6 Love Stories (2016) - full transcript

I'm sorry, are you under the mistaken
impression that I'm enjoying myself right now.

I told her 30 minutes,

that was an hour ago.
She's got ten minutes left. Tops.

Oh, she...

It's like beyond flirting,
it's like she's giggling.

And all the shit that this guy
says, and like twirling her hair.

It's embarrassing.

I know, I know and then...

She wonders why she ends
up miserable all the time, right?

No, I didn't talk to him.
I don't need to talk to him.

It's like they are all like.
They're all like



mediocre.

It's like they've all been
dipped in it or something.

I know, I know,
I am totally mean.

Oh, my God! One of them is
looking at me right now.

So if...

you don't hear from me
in an hour, call 911

and um...

Yes, eight minutes,

eight minutes and I'll
get out of here as soon as

humanly possible.

Um, all right. I love you.

Bye.

Who do you know?

What?



Who do you know?

Who do you know? Who do you know?
Who do you know at the party here?

At the party, who do you know?

I... I know no one.

I'm a friend of a friend,

of a friend. I'm just um...
waiting for someone.

I can introduce you to people if you
want, you know show you around.

No, thank you.

Sorry I'm I'm not feeling well.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm not feeling social.

But you are at a party.

I'm waiting for someone, okay?

You see that guy?

Who the guy in
the purple speedo?

No not that douche,
the guy next to him, you see him?

Yeah.

He's got Kurt Cobain's pancreas.

- What?
- No shit.

Kurt Cobain's pancreas.

Why?

I don't know, his pancreas is fucked up.
Some generic thing or something.

He's like on a list you know,
to get a new one but

they are hard to come by so.

I mean he wasn't dying. He wasn't
going to die or anything, but you know

his doctor called one day and
said, "Get your ass into surgery."

He didn't realize, he had Kurt
Cobain's pancreas until two days later.

He didn't even know
Kurt Cobain was dead.

Until his candy striper
snuck into his room

she woke him up,
she said, "Oh, my God,

you're so lucky.
You have Kurt Cobain's pancreas"

And he looked at her and said,
"What the fuck?"

She's like, "I know I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry.

You know I'm not supposed to say
anything, it's very confidential."

Can you imagine that?

A: You wake up and
Kurt Cobain is dead.

B: You've got his pancreas.

Jesus fuckin' Christ.

He was a heroin addict.

How does he have an okay
pancrea, I dont... What?

That's exactly what I thought.

But apparently his stomach lining was
fucked up, his liver was fucked up,

but somehow
his pancreas was fine.

He is okay now?

Yeah, besides a shotgun
to the head, he was fine.

No, your friend.
Your friend is okay now?

No him, that guy. That guy is just a dick.
He's not a friend of mine.

And he's not supposed to drink anymore. He
does, but nothings really happened to him.

He definitely doesn't listen
to Nirvana anymore.

Oh! Fuck!

Is he gone?

Yeah.

Need a drink?

No.

I want a drink.

Have one.

I'm gonna.

Well?

Walked to the store,
picked up ice cream.

I don't know what
else to do, so...

You didn't have to
leave the house.

What do you want me to do? Sit there
and wait for him to put on his pants.

No.

I even got your favorite flavor,
I don't know why? Shit.

Have some, you hungry?
Go ahead.

It's passed it's due date.

Why'd you buy it then?

- I had to do something.
- Why didn't you buy potato chips.

I didn't want potato chips.

Should't eat it if
it's passed due.

I have no intention
of eating it.

I want a drink.

I've wanted a drink all day.

That's why I came home early,
'cause I wanted to drink.

You came home to have a drink?

I've come home
early before.

You should've called.

- I've come home early before and I haven't called.
- I know.

I know, it's never mattered.

Don't act like
it's the first time. All right!

- It is.
- That is, that is such bullshit.

In our house.

Did he wear a condom?

Yes.

One of mine?

No.

See, I don't believe you.

What difference does it make?

Oh, you don't think it
makes a difference?

He was wearing a condom.

Yeah, my condom.

That he got out
of my sock drawer.

Okay.

- How have you been?
- Good.

I could come by later,
I didn't realize you were eating.

I'm not eating, I'm cooking.

- Why don't you...
- The stove is out.

Yeah, the gas guys are coming in
till Monday, so I'm kind of...

I don't know, making due.

If you find you need a new one,
you can always call Frank.

Yeah, but I thought that
since we... you know.

- Maybe, I shouldn't expect any favors.
- Oh, please.

- This place is really great.
- Oh, thanks.

You know the cheeseburger money

the Scot restaurant account finally came
through so, you know. We are doing okay.

- So where is the rodent?
- There.

Yeah, she said she
can't sleep without it.

Yeah, I don't know why she keeps
forgetting it everywhere then.

So, hey. We really need to talk about
where we're going to send her to school.

All right.

So?

I... I mean it's
whatever you want Terry.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay, then I want to send her
to Saint Francis De Sales.

Okay?

It's not okay.

It's not my first
choice Terry.

But I mean,
I think you know that.

