7 Days in Hell (2015) - full transcript
A "documentary" on the rivalry between an American tennis player, Aaron Williams (played by Andy Samberg), and an English tennis player, Charles Poole (Kit Harrington, of Game of Thrones fame). Focuses largely on the match where their rivalry reached a climax - Wimbledon 2001, 1st round - a match that took seven days...
- Come on!
- Out!
And here we go.
Aaron Williams, one point away from
ending this outrageous seven-day match.
On this, his 67th match point.
He can end it all with one serve.
Oh.
A weak 30-mph serve into the net.
Seven days of play really taking
its toll on everyone here.
Please end it.
Please end it.
Fuck, no.
- Jesus.
- Oh, this is killing me.
The Williams-Poole match.
It wasn't even a match. It was...
It was something else.
It was two men stuck in eternal flames.
- Deuce.
- Yeah, I know it's deuce.
We all know it's deuce, man.
It was...
seven days in hell.
It was the most spectacular
match in tennis history.
But to fully understand
how these two men got here,
we must first know where they came from.
Aaron Williams, thank you
for sitting down with us.
- My pleasure.
- You're known as the "bad boy" of tennis.
No. You know what?
Fuck this and fuck you.
Aaron Williams does not play "country club"
tennis because he's from the streets.
I mean, literally.
He was left on a street by his mother
and then was adopted by Richard Williams,
father of Serena and Venus.
Well, with Aaron
it was a reverse "Blind Side."
You know, a rich white family gets a
black kid and makes him play football.
Well, we flipped it.
My dad, he took a white kid
and made him play tennis.
Like his sisters, Aaron quickly
rose to the top of the game.
But the number-one ranking eluded him.
His personal life, however,
has shined bright since his arrival to fame.
We could go months without talking to him.
He'd hang around a lot in Vegas, spending a lot
of time with Rod Stewart and some magician.
Well, it was me, Aaron Williams and Rod Stewart
going out every night for about 10 years,
crushing pussy and making money.
Aaron's chance to become the
top-ranked player in the world
finally came at the '96 Wimbledon finals.
What happened at Wimbledon '96
completely changed the trajectory
of Aaron Williams' life.
Will he do it? At 25 years old
finally win Wimbledon and grab
that number-one ranking he so desires?
Can he do it?
Can he beat the Belgian, Jens Goossens?
Ace.
- Three points away now.
- Here comes the guitar.
He is gunning for that title.
- 30-love.
- Another ace.
Are you kidding me?
148 miles per hour.
He's like, on another planet right now.
After those three aces,
there wasn't one person
who didn't think that
a four-bagger was coming.
And with it, a new tennis champion.
But what came next was
something quite different.
Here we go.
Championship point.
It appears he just whispered to himself,
"This is how we do it."
The hit Montell Jordan song that Aaron
sung backup vocals on this year.
Oh!
Oh, jeez.
This is not good.
We just hope he's all right.
You knew right away he was dead.
My Lord, I've never seen anything like this.
It was one of the great
tragedies of all time
and, technically,
it wasn't the impact that killed him.
But the impact gave him a heart
attack and that killed him.
So if you ask me, did Aaron kill him?
I'd say kinda.
The silver lining to that man's death
is that Aaron had set a...
a new speed record for a serve.
If the pressure of winning
Wimbledon wasn't enough,
now he's got a dead body on his hands.
Aaron probably should have
forfeited after killing a guy.
But he didn't because he's an asshole.
Second serve now, after killing a man.
Not a good sign for Williams.
Aaron lost, but remarkably,
killing a man and losing his
greatest shot at Wimbledon
and the number-one ranking still wasn't
as low as he would sink that day.
Let us start with a moment of silence
for Chauncey Kensington,
who gave his life for the game of tennis.
And now let's hear it for the runner-up,
Aaron Williams.
Thanks.
Man, sorry I couldn't win today.
I thought I was gonna, but...
I didn't murder him.
He had a heart attack.
Great. Well, you know what?
I hate all of you too.
I hate this stupid-ass country.
The food's terrible.
There's no hot chicks.
I've seen maybe two, max,
and they were, like, "sixes" at best.
Even then, they'd be way lower
if you put them in an L.A. or Miami
or even a San Francisco!
- This is an outrage...
Get out of my fucking way!
He pushed the duke.
You don't shove a member of the royal family
unless your brain is made of toddings.
Sorry for my language.
It was the push heard round the world.
The Duke of Kent has been pushed.
Later, tennis.
I mean, no one actually thought
he was saying goodbye to tennis for good,
because
that's a crazy thing to say when retiring.
"Later, tennis"?
After this dramatic exit, he vanished.
And it seemed that would be the last
anyone would hear from Aaron Williams.
No one could know that he would return
to compete in the longest and arguably
greatest game in tennis history.
Fuck, no!
His competitor in the
match was Charles Poole.
When you're a child prodigy,
the cameras start filming early.
His name is Charles Lloyd Poole,
and at three years of age, he's
only got the entire tennis world talking.
You've got to be the best, Charles.
The best.
Mummy won't love you if you're second best.
He's clearly one to watch.
If you like tennis,
you will certainly like my next guest.
It is the wunderkind, Charles Lloyd Poole.
Welcome to "Good Sport."
The rooftops of London have been a-flutter
with talk that you may be turning pro
- before turning 16.
- Indubitably.
It would make you
the youngest pro in history.
Oh, yeah, indubitably.
It was pretty obvious
someone had taught this kid
the word, "indubitably,"
thinking that mixed with his English accent,
it'd make him sound smart.
Charles was by far the
thickest person I ever met.
It was like talking to a
child with brain damage.
His mother wanted him to turn pro so badly
that she found a shortcut for schooling.
She sent him to a vocation school that
taught him to be a bloody lorry driver.
I must say, you are looking extremely fit.
Would you mind lifting...
Lifting your shirt so...
So we can inspect the abdominal muscles?
Oh, yeah, indubitably.
It was also obvious the host of "Good Sport"
was interested in him sexually.
I'm not entirely sure that camera
got that.
Crackerjack.
Well, Caspian Wint could be a bit
of a rapscallion.
That guy was a creep.
Nobody liked him.
Why do you smell like fire?
Because I rage inside, like a furnace.
And d-do you have a g... a girlfriend?
