RE NOTHING MORE

THAN A BRIEF STOPOVER

ON OUR WAY

TO THE TOP.

ARE YOU SO CRUEL THAT YOU'D

MAKE HER CHOOSE BETWEEN US?

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

TOUGH LADY.

Marla: COME ON,

LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.

SHE WAS ONLY TRYING

TO PROTECT ME.

SHE DIDN'T KNOW

WHAT JOHN AND I HAD.

DID YOU?

AUNT MARLA ONLY WANTED

WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME.

I COULD TELL.

THAT "OUR WAY TO THE TOP"

WAS A DEAD GIVEAWAY.

Marla: NOW SHE'S GONE AGAIN?

HAS ANYONE SEEN CAROL?

♪ WELL, IT'S

A CALIFORNIA CHRISTMAS ♪

♪ AND IT'S THE BEST TIME

OF THE YEAR... ♪

HEY, YOU.

HI.

SO, DID YOU

LIKE THE SHOW?

THE SHOW WAS AMAZING.

HOW WAS I?

EHH...

OH, STOP.

FANTASTIC.

OH, THANK YOU!

SO, WHAT'D YOU WANT

TO ASK ME EARLIER?

WELL, WE CAN'T

TALK ABOUT IT HERE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT

TILL WE'RE ALONE TOGETHER, OK?

WHERE IS

THAT NIECE OF MINE?

IF IT WAS UP TO ME,

100 MILES AWAY FROM YOU.

OH, STOP IT.

I KNOW SHE CAN BE

A LITTLE PUSHY,

BUT SHE GROWS ON YOU.

OH, I'M SURE SHE WILL.

Marla: LOVEY...

YOU WERE FABULOUS.

IT WAS LIKE YOU WERE

THE ONLY ONE ONSTAGE.

WELL, I'M SURE

THE OTHER ACTORS

WILL BE TICKLED

TO HEAR THAT.

CAROL, SWEETIE,

THERE WAS A TALENT AGENT

IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT.

YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD HIM

RAVING ABOUT YOU.

HIS NAME IS MEL MURRAY.

HE AND SOME OTHER AGENTS

ARE HAVING DRINKS

AT A BAR

DOWN THE STREET,

AND HE WANTS ME TO BRING

YOU OVER TO MEET HIM.

REALLY?

THAT'S GREAT.

HE LOVED YOU, BABY.

HE SAYS

YOU HAVE REAL TALENT.

I THINK HE WANTS

TO REPRESENT YOU.

JOHN, DID YOU

HEAR THAT?

YEAH, THAT'S--

THAT'S GREAT.

I TOLD HIM

WE'D COME BY

JUST AS SOON

AS YOU WERE CHANGED.

OH, BUT WHAT

ABOUT THE PARTY?

CAROL, THIS IS THE BREAK

YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

THIS IS WHY I'VE GOT YOU WORKING

IN A HELLHOLE LIKE THIS.

YEAH, BUT MY FRIENDS.

WE'VE BEEN WORKING

REALLY HARD.

AND THERE'LL ALWAYS BE

ANOTHER PARTY, KIDDO.

YOU DO WHAT I SAY,

AND YOUR WHOLE LIFE

WILL BE A PARTY.

COME ON.

WHO CARES ABOUT YOU

MORE THAN I DO, HUH?

OK.

I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.

GREAT.

SWEETHEART, I'M SORRY.

I GOTTA DO THIS.

IT'S WHAT MARLA AND I

HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR

MY ENTIRE LIFE.

WHAT YOU WANTED TO ASK ME EARLIER,

CAN IT WAIT?

I GUESS IT'LL HAVE TO.

THANKS.

I HAD TO GO WITH MARLA.

THIS WAS MY FUTURE.

MAYBE WHAT JOHN

WAS GONNA ASK YOU

WAS YOUR FUTURE.

HE NEVER DID ASK ME.

MAYBE HE'S WAITING

FOR THE OTHER CAROL

HE FELL IN LOVE WITH

TO SHOW UP.

I WONDER IF THAT CAROL

EVER DID SHOW UP AGAIN?

LET'S SEE, SHALL WE?

[DRILL WHIRRING]

ARE WE GOING YET?

THE TILLYS

OF BEL AIR.

EVERYTHING AUNT MARLA

PROMISED CAME TRUE.

I WAS THE STAR

OF MY OWN TV SHOW.

DID YOU ENJOY MAKING ALL THESE

PEOPLE STAND AROUND FOR YOU?

NOT REALLY.

BUT AUNT MARLA SAID,

"ALWAYS KEEP THEM

WAITING.

"YOU GOTTA SHOW 'EM

WHO'S BOSS.

ONLY WAY TO GAIN RESPECT

IN THIS BUSINESS."

DID IT EVER

OCCUR TO YOU

THAT AUNT MARLA

COULD BE WRONG?

WELL, SHE HADN'T BEEN WRONG

ABOUT ANYTHING UP TO THIS POINT.

NOTHING?

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

HEY, MAN.

HI.

HEY.

LADIES, HOW ARE

YOU? GOOD.

PLEASE, CAROL.

EVERYBODY'S WAITING.

LET 'EM WAIT.

IT'S THE ONLY THING

THESE IDIOTS AROUND HERE

ARE ANY GOOD AT.

[SIGHS]

HEY, RICK, HOW'S IT

GOING, BUDDY?

WAITING, AS USUAL.

[GHOST AND CAROL

MATERIALIZE]

HI, SWEETHEART.

HI, HONEY.

HELLO, MARLA.

Carol: HEY, GET IN HERE!

JOHN!

John: HEY, HONEY.

I KNOW YOU GOTTA GET GOING SOON, BUT--

WOW. YOU LOOK GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE?

MY MEETING WITH THE CITY

FINISHED EARLY.

MWAH!

WE GOT THAT BUILDING

FOR THE FOOD PANTRY,

AND THE KITCHEN

IS LARGE ENOUGH

THAT WE CAN GET THE MEALS ON

WHEELS PROGRAM GOING AS WELL.

THAT IS GREAT.

YEAH. WHOOPEE.

SO, I WAS THINKING MAYBE

WE COULD GO OUT TONIGHT

AND CELEBRATE, YOU KNOW?

JUST YOU AND ME.

SHE CAN'T. SHE'S GOT

AN INTERVIEW LATER ON,

AND THEN SHE HAS TO

GO TO A SCREENING.

CAN YOU SKIP THIS ONE SCREENING,

CAROL, PLEASE?

THIS IS A BIG DEAL

FOR ME.

WELL, BEING SEEN

AT A SCREENING

IS A BIG DEAL

FOR HER, TOO.

THEY FORGET ABOUT YOU

IN THIS BUSINESS

QUICKER THAN YOU

CAN TURN AROUND.

IT'S PRETTY SELFISH OF YOU TO

BE THINKING ONLY OF YOURSELF.

TSK TSK TSK TSK!

I'M SORRY, HON.

AUNT MARLA'S RIGHT.

PART OF BEING A

CELEBRITY IS BEING SEEN.

MARLA, WILL YOU GIVE US

A MINUTE, PLEASE?

IT'S OK.

