A Birder's Guide to Everything (2013) - full transcript
David Portnoy, a fifteen-year-old birding fanatic, thinks that he's made the discovery of a lifetime. So, on the eve of his father's remarriage, he escapes on an epic road trip with his best friends to solidify their place in birding history.
GET YOUR BINOCULARS OUT.
OK, KEEP LOOKING.
KEEP LOOKING.
SEE IF YOU SEE IT.
UP IN THERE.
DO YOU SEE IT?
LOOK AGAIN.
IT'S RIGHT ABOVE THAT
BRANCH RIGHT THERE.
LET ME SEE IF I CAN
GET IT ON THE CAMERA.
RED-EYED VIRIO.
RED-EYED VIRIO, RIGHT THERE.
THERE WE GO.
NO.
YEAH, KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.
SO WE'LL JUST GO WITH
SUPER CRISPY CAJUN HOMESTYLE
JUST TO KEEP EVERYBODY HAPPY.
I KNOW. TOTALLY.
TOTALLY.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT SHE
SAID. SHE'S LIKE
WHAT DO YOU THINK PEOPLE
ARE GOING TO EXPECT
AT YOUR WEDDING? LOBSTER?
ALRIGHT, WELL LET'S JUST
TALK SIDES FOR A SECOND.
NO, I DO NOT JUST
PAY YOU COMPLIMENTS
WHEN I WANT SOMETHING.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
I DO WANT SOMETHING.
SHE WANTS PLATES, UH,
MADE OUT OF RECYCLING.
STEVE, I'll CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE ROOF?
I'M FINE.
YOU'RE BLEEDING.
SHIT.
THAT'S A NICE PERK.
HAVING A NURSE IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S A CLEAN SCRATCH.
IT'LL HEAL IN NO TIME.
OK, SO UM, SO WE'LL GET THE
GUTTER FIXED BY SUNDAY
WHICH IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
I KNOW I GUY... BUT CAN WE ALL
AGREE ON THE NO BIRD WATCHING
ON THE ROOF RULE? HMM?
I THINK YOU MEAN BIRDING.
ANYWAY, I DON'T THINK IT'S
UNREASONABLE TO NOT WANT
TO SEE YOU GET KILLED.
OH, HEY STEVE. THANKS
FOR CALLING BACK.
HOW'S THE TOAST COMING ALONG?
DON'T I JUST SAY HERE'S
TO DAD AND JULIANA?
YEAH.
BUT TYPICALLY THE BEST
MAN WILL SAY A LITTLE
MORE ABOUT THE COUPLE.
TELL A STORY.
CRACK A FEW JOKES, AND
EMBARRASS YOUR OLD MAN A LITTLE.
YEAH, I WAS THINKING MIGUEL
WOULD DO THE WHOLE SPEECH THING.
OK, SO DEFEND THESE WITH
YOUR LIFE. AND I MEAN THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT,
ACTUALLY THIS IS
A DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN.
I CAN GIVE IT TO
YOU ON THE BIG DAY.
THE TOAST
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE ANYTHING BIG.
OH GOD, JULIANA.
I GOTTA GO.
SEE YA DAD.
WHAT?
I FLASHED HIM.
I MEAN, YOU'VE TALKED TO
HIM ABOUT ALL THIS, RIGHT?
YEAH.
♪♪
WELL I GOT SOME NEWS.
WHAT?
CAROLINE QUIT YBS.
WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
SOME BULLSHIT ABOUT THE
WHOLE TUFTED TITMOUSE THING.
IT'S TOTAL INSANITY.
OH SHIT, OK HERE COMES EVELYN.
ON MY COUNT, JUST PRETEND
LIKE I SAID SOMETHING
REALLY FUNNY ALRIGHT?
- WHAT?
- NO, DON'T LOOK.
THREE, TWO, ONE.
WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?
HI.
- HEY.
- HI.
SO TODAY IS REALLY
BANNER DAY FOR US, HUH?
WHY IS THAT?
WELL I MEAN, I THOUGHT
PERSONALLY, OUR APPROACH TO
HYDROCHLORIC ACID WAS EXEMPLARY.
- TOTALLY.
- YEAH.
SO, DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO...?
YES, I DID, I DID.
YEAH, I THINK I DID
A PRETTY GOOD JOB.
OH BOY.
THANKS SO MUCH.
NO PROBLEM.
BYE.
IS THAT HER HOMEWORK?
YEAH. SHE TOTALLY WANTS ME.
IT'S TIME TO TAKE THIS WHOLE
BEING LAB PARTNERS THING
TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
OH, TIMMY, TIMMY, TIMMY.
SEX LEVEL, IF YOU
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
OK.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
GIVE IT TO ME, TIMMY.
GET OUT OF HERE.
TIMMY, TIMMY, I WANT YOU SO BAD.
I WANT YOU IN MY PANTS, TIMMY.
SHHH.
YOUNG BIRDERS
SOCIETY ALL PRESENT.
MR. SECRETARY, PLEASE
READ THE MINUTES.
UM, WHERE'S-WHERE'S CAROLINE?
SHE'S NO LONGER A MEMBER.
WHY?
MOSTLY BECAUSE HER
HEART WASN'T IN BIRDING.
IS THAT A PROBLEM, ROB?
UH, YEAH... WELL, I JUST
WANTED TO BE IN A CLUB
GET OUT.
WHAT?
THIS ISN'T A DATING SERVICE.
JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
I WON'T MISS THIS.
ALRIGHT, SO NOW THAT WE'RE DOWN
TO THREE, I DON'T THINK WE'RE
TECHNICALLY A CLUB
ANYMORE BY SCHOOL RULES.
LET'S JUST GET ON
WITH THE MEETING.
YOUNG BIRDERS
SOCIETY ALL PRESENT.
MR. SECRETARY, PLEASE
READ THE MINUTES.
THANK YOU, MR. CHAIRMAN.
I HEREBY SUBMIT THE MINUTES FROM
THE MEETING DATED 4TH OF MARCH.
IN NEW BUSINESS, PETER NESSBAUMB
WAS AWARDED A GOLDEN FEATHER BY
UNANIMOUS VOTE FOR SIGHTING
THE LONG-TAILED JAEGER.
MY PROPOSITION TO INVESTIGATE
THE PURCHASE OF A HANG GLIDER
WAS DEFEATED FOUR TO ONE DESPITE
IT BEING AN AWESOME IDEA.
FINALLY CAROLINE HALPERN
THREATENED TO QUIT YBS
IF I DIDN'T STOP CALLING HER
TUFTED TITMOUSE, AND UM
WELL SHE ENDED UP QUITTING.
MR. CHAIRMAN.
THANK YOU MR. BARSKY.
MR. CHAIRMAN?
MR. PORTNOY?
I MOVE TO POSTPONE OFFICER
REPORTS, COMMITTEE REPORTS,
AND SPECIAL ORDERS AND PROCEED
DIRECTLY TO NEW BUSINESS.
ALL FOR IT?
YAY.
ALL OPPOSED?
NAH.
THE MOTION PASSES
TWO VOTES TO ONE.
IS THERE ANY NEW BUSINESS?
UH, MR. CHAIRMAN?
THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES
DAVID PORTNOY.
I SPOTTED THIS ON THE
STREET THIS MORNING.
I GOT A WEIRD FEELING ABOUT IT.
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ECLIPSE
PLUMAGE WHITE-WING SCOTER.
NUH HUH, LOOK AT THE
WAY THE NAPE
A MOVE TO MARK THE IMAGE AS
INCLUSIVE AND CARRY
ON WITH THE MEETING.
MOVE TO FIND THE BIRD AGAIN.
THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES HIMSELF.
MR. PORTNOY, THIS ISN'T THE
FIRST TIME YOU BROUGHT SOMETHING
LIKE THIS TO THE COMMITTEE.
FOR REFERENCE, I SET THE
ALLEGED SUNGRY LAST SUMMER.
I DIDN'T HAVE A PICTURE.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, THERE'S
A CREDIBILITY GAP HERE.
MR. BARSKY?
WHILE I APPRECIATE THE SPIRIT
OF DAVID'S PROPOSAL, A RARE BIRD
SIGHTING CERTAINLY COULD
REVERSE SINKING MEMBERSHIP
BUT IN MY OPINION, I THINK WE
SHOULD STICK TO MORE AGGRESSIVE
RECRUITMENT STRATEGIES.
LIKE GETTING A HANG GLIDER.
THANK YOU. THAT'S
ALL MR. CHAIRMAN.
- ALL FOR FINDING DAVID'S DUCK?
- YAY.
- ALL OPPOSED?
- NAY.
THE MOTION'S DEFEATED
BY A VOTE OF TWO TO ONE.
DAMNIT.
DAVE?
DAVE, IS THAT YOU?
COME UP HERE.
- HEY.
- HI.
SO I GOT EVERYTHING KIND
OF SORTED OUT INTO
THREE MAIN GROUPS.
SAVE, THROW, CHARITY.
YOU GOT SOMETHING ON
YOUR LIP. WHAT'S THAT?
NOTHING.
A PEN EXPLODED.
WAIT, ARE YOU KIDDING?
WELL I THOUGHT I'D
SAVE THE GOOD ONES.
MOM WORKED REALLY
HARD FOR ALL OF THESE.
OK, WELL, YEAH... I MEAN, OF
COURSE YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
OF COURSE WE'LL KEEP THEM.
WHAT'S THIS?
BLENDER?
OH YOU KNOW WHAT? JULIANA'S
GOT A REALLY NICE BLENDER.
I WAS THINKING WE'D JUST
GIVE THAT ONE TO TED.
YEAH, I'D RATHER WE
GAVE JULIANA'S TO TED.
SURE.
LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'll TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO MEET
THIS STRING QUARTET IN LIKE
LITERALLY... TEN MINUTES.
SO WHY DON'T YOU DO THIS?
TAKE THESE, MARK WHAT
YOU WANT TO KEEP.
THE REST WE'LL EITHER CHUCK
OR WE'LL GIVE TO GOODWILL.
ALRIGHT? OK? PROBLEM SOLVED?
FINE.
YEAH?
SEE YA.
YOU'RE THE CAMERA GUY NOW, HUH?
YEAH.
OK, YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR BIRDS, NOT MOM.
BIRDS.
BIRDS, NOT ME.
WHERE THE HELL IS DAVID?
HE'S RIGHT THERE.
NOT COOL, MAN.
SORRY.
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
WE'RE IN CRISIS MODE HERE.
I'M SORRY.
I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND
OH WOW,
OK, SO I CHECKED EVERY SCAUR,
SCOTER, EIDER, INCLUDING THE
PALEARCTIC, NEOTROPICAL OPTIONS.
NONE OF THEM ARE A MATCH.
THIS AGAIN?
DID YOU EVEN SLEEP?
OK. SO THEN I THOUGHT MAYBE
IT'S RARER THAN THOSE.
WELL THE CRITICALLY ENDANGERED
DUCKS CONSIST OF THE WEST
INDIAN WHISTLING, THE LAYSAN,
AND THE WHITE-HEADED DUCK.
BUT IT'S NOT ANY OF THOSE.
SO WHAT'S RARER THAN
CRITICALLY ENDANGERED?
I MEAN NOTHING.
AFTER CRITICALLY
ENDANGERED IT GOES EXTINCT.
EXACTLY.
OH MY GOD.
AH DAMNIT.
CAMPTORHYNCHUS LABRADORIUS.
AH, THIS WOULD BE SO HUGE.
IF EVELYN REED KNEW I
REDISCOVERED AN EXTINCT DUCK,
SHE'D DEFINITELY LET ME DO IT.
POSSIBLY DOGGIE STYLE.
IT'S CALLED
RETROCOPULATION, MAN.
THE TERM DOGGIE STYLE IS
OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN AND
POSSIBLY DOGS AS WELL.
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
GUYS, YOU'RE BOTH
MISSING THE POINT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YEAH, I MEAN IT HAS TO
BE A FEMALE, NOT A MALE.
OOH THE WING MARKS CONCERN
ME, BUT TO BE FAIR,
WING MARKS ALWAYS CONCERN ME.
B TEAMS
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
OK, WE NEED TO FIND
THIS DUCK AGAIN.
OH WHAT WE NEED IS
AN EXPERT OPINION.
WELL, UH, I CAN GET US A
MEETING WITH LAWRENCE CONRAD.
JUST BECAUSE HE SAID YOU HAD
NICE STYLE AT A BOOK SIGNING.
UM, HE SAID I HAD
INTERESTING STYLE, AND YES,
THAT'S EXACTLY WHY. DICK.
HELLO?
HE'S TOO BUSY. I TOLD YOU THIS.
HELLO?
WHAT?
OH SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
MY SECRETARY'S AT LUNCH AND
THIS THING SHOULD HAVE
THERE YOU GO, ANYONE?
UH, YELLOW WARBLER.
BRAVO. DO COME IN.
NOPE.
NO, NO.
THAT'S ALL WRONG.
YEAH WELL, IT DOES
DECLINE AT THE NAPE.
WHICH ONE OF YOU SAW IT?
UH, I DID.
I'M SORRY THE
PICTURE'S SO BLURRY.
I WAS ON MY BIKE
WHEN I SPOTTED IT.
ON YOUR BIKE?
THAT'S MARVELOUS.
THAT'S THE GREAT THING
ABOUT THIS FIELD.
IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE A
HIGH SCHOOL KID ON YOUR BIKE,
OR
AN OLD EGG HEAD LIKE ME WITH
A BOAT LOAD OF SILLY DEGREES.
ABSOLUTELY ANYONE
CAN BE A BIRDER.
EXCEPT FOR BLIND PEOPLE I SPOSE.
SO YOU THINK IT COULD
ACTUALLY BE A RARE
CLOSE THE DOOR, PLEASE.
ANY OF YOU FAMILIAR WITH
THE TERM LAZARUS SPECIES?
YOU, GLASSES.
AN ORGANISM REDISCOVERED
ALIVE AFTER HAVING BEEN
CONSIDERED EXTINCT.
AND WHILE LAZARUS SPECIES ARE
VERY RARE, HERE IN AMERICA,
I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BEING
AMONGST THOSE WHO REFOUND THE
IVORY BILLED WOODPECKER IN 2005,
THOUGH CERTAIN SCIENTISTS
DO DISPUTE MY CLAIM.
FOOLS.
FEBRUARY 20TH, 2005.
I REMEMBER BECAUSE IT WAS
THREE WEEKS AFTER MY LIFE
MAGELLANIC WOODPECKER IN CHILE,
QUITE A MONTH FOR CAMPEPHILUS.
YOU REMEMBER ALL THE
DATES ON YOUR LIFE LIST?
NOW... ON MAY 13TH OF
THIS YEAR, WE MIGHT
I DO STRESS "MIGHT"
HAVE SPOTTED
YES.
CAMPTORHYNCHUS LABRODORIOUS.
MMHMM.
THE FIRST BIRD TO GO
EXTINCT IN NORTH AMERICA.
NO ONE HAS SEEN ONE OF
THESE FELLAS SINCE 1878.
SO DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
DAVID SAW A LABRADOR DUCK?
OF COURSE THE PHOTO'S TOO
BLURRY TO PROVE ANYTHING.
AND CERTAINLY OUT OF
CONSIDERATION FOR PUBLICATION.
TRUST ME WHAT BIRDERS DO NOT
NEED IS MORE CONTROVERSY.
NO, I THINK THE ONLY THING TO DO
HERE IS TO FIND THE BIRD AGAIN.
WELL IT'S PROBABLY MIGRATING.
IT COULD BE ANYWHERE.
WHICH MEANS YOU NEED
TO GET A MOVE ON.
THE LABRADOR IS CLOSELY RELATED
TO SEA DUCKS. SUCH AS EIDERS.
IT'S PROBABLY HEADING NORTH,
MAYBE EVEN MIGRATING WITH
SCOTERS. NOW THE GOOD NEWS FOR
YOU, IS THAT IT'LL BE ATTRACTED
TO THE LARGEST INLAND BODIES
OF WATER BEFORE IT HITS THE
COAST. NOW MY GUESS IS, IT'LL
BE IN SOUTHERN CONNECTICUT
BY SUN FALL TOMORROW.
SO YOU THINK IT'S ACTUALLY
POSSIBLE TO FIND IT AGAIN?
I DO.
BUT I MUST WARN YOU,
I LOVE THE CHASE.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
YOU'VE READ MY MEMOIR.
"LOOK TO THE SKIES,"
I'VE READ IT FIVE TIMES.
THEN I DON'T NEED TO TELL
YOU THAT I SPENT 15 MONTHS IN
ECUADOR TRACKING THE
PALE-HEADED BRUSH FINCH ONLY TO
LEARN THAT IT WAS A MERE
WHITE-HEADED BRUSH FINCH.
