92 in the Shade (1975) - full transcript

(dramatic music)

(gentle music)

(dog barks)

- What d'you say, dude?

Thought we'd seen
the last of you.

- Ah, nope.

- Hung around so much I thought
I'd make a palmetto planter

out of that cute little
bottom of yours.

- Oh no, you wouldn't have
done that, Roy.

You're too busy dealing
shrimp to the tourists.

- Roy, what are we getting



for these Kalooza Hatchy
crappy whompers?

- Six bits and tax,
but don't reorder 'em.

The tourists are starting

to find out they don't
catch any fish with 'em,

none at all.

- [Tom] Sounds just like home,

just you fixed up the dock, Roy.

- Hey, glad to see you home!

- [Tom] Good to see you, sir.

- Hey, still meaning to
guide as bad?

- Oh more than ever, sir.

- [Faron] I'll be damned.

- [Tom] Aren't you starting
a little late today, Carter?

- I'm not guiding today.
- Oh.



- Hey, I know what, let's do,

let's go out and get
Old Nichol Dance.

He's out on the flats with his,

he's on his annual suicide run.

We'll go out and look for him.

Come on, it's flat
and calm today.

- All right.

- I got this new power
turbo net thing, man.

That son of a bitch will go.

(light music)

No, you can't even tune
the damn thing.

You got one at the moment.

Bucket seats in a station wagon,

I mean, that's the stupidest
damn thing I ever heard of.

Hey, you know how to disconnect
them damn seat belt buzzers?

- No, but I can give it a try.

- Yeah?

- [Tom] Jeez.

(Faron laughs)

- Ain't that a sight?

Well, let's get this
basket case home.

Though, I don't know
where that's gonna get us.

With his wife gone, he
ain't got a pot to piss in

or a window to throw it out.

Yeah, that skiff's
about all he's got left.

That's about it.

- I'm gonna choose me a
career in show business.

- [Faron] Well, you give me
a real feeling

you've already had one.

- You the Skelton boy?

- [Faron] That's him, Nichol.

- You're always on the damn
flats out there in front of me.

- Yes, sir, I'm kind of
studying you.

(Faron laughs)

- I wonder how come,
uninvited and all?

- Well, I enjoy water sports.

- Very good, but I wouldn't
really recommend it.

- But I wasn't applying
for recommendations.

- You don't follow me.

I am suggesting how
unattractive a day

on the open water can get.

- But I'd have known

that a person would ruin
a good boat trip

if he'd gone out to
shoot himself.

(gun fires)

(birds squawk)

- Nichol, that pistol has
become an all-around liability.

- [Nichol] Well, I got
a headache.

And I got a runaway wife

and a moving van up in
the Everglades.

And I don't need it.

- Why, good Lord!

It's the original one
and only lone survivor.

What is it, makes a man keep
wanting to go on the same tour,

year after year, huh?

(Roy laughs)

Or is an annual rescue just
something every boy should have?

- What ails you, Roy?

- Why, Nichol, I was
just about ready

to ask you that same question.

What in the hell ails you?

(Roy yells)

- [Tom] Hey, you can't
be serious, stop it!

(Roy whimpers)

(Roy screams)

(ominous music)

- Cart, you'd better get
some law in here,

'cause I got half a mind to
wind this arc welder's clock.

Roy, I do believe I'd go
to Raiford Prison over you.

- [Faron] Jesus Christ, Nichol!

All right, easy now.

You ain't hurt bad.

- Now I'm gonna have to go
to the slammer.

God, I'm going to lose a
world of bookings over that.

Why did I do that?

Now I got to go to jail.

- Well, hell, I'll take
your bookings.

If I could use your boat,
we could split the fee.

- Yeah, I'd like that.

Otherwise, Carter will get a
certain number of my clients.

Anybody you take, I'll get back.

- Myron, make me up a list

of my blank days and
cancellations,

and then, uh, call my wife

and tell her we're
going dancing.

And the minute you get a chance,

I want you to move
Dance's car out there,

because it's gonna drive
away business.

Myron?

(marching band music)

(car door thuds)

- Hey.
- Hi, baby.

Honey, we're gonna have
a little talk.

- Let me just finish
ironing your shirt.

I know they say they're
stay-press, but they lie.

I'll be with you in
just a minute.

- You haven't bought anything
today, have you, honey?

- Oh.

I burned the shirt.

What?

- You haven't bought
anything today, have you?

- Not today, hon.

- Well, that's great, baby,

'cause we got enough of
these showpieces.

- Well, they mean
something to me, Cart.

And I have to be home all day.

- Plus, I'm not
booked every day.

Now old Dance is gonna be
back in action full-time,

sooner or later, and
that Skelton kid is good,

and he's gonna end up
with a shit-house load

of my business if I don't
stick to my P's and Q's!

- Faron, we've had such fun
with the things that we bought.

Don't you even remember?

- Oh, honey, why are we
bringing all this up again?

- I don't know.

It just seems time, I guess.

Well, you know something, Cart?

You are okay.

- What do you mean?

- 'Cause you can just dub

and hit the old bulls-eye
any time you want to.

I mean, it's not like
you lack the know-how.

- Oh, I think I'm beginning
to get the picture.

- Yeah, I think you are, too.

- Mm-hmm, well, let me check now

and see if I'm beginning
to get the picture.

- [Jeannie] Okay.

- Are you in a family way,
Jeannie?

- Yes, sir, I am.

- That sounds like a
great showpiece, babe.

That sounds like I got
the old picture right off.

Now, wait, wait a minute, honey,

if those are photos of
the unborn child,

I don't want to look at 'em now.

- Oh Cart, don't you look bored,

because you were the one
that last week asked me

to explain the difference

between a pyrolytic
self-cleaning oven

and a catalytic
self-cleaning oven.

If I'm gonna have a
child to see after,

I'm not gonna have time
to be cleaning the oven.

Now pictured here is
an actual panel

from a pyrolytic
self-cleaning oven

that's been soiled with prune
pie spillover, like that.

- Well, I'm glad it's prune
pie spillover and not the baby.

- Well, the cycle is
complete here.

And you will notice
there is no sign

of the prune pie spillover
remaining, but here...

- Honey, I think I want to turn
in for a while, all righty?

- Faron Carter, are you
fixing to cry?

- All right, go on with
what you were saying.

- What was I saying?

- About, you know--

- Carter and Dance.
- Carter and Dance.

- The best guides I know.

- Mm-hmm.

Guys or guides?

- [Tom] Guides, fishing guides.

- Guides, good.

- [Tom] The sun and the moon.

- Toothbrush, who's the moon?

- [Tom] Dance is the moon.

- Uh-huh.

- Now they would never be
caught dead in a boat like this.

