6 Days to Air: The Making of South Park (2011) - full transcript

Okay.

- Okay.

- Let's do it.

If we go down to this... either end,

see, you can get it.

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

- You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- Like this, right?

- Yeah, that's good.

- So we're talking to you?

- Yeah.

Okay.

We have an amazing show tonight.

Oh, my God.

The creators of the legendary

animated series South Park,

Matt Stone and Trey Parker!

South Park's never been Matt

and I sitting there going,

"Okay, what's offensive?

What can we do that's offensive?"

Oh, "herro" "prease."

We just are sort of

offensive people, so...

Red rocket. Come on, dog. Red rocket.

You watch all four days of

the Democratic convention...

On Wednesday night,

I had to watch South Park, so...

Oh, this is hot scissoring.

Scissor me timbers.

All right,

I'd like to solve the puzzle.

Niggers!

All the bad in society,

it's our fault.

You can blame us.

Now how about we do

some scripture readings

from The Book of Mormon?

They have a new musical

opening on Broadway

that is getting rave reviews.

It's called The Book of Mormon.

Been here in New York

for 2 1/2 months.

This is opening night in about,

what, an hour?

South Park seems like

a million miles away.

But we start into South Park

in two weeks.

We're really stupid.

This was the longest break

we've ever had in between runs.

It's been quiet here

for the last few months.

It won't be any longer here shortly.

Well...

Knowing we have seven shows coming up

and we don't have any

ideas for them yet...

That's typical,

but to go back to South Park

is gonna be really hard.

There's this documentary

being made on South Park,

so that starts shooting now.

Let's go to the bathroom, boys.

Bathroom cam.

Oh, I probably should, actually.

I'll have...

Want to get that little

mini detail for 75?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Okay.

Just give me the keys.

I'll just give 'em to you.

What's your name? - Trey.

Trey, I'll take care of you,

what time you leaving today?

- 5 in the morning, probably.

- Okay.

It is kind of our mission

every morning to go in

and come up with ideas and jokes.

Writers' room is off-limits.

I will only bother the writers' room

if there's something that

has got to be dealt with

or answered right on the spot.

Man, we got to do seven episodes.

We never had cameras

in the writers' room.

Yeah, I mean, it's a really...

It's kind of a safe place.

For all the good ideas that we get,

there's, like,

100 not-so-good ones.

The Japanese Tsunami, which isn't

funny at all,but there is, like...

every... a couple days, it's like,

a new video comes out,

'cause so many people were

everyone has a video phone.

It... you just... it looks...

Oh, it's terrifying.

Anyway, so Tsunami video?

Tsunami show?

- Not super funny.

- Real funny.

And you got to feel safe to just go,

"What about this?"

And it's like, people go, "well..."

You go, "okay, you know,

I don't take any offense.

You didn't like my idea."

And you got to feel

like... it is kind of...

It's weirdly vulnerable.

I've had friends that

worked at other shows,

and if you say something

that doesn't work,

they're like, "ah, that sucks.

You suck. You're not funny."

And these guys,

it's actually a very kind room,

and I think, like,

the worst you get is, "okay."

The way that they work is definitely,

like, having fun,

laughing, chasing that,

and never making it, like, a grind.

It seems like movie trailers

make you feel stupid these days.

"Hello, you.

"Kevin James is a Zookeeper.

Go see it, asshole."

That trailer. Ugh.

Talking monkey? In a m-m-movie?

It's gonna help me g-g-get laid?

Kevin James is a Zookeeper. Fuck you.

He's about to get married. Fuck you.

I'm a squirrel. I can't talk.

Fuck you.

Pirates of the

Caribbean forty fucking eight.

Fuck you.

You'll notice that a lot of

the people that work here,

they'll be going,

walking by back and forth,

and they're always kind of...

'Cause they know,

the more we're laughing in there,

the less hours they probably

have to work in here.

They walk by, there's no laughing,

and Trey's doing this and

I'm pulling out my hair...

And it's 3:00 in the afternoon,

and we should be done.

You know what's getting a lot

of traction in the last, like,

maybe six months is

how fucked up the NCAA is

and how fucked up it is that

players don't get paid.

They're playing on ABC

on Sunday in front of, like,

20 million people,

and they can't afford to

fly their mom to the game.

You look in the crowd,

and everybody's white.

All the athletic directors,

everybody's white.

All the players are black.

Or most of them are, you know,

90% of them are black.

And you're like, "dude,

you're selling their image,

like, on video.

You're signing video game deals."