I mean you know, Catholic school
does brings up the whole

religion issue.

- Yes, of course it does.
- Yes.

So, then it's not
whatever I want Nick.

You're gonna need to hash
this out with me sometime.

You know you always do this.
It's so annoying.

- What's annoying?
- Nevermind.

Which as you
might imagine,

totally blew my mind.

Years of research.

with the best
colleagues, money can buy.

And this.

This is why families are
shopping at the big box chains.

Stand by LA team.

We cannot end the
cycle of poverty,

if we can't give our clients

a decent place to park.

LA team go.

Thank you.

That was Tracey Patel,
Executive Director of the Lowe's group.

Next up, local entrepreneur
William 'Tex' Frawley.

Okay, thanks.

Cue on 19, go.

Conquer.

Destroy.

Demand.

You cannot,

ask for the business, you
must demand the business.

You cannot think
what anybody thinks.

Are you with me Burbank?

Hi.

Andy?

It's Amanda now, but yeah. Hi.

- What in the hell.
- I know right?

- What are you doing here.
- I need to mic you up.

Come on up.

You are in this marathon?

Yeah, I'm on
the steering committee and...

for the event,
I'm the stage manager.

Wow.

Well, I do have that useless theater
degree and somebody's got to do it so...

I never imagined I'd see you.

I know, we are a
long way from Phoenix.

How do you know
I was in Phoenix?

Steering committee.

Steering committee.

Right.

So, I tell him again.
Instead of his zombie apocalypse,

or some other dumb retarded,

thing we've seen
a gazillion times.

Why don't we set
the story in...

Not some dystopian future

wasteland, circa 3024.

Why don't we set it in...

post World War Two Italy.

And he's like "Okay."

And I'm like, "You bet
your ass. Okay."

Post World War Two Italy,
is undiscovered country.

God, this guy man,
I mean. He...

I mean he's never even hear of
the Dorio Diseca.

Like Bicycle bees maybe
a public safety issue,

as far as he's concerned.

So, I end the meeting
with this line.

It's so classic, I say,

Stop pulling stupid shit
out of your ass

just to calm your own anxieties.

I say that to him.

When was this,
this conversation?

Last... Last Tuesday.

Has he called you back?

No.

- Emailed?
- No.

Okay.

What?

Nothing.

Okay. Don't do this.

Don't do this clam up bullshit.

Okay, I'm not your
soulmate anymore.

We were never soulmates Pete.

Fine.

He was trying to work with you.

No he was... He was scared, man.

Of course, he was.

I was just trying to let him
in on the writing process.

Really?

That's what you were doing.

Explaining screenwriting
to a movie producer.

Yeah.

Okay, well...

- He wasn't open to that approach.
- Okay, and you know this?

I know this.

Like you know him, like you know
his innermost thoughts.

I don't have to.

- You don't have to?
- No.

I know you.

How.

Are we waiting on someone.

Tour starts at four.

Four.

Sir, sir.

Tour starts momentarily.

Right, right.
I was just looking.

Sir, please, no looking.

No looking?

This is a museum.
That's kind of the point right?

I mean you are supposed to...

It's okay.

On behalf of the California
Department of Parks and Recreation,

welcome to Will Rogers

State Historic Park.

And for the purposes
of this tour,

Will Roger's home.

Will lived in this house
from 1928 to 1935

with his beautiful family.

The house itself

is a classic western
ranch style home.

In fact, in a letter to his
architect written in 1927,

Will requested

a simple, board and batten box
type structure

very plain and ordinary

with a big wide porch.

He noted,

that he would like
his new house built low...

Question.

It's just the two of us.

I was thinking maybe if we just
cut through the canned stuff

and go inside the house and
have a look around.

Sorry sir, there's a spiel.

If I cut the spiel for you,
I got to cut it for everybody.

Well just so you know
I am an author and I write

about Will Rogers,
so I already know this stuff.

Just FYI.

You'll notice that the wood

siding on the house
is painted pine.

Now our curators have made

sure that it's
the same exact shade

that Will had it painted
in the fall of 1933.

And believe it or not,
it's not white.

Question.

What about the grass.

What kind of grass
did Will plant?

Do we know that? And is it the same
shade of green it was back then.

Or has it shifted?

Zoysia.

What?

Zoysia.

The grass sir.

It's Zoysia.

Looks like Bermuda to me.

Nope. Zoysia.

Bermuda.

Said you came with Shane.

I didn't say that.
No, I don't know anyone here.

He's a big Hollywood stuntman.

Just came off the new Vin Diesel film,
Fast and Furious movie down in Atlanta.

Get this.

Third day in, and they're rehearsing
the fight scene and you know

I guess he hit Vin a little
too hard and Vin

actually took it seriously,
and he wanted to fight him back.

But,

little did he know, Shane is
a Blackbelt in fucking karate

had him in a head lock
in two seconds.

Everyone clears off and goes
about their way and

Vin comes up to Shane and
is like, "Hey man,

I'm sorry, I just like you know,
I got little carried away."

