6.9 pe scara Richter (2016) - full transcript
A humble Romanian actor in his 30s, hardly surviving between a complicated part in a musical, a depressed wife, and the obsession of an imminent, devastating earthquake, becomes the victim of his manipulative father.
6.9
on the Richter scale
Earthquake!
What?.
- Didn't you feel it?.
- There was nothing.
I barely managed
to fall asleep.
The building shook! Let's get out,
the main shock could be next.
It was in your dream.
You woke me up, too.
Look, the lamp is swinging!
It's swinging in your head.
Let me sleep another hour.
Seconds ago, an earthquake occurred...
See?. I told you!
Damn big one, too!
...a rather small one,
,
below 4 on the Richter scale,
no reports on victims
or material damage.
- Not sleepy anymore.
- Don't smoke in bed.
Let's leave, think of an aftershock!
It was a tiny shake,
what's all this panic?.
4 on the Richter, a tiny shake?.
...magnitude confirmed at 4.3...
- See?. Over 4!
- We're moving out, I need calm.
..at 6:2 AM, and was perceived
in Bucharest for about 20 seconds.
- Sure it's on the first?.
- First what?.
- First floor.
- Yes, don't pretend you forgot!
I don't want any surprises.
- Any clean socks left?.
- No.
Everything's already there.
We have here Mr. Viorel Bebeneciu
from the Institute of Earth Physics.
What are the chances of another
devastating tremor in this region?.
We had tremors above 5
on the Richter, in '86 and '90...
Did you feel it?
Of course. It rattled my brains.
- We were living on the 9th!
- I didn't feel a thing.
- You think the big one's coming?.
- God forbid.
If it does, they said on TV
there'd be half a mil' dead.
They say that to get
"half a mil"' in rating.
Everything around here collapses.
They'd fall like the Twins on 9/11.
Not really, then it was the kerosene.
They say they can spot quakes
a few minutes before.
Only these bastards like Bebeneciu
don't want to cause panic.
Better having me crushed
than them fighting traffic jams.
Let's change the subject.
Nervous?.
About you decorating alone
with the furniture I paid for?.
Moving out?.
Yes, and the lady here
wants to surprise me.
She wouldn't let me see anything.
What if I don't like it?.
You go back to paying rent.
I give him the place on a platter,
and His Excellence complains!
How will you pay the mortgage
if I go back?.
- Sure, throw your money in my face!
- Sorry.
All the best in your new home!
Bye, Madam.
- What?.
- Tell me this isn't true.
A seismic risk building?.
Seismic risk building - grade I
Don't get ruffled,
see how solid the walls are?.
They wouldn't have held through
so many earthquakes if they weren't.
- Who are you looking for?.
- No one. We're moving in at no. 3.
See the tall ceiling?.
In the other place we lacked space, air. Tall, huh?.
- Yes, to better fall on our heads!
- Stop it!
And now for the living room...
It's my best home deco yet.
Feel the chi flow?.
- The what?.
- The positive energy.
I based it all on Feng Shui.
Try the couch.
- Do you feel the chi flow?.
- I can?t tell.
Any couch and chair must have
a view to the door.
- So you're not taken by surprise.
- By whom?.
It's psychological.
The green carpet goes
with the east-facing windows.
- The TV must be in the north corner.
- Excellent.
Mr. Bebeneciu, what's the outlook?.
Soon enough, we might expect
a strong earthquake.
Local seismic history
has demonstrated some regularity,
every 35-40 years...
East is the wealth corner.
I put in these coins,
West is for fame. To help you
become as famous as De Niro.
South-west is for love and marriage.
I put our wedding photo.
Oh, how nice!
North is for career and promotion.
So I can find a job.
I put this flower.
..starting at 6.9 on the Richter,
such buildings are bound to collapse.
I Left the north-west empty,
Did he say 6.9?
North-west is for children,
I left it empty.
Not too interested
in my work, are you?.
No, it's beautiful! I even feel that flow...
Chi... Like hell you do,
you're stuck on the earthquake.
Don't start crying, after we put
all our money on a risky building.
Great!
Penalty at the fame corner.
- Let's see the bedroom.
- Not a chance!
You won't get to see it
and you'll sleep on the couch.
You wanted a house,
I've let every decision in your hands!
- So what?.
- You blew all our savings!
- So what?.
- You're jobless, you got a loan...
- I can't hear you.
- You let the seller con you!
He played you like a fiddle!
You want to get rid of me.
You have someone else.
I have a rehearsal.
See you tonight.
If the building is still standing.
At least admit you have a mistress!
..5, 6, 7, and
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8!
Raluca! Stretch that leg
or I'll break it off.
Let's focus!
- So we premiere on the 28th?.
- The Boss says so.
We've just started with the props and ballet,
no light design yet...
It's a mock-up for Lorena's sake.
What about Lorena?.
See that old-timer?.
He came to yesterday's rehearsals too.
We were all wondering who he is.
Travodka overheard something.
- So?.
- Apparently he's an agent from London.
One that has some top names.
Anyway, one of the best.
- So?.
- So the Boss is pitching Lorena to him.
He's not here .
Screwing the manager has its upsides.
Let's see if Lorena can fit in.
Girls, don't smile like
in a New Year Special.
You're infernal creatures.
- Lorena, on stage!
- She's with the manager.
It seems Lorena went
to the manager's office.
Someone go fetch her.
Sometimes we need her
outside the manager's office.
Call her, maybe they've left
on a holiday together.
No one's left on any holiday.
- You're going to dance in that?.
- Why?.
- Did you feel the quake?.
- Of course.
Toni did, I slept like a log.
There might be a second part coming.
Romanian actors
are only afraid of not getting any part at all!
A big one would bring this theatre down.
I only hope it happens out of season.
Want some?.
- Any catches on the dancers?.
- I've been working on Geanina there.
Try to follow the girls' steps.
Right, girls, show Lorena!
I said no freaking phones on stage!
I'll kill whoever didn't mute it.
Hello?
Let's get focused.
Mobilize without mobile phones.
I'm wanted in the manager's office.
Take five.
- Dibs on the toilet!
- Yes, I saw your call...
Hi yourself!
You speak Romanian?.
Wait, that's me at 5.
Where did you get that?.
I took it.
The photo.
You were a photographer?.
No, Antonov.
I was your dad.
- As in?.
- As in...
- The aviator?.
- Yes.
I just dropped out of the blue,
so to say.
- I don't know. Anyone could...
- Claim to be your dad?. What for?.
To ask for child support?.
That's the other way around.
Join us for a drink tonight?.
Can't, should spend a few nights
in my new home first.
Pity! T'will be fun,
They said you were
an agent from London.
I had to tell them something,
to let me in.
Even assuming you were... him,
you haven't seen me since I was 5.
- I knew you were an actor.
- And?.
I checked the posters. How many actors
are named after a plane?.
They wrote "Antonov"?.
I told them I wanted "Tony".
"Antonov Furda", nice and clear.
It warmed my heart.
I named you
after the An-30 I was piloting then.
Right, and now?.
What's next?.
Glad to meet you, but it's a bit late
for helping me with homework.
In brief - I've been married
for 5 years, no children.
This is my first main part
in this musical comedy.
Today I moved into a new house -
well, an old one really.
I know all these,
even about the moving.
Backstage gossip.
Let's have a beer after this.
I have a business proposition,
Let's go, I haven't got all day!
Back on stage, bunch of slus!
Pretty, your dancers.
Theatre employees?.
They're on loan from the Operetta.
Getting any "loans" yourself?.
I'm not that desperate...
It's about sport, not desperation.
I gather you have a happy marriage.
It's OK.
- Your wife an actress, too?.
- No, she does home deco.
She was, the crisis
brought down her company.
- So money is tight.
- We get around.
My salary, a few commercials...
So money is tight.
What would you pick
from that flock?.
Such a good boy!
With your profession,
I expected you to be more...
To be more...
Let's hit on them!
Isn't it a bit early, at your age?.
Hey, girls!
Yes, you!
Know how many kitties
like you I've tickled in my day?.
No, how many?.
None!
Bet I can bring all of them at our table?.
Let's get over...
Tell me about your life.
Retired.
Why not call them over?.
You're so stiff, it's like
you're not even my son.
I'm probably not.
Your mum was just as stiff.
That's why it was a short stopover.
I don't even know what to call you.
Honestly, "Dad" isn't...
Call me Edi. Or Daddy,
since I'm supposed to be British.
Fine. You mentioned a business deal.
Yes. Me crashing at your place
for a few nights.
Until the weekend, maybe.
A bit sudden, isn't it?.
Dear son, my current wife and l...
you understand, relationship issues.
I have a pilot's pension,
so I can afford a hotel room.
But I figured...
- Ciao, girls! Kisses!
- Back at you, bye!
I figured... we could
finally get to know each other.
I can't believe this.
You pop up at my work,
say you're my dad
who disappeared 30 years ago
and invite yourself over?.
Where's the business deal?.
I get a roof over my head
until I find someplace to rent...
-Right, and me?.
-You pay off your debt.
What debt?.
All that child support
that kept you clothed and fed,
helped you graduate and
become a popular actor.
Years of financial sacrifice that you
can pay off in just a few days.
I think it's a killer deal.
God, with his nerve,
I'd have gone far.
Nonsense. This is a white flag.
It's like a friend request on Facebook.
Check, please.
When you were 5, I asked
what you wanted from Santa.
Do you know what you said?.
"An elder brother."
I suppose now can give you one.
- There's no guest room, just a sofa.
- The sofa's great.
I'll be out of your wife?s hair by day.
What's her name?.
- Cristina. Kitty.
- Let's get a spare key to make it easier.
You got it all planned out.
Please. It's my pleasure.
I left my car by the stage door.
Almost 40 years ago,
a sinister moan rose
from the ground's impenetrable depths.
Do you think the great earthquake
will come tonight?. YES/NO
29 sec. - an eternity for those
who lived it.
The price in human lives was huge...
I found one of your old
phone number notebooks.
For my information,
who are Yvonne and Catalina Rag?.
We have guests.
You've been through my things?.
Superb! You can feel the chi flow.
He's Edi. Daddy Edi.
My wife, Cristina.
May I offer these flowers
to my daughter-in-law?.
- What?.
- Can you believe it?. I found my father.
Well, he found me.
Are you joking?.
The father who left you, the aviator?.
Himself. Sometimes, life's paths part
only for Fate to rejoin them,
by chance - or maybe not.
Dear Kitty, call me Dad or Edi,
depending on your feelings.
Mr. Edi...
Let me put these in water.
Adorable.
Have a seat I need to talk to her.
You've decorated the kitchen perfectly!
Interesting, that notebook.
How old is it?.
You're annoying.
Edi will sleep over,
a few nights.
Put some sheets on the couch.
We're running a hotel here
from the first night?.
- Why not bring Yvonne?.
- He's my dad!
There's a situation in his family.
Why did you hide there?.
Take a seat on the couch.
- I wouldn?t want to bother.
- No bother.
What can I get you?.
Excuse the whole moving mess.
- Whisky, cognac?.
- I'll go for some whisky.
Tony, will you play the host
while I go change?.
But I don't know
where the bar is.
East, under the wealth corner!
- I don't know my way around yet.
- Just a drink and I'll be off.
- I'll let you have a quiet evening.
- Why?. Stay for dinner.
You can't imagine the hottie
I'm dating tonight...
- I have the keys, you won't hear me.
- Tony, come for a bit!
Excuse me.
- It's perfect in here too!
- What's the plan?.
Staying for dinner?. Going out?.
He's dating a hottie
beyond my imagination.
- Maybe you'd like to check.
- Maybe he doesn?t want me to.
Maybe he has good reason.
Should I call this Yvonne,
see how she's doing?.
Are you nuts?. That's an old notebook,
it could have been anyone!
- Like the theatre secretary!
- Still seeing her?.
- I don't know who she is!
- Maybe you remember her number..
- 092 46...
- That prefix was dropped 15 years ago!
You wrote it on your hand?.
A tattoo would be more artsy.
- With all your sluts. On my ass!
- You do that.
"Toni+Yvonne = Love",
and a little heart.
And Catalina Rag?.
A secretary too?.
In fact, the name says it all.
She's an actress colleague
who lives in France, doing babysitting.
Don't tell me
you have a baby with the Rag...
That's all I ask!
Of course I do, Kitty. Twins!
I'm leaving her. Now that she has
a house and everything...
"Baby, farewell, we're through!"
That's the way!
Two more vodkas!
Don't! He'll get wasted,
he's not used to it.
Really now, show her the door!
Then look for younger stuff.
Just saying.
Sorry, but your Kitty
is a bit past expiration date.
Seven years ago when we met,
she wasn't.
- Did you feel the quake?.
- Nope.
Me neither, just heard about it on TV.
Because of your thick skin.
And a vodka for John Travodka!
Get over here.
- You call this a double?.
- Of course.
Don?t try to play me.
A double comes up to here.
I have a hawk's eye for this.
Let's measure it.
Hey, wait. Wait!
Do you feel that?.
No joke!
Hell, earthquake!
Very funny. You don't live
in a seismic risk building.
Robert?.
Want to know
who your London agent was?.
You've been drinking.
I'll tell your father.
Stop smoking in bed.
- Hello?.
- Good evening.
Sorry to bother you so late.
I'm expert Bebeneciu from
the lnstitute of Earth Physics.
Congratulations, you are
one of the 100 winners of the raffle
for warnings in case
of devastating tremors.
Thus, you have time to take shelter.
- How much time?.
- Let me see.