They have these machines,
these sinister machines.

God damn it, Miranda, you
don't pay attention to me.

- I'm listening to you.
- This is important to me.

- I am listening to you.

They have machines.

They are guides, not guys.

- Carter has a machine
like Dance's,

well, almost like Dance's.

- I'm nearly out.
- But Dance's will high center

on a shallow bank.
- Uh-huh.

- Carter can pole in dew,

drop right in on those
little basins

where all the fish sit,
faced up-tide, you know,

on the incoming water.

Old Dance, he fishes it.

He fishes the tides
like a sniper.

It's amazing.

He sits there and
waits for the fish

to come to him or
his chum slick.

Carter, he's more of a
traditionalist.

He fishes the old style,
he poles,

right up near the flats,
you know.

What are you doing?

- Putting my flippers on.

Oh I'm sorry, darling, yeah.
- That's all right.

- Uh-huh.
- He poles his skiff

from the bow, right up
on the edge of the flats

in the early flood.
- Mm-hmm.

- Then dropping back to the
mangroves on the high water,

looking for the waking fish.

Do you know what a
waking fish is?

It's a fish that moves
through the water

and kicks up a wake
with its fins.

- Hey, am I safe in here?

- From what?

- From sharks?

- Yeah.

Now Carter fishes--
- Hey.

- Falling water--
- How do you know that?

- And Dance, because I've
studied them all my life.

- No, how do you know
I'm safe from sharks?

- 'Cause I've studied
them all my life.

God, I hate these beds.

They hurt my back, and
they give me nightmares.

- [Miranda] Well, honey,
just ride with the tide

and go with the flow.

- [Tom] What?

Miranda, do you want to go
over to my folks with me?

(Tom grunts)

- Thomas, why do you
want to guide?

- It's the only thing I
can do half right.

It's as simple as that.

- [Goldsboro] Hello, champion.

I'm glad to see you.
- Thank you, sir.

- [Goldsboro] Yes, sir.

- How do you fell, Daddy?

- He feels perfectly well.

- If no one gets your
asshole granddad out

of here, I will shit my
pants and die on purpose.

- Don't you get
sarcastic with me.

Damned if I got that many
years to live anyway.

- Drop it.

- You got a job yet, bright boy?

- I'm starting.

- Doing what?

- Guiding.

- Oh, guide (laughs),
oh that's great.

That is terrific.

I'll see you every night
at the Red Doors

with the rest of those
drunken charter boat captains.

- When did you join the
lecture tour?

- Lecture tour?

He joined the lecture tour

at precisely the point local
people weren't buying his brand

of malarkey anymore.

- [Mrs Skelton] Soup's on!

- Mm, what are we gonna have?

- Snapper and a salad.

- Yuck!

I can't eat that,

can't eat that nigger food!

- Then it's time for you to go,
Goldsboro.

And you very much have
to work on your manners.

- Life is glorious.

Can't you understand one thing?

Get out of bed!

- Your grandfather's
Huey Long complex

has finally put him
beyond communication.

I'm not sure the old bastard
ever did have good sense.

- Can't we enjoy it?
- No!

- Well, I can.
- We cannot.

You can, that's because he's
out of sequence for you.

I can't enjoy his antics any
more than you can enjoy mine.

And that's how she goes,
human history.

It takes 11 kinds of meat
to make one can of Spam,

plus one can of protein
byproducts to feed the cat.

- Spam (laughs)?

- [Nichol] Roy died.

- [Tom] He what?

- [Nichol] He died.

- [Tom] I can hardly
believe that you killed him.

- (chuckles) I didn't.

I just punched that
little hole in him,

and he leaked out
and quit on me.

I feel like I've been framed.

(grunts) Yeah, my next
piece of ass will be

in about 20 years, I imagine.

I'm the kind of guy
who'd fuck a brush pile

if I thought there was
a snake in it.

- [Tom] I, you killed a man up
North once before, I'd heard.

- Yeah, I did,

some dizzy exercise
boy about 40 years old,

some kind of damned fiend.

Used to come in my bar dressed
up in one thing or another,

you know, just trying
to give me the willies.

Well, one day he came in
dressed up like a moth.

He was carrying this cake knife,

had wedding cake on it
and blood all over it.

Well, he sat down, and
he put this cake knife

on the bar in front of him
and ordered a creme de menthe

on shaved ice (laughs), and
then he started screaming at me.

Well, of course, I didn't
pay any attention to him,

and then he started
waving this knife around.

He was gonna cut me.

All I can tell you
is I just blew

that screaming Mimi's ass off.

My old Colt just took him
halfway across the room.

He lay there, and made a
wet spot so big

you couldn't jump over it
in track shoes.

He was all wings, and
he was dead.

(laughs) Go on and get
them Yankees their fish.

- Hey, you're all in
good hands with this boy.

He's a fish hawk (laughs).

You ought to find some
bonefish in the Snipe Keys

on this incoming water.

- Come on board.

- [Faron] Snipe Keys is
where you're gonna get

your bonefish, buddy.

(Faron laughs)
- Hate to take you

all the way to Boca Chica,

but it's the best bet
for the fish,

only it's right in the way
of the Navy landing pattern.

- Oh, we don't mind,

if the fish don't mind.

(all laugh)

- Hey, Cart, the fish
mind about those jets?

- I don't know about that.

All I know is about the
Snipe Keys and your bonefish

on that incoming water.

- Thanks, Cart.

(Faron laughs)

(engine rumbles)

- [Faran] Snipe Keys.

- Boca Chica, in the long run.
(Faron laughs)

Well, Mr Rudleigh,
there's a school of fish,

about 11 o'clock.

Well, they're gone.

We'll find some others.

- You've got to bear down.

- I'm bearing down.

- Well, bear down harder, honey.

- I said I'm bearing down.

(bird squawks)

- Good, now it's my turn.

Pardon me.

Come here, little--

- Mrs Rudleigh, there's a
school of fish.

They're just about
under the boat.

- [Mrs Rudleigh] I know,
but don't make me nervous.

I'll be right there.

Tell them to wait.

Ready to go now, you ready?

Are you ready?

(Mrs Rudleigh grunts)

Oh God.
- God!

- Something's gone askew.

Oh wait, wait.

Will you not?

I'm--
- Sit down!

- Oh pull yourself together.

- I can fish rings around
you, queen bee, always could.

Besides this is my outfit,
get it?

You son of a bitch!

What's this thing
doing to me now?

- Hey!

(Mr Rudleigh grunts)

Oh way off.

- Leave it, the fish is
going for it.

Strike him!

(reel whirs)
(Mr Rudleigh grunts)

- (laughs) Captain, this is
a nigger with a hot foot.