No, but I did have one once.
He was always really sweet and properly fit.
And I know he really did love me.
But, you know, my modeling
career was just pff-ff!
Besides, even if I had wanted more,
there was just no getting past his mum.
She was an iron fortress around him.
Are you scared of your mother?
No. No, of course not.
I... I love my mum.
I'm not scared of her.
I'm not scared of my mum at all.
Charles... is your mother
using you for her
own dashed dreams?
- Oh yeah, definitely.
- He's joking.
I always liked that Caspian Wint.
He and Charles always seemed to
have a very special connection.
Two years after walking off
the court, Aaron Williams
finally resurfaced...
In Sweden, of all places...
To become the top of his game
once again at a new endeavor.
Uh, hmm?
Yeah?
Yeah.
"Den Swedish Hit Show."
No...
Here comes the guitar.
I don't think there's anyone in the world who
doesn't want to have sex with Aaron Williams.
With the success of his underwear line
and clearly not missing tennis at all,
it seemed Aaron had landed back on his feet,
but beneath him was again, black ice.
Aaron was hit with thousands
of malpractice lawsuits.
A Swedish judge ordered him to pay
$12 million in class action fines or
face a decade in Swedish jail.
The Swedish courtroom sketches
were just magnificent.
They looked like a wonderful Disney film.
Those remarkable sketches
were inspired by this man,
Jan Erik Eckland, a major
fan of Disney films
and a prominent Swedish courtroom
artist in the late 1950s.
Every courtroom artist coming
up after 1955 will tell you
they got in the game because
of Jan Erik Eckland.
Before Jan Erik Eckland, Swedish courtroom
sketches looked like any other courtroom sketch.
Jan Erik said, "I want to do something
different. I want to do something fun."
He comes along and turns the dull
settings into fantastical worlds
complete with anthropomorphic
animals and magical beings.
Jan Erik inspired courtroom
artists all over the world
and began a renaissance
of courtroom sketching.
And there are certain perks that come with
being at the forefront of your industry.
Jan Erik is driving fancy cars,
sleeping with gorgeous women.
He owns a biplane.
This guy was on top of the world.
The only thing left for Jan
Erik Eckland wasn't on Earth.
So he built this rocket ship.
He said, "I'm gonna find a new planet
with better food and prettier
women and crazier drugs."
The rocket blew up on launch.
So Aaron owed $12 million
to the Swedish government
and his inability to come up with the funds
led him into a pit of despair, AKA, PCP.
Boogie, boogie, boogie.
Nobody wants to end up in prison.
But if you do end up in prison,
Swedish prison's the way to go.
It's a lot like living in a very
modern home with mid-century finishes.
And once again, people assumed that was the
last they would ever hear of Aaron Williams.
So, Charles, you're now
number two in the world.
You're favored to win Wimbledon,
which would make you number one.
How do you do it?
Yeah, well, when I'm playing
I serve the ball and the man
opposite me on the other side of
the court, he plays it back to me.
Now, then I
try to hit to a place in the
court that he's not standing in anymore.
And if he manages to reach
that and play it back,
if it lands short, I run forward
and then I try and get it to another place
in the court that he's not standing anymore.
And sometimes it goes outside of these
lines on the side of the court.
And if that happens, the ump,
he shouts, "Out!"
And that's... that's very
bad if that happens to me.
But if it happens to the other
player, I really like that.
I understand how the game
of tennis is played.
I guess I meant, what's
your overall strategy?
Yeah, yeah.
Indubitably, yeah.
Okay.
You know, Charles, you...
you can't help but compare your
career to that of Aaron Williams.
And I think it's fair to
say there's been a debate
about who's the better player.
Would you say
it's you?
Yeah.
That sheepish comment unexpectedly
made it halfway around the world...
To an all-male orgy.
Would you say it's you?
Yeah.
And with a seemingly innocuous statement
that should have gone unnoticed...
- Yeah.
- Charles awoke a sleeping dragon.
Despite the escaped convict, Charles' fate
to be world number one seemed predetermined.
But would it come at the following Grand
Slam, on his home court at Wimbledon?
An Englishman hadn't won Wimbledon
since Fred Perry in 1937,
so there was tremendous pressure on
Charles to bring the trophy home.
I mean, can you imagine?
Yeah, thank you so much.
Yeah.
Yeah, goodbye, ma'am.
- That was the Queen.
- What did she want?
She wanted me to win.
With the weight of an
entire nation on his back,
Charles stepped up his
training to a diabolical level.
Winning the seven matches necessary
to bring the trophy home to England
seemed nothing more than protocol.
Until an unexpected guest showed up.
No one expected Aaron
to come back to tennis.
I mean, he got that awful tattoo.
No one pictured Aaron Williams
back on a tennis court
until a young PR man at the
All England Club had an idea.
The All England Club is allowed to
admit players through a wild card.
So I proposed we let Aaron play
for the press it would bring.
I did not like the proposal one bit.
The duke was furious upon hearing the name,
but cooler heads prevailed when I assured him
Aaron would lose badly
after not playing for years.
Not to mention we would have him lose to an
Englishman who was certain to humiliate him.
That Englishman was obviously
Charles Lloyd Poole.
Every tennis fan had been
dying for these two to play.
It was a guaranteed, epic match.
Not to mention all the trim it would bring.
The second they entered the stadium, all
the girls would just soak their socks.
Jesus.
Just moments ago, the first to walk onto Centre Court and
prepare to open play for this fortnight at Wimbledon...
Oh, my God.
He appears to be wearing
some kind of sleeveless,
denim button-down.
Pros are sponsored and given clothes.
Here's the problem, though.
No one wanted to give Aaron an endorsement
until Jordache decided to get in the game.
The spirit of Jordache
is one of experimentation.
If I dig that shit, I think the
customer's gonna dig that shit.
That white denim has to go down as
the all-time worst tennis outfit.
I liked his hair and he
looked good in the jeans.
End of story.
Look, in the first rounds of any tournament,
you have top-seeded guys playing low-ranked
guys and there's rarely a surprise.
And the start of the
Williams-Poole match
seemed to be going accordingly.
The guy was 30.
He hadn't played in years.
It looks like he's never
played tennis before.
The guy's just dying out there.
He looked like an old, faded drug addict.