Exactly 69 seconds, starting now.
Weren?t we at the 1st floor?.!
Only later did I realize.
It didn't even occur to me
to save her.
Interesting. So you're positive.
Let's go over the lines.
I'm starting.
Listen, we need to talk.
I've been thinking about us -
not for days or weeks, but months.
- Maybe even a year.
- What do you mean?.
Kitty, I don't want to hurt you.
You have all my love,
but you deserve a lot more.
Hurt me?.
What are you getting at?.
I have no right
to waste years of your life
when you could be fully happy.
Don?t just recite.
Find your own words, show more feeling!
Tony, you want to break up?.
I don't know. I think
the best present I could offer you,
the only way to thank you
for all you've given me over these years
is to disappear from your life.
Good! Now for plan B.
Kitty, this can't go on.
You're suffocating me!
I only live once. This is it!
Do what you see fit, I'm out.
Screaming will only make it worse.
- You bastard, you animal!
- Sorry, baby, that's life!
All actors on stage.
Use plan B if she gets teary.
Enter Orpheus.
Knock-knock!
Eurydice, may I come in?.
Orpheus?. Come in.
- Ready?. We'll be late!
- Almost ready, sweetheart.
It'll be a smashing party! Hurry!
Playback!
Tonight will be so exquisite...
With friends, music and wine...
And all night long,
our youth will sing and dance...
..to the max!
Tonight will be so...
Wait.
Look.
I'd like you to do this.
One, two.
"To the max!"
- Keep practicing.
- I also have to sing.
Drop me and you're dead.
Are we making a musical or not?.
If not, we can do playback
from an armchair.
I want more fizz when you sing.
You're Orpheus,
the star singer with the lyre, loved by all,
head over heels for Eurydice.
Show me this joy
to convince me
you'd later go to the lnferno after her.
Sorry, I don't get it.
If we're late for the big party,
how come we're singing
seven duet stanzas?.
And why do we still hear the guitar
after I've put it away?.
Son, there are many
accepted conventions in musicals.
And the suckers in the audience buy them?.
Yes!
But only if you believe in them.
Then, they don't just buy them:
they go crazy.
They feel like
singing and dancing with the actors.
That's the trick with musicals:
they create a different kind of energy.
They tell you life's great,
money's not an issue,
and your mum wasn't a whore.
That's lying to their faces!
So?. Didn?t your parents claim
vaccines don't hurt?.
Some lies are necessary, Tony!
In case you all forgot,
I announced I have to leave at 2.
I have 15 more minutes, so drop the theory.
Let's rehearse.
We rehearse until 4.
You can rehearse until tomorrow,
I'm out at 2.
Manager's permission.
I'm doing a commercial.
What an understanding manager!
Anyway, let's not waste time.
Start over!
Playback!
Why do I burst out singing?.
Musical? Conventions? Bullshit!
Sane people don't start
singing out of the blue.
- Orpheus was a singer.
- Let him sing to a paying audience!
Would you woo your dancer,
Geanina, by belting out songs?.
- Nowadays?.
- Not me, I can't sing.
Pavarotti! You think he'd burst out
singing after signing a contract?.
With his contracts,
I'm sure he would.
Why so fired up today?.
Be happy you got the part.
- The Chief must've seen something in you.
- I don't believe myself onstage.
My life sucks: dumping Kitty,
the seismic risk building, now my father...
The agent...
With all that,
how can I chirp merrily?.
I could do it as a job,
but who will believe me?.
It might have worked 100 years ago,
but look outside!
Economic recession!
Terrorist attacks, global warming!
Viruses, tsunamis, earthquakes,
who buys these kindergarten plays?.
You should better focus
on the Kitty issue.
You have a point there.
Tonight I strike.
I'll be free by this weekend.
I'll take that as a bet.
The agent...
I have stories to tell you.
Let's go!
We need a little something for her!
- Getting it on already?.
- Yesterday was still romantic,
but tonight I'm hoping to score.
At your age,
people tone it down.
Space is an issue.
She shares a dorm room, so...
In my car,
I don't have the right age anymore...
..or the right car.
She's too delicate for a hotel,
she'd be embarrassed.
- I don't know...
- But you could go to a hotel, with Kitty.
- What?.
- Spend a night at the hotel. My treat.
How's this?.
Sexy, but also elegant.
You want to bring over a stranger,
while we sleep in a hotel?.
Just one night!
I spotted a hotel right on your street.
- You think she'll buy that?.
- lf you wrap it nicely.
Romantic change of scenery,
breaking routine...
- Right after moving in?.
- You don't get it.
Women's logic is different.
History shows wives dream
of a night in a hotel,
while sluts dream of housekeeping!
Miss?. May I get some assistance?.
- May I help?.
- Would this fit you?.
I'm a 34, it might be too big.
But I hope it's not for me!
No, for a slightly taller lady.
Then it may be perfect.
The fabric is great, very sexy.
Should I take a chance?.
- Is it for your wife?.
- No, for my girlfriend.
If you want a youthful look...
- We have traditional styles, too...
- Not interested.
Something traditional for Kitty?.
Thank you, we'll go pay.
Sorry, but don't
count on our bedroom.
Tony, man to man...
When you were 20, didn't friends
lend you their flat for a date?.
- Yes, at 20!
- See?. I'm not 20 anymore.
How many such chances
will life give me?.
Any discount?.
Only for 3 items from the same section.
I'll have it gift-wrapped.
Think it over.
I'll take Bambi out tonight.
Text me around 10,
so I know the plan.
If there's no way, so be it, but...
when will I nab such a princess again?.
I'll pay by card.
What's gotten into you,
taking me out?.
Something on your conscience?.
Yes.
Catalina Rag.
Stop it.
Kitty, we need to talk.
- I've been thinking...
- Still seeing her?.
I'm not.
I've been thinking not for days
or weeks, but months.
- Maybe a year.
- She's younger than me, isn't she?.
Kitty, I don't want to hurt you.
You have all my love,
but you deserve much more.
Don?t want to hurt me?.
Then why are you seeing her?.
There is no woman, I swear.
You fucked up my best years!
Now you want to throw me away
like a rag?.
Like a rag, right?.
That person doesn't exist in my life.
She's in your notebook!
You said you have something
on your conscience, what?.
I think the most beautiful present
I can offer you...
You want to offer me a present?.
The only way to thank you for
all you've given me all these years,
is to,,,
..disappear from your life.
To what?.
To what?. I couldn't hear you!
To...
..invite you to spend
a night together in a hotel?.
Just like the old times?.
You're crazy!
Apartment available.
If I invite you to my place,
is there a 200/0 chance you'll say yes?.
250/0?.
We could have taken our toothbrushes
from home, it's close.
That would have killed the poetry.
Don?t tell me this is
a non-smokers hotel.
You won't have time to smoke,
you'll see.
What's wrong?.
I can't... I'm fat.
- No way, who told you that?.
- The scales did.
I gained 3 kilos in one month
and it all went to my butt.
- I don't care.
- You can't even take off my skirt!
- Nonsense.
- Leave me alone!
I'm an old, ugly failure
and I want to die!
What are you doing there?.
Come out!
Please, come out, let's talk.
You're not fat.
- Tony?.
- Yes.
- Come out.
- Sing to me.
- Sing to you?.
- Yes.
Something nice
to make me feel better.
Tonight will be so exquisite,
With laughter and flowers all around.
We're gonna jive,
feel like we're alive,
,
Amongst friends we'll be joking,
we'll be loving,
we'll be dizzy,
we'll be drunk,
,
we'll be flying.
What's that song?.
It's from our show at the theatre.
And you sing that onstage?.
I sing all kinds of nonsense.
It's a musical.
A contemporary Orpheus.
That's nice.
You think they'll fine me
if I light one up?.
They might have smoke detectors.
Try to sleep.
Nice while it lasted,
,
Kitty dear, I'm all fed up,
I don't see the point
in dragging this on.
I had to put up
with your jealous fits,
your scandals and crises
and I've had it!
Sorry, baby, but that's life.
I get sick at the sight of you,
This is our final cue,
,
In this stupid and boring marriage
I felt like in the Inferno.
I dreamt of an earthquake.
At least you admit it was a dream.
Tomorrow you?ll say it actually happened.
Hello there. Alone? And missus?
She only just fell asleep.
- All OK with you?.
- More than OK.
Listen, I paid for last night
and two more.
- Excuse me?.
- The girl's a miracle!
I'm happy as after my first flight!
This night was unreal.
- I want more!
- Out of the question.
- We said one night.
- Two more!
Once I cement the relationship,
I could take her to any dump.
- I did all I could.
- Come see her, she's on the terrace.
Have a coffee with us,
then decide whether you can let your dad
lose something like that.
Bambi, my son, Antonov.
My girlfriend, Bianca.
A coffee?.
- Tony?. Coffee?.
- A long espresso.
One long, one short.
Italian-short! Just a spit.
I hear you?re an actor. I don?t think
I saw you in anything.
Pity, I was
remarkably good in "Anything".
I rarely go to the theatre.
I'm a bit agoraphobic.
- A bit what?.
- Agoraphobic, Your Brightness.
I can?t stand crowds.
I hate crowds too, particularly
when driving. We're alike!
Hello, Kitty. Are you up?.
I'm having a coffee with Edi.
Want to join us?.
Having a shower?.
I'll run straight to the rehearsal.
Alright, go home, I'll see you later.
Excuse me. My wife.
- You have to meet her, she's a darling.
- You sleep in a hotel?.
Their little game.
The odd romantic night, to fight routine.
- How sweet!
- I hope you meet her, she's lovely.
No doubt. Actors tend to be courted,
they get their pick.
I hope you slept well,
I didn't have time to...
Excellent! No place like home.
I sleep Like a Log anywhere.
I snore, too,
- Not true, you've got a very sexy sleep.
- Exaggerations, Your Highness.
I could sleep through a train wreck.
- I heard of the tremor the other night.
- 4,3 on the Richter.
I didn't feel a thing.
Me neither.
Me neither.
I was told you are a gifted singer.
That you lived in joy and wealth.
Take a drag.
- That the lovely Eurdis...
- Eurydice.
..Eurydice stole your heart
and that you adored each other
until the woeful day when
she was bitten by a venomous snake.
Having breathed her last,
your beloved ended up here,
in the lnferno,
- Where l...
- Where l!
- Where I rule supreme.
- Take a drag!
Unbidden, you have descended here,
to offer yourself in exchange.
I could accept the deal,
if you give a central
two-bedroom flat for 40 grand...
then I'd sell the house in Berceni...
What's this?. Bebe, are you delirious?.
I mean, if I get around 70.000...
and move my old man in a one-room...
Bebe, are you nuts?.
What's that ass smoking?.
You idiots!
You want to get us locked up?.
You said you wanted him
to smoke for real!
This country is a mess
because of pranksters like you!
If you can only think of
crappy jokes and dough,
better stay home and watch TV!
You act big,
make up American nicknames,
but you couldn't play Santa
to my kids!
Hats off to Tony,
that's why he got the main part:
he's the only hard-worker here!
Which, to me, makes up for talent.
Not to say he lacks it...
Give him some water.
No way!
You invited her to a hotel?.
- That's ten steps back!
- I tried.
- The context...
- What did you say?.
How did you end up at a hotel?.
- She started crying...
- So, didn't you move to plan B?.
- Tony, someone's here for you.
- Right away.
Give me 15 minutes,
go play backgammon with Travodka.
That'd better not be Geanina.
Or you're dead.
Isn't my Bambi the cat's whiskers?.
- The keys.
- What?.
My keys. This circus stops now!
You can't do that to me.
I'll get arrested
for harboring pedophiles.
- She's of age.
- It's still pedophilia.
No! She's the pedophile,
I'm the child!
- You're the child?.
- Yes!
Sit here.
Look in the mirror.
Aren?t you ashamed?.
Why?. I look OK for my age.
At your age, sane people
go protest for a pension increase.
Act like a brat all you like.
Just not in my house.
Guys, can we take a shower?.
- The one downstairs is full.
- Sorry, but...
Of course, girls! Come in!
They need to shower
after sweating onstage!
Care to join them?.
Maybe you're hot.
- We brought our own soap.
- We'll only be a minute.
No hurry!
Tell us if you need anything.
No wonder your wife kicked you out,
you're incurable.
For liking natural beauty?.
There are clinics for this.
And my home isn't one!
I bet if Bambi was 50 and fat,
you wouldn't be so stung.
If you like my apartment so much,
why not buy it?.
So you can bring in
the whole corps de ballet.
Have fun until the next quake.
- I'm exempt from earthquakes.
- Doctor's orders?.
4th of March '77, I was above Vienna,
on a flight to Paris.
In '86, Dubai.
In '90 I was taking off from Frankfurt.
In 2004 I was flying
some senators in a helicopter.
Can we have some paper tissues?.
Narcisa got soap in her eyes.
Of course, doll!
Thank you.
Some airbags!
You should try your luck!
No room thanks to you.
Get their number.
You can all have a foursome, with Bambi joining.
You're only 65 once!
So true.
At 70, you'll cut out nude photos
from magazines.
You retarded child,
I won't live to 70! Or 66!
You retarded child,
I won't live to 70! Or 66!
I have cancer!
Excuse us,
Kitty?.
Are you sleeping?.
No, waiting to die.
- What happened?.
- Can?t you hear that?.
- Someone's doing repairs.
- Since this morning!
I couldn't close an eye.
- Where is it coming from?.
- Upstairs, 2nd or 3rd floor.
That's not OK.
I'll go see what it's about.