IF I'D FACED FACTS A FEW DAYS
EARLIER, YOU'D BE LOOKING
AT A MAN WITH
TWO LEGS.
I WON'T DENY IT, I'M STARTING
TO GET VERY JEALOUS OF YOU LADS.
WE HAVE, UM, MODERN EUROPEAN
HISTORY CLASS IN 25 MINUTES.
FAIR ENOUGH.
WELL DO KEEP ME INFORMED.
NEVER HESITATE TO CALL.
OH, AND ONE PIECE OF ADVICE
FROM AN OLD TWITCHER,
GET YOURSELVES A BETTER CAMERA.
ONE WITH A SMALL TELEPHOTO LENS.
YEAH, I CAN DEFINITELY DO THAT.
EXCELLENT.
HAVING THE WRONG GEAR IS
PRECISELY WHY THIS PHOTO
IS ULTIMATELY USELESS.
GOOD LUCK, GENTLEMAN.
DR. CONRAD.
DR. CONRAD?
COULD YOU, UM, SIGN MY BOOK?
FIRST EDITION.
YEAH.
PORTNOY.
WAS YOUR MOTHER DOROTHY PORTNOY?
YOU KNOW MY MOTHER?
OF COURSE.
BACK IN THE 80S AND 90S, SHE
HELPED PIONEER THE USE OF
MARINE RADAR TO PREDICT
MIGRATANT FALL OUT.
SHE WAS A REAL UNSUNG
HERO OF BIRDING.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AWFUL.
I'M DEEPLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
WHY?
IT'S WAY TOO INTENSE.
I MEAN, I'M SORRY BUT THIS
WOULD AN OFFICIAL YBS MEETING.
OK, MOVE TO DISCUSS.
UM, SECOND.
ALRIGHT, THE CHAIR
RECOGNIZES TIMOTHY BARSKY.
THANK YOU.
CHAIRMAN, MR. PORTNQY, SIMPLY
PUT, WE MUST FIND THIS BIRD.
I THINK IT COULD REPRESENT A NEW
HOPE FOR YBS, WHICH FRANKLY IS
ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE.
I THINK WITH THE RIGHT
PUBLICITY, SIGHTING OF THE
LABRADOR DUCK COULD BOOST
MEMBERSHIP, AND THE THREE OF US
COULD REAP UNTOLD REWARDS.
FAME-WISE, MONEY-WISE,
AND VAGINA-WISE.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL, MR. CHAIRMAN.
I CONCUR. MOVE TO VOTE.
SECOND.
ALL IN FAVOR OF SEARCHING FOR
THE EXTINCT LABRADOR DUCK?
YAY.
ALL OPPOSED. NAY.
MOTION PASSES TWO TO ONE.
I'll DROP THE BUDGET.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I WANT TO.
YEAH?
HEY, UH... I LEFT SOMETHING
IN THE LAB YESTERDAY.
OH, OK.
I'M ELLEN, BY THE WAY.
WHAT?
WE'RE IN A CLASS TOGETHER,
SO I'M TELLING YOU WHO I AM.
OH.
HI.
HI, THERE YOU GO.
ALRIGHT, SO GIVEN THE EXPECTED
SPEED OF THE LABRADOR DUCK,
IN ITS PRESUMED TRAJECTORY,
THE BIRD WILL BE FORCED
TO REST IN ITS FIFTEEN MILE
RADIUS ENCOMPASSING
CEDAR LAKE OR COCKAPONSET.
OK, WELL I'M PUTTING MY
MONEY ON COCKAPONSET.
AND NOT JUST BECAUSE IT
HAS THE WORD COCK IN IT.
WELL, I STILL MAINTAIN IT'S A
LONGSHOT AT BEST, BUT AS PLACES
GO, YOU KNOW? IT'S MORE
LIKELY THAN MOST.
OH, ON THE TRANSPORTATION
FRONT, MY COUSIN ERIC SAID
HE'D LOAN ME SOME WHEELS.
HE DID?
YEAH. HE'S A COOL GUY.
HE LIKES ME A LOT.
HEY, ISN'T YOUR DAD GETTING
MARRIED THIS WEEKEND?
YEP. THIS IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
DAVID?
YEAH.
DAVID. OH HI BOYS.
HELLO MRS. SANTOS.
JULIANA! OW.
DAVID, THERE IS SOMEBODY
HERE TO SEE YOU.
A GIRL FROM YOUR
SCHOOL, I THINK.
GO ON IN, HON.
THANK YOU.
YOU STOLE YOU THE LENS.
PREPOSTEROUS.
WHAT'S PROJECT ANUS?
ANAS, OK? AND IT'S NONE
OF YOUR BUSINESS.
JUST GIVE ME THE LENS.
AND WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU
HAVE OF THIS ALLEGED THEFT
OF THIS ALLEGED LENS?
WELL, IT WAS THERE
EARLIER THIS AFTERNOON.
I GAVE HIM THE KEYS,
HE WENT INTO THE LAB,
AND THEN IT WAS GONE.
CIRCUMSTANTIAL.
IT'S SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
OH DAMNIT, PETER.
OH MY GOD.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF A LABRADOR DUCK?
I STILL DON'T GET WHY
IT'S CALLED PROJECT ANUS.
ANAS.
IT'S LATIN FOR DUCK.
YOU GUYS SPEAK LATIN?
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.
THIS WOULD SERIOUSLY WOULD
BE THE FIRST PHOTO OF
THIS EXTINCT DUCK?
YEAH. DEFINITELY.
IF I COME I'M
TAKING THE PICTURE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
OK, THAT'S NOT A POSSIBILITY.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
WHEN DO WE LEAVE?
♪ AM FROM TIMMY'S
COUSIN'S HOUSE.
25 SOUTH RIDGE DRIVE.
COOL.
WHERE THE HELL DID
THAT COME FROM?
SHE MADE ME NERVOUS, OK?
OK, WELL ON THE FLIP SIDE, ONE
OR POSSIBLY MORE OF US WILL GET
SOME ACTION THIS WEEKEND.
MOST LIKELY BEING ME.
NOPE, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
HEY, NEED SOME HELP?
I GOT IT.
WHERE YOU GOING?
TIMMY'S.
SLEEPING OVER TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING MARRIED.
TOMORROW.
I'll BE BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME.
C'MON DAD, IT'S IMPORTANT.
I GOTTA GO.
ALRIGHT. OK, OK.
I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE
YOU YOUR GRIEVING SPACE.
DON'T DR. SCHULTZ
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, THE
REHEARSAL IS AT 10 AM.
THE REHEARSAL?
YEAH.
IT'S WALKING FROM ONE SIDE OF
THE LAWN TO THE OTHER, RIGHT?
OK, C'MON. TIME OUT.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I GET THAT IT'S ALL GOTTA
SEEM PRETTY WEIRD TO YOU,
AND MAYBE JULIANA'S NOT YOUR
FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD
DAD, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
FAST FORWARD TEN YEARS FROM
NOW, SHE'S GONNA REALLY CARE,
SHE'S GONNA BE A REALLY COOL,
KICKASS MOM.I MEAN, YOU GOTTA
LOOK AT THINGS, LIKE...
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
WHAT?
FOR A REASON?
YOU KNOW, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE SAID THAT.
THAT'S NOT-THAT'S NOT WHAT
I MEANT TO SAY.
WHAT I MEANT
BULLSHIT.
C'MON, DAVID.
YOU ARE TOO FAST.
I GOTCHYA.
SORRY, I'M LATE.
HAVE WE CONFIRMED HE
KNOWS WE'RE COMING?
YES.
ERIC?
TIMMY.
MY MAN.
ERIC.
MY MAN.
UM, DO YOU THINK WE COULD
GRAB THOSE KEYS NOW?
OH YEAH, KEYS.
TOTALLY.
COULD YOU GO GET THEM NOW?
SURE.
YOU'RE ERIC'S COUSIN?
YEAH, FIRST COUSIN.
THESE ARE KEYS ARE KEYS
TO A KRYPTONITE BIKE LOCK.
WAIT, YOU WANTED
TO BORROW MY CAR?
YEAH.
TIMMY, I'M NOT GOING
TO LEND YOU MY CAR.
WHY NOT?
FOR LIKE SEVERAL REASONS.
THERE ARE INSURANCE ISSUES THAT
WOULD NOT BE EASY TO RESOLVE,
TO SAY THE LEAST.
I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THAT
YOU OR ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE
SAFE AND/OR RELIABLE DRIVERS.
NOT TO MENTION, TRISH AND I HAVE
PLANS TO USE THE CAR TO GO UP TO
SHEEP'S MEADOW TO HANG
OUT AND SMOKE WEED.
WELL HE DOES MAKE SOME
CONVINCING ARGUMENTS.
THANK YOU.
FINE, WELL THANKS ANYWAY, ERIC.
YOU'RE A REAL COOL GUY.
PS, GRANDMA THINKS
YOU'RE A COMMUNIST.
I AM A COMMUNIST.
BYE TIMMY'S LITTLE FRIENDS.
BYE.
I HATE HIM.
HE HADN'T DJED MY BARMITZVAH,
MY LIFE WOULD BE
A LOT BETTER RIGHT NOW.
BELIEVE YOU ME.
SO IS TRISH ERIC'S
STEADY GIRLFRIEND?
WHAT?
OH, FOUND IT.
EVER DRIVE A CABRIOLET, PETER?
ABSOLUTLEY NOT.
WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONLY
ONE WITH A LICENSE.
I'M NOT DRIVING A
STOLEN CAR, GUYS.
IT'S NOT A STOLEN CAR.
WE'LL BRING IT BACK TOMORROW,
HE'LL JUST THINK HE FORGOT
WHERE HE PARKED IT. RIGHT?
COME ON, MAN.
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
NOT BE A TOTAL PUSSY.
YOU CAN IMPRESS AN ACTUAL GIRL.
IT'S EXCITING.
ELLEN?
I THINK PETER SHOULD
DO WHAT HE WANTS.
BUT YEAH, I WOULD BE IMPRESSED.
VERY IMPRESSED.
THANKS.
PETER, JUST MERGE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
KIND OF PRESSURE THIS IS.
NO IDEA.
K, WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPAZZ.
YOU'RE GOING TO
KEEP IT UNDER 357
YES, I AM.
PROBABLY MORE DANGEROUS
TIMMY?
HOLY SHIT.
WHAT IS THIS? IS THAT
CRACK COCAINE?
I HAVE NO IDEA. MAYBE.
MAYBE?
JUST KEEP DRIVING PETER.
IT LOOKS LIKE
IT LOOKS LIKE CRYSTALS.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE
IT'S ROCK CANDY.
ELLEN, GROW UP. OK?
THEY'RE CRYSTALS.
OH SHIT.
WHAT?
CRYSTAL METH.
THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW.
WHAT?
NO, WE CAN'T JUST THROW
IT OUT THE WINDOW.
YES, WE CAN.
NO, PETER, THINK.
WHAT HAPPENS IF WE RETURN THE
CAR WITHOUT THE DRUGS, OK?
LIKE MAYBE ERIC WAS TRYING TO
SELL THEM ON BEHALF OF SOME DRUG
LORDS, AND THEN THE DRUG LORDS
COME LOOKING FOR THE MONEY,
SUDDENLY ERIC DOESN'T HAVE
THE MONEY OR THE DRUGS.
SO THEY KILL HIM.
OK?
ERIC SUCKS BUT HE
DOESN'T DESERVE TO DIE.
OK, JUST KEEP IT HIDDEN.
GIVE IT, ELLEN.
DONE.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
I'M SHOCKED. I'M REALLY SHOCKED.
PETER, FOR THE LOVE OF
GOD, YOU HAVE TO SPEED UP.
IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN A WAGON.
NOW WE'RE CRUISING.
THIS IS TOTALLY ILLEGAL.
PETER, IT'S FINE.
YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR
LEARNERS PERMIT.
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
SOUNDS LIKE BLACK
AND WHITE WARBLER.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A
RED BREASTED NUT HATCH
BUT IT'S COMING FROM THE ENGINE.
WHAT'S A FINCH LOOK LIKE?
A FINCH, IT'S KIND OF LIKE
A PERCHING BIRD WITH A
SMALL, SHARP, POINTY BILL.
COOL, MY BOYFRIEND'S BAND
IS CALLED THE REAL FINCHES.
THE REAL FINCHES?
HUH, SOUNDS LIKE A
REAL HARDCORE BAND.
RIGHT, 'CUZ YOU'RE INTO
MORE HARDCORE STUFF
LIKE BEETHOVEN.
UMM BARTOK, OK?
MAYBE LIKE LATE BEETHOVEN, YEAH.
RIGHT.
THESE ARE TOTALLY RETRO.
OH YEAH, THANKS.
THEY'RE MY MOM'S.
IS SHE A BIG BIRDER?
YOU KNOW HIS MOM IS DEAD, RIGHT?
WHAT?
OH, I GUESS IT WAS
BEFORE YOU MOVED HERE.
YEAH, DAVE DOESN'T
LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
THANKS, TIMMY.
OK, GUYS I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
I WANT EVERYONE TO REMAIN
STILL WHILE I TALK,
ESPECIALLY YOU, PETER.
THERE'S A VEHICLE THAT'S BEEN
TRAILING US FOR THE PAST
TEN MILES, AND THERE ARE
DEFINITELY GUNS IN THE VEHICLE.
OH MY GOD.
PETER, STAY STILL.
SORRY.
THEY COULD BE ERIC'S
DRUG LORD BOSSES.
DAVID, CAN YOU JUST SLOW
DOWN AND SEE IF THEY PASS US?
YEAH.
IT DOESN'T HAVE GUNS ON IT.
OH SHIT.
THERE THEY ARE.
AHH THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
HOW WAS THAT A CLOSE ONE?
IT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
HEY WHAT'S WITH ALL THE PEOPLE?
IS THIS LIKE AN IMPORTANT
DAY FOR BIRDING OR SOMETHING?
IT'S SATURDAY.
HEY, PORTNOY'S BACK.
HEY THEENY.
ARE YOU LIKE THE BOY WONDER OF
THE BIRDING WORLD OR SOMETHING?
NO. I JUST HAVEN'T
BEEN HERE IN AWHILE.
SO, WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE EXACTLY?
OK.
UM... FIRST YOU HAVE THE FEEDER
FILLERS, AND THEY JUST WANT A
BIRD FEEDER SO THAT THEY CAN
ATTRACT A BIRD LIKE A CARDINAL.
AND THEN THERE'S LISTERS,
LIKE THOSE GUYS OVER THERE.
NOW LISTERS, THEY LIKE
THE NUMBERS, THE DATA
SO THEY RECORD EVERYTHING ON
THESE VERY METICULOUS LIFE LISTS
SO IF MY DAD WAS A
BIRDER, HE'D BE A LISTER.
HE'S NOT A BIRDER?
NO.
HE OWNS FIVE CHICKEN HUTS.
HE LITERALLY MAKES A
LIVING KILLING BIRDS.
SO WHICH KIND OF BIRDER ARE YOU?
WELL THERE'S ONE MORE.
THE WATCHERS.
NOW, THE WATCHERS, THIS IS
LAWRENCE CONRAD'S DEFINITION,
UH... THEY WANT TO ACHIEVE A
TRANSCENDENT CONNECTION BETWEEN
NATURE THAT ERASES ANY
DISTINCTION BETWEEN, I GUESS,
HUMAN AND BIRDS' SOULS.
LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE A WATCHER.
WELL, THERE'S ACTUALLY VERY
FEW WATCHERS OUT THERE.
UM, LAWRENCE CONRAD SAYS THAT
IN THE WORLD OF BIRDING,
MOST OF US ARE JUST LISTERS
WHO STRIVE TO BE WATCHERS.
WHAT IS THAT?
OLD SCHOOL DUCK CALL.
HELP US IN FINDING THE
UH... THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?
NOTHING.
YOU GUYS HEADING OUT?
YEAH, WE'RE GOING
TO COCKAPONSET.
THE COCK.
YOU GUYS FROM AROUND HERE?
NO. SUMWORTH.
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU SEE UP THERE?
UH, HOODED WARBLERS, ACADIAN
FLYCATCHER, YELLOW-BILLED
CUCKOO, YELLOW-WINGED VERIO,
THIS ONE TIME I SAW
WAIT, YOU SAW A YELLOW-
WINGED VERIO IN NEW YORK?
YEAH.
WOW, WOW, WOW.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE, JEFF.
WHAT?
OH, I'M SORRY. I MEAN
A YELLOW-THROATED VERIO.
THERE YOU GO.
YEAH.
THERE IT IS.
SO, WHAT KIND OF STUFF
DO YOU GUYS SEE?
WE JUST HAD A GREAT
TRIP TO TANZANIA.
SAW AN USAMBARA EAGLE
OWL, AMONG OTHER THINGS.
NOT BAD FOR OUR FIRST YEAR.