Which is what he was.
Charles effortlessly destroyed Aaron
in the first set in an
unprecedented 21 minutes.
It was on course to be over soon.
But the weather had other plans.
Look! It's raining. We have to stop.
We have to stop. It's raining.
We'll have to continue this match tomorrow.
If you want to catch the end,
be sure to tune in on time
because it won't last long.
He played so bad, Jordache
pulled its sponsorship.
Thank God.
We lost a lot of money with that
endorsement, and I lost my job.
But I sell pianos now.
I fucking love it.
The scoreboard said it all.
And the battle would
conclude the following day.
Or so we thought.
What happened the second day was
nothing short of a miracle.
- Another winner from Aaron.
- Yeah!
- This guy has been totally reborn.
- It's like riding a bike.
It just clicked for him on that second day.
I couldn't see. Was it in?
Did it go in?
- Yeah.
- My point?
- Yeah, yeah, it went in. Your point.
- Okay, cool.
And that confidence gave him
a huge burst of energy.
It looks like Aaron's having some
fun with the line judge out there.
But others suspected that burst of energy was
from something much more illicit than confidence.
It was pretty obvious that he had
hidden cocaine in his water bottles...
and in his rackets...
and in his coke necklace.
And even on the lines of the court.
Seems crazy now, but you gotta remember
this is before cocaine was illegal.
- Cocaine was always illegal.
- Really?
Oh, we knew he was on cocaine.
It's just that in England it's
very rude to point things out.
Whatever the reason for Aaron's
sudden energy and inspiration...
It appears there's a bit of blood
on his wristband from his nose.
It led to arguably the
greatest tennis of his life.
The match was expected to end quickly.
But Aaron's rally extended the game,
leaving it tied at two sets each.
It would be the first match in
tennis history to go three days.
When I got in, there was a
message from the Queen.
Wow, the Queen of
England really wants you to win.
- How are you dealing with the pressure?
- Will you excuse me just... just for one second?
You're experiencing something
that is the optimum in tennis.
The following day began
at the crack of dawn.
And the play was again remarkable.
What? Come on!
How'd he get to that?
Unbelievable.
- Are you kidding me?
This is like nothing I've ever seen.
Spectacular!
Absolutely spectacular!
Oh, my God!
What? Come on!
I'm gonna go ahead and call that the
greatest point in tennis history.
In the fifth set of Wimbledon,
there's no tie break,
so you play until one man wins by two games,
be it 8-6, or 9-7,
or 10-8...
Or 11-9, for example.
They could theoretically
play forever, which is scary
for somebody like me who doesn't
much like watching tennis.
The match stretched on
for eight hours that day,
but neither side was able to claim victory.
On day four, Aaron came out
completely depleted.
Oh, Jesus Christ, easy.
His legs were like Jell-O,
just two little pudding pops.
He's collapsed like a baby deer.
No fight in his eyes.
- Out.
- But just when it seemed.
Aaron was on his last breath,
he was granted a gift from the gods.
Charles up a break, one point
awayfrom finally ending this.
And now this match has it all.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a streaker.
Looks like security has her now.
Seems Aaron wants to take care
of the situation himself.
He's holding his hand out
to calm the streaker.
He's made eye contact with her.
Whoa, whoa, what's going on down there?
Whatever he said to her
was quite the line, Chris.
What's he doing to her?
It appears that Aaron is now
copulating with the random streaker.
Is no one gonna stop this?
You'd think that a player would be disqualified
for having sex on the court for over four hours, but
really, there's no rule in the book about it.
So what could we do, but watch?
He went down on her for a solid hour at
least, the whole time high-fiving her.
It was like nothing I'd ever seen,
and I'm no stranger to adult films.
Whoo! That's what
I'm talking about.
Quiet on the court, please.
For Aaron, the streaker was a
life preserver in a sea of grass
and he clung to her for dear life -
until he could no longer hang on.
Are they clapping because
they're happy it's over
or are they proud of his work?
Hard to say, but it looks like we
might actually get back to tennis.
Whoo!
Spoke too soon.
We've got another streaker.
This one's a dude.
It appears Aaron is not
as happy to see this guy.
Oh, wait.
It looks like he's gonna bone him too.
They are having sex.
Well, if you need to stall, this
is definitely one way to do it.
They're letting out a harmonized moan now.
These guys are really in sync.
He... he came so hard,
it made a divot in the court.
Looks like they've finished up.
The female streaker has returned for more.
We've got three bodies, two of them naked.
Oh, I think I know
how this is gonna pan out.
And now Aaron is kissing
the female streaker.
And now, the male streaker.
And now he's making the two streakers kiss.
The lovemaking lasted until nightfall
and Aaron survived another day.
Good morning.
Before I get started, I just want to say
I'm not going to apologize
for the incidents in yesterday's match.
What happens between two or three people
on the Wimbledon courts is between them.
And it's natural and it's beautiful.
That out of the way, as many of you know,
I've spent years searching for the
true identity of my birth father.
I'm an orphan.
Adopted.
And...
I'm happy to announce
that today I have found him.
His name is England's own...
Engelbert Humperdinck.
And I'd like to hereby announce
that my performance in this match
will be dedicated to my native home
of Great Britain.
England's true son has returned!
Whoo!
See you on the court.
Look, we all know this,
tennis is a head game.
And it was a great move
to get in Charles' head.
I mean, the guy's whole identity
was based on being the only
British star in the sport.
And suddenly, Aaron had taken that from him.
Game, Williams.
Go, Britain!
He's a phony.
The crowd loves him.
I'm the one
who's English. Me.
Seems everyone's turned on Charles.
By this point the English
had bloody had it with Charles
and they truly believed Aaron was
a Humperdinck. A brother-in-arms.
But the abuse directed at Charles
didn't end with the angry spectators.
When he got back to his hotel, he was greeted
by a much more intimidating audience.
I'm British, eh!
Oh, my God!
Aaron Williams...
has been hit..
By a twuck.
Did something happen to Aaron Williams?
- He was hit by a truck.
- He was hit by a truck?
Oh, no.
You have two men competing
in a high-stakes match.
One of those men gets hit by a truck.
The other man...
is a licensed big-rig truck driver.
But somehow
no one thinks to accuse
the guy who's a truck driver.
I'm indubitably concerned about Aaron.