When I first met him,

we had just seen

Indiana Jones and the

kingdom of the crystal skull.

Matt, like, really hated it,

and he was kind of going off

about it, and he was like,

"it was like a rape."

He just kept saying, like,

"the movie was like a rape."

And then... and while

he's saying this,

like, Trey's just kind of,

like, pacing around,

and then Trey just goes,

"okay so the boys are

coming out of kingdom"...

And then it was just... it

just started... it became...

I was like, "Oh, my God.

This is becoming an episode."

Why are they doing this?

They're just taking Indiana Jones,

and they're...

They're raping him!

I can't watch!

Let's get out of here, Kyle.

Why would Spielberg

and Lucas do this?

Come on! Let's go!

Why are they doing this?

Just run!

So then what if Cartman

starts a lucrative business

of getting crack babies

to play basketball?

And he videotapes

these crack babies...

It becomes really big,

but he doesn't pay the

crack babies anything.

Stan's mom volunteers at the hospital

where she holds crack babies.

Then Cartman sees a really

great investment opportunity.

"The most successful

businesses in America

"don't pay their labor.

- Don't you understand, Kyle?"

- "It's slave labor."

"I see; You're gonna represent

the crack babies against me."

"How much money are

they paying you, Kyle?"

"No, I'm doing it pro Bono."

"What?

"You're doing it

just to get a fucking boner?

"You know, it'd be fine... if

you were doing it for money,

"I'd understand,

but just to get a boner, Kyle?

Jesus Christ."

Just to get a boner.

There's on a show on this Wednesday.

We don't even know what it is,

and, like, even though

that's the way we've always done it,

there's this little thing going,

"Oh, you're screwed.

You're screwed."

And then I tried to get a diversion

and play a little Xbox last night,

and a big ad for South Park

came up on the Xbox.

You know, "Starting Wednesday."

And I was just like, "Oh, shit.

Just can't get away from it."

Let's do this.

Let's go till 11:30 trying to come up

with something completely new.

Then from 11:30 to 12:30,

we'll pick which of these shows

we're gonna do,

and we'll come up with a scene for that,

and then we'll be done.

A whole another show.

Last night, I went onto iTunes,

and that thing came

up again that's like,

"your iTunes is out of date,"

you know, which happens every time.

"God damn it. Here it goes again.

I got to download another

version of iTunes."

How many times have I

hit "agree" to that,

and I've never even

read one line of it?

It's like, "Kyle's in trouble.

We got to help."

He's like, " Fuck Kyle. I don't care."

It's like, "dude, he agreed

to the iTunes terms and conditions."

Like, "Oh, my God. Get him inside."

The joke is that everyone

always reads that

except for Kyle.

Even Butters is sitting with him.

"Whoa, you...Well,

how can you agree to something

"you didn't read, Kyle?

Never, ever, ever click

something without reading it."

"I said 'disagree.'"

because then Stan even showing up at

Cartman's house going, "we got to hide Stan."

And then Cartman's like, "why?"

And it's like, "he agreed to the

fucking iTunes terms and conditions."

- "God damn it."

- "Did he read it?"

I happened to be downloading

the new version of iTunes

for the 400th time, and it was like,

clicking on that "agree" thing.

I'm like, "oh, you know,

I wonder if there's anything

really messed-up in here

that I'm agreeing to."

Then we had this parody

of Human Centipede

that went into it.

And then you start to... "Oh, wait,

this is actually starting

to be something."

Just draw a little Kyle

hat on that second one.

There's just Kyle in the

middle just getting fucked.

Let's just do a profile shot first,

just sort of what it really

looks like in Human Centipede.

Let's see that as the side shot,

and then let's also see it

basically, like,

Japanese guy head-on with Kyle

kind of peeking out back here

and then her back here,

if we decide we're

gonna go that route,

we'll probably build

a walk cycle for it.

You know, sort of...

So I got them corel'ing

the real version.

Whenever Cartman comes in, just...

It doesn't matter what's

going on in the story.

He just has to have brought

the front guy a huge cappuccino

with six extra shots.

He just brings him a huge coffee.

I've learned that men

really super...They dig poo.

It's like, the goes in here,

out the fucking ass into this mouth.

In this fucking ass,

up this mouth, up into a cloud.

Down in the mouth,

out the fucking ass of this person.

"Just upload all your

stuff to the cloud

and then down

into your fucking asshole."

"Go to shit to his mouth and to his ass."

The Japanese man could have to talk

for the whole centipede, you know?

It's like,

"What do you want to do, Kyle?"

"He said he want to", you know?

"Just whisper into my asshole."