OK. I'LL JUST GO CHECK

ON YOUR LOW-FAT MEAL

FOR LUNCH,

AND THEN I'LL COME BACK,

AND I'LL GET YOU

WHEN IT'S TIME

TO GO TO THE SET.

OK.

WHEN IT'S TIME?

CAROL, EVERYONE IS

OUT THERE STANDING AROUND,

WAITING FOR YOU NOW.

I KNOW.

BUT AUNT MARLA SAYS THE

LONGER YOU MAKE THEM WAIT,

THE MORE

THEY RESPECT YOU.

AND YOU BELIEVE HER?

WELL,

OF COURSE I DO.

I WOULDN'T BE WHERE

I AM WITHOUT HER.

OK. AND WHAT HAVE YOU

HAD TO GIVE UP?

NOTHING. I'VE

GIVEN UP NOTHING.

YOU'RE WRONG.

CAROL, YOU'RE NOT THE SAME

PERSON THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M A STAR NOW.

AND MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE

REALLY HAVING A PROBLEM WITH.

AUNT MARLA TOLD ME.

WHAT? WHAT DID

AUNT MARLA TELL YOU?

THAT I'M JEALOUS OF YOUR

FAME AND YOUR MONEY?

WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT

LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD,

THINKING I CAN REALLY

MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

IS THAT HOW YOU

REALLY THINK OF ME?

I DON'T THINK

I CAN DO THIS ANYMORE.

DO WHAT?

I KEEP WAITING FOR THE CAROL

THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH

TO SHOW UP AGAIN.

I'M STARTING TO BELIEVE

THAT SHE'S GONE FOREVER.

I SUPPOSE IT JUST TOOK ME

A LONG TIME TO REALIZE IT.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I GUESS...

GOOD-BYE.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

THAT WAS SO UNFAIR OF HIM

TO MAKE ME CHOOSE.

WHAT DID HE

WANT ME TO DO,

JUST DROP EVERYTHING

AND RUN AFTER HIM?

[SOBBING]

SHE'S ALL YOURS.

YOU KNOW,

I'VE GOTTA ADMIT YOU HUNG AROUND

A LOT LONGER THAN I

THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

BUT-- AND DON'T TAKE

THIS THE WRONG WAY,

GOOD RIDDANCE!

I REALLY DO LOVE HER,

YOU KNOW.

SHE DOESN'T NEED

YOUR LOVE.

AND I WANT

WHAT'S BEST FOR HER.

AND I'M THE ONE WHO KNOWS

WHAT'S BEST FOR HER.

NO, MARLA, YOU ONLY THINK YOU

KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR HER.

SURE, YOU GOT HER HERE,

BUT NOW WHAT?

YOU GONNA KEEP

PULLING HER STRINGS

FOR THE REST

OF HER LIFE,

OR ARE YOU GONNA

LET HER LIVE A LITTLE,

MAYBE EVEN LET HER

LOVE SOMEONE

OR SOMETHING

OTHER THAN HER CAREER?

I GUESS YOU'RE NOT MAN

ENOUGH TO STICK AROUND

AND FIND OUT,

ARE YOU?

BYE-BYE! HEH HEH!

IF HE HAD LOVED ME,

HE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT.

POP!

WHAT WAS THAT?

ME BURSTING

YOUR BUBBLE.

COME ON. YOU'RE

GONNA LIKE THIS.

PRIVACY, PLEASE, DRIVER.

YES, SIR.

[SIGHS]

WHAT ARE WE

DOING HERE?

SAME THING WE'VE BEEN

DOING ALL DAY LONG.

WE ARE BUT FLIES

ON THE WALL.

DID YOU HAVE TO PARK SO

CLOSE TO THE STUDIO?

HUMPH! OH, IT'S TOO BAD

THE TILLYS WAS CANCELED.

I THOUGHT FOR SURE IT HAD

A COUPLE MORE YEARS IN IT.

WELL,

ALL GOOD THINGS

MUST COME

TO AN END, RIGHT?

HMM. AND WITH

YOUR BRAINS AND BEAUTY,

DELIVERING QUEEN OF MEAN'S

NO PROBLEM, RIGHT?

OH, WELL,

CAROL WILL DO WHAT WE TELL HER TO DO.

BUT REMEMBER

THE PLAN.

WE EASE HER INTO IT.

YEAH, YEAH. WE LET HER

HAVE HER NICE

LITTLE TALK SHOW

UNTIL SHE GETS

COMFORTABLE WITH IT,

AND THEN WE

GRADUALLY MOVE HER

INTO AN AREA

THAT REALLY SELLS...

FREAKS. HA HA!

HA HA HA!

WELL, YOU ARE GOING

TO BE A PRODUCER

ON THE SHOW, MARLA.

OH!

HEH HEH! IT'S GONNA

MAKE YOU RICH.

THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WORKING

FOR SINCE SHE WAS A KID.

WELL, IT'S NICE

MEETING SOMEONE

WHO ALWAYS PUTS THE WELFARE

OF THEIR CLIENTS FIRST.

HA HA HA!

DAY?

YEAH. WE'RE GONNA

TAKE DAYTIME TV

AND FLIP IT

ON ITS EAR.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WOULD DO

SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME.

WELL, LIKE YOU SAID,

SHE'S THE ONLY ONE

THAT ACTUALLY KNEW

WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOU.

SEEMS LIKE SHE KNEW WHAT

WAS BEST FOR HER, TOO.

THAT EXPLAINS

THAT FREAK SANTA

HAL'S TRYING TO PUT

ON THE CHRISTMAS SHOW.

HE'S TRYING

TO MOVE THE SHOW

INTO WHAT HE REALLY

WANTS IT TO BE.

THE PEN, THE PEN.

OH.

THANK YOU.

ALL THAT TIME...

Hal: IT'S GONNA BE GREAT

DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU.

SHE WAS ONLY OUT

FOR HERSELF.

Marla: BYE-BYE.

KISS-KISS.

CIAO!

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING]

MARLA'S FUNERAL.

GOOD TURNOUT.

I'M SO SORRY, CAROL.

YOUR AUNT WAS...

AN UNUSUAL WOMAN.

THANKS, HAL.

I KNOW SHE WAS

A TOUGH ONE

FOR OTHER PEOPLE

TO GET ALONG WITH.

OH, MAN, SHE--

SHE HAD MY BEST INTERESTS

AT HEART, THOUGH.

OF COURSE.

BUT, UH, JUST

SO YOU KNOW...

WE'RE GOING TO KEEP

THE SHOW GOING

EXACTLY THE WAY

YOUR AUNT WANTED.

THANKS, HAL.

I APPRECIATE IT.

WHAT A PHONY. PHONY!

YEAH.

I'M JUST AS SHOCKED AS YOU ARE.

SOMEBODY WHO'S

IN SHOW BUSINESS

THAT TURNS OUT

TO BE A PHONY.

HEH.

I WAS SURPRISED THERE WEREN'T

MORE PEOPLE AT HER FUNERAL.

ACTUALLY, FOR HER,

THIS IS GOOD.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

HEY, YOU LIVE

YOUR LIFE

CARING ABOUT NO ONE

BUT YOURSELF,

NO ONE THERE

TO CARE ABOUT YOU.

I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.

TAKE ME BACK.

YEP. YOU LIVE ALONE,

YOU DIE ALONE.