Oh God, this cookie's
stronger than I am.

Captain, consider it
absolutely necessary

that I kill this fish.

It doubles both the Honduran
and the Yucatan averages.

- All right, you stay here.

I'll get your fish for you.

- Is this really double the
Honduran and Yucatan averages?

- Not remotely.

- What in the world did
you tell him that for?

- He annoyed me.

(reel whirs)

(slow string music)

(solemn music)

(dramatic music)

(birds twittering)

(engine purrs)

(slow country music)
(patrons chattering)

Come on, Captain, join us.

Oh come on.
- Hey, Tom!

It was only in fun.

Oh Captain.
- Here he is, Nichol.

(customers laugh)

- [Mr Rudleigh] Captain?

Captain.

- Now wait here, I'll
talk to him.

Hey, Tom, Tom, wait a minute.

Hey, can I talk to you a minute?

- Sure.

- Listen, it was all
just in fun, all of it.

- What was all in fun?

- The whole thing
was all in fun.

- I don't understand, Cart.

What whole thing was all in fun?

- Well, it was all in fun

when old Nichol followed
you out there.

He just wanted to give
you a little start there

by stealing your clients.

- He did that.

He gave me a little start,
all right.

- Oh, maybe he just
thought you might be

too much prospective
competition or something.

You know how old Dance is.

He's all crazier than hell.

- You got a match?

- Yeah.

- I see Roy made it through
his gaffing all right.

Thanks.
- Oh, Roy.

That was a three-stitch scratch.

It was all just horsin'
around, the whole thing.

- Pretty well-planned horsing
around, if you ask me.

You guys got some good teamwork.

Cart, were you in on
the planning?

- Well, I mean, I knew about it.

I mean, all of us in
there knew about it.

- Cart, why don't you go
back inside to whoever's all

in there and have a drink, huh?

Go have a beer or something.

(slow country music)

- Yeah, I was waiting
for two weeks.

We tried everything.

It didn't work (laughs).

(slow country music)

There's a hole in
the damn thing.

It was brand new.

The transmission went
out in only two months.

So I just got, oh wow, I started
to say something bad there.

(both laugh)

(slow country music)

(fire whooshes)

(fire crackles)

(explosions boom)

- Will you not?

- I'll tell you what.

You're welcome to my
skiff on my blank days.

Myron, check my schedule
for the next few days there.

Hey, that'll see you through
till you get your skiff built.

- Well, that's very kind of you.

- Naturally, there'll have
to be a small usage charge.

- Naturally.

- Let me tote these
possible days up,

now see where that leaves you.

- Well, what did you uncover?

- Sort of rank.

- Nichol, how are you fixed?

- If turkeys was going
for 10 cents a pound,

I couldn't buy a raffle
ticket on a jaybird's ass.

If it cost a cent to rent
a tuxedo for an elephant,

I couldn't a T-shirt for
a flea (laughs).

- A raffle ticket on a
jaybird's ass?

- Shut up, Myron.

(Nichol laughs)

- Nichol, are you gonna
get around doing anything

about that boy?

- Well, since I had, uh, bad
luck that day shooting myself,

I've kind of lost interest
in shooting anything else.

He wasn't a bad kid, you know.

We pushed him pretty hard.

- Pushed him too hard?

We sent him to the school
of hard knocks,

the same one you and me went to.

- I don't know if he intends
to guide, good as he is.

My situation is I
can't permit it.

- Green Bay missed
the extra point.

It's bad.

They're threatening again.

Watch now, this close
to the end zone,

the linebackers will be
keying off the running backs.

- [Announcer] This time,
around the end, and he's over!

And there's another flag,
down in the--

(switch clicks)

- Do me a favor?

- Name it.

- Get off the violence.

You're a dilettante at it.

Violence is an art,
like any other.

- The violent dilettante?

- It's curious, watching
you throw yourself

into their life.

My approach is to withdraw

into my bug-free bedroom here,
the search

for a religiously
plausible future, he said.

- Children, well, who do you
think I just had a drink with?

Your old chum, Nichol Dance.

Well, I took a look at that
boy's insurance situation,

and I discovered that he is
not going to lose one dime.

So I told him that if he
tried to pull you into court,

I'd run him out of
Monroe County on a rail,

and I added that I
wouldn't do so bad

in Dade County, either.

"Mr Dance," I said, "Mr
Dance, your various woes,

"why don't you just farm 'em
out to the insurance company?"

Course, I had myself backed up

with a transcript of his
criminal record.

I suppose you know
he is vicious.

He had that old dockmaster
so spooked, you know,

that he wouldn't dare
press charges.

What were you doing in his boat?

- Guiding.

- Oh, why don't you
get a boat of your own?

- I haven't got
enough money yet.

I'm going to try to get that
job back I had this summer,

roofing and tiling.

- Yeah?

How much would your own
boat cost you?

- 4,000 to build and
power right.

- You, uh,

you want me to stake you?

- Sure.

- Yeah, how would you
pay be back?

And don't laugh so fast.

- I'd pay you back out
of my guiding,

and I was laughing as
slow as molasses.

- Of course, I doubt that
you'd be able to make enough

to pay me back, except that
this Dance keeps telling me

how good you are, and you
take it from me.

You laugh pretty
goddamned quick.

- It gives him something to do.

(dog barks)

- I told you that old
man was a grown beast.

- He's worse than that.

- I told you he was.

- He didn't leave me a
pot to piss in.

- I told you.

- Why am I doing this?

I'm just making work for myself.

I don't need to salt and
brine no damn pile of fish.

I don't need to smoke
no damn pile of fish!

I ain't feeling all that bright!

I even feel a little dumb!

(dog barks)

I need some credence,

because damned if I ain't
gettin' pushed

and bent all out of
shape around here!

My skiff's all burnt to
shit, and that old man,

that old crud, he wants me
to wait on the insurance.

Well, fuck him.

(scoffs) God knows we pressed
that boy a little hard.

Sometimes you do a thing
wrong, and it's done.

There you are.

That's it, it's done.

- Nichol, do you really
think you're gonna have

to waste that boy?

- I don't know.

(gun clicks)

But I know one thing.

I'm going to end up with
some credence,

or I'm gonna know
the reason why.

- [Faron] Don't wave
that gun at me, Nichol.

- I'm gonna get some collateral.

You know what I'm
trying to tell you.

- [Faron] Yeah.

- You tell me, Cart.

What is happening to
this Florida sportsman?

I mean, you know, where
is my recreation at?

- Hey, don't you think
it's really interesting

that we've been lovers
all this time,

and we still live in
separate houses?

- As a matter of fact, yes.

Miranda, you have got to go.

- I just walked 10 blocks!

- I can't take the chance.

- You can't take the chance?

