A Big Love Story (2012) - full transcript
With his glory days long gone, former prominent college football player Sam, after his beloved mother's death of a heart attack and an unfortunate career-ending knee injury, he gradually lets himself swell out to a dangerous weight. Moreover, now that funny and sarcastic, yet insecure Sam is trying to make ends meet as a bowling alley attendant, his love life is practically nonexistent, however, in one of those spur-of-the-moment decisions, he will make a bet with his close friends and visit the nearest gym for the ultimate makeover. Soon, like a fish out of water, Sam will meet with his uncommon personal trainer Cassie, a witty bookworm and a heavy smoker, and straight away, a timid friendship will develop. But does charming Cassie know that she is the girl of his dreams? After all, underneath this overweight teddy bear lies something more than a humble and truthful admirer. There, hides her soulmate.
-THEY NEED TO GET TO THE 46
TO KEEP THIS DRIVE ALIVE,
SO HERE IS FOURTH DOWN...
WILSON FAKES THE HAND-OFF.
THEY'VE GOT THEM!
THEY'VE GOT THEM!
SAM ROBERTS FROM THE OUTSIDE
SWIMS PAST THE TACKLE
AND DRIVES EDWARD STRAIGHT TO
THE TURF FOR A LOSS OF SEVEN.
HOME CROWD ON THEIR FEET!
2:10 LEFT ON THE CLOCK...
ROBERTS SHOWING THAT AMAZING
SPEED FROM THE OUTSIDE.
UNBELIEVABLE!
ROBERTS STILL ON THE FIELD --
A LITTLE SLOW GETTING UP.
MIGHT HAVE HURT HIS KNEE
ON THAT PLAY.
DUCKS ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER
ON DOWNS,
AND THIS MIGHT BE
THE BALLGAME, FOLKS.
TRAINING STAFF NOW MAKING
THEIR WAY OUT TO ROBERTS.
LOOKING AT A REPLAY HERE -- OH!
YEAH, LOOKS LIKE HIS KNEE
JUST COMPLETELY GIVES OUT
AS HE PLANTS HIS LEFT FOOT
JUST BEFORE THE TACKLE.
6'1", 260 IS SAMUEL ROBERTS.
GOOD KID, TOO.
HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK WITH HIM
EARLIER THIS WEEK.
HE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW HIS MOM
WOULD WORK TWO AND THREE JOBS
TO HELP SUPPORT THE FAMILY.
HE MENTIONED HIS DREAM
OF ONE DAY BUYING HER A HOUSE.
PRETTY GOOD CHANCE
HE'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE
THAT DREAM COME TRUE,
AS I THINK THERE'S
NO DOUBT WE'LL BE SEEING
PLENTY MORE
OF MR. SAMUEL ROBERTS
PLAYING ON SUNDAYS.
HI, MEATBALL.
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
YOU WANT SOME FOOD?
MISS YOU, MOM.
MILES.
DAMN.
411?!
413?!
-OOH, BABY!
-MY SNOOKIE-POO.
-MY SNOOKIE-POO.
-MY SNOOKIE-NOOKIE-POO.
-MILEY-WILEY!
-THAT INFAMOUS CRUISE LAUGH
AND TOTALLY TRYING TO
OUTDO ME IN EVERYTHING
FROM ROCK CLIMBING TO
ARM WRESTLING FOR SOME REASON.
-TOM CRUISE, REALLY?
-YEAH, IT WAS LIKE
THE WEIRDEST DREAM.
-HEY, GIRL.
YOU WANNA GET MARRIED?
I'M TOTALLY DOWN FOR KIDS
AND A DOG.
YOU'RE PRETTY!
TOO STRONG?
-NO, SHE'S JUST A BITCH.
SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL INVISIBLE,
MILES.
-YOU'RE NOT.
SHALL WE?
-YEAH.
DAMN IT.
-RELAX.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT,
THEY MAKE THOSE FOR
LITTLE JAPANESE PEOPLE.
HOLD THIS.
-YEAH, THAT'S GONNA HELP.
-GOT ANY CASH?
NO, YOU DO NOT.
OOH, WHO'S THIS?
-REALLY?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
FOR THE RECORD,
YOUR OBSESSION WITH MY SISTER
IS KIND OF CREEPY.
-IT'S NOT AN OBSESSION.
SHE'S MY FRIEND.
-OH, REALLY?
WHICH FRIEND PICTURE OF ME
DID YOU DECIDE TO GO WITH?
-WHAT PICTURE?
-FOR YOUR WALLET.
WHICH FRIEND PIC-
I DON'T SEE ONE OF ME IN HERE.
-OH, RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T REALLY FOUND
THE RIGHT PICTURE.
-YEAH, LET'S GO.
MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND
IS SUPPOSED TO COME
TO POKER TONIGHT.
-TYSON?
-YOU EVER NOTICE HOW HE
ALWAYS MANAGES
TO GET HIS SHIRT OFF SOMEHOW?
-I GUESS.
-IT'S LIKE McCONAUGHEY
AND HULK HOGAN'S LOVE CHILD.
-OH, DAMN IT!
FUCK!
-YOU OKAY?
-I'M GOING ON A DIET.
THIS IS IT.
YOU SOUND LIKE LaSHAWNA
ON HER PERIOD.
YOU'RE NOT ON YOUR PERIOD,
ARE YOU?
SORRY.
WHEN SOMEONE'S
ON THEIR PERIOD,
NEVER POINT IT OUT --
I GOT IT.
-I'M TIRED OF BEING FAT, MILES.
I'M TIRED OF BEING INVISIBLE,
AND I'M TIRED OF BEING --
-YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT THAT FAT.
-I'M OVER 400 POUNDS.
-FOUR?
YOU WEAR IT WELL?
-I'M GOING ON A DIET.
THIS IS IT.
-GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
-IT'S GOOD.
-GOOD, SEE?
-PLEASE DON'T HUG ME.
-NO?
YEAH, BAD IDEA.
YOU, UH, NEED HELP
WITH THAT, OR...?
-I GOT IT.
YEAH, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE
FOR WORK.
-♪ HERE I SIT BROKEN HEARTED
♪ HERE I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME
-DUDE, SHE'S SO FRICKIN' HOT.
LOOK AT THAT BODY.
AND THAT OUTFIT -- RIDICULOUS.
-YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY --
SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE
IS TIRED OF PUTTING UP
WITH HER SHIT.
-WHERE?
I WANNA BE THAT GUY, MILES.
I WANNA BE THE GUY WHO'S SICK
AND TIRED OF HITTING THAT.
-YEAH, ME TOO, BUT UNTIL THEN,
I'M GONNA CLEAN UP
THE BALLS ON 24.
-♪ ...LIKE ME
AND THAT'S A FACT ♪
♪ BUT THE CLOSET'S EMPTY,
AND YOUR BAGS ARE PACKED ♪
♪ I THINK YOUR LOVE TRAIN
IS MOVIN' DOWN THE TRACKS.. ♪
-WITHOUT LEIGH HUNT,
THERE WOULD BE NO KEATS.
HE TOOK THE FIRST RISK
BY PUBLISHING IT,
ALBEIT JUST IN A MAGAZINE.
-WELL, YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE, TOO.
-BUT WHEN?
KEATS WAS PUBLISHED
AND DEAD BY 25.
-ALL RIGHT, WELL,
MAYBE YOU NEED TO SIMPLIFY
YOUR WORK A BIT, YOU KNOW,
MAKE IT MORE CONSUMABLE
FOR THE MASSES?
-MY EXPERIENCE WITH ALGEBRAIC
LITERATURE IS A PRIMAL NEED.
I HAVE TO EXPAND AND INTENSIFY
SOCIETY'S EXISTING WORD SCAPE.
IF I MADE MY WORK
MORE ACCESSIBLE,
THAT WOULD FEEL LIKE --
LIKE A CHICANERY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO GO BOWLING?
-WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
-WE'RE HERE FOR MY MOM...
AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND.
AAAGH.
THIS IS SUCH
THE FAT MAN'S SPORT.
-GOOD FOR YOU, BUDDY.
-EXCUSE ME?
DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT?
-WHAT WAS THAT?
-HAS A MOLLY SEMPLETON
CHECKED IN YET?
SHE SHOULD HAVE A RESERVATION
FOR FOUR.
-UH, NOPE. NOT YET.
- OF COURSE. WHY SHOULD SHE
BE ON TIME?
ALL RIGHT, MAYBE GO AHEAD
AND PUT THROUGH
THE LANE SHE'S RESERVED.
-WHAT SIZE SHOES?
-I'M A 10, AND YOU ARE...?
-I'M A 7 1/2.
-7 1/2
-AN 8 AND A 7 1/2.
-A 10.
-RIGHT. SHE IS A 10.
-A 7 1/2 AND A 10.
-I JUST NEED A CARD
TO HOLD ON TO.
-YOU CAN PAY FOR THE SHOES
AND THE LANE WHEN YOU FINISH.
-WE'LL BE PAYING SEPARATELY.
AND ALSO MOLLY AND HER GUEST
WILL BE PAYING SEPARATELY, TOO.
-I JUST NEED A CARD
TO HOLD ON TO.
-HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MY CARD.
-NO, IT'S FINE.
WE CAN USE MINE...
AS LONG AS I DON'T GET STUCK
PAYING FOR EVERYONE.
-LANE FOUR.
-I'M GONNA GO GRAB SOME WATER.
-ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE
YOUR SHOES?
-CAN YOU JUST TAKE THEM
TO THE LANE FOR ME?
-EH...
-YOU CAN LEAVE THEM HERE.
-THERE YOU GO.
-NO, THAT'S OKAY.
THANK YOU.
I'LL JUST TAKE THEM.
-THOUGHT YOU WERE ON A DIET.
-JUST WANT THE TASTE.
-GOOD, GOOD.
I'M THE KIND OF GIRL
THAT LIKES TO SWALLOW.
-YOU LOOK LIKE THAT TYPE.
-THANK YOU.
WANT SOME?
-EW!
EW!
- YOU WANT SOME PRETZELS, SAMMY?
HMM?
I'LL GET YOU A SPIT BUCKET
IF YOU JUST WANT A TASTE.
-NO, THANK YOU.
-WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
-SAMMY HERE IS ON A MISSION
TO LOSE WEIGHT.
-GOOD FOR YOU, SAM. I SHOULD
REALLY LOSE SOME WEIGHT MYSELF.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-I'M A TRAINER.
I HAVE TO HAVE A SICK BODY.
AND I ALWAYS FEEL FAT
WHEN I'M NEXT TO TYSON.
-YOU DO HAVE A SICK BODY.
-I GET THAT, THOUGH.
THAT'S WHY I'M WITH THIS ONE
RIGHT HERE.
SO WHENEVER I FEEL FAT
I LOOK AT HIM,
AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
-WOW, THANKS.
WHENEVER I'M FEELING FAT,
I JUST LOOK AT HIM
AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
-SHUT UP.
-YOU KNOW, SAM, IF YOU
REALLY ARE SERIOUS
ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT,
YOU SHOULD COME TO FAT CUTTERS.
WE'RE SMALL, BUT WE'RE GOOD,
AND I CAN GET YOU A DISCOUNT.
-LOOK, SAM, I LOVE YOU, BUD,
BUT THIS LOSING-WEIGHT THING,
YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT GOING TO HIT
DOUBLE DIGITS WITH YOU.
-I'LL BET YOU
I CAN LOSE MORE WEIGHT THAN YOU.
LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY.
-I CAN LOSE MORE WEIGHT IN
A DAY, A WEEK, A MONTH,
A YEAR -- YOU NAME IT.
-REALLY? WHY DON'T YOU PUT SOME
MONEY WHERE YOUR FAT MOUTH IS?
-NAME THE AMOUNT.
-$12.
-$1,200.
-YOU DON'T HAVE $1,200, DIPSHIT.
-$200.
-REALLY?
-$100.
-OKAY, DEAL. DONE.
-THIS IS EXCITING.
-SEVEN DAYS.
-A MONTH.
-TWO.
-OOOH!
-I WANT IN ON THIS.
I BET I CAN LOSE MORE WEIGHT
IN EIGHT WEEKS
THAN EITHER OF YOU.
-OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
IT'S TWO MONTHS.
SECOND OF ALL,
I'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY.
-NO, NO, NO, I'M GONNA BE TAKING
EVERYONE'S MONEY.
LaSHAWNA, YOU WANT IN ON THIS?
-MNH-MNH. NO, THANK YOU.
-YEAH, GOOD CALL.
-GOOD CALL ABOUT WHAT?
-ABOUT THE WAY FOOD
GETS SUCKED UP YOUR PIE HOLE.
-DRUNK ASS, MILES!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
COUNT ME IN.
-REALLY? ALL RIGHT.
-TO WEIGHT LOSS.
-WEIGHT LOSS! WHOO!
-JUST A TASTE.
-SO I'M TOTALLY JUMPING ON
THIS WEIGHT LOSS TOMORROW.
-MM-HMM, TOMORROW.
-RIGHT.
HI, MEATBALL.
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
YOU'RE ON A DIET, TOO.
IT'S FOR THE BEST.
THERE YOU GO, MAMA.
-OKAY, LAST SIGNATURE.
-IT'S LIKE I'M BUYING A HOUSE.
-CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE FIRST
STEP TO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
GO GET CHANGED, AND I'LL LET
CASSIE KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
-OKAY. CASSIE?!
A GIRL TRAINER?
YOU WON'T GET JEALOUS?
I'LL TRY NOT TO.
-IS THAT HER OVER THERE?
-NO, THAT'S MELISSA.
CASSIE, LET'S SEE,
SHE'S OVER THERE...
READING A BOOK.
-OH, YEAH, SHE'S CUTE.
IS SHE SMOKING?
-IS SHE? OH!
THIS IS LIKE THE FIFTH TIME
SHE'S DONE THIS.
WELL, YOU GO CHANGE
WHILE I GO TELL SOMEONE
ABOUT THE SMOKING AREA
OUTSIDE -- AGAIN.
-THANKS, GINGER.
HI.
-HI.
-I'M SAM.
I BELIEVE YOU'LL
BE COACHING ME TODAY.
-OH, HEY, I'M CASSIE.
I'M YOUR TRAINER.
HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE?
-YEAH. I WORK
AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
YOU CAME IN THE OTHER DAY.
-OH, RIGHT.
SORRY, DO YOU MIND
IF I FINISH THIS?
-NO, THAT'S COOL.
-SO, SAM, HAVE YOU EVER
WORKED OUT IN A GYM BEFORE?
- ALTHOUGH IT
MAY NOT LOOK LIKE IT,
I'VE ACTUALLY SPENT
HALF MY LIFE IN THE GYMS.
I USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL.
-HIGH SCHOOL?
-COLLEGE.
-MY DAD PLAYED FOOTBALL.
-OH, REALLY? COLLEGE, OR...?
-PROFESSIONAL.
-SWEET.
WHAT TEAM DID HE PLAY FOR?
-UM...
I'M SORRY, ARE YOU
EATING A CANDY BAR?
-ENERGY BAR.
IT'S COVERED IN CHOCOLATE.
-YEAH.
- OKAY.
UM, ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LET'S NOT DO THAT,
YOU KNOW, EVER AGAIN,
ESPECIALLY NOT TWO MINUTES
BEFORE WE WORK OUT, OKAY?
-BUT I USED TO ALWAYS EAT
BEFORE PRACTICE.
-YEAH.
-WHAT TEAM DID
YOUR DAD PLAY FOR?
-IT DOESN'T MATTER.
-WHY NOT?
-BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT
TO GO WORK OUT.
COME ON, HOP UP HERE.
ANY PAST INJURIES?
OH, YEAH, THREW OUT MY ACL.
BROKEN ARM, BROKEN FOOT, TOO
MANY SPRAINS TO EVEN TALK ABOUT,
BUT IT WAS THE ACL
THAT SENT ME HOME.
-AND YOU HAVEN'T
WORKED OUT SINCE?
-NOPE, NOT LIKE
IN SIX OR SEVEN YEARS.
-OKAY, IS THERE ANY PAIN LEFT?
-MOSTLY EMOTIONAL.
PERFECT.
-JUST WANT TO WARN YOU, THOUGH,
I HAVEN'T REALLY RUN
IN A WHILE, SO...
NOT REALLY SURE
HOW THIS IS GONNA GO.
-OKAY, WELL,
WE'LL START YOU OFF WITH A WALK.
-OKAY. THANKS, COACH.
-DON'T CALL ME COACH.
-IT'S NOT SO BAD.
-KIND OF NICE, ACTUALLY.
-HOW'S IT GOING?
-AH, OH! UGH!
THAT ENERGY BAR WAS A BAD IDEA.
-YES, IT WAS.
OKAY, LET'S WORK OUT.
HERE YOU GO.
-WHAT ABOUT THE REAL WEIGHTS?
-WE'LL GET TO THEM SOON ENOUGH.
THESE ARE MUCH BETTER
FOR YOUR CORE ANYWAY.
-THEY JUST LOOK SO WIMPY.
-OH, SWEET JESUS!
OH!
-COME ON, FOOTBALL PLAYER.
YOU'VE GOT THREE MORE...
-OH!
-TWO MORE...
-OH!
OH!
-ONE MORE.
GOOD.
NOW GIVE ME 10 MORE.
OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME.
-THAT'S RIGHT, AND YOU
WILL BE REBORN
FASTER, STRONGER, AND LIGHTER.
GOOD.
THREE...
TWO...
ONE.
-PERFECT.
-I'M GONNA EAT YOUR BABIES.
-THAT WOULD BE A TERRIBLE IDEA.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO EAT RED MEAT.
COME ON, FOOTBALL PLAYER.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
-YOU OKAY?
JUST NOT SURE I'M READY
FOR ALL THIS.
-YOUR BODY JUST NEEDS
TO GET USED TO IT AGAIN.
I'M SURE YOU'VE HAD MUCH HARDER
WORKOUTS THAN THIS BEFORE.
-YEAH, I HAVE, BUT...
...I THINK
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.
-ARE YOU SURE?
OKAY.
-STUPID.
WHAT ARE YOU READING?
-A BOOK.
-SO, I WAS GIVING IT
SOME THOUGHT AND...
SO, I WAS THINKING MAYBE
I SHOULD TRY THIS AGAIN.
-SURE. YOU PAID FOR THE MONTH,
SO GO AHEAD AND SIGN IN.
-COOL.
SO, ARE YOU GONNA COACH ME?
-I'M A TRAINER, NOT A COACH.
-TRAINER.
ARE YOU GONNA TRAIN ME?
-THAT DEPENDS.
ARE YOU GONNA QUIT AGAIN?
-I'LL TRY NOT TO.
-ARE YOU GONNA QUIT AGAIN?
-NO.
-OKAY. GO AHEAD AND GET CHANGED.
I'LL MEET YOU OVER
BY THE TREADMILLS.
OH, AND IF YOU'RE STILL HERE
NEXT WEEK, WE CAN GO OUTSIDE.
-WHY?
CAN YOU GIVE ME A JOG?
AW, COME ON, I THOUGHT YOU
USED TO BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER.
IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?
-THAT'S WHY THIS
IS ALL I'VE GOT.
AH, LOOK AT THAT.
I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SMILE.
MAKES YOU LOOK LESS MEAN.
-OKAY, FOOTBALL PLAYER,
KEEP ON JOGGING.
OR WALKING,
SINCE APPARENTLY
THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO.
-WOW, YOU ARE BOUND
AND DETERMINED
TO DEMASCULINE ME WITH THESE
GIRLIE WEIGHTS, AREN'T YOU?
-HAVE FAITH IN THE SMALL THINGS.
IN THEM, YOUR STRENGTH LIES.
ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY...
-NO. MOTHER TERESA.
-HOW'D YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I NAMED HIM?
-OKAY, THERE'S NO NEED TO GO
THERE WITH MOTHER TERESA.
LET'S TRY HOLDING THE WEIGHTS
OUT PERPENDICULAR NOW.
OKAY, AND WE'RE GONNA DO
SMALL ARM ROLLS.
THERE YOU GO.
-ARE YOU A CATHOLIC?
NO, BUT YOU DON'T NEED
TO BE A CATHOLIC
TO APPRECIATE A GOOD
MOTHER TERESA QUOTE.