OR MAYBE NOT SO MUCH

ALONE AS SECLUDED,

ISOLATED, DETACHED,

UNLOVED...

TAKE ME BACK.

TAKE ME BACK. TAKE ME BACK!

[DISTORTED LAUGHTER]

Dr. Bob: HO HO HO!

WELL, THAT'S IT

FOR TODAY.

OH, WHAT A DREAM.

AND FOR ANOTHER

YEAR. HO HO HO!

NO MORE

GREEN TEA. EVER.

AND I'M OFF TO ENJOY

THE HOLIDAYS.

AND SO SHOULD YOU. YES!

AND REMEMBER,

THE HOLIDAYS ARE NOT

A TIME TO WALLOW IN PITY.

IT'S A TIME TO CELEBRATE

EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IN LIFE,

TO CELEBRATE AND REMEMBER

ALL THE GOOD THINGS.

HO HO HO!

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

TO YOU ALL.

[TURNS OFF TV]

YOU TELL THEM,

DR. BOB.

YOU TELL THEM WHAT

THEY NEED TO HEAR.

[GHOST MANIFESTS]

OHH!

I'M NOT TALKING TO THEM, CAROL.

I'M TALKING TO YOU.

DR. BOB?

WELL, ANOTHER TIME,

ANOTHER PLACE, DR. BOB.

BUT FOR OUR PURPOSES...

THE GHOST

OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

OH. WHY AM I

NOT SURPRISED?

YOU WERE EXPECTING ME?

OH,

I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE,

BUT, NO, NOT YOU.

I BET YOU WEREN'T.

I MEAN, IT MUST BE SCARY

FACED WITH THE PROSPECT

OF SEEING THINGS

AS THEY REALLY ARE.

WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID

ABOUT ME?

UH, TELL THEM WHAT

THEY NEED TO HEAR?

THAT'S IT. WELL, CAROL,

YOU GOTTA FACE

THE MUSIC, LITTLE LADY.

YOU'VE MADE YOUR BED.

NOW YOU GOTTA SLEEP IN IT.

IT'S TIME TO GET OUT

OF YOUR OWN WAY.

DO I ALWAYS SPEAK

IN CLICHES LIKE THAT?

PRETTY MUCH.

YOU'D THINK SOMEONE

WOULD TELL ME

WHAT I NEED

TO HEAR? NO!

"LET'S NOT GET

THE BIG FELLA MAD.

LET'S NOT UPSET THE APPLECART.

LET-- "

I'M DOING IT AGAIN.

YEAH.

I GOTTA WORK ON THAT.

BUT THIS IS

YOUR TIME, CAROL.

LET'S GO.

OHH...

COME ON.

UGH.

COME ON-- OH!

OH!

I JUST

WASHED MY HANDS,

AND I HAVE THIS FUNNY THING

ABOUT TOUCHING PEOPLE.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

IT'S SOMETHING ELSE

I GOTTA WORK ON.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

GRAB A HOLD

OF THIS SANTA SUIT.

IT'S A RENTAL.

IT SHOULD BE OK.

OH! HEH!

OH.

SORRY.

[DOG BARKING]

DON'T TELL ME WE'RE HERE TO

DO A CHRISTMAS DRUG DEAL.

THIS IS WHERE YOUR

ASSISTANT ROBERTA LIVES.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

YEAH, I'M KIDDING.

SHE REALLY LIVES IN BEVERLY HILLS,

AND I JUST LIKE

TO COME DOWN HERE

ON CHRISTMAS EVE

AND HANG OUT.

WE DON'T HAVE TO

GO IN THERE, DO WE?

I MEAN,

LOOK AT THAT PLACE.

YOU JUST KNOW THAT THERE

ARE COCKROACHES IN THERE.

AND RATS.

AND I HATE RATS.

BUT A PERSON HAS TO DO

WHAT A PERSON HAS TO DO.

EVERY JOURNEY BEGINS

WITH THE FIRST STEP,

AND-- I'M DOING IT

AGAIN, AREN'T I?

LET'S GO.

MOMMY, DO YOU THINK

WE'RE EVER GONNA GET A

REALLY BIG CHRISTMAS TREE?

BUT WE'VE ALWAYS HAD A SMALL

CHRISTMAS TREE. IT'S OUR TRADITION.

YEAH, WELL,

I SAY IT'S TIME TO START A NEW TRADITION

WITH A REALLY

BIG TREE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETIE?

WE CAN'T AFFORD A BIG TREE,

SO WHY DON'T WE STICK

TO OUR TRADITION, OK?

THAT'S OK, MOMMY.

AS LONG

AS WE'RE TOGETHER.

OH, WE'LL ALWAYS

BE TOGETHER, BABE.

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY.

MM!

HOW ARE THOSE

PRESENTS COMING?

ARE YOU SURE YOU

WANT ME TO WRAP THESE?

YOU'RE JUST GONNA

TEAR 'EM APART, ANYWAY.

HEH HEH! THAT'S

HALF THE FUN.

RIGHT. BUT IF I GET

A PAPER CUT,

I'M HOLDING YOU

ACCOUNTABLE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW

I WOULD'VE GOTTEN

ALL OF CAROL'S

PRESENTS DELIVERED

IF IT WASN'T FOR

YOUR HELP. THANK YOU.

WELL, THE SOONER

WE GOT THAT DONE,

THE QUICKER WE COULD GET

OUR OWN CHRISTMAS STARTED.

HEH!

HMM!

OHH.

DO YOU THINK THESE ARE

GONNA FIT UNDER THE TREE?

I THINK THEY WILL FIT

UNDER THE TABLE.

TECHNICALLY,

THEY'LL STILL BE UNDER THE TREE.

HOW COULD THEY

BE SO HAPPY?

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

THEY HAVE NOTHING.

NOTHING? THEY--

WHAT THEY HAVE

IS MORE VALUABLE

THAN GOLD.

WHY DOESN'T JIMMY

HELP THEM OUT?

HE MAKES

A GOOD LIVING.

WELL, HE'S OFFERED, BUT ROBERTA

DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE CHARITY.

WHAT SHE WANTS

IS TO PROVE

THAT SHE CAN

MAKE IT ON HER OWN,

STAND ON HER OWN 2 FEET,

EARN HER OWN--

DAMN.

THAT'S REALLY

ANNOYING, ISN'T IT?

BUT THE OPERATIVE WORD

IS "EARN."

IF ONLY SOMEONE

WOULD PAY HER

WHAT SHE'S

REALLY WORTH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I WONDER

WHO THAT COULD BE?

MAYBE SANTA'S

A LITTLE BIT EARLY.

Jimmy: HE'S NEVER EARLY.

HERE, LET ME PUT

THIS ONE HERE.

[POLICE SIREN BLARING]

FRANK.

HI, ROBERTA.

WHO'S THAT?

WATCH.

CAN I COME IN?

IS EVERYTHING OK?

THIS IS FRANK.

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

HI, LILY.

I BROUGHT YOU

SOMETHING.

THANK YOU.

HEY, LILY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO

OVER TO MRS. MARTEL'S

AND GET SOME OF THAT

FAMOUS HOT CHOCOLATE?

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

HEH!

WHAT DO YOU WANT, FRANK?