You know, generally,

like, it's a good idea

if everyone in the room is laughing

and then Anne Garefino

is kind of looking

a little bit like, "hmm, really?

We're doing that?"

And we're like, "Oh, yeah, Anne.

We're gonna do that."

When they shit into

each other's mouths,

we're not gonna see

feces in the iteration

that I have seen so far,

but I don't know what's

gonna happen at the end yet.

We haven't written the end.

Maybe. Yes.

Maybe we see them

being sewn together.

Thanks. Happy Easter to you too.

Oh, I like these pastels.

"More violent on the shake."

Just got to match

Kyle's head to the butt.

And then I got to do the same

thing to his butt and her head.

In this building, you not only

have to be good and diverse,

but you also have to be fast,

'cause if it takes you four

days to get something done,

you can't really contribute.

When push comes to shove

and we're in production,

people just have to be

able to turn stuff around.

Most studios have a

storyboard department,

and all they do is storyboard.

Then you'll have a

character design department,

and all they do is character design,

and then they'll have a

background design department,

and they'll all get a couple

of days or three days or so

to at least do their job.

Everybody in here does all that,

and in 1/10 of the time

of a normal studio.

Usually, Simpsons and Family Guy,

those shows take,

like eight to ten months,

and we're doing it,

you know, six days.

No one does an animated

show like this.

On Thursday, we get one scene.

We jam it through the

storyboard departments.

We get the boards drawn.

We get editorial to build

that initial animatic.

The guys will go in

and record that scene.

Trey's the quarterback.

We're kind of like

the offensive line.

If Trey all of a sudden wants

to do an homage to Heavy Metal,

the animated movie...

Appease the gods by lathering

her boobs with soapy suds.

Okay.

We have to figure out how to do that.

If he wants to do guys

bouncing on their nut sack...

I'm stoned off my balls.

It's our job to figure

out how it works.

But it all starts and

ends with Trey and Matt.

So sorry, Kyle, but I am starving.

Which would you rather I eat?

Should I eat cuttlefish and asparagus

or the vanilla paste?

Cuttlefish and asparagus?

Very well. I will eat the cuttlefish.

- You gonna do eating sounds?

- Oh, yeah.

That cuttlefish and...

It's so funny. It's so stupid.

That cuttlefish and asparagus

is not sitting well.

Oh, no!

Cuttlefish...

Cuttlefish is about to

come out of my asshole!

Oh, here it comes.

Oh, it's going to be a lot.

Hold on, Kyle. I believe in you!

It's just so funny that Matt and I

are in our 40s now,

and we're still...

Like, when that Japanese

guy shits in Kyle's mouth

and Kyle shits in the lady's mouth,

it makes us laugh so goddamn hard,

and I know it doesn't...

There's, like,

a lot of people out there

that don't laugh at that

shit as hard as we do.

But it's just so satisfying for me,

especially after going

from Book of Mormon

and all the...

You know, the Broadway and the accolades

and all this, like... you know,

and it was great.

I'm super proud of that,

but it's just so funny

to come back here and

just do a Japanese guy

shitting in Kyle's mouth,

'cause it just...

it's just back to our roots,

you know?

Hold on, Kyle! I believe in you!

Yeah, just keep him kind

of moving and shaking.

So he's like, "Oh, God.

It's gonna be a lot.

Here it comes! Hold on, Kyle!

I believe in you!"

Even though we're a partnership...

And I really do feel that way,

that we each bring kind of,

like, something different

to the table, and it's why it's

made us survive and stuff...

The way that the stories,

either in South Park or the movies,

are expressed is

completely through Trey.

Like, Trey's the chef.

Hey, you see my iPad, Token?

Funny, you don't seem to have one.

I thought your family was rich!

Tom Saltzman says you just

glued a piece of glass

to an iPad cover and

you're faking it.

Flatter on the... "Tom Saltzman says

"you just glued a piece of glass

to an iPad cover and

you're faking it."

- So keep that, okay.

- Yeah.

Tom Saltzman says you just

glued a piece of glass

to an iPad cover and

you're faking it.

Yeah, that's a good one.

When we first started

getting famous and stuff,

"Oh, yeah, Matt and Trey,

and Trey's the director.

"Well, Matt"...

And I got calls for,

like... "Hey, you can"...

I mean, I got offers to

direct studio comedies,

the crap shit that I probably

didn't want to do anyway,

but, you know, in my head,

I was just like,

"you really don't know

what you're doing."

Like, don't you know what I mean?