It'd be a great shame
if he couldn't play again,
and I advanced and my mum and
everyone liked me again.
No comment.
Against the advice of his doctors,
and anyone with eyeballs...
Aaron Williams checked himself out
of his hospital this afternoon
to continue his ludicrous,
now six-day match against Poole.
This is not something to miss.
Aaron's right-handed and his right
arm is completely shattered.
So it's like, okay, you want to
keep playing, but with what arm?
It appears Williams is now going to attempt
to continue this match with his left hand.
I mean, this is just
an exercise in stupidity now.
There's no way this works.
A left-handed ace?
Are you kidding me?
This guy can do anything.
At this point, sports psychologists
explained it was entirely mental.
No man would ever break the
other's serve because, A...
He didn't believe he could,
and, B... he didn't want to.
They had both made a deal with
themselves that this is how
they would spend the rest of their lives.
And they were okay with that.
And so was I.
But in the 196th game of play,
it seemed Charles was ready
to break that pattern.
Up for the first time
at triple match break point,
Charles had three opportunities
to put an end to the nightmare.
What happened in '98, '97,
I would call the greatest
travesty in sports history.
Please end it.
Please end it.
What the...?
What's going on?
It's David Copperfield!
Oh, my God!
- At that point, you'd just seen it all.
Aaron was in no way responsible.
It was simply a trick gone wrong.
I was supposed to appear on
top of the Statue of Liberty.
But sometimes these things just...
Well, they just happen.
Charles couldn't concentrate after that.
Playing at Wimbledon is hard enough
then add on top of that all the pressure
and fear that a magician might appear
on your shoulders at any time.
Whatever it was that happened, it now seemed
the match would never reach a conclusion.
- 30-15.
- Until...
Aaron, how are you feeling?
- I feel great.
I popped my shoulder back into place
"Lethal Weapon" style, so good to go there.
And Charles didn't try and hit
me with his truck last night.
So that always helps.
Charles, what are your
thoughts on the sex tape?
What sex tape?
Ooh, you hadn't heard about that?
What sex tape?
The one with Aaron and Lily.
- Is it recording?
- Yeah, it's on.
It's going.
One doesn't expect this type of
thing to be released to the public.
It was... rather embarrassing.
Not so much for me, but more for Aaron.
I empathize.
I've been there, you know?
I am so disappointed that surfaced
today of all days, you know?
I don't want to distract from the match.
Whoa, whoa. Hey!
It was his biggest secret.
He started balding around 13.
If you're gonna wear a wig,
why would you wear that wig?
If you are gonna wear a wig,
that's the one to wear.
- Don't touch my hair, bro!
- Don't touch my bloody girl, mate!
- You're dead, bro.
- You're dead, mate.
Ugh!
- Get off of me, man!
- Get off of me, man.
- Get off of me, dude, bro.
I'll see you on the court, mate, dude.
- Get off!
- Get off. Get off!
Would you look at this?
For the first time since 1977,
the Queen is back at Wimbledon.
You have taken everything from me,
but you will not take this match!
I'm taking your virginity next.
This is more of a street brawl
than a Sunday at Wimbledon.
Finally the tension rose to a boiling point
and the lid was knocked off the pot.
Yeah!
Come on, motherfucker!
- Bring it.
- Whoo!
What did you just do?
What'd I do?
I didn't do anything.
I honestly didn't notice anything,
but Charles clearly saw something.
To me, a very clear, very well
done "pussy-eating" sign.
It did seem unintentional,
but knowing my brother,
I'd guess it was very intentional.
Well, if Charles had actually
watched the provoking tape,
he probably wouldn't have cared at all.
The one-two punch of
the sex tape with his girl
and whatever gesture he made, it
was more than Charles could take.
- You want to fight me?
- I will rip you in half if you want to go.
This shouldn't be happening at Wimbledon.
- Let's go.
I'll rip you in half, mate.
This is not what you want to see.
- I will rip you in half.
No.
Let them fight.
And that was how it ended.
They killed each other.
They lived to play each other.
They died playing each other.
You know, it only seemed right
that they be buried together
in the same coffin.
I've seen too many dead
bodies on the tennis court.
I would have spent more time with him, but
he was obsessed with tennis.
They were two of England's greatest sons.
Except for Aaron Williams,
who was not English.
Aaron may have died,
but his spirit lives on in all of us.
That was perhaps his greatest trick.
Actually, somebody
should say that at my funeral.
That's the perfect thing to say about me.
I really did love them both.
Charles was so dim.
And Aaron was so bad at getting erect.
It would have been incredibly tragic
if these were football players
or basketball players.
But it was tennis players.
Who cares?
Do you have any...
Any role models?
Oh, yes.
I really look up to Aaron Williams.
He's my favorite tennis player,
and person of all time.
You are a fascinating creature.
Charles Lloyd Poole.
Do you genuinely hate him?
No, no.
I don't hate him.
I mean, I respect the shit out of that kid.
It seemed like I hate him,
sure, but hate, love,
I mean, those are just two flip sides
of the same quesadilla, amiga.
The great quesadilla in the sky.
Yeah.
If I die, that should be
the last shot, of my dock.
I don't know what the word "strategy" means,
Bryant Gumbel.
I'm not Bryant Gumbel.
I'm Soledad O'Brien.
I'm at the wrong show.
Putting a tennis player in denim was
the first in a series of bad choices
that I made as president of Jordache.
I sponsored a bunch of Mexican
guys who do cockfights.
I started a JonBen?t Ramsey line of denim,
after she died.
How's it going?
- It's good.
Like 25%.
I would presume
that there's only one way to grip a wacket.
Oh, no, there's loads
of ways to grip a racket.
- Do tell.
- You can hold it like this
when you want to make
a big shot over the head.
What if it's a very dirty handle?
Last month you crashed
your Lamborghini Countach into your Viper.
What happened?
What's the PC way to say I got
fucked up with two Puerto Ricans?
There really isn't one.
I got fucked up with two Puerto Ricans.
- Bro, bro.
- Mate, mate.
- Bro, bro.
- Mate, mate.
Mate!
I actually heard that they dropped
the coffin into the sewer.
A friend of mine didn't believe it.
I did believe it.
I thought that sounds about right.
- How are you dealing with the pressure?