I WANT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS

WITH MY FAMILY.

AND WHAT FAMILY

WOULD THAT BE?

THE FAMILY THAT YOU LEFT

BEFORE LILY WAS EVEN BORN?

LOOK, I ADMIT

I MADE

A FEW BAD CHOICES.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND

OF GUILT THING

YOU HAVE GOING ON HERE,

BUT IT'S TOO LATE.

LOOK AT THIS PLACE,

ROBERTA.

IS THIS ANY WAY

TO BRING UP A CHILD?

WE'RE DOING JUST FINE,

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU? 'CAUSE I

DON'T THINK SO.

AND I WANT TO

GIVE MY DAUGHTER

SOME OF THE THINGS

THAT YOU CAN'T.

YOUR DAUGHTER? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT

TO CALL HER YOUR DAUGHTER.

LOOK, ROBERTA...

I'VE CHANGED.

I'M MARRIED NOW

TO A WONDERFUL WOMAN,

BUT WE CAN'T

HAVE CHILDREN...

SO I WANT TO BE BACK

IN MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE.

I WANT HER TO BE

A PART OF MY FAMILY.

YOU DON'T WANT LILY

IN YOUR LIFE FOR HER SAKE.

YOU WANT LILY

IN YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR SAKE.

I'M SORRY, ROBERTA,

BUT YOU MAY NOT

HAVE A CHOICE.

WHAT'S THIS?

I'M TAKING YOU TO COURT

FOR CUSTODY OF LILY.

I'M GONNA GET HER

OUT OF ALL OF THIS.

WHAT?

YOU'RE JUST

TOO STUBBORN TO SEE

THAT I CAN GIVE HER A

BETTER LIFE THAN YOU CAN.

[POLICE SIREN BLARING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

HE CAN'T DO THAT,

CAN HE?

MAYBE.

ONLY THE FUTURE CAN TELL.

AH-CHOO!

POLLEN.

HOW CAN PEOPLE LIVE

WITH SUCH STINKY GRASS

AND FLOWERS

AND TREES?

WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS LOOKS FAMILIAR.

THIS IS MY SISTER

BETH'S HOUSE.

HOW LONG SINCE

YOU BEEN HERE?

TOO LONG.

COME ON,

LET'S TAKE A PEEK.

WHAT ARE YOU

AFRAID OF?

WELL, AFTER WHAT YOU

SHOWED ME AT ROBERTA'S,

WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE

GONNA SHOW ME NEXT.

I'M SHOWING YOU THE

IMPACT THAT YOU HAVE

ON OTHER PEOPLE'S

LIVES.

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE

A LOT OF PEOPLE

WHO GET A GREAT DEAL

OF PLEASURE

OUT OF THE SIMPLE

THINGS IN LIFE,

AND BELIEVE IT

OR NOT,

THEY GET ALONG JUST

FINE WITHOUT YOU.

AH-CHOO!

OH! WHOO!

I'M SORRY.

I PROMISE YOU

I WILL NOT SHOW YOU

ANYTHING BAD

THIS TIME.

PROMISE?

PROMISE.

CROSS MY HEART.

COME ON, DAD, PLEASE.

CAN'T WE OPEN ALL OUR PRESENTS TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW OUR TRADITION--

ONE ON CHRISTMAS EVE

AND THE REST

ON CHRISTMAS DAY.

BUT, DAD, HOW ARE

WE GONNA KNOW

WHICH PRESENTS

SANTA LEFT BEHIND?

YEAH. WHAT IF OUR REGULAR

PRESENTS GET CONFUSED WITH HIS?

MM-HMM.

WE SHOULD REALLY MAKE

HIS PRESENTS SPECIAL.

HE DID WORK ALL YEAR

TO MAKE THEM.

NICE TRY!

[ALL LAUGHING]

[STUFFED UP] WHAT A

WARM AND COZY ROOM.

I CAN ALMOST FEEL THE

CHRISTMAS CHEER OUT HERE.

THEY DO LOOK HAPPY,

DON'T THEY?

THEY ARE HAPPY.

FOR WHAT?

SMALL HOUSE,

2 KIDS TO WORRY ABOUT,

TONS OF BILLS TO PAY.

HEY,

BETH AND JERRY MAY NOT BE MILLIONAIRES,

BUT THERE'S MORE

LOVE IN THAT HOUSE

THAN MONEY CAN BUY,

AND IN THE END,

ISN'T THAT

WHAT'S IMPORTANT?

NOW, HOW AM I SUPPOSED

TO BASTE A TURKEY

WITH ALL THIS LAUGHTER

GOING ON IN HERE?

THEY WERE

TRYING TO GET ME

TO LET THEM OPEN

ALL THE PRESENTS.

NOPE, NOPE!

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I, ON THE OTHER HAND,

GET TO OPEN ALL OF MINE.

IT'S A SHAME

THAT YOU MISS OUT

ON THIS SORT OF

THING EVERY YEAR.

STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!

I GIVE! I GIVE!

I GIVE! OK!

ALL RIGHT. WE GET TO

OPEN PRESENTS.

Both: ONE!

IT WAS WORTH A SHOT.

OK, WHICH ONE DO YOU

WANT TO OPEN UP?

I WANT TO OPEN

AUNT CAROL'S.

ME, TOO.

AUNT CAROL'S?

YEAH. REMEMBER WHEN

ROBERTA DROPPED THEM BY?

MM-HMM.

SHE SAID AUNT CAROL

PICKED THEM OUT

ESPECIALLY FOR US.

WE KNOW HER PRESENTS

AREN'T THAT GOOD,

BUT SHE'S PRETTY BUSY.

PRETTY BUSY.

AND IF SHE CAN TAKE

THE TIME TO GO OUT

AND GET US SOMETHING,

WE SHOULD APPRECIATE IT.

YEAH,

APPRECIATE IT.

WELL, I AM BUSY.

SURE YOU ARE.

NOT THAT BUSY.

MOM, DID AUNT CAROL LIKE

THE PRESENTS WE MADE HER?

OH, HONEY,

SHE LOVED THEM.

SHE COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT

YOU MADE THEM BY YOURSELF.

TYLER.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE

THERE'S ANY CHANCE

SHE MIGHT BE

STOPPING BY TONIGHT?

WOW! A MAGGIE RANDY'S DOLL!

I WANTED ONE OF THESE!

MOM, DAD,

LOOK AT THIS!

THOSE HAD TO COST

MORE THAN $20.

ROBERTA USED SOME

OF HER OWN MONEY.

WHY?

TO PROTECT YOU.

SHE DIDN'T WANT THE ONLY

FAMILY YOU HAVE IN THE WORLD

TO THINK THAT YOU

WERE CHEAP

OR THAT

YOU DIDN'T CARE.

HEY, KIDS, UH,

WHAT ABOUT READING

A LITTLE BIT OF THE CHRISTMAS

CAROL BEFORE DINNER?

I'LL GET THE BOOK.

I GET TO BE

TINY TIM.

OH, I LOVE

THIS STORY.

HERE, DAD.

SHAME,

ISN'T IT?

WHAT?

THIS'LL RUIN THE COUCH.

"MARLEY WAS DEAD

TO BEGIN WITH.