I'll have my tubes tied.

- That is not what I'm
talking about.

That's Dance's car.

- Don't you want me to
wait for you?

- Yes, at your house.

Miranda.
- Don't, all right.

(solemn music)

- Get out of here.

(solemn music)

- [Nichol] Sit down.

- How are you doing?

- Not too bad.

I lost my boat.
- Mm-hmm.

- But apart from that,
not too bad.

- Mm-hmm, what's the gun for?

- I thought it might
help you see what I mean

when I tell you that you
won't be guiding.

- Oh, kind of a visual aid.

- You know, I don't
seem to have all

that much credence with you.

Now I like you well enough.

- [Tom] I like you, too.

- Wait a minute.

I like you well
enough to tell you

that you ought to pay attention

to the advice I just gave you,

because I more or less just
don't give a shit anymore.

- [Tom] I understand.

- I notched this gun once.

- I'd heard.

Remember, you told me?

- Not that that exercise boy
didn't deserve his ventilation.

- Well, I've never dressed
up like a moth.

- I never said you did.

So you better listen to
what I'm telling you.

Don't make me feel so dumb

or like I don't have all
that much credence with you,

and we may even get
to be friends.

- [Tom] Okay.

- Well, I guess I'll
be leaving now.

- So long.

(upbeat music)

- Tom, could turn that
radio down, please,

just a little bit?

All right, okay.

Oh what time is it?
- Eight.

- Oh God, I've got one shoe,
okay.

- Want an English muffin
and some marmalade?

- I can't have English muffins.

I got seventh-grade
geography in half an hour.

(Miranda mumbles)

- You know, my gold inlay
is really hurting me.

The only piece of jewelry
I ever bought myself,

I'll be damned if I'm
gonna swallow

that son of a bitch, look.

There, see that,

kind of stays inside.

- They're gonna steal that
when you're dead anyway.

There, how do I look?

- Terrific, I never saw
anything like that

when I was in seventh grade.

- Ooh, I haven't got my books.

I'll wing it in geography.

That's what I'll do.

- Tell them Miami Oolite doesn't
run southwest of Big Pine.

- Well, we're still on the
East Coast alluvial shelf.

Besides, you're thinking
of Key Largo limestone.

- No, actually I was thinking
about how nice it would--

- And so was I.

(lips smack)

(upbeat music)

- Hey, Tom.

- Hi, Mr. Powell.

- What are you doing
around here?

- Looking for a boat.

- The last time I built a
boat for anybody

in your family was for
your grandfather.

It was a launch, and it
damn near sank

because of the engines he
made me put in.

- Yeah, I saw some
photographs of that one.

That's a pretty outrageous boat.

- Totally worthless, probably
pulling in crawfish traps

at Washer Woman Shoals now.

- (chuckles) Is this a boat?

- It's a plank.

Is what I hear true,
about old Nichol's skiff?

- Not hardly.

Jim, are you willing to
build me a guide skiff?

- You know, material and
labor cost a hell

of a lot of money.

Can you pay for it?

- Yes, sir.

- Well, I know old Dance
is gonna be here looking

for one, too, just as soon as
he hears about that insurance.

- Well, you can consider
this a firm order.

- Firm order, huh?

Well, firm orders get put
down on paper.

Put it down, see what
it looks like.

There you are.

- Thank you.

- I guess you want live wells,
right?

- Oh yeah, for sure.

And I want it like this, aft,

three interconnecting hatches,
huh.

See, three hatches with
interconnecting waterways routed

to a taper so they drain
to the sump right here.

- All right, three hatches.

All right, let's have
the rest of it.

- Okay, all the fittings
flush-mounted to drive-fit.

- Flush-mounted, right.

- Uh-huh, and probably
a half-inch overhang

on this aft bulkhead here.

- Half-inch overhang,

hey, you laid this
out pretty good.

- Well, I thought about
it on the drive over.

I'll have my fuel
mounted forward,

so I won't have to vent
the forward bulkhead

and put a overflow right here,
starboard,

about two inches
under the gunwale.

- [James] Oh sure, Tom.

- [Tom] And can you make my
console real compact, you know,

nice and small and offset
over here to the right?

- [James] Okay.

- Hi ya, how are ya?

- Hello, Thomas.

I suppose you're here for money.

- Do you?

- Aren't you?
- Hmm?

- Here for money?

- Are you talking to me?

- Yes, I am.

- Oh, here for money?

No, no, no, I'm not
here for money.

I'm actually here to see
my grandfather, Mrs, uh--

- Knowles, Mrs Knowles.

- Knowles, and, ah, anything
transpiring between me

and my grandfather
is just liable

to be none of your business.

- Oh now, now.

- Is he alone?
- Yes, he is.

- Well, I'll just
get on in then.

- Oh, hello, Thomas.

I've just gotta, sit down, I've
just gotta put my John Henry

on about three more of these.

Now, two, God, this crook.

Ooh, yes, yes.

There you go, and ooh, yeah.

There.

What's up?

- Well, the boat is underway.

- I, I don't follow.

What is?

- James Powell has started
my guide skiff.

- I, uh, right, right, right.

- Well, you said that you
would lend me the money

for the boat.

- Me (laughs), when?

When did I say that?

- If you don't want to
lend me the money

for the boat, all you
have to do is say so.

You're the one that offered.

- Now you listen.

I kept you from going to jail!

What more do you want
from an old man?

- James, I'm sorry, but it
appears the whole thing's off.

I haven't got the money.

(saw buzzes)

- What the hell you
talking about?

The boat's all paid for.

Leave it alone.

- What do you mean the
boat's all paid for?

- Your grandfather came
in this morning

and paid for the whole thing,

labor, material,
everything in advance.

You got your boat, didn't you?

(upbeat country music)

- Listen to that wind, Miranda.

- That's not the wind, Tom.

It's the souls in purgatory.

- In the long run, Miranda,
I need to know

that it is not the
souls in purgatory.

Come on, let's bait up.

(country music)

There you go.

- Oh, Thomas, you know,
this is the first time

we've anywhere in ages we
haven't brought something

with us to eat?

- We are going to get
something to eat.

That is the purpose.

- Get it in there.
- Here you go now.

Concentrate.
- Okay, I got it.

(country music)

You know, your father
fascinates me.

- Are you about to
criticize him?

- No, no, no, it's just that,
um,

does he have any accomplishments
or anything like that?

- He had a blimp factory once.

My grandfather called
them gas bags.

- Oh, I got one!

Hey, I got one!

- All right.

(Miranda squeals)

About six of them blew
away in a line squall,

and my grandfather had a
bunch of whores

from my daddy's whorehouse
come down and sing.

♪ Bye bye, gas bags, bye bye

Bring him over here,

come on.
- I got it.