- Just got to get a sip of water.
What's wrong with this kid?
It was seven days in hell.
Why are you looking at the lens?
'Cause I think that would make a good title.
"Seven Days In Hell."
- Out!
And here we go.
Aaron Williams, one point away from
ending this outrageous seven-day match.
On this, his 67th match point.
He can end it all with one serve.
Oh.
A weak 30-mph serve into the net.
Seven days of play really taking
its toll on everyone here.
Please end it.
Please end it.
Fuck, no.
- Jesus.
- Oh, this is killing me.
The Williams-Poole match.
It wasn't even a match. It was...
It was something else.
It was two men stuck in eternal flames.
- Deuce.
- Yeah, I know it's deuce.
We all know it's deuce, man.
It was...
seven days in hell.
It was the most spectacular
match in tennis history.
But to fully understand
how these two men got here,
we must first know where they came from.
Aaron Williams, thank you
for sitting down with us.
- My pleasure.
- You're known as the "bad boy" of tennis.
No. You know what?
Fuck this and fuck you.
Aaron Williams does not play "country club"
tennis because he's from the streets.
I mean, literally.
He was left on a street by his mother
and then was adopted by Richard Williams,
father of Serena and Venus.
Well, with Aaron
it was a reverse "Blind Side."
You know, a rich white family gets a
black kid and makes him play football.
Well, we flipped it.
My dad, he took a white kid
and made him play tennis.
Like his sisters, Aaron quickly
rose to the top of the game.
But the number-one ranking eluded him.
His personal life, however,
has shined bright since his arrival to fame.
We could go months without talking to him.
He'd hang around a lot in Vegas, spending a lot
of time with Rod Stewart and some magician.
Well, it was me, Aaron Williams and Rod Stewart
going out every night for about 10 years,
crushing pussy and making money.
Aaron's chance to become the
top-ranked player in the world
finally came at the '96 Wimbledon finals.
What happened at Wimbledon '96
completely changed the trajectory
of Aaron Williams' life.
Will he do it? At 25 years old
finally win Wimbledon and grab
that number-one ranking he so desires?
Can he do it?
Can he beat the Belgian, Jens Goossens?
Ace.
- Three points away now.
- Here comes the guitar.
He is gunning for that title.
- 30-love.
- Another ace.
Are you kidding me?
148 miles per hour.
He's like, on another planet right now.
After those three aces,
there wasn't one person
who didn't think that
a four-bagger was coming.
And with it, a new tennis champion.
But what came next was
something quite different.
Here we go.
Championship point.
It appears he just whispered to himself,
"This is how we do it."
The hit Montell Jordan song that Aaron
sung backup vocals on this year.
Oh!
Oh, jeez.
This is not good.
We just hope he's all right.
You knew right away he was dead.
My Lord, I've never seen anything like this.
It was one of the great
tragedies of all time
and, technically,
it wasn't the impact that killed him.
But the impact gave him a heart
attack and that killed him.
So if you ask me, did Aaron kill him?
I'd say kinda.
The silver lining to that man's death
is that Aaron had set a...
a new speed record for a serve.
If the pressure of winning
Wimbledon wasn't enough,
now he's got a dead body on his hands.
Aaron probably should have
forfeited after killing a guy.
But he didn't because he's an asshole.
Second serve now, after killing a man.
Not a good sign for Williams.
Aaron lost, but remarkably,
killing a man and losing his
greatest shot at Wimbledon
and the number-one ranking still wasn't
as low as he would sink that day.
Let us start with a moment of silence
for Chauncey Kensington,
who gave his life for the game of tennis.
And now let's hear it for the runner-up,
Aaron Williams.
Thanks.
Man, sorry I couldn't win today.
I thought I was gonna, but...
I didn't murder him.
He had a heart attack.
Great. Well, you know what?
I hate all of you too.
I hate this stupid-ass country.
The food's terrible.
There's no hot chicks.
I've seen maybe two, max,
and they were, like, "sixes" at best.
Even then, they'd be way lower
if you put them in an L.A. or Miami
or even a San Francisco!
- This is an outrage...
Get out of my fucking way!
He pushed the duke.
You don't shove a member of the royal family
unless your brain is made of toddings.
Sorry for my language.
It was the push heard round the world.
The Duke of Kent has been pushed.
Later, tennis.
I mean, no one actually thought
he was saying goodbye to tennis for good,
because
that's a crazy thing to say when retiring.
"Later, tennis"?
After this dramatic exit, he vanished.
And it seemed that would be the last
anyone would hear from Aaron Williams.
No one could know that he would return
to compete in the longest and arguably
greatest game in tennis history.
Fuck, no!
His competitor in the
match was Charles Poole.
When you're a child prodigy,
the cameras start filming early.
His name is Charles Lloyd Poole,
and at three years of age, he's
only got the entire tennis world talking.
You've got to be the best, Charles.
The best.
Mummy won't love you if you're second best.
He's clearly one to watch.
If you like tennis,
you will certainly like my next guest.
It is the wunderkind, Charles Lloyd Poole.
Welcome to "Good Sport."
The rooftops of London have been a-flutter
with talk that you may be turning pro
- before turning 16.
- Indubitably.
It would make you
the youngest pro in history.
Oh, yeah, indubitably.
It was pretty obvious
someone had taught this kid
the word, "indubitably,"
thinking that mixed with his English accent,
it'd make him sound smart.
Charles was by far the
thickest person I ever met.
It was like talking to a
child with brain damage.
His mother wanted him to turn pro so badly
that she found a shortcut for schooling.
She sent him to a vocation school that
taught him to be a bloody lorry driver.
I must say, you are looking extremely fit.
Would you mind lifting...
Lifting your shirt so...
So we can inspect the abdominal muscles?
Oh, yeah, indubitably.
It was also obvious the host of "Good Sport"
was interested in him sexually.
I'm not entirely sure that camera
got that.
Crackerjack.
Well, Caspian Wint could be a bit
of a rapscallion.
That guy was a creep.
Nobody liked him.
Why do you smell like fire?
Because I rage inside, like a furnace.
And d-do you have a g... a girlfriend?
No, but I did have one once.
He was always really sweet and properly fit.
And I know he really did love me.
But, you know, my modeling
career was just pff-ff!