"THERE IS NO DOUBT

WHATEVER ABOUT THAT.

THE REGISTER OF HIS BURIAL WAS

SIGNED BY THE CLERGYMAN..."

I CAN'T WATCH THIS

ANYMORE.

IT'S TOO PAINFUL.

LOOK AT THEM.

THEY'RE SO HAPPY.

I KNOW.

AH-AH-CHOO!

GOD BLESS YOU.

NO, WE HAVEN'T GOT

TO THAT PART YET.

"MIND I DON'T MEAN

TO SAY THAT I KNOW..."

COME ON.

WATCH YOUR BACK!

GREAT, GREAT, GREAT.

THANKS A LOT.

WE NEED TO GET SOME

MORE GOING RIGHT AWAY.

HOW THE MASHED

POTATOES COMING? GREAT.

YOU GUYS,

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH

FOR YOUR HELP, OK?

WE COULDN'T DO ANY

OF THIS WITHOUT YOU.

WHY ARE YOU

SHOWING ME THIS?

BECAUSE YOU'RE DEPRESSED.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD

CHEER YOU UP

TO SEE YOUR OLD FRIEND

JOHN SO HAPPY.

AND THIS RIGHT HERE

IS WHY I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

YOU WERE THAT HAPPY ONCE,

WEREN'T YOU?

A LONG TIME AGO.

AND WHOSE FAULT

DO YOU THINK IT IS

THAT YOU AREN'T

HAPPY NOW?

OK, FINE!

I COULD'VE MADE

SOME DIFFERENT CHOICES,

BEEN NICER

TO A FEW PEOPLE.

BUT HEY, YOU CAN'T ARGUE

WITH THE END RESULT.

OK. IF THAT'S THE WAY

YOU FEEL ABOUT IT.

NO USE LIVING

IN THE PAST, HUH?

GET IT? LIVING IN THE PAST,

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT?

[AMPLIFIED] HELLO!

IS THIS THING ON?

NEVER MIND.

HUMPH.

WE'RE ALMOST THROUGH.

I DIDN'T NEED

TO SEE ALL THAT.

YES, YOU DID.

WHERE ARE WE NOW?

WE'RE AT A PARTING

OF THE WAYS.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BRING ME BACK?

NO. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO

FIND YOUR OWN WAY BACK.

HEY, I'M A BUSY MAN.

I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO.

DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE

WHO NEEDS A VISIT FROM THE

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT?

WELL, I THOUGHT--

IT'S TIME FOR ME

TO MOVE ON.

NO REST

FOR THE WICKED.

IDLE HAND--

YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY

MAKING MYSELF FEEL NAUSEOUS.

IT'S LIKE

I CAN'T CONTROL IT.

WAIT! AREN'T YOU

SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME MORE?

I'VE SHOWN YOU

EVERYTHING I CAN.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU

TO SEE FOR YOURSELF

WHAT YOU'LL BECOME.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED

TO GET BACK?

CAR.

WAITING FOR YOU.

[ANIMAL HOWLS]

A CAR?

OHH. OHH.

OH! THANK GOD.

BOY, AM I GLAD

TO SEE YOU.

HI.

OH. YEAH.

YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD

STORIES ABOUT ME

FROM OTHER

LIMO DRIVERS.

DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK.

DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.

WELL,

THEY'RE ALL TRUE.

NO, I'M KIDDING.

I'M KIDDING.

THAT'S HOW

I USED TO BE,

BUT THIS IS

THE NEW ME,

SO YOU CAN FEEL FREE

TO LIGHTEN UP AND--

ARE YOU

THE LAST SPIRIT?

NICE TRICK.

EXCUSE ME! CAN I

ASK YOU SOMETHING?

YOU'RE THE THIRD

SPIRIT, RIGHT?

AM I RIGHT?

OK. WELL, SO FAR,

I'VE HAD THE PAST,

AND THEN I HAD THE PRESENT,

SO I MEAN, IT DOESN'T TAKE

A GENIUS TO FIGURE OUT

THAT YOU MUST BE THE GHOST

OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE.

UM, LET ME

ASK YOU SOMETHING.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING

THAT'S ALWAYS BOTHERED ME.

IS IT GHOST,

OR IS IT SPIRIT?

'CAUSE I COULD NEVER

QUITE FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.

I MEAN,

SOME PEOPLE SAY GHOST,

AND SOME PEOPLE

SAY SPIRIT.

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

DO YOU GUYS LIKE ONE

OVER THE OTHER?

I MEAN, PERSONALLY,

I THINK I LIKE SPIRIT.

I MEAN GHOST IS JUST--

IT SEEMS SO PEDESTRIAN.

BUT SPIRIT, NOW, THAT,

THAT CONJURES UP SOME MYSTERY

RIGHT THERE AND SOME,

YOU KNOW--

[ECHOING]

HEY!

HELLO?

ANYBODY?

SPIRIT?

OH!

[NORMAL]

YOU BROUGHT ME BACK.

YOU KNOW, YOU WEREN'T AS BAD AS

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE.

SO, I GUESS MY FUTURE'S

NOT LOOKIN' SO BAD, HUH?

OH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

DON'T WORRY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO

TELL ME TWICE. THANKS.

[SIGHS]

UH, THAT'S OK. I'M GOOD.

THINK I KNOW

WHERE I'M GOING.

I'M SORRY.

CLOSED SET. I'M SURE

YOU UNDERSTAND.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

COME ON! HELLO!

COME ON!

OK, NOW YOU'RE

FREAKIN' ME OUT!

HELP! AAH!

Announcer: AND NOW, LIVE

FROM HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA,

IT'S THE CAROL SHOW'S

HOLIDAY SPECIAL!

HELLO

AND WELCOME TO THE SPECIAL

HOLIDAY EDITION

OF THE CAROL SHOW.

TODAY WE HAVE GATHERED

A MYRIAD OF GUESTS

WHO HAVE CHOSEN THE MOST

IMPORTANT HOLIDAY, CHRISTMAS,

TO TELL THEIR FAMILY

SOMETHING:

"I HATE YOU."

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

COMING UP NEXT

ON THE CAROL SHOW.

HO HO HO.

THAT WAS GREAT.

I'M GONNA GO UP

AND TALK TO HER.

Hal: YEAH, YEAH.

THAT WAS NICE, CAROL.

NOW, OUR FIRST GUEST

IS A YOUNG LADY

WHO'S GONNA DROP

THE BOMBSHELL ON HER PARENTS.

THEY'VE GOT NO IDEA

WHAT'S COMING.

AND WHY DOES

SHE HATE THEM?

SOMETHING ABOUT THEY ABANDONED HER,

AND IT RUINED HER LIFE

OR SOME SORT

OF NONSENSE LIKE THAT.

I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE

THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES

WHEN SHE SAYS, "THEY-- THEY

TOOK MY CHILDHOOD FROM ME."

[LAUGHS]

THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.

I'M SORRY, HAL. I--

I CAN'T DO THIS.

I CAN'T DO THIS SHOW,

NOT TODAY.

WHAT?

WELL, WHY NOT?

HAS IT EVER

OCCURRED TO YOU

JUST HOW PAINFUL

THIS MIGHT BE FOR THEM?