-ONLY QUOTE I KNOW IS,
"WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU
MAKES YOU STRONGER."
COACH GRONSKI SAID THAT.
COACH GRONSKI
IS NO MOTHER TERESA.
NOT AT ALL.
-OKAY, FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
SAID THAT.
-WHAT'S THAT?
-FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE,
THE PHILOSOPHER.
IT'S FROM HIS BOOK "HOW ONE
BECOMES FROM WHAT ONE IS".
-SOUNDS LIKE HE STOLE THAT QUOTE
FROM COACH GRONSKI.
-NOT LIKELY.
OKAY, LET'S HOLD THE ARMS OUT
STRAIGHT IN FRONT.
AND WE'RE GONNA COUNT DOWN
FROM 10.
10...
NINE...
EIGHT...
-UGH, YOU'RE LIKE WIKIPEDIA.
-I LIKE TO READ.
SIX...
FIVE...
FOUR...
-YOU KNOW, I'VE ONLY READ ONE
BOOK THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH.
-TWO...
VERY SURPRISING. ONE.
OKAY, RELAX.
WHAT BOOK DID YOU READ?
-"JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH."
I WAS IN THE SIXTH GRADE.
IT MADE ME REALLY LOVE
PEACHES...
AND WHIPPED CREAM --
MAINLY WHIPPED CREAM.
-YEAH, I CAN IMAGINE.
IT'S A GOOD BOOK.
-YOU'VE READ IT?
-A COUPLE TIMES.
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GET BACK UP THERE,
AND THIS TIME DO --
LET'S JUST HOLD THE WEIGHTS UP
30 DEGREES HIGHER.
SO, DID YOU FINISH COLLEGE?
-NO.
WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU ATTEND?
-I DIDN'T.
I MEAN, WELL, NOT YET.
I'M SAVING UP NOW.
-REALLY? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD
HAVE BEEN DONE BY NOW.
YOU SEEM SO SMART.
-OH, YEAH, HOW SMART AM I?
I'M STANDING OUT HERE
WITH A GIANT MAN,
HELPING HIM HOLD UP
TINY, TINY WEIGHTS.
-SMART.
-AND I SMOKE.
-THAT'S PRETTY DUMB.
-YEAH.
I GUESS "DUMB" IS
A GOOD WORD FOR IT.
-YEAH, THE DUMB
LEADING THE DUMB.
-IT'S THE BLIND
LEADING THE BLIND.
-WHO SAID THAT?
-THE THREE MICE.
-OKAY, STOP NOW.
-WE'RE GONNA DO -- CALL TWO.
OOH, I LIKE THAT.
-THERE HE IS!
-WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
-WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT I STOLE YOUR SEAT.
-NAH, IT'S COOL. WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS PLAYING -- STRIP POKER?
-NO.
-WHERE'S GINGER AT?
-SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM
TAKING A SHIT.
WHY DON'T YOU PULL UP
A CHAIR AND JOIN US?
I'D LOVE TO TAKE YOUR MONEY.
-NAH, I'VE GOT A NEW BOOK.
I'M GONNA GO READ.
YOU GUYS HAVE FUN, THOUGH.
-IT'S NOT A BOOK.
IT'S A FUCKING CHOCOLATE BAR.
AH, SAM'S NOT THE ONLY ONE
HAVING A GOOD WORKOUT, HUH?
BOTH OF US.
-THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
TO WIN THIS WEIGHT WAR,
I'M GONNA BE GOING SOLO.
I'M NOT HELPING YOU WIN
THIS THING.
ARE YOU MAD?
-NO. OKAY?
I JUST -- I JUST HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
-OKAY, WHAT?
-I'M PREGNANT.
-WHAT?
-I'M PREGNANT.
-BULLSHIT.
-NO, I AM.
I AM PREGNANT, MILES.
-NO, NO, NO.
MILES.
-WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
-BECAUSE I'M FATIGUED.
-SO AM I.
-OKAY, MY BREASTS ARE TENDER.
-THEY SHOULD BE.
-REALLY? NO.
I GET SICK IN THE MORNING,
MILES.
SO...I'M PREGNANT.
WELL...
-UH-HUH.
-ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?
-YEAH, I MEAN, YOU'LL DEFINITELY
LOSE THE WEIGHT WAR.
WHAT?!
-PUTS ME FURTHER FORWARD.
-ARE YOU SERIOUS, MILES?
YOU REALLY DON'T GET THIS,
DO YOU?
-YOU'RE PREGNANT.
-WE'RE PREGNANT.
-WE'RE PREGNANT.
-WE'RE PREGNANT!
OH, BOY!
-OR GIRL!
-I'M JUST SO ANNOYED BECAUSE
HE BREAKS UP WITH ME
AND THEN PROCEEDS TO --
AND GET THIS --
INVITE ME TO HIS POETRY READING.
-I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW PEOPLE
DID POETRY READINGS.
-YEAH, WELL, HE'S KIND OF
A DORK, BUT...
THAT'S WHY I LOVE HIM.
-YOU SHOULD JUST SHOW UP
TO THE READING WITH
SOME OTHER GUY.
-WHAT? I CAN'T DO THAT.
BESIDES, WHAT KIND OF GUY
WOULD I EVEN TAKE?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE
A BIG MEATHEAD LIKE TYSON?
-WHAT IS WRONG WITH TYSON?
-HE'S A MEATHEAD.
-MEATHEAD?
-YEAH, AS IN, YOU ONLY LIKE HIM
FOR HIS BODY.
-WHEN YOU PULL BACK LIKE THIS -
SEE MY BACK MUSCLES WORKING?
SEE THAT?
NO, I LIKE HIM, TOO.
-YEAH, YOU LIKE HIS BODY.
-OH, MY GOD, I DO!
IT IS SUCH A GOOD BODY!
-JUST SO CRAZY.
-IN A GOOD WAY.
-WHATEVER.
THE WAY I SEE IT,
THE LESS INTERESTING A MAN IS
THE LESS LIKELY HE IS
TO CHEAT ON YOU.
-WELL, DUH. I MEAN, NO ONE
WANTS THE BORING ONES.
-I DO.
-DID YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND
CHEAT ON YOU
WITH THE ENTIRE CHEERLEADING
SQUAD OR SOMETHING?
-NO.
-THEN WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID
OF GETTING CHEATED ON?
-I'M NOT!
-RIGHT.
-HI, GINGER. HI, CASSIE.
-HI, SAM.
-HEY, FOOTBALL PLAYER.
SO, YOU WANT TO GET CHANGED
AND I'LL MEET YOU BY
THE LOCKER ROOMS?
-OKAY.
-HOW YOU FEELING, BY THE WAY?
-MY FAT TISSUES ARE SO SORE.
-PERFECT.
-THANKS, COACH.
-IT'S TRAINER.
-YOU SHOULD DATE SAM.
HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON YOU.
-OH, PLEASE. A FOOTBALL PLAYER
AND A TERRIBLE BODY?
THERE'S NO WAY. MNH-MNH.
OH, SO A GOOD BODY DOES MATTER?
-OH, MY GOD. SAM!
YES, I CAN TAKE SAM.
THAT WOULD TOTALLY PISS
STEPHAN OFF.
HE HATES FAT PEOPLE.
-NO, NO, NO. DON'T TAKE SAM.
BE NICE TO SAM.
I AM BEING NICE.
I'M TAKING HIM OUT.
PLUS, HE'S MET STEPHAN BEFORE.
HE'D BE INTO GETTING BACK
AT HIM WITH ME.
-NO, JUST TAKE SOMEONE ELSE.
-WHY? I'LL BE HONEST
WITH HIM FROM THE START.
I'LL LET HIM KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
-YOU HAVE TO BE.
-THIS IS SO PERFECT.
HEY, SO, I KIND OF HAVE
THIS FAVOR TO ASK.
-YEAH?
-WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU ALREADY HAVE PLANS
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT,
BUT I HAVE THESE EXTRA TICKETS
TO THIS POETRY READING.
-NO, THANKS.
-EXCUSE ME?
-YEAH, NOT REALLY INTERESTED.
-OKAY.
-POETRY?
-YEAH.
-WITH YOU?
-YEAH.
-NO.
-OKAY, I JUST WANTED
TO -- WHATEVER, IT
DOESN'T MATTER.
-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
OF COURSE I'LL GO WITH YOU!
-WAIT. REALLY?
-YEAH.
-OKAY, BUT I SHOULD TELL YOU
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT.
-DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'M ON BOARD.
-NO, I REALLY SHOULD --
-YOU'RE GONNA BE THERE, RIGHT?
-YES, BUT --
-WAIT A SECOND.
IS THIS A DARE?
-NO.
-SOME SORT OF JOKE?
-NO, IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE
THESE EXTRA TICKETS
TO THIS POETRY READING,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO GO WITH YOU,
BUT, UM...
YOU KNOW, AS FRIENDS,
NOT LIKE A DATE DATE.
-YEAH, FRIENDS, OF COURSE.
OOH, WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?
SHOULD I GET A NEW OUTFIT?
-NO, YOU DEFINITELY DON'T NEED
TO GET A NEW OUTFIT.
IT'S VERY CASUAL, SO JUST
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
-OKAY.
-OKAY.
-VERY GOOD.
NOW, WITH YOUR ARM, PUSH
YOUR HIPS SIDEWAYS
AND GO BACK,
SWINGING BACK AND FORTH.
-I GOT A DATE!
I GOT A DATE!
I GOT A D-D-D-D-D-DATE!
I GOT A DATE!
-OKAY.
-WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-YOU'RE IN THE GYM SO MUCH
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING TO KEEP UP.
HOW WAS YOUR WORKOUT?
YOU STILL LOOK FAT.
-THAT MAY BE,
BUT THIS FAT-ASS JUST SCORED
A DATE WITH HIS HOT-ASS TRAINER.
OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T WAIT
FOR YOU TO MEET HER.
SHE'S SMART, FUNNY, BEAUTIFUL,
AND SHE'S READ JUST ABOUT
EVERY SINGLE BOOK.
-"JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH"?
-TWICE.
-IS THIS THE SHIT
THAT MAKES YOUR PISS SMELL?
-YOU'RE THINKING ASPARAGUS,
SWEETHEART.
THAT -- THAT'S BROCCOLI.
-STILL NASTY.
ANYWAY, GO ON ABOUT THIS THING
YOU'RE GONNA SCREW UP.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP THE DATE
'CAUSE TECHNICALLY IT'S NOT
A DATE.
-WAIT, WHAT?
-YEAH, SHE SPECIFICALLY SAID
IT'S NOT A "DATE".
I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO COVER
FOR HERSELF
BECAUSE SHE'S MY TRAINER,
IN CASE THE DATE GOES BAD,
BUT WE BOTH KNOW
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, RIGHT?
-I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TAKE
WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
-HEY, WHERE'S LaSHAWNA?
-OH, SHE'S OUT TANNING
WITH GINGER.
-BUT SHE'S...
-BLACK? YEAH, I KNOW.
SHE LIKES THOSE TRIANGLE THINGS
ON HER BOOBS.
-TAN LINES?
-SHE SHOULD NOT BE TANNING
IN HER CONDITION.
-BEING BLACK
IS NOT A CONDITION, MILES.
-NO, BUT BEING PREGNANT IS.
-PREGNANT? LaSHAWNA?
-YEAH.
-YOU?
-YEAH.
-OH, GOD, IT'S IS AWESOME!
COME HERE, BUDDY.
-WHAT IS THIS?
-THAT'S AWESOME, BUDDY.
-YEAH, I'M NOT WORRIED
ABOUT IT, THOUGH,
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA DO
THE OLD VACUUM ROUTE,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
-REALLY?
-YEAH. YOU KNOW
HOW YOU ALREADY KNOW
YOU'RE GONNA SCREW UP
YOUR DATE?
I ALREADY KNOW I'M GONNA
SCREW UP FATHERHOOD.
SO FUCK IT. CUT IT CLEAN.
-MILES, I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP
MY DATE.
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY.
-I KNOW I'M GONNA BE OKAY,
BUT THAT'S BECAUSE
I'M GONNA CONVINCE HER
WE NEED TO GET THE BIG "A."
THE GOOD NEWS IS SHE'S
DEFINITELY GONNA LOSE
THE WEIGHT WAR.
SO THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
CHEERS TO THAT?
-CHEERS.
MMM.
MMM.
YOU KNOW IT'S
JUST A TASTE, RIGHT?
-OH, YEAH.
TURNS OUT YOU CAN GET PREGNANT
THAT WAY.
-OR MAKE YOURSELF LOOK PREGNANT.
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
MMM. MMM.
YOU WANNA FUCK?
SO, ABOUT THE...DO-DO-DO...
-...WE GOT SOME OPTIONS.
-YEAH, LIKE, WHETHER WE
GET MARRIED BEFORE
OR AFTER.
-FUNNY. YEAH, RIGHT.
NO, I WAS THINKING, LIKE,
BIRTHING OPTIONS.
-BIRTHING OPTION.
DEFINITELY HAVING THIS
IN A HOSPITAL.
I'M NOT GONNA DO A MIDWIFE
TELLING ME TO HAVE MY BABY
IN THE BATHTUB -- BLOOP, BLOOP,
BLOOP -- LIKE A LITTLE FISH
AND PLACENTA SPLASHING ALL OVER
THE PLACE.
I DON'T DO SPLASHING PLACENTA.
YEAH, NO NATURALE FOR ME, HONEY.
GIVE ME THE DRUGS!
-RIGHT, YEAH.
DRUGS -- DRUG IT UP.
- DRUG IT UP.
SO CRAZY.
WELL, BABY, GOOD NIGHT.
-GOOD -- GOOD NIGHT.
SO, I'M JUST THINKING, LIKE,
OPTIONS, YOU KNOW, PAIN-WISE.
YOU KNOW, WHAT --
WHAT ARE THERE?
WHAT DO WE WANT TO DO HERE,
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
GOING THROUGH THE PAIN.
-RIGHT, SO THE ONLY OPTION
IS DRUGS.
SO, GREAT. OKAY.
-I'M THINKING, LIKE,
LOOK AT THE WHOLE CIRCLE
OF CHOICE, YOU KNOW,
IN WHICH WE CAN GO SO MANY WAYS.
DO YOU WANT --
HERE'S WHERE WE ARE --
DO WE WANT TO HAVE A KID,
DO WE NOT WANT TO HAVE --
-WHOA! WHOA, WHOA.
HOLD ON. WHAT?
-THERE'S MORE.
-NO, HOLD ON.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
'CAUSE I'M NOT...
-I'M JUST SAYING, LIKE, AS FAR
AS PAIN-WISE, FOR YOU...
-- RIGHT. OH, FOR ME?
-DO WE WANT TO, YOU KNOW, HAVE,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT...
-NO, WE HAVING THE DAMN BABY,
MILES!
-RIGHT.
YEAH, NO, I'M --
-GOOD NIGHT.
-HI, EXCUSE ME.
WHICH WAY TO THE BATHROOM?
GREAT, THANKS.
-MM-HMM.
-HI.
UH, CAN I ASK YOU
FOR A BIG FAVOR?
-SURE.
-CAN YOU WATCH MY BABY
FOR ONE QUICK SECOND?
HE'LL BE FINE.
JUST MAKE SURE
NOBODY RUNS OFF WITH HIM.
-OH-KAY.
-YES?
-YEAH.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-HEY, BUDDY.
OH, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
SO HAPPY ABOUT?
WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?
OH!
-OOH.
-THIS IS CUTE.
-I HATE BABIES.
-I LOVE BABIES.
GUESS WHAT?
GUESS WHO HAS A BIG DATE
WITH CASSIE LATER?
THAT'S RIGHT, THE BIG FELLA.
-WHAT AM I DOING?
I SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD HIM
THE TRUTH.
HE SEEMED TO BE SO EXCITED.
-OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN.
I'M SO EXCITED!
-YEAH.
-I DIDN'T DRESS UP.
-NO, I CAN SEE THAT.
-BUT YOU DRESSED UP.
-NO, THIS IS JUST...WHAT I WEAR.
-IT'S NICE.
-THANKS.
THE T-THING ABOUT
THE POETRY READING
IS IT'S -- IT'S REALLY
JUST GONNA BE...
...REALLY BORING?
-OBVIOUSLY. IT'S POETRY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, THOUGH.
I'M IN.
-YOU WANT TO JUST, UM --
YOU WANT TO GO GET A DRINK?
-UH...
I SHOULD HAVE DRESSED UP, HUH?
THIS WAS A TEST.
-THIS WAS NOT A TEST.
UM...
I JUST DON'T FEEL MUCH LIKE
GOING TO POETRY TONIGHT.
-CAN I PICK THE BAR?
-SURE.
-♪ I REALLY WANT YOU
BY MY SIDE ♪
-YOU GUYS GOT ONE BREWSKI,
ONE H2O-SKI.
-HOW MUCH IS IT?
-$6.50.
-HERE, I'LL PAY FOR IT.
-NO, NO, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
-I FEEL BAD.
YOU ONLY GOT A WATER.
YEAH, BUT I'M ON A DIET,
REMEMBER?
PLUS, I THINK A GUY
SHOULD ALWAYS PAY.
AND IF I DON'T DRINK,
I'M MUCH MORE PLEASANT.
CHEERS.
-OKAY, CHEERS.
BUT ABOUT THIS DIET THING,
IT REALLY IS JUST ABOUT BALANCE.
YOU CAN HAVE A DRINK
ONCE IN A WHILE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BALANCE IT
WITH SOMETHING HEALTHY,
SO IF YOU HAVE A DRINK,
YOU HAVE A SALAD.
-SALADE?
WHAT, IS THAT, LIKE,
SPANISH OR SOMETHING?
BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE
MUCH MEXICAN FOOD.
SALADA.
-SAH-LAD.
-SAH-LAD.
-SALLAD?
-SALLAD.
-SALAD?
-SALAD.
-SALAD!
-ARE YOU REALLY GONNA GET UP
THERE?
YEAH, YOU KIDDING ME?
JUST GO UP THERE AND DO
ONE DUET WITH ME.
-NO. MNH-MNH.
-WHY NOT?
-WELL, ONE, BECAUSE I DON'T DO
DUETS, AND TWO,
BECAUSE I DON'T SING
IN PUBLIC, AND THREE,
BECAUSE I DON'T SING IN PRIVATE.
YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU
LET YOURSELF GO,
THE LESS OTHERS WANT
TO LET YOU GO.
-I'VE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE.
WHAT'S THAT FROM?
-UH, YEAH.
I WAS READING NEITSCHE,
AND THAT LINE KIND OF STUCK OUT
ON ME.
-WAIT, WHAT?
-YEAH, I PICKED UP
SOME OF THOSE BOOKS
'CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS --
THAT FRIEDRICH NEITSCHE.
-OH, FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE.
-WAIT, HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT?
-THERE'S TWO WAYS
TO PRONOUNCE IT.
IT'S EITHER FREDERICK NEE-CHAY
OR FREDERICK NEE-CHA --
LIKE PIZZA.
- OH.
I'M GOING WITH
THE PIZZA REFERENCE, FER SURE.
PIZZA. NEE-CHA.
I LIKE THAT.
-SAM!
YOU'RE UP ON THE MIKE.
-ALL RIGHT.
SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO GO UP WITH ME?
THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF TIME
TO CHANGE THE SONG.
"ISLANDS IN THE STREAM"?
-NO.
-"YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS"?
-JUST GETUP THERE.
ALL RIGHT.
GET READY TO BE WOOED.
THIS ONE GOES OUT
TO MY COACH AND FRED PIZZA.
FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN.
♪ WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUTTERCUP, BABY,
JUST TO LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ AND MESS ME AROUND?
♪ AND THEN WORST OF ALL
-♪ WORST OF ALL
-YOU NEVER CALL, BABY,
WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL ♪
♪ BUT I LOVE YOU STILL
♪ I NEED YOU
♪ MORE THAN ANYONE, DARLIN'
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE
FROM THE START ♪
♪ SO BUILD ME UP, BUTTERCUP
♪ DON'T BREAK MY HEART
♪ I'LL BE OVER AT TEN
♪ YOU'VE TOLD ME
TIME AND AGAIN ♪
♪ BUT YOU'RE LATE
♪ I WAIT AROUND AND THEN
♪ I RUN TO THE DOOR,
I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE ♪
♪ IT'S NOT YOU
♪ YOU LET ME DOWN AGAIN
-♪ HEY, HEY, HEY
-♪ AND, BABY, I TRY TO FIND
-♪ HEY, HEY, HEY
-♪ A LITTLE TIME,
AND I'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ I'LL BE HOME,
I'LL BE BESIDE THE PHONE ♪
♪ WAITING FOR YOU
♪ OOH, OOH
EVERYBODY!