Like, yeah, maybe I could go

fool people for a little bit,

and maybe I might get lucky here

or there with a scene or two,

or I might pull off a little bit,

but it's not in my DNA.

I don't have that

competing skill set,

so whatever I've got

channels through him.

Like, it's just like any

time that you get a band,

you can sit there and be like,

"okay, well,

it's all Eddie Van Halen."

But as soon as David Lee Roth leaves,

you're like, "fuck that band."

You know what I mean?

And it's like...You know,

and Eddie can sit there and say,

"well, I write

everything," and it's like,

"yeah, but you're not Van Halen

without David Lee Roth."

Bring in Matt.

Where I can get in and be tough

is exactly where Trey's not,

and where he can be tough

is exactly where I'm not.

That's helped us in the

business of the whole thing too.

Are we talking to each other?

- You can talk to each other...

- That'd be really weird.

You know,

you won't get in an argument with Trey.

Trey's not gonna argue

with you about something,

and I'll argue about your

everything all the time.

Yeah, it's not gonna feel right.

I'll tell you.

Us talking to each other is not...

We don't talk to

each other like that.

You know what I mean?

I'm not trying to throw

a wrench in your thing.

If you want us to look in the

camera and answer questions,

we can do that.

So this is the camera?

Which one's the camera?

- The middle.

- The middle one. Okay.

Trey and Matt's the band,

and no matter who does what or whatever,

that's the band.

We're trying to find out

exactly what Kyle agreed to.

The...There can't be anything

in that agreement that allows

a company to do what they're

talking about to Kyle.

Oh, nope. Here it is right here.

"By clicking 'agree,' you're

also acknowledging that Apple

"may sew your mouth to the butthole

of another iTunes user."

Really broke.

They broke at a bar, and so I did

this little thing with a paper clip,

and see how it's all swirly?

People think it's a

fashion statement.

I was renting a studio apartment,

and I had a little futon on the floor,

and Matt slept...

Would kind of get all his

dirty clothes together

at the end of the day

and sleep on those.

Any money we had was to live

or get our own thing going.

We created this thing called

The Spirit of Christmas on VHS.

People started copying and copying,

and that became this,

like, viral video,

but before the Internet.

It's crazy now to look back

at Spirit of Christmas.

You're like,

"what the fuck is that piece of shit?"

- It's crazy.

- So shitty.

Tomorrow is my birthday,

yet all is not right.

Your birthday is on Christmas?

That sucks, dude.

I must find a place

called "The Mall."

Well, we can take you

to the mall, Jesus.

Yeah, it's over this way.

We'd have people call us and say,

"dude, you got to see this thing.

I'm gonna send you this thing."

And we're like, "that's ours."

And then we had people...

'Cause we didn't put our names on it.

That was another thing

that drove people nuts.

We found out people were getting jobs

saying that they did it.

Dudes were getting directing jobs,

commercial jobs, and we just,

like, had no job...

They're like, "we got the guys

that made Spirit of Christmas."

And we're like,

"we made fucking Spirit of Christmas."

They're like, "yeah, yeah."

We pitched it to FOX,

and we actually made

these big things with

construction paper on 'em,

and I was so proud of it.

It was like a school project.

The woman at fox at the time was like,

"yeah, no.

"You know,

what people want to see in animation is,

"they don't want to see kids.

They want to see families."

And we're like, "well,

we can get into the family.

"You know, we've got...

Each boy could have their family,

and that's"...

And she was like, "no, yeah,

it's just not gonna work."

We went to Comedy Central with it.

Music from Primus opens South Park,

and from there,

four eight-year-old boys

and other crudely drawn

characters will rock your world.

Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!

You bastard!

The highest-rated

television show on cable

for more than a month...

You go to hell!

You go to hell and you die!

South Park on Comedy Central,

an instant cult hit

and cultural icon.

Screw you guys. I'm going home.

Good, you deserve to die,

you little bastard!

Hi, my name is Leslie.

I'll be your genius.

This is all for the pilot.

So they'd put this mouth on,

and then they'd shoot, you know,

two frames of film,

and then they would take that mouth off,

and then, like,

they would dab it like that.

That's how sometimes they'd

get coffee on the teeth.

It took the guys two to

three hours to do one shot,

and it took pretty much

all summer to do the pilot.

No, kitty.

This is my pot pie.

No, kitty. You bad kitty.

No, kitty, it's my pot pie!

Mom!

This is where Cartman

gets the anal probe,

and it's when that bright

blue light comes in.

You know,

he's laying in his bed right here.

It's mostly Trey's style

from high school and drawing.