WELL, NOT ANY MORE PAINFUL

THAN THE GUY

ON YESTERDAY'S SHOW

WHO HAD 5 DIFFERENT WIVES

IN 5 DIFFERENT STATES.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE

ANY PROBLEM DOING THAT.

YESTERDAY'S SHOW

WASN'T ABOUT ME!

Hal: OHH.

POOR LITTLE CAROL.

HAD TO GROW UP

WITHOUT HER FAMILY.

HEY, TAKE A LOOK

AROUND YOU, SWEETIE PIE.

YOU'VE DONE PRETTY WELL

WITHOUT 'EM.

THIS ISN'T

WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR.

THIS...

THIS HAS TURNED INTO

SOME SORT OF FREAK SHOW!

WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE

A PROBLEM WITH THIS FREAK SHOW

WHEN IT WENT NUMBER ONE

IN DAYTIME. YOU LOVED IT!

I JUST WANT

MY SHOW BACK.

THIS IS THE SHOW

YOU ARE GOING TO DO!

YOU'VE GOT A CONTRACT,

MS. CARTMAN,

AND EITHER

YOU WILL HONOR IT

OR I WILL DRAG YOU

INTO COURT, SUE YOU,

AND TAKE EVERYTHING

YOU'VE GOT!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

YOU CAN'T--

WHERE DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GOING?

YOU WALK OFF THIS SHOW,

YOU CAN KISS

YOUR CAREER GOOD-BYE.

I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.

I WANNA GO BACK.

PLEASE. I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

HI.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

[CAR SHUDDERS AND GROANS]

OK. SEE,

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE

A SMOG PROBLEM IN THIS CITY.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT'S ME.

FORMER?!

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL CLAPPING]

IT COULD BE WORSE.

PERSONAL APPEARANCES CAN

BRING IN GOOD MONEY.

[ALL CLAPPING]

IS THIS WHAT

BECOMES OF ME?

STANDING ON STREET CORNERS,

HOLDING SIGNS?

IT'S SAD.

DIED COMPLETELY ALONE.

CAN'T SAY SHE

DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

IF SHE HAD CHOSEN TO BE A

DIFFERENT KIND OF PERSON,

MAYBE THINGS COULD'VE BEEN

BETTER FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE.

LIFE IS FULL OF MAYBES.

HOW'S LILY?

SHE'S OK...I GUESS.

MARRIED AND LIVING

IN CHICAGO.

SHE NEVER FORGAVE ME

FOR ALL THE TIME I SPENT

WITH CAROL

AND NOT WITH HER.

WE DON'T SPEAK

THAT MUCH ANYMORE.

THINGS WERE

NEVER THE SAME

AFTER I LOST CUSTODY

TO FRANK

AND I COULD ONLY SEE HER

EVERY OTHER WEEKEND.

SHE LOST LILY.

I THOUGHT THERE'D

BE MORE PEOPLE HERE.

DID YOU?

NOT REALLY.

WELL, IT'S NICE

TO SEE YOU.

YEAH. YOU, TOO.

[JIMMY SIGHS]

GOOD-BYE, CAROL.

TELL ME...

ALL THESE THINGS THAT

YOU'VE SHOWN ME...

ARE THEY SHADOWS

OF WHAT MIGHT BE

OR OF WHAT WILL BE?

PLEASE,

I'M A DIFFERENT PERSON

THAN I WAS

BEFORE THESE VISITS.

I GOTTA BELIEVE THAT YOU

WOULDN'T SHOW ME THESE THINGS

IF I WAS PAST ALL HOPE.

I CAN CHANGE.

I WANNA CHANGE.

I'M GONNA HOLD CHRISTMAS

IN MY HEART...

AND I'M GONNA KEEP IT

THERE ALL YEAR ROUND.

PLEASE!

I'M GONNA CHANGE.

I'M GONNA CHANGE!

PLEASE!

I WON'T FORGET THE GIFTS

I'VE BEEN SHOWN TODAY,

ALL THE LESSONS

I'VE LEARNED. PLEASE!

I'M GONNA CHANGE!

I CAN CHANGE!

PLEASE! PLEASE!

I'LL CHANGE!

I CAN CHANGE...[ECHOING]

[MOANS]

I CAN CHANGE.

I'LL CHANGE!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Jimmy: CAROL?

[KNOCKING] CAROL.

SORRY, CAROL,

BUT WE GO LIVE IN 45.

I DIDN'T MISS IT.

UH, CAN I TELL THEM

YOU'RE COMING?

YEAH, TELL THEM

I'M COMING.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

I DON'T WANT ANYONE

WAITING FOR ME.

AND, JIMMY?

I KNOW YOU WANNA

HELP ROBERTA OUT,

BUT DON'T WORRY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE OK.

OK.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE,

I PROMISE,

BUT WILL YOU

DO ME A FAVOR?

WILL YOU TELL ROBERTA I WANNA

TALK TO HER FOR A SECOND?

SURE.

THANKS.

THEY DID IT, AUNT MARLA.

THEY DID IT

IN ONE AFTERNOON.

THANK YOU.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

THANK YOU.

ROBERTA, GET IN HERE.

GET IN HERE

AND CLOSE THE DOOR.

I WANNA KNOW EXACTLY

HOW MUCH YOU SPENT

ON THE GIFTS

FOR MY NIECE AND NEPHEW.

UH, I'M SORRY, CAROL.

I-- I WENT

A LITTLE OVER BUDGET,

BUT I MADE UP

THE DIFFERENCE.

DON'T WORRY.

WELL, I HAVE SOMETHING

TO SAY TO YOU.

THANK YOU!

EXCUSE ME?

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR MAKING ME LOOK

LIKE A GOOD AUNT.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ROBERTA, YOU'VE ALWAYS

PROTECTED ME,

AND I'VE NEVER REALLY

SAID THANK YOU,

BUT THAT'S

ALL GONNA CHANGE.

FIRST OFF...

I'M ASHAMED

AT WHAT I PAY YOU...

AND I WANNA DOUBLE--

NO, I WANNA TRIPLE

YOUR SALARY.

ARE YOU FEELING

ALL RIGHT?

I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS

GOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

YOU KNOW THAT RENTAL HOUSE

I HAVE IN THE VALLEY?

I-- I KNOW.

I PROMISE

RIGHT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS

I'LL FIND SOMEONE FOR IT.

IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE

SO PARTICULAR

ABOUT WHO YOU RENT TO--

NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU

TO RENT IT OUT.

I WANT YOU AND LILY

TO MOVE INTO IT,

RENT-FREE.

IT'S ABOUT TIME

YOU MOVED OUT

OF THAT TINY ONE-BEDROOM

PLACE YOU HAVE.

AND...

AND IN THE MEANTIME...

I WANT YOU AND LILY

TO GO BUY THE BIGGEST

CHRISTMAS TREE

THAT YOU CAN FIND.

OH, WAIT. YOU'RE GONNA

NEED ORNAMENTS-- HERE--

AND, WELL, LIGHTS,

OF COURSE.

OH, HECK, JUST TAKE

THE WHOLE THING.

GET WHATEVER YOU NEED.

AND I WANNA MAKE SURE

YOU GET SOMETHING REALLY NICE

FOR LILY

FROM HER AUNT CAROL.