-♪ OOH, OOH
-♪ WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUTTERCUP, BABY,
JUST TO LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ AND MESS ME AROUND?
♪ AND THEN WORST OF ALL
-♪ WORST OF ALL
-♪ YOU NEVER CALL, BABY,
WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL ♪
-♪ SAY YOU WILL
-♪ BUT I LOVE YOU STILL
♪ I NEED YOU
-♪ I NEED YOU
♪ MORE THAN ANYONE, DARLIN'
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE
FROM THE START ♪
♪ SO BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUILD ME UP
♪ BUTTERCUP,
DON'T BREAK MY HEART ♪
THANKS...
-ACTUALLY, I HAD
A REALLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
OH, WERE YOU PLANNING ON
NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME TONIGHT?
-NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
I'M JUST SURPRISED.
-GOOD. I HAD A GOOD TIME, TOO.
WHO IS THAT GUY?
-STEPHAN.
-THAT'S THE GUY FROM
THE BOWLING ALLEY, RIGHT?
-I HAVE TO GO TALK TO HIM.
I'M SORRY.
-YEAH, OKAY. COOL.
-SO, WHAT, SEE YOU -- NOT
TOMORROW BUT THURSDAY MORNING?
-YEAH, BRIGHT AND EARLY.
-THANK YOU.
I HAD FUN.
-LET ME GET THE DOOR FOR YOU.
-OH, I GOT IT.
THANK YOU.
-FUCK.
-BE READY, YOU'RE GOING
TO REACH TO THE SIDES.
YOU'RE GONNA REACH YOUR ARMS
ON THE SIDES.
REACH TO THE SIDES.
GOOD.
MAKE SURE YOU'RE IN...
ALL THE WAY HIGH -- REACH.
GOOD.
VERY GOOD.
FEEL IT -- TO THE SIDES.
-I TRIED TO CALL YOU.
-TURNED OFF MY PHONE.
-WHAT'S IN THE BAG?
-NOTHING.
-YOU BLOW YOUR DATE?
-WORSE, I GOT SWOOPED.
YOU DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?
NO?
COOL, ME NEITHER.
-DON'T JUDGE ME, MEATBALL.
-I'M SORRY ABOUT
THE OTHER NIGHT.
-NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.
-I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.
-NAH, NO WORRIES.
SO, UH, WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH HIM?
-NOTHING, WE'RE JUST GOING
THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.
-HMM. SEEMS KIND OF NERDY.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT HIM.
FOR THE MOST PART.
-FOR THE MOST PART?
WHAT'S THE SMALL PART YOU
DON'T LIKE? HA!
-I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS HE'S NEVER GONNA BE
THE KIND OF GUY
TO WIN ME A GIANT TEDDY BEAR
AT A FAIR OR ANYTHING.
I ALWAYS WIN
THAT GIANT TEDDY BEAR.
HECK, I AM A GIANT TEDDY BEAR.
-YOU KNOW, IF YOUR KNEE
DOESN'T HURT TO WALK ON IT,
YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO RUN ON IT.
-REALLY?
IT STILL FEELS A LITTLE TIGHT.
-YEAH, WELL, I THINK
THAT'S MOSTLY IN YOUR HEAD.
YOU SHOULD GET THE DOCTOR
TO LOOK AT IT AGAIN.
-YEAH.
-SO, YOU READY FOR A JOG?
-YEAH.
-ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
YOUR KNEE IS FINE.
COME ON.
COME ON.
REALLY?
THIS IS AS FAST AS YOU CAN GO?
-I'M MOVING.
I'M TELLING YOU, I THINK
YOUR KNEE IS FINE.
-I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN.
-FINE.
-SO, WHY DID YOU
GIVE UP FOOTBALL?
-WHILE I WAS REHABBING,
MY MOTHER DIED, AND --
I DON'T KNOW,
I GUESS BECAUSE
SHE GAVE UP EVERYTHING
TO RAISE ME.
SHE WORKED, LIKE, THREE JOBS,
HAD NO LIFE.
I JUST REALLY WANTED TO MAKE IT
TO THE NFL SO I COULD PAY
HER BACK.
BUT AFTER SHE DIED,
I JUST STOPPED PLAYING
'CAUSE SHE JUST WASN'T THERE.
-HOW DID SHE DIE?
-HEART ATTACK.
SHE WAS BIG LIKE ME.
-WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD?
-CAR ACCIDENT WHEN I WAS 10.
A LITTLE TOO MUCH
OF GRANDPA'S COUGH SYRUP
AT THE WHEEL.
-DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FAMILY?
-MM. MEATBALL.
-WHAT'S A MEATBALL?
IT'S SOMETHING YOU PUT
IN SPAGHETTI. IT'S DELICIOUS.
IT'S ALSO MY GOLDFISH.
-SO, WHAT DO YOU DO ON HOLIDAYS?
-HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS
FOR THANKSGIVING.
DON'T REALLY CELEBRATE
CHRISTMAS.
-HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
I'M JEWISH, AND EVEN I
CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.
WELL, WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY FAMILY,
IT MAKES THE GIFT GIVING
A LITTLE ONE SIDED.
BUT THAT MAKES ME
THE PERFECT CANDIDATE
TO BECOME A C.I.A. AGENT...
OR A NINJA.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
LATER TONIGHT?
-NO PLANS. YOU?
-WANT TO SEE A MOVIE...
JUST AS FRIENDS?
-JUST AS FRIENDS?
-JUST AS FRIENDS.
-OKAY.
-YES!
-JUST AS FRIENDS.
-JUST AS FRIENDS.
-KEVIN COSTNER.
-ADAM SANDLER.
-HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
THAT'S FOUR OUT OF FOUR.
YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
-I'M ABOUT TO BE FIVE
FOR FIVE -- "TITANIC."
-OH, THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
IT'S ALWAYS "TITANIC."
-JUST SO YOU KNOW,
ABOUT 20 MINUTES INTO THE FILM,
I'M GONNA DO THE OLD
ARM-AND-YAWN MOVE.
-THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP.
I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST HERE
AS FRIENDS.
-YEAH, FRIENDS. OF COURSE.
THAT'S WHY I WAS GIVING YOU
THE FRIENDLY WARNING.
-OH, THANK YOU.
ANY OTHER SURPRISES IN STORE
FOR ME THIS EVENING?
-NOPE, THAT'S ALL I GOT.
SADLY, THIS IS MY "A" GAME.
THAT IS SAD.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD --
-YOU DON'T TALK
DURING THE PREVIEWS?
-NEVER.
-GOD, YOU WENT THROUGH
SO MUCH TROUBLE
TO MAKE ALL OF THIS.
HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
LET'S EAT, AND WE'LL
FIGURE OUT A WAY.
CHIN CHIN.
-WHAT THE HELL YOU
DOING BACK HERE?
-GETTING SOME EXTRA CARDIO IN.
-HOW DID THE THING
WITH CASSIE GO?
-WHAT?
-HOW DID THE THING
WITH CASSIE GO?
-AWESOME!
-YEAH?
-IT'S SO WEIRD 'CAUSE WE'RE
SO OPPOSITE IN SO MANY WAYS.
-RIGHT, YOU'RE FAT,
SHE'S SKINNY.
YOU LOVE HER, SHE HATES YOU.
YEAH.
-RIGHT, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHY SHE LIKES
HANGING OUT WITH ME,
BUT I FIGURE, DON'T ASK.
-IT'S KIND OF OBVIOUS.
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-DADDY ISSUES.
-HUH?
-NO? OKAY, PICTURE THIS.
AVERAGE GUY IS WALKING DOWN
THE STREET.
HE'S WALKING BY ALL THESE
BEAUTIFUL GIRLS,
AND ALL HE'S THINKING ABOUT
IS TRYING TO HOOK UP, FEEL UP,
SCREW, BANG, DATE --
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.
ONE DAY, HE FINALLY SNAGS ONE,
LOCKS IT DOWN,
GETS MARRIED,
THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.
BANG! WIFEY SHOOTS OUT A KID,
BUT NOT JUST A KID --
A BABY GIRL.
WELL, WHAT IN THE HELL IS HE
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
THIS IS THE SAME TYPE
OF CREATURE
HE WAS JUST TRYING TO NAIL
A FEW MONTHS AGO.
NOW HE'S SUPPOSED TO RAISE IT?
HOW?
WELL, SINCE HE'S A DUDE,
HE DOES WHAT MOST DUDES DO
AND IGNORES IT, YOU KNOW,
LIKE LAUNDRY.
BUT IT KEEPS GROWING,
AND EVENTUALLY
IT TURNS INTO THIS PRE-TEEN
SHE-DEMON HORMONAL BITCH.
ADIóS, PAPA BEAR,
AND HELLO, DADDY ISSUES.
SO, WHAT'S THE ISSUE?
SHE WANTS A DADDY WHO LOVES HER.
EVERY GIRL DOES.
AND WHEN SHE DOESN'T GET THAT,
SHE STARTS PLAYING THIS
TWISTED GAME
WHERE SHE FINDS ANY GUY
THAT REMINDS HER OF HER FATHER
AND TRIES TO DO WHATEVER SHE CAN
TO EARN HIS AFFECTION.
THIS IS WHY YOU SEE HOT CHICKS
WITH JACKASSES.
SHE'S CONVINCED IF SHE CAN JUST
GET THAT GUY TO LOVE HER,
IT'D BE THE SAME FEELING AS
HAVING HER OWN DADDY LOVE HER.
OF COURSE, IT NEVER WORKS OUT
THAT WAY.
SHE JUST ENDS UP IN A STRING
OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS
WITH DUDES THAT ARE IDIOTS.
I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
I'M JUST SAYING THERE'S
AN OBVIOUS MISMATCH
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
SO A LOGICAL CONCLUSION IS THAT
CASSIE HAS SOME DADDY ISSUES.
NOW YOU MIGHT THINK THIS IS FINE
BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING TO DATE
SOME HOT CHICK
WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE,
BUT HERE'S THE DEAL.
THE ULTIMATE GOAL
FOR THESE GIRLS
IS TO GET SOME REVENGE.
ONCE SHE GETS A GUY LIKE YOU
TO LOVE HER,
SHE'S GONNA TAKE CONTROL
AND WALK OUT,
JUST LIKE HER FATHER DID.
-WOW.
-YEP.
-SPEAKING OF FATHERS...
HOW ARE THINGS WITH YOU
AND LaSHAWNA?
-THEY'RE GOOD. THEY'RE GOOD.
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.
UM, WE DECIDED TOGETHER
THAT WE'RE GONNA KEEP IT --
KEEP THE BABY -- SO...
-WOW. CONGRATULATIONS.
-YEAH. YEAH.
OF COURSE, IF IT'S A GIRL,
IT'S GONNA HAVE MAJOR
DADDY ISSUES.
IT WAS A...JOKE.
GO AHEAD AND RUN.
I'LL SEE YA.
-YAY!
-YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
OH.
-ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE SET.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SUNDAY NIGHT?
-NOTHING. YOU?
YOU WANT TO GO OUT?
-SURE.
YOU WANT TO SEE A MOVIE?
-A DATE.
-WHAT?
-A REAL DATE.
NOT AS FRIENDS.
A DATE DATE.
-OH.
I DON'T KNOW, SAM.
I KIND OF LIKE THE WAY
THINGS ARE NOW.
-I'M JUST SO CONFUSED.
WE HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER.
-WE DO.
-IF IT'S MY WEIGHT, YOU KNOW
I'M TRYING TO WORK IT OFF.
-IT'S NOT THAT.
-WHAT IS IT THEN?
-I JUST FEEL LIKE THINGS
ARE UNFINISHED WITH STEPHAN.
-WELL, YOU'RE NOT SEEING HIM
NOW.
I KNOW 'CAUSE I SEE YOU
EVERY DAY.
-NO, BUT I KNOW
OUR RELATIONSHIP,
AND WE'RE GONNA
GET BACK TOGETHER.
-WELL, YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER NOW.
WE STILL HAVE TIME
TO GO ON ONE DATE.
AND IF IT'S HORRIBLE,
WE'LL FORGET THIS THING
EVER HAPPENED.
BUT IF IT'S GOOD...
ALL RIGHT, ONE DATE.
-YES!
ARE YOU GONNA GET A NEW OUTFIT?
-NO.
MAYBE. NO. NO.
CAN YOU JUST DO
10 MORE, PLEASE?
-OKAY.
HEY, DUDE.
-WHAT'S UP?
-GUESS WHO'S GOT A DATE
WITH CASSIE TONIGHT?
-HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE.
WELL, THIS TIME
IT'S OFFICIAL OFFICIAL.
-RIGHT.
-IT IS.
-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
WORKING THE FRONT DESK TODAY?
-I SWITCHED WITH WENDY.
-YOU'RE HAVING A KID.
-SHH. YEAH,
THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.
ANYWAY...
-BE SMART, MILES.
LaSHAWNA LOVES YOU.
SHE'S GONNA BE THE MOTHER
OF YOUR CHILD.
IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO TRY
TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK.
-YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WOULDN'T HURT ME.
THANK YOU, DR. SAM.
-ALL I'M SAYING IS, DON'T PRESS
THE NUCLEAR BUTTON
JUST BECAUSE YOU RAN OVER
A FEW SPEED BUMPS.
-I'M HAVING A KID.
THAT'S A NUCLEAR BOMB.
SO THAT BUTTON HAS ALREADY
BEEN PUSHED -- REALLY HARD.
AND THERE ARE CERTAIN TRUTHS
TO LIFE,
LIKE I'M GONNA SCREW UP
FATHERHOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA SCREW UP
THIS THING WITH CASSIE.
TYSON'S GONNA SCREW
ANY GIRL HE WANTS,
MOST LIKELY WITH HIS SHIRT OFF.
IT'S JUST THE WAY
THE WORLD WORKS, MAN.
YOU GOT TO ROLL WITH IT.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW THIS THING
UP WITH CASSIE.
-RIGHT. PROVE ME WRONG.
I GOTTA PISS.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW THIS THING
UP WITH CASSIE!
I'M NOT.
-LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT
THE WRONG BATHROOM..
UNLESS YOU WANT TO USE
ONE OF THOSE...
WHICH I DON'T RECOMMEND.
-SO...
UH...
AH, THE OL' ZIPPER.
UP AND DOWN.
ZIPPER.
-ZIPPER.
-ZIPPER GOES UP AND DOWN.
-♪ I JUST CAN'T LOVE YOU
ANYMORE ♪
- AND DOWN.
-♪ BUT I'M NOT QUITE OVER YOU
♪ I GUESS I'M NOT QUITE
OVER YOU ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PAIN
YOU PUT ME THROUGH ♪
-OH, ROUGH.
-♪ BUT AS YOU DRAG
MY HEART ALONG... ♪
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
-WHY NOT?
-I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
-SO?
-NO, NO, NO.
THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD
KNOW --
SHE'S PREGNANT.
- SO?
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I WANT TO MAKE IT WORK WITH HER.
SO...
SORRY.
YOU WANT, UH -- YEAH,
THIS IS YOURS, YEAH.
THIS --
WHAT?
UM, THANK YOU.
I HATE YOU. YEAH.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP
MY DATE WITH CASSIE!
I'M GONNA BLOW IT
WITH CASSIE, HUH?
-YOU'RE GONNA DO FINE, OKAY?
LISTEN TO ME.
IF I CAN TURN DOWN
A CRAZY-ASS DRUNK GIRL
IN A BATHROOM,
YOU CAN HANDLE A LITTLE DATE.
AH, TA-DA. HUH?
-IT'S A DRINK.
-ITA DRINK.
I FIGURE YOU HAVE ONE,
MAYBE LOOSEN YOU UP A BIT.
BUT JUST ONE, OKAY?
-WHOA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-I LIVE HERE.
-YOU HAVE TO EXCUSE
MY IRRATIONAL, PREGNANT
GIRLFRIEND, SAM.
-REALLY?
-YEAH, YOU GONNA WALK AROUND
IN YOUR UNDERWEAR LIKE THAT?
-WELL, YEAH, I'M SURE IT'S
NOTHING HE AIN'T SEEN BEFORE.
YOU HA SEEN A GIRL IN
HER UNDERWEAR BEFORE, RIGHT?
-OF COURSE HE HAS, AND HE
WILL AGAIN TONIGHT. RIGHT?
SEE, HONEY, SAM HERE
IS NERVOUS AS SHIT,
SO I FIGURE IF WE HAVE A LITTLE
DRINK, IT'LL LOOSEN HIM UP
A BIT.
-THAT'S A BAD IDEA.
-A BAD IDEA, I KNOW.
IT'S AN AWFUL IDEA,
BUT IT'S THE ONLY ONE I'VE GOT.
-EXACTLY.
-JUST ONE DRINK.
-ONE DRINK.
-SUCH A BAD IDEA.
-WE'RE DOING IT.
ONE DRINK.
-JUST ONE DRINK.
-ONE DRINK.
-ONE DRINK.
-ARE YOU OKAY, SAM?
-I'M FINE, CASSIE.
YOUR NAME HAS "ASS" IN IT.
WHAT A MIGHTY FINE ONE YOU HAVE.
YOUR ASS, NOT YOUR NAME.
YOUR NAME IS KIND OF WEIRD.
-ARE WE READY TO ORDER?
-YES. I WOULD LIKE
THE CAESAR SALAD TO START,
AND THEN I WILL HAVE THE FILET
MEDIUM RARE,
AND CAN YOU HOLD
THE GREEN, SPINACHY STUFF
THAT COMES ON THE SIDE?
I DON'T WANT THAT.
BUT I WILL DOUBLE UP
ON THE CREAMY MASHED POTATOES.
THANK YOU.
-VERY GOOD.
AND FOR THE LADY?
-I WILL HAVE A GRILLED CHICKEN
AND SOME ASPARAGUS, PLEASE.
JUST NO SAUCE ON THE ASPARAGUS.
-PERFECT. AND CAN I GET
SOMETHING FOR YOU TO START WITH?
-NO, THANK YOU.
-HAVE YOU DECIDED
ON A BOTTLE OF WINE?
-I THINK WE'RE OKAY.
-...TO ORDER ONE!
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET US
A BOTTLE OF RED, HUH?
SOMETHING EASY ON THE WALLET,
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
THIS THING AIN'T GUARANTEED?
-I THINK THAT I DO.
I'LL JUST BRING YOU
THE HOUSE CAB, OKAY?
-PER-FECT.
-OKAY, I'LL BE BACK
WITH YOUR WINE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST KIDDING
ON THE WHOLE
"NOT GUARANTEED" THING.
HEY, REMEMBER WHEN I SAID
"SAH-LAD"
LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT?
THAT WAS FUNNY.
I'M REALLY FUNNY.
-SAM, WHAT'S GOING ON?
-I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME --
WHAT IS GOING ON?
-I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO HAVE A NICE DINNER.
-I THOUGHT WE WERE.
-YOU'RE DRUNK.
-YEAH, BUT YOU CAN CATCH UP.
YOU KNOW, THAT IS
A GOOD QUESTION.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
WHY ARE YOU OUT HERE WITH ME?
-YOU ASKED ME OUT.
-AND YOU SAID YES BECAUSE...?
WHAT?
DO YOU FEEL BAD FOR ME?
-HERE WE ARE.
I THINK YOU TWO WILL LIKE THIS.
IT'S GOT A SLIGHT PEPPER TASTE,
SO IT'LL GO WELL WITH
YOUR STEAK AND YOUR CHICKEN.
OKAY?
IT'S EASY ONT HE WALLET,
AS WELL.
-AH!
GREAT.
-I'M OKAY, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I-I THINK I'M ACTUALLY
GONNA GET OUT OF HERE,
IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.
YEP.