You got it?
- Yeah.

- What a beauty.

- This will make a nice
little filet.

(Miranda moans)

Here, give me a little slack.

- You can have the whole thing.

(Tom laughs)

- In the long run, I don't
need the whole thing.

I just need a little slack.

- You know, your
father called me up

at 4 o'clock, this morning.

- He did?

- Uh-huh.
- What did he want?

- Well, he, um,

he wanted a date.

- Oh God.

Let's just ignore that
that happened

and that you told me that
that happened.

Oh my God, he did that?

- He did that.

- [Tom] He did?

- He did.

- [Tom] Listen to the wind.

- Thomas, Thomas,
that's not the wind.

That's your father
calling me up for a date.

(playful country music)

- Damn, I wish this north
wind would lay down,

so we can warm up and
fish a little.

Nichol, you ain't going soft,
are you?

- Maybe so.

- You mean, uh, now that
you're out of it,

what do you think
you're gonna do?

- Caddy, I'm gonna be
Arnold Palmer's caddy.

I'll wear a V-neck sweater,
and I'll live by myself.

At night, I'll jack
off in a hanky.

It'll be a simple life,
but it'll be complete.

If Arnold wins the Masters,

then I'll get a Buick
convertible for a tip.

- Come on, Nichol.

- See me and Arnold are
just like that.

I'll know every club he
wants before he asks for it.

- Yeah, that's real funny.

- What the hell do you care, hm?

- Well, I mean, it's
just insulting, you know.

I mean, you did forbid
him to guide, didn't you?

- Yeah, I did.

- Then how come James Powell
is building him a guide boat?

- Is that true?

- Uh-huh.

- Well, I didn't know that.

I sure didn't, yeah.

- I mean, now you can't
get one built.

He's gonna guide.

- Well, look, I didn't
forbid him to build a skiff.

But I sure didn't know that.

- What the hell do you
think he's gonna do with it,

pull crab pots?

- I don't know!

I got to let him hang himself.

This is a democracy,
and democracy,

you know what democracy does,
don't you?

- No, what does democracy--

- Democracy moves on.

It marches on.

Democracy marches on.

- Shit, man, I don't
know about you.

I mean, really, what are you,

are you afraid of his
granddaddy, is that it?

I mean, it looks tome
like he is going to guide

when he gets his skiff built.

Then what are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna shoot him.

Where's your memory?

- Think The House of
Seven Gables,

and you'll have some fun here,
Miranda.

- Thomas, your father's
got himself really upset

about your guiding.

He's been picking up all
sorts of rumors.

It's just gotten wild.

- What he is doing,
where he is going,

none of us can tell!

- You sound like Philbrick
from I Led Three Lives.

- Your father is at large, son.

I don't like that.

- I thought you wanted him
out of bed at all costs.

- No, not like this,
not like a sneak,

not like a figure of the night.

- A what?
- Figure of the night!

- [Tom] Figure of the what?

- The night, ya
monosyllabic son of a bitch!

- How long have you people
been talking like this?

- Well, we had this
from him during the war.

He went to Fort Benning,
and he lasted two days.

- Then there was the
house of ill-repute,

a whorehouse, in polite
language, and he was the owner.

- Yeah, I've known about
the whorehouse all my life.

What of it?

- Who's this?
- Miranda.

- Mm, getting much?
- Mm-hmm.

- Well, his father he had
this this broken-down,

old conch house with
half a dozen high-flyers

from the mainland, and even
they couldn't take him.

Then he had a hootchy-kootchy
dancer from Opa-Locka,

and even she thought
he was dumb.

- He told me he owned all
of western civilization

in the form of a whorehouse.

- Then he drove a taxi, but
the only thing he never did--

- Was guiding.

- Was guide.

- Where did you lay
hands on this?

- At a distress sale
in Islamorada.

- Well,

it looks like it's had
some service.

- Yeah, I'm lucky this
gunk-board floats.

It seems completely lacking
in recreational value.

(Nichol grunts)

- Okay, now on that
codicil, delete the sentence

that ends "unforgiven
blimp fiasco."

- Okay.
- Right.

Delete from "cigar and mouse"
all the way

to "favoring that we," got it?

- [Bella] Okay.

- And in the whole
last paragraph,

cut the following words, duck,
Marvin,

whereas, celluloid,
bingo and dropsy.

And cut the whole song Silver
Threads Amongst the Gold.

- Okay.

(Goldsboro sighs)

Hey, come here.

- Oh Bella, Bella, Bella.

- [Bella] Tired, Goldsboro?

- Oh yes, I'm just, okay,
for the moment, I'm tired.

(Goldsboro sniffs)

But I'm no tireder than you.

- Wrong, Goldsboro,
I'm not tired.

But you, honey,
you're real tired.

- (giggles) Can you still sing?

- Can I still sing?

- Can you?

- Can shatter glass with
my voice, ie, my vitality.

- Really?

(glass clinks)

Where will I put it?

- Put it right there.

- Okay.

Let's go.

Let's see.

(Bella screams)

(engine rattles)

- Hey, Tom (laughs).

Well, you've been scarce
as hen's teeth.

I don't know when I
seen you last.

(both laugh)

- Well, last time I saw
you, I was in the bottom

of that canal out
there watching you

and Roy Rogers chasing
me down with a pistol.

- Hey, that's not an
admission of guilt, is it?

- Well, not unless you have
a microphone in that smile.

(Faron laughs)

Hey, your grandad was at the
Lions Club luncheon today,

and let me tell you somethin',
he is some character.

We had a chance to
visit a while.

He said he was looking forward
to you coming down here

to the dock and joining us.

And you want to know something?

So am I.

- Hmm, hey, where's Nichol?

- I'm here, over here!

- Well, here goes nothing.

(Faron laughs)

- Atta-boy.

- All right, pay attention.

The O-ring I'm talking
about is right down there,

ahead of the drive shaft.

It stops the salt water
from coming up in here

and killing the engine, right?

- I'll be.

- [Faron] You'll be what, Myron?

- Well, I didn't exactly happen

to expect that incendiary
to show his face.

- You runnin' a court of
inquiry on the subject, Myron?

- Well, now, what's
the policy then?

- We don't have no policy.

Nichol Dance is the old
boy you may just recall

that lost his boat.

- Okay, okay.

- So he has the policy.
- Okay, all right,

but what's that fire
bug doing over--

- And nobody's runnin'
no inquiry!

- I get it then.

Ours is a policy of
non-intervention.

But Dance's is a, is, is,
is what?

- Myron, dry up.

- Jeez.

- Jesus Christ, what is
that stink in here, Myron?

- Somebody left a wahoo
on the tournament scale

over the weekend, and it
kind of got, well, turned.