Like acting like as if he
is his biggest buddy.

After lunch, AD goes like,
"Hey Shane, can I talk to you?"

"You're fired."

Now he can't work in Hollywood.
He is blacklisted.

What a dick right. I mean the guy was
just trying to do his job. That's it.

Yeah.

That guy right over there.

He has the most miserable boring job than
anybody. Works for an Internet company.

He literally made $3.5 million.
That guy can do anything he wants to do.

Now that he has money,
I think he is just afraid of...

Blowing it, just kind of,
jeopardizing the whole thing.

It kind of makes sense
if you think about it.

- No.
- No what?

Does not make sense.

'Cause it's bullshit.

Right?

It's all bullshit.

You know what else I thought

on the way back from the grocery
store among other things.

What?

I wondered how big he was?

- Don't.
- I mean, is he bigger than me?

- Stop. Yes.
- I'm sorry, is that out of line?

Guess what, there are no more rules. We
are beyond rules at this point sweetheart.

I'm sorry.

You know what else I thought.

- I don't wanna know what you thought.
- I bet you don't.

- I don't.
- I wondered if I could kill you.

Just...

Just in my head, I sat there
and I...

Just wondering if I could do it.

What do you think?
You think I could?

- No.
- No?

Why?

- Are you trying to frighten me?
- No.

- Are you frightened?
- Should I be?

Probably.

So I hear, I hear that
you are seeing somebody.

Excuse me.

What are you talking about?
Who said that?

- I don't know.
- You don't know?

I've been on a few dates,
but I'm not dating anybody.

Who would say that?

Look, somebody saw you
in a restaurant,

and said that you were with a
guy and it looked like you were

I don't know, clicking.

Oh!

Yeah, I ran into...

some friend of yours
in a sushi spot.

What's his name?

Nick, what was his name?

- Shannon.
- Thank you.

Yeah Shannon, I ran into him when I
was having dinner with some guy at a

sushi restaurant, but I wasn't

like I was dating him.

- Okay.
- I was on a date.

Second date, third date?

- Can we drop it?
- Sure.

- Hey babe, I'm off.
- Okay.

Oh! This is...
this is Terry.

Terry, this is Clementine.

- Hi.
- This is the famous Terry.

Hi.

Hello.

You're nervous about tonight.

- I am nervous about tonight.
- Listen to me.

Don't be nervous,
you are going to be good.

Thanks.

Terry. Good to meet you.

Good to meet you.

Wow, a musician.

She is really, really talented.

And she's crazy about me.

I bet.

Um...

Alrighty, well we really need to talk
about where we're going to send Celine

to school, because we are
running out of time on that.

Okay.

Have you even thought of other places
that you would like to send her to?

No.

Do you even know how to go
about looking into it?

No.

Why do I have to think for
the both of us still?

Why do I still have
to do that, huh?

I'm going to get out of here.

Okay.

Can you not do that anymore?

- Not hug.
- Yeah, not hug.

Okay.

'Cause I just can't.

I'm sorry.

Well I guess you
better mic me up.

Oh!

My wish came true.

Ah no, I'm looking to see,
where the best place to...

You of all people
would notice Amanda.

We're adults.

I was barely a B cup when
we were together.

It would have been rude
if you hadn't.

They're both uh... great.

You always said I was...

Perfect without them.

You are.

Still are.

Can I touch them?

I'm sorry
I didn't mean to ask that.

I carry this.

Doll baby.

Ain't that right baby doll.

Ain't that right, Burbank.

Am I right?

Now you bet I am.

I carry this.

All right, let me just clip
this on the back of your dress.

Is that comfortable?

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Roll on cue lights.

I don't understand.

Speech kills everywhere I go.

Guess they don't like
doll babies in Burbank.

And now, to tell us about
his big stick,

Mr. Duane Crawford.

I'll show you how it's done kid.

Hello beautiful.

Okay, if you actually
said that to him,

he is not going to call you.

Can I get some coffee please.

Thanks.

Well, then that's
the way it goes.

But don't forget,

goes the other way too.

I'm not trying to hurt your
feelings Pete.

My feelings aren't hurt Mara.

Okay, don't patronize me.

I'm not your soulmate.

How's Dick?

- Richard?
- Hmm.

Richard, Dick yeah. Your fiance.

Oh, my fiance is great.

- Good. Wonderful.
- Yeah.

- What?
- Nothing.

- What?
- Nothing.

Is he your soulmate?

Fuck you Pete.

Okay, calm down Mara.

Calm down okay, don't... don't.

You blew that meeting.

No one to blame but yourself.

In a moment we will step into
Will Roger's living room.

Before we do it's important
to understand

who Will represented
to everyday Americans.

Okay, I'm sorry I just,

I have to say I am a professor

in 20th century American
history in culture.

I have written two books,

on Will Roger's innumerous journal
articles, innumerous to count.

And, I have never been
in the house before.

I'm up against a tight deadline,
I really only need to see two rooms.

You've written books about Will
Rogers and you've never been here.

Yeah.

Huh.

What?

Your book's in the gift shop?