OK, I GOTTA GO.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN MAKEUP.

OH, AND...

IN MY WALLET THERE'S

A CARD FOR MY LAWYER.

TAKE IT,

IN CASE SOMETHING

EVER COMES UP

WHERE YOU NEED A LAWYER.

LIKE TONIGHT, FOR INSTANCE.

CALL HIM.

HE'S GOOD.

HE'S REALLY GOOD, AND...

I'LL PAY FOR EVERYTHING.

DON'T WORRY.

IT'S ALL GONNA WORK OUT.

IT'LL ALL WORK OUT.

HE'S MY LAWYER.

HE LOVES STICKIN' IT

TO PEOPLE.

OH, AND-- AND THE GIFTS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT

DELIVERING THE GIFTS.

THEY'RE JUNK.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I WAS THINKING.

I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER

PLANNED FOR THE CREW.

BESIDES,

YOU SHOULD SPEND TONIGHT

WITH LILY.

AND WHOEVER ELSE YOU MIGHT

WANNA SPEND IT WITH.

I GOTTA GO TO MAKEUP.

MMM!

HEY, YOU!

[MOANS]

COME OVER HERE.

P.A.: JIMMY

TO THE GREENROOM.

JIMMY, PLEASE GO

TO THE GREENROOM.

I'M SORRY, MS. CARTMAN.

I KNOW YOU SAID

THAT I WASN'T--

WHAT DO YOU

HAVE THERE?

JIMMY SAID

TO GET THE TOYS

AND THE STUFF

FOR THE FOSTER KIDS

AND MAKE SURE

THEY GET THEM

SINCE YOU WOULDN'T LET THEM

ON THE SHOW TODAY.

REALLY.

YES, MA'AM.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL,

YOU TAKE THOSE TOYS

BACK TO THE STUDIO,

BECAUSE TODAY...

WE'RE GONNA GIVE THEM

TO THE FOSTER KIDS.

WE ARE?

YES, WE ARE,

AND THEN I WANT YOU TO GO

TO THE PRODUCTION ACCOUNTANT

AND HAVE HIM GIVE YOU

AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU NEED

TO DOUBLE WHAT WE HAVE.

WHAT?

NOW, YOU GET MOVIN',

BEFORE I DECIDE

NOT TO GIVE YOU

THAT NICE

CHRISTMAS BONUS.

YES, MA'AM.

[LAUGHS]

JOY TO THE WORLD.

MORGAN, WE ARE SO EXCITED

TO HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.

I CAN'T WAIT

TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT ALL THE WONDERFUL

CHARITY WORK YOU DO.

IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT'S

TRULY BROUGHT ME HAPPINESS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S ALWAYS

REALLY REWARDING,

BUT AROUND THE HOLIDAYS, IT JUST

MAKES IT EXTRA SPECIAL, YOU KNOW?

WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING

YOU'RE DOING,

HELPING PEOPLE.

THANK YOU.

NOW, DON'T BE SURPRISED

IF FROM NOW ON

YOU SEE ME DOWN THERE

JUST LENDING A HELPING HAND,

HEY, I'M GONNA

HOLD YOU TO THAT.

OK.

EXCUSE ME, MS. MADDOX.

CAROL, WE NEED YOU

IN WARDROBE.

WE'RE LIVE IN 30.

JIMMY, TELL THEM

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

I DON'T WANT ANYONE

WAITING FOR ME.

OH, SORRY. ONE SECOND.

JIMMY, NOW, I DON'T WANT

TO SOUND CONTROLLING

OR ANYTHING,

BUT I DON'T THINK

WE SHOULD USE THAT SANTA.

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE IT'S NOT RIGHT.

IT'S NOT RIGHT

TO MAKE FUN OF HIM...

OR THIS HOLIDAY.

WELL, HAL'S NOT GONNA BE

TOO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

YOU GO TELL HAL

THAT WE ARE GONNA GIVE

HIM A FABULOUS SHOW,

AND WE WON'T HAVE TO

LOWER OURSELVES.

OK.

THANK YOU.

MORGAN, I'D LOVE TO TALK

TO YOU MORE LATER ABOUT THIS.

YEAH.

SEE YA OUT THERE. OK.

Jimmy: AND WE ARE BACK

IN 5...4...

3...

2...

[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: WELCOME BACK

TO CAROL'S LIVE

CHRISTMAS EVE SPECIAL.

I GOTTA TELL YOU,

UP UNTIL

A LITTLE WHILE AGO,

I DIDN'T WANNA

DO THIS SHOW,

BUT I HAVE

BEEN GIVEN A GIFT.

I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE BEST

CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER.

I HAVE BEEN GIVEN

THE OPPORTUNITY

TO HOLD THE SPIRIT

OF CHRISTMAS IN MY HEART

NOT JUST THIS TIME OF YEAR,

BUT ALL YEAR LONG.

I HAVE ALSO BEEN GIVEN

THE OPPORTUNITY

TO THANK SOME PEOPLE,

AND I WANNA THANK THE PEOPLE

THAT HAVE MADE THIS SHOW

SO SUCCESSFUL.

MY WONDERFUL,

WONDERFUL CREW.

[APPLAUSE]

AND TO THANK THEM PROPERLY,

I WANNA SHARE MY SUCCESS

WITH THEM.

SO NO SOAP AND SHAMPOO

THIS YEAR.

AS SOON AS WE GET

OUR NEXT BREAK,

I AM TAKING MY ENTIRE CREW

AND STAFF

AND THEIR FAMILIES--

TO HAWAII.

[CROWD GASPS AND MURMURS]

[APPLAUSE]

OH, MY GOD!

THIS IS WHAT THIS HOLIDAY

IS ALL ABOUT.

IT'S A TIME TO HELP PEOPLE

WHO MIGHT BE LESS FORTUNATE

THAN YOU.

IT'S A TIME TO CELEBRATE

ALL THE GOOD THINGS

THAT YOU HAVE,

AND IT'S A TIME

TO BE THANKFUL

FOR YOUR BLESSINGS.

THIS FEELING SHOULDN'T

JUST BE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

IT SHOULD BE ALL YEAR LONG,

SO I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL

ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

I HAVE BEEN HOUNDED

FOR YEARS

FROM DIFFERENT COMPANIES

WANTING TO PUT MY NAME

ON BEAUTY PRODUCTS

AND CLOTHING LINES,

EVEN KITCHENWARE,

WHICH IS PRETTY RIDICULOUS

SINCE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE

THE KITCHEN IS IN MY HOUSE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS...

I DIDN'T WANNA DO IT

UNTIL NOW.

SO I'VE DECIDED I'M GONNA

LET THEM USE MY NAME,

AND I'VE ALSO DECIDED

THAT I WANT ALL THE PROFITS

TO BE USED TO HELP PEOPLE.

AND I CAN'T THINK

OF A BETTER WAY

TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN

THAN FOR THE PROFITS

TO GO TO ALL THE HOMELESS

SHELTERS AROUND THE CITY...

THAT MY OLD FRIEND,

GOOD GUY OF THE YEAR,

JOHN JOYCE HAS OPENED.

[APPLAUSE]

SO...

HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS!

AND BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

Director: AND WE'RE OUT.

THAT'S A WRAP, PEOPLE.