FIRST YEAR? LAST
YEAR WE CLIMBED
THE SEVEN SUMMITS,
THIS YEAR WE'RE GOING FOR
THE WORLD BIG YEAR RECORD.
OH, SO YOU'RE NOT BIRDERS.
YOU'RE MORE LIKE
MOUNTAIN DEW ADS.
MORE LIKE EXTREME HOBBYISTS.
IT MEANS IN TEN MONTHS, WE'VE
SEEN OVER 315 ENDANGERED SPECIES
INCLUDING FINDING ONLY
THE SIXTH KNOWN NEST OF
A GRAUER'S BROADBILL.
THAT'S AMAZING.
YEAH.
DAVID SAW A LABRADOR DUCK.
YOU KNOW THAT'S EXTINCT, RIGHT?
YES. WELL MAYBE IT'S
NOT EXTINCT ANY MORE
NO, NO, SHE IS-SHE
IS NOT A BIRDER.
SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT
SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
YES, I DO.
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
OK. BECAUSE THAT-THAT IS A
PRETTY BIG CLAIM, YOU KNOW?
SPOTTING AN EXTINCT SPECIES.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE A
PHOTO OR ANYTHING?
NO. SHE'S CONFUSED.
WE CAN'T HAVE A PICTURE OF
SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST.
RIGHT.
WE SHOULD BE GOING.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
WELL, GOOD BIRDING.
GOOD BIRDING FELLAS.
GOOD BIRDING.
I'M SORRY, ELLEN.
YOU'RE A COMPLETE IDIOT.
WHATEVER.
THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME ANYWAY.
LET'S HOPE TO GOD YOU'RE RIGHT.
♪♪
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
DAVID?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST GONNA CATCH UP WITH THEM.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
THERE WE GO.
COULD THE LABRADOR
DUCK BE UP THERE?
NO, NO. THEY'RE CANADA GEESE.
♪♪
SHIT.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
DAMNIT. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT MUST BE RELATED TO THE
WARBLER NOISE. SHIT.
THE NUTHATCH NOISE.
OK, SHUT UP PETER.
I THINK IT'S JUST AN
OVERHEATED ALTERNATOR THING.
OR SOMETHING.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WE SHOULD GO HOME.
I KNEW IT.
I'M SORRY. YOU KNEW WHAT?
COME ON.
LOOK, WE ALL KNEW FROM
THE START IT WAS A MISTAKE
TO BRING YOU, OK?
YOU WERE LATE, YOU HAVE
TO PEE ALL THE TIME,
AND NOW YOU WANT TO QUIT.
I BROUGHT A TELEPHOTO
LENS AND FIVE YEARS OF
PHOTOGRAPHY EXPERIENCE.
WHAT DID YOU BRING?
OH, LET ME THINK. EXCELLENT
LEADERSHIP SKILLS, LOGIC
AN ORANGE BELT
OK? FLUENCY IN LATIN
AND ESPANOL
AWESOME LOGIC SKILLS.
YOU SAID THAT ALREADY.
GUYS, I'M GOING TO
GO CALL TRIPLE A.
OK, WHERE ARE WE EXACTLY?
UM, WE'RE SOMEWHERE
NEAR WOODSTOCK.
WAIT, WOODSTOCK?
YEAH.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL?
BOOTY CALL.
THE REED'S HAVE
A HOUSE OUT HERE.
WAIT, EVELYN REED?
YEAH.
HEY, EVELYN.
IT'S TIMMY.
TIMMY.
TIMMY BARSKY.
TIMMY B
WE SHOULD GET A BACKUP.
NO, THEY'RE FRIENDS... KIND OF.
I MEAN, I GUESS SHE DOES CALL
HIM HER PERSONAL MATH HOBBIT.
SO WE'RE IN A BIT
OF A PICKLED DICK.
NAH, JUST A STUPID LINE FROM
UM, I GUESS YOU WANNA
PROBABLY CALL YOUR MOM.
THAT WOULD INVOLVE TELLING HER
WHERE I AM, SO NO THANK YOU.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW?
SHE'S IN NEW MEXICO AT A SWING
AND SALSA CONFERENCE THIS
WEEKEND, SO IT WAS EITHER THIS,
OR SITTING AROUND ON MY OWN.
SO, SWING AND SALSA?
WELL THEY'RE ACTUALLY
REALLY DIFFERENT.
OK.
OH, THAT'S-THAT'S A LOT.
HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
BRING IT UP AND
THAT'S OK. TIMMY'S
AN IDIOT SOMETIMES.
IT'S REALLY, IT'S
NOT A BIG DEAL.
I MEAN, OF COURSE IT'S A BIG
DEAL, BUT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
HOW LONG AGO DID SHE PASS AWAY?
ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF AGO.
JUST YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE MY
HEY GUYS.
WE'RE GOOD.
SO, WHAT IS THIS TOP SECRET
MISSION YOU GUYS ARE ON?
I MEAN, I COULD TELL YOU BUT
YOU'D HAVE TO KILL ME?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I'M A PACIFIST.
PETER WOULD KILL YOU.
I'M A PACIFIST.
HE'S REALLY NOT.
HE HAS TO SAY THAT.
IT'S HIS COVER.
OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
HAHA I KNOW. YOU KNOW? I
THINK WE MAY HAVE ACTUALLY
FOUND AN EXTINCT DUCK.
WOW.
OH THIS IS PUBLIC
INFORMATION NOW?
UH YEAH. GET IN THE CAR.
THANKS AGAIN, EV.
HEY, I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I
WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M TIMMY.
YOU ARE.
BYE, GUYS.
OH, AND GIRL.
WHY WAS SHE THANKING YOU?
OH MY GOD, SHE'S SO HOT.
HOW MUCH THIS TIME, TIMMY?
OH I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
THE REST OF THE YEAR
YOU'RE DOING HER MATH HOMEWORK
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
OUR RELATIONSHIP, OK?
OH MY GOD.
WHAT?
NO GUNS.
WHAT?
THEY'VE TAKEN THE GUNS.
YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU?
WE NEED TO CALL THE COPS.
LIKE RIGHT NOW GUYS.
AND TELL THEM WHAT, PETER?
THAT WE STOLE A CAR
LOADED WITH NARCOTICS?
YOU ARE A GENIUS.
KEEP IT HIDDEN.
ALL IN FAVOR?
AYE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THEY'LL
KILL US IN THE WOODS, OK?
ERIC.
WE HAVE A SITUATION.
WHAT'S THAT ONE?
UH... BLACK CAP CHICKADEE.
HOW CAN YOU TELL WHICH
ONE IT IS SO QUICKLY?
WELL, THE BEST WAY
TO RECOGNIZE IS JIZZ?
WHAT?
G-I-♪-♪.
GENERAL, IMPRESSION,
SHAPE, AND SIZE.
THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A
SNAP IDEA OF A BIRD.
YEAH, I MEAN, I GUESS
IT HAD A NICE JIZZ.
YOU KNOW, I KNOW JIZZ
SOUNDS LIKE EJACULATION
COME ON.
CHICKADEE JIZZ.
YEAH, IT'S IN THE
TIT FAMILY TOO.
UM, I GUESS ANOTHER WAY IS YOU
CAN ID IT BY ITS CALLS, SO...
UH, DOWNY WOODPECKER.
WHITE BREASTED NUTHATCH.
CAROLINA WREN.
THE NUTHATCH AGAIN.
WHAT WAS THAT ONE?
WOOD THRESH.
HOLD ON.
YEAH?
WHERE ARE YOU?
TIMMY'S.
YOU DROVE TO TIMMY'S
IN ERIC'S CAR?
PETER DROVE.
DAVID.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WE MAY HAVE DISCOVERED
AN EXTINCT DUCK.
WE'RE AT A PARK IN CONNECTICUT
JUST TRYING TO LOOK FOR IT AND
WE'LL BE BACK BY TOMORROW.
AN EXTINCT DUCK?
YES, WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO TRACK IT
ALRIGHT, FIRST, YOU'RE
SERIOUSLY GROUNDED.
SECOND, AND LET ME MAKE THIS
ABUNDANTLY CLEAR, IF WE ALL END
UP WAITING AROUND FOR YOU
TOMORROW JUST TO WALTZ IN
YOU'VE ALREADY MADE IT
ABUNDANTLY CLEAR HOW YOU
CAN'T HANDLE WAITING.
YOU KNOW WHAT, DON'T COME.
DAD.
DAD, I'M SORRY.
NO, NO.
YOU'RE A YOUNG MAN NOW.
YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.
I'll HAVE TED BE THE BEST MAN.
SURE.
FINE.
THAT WAS YOUR DAD?
YES.
HEY, EVERYTHING OK?
YES.
ARE YOU SURE?
MY DAD'S GETTING
MARRIED TOMORROW.
TO MY MOM'S NURSE.
DO YOU WANT-DO YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
NO.
WA-WAIT DAVID, HOW ARE
WE GONNA GET BACK IN TIME?
WE'RE NOT.
♪♪
JUST SAYING.
IS THE SLUTTIEST BIRD.
WHY?
HE OR SHE HAS A
PARTNER THEN IMMEDIATELY
GOES TO ANOTHER PARTNER,
KIND OF LIKE YOU, ELLEN.
THANK YOU, TIMMY THANK YOU.
IT'S RIGHT THERE
BEHIND THE BUSH.
ONE O'CLOCK. ONE O'CLOCK.
YOU GOTTA LOOK RIGHT AT IT,
THEN JUST PUT THE BINOCULARS
IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING
TO IT AND IT REPLIES.
PSH PSH.
PETER, SHUT UP.
OH, BIG SPIDER, BIG SPIDER.
THERE IT IS.
ALRIGHT, SO THERE'S A BRIDGE
ABOUT 2 MILES NORTHEAST OF HERE.
IF IT'S GETTING DARK, I THINK
WE SHOULD JUST START HERE.
EXACTLY.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,
I'M CROSSING THIS RIVER.
IT'S WAY TOO DANGEROUS.
OH C'MON PETER.
YOU KNOW WOMEN CITE PHYSICAL
BRAVERY AS THE NUMBER ONE
QUALITY IN A MAN?
A SENSE OF HUMOR.
ELLEN, BRAVE OR FUNNY GUYS?
FUNNY.
WHAT?
OK, WELL WHATEVER.
WITH HOT WOMEN ANYWAY, AS IN
EVELYN REED, IT'S PHYSICAL
BRAVERY SO HAH.
CAN WE STOP WITH THE
EVELYN REED ALREADY?
UM, JEALOUS MUCH?
TIMMY, YOU KEEP KISSING HER ASS,
HOPING SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN.
WHICH IT WILL.
WHEN SHE'S SO CLEARLY
DORK BAITING YOU.
OK, EVELYN REED
LIKES ME ALRIGHT?
WHAT'S DORK BAITING?
IT'S WHEN A CUTE GIRL IS
SUPER NICE TO A NERDY GUY
I'M NOT NERDY.
SO THAT HE'LL WORSHIP HER AND
FIX HER COMPUTER AND MAKE HER
FEEL GOOD ABOUT HERSELF AND,
OH, ALSO DO HER HOMEWORK.
HEY, I'M DOING HER HOMEWORK
BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS, ALRIGHT?
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS
DO FOR EACH OTHER.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
TIMMY, IT TOOK HER FORTY-FIVE
MINUTES TO DRIVE US HERE.
SO, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO
GO AND DO HER HOMEWORK
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND
MESSED UP, TO YOU?
LET'S JUST GO.
SHE CALLS YOU HER
PERSONAL MATH HOBBIT.
AH, THAT'S BULLSHIT. I'M
NOT GONNA BELIEVE THAT.
YEAH? DAVID TOLD ME.
WHAT?
IS THAT TRUE?
I'M SORRY.
SHUT UP!
IS THAT TRUE?
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY IT
JUST PLEASE STOP TALKING! WHY
ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH TO ME?
LET'S GO, TIMMY.
NO, I KNOW. YOU TAKE HER SIDE.
I'M NOT TAKING ANYONE'S SIDE.
OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU DON'T
GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ME OR PETER.
COME ON. LET'S JUST
CROSS THE RIVER, OK GUYS?
STOP BEING A PUSSY.
YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD
IS FULL OF SHIT, OK?
HE DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT
YOU, ME, OR FINDING THE
LABRADOR DUCK. HE JUST WANTS TO
PORK ELLEN OF TROY OVER THERE.
I AM NOT
A PUSSY, OK?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU,
YOU'RE TRYING TO TALK TO HER,
AND FEEL HER UP.
DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP, DAVE.
SHE'S PROBABLY JUST
DORK BAITING YOU.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE ELLEN.
YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
OH YEAH, I WOULDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND.
BECAUSE HIS MOM DIED HE'S
ALL MESSED UP, OR WHATEVER.
FUCK YOU!
ARE YOU OK?
PETER, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
HIS INHALER!
SHIT, OK. STOP, STOP, STOP.
PETER, STAND UP!
STAND UP, COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.
WE GOTTA GET HIM TO SHORE.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
THIS WAY, THIS WAY.
OH MY GOD, IT'S SO COLD.
GUYS, IT'S SOUNDING REALLY BAD.
OK, OK. LAY DOWN. LAY DOWN.
I'M JUST GONNA GIVE
YOU MOUTH TO MOUTH, OK?
LEAN BACK, LEAN BACK.
STOP, OK READY? 1, 2, 3.
I GOT IT!
I FOUND IT.
THROW IT TO ME.
TIMMY, JUST THROW IT.
OH SHIT, OK.
THROW IT!
OH GOD.
WHAT THE HELL TIMMY?
ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM?
I'M SORRY, I'M A MURDERER.
I GOT IT.
PETER.
THAT SUCKED.
YOU ALRIGHT?
YOU OK?
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ♪-SHIRT.
IT'S A GOOD COLOR FOR YOU.
IT REALLY IS.
SO HOW LONG-?
SHH.
GREAT HORNED OWL.
NICE.
PERSONAL FRICKIN HOBBIT.
THERE'RE TONS OF GIRLS
OUT THERE, TIMMY.
EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, "MS. I HAVE
CRAZY WILD SEX WHENEVER I WANT."
WHAT?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
RUB IT IN OUR FACES.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'VE NEVER EVEN HAD SEX, OK?
THAT'S BULLSHIT. YOU'RE
DATING A GUY IN A BAND.
WE'VE ONLY KISSED, AND HE
LIVES IN MINNESOTA ANYWAY.
IS THAT WHERE YOU'RE FROM?
I LIVED THERE FOR A YEAR.
THEN BEFORE THAT DELAWARE,
TEXAS, GUAM, AND
GERMANY?
GERMANY, YEAH.
MY DAD'S IN THE AIRFORCE.
THAT'S SO BADASS.
IT SUCKS.
I'M ALWAYS THE NEW GIRL, AND
THEN WHENEVER I MAKE A FRIEND,
WE MOVE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING NEXT?
ACTUALLY IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL
BE IN SUMWORTH FOR GOOD NOW.
OK, WELL
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
UM
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING I'VE
NEVER REALLY DONE A GIRL,
NOT EVEN MISSIONARY STYLE.
YOU'RE FIFTEEN.
IT'S OK. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
I MEAN, I'VE ONLY
KISSED LIKE ONE BOY.
OK, WELL I HAVE ANOTHER
CONFESSION TO MAKE.
UM
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING I'VE
NEVER REALLY KISSED A GIRL.
ME NEITHER.
SPIN THE STICK?
RIGHT.
I'VE, UM
I'VE NEVER REALLY
KISSED A GIRL EITHER.
NO?
I'M SORRY.
DON'T PATRONIZE ME.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
THAT STORY DOES NOT
GET BETTER WITH AGE
UNLIKE THIS WINE.
THANK YOU. NOT FROM A BOX.
OK, SO YOU BRIBED A COP?
I INVENTED A GREAT MEAL,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'S DEBATABLE.
WAIT, FRENCH FRIES WITH HONEY
IS NOT THAT GREAT A MEAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S PAYING FOR DAVID'S
COLLEGE SO I'M NOT COMPLAINING.
WHERE IS DAVID ANYWAY?
HE'S UH
HE'S ACTUALLY ON A
BIRD WATCHING TRIP.
I DON'T KNOW HE WAS
STILL IN TO ALL THAT.
OH YEAH, DEFINITELY INTO IT.
THAT'S GREAT.
IS HE STILL PLANNING ON
SKIPPING COLLEGE AND
MAKING WILDLIFE FILMS?
WHAT?
WHEN DID HE TELL YOU THAT, TED?
I DON'T KNOW.
THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM.
AT THE FUNERAL.
AHH.
NO, I GUESS WE HAVEN'T
TALKED ABOUT IT.
ALRIGHT, WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME MORE WINE?
YES.
OF COURSE.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HEY PETER?
YEAH?
YOU EVER WISH THAT EARTH
WAS MORE LIKE MIDDLE EARTH?