Oh God. Oh God no.

No, heavens no.

No, I write for academia.

You know colleges,
universities, think tanks.

But I think you should know that,
my books do take a decidedly critical look,

at Roger's so called legacy.

So your book's not
in the gift shop.

No, not there.

Ah, in fact my books would
probably be way over the head

of your standard issue
Will Roger's tourist.

To whom this place is some
sort of cowboy populous Mecca.

- Is that right.
- Yeah.

But that being said,

I still would very much like
to see Will's real study,

the place where he claims to have
written much of his material.

Oh, I'm so sorry,
the study is closed today.

- Closed.
- Yes.

That's ridiculous.

Sorry.

No, no, no, no, no.
I made a donation at the gate house.

Paid ten bucks for parking.

I flew here from New York.

The study is being cleaned.

They should have told you,
I'm sincerely sorry sir,

but can't be helped.

It's all bullshit, isn't it.

That guy doesn't have
Kurt Cobain's pancreas.

And that guy is not a stuntman.

It's all bullshit, right?

What's your problem?

What's your problem with
your friend Liz.

How do you know her name?

That guy wasn't so bad,
it didn't bother me.

Like you heard me,
you were listening to me.

Yeah, she was being polite. I don't think
there is anything wrong in being polite.

What are you like some
kind of fucking spy?

I think you're just jealous.

I'm jealous.

What am I jealous... I'm jealous
because my sister is talking to

some zombie, midget real estate
agent from the valley.

Why are you so angry?

I'm not a...

First of all, I'm not angry.

Second of all, if I was it would be
because I'm stuck here in this pit,

talking to you, and I had some
place I had to be an hour ago.

Just think you don't care enough about
her that you want her to be happy.

You think that guy is going
to make her happy really?

Let me break this down for you,
if that guy,

calls her after tonight,
tonight's a big fucking if, if he

turns into a pumpkin, and he rides off with
her and his fucking Cinderella glass slipper

and if at that point they can still stand
each other, and if they get married,

and if they have two and a half
fucking beautiful children

even then he will never,
never make her happy.

How do you know?

Because she will always wonder,

if she could have done better,

she will always wonder if
she could've found someone,

better looking, funnier,
more interesting, taller.

You have no idea.

She used to be great.

Hot.

Guys loved her, people
loved her and then,

something happened.

And now

she doesn't have
her confidence.

Or her self-respect.

And...

You can tell like,
when you look at her.

She's wounded.

People call that vulnerable.

Why?

I don't know.

- Yes you do.
- I don't.

- Do you love him?
- No.

- You sure?
- Yes.

- You love me.
- Yes.

You sure?

I love you.

What do we do now?

- I don't know.
- What are we supposed to do now?

I don't know.

- You'll see him again?
- No.

- Yes.
- No, I won't.

Yes, can't avoid it..

I won't see him again.
I mean I won't sleep with him.

Teddy Roosevelt is famous
for the quote,

"Walk softly
and carry a big stick."

Well, I got a big stick
with me this morning.

But I can assure you,

it's not for soft walking.

Steering committee huh,
you pushed for me.

I vouched for you.

And I thought it was the Atlantic
article I wrote that went viral.

It certainly helped your case.

New boobs didn't hurt either.

How long do I have?

Ah, 12 minutes.

No, I mean before I go on,
how much longer.

Oh shit, I forgot to
reset the timer.

Ah, about five minutes.

I'm serious.

You talk all damn day about
being a screenwriter.

Like some kid who got off
the bus from Kansas,

who's watched The Dark Knight
40 times.

Nobody takes the bus to
L.A. anymore.

It's like you haven't lived
here for eight years.

It's ten and a half.

- In... and The Dark Knight is a modern day classic.
- See!

See! You sound
like some kid who has a blog,

who thinks he is God's
gift to Hollywood.

Okay, like we should all
be just so grateful for you.

- Oh, we?
- Oh, so fucking thrilled you're here to save us.

Oh, in this scenario you
represent Hollywood.

- In this scenario.
- Yes.

In this little play you are doing
here where I'm the kid from Kansas

- and you are fucking Irving Colbert.
- Pete.

You're missing the point.

No, I'm not missing
the point Mara.

I wish you'd make a point.

Gotcha, gotcha.

Not that far from
New York after all.

Perhaps maybe I could help

- here with a little donation with the planning funding.
- Ah, no, no, no, sir.

Please, put your money away.

I'm a volunteer and
I don't accept tips.

Well I'm a writer, I'm writing
a book on Will Rogers,

I need to see his study,
please just for ten minutes,

15 tops.

You know,

I think we have gotten off
on the wrong foot.

- I agree.
- You do, good.

Good.

We should be friends.

Friends?

We haven't even been
dating six months yet.

That is, that is clever.

That's very funny, very funny.

I don't make friends
with tourists.

Why is that a good thing,
that vulnerab...

Why would you want
to look vulnerable?

You want to look like you're
about to get kicked in the face?

Why is it a bad thing?

Bad, good whatever.
It's not a quality I want to advertise.