I REMIND YOU
OF YOUR FATHER, RIGHT?
-WHAT?
-HE USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL,
PROBABLY DRANK TOO MUCH.
-YES, AND HE WAS AN ASSHOLE,
JUST LIKE YOU'RE BEING
RIGHT NOW.
WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
-MY POINT IS,
YOU JUST WANT TO RELIVE YOUR
FAILED RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
BUT THIS TIME, YOU JUST WANT TO
TAKE CONTROL AND WALK OUT.
-MY FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-YOU'RE TRYING TO USE ME
TO SOLVE YOUR DADDY ISSUES.
-YES, AND THAT ALL MAKES SENSE
EXCEPT FOR THE FACT
THAT I HAD NO IDEA
THAT YOU WERE A LOUSY DRUNK
OR AN ASSHOLE UNTIL TONIGHT.
AND THE FACT IS, SAM, YOU'RE
NOT A FOOTBALL PLAYER.
YOU WORK AT A BOWLING
ALLEY, WHICH IS FINE.
AND DESPITE WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE TONIGHT, I KNOW YOU'RE A
REALLY NICE GUY.
SO IN REALITY, NO, YOU'RE REALLY
NOTHING LIKE MY FATHER.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD START LOOKING
AT YOUR OWN ISSUES
BEFORE YOU START TELLING
OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THEIRS.
AND FOR THE RECORD,
I CAME HERE TONIGHT
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU --
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
-HOW ARE WE DOING?
-I'M LEAVING.
-SHOULD I HOLD HER ORDER THEN?
-NO. YOU CAN BRING IT.
I'LL EAT IT, TOO.
SHE HAS DADDY ISSUES.
WOMEN.
MEATBALL...
MEATBALL?
MEATBALL!
MEATBALL, LOOK AT ME.
MEATBALL, I'VE BEEN STARVING YOU
THIS WHOLE TIME, BUDDY.
IT'S NOT YOU THAT HAS TO GO
ON A DIET, IT'S ME.
I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO GO
ON A DIET.
HERE, YOU WANT SOME FOOD?
HUH?
YOU WANT SOME?
LET ME GIVE YOU
A LITTLE DESSERT, HUH?
THERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
YOU LIKE THAT?
MEATBALL.
FOOD! EAT IT!
I'M GONNA GO EAT IT.
SHIT.
HEY.
-HEY.
-I CAME TO APOLOGIZE.
-YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
-LOOK, I MESSED UP.
I'M SORRY.
-IT'S OKAY.
-IT'S JUST EVERYTHING
WAS GOING SO GOOD,
BUT I WAS NERVOUS
ABOUT GOING OUT WITH YOU,
AND I WANTED TO IMPRESS YOU,
SO...
I STARTED DRINKING.
-APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
-WE HAD FUN.
-YEAH, WE DID.
-A BUNCH OF US ARE PLAYING POKER
AT MY HOUSE LATER,
IF YOU WANT TO COME.
-SURE.
-SO, I'LL SEE YOU THEN?
-OKAY.
-OKAY.
-IT'S A FIVE-CARD DRAW, KIDS,
SO GET LOOSE AND COMFORTABLE.
THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GAME --
LOOSE AND COMFORTABLE.
-SO, HOW FAR ALONG
ARE YOU, ANYWAYS?
-GOTTA BE AT LEAST SIX MONTHS.
-WE DON'T KNOW YET, OKAY?
WE JUST GOT ALL THAT
INSURANCE STUFF WORKED OUT.
BUT WE HAVE OUR FIRST DOCTOR'S
APPOINTMENT TOMORROW!
-THAT'S RIGHT --
WE HAVE OUR FIRST
DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT TOMORROW.
I'M NOT LETTING HER GO ALONE.
I'VE SEEN PORNOS. I KNOW
WHAT HAPPENS.
TYSON, YOU
CAN BACK ME UP ON THIS.
-YEAH, FOR SURE.
-YOU GUYS ARE DUMB-ASSES.
-IT'S OKAY, SAM.
YOU INVITED HER.
I'M SURE SHE'LL COME.
-YEAH.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH, HONEY,
FOR BEING HERE.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
-YEAH, OF COURSE.
-MMM. MMM.
-HOW MANY OF THOSE
HAVE YOU HAD TODAY?
-I'M EATING FOR TWO, MILES.
-OKAY, RELAX.
OH, COME ON, MAN.
WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GUY?
-HE HAS A LOT OF PATIENTS --
UNLIKE YOU.
GET OFF THE CHAIR!
WHAT ARE YOU, A KID?
-WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
-IT'S THE DOCTOR'S CHAIR.
-SO?
-DO YOU HAVE A PhD?
-NO.
OKAY, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE.
-GOOD AFTERNOON.
-GOOD AFTERNOON.
-DOCTOR.
UM, IS IT TWINS?
IT FEELS LIKE TWINS.
-IT LOOKS LIKE TWINS.
-LET ME ASK YOU TWO SOMETHING.
DID YOU GUYS BY ANY CHANCE
USE ONE OF THOSE
HOME-PREGNANCY TESTS?
-MM-HMM. IT'S CALLED
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR.
YEAH.
OKAY, WELL, WE RAN
THE BLOOD TESTS,
AND WE DID THE TEST HERE,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU, LaSHAWNA,
ARE NOT PREGNANT.
-EXCUSE ME?
-IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT.
-NO, IT LOOKS LIKE LaSHAWNA
IS PREGNANT.
THAT'S WHY LaSHAWNA'S HERE,
BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
SHE'S PREGNANT.
-IT'S OKAY. HOLD ON.
JUST LET ME JUMP IN ON THIS.
UM, SO YOU'RE SAYING
THERE'S NO KID IN THERE?
-AT THE MOMENT, LaSHAWNA
IS, UH, TOTALLY KID FREE.
-OKAY, UM...
BUT I'M SHOWING
THE SYMPTOMS, SO...
-WELL, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, THERE
CAN BE A LOT OF REASONS
FOR SYMPTOMS
LIKE, UH, TENDER NIPPLES,
VOMITING, CRAVINGS.
-LIKE WHAT?
-WELL, AN UNHEALTHY DIET,
FOR STARTERS.
-SO, DOCTOR, LET ME JUST BE
100% WITH THIS.
AIN'T NOTHING IN THERE?
-NOTHING.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
-THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
YOU OKAY?
-I WILL BE.
-COME HERE. SORRY.
-IT'S FINE.
IT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST,
RIGHT?
-YEAH, FOR SURE. I MEAN,
WE CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN LATER.
-WHAT?
-LATER, WE CAN -- LATER IF WE
WANT TO HAVE A KID,
WE CAN ALWAYS TRY...
-TRY AGAIN?
-LATER, THOUGH, YEAH, BUT YES.
A LOT -- A LOT OF TIME BETWEEN
FROM NOW TO THEN PROBABLY.
-YEAH.
-SO DON'T BE BUMMED, OKAY?
- THANK YOU.
-OR TOO EXCITED.
SO, FUNNY STORY --
LaSHAWNA'S NOT PREGNANT.
-YOU GOT THE BIG "A," HUH?
-NO, NO.
TURNS OUT SHE NEVER WAS.
-WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS, MILES.
-YEAH.
AND I KNOW IT'S PROBABLY GONNA
SOUND STUPID TO YOU,
BUT I WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
-YOU'D BE A HORRIBLE FATHER,
MILES.
YOU EVEN SAID SO YOURSELF.
-FUCK YOU.
I'M SURE I WOULD SUCK,
BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY, RIGHT?
OTHERWISE, WHAT'S THE POINT?
YOU GET THAT, RIGHT?
-LEAVE A FLOWER, SAM.
DON'T TRY TOO HARD.
OKAY, BIG FELLA.
LET'S DO THIS.
-OH, OH, PERFECT.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
COULD I ASK A HUGE FAVOR?
-SURE.
-THAT'S A GIANT TEDDY BEAR.
-YEAH.
-YOU WORK AT THE BOWLING ALLEY,
DON'T YOU?
-RIGHT.
I KNEW I RECOGNIZED YOU.
HERE -- THANK YOU --
COULD YOU JUST HOLD --
I'M TRYING TO HELP MY SON.
-OKAY.
-OH, HERE.
-LOT OF STUFF YOU GOT THERE.
-WELL, MY BOYFRIEND
WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE,
BUT AS ALWAYS, HE'S LATE.
OH, I NEVER THOUGHT
THIS DAY WOULD COME.
HE'S JUST INSIDE GETTING HER.
JUST, OKAY...
-OKAY, SHE'S COMING OUT
ANY SECOND.
SHE'S JUST PUTTING ON HER SHOES.
DID YOU PROCURE THE FLOWERS,
MOM?
-WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M HOLDING?
-AND THE SIGN -- PLEASE TELL ME
YOU DID NOT MAKE IT FLOWERY.
-I MADE IT PRETTY.
-YEAH, I PRETTY MUCH
SHOULD BE GOING.
-OH, MY GOD.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT
BRING A TEDDY BEAR, MOTHER!
-NO, THAT'S HIS.
HE WAS JUST WALKING BY.
HE WORKS AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
-YEAH, REALLY,
I SHOULD BE GOING.
I'M SORRY.
-HELLO?
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
-CASSIE.
-JUST ONE MORE SECOND.
-I'VE MADE SOME BIG MISTAKES
IN MY LIFE,
AND I'M SURE THAT I'M GONNA MAKE
A FEW MORE.
OKAY, I'M -- I'M SO SORRY
TO INTERRUPT YOU, BUT --
HI, SAM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING...HERE?
-HE'S HOLDING THE SIGN!
-YOU KNOW HIM?
-WELL, YEAH, I'M HIS TRAINER.
BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.
-I'M SORRY. I SHOULD BE GOING.
-HE WORKS AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
-OKAY. RIGHT.
ANYWAY, WHAT I WANTED
TO STATE WAS
I WANT TO MAKE
MY MISTAKES WITH YOU,
AND I WANT YOU TO MAKE
YOUR MISTAKES WITH ME.
I LOVE YOU
TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE.
THE SUM OF MY FEELINGS
EQUALS 360.
NEITHER PYTHAGORAS, DESCARTES,
NOR MADAME CURIE CAN CALCULATE
STEPHAN'S AFFLICTION
FOR THEE, CASSIE.
NOW PLEASE RULE OUT
THE PROBABILITIES
AND AGREE TO SINE AND COSINE
THIS LIFELONG DECREE.
SO I ASK YOU NOW
ON BENDED KNEE...
CASSIE -- SIGN --
WILL YOU MARRY STEPHAN TODAY?
-WELL?
-YES.
-OH!
OH, THIS IS WHAT MAKES
A MOTHER SO PROUD!
-I'M GONNA GO GET SOME FOOD.
-HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!
-MILES!
LaSHAWNA!
ASSHOLES!
ASSHOLE, YOU READY FOR ME?
BITCH.
QUITTER!
YOU FUCKING QUITTER!
MEATBALL!
-IT'S OUR --
WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
-ENGAGEMENT.
-OUR ENGAGEMENT.
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
-CONGRATS.
-I'M STILL IN DISBELIEF
THAT YOU SAID YES.
THIS IS A HAPPY DAY.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
-I'M HAPPY.
-I KNOW MY MOM IS HAPPY.
SHE'S HOPING I'LL MOVE OUT NOW.
OH, JESUS.
-WHAT?
-THEY'RE DOING
THAT STUPID KARAOKE THING.
THIS IS WHERE YOU AND I
MAKE SUCH A GOOD PAIR.
YOU WOULD NEVER SEE
ONE OF US UP THERE MAKING
A FOOL OF OURSELVES.
-YEAH.
-SORRY, I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE
THAT THEY DID THIS HERE.
MUST BE A SPECIAL NIGHT THING.
-THAT'S OKAY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW,
I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD MY MOM.
-YOU SHOULD DO THAT.
-YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA
GO OUTSIDE AND CALL HER.
IT'S REALLY LOUD IN HERE.
-OKAY, I'LL WAIT
FOR THE APPETIZERS.
HEY...
YOU WANT TO LEAVE SOME MONEY
IN CASE THEY LEAVE A BILL?
-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
-OKAY.
-♪ I REALLY WANNA BE WITH YOU
♪ I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY DO ♪
♪ YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE
♪ I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY WANNA BE
WITH YOU ♪
♪ YEEEEEAH
-♪ YEEEEAH
-♪ LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM
♪ IN A FIELD OF PURPLE FLOWERS
♪ I HAD SOME SPECIAL POWERS
♪ SO I THOUGHT YOU WERE THERE
♪ AND YOU APPEARED
♪ THE SUN WAS FLOATING
IN THE SKY ♪
♪ THE RAIN WAS WET,
BUT WE WERE DRY AND WARM ♪
♪ WE HAD NO VOICE
♪ WE SPOKE WITH OUR TELEPATHY
♪ I FELT ALL THAT YOU
FELT FOR ME ♪
♪ AND UNDERSTOOD
WHAT I NEVER COULD ♪
-THEY HAVE ROBERTS
LOADED ON TO THE CART.
AND AS THEY'RE WHEELING HIM
TO THE LOCKER ROOM,
HE'S GIVING A THUMBS-UP
TO THE CROWD --
ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN.
KNEE INJURIES ARE ALWAYS TOUGH
ON THESE PLAYERS,
ESPECIALLY THE ONES
WHO RELY ON SPEED LIKE SAM.
PHYSICALLY HEALING FROM THESE
INJURIES IS ONE THING,
BUT MENTALLY
YOU HAVE TO WONDER
IF THEY CAN TRUST
THEIR KNEE AGAIN.
WILL THEY BE WILLING TO RUN
FULL OUT?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
-SO, WHEN'S THE DATE?
-I DON'T KNOW.
WE HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
-YOU DON'T SEEM OVERLY EXCITED.
-YEAH? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D BE MORE
INTO IT BY NOW,
BUT...IT'S JUST WEIRD.
MAYBE I'M JUST GETTING USED
TO THE IDEA.
HOW'S SAM DOING?
-GOOD.
MY BROTHER SAYS THAT HE'S STILL
WORKING OUT IN THE PARKS
IN THE AFTERNOONS.
-THAT'S GOOD.
-YEAH.
-HEY.
YOU'RE RUN RUNNING.
-YEAH. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WAS MOSTLY IN MY HEAD.
-YEAH.
YEAH, WELL, I JUST WANTED
TO SAY THANKS
FOR BEING SO COOL
WHEN STEPHAN...YOU KNOW...
-OH, I'M A COOL GUY, SO...
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
-YEAH, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU
COULD HAVE REALLY FREAKED OUT.
I MEAN, I WOULD HAVE.
-THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY.
HE'S A LUCKY, LUCKY GUY.
-THANKS.
-SO, HAVE YOU, UH,
SET A DATE YET?
-THAT'S A POPULAR QUESTION.
UM, NO.
NO, WE HAVEN'T.
-OKAY.
-OKAY, WELL,
IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.
-YEAH.
SEE YOU AROUND.
-HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GET
A COFFEE WITH ME --
OR SOMETHING?
-I'M TRYING TO CUT OUT
ALL DAIRY.
-OH, YEAH.
THAT'S TOTALLY SMART.
OKAY, WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND THEN?
-OKAY, BYE.
-BYE.
-SO TODAY'S THE BIG DAY.
-FOR WHAT?
-THE WEIGHT WAR.
-WHAT?
WE'RE STILL DOING THAT?
-I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS WHO WON.
-WHO?
-SAM.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE
THAT'S DONE ANYTHING.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'VE BEEN STARVING MYSELF.
-HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST?
-TWO POUNDS.
-YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.
-I'M REALLY HUNGRY.
I REALLY WANTED THAT MONEY.
-HONEY, I TOLD YOU --
BLUEBERRIES.
FULL OF ANTIOXIDANTS.
YOU WOULDN'T BE HUNGRY,
AND YOU WOULD'VE LOST WEIGHT.
-THANK YOU, TONY ROBBINS.
-ANYWAY, HOW MUCH WEIGHT
DID YOU ACTUALLY LOSE?
-I DON'T KNOW.
ABOUT 12 POUNDS.
WHAT?
IT WAS A FLY.
-SO WE ALL AGREE
SAM'S THE WINNER?
YEAH, AS LONG AS I AIN'T GOT
TO GET ON NO SCALE,
I'M COOL WITH ALL OF THAT.
-CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY.
YOU ARE THE BIG WINNER.
-ALL RIGHT, SAM.
WAY TO GO.
-CASSIE WOULD BE SO --
WHAT?
-IXNAY ON THE ASSICAY.
-IT'S OKAY, GUYS.
JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS,
CASSIE GOT ENGAGED AND --
YEAH.
-I'M SORRY, SAM.
-I DIDN'T LIKE HER ANYWAYS.
-SHE SMOKES.
-WELL, IT IS WHAT IT IS.
I SAW HER AT THE PARK TODAY.
-YOU SAW HER TODAY?
-YEAH, SHE CAME BY TO SAY HI.
-OH, YEAH. I TOLD HER
THAT YOU WORK OUT THERE.
-SO YOU TOLD HER
THAT HE WAS GONNA BE THERE,
AND THEN YOU RAN INTO HER?
-YEAH.
-AM I THE ONLY ONE
CONNECTING THE DOTS
ON THIS ONE?
-DOTS?
-OKAY, LET'S SAY YOU GOT
A BIG, GIANT, JUICY
CHEESEBURGER.
YOU WALK UP TO IT.
ARE YOU JUST GONNA SAY HI,
OR ARE YOU GONNA EAT
THAT MOTHERFUCKER?
-I'D PROBABLY EAT IT.
-YOU'RE HER CHEESEBURGER.
SHE DIDN'T GOT HERE TO SAY HI.
SHE WAS HUNGRY.
-CASSIE DOESN'T LIKE
CHEESEBURGERS.
-I WANT A CHEESEBURGER.
-OH, MY GOD. THERE'S THESE
GREAT BLUEBERRY BUNS.
-OKAY, FORGET THE CHEESEBURGER.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT FOOD.
SHE RAN INTO YOU ON PURPOSE.
-HE ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE
THIS TIME.
-OH, MY GOD,
THIS IS EXHAUSTING.
-SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER.
SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER.
SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER --
THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE
ANY SENSE.
WAIT.
SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER.
I'M A CHEESEBURGER.
I'M A CHEESEBURGER!
SHE WANTS ME!
OH, MY GOD!
I'M A CHEESEBURGER!
THAT'S STUPID.
HI.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-I'M A CHEESEBURGER.
WHAT?
-I KNOW, IT'S STUPID.
UM, ABOUT THAT CUP OF COFFEE?
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE TO CUT OUT
DAIRY COMPLETELY.
MAYBE I JUST HAVE TO HAVE
BALANCE AND HAVE, LIKE,
A SALAD OR SOMETHING.
-A SALAD?
WHAT IS THAT, LIKE,
MEXICAN, OR...?
SAH-LAD, SAH-LAD!
YEAH.
-ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU'RE ENGAGED
AND EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT...ENGAGED --
ANYMORE.
-YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED?
-NO.
-WHAT HAPPENED?
-HE JUST WASN'T THE RIGHT GUY
FOR ME, YOU KNOW?
-CRAZY.
-YES, WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS
SOME MADNESS IN LOVE,
BUT THERE'S ALSO SOME REASON
IN MADNESS.
-FRED PIZZA.
-FRED PIZZA.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-UH, UM...I WAS WONDERING --
DO YOU WANT TO GET
THAT CUP OF COFFEE?
-YES.
-WAIT, I WASN'T READY FOR THAT.
CAN WE KISS AGAIN?
-YEAH.
-WAIT A SECOND.
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
-OH, WELL, I FOUND HIM
ON THE STREET
OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE, BUT HE WAS
SO CUTE AND BIG AND FLUFFY,
I JUST HAD TO
KIND OF TAKE HIM IN.
HOW ABOUT WE HAVE THAT CUP
OF COFFEE HERE?
-REMEMBER THE LAST TIME
I MENTIONED THE WHOLE
DADDY ISSUE THING
AND HOW CASSIE WOULD DEFINITELY
LEAVE SAM?
WELL, MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE OFF.
OKAY, I WAS --
I WAS WAY OFF.