The style comes from his

passion of Monty Python

and the style that Terry Gilliam

did in Monty Python.

You know, it was still animated,

but you didn't have

to draw every frame.

He'd just draw our characters,

and some of the comedy

comes from the crudeness

of the animation.

Wow, this is great.

Boy, those look shitty.

Like, this is our original

panning shot for the cafeteria.

Yeah, so the frame would be like that,

you know,

so we'd pull the camera way in.

Depending on what was taped down

and what wasn't taped down

on the animation side of it,

that would bring these

characters to life.

Like, 'cause as you're,

you know, changing the mouths

or putting on different eyes,

your character would have

a slightly different bump

and a little jiggle to it.

It's still stop-motion animation.

It's still someone moving

Cartman over and going,

"key frame."

It's still just frame by frame

and a bunch of really talented

people looking at every piece

of visual art and

doing it really fast.

Oh, what should I do on my iPad next?

So instead of coming from back here,

start him here, side view.

And he's like, "Kyle,

what should I do next?"

And he's still doing his thing.

"Kyle, wow, what should I do next?

"Oh, man.

Should I email some friends?

Or maybe I should buy some apps."

Then turns and then goes this way.

So he'll have a little bit of

front view where he's like...

"Oh, wow. This is totally awesome."

Tap, tap, tap.

There a season where you

made the decision, like,

"we're gonna start turning

it over in a week?"

No, it just started happening

where we would do it in two weeks.

And then we would do it in...

"Oh, my God.

"We just did a show in ten days.

I can't believe... that was crazy."

And then it was like,

"oh, my God, seven days."

And then it was like, "oh,

my God, we just did it."

And then it just turned into,

like, we just do a show a week,

and it just kind of got there.

Technology got to the place

so we could do that too.

15 years ago,

we were using $30,000 desktop boxes

that were really specialized,

and even they were, like,

creeping slow compared to now.

We just have Macs off the shelf.

So basically,

the show can keep up with

as fast as we can go.

Time to kick off the road

to the 2011 Tony Awards,

Broadway's biggest

and brightest night.

The Book of Mormon leads

all shows this year

with 14 nominations.

- So happy for you, Trey.

- Yeah, it's good.

- Congratulations.

- It's good.

Celebrate by working all day.

Yay, fun.

I was thinking the chick

on the back could be Lady Gaga,

'cause then you could put her in,

like, a sweet costume.

She's the one to agreed

to it on purpose,

'cause this is her new...

It's her new lipstick.

Kirstie Alley.

That's pretty funny, right?

We're gonna make it

an actress, right?

Yeah, I was thinking of making

it some actress, like...

They've said " fuck you" to

every celebrity pretty much,

which they were doing

before the show too.

They would fart

on celebrities at parties,

and now they do it on the air,

and the celebrity smells it.

Mr. Cruise, you can't just

stay in the closet, all right?

You need to come out.

What's going on?

Tom Cruise won't come

out of the closet.

Paris Hilton is making an

appearance at the mall.

You know, at SNL, it's like,

"well, we might want

that person to host.

Do we want to pick on that person?"

Or, "that person is already

mad at us because of"...

You know what I mean?

There's all political reasons.

Get in there and see if

you can disarm the snuke

in Ms. Clinton's snatch.

All right, I'm nearing her snizz now.

What they want to do

in being funny is just,

like, that's it, you know.

Like, that's the priority.

That's like...They don't

worry about anything else.

Ah, my nipples, they hurt!

They hurt when I twist them.

Oprah's vagina has

killed a police officer

and taken several people hostage.

Ms. Lopez,

we're dropping you from the label.

Oh, no, you didn't.

Mostly, it's just 'cause

that's their personalities,

to be like,

"fuck everybody," 360 degrees.

Trey got nominated for Blame Canada,

and so I think I went

as your date, right?

So it was like, "well,

you can go with Trey's as a plus one,"

and he didn't have a

girlfriend at the time,

and he was like,

"you can go as my date."

And I was like, "oh, that's funny."

So then it was like,

"well, wouldn't it be funny

"if I shaved my legs and

dressed up in a fancy dress

"and tried to pass myself

off as some weird-looking,

"tall, European...

Eastern European model or something?"

We talked about, like,

big duck outfits,

and we're like, "well, if we go in

"with big duck costumes,

they're not gonna...

"Then they have a

reason to not let us in,

"but if we're wearing what

other people are wearing,

then they really can't say,

'you can't come in.'"

friend of ours had

sugar cubes with LSD.

That's so crazy now to think, like...