ALL THE TIME.
DRUG LORDS.
I'll STAND GUARD.
YES.
I CAN SEE YOU.
JESUS!
CLOSE YOUR EYES, ALRIGHT?
SORRY.
DONE.
SORRY.
CAN I SEE?
SURE.
THERE IT IS.
FIRST DRAWING?
YEAH.
REALLY TRYING TO
PERFECT THAT ONE, HUH?
YEAH, IT'S WEIRD.
IT'S FINE.
LAST YEAR I CAME HOME
EARLY FROM SCHOOL ONE TIME
AND MY DAD WAS DOING DRUGS.
WAIT
LIKE DRUG-DRUGS?
YEAH.
LIKE SNORTING CRUSHED OXYCONTIN.
IT WAS PRETTY INTENSE.
I HAVE THIS IMAGE STUCK IN MY
HEAD OF HIS FACE WHEN HE SAW ME.
I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE
EXCEPT FOR MY SHRINK.
HAVE A SHRINK TOO.
YEAH, I WOULD HOPE SO.
YOU'RE DAD'S GETTING MARRIED
IN LIKE TWENTY HOURS.
ARE YOU SAD HE'S MARRYING
YOUR MOM'S NURSE?
YEAH.
WAS THERE?
FORGET IT SORRY
OVERLAP?
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.
I'M SURE THAT THERE WASN'T
MY MOM WAS SICK FOR A LONG TIME.
I'VE DEFINITELY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
A LOT EASIER TO TALK TO
THAN MY SHRINK.
AND DEFINITELY A LOT EASIER TO
TALK TO THEN TIMMY AND PETER.
THANKS.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
HE WAS JUST A GUY THAT I
KISSED AT A PARTY, AND I SAID
HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND, BUT
HE'S NOT.
OK.
YEAH, SO
I SHOULD GO BACK TO BED.
OK. I GUESS I'll
GUARD... SIT, GUARD.
RIGHT, OK.
YEAH.
- ALRIGHT, WELL GOOD NIGHT.
- NIGHT
SHHH.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
TIMMY?
GOD DAMN DRUG LORDS.
WAIT UP.
TIMMY.
IT'S GO TIME.
WAIT, WAIT, YOUR PLAN
IS TO KNIFE THEM?
JUST PUT AWAY THE KNIFE TIMMY.
IT'S YOUR FUNERAL.
WOAH.
NICE OUTFITS.
HOW WE DOING?
ANY LUCK FINDING THE LABRADOR?
WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING US?
WE'RE ACTUALLY
FOLLOWING OUR GUIDE.
WHO'S YOUR GUIDE?
GENTLEMEN.
BIRDING ON AN ATV.
SEEMS LIKE AN OXYMORON,
BUT IT GETS THE JOB DONE.
YOU KNOW?
EVER SINCE YOU BOYS
LEFT MY OFFICE,
I'VE BEEN KICKING MYSELF.
HOW COULD I, A NOTED VETERAN
OF THE FIELD, ENTRUST
WHAT IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST
ORNITHILOGICAL FIND
OF THE CENTURY, TO, NO
OFFENSE NOW, AMATEURS.
LATELY I'VE BEEN SPENDING A BIT
OF TIME GUIDING THESE GENTLEMEN
HERE, AND I JUST THOUGHT THE
MORE CHAPS HELPING OUT
YEAH, WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
WELL I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE
THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
HERE IS FINDING THE BIRD.
WE'RE SIMPLY DOUBLING THE
SIZE OF OUR SEARCH PARTY.
JUST A FEW YEARS AGO, EVEN WITH
HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE COMBING THE
ARKANSAS BAYOU, WE STILL
COULDN'T PROVE OUR CLAIM.
YEAH, WE KNOW. THE
IVORY-BILLED WOODPECKER.
WE'RE FANS.
YOU'RE TRYING TO
POACH OUR SIGHTING.
WHO'S THE NEW GIRL?
HER NAME'S ELLEN.
GUYS, I'M SORRY.
CAN WE TAKE A SECOND?
OF COURSE.
SORRY.
SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE
ALL GOING TO GET A SHARED
SIGHTING CREDIT, RIGHT?
OH, CERTAINLY.
I'M SORRY I SHOULD HAVE
PREFACED ALL THIS BY SAYING
IT'S FINE. WE THINK WE SAW
SOMETHING FLYING SOUTH
A FEW HOURS AGO HEADING
TOWARDS CROSS LAKE
I THINK WE SHOULD
STICK WITH CEDAR.
IT'S THE MOST OBVIOUS CHOICE.
OF COURSE. WE CAN SPLIT UR,
AND WE'LL GO TO CEDAR
AND YOU GUYS CAN GO
TO THE RIVER.
A SEA DUCK RESTING ON A RIVER.
HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN
BIRDING BEFORE?
OH REALLY?
IT'S JUST WHAT I SAW.
PETER?
HEY!
PETER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, NO, NO.
HEY! HEY!
GET OFF OF IT.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
GO, GO, GO.
HOLY SHIT.
THRILLING.
SO WHAT NOW?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN PETER
JUST STOLE YOUR FRIENDS' ATV
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO
STEAL OUR SIGHTING.
JUST THAT.
THAT'S ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT.
ANOTHER WAY IS THAT WE ARE
FOUR BIRDERS LOOKING TO FIND
AN EXTINCT DUCK, STANDING
ON THE BRINK OF HISTORY.
HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO STEAL THE
CREDIT FOR THE SIGHTING.
ARE WE COOL?
YES.
MIGUEL FORGOT A TIE.
DO YOU HAVE ONE?
HE'S NOT GOING TO
WANT ONE OF MY TIES.
LET ME SEE WHAT DAVID HAS.
DON, I'M GONNA NEED
THE LIST FOR THE
WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS?
I THINK I MIGHT BE
AN ASSHOLE, TED.
IT'S RARE I GO BIRDING
WITH A YOUNGER GENERATION.
I HAD HOPED THAT MY DAUGHTER
WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED IN MY
FOOTSTEPS, BUT SHE AND
MY EX-WIFE DETEST ME.
DID YOU AND YOUR
MOTHER BIRD TOGETHER?
YES.
A LOT.
SHE WOULD OF ADORED THIS.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER,
BUT BACK IN THE 90S,
SHE DISCOVERED A NEW COLONY
OF PIPING PLOVERS
I HAVE ALL THE NEWSPAPER
CLIPPINGS.
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE
FEELING OF DISCOVERY.
HOW'S YOUR FATHER DOING?
IT MUST BE DIFFICULT
FOR THE TWO OF YOU NOW.
HE'S UM, HE'S GETTING MARRIED.
I SEE.
WELL EVERYONE COPES DIFFERENTLY.
AND SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST DICKS.
YOUR FATHER'S NOT A DICK.
I'M SORRY, YOU DON'T KNOW HIM.
WELL I DO ACTUALLY.
HE HELPED WITH ARCHIVING
DOTTIE'S RESEARCH MATERIALS AT
THE MAGAZINE AFTER SHE DIED.
WHAT?
WAIT, HOW?
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
BIRDS ARE MY MUSES.
AND I STRIVE TO
BE A TRUE WATCHER.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I
SPOTTED MY FIRST GREATER
PRAIRIE CHICKEN, BUT NOT MY OWN
DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY.
BUT YOU'RE ALREADY
I'M SIXTY-THREE YEARS
OLD AND VERY MUCH ALONE.
I GUIDE ASSHOLES FOR MONEY.
I HAVE ONE LEG AND
NO DRIVER'S LICENSE.
PLEASE DO NOT CONFUSE
ME WITH A ROLE MODEL.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE?
OH, BIT OF A MIX UP
BETWEEN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN
ALBINO NIGHT HAWK AND A HIGH
SPEED POLICE CHASE.
OK, KEEP LOOKING.
KEEP LOOKING. SEE IF YOU SEE IT.
REMARKABLE.
IT'S EMPTY THOUGH.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
WAS THAT IT?
MAYBE.
IT WAS A LITTLE MUFFLED.
IT WAS DEFINITELY
A GREETING CALL.
I THINK THAT MAYBE IT WAS
OH MY GOD!
THAT WOULD BE A MALE MALLARD.
OH.
WAIT, BUT WHY WOULD IT
ANSWER TO A SCOTER CALL?
MAYBE IT WAS RAISED BY SCOTERS.
IT WAS NOT RAISED
BY SCOTERS, OK?
YA KNOW? CROSS LAKE IS A FEW
MILES UP. I THINK MAYBE
WE SHOULD JUST GO THERE.
WHY WOULD WE GO TO THE LAKE
THAT'S FARTHER FROM SHORE?
IT'S NOT UNHEARD OF.
YEAH, IT'S PRACTICALLY
UNHEARD OF.
GUYS?
IS THAT YOUR DUCK, DAVID?
OH MY GOD.
WHAT'S IT DOING?
SHH.
IT'S PREENING.
THE LIGHT COULDN'T BE BETTER.
IT'S A MAGNIFICENT BIRD.
♪♪
SHIT!
HEY FELLAS.
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
I'M CARL SR. THIS IS
MY SON, CARL JR.
OH AWESOME. YOU JUST
SHOT AN EXTINCT DUCK.
TIMMY, CALM DOWN.
I'M NOT SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT WORD MEANS.
YOU'RE FRIEND IS NUTS.
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.
EASY.
HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?
THESE MORONS SHOT IT.
EVERYONE, RELAX.
YOU SHOT AN EXTINCT DUCK, SIR.
DOES EXTINCT MEAN SOMETHING
DIFFERENT THESE DAYS?
IT'S SUFFERING.
GIVE IT TO ME.
PLEASE.
PLEASE.
MAY I SEE THE ANIMAL?
THIS ISN'T A LABRADOR DUCK.
WHAT?
ITS NECK DOES DECLINE STRANGELY,
BUT I THINK WHAT WE HAVE HERE
IS AN ODDLY PLUMAGED,
HYBRID MALLARD.
LOOK AT THE WING MARKINGS.
SEE, THE WING MARKINGS
ALWAYS CONCERN ME.
YEP, IT'S DEFINITELY
AN ODD HYBRID OF SORTS.
JUST SHUT UP, JEFF.
IF IT'S OK WITH YOU GUYS,
WE'D LIKE TO TAKE THE DUCK
FOR OUR BANQUET.
BANQUET?
WE'RE HUNTING FOR
OUR CHURCH BANQUET.
ALL THE PROCEEDS ARE GOING TO
THE SAVE DARFUR FOUNDATION.
WELL, THAT'S A BIT
OF A SILVER LINING.
DAVID, IT'S
DAVID, IT WAS JUST
A HYBRID MALLARD.
HE LOOKED AT ME.
HE DIDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER.
I KNOW.
WHY'D SHE HAVE TO DIE?
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
YOU KNOW, IN INDIANA JONES AND
THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, THE BAD GUY
THAT GOES AROUND, AND HE RIPS
THE HEART OUT OF PEOPLE, AND HE
HOLDS IT UP IN FRONT OF THEIR
FACE SO THEY WATCH IT BEAT.
YEAH, I HATE THAT PART.
I... I DON'T SEE HOW
IT'LL EVER STOP HURTING.
WELL, UM, MAYBE ONE DAY IT'LL
FEEL LESS AWFUL THAN RIPPING AN
ORGAN OUT OF YOUR CHEST PAIN?
BUT MY GUESS IS IT
WILL ALWAYS HURT.
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WHAT-WHAT TIME IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK MY PHONE DIED
LIKE THREE HOURS AGO
WILL WE MAKE IT BACK
FOR THE WEDDING?
I MEAN, WE DON'T HAVE A CAR.
WE COULD ASK
I WONDER IF I HAVE
CELL SERVICE
OH MY GOD.
WHAT?
WHAT?
THIS IS WORSE THAN IT LOOKS.
WE NEED TO GET YOU HOME.
YEAH.
SO, THOSE GUYS WEREN'T
REALLY DRUG LORDS.
NO, THEY WERE PRETTY MUCH
THE OPPOSITE OF DRUG LORDS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
TASTE THAT, ARE YOU?
SSS.
JUST KIDDING, IT'S ROCK CANDY.
I SAID IT WAS ROCK CANDY.
YOU'RE FIRST CORRECT ID.
IT'S GOING ON MY LIFE LIST.
NOW WE'LL HEAR A MUSICAL
SELECTION FROM THE
SON OF THE BRIDE,
MIGUEL SANTOS.
MIGUEL.
♪ MEET ME TONIGHT IN DREAMLAND ♪
♪ UNDER THE SILVERY MOON ♪
♪ MEET ME TONIGHT IN DREAMLAND ♪
♪ WHERE LOVE'S SWEET
ROSES BLOOM ♪
♪ MEET ME IN DREAMLAND ♪
♪ OH SWEET DREAMY DREAMLAND ♪
♪ THERE MAKE MY
DREAMS COME TRUE ♪
THANK YOU, MIGUEL.
AND NOW THE RINGS, DAVID.
YOU WORKING AT YOUR OWN WEDDING?
RIGHT? IT'S PRETTY MESSED UP.
YOU KNOW THERE'S A MILLION
PEOPLE TO TALK TO OUT THERE?
I KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR HIRING ERIC I GUESS.
THAT IS WHAT YOU GET.
DAD.
YEAH?
WERE YOU SEEING JULIANA
BEFORE OR AFTER MOM?
DEFINITELY AFTER.
OK.
YOUR MOTHER WAS THE
LOVE OF MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
AH JESUS CHRIST.
DAVID, I'M SORRY I SHOULD
HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB OF
EXPLAINING IT ALL.
WE SPOKE ABOUT IT.
NO WE DIDN'T.
WE DIDN'T SPEAK ABOUT
IT. NOT REALLY.
WE DIDN'T.
YOU KNOW, IT'S
IT'S LIKE YOU REMEMBER THAT
I JUST DON'T' WANT TO PRETEND
THAT WE DON'T MISS MOM.
ME EITHER.
WANNA GRAB THAT CHICKEN?
BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT
WE WERE TERRORISTS.
IT WAS AWFUL.
HEY.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU IN A BAND OR SOMETHING?
EXCUSE ME?
HELLO?
HEY.
HEY, EVERYONE.
UM
SO TECHNICALLY I'M
THE BEST MAN HERE,
AND I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED
TO GIVE A TOAST.
UM
WHERE DO I START?
THE THING IS
THE LAST COUPLE OF
DAYS I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR AN EXTINCT DUCK.
NO, IT'S NOT LIKE A
METAPHOR OR SOMETHING.
IT TURNS OUT IT WASN'T EXTINCT.
ACTUALLY IT WASN'T THE
DUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS.
AND IT GOT SHOT.
BUT IN A WEIRD WAY IT TURNS
OUT IT MIGHT HELP THE WHOLE
SITUATION GOING ON IN DARFUR.
SORRY, ANYWAY
I'M GLAD I MADE IT HERE.
TODAY.
ALTHOUGH THE LAST FEW YEARS HAVE
BEEN KINDA ROUGH FOR OUR FAMILY.
UM
DAVID?
I KNOW, SORRY.
DAD LIKES TO FILL
HOLES WITH LISTS.
THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.
HE WRITES LISTS OF EVERYTHING.
LIKE LISTS OF LISTS.
AND I LIKE TO FIND RARE BIRDS,
SO I'M NOT REALLY ONE TALK.
BUT IT DOESN'T
DOESN'T REALLY WORK,
WHICH IS WHY I AM SO GLAD
HE FOUND JULIANA.
BECAUSE I KNOW MY MOM
REALLY LIKED HER AND MY DAD
OBVIOUSLY LIKES HER TOO.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE
ALL HERE RIGHT.
SO
I WISH THEM A HAPPY
AND LONG LIFE TOGETHER.
HERE'S TO DAD AND JULIANA.
YOU WERE PERFECT.
SO, DOES ERIC KNOW THAT WE,
LIKE, DESTROYED HIS ENGINE?
AH YOU KNOW
THE TIMING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT.
HE'S NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ERIC, ALRIGHT?
I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS
SHIT ON HIM THAT
I'VE BEEN SAVING FOR
A MOMENT LIKE THIS.
GOT IT.
I THINK I'M GONNA HEAD HOME NOW.
YEAH, ME TOO.
GOOD TIMES.
TOTALLY.
BYE.
SO HOW LONG SHOULD I
WAIT UNTIL I CALL KIM?
WHAT?
YOU GOT HER NUMBER?
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THAT, DUDE?
I SHOULD GO TOO.
I GUESS.
SO, WEIRDLY ENOUGH I HAD
A LOT OF FUN THIS WEEKEND.
SO DID I.
PETER GAVE ME HIS OLD PAIR.
I MEAN, THEY'RE NOT AS
GOOD AS YOURS, BUT
I'M KINDA GETTING THE HANG
HI.