Carter?
- What?

- What all is gonna happen?

- There's a good chance
somebody might get killed.

- It was all the rubber
blades were deteriorated.

Why don't you go up there
and see if it will kick over?

- Sure.

Watch your fingers.

- What?

- [Tom] I said watch
your fingers.

- I changed a 19-inch
wheel for a 21.

You want to take a little
run out to those Keys,

east of the Snipes, see
if it cavitates.

You in a hurry?

- Not really.

- Well, just waiting around
for your new boat, huh?

- That's the way it is, yeah.

- Why don't you go off with me,
then?

- Hell yes.

(upbeat music)

- Some hardwood,

some wildlife,

things you wouldn't expect
to find back here maybe.

Cigarette?

- No, sir, I don't
smoke cigarettes.

- I know that wasn't much
of a joke we played on you.

- It sure wasn't.

- But that doesn't excuse
what you done.

- It just about excuses
what I did, really.

- Well, I mean every
word I said.

- So did I.

- Well, what the hell?

Let's enjoy today.

- Suits me.

- I don't know where he is now.

I haven't been notified.

I've had one long training
in this kind of thing,

but I'm still not used to it.

- Well, these aren't a
joke with him.

- Well, I'm getting bored.

- I can see that you are.

- So if you run into your father

before I do, tell him it's just

like a high school
basketball game around here.

The clock is running.

- What are you gonna
do about it?

- Well, here's one for you
to think about.

I'm going to do nothing.

(bird squawks)

(cans rattling)

- Hey!

Who are you?

- Who are you?

- Nichol Dance.

- Oh, I'm Olie Slatt.

I mine for subituminous
low sulfur coal

in the Bull Mountains.

Yes, we have to blast
through 20 feet of sandstone

to reach the vein.

We have two spoils banks

and eight different
strata arrangements.

And I'm damned proud of that.

- Why are you telling me this?

- Because of my unparalleled
subterranean work performance,

my union local has
awarded me this trip

and this certificate,
entitling me

to a one day's fishing
with you (laughs).

And boy, god damn, fishing
is what I'm all about.

- Well, I hope it works
out that way.

- Yeah.

- I sure wished you let
me know a little sooner.

You see, I'm booked up 16
days straight.

- 16 days, what's that mean?

- Well, that means that
the soonest you can fish

with me is 17 days from today.

- What about my damn
certificate?

- Now just a damn minute,
Mr Slatt.

That certificate you've got
there is good for a day's guide.

Now you go with one of
these other old boys

on the dock here, the old boy,
in fact,

I learned everything
I know off of.

- Yeah, well, where do
I find this other one?

- Right over there in
the bait shack.

- Oh I mean, look at me.

I mean, do I look
like a rich man?

Do I look like a man
who can afford

to pay Howard Johnson 16
times in a row,

so's I can fish on the 17th?

What kind of queer breed of
odds and ends do you have

to get down here for
you to think like that?

- Well, Slatts, you go
right over there,

and you ask for Captain
Faron Carter.

He's a regular fish hawk,
Mr Slatt.

And if it swims, and
it's in Monroe County,

he's going to put it in
your boat for you.

- You Captain Carter?

- You're talking to him.

- Well, that there's a slicker.

And Lord knows I don't
need no slicker.

- I know exactly what you mean.

Old Dance can get highfalutin'
from time to time.

But the truth is he
ain't that good a guide.

- He ain't?

- Look at him.

Now don't I go ahead and
set you straight here.

- Slow down.

(phone rings)

- Speak.

- [Faron] Tom, Faron
Carter here.

How's your skiff coming?

- Ready to hang the engine.

- Good, listen, I've got me
a sportsman here from, uh...

- The Bull Mountains.

- What's that?

- The Bull Mountains.

- Bull Mountains, yeah,
and what's your name?

- Olie, Olie Slatt.

- Olie Slatt.

Can you fish him Wednesday?

- Sign him up, Cart.

- Okay, I think if you can
get him a citation fish,

he'll mount it.

I'll talk to the
taxidermist on it for you.

- Tell him 8:30, and I'll
bring the lunch.

- Okay, yeah, I'll talk
to you later.

Mr Slatt, you're in luck.

You got a boy here that's
a regular fish hawk.

I mean, he can go the distance.

- Oh, that's good, that's good.

Thank you very much, thank you.

- 8:30, Wednesday morning.
- 8:30, Wednesday morning.

- Right.
- I'll be there,

right here.
- Right, right now.

Right here at the dock.
- Thank you.

Thank you, Captain Carter.

- My wife is long gone.

She's dead.

Why do we have to talk about it?

I'll join her soon enough.

- Well, just describe her,
that's all I'm asking.

- All right.

She had tits down to here,

and when she died, I
threw a fiver in the hole

and closed that
chapter of my life.

She had Bright's Disease.

She had a 10-pound liver.

And she left a neat
quarter-of-million dollars

to the Daughters of
the American Revolution

in the hopes that Americans
would stop producing mongrels

like me and our son.

- Well, she was right
about your son, the ninny,

and your grandson, the boob.

- They are perfect.

From your point of view,
they are perfect.

Give me that.

- Perfect?

Uh-uh, this one's dead.

- Now, look, if you sass
me like that once more,

I am going to send you and your
musical background up there

to North Miami to make
parakeet training records.

- Just so's I'm back in
time to watch them wheel

that ninny down Duval Street,
Easter time, in his bassinet.

- Why have I let you
sass me so long?

- 'Cause I love you.

You can see that now.

- Oh aye, aye.

(horn bellows)

- All right.

(birds squawking)

James, this has turned out
a mile prettier

than I could even hope.

- Yeah, I'm pretty pleased
with it myself.

Now you're not gonna
believe this,

but some man came to see me,
no shoes on,

old pair of navy pants
held up by a rope.

He offered me $10,000
for this boat.

- That was my father.

- Oh, he dresses funny.

- He's trying to stop
me from guiding.

- Better buy yourself a gun.

- [Tom] News gets out, huh?

- That kind of news does, yeah.

- All right, Miranda, I'll bite.

Where did you get the car?

- From my aunt.

I figured you'd better
go out in style.

- Perfect.

- I'd sure like to have a
ride in it some day, Tom.

- The car or the boat?

(James laughs)

You'll have one, James.

- Looking forward to it.

- She's a beauty.

(engine purrs)

What's up?

- Your girlfriend here
wants to know

why I'm going to shoot
you if you guide.

(Jeannie laughs)

- What are you laughing at?

- Oh.

The thought that Nichol
could hurt a fly.

Why in the world do you
want to guide?

- Well, I've been eliminated
in a whole bunch of things.

- Are those Polaroid?