Besides, even if I had wanted more,
there was just no getting past his mum.
She was an iron fortress around him.
Are you scared of your mother?
No. No, of course not.
I... I love my mum.
I'm not scared of her.
I'm not scared of my mum at all.
Charles... is your mother
using you for her
own dashed dreams?
- Oh yeah, definitely.
- He's joking.
I always liked that Caspian Wint.
He and Charles always seemed to
have a very special connection.
Two years after walking off
the court, Aaron Williams
finally resurfaced...
In Sweden, of all places...
To become the top of his game
once again at a new endeavor.
Uh, hmm?
Yeah?
Yeah.
"Den Swedish Hit Show."
No...
Here comes the guitar.
I don't think there's anyone in the world who
doesn't want to have sex with Aaron Williams.
With the success of his underwear line
and clearly not missing tennis at all,
it seemed Aaron had landed back on his feet,
but beneath him was again, black ice.
Aaron was hit with thousands
of malpractice lawsuits.
A Swedish judge ordered him to pay
$12 million in class action fines or
face a decade in Swedish jail.
The Swedish courtroom sketches
were just magnificent.
They looked like a wonderful Disney film.
Those remarkable sketches
were inspired by this man,
Jan Erik Eckland, a major
fan of Disney films
and a prominent Swedish courtroom
artist in the late 1950s.
Every courtroom artist coming
up after 1955 will tell you
they got in the game because
of Jan Erik Eckland.
Before Jan Erik Eckland, Swedish courtroom
sketches looked like any other courtroom sketch.
Jan Erik said, "I want to do something
different. I want to do something fun."
He comes along and turns the dull
settings into fantastical worlds
complete with anthropomorphic
animals and magical beings.
Jan Erik inspired courtroom
artists all over the world
and began a renaissance
of courtroom sketching.
And there are certain perks that come with
being at the forefront of your industry.
Jan Erik is driving fancy cars,
sleeping with gorgeous women.
He owns a biplane.
This guy was on top of the world.
The only thing left for Jan
Erik Eckland wasn't on Earth.
So he built this rocket ship.
He said, "I'm gonna find a new planet
with better food and prettier
women and crazier drugs."
The rocket blew up on launch.
So Aaron owed $12 million
to the Swedish government
and his inability to come up with the funds
led him into a pit of despair, AKA, PCP.
Boogie, boogie, boogie.
Nobody wants to end up in prison.
But if you do end up in prison,
Swedish prison's the way to go.
It's a lot like living in a very
modern home with mid-century finishes.
And once again, people assumed that was the
last they would ever hear of Aaron Williams.
So, Charles, you're now
number two in the world.
You're favored to win Wimbledon,
which would make you number one.
How do you do it?
Yeah, well, when I'm playing
I serve the ball and the man
opposite me on the other side of
the court, he plays it back to me.
Now, then I
try to hit to a place in the
court that he's not standing in anymore.
And if he manages to reach
that and play it back,
if it lands short, I run forward
and then I try and get it to another place
in the court that he's not standing anymore.
And sometimes it goes outside of these
lines on the side of the court.
And if that happens, the ump,
he shouts, "Out!"
And that's... that's very
bad if that happens to me.
But if it happens to the other
player, I really like that.
I understand how the game
of tennis is played.
I guess I meant, what's
your overall strategy?
Yeah, yeah.
Indubitably, yeah.
Okay.
You know, Charles, you...
you can't help but compare your
career to that of Aaron Williams.
And I think it's fair to
say there's been a debate
about who's the better player.
Would you say
it's you?
Yeah.
That sheepish comment unexpectedly
made it halfway around the world...
To an all-male orgy.
Would you say it's you?
Yeah.
And with a seemingly innocuous statement
that should have gone unnoticed...
- Yeah.
- Charles awoke a sleeping dragon.
Despite the escaped convict, Charles' fate
to be world number one seemed predetermined.
But would it come at the following Grand
Slam, on his home court at Wimbledon?
An Englishman hadn't won Wimbledon
since Fred Perry in 1937,
so there was tremendous pressure on
Charles to bring the trophy home.
I mean, can you imagine?
Yeah, thank you so much.
Yeah.
Yeah, goodbye, ma'am.
- That was the Queen.
- What did she want?
She wanted me to win.
With the weight of an
entire nation on his back,
Charles stepped up his
training to a diabolical level.
Winning the seven matches necessary
to bring the trophy home to England
seemed nothing more than protocol.
Until an unexpected guest showed up.
No one expected Aaron
to come back to tennis.
I mean, he got that awful tattoo.
No one pictured Aaron Williams
back on a tennis court
until a young PR man at the
All England Club had an idea.
The All England Club is allowed to
admit players through a wild card.
So I proposed we let Aaron play
for the press it would bring.
I did not like the proposal one bit.
The duke was furious upon hearing the name,
but cooler heads prevailed when I assured him
Aaron would lose badly
after not playing for years.
Not to mention we would have him lose to an
Englishman who was certain to humiliate him.
That Englishman was obviously
Charles Lloyd Poole.
Every tennis fan had been
dying for these two to play.
It was a guaranteed, epic match.
Not to mention all the trim it would bring.
The second they entered the stadium, all
the girls would just soak their socks.
Jesus.
Just moments ago, the first to walk onto Centre Court and
prepare to open play for this fortnight at Wimbledon...
Oh, my God.
He appears to be wearing
some kind of sleeveless,
denim button-down.
Pros are sponsored and given clothes.
Here's the problem, though.
No one wanted to give Aaron an endorsement
until Jordache decided to get in the game.
The spirit of Jordache
is one of experimentation.
If I dig that shit, I think the
customer's gonna dig that shit.
That white denim has to go down as
the all-time worst tennis outfit.
I liked his hair and he
looked good in the jeans.
End of story.
Look, in the first rounds of any tournament,
you have top-seeded guys playing low-ranked
guys and there's rarely a surprise.
And the start of the
Williams-Poole match
seemed to be going accordingly.
The guy was 30.
He hadn't played in years.
It looks like he's never
played tennis before.
The guy's just dying out there.
He looked like an old, faded drug addict.
Which is what he was.
Charles effortlessly destroyed Aaron
in the first set in an
unprecedented 21 minutes.
It was on course to be over soon.
But the weather had other plans.