Stick that drill
in their eyes and ears!
- Hello.
- Hello, are you renovating?.
Yes.
- Who are you?.
- Your neighbor at the 1st floor.
- But in a seismic risk building...
- I have all the approvals.
Ask the superintendent,
he lives on the 5th.
How long will it last?.
People need to sleep.
We'll be finished for today
in half an hour.
- You will?.
- Yes.
- Alright, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- They'll go on all night.
- They're not allowed to!
Who can check?.
I need my sleep,
the premiere is in a few days.
- What, then?.
- We go to the hotel.
- What?. And your dad?.
- He has his own key.
You want another sleepless night?.
Pack a bag.
- Maybe we can deal with them.
- Not a chance!
I'll complain to the superintendent,
wall-drilling is unsafe for all of us!
- The building's bad enough already.
- Got my toothbrush?.
- Explain this.
- Going through my phone now?.
What's with the two texts in two days,
"Apartment available"?.
For my dad, so he knows.
- He already has the key.
- So he knows we're not there.
So what if we're not?.
- He just...
- I wasn't born yesterday.
It's a signal for someone else.
- No.
- What do you mean, "no"?.
It's his girlfriend.
So he knows he can bring her over.
He's bringing women to my house?.
Not women, Kitty, just one.
They have their little games.
They're presently doing it,
in my mother's wedding sheets?.
It's temporary,
only fortnight and the next.
"And the next"?.
I'm such an idiot!
"Romantic night,
breaking the monotony..."
And you're organizing
cultural events in my bed!
- You can't barge in!
- Want to bet?.
I'll throw her out the window.
Your dad can go dupe someone else!
- Do you have the key?.
- I left it in my jeans, at the hotel.
I'm locked out of my own home?.
Please, let's go back.
We'll settle this later.
I'm locked out of my own home!
Let's go.
You can't spend the night here!
- I'm locked out!
- Only for a bit.
- Until morning.
- I'm homeless!
I'd rather die!
Are you nuts?.
Put a man in prison for a key?.
Maybe they'd let us sleep
at the train station?.
He locked it behind us on purpose.
Should've stayed in the room!
Hello!
Wake-up call!
How romantic, a walk in the park.
Let's make friends with these homeless,
maybe we can share a sewer.
Stop it.
Tony Furda!
Respect!
- We're acting students.
- At Professor Colceag.
You work with him,
when does Orpheus premiere?.
In a few days.
Have a drop of vodka with us!
- Good evening.
- My wife, Kitty.
Thanks.
- Thanks, I don't smoke.
- I do.
Careful, it's not what you think...
- A special for Mr. Tony and Mrs...
- Kitty!
I loved you so much, Paraschiva,
I told you over and over...
To prove to you my love is true
I've brought you a truckload of flowers...
I took you from your mother's house
In skirts without much underneath,
Pour the vodka, pour the wine,
Pour the beer and the gin,
I say this from my heart,
Drinking makes me smart.
Tonight was so exquisite,
With guitars and flowers all around,
We're gonna jive,
feel like we're alive,
,
Amongst friends we'll be loving,
we'll be laughing,
we'll be dizzy,
we'll be drunk,
,
we'll be flying.
- Anything left to drink?.
- No.
- All licked up.
- I'm out of here.
Party pooper!
Respect!
Goodnight.
We should be heading home too.
You're so funny.
Call the police,
we're turning ourselves in
for smoking weed.
If they give us a cell to sleep in!
This is Tony, were you sleeping?.
No?. Perfect.
Open up, we're paying you a visit.
Yes, at this hour.
They locked us out of the hotel.
Don't abandon me a second time!
Fine, bye.
We're paying a visit.
To whom?.
Come on in.
- Bambi, will you play the host?.
- Sure, Your Brightness!
Come in, have a seat.
- I'm Bianca.
- I could have sworn you were Yvonne!
- I'm Mrs. Furda.
- My roommate.
Shall I get you some tea?.
They lost their keys. They'll sleep here
until they get the spares.
Make yourselves at home.
Don't want to bother,
I smell you've been partying.
Tony sang with students in the park
and I smoked something good...
You should have called earlier.
No, Later is better,
- Your Highness, any clean sheets?.
- Let me see.
I wouldn't have guessed it was a sofa bed.
- Now you?ll both fit.
- May I help?.
You're doing a great job.
Me, I'm an airhead.
Do you know a 6.9 on the Richter
would bring this building down?.
You're so drunk
you'd collapse without it.
Anything else?. Bambi and l,
we'd like to crawl back in.
- Don't do any no-nos!
- The bathroom is there.
No no-nos, just wild sex.
Let's do a 69 on the Richter
to bring the building down!
In the doorframe!
Oops, sorry.
The coffee's ready!
Have it while it's hot.
In a moment!
Mr. Edi will choke on his coffee
when I start on him.
You've been warned.
Things got out of hand.
- Where is she?.
- Waking up. Her class starts soon.
Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day!
- What's she studying?.
- Psychology.
I could've sworn.
She oozes complexity.
- Mr. Edi, let's clarify...
- One more night!
- That's all, I swear!
- No chance.
You've gone too far.
And what's another night?.
- She'll find out anyway.
- Wait.
I don?t want a long relationship.
I like them short: seen, liked, checked!
I'd have dumped Bambi tomorrow anyway.
I need another night to do it elegantly,
not like a hoodlum.
'Cause she's a nice girl.
I'm going crazy!
I thought you had some feelings
at least for her,
if not for others...
- Fine, one more night.
You're my favorite daughter-in-law.
He wants a nice breakup, I get it.
It's very important how you break up.
Call me an ambulance!
If I broke up with you,
I'd try not to hurt you.
Morning, everyone.
Our hottie is up! Coffee?.
A quick one, I need to go.
So?. Did you sleep well?.
I did. He dreamt an earthquake,
as usual.
I hope you get new keys.
Or you can come back here. Right?.
Of course. But they?ll sort it out.
Right. I'll go get dressed.
We snap out of it, eh?.
Want to swing for a night?.
Just joking!
Although it still needs work,
we'll open after-tomorrow.
A first performance for family and friends,
to meet the deadline from City Hall.
The floor for the dancers
isn't here yet!
It will be delivered
by tomorrow evening.
Actors get a free day to rest.
He's so damn sexy!
Not many theatre managers
are so manly.
He has that killer, Latino overlook.
I swear I?d make it with him,
Though I'm no faggot.
Lorena Naucu is wanted
in the manager's office.
Jerks!
Oh, the silence!
Is the drill asshole done?.
- Sorry for the noise. Only a few more days.
- Meet Relu, our upstairs neighbor.
- Tony, my husband.
- We met yesterday.
He's collecting money
to get our building off the risk list.
We need to bribe an official.
And if it's off the list,
it won't crumble?.
The price per square meter changes.
It raises the sale price.
I own some apartments here
that I'm renovating.
Trust me: once off the list,
this place is pure gold.
It's history has a sexy side, too:
Two love suicides,
one in the '40s, one in the '50s.
Two love suicides,
one in the '40s, one in the '50s.
A tango dancer jumped off the roof.
People start to feel
when a house tells stories.
When it's more than an empty box.
They appreciate that.
- Sorry, I won't pay for that.
- Don?t worry, I did.
Are you crazy?. It's a waste.
We'll sell it for more
and move into a villa.
You want to move out
after less than a week?.
I feel some strange karma here.
Excuse me, I'll go shower.
I was just leaving anyway...
Think he'll break up with her tonight?.
If he doesn't, he has no guts.
He would hurt both of them.
One has to know when to draw a line.
- So scary! It was over 6.
- For sure! The power's out too.
- Who's there?. Mrs. Gugui!
- I hardly had time to put something on...
Kitty!
Kitty?.
Let's go into the park and play!
Cornelus?.
Cornelus, are you alright?.
Yes, I'm fine.
She's Gineta, a classmate.
She came to get a notebook.
Sorin!
- He's Mihai, a colleague from work.
- I'm the husband.
Do your mobiles work?.
My network's dead.
- At least we're fine!
- Thank God we're alive.
- Did you freak out?.
- Let's hope it's over!
We should praise the Lord!
We'll sort it all out.
I got it off!
- Are you alright?.
- We didn?t feel a thing.
- We were a bit busy...
- Where's your wife?.
I don't know, I've lost her...
Lots of people in this building!
Smoke by the damn window!
I dreamt earthquakes again. Yes?.
What's wrong?.
So what?.
Couldn?t you have said...?.
And you can't get out...
Fine, I'll be right there.
- Where are you going?.
- You changed the sheets.
The others were from my mum!
- Smart of you. Bambi figured it out.
- How?.
They left together, got back together.
Sheets don't change themselves.
The idiot gave himself away,
she got angry and left.
She locked him in,
left the key in the mailbox.
Locked him in?. Is she crazy?.
No idea.
Maybe so he won?t follow her.
I'll go let him out.
Come back quick!
You got angry for nothing.
It seems the cleaning lady
changed the sheets.
Don't bother.
He's already tried some stories.
Once my eyes were opened,
I looked around.
A wardrobe with women's clothes,
deodorants, creams...
- His ex wife's, maybe.
- The books on the shelves...
"How to Become a Fulfilled Woman".
5 volumes.
Eventually, he came clean.
I don't mind he doesn?t have a house,
But I can't stand being lied to.
Not to be nosy, but you
sort of threw yourself in his arms.
What?. He's been
courting me for 3 months.
He even wrote me poems on Facebook.
Yes, Kitty.
I just got here, I'll unlock
and come back.
Why what?.
I couldn?t find the key downstairs...
She's worrying.
Speaking of Kitty...
Watch it with those books.
- Meaning?.
- "Happiness Within Reach"...
"One Drop of Confidence Each Day"...
Countless books on losing weight...
As a psychology student,
I smell depression.
- Nah, apart from being jealous...
- She's jealous...
- And she cries for nothing.
- She cries, too?.
She just doesn?t trust herself.
She thinks she's fat...
Those are four clear symptoms.
You should
take her to a psychologist.
I don?t think so.
It's just a tough phase.
- She's jobless, too.
- Your call.
But depression is a serious disease,
not just like having the blues.
It can become dangerous without treatment.
Like some psychosomatic stuff?.
Like she could swallow pills.
Call until your arm falls off.
I can talk to
a psychologist friend tomorrow.
Kitty won't listen to the family doctor,
much less a shrink.
There are simple methods
to convince reluctant people.
I can show you.
Yes, Kitty.
I was just talking to Dad
over some tea.
Yes, I said I'd come back,
but I can't leave him like this.
Anyone's more important than me.
Soon you'll go whoring together!
Like hell, no!
You know what?.
Don't come back, I won't open.
I'm no one's sucker!
It can't hurt.
It works in 9 cases out of 10.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Thanks.
I saw nothing.
Bianca...
May I call you Bambi?.
Of course.
Do you know how many girls like you
I met in my day?.
No, How many?
None,
It wouldn't be fair.
To my wife?.
No.
To your dad.
Since when, these sudden crying spells?.
I can't even remember.
Maybe since over a year ago.
What else is worrying you?.
- I have no self-confidence.
- True. He never did.
I feel like my life was wasted,
so I sort of hate myself.
I can tell he can't stand himself.
So he becomes hard to stand.
- Do you sleep well?.
- Not at all.
I only fall asleep towards dawn
and I'm a wreck the whole day.
And he keeps dreaming
about earthquakes.
I obsess about my weight,
so I eat too much or too little.
You've gained a few kilos lately.
- Any bulimic tendencies?.
- Meaning?.
Throwing up right after meals.
No, I would have noticed.
But he obsesses about earthquakes,
keeps dreaming that.
Two tickets for the opening
tomorrow night.
By the way, did you dump her?.
I couldn't, after that fight.
But she's fine with going to a hotel.
- Ours?.
- I would embarrass myself.
I made reservations at the Majestic,
- So I get to sleep in my bed.
- As promised.
Look at the perfect legs on that one!
So jump after her!
I'm done with swimming.
It's hard being ill. I just admire.
- You think devilesses in hell are just as sexy?.
- Yes, but they burn you for real.
Let me be your towel!
If I tell my boyfriend,
he'll make you his towel.
You're totally sick.
And you haven't even broken up with Bambi!
- Why, did you want her?.
- I was curious how she took it.
- We met here! Great place for hookups.
- I want to give Kitty the axe.
Water removes inhibitions.
How come?.
I struggled forgive years.
I want out!
She can keep her feng shui,
I want my life.
- That hopeless?.
- Kind of.
So just say: "Darling, I love you,
but we?re eating up each other's space."
- What if she does something stupid?.
- Like slitting her wrists?. Unlikely.
I'd rather she left me.
Women never leave a man
for the unknown.
- Unless they have an address.
- She can keep the damn house.
I meant another man,
Want me to talk to her?.
I don't mind carrying the bad news.
- To save you the explanations.
- It's a bit sudden.
You're uneasy with speed,
unusual for a pilot's son.
I could talk to her
during intermission.
Better not.
- it was just a proposal...
- Yes, do it!
- For sure?.
- For sure.
OK.
See?. Even grown-up children
need parental help.
- Here you are!
- I can't sleep.
- Me neither.
- You need sleep before the show.
Thanks for reminding,
I might have missed it.
I have some pills in the bedroom,
take one and lie down.
If it doesn?t work for you,
why would it for me?.
This looks like a party.
What's the occasion?.
Want to go to our place at the hotel?.
Our place?.
I sleep better there.
The show will be a hit.
I lit candles in the fame corner.
You'll set the house on fire!