AS IT TURNS OUT,
CASSIE WAS SOMEHOW ABLE
TO SEE BEYOND SAM'S SLIGHTLY
CHUBBY EXTERIOR.
AND WHILE SAM WORKED OFF
THE OLD POUNDS
ONE AT A TIME --
LIKE REALLY SLOWLY --
CASSIE STUCK AROUND.
I GUESS FOR HER,
SAM IS WORTH THE WAIT.
TO KEEP THIS DRIVE ALIVE,
SO HERE IS FOURTH DOWN...
WILSON FAKES THE HAND-OFF.
THEY'VE GOT THEM!
THEY'VE GOT THEM!
SAM ROBERTS FROM THE OUTSIDE
SWIMS PAST THE TACKLE
AND DRIVES EDWARD STRAIGHT TO
THE TURF FOR A LOSS OF SEVEN.
HOME CROWD ON THEIR FEET!
2:10 LEFT ON THE CLOCK...
ROBERTS SHOWING THAT AMAZING
SPEED FROM THE OUTSIDE.
UNBELIEVABLE!
ROBERTS STILL ON THE FIELD --
A LITTLE SLOW GETTING UP.
MIGHT HAVE HURT HIS KNEE
ON THAT PLAY.
DUCKS ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER
ON DOWNS,
AND THIS MIGHT BE
THE BALLGAME, FOLKS.
TRAINING STAFF NOW MAKING
THEIR WAY OUT TO ROBERTS.
LOOKING AT A REPLAY HERE -- OH!
YEAH, LOOKS LIKE HIS KNEE
JUST COMPLETELY GIVES OUT
AS HE PLANTS HIS LEFT FOOT
JUST BEFORE THE TACKLE.
6'1", 260 IS SAMUEL ROBERTS.
GOOD KID, TOO.
HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK WITH HIM
EARLIER THIS WEEK.
HE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW HIS MOM
WOULD WORK TWO AND THREE JOBS
TO HELP SUPPORT THE FAMILY.
HE MENTIONED HIS DREAM
OF ONE DAY BUYING HER A HOUSE.
PRETTY GOOD CHANCE
HE'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE
THAT DREAM COME TRUE,
AS I THINK THERE'S
NO DOUBT WE'LL BE SEEING
PLENTY MORE
OF MR. SAMUEL ROBERTS
PLAYING ON SUNDAYS.
HI, MEATBALL.
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
YOU WANT SOME FOOD?
MISS YOU, MOM.
MILES.
DAMN.
411?!
413?!
-OOH, BABY!
-MY SNOOKIE-POO.
-MY SNOOKIE-POO.
-MY SNOOKIE-NOOKIE-POO.
-MILEY-WILEY!
-THAT INFAMOUS CRUISE LAUGH
AND TOTALLY TRYING TO
OUTDO ME IN EVERYTHING
FROM ROCK CLIMBING TO
ARM WRESTLING FOR SOME REASON.
-TOM CRUISE, REALLY?
-YEAH, IT WAS LIKE
THE WEIRDEST DREAM.
-HEY, GIRL.
YOU WANNA GET MARRIED?
I'M TOTALLY DOWN FOR KIDS
AND A DOG.
YOU'RE PRETTY!
TOO STRONG?
-NO, SHE'S JUST A BITCH.
SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL INVISIBLE,
MILES.
-YOU'RE NOT.
SHALL WE?
-YEAH.
DAMN IT.
-RELAX.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT,
THEY MAKE THOSE FOR
LITTLE JAPANESE PEOPLE.
HOLD THIS.
-YEAH, THAT'S GONNA HELP.
-GOT ANY CASH?
NO, YOU DO NOT.
OOH, WHO'S THIS?
-REALLY?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
FOR THE RECORD,
YOUR OBSESSION WITH MY SISTER
IS KIND OF CREEPY.
-IT'S NOT AN OBSESSION.
SHE'S MY FRIEND.
-OH, REALLY?
WHICH FRIEND PICTURE OF ME
DID YOU DECIDE TO GO WITH?
-WHAT PICTURE?
-FOR YOUR WALLET.
WHICH FRIEND PIC-
I DON'T SEE ONE OF ME IN HERE.
-OH, RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T REALLY FOUND
THE RIGHT PICTURE.
-YEAH, LET'S GO.
MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND
IS SUPPOSED TO COME
TO POKER TONIGHT.
-TYSON?
-YOU EVER NOTICE HOW HE
ALWAYS MANAGES
TO GET HIS SHIRT OFF SOMEHOW?
-I GUESS.
-IT'S LIKE McCONAUGHEY
AND HULK HOGAN'S LOVE CHILD.
-OH, DAMN IT!
FUCK!
-YOU OKAY?
-I'M GOING ON A DIET.
THIS IS IT.
YOU SOUND LIKE LaSHAWNA
ON HER PERIOD.
YOU'RE NOT ON YOUR PERIOD,
ARE YOU?
SORRY.
WHEN SOMEONE'S
ON THEIR PERIOD,
NEVER POINT IT OUT --
I GOT IT.
-I'M TIRED OF BEING FAT, MILES.
I'M TIRED OF BEING INVISIBLE,
AND I'M TIRED OF BEING --
-YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT THAT FAT.
-I'M OVER 400 POUNDS.
-FOUR?
YOU WEAR IT WELL?
-I'M GOING ON A DIET.
THIS IS IT.
-GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
-IT'S GOOD.
-GOOD, SEE?
-PLEASE DON'T HUG ME.
-NO?
YEAH, BAD IDEA.
YOU, UH, NEED HELP
WITH THAT, OR...?
-I GOT IT.
YEAH, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE
FOR WORK.
-♪ HERE I SIT BROKEN HEARTED
♪ HERE I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME
-DUDE, SHE'S SO FRICKIN' HOT.
LOOK AT THAT BODY.
AND THAT OUTFIT -- RIDICULOUS.
-YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY --
SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE
IS TIRED OF PUTTING UP
WITH HER SHIT.
-WHERE?
I WANNA BE THAT GUY, MILES.
I WANNA BE THE GUY WHO'S SICK
AND TIRED OF HITTING THAT.
-YEAH, ME TOO, BUT UNTIL THEN,
I'M GONNA CLEAN UP
THE BALLS ON 24.
-♪ ...LIKE ME
AND THAT'S A FACT ♪
♪ BUT THE CLOSET'S EMPTY,
AND YOUR BAGS ARE PACKED ♪
♪ I THINK YOUR LOVE TRAIN
IS MOVIN' DOWN THE TRACKS.. ♪
-WITHOUT LEIGH HUNT,
THERE WOULD BE NO KEATS.
HE TOOK THE FIRST RISK
BY PUBLISHING IT,
ALBEIT JUST IN A MAGAZINE.
-WELL, YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE, TOO.
-BUT WHEN?
KEATS WAS PUBLISHED
AND DEAD BY 25.
-ALL RIGHT, WELL,
MAYBE YOU NEED TO SIMPLIFY
YOUR WORK A BIT, YOU KNOW,
MAKE IT MORE CONSUMABLE
FOR THE MASSES?
-MY EXPERIENCE WITH ALGEBRAIC
LITERATURE IS A PRIMAL NEED.
I HAVE TO EXPAND AND INTENSIFY
SOCIETY'S EXISTING WORD SCAPE.
IF I MADE MY WORK
MORE ACCESSIBLE,
THAT WOULD FEEL LIKE --
LIKE A CHICANERY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO GO BOWLING?
-WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
-WE'RE HERE FOR MY MOM...
AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND.
AAAGH.
THIS IS SUCH
THE FAT MAN'S SPORT.
-GOOD FOR YOU, BUDDY.
-EXCUSE ME?
DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT?
-WHAT WAS THAT?
-HAS A MOLLY SEMPLETON
CHECKED IN YET?
SHE SHOULD HAVE A RESERVATION
FOR FOUR.
-UH, NOPE. NOT YET.
- OF COURSE. WHY SHOULD SHE
BE ON TIME?
ALL RIGHT, MAYBE GO AHEAD
AND PUT THROUGH
THE LANE SHE'S RESERVED.
-WHAT SIZE SHOES?
-I'M A 10, AND YOU ARE...?
-I'M A 7 1/2.
-7 1/2
-AN 8 AND A 7 1/2.
-A 10.
-RIGHT. SHE IS A 10.
-A 7 1/2 AND A 10.
-I JUST NEED A CARD
TO HOLD ON TO.
-YOU CAN PAY FOR THE SHOES
AND THE LANE WHEN YOU FINISH.
-WE'LL BE PAYING SEPARATELY.
AND ALSO MOLLY AND HER GUEST
WILL BE PAYING SEPARATELY, TOO.
-I JUST NEED A CARD
TO HOLD ON TO.
-HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MY CARD.
-NO, IT'S FINE.
WE CAN USE MINE...
AS LONG AS I DON'T GET STUCK
PAYING FOR EVERYONE.
-LANE FOUR.
-I'M GONNA GO GRAB SOME WATER.
-ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE
YOUR SHOES?
-CAN YOU JUST TAKE THEM
TO THE LANE FOR ME?
-EH...
-YOU CAN LEAVE THEM HERE.
-THERE YOU GO.
-NO, THAT'S OKAY.
THANK YOU.
I'LL JUST TAKE THEM.
-THOUGHT YOU WERE ON A DIET.
-JUST WANT THE TASTE.
-GOOD, GOOD.
I'M THE KIND OF GIRL
THAT LIKES TO SWALLOW.
-YOU LOOK LIKE THAT TYPE.
-THANK YOU.
WANT SOME?
-EW!
EW!
- YOU WANT SOME PRETZELS, SAMMY?
HMM?
I'LL GET YOU A SPIT BUCKET
IF YOU JUST WANT A TASTE.
-NO, THANK YOU.
-WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
-SAMMY HERE IS ON A MISSION
TO LOSE WEIGHT.
-GOOD FOR YOU, SAM. I SHOULD
REALLY LOSE SOME WEIGHT MYSELF.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-I'M A TRAINER.
I HAVE TO HAVE A SICK BODY.
AND I ALWAYS FEEL FAT
WHEN I'M NEXT TO TYSON.
-YOU DO HAVE A SICK BODY.
-I GET THAT, THOUGH.
THAT'S WHY I'M WITH THIS ONE
RIGHT HERE.
SO WHENEVER I FEEL FAT
I LOOK AT HIM,
AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
-WOW, THANKS.
WHENEVER I'M FEELING FAT,
I JUST LOOK AT HIM
AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
-SHUT UP.
-YOU KNOW, SAM, IF YOU
REALLY ARE SERIOUS
ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT,
YOU SHOULD COME TO FAT CUTTERS.
WE'RE SMALL, BUT WE'RE GOOD,
AND I CAN GET YOU A DISCOUNT.
-LOOK, SAM, I LOVE YOU, BUD,
BUT THIS LOSING-WEIGHT THING,
YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT GOING TO HIT
DOUBLE DIGITS WITH YOU.
-I'LL BET YOU
I CAN LOSE MORE WEIGHT THAN YOU.
LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY.
-I CAN LOSE MORE WEIGHT IN
A DAY, A WEEK, A MONTH,
A YEAR -- YOU NAME IT.
-REALLY? WHY DON'T YOU PUT SOME
MONEY WHERE YOUR FAT MOUTH IS?
-NAME THE AMOUNT.
-$12.
-$1,200.
-YOU DON'T HAVE $1,200, DIPSHIT.
-$200.
-REALLY?
-$100.
-OKAY, DEAL. DONE.
-THIS IS EXCITING.
-SEVEN DAYS.
-A MONTH.
-TWO.
-OOOH!
-I WANT IN ON THIS.
I BET I CAN LOSE MORE WEIGHT
IN EIGHT WEEKS
THAN EITHER OF YOU.
-OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
IT'S TWO MONTHS.
SECOND OF ALL,
I'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY.
-NO, NO, NO, I'M GONNA BE TAKING
EVERYONE'S MONEY.
LaSHAWNA, YOU WANT IN ON THIS?
-MNH-MNH. NO, THANK YOU.
-YEAH, GOOD CALL.
-GOOD CALL ABOUT WHAT?
-ABOUT THE WAY FOOD
GETS SUCKED UP YOUR PIE HOLE.
-DRUNK ASS, MILES!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
COUNT ME IN.
-REALLY? ALL RIGHT.
-TO WEIGHT LOSS.
-WEIGHT LOSS! WHOO!
-JUST A TASTE.
-SO I'M TOTALLY JUMPING ON
THIS WEIGHT LOSS TOMORROW.
-MM-HMM, TOMORROW.
-RIGHT.
HI, MEATBALL.
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
YOU'RE ON A DIET, TOO.
IT'S FOR THE BEST.
THERE YOU GO, MAMA.
-OKAY, LAST SIGNATURE.
-IT'S LIKE I'M BUYING A HOUSE.
-CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE FIRST
STEP TO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
GO GET CHANGED, AND I'LL LET
CASSIE KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
-OKAY. CASSIE?!
A GIRL TRAINER?
YOU WON'T GET JEALOUS?
I'LL TRY NOT TO.
-IS THAT HER OVER THERE?
-NO, THAT'S MELISSA.
CASSIE, LET'S SEE,
SHE'S OVER THERE...
READING A BOOK.
-OH, YEAH, SHE'S CUTE.
IS SHE SMOKING?
-IS SHE? OH!
THIS IS LIKE THE FIFTH TIME
SHE'S DONE THIS.
WELL, YOU GO CHANGE
WHILE I GO TELL SOMEONE
ABOUT THE SMOKING AREA
OUTSIDE -- AGAIN.
-THANKS, GINGER.
HI.
-HI.
-I'M SAM.
I BELIEVE YOU'LL
BE COACHING ME TODAY.
-OH, HEY, I'M CASSIE.
I'M YOUR TRAINER.
HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE?
-YEAH. I WORK
AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
YOU CAME IN THE OTHER DAY.
-OH, RIGHT.
SORRY, DO YOU MIND
IF I FINISH THIS?
-NO, THAT'S COOL.
-SO, SAM, HAVE YOU EVER
WORKED OUT IN A GYM BEFORE?
- ALTHOUGH IT
MAY NOT LOOK LIKE IT,
I'VE ACTUALLY SPENT
HALF MY LIFE IN THE GYMS.
I USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL.
-HIGH SCHOOL?
-COLLEGE.
-MY DAD PLAYED FOOTBALL.
-OH, REALLY? COLLEGE, OR...?
-PROFESSIONAL.
-SWEET.
WHAT TEAM DID HE PLAY FOR?
-UM...
I'M SORRY, ARE YOU
EATING A CANDY BAR?
-ENERGY BAR.
IT'S COVERED IN CHOCOLATE.
-YEAH.
- OKAY.
UM, ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LET'S NOT DO THAT,
YOU KNOW, EVER AGAIN,
ESPECIALLY NOT TWO MINUTES
BEFORE WE WORK OUT, OKAY?
-BUT I USED TO ALWAYS EAT
BEFORE PRACTICE.
-YEAH.
-WHAT TEAM DID
YOUR DAD PLAY FOR?
-IT DOESN'T MATTER.
-WHY NOT?
-BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT
TO GO WORK OUT.
COME ON, HOP UP HERE.
ANY PAST INJURIES?
OH, YEAH, THREW OUT MY ACL.
BROKEN ARM, BROKEN FOOT, TOO
MANY SPRAINS TO EVEN TALK ABOUT,
BUT IT WAS THE ACL
THAT SENT ME HOME.
-AND YOU HAVEN'T
WORKED OUT SINCE?
-NOPE, NOT LIKE
IN SIX OR SEVEN YEARS.
-OKAY, IS THERE ANY PAIN LEFT?
-MOSTLY EMOTIONAL.
PERFECT.
-JUST WANT TO WARN YOU, THOUGH,
I HAVEN'T REALLY RUN
IN A WHILE, SO...
NOT REALLY SURE
HOW THIS IS GONNA GO.
-OKAY, WELL,
WE'LL START YOU OFF WITH A WALK.
-OKAY. THANKS, COACH.
-DON'T CALL ME COACH.
-IT'S NOT SO BAD.
-KIND OF NICE, ACTUALLY.
-HOW'S IT GOING?
-AH, OH! UGH!
THAT ENERGY BAR WAS A BAD IDEA.
-YES, IT WAS.
OKAY, LET'S WORK OUT.
HERE YOU GO.
-WHAT ABOUT THE REAL WEIGHTS?
-WE'LL GET TO THEM SOON ENOUGH.
THESE ARE MUCH BETTER
FOR YOUR CORE ANYWAY.
-THEY JUST LOOK SO WIMPY.
-OH, SWEET JESUS!
OH!
-COME ON, FOOTBALL PLAYER.
YOU'VE GOT THREE MORE...
-OH!
-TWO MORE...
-OH!
OH!
-ONE MORE.
GOOD.
NOW GIVE ME 10 MORE.
OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME.
-THAT'S RIGHT, AND YOU
WILL BE REBORN
FASTER, STRONGER, AND LIGHTER.
GOOD.
THREE...
TWO...
ONE.
-PERFECT.
-I'M GONNA EAT YOUR BABIES.
-THAT WOULD BE A TERRIBLE IDEA.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO EAT RED MEAT.
COME ON, FOOTBALL PLAYER.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
-YOU OKAY?
JUST NOT SURE I'M READY
FOR ALL THIS.
-YOUR BODY JUST NEEDS
TO GET USED TO IT AGAIN.
I'M SURE YOU'VE HAD MUCH HARDER
WORKOUTS THAN THIS BEFORE.
-YEAH, I HAVE, BUT...
...I THINK
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.
-ARE YOU SURE?
OKAY.
-STUPID.
WHAT ARE YOU READING?
-A BOOK.
-SO, I WAS GIVING IT
SOME THOUGHT AND...
SO, I WAS THINKING MAYBE
I SHOULD TRY THIS AGAIN.
-SURE. YOU PAID FOR THE MONTH,
SO GO AHEAD AND SIGN IN.
-COOL.
SO, ARE YOU GONNA COACH ME?
-I'M A TRAINER, NOT A COACH.
-TRAINER.
ARE YOU GONNA TRAIN ME?
-THAT DEPENDS.
ARE YOU GONNA QUIT AGAIN?
-I'LL TRY NOT TO.
-ARE YOU GONNA QUIT AGAIN?
-NO.
-OKAY. GO AHEAD AND GET CHANGED.
I'LL MEET YOU OVER
BY THE TREADMILLS.
OH, AND IF YOU'RE STILL HERE
NEXT WEEK, WE CAN GO OUTSIDE.
-WHY?
CAN YOU GIVE ME A JOG?
AW, COME ON, I THOUGHT YOU
USED TO BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER.
IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?
-THAT'S WHY THIS
IS ALL I'VE GOT.
AH, LOOK AT THAT.
I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SMILE.
MAKES YOU LOOK LESS MEAN.
-OKAY, FOOTBALL PLAYER,
KEEP ON JOGGING.
OR WALKING,
SINCE APPARENTLY
THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO.
-WOW, YOU ARE BOUND
AND DETERMINED
TO DEMASCULINE ME WITH THESE
GIRLIE WEIGHTS, AREN'T YOU?
-HAVE FAITH IN THE SMALL THINGS.
IN THEM, YOUR STRENGTH LIES.
ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY...
-NO. MOTHER TERESA.
-HOW'D YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I NAMED HIM?
-OKAY, THERE'S NO NEED TO GO
THERE WITH MOTHER TERESA.
LET'S TRY HOLDING THE WEIGHTS
OUT PERPENDICULAR NOW.
OKAY, AND WE'RE GONNA DO
SMALL ARM ROLLS.
THERE YOU GO.
-ARE YOU A CATHOLIC?
NO, BUT YOU DON'T NEED
TO BE A CATHOLIC
TO APPRECIATE A GOOD
MOTHER TERESA QUOTE.
-ONLY QUOTE I KNOW IS,
"WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU
MAKES YOU STRONGER."
COACH GRONSKI SAID THAT.
COACH GRONSKI
IS NO MOTHER TERESA.
NOT AT ALL.
-OKAY, FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
SAID THAT.
-WHAT'S THAT?
-FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE,
THE PHILOSOPHER.
IT'S FROM HIS BOOK "HOW ONE
BECOMES FROM WHAT ONE IS".