NICE JOB, KID.

GREAT JOB, CAROL.

NICE GOIN', BOSS.

BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK THAT WAS

AN OK SHOW.

THAT WAS THE BEST CAROL

CARTMAN SHOW EVER.

MMM. THE BEST

IS YET TO COME.

Hal, laughing:

OH, CAROL!

THAT WAS FABULOUS!

BOY, YOU KEEP

DOING SHOWS LIKE THIS,

AND YOU'RE GONNA BE ON

FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

HAL, I PLAN ON IT.

I'M SORRY

ABOUT THE SANTA.

NAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I WAS WRONG.

THAT KIND OF THING IS NOT

CAROL CARTMAN SHOW MATERIAL.

NICE JOB!

MOMMY, CAN CAROL

COME OVER

FOR CHRISTMAS

TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK I, UH--

I'LL TAKE A RAIN CHECK.

THERE'S SOMEWHERE ELSE

I REALLY NEED TO BE TONIGHT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

All: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

COME ON, DAD, PLEASE?

CAN'T WE OPEN ALL

OUR PRESENTS TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW OUR TRADITION:

ONE ON CHRISTMAS EVE

AND THE REST

ON CHRISTMAS MORNING.

BUT, DAD,

HOW ARE WE GONNA KNOW

WHICH PRESENTS SANTA

LEFT BEHIND?

YEAH. WHAT IF OUR REGULAR

PRESENTS GET CONFUSED WITH HIS?

MM-HMM.

WE SHOULD REALLY MAKE

HIS PRESENTS SPECIAL.

HE DID WORK ALL YEAR

TO MAKE THEM.

OK.

WHICH PRESENT

DO YOU WANNA OPEN UP?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

JERRY, GO SEE WHO THAT IS,

AND IF IT'S SANTA,

TELL HIM I HAVE 2 VERY

NAUGHTY LITTLE KIDS IN HERE!

[BOTH LAUGH]

CAROL.

HI.

CAROL.

COME ON IN.

CAROL!

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

COME IN! COME IN!

Both: AUNT CAROL!

HI, GUYS! HI! OHH!

WOW! WHO ARE

THOSE FOR?

THESE ARE FOR YOU!

BUT YOU ALREADY

GOT US A PRESENT.

IT'S UNDER THE TREE.

COME HERE.

CAN I TELL YOU GUYS A SECRET

THAT I'M NOT TOO PROUD OF?

THOSE PRESENTS

UNDER THE TREE?

I DIDN'T BUY THEM.

I HAD MY ASSISTANT ROBERTA

GO GET THEM.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS TOO BUSY

TO BUY MY FAMILY PRESENTS...

BUT I WAS WRONG. I'M SORRY.

DON'T WORRY.

WE STILL LOVE YOU.

THANKS, BUDDY.

HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE

FOR DINNER.

I'M JUST SO HAPPY

THAT YOU'RE HERE.

THANK YOU.

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

LITTLE SISTER.

IS THAT POPCORN

YOU GUYS ARE STRINGING?

YEAH. WANNA HELP?

MORE THAN ANYTHING, YES.

I'M GONNA GO

CHECK ON THE TURKEY.

MM-HMM.

AUNT CAROL?

DID YOU LIKE THE

PRESENTS WE MADE YOU?

DID I LIKE THEM?

I LOVE THEM! [LAUGHS]

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS MADE

THOSE ALL BY YOURSELVES.

YOU KNOW, DAD,

AUNT CAROL BROUGHT

ALL THESE PRESENTS,

AND SHE'S NOT GONNA

BE HERE TOMORROW,

SO SHE PROBABLY WANTS TO

WATCH US OPEN THEM TONIGHT.

DON'T YOU?

OF COURSE.

Jerry: OK,

BUT AFTER DINNER.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'LL GET IT.

JOHN.

JERRY.

HOW ARE YA?

GOOD. YEAH.

JOHN! HI!

HOW YOU DOIN'?

GOOD! COME IN!

LISTEN, I AM SO SORRY FOR INTRUDING.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I SAW CAROL'S SHOW,

AND BY THE TIME I GOT

TO THE STUDIO,

SHE WAS GONE,

AND I WAS WONDERING

IF YOU KNEW WHERE SHE...

HI.

UM, DINNER WON'T BE READY

FOR A FEW MINUTES,

SO IF YOU TWO WANNA

TAKE SOME TIME...

YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY

FOR DINNER, JOHN.

THANK YOU. UM...

OH.

I-- I SHOULD

PROBABLY GET BACK

AND HELP FINISH PREPARING

THE MEALS FOR TOMORROW.

WE COULD HAVE DINNER,

AND...

THEN WE COULD STILL GET BACK

IN TIME TO HELP OUT.

WE?

WE.

I WAS HOPING YOU'D

BE WATCHING THE SHOW TODAY.

YEAH?

I'LL LET YOU IN

ON A LITTLE SECRET.

I RARELY MISS IT.

[BOTH LAUGH]

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY TO

MAKE YOU SAY WHAT YOU DID?

A FEW FRIENDS

HELPED ME REALIZE

I HAVEN'T BEEN

A VERY NICE PERSON...

AND I WANNA CHANGE THAT.

I'VE ALWAYS SAID...

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LET

THE REAL CAROL COME OUT...

THE CAROL THAT I

FELL IN LOVE WITH.

YOU ONCE SAID THE CAROL

YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH

HAD DISAPPEARED FOR GOOD.

SHE DIDN'T.

SHE WAS JUST MISSING

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

"...AND TO TINY TIM,

WHO DID NOT DIE,

"HE WAS A SECOND FATHER.

"SCROOGE WAS BETTER

THAN HIS WORD.

"HE DID IT ALL

AND INFINITELY MORE,

"AND IT WAS ALWAYS

SAID OF HIM

"THAT HE KNEW HOW

TO KEEP CHRISTMAS WELL,

"IF ANY MAN ALIVE

POSSESSED THE KNOWLEDGE.

"MAY THAT BE TRULY

SAID OF US

"AND OF ALL OF US.

AND SO,

AS TINY TIM OBSERVED..."

GO AHEAD.

GOD BLESS US,

EVERY ONE.

SO,

DO YOU REALLY THINK

WE GOT TO HER?

OH, I THINK WE

SCARED HER REAL GOOD.

YEAH, THERE'S A LOT

OF GOOD IN PEOPLE,

AND SOMETIMES ALL THEY

NEED IS A LITTLE JOLT

TO GET 'EM BACK ON TRACK.

WELL, I HOPE

WE JOLTED HER ENOUGH.

OH, CAROL'S

GONNA BE JUST FINE.

MAYBE SHE'LL MAKE

THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE

FOR A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

AMEN TO THAT.

All: ♪ JOY TO THE WORLD

♪ THE LORD IS COME

♪ LET EARTH RECEIVE

HER KING ♪

♪ WHILE FIELDS AND FLOODS

♪ ROCKS, HILLS,

AND STREAMS ♪

♪ REPEAT THE SOUNDING JOY

♪ AND HEAVEN

♪ AND NATURE SING

[ALL LAUGH]

[ROCK INSTRUMENTAL

OF DECK THE HALLS PLAYING]

♪

A Carol Christmas (2003) - full transcript