You should take better care of yourself.
The psychiatrist said...
Psychologist!
..that you need rest and
to take it easy!
- What happened?.
- He slipped. Is it bad?.
- This is the long-awaited floor?.
- It's a skating rink.
- Boss, let's remove it.
- It took hours just to install it.
Say that again, you motherf...
Cool off!
I'll change the floor next week
and sanction the stage designer.
Ready for Act l.
Dancers, everyone, watch your step!
Nervous, Mr. Antonov?.
Nervous, Mr. Boeing?. James Boeing.
Now we're stressing
about that floor, too.
Here's a tip I got
for my debut, in Barlad.
- You played in Barlad?.
- Two years.
So:
Look for an ideal spectator.
One who seems absorbed by the play.
- And?.
- And you play for him.
Look at him every time you can.
He'll you, he empathizes.
With each eye contact,
you get fully recharged.
And if I don't find
any ideal spectator?.
Shit happens, you play with Lorena.
If you don't understand the play,
I'll explain it to you.
Sure, Your Wiseness.
Who is Orpheus?
A superstar, an artist, a mirage,
or a god?
But for me,
Although I shouldn't confess it,
It may sound presumptuous,
Well...
He's an intangible
dream that I hold.
If one day...
I'd have the chance of meeting him...
I'd faint before saying
"My dear maestro,
"I'm just a fan,
"And I am honored
to recommend myself...
"...Eurydice. "
Want to join my fan club?.
What's your name?.
Eurydice.
I don't want to be in your fan club,
nor in your fan-bed.
You have nerve!
Stop staring at me like that.
Try all you like,
your celebrity doesn't impress me.
I'm not even trying.
Let's go to any concert but his.
- We have tickets for his!
- And they're hard to find!
The most beautiful of all women,
,
they say,
But to me,
,
she means more, she is my life
and I'm so happy.
Where the hell are you looking?.
If the 2nd act keeps dragging like this,
I'm out!
Spare me the technicalities
about floors and lapel mics!
I want oomph, rhythm, energy and a beer!
Bubu, get me a beer!
Tony, not bad. Could do better.
Congrats!
So, did you find a spectator?.
Oh, crap!
Tony, you lost the bet!
I saw your wife in the audience!
Please retrieve your seats
and turn off your cell phones.
Pick up!
Pick up!
Screw it.
This is the place of no return,
The grim land
that lies beyond the Styx...
For your bravery in coming here
and offering yourself as sacrifice,
I shall make an exception:
You may both return to Earth.
On one condition!
You will walk ahead, playing the lyre.
But you will not turn to her
no matter what.
Not until you are under the sun.
Avert your eyes!
Don't! Now go.
Don't look back...
Orpheus, I missed you so!
Turn around, take my hand!
I look at you.
Where are you taking me?.
Why won?t you answer?.
Have I grown old?.
Have I turned ugly?.
You don't like me anymore?.
No!
- An autograph?.
- Not now.
Not bad, Antonov!
Not quite Broadway, but not bad.
- What did you tell her?. How come she left?.
- Mission accomplished.
- I told her you have someone.
- What?.
..but you don?t want to hurt her.
- But I don't!
- Let her at least be jealous.
Now just be strong and,
as the play says, "don't look back"!
Adieu.
Damn it!
This number cannot be reached.
Kitty?.
Robert, have you heard from Kitty?.
She left during Act ll, texted me "Goodbye"
and she's not home.
No, the toothbrush is here.
Her phone's off.
I called Mioara
and the Podarleas, no sign of her.
I'm afraid she'd do something stupid!
No, nothing seems to be
missing from the wardrobe.
Wait.
It doesn't look
like she's been taking pills.
Let me know if you hear anything.
Yes.
What?.
I'll be right there!
Don?t worry, it's OK.
They say he's stable.
How did it happen?.
He wanted to play doctor in the car.
Not that...
I must've eaten something dodgy.
Why in the car?.
You had the hotel room.
"To be more exciting".
It's my fault,
I should've sent him to bed.
Amelia...
Came to visityour old husband?.
I won't ask for any explanations
until you're well.
So no questions for now.
This is my son from the U.S.
I've told you about...
And his fianc?e, Bianca.
So: no questions for now.
How's our Airbus Don Juan?
- Much better. I even slept...
- Less effort and a good diet!
And one day here
under observation.
The test results are not bad,
but don't overdo it.
Sex isn't forbidden at your age,
but gym is preferable.
Why play with heart attacks
when you have years ahead of you?.
Can I ask you something?.
- Family?.
- Son.
Of course. I'll be right back.
- No use protecting him, he knows.
- Knows what?.
Don't promise him years ahead,
he knows he has cancer.
- What kind?.
- Pancreatic.
Go get some sleep!
He said he has less than a year.
Nonsense,
the blood test would have shown it.
We ran all the tests.
He's perfectly fine.
What kind of man makes up a cancer?.
Emotional blackmail,
Kids do it all the time.
He's no kid, he's Frankenstein!
I met him on Monday
and in one week he messed up my life!
- I don't know what you see in him.
- I'm a bit gerontophilic.
Youngsters bore me.
They're sad, they're serious...
They don't know how to play.
Your dad does.
Playing doctor?.
It almost killed him, this play.
I hope you realize,
no more hanky-panky.
- You heard the doctor.
- I'd have stopped it anyway.
I'm leaving for U.S. in 2 days,
on a scholarship.
- Does he know?.
- Since we met.
That's why he was bragging
about dumping you!
Old pig!
- He said he'd leave me?.
- Since two days ago.
Keeping his word would have
saved him the stroke.
I have to run.
Thanks for the coffee.
Seismology expert Bebeneciu
is here again, with sensational news.
We have recently noticed
a seismic phenomenon...
Catastrophic earthquake:
1victim!
..Limited to one building in Bucharest,
perceivable on just one floor,
Two tectonic plates are involved:
one older, very active,
the other younger, more fragile,
but related by nature.
We have one victim
trapped under the rubble...
While onstage in that silly musical,
I started staring at her.
Suddenly, it all turned
upside-down in my head.
There was something in her eyes
I have never seen before.
How's your sleep?.
I don't even dream
of earthquakes anymore.
I dream of her, sending me
after short Pall Malls.
But I can only find the long ones
and when she sees those
she starts crying.
Desperately crying, like a child.
Then I start breaking off the tips
to make them shorter.
But she just keeps crying
and I don't know how to soothe her.
She's right.
I smoke short Pall Malls, too.
The long ones are crap.
Some practical advice
for our insomniac listeners...
Counting sheep is outdated.
Reading, particularly Russian classics,
is guaranteed to send you to dreamland.
These thick books
can also serve as pillows.
Or switch your TV to the
Romanian Orthodox Church channel,
where its piousness will send you
among clouds, saints, and angels.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
- Is your wife better?.
- Better?.
- I mean recovered.
- From?.
She turned on the stove.
Could have killed us all!
Wait, what?. When?.
Hasn't Mr., Relu told you?
He found her.
He was visiting
Mrs. Geta and Mr. Stratone
for the collection.
Then he rang your doorbell.
He smelled the gas.
Thank God it wasn?t locked!
Your wife was in the kitchen,
with the gas turned on,
can you imagine!
Is Mr. RIu here?
No, just the designer lady.
The designer lady?.
May I come in?.
I'm the downstairs neighbor.
Amalia, I won't put up with you
anymore. I'm gone!
Because you don't try to understand.
Bye.
My wife wants me back.
If I learned anything in my 65 years,
it's are just Life:
The more you take it seriously,
the more it suckers you.
She's upstairs.
Been there all this time.
- With that crook Relu.
- Who?.
Kitty.
She turned on the gas,
Prince Charming saved her.
Now she's in his castle.
And you suffer like an idiot.
Take Amalia: one day she kicks me out,
the next she wants me back!
Are you ever listening?.
Kitty turned on the gas
after you talked to her.
But she's fine now, right?.
More than fine,
- She's with Mr. Estate Relu.
- The one upstairs, with the drilling?.
You want her back?.
I can change her mind
in a second.
- How?.
- I have my ways.
- I want her back.
- I'm off on the mission!
Heads up:
I won't play the break-up agent again.
Rd-handed!
Return now, or we'll sue.
With witnesses.
You'll lose all,
including the apartment.
And Mr. Young & Restless there
won?t waste too much time with you.
I don?t care,
I Love him no matter what!
I came to pick up some things.
But since you're home,
let's talk.
Kitty, first of all: I don't have anyone.
Stop. Shut up.
I don't want explanations.
I just want you to know Relu's offer.
- What offer?.
- He'll buy our apartment for 50.000.
Less than what we paid,
but the building's at risk.
It's worth it.
We can split the money.
- Is that what you came for?.
- Yes. And to pick up some things.
Good news!
She said she'd think about it.
You've already talked to her?.
With me?. No, when?.
- Earlier?.
- No.
Well, no,
since she was here.
- How would she "think about it"?.
- About what?.
You didn't even go!
You went out for a beer.
- You know I don't drink beer.
- You damn liar!
- You know I don't drink beer.
- You damn liar!
- What's this about?.
- Unbelievable.
What's this about?.
Firstly, he lied. I'm with no one.
Him?.
He never said that.
- While you talk, I'll go out to...
- Stay put!
He didn't tell you that?.
At the show, before you left?.
He asked where I was going.
I told him I never wanted
to see you again.
That was all.
He didn't say I'm with someone
but don't hurt you?.
- No,
- Fantastic.
- "Mission accomplished"?.
- Since there was no need anymore!
This man lies more often than he breathes!
"Mission accomplished"?.
- Then why did you leave?.
- You don't know?.
- I swear I don't.
- You love that Eurydice actress!
- Nonsense!
- The way you were looking at her while singing!
I was looking at you!
At her too! I saw you!
I have to look at my partner sometimes!
You didn?t when you sang to me!
- How could you tell from the wardrobe?.
- By your voice!
- That's why you turned on the gas?.
- That, too.
And because I've gone fat and ugly.
- You need to see a therapist.
- I see one, for two days now.
But not the one we went to.
Good. But how...
Relu persuaded me.
Very persuasive, this Relu!
He even got you to sell your new home!
- What else he got you to do?.
- I'm not screwing him.
I'm just decorating his apartment,
making some money for the next months.
You're not sleeping there?.
I am, he's not.
He has several apartments,
- Seventy.
- Seventy what?. Apartments?.
70,000. Not a dime less.
Yes, squeeze him dry!
Fine, I'll tell him.
Then you can negotiate.
It's time for my therapy session.
How about coming back?.
Remember when you
found me alone in the kitchen?.
That's when I decided to end it.
I came to the play
so you wouldn't suspect anything.
I knew I was going to leave halfway.
- Also, seeing you stare at that floozy...
- It's a play!
How come you never act that way for me?.
I'd appreciate it,
Relu happened to save me
and sent me to therapy.
I've been thinking.
Why kill myself for you, when you
make bets about leaving me?.
I could hear them backstage:
"Tony, you lost the bet!"
Better look for someone warm,
more like him than like you.
Take your dad's example
for how to keep a woman.
I'm off.
Take care, the two of you.
See?. Just like I told you.
She'll think about it.
I need to make a call.
Tell me you lied about us too.
That you're not my dad.
That you?re the devil himself.
- it would be a relief.
- Amalia?.
I'll come home,
but on these conditions:
I come and go whenever I want.
You don't make my schedule...
You spare me your veganism...
Do not look back...
Stride on your way...
All around you, Death's lurking
with wild purity,
And life is a dream...
Ladies and gents, famous Tony Furda
will now perform a song about the end of the world.
Which, to put it gently,
is a step away.
Maestro, Aminor!
Nice while it lasted,
,
But things must come to an end.
The ending is sad
And it's right around the bend.
I've learned much too late
that things don't last forever.
So in a day or two,
In three months or nine,
Guaranteed!
We'll go down in the Inferno.
It's too late,
We're left with our memories,
We only had one life
but lived it fully.
But global warming...
pollution, illness,
corruption and government crises
will bring us
darkness today,
the Apocalypse tomorrow.
Willing or not,
we descend into the Inferno.
It's falling, falling,
-We fall into the Inferno...
-The Inferno is me!
Welcome, get comfortable.
Trust me,
there's nothing to regret.
For your old Earth
is a gigantic tomb
Covered in dead leaves,
While there come earthquakes,
Viruses and floods,
,
Hunger and radiations,
Destroying civilizations,
So I can guarantee
It's better in the Inferno!
Natural catastrophes
shouldn't frighten us.
We could compare
tectonic plate movements
with swinging a baby to sleep.
Here's an explanatory graph...
Above this magnitude
there is tsunami risk!
In the middle of the cataclysm,
You're struck by depression.
In capitalism,
Psychologists are expensive.
And modern medicine is just a lie,
Psychiatrists don't have a clue...
Still:
If today you feel depressed,
Lymphatic and distressed,
And tomorrow you're agitated,
neurotic and excited,
,
We have a clear diagnosis:
Bipolar syndrome!
Let's prepare for the grand finale.
It wasn't on 06.06.2006,
nor on 21.12. 2012,
but ladies and gents, get ready.
Maestro, C major, grand finale!
One day
or another
- We'll say goodbye...
- Eurydice, don't leave me!
..to wives, to lovers,
to all those you hold dear,
The time comes to make a long trip
and join Eurydice!
We'll remember sunny times...
We'll forget Christmas...
Warm May nights' fragrance, too...
We'll miss the ocean, the first snowflake,
,,
The sidewalk cafes, the promenades...