SO UM
I GUESS I'll SEE YOU TOMORROW.
YEAH, OK.
DEFINITELY.
BYE.
SEE YA.
BYE.
OK, KEEP LOOKING.
KEEP LOOKING.
SEE IF YOU SEE IT.
UP IN THERE.
DO YOU SEE IT?
LOOK AGAIN.
IT'S RIGHT ABOVE THAT
BRANCH RIGHT THERE.
LET ME SEE IF I CAN
GET IT ON THE CAMERA.
RED-EYED VIRIO.
RED-EYED VIRIO, RIGHT THERE.
THERE WE GO.
NO.
YEAH, KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.
SO WE'LL JUST GO WITH
SUPER CRISPY CAJUN HOMESTYLE
JUST TO KEEP EVERYBODY HAPPY.
I KNOW. TOTALLY.
TOTALLY.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT SHE
SAID. SHE'S LIKE
WHAT DO YOU THINK PEOPLE
ARE GOING TO EXPECT
AT YOUR WEDDING? LOBSTER?
ALRIGHT, WELL LET'S JUST
TALK SIDES FOR A SECOND.
NO, I DO NOT JUST
PAY YOU COMPLIMENTS
WHEN I WANT SOMETHING.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
I DO WANT SOMETHING.
SHE WANTS PLATES, UH,
MADE OUT OF RECYCLING.
STEVE, I'll CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE ROOF?
I'M FINE.
YOU'RE BLEEDING.
SHIT.
THAT'S A NICE PERK.
HAVING A NURSE IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S A CLEAN SCRATCH.
IT'LL HEAL IN NO TIME.
OK, SO UM, SO WE'LL GET THE
GUTTER FIXED BY SUNDAY
WHICH IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
I KNOW I GUY... BUT CAN WE ALL
AGREE ON THE NO BIRD WATCHING
ON THE ROOF RULE? HMM?
I THINK YOU MEAN BIRDING.
ANYWAY, I DON'T THINK IT'S
UNREASONABLE TO NOT WANT
TO SEE YOU GET KILLED.
OH, HEY STEVE. THANKS
FOR CALLING BACK.
HOW'S THE TOAST COMING ALONG?
DON'T I JUST SAY HERE'S
TO DAD AND JULIANA?
YEAH.
BUT TYPICALLY THE BEST
MAN WILL SAY A LITTLE
MORE ABOUT THE COUPLE.
TELL A STORY.
CRACK A FEW JOKES, AND
EMBARRASS YOUR OLD MAN A LITTLE.
YEAH, I WAS THINKING MIGUEL
WOULD DO THE WHOLE SPEECH THING.
OK, SO DEFEND THESE WITH
YOUR LIFE. AND I MEAN THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT,
ACTUALLY THIS IS
A DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN.
I CAN GIVE IT TO
YOU ON THE BIG DAY.
THE TOAST
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE ANYTHING BIG.
OH GOD, JULIANA.
I GOTTA GO.
SEE YA DAD.
WHAT?
I FLASHED HIM.
I MEAN, YOU'VE TALKED TO
HIM ABOUT ALL THIS, RIGHT?
YEAH.
♪♪
WELL I GOT SOME NEWS.
WHAT?
CAROLINE QUIT YBS.
WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
SOME BULLSHIT ABOUT THE
WHOLE TUFTED TITMOUSE THING.
IT'S TOTAL INSANITY.
OH SHIT, OK HERE COMES EVELYN.
ON MY COUNT, JUST PRETEND
LIKE I SAID SOMETHING
REALLY FUNNY ALRIGHT?
- WHAT?
- NO, DON'T LOOK.
THREE, TWO, ONE.
WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?
HI.
- HEY.
- HI.
SO TODAY IS REALLY
BANNER DAY FOR US, HUH?
WHY IS THAT?
WELL I MEAN, I THOUGHT
PERSONALLY, OUR APPROACH TO
HYDROCHLORIC ACID WAS EXEMPLARY.
- TOTALLY.
- YEAH.
SO, DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO...?
YES, I DID, I DID.
YEAH, I THINK I DID
A PRETTY GOOD JOB.
OH BOY.
THANKS SO MUCH.
NO PROBLEM.
BYE.
IS THAT HER HOMEWORK?
YEAH. SHE TOTALLY WANTS ME.
IT'S TIME TO TAKE THIS WHOLE
BEING LAB PARTNERS THING
TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
OH, TIMMY, TIMMY, TIMMY.
SEX LEVEL, IF YOU
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
OK.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
GIVE IT TO ME, TIMMY.
GET OUT OF HERE.
TIMMY, TIMMY, I WANT YOU SO BAD.
I WANT YOU IN MY PANTS, TIMMY.
SHHH.
YOUNG BIRDERS
SOCIETY ALL PRESENT.
MR. SECRETARY, PLEASE
READ THE MINUTES.
UM, WHERE'S-WHERE'S CAROLINE?
SHE'S NO LONGER A MEMBER.
WHY?
MOSTLY BECAUSE HER
HEART WASN'T IN BIRDING.
IS THAT A PROBLEM, ROB?
UH, YEAH... WELL, I JUST
WANTED TO BE IN A CLUB
GET OUT.
WHAT?
THIS ISN'T A DATING SERVICE.
JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
I WON'T MISS THIS.
ALRIGHT, SO NOW THAT WE'RE DOWN
TO THREE, I DON'T THINK WE'RE
TECHNICALLY A CLUB
ANYMORE BY SCHOOL RULES.
LET'S JUST GET ON
WITH THE MEETING.
YOUNG BIRDERS
SOCIETY ALL PRESENT.
MR. SECRETARY, PLEASE
READ THE MINUTES.
THANK YOU, MR. CHAIRMAN.
I HEREBY SUBMIT THE MINUTES FROM
THE MEETING DATED 4TH OF MARCH.
IN NEW BUSINESS, PETER NESSBAUMB
WAS AWARDED A GOLDEN FEATHER BY
UNANIMOUS VOTE FOR SIGHTING
THE LONG-TAILED JAEGER.
MY PROPOSITION TO INVESTIGATE
THE PURCHASE OF A HANG GLIDER
WAS DEFEATED FOUR TO ONE DESPITE
IT BEING AN AWESOME IDEA.
FINALLY CAROLINE HALPERN
THREATENED TO QUIT YBS
IF I DIDN'T STOP CALLING HER
TUFTED TITMOUSE, AND UM
WELL SHE ENDED UP QUITTING.
MR. CHAIRMAN.
THANK YOU MR. BARSKY.
MR. CHAIRMAN?
MR. PORTNOY?
I MOVE TO POSTPONE OFFICER
REPORTS, COMMITTEE REPORTS,
AND SPECIAL ORDERS AND PROCEED
DIRECTLY TO NEW BUSINESS.
ALL FOR IT?
YAY.
ALL OPPOSED?
NAH.
THE MOTION PASSES
TWO VOTES TO ONE.
IS THERE ANY NEW BUSINESS?
UH, MR. CHAIRMAN?
THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES
DAVID PORTNOY.
I SPOTTED THIS ON THE
STREET THIS MORNING.
I GOT A WEIRD FEELING ABOUT IT.
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ECLIPSE
PLUMAGE WHITE-WING SCOTER.
NUH HUH, LOOK AT THE
WAY THE NAPE
A MOVE TO MARK THE IMAGE AS
INCLUSIVE AND CARRY
ON WITH THE MEETING.
MOVE TO FIND THE BIRD AGAIN.
THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES HIMSELF.
MR. PORTNOY, THIS ISN'T THE
FIRST TIME YOU BROUGHT SOMETHING
LIKE THIS TO THE COMMITTEE.
FOR REFERENCE, I SET THE
ALLEGED SUNGRY LAST SUMMER.
I DIDN'T HAVE A PICTURE.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, THERE'S
A CREDIBILITY GAP HERE.
MR. BARSKY?
WHILE I APPRECIATE THE SPIRIT
OF DAVID'S PROPOSAL, A RARE BIRD
SIGHTING CERTAINLY COULD
REVERSE SINKING MEMBERSHIP
BUT IN MY OPINION, I THINK WE
SHOULD STICK TO MORE AGGRESSIVE
RECRUITMENT STRATEGIES.
LIKE GETTING A HANG GLIDER.
THANK YOU. THAT'S
ALL MR. CHAIRMAN.
- ALL FOR FINDING DAVID'S DUCK?
- YAY.
- ALL OPPOSED?
- NAY.
THE MOTION'S DEFEATED
BY A VOTE OF TWO TO ONE.
DAMNIT.
DAVE?
DAVE, IS THAT YOU?
COME UP HERE.
- HEY.
- HI.
SO I GOT EVERYTHING KIND
OF SORTED OUT INTO
THREE MAIN GROUPS.
SAVE, THROW, CHARITY.
YOU GOT SOMETHING ON
YOUR LIP. WHAT'S THAT?
NOTHING.
A PEN EXPLODED.
WAIT, ARE YOU KIDDING?
WELL I THOUGHT I'D
SAVE THE GOOD ONES.
MOM WORKED REALLY
HARD FOR ALL OF THESE.
OK, WELL, YEAH... I MEAN, OF
COURSE YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
OF COURSE WE'LL KEEP THEM.
WHAT'S THIS?
BLENDER?
OH YOU KNOW WHAT? JULIANA'S
GOT A REALLY NICE BLENDER.
I WAS THINKING WE'D JUST
GIVE THAT ONE TO TED.
YEAH, I'D RATHER WE
GAVE JULIANA'S TO TED.
SURE.
LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'll TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO MEET
THIS STRING QUARTET IN LIKE
LITERALLY... TEN MINUTES.
SO WHY DON'T YOU DO THIS?
TAKE THESE, MARK WHAT
YOU WANT TO KEEP.
THE REST WE'LL EITHER CHUCK
OR WE'LL GIVE TO GOODWILL.
ALRIGHT? OK? PROBLEM SOLVED?
FINE.
YEAH?
SEE YA.
YOU'RE THE CAMERA GUY NOW, HUH?
YEAH.
OK, YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR BIRDS, NOT MOM.
BIRDS.
BIRDS, NOT ME.
WHERE THE HELL IS DAVID?
HE'S RIGHT THERE.
NOT COOL, MAN.
SORRY.
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
WE'RE IN CRISIS MODE HERE.
I'M SORRY.
I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND
OH WOW,
OK, SO I CHECKED EVERY SCAUR,
SCOTER, EIDER, INCLUDING THE
PALEARCTIC, NEOTROPICAL OPTIONS.
NONE OF THEM ARE A MATCH.
THIS AGAIN?
DID YOU EVEN SLEEP?
OK. SO THEN I THOUGHT MAYBE
IT'S RARER THAN THOSE.
WELL THE CRITICALLY ENDANGERED
DUCKS CONSIST OF THE WEST
INDIAN WHISTLING, THE LAYSAN,
AND THE WHITE-HEADED DUCK.
BUT IT'S NOT ANY OF THOSE.
SO WHAT'S RARER THAN
CRITICALLY ENDANGERED?
I MEAN NOTHING.
AFTER CRITICALLY
ENDANGERED IT GOES EXTINCT.
EXACTLY.
OH MY GOD.
AH DAMNIT.
CAMPTORHYNCHUS LABRADORIUS.
AH, THIS WOULD BE SO HUGE.
IF EVELYN REED KNEW I
REDISCOVERED AN EXTINCT DUCK,
SHE'D DEFINITELY LET ME DO IT.
POSSIBLY DOGGIE STYLE.
IT'S CALLED
RETROCOPULATION, MAN.
THE TERM DOGGIE STYLE IS
OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN AND
POSSIBLY DOGS AS WELL.
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
GUYS, YOU'RE BOTH
MISSING THE POINT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YEAH, I MEAN IT HAS TO
BE A FEMALE, NOT A MALE.
OOH THE WING MARKS CONCERN
ME, BUT TO BE FAIR,
WING MARKS ALWAYS CONCERN ME.
B TEAMS
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
OK, WE NEED TO FIND
THIS DUCK AGAIN.
OH WHAT WE NEED IS
AN EXPERT OPINION.
WELL, UH, I CAN GET US A
MEETING WITH LAWRENCE CONRAD.
JUST BECAUSE HE SAID YOU HAD
NICE STYLE AT A BOOK SIGNING.
UM, HE SAID I HAD
INTERESTING STYLE, AND YES,
THAT'S EXACTLY WHY. DICK.
HELLO?
HE'S TOO BUSY. I TOLD YOU THIS.
HELLO?
WHAT?
OH SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
MY SECRETARY'S AT LUNCH AND
THIS THING SHOULD HAVE
THERE YOU GO, ANYONE?
UH, YELLOW WARBLER.
BRAVO. DO COME IN.
NOPE.
NO, NO.
THAT'S ALL WRONG.
YEAH WELL, IT DOES
DECLINE AT THE NAPE.
WHICH ONE OF YOU SAW IT?
UH, I DID.
I'M SORRY THE
PICTURE'S SO BLURRY.
I WAS ON MY BIKE
WHEN I SPOTTED IT.
ON YOUR BIKE?
THAT'S MARVELOUS.
THAT'S THE GREAT THING
ABOUT THIS FIELD.
IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE A
HIGH SCHOOL KID ON YOUR BIKE,
OR
AN OLD EGG HEAD LIKE ME WITH
A BOAT LOAD OF SILLY DEGREES.
ABSOLUTELY ANYONE
CAN BE A BIRDER.
EXCEPT FOR BLIND PEOPLE I SPOSE.
SO YOU THINK IT COULD
ACTUALLY BE A RARE
CLOSE THE DOOR, PLEASE.
ANY OF YOU FAMILIAR WITH
THE TERM LAZARUS SPECIES?
YOU, GLASSES.
AN ORGANISM REDISCOVERED
ALIVE AFTER HAVING BEEN
CONSIDERED EXTINCT.
AND WHILE LAZARUS SPECIES ARE
VERY RARE, HERE IN AMERICA,
I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BEING
AMONGST THOSE WHO REFOUND THE
IVORY BILLED WOODPECKER IN 2005,
THOUGH CERTAIN SCIENTISTS
DO DISPUTE MY CLAIM.
FOOLS.
FEBRUARY 20TH, 2005.
I REMEMBER BECAUSE IT WAS
THREE WEEKS AFTER MY LIFE
MAGELLANIC WOODPECKER IN CHILE,
QUITE A MONTH FOR CAMPEPHILUS.
YOU REMEMBER ALL THE
DATES ON YOUR LIFE LIST?
NOW... ON MAY 13TH OF
THIS YEAR, WE MIGHT
I DO STRESS "MIGHT"
HAVE SPOTTED
YES.
CAMPTORHYNCHUS LABRODORIOUS.
MMHMM.
THE FIRST BIRD TO GO
EXTINCT IN NORTH AMERICA.
NO ONE HAS SEEN ONE OF
THESE FELLAS SINCE 1878.
SO DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
DAVID SAW A LABRADOR DUCK?
OF COURSE THE PHOTO'S TOO
BLURRY TO PROVE ANYTHING.
AND CERTAINLY OUT OF
CONSIDERATION FOR PUBLICATION.
TRUST ME WHAT BIRDERS DO NOT
NEED IS MORE CONTROVERSY.
NO, I THINK THE ONLY THING TO DO
HERE IS TO FIND THE BIRD AGAIN.
WELL IT'S PROBABLY MIGRATING.
IT COULD BE ANYWHERE.
WHICH MEANS YOU NEED
TO GET A MOVE ON.
THE LABRADOR IS CLOSELY RELATED
TO SEA DUCKS. SUCH AS EIDERS.
IT'S PROBABLY HEADING NORTH,
MAYBE EVEN MIGRATING WITH
SCOTERS. NOW THE GOOD NEWS FOR
YOU, IS THAT IT'LL BE ATTRACTED
TO THE LARGEST INLAND BODIES
OF WATER BEFORE IT HITS THE
COAST. NOW MY GUESS IS, IT'LL
BE IN SOUTHERN CONNECTICUT
BY SUN FALL TOMORROW.
SO YOU THINK IT'S ACTUALLY
POSSIBLE TO FIND IT AGAIN?
I DO.
BUT I MUST WARN YOU,
I LOVE THE CHASE.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
YOU'VE READ MY MEMOIR.
"LOOK TO THE SKIES,"
I'VE READ IT FIVE TIMES.
THEN I DON'T NEED TO TELL
YOU THAT I SPENT 15 MONTHS IN
ECUADOR TRACKING THE
PALE-HEADED BRUSH FINCH ONLY TO
LEARN THAT IT WAS A MERE
WHITE-HEADED BRUSH FINCH.
IF I'D FACED FACTS A FEW DAYS
EARLIER, YOU'D BE LOOKING
AT A MAN WITH
TWO LEGS.
I WON'T DENY IT, I'M STARTING
TO GET VERY JEALOUS OF YOU LADS.