- Yeah, and I
appreciate the question,

but it's a process of
elimination.

- You ought to see my
husband when he come in

with his skin burnt half
off from summer fishing.

That was a process of
elimination.

- Oh, I know, ma'am.

Really I do.

- (sighs) That is a pretty
little skiff, though.

I bet you're real proud of it.

- [Tom] Oh yes, ma'am,
real proud.

- You will mortally fly.

He's just flat waiting

to shut down these
other turkeys.

(Faron laughs)

Oh I sure will say this, though.

Cart's never lost a day's
wages with his Evinrude.

That solid-state ignition
and power-trim just seem

to be the combination for
a workin' fool like Cart.

(Faron coughs)

- Jeannie, I think these boys
know one engine from another.

- Oh, I was just
coaching the newcomer.

Besides, what Key West needs

with a beginner guide
beats me, for starters.

- I don't remember anyone
asking your opinion.

So why don't you just keep
your moth shut, all right?

- That is just about as
ladylike as I could expect

from a Mallory Square weirdo,
all right.

- Well, what clod-hoppers
expect in the way

of ladylike really doesn't
interest me that much.

- Doesn't interest?
- No.

- How would a poke in your
weirdo snoot do, schoolmarm?

(dramatic music)
(Jeannie screams)

- I'm sorry!

I'm leaving, all right.

(car doors thud)
(engine revs)

- I'd believe they'd
hurt each other.

- You wouldn't wanna
shoot a sweet guy like me?

(Nichol laughs)

- I wouldn't want to, no.

(crickets chirping)

(dog barks)

(guitar twangs)

- Hello, Daddy.

I'm glad you came.

We've all been chasing
you all over, you know.

And mother's getting really
bored, I can tell you.

- I wanted to advise you.

That is what fathers do.

- Now why didn't you
come before?

I've been looking
everywhere for you.

- I didn't have the
advice ready.

I've had to get down to
where I could see

what you were going through.

- I'm not going through
anything in particular.

Sit down.

- Do you think your
friend, Dance, is joking?

- No, we've just laid
out some lines.

- I've had an adventure,
I guess.

I ended up here.

I thought it might take
me away from the world.

- Why didn't you go home?

- Oh come on.

My first instinct was
that this face-off

with Dance was a
matter of honor.

- It's a matter of
who gets to fish

and who gets to cut bait.

- You won't call it honor,
because you

and your generation have a
depraved sense of language.

- This one here?

- Uh, it's a snapper.

- No, it's a grouper.

- Grouper, grouper.

- Okay, we'll try one more.

Take your hat off, will you?

Let your brains cool off.

You're thinking too hard.

All right, one more time,
starting here.

- That's a bone, I
know that one.

I know that's a bonefish.
- Right, right, bonefish.

This one here?

- That's like that
one over there.

- And that one and this one?

- Yeah, old snappy.

- The snapper,

right, right.
- Snapper, snapper.

- Now this one here,
remember the fin,

across there?
- Bluefin tuna.

- Bluefin tuna, right.

This one over here, long, sleek,
silver-looking sucker, huh?

- Uh, uh, plum forgot that one.

- It begins with B, like
a little girl's name.

Bernita.

- Bonito, bonito, yeah.
- Right, right.

Big gold one, back there,
in the corner?

- Oh, that's like the snake--

- Cobia.
- Cobia, cobia.

- Right, right, and this here?

Right here.

- That there, that a toombul.

- Right, good, and
this one here,

this long, skinny, nice sucker,
hugh?

- That's a houndfish, hound.

- Also known as a--
- Gar--

- Garfish, right, right.
- Gar, hound (laughs).

- And this pretty one over here,

with the little things
off the fins, huh?

- Oh that's, um--

- Remember, big continent
down southwest of here, hm?

- The what?
- Africa.

- [Both] African Pompeno.

- Right, there you go.

And what's this right here?

- The old eight-ball.

- Eight-ball, right,
and this fish over here

and this one are?

- Grouper.
- Grouper,

how many fingers you see?

- Five.
- Good.

And this one over here, this
little black skinny sucker.

- It's the old sucker.

- Right, everywhere the
shark goes, huh--

- Romona goes.

- No, no, remora.
- Remora.

- Right, there you go.

- Hi.

Who are you?

- I'm Olie Slatt.

- Where's Myron?

- [Olie] Who's Myron?

- Who's Myron?

Myron's the one who adds
everything up around here.

Who are you?

- Oh, uh, I'm a wealthy tourist
from the Bull Mountains.

I'm waiting to cash in on this
valuable fishing certificate.

- It just kills me that
Myron's not here.

It just kills me that
Myron's not here!

- Whatcha want with
the Myron moron?

- I wanted him to see
what I was like

when I twirled in Orlando.

He ought to see that.

I just thought old
Myron ought to know

what it looked like from
the bleachers.

(Olie laughs)

This here.
- Yeah?

- My 31-inch tournament baton.

It's big enough, power,
but it's light enough

to where it don't drag
at my routine.

You know, a youngster
just starting out,

developing her forearm and her
wrist with a 17-ounce baton,

well, she's gonna have
terrific power later on

for certain activities.

(both laugh)

- Roy, Slatt.

- Captain Carter.

- You want to give me that,
Jeannie?

Give it to me.

Hey!

Roy?
- Yeah.

- Why don't you get
yourself a beer

and get Mr Slatt here a beer,

and I'll be with you
boys in a minute?

(baton clangs)

- Wait a minute, get it.

- What?

- Get it.

- All right, but you to
listen to me, Jeannie.

Now, I come down here to
this bait shack

where I make our bread
and our butter

to pay for your shopping sprees,

and first, you're dukin'
out some schoolteacher,

and in no time flat, I walk in

and find you doing a
baton routine, half-naked,

in front of a perfect stranger,

who just happens to be, by
the way, a cash customer,

plus telling him that it
builds a girl's forearm up

for jacking guys off.

Now, uh, what should I do?

- I think that's a
disgusting view of my art.

Now why don't you just storm
on in there and get me my tutu?

- Here.

- Honest, I didn't lay a
finger on her.

Now she come goopin' in
here, trying to do me.

- Now why don't you just
put down that garfish?

- Houndfish.

- Houndfish (laughs).

- (laughs) I been teachin' him.

- Well, I'll be, that
is a houndfish.

- Sure is.

- Well, all right, then,
just put down the houndfish.

- Not so fast.

Now what's gonna happen to me?

- Roy, you go over there
and get yourself a beer,

a pickled egg or something.

Now what I come in here
to tell you was

that my wife, Jeannie,
has been kind of sick and,

poor little thing, and what
I want you to do, Mr Slatt,

is try and forgive her
for what she done

to you here, this evening.