Hades embraces us with a fatherly kiss:
Welcome to the Inferno!
Hades embraces us
with a fatherly kiss:
Welcome to the Inferno!
on the Richter scale
Earthquake!
What?.
- Didn't you feel it?.
- There was nothing.
I barely managed
to fall asleep.
The building shook! Let's get out,
the main shock could be next.
It was in your dream.
You woke me up, too.
Look, the lamp is swinging!
It's swinging in your head.
Let me sleep another hour.
Seconds ago, an earthquake occurred...
See?. I told you!
Damn big one, too!
...a rather small one,
,
below 4 on the Richter scale,
no reports on victims
or material damage.
- Not sleepy anymore.
- Don't smoke in bed.
Let's leave, think of an aftershock!
It was a tiny shake,
what's all this panic?.
4 on the Richter, a tiny shake?.
...magnitude confirmed at 4.3...
- See?. Over 4!
- We're moving out, I need calm.
..at 6:2 AM, and was perceived
in Bucharest for about 20 seconds.
- Sure it's on the first?.
- First what?.
- First floor.
- Yes, don't pretend you forgot!
I don't want any surprises.
- Any clean socks left?.
- No.
Everything's already there.
We have here Mr. Viorel Bebeneciu
from the Institute of Earth Physics.
What are the chances of another
devastating tremor in this region?.
We had tremors above 5
on the Richter, in '86 and '90...
Did you feel it?
Of course. It rattled my brains.
- We were living on the 9th!
- I didn't feel a thing.
- You think the big one's coming?.
- God forbid.
If it does, they said on TV
there'd be half a mil' dead.
They say that to get
"half a mil"' in rating.
Everything around here collapses.
They'd fall like the Twins on 9/11.
Not really, then it was the kerosene.
They say they can spot quakes
a few minutes before.
Only these bastards like Bebeneciu
don't want to cause panic.
Better having me crushed
than them fighting traffic jams.
Let's change the subject.
Nervous?.
About you decorating alone
with the furniture I paid for?.
Moving out?.
Yes, and the lady here
wants to surprise me.
She wouldn't let me see anything.
What if I don't like it?.
You go back to paying rent.
I give him the place on a platter,
and His Excellence complains!
How will you pay the mortgage
if I go back?.
- Sure, throw your money in my face!
- Sorry.
All the best in your new home!
Bye, Madam.
- What?.
- Tell me this isn't true.
A seismic risk building?.
Seismic risk building - grade I
Don't get ruffled,
see how solid the walls are?.
They wouldn't have held through
so many earthquakes if they weren't.
- Who are you looking for?.
- No one. We're moving in at no. 3.
See the tall ceiling?.
In the other place we lacked space, air. Tall, huh?.
- Yes, to better fall on our heads!
- Stop it!
And now for the living room...
It's my best home deco yet.
Feel the chi flow?.
- The what?.
- The positive energy.
I based it all on Feng Shui.
Try the couch.
- Do you feel the chi flow?.
- I can?t tell.
Any couch and chair must have
a view to the door.
- So you're not taken by surprise.
- By whom?.
It's psychological.
The green carpet goes
with the east-facing windows.
- The TV must be in the north corner.
- Excellent.
Mr. Bebeneciu, what's the outlook?.
Soon enough, we might expect
a strong earthquake.
Local seismic history
has demonstrated some regularity,
every 35-40 years...
East is the wealth corner.
I put in these coins,
West is for fame. To help you
become as famous as De Niro.
South-west is for love and marriage.
I put our wedding photo.
Oh, how nice!
North is for career and promotion.
So I can find a job.
I put this flower.
..starting at 6.9 on the Richter,
such buildings are bound to collapse.
I Left the north-west empty,
Did he say 6.9?
North-west is for children,
I left it empty.
Not too interested
in my work, are you?.
No, it's beautiful! I even feel that flow...
Chi... Like hell you do,
you're stuck on the earthquake.
Don't start crying, after we put
all our money on a risky building.
Great!
Penalty at the fame corner.
- Let's see the bedroom.
- Not a chance!
You won't get to see it
and you'll sleep on the couch.
You wanted a house,
I've let every decision in your hands!
- So what?.
- You blew all our savings!
- So what?.
- You're jobless, you got a loan...
- I can't hear you.
- You let the seller con you!
He played you like a fiddle!
You want to get rid of me.
You have someone else.
I have a rehearsal.
See you tonight.
If the building is still standing.
At least admit you have a mistress!
..5, 6, 7, and
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8!
Raluca! Stretch that leg
or I'll break it off.
Let's focus!
- So we premiere on the 28th?.
- The Boss says so.
We've just started with the props and ballet,
no light design yet...
It's a mock-up for Lorena's sake.
What about Lorena?.
See that old-timer?.
He came to yesterday's rehearsals too.
We were all wondering who he is.
Travodka overheard something.
- So?.
- Apparently he's an agent from London.
One that has some top names.
Anyway, one of the best.
- So?.
- So the Boss is pitching Lorena to him.
He's not here .
Screwing the manager has its upsides.
Let's see if Lorena can fit in.
Girls, don't smile like
in a New Year Special.
You're infernal creatures.
- Lorena, on stage!
- She's with the manager.
It seems Lorena went
to the manager's office.
Someone go fetch her.
Sometimes we need her
outside the manager's office.
Call her, maybe they've left
on a holiday together.
No one's left on any holiday.
- You're going to dance in that?.
- Why?.
- Did you feel the quake?.
- Of course.
Toni did, I slept like a log.
There might be a second part coming.
Romanian actors
are only afraid of not getting any part at all!
A big one would bring this theatre down.
I only hope it happens out of season.
Want some?.
- Any catches on the dancers?.
- I've been working on Geanina there.
Try to follow the girls' steps.
Right, girls, show Lorena!
I said no freaking phones on stage!
I'll kill whoever didn't mute it.
Hello?
Let's get focused.
Mobilize without mobile phones.
I'm wanted in the manager's office.
Take five.
- Dibs on the toilet!
- Yes, I saw your call...
Hi yourself!
You speak Romanian?.
Wait, that's me at 5.
Where did you get that?.
I took it.
The photo.
You were a photographer?.
No, Antonov.
I was your dad.
- As in?.
- As in...
- The aviator?.
- Yes.
I just dropped out of the blue,
so to say.
- I don't know. Anyone could...
- Claim to be your dad?. What for?.
To ask for child support?.
That's the other way around.
Join us for a drink tonight?.
Can't, should spend a few nights
in my new home first.
Pity! T'will be fun,
They said you were
an agent from London.
I had to tell them something,
to let me in.
Even assuming you were... him,
you haven't seen me since I was 5.
- I knew you were an actor.
- And?.
I checked the posters. How many actors
are named after a plane?.
They wrote "Antonov"?.
I told them I wanted "Tony".
"Antonov Furda", nice and clear.
It warmed my heart.
I named you
after the An-30 I was piloting then.
Right, and now?.
What's next?.
Glad to meet you, but it's a bit late
for helping me with homework.
In brief - I've been married
for 5 years, no children.
This is my first main part
in this musical comedy.
Today I moved into a new house -
well, an old one really.
I know all these,
even about the moving.
Backstage gossip.
Let's have a beer after this.
I have a business proposition,
Let's go, I haven't got all day!
Back on stage, bunch of slus!
Pretty, your dancers.
Theatre employees?.
They're on loan from the Operetta.
Getting any "loans" yourself?.
I'm not that desperate...
It's about sport, not desperation.
I gather you have a happy marriage.
It's OK.
- Your wife an actress, too?.
- No, she does home deco.
She was, the crisis
brought down her company.
- So money is tight.
- We get around.
My salary, a few commercials...
So money is tight.
What would you pick
from that flock?.
Such a good boy!
With your profession,
I expected you to be more...
To be more...
Let's hit on them!
Isn't it a bit early, at your age?.
Hey, girls!
Yes, you!
Know how many kitties
like you I've tickled in my day?.
No, how many?.
None!
Bet I can bring all of them at our table?.
Let's get over...
Tell me about your life.
Retired.
Why not call them over?.
You're so stiff, it's like
you're not even my son.
I'm probably not.
Your mum was just as stiff.
That's why it was a short stopover.
I don't even know what to call you.
Honestly, "Dad" isn't...
Call me Edi. Or Daddy,
since I'm supposed to be British.
Fine. You mentioned a business deal.
Yes. Me crashing at your place
for a few nights.
Until the weekend, maybe.
A bit sudden, isn't it?.
Dear son, my current wife and l...
you understand, relationship issues.
I have a pilot's pension,
so I can afford a hotel room.
But I figured...
- Ciao, girls! Kisses!
- Back at you, bye!
I figured... we could
finally get to know each other.
I can't believe this.
You pop up at my work,
say you're my dad
who disappeared 30 years ago
and invite yourself over?.
Where's the business deal?.
I get a roof over my head
until I find someplace to rent...
-Right, and me?.
-You pay off your debt.
What debt?.
All that child support
that kept you clothed and fed,
helped you graduate and
become a popular actor.
Years of financial sacrifice that you
can pay off in just a few days.
I think it's a killer deal.
God, with his nerve,
I'd have gone far.
Nonsense. This is a white flag.
It's like a friend request on Facebook.
Check, please.
When you were 5, I asked
what you wanted from Santa.
Do you know what you said?.
"An elder brother."
I suppose now can give you one.
- There's no guest room, just a sofa.
- The sofa's great.
I'll be out of your wife?s hair by day.
What's her name?.
- Cristina. Kitty.
- Let's get a spare key to make it easier.
You got it all planned out.
Please. It's my pleasure.
I left my car by the stage door.
Almost 40 years ago,
a sinister moan rose
from the ground's impenetrable depths.
Do you think the great earthquake
will come tonight?. YES/NO
29 sec. - an eternity for those
who lived it.
The price in human lives was huge...
I found one of your old
phone number notebooks.
For my information,
who are Yvonne and Catalina Rag?.
We have guests.
You've been through my things?.
Superb! You can feel the chi flow.
He's Edi. Daddy Edi.
My wife, Cristina.
May I offer these flowers
to my daughter-in-law?.
- What?.
- Can you believe it?. I found my father.
Well, he found me.
Are you joking?.
The father who left you, the aviator?.
Himself. Sometimes, life's paths part
only for Fate to rejoin them,
by chance - or maybe not.
Dear Kitty, call me Dad or Edi,
depending on your feelings.
Mr. Edi...
Let me put these in water.
Adorable.
Have a seat I need to talk to her.
You've decorated the kitchen perfectly!
Interesting, that notebook.
How old is it?.
You're annoying.
Edi will sleep over,
a few nights.
Put some sheets on the couch.
We're running a hotel here
from the first night?.
- Why not bring Yvonne?.
- He's my dad!
There's a situation in his family.
Why did you hide there?.
Take a seat on the couch.
- I wouldn?t want to bother.
- No bother.
What can I get you?.
Excuse the whole moving mess.
- Whisky, cognac?.
- I'll go for some whisky.
Tony, will you play the host
while I go change?.
But I don't know
where the bar is.
East, under the wealth corner!
- I don't know my way around yet.
- Just a drink and I'll be off.
- I'll let you have a quiet evening.
- Why?. Stay for dinner.
You can't imagine the hottie
I'm dating tonight...
- I have the keys, you won't hear me.
- Tony, come for a bit!
Excuse me.
- It's perfect in here too!
- What's the plan?.
Staying for dinner?. Going out?.
He's dating a hottie
beyond my imagination.
- Maybe you'd like to check.
- Maybe he doesn?t want me to.
Maybe he has good reason.
Should I call this Yvonne,
see how she's doing?.
Are you nuts?. That's an old notebook,
it could have been anyone!
- Like the theatre secretary!
- Still seeing her?.
- I don't know who she is!
- Maybe you remember her number..
- 092 46...
- That prefix was dropped 15 years ago!
You wrote it on your hand?.
A tattoo would be more artsy.
- With all your sluts. On my ass!
- You do that.
"Toni+Yvonne = Love",
and a little heart.
And Catalina Rag?.
A secretary too?.
In fact, the name says it all.
She's an actress colleague
who lives in France, doing babysitting.
Don't tell me
you have a baby with the Rag...
That's all I ask!
Of course I do, Kitty. Twins!
I'm leaving her. Now that she has
a house and everything...
"Baby, farewell, we're through!"
That's the way!
Two more vodkas!
Don't! He'll get wasted,
he's not used to it.
Really now, show her the door!
Then look for younger stuff.
Just saying.
Sorry, but your Kitty
is a bit past expiration date.
Seven years ago when we met,
she wasn't.
- Did you feel the quake?.
- Nope.
Me neither, just heard about it on TV.
Because of your thick skin.
And a vodka for John Travodka!
Get over here.
- You call this a double?.
- Of course.
Don?t try to play me.
A double comes up to here.
I have a hawk's eye for this.
Let's measure it.
Hey, wait. Wait!
Do you feel that?.
No joke!
Hell, earthquake!
Very funny. You don't live
in a seismic risk building.
Robert?.
Want to know
who your London agent was?.
You've been drinking.
I'll tell your father.
Stop smoking in bed.
- Hello?.
- Good evening.
Sorry to bother you so late.
I'm expert Bebeneciu from
the lnstitute of Earth Physics.
Congratulations, you are
one of the 100 winners of the raffle
for warnings in case
of devastating tremors.
Thus, you have time to take shelter.
- How much time?.
- Let me see.
Exactly 69 seconds, starting now.
Weren?t we at the 1st floor?.!
Only later did I realize.
It didn't even occur to me
to save her.