WE HAVE, UM, MODERN EUROPEAN
HISTORY CLASS IN 25 MINUTES.
FAIR ENOUGH.
WELL DO KEEP ME INFORMED.
NEVER HESITATE TO CALL.
OH, AND ONE PIECE OF ADVICE
FROM AN OLD TWITCHER,
GET YOURSELVES A BETTER CAMERA.
ONE WITH A SMALL TELEPHOTO LENS.
YEAH, I CAN DEFINITELY DO THAT.
EXCELLENT.
HAVING THE WRONG GEAR IS
PRECISELY WHY THIS PHOTO
IS ULTIMATELY USELESS.
GOOD LUCK, GENTLEMAN.
DR. CONRAD.
DR. CONRAD?
COULD YOU, UM, SIGN MY BOOK?
FIRST EDITION.
YEAH.
PORTNOY.
WAS YOUR MOTHER DOROTHY PORTNOY?
YOU KNOW MY MOTHER?
OF COURSE.
BACK IN THE 80S AND 90S, SHE
HELPED PIONEER THE USE OF
MARINE RADAR TO PREDICT
MIGRATANT FALL OUT.
SHE WAS A REAL UNSUNG
HERO OF BIRDING.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AWFUL.
I'M DEEPLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
WHY?
IT'S WAY TOO INTENSE.
I MEAN, I'M SORRY BUT THIS
WOULD AN OFFICIAL YBS MEETING.
OK, MOVE TO DISCUSS.
UM, SECOND.
ALRIGHT, THE CHAIR
RECOGNIZES TIMOTHY BARSKY.
THANK YOU.
CHAIRMAN, MR. PORTNQY, SIMPLY
PUT, WE MUST FIND THIS BIRD.
I THINK IT COULD REPRESENT A NEW
HOPE FOR YBS, WHICH FRANKLY IS
ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE.
I THINK WITH THE RIGHT
PUBLICITY, SIGHTING OF THE
LABRADOR DUCK COULD BOOST
MEMBERSHIP, AND THE THREE OF US
COULD REAP UNTOLD REWARDS.
FAME-WISE, MONEY-WISE,
AND VAGINA-WISE.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL, MR. CHAIRMAN.
I CONCUR. MOVE TO VOTE.
SECOND.
ALL IN FAVOR OF SEARCHING FOR
THE EXTINCT LABRADOR DUCK?
YAY.
ALL OPPOSED. NAY.
MOTION PASSES TWO TO ONE.
I'll DROP THE BUDGET.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I WANT TO.
YEAH?
HEY, UH... I LEFT SOMETHING
IN THE LAB YESTERDAY.
OH, OK.
I'M ELLEN, BY THE WAY.
WHAT?
WE'RE IN A CLASS TOGETHER,
SO I'M TELLING YOU WHO I AM.
OH.
HI.
HI, THERE YOU GO.
ALRIGHT, SO GIVEN THE EXPECTED
SPEED OF THE LABRADOR DUCK,
IN ITS PRESUMED TRAJECTORY,
THE BIRD WILL BE FORCED
TO REST IN ITS FIFTEEN MILE
RADIUS ENCOMPASSING
CEDAR LAKE OR COCKAPONSET.
OK, WELL I'M PUTTING MY
MONEY ON COCKAPONSET.
AND NOT JUST BECAUSE IT
HAS THE WORD COCK IN IT.
WELL, I STILL MAINTAIN IT'S A
LONGSHOT AT BEST, BUT AS PLACES
GO, YOU KNOW? IT'S MORE
LIKELY THAN MOST.
OH, ON THE TRANSPORTATION
FRONT, MY COUSIN ERIC SAID
HE'D LOAN ME SOME WHEELS.
HE DID?
YEAH. HE'S A COOL GUY.
HE LIKES ME A LOT.
HEY, ISN'T YOUR DAD GETTING
MARRIED THIS WEEKEND?
YEP. THIS IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
DAVID?
YEAH.
DAVID. OH HI BOYS.
HELLO MRS. SANTOS.
JULIANA! OW.
DAVID, THERE IS SOMEBODY
HERE TO SEE YOU.
A GIRL FROM YOUR
SCHOOL, I THINK.
GO ON IN, HON.
THANK YOU.
YOU STOLE YOU THE LENS.
PREPOSTEROUS.
WHAT'S PROJECT ANUS?
ANAS, OK? AND IT'S NONE
OF YOUR BUSINESS.
JUST GIVE ME THE LENS.
AND WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU
HAVE OF THIS ALLEGED THEFT
OF THIS ALLEGED LENS?
WELL, IT WAS THERE
EARLIER THIS AFTERNOON.
I GAVE HIM THE KEYS,
HE WENT INTO THE LAB,
AND THEN IT WAS GONE.
CIRCUMSTANTIAL.
IT'S SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
OH DAMNIT, PETER.
OH MY GOD.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF A LABRADOR DUCK?
I STILL DON'T GET WHY
IT'S CALLED PROJECT ANUS.
ANAS.
IT'S LATIN FOR DUCK.
YOU GUYS SPEAK LATIN?
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.
THIS WOULD SERIOUSLY WOULD
BE THE FIRST PHOTO OF
THIS EXTINCT DUCK?
YEAH. DEFINITELY.
IF I COME I'M
TAKING THE PICTURE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
OK, THAT'S NOT A POSSIBILITY.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
WHEN DO WE LEAVE?
♪ AM FROM TIMMY'S
COUSIN'S HOUSE.
25 SOUTH RIDGE DRIVE.
COOL.
WHERE THE HELL DID
THAT COME FROM?
SHE MADE ME NERVOUS, OK?
OK, WELL ON THE FLIP SIDE, ONE
OR POSSIBLY MORE OF US WILL GET
SOME ACTION THIS WEEKEND.
MOST LIKELY BEING ME.
NOPE, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
HEY, NEED SOME HELP?
I GOT IT.
WHERE YOU GOING?
TIMMY'S.
SLEEPING OVER TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING MARRIED.
TOMORROW.
I'll BE BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME.
C'MON DAD, IT'S IMPORTANT.
I GOTTA GO.
ALRIGHT. OK, OK.
I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE
YOU YOUR GRIEVING SPACE.
DON'T DR. SCHULTZ
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, THE
REHEARSAL IS AT 10 AM.
THE REHEARSAL?
YEAH.
IT'S WALKING FROM ONE SIDE OF
THE LAWN TO THE OTHER, RIGHT?
OK, C'MON. TIME OUT.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I GET THAT IT'S ALL GOTTA
SEEM PRETTY WEIRD TO YOU,
AND MAYBE JULIANA'S NOT YOUR
FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD
DAD, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
FAST FORWARD TEN YEARS FROM
NOW, SHE'S GONNA REALLY CARE,
SHE'S GONNA BE A REALLY COOL,
KICKASS MOM.I MEAN, YOU GOTTA
LOOK AT THINGS, LIKE...
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
WHAT?
FOR A REASON?
YOU KNOW, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE SAID THAT.
THAT'S NOT-THAT'S NOT WHAT
I MEANT TO SAY.
WHAT I MEANT
BULLSHIT.
C'MON, DAVID.
YOU ARE TOO FAST.
I GOTCHYA.
SORRY, I'M LATE.
HAVE WE CONFIRMED HE
KNOWS WE'RE COMING?
YES.
ERIC?
TIMMY.
MY MAN.
ERIC.
MY MAN.
UM, DO YOU THINK WE COULD
GRAB THOSE KEYS NOW?
OH YEAH, KEYS.
TOTALLY.
COULD YOU GO GET THEM NOW?
SURE.
YOU'RE ERIC'S COUSIN?
YEAH, FIRST COUSIN.
THESE ARE KEYS ARE KEYS
TO A KRYPTONITE BIKE LOCK.
WAIT, YOU WANTED
TO BORROW MY CAR?
YEAH.
TIMMY, I'M NOT GOING
TO LEND YOU MY CAR.
WHY NOT?
FOR LIKE SEVERAL REASONS.
THERE ARE INSURANCE ISSUES THAT
WOULD NOT BE EASY TO RESOLVE,
TO SAY THE LEAST.
I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THAT
YOU OR ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE
SAFE AND/OR RELIABLE DRIVERS.
NOT TO MENTION, TRISH AND I HAVE
PLANS TO USE THE CAR TO GO UP TO
SHEEP'S MEADOW TO HANG
OUT AND SMOKE WEED.
WELL HE DOES MAKE SOME
CONVINCING ARGUMENTS.
THANK YOU.
FINE, WELL THANKS ANYWAY, ERIC.
YOU'RE A REAL COOL GUY.
PS, GRANDMA THINKS
YOU'RE A COMMUNIST.
I AM A COMMUNIST.
BYE TIMMY'S LITTLE FRIENDS.
BYE.
I HATE HIM.
HE HADN'T DJED MY BARMITZVAH,
MY LIFE WOULD BE
A LOT BETTER RIGHT NOW.
BELIEVE YOU ME.
SO IS TRISH ERIC'S
STEADY GIRLFRIEND?
WHAT?
OH, FOUND IT.
EVER DRIVE A CABRIOLET, PETER?
ABSOLUTLEY NOT.
WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONLY
ONE WITH A LICENSE.
I'M NOT DRIVING A
STOLEN CAR, GUYS.
IT'S NOT A STOLEN CAR.
WE'LL BRING IT BACK TOMORROW,
HE'LL JUST THINK HE FORGOT
WHERE HE PARKED IT. RIGHT?
COME ON, MAN.
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
NOT BE A TOTAL PUSSY.
YOU CAN IMPRESS AN ACTUAL GIRL.
IT'S EXCITING.
ELLEN?
I THINK PETER SHOULD
DO WHAT HE WANTS.
BUT YEAH, I WOULD BE IMPRESSED.
VERY IMPRESSED.
THANKS.
PETER, JUST MERGE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
KIND OF PRESSURE THIS IS.
NO IDEA.
K, WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPAZZ.
YOU'RE GOING TO
KEEP IT UNDER 357
YES, I AM.
PROBABLY MORE DANGEROUS
TIMMY?
HOLY SHIT.
WHAT IS THIS? IS THAT
CRACK COCAINE?
I HAVE NO IDEA. MAYBE.
MAYBE?
JUST KEEP DRIVING PETER.
IT LOOKS LIKE
IT LOOKS LIKE CRYSTALS.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE
IT'S ROCK CANDY.
ELLEN, GROW UP. OK?
THEY'RE CRYSTALS.
OH SHIT.
WHAT?
CRYSTAL METH.
THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW.
WHAT?
NO, WE CAN'T JUST THROW
IT OUT THE WINDOW.
YES, WE CAN.
NO, PETER, THINK.
WHAT HAPPENS IF WE RETURN THE
CAR WITHOUT THE DRUGS, OK?
LIKE MAYBE ERIC WAS TRYING TO
SELL THEM ON BEHALF OF SOME DRUG
LORDS, AND THEN THE DRUG LORDS
COME LOOKING FOR THE MONEY,
SUDDENLY ERIC DOESN'T HAVE
THE MONEY OR THE DRUGS.
SO THEY KILL HIM.
OK?
ERIC SUCKS BUT HE
DOESN'T DESERVE TO DIE.
OK, JUST KEEP IT HIDDEN.
GIVE IT, ELLEN.
DONE.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
I'M SHOCKED. I'M REALLY SHOCKED.
PETER, FOR THE LOVE OF
GOD, YOU HAVE TO SPEED UP.
IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN A WAGON.
NOW WE'RE CRUISING.
THIS IS TOTALLY ILLEGAL.
PETER, IT'S FINE.
YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR
LEARNERS PERMIT.
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
SOUNDS LIKE BLACK
AND WHITE WARBLER.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A
RED BREASTED NUT HATCH
BUT IT'S COMING FROM THE ENGINE.
WHAT'S A FINCH LOOK LIKE?
A FINCH, IT'S KIND OF LIKE
A PERCHING BIRD WITH A
SMALL, SHARP, POINTY BILL.
COOL, MY BOYFRIEND'S BAND
IS CALLED THE REAL FINCHES.
THE REAL FINCHES?
HUH, SOUNDS LIKE A
REAL HARDCORE BAND.
RIGHT, 'CUZ YOU'RE INTO
MORE HARDCORE STUFF
LIKE BEETHOVEN.
UMM BARTOK, OK?
MAYBE LIKE LATE BEETHOVEN, YEAH.
RIGHT.
THESE ARE TOTALLY RETRO.
OH YEAH, THANKS.
THEY'RE MY MOM'S.
IS SHE A BIG BIRDER?
YOU KNOW HIS MOM IS DEAD, RIGHT?
WHAT?
OH, I GUESS IT WAS
BEFORE YOU MOVED HERE.
YEAH, DAVE DOESN'T
LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
THANKS, TIMMY.
OK, GUYS I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
I WANT EVERYONE TO REMAIN
STILL WHILE I TALK,
ESPECIALLY YOU, PETER.
THERE'S A VEHICLE THAT'S BEEN
TRAILING US FOR THE PAST
TEN MILES, AND THERE ARE
DEFINITELY GUNS IN THE VEHICLE.
OH MY GOD.
PETER, STAY STILL.
SORRY.
THEY COULD BE ERIC'S
DRUG LORD BOSSES.
DAVID, CAN YOU JUST SLOW
DOWN AND SEE IF THEY PASS US?
YEAH.
IT DOESN'T HAVE GUNS ON IT.
OH SHIT.
THERE THEY ARE.
AHH THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
HOW WAS THAT A CLOSE ONE?
IT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
HEY WHAT'S WITH ALL THE PEOPLE?
IS THIS LIKE AN IMPORTANT
DAY FOR BIRDING OR SOMETHING?
IT'S SATURDAY.
HEY, PORTNOY'S BACK.
HEY THEENY.
ARE YOU LIKE THE BOY WONDER OF
THE BIRDING WORLD OR SOMETHING?
NO. I JUST HAVEN'T
BEEN HERE IN AWHILE.
SO, WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE EXACTLY?
OK.
UM... FIRST YOU HAVE THE FEEDER
FILLERS, AND THEY JUST WANT A
BIRD FEEDER SO THAT THEY CAN
ATTRACT A BIRD LIKE A CARDINAL.
AND THEN THERE'S LISTERS,
LIKE THOSE GUYS OVER THERE.
NOW LISTERS, THEY LIKE
THE NUMBERS, THE DATA
SO THEY RECORD EVERYTHING ON
THESE VERY METICULOUS LIFE LISTS
SO IF MY DAD WAS A
BIRDER, HE'D BE A LISTER.
HE'S NOT A BIRDER?
NO.
HE OWNS FIVE CHICKEN HUTS.
HE LITERALLY MAKES A
LIVING KILLING BIRDS.
SO WHICH KIND OF BIRDER ARE YOU?
WELL THERE'S ONE MORE.
THE WATCHERS.
NOW, THE WATCHERS, THIS IS
LAWRENCE CONRAD'S DEFINITION,
UH... THEY WANT TO ACHIEVE A
TRANSCENDENT CONNECTION BETWEEN
NATURE THAT ERASES ANY
DISTINCTION BETWEEN, I GUESS,
HUMAN AND BIRDS' SOULS.
LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE A WATCHER.
WELL, THERE'S ACTUALLY VERY
FEW WATCHERS OUT THERE.
UM, LAWRENCE CONRAD SAYS THAT
IN THE WORLD OF BIRDING,
MOST OF US ARE JUST LISTERS
WHO STRIVE TO BE WATCHERS.
WHAT IS THAT?
OLD SCHOOL DUCK CALL.
HELP US IN FINDING THE
UH... THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?
NOTHING.
YOU GUYS HEADING OUT?
YEAH, WE'RE GOING
TO COCKAPONSET.
THE COCK.
YOU GUYS FROM AROUND HERE?
NO. SUMWORTH.
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU SEE UP THERE?
UH, HOODED WARBLERS, ACADIAN
FLYCATCHER, YELLOW-BILLED
CUCKOO, YELLOW-WINGED VERIO,
THIS ONE TIME I SAW
WAIT, YOU SAW A YELLOW-
WINGED VERIO IN NEW YORK?
YEAH.
WOW, WOW, WOW.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE, JEFF.
WHAT?
OH, I'M SORRY. I MEAN
A YELLOW-THROATED VERIO.
THERE YOU GO.
YEAH.
THERE IT IS.
SO, WHAT KIND OF STUFF
DO YOU GUYS SEE?
WE JUST HAD A GREAT
TRIP TO TANZANIA.
SAW AN USAMBARA EAGLE
OWL, AMONG OTHER THINGS.
NOT BAD FOR OUR FIRST YEAR.
FIRST YEAR? LAST
YEAR WE CLIMBED
THE SEVEN SUMMITS,
THIS YEAR WE'RE GOING FOR
THE WORLD BIG YEAR RECORD.