That's so nuts.

The whole idea...I mean,

even to just go,

"okay, you're gonna

go to the Oscars...

Take acid and go to the Oscars."

I'd be like, "no, dude,

I'm not doing that,

'cause I don't know what

I'm gonna end up doing."

That'd even be too scary.

They have all these

streets blocked off,

'cause you have to go

through the biggest limo line

in the world to get dropped off.

And it was like,

we finally got up to the front,

and we were both, I think,

going, "oh, shit."

If you've taken acid,

you know that one of

the trippiest parts

of when you're on any

psychedelics is transitioning,

when you go inside to

outside or outside to inside.

You know, like, that,

"oh, we're in a different space."

I will never forget the moment

getting out of the limo,

and there was, like,

60,000 fucking people

and every camera in the

Western Hemisphere there,

and it was like, "let's go!"

Right now,

we're gonna go downstairs to...

Kind of simple and kind of elegant?

- I don't know.

- Doubt it.

Tell us.

Okay, talk about a fashion statement.

Now, two of you are nominated

for best song, Blame Canada.

- Matt's not.

- I'm not.

We said,

"we can't say anything about them."

- Nothing about the dresses.

- No matter what they ask us.

So everyone would go, "guys,

what about the dresses?

Why the dresses?"

And we'd go, "magical night tonight.

Just all the stars are out."

Is that why you're in the dress?

It's just such a magical evening,

and everyone...

It's just,

everyone looks so spectacular.

You know,

we just wanted to be a part of it all.

It's a night of magic.

Come on.

Only thing we could have

done a little bit better is,

we could have put powdered

sugar all over our noses.

Just to have been totally like,

"fuck you."

I also remember, actually,

then having to sit there

in the actual Oscars,

and you're coming down off the acid.

So you're simultaneously coming down,

and you're having to now

sit through the Oscars,

which suck.

There were people

there that were like,

"dude, this is my big night.

fuck you."

That was the funniest thing to us.

We're like, "really?

"Like, this is fucking bullshit.

It's Hollywood.

Like, let's rock, you know?"

But we don't have

any friends anymore.

I wonder why.

I think that maybe

now what we should do

is fill in all of the blanks

we need...We have to fill in.

We are in danger of doing

our typical first show thing

where we've just got way

too many ingredients.

We haven't introduced the idea

of apps at all or anything,

and that's why whatever

this thing is at the end

is gonna have to be so fast.

I'm just worried about time.

It should be one of those things that's

about two things

You know what I mean?

And not one of our whole other ideas,

but, like,

one of the other character's storylines.

We just feel like the

Cartman being pissed off

about not getting his thing...

Like, him going home and

screaming at his mom, saying,

"you fucked me, 'cause now all the

kids think I have an iPad,

and I've got to show up

tomorrow with nothing."

"Because everyone

thinks I have an iPad.

"'Cause I told them

'cause I don't have one.

That's how fucked you me."

"Cause you didn't get me one!"

She's like, "well,

we can get you something,

"but it's gonna be

your birthday present,

you know, for next month."

And he's like, "that's... okay."

Then they're at Best Buy,

and he's all happy.

And he goes over...

Okay, Wi-Fi Plus 3G, 64-gig.

This one! This one!

Oh, sweetie, $900?

And she's like, "well, no, Cartman.

Let's get these, 'cause"...

"Toshiba Handibook? Fuck you, mom."

And he gets all...

"It's $200,

and I'm willing to get you one."

He's like,

"why don't you just wear a condom

if you're gonna fuck me."

You want to fuck me, mom? Just say so.

Go ahead. Here.

Huh? Go ahead, mom. Fuck me.

Fuck me right here in the Best Buy.

And it just cuts to the car,

and he's crying.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, does 'fuck' mean something naughty?"

"I'm just a little boy."

Why did you go outside to

a police officer and say,

"help, help,

my mom is trying to fuck me"?

Oh, wait, I get it now.

The "F" word is a no-no word,

and I shouldn't say it

around other people.

I'm sorry, mama.

If you're really sorry,

then you'll understand why

you aren't getting anything.

Well, now, that doesn't really

have any logical sense, mommy,

because I'm already being punished

by not getting the iPad, mama.

Oh, wait, I get it now.

The "F" word is a no-no word.

Oh, wait, I get it now.

The "F" word is a no-no word,

and I shouldn't say it

around other people.

I'm sorry, mama.

If you're really sorry,

then you'll understand why

you aren't getting anything.

This place is built around them being

a completely

self-sufficient operation.