Interesting. So you're positive.
Let's go over the lines.
I'm starting.
Listen, we need to talk.
I've been thinking about us -
not for days or weeks, but months.
- Maybe even a year.
- What do you mean?.
Kitty, I don't want to hurt you.
You have all my love,
but you deserve a lot more.
Hurt me?.
What are you getting at?.
I have no right
to waste years of your life
when you could be fully happy.
Don?t just recite.
Find your own words, show more feeling!
Tony, you want to break up?.
I don't know. I think
the best present I could offer you,
the only way to thank you
for all you've given me over these years
is to disappear from your life.
Good! Now for plan B.
Kitty, this can't go on.
You're suffocating me!
I only live once. This is it!
Do what you see fit, I'm out.
Screaming will only make it worse.
- You bastard, you animal!
- Sorry, baby, that's life!
All actors on stage.
Use plan B if she gets teary.
Enter Orpheus.
Knock-knock!
Eurydice, may I come in?.
Orpheus?. Come in.
- Ready?. We'll be late!
- Almost ready, sweetheart.
It'll be a smashing party! Hurry!
Playback!
Tonight will be so exquisite...
With friends, music and wine...
And all night long,
our youth will sing and dance...
..to the max!
Tonight will be so...
Wait.
Look.
I'd like you to do this.
One, two.
"To the max!"
- Keep practicing.
- I also have to sing.
Drop me and you're dead.
Are we making a musical or not?.
If not, we can do playback
from an armchair.
I want more fizz when you sing.
You're Orpheus,
the star singer with the lyre, loved by all,
head over heels for Eurydice.
Show me this joy
to convince me
you'd later go to the lnferno after her.
Sorry, I don't get it.
If we're late for the big party,
how come we're singing
seven duet stanzas?.
And why do we still hear the guitar
after I've put it away?.
Son, there are many
accepted conventions in musicals.
And the suckers in the audience buy them?.
Yes!
But only if you believe in them.
Then, they don't just buy them:
they go crazy.
They feel like
singing and dancing with the actors.
That's the trick with musicals:
they create a different kind of energy.
They tell you life's great,
money's not an issue,
and your mum wasn't a whore.
That's lying to their faces!
So?. Didn?t your parents claim
vaccines don't hurt?.
Some lies are necessary, Tony!
In case you all forgot,
I announced I have to leave at 2.
I have 15 more minutes, so drop the theory.
Let's rehearse.
We rehearse until 4.
You can rehearse until tomorrow,
I'm out at 2.
Manager's permission.
I'm doing a commercial.
What an understanding manager!
Anyway, let's not waste time.
Start over!
Playback!
Why do I burst out singing?.
Musical? Conventions? Bullshit!
Sane people don't start
singing out of the blue.
- Orpheus was a singer.
- Let him sing to a paying audience!
Would you woo your dancer,
Geanina, by belting out songs?.
- Nowadays?.
- Not me, I can't sing.
Pavarotti! You think he'd burst out
singing after signing a contract?.
With his contracts,
I'm sure he would.
Why so fired up today?.
Be happy you got the part.
- The Chief must've seen something in you.
- I don't believe myself onstage.
My life sucks: dumping Kitty,
the seismic risk building, now my father...
The agent...
With all that,
how can I chirp merrily?.
I could do it as a job,
but who will believe me?.
It might have worked 100 years ago,
but look outside!
Economic recession!
Terrorist attacks, global warming!
Viruses, tsunamis, earthquakes,
who buys these kindergarten plays?.
You should better focus
on the Kitty issue.
You have a point there.
Tonight I strike.
I'll be free by this weekend.
I'll take that as a bet.
The agent...
I have stories to tell you.
Let's go!
We need a little something for her!
- Getting it on already?.
- Yesterday was still romantic,
but tonight I'm hoping to score.
At your age,
people tone it down.
Space is an issue.
She shares a dorm room, so...
In my car,
I don't have the right age anymore...
..or the right car.
She's too delicate for a hotel,
she'd be embarrassed.
- I don't know...
- But you could go to a hotel, with Kitty.
- What?.
- Spend a night at the hotel. My treat.
How's this?.
Sexy, but also elegant.
You want to bring over a stranger,
while we sleep in a hotel?.
Just one night!
I spotted a hotel right on your street.
- You think she'll buy that?.
- lf you wrap it nicely.
Romantic change of scenery,
breaking routine...
- Right after moving in?.
- You don't get it.
Women's logic is different.
History shows wives dream
of a night in a hotel,
while sluts dream of housekeeping!
Miss?. May I get some assistance?.
- May I help?.
- Would this fit you?.
I'm a 34, it might be too big.
But I hope it's not for me!
No, for a slightly taller lady.
Then it may be perfect.
The fabric is great, very sexy.
Should I take a chance?.
- Is it for your wife?.
- No, for my girlfriend.
If you want a youthful look...
- We have traditional styles, too...
- Not interested.
Something traditional for Kitty?.
Thank you, we'll go pay.
Sorry, but don't
count on our bedroom.
Tony, man to man...
When you were 20, didn't friends
lend you their flat for a date?.
- Yes, at 20!
- See?. I'm not 20 anymore.
How many such chances
will life give me?.
Any discount?.
Only for 3 items from the same section.
I'll have it gift-wrapped.
Think it over.
I'll take Bambi out tonight.
Text me around 10,
so I know the plan.
If there's no way, so be it, but...
when will I nab such a princess again?.
I'll pay by card.
What's gotten into you,
taking me out?.
Something on your conscience?.
Yes.
Catalina Rag.
Stop it.
Kitty, we need to talk.
- I've been thinking...
- Still seeing her?.
I'm not.
I've been thinking not for days
or weeks, but months.
- Maybe a year.
- She's younger than me, isn't she?.
Kitty, I don't want to hurt you.
You have all my love,
but you deserve much more.
Don?t want to hurt me?.
Then why are you seeing her?.
There is no woman, I swear.
You fucked up my best years!
Now you want to throw me away
like a rag?.
Like a rag, right?.
That person doesn't exist in my life.
She's in your notebook!
You said you have something
on your conscience, what?.
I think the most beautiful present
I can offer you...
You want to offer me a present?.
The only way to thank you for
all you've given me all these years,
is to,,,
..disappear from your life.
To what?.
To what?. I couldn't hear you!
To...
..invite you to spend
a night together in a hotel?.
Just like the old times?.
You're crazy!
Apartment available.
If I invite you to my place,
is there a 200/0 chance you'll say yes?.
250/0?.
We could have taken our toothbrushes
from home, it's close.
That would have killed the poetry.
Don?t tell me this is
a non-smokers hotel.
You won't have time to smoke,
you'll see.
What's wrong?.
I can't... I'm fat.
- No way, who told you that?.
- The scales did.
I gained 3 kilos in one month
and it all went to my butt.
- I don't care.
- You can't even take off my skirt!
- Nonsense.
- Leave me alone!
I'm an old, ugly failure
and I want to die!
What are you doing there?.
Come out!
Please, come out, let's talk.
You're not fat.
- Tony?.
- Yes.
- Come out.
- Sing to me.
- Sing to you?.
- Yes.
Something nice
to make me feel better.
Tonight will be so exquisite,
With laughter and flowers all around.
We're gonna jive,
feel like we're alive,
,
Amongst friends we'll be joking,
we'll be loving,
we'll be dizzy,
we'll be drunk,
,
we'll be flying.
What's that song?.
It's from our show at the theatre.
And you sing that onstage?.
I sing all kinds of nonsense.
It's a musical.
A contemporary Orpheus.
That's nice.
You think they'll fine me
if I light one up?.
They might have smoke detectors.
Try to sleep.
Nice while it lasted,
,
Kitty dear, I'm all fed up,
I don't see the point
in dragging this on.
I had to put up
with your jealous fits,
your scandals and crises
and I've had it!
Sorry, baby, but that's life.
I get sick at the sight of you,
This is our final cue,
,
In this stupid and boring marriage
I felt like in the Inferno.
I dreamt of an earthquake.
At least you admit it was a dream.
Tomorrow you?ll say it actually happened.
Hello there. Alone? And missus?
She only just fell asleep.
- All OK with you?.
- More than OK.
Listen, I paid for last night
and two more.
- Excuse me?.
- The girl's a miracle!
I'm happy as after my first flight!
This night was unreal.
- I want more!
- Out of the question.
- We said one night.
- Two more!
Once I cement the relationship,
I could take her to any dump.
- I did all I could.
- Come see her, she's on the terrace.
Have a coffee with us,
then decide whether you can let your dad
lose something like that.
Bambi, my son, Antonov.
My girlfriend, Bianca.
A coffee?.
- Tony?. Coffee?.
- A long espresso.
One long, one short.
Italian-short! Just a spit.
I hear you?re an actor. I don?t think
I saw you in anything.
Pity, I was
remarkably good in "Anything".
I rarely go to the theatre.
I'm a bit agoraphobic.
- A bit what?.
- Agoraphobic, Your Brightness.
I can?t stand crowds.
I hate crowds too, particularly
when driving. We're alike!
Hello, Kitty. Are you up?.
I'm having a coffee with Edi.
Want to join us?.
Having a shower?.
I'll run straight to the rehearsal.
Alright, go home, I'll see you later.
Excuse me. My wife.
- You have to meet her, she's a darling.
- You sleep in a hotel?.
Their little game.
The odd romantic night, to fight routine.
- How sweet!
- I hope you meet her, she's lovely.
No doubt. Actors tend to be courted,
they get their pick.
I hope you slept well,
I didn't have time to...
Excellent! No place like home.
I sleep Like a Log anywhere.
I snore, too,
- Not true, you've got a very sexy sleep.
- Exaggerations, Your Highness.
I could sleep through a train wreck.
- I heard of the tremor the other night.
- 4,3 on the Richter.
I didn't feel a thing.
Me neither.
Me neither.
I was told you are a gifted singer.
That you lived in joy and wealth.
Take a drag.
- That the lovely Eurdis...
- Eurydice.
..Eurydice stole your heart
and that you adored each other
until the woeful day when
she was bitten by a venomous snake.
Having breathed her last,
your beloved ended up here,
in the lnferno,
- Where l...
- Where l!
- Where I rule supreme.
- Take a drag!
Unbidden, you have descended here,
to offer yourself in exchange.
I could accept the deal,
if you give a central
two-bedroom flat for 40 grand...
then I'd sell the house in Berceni...
What's this?. Bebe, are you delirious?.
I mean, if I get around 70.000...
and move my old man in a one-room...
Bebe, are you nuts?.
What's that ass smoking?.
You idiots!
You want to get us locked up?.
You said you wanted him
to smoke for real!
This country is a mess
because of pranksters like you!
If you can only think of
crappy jokes and dough,
better stay home and watch TV!
You act big,
make up American nicknames,
but you couldn't play Santa
to my kids!
Hats off to Tony,
that's why he got the main part:
he's the only hard-worker here!
Which, to me, makes up for talent.
Not to say he lacks it...
Give him some water.
No way!
You invited her to a hotel?.
- That's ten steps back!
- I tried.
- The context...
- What did you say?.
How did you end up at a hotel?.
- She started crying...
- So, didn't you move to plan B?.
- Tony, someone's here for you.
- Right away.
Give me 15 minutes,
go play backgammon with Travodka.
That'd better not be Geanina.
Or you're dead.
Isn't my Bambi the cat's whiskers?.
- The keys.
- What?.
My keys. This circus stops now!
You can't do that to me.
I'll get arrested
for harboring pedophiles.
- She's of age.
- It's still pedophilia.
No! She's the pedophile,
I'm the child!
- You're the child?.
- Yes!
Sit here.
Look in the mirror.
Aren?t you ashamed?.
Why?. I look OK for my age.
At your age, sane people
go protest for a pension increase.
Act like a brat all you like.
Just not in my house.
Guys, can we take a shower?.
- The one downstairs is full.
- Sorry, but...
Of course, girls! Come in!
They need to shower
after sweating onstage!
Care to join them?.
Maybe you're hot.
- We brought our own soap.
- We'll only be a minute.
No hurry!
Tell us if you need anything.
No wonder your wife kicked you out,
you're incurable.
For liking natural beauty?.
There are clinics for this.
And my home isn't one!
I bet if Bambi was 50 and fat,
you wouldn't be so stung.
If you like my apartment so much,
why not buy it?.
So you can bring in
the whole corps de ballet.
Have fun until the next quake.
- I'm exempt from earthquakes.
- Doctor's orders?.
4th of March '77, I was above Vienna,
on a flight to Paris.
In '86, Dubai.
In '90 I was taking off from Frankfurt.
In 2004 I was flying
some senators in a helicopter.
Can we have some paper tissues?.
Narcisa got soap in her eyes.
Of course, doll!
Thank you.
Some airbags!
You should try your luck!
No room thanks to you.
Get their number.
You can all have a foursome, with Bambi joining.
You're only 65 once!
So true.
At 70, you'll cut out nude photos
from magazines.
You retarded child,
I won't live to 70! Or 66!
You retarded child,
I won't live to 70! Or 66!
I have cancer!
Excuse us,
Kitty?.
Are you sleeping?.
No, waiting to die.
- What happened?.
- Can?t you hear that?.
- Someone's doing repairs.
- Since this morning!
I couldn't close an eye.
- Where is it coming from?.
- Upstairs, 2nd or 3rd floor.
That's not OK.
I'll go see what it's about.
Stick that drill
in their eyes and ears!
- Hello.
- Hello, are you renovating?.
Yes.
- Who are you?.