OH, SO YOU'RE NOT BIRDERS.
YOU'RE MORE LIKE
MOUNTAIN DEW ADS.
MORE LIKE EXTREME HOBBYISTS.
IT MEANS IN TEN MONTHS, WE'VE
SEEN OVER 315 ENDANGERED SPECIES
INCLUDING FINDING ONLY
THE SIXTH KNOWN NEST OF
A GRAUER'S BROADBILL.
THAT'S AMAZING.
YEAH.
DAVID SAW A LABRADOR DUCK.
YOU KNOW THAT'S EXTINCT, RIGHT?
YES. WELL MAYBE IT'S
NOT EXTINCT ANY MORE
NO, NO, SHE IS-SHE
IS NOT A BIRDER.
SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT
SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
YES, I DO.
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
OK. BECAUSE THAT-THAT IS A
PRETTY BIG CLAIM, YOU KNOW?
SPOTTING AN EXTINCT SPECIES.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE A
PHOTO OR ANYTHING?
NO. SHE'S CONFUSED.
WE CAN'T HAVE A PICTURE OF
SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST.
RIGHT.
WE SHOULD BE GOING.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
WELL, GOOD BIRDING.
GOOD BIRDING FELLAS.
GOOD BIRDING.
I'M SORRY, ELLEN.
YOU'RE A COMPLETE IDIOT.
WHATEVER.
THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME ANYWAY.
LET'S HOPE TO GOD YOU'RE RIGHT.
♪♪
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
DAVID?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST GONNA CATCH UP WITH THEM.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
THERE WE GO.
COULD THE LABRADOR
DUCK BE UP THERE?
NO, NO. THEY'RE CANADA GEESE.
♪♪
SHIT.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
DAMNIT. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT MUST BE RELATED TO THE
WARBLER NOISE. SHIT.
THE NUTHATCH NOISE.
OK, SHUT UP PETER.
I THINK IT'S JUST AN
OVERHEATED ALTERNATOR THING.
OR SOMETHING.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WE SHOULD GO HOME.
I KNEW IT.
I'M SORRY. YOU KNEW WHAT?
COME ON.
LOOK, WE ALL KNEW FROM
THE START IT WAS A MISTAKE
TO BRING YOU, OK?
YOU WERE LATE, YOU HAVE
TO PEE ALL THE TIME,
AND NOW YOU WANT TO QUIT.
I BROUGHT A TELEPHOTO
LENS AND FIVE YEARS OF
PHOTOGRAPHY EXPERIENCE.
WHAT DID YOU BRING?
OH, LET ME THINK. EXCELLENT
LEADERSHIP SKILLS, LOGIC
AN ORANGE BELT
OK? FLUENCY IN LATIN
AND ESPANOL
AWESOME LOGIC SKILLS.
YOU SAID THAT ALREADY.
GUYS, I'M GOING TO
GO CALL TRIPLE A.
OK, WHERE ARE WE EXACTLY?
UM, WE'RE SOMEWHERE
NEAR WOODSTOCK.
WAIT, WOODSTOCK?
YEAH.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL?
BOOTY CALL.
THE REED'S HAVE
A HOUSE OUT HERE.
WAIT, EVELYN REED?
YEAH.
HEY, EVELYN.
IT'S TIMMY.
TIMMY.
TIMMY BARSKY.
TIMMY B
WE SHOULD GET A BACKUP.
NO, THEY'RE FRIENDS... KIND OF.
I MEAN, I GUESS SHE DOES CALL
HIM HER PERSONAL MATH HOBBIT.
SO WE'RE IN A BIT
OF A PICKLED DICK.
NAH, JUST A STUPID LINE FROM
UM, I GUESS YOU WANNA
PROBABLY CALL YOUR MOM.
THAT WOULD INVOLVE TELLING HER
WHERE I AM, SO NO THANK YOU.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW?
SHE'S IN NEW MEXICO AT A SWING
AND SALSA CONFERENCE THIS
WEEKEND, SO IT WAS EITHER THIS,
OR SITTING AROUND ON MY OWN.
SO, SWING AND SALSA?
WELL THEY'RE ACTUALLY
REALLY DIFFERENT.
OK.
OH, THAT'S-THAT'S A LOT.
HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
BRING IT UP AND
THAT'S OK. TIMMY'S
AN IDIOT SOMETIMES.
IT'S REALLY, IT'S
NOT A BIG DEAL.
I MEAN, OF COURSE IT'S A BIG
DEAL, BUT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
HOW LONG AGO DID SHE PASS AWAY?
ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF AGO.
JUST YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE MY
HEY GUYS.
WE'RE GOOD.
SO, WHAT IS THIS TOP SECRET
MISSION YOU GUYS ARE ON?
I MEAN, I COULD TELL YOU BUT
YOU'D HAVE TO KILL ME?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I'M A PACIFIST.
PETER WOULD KILL YOU.
I'M A PACIFIST.
HE'S REALLY NOT.
HE HAS TO SAY THAT.
IT'S HIS COVER.
OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
HAHA I KNOW. YOU KNOW? I
THINK WE MAY HAVE ACTUALLY
FOUND AN EXTINCT DUCK.
WOW.
OH THIS IS PUBLIC
INFORMATION NOW?
UH YEAH. GET IN THE CAR.
THANKS AGAIN, EV.
HEY, I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I
WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M TIMMY.
YOU ARE.
BYE, GUYS.
OH, AND GIRL.
WHY WAS SHE THANKING YOU?
OH MY GOD, SHE'S SO HOT.
HOW MUCH THIS TIME, TIMMY?
OH I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
THE REST OF THE YEAR
YOU'RE DOING HER MATH HOMEWORK
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
OUR RELATIONSHIP, OK?
OH MY GOD.
WHAT?
NO GUNS.
WHAT?
THEY'VE TAKEN THE GUNS.
YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU?
WE NEED TO CALL THE COPS.
LIKE RIGHT NOW GUYS.
AND TELL THEM WHAT, PETER?
THAT WE STOLE A CAR
LOADED WITH NARCOTICS?
YOU ARE A GENIUS.
KEEP IT HIDDEN.
ALL IN FAVOR?
AYE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THEY'LL
KILL US IN THE WOODS, OK?
ERIC.
WE HAVE A SITUATION.
WHAT'S THAT ONE?
UH... BLACK CAP CHICKADEE.
HOW CAN YOU TELL WHICH
ONE IT IS SO QUICKLY?
WELL, THE BEST WAY
TO RECOGNIZE IS JIZZ?
WHAT?
G-I-♪-♪.
GENERAL, IMPRESSION,
SHAPE, AND SIZE.
THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A
SNAP IDEA OF A BIRD.
YEAH, I MEAN, I GUESS
IT HAD A NICE JIZZ.
YOU KNOW, I KNOW JIZZ
SOUNDS LIKE EJACULATION
COME ON.
CHICKADEE JIZZ.
YEAH, IT'S IN THE
TIT FAMILY TOO.
UM, I GUESS ANOTHER WAY IS YOU
CAN ID IT BY ITS CALLS, SO...
UH, DOWNY WOODPECKER.
WHITE BREASTED NUTHATCH.
CAROLINA WREN.
THE NUTHATCH AGAIN.
WHAT WAS THAT ONE?
WOOD THRESH.
HOLD ON.
YEAH?
WHERE ARE YOU?
TIMMY'S.
YOU DROVE TO TIMMY'S
IN ERIC'S CAR?
PETER DROVE.
DAVID.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WE MAY HAVE DISCOVERED
AN EXTINCT DUCK.
WE'RE AT A PARK IN CONNECTICUT
JUST TRYING TO LOOK FOR IT AND
WE'LL BE BACK BY TOMORROW.
AN EXTINCT DUCK?
YES, WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO TRACK IT
ALRIGHT, FIRST, YOU'RE
SERIOUSLY GROUNDED.
SECOND, AND LET ME MAKE THIS
ABUNDANTLY CLEAR, IF WE ALL END
UP WAITING AROUND FOR YOU
TOMORROW JUST TO WALTZ IN
YOU'VE ALREADY MADE IT
ABUNDANTLY CLEAR HOW YOU
CAN'T HANDLE WAITING.
YOU KNOW WHAT, DON'T COME.
DAD.
DAD, I'M SORRY.
NO, NO.
YOU'RE A YOUNG MAN NOW.
YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.
I'll HAVE TED BE THE BEST MAN.
SURE.
FINE.
THAT WAS YOUR DAD?
YES.
HEY, EVERYTHING OK?
YES.
ARE YOU SURE?
MY DAD'S GETTING
MARRIED TOMORROW.
TO MY MOM'S NURSE.
DO YOU WANT-DO YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
NO.
WA-WAIT DAVID, HOW ARE
WE GONNA GET BACK IN TIME?
WE'RE NOT.
♪♪
JUST SAYING.
IS THE SLUTTIEST BIRD.
WHY?
HE OR SHE HAS A
PARTNER THEN IMMEDIATELY
GOES TO ANOTHER PARTNER,
KIND OF LIKE YOU, ELLEN.
THANK YOU, TIMMY THANK YOU.
IT'S RIGHT THERE
BEHIND THE BUSH.
ONE O'CLOCK. ONE O'CLOCK.
YOU GOTTA LOOK RIGHT AT IT,
THEN JUST PUT THE BINOCULARS
IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING
TO IT AND IT REPLIES.
PSH PSH.
PETER, SHUT UP.
OH, BIG SPIDER, BIG SPIDER.
THERE IT IS.
ALRIGHT, SO THERE'S A BRIDGE
ABOUT 2 MILES NORTHEAST OF HERE.
IF IT'S GETTING DARK, I THINK
WE SHOULD JUST START HERE.
EXACTLY.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,
I'M CROSSING THIS RIVER.
IT'S WAY TOO DANGEROUS.
OH C'MON PETER.
YOU KNOW WOMEN CITE PHYSICAL
BRAVERY AS THE NUMBER ONE
QUALITY IN A MAN?
A SENSE OF HUMOR.
ELLEN, BRAVE OR FUNNY GUYS?
FUNNY.
WHAT?
OK, WELL WHATEVER.
WITH HOT WOMEN ANYWAY, AS IN
EVELYN REED, IT'S PHYSICAL
BRAVERY SO HAH.
CAN WE STOP WITH THE
EVELYN REED ALREADY?
UM, JEALOUS MUCH?
TIMMY, YOU KEEP KISSING HER ASS,
HOPING SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN.
WHICH IT WILL.
WHEN SHE'S SO CLEARLY
DORK BAITING YOU.
OK, EVELYN REED
LIKES ME ALRIGHT?
WHAT'S DORK BAITING?
IT'S WHEN A CUTE GIRL IS
SUPER NICE TO A NERDY GUY
I'M NOT NERDY.
SO THAT HE'LL WORSHIP HER AND
FIX HER COMPUTER AND MAKE HER
FEEL GOOD ABOUT HERSELF AND,
OH, ALSO DO HER HOMEWORK.
HEY, I'M DOING HER HOMEWORK
BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS, ALRIGHT?
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS
DO FOR EACH OTHER.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
TIMMY, IT TOOK HER FORTY-FIVE
MINUTES TO DRIVE US HERE.
SO, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO
GO AND DO HER HOMEWORK
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND
MESSED UP, TO YOU?
LET'S JUST GO.
SHE CALLS YOU HER
PERSONAL MATH HOBBIT.
AH, THAT'S BULLSHIT. I'M
NOT GONNA BELIEVE THAT.
YEAH? DAVID TOLD ME.
WHAT?
IS THAT TRUE?
I'M SORRY.
SHUT UP!
IS THAT TRUE?
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY IT
JUST PLEASE STOP TALKING! WHY
ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH TO ME?
LET'S GO, TIMMY.
NO, I KNOW. YOU TAKE HER SIDE.
I'M NOT TAKING ANYONE'S SIDE.
OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU DON'T
GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ME OR PETER.
COME ON. LET'S JUST
CROSS THE RIVER, OK GUYS?
STOP BEING A PUSSY.
YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD
IS FULL OF SHIT, OK?
HE DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT
YOU, ME, OR FINDING THE
LABRADOR DUCK. HE JUST WANTS TO
PORK ELLEN OF TROY OVER THERE.
I AM NOT
A PUSSY, OK?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU,
YOU'RE TRYING TO TALK TO HER,
AND FEEL HER UP.
DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP, DAVE.
SHE'S PROBABLY JUST
DORK BAITING YOU.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE ELLEN.
YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
OH YEAH, I WOULDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND.
BECAUSE HIS MOM DIED HE'S
ALL MESSED UP, OR WHATEVER.
FUCK YOU!
ARE YOU OK?
PETER, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
HIS INHALER!
SHIT, OK. STOP, STOP, STOP.
PETER, STAND UP!
STAND UP, COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.
WE GOTTA GET HIM TO SHORE.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
THIS WAY, THIS WAY.
OH MY GOD, IT'S SO COLD.
GUYS, IT'S SOUNDING REALLY BAD.
OK, OK. LAY DOWN. LAY DOWN.
I'M JUST GONNA GIVE
YOU MOUTH TO MOUTH, OK?
LEAN BACK, LEAN BACK.
STOP, OK READY? 1, 2, 3.
I GOT IT!
I FOUND IT.
THROW IT TO ME.
TIMMY, JUST THROW IT.
OH SHIT, OK.
THROW IT!
OH GOD.
WHAT THE HELL TIMMY?
ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM?
I'M SORRY, I'M A MURDERER.
I GOT IT.
PETER.
THAT SUCKED.
YOU ALRIGHT?
YOU OK?
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ♪-SHIRT.
IT'S A GOOD COLOR FOR YOU.
IT REALLY IS.
SO HOW LONG-?
SHH.
GREAT HORNED OWL.
NICE.
PERSONAL FRICKIN HOBBIT.
THERE'RE TONS OF GIRLS
OUT THERE, TIMMY.
EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, "MS. I HAVE
CRAZY WILD SEX WHENEVER I WANT."
WHAT?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
RUB IT IN OUR FACES.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'VE NEVER EVEN HAD SEX, OK?
THAT'S BULLSHIT. YOU'RE
DATING A GUY IN A BAND.
WE'VE ONLY KISSED, AND HE
LIVES IN MINNESOTA ANYWAY.
IS THAT WHERE YOU'RE FROM?
I LIVED THERE FOR A YEAR.
THEN BEFORE THAT DELAWARE,
TEXAS, GUAM, AND
GERMANY?
GERMANY, YEAH.
MY DAD'S IN THE AIRFORCE.
THAT'S SO BADASS.
IT SUCKS.
I'M ALWAYS THE NEW GIRL, AND
THEN WHENEVER I MAKE A FRIEND,
WE MOVE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING NEXT?
ACTUALLY IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL
BE IN SUMWORTH FOR GOOD NOW.
OK, WELL
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
UM
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING I'VE
NEVER REALLY DONE A GIRL,
NOT EVEN MISSIONARY STYLE.
YOU'RE FIFTEEN.
IT'S OK. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
I MEAN, I'VE ONLY
KISSED LIKE ONE BOY.
OK, WELL I HAVE ANOTHER
CONFESSION TO MAKE.
UM
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING I'VE
NEVER REALLY KISSED A GIRL.
ME NEITHER.
SPIN THE STICK?
RIGHT.
I'VE, UM
I'VE NEVER REALLY
KISSED A GIRL EITHER.
NO?
I'M SORRY.
DON'T PATRONIZE ME.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
THAT STORY DOES NOT
GET BETTER WITH AGE
UNLIKE THIS WINE.
THANK YOU. NOT FROM A BOX.
OK, SO YOU BRIBED A COP?
I INVENTED A GREAT MEAL,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'S DEBATABLE.
WAIT, FRENCH FRIES WITH HONEY
IS NOT THAT GREAT A MEAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S PAYING FOR DAVID'S
COLLEGE SO I'M NOT COMPLAINING.
WHERE IS DAVID ANYWAY?
HE'S UH
HE'S ACTUALLY ON A
BIRD WATCHING TRIP.
I DON'T KNOW HE WAS
STILL IN TO ALL THAT.
OH YEAH, DEFINITELY INTO IT.
THAT'S GREAT.
IS HE STILL PLANNING ON
SKIPPING COLLEGE AND
MAKING WILDLIFE FILMS?
WHAT?
WHEN DID HE TELL YOU THAT, TED?
I DON'T KNOW.
THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM.
AT THE FUNERAL.
AHH.
NO, I GUESS WE HAVEN'T
TALKED ABOUT IT.
ALRIGHT, WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME MORE WINE?
YES.
OF COURSE.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HEY PETER?
YEAH?
YOU EVER WISH THAT EARTH
WAS MORE LIKE MIDDLE EARTH?
ALL THE TIME.
DRUG LORDS.
I'll STAND GUARD.
YES.
I CAN SEE YOU.