- You want me to forgive her?

- Yeah.

(both laugh)

- Shucks, I forgive
her (laughs).

- Yeah, and, uh, oh,
she probably left a few

of her little things
around here.

- Yeah.
- A tutu, I think it was.

- Tutu, tutu, yes (laughs).

- Tutu.

You know, Mr Slatt, she's
not half bad with that baton.

She's got trophies.

- Now generally, I am told that,
uh,

I'm a fine one to talk.

So when I make a suggestion,

you remind yourself of
my absurd adventures

in the manufacturing of blimps,

my mental discharge
from the Army,

my ludicrous family life,

review my credentials and
forget everything I tell you.

But don't forget, even
my whorehouse was a flop.

My whorehouse was a flophouse.

The floozies turned on me
like a hundred raging toucans.

They fired upon me with
my own seltzer.

In 12 months of operation,

they never awarded me a freebie.

I had a Congolese lesbian

who used my Havana
Churchill cigars for dildos.

They peed on my mandolin,
overcharged my friends

and gave your grandfather
a dose with chancres

that run up his body
like mink tracks.

So I closed down this
Puta Palazzo

and turned to the
literature of religion.

That didn't work.

I took to my bed and
began to hate my father,

your grandfather, that conniving
arch-abrogator of justice

whom we see slowly
spinning to Earth,

parachuting into his
own history.

His whores and washed-up
coloratura singers can't save
him.

Insurance adjusters in
terrycloth
playsuits can't save him.

And maybe you, who have always
seemed to me to resemble him,

maybe you can't be saved,
either.

- You could be right.

Maybe, I can't.

Was my mother one of
your whores?

- Yeah.

The fact that my whorehouse
collapsed anyway is proof

of how perfect the failure was.

What are you going to do?

- What I said.

What are you gonna do?

- Go back to the house, wait
and hope to see you again.

(solemn music)

- [Tom] Let's go out to
dinner tonight.

- No, I don't want to
eat anymore.

- Come on, we'll go to
Little Torch.

- Oh especially not
Little Torch.

The red snapper tastes
like oatmeal.

They put barf on the stone crab,

paint thinner on the
salad dressing.

- What kind of soap is this?

- Pine tar.

- Jesus, we'll smell
like a lumberyard.

I wonder why they tie
ropes on pieces of soap.

- So you can retrieve
it if you swallow it.

Would you keep your
feet to yourself?

I'm not into feet.

- [Tom] What's the matter, baby?

- I'm scared.

- [Tom] Don't be.

- Would it do any good to
plea with you?

- [Tom] No.

Can I come down to your end?

- I don't know.

(water splats)

- You seem to radiate health.

- I've done what I could.

I am at peace.

- Bravo.

- [Mr Skelton] What's that?

- Bravo.

- [Mr Skelton] I see.

How are things in the nation?

- I've been working
on the orchids.

I haven't looked at the news.

- You didn't happen to
hear the score

of the Colts-49ers game?

- No.

- Well.

(Faron laughs)

- Boy, you all head up,
you know it.

You just do like I do.

Make your moves till 4 o'clock

and then run home and,
uh, take their money.

- Is that what you do?

- Yeah.

Hey, hey, Mr Slatt.

- Mr Carter.

- [Faron] Here's your man.

- Welcome on board.

- Well, I want a trophy.

Did you bring the toilet paper?

- We've got everything you need.

- Yeah, well, just in
case you ain't.

(engine rumbles)

- I tell you, it wasn't me.

You've got to take my
word for it.

I'm as clean as a hound's tooth.

(Goldsboro burbles)

Yeah, Joe, listen, I'm
very busy at the moment.

You, why don't you get the
hell out of here, will you?

Bye.

Okay, down here, before
it's too late.

(both grunt)

The French have a word for it.

But I call it pussy.

- I know you do, you cheesy
piece of bunk fodder.

- Well, I call it pussy,

because that's the
candid thing to call it,

and I'm a very candid man.

- Hi, folks.

(engine hums)

Oh, uh (coughs), would
you folks climb on aboard?

I'll be right with you.

- What, this one?
- Yeah, right there.

And stow that basket aft,

so it won't beat
itself to death.

And Mr Rudleigh, would
you please put those poles

in there like I showed you?

Well, we just sent the new
guide off on his maiden voyage.

- [Nichol] You don't say.

- Mm-hmm, look real organized,

had his gear all packed,
stove, had his lunch,

all rigged out like he was
real organized.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

- What's he and that,
uh, snake doctor out for?

- Bonefish, I believe.

Looked organized as hell.

- You fishing this lunch
meat here, Cart?

- Till 4 o'clock.

- How's the tides running?

- 518, Key West low,

that'll make the Man-O-War
Key the first stop

for the new guide.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

- [Nichol] The next
stop is Toptree Hammock.

Boy learned that
pattern off of me.

He ain't dumb.

- [Faron] Mm-hmm.

(engine sputters)

What's wrong?

It aint' kickin' over.
- Nothing.

- Huh?
- Nothing!

(engine sputters)

- Oh, it ain't gonna run.

I can hear it's not.

Gotta be the wiring.

There's a short in it.

The timer, maybe, what
do you think?

It ain't gonna start.

I know it's not gonna start.

You can hear that.

You want to use my skiff?

- No, do you want to
use my Colt?

- No.

- Then why do you want
to give me your skiff?

- Well, I just thought

maybe you could use it,
Nichol (laughs).

- If you give me your skiff,
Faron,

how are you gonna finance the
majorette's shopping sprees?

- Nichol, my customers can
hear how upset you are.

Do you want the boat or not?

- Yes!

- Mr and Mrs Rudleigh,
you all step out, please?

Go on and give me that there.

- [Mr Rudleigh] What's up,
Captain?

- [Faron] Oh, my friend
here needs a skiff.

It's looking more like
miniature golf today (laughs).

- Run that past me again,
Captain.

You were real unclear
the first time.

- Well, we've had kind
of an emergency come up,

and I'm afraid our
fishing's off.

- We will be heading directly
to the Chamber of Commerce.

Do you have an official version

of the event you'd
like us to relay

as to why a month-old
date to fish was canceled?

- Yes, sir, I do.

- What is it?

- Um, just say the captain,
or guide,

experienced a sudden loss
of interest, or ambition,

and flaked out without
warning (laughs).

(engine revs)

- I think you, uh,

I think you know how I
feel about this.

- Yes, I do, I do.

- So where do you want it?
- Where does he want what?

- Shut up!

- I've got a toothache,

and just if you can manage it,

try not to shoot me in the face.

Well, I wouldn't want
to ruin my face,

and here, this is my left side.

You're right.
(gun fires)

(solemn music)

(digital music)