- Your neighbor at the 1st floor.
- But in a seismic risk building...
- I have all the approvals.
Ask the superintendent,
he lives on the 5th.
How long will it last?.
People need to sleep.
We'll be finished for today
in half an hour.
- You will?.
- Yes.
- Alright, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- They'll go on all night.
- They're not allowed to!
Who can check?.
I need my sleep,
the premiere is in a few days.
- What, then?.
- We go to the hotel.
- What?. And your dad?.
- He has his own key.
You want another sleepless night?.
Pack a bag.
- Maybe we can deal with them.
- Not a chance!
I'll complain to the superintendent,
wall-drilling is unsafe for all of us!
- The building's bad enough already.
- Got my toothbrush?.
- Explain this.
- Going through my phone now?.
What's with the two texts in two days,
"Apartment available"?.
For my dad, so he knows.
- He already has the key.
- So he knows we're not there.
So what if we're not?.
- He just...
- I wasn't born yesterday.
It's a signal for someone else.
- No.
- What do you mean, "no"?.
It's his girlfriend.
So he knows he can bring her over.
He's bringing women to my house?.
Not women, Kitty, just one.
They have their little games.
They're presently doing it,
in my mother's wedding sheets?.
It's temporary,
only fortnight and the next.
"And the next"?.
I'm such an idiot!
"Romantic night,
breaking the monotony..."
And you're organizing
cultural events in my bed!
- You can't barge in!
- Want to bet?.
I'll throw her out the window.
Your dad can go dupe someone else!
- Do you have the key?.
- I left it in my jeans, at the hotel.
I'm locked out of my own home?.
Please, let's go back.
We'll settle this later.
I'm locked out of my own home!
Let's go.
You can't spend the night here!
- I'm locked out!
- Only for a bit.
- Until morning.
- I'm homeless!
I'd rather die!
Are you nuts?.
Put a man in prison for a key?.
Maybe they'd let us sleep
at the train station?.
He locked it behind us on purpose.
Should've stayed in the room!
Hello!
Wake-up call!
How romantic, a walk in the park.
Let's make friends with these homeless,
maybe we can share a sewer.
Stop it.
Tony Furda!
Respect!
- We're acting students.
- At Professor Colceag.
You work with him,
when does Orpheus premiere?.
In a few days.
Have a drop of vodka with us!
- Good evening.
- My wife, Kitty.
Thanks.
- Thanks, I don't smoke.
- I do.
Careful, it's not what you think...
- A special for Mr. Tony and Mrs...
- Kitty!
I loved you so much, Paraschiva,
I told you over and over...
To prove to you my love is true
I've brought you a truckload of flowers...
I took you from your mother's house
In skirts without much underneath,
Pour the vodka, pour the wine,
Pour the beer and the gin,
I say this from my heart,
Drinking makes me smart.
Tonight was so exquisite,
With guitars and flowers all around,
We're gonna jive,
feel like we're alive,
,
Amongst friends we'll be loving,
we'll be laughing,
we'll be dizzy,
we'll be drunk,
,
we'll be flying.
- Anything left to drink?.
- No.
- All licked up.
- I'm out of here.
Party pooper!
Respect!
Goodnight.
We should be heading home too.
You're so funny.
Call the police,
we're turning ourselves in
for smoking weed.
If they give us a cell to sleep in!
This is Tony, were you sleeping?.
No?. Perfect.
Open up, we're paying you a visit.
Yes, at this hour.
They locked us out of the hotel.
Don't abandon me a second time!
Fine, bye.
We're paying a visit.
To whom?.
Come on in.
- Bambi, will you play the host?.
- Sure, Your Brightness!
Come in, have a seat.
- I'm Bianca.
- I could have sworn you were Yvonne!
- I'm Mrs. Furda.
- My roommate.
Shall I get you some tea?.
They lost their keys. They'll sleep here
until they get the spares.
Make yourselves at home.
Don't want to bother,
I smell you've been partying.
Tony sang with students in the park
and I smoked something good...
You should have called earlier.
No, Later is better,
- Your Highness, any clean sheets?.
- Let me see.
I wouldn't have guessed it was a sofa bed.
- Now you?ll both fit.
- May I help?.
You're doing a great job.
Me, I'm an airhead.
Do you know a 6.9 on the Richter
would bring this building down?.
You're so drunk
you'd collapse without it.
Anything else?. Bambi and l,
we'd like to crawl back in.
- Don't do any no-nos!
- The bathroom is there.
No no-nos, just wild sex.
Let's do a 69 on the Richter
to bring the building down!
In the doorframe!
Oops, sorry.
The coffee's ready!
Have it while it's hot.
In a moment!
Mr. Edi will choke on his coffee
when I start on him.
You've been warned.
Things got out of hand.
- Where is she?.
- Waking up. Her class starts soon.
Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day!
- What's she studying?.
- Psychology.
I could've sworn.
She oozes complexity.
- Mr. Edi, let's clarify...
- One more night!
- That's all, I swear!
- No chance.
You've gone too far.
And what's another night?.
- She'll find out anyway.
- Wait.
I don?t want a long relationship.
I like them short: seen, liked, checked!
I'd have dumped Bambi tomorrow anyway.
I need another night to do it elegantly,
not like a hoodlum.
'Cause she's a nice girl.
I'm going crazy!
I thought you had some feelings
at least for her,
if not for others...
- Fine, one more night.
You're my favorite daughter-in-law.
He wants a nice breakup, I get it.
It's very important how you break up.
Call me an ambulance!
If I broke up with you,
I'd try not to hurt you.
Morning, everyone.
Our hottie is up! Coffee?.
A quick one, I need to go.
So?. Did you sleep well?.
I did. He dreamt an earthquake,
as usual.
I hope you get new keys.
Or you can come back here. Right?.
Of course. But they?ll sort it out.
Right. I'll go get dressed.
We snap out of it, eh?.
Want to swing for a night?.
Just joking!
Although it still needs work,
we'll open after-tomorrow.
A first performance for family and friends,
to meet the deadline from City Hall.
The floor for the dancers
isn't here yet!
It will be delivered
by tomorrow evening.
Actors get a free day to rest.
He's so damn sexy!
Not many theatre managers
are so manly.
He has that killer, Latino overlook.
I swear I?d make it with him,
Though I'm no faggot.
Lorena Naucu is wanted
in the manager's office.
Jerks!
Oh, the silence!
Is the drill asshole done?.
- Sorry for the noise. Only a few more days.
- Meet Relu, our upstairs neighbor.
- Tony, my husband.
- We met yesterday.
He's collecting money
to get our building off the risk list.
We need to bribe an official.
And if it's off the list,
it won't crumble?.
The price per square meter changes.
It raises the sale price.
I own some apartments here
that I'm renovating.
Trust me: once off the list,
this place is pure gold.
It's history has a sexy side, too:
Two love suicides,
one in the '40s, one in the '50s.
Two love suicides,
one in the '40s, one in the '50s.
A tango dancer jumped off the roof.
People start to feel
when a house tells stories.
When it's more than an empty box.
They appreciate that.
- Sorry, I won't pay for that.
- Don?t worry, I did.
Are you crazy?. It's a waste.
We'll sell it for more
and move into a villa.
You want to move out
after less than a week?.
I feel some strange karma here.
Excuse me, I'll go shower.
I was just leaving anyway...
Think he'll break up with her tonight?.
If he doesn't, he has no guts.
He would hurt both of them.
One has to know when to draw a line.
- So scary! It was over 6.
- For sure! The power's out too.
- Who's there?. Mrs. Gugui!
- I hardly had time to put something on...
Kitty!
Kitty?.
Let's go into the park and play!
Cornelus?.
Cornelus, are you alright?.
Yes, I'm fine.
She's Gineta, a classmate.
She came to get a notebook.
Sorin!
- He's Mihai, a colleague from work.
- I'm the husband.
Do your mobiles work?.
My network's dead.
- At least we're fine!
- Thank God we're alive.
- Did you freak out?.
- Let's hope it's over!
We should praise the Lord!
We'll sort it all out.
I got it off!
- Are you alright?.
- We didn?t feel a thing.
- We were a bit busy...
- Where's your wife?.
I don't know, I've lost her...
Lots of people in this building!
Smoke by the damn window!
I dreamt earthquakes again. Yes?.
What's wrong?.
So what?.
Couldn?t you have said...?.
And you can't get out...
Fine, I'll be right there.
- Where are you going?.
- You changed the sheets.
The others were from my mum!
- Smart of you. Bambi figured it out.
- How?.
They left together, got back together.
Sheets don't change themselves.
The idiot gave himself away,
she got angry and left.
She locked him in,
left the key in the mailbox.
Locked him in?. Is she crazy?.
No idea.
Maybe so he won?t follow her.
I'll go let him out.
Come back quick!
You got angry for nothing.
It seems the cleaning lady
changed the sheets.
Don't bother.
He's already tried some stories.
Once my eyes were opened,
I looked around.
A wardrobe with women's clothes,
deodorants, creams...
- His ex wife's, maybe.
- The books on the shelves...
"How to Become a Fulfilled Woman".
5 volumes.
Eventually, he came clean.
I don't mind he doesn?t have a house,
But I can't stand being lied to.
Not to be nosy, but you
sort of threw yourself in his arms.
What?. He's been
courting me for 3 months.
He even wrote me poems on Facebook.
Yes, Kitty.
I just got here, I'll unlock
and come back.
Why what?.
I couldn?t find the key downstairs...
She's worrying.
Speaking of Kitty...
Watch it with those books.
- Meaning?.
- "Happiness Within Reach"...
"One Drop of Confidence Each Day"...
Countless books on losing weight...
As a psychology student,
I smell depression.
- Nah, apart from being jealous...
- She's jealous...
- And she cries for nothing.
- She cries, too?.
She just doesn?t trust herself.
She thinks she's fat...
Those are four clear symptoms.
You should
take her to a psychologist.
I don?t think so.
It's just a tough phase.
- She's jobless, too.
- Your call.
But depression is a serious disease,
not just like having the blues.
It can become dangerous without treatment.
Like some psychosomatic stuff?.
Like she could swallow pills.
Call until your arm falls off.
I can talk to
a psychologist friend tomorrow.
Kitty won't listen to the family doctor,
much less a shrink.
There are simple methods
to convince reluctant people.
I can show you.
Yes, Kitty.
I was just talking to Dad
over some tea.
Yes, I said I'd come back,
but I can't leave him like this.
Anyone's more important than me.
Soon you'll go whoring together!
Like hell, no!
You know what?.
Don't come back, I won't open.
I'm no one's sucker!
It can't hurt.
It works in 9 cases out of 10.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Thanks.
I saw nothing.
Bianca...
May I call you Bambi?.
Of course.
Do you know how many girls like you
I met in my day?.
No, How many?
None,
It wouldn't be fair.
To my wife?.
No.
To your dad.
Since when, these sudden crying spells?.
I can't even remember.
Maybe since over a year ago.
What else is worrying you?.
- I have no self-confidence.
- True. He never did.
I feel like my life was wasted,
so I sort of hate myself.
I can tell he can't stand himself.
So he becomes hard to stand.
- Do you sleep well?.
- Not at all.
I only fall asleep towards dawn
and I'm a wreck the whole day.
And he keeps dreaming
about earthquakes.
I obsess about my weight,
so I eat too much or too little.
You've gained a few kilos lately.
- Any bulimic tendencies?.
- Meaning?.
Throwing up right after meals.
No, I would have noticed.
But he obsesses about earthquakes,
keeps dreaming that.
Two tickets for the opening
tomorrow night.
By the way, did you dump her?.
I couldn't, after that fight.
But she's fine with going to a hotel.
- Ours?.
- I would embarrass myself.
I made reservations at the Majestic,
- So I get to sleep in my bed.
- As promised.
Look at the perfect legs on that one!
So jump after her!
I'm done with swimming.
It's hard being ill. I just admire.
- You think devilesses in hell are just as sexy?.
- Yes, but they burn you for real.
Let me be your towel!
If I tell my boyfriend,
he'll make you his towel.
You're totally sick.
And you haven't even broken up with Bambi!
- Why, did you want her?.
- I was curious how she took it.
- We met here! Great place for hookups.
- I want to give Kitty the axe.
Water removes inhibitions.
How come?.
I struggled forgive years.
I want out!
She can keep her feng shui,
I want my life.
- That hopeless?.
- Kind of.
So just say: "Darling, I love you,
but we?re eating up each other's space."
- What if she does something stupid?.
- Like slitting her wrists?. Unlikely.
I'd rather she left me.
Women never leave a man
for the unknown.
- Unless they have an address.
- She can keep the damn house.
I meant another man,
Want me to talk to her?.
I don't mind carrying the bad news.
- To save you the explanations.
- It's a bit sudden.
You're uneasy with speed,
unusual for a pilot's son.
I could talk to her
during intermission.
Better not.
- it was just a proposal...
- Yes, do it!
- For sure?.
- For sure.
OK.
See?. Even grown-up children
need parental help.
- Here you are!
- I can't sleep.
- Me neither.
- You need sleep before the show.
Thanks for reminding,
I might have missed it.
I have some pills in the bedroom,
take one and lie down.
If it doesn?t work for you,
why would it for me?.
This looks like a party.
What's the occasion?.
Want to go to our place at the hotel?.
Our place?.
I sleep better there.
The show will be a hit.
I lit candles in the fame corner.
You'll set the house on fire!
You should take better care of yourself.
The psychiatrist said...
Psychologist!
..that you need rest and
to take it easy!
- What happened?.