There aren't shows that

have been 220 episodes

of the same people writing it,

directing it,

doing all the voices,

watching every shot,

every frame, and they also

preserve that outsider status.

Instinctively,

I think that helps you to be funny,

is to not have an allegiance to

any organization or whatever.

I think that's one

of the reasons why...

It's taking so long to do.

I think someone just farted

into the P.A. System.

And so I guess there's a

good chance that was Trey,

but I don't know.

So it's Monday at, what, 6:10 P.M.?

I'm pretty scared right now,

'cause I'm up to 28 pages,

and I still have one, two,

three, four, five scenes

still to write, and so...

And each scene's about

a minute long usually,

so this is gonna end up

being about a 40-page script,

I think,

which just means it just becomes brutal,

because you have to go back

in tomorrow and start...

As you're coming up with new stuff,

then you've got to start

taking scenes that are there

and figuring out, "okay,

how can we make this same thing happen

in half the time and rewrite it?"

And I sort of always call it

the rule of replacing "ands"

with either "buts" or "therefores,"

and so it's always like,

"this happens,

and then this happens,

and then this happens."

Whenever I can go back in the

writing and change that to,

"this happens.

Therefore, this happens,

but this happens"...

You know,

whenever you can replace your "ands"

with "buts" or "therefores,"

it makes for better writing.

The only note I have

on this week's show is "pussy"

and "faggot" and "shit."

So do you want to bleep it,

push it, have me ask standards?

What do you think?

I think we should try to

see if we can get "pussy"

and lose "faggot".

Okay. I'll see what I can do.

"Faggot" is not funny. "Pussy"...

All right.

It's so fucking ridiculous,

but that actually is

the way we do things.

Now, the whole Cartman

through-story in this

is about Cartman getting screwed.

He gets screwed by his mother,

by Dr. Phil, by everybody,

and finally, at the end,

he gets screwed by God.

I need my ass lubed up

if you're gonna me, God!

Or how about you just moisten my

ass with your tongue first, huh?

How's that, God?

Could lick my butthole

before you fuck me next time?

Standards said, "maybe not.

"You can keep that line,

but you just got to be

a little less explicit about

explaining what that is."

So I'm just kind of waiting

for Trey to rewrite it,

and then I have to send it in again.

Do you think you could

have done this episode...

Like, if this was season two,

do you think that...

No. No.

This show wouldn't... no.

Like, go look at season two or

season one, and it's so tame.

It's like yo gabba gabba!

By comparison to what we do now.

Go home, you little dildo.

Dude, don't call my brother a dildo.

What's a dildo?

We do shit now on the show

that we could have never done

in the second season.

Ah, yes.

Dad?

Randy!

Oh, there was a ghost.

There's ectoplasm.

We're always surprised, too, by...

Sometimes in a week, we're like,

"dude, could we really do this?"

Just like most women out there,

I've gotten into queefing lately.

There's a lot of fun

and interesting ways

we can decorate our queefs

and just make them more

dynamic for the holidays.

What we're gonna do is just

cut out some paper, like this.

You can cut out little

stars or little moon shapes.

And then jam those up.

And then I've got some

simple little sparkles

from the hobby store.

See how pretty that was?

"Like, okay.

I guess we're gonna do this.

We'll see what happens."

And then nothing happens,

and everyone's like,

"yeah, that's just South Park.

Anyway"...

And, like, that's just sort of...

And it's just because, you know,

the way that South Park was

sort of brought into the world

and the way it all started,

even in its very first

season and everything.

That's just what it is,

and so it's...

For anyone to now... and

especially 15 years later,

for anyone to go up and go,

"did you see this

thing on South Park?

That was really offensive."

Someone's gonna be like,

"dude, shut up.

It's South Park."

I hope that shit's

still funny bleeped.

Like what?

All that shit about fuck me

and fuck me and...

The fucking animatic's hysterical

the Dr. Phil thing.

Eric, you say that your mom fucked you?

Yes, she fucked me so hard.

She me fucked on Christmas.

She me fucked on my birthday.

You know, mom,

the least you could do is kiss me first.

If I was gonna fuck my son,

I'd kiss him first.

Got this massive Death Star

that I haven't even taken out

of the box yet,

'cause it's gonna be a beast.

Sometimes to get my brain

working a different way,

I'll just sit there and put

legos together, 'cause it just...

you got an instruction book,

and you just sit there,

and you do exactly what

something else tells you to do

instead of you having to

tell everybody what to do.

And it's just therapeutic.

But I did that one last run.

And actually, you can turn it on.

It actually walks.