-SOUNDS LIKE HE STOLE THAT QUOTE
FROM COACH GRONSKI.
-NOT LIKELY.
OKAY, LET'S HOLD THE ARMS OUT
STRAIGHT IN FRONT.
AND WE'RE GONNA COUNT DOWN
FROM 10.
10...
NINE...
EIGHT...
-UGH, YOU'RE LIKE WIKIPEDIA.
-I LIKE TO READ.
SIX...
FIVE...
FOUR...
-YOU KNOW, I'VE ONLY READ ONE
BOOK THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH.
-TWO...
VERY SURPRISING. ONE.
OKAY, RELAX.
WHAT BOOK DID YOU READ?
-"JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH."
I WAS IN THE SIXTH GRADE.
IT MADE ME REALLY LOVE
PEACHES...
AND WHIPPED CREAM --
MAINLY WHIPPED CREAM.
-YEAH, I CAN IMAGINE.
IT'S A GOOD BOOK.
-YOU'VE READ IT?
-A COUPLE TIMES.
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GET BACK UP THERE,
AND THIS TIME DO --
LET'S JUST HOLD THE WEIGHTS UP
30 DEGREES HIGHER.
SO, DID YOU FINISH COLLEGE?
-NO.
WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU ATTEND?
-I DIDN'T.
I MEAN, WELL, NOT YET.
I'M SAVING UP NOW.
-REALLY? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD
HAVE BEEN DONE BY NOW.
YOU SEEM SO SMART.
-OH, YEAH, HOW SMART AM I?
I'M STANDING OUT HERE
WITH A GIANT MAN,
HELPING HIM HOLD UP
TINY, TINY WEIGHTS.
-SMART.
-AND I SMOKE.
-THAT'S PRETTY DUMB.
-YEAH.
I GUESS "DUMB" IS
A GOOD WORD FOR IT.
-YEAH, THE DUMB
LEADING THE DUMB.
-IT'S THE BLIND
LEADING THE BLIND.
-WHO SAID THAT?
-THE THREE MICE.
-OKAY, STOP NOW.
-WE'RE GONNA DO -- CALL TWO.
OOH, I LIKE THAT.
-THERE HE IS!
-WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
-WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT I STOLE YOUR SEAT.
-NAH, IT'S COOL. WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS PLAYING -- STRIP POKER?
-NO.
-WHERE'S GINGER AT?
-SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM
TAKING A SHIT.
WHY DON'T YOU PULL UP
A CHAIR AND JOIN US?
I'D LOVE TO TAKE YOUR MONEY.
-NAH, I'VE GOT A NEW BOOK.
I'M GONNA GO READ.
YOU GUYS HAVE FUN, THOUGH.
-IT'S NOT A BOOK.
IT'S A FUCKING CHOCOLATE BAR.
AH, SAM'S NOT THE ONLY ONE
HAVING A GOOD WORKOUT, HUH?
BOTH OF US.
-THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
TO WIN THIS WEIGHT WAR,
I'M GONNA BE GOING SOLO.
I'M NOT HELPING YOU WIN
THIS THING.
ARE YOU MAD?
-NO. OKAY?
I JUST -- I JUST HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
-OKAY, WHAT?
-I'M PREGNANT.
-WHAT?
-I'M PREGNANT.
-BULLSHIT.
-NO, I AM.
I AM PREGNANT, MILES.
-NO, NO, NO.
MILES.
-WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
-BECAUSE I'M FATIGUED.
-SO AM I.
-OKAY, MY BREASTS ARE TENDER.
-THEY SHOULD BE.
-REALLY? NO.
I GET SICK IN THE MORNING,
MILES.
SO...I'M PREGNANT.
WELL...
-UH-HUH.
-ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?
-YEAH, I MEAN, YOU'LL DEFINITELY
LOSE THE WEIGHT WAR.
WHAT?!
-PUTS ME FURTHER FORWARD.
-ARE YOU SERIOUS, MILES?
YOU REALLY DON'T GET THIS,
DO YOU?
-YOU'RE PREGNANT.
-WE'RE PREGNANT.
-WE'RE PREGNANT.
-WE'RE PREGNANT!
OH, BOY!
-OR GIRL!
-I'M JUST SO ANNOYED BECAUSE
HE BREAKS UP WITH ME
AND THEN PROCEEDS TO --
AND GET THIS --
INVITE ME TO HIS POETRY READING.
-I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW PEOPLE
DID POETRY READINGS.
-YEAH, WELL, HE'S KIND OF
A DORK, BUT...
THAT'S WHY I LOVE HIM.
-YOU SHOULD JUST SHOW UP
TO THE READING WITH
SOME OTHER GUY.
-WHAT? I CAN'T DO THAT.
BESIDES, WHAT KIND OF GUY
WOULD I EVEN TAKE?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE
A BIG MEATHEAD LIKE TYSON?
-WHAT IS WRONG WITH TYSON?
-HE'S A MEATHEAD.
-MEATHEAD?
-YEAH, AS IN, YOU ONLY LIKE HIM
FOR HIS BODY.
-WHEN YOU PULL BACK LIKE THIS -
SEE MY BACK MUSCLES WORKING?
SEE THAT?
NO, I LIKE HIM, TOO.
-YEAH, YOU LIKE HIS BODY.
-OH, MY GOD, I DO!
IT IS SUCH A GOOD BODY!
-JUST SO CRAZY.
-IN A GOOD WAY.
-WHATEVER.
THE WAY I SEE IT,
THE LESS INTERESTING A MAN IS
THE LESS LIKELY HE IS
TO CHEAT ON YOU.
-WELL, DUH. I MEAN, NO ONE
WANTS THE BORING ONES.
-I DO.
-DID YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND
CHEAT ON YOU
WITH THE ENTIRE CHEERLEADING
SQUAD OR SOMETHING?
-NO.
-THEN WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID
OF GETTING CHEATED ON?
-I'M NOT!
-RIGHT.
-HI, GINGER. HI, CASSIE.
-HI, SAM.
-HEY, FOOTBALL PLAYER.
SO, YOU WANT TO GET CHANGED
AND I'LL MEET YOU BY
THE LOCKER ROOMS?
-OKAY.
-HOW YOU FEELING, BY THE WAY?
-MY FAT TISSUES ARE SO SORE.
-PERFECT.
-THANKS, COACH.
-IT'S TRAINER.
-YOU SHOULD DATE SAM.
HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON YOU.
-OH, PLEASE. A FOOTBALL PLAYER
AND A TERRIBLE BODY?
THERE'S NO WAY. MNH-MNH.
OH, SO A GOOD BODY DOES MATTER?
-OH, MY GOD. SAM!
YES, I CAN TAKE SAM.
THAT WOULD TOTALLY PISS
STEPHAN OFF.
HE HATES FAT PEOPLE.
-NO, NO, NO. DON'T TAKE SAM.
BE NICE TO SAM.
I AM BEING NICE.
I'M TAKING HIM OUT.
PLUS, HE'S MET STEPHAN BEFORE.
HE'D BE INTO GETTING BACK
AT HIM WITH ME.
-NO, JUST TAKE SOMEONE ELSE.
-WHY? I'LL BE HONEST
WITH HIM FROM THE START.
I'LL LET HIM KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
-YOU HAVE TO BE.
-THIS IS SO PERFECT.
HEY, SO, I KIND OF HAVE
THIS FAVOR TO ASK.
-YEAH?
-WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU ALREADY HAVE PLANS
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT,
BUT I HAVE THESE EXTRA TICKETS
TO THIS POETRY READING.
-NO, THANKS.
-EXCUSE ME?
-YEAH, NOT REALLY INTERESTED.
-OKAY.
-POETRY?
-YEAH.
-WITH YOU?
-YEAH.
-NO.
-OKAY, I JUST WANTED
TO -- WHATEVER, IT
DOESN'T MATTER.
-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
OF COURSE I'LL GO WITH YOU!
-WAIT. REALLY?
-YEAH.
-OKAY, BUT I SHOULD TELL YOU
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT.
-DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'M ON BOARD.
-NO, I REALLY SHOULD --
-YOU'RE GONNA BE THERE, RIGHT?
-YES, BUT --
-WAIT A SECOND.
IS THIS A DARE?
-NO.
-SOME SORT OF JOKE?
-NO, IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE
THESE EXTRA TICKETS
TO THIS POETRY READING,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO GO WITH YOU,
BUT, UM...
YOU KNOW, AS FRIENDS,
NOT LIKE A DATE DATE.
-YEAH, FRIENDS, OF COURSE.
OOH, WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?
SHOULD I GET A NEW OUTFIT?
-NO, YOU DEFINITELY DON'T NEED
TO GET A NEW OUTFIT.
IT'S VERY CASUAL, SO JUST
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
-OKAY.
-OKAY.
-VERY GOOD.
NOW, WITH YOUR ARM, PUSH
YOUR HIPS SIDEWAYS
AND GO BACK,
SWINGING BACK AND FORTH.
-I GOT A DATE!
I GOT A DATE!
I GOT A D-D-D-D-D-DATE!
I GOT A DATE!
-OKAY.
-WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-YOU'RE IN THE GYM SO MUCH
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING TO KEEP UP.
HOW WAS YOUR WORKOUT?
YOU STILL LOOK FAT.
-THAT MAY BE,
BUT THIS FAT-ASS JUST SCORED
A DATE WITH HIS HOT-ASS TRAINER.
OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T WAIT
FOR YOU TO MEET HER.
SHE'S SMART, FUNNY, BEAUTIFUL,
AND SHE'S READ JUST ABOUT
EVERY SINGLE BOOK.
-"JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH"?
-TWICE.
-IS THIS THE SHIT
THAT MAKES YOUR PISS SMELL?
-YOU'RE THINKING ASPARAGUS,
SWEETHEART.
THAT -- THAT'S BROCCOLI.
-STILL NASTY.
ANYWAY, GO ON ABOUT THIS THING
YOU'RE GONNA SCREW UP.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP THE DATE
'CAUSE TECHNICALLY IT'S NOT
A DATE.
-WAIT, WHAT?
-YEAH, SHE SPECIFICALLY SAID
IT'S NOT A "DATE".
I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO COVER
FOR HERSELF
BECAUSE SHE'S MY TRAINER,
IN CASE THE DATE GOES BAD,
BUT WE BOTH KNOW
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, RIGHT?
-I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TAKE
WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
-HEY, WHERE'S LaSHAWNA?
-OH, SHE'S OUT TANNING
WITH GINGER.
-BUT SHE'S...
-BLACK? YEAH, I KNOW.
SHE LIKES THOSE TRIANGLE THINGS
ON HER BOOBS.
-TAN LINES?
-SHE SHOULD NOT BE TANNING
IN HER CONDITION.
-BEING BLACK
IS NOT A CONDITION, MILES.
-NO, BUT BEING PREGNANT IS.
-PREGNANT? LaSHAWNA?
-YEAH.
-YOU?
-YEAH.
-OH, GOD, IT'S IS AWESOME!
COME HERE, BUDDY.
-WHAT IS THIS?
-THAT'S AWESOME, BUDDY.
-YEAH, I'M NOT WORRIED
ABOUT IT, THOUGH,
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA DO
THE OLD VACUUM ROUTE,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
-REALLY?
-YEAH. YOU KNOW
HOW YOU ALREADY KNOW
YOU'RE GONNA SCREW UP
YOUR DATE?
I ALREADY KNOW I'M GONNA
SCREW UP FATHERHOOD.
SO FUCK IT. CUT IT CLEAN.
-MILES, I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP
MY DATE.
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY.
-I KNOW I'M GONNA BE OKAY,
BUT THAT'S BECAUSE
I'M GONNA CONVINCE HER
WE NEED TO GET THE BIG "A."
THE GOOD NEWS IS SHE'S
DEFINITELY GONNA LOSE
THE WEIGHT WAR.
SO THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
CHEERS TO THAT?
-CHEERS.
MMM.
MMM.
YOU KNOW IT'S
JUST A TASTE, RIGHT?
-OH, YEAH.
TURNS OUT YOU CAN GET PREGNANT
THAT WAY.
-OR MAKE YOURSELF LOOK PREGNANT.
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
MMM. MMM.
YOU WANNA FUCK?
SO, ABOUT THE...DO-DO-DO...
-...WE GOT SOME OPTIONS.
-YEAH, LIKE, WHETHER WE
GET MARRIED BEFORE
OR AFTER.
-FUNNY. YEAH, RIGHT.
NO, I WAS THINKING, LIKE,
BIRTHING OPTIONS.
-BIRTHING OPTION.
DEFINITELY HAVING THIS
IN A HOSPITAL.
I'M NOT GONNA DO A MIDWIFE
TELLING ME TO HAVE MY BABY
IN THE BATHTUB -- BLOOP, BLOOP,
BLOOP -- LIKE A LITTLE FISH
AND PLACENTA SPLASHING ALL OVER
THE PLACE.
I DON'T DO SPLASHING PLACENTA.
YEAH, NO NATURALE FOR ME, HONEY.
GIVE ME THE DRUGS!
-RIGHT, YEAH.
DRUGS -- DRUG IT UP.
- DRUG IT UP.
SO CRAZY.
WELL, BABY, GOOD NIGHT.
-GOOD -- GOOD NIGHT.
SO, I'M JUST THINKING, LIKE,
OPTIONS, YOU KNOW, PAIN-WISE.
YOU KNOW, WHAT --
WHAT ARE THERE?
WHAT DO WE WANT TO DO HERE,
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
GOING THROUGH THE PAIN.
-RIGHT, SO THE ONLY OPTION
IS DRUGS.
SO, GREAT. OKAY.
-I'M THINKING, LIKE,
LOOK AT THE WHOLE CIRCLE
OF CHOICE, YOU KNOW,
IN WHICH WE CAN GO SO MANY WAYS.
DO YOU WANT --
HERE'S WHERE WE ARE --
DO WE WANT TO HAVE A KID,
DO WE NOT WANT TO HAVE --
-WHOA! WHOA, WHOA.
HOLD ON. WHAT?
-THERE'S MORE.
-NO, HOLD ON.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
'CAUSE I'M NOT...
-I'M JUST SAYING, LIKE, AS FAR
AS PAIN-WISE, FOR YOU...
-- RIGHT. OH, FOR ME?
-DO WE WANT TO, YOU KNOW, HAVE,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT...
-NO, WE HAVING THE DAMN BABY,
MILES!
-RIGHT.
YEAH, NO, I'M --
-GOOD NIGHT.
-HI, EXCUSE ME.
WHICH WAY TO THE BATHROOM?
GREAT, THANKS.
-MM-HMM.
-HI.
UH, CAN I ASK YOU
FOR A BIG FAVOR?
-SURE.
-CAN YOU WATCH MY BABY
FOR ONE QUICK SECOND?
HE'LL BE FINE.
JUST MAKE SURE
NOBODY RUNS OFF WITH HIM.
-OH-KAY.
-YES?
-YEAH.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-HEY, BUDDY.
OH, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
SO HAPPY ABOUT?
WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?
OH!
-OOH.
-THIS IS CUTE.
-I HATE BABIES.
-I LOVE BABIES.
GUESS WHAT?
GUESS WHO HAS A BIG DATE
WITH CASSIE LATER?
THAT'S RIGHT, THE BIG FELLA.
-WHAT AM I DOING?
I SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD HIM
THE TRUTH.
HE SEEMED TO BE SO EXCITED.
-OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN.
I'M SO EXCITED!
-YEAH.
-I DIDN'T DRESS UP.
-NO, I CAN SEE THAT.
-BUT YOU DRESSED UP.
-NO, THIS IS JUST...WHAT I WEAR.
-IT'S NICE.
-THANKS.
THE T-THING ABOUT
THE POETRY READING
IS IT'S -- IT'S REALLY
JUST GONNA BE...
...REALLY BORING?
-OBVIOUSLY. IT'S POETRY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, THOUGH.
I'M IN.
-YOU WANT TO JUST, UM --
YOU WANT TO GO GET A DRINK?
-UH...
I SHOULD HAVE DRESSED UP, HUH?
THIS WAS A TEST.
-THIS WAS NOT A TEST.
UM...
I JUST DON'T FEEL MUCH LIKE
GOING TO POETRY TONIGHT.
-CAN I PICK THE BAR?
-SURE.
-♪ I REALLY WANT YOU
BY MY SIDE ♪
-YOU GUYS GOT ONE BREWSKI,
ONE H2O-SKI.
-HOW MUCH IS IT?
-$6.50.
-HERE, I'LL PAY FOR IT.
-NO, NO, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
-I FEEL BAD.
YOU ONLY GOT A WATER.
YEAH, BUT I'M ON A DIET,
REMEMBER?
PLUS, I THINK A GUY
SHOULD ALWAYS PAY.
AND IF I DON'T DRINK,
I'M MUCH MORE PLEASANT.
CHEERS.
-OKAY, CHEERS.
BUT ABOUT THIS DIET THING,
IT REALLY IS JUST ABOUT BALANCE.
YOU CAN HAVE A DRINK
ONCE IN A WHILE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BALANCE IT
WITH SOMETHING HEALTHY,
SO IF YOU HAVE A DRINK,
YOU HAVE A SALAD.
-SALADE?
WHAT, IS THAT, LIKE,
SPANISH OR SOMETHING?
BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE
MUCH MEXICAN FOOD.
SALADA.
-SAH-LAD.
-SAH-LAD.
-SALLAD?
-SALLAD.
-SALAD?
-SALAD.
-SALAD!
-ARE YOU REALLY GONNA GET UP
THERE?
YEAH, YOU KIDDING ME?
JUST GO UP THERE AND DO
ONE DUET WITH ME.
-NO. MNH-MNH.
-WHY NOT?
-WELL, ONE, BECAUSE I DON'T DO
DUETS, AND TWO,
BECAUSE I DON'T SING
IN PUBLIC, AND THREE,
BECAUSE I DON'T SING IN PRIVATE.
YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU
LET YOURSELF GO,
THE LESS OTHERS WANT
TO LET YOU GO.
-I'VE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE.
WHAT'S THAT FROM?
-UH, YEAH.
I WAS READING NEITSCHE,
AND THAT LINE KIND OF STUCK OUT
ON ME.
-WAIT, WHAT?
-YEAH, I PICKED UP
SOME OF THOSE BOOKS
'CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS --
THAT FRIEDRICH NEITSCHE.
-OH, FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE.
-WAIT, HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT?
-THERE'S TWO WAYS
TO PRONOUNCE IT.
IT'S EITHER FREDERICK NEE-CHAY
OR FREDERICK NEE-CHA --
LIKE PIZZA.
- OH.
I'M GOING WITH
THE PIZZA REFERENCE, FER SURE.
PIZZA. NEE-CHA.
I LIKE THAT.
-SAM!
YOU'RE UP ON THE MIKE.
-ALL RIGHT.
SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO GO UP WITH ME?
THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF TIME
TO CHANGE THE SONG.
"ISLANDS IN THE STREAM"?
-NO.
-"YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS"?
-JUST GETUP THERE.
ALL RIGHT.
GET READY TO BE WOOED.
THIS ONE GOES OUT
TO MY COACH AND FRED PIZZA.
FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN.
♪ WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUTTERCUP, BABY,
JUST TO LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ AND MESS ME AROUND?
♪ AND THEN WORST OF ALL
-♪ WORST OF ALL
-YOU NEVER CALL, BABY,
WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL ♪
♪ BUT I LOVE YOU STILL
♪ I NEED YOU
♪ MORE THAN ANYONE, DARLIN'
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE
FROM THE START ♪
♪ SO BUILD ME UP, BUTTERCUP
♪ DON'T BREAK MY HEART
♪ I'LL BE OVER AT TEN
♪ YOU'VE TOLD ME
TIME AND AGAIN ♪
♪ BUT YOU'RE LATE
♪ I WAIT AROUND AND THEN
♪ I RUN TO THE DOOR,
I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE ♪
♪ IT'S NOT YOU
♪ YOU LET ME DOWN AGAIN
-♪ HEY, HEY, HEY
-♪ AND, BABY, I TRY TO FIND
-♪ HEY, HEY, HEY
-♪ A LITTLE TIME,
AND I'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ I'LL BE HOME,
I'LL BE BESIDE THE PHONE ♪
♪ WAITING FOR YOU
♪ OOH, OOH
EVERYBODY!