Look! It's raining. We have to stop.
We have to stop. It's raining.
We'll have to continue this match tomorrow.
If you want to catch the end,
be sure to tune in on time
because it won't last long.
He played so bad, Jordache
pulled its sponsorship.
Thank God.
We lost a lot of money with that
endorsement, and I lost my job.
But I sell pianos now.
I fucking love it.
The scoreboard said it all.
And the battle would
conclude the following day.
Or so we thought.
What happened the second day was
nothing short of a miracle.
- Another winner from Aaron.
- Yeah!
- This guy has been totally reborn.
- It's like riding a bike.
It just clicked for him on that second day.
I couldn't see. Was it in?
Did it go in?
- Yeah.
- My point?
- Yeah, yeah, it went in. Your point.
- Okay, cool.
And that confidence gave him
a huge burst of energy.
It looks like Aaron's having some
fun with the line judge out there.
But others suspected that burst of energy was
from something much more illicit than confidence.
It was pretty obvious that he had
hidden cocaine in his water bottles...
and in his rackets...
and in his coke necklace.
And even on the lines of the court.
Seems crazy now, but you gotta remember
this is before cocaine was illegal.
- Cocaine was always illegal.
- Really?
Oh, we knew he was on cocaine.
It's just that in England it's
very rude to point things out.
Whatever the reason for Aaron's
sudden energy and inspiration...
It appears there's a bit of blood
on his wristband from his nose.
It led to arguably the
greatest tennis of his life.
The match was expected to end quickly.
But Aaron's rally extended the game,
leaving it tied at two sets each.
It would be the first match in
tennis history to go three days.
When I got in, there was a
message from the Queen.
Wow, the Queen of
England really wants you to win.
- How are you dealing with the pressure?
- Will you excuse me just... just for one second?
You're experiencing something
that is the optimum in tennis.
The following day began
at the crack of dawn.
And the play was again remarkable.
What? Come on!
How'd he get to that?
Unbelievable.
- Are you kidding me?
This is like nothing I've ever seen.
Spectacular!
Absolutely spectacular!
Oh, my God!
What? Come on!
I'm gonna go ahead and call that the
greatest point in tennis history.
In the fifth set of Wimbledon,
there's no tie break,
so you play until one man wins by two games,
be it 8-6, or 9-7,
or 10-8...
Or 11-9, for example.
They could theoretically
play forever, which is scary
for somebody like me who doesn't
much like watching tennis.
The match stretched on
for eight hours that day,
but neither side was able to claim victory.
On day four, Aaron came out
completely depleted.
Oh, Jesus Christ, easy.
His legs were like Jell-O,
just two little pudding pops.
He's collapsed like a baby deer.
No fight in his eyes.
- Out.
- But just when it seemed.
Aaron was on his last breath,
he was granted a gift from the gods.
Charles up a break, one point
awayfrom finally ending this.
And now this match has it all.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a streaker.
Looks like security has her now.
Seems Aaron wants to take care
of the situation himself.
He's holding his hand out
to calm the streaker.
He's made eye contact with her.
Whoa, whoa, what's going on down there?
Whatever he said to her
was quite the line, Chris.
What's he doing to her?
It appears that Aaron is now
copulating with the random streaker.
Is no one gonna stop this?
You'd think that a player would be disqualified
for having sex on the court for over four hours, but
really, there's no rule in the book about it.
So what could we do, but watch?
He went down on her for a solid hour at
least, the whole time high-fiving her.
It was like nothing I'd ever seen,
and I'm no stranger to adult films.
Whoo! That's what
I'm talking about.
Quiet on the court, please.
For Aaron, the streaker was a
life preserver in a sea of grass
and he clung to her for dear life -
until he could no longer hang on.
Are they clapping because
they're happy it's over
or are they proud of his work?
Hard to say, but it looks like we
might actually get back to tennis.
Whoo!
Spoke too soon.
We've got another streaker.
This one's a dude.
It appears Aaron is not
as happy to see this guy.
Oh, wait.
It looks like he's gonna bone him too.
They are having sex.
Well, if you need to stall, this
is definitely one way to do it.
They're letting out a harmonized moan now.
These guys are really in sync.
He... he came so hard,
it made a divot in the court.
Looks like they've finished up.
The female streaker has returned for more.
We've got three bodies, two of them naked.
Oh, I think I know
how this is gonna pan out.
And now Aaron is kissing
the female streaker.
And now, the male streaker.
And now he's making the two streakers kiss.
The lovemaking lasted until nightfall
and Aaron survived another day.
Good morning.
Before I get started, I just want to say
I'm not going to apologize
for the incidents in yesterday's match.
What happens between two or three people
on the Wimbledon courts is between them.
And it's natural and it's beautiful.
That out of the way, as many of you know,
I've spent years searching for the
true identity of my birth father.
I'm an orphan.
Adopted.
And...
I'm happy to announce
that today I have found him.
His name is England's own...
Engelbert Humperdinck.
And I'd like to hereby announce
that my performance in this match
will be dedicated to my native home
of Great Britain.
England's true son has returned!
Whoo!
See you on the court.
Look, we all know this,
tennis is a head game.
And it was a great move
to get in Charles' head.
I mean, the guy's whole identity
was based on being the only
British star in the sport.
And suddenly, Aaron had taken that from him.
Game, Williams.
Go, Britain!
He's a phony.
The crowd loves him.
I'm the one
who's English. Me.
Seems everyone's turned on Charles.
By this point the English
had bloody had it with Charles
and they truly believed Aaron was
a Humperdinck. A brother-in-arms.
But the abuse directed at Charles
didn't end with the angry spectators.
When he got back to his hotel, he was greeted
by a much more intimidating audience.
I'm British, eh!
Oh, my God!
Aaron Williams...
has been hit..
By a twuck.
Did something happen to Aaron Williams?
- He was hit by a truck.
- He was hit by a truck?
Oh, no.
You have two men competing
in a high-stakes match.
One of those men gets hit by a truck.
The other man...
is a licensed big-rig truck driver.
But somehow
no one thinks to accuse
the guy who's a truck driver.
I'm indubitably concerned about Aaron.
It'd be a great shame
if he couldn't play again,
and I advanced and my mum and
everyone liked me again.
No comment.
Against the advice of his doctors,
and anyone with eyeballs...