Okay, what do you
want to advertise?

- I don't wanna advert-I'm not advertising anything.
- You could've

just put it out there in the world, like what
you want people to see, what will it be?

I don't... I don't want...
What do you think?

You tell me.

- That you are a success.
- Okay.

- I don't think that's what we are talking about right now.
- I just think you're bored.

I think you're bored with
your life,

I think you're bored with that person
on the phone, I think you are...

I think you just think that you know
everything is no longer exciting.

Things aren't as good as it used to be,
it's never going to be the same as it was.

Well, this has been

lovely.

Talking to you
and listening to your bullshit

stories about people
you don't know

and your bullshit pop psychology
about people you just met.

Um, I'm going to rescue my sister and get
the fuck out of here. Nice to meet you.

- She already left.
- What?

Yeah, that guy. He left with another girl.
I think they are in the bathroom.

He made her real happy, huh.

Oh yeah.

When did it start?

- It didn't start.
- Okay, how many times you sleep together.

- I don't know.
- Want a hint.

- Stop it. No.
- More.

- Should I ask him, maybe he'll remember.
- I wasn't counting.

You think he was, maybe he has
got a little notches in his bed.

Why don't you ask him.

- Oh, I will. Trust me I will.
- Okay.

I thought you were
getting a drink.

- I am.
- Why don't you get me one too.

- You said you didn't want one.
- I want one now.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- I am.
- What?

I need to take a shower.

I don't wear Polo.

- What?
- I don't wear Polo.

- Okay!
- Is that why you have to take a shower.

- No.
- Because the whole room stinks like Polo.

- You don't smell that.
- No, I don't.

It's probably 'cause you
stink like Polo too.

I just want to have a shower.

- Are you gonna clean the sheets?
- Yeah, it's Friday.

- I know it's Friday.
- I always strip the bed on Fridays.

Oh yeah! Is that why you
let the guy into my bed.

No, I always strip
the bed on Friday.

I'm sorry.

Is that his tie.

Did I do something?

- No.
- What did I do?

You didn't do anything.

I just don't think this

- amicable divorce thing is working out for me anymore.
- Okay.

- It was your idea.
- I know.

You are the one who said
it would be better for Celine,

if you and I
tried to remain friends.

I was wrong.

I guess I shouldn't talk to
Frank about the gas stove then.

Oh my God, you can talk to Frank
about the fucking stove. Jesus.

You just can't talk to me about my love
life and I don't want to know about yours.

And we need to argue more about
where Celine goes to school

and basically I have to
hate you more. Okay?

No, actually it's not okay.

We are never
getting back together.

Do you understand that?

- That is not what we were talking about.
- Well guess what? It is.

See that's exactly what
this is about.

Because we are not getting back
together.

Ever.

That is not happening.

'Cause I don't want you back.

Because you drive me
absolutely fucking nuts.

And I don't say that with the
tiniest little bit of affection,

you drive me absolutely
completely like,

mayor of crazy town nuts.

And I cannot live
with you.

- I know that.
- Good.

So that means you
have to hate me?

Yeah, I pretty much yes.

- Why?
- I...

Because...

I... otherwise.

I... get confused.

- Confused how?
- Just, I...

Like, like this.

- Like what?
- Like this, just hanging out talking to you.

Okay?

- Okay. No.
- You do understand?

- You don't.
- No!

Jesus, um... it's just...

When we hug like that
it's confusing.

- Confusing how?
- I respond to you.

My body responds to you.

And don't take this
the wrong way.

Okay, but I meet guys who are

sexier than you

all the time.

Constantly.

Oh.

But you are familiar to me,
I just know you.

My body knows you.

Like they say
in the bible right?

Adam knew Eve.

David knew Bathsheba.

Yeah, carnal knowledge.

Which is a very good
word for it, because

when we hug like that or when...

When we touch
or when we're just...

I don't know
standing in a room alone

like this, I just...

I can't help it.
I feel like this is the man

that I remember.

This is the man that I used to
fall asleep next to every night.

And...

it doesn't matter that

I'm also thinking this is the man that
I can't stand, who drives me crazy

and it really,

really fucking sucks.

You know, I mean...

I so don't want you to be
the man I feel this way about.

I really don't.

I want to feel this way
about a guy that I can live with.

Who doesn't drive me crazy.

- Right.
- And I know that

there has to be someone

out there who I can live with,

whom I'm also gonna feel
this way about.

But I just haven't found him
yet.

And...

It's been such a long time,
it's been too long and...

I just...

I kind of don't trust
myself around you.

'Cause it feels too good
when you hold me.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Leadership cannot exist
in a vacuum.

It does suck a lot
of the time, but...

it's no vacuum.

That's where my big stick
comes in handy.

You know what I mean.

I'm sorry about
the timer.

It's okay, I'm making it all up
as I go along anyway.

Oh, come on.
You were born for this.

Just people out there.

They want to believe you.

And honestly,
they're already inspired.

Then what do they need me for?

They just need you
to remind them

- of what they already know.
- What do you know Amanda?

What do I know?