-♪ OOH, OOH
-♪ WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUTTERCUP, BABY,
JUST TO LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ AND MESS ME AROUND?
♪ AND THEN WORST OF ALL
-♪ WORST OF ALL
-♪ YOU NEVER CALL, BABY,
WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL ♪
-♪ SAY YOU WILL
-♪ BUT I LOVE YOU STILL
♪ I NEED YOU
-♪ I NEED YOU
♪ MORE THAN ANYONE, DARLIN'
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE
FROM THE START ♪
♪ SO BUILD ME UP
-♪ BUILD ME UP
♪ BUTTERCUP,
DON'T BREAK MY HEART ♪
THANKS...
-ACTUALLY, I HAD
A REALLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
OH, WERE YOU PLANNING ON
NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME TONIGHT?
-NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
I'M JUST SURPRISED.
-GOOD. I HAD A GOOD TIME, TOO.
WHO IS THAT GUY?
-STEPHAN.
-THAT'S THE GUY FROM
THE BOWLING ALLEY, RIGHT?
-I HAVE TO GO TALK TO HIM.
I'M SORRY.
-YEAH, OKAY. COOL.
-SO, WHAT, SEE YOU -- NOT
TOMORROW BUT THURSDAY MORNING?
-YEAH, BRIGHT AND EARLY.
-THANK YOU.
I HAD FUN.
-LET ME GET THE DOOR FOR YOU.
-OH, I GOT IT.
THANK YOU.
-FUCK.
-BE READY, YOU'RE GOING
TO REACH TO THE SIDES.
YOU'RE GONNA REACH YOUR ARMS
ON THE SIDES.
REACH TO THE SIDES.
GOOD.
MAKE SURE YOU'RE IN...
ALL THE WAY HIGH -- REACH.
GOOD.
VERY GOOD.
FEEL IT -- TO THE SIDES.
-I TRIED TO CALL YOU.
-TURNED OFF MY PHONE.
-WHAT'S IN THE BAG?
-NOTHING.
-YOU BLOW YOUR DATE?
-WORSE, I GOT SWOOPED.
YOU DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?
NO?
COOL, ME NEITHER.
-DON'T JUDGE ME, MEATBALL.
-I'M SORRY ABOUT
THE OTHER NIGHT.
-NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.
-I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.
-NAH, NO WORRIES.
SO, UH, WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH HIM?
-NOTHING, WE'RE JUST GOING
THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.
-HMM. SEEMS KIND OF NERDY.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT HIM.
FOR THE MOST PART.
-FOR THE MOST PART?
WHAT'S THE SMALL PART YOU
DON'T LIKE? HA!
-I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS HE'S NEVER GONNA BE
THE KIND OF GUY
TO WIN ME A GIANT TEDDY BEAR
AT A FAIR OR ANYTHING.
I ALWAYS WIN
THAT GIANT TEDDY BEAR.
HECK, I AM A GIANT TEDDY BEAR.
-YOU KNOW, IF YOUR KNEE
DOESN'T HURT TO WALK ON IT,
YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO RUN ON IT.
-REALLY?
IT STILL FEELS A LITTLE TIGHT.
-YEAH, WELL, I THINK
THAT'S MOSTLY IN YOUR HEAD.
YOU SHOULD GET THE DOCTOR
TO LOOK AT IT AGAIN.
-YEAH.
-SO, YOU READY FOR A JOG?
-YEAH.
-ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
YOUR KNEE IS FINE.
COME ON.
COME ON.
REALLY?
THIS IS AS FAST AS YOU CAN GO?
-I'M MOVING.
I'M TELLING YOU, I THINK
YOUR KNEE IS FINE.
-I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN.
-FINE.
-SO, WHY DID YOU
GIVE UP FOOTBALL?
-WHILE I WAS REHABBING,
MY MOTHER DIED, AND --
I DON'T KNOW,
I GUESS BECAUSE
SHE GAVE UP EVERYTHING
TO RAISE ME.
SHE WORKED, LIKE, THREE JOBS,
HAD NO LIFE.
I JUST REALLY WANTED TO MAKE IT
TO THE NFL SO I COULD PAY
HER BACK.
BUT AFTER SHE DIED,
I JUST STOPPED PLAYING
'CAUSE SHE JUST WASN'T THERE.
-HOW DID SHE DIE?
-HEART ATTACK.
SHE WAS BIG LIKE ME.
-WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD?
-CAR ACCIDENT WHEN I WAS 10.
A LITTLE TOO MUCH
OF GRANDPA'S COUGH SYRUP
AT THE WHEEL.
-DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FAMILY?
-MM. MEATBALL.
-WHAT'S A MEATBALL?
IT'S SOMETHING YOU PUT
IN SPAGHETTI. IT'S DELICIOUS.
IT'S ALSO MY GOLDFISH.
-SO, WHAT DO YOU DO ON HOLIDAYS?
-HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS
FOR THANKSGIVING.
DON'T REALLY CELEBRATE
CHRISTMAS.
-HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
I'M JEWISH, AND EVEN I
CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.
WELL, WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY FAMILY,
IT MAKES THE GIFT GIVING
A LITTLE ONE SIDED.
BUT THAT MAKES ME
THE PERFECT CANDIDATE
TO BECOME A C.I.A. AGENT...
OR A NINJA.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
LATER TONIGHT?
-NO PLANS. YOU?
-WANT TO SEE A MOVIE...
JUST AS FRIENDS?
-JUST AS FRIENDS?
-JUST AS FRIENDS.
-OKAY.
-YES!
-JUST AS FRIENDS.
-JUST AS FRIENDS.
-KEVIN COSTNER.
-ADAM SANDLER.
-HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
THAT'S FOUR OUT OF FOUR.
YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
-I'M ABOUT TO BE FIVE
FOR FIVE -- "TITANIC."
-OH, THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
IT'S ALWAYS "TITANIC."
-JUST SO YOU KNOW,
ABOUT 20 MINUTES INTO THE FILM,
I'M GONNA DO THE OLD
ARM-AND-YAWN MOVE.
-THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP.
I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST HERE
AS FRIENDS.
-YEAH, FRIENDS. OF COURSE.
THAT'S WHY I WAS GIVING YOU
THE FRIENDLY WARNING.
-OH, THANK YOU.
ANY OTHER SURPRISES IN STORE
FOR ME THIS EVENING?
-NOPE, THAT'S ALL I GOT.
SADLY, THIS IS MY "A" GAME.
THAT IS SAD.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD --
-YOU DON'T TALK
DURING THE PREVIEWS?
-NEVER.
-GOD, YOU WENT THROUGH
SO MUCH TROUBLE
TO MAKE ALL OF THIS.
HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
LET'S EAT, AND WE'LL
FIGURE OUT A WAY.
CHIN CHIN.
-WHAT THE HELL YOU
DOING BACK HERE?
-GETTING SOME EXTRA CARDIO IN.
-HOW DID THE THING
WITH CASSIE GO?
-WHAT?
-HOW DID THE THING
WITH CASSIE GO?
-AWESOME!
-YEAH?
-IT'S SO WEIRD 'CAUSE WE'RE
SO OPPOSITE IN SO MANY WAYS.
-RIGHT, YOU'RE FAT,
SHE'S SKINNY.
YOU LOVE HER, SHE HATES YOU.
YEAH.
-RIGHT, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHY SHE LIKES
HANGING OUT WITH ME,
BUT I FIGURE, DON'T ASK.
-IT'S KIND OF OBVIOUS.
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-DADDY ISSUES.
-HUH?
-NO? OKAY, PICTURE THIS.
AVERAGE GUY IS WALKING DOWN
THE STREET.
HE'S WALKING BY ALL THESE
BEAUTIFUL GIRLS,
AND ALL HE'S THINKING ABOUT
IS TRYING TO HOOK UP, FEEL UP,
SCREW, BANG, DATE --
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.
ONE DAY, HE FINALLY SNAGS ONE,
LOCKS IT DOWN,
GETS MARRIED,
THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.
BANG! WIFEY SHOOTS OUT A KID,
BUT NOT JUST A KID --
A BABY GIRL.
WELL, WHAT IN THE HELL IS HE
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
THIS IS THE SAME TYPE
OF CREATURE
HE WAS JUST TRYING TO NAIL
A FEW MONTHS AGO.
NOW HE'S SUPPOSED TO RAISE IT?
HOW?
WELL, SINCE HE'S A DUDE,
HE DOES WHAT MOST DUDES DO
AND IGNORES IT, YOU KNOW,
LIKE LAUNDRY.
BUT IT KEEPS GROWING,
AND EVENTUALLY
IT TURNS INTO THIS PRE-TEEN
SHE-DEMON HORMONAL BITCH.
ADIóS, PAPA BEAR,
AND HELLO, DADDY ISSUES.
SO, WHAT'S THE ISSUE?
SHE WANTS A DADDY WHO LOVES HER.
EVERY GIRL DOES.
AND WHEN SHE DOESN'T GET THAT,
SHE STARTS PLAYING THIS
TWISTED GAME
WHERE SHE FINDS ANY GUY
THAT REMINDS HER OF HER FATHER
AND TRIES TO DO WHATEVER SHE CAN
TO EARN HIS AFFECTION.
THIS IS WHY YOU SEE HOT CHICKS
WITH JACKASSES.
SHE'S CONVINCED IF SHE CAN JUST
GET THAT GUY TO LOVE HER,
IT'D BE THE SAME FEELING AS
HAVING HER OWN DADDY LOVE HER.
OF COURSE, IT NEVER WORKS OUT
THAT WAY.
SHE JUST ENDS UP IN A STRING
OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS
WITH DUDES THAT ARE IDIOTS.
I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
I'M JUST SAYING THERE'S
AN OBVIOUS MISMATCH
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
SO A LOGICAL CONCLUSION IS THAT
CASSIE HAS SOME DADDY ISSUES.
NOW YOU MIGHT THINK THIS IS FINE
BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING TO DATE
SOME HOT CHICK
WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE,
BUT HERE'S THE DEAL.
THE ULTIMATE GOAL
FOR THESE GIRLS
IS TO GET SOME REVENGE.
ONCE SHE GETS A GUY LIKE YOU
TO LOVE HER,
SHE'S GONNA TAKE CONTROL
AND WALK OUT,
JUST LIKE HER FATHER DID.
-WOW.
-YEP.
-SPEAKING OF FATHERS...
HOW ARE THINGS WITH YOU
AND LaSHAWNA?
-THEY'RE GOOD. THEY'RE GOOD.
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.
UM, WE DECIDED TOGETHER
THAT WE'RE GONNA KEEP IT --
KEEP THE BABY -- SO...
-WOW. CONGRATULATIONS.
-YEAH. YEAH.
OF COURSE, IF IT'S A GIRL,
IT'S GONNA HAVE MAJOR
DADDY ISSUES.
IT WAS A...JOKE.
GO AHEAD AND RUN.
I'LL SEE YA.
-YAY!
-YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
OH.
-ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE SET.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SUNDAY NIGHT?
-NOTHING. YOU?
YOU WANT TO GO OUT?
-SURE.
YOU WANT TO SEE A MOVIE?
-A DATE.
-WHAT?
-A REAL DATE.
NOT AS FRIENDS.
A DATE DATE.
-OH.
I DON'T KNOW, SAM.
I KIND OF LIKE THE WAY
THINGS ARE NOW.
-I'M JUST SO CONFUSED.
WE HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER.
-WE DO.
-IF IT'S MY WEIGHT, YOU KNOW
I'M TRYING TO WORK IT OFF.
-IT'S NOT THAT.
-WHAT IS IT THEN?
-I JUST FEEL LIKE THINGS
ARE UNFINISHED WITH STEPHAN.
-WELL, YOU'RE NOT SEEING HIM
NOW.
I KNOW 'CAUSE I SEE YOU
EVERY DAY.
-NO, BUT I KNOW
OUR RELATIONSHIP,
AND WE'RE GONNA
GET BACK TOGETHER.
-WELL, YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER NOW.
WE STILL HAVE TIME
TO GO ON ONE DATE.
AND IF IT'S HORRIBLE,
WE'LL FORGET THIS THING
EVER HAPPENED.
BUT IF IT'S GOOD...
ALL RIGHT, ONE DATE.
-YES!
ARE YOU GONNA GET A NEW OUTFIT?
-NO.
MAYBE. NO. NO.
CAN YOU JUST DO
10 MORE, PLEASE?
-OKAY.
HEY, DUDE.
-WHAT'S UP?
-GUESS WHO'S GOT A DATE
WITH CASSIE TONIGHT?
-HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE.
WELL, THIS TIME
IT'S OFFICIAL OFFICIAL.
-RIGHT.
-IT IS.
-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
WORKING THE FRONT DESK TODAY?
-I SWITCHED WITH WENDY.
-YOU'RE HAVING A KID.
-SHH. YEAH,
THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.
ANYWAY...
-BE SMART, MILES.
LaSHAWNA LOVES YOU.
SHE'S GONNA BE THE MOTHER
OF YOUR CHILD.
IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO TRY
TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK.
-YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WOULDN'T HURT ME.
THANK YOU, DR. SAM.
-ALL I'M SAYING IS, DON'T PRESS
THE NUCLEAR BUTTON
JUST BECAUSE YOU RAN OVER
A FEW SPEED BUMPS.
-I'M HAVING A KID.
THAT'S A NUCLEAR BOMB.
SO THAT BUTTON HAS ALREADY
BEEN PUSHED -- REALLY HARD.
AND THERE ARE CERTAIN TRUTHS
TO LIFE,
LIKE I'M GONNA SCREW UP
FATHERHOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA SCREW UP
THIS THING WITH CASSIE.
TYSON'S GONNA SCREW
ANY GIRL HE WANTS,
MOST LIKELY WITH HIS SHIRT OFF.
IT'S JUST THE WAY
THE WORLD WORKS, MAN.
YOU GOT TO ROLL WITH IT.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW THIS THING
UP WITH CASSIE.
-RIGHT. PROVE ME WRONG.
I GOTTA PISS.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW THIS THING
UP WITH CASSIE!
I'M NOT.
-LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT
THE WRONG BATHROOM..
UNLESS YOU WANT TO USE
ONE OF THOSE...
WHICH I DON'T RECOMMEND.
-SO...
UH...
AH, THE OL' ZIPPER.
UP AND DOWN.
ZIPPER.
-ZIPPER.
-ZIPPER GOES UP AND DOWN.
-♪ I JUST CAN'T LOVE YOU
ANYMORE ♪
- AND DOWN.
-♪ BUT I'M NOT QUITE OVER YOU
♪ I GUESS I'M NOT QUITE
OVER YOU ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PAIN
YOU PUT ME THROUGH ♪
-OH, ROUGH.
-♪ BUT AS YOU DRAG
MY HEART ALONG... ♪
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
-WHY NOT?
-I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
-SO?
-NO, NO, NO.
THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD
KNOW --
SHE'S PREGNANT.
- SO?
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I WANT TO MAKE IT WORK WITH HER.
SO...
SORRY.
YOU WANT, UH -- YEAH,
THIS IS YOURS, YEAH.
THIS --
WHAT?
UM, THANK YOU.
I HATE YOU. YEAH.
-I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP
MY DATE WITH CASSIE!
I'M GONNA BLOW IT
WITH CASSIE, HUH?
-YOU'RE GONNA DO FINE, OKAY?
LISTEN TO ME.
IF I CAN TURN DOWN
A CRAZY-ASS DRUNK GIRL
IN A BATHROOM,
YOU CAN HANDLE A LITTLE DATE.
AH, TA-DA. HUH?
-IT'S A DRINK.
-ITA DRINK.
I FIGURE YOU HAVE ONE,
MAYBE LOOSEN YOU UP A BIT.
BUT JUST ONE, OKAY?
-WHOA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-I LIVE HERE.
-YOU HAVE TO EXCUSE
MY IRRATIONAL, PREGNANT
GIRLFRIEND, SAM.
-REALLY?
-YEAH, YOU GONNA WALK AROUND
IN YOUR UNDERWEAR LIKE THAT?
-WELL, YEAH, I'M SURE IT'S
NOTHING HE AIN'T SEEN BEFORE.
YOU HA SEEN A GIRL IN
HER UNDERWEAR BEFORE, RIGHT?
-OF COURSE HE HAS, AND HE
WILL AGAIN TONIGHT. RIGHT?
SEE, HONEY, SAM HERE
IS NERVOUS AS SHIT,
SO I FIGURE IF WE HAVE A LITTLE
DRINK, IT'LL LOOSEN HIM UP
A BIT.
-THAT'S A BAD IDEA.
-A BAD IDEA, I KNOW.
IT'S AN AWFUL IDEA,
BUT IT'S THE ONLY ONE I'VE GOT.
-EXACTLY.
-JUST ONE DRINK.
-ONE DRINK.
-SUCH A BAD IDEA.
-WE'RE DOING IT.
ONE DRINK.
-JUST ONE DRINK.
-ONE DRINK.
-ONE DRINK.
-ARE YOU OKAY, SAM?
-I'M FINE, CASSIE.
YOUR NAME HAS "ASS" IN IT.
WHAT A MIGHTY FINE ONE YOU HAVE.
YOUR ASS, NOT YOUR NAME.
YOUR NAME IS KIND OF WEIRD.
-ARE WE READY TO ORDER?
-YES. I WOULD LIKE
THE CAESAR SALAD TO START,
AND THEN I WILL HAVE THE FILET
MEDIUM RARE,
AND CAN YOU HOLD
THE GREEN, SPINACHY STUFF
THAT COMES ON THE SIDE?
I DON'T WANT THAT.
BUT I WILL DOUBLE UP
ON THE CREAMY MASHED POTATOES.
THANK YOU.
-VERY GOOD.
AND FOR THE LADY?
-I WILL HAVE A GRILLED CHICKEN
AND SOME ASPARAGUS, PLEASE.
JUST NO SAUCE ON THE ASPARAGUS.
-PERFECT. AND CAN I GET
SOMETHING FOR YOU TO START WITH?
-NO, THANK YOU.
-HAVE YOU DECIDED
ON A BOTTLE OF WINE?
-I THINK WE'RE OKAY.
-...TO ORDER ONE!
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET US
A BOTTLE OF RED, HUH?
SOMETHING EASY ON THE WALLET,
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
THIS THING AIN'T GUARANTEED?
-I THINK THAT I DO.
I'LL JUST BRING YOU
THE HOUSE CAB, OKAY?
-PER-FECT.
-OKAY, I'LL BE BACK
WITH YOUR WINE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST KIDDING
ON THE WHOLE
"NOT GUARANTEED" THING.
HEY, REMEMBER WHEN I SAID
"SAH-LAD"
LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT?
THAT WAS FUNNY.
I'M REALLY FUNNY.
-SAM, WHAT'S GOING ON?
-I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME --
WHAT IS GOING ON?
-I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO HAVE A NICE DINNER.
-I THOUGHT WE WERE.
-YOU'RE DRUNK.
-YEAH, BUT YOU CAN CATCH UP.
YOU KNOW, THAT IS
A GOOD QUESTION.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
WHY ARE YOU OUT HERE WITH ME?
-YOU ASKED ME OUT.
-AND YOU SAID YES BECAUSE...?
WHAT?
DO YOU FEEL BAD FOR ME?
-HERE WE ARE.
I THINK YOU TWO WILL LIKE THIS.
IT'S GOT A SLIGHT PEPPER TASTE,
SO IT'LL GO WELL WITH
YOUR STEAK AND YOUR CHICKEN.
OKAY?
IT'S EASY ONT HE WALLET,
AS WELL.
-AH!
GREAT.
-I'M OKAY, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I-I THINK I'M ACTUALLY
GONNA GET OUT OF HERE,
IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.
YEP.
I REMIND YOU
OF YOUR FATHER, RIGHT?
-WHAT?
-HE USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL,
PROBABLY DRANK TOO MUCH.
-YES, AND HE WAS AN ASSHOLE,
JUST LIKE YOU'RE BEING
RIGHT NOW.
WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
-MY POINT IS,
YOU JUST WANT TO RELIVE YOUR
FAILED RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
BUT THIS TIME, YOU JUST WANT TO
TAKE CONTROL AND WALK OUT.