- He slipped. Is it bad?.
- This is the long-awaited floor?.
- It's a skating rink.
- Boss, let's remove it.
- It took hours just to install it.
Say that again, you motherf...
Cool off!
I'll change the floor next week
and sanction the stage designer.
Ready for Act l.
Dancers, everyone, watch your step!
Nervous, Mr. Antonov?.
Nervous, Mr. Boeing?. James Boeing.
Now we're stressing
about that floor, too.
Here's a tip I got
for my debut, in Barlad.
- You played in Barlad?.
- Two years.
So:
Look for an ideal spectator.
One who seems absorbed by the play.
- And?.
- And you play for him.
Look at him every time you can.
He'll you, he empathizes.
With each eye contact,
you get fully recharged.
And if I don't find
any ideal spectator?.
Shit happens, you play with Lorena.
If you don't understand the play,
I'll explain it to you.
Sure, Your Wiseness.
Who is Orpheus?
A superstar, an artist, a mirage,
or a god?
But for me,
Although I shouldn't confess it,
It may sound presumptuous,
Well...
He's an intangible
dream that I hold.
If one day...
I'd have the chance of meeting him...
I'd faint before saying
"My dear maestro,
"I'm just a fan,
"And I am honored
to recommend myself...
"...Eurydice. "
Want to join my fan club?.
What's your name?.
Eurydice.
I don't want to be in your fan club,
nor in your fan-bed.
You have nerve!
Stop staring at me like that.
Try all you like,
your celebrity doesn't impress me.
I'm not even trying.
Let's go to any concert but his.
- We have tickets for his!
- And they're hard to find!
The most beautiful of all women,
,
they say,
But to me,
,
she means more, she is my life
and I'm so happy.
Where the hell are you looking?.
If the 2nd act keeps dragging like this,
I'm out!
Spare me the technicalities
about floors and lapel mics!
I want oomph, rhythm, energy and a beer!
Bubu, get me a beer!
Tony, not bad. Could do better.
Congrats!
So, did you find a spectator?.
Oh, crap!
Tony, you lost the bet!
I saw your wife in the audience!
Please retrieve your seats
and turn off your cell phones.
Pick up!
Pick up!
Screw it.
This is the place of no return,
The grim land
that lies beyond the Styx...
For your bravery in coming here
and offering yourself as sacrifice,
I shall make an exception:
You may both return to Earth.
On one condition!
You will walk ahead, playing the lyre.
But you will not turn to her
no matter what.
Not until you are under the sun.
Avert your eyes!
Don't! Now go.
Don't look back...
Orpheus, I missed you so!
Turn around, take my hand!
I look at you.
Where are you taking me?.
Why won?t you answer?.
Have I grown old?.
Have I turned ugly?.
You don't like me anymore?.
No!
- An autograph?.
- Not now.
Not bad, Antonov!
Not quite Broadway, but not bad.
- What did you tell her?. How come she left?.
- Mission accomplished.
- I told her you have someone.
- What?.
..but you don?t want to hurt her.
- But I don't!
- Let her at least be jealous.
Now just be strong and,
as the play says, "don't look back"!
Adieu.
Damn it!
This number cannot be reached.
Kitty?.
Robert, have you heard from Kitty?.
She left during Act ll, texted me "Goodbye"
and she's not home.
No, the toothbrush is here.
Her phone's off.
I called Mioara
and the Podarleas, no sign of her.
I'm afraid she'd do something stupid!
No, nothing seems to be
missing from the wardrobe.
Wait.
It doesn't look
like she's been taking pills.
Let me know if you hear anything.
Yes.
What?.
I'll be right there!
Don?t worry, it's OK.
They say he's stable.
How did it happen?.
He wanted to play doctor in the car.
Not that...
I must've eaten something dodgy.
Why in the car?.
You had the hotel room.
"To be more exciting".
It's my fault,
I should've sent him to bed.
Amelia...
Came to visityour old husband?.
I won't ask for any explanations
until you're well.
So no questions for now.
This is my son from the U.S.
I've told you about...
And his fianc?e, Bianca.
So: no questions for now.
How's our Airbus Don Juan?
- Much better. I even slept...
- Less effort and a good diet!
And one day here
under observation.
The test results are not bad,
but don't overdo it.
Sex isn't forbidden at your age,
but gym is preferable.
Why play with heart attacks
when you have years ahead of you?.
Can I ask you something?.
- Family?.
- Son.
Of course. I'll be right back.
- No use protecting him, he knows.
- Knows what?.
Don't promise him years ahead,
he knows he has cancer.
- What kind?.
- Pancreatic.
Go get some sleep!
He said he has less than a year.
Nonsense,
the blood test would have shown it.
We ran all the tests.
He's perfectly fine.
What kind of man makes up a cancer?.
Emotional blackmail,
Kids do it all the time.
He's no kid, he's Frankenstein!
I met him on Monday
and in one week he messed up my life!
- I don't know what you see in him.
- I'm a bit gerontophilic.
Youngsters bore me.
They're sad, they're serious...
They don't know how to play.
Your dad does.
Playing doctor?.
It almost killed him, this play.
I hope you realize,
no more hanky-panky.
- You heard the doctor.
- I'd have stopped it anyway.
I'm leaving for U.S. in 2 days,
on a scholarship.
- Does he know?.
- Since we met.
That's why he was bragging
about dumping you!
Old pig!
- He said he'd leave me?.
- Since two days ago.
Keeping his word would have
saved him the stroke.
I have to run.
Thanks for the coffee.
Seismology expert Bebeneciu
is here again, with sensational news.
We have recently noticed
a seismic phenomenon...
Catastrophic earthquake:
1victim!
..Limited to one building in Bucharest,
perceivable on just one floor,
Two tectonic plates are involved:
one older, very active,
the other younger, more fragile,
but related by nature.
We have one victim
trapped under the rubble...
While onstage in that silly musical,
I started staring at her.
Suddenly, it all turned
upside-down in my head.
There was something in her eyes
I have never seen before.
How's your sleep?.
I don't even dream
of earthquakes anymore.
I dream of her, sending me
after short Pall Malls.
But I can only find the long ones
and when she sees those
she starts crying.
Desperately crying, like a child.
Then I start breaking off the tips
to make them shorter.
But she just keeps crying
and I don't know how to soothe her.
She's right.
I smoke short Pall Malls, too.
The long ones are crap.
Some practical advice
for our insomniac listeners...
Counting sheep is outdated.
Reading, particularly Russian classics,
is guaranteed to send you to dreamland.
These thick books
can also serve as pillows.
Or switch your TV to the
Romanian Orthodox Church channel,
where its piousness will send you
among clouds, saints, and angels.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
- Is your wife better?.
- Better?.
- I mean recovered.
- From?.
She turned on the stove.
Could have killed us all!
Wait, what?. When?.
Hasn't Mr., Relu told you?
He found her.
He was visiting
Mrs. Geta and Mr. Stratone
for the collection.
Then he rang your doorbell.
He smelled the gas.
Thank God it wasn?t locked!
Your wife was in the kitchen,
with the gas turned on,
can you imagine!
Is Mr. RIu here?
No, just the designer lady.
The designer lady?.
May I come in?.
I'm the downstairs neighbor.
Amalia, I won't put up with you
anymore. I'm gone!
Because you don't try to understand.
Bye.
My wife wants me back.
If I learned anything in my 65 years,
it's are just Life:
The more you take it seriously,
the more it suckers you.
She's upstairs.
Been there all this time.
- With that crook Relu.
- Who?.
Kitty.
She turned on the gas,
Prince Charming saved her.
Now she's in his castle.
And you suffer like an idiot.
Take Amalia: one day she kicks me out,
the next she wants me back!
Are you ever listening?.
Kitty turned on the gas
after you talked to her.
But she's fine now, right?.
More than fine,
- She's with Mr. Estate Relu.
- The one upstairs, with the drilling?.
You want her back?.
I can change her mind
in a second.
- How?.
- I have my ways.
- I want her back.
- I'm off on the mission!
Heads up:
I won't play the break-up agent again.
Rd-handed!
Return now, or we'll sue.
With witnesses.
You'll lose all,
including the apartment.
And Mr. Young & Restless there
won?t waste too much time with you.
I don?t care,
I Love him no matter what!
I came to pick up some things.
But since you're home,
let's talk.
Kitty, first of all: I don't have anyone.
Stop. Shut up.
I don't want explanations.
I just want you to know Relu's offer.
- What offer?.
- He'll buy our apartment for 50.000.
Less than what we paid,
but the building's at risk.
It's worth it.
We can split the money.
- Is that what you came for?.
- Yes. And to pick up some things.
Good news!
She said she'd think about it.
You've already talked to her?.
With me?. No, when?.
- Earlier?.
- No.
Well, no,
since she was here.
- How would she "think about it"?.
- About what?.
You didn't even go!
You went out for a beer.
- You know I don't drink beer.
- You damn liar!
- You know I don't drink beer.
- You damn liar!
- What's this about?.
- Unbelievable.
What's this about?.
Firstly, he lied. I'm with no one.
Him?.
He never said that.
- While you talk, I'll go out to...
- Stay put!
He didn't tell you that?.
At the show, before you left?.
He asked where I was going.
I told him I never wanted
to see you again.
That was all.
He didn't say I'm with someone
but don't hurt you?.
- No,
- Fantastic.
- "Mission accomplished"?.
- Since there was no need anymore!
This man lies more often than he breathes!
"Mission accomplished"?.
- Then why did you leave?.
- You don't know?.
- I swear I don't.
- You love that Eurydice actress!
- Nonsense!
- The way you were looking at her while singing!
I was looking at you!
At her too! I saw you!
I have to look at my partner sometimes!
You didn?t when you sang to me!
- How could you tell from the wardrobe?.
- By your voice!
- That's why you turned on the gas?.
- That, too.
And because I've gone fat and ugly.
- You need to see a therapist.
- I see one, for two days now.
But not the one we went to.
Good. But how...
Relu persuaded me.
Very persuasive, this Relu!
He even got you to sell your new home!
- What else he got you to do?.
- I'm not screwing him.
I'm just decorating his apartment,
making some money for the next months.
You're not sleeping there?.
I am, he's not.
He has several apartments,
- Seventy.
- Seventy what?. Apartments?.
70,000. Not a dime less.
Yes, squeeze him dry!
Fine, I'll tell him.
Then you can negotiate.
It's time for my therapy session.
How about coming back?.
Remember when you
found me alone in the kitchen?.
That's when I decided to end it.
I came to the play
so you wouldn't suspect anything.
I knew I was going to leave halfway.
- Also, seeing you stare at that floozy...
- It's a play!
How come you never act that way for me?.
I'd appreciate it,
Relu happened to save me
and sent me to therapy.
I've been thinking.
Why kill myself for you, when you
make bets about leaving me?.
I could hear them backstage:
"Tony, you lost the bet!"
Better look for someone warm,
more like him than like you.
Take your dad's example
for how to keep a woman.
I'm off.
Take care, the two of you.
See?. Just like I told you.
She'll think about it.
I need to make a call.
Tell me you lied about us too.
That you're not my dad.
That you?re the devil himself.
- it would be a relief.
- Amalia?.
I'll come home,
but on these conditions:
I come and go whenever I want.
You don't make my schedule...
You spare me your veganism...
Do not look back...
Stride on your way...
All around you, Death's lurking
with wild purity,
And life is a dream...
Ladies and gents, famous Tony Furda
will now perform a song about the end of the world.
Which, to put it gently,
is a step away.
Maestro, Aminor!
Nice while it lasted,
,
But things must come to an end.
The ending is sad
And it's right around the bend.
I've learned much too late
that things don't last forever.
So in a day or two,
In three months or nine,
Guaranteed!
We'll go down in the Inferno.
It's too late,
We're left with our memories,
We only had one life
but lived it fully.
But global warming...
pollution, illness,
corruption and government crises
will bring us
darkness today,
the Apocalypse tomorrow.
Willing or not,
we descend into the Inferno.
It's falling, falling,
-We fall into the Inferno...
-The Inferno is me!
Welcome, get comfortable.
Trust me,
there's nothing to regret.
For your old Earth
is a gigantic tomb
Covered in dead leaves,
While there come earthquakes,
Viruses and floods,
,
Hunger and radiations,
Destroying civilizations,
So I can guarantee
It's better in the Inferno!
Natural catastrophes
shouldn't frighten us.
We could compare
tectonic plate movements
with swinging a baby to sleep.
Here's an explanatory graph...
Above this magnitude
there is tsunami risk!
In the middle of the cataclysm,
You're struck by depression.
In capitalism,
Psychologists are expensive.
And modern medicine is just a lie,
Psychiatrists don't have a clue...
Still:
If today you feel depressed,
Lymphatic and distressed,
And tomorrow you're agitated,
neurotic and excited,
,
We have a clear diagnosis:
Bipolar syndrome!
Let's prepare for the grand finale.
It wasn't on 06.06.2006,
nor on 21.12. 2012,
but ladies and gents, get ready.
Maestro, C major, grand finale!
One day
or another
- We'll say goodbye...
- Eurydice, don't leave me!
..to wives, to lovers,
to all those you hold dear,
The time comes to make a long trip
and join Eurydice!
We'll remember sunny times...
We'll forget Christmas...
Warm May nights' fragrance, too...
We'll miss the ocean, the first snowflake,
,,
The sidewalk cafes, the promenades...
Hades embraces us with a fatherly kiss:
Welcome to the Inferno!
Hades embraces us
with a fatherly kiss:
Welcome to the Inferno!