I know I've thought about this
moment for the past eight years.

I've dreamed about it.

How did it play out?

Oh, we have sex actually.

After I let you have it
for breaking my fucking heart.

I mean I've probably romanticized
it all out of proportion.

- Mandy...
- Look, I just wanted to see you.

Find out if you are happy.

See if you still have Frisky.

Frisky died.

Really.

Yeah.

He was already on the decline,
it was probably for the best.

And you left the agency, right?

I did.

About two years
after we broke up.

You were right, I hated it.

But you are happier now,
on your own, consulting.

It's hard.

The clients.

Their expectations, I mean.

They bring me in
for someone to blame.

Yeah, but they bring
you in right.

And publishing two books
can't hurt.

Books?

More like edited collection of blog
posts written mostly for clicks.

That's not true.

Customer's raise a fuss about service,
well even with customers, sometimes

you just got to pull out
the big stick.

I get it, okay.

I fucked up.

Again.

Right?

Can I get some more coffee,
please.

Look.

I know a guy
at the Writer's Guild.

Yeah...

May I finish.

Yes, please.

I know a guy
at the Writer's Guild.

He'd meet with you.

Okay.

I mean,

I think he could help you,
but are you open to that?

It's not me, I'm open.

I'm, I'm open.

It's Hollywood that's closed.

I get that.

Great, you are not my soulmate,
but you get it.

I don't know about that.

Nah, you always know.

What about Richard?

Does he get you?

I'm sorry.

I just...

I don't know.

When I think of you Mara,

- I just fucking love you to pieces.
- Pete, no.

I do, I do.
I'm not proud of it.

Okay, I mean...

The fact that I'm in love with you is greater
than trying to break into Hollywood as

a screenwriter
after all these years.

Look, Pete.

- If we are going to talk about...
- Mara, this...

That's just it I...

I don't think anybody
ever really talks to you.

About anything.

I mean, not anything real,
important or true.

I feel like you are living
your entire life

in some fucking dream in a
Sherry Lansing act 20 years ago.

And the only thing that's true

about you, about me,

is this.

This right here,
this dance we do every couple of years.

Usually after I break up
with some soulless actress or

mindless youtube hostess or...

But these women,

Mara,

they are shadows
compared to you.

Petey?

- Oh my God, how are you?
- Hey, hey.

- Good, you?
- Great.

You know just here,
living the dream.

Hey, do you know Caitlyn
works here right?

- No I didn't know.
- Yeah.

Hey Caitlyn, come here.

- Petey, Oh my God.
- Yeah.

How are you?

- Promise me Petey.
- God promise.

- Hey can you give me back that Pincin novel I gave you.
- Yeah.

Thank you.

See ya.

Mara, Mara.

Um, most of my work involves
20th century media criticism.

That's the fall of radio,
rise of television,

I write about cinema,
I write some about vaudeville.

Your books about Will,
what do you write about Will?

I write that Will Rogers was one of
the most powerful men in the country.

I thought that you wrote
critically about him.

Rush Limbaugh is one of the most
powerful men in the America.

I don't think
it's necessarily good,

that Will Rogers was so powerful,
the man was unabashedly a racist,

a sexist.

He was a shill for FDR
in the New Deal.

And oh... Okay, okay.

I'll give you that, that certainly
FDR was ultimately good for America.

But Will Rogers manipulated the
American public to walk in lockstep.

If he had been working for Hitler,
we would all be wearing Swastikas.

- The man was a friend and supporter of Mussolini.
- Han... hang... hang...

Hang on, hang on, hang on,
let me just keep up with you here.

Will Rogers was a racist?

Oh yeah, yeah.

He had to apologize
for using the 'N' word

at a national radio broadcast,
and when he finished

he said ruefully
that he was raised by darkies.

Ruefully?

Oh, yeah.

Now, I mean, you just
used the word "ruefully."

In a sentence, like in,
speaking to me just now.

Well, like I said, sometimes
my stuff gets a little deep.

I don't think the use
of the word "ruefully"

is necessarily deep.
It's just weird.

What is weird my dear
is there is a shrine

to a very disturbed individual.

What is weird is that

the state of California
finds it fit...

All right! Tour's over.

Oh, come on,
come on, no...

Get off! Oh...

I, I went over the line,
I'm sorry, I apologize.

I'm sorry.

My dear?

My dear!

Did you mean that to be sexist
or just patronizing?

I apologize.
It was a rhetorical habit.

I'm just so used to teaching
younger women.

Oh, so it's both sexist
and patronizing?

Neither.

Will Rogers once said
"There are three kinds of men.

One who learns from reading.

A few who learn by observation

and the rest of them have to pee
on the electric fence

for themselves."

What? No, no. Wrong, wrong,
completely wrong.

That is not the quote.

The actual Will Rogers quote
is that

"A man learns
two different ways,

either by reading or the other

by association
with smarter people."

What is your point, professor?

My point is,
you should listen up.

That's my point,
what's your point?

My point is, a good pee
on an electric fence

would do you
a world of good, buddy.