It's pretty sweet.

McDonald's.

I got it.

Chicken nuggets,

and always with sweet

and sour or hot mustard.

- Big Mac?

- Yeah.

And how does McDonald's

affect your creativity?

It doesn't.

I just makes me happy for, like,

five minutes, 'cause I get...

I hate writing so much,

'cause the writing part of it

is actually so, like,

lonely and sad, you know,

'cause it's just...

There's that thing.

I know everyone's

waiting for me to, like,

get it done, and, like...

And just that little battle

of fighting over lines

and, like,

trying to figure out what the best way

to say certain things are,

so I just hate it so

much that a little bit...

It's just a little sunshine.

No, he's not.

I'll find him. Okay.

The search for Trey.

So what's going on with this show?

What I'm hearing is,

is that there's a bunch to write,

so I anticipate that

we'll go real long hours.

So we need some pretty

significant cuts.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Almost every week

on Sunday or Monday,

I'm pretty bummed out.

I'm pretty much just like, "ugh."

And then I kind of get a

little better on Tuesday,

maybe a little bummed out,

and then Trey gets really

bummed out on Tuesday.

We kind of hit our lulls or whatever,

but I'm always like, Sunday,

Monday, I'm like, "oh, my God.

This, the show, this thing sucks."

Terrible.

I'm embarrassed for putting

this piece of shit on the air.

A lot of funny stuff's just

gonna have to get cut out.

You just can't have a show

where "A" to "B"

doesn't make any sense.

And I'm bummed, 'cause I know,

based on what I've handed

over and everything,

it's not gonna be a 5:00 A.M. day.

It's gonna be a 9:00, 10:00 A.M. day.

Beginning of act two is that;

Then we come back,

and that's when it's,

"okay, the Geniuses

are gonna see us now."

And then, act three,

we just start with the

unveiling of the thing.

And then we go to,

they're doing the bubble thing,

and Gerald flips out, joins Apple.

We're back, and that's it.

That's great.

Yeah, that actually works.

Hey, script's here, guys. Hey.

Oh, thanks, Rick.

To keep the action balanced over here,

she's back here.

Yeah, right now, we just got...

I just dropped in the audio.

We're pulling the storyboards.

I was in a hurry, you see,

and I didn't know what

I was agreeing to.

I can't even read "Engrish."

See...I want to redo

these lines all wild.

Do it wild.

I just want to get 'em again.

I just clicked "agree."

I-I didn't read it.

I was in a hurry, you see,

and I-I-I didn't know

what I was agreeing to.

- Yeah. That's good.

- Great.

It's okay if he starts out...

Well, no, that doesn't really

have any logical sense, mommy,

because I'm already being punished

by not getting the iPad.

Mama.

Please, can we just go back

and get the Toshiba Handibook?

No!

Well, then can we at

least pull up here

and get some dinner?

'Cause I like to be wined and dined

after I've been fucked!

Come on.

We'll get you separated, little boy.

Guess you won't be eating

Japanese food for a while, huh?

Oh, no, don't make

me "raff." Don't make me "raff."

I always feel like,

"wow, I wish I had another

day with this show."

That's the reason that there's

so many episodes of South Park

we're able to get done,

is 'cause there just is a deadline,

and you can't keep going,

'cause there would be

so many shows that I'm like,

"no, no, it's not ready yet.

Not ready yet."

And I would have spent

four weeks on one show.

All you do is start

second-guessing yourself

and rewriting stuff,

and it gets over-thought,

and it would have been 5% better.

Why did you do this to me, God?

Next time you're

gonna get my hopes up,

could you please take

me to a grease monkey?

'Cause I like to get

lubed up before I get fucked!

The draft is ready,

but that's the only part.

Good job.

Okay, good job, you guys. Excellent.

Thank you.

- Do this to the camera.

- For the camera.

I think it's a good episode.

It's really twisted,

but Trey can't see it that way.

Trey won't be able to

see it that way today.

Wednesday morning,

after finishing an episode,

he never likes it.

First shows usually kill us,

kill us, and this one didn't,

and that will have a ripple effect.

I mean, that's good.

The first couple episodes,

we actually delivered

a couple days early.

We don't do that anymore.

It was a little bit

sloppy and reckless,

but sometimes, especially after

something like Book of Mormon,

we just got to get back in that way,

and hopefully the shows will

get a little tighter as we go.

Got 18 minutes to

have this tape feeding

to New York so that

they can begin roll.

Excellent. Great.

All right. See you again next week.

All right, you guys. Thank you.

One down. Six to go.