-MY FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-YOU'RE TRYING TO USE ME
TO SOLVE YOUR DADDY ISSUES.
-YES, AND THAT ALL MAKES SENSE
EXCEPT FOR THE FACT
THAT I HAD NO IDEA
THAT YOU WERE A LOUSY DRUNK
OR AN ASSHOLE UNTIL TONIGHT.
AND THE FACT IS, SAM, YOU'RE
NOT A FOOTBALL PLAYER.
YOU WORK AT A BOWLING
ALLEY, WHICH IS FINE.
AND DESPITE WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE TONIGHT, I KNOW YOU'RE A
REALLY NICE GUY.
SO IN REALITY, NO, YOU'RE REALLY
NOTHING LIKE MY FATHER.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD START LOOKING
AT YOUR OWN ISSUES
BEFORE YOU START TELLING
OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THEIRS.
AND FOR THE RECORD,
I CAME HERE TONIGHT
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU --
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
-HOW ARE WE DOING?
-I'M LEAVING.
-SHOULD I HOLD HER ORDER THEN?
-NO. YOU CAN BRING IT.
I'LL EAT IT, TOO.
SHE HAS DADDY ISSUES.
WOMEN.
MEATBALL...
MEATBALL?
MEATBALL!
MEATBALL, LOOK AT ME.
MEATBALL, I'VE BEEN STARVING YOU
THIS WHOLE TIME, BUDDY.
IT'S NOT YOU THAT HAS TO GO
ON A DIET, IT'S ME.
I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO GO
ON A DIET.
HERE, YOU WANT SOME FOOD?
HUH?
YOU WANT SOME?
LET ME GIVE YOU
A LITTLE DESSERT, HUH?
THERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
YOU LIKE THAT?
MEATBALL.
FOOD! EAT IT!
I'M GONNA GO EAT IT.
SHIT.
HEY.
-HEY.
-I CAME TO APOLOGIZE.
-YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
-LOOK, I MESSED UP.
I'M SORRY.
-IT'S OKAY.
-IT'S JUST EVERYTHING
WAS GOING SO GOOD,
BUT I WAS NERVOUS
ABOUT GOING OUT WITH YOU,
AND I WANTED TO IMPRESS YOU,
SO...
I STARTED DRINKING.
-APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
-WE HAD FUN.
-YEAH, WE DID.
-A BUNCH OF US ARE PLAYING POKER
AT MY HOUSE LATER,
IF YOU WANT TO COME.
-SURE.
-SO, I'LL SEE YOU THEN?
-OKAY.
-OKAY.
-IT'S A FIVE-CARD DRAW, KIDS,
SO GET LOOSE AND COMFORTABLE.
THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GAME --
LOOSE AND COMFORTABLE.
-SO, HOW FAR ALONG
ARE YOU, ANYWAYS?
-GOTTA BE AT LEAST SIX MONTHS.
-WE DON'T KNOW YET, OKAY?
WE JUST GOT ALL THAT
INSURANCE STUFF WORKED OUT.
BUT WE HAVE OUR FIRST DOCTOR'S
APPOINTMENT TOMORROW!
-THAT'S RIGHT --
WE HAVE OUR FIRST
DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT TOMORROW.
I'M NOT LETTING HER GO ALONE.
I'VE SEEN PORNOS. I KNOW
WHAT HAPPENS.
TYSON, YOU
CAN BACK ME UP ON THIS.
-YEAH, FOR SURE.
-YOU GUYS ARE DUMB-ASSES.
-IT'S OKAY, SAM.
YOU INVITED HER.
I'M SURE SHE'LL COME.
-YEAH.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH, HONEY,
FOR BEING HERE.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
-YEAH, OF COURSE.
-MMM. MMM.
-HOW MANY OF THOSE
HAVE YOU HAD TODAY?
-I'M EATING FOR TWO, MILES.
-OKAY, RELAX.
OH, COME ON, MAN.
WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GUY?
-HE HAS A LOT OF PATIENTS --
UNLIKE YOU.
GET OFF THE CHAIR!
WHAT ARE YOU, A KID?
-WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
-IT'S THE DOCTOR'S CHAIR.
-SO?
-DO YOU HAVE A PhD?
-NO.
OKAY, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE.
-GOOD AFTERNOON.
-GOOD AFTERNOON.
-DOCTOR.
UM, IS IT TWINS?
IT FEELS LIKE TWINS.
-IT LOOKS LIKE TWINS.
-LET ME ASK YOU TWO SOMETHING.
DID YOU GUYS BY ANY CHANCE
USE ONE OF THOSE
HOME-PREGNANCY TESTS?
-MM-HMM. IT'S CALLED
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR.
YEAH.
OKAY, WELL, WE RAN
THE BLOOD TESTS,
AND WE DID THE TEST HERE,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU, LaSHAWNA,
ARE NOT PREGNANT.
-EXCUSE ME?
-IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT.
-NO, IT LOOKS LIKE LaSHAWNA
IS PREGNANT.
THAT'S WHY LaSHAWNA'S HERE,
BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
SHE'S PREGNANT.
-IT'S OKAY. HOLD ON.
JUST LET ME JUMP IN ON THIS.
UM, SO YOU'RE SAYING
THERE'S NO KID IN THERE?
-AT THE MOMENT, LaSHAWNA
IS, UH, TOTALLY KID FREE.
-OKAY, UM...
BUT I'M SHOWING
THE SYMPTOMS, SO...
-WELL, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, THERE
CAN BE A LOT OF REASONS
FOR SYMPTOMS
LIKE, UH, TENDER NIPPLES,
VOMITING, CRAVINGS.
-LIKE WHAT?
-WELL, AN UNHEALTHY DIET,
FOR STARTERS.
-SO, DOCTOR, LET ME JUST BE
100% WITH THIS.
AIN'T NOTHING IN THERE?
-NOTHING.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
-THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
YOU OKAY?
-I WILL BE.
-COME HERE. SORRY.
-IT'S FINE.
IT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST,
RIGHT?
-YEAH, FOR SURE. I MEAN,
WE CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN LATER.
-WHAT?
-LATER, WE CAN -- LATER IF WE
WANT TO HAVE A KID,
WE CAN ALWAYS TRY...
-TRY AGAIN?
-LATER, THOUGH, YEAH, BUT YES.
A LOT -- A LOT OF TIME BETWEEN
FROM NOW TO THEN PROBABLY.
-YEAH.
-SO DON'T BE BUMMED, OKAY?
- THANK YOU.
-OR TOO EXCITED.
SO, FUNNY STORY --
LaSHAWNA'S NOT PREGNANT.
-YOU GOT THE BIG "A," HUH?
-NO, NO.
TURNS OUT SHE NEVER WAS.
-WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS, MILES.
-YEAH.
AND I KNOW IT'S PROBABLY GONNA
SOUND STUPID TO YOU,
BUT I WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
-YOU'D BE A HORRIBLE FATHER,
MILES.
YOU EVEN SAID SO YOURSELF.
-FUCK YOU.
I'M SURE I WOULD SUCK,
BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY, RIGHT?
OTHERWISE, WHAT'S THE POINT?
YOU GET THAT, RIGHT?
-LEAVE A FLOWER, SAM.
DON'T TRY TOO HARD.
OKAY, BIG FELLA.
LET'S DO THIS.
-OH, OH, PERFECT.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
COULD I ASK A HUGE FAVOR?
-SURE.
-THAT'S A GIANT TEDDY BEAR.
-YEAH.
-YOU WORK AT THE BOWLING ALLEY,
DON'T YOU?
-RIGHT.
I KNEW I RECOGNIZED YOU.
HERE -- THANK YOU --
COULD YOU JUST HOLD --
I'M TRYING TO HELP MY SON.
-OKAY.
-OH, HERE.
-LOT OF STUFF YOU GOT THERE.
-WELL, MY BOYFRIEND
WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE,
BUT AS ALWAYS, HE'S LATE.
OH, I NEVER THOUGHT
THIS DAY WOULD COME.
HE'S JUST INSIDE GETTING HER.
JUST, OKAY...
-OKAY, SHE'S COMING OUT
ANY SECOND.
SHE'S JUST PUTTING ON HER SHOES.
DID YOU PROCURE THE FLOWERS,
MOM?
-WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M HOLDING?
-AND THE SIGN -- PLEASE TELL ME
YOU DID NOT MAKE IT FLOWERY.
-I MADE IT PRETTY.
-YEAH, I PRETTY MUCH
SHOULD BE GOING.
-OH, MY GOD.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT
BRING A TEDDY BEAR, MOTHER!
-NO, THAT'S HIS.
HE WAS JUST WALKING BY.
HE WORKS AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
-YEAH, REALLY,
I SHOULD BE GOING.
I'M SORRY.
-HELLO?
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
-CASSIE.
-JUST ONE MORE SECOND.
-I'VE MADE SOME BIG MISTAKES
IN MY LIFE,
AND I'M SURE THAT I'M GONNA MAKE
A FEW MORE.
OKAY, I'M -- I'M SO SORRY
TO INTERRUPT YOU, BUT --
HI, SAM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING...HERE?
-HE'S HOLDING THE SIGN!
-YOU KNOW HIM?
-WELL, YEAH, I'M HIS TRAINER.
BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.
-I'M SORRY. I SHOULD BE GOING.
-HE WORKS AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
-OKAY. RIGHT.
ANYWAY, WHAT I WANTED
TO STATE WAS
I WANT TO MAKE
MY MISTAKES WITH YOU,
AND I WANT YOU TO MAKE
YOUR MISTAKES WITH ME.
I LOVE YOU
TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE.
THE SUM OF MY FEELINGS
EQUALS 360.
NEITHER PYTHAGORAS, DESCARTES,
NOR MADAME CURIE CAN CALCULATE
STEPHAN'S AFFLICTION
FOR THEE, CASSIE.
NOW PLEASE RULE OUT
THE PROBABILITIES
AND AGREE TO SINE AND COSINE
THIS LIFELONG DECREE.
SO I ASK YOU NOW
ON BENDED KNEE...
CASSIE -- SIGN --
WILL YOU MARRY STEPHAN TODAY?
-WELL?
-YES.
-OH!
OH, THIS IS WHAT MAKES
A MOTHER SO PROUD!
-I'M GONNA GO GET SOME FOOD.
-HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!
-MILES!
LaSHAWNA!
ASSHOLES!
ASSHOLE, YOU READY FOR ME?
BITCH.
QUITTER!
YOU FUCKING QUITTER!
MEATBALL!
-IT'S OUR --
WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
-ENGAGEMENT.
-OUR ENGAGEMENT.
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
-CONGRATS.
-I'M STILL IN DISBELIEF
THAT YOU SAID YES.
THIS IS A HAPPY DAY.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
-I'M HAPPY.
-I KNOW MY MOM IS HAPPY.
SHE'S HOPING I'LL MOVE OUT NOW.
OH, JESUS.
-WHAT?
-THEY'RE DOING
THAT STUPID KARAOKE THING.
THIS IS WHERE YOU AND I
MAKE SUCH A GOOD PAIR.
YOU WOULD NEVER SEE
ONE OF US UP THERE MAKING
A FOOL OF OURSELVES.
-YEAH.
-SORRY, I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE
THAT THEY DID THIS HERE.
MUST BE A SPECIAL NIGHT THING.
-THAT'S OKAY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW,
I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD MY MOM.
-YOU SHOULD DO THAT.
-YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA
GO OUTSIDE AND CALL HER.
IT'S REALLY LOUD IN HERE.
-OKAY, I'LL WAIT
FOR THE APPETIZERS.
HEY...
YOU WANT TO LEAVE SOME MONEY
IN CASE THEY LEAVE A BILL?
-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
-OKAY.
-♪ I REALLY WANNA BE WITH YOU
♪ I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY DO ♪
♪ YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE
♪ I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY WANNA BE
WITH YOU ♪
♪ YEEEEEAH
-♪ YEEEEAH
-♪ LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM
♪ IN A FIELD OF PURPLE FLOWERS
♪ I HAD SOME SPECIAL POWERS
♪ SO I THOUGHT YOU WERE THERE
♪ AND YOU APPEARED
♪ THE SUN WAS FLOATING
IN THE SKY ♪
♪ THE RAIN WAS WET,
BUT WE WERE DRY AND WARM ♪
♪ WE HAD NO VOICE
♪ WE SPOKE WITH OUR TELEPATHY
♪ I FELT ALL THAT YOU
FELT FOR ME ♪
♪ AND UNDERSTOOD
WHAT I NEVER COULD ♪
-THEY HAVE ROBERTS
LOADED ON TO THE CART.
AND AS THEY'RE WHEELING HIM
TO THE LOCKER ROOM,
HE'S GIVING A THUMBS-UP
TO THE CROWD --
ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN.
KNEE INJURIES ARE ALWAYS TOUGH
ON THESE PLAYERS,
ESPECIALLY THE ONES
WHO RELY ON SPEED LIKE SAM.
PHYSICALLY HEALING FROM THESE
INJURIES IS ONE THING,
BUT MENTALLY
YOU HAVE TO WONDER
IF THEY CAN TRUST
THEIR KNEE AGAIN.
WILL THEY BE WILLING TO RUN
FULL OUT?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
-SO, WHEN'S THE DATE?
-I DON'T KNOW.
WE HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
-YOU DON'T SEEM OVERLY EXCITED.
-YEAH? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D BE MORE
INTO IT BY NOW,
BUT...IT'S JUST WEIRD.
MAYBE I'M JUST GETTING USED
TO THE IDEA.
HOW'S SAM DOING?
-GOOD.
MY BROTHER SAYS THAT HE'S STILL
WORKING OUT IN THE PARKS
IN THE AFTERNOONS.
-THAT'S GOOD.
-YEAH.
-HEY.
YOU'RE RUN RUNNING.
-YEAH. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WAS MOSTLY IN MY HEAD.
-YEAH.
YEAH, WELL, I JUST WANTED
TO SAY THANKS
FOR BEING SO COOL
WHEN STEPHAN...YOU KNOW...
-OH, I'M A COOL GUY, SO...
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
-YEAH, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU
COULD HAVE REALLY FREAKED OUT.
I MEAN, I WOULD HAVE.
-THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY.
HE'S A LUCKY, LUCKY GUY.
-THANKS.
-SO, HAVE YOU, UH,
SET A DATE YET?
-THAT'S A POPULAR QUESTION.
UM, NO.
NO, WE HAVEN'T.
-OKAY.
-OKAY, WELL,
IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.
-YEAH.
SEE YOU AROUND.
-HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GET
A COFFEE WITH ME --
OR SOMETHING?
-I'M TRYING TO CUT OUT
ALL DAIRY.
-OH, YEAH.
THAT'S TOTALLY SMART.
OKAY, WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND THEN?
-OKAY, BYE.
-BYE.
-SO TODAY'S THE BIG DAY.
-FOR WHAT?
-THE WEIGHT WAR.
-WHAT?
WE'RE STILL DOING THAT?
-I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS WHO WON.
-WHO?
-SAM.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE
THAT'S DONE ANYTHING.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'VE BEEN STARVING MYSELF.
-HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST?
-TWO POUNDS.
-YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.
-I'M REALLY HUNGRY.
I REALLY WANTED THAT MONEY.
-HONEY, I TOLD YOU --
BLUEBERRIES.
FULL OF ANTIOXIDANTS.
YOU WOULDN'T BE HUNGRY,
AND YOU WOULD'VE LOST WEIGHT.
-THANK YOU, TONY ROBBINS.
-ANYWAY, HOW MUCH WEIGHT
DID YOU ACTUALLY LOSE?
-I DON'T KNOW.
ABOUT 12 POUNDS.
WHAT?
IT WAS A FLY.
-SO WE ALL AGREE
SAM'S THE WINNER?
YEAH, AS LONG AS I AIN'T GOT
TO GET ON NO SCALE,
I'M COOL WITH ALL OF THAT.
-CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY.
YOU ARE THE BIG WINNER.
-ALL RIGHT, SAM.
WAY TO GO.
-CASSIE WOULD BE SO --
WHAT?
-IXNAY ON THE ASSICAY.
-IT'S OKAY, GUYS.
JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS,
CASSIE GOT ENGAGED AND --
YEAH.
-I'M SORRY, SAM.
-I DIDN'T LIKE HER ANYWAYS.
-SHE SMOKES.
-WELL, IT IS WHAT IT IS.
I SAW HER AT THE PARK TODAY.
-YOU SAW HER TODAY?
-YEAH, SHE CAME BY TO SAY HI.
-OH, YEAH. I TOLD HER
THAT YOU WORK OUT THERE.
-SO YOU TOLD HER
THAT HE WAS GONNA BE THERE,
AND THEN YOU RAN INTO HER?
-YEAH.
-AM I THE ONLY ONE
CONNECTING THE DOTS
ON THIS ONE?
-DOTS?
-OKAY, LET'S SAY YOU GOT
A BIG, GIANT, JUICY
CHEESEBURGER.
YOU WALK UP TO IT.
ARE YOU JUST GONNA SAY HI,
OR ARE YOU GONNA EAT
THAT MOTHERFUCKER?
-I'D PROBABLY EAT IT.
-YOU'RE HER CHEESEBURGER.
SHE DIDN'T GOT HERE TO SAY HI.
SHE WAS HUNGRY.
-CASSIE DOESN'T LIKE
CHEESEBURGERS.
-I WANT A CHEESEBURGER.
-OH, MY GOD. THERE'S THESE
GREAT BLUEBERRY BUNS.
-OKAY, FORGET THE CHEESEBURGER.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT FOOD.
SHE RAN INTO YOU ON PURPOSE.
-HE ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE
THIS TIME.
-OH, MY GOD,
THIS IS EXHAUSTING.
-SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER.
SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER.
SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER --
THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE
ANY SENSE.
WAIT.
SHE WANTS A CHEESEBURGER.
I'M A CHEESEBURGER.
I'M A CHEESEBURGER!
SHE WANTS ME!
OH, MY GOD!
I'M A CHEESEBURGER!
THAT'S STUPID.
HI.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-I'M A CHEESEBURGER.
WHAT?
-I KNOW, IT'S STUPID.
UM, ABOUT THAT CUP OF COFFEE?
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE TO CUT OUT
DAIRY COMPLETELY.
MAYBE I JUST HAVE TO HAVE
BALANCE AND HAVE, LIKE,
A SALAD OR SOMETHING.
-A SALAD?
WHAT IS THAT, LIKE,
MEXICAN, OR...?
SAH-LAD, SAH-LAD!
YEAH.
-ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU'RE ENGAGED
AND EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT...ENGAGED --
ANYMORE.
-YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED?
-NO.
-WHAT HAPPENED?
-HE JUST WASN'T THE RIGHT GUY
FOR ME, YOU KNOW?
-CRAZY.
-YES, WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS
SOME MADNESS IN LOVE,
BUT THERE'S ALSO SOME REASON
IN MADNESS.
-FRED PIZZA.
-FRED PIZZA.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-UH, UM...I WAS WONDERING --
DO YOU WANT TO GET
THAT CUP OF COFFEE?
-YES.
-WAIT, I WASN'T READY FOR THAT.
CAN WE KISS AGAIN?
-YEAH.
-WAIT A SECOND.
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
-OH, WELL, I FOUND HIM
ON THE STREET
OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE, BUT HE WAS
SO CUTE AND BIG AND FLUFFY,
I JUST HAD TO
KIND OF TAKE HIM IN.
HOW ABOUT WE HAVE THAT CUP
OF COFFEE HERE?
-REMEMBER THE LAST TIME
I MENTIONED THE WHOLE
DADDY ISSUE THING
AND HOW CASSIE WOULD DEFINITELY
LEAVE SAM?
WELL, MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE OFF.
OKAY, I WAS --
I WAS WAY OFF.
AS IT TURNS OUT,
CASSIE WAS SOMEHOW ABLE
TO SEE BEYOND SAM'S SLIGHTLY
CHUBBY EXTERIOR.
AND WHILE SAM WORKED OFF
THE OLD POUNDS
ONE AT A TIME --
LIKE REALLY SLOWLY --
CASSIE STUCK AROUND.
I GUESS FOR HER,
SAM IS WORTH THE WAIT.