Wha... Whoa...
A little violence, huh?

How charming and the anger bit,
you know,

I think that there's vengeance
somewhere in there.

If I were to guess,
I would say that

there's probably an ex-husband
in there, probably two.

Tour's over, sir.
The house is closed.

No! You can't do that,
you're a volunteer.

I'm a docent and I can do
whatever the fuck I want.

Oh. Did I touch a nerve?

You touch me again, buddy boy

and I'll mace you,
Judo chop your throat

and call the cops.

What is that face?

No, really, what is it?
What are you thinking?

- What are you saying?
- I don't...

Are you saying
that I don't care?

'Cause I do care...
I'm her sister.

I'm the one whose shoulders
she's gonna cry on.

I'm the one who's gonna tell her
that he wasn't worth it.

I didn't say any of that.

So what are you saying?

Are you saying I have pro...
I know I have problems.

Okay, I know that.

Do I sometimes take 'em out
on other people?

Sure. I mean, sometimes
I bitch on the phone. Totally.

Why the hell do you care?

You don't know anything
about my family.

I never said any of that.

You want a beer?

No, I don't want a beer.

What is that?

It's a cooler.

I can see that it's a cooler,
why is it a cooler?

We're at a party.

This isn't a picnic,
there's a refrigerator...

Yeah, I'm not into
the refrigerator thing.

You know,
I'm down with BYOB, but...

If I'm gonna BYOB,

it's gonna stay my B.
You know what I mean?

You just offered me a B.

Yeah, I'm happy
to give you all my B.

But I'm just not into like,
you know,

other people up in my stuff.

You said that
you know people here.

You don't know people here.

- No.
- Who did you come here with?

No one.

Why are you here?

I live up the hill.

This producer douchebag

has a lot of parties,
so I just figured I'd pop by.

So you're trespassing?

- I wouldn't call it that.
- What would you call it?

Hanging out.

I would not call it hanging out.

I would call it um,

undermining the entire purpose
of a party.

I would say that you are
the anti-party.

You're like
a one man wrecking crew.

You're like off in the corner
isolating yourself and like,

hoarding your, your precious
little cooler of beer.

I offered you a beer.

And you're making up stories
about people you don't know

and eavesdropping
on conversations.

Is that right?

Yeah, more or less.

You know what?

Who are you?

Yes.

I guess you notice things
when you pay attention.

How would've you explained that?

It wouldn't have been there.

No, I guess it wouldn't have,
would it?

And the sheets.

Sheets would remain clean.

And the whole room
would've smelled like Lysol.

You would've put the chicken
in the oven before I came home

but I came home early
to have a drink and I...

I came home maybe to,
I don't know,

watch a movie with my wife,

maybe take her out to see
a film and then I saw Charlie's

car in the driveway
and I thought to myself,

Charlie came to see me?

But I wasn't home, was I?

The chicken was on the counter

and the veggies
were all chopped up

but you weren't anywhere
to be found

and neither was Charlie,
but his beer was sitting there.

- Listen.
- You sat at the kitchen table?

- Yes.
- To talk?

Yes.

You talk about me? Oh, wow,
what a question,

of course, you talked about me.
Didn't you?

- Charlie had a beer.
- Charlie had a beer

and then he said
"I want to fuck you."

And then you realized
it was Friday

and you had to change
the sheets anyways. Right?

Is that pretty much
how it went down?

And here we are.

We're going
to Wilson's barbecue?

You still wanna go?

You think Charlie is gonna be
at the Wilson's barbecue?

- I don't know.
- I guess you and Charlie didn't talk much

- about Wilson's barbecue, did you?
- No.

And we're supposed to make
the potato salad?

- Yes.
- Not much of a barbecue without potato salad, is it?

No.

So I guess we're going
to the Wilson's barbecue.

Guess we are if you want to?

- Is it up to me?
- Yes.

Oh, I wish you were dead.

Nothing to say?

Nothing?

What can I say?

What can I say?

I love you.

- I know you do.
- No...

That's what you can say.

To me.

Well?

- I love you.
- Well.

It's a poison.

- What?
- The whole thing.

What do you mean?

Once it's in, it's in.

It doesn't have to be.

Then it is, isn't it?

- No.
- Yeah, it is.

It's like...

Ice-nine.

Remember Ice-nine?

- Ice-nine?
- Vonnegut.

It's ah, Kurt Vonnegut,
Cat's Cradle. It's Ice-nine.

- No.
- Every little piece.

One little piece, one little drop,
everything, everywhere poisoned.

I love you.

Poison.

So now do you understand?

Yeah.

But you know,
I feel the same way.

Okay.

When you hold me,
I respond to you too.

Of course, you do, you're a man.

So?

So, whatever. It's goodbye.

I day dream about you.

And these are not like average,
ordinary, everyday day dreams.

I mean, these are elaborate,
I know all the details.

I know what you're wearing.

I know exactly
which black dress.

Which pair of jeans.

I know what you have on
underneath it too.

- Nicky.
- No, no, no. Listen.

I know your hair.