JESUS!
CLOSE YOUR EYES, ALRIGHT?
SORRY.
DONE.
SORRY.
CAN I SEE?
SURE.
THERE IT IS.
FIRST DRAWING?
YEAH.
REALLY TRYING TO
PERFECT THAT ONE, HUH?
YEAH, IT'S WEIRD.
IT'S FINE.
LAST YEAR I CAME HOME
EARLY FROM SCHOOL ONE TIME
AND MY DAD WAS DOING DRUGS.
WAIT
LIKE DRUG-DRUGS?
YEAH.
LIKE SNORTING CRUSHED OXYCONTIN.
IT WAS PRETTY INTENSE.
I HAVE THIS IMAGE STUCK IN MY
HEAD OF HIS FACE WHEN HE SAW ME.
I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE
EXCEPT FOR MY SHRINK.
HAVE A SHRINK TOO.
YEAH, I WOULD HOPE SO.
YOU'RE DAD'S GETTING MARRIED
IN LIKE TWENTY HOURS.
ARE YOU SAD HE'S MARRYING
YOUR MOM'S NURSE?
YEAH.
WAS THERE?
FORGET IT SORRY
OVERLAP?
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.
I'M SURE THAT THERE WASN'T
MY MOM WAS SICK FOR A LONG TIME.
I'VE DEFINITELY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
A LOT EASIER TO TALK TO
THAN MY SHRINK.
AND DEFINITELY A LOT EASIER TO
TALK TO THEN TIMMY AND PETER.
THANKS.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
HE WAS JUST A GUY THAT I
KISSED AT A PARTY, AND I SAID
HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND, BUT
HE'S NOT.
OK.
YEAH, SO
I SHOULD GO BACK TO BED.
OK. I GUESS I'll
GUARD... SIT, GUARD.
RIGHT, OK.
YEAH.
- ALRIGHT, WELL GOOD NIGHT.
- NIGHT
SHHH.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
TIMMY?
GOD DAMN DRUG LORDS.
WAIT UP.
TIMMY.
IT'S GO TIME.
WAIT, WAIT, YOUR PLAN
IS TO KNIFE THEM?
JUST PUT AWAY THE KNIFE TIMMY.
IT'S YOUR FUNERAL.
WOAH.
NICE OUTFITS.
HOW WE DOING?
ANY LUCK FINDING THE LABRADOR?
WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING US?
WE'RE ACTUALLY
FOLLOWING OUR GUIDE.
WHO'S YOUR GUIDE?
GENTLEMEN.
BIRDING ON AN ATV.
SEEMS LIKE AN OXYMORON,
BUT IT GETS THE JOB DONE.
YOU KNOW?
EVER SINCE YOU BOYS
LEFT MY OFFICE,
I'VE BEEN KICKING MYSELF.
HOW COULD I, A NOTED VETERAN
OF THE FIELD, ENTRUST
WHAT IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST
ORNITHILOGICAL FIND
OF THE CENTURY, TO, NO
OFFENSE NOW, AMATEURS.
LATELY I'VE BEEN SPENDING A BIT
OF TIME GUIDING THESE GENTLEMEN
HERE, AND I JUST THOUGHT THE
MORE CHAPS HELPING OUT
YEAH, WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
WELL I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE
THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
HERE IS FINDING THE BIRD.
WE'RE SIMPLY DOUBLING THE
SIZE OF OUR SEARCH PARTY.
JUST A FEW YEARS AGO, EVEN WITH
HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE COMBING THE
ARKANSAS BAYOU, WE STILL
COULDN'T PROVE OUR CLAIM.
YEAH, WE KNOW. THE
IVORY-BILLED WOODPECKER.
WE'RE FANS.
YOU'RE TRYING TO
POACH OUR SIGHTING.
WHO'S THE NEW GIRL?
HER NAME'S ELLEN.
GUYS, I'M SORRY.
CAN WE TAKE A SECOND?
OF COURSE.
SORRY.
SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE
ALL GOING TO GET A SHARED
SIGHTING CREDIT, RIGHT?
OH, CERTAINLY.
I'M SORRY I SHOULD HAVE
PREFACED ALL THIS BY SAYING
IT'S FINE. WE THINK WE SAW
SOMETHING FLYING SOUTH
A FEW HOURS AGO HEADING
TOWARDS CROSS LAKE
I THINK WE SHOULD
STICK WITH CEDAR.
IT'S THE MOST OBVIOUS CHOICE.
OF COURSE. WE CAN SPLIT UR,
AND WE'LL GO TO CEDAR
AND YOU GUYS CAN GO
TO THE RIVER.
A SEA DUCK RESTING ON A RIVER.
HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN
BIRDING BEFORE?
OH REALLY?
IT'S JUST WHAT I SAW.
PETER?
HEY!
PETER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, NO, NO.
HEY! HEY!
GET OFF OF IT.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
GO, GO, GO.
HOLY SHIT.
THRILLING.
SO WHAT NOW?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN PETER
JUST STOLE YOUR FRIENDS' ATV
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO
STEAL OUR SIGHTING.
JUST THAT.
THAT'S ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT.
ANOTHER WAY IS THAT WE ARE
FOUR BIRDERS LOOKING TO FIND
AN EXTINCT DUCK, STANDING
ON THE BRINK OF HISTORY.
HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO STEAL THE
CREDIT FOR THE SIGHTING.
ARE WE COOL?
YES.
MIGUEL FORGOT A TIE.
DO YOU HAVE ONE?
HE'S NOT GOING TO
WANT ONE OF MY TIES.
LET ME SEE WHAT DAVID HAS.
DON, I'M GONNA NEED
THE LIST FOR THE
WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS?
I THINK I MIGHT BE
AN ASSHOLE, TED.
IT'S RARE I GO BIRDING
WITH A YOUNGER GENERATION.
I HAD HOPED THAT MY DAUGHTER
WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED IN MY
FOOTSTEPS, BUT SHE AND
MY EX-WIFE DETEST ME.
DID YOU AND YOUR
MOTHER BIRD TOGETHER?
YES.
A LOT.
SHE WOULD OF ADORED THIS.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER,
BUT BACK IN THE 90S,
SHE DISCOVERED A NEW COLONY
OF PIPING PLOVERS
I HAVE ALL THE NEWSPAPER
CLIPPINGS.
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE
FEELING OF DISCOVERY.
HOW'S YOUR FATHER DOING?
IT MUST BE DIFFICULT
FOR THE TWO OF YOU NOW.
HE'S UM, HE'S GETTING MARRIED.
I SEE.
WELL EVERYONE COPES DIFFERENTLY.
AND SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST DICKS.
YOUR FATHER'S NOT A DICK.
I'M SORRY, YOU DON'T KNOW HIM.
WELL I DO ACTUALLY.
HE HELPED WITH ARCHIVING
DOTTIE'S RESEARCH MATERIALS AT
THE MAGAZINE AFTER SHE DIED.
WHAT?
WAIT, HOW?
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
BIRDS ARE MY MUSES.
AND I STRIVE TO
BE A TRUE WATCHER.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I
SPOTTED MY FIRST GREATER
PRAIRIE CHICKEN, BUT NOT MY OWN
DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY.
BUT YOU'RE ALREADY
I'M SIXTY-THREE YEARS
OLD AND VERY MUCH ALONE.
I GUIDE ASSHOLES FOR MONEY.
I HAVE ONE LEG AND
NO DRIVER'S LICENSE.
PLEASE DO NOT CONFUSE
ME WITH A ROLE MODEL.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE?
OH, BIT OF A MIX UP
BETWEEN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN
ALBINO NIGHT HAWK AND A HIGH
SPEED POLICE CHASE.
OK, KEEP LOOKING.
KEEP LOOKING. SEE IF YOU SEE IT.
REMARKABLE.
IT'S EMPTY THOUGH.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
WAS THAT IT?
MAYBE.
IT WAS A LITTLE MUFFLED.
IT WAS DEFINITELY
A GREETING CALL.
I THINK THAT MAYBE IT WAS
OH MY GOD!
THAT WOULD BE A MALE MALLARD.
OH.
WAIT, BUT WHY WOULD IT
ANSWER TO A SCOTER CALL?
MAYBE IT WAS RAISED BY SCOTERS.
IT WAS NOT RAISED
BY SCOTERS, OK?
YA KNOW? CROSS LAKE IS A FEW
MILES UP. I THINK MAYBE
WE SHOULD JUST GO THERE.
WHY WOULD WE GO TO THE LAKE
THAT'S FARTHER FROM SHORE?
IT'S NOT UNHEARD OF.
YEAH, IT'S PRACTICALLY
UNHEARD OF.
GUYS?
IS THAT YOUR DUCK, DAVID?
OH MY GOD.
WHAT'S IT DOING?
SHH.
IT'S PREENING.
THE LIGHT COULDN'T BE BETTER.
IT'S A MAGNIFICENT BIRD.
♪♪
SHIT!
HEY FELLAS.
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
I'M CARL SR. THIS IS
MY SON, CARL JR.
OH AWESOME. YOU JUST
SHOT AN EXTINCT DUCK.
TIMMY, CALM DOWN.
I'M NOT SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT WORD MEANS.
YOU'RE FRIEND IS NUTS.
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.
EASY.
HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?
THESE MORONS SHOT IT.
EVERYONE, RELAX.
YOU SHOT AN EXTINCT DUCK, SIR.
DOES EXTINCT MEAN SOMETHING
DIFFERENT THESE DAYS?
IT'S SUFFERING.
GIVE IT TO ME.
PLEASE.
PLEASE.
MAY I SEE THE ANIMAL?
THIS ISN'T A LABRADOR DUCK.
WHAT?
ITS NECK DOES DECLINE STRANGELY,
BUT I THINK WHAT WE HAVE HERE
IS AN ODDLY PLUMAGED,
HYBRID MALLARD.
LOOK AT THE WING MARKINGS.
SEE, THE WING MARKINGS
ALWAYS CONCERN ME.
YEP, IT'S DEFINITELY
AN ODD HYBRID OF SORTS.
JUST SHUT UP, JEFF.
IF IT'S OK WITH YOU GUYS,
WE'D LIKE TO TAKE THE DUCK
FOR OUR BANQUET.
BANQUET?
WE'RE HUNTING FOR
OUR CHURCH BANQUET.
ALL THE PROCEEDS ARE GOING TO
THE SAVE DARFUR FOUNDATION.
WELL, THAT'S A BIT
OF A SILVER LINING.
DAVID, IT'S
DAVID, IT WAS JUST
A HYBRID MALLARD.
HE LOOKED AT ME.
HE DIDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER.
I KNOW.
WHY'D SHE HAVE TO DIE?
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
YOU KNOW, IN INDIANA JONES AND
THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, THE BAD GUY
THAT GOES AROUND, AND HE RIPS
THE HEART OUT OF PEOPLE, AND HE
HOLDS IT UP IN FRONT OF THEIR
FACE SO THEY WATCH IT BEAT.
YEAH, I HATE THAT PART.
I... I DON'T SEE HOW
IT'LL EVER STOP HURTING.
WELL, UM, MAYBE ONE DAY IT'LL
FEEL LESS AWFUL THAN RIPPING AN
ORGAN OUT OF YOUR CHEST PAIN?
BUT MY GUESS IS IT
WILL ALWAYS HURT.
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WHAT-WHAT TIME IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK MY PHONE DIED
LIKE THREE HOURS AGO
WILL WE MAKE IT BACK
FOR THE WEDDING?
I MEAN, WE DON'T HAVE A CAR.
WE COULD ASK
I WONDER IF I HAVE
CELL SERVICE
OH MY GOD.
WHAT?
WHAT?
THIS IS WORSE THAN IT LOOKS.
WE NEED TO GET YOU HOME.
YEAH.
SO, THOSE GUYS WEREN'T
REALLY DRUG LORDS.
NO, THEY WERE PRETTY MUCH
THE OPPOSITE OF DRUG LORDS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
TASTE THAT, ARE YOU?
SSS.
JUST KIDDING, IT'S ROCK CANDY.
I SAID IT WAS ROCK CANDY.
YOU'RE FIRST CORRECT ID.
IT'S GOING ON MY LIFE LIST.
NOW WE'LL HEAR A MUSICAL
SELECTION FROM THE
SON OF THE BRIDE,
MIGUEL SANTOS.
MIGUEL.
♪ MEET ME TONIGHT IN DREAMLAND ♪
♪ UNDER THE SILVERY MOON ♪
♪ MEET ME TONIGHT IN DREAMLAND ♪
♪ WHERE LOVE'S SWEET
ROSES BLOOM ♪
♪ MEET ME IN DREAMLAND ♪
♪ OH SWEET DREAMY DREAMLAND ♪
♪ THERE MAKE MY
DREAMS COME TRUE ♪
THANK YOU, MIGUEL.
AND NOW THE RINGS, DAVID.
YOU WORKING AT YOUR OWN WEDDING?
RIGHT? IT'S PRETTY MESSED UP.
YOU KNOW THERE'S A MILLION
PEOPLE TO TALK TO OUT THERE?
I KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR HIRING ERIC I GUESS.
THAT IS WHAT YOU GET.
DAD.
YEAH?
WERE YOU SEEING JULIANA
BEFORE OR AFTER MOM?
DEFINITELY AFTER.
OK.
YOUR MOTHER WAS THE
LOVE OF MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
AH JESUS CHRIST.
DAVID, I'M SORRY I SHOULD
HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB OF
EXPLAINING IT ALL.
WE SPOKE ABOUT IT.
NO WE DIDN'T.
WE DIDN'T SPEAK ABOUT
IT. NOT REALLY.
WE DIDN'T.
YOU KNOW, IT'S
IT'S LIKE YOU REMEMBER THAT
I JUST DON'T' WANT TO PRETEND
THAT WE DON'T MISS MOM.
ME EITHER.
WANNA GRAB THAT CHICKEN?
BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT
WE WERE TERRORISTS.
IT WAS AWFUL.
HEY.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU IN A BAND OR SOMETHING?
EXCUSE ME?
HELLO?
HEY.
HEY, EVERYONE.
UM
SO TECHNICALLY I'M
THE BEST MAN HERE,
AND I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED
TO GIVE A TOAST.
UM
WHERE DO I START?
THE THING IS
THE LAST COUPLE OF
DAYS I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR AN EXTINCT DUCK.
NO, IT'S NOT LIKE A
METAPHOR OR SOMETHING.
IT TURNS OUT IT WASN'T EXTINCT.
ACTUALLY IT WASN'T THE
DUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS.
AND IT GOT SHOT.
BUT IN A WEIRD WAY IT TURNS
OUT IT MIGHT HELP THE WHOLE
SITUATION GOING ON IN DARFUR.
SORRY, ANYWAY
I'M GLAD I MADE IT HERE.
TODAY.
ALTHOUGH THE LAST FEW YEARS HAVE
BEEN KINDA ROUGH FOR OUR FAMILY.
UM
DAVID?
I KNOW, SORRY.
DAD LIKES TO FILL
HOLES WITH LISTS.
THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.
HE WRITES LISTS OF EVERYTHING.
LIKE LISTS OF LISTS.
AND I LIKE TO FIND RARE BIRDS,
SO I'M NOT REALLY ONE TALK.
BUT IT DOESN'T
DOESN'T REALLY WORK,
WHICH IS WHY I AM SO GLAD
HE FOUND JULIANA.
BECAUSE I KNOW MY MOM
REALLY LIKED HER AND MY DAD
OBVIOUSLY LIKES HER TOO.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE
ALL HERE RIGHT.
SO
I WISH THEM A HAPPY
AND LONG LIFE TOGETHER.
HERE'S TO DAD AND JULIANA.
YOU WERE PERFECT.
SO, DOES ERIC KNOW THAT WE,
LIKE, DESTROYED HIS ENGINE?
AH YOU KNOW
THE TIMING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT.
HE'S NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ERIC, ALRIGHT?
I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS
SHIT ON HIM THAT
I'VE BEEN SAVING FOR
A MOMENT LIKE THIS.
GOT IT.
I THINK I'M GONNA HEAD HOME NOW.
YEAH, ME TOO.
GOOD TIMES.
TOTALLY.
BYE.
SO HOW LONG SHOULD I
WAIT UNTIL I CALL KIM?
WHAT?
YOU GOT HER NUMBER?
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THAT, DUDE?
I SHOULD GO TOO.
I GUESS.
SO, WEIRDLY ENOUGH I HAD
A LOT OF FUN THIS WEEKEND.
SO DID I.
PETER GAVE ME HIS OLD PAIR.
I MEAN, THEY'RE NOT AS
GOOD AS YOURS, BUT
I'M KINDA GETTING THE HANG
HI.
SO UM
I GUESS I'll SEE YOU TOMORROW.
YEAH, OK.
DEFINITELY.
BYE.
SEE YA.
BYE.