Aaron Williams checked himself out
of his hospital this afternoon
to continue his ludicrous,
now six-day match against Poole.
This is not something to miss.
Aaron's right-handed and his right
arm is completely shattered.
So it's like, okay, you want to
keep playing, but with what arm?
It appears Williams is now going to attempt
to continue this match with his left hand.
I mean, this is just
an exercise in stupidity now.
There's no way this works.
A left-handed ace?
Are you kidding me?
This guy can do anything.
At this point, sports psychologists
explained it was entirely mental.
No man would ever break the
other's serve because, A...
He didn't believe he could,
and, B... he didn't want to.
They had both made a deal with
themselves that this is how
they would spend the rest of their lives.
And they were okay with that.
And so was I.
But in the 196th game of play,
it seemed Charles was ready
to break that pattern.
Up for the first time
at triple match break point,
Charles had three opportunities
to put an end to the nightmare.
What happened in '98, '97,
I would call the greatest
travesty in sports history.
Please end it.
Please end it.
What the...?
What's going on?
It's David Copperfield!
Oh, my God!
- At that point, you'd just seen it all.
Aaron was in no way responsible.
It was simply a trick gone wrong.
I was supposed to appear on
top of the Statue of Liberty.
But sometimes these things just...
Well, they just happen.
Charles couldn't concentrate after that.
Playing at Wimbledon is hard enough
then add on top of that all the pressure
and fear that a magician might appear
on your shoulders at any time.
Whatever it was that happened, it now seemed
the match would never reach a conclusion.
- 30-15.
- Until...
Aaron, how are you feeling?
- I feel great.
I popped my shoulder back into place
"Lethal Weapon" style, so good to go there.
And Charles didn't try and hit
me with his truck last night.
So that always helps.
Charles, what are your
thoughts on the sex tape?
What sex tape?
Ooh, you hadn't heard about that?
What sex tape?
The one with Aaron and Lily.
- Is it recording?
- Yeah, it's on.
It's going.
One doesn't expect this type of
thing to be released to the public.
It was... rather embarrassing.
Not so much for me, but more for Aaron.
I empathize.
I've been there, you know?
I am so disappointed that surfaced
today of all days, you know?
I don't want to distract from the match.
Whoa, whoa. Hey!
It was his biggest secret.
He started balding around 13.
If you're gonna wear a wig,
why would you wear that wig?
If you are gonna wear a wig,
that's the one to wear.
- Don't touch my hair, bro!
- Don't touch my bloody girl, mate!
- You're dead, bro.
- You're dead, mate.
Ugh!
- Get off of me, man!
- Get off of me, man.
- Get off of me, dude, bro.
I'll see you on the court, mate, dude.
- Get off!
- Get off. Get off!
Would you look at this?
For the first time since 1977,
the Queen is back at Wimbledon.
You have taken everything from me,
but you will not take this match!
I'm taking your virginity next.
This is more of a street brawl
than a Sunday at Wimbledon.
Finally the tension rose to a boiling point
and the lid was knocked off the pot.
Yeah!
Come on, motherfucker!
- Bring it.
- Whoo!
What did you just do?
What'd I do?
I didn't do anything.
I honestly didn't notice anything,
but Charles clearly saw something.
To me, a very clear, very well
done "pussy-eating" sign.
It did seem unintentional,
but knowing my brother,
I'd guess it was very intentional.
Well, if Charles had actually
watched the provoking tape,
he probably wouldn't have cared at all.
The one-two punch of
the sex tape with his girl
and whatever gesture he made, it
was more than Charles could take.
- You want to fight me?
- I will rip you in half if you want to go.
This shouldn't be happening at Wimbledon.
- Let's go.
I'll rip you in half, mate.
This is not what you want to see.
- I will rip you in half.
No.
Let them fight.
And that was how it ended.
They killed each other.
They lived to play each other.
They died playing each other.
You know, it only seemed right
that they be buried together
in the same coffin.
I've seen too many dead
bodies on the tennis court.
I would have spent more time with him, but
he was obsessed with tennis.
They were two of England's greatest sons.
Except for Aaron Williams,
who was not English.
Aaron may have died,
but his spirit lives on in all of us.
That was perhaps his greatest trick.
Actually, somebody
should say that at my funeral.
That's the perfect thing to say about me.
I really did love them both.
Charles was so dim.
And Aaron was so bad at getting erect.
It would have been incredibly tragic
if these were football players
or basketball players.
But it was tennis players.
Who cares?
Do you have any...
Any role models?
Oh, yes.
I really look up to Aaron Williams.
He's my favorite tennis player,
and person of all time.
You are a fascinating creature.
Charles Lloyd Poole.
Do you genuinely hate him?
No, no.
I don't hate him.
I mean, I respect the shit out of that kid.
It seemed like I hate him,
sure, but hate, love,
I mean, those are just two flip sides
of the same quesadilla, amiga.
The great quesadilla in the sky.
Yeah.
If I die, that should be
the last shot, of my dock.
I don't know what the word "strategy" means,
Bryant Gumbel.
I'm not Bryant Gumbel.
I'm Soledad O'Brien.
I'm at the wrong show.
Putting a tennis player in denim was
the first in a series of bad choices
that I made as president of Jordache.
I sponsored a bunch of Mexican
guys who do cockfights.
I started a JonBen?t Ramsey line of denim,
after she died.
How's it going?
- It's good.
Like 25%.
I would presume
that there's only one way to grip a wacket.
Oh, no, there's loads
of ways to grip a racket.
- Do tell.
- You can hold it like this
when you want to make
a big shot over the head.
What if it's a very dirty handle?
Last month you crashed
your Lamborghini Countach into your Viper.
What happened?
What's the PC way to say I got
fucked up with two Puerto Ricans?
There really isn't one.
I got fucked up with two Puerto Ricans.
- Bro, bro.
- Mate, mate.
- Bro, bro.
- Mate, mate.
Mate!
I actually heard that they dropped
the coffin into the sewer.
A friend of mine didn't believe it.
I did believe it.
I thought that sounds about right.
- How are you dealing with the pressure?
- Just got to get a sip of water.
What's wrong with this kid?
It was seven days in hell.
Why are you looking at the lens?
'Cause I think that would make a good title.
"Seven Days In Hell."