I know if it's down
or if you've put it up.

I know if it's curly or
if you've straightened it out.

I know if it's wet or dry.

Why are you telling me this?

Why not?

Sweetheart,
I'm not over you either.

And I know all the places
that I touch you.

The obvious ones, yeah,
but the secret ones too.

- Secret ones?
- Yeah.

Yeah, the ones I know you love.

- Um...
- Like your back.

- My back?
- Yeah.

Right underneath
your shoulder blades.

Right where you like
to be kissed.

The tender part of your breast.

What?

The tender part of your...

What is the tender part
of my breast.

Right here.

On the outside.

Right where
it's next to your arm.

Nick, this isn't fair.

It's not.

Oh, I know it's crazy. I know.

I know,
I am the mayor of crazy town.

But sweetheart,
I don't want it to stop either.

Just...

Where're you going?

Who? Me?

Yeah, you.

- Nowhere.
- Then go back.

- Go back?
- Yeah, go back in there.

For now.

Yeah.

Just a little longer. Okay.

I like watching you.

But it's not like we've ever
bumped into a disgruntled customer

or a frustrated vendor
every so often.

It's just that
I have my big stick now.

Standby aisle 20.

Can you hold onto this for me?

Yeah, sure.

You have books for sale
in the lobby?

Always.

Will you sign a couple for me?

Jeez, you really want
one of my books?

I already have the
E versions actually.

- Are you kidding.
- Please, no.

- You read them?
- Yes.

- And?
- They're good.

You think my books
on business leadership are good?

I do.

I don't believe you.

They've got heart.

It's not common for that genre.

You're always kind, I miss that.

I liked your books.

What can I say.

I wasn't kidding
about feeling you up.

I know.

Howard's coming down.

- That felt good.
- They loved you.

- Really, how about you?
- Yeah, that went great.

- I love you too.
- Oh, good, excellent.

And keynote 21 and go.

Thank you, Duane.

Next up we have the author
of Making the Tough Call

Camille Patterson.

Eight years ago I came to
a crossroads in my life.

After building a very successful
marketing business

with my partner

the big agencies came calling.

And I had a decision to make,
a big one.

And in retrospect I...

I can't say for sure
whether I made the right choice.

And my partner at the time said

- Ma'am, I think you need to...
- It can wait.

But what they didn't realize

was that the real decision
I was making

was about us.

I took a job
that I really didn't want,

to break up with my partner.

Now, isn't that dumb?

Of course, we do this.

So many times.

The choices we make,

we make in the service
of another harder decision.

And in my first book,
Making the Tough Call,

I talk a lot about honesty.

And that's because for me,
telling the truth

was a very hard thing
to learn how to do.

And it's still
a little hard today.

Because the truth can hurt.

But it's the truth.
The truth we choose.

And sometimes all we need
is to be reminded

of what we already know.

And honestly,

honestly...

that's the only thing
I know now.

The one thing I finally know.

So,

Kimi and Caitlyn.

Really?

How? They're a blast.

I mean, but...

Nothing like this. I mean,

being able to have conversation

about something real,
forget about it.

I mean like, actually talking
about something important.

There's no way she can do it.

Plus, you're hot, too.

You deserve better.

I had better.

No, no, no, no. Come on.
Let me get it.

Hey, it's just coffee and plus
you're going to help me.

I just fucked everything up.

Pete.

Um, listen, the studio has some
condos in Beverly Hills.

I'm just gonna text you
the address and security code.

What are you talking about?

Look, I don't know
where this is going, okay.

What I'm doing.

But I want to be with you.

Now, before I change my mind.

- Are you fucking with me?
- No. No.

But I will be.

Meet me there.

And I want you to fuck me.

Like you did when we lived
off Larchmont.

You remember Larchmont?

Every inch of it.

Well.

You know, there's no need
for all of this violence.

I could just leave.

Vamoose papoose,
I'd be outta here.

Oh, no, darling.

I'm not gonna let you off
that easily.

You come here to mama.

Excuse me?

I bet this is what you do,

anytime you get pushed back.

Retreat, go back
into your echo chamber

so you can feel superior.

Your ex didn't like it, did she?

I beg your pardon.

She used to say that
you got crushes on your students

because they worshiped you.

They hung on your every word.

This is outlandish.

She was right,
wasn't she?

You have no idea
what you're talking about.

The hell I don't, you've had it
written on your face

since the minute
you walked in here.

You just think you want to sit.

What you crave,
what you really want

is a push.

Some docent, huh?

They teach all you volunteers
how to street fight.

Tour's over, professor.

You're getting schooled now.

Oh. Uh-oh.

I don't know you.

Yes, you will.

Oh...

So, is it true,
Will Roger's horse slept here?

Yup.

Which one was that, Midget?

Uh-uh, baby.

Big Boy.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

Good judgment,

comes from experience
and most of that comes from

bad judgment.

That is correct.

I got a crick.

Learn something new everyday.

Right, professor?

Wanna see the house?

Are you gonna be my guide?

Mmm-hmm.

Maybe even the study.

Show me that desk.