3 notti d'amore (1964) - full transcript

Omnibus film with individual segments directed by Renato Castellani, Luigi Comencini and Franco Rossi; all of them starring the radiant Catherine Spaak as "out of place" women longing for love, in a Sicillian village, a monastery, and a modern Italian urban setting, respectively.

THREE NIGHTS OF LOVE

THE WIDOW

My respects.

Relatives?

- Cousins.
- Our respects.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly.



Slowly!

My God, my God...

- French perfume.
- "Chanel".

Quiet, it's Don Ciccio Tralia's funeral!

Don Ciccio is passing.

- The funeral!
- Didn't he die in Paris?

- His French widow brought him back.
- Let me see.

- What a woman!
- What legs!

- Legs of a Queen!
- What a body, what a walk!

- Are those heels she has on?
- No, they're stilettos!

- I'd love to see her nude in that hat.
- Have some respect, for her and the dead!

I want to be him.
A week in his shoes and I'd die happy.

His mother.

My child!



My child!

It had to happen to you!

My child!

It's tradition.

- Who are they?
- Relatives from America. Cousins.

Here he was 7 months old.

- How cute!
- Sorry?

Cute.

Here he was 7 years old.

- Here, 27.
- Oh, he was a hunter!

What a big rifle!

Was he a hunter?

He was so good, so kind.

Adorable.

And we had so little time together,
just one week!

After the ceremony we
went back to the hotel...

... to get the suitcases we
needed for our honeymoon.

The driver was waiting downstairs
for us with the car, but then...

... we never came down.

The driver waited 8 days for us.

- I see.
- So I said...

... what honeymoon could ever
be as sweet as this?

- So we never left.
- I see.

Instead...

We went to Champs-Elysée for coffee.

And he found a friend, a Mr. Smith.

I see.

He only had one coffee, just one.

And he said: "My God, I feel terrible."

We went back to the hotel and...
he was dead!

Smith, coffee...

I see.

Come on.

Do you want to drag that suitcase around?
No, get it later.

But there is very expensive jewelry
that Ciccio gave me inside, Cartier...

No one here will touch it.
Come on.

Come.

Funeral lunch.

It's tradition.

Just family and close friends...

Good afternoon.

Family friend.

Cousin.

Cousin.

Family friend.

Family friend.

Cousin.

Family friend, cousin...

Christ, they've blocked the
road with these bed sheets!

They must have prepared a
bath for Don Ciccio's widow.

- At this hour in the morning?
- She has needs, she's a widow!

Carmelo is there, close it!
Otherwise I'll be a widow, too.

Good morning.

- The bath you asked for is ready.
- Ah, I didn't want to...

Your every wish...
Here, you are the lady of the house.

Oh, how cute!

They're doing the washing!

As usual, their mother made her
nest in the washing machine.

- They're gifts from America.
- Cousins?

Cousins. Now, in your state you have
to make sure the bath is just tepid.

- But why?
- Aren't you pregnant?

- Of course not!
- Sorry?

I don't think so...

That's not possible.

I only met him once.

Me, twice.

We only have the doctor's bath here in town,
he gives medical baths to people who need it.

People with scabies.

But, out in the street in my gown?

No one here will bother you.

No entry, go back the other way!

- Since when?
- Since now!

Good morning.

I'm very sorry about this, I don't understand
why they have to make such a fuss.

I understand, Miss. It's an honour.

- An honour and a privilege!
- Yes, an honour and a privilege!

- Michele, who's that at this hour?
- The widow of Don Ciccio the Mafioso.

She's carrying the rose that they
brought her from Rome, by plane.

- And she's alone.
- At this hour?

I guess she didn't want to meet anyone.

- She's not sleeping in this heat?
- She's French.

Close it, don't let her see us!

"My love..."

"You made me..."

"You made me..."

"... you made me crazy."

- Greetings.
- Good morning.

Hot, isn't it?

Oh, no...

Farewell.

Poor Ciccio!

The Statue of Liberty?
But what does it mean?

Cousins from America sent it.

Which cousins?

Cousins...

If they were French,
it would be the Eiffel Tower.

Pretty, but they won't last long.
After one day... dead.

Poor Ciccio. So good, so honest...

With him I always felt, I don't know...

... protected.

Yes, he liked to protect people.

- What's your name?
- 'Cola.

- Sorry?
- Nicola. 'Cola.

Me, Giselle. Gigì.

- She had a bath this morning.
- A bath?

- At the doctor's?
- A medical bath?

No, a normal one!

Apparently she has black underwear,
hand-made lace...

Sorry, you seem to have dropped something.

- What?
- From your mouth.

- Risky words.
- Careful, he's with the mafia.

The widow has broken her heel.

You can see her thighs, look!

- Pull back the curtains...
- Shit...

Good morning.

Please...

Could you please fix my heel?

Thanks.

My God, how warm...

Please...

... do you have any shoes
with smaller heels?

Yes, of course...

39, no...

Blessed Mother of...

Just a moment, please.

Sorry...

- What are you doing?
- Just one week...

Just one week...

... and I'd die happy!
- Are you crazy?!

- You lout!
- I'd die happy!

CLOSED FOR MOURNING

- He died of shock.
- Of shock.

Actually, he was shot.

Doctor, what does it matter...

Heart failure.

Good afternoon.

It's the shoemaker...

- He's dead.
- He was so full of life yesterday!

Too much!

- It's so beautiful here.
- Yes, the air is healthy.

It's good for your health.

"My love, my love..."

This is a young man who fell in
love with another man's woman.

- Dead.
- Dead? How did he die?

Another man's woman. Dead.

- And this is the other man. Dead.
- How?

Because he left the woman.

And this is the woman. Dead.

Her too? Was it revenge?

Typhus.

Nice olive trees, this year would be
a good one if it wasn't for the flies.

And this is Professor Scortino,
he knew so many things... too much.

Dead.

And this...

... was the teacher who fell
in love with the professor.

- Dead.
- Why?

- Because she wrote.
- What did she write?

She could write.

- Dead, all dead.
- All dead.

Excuse me...

... please excuse me, Miss!

See you tomorrow!

"My love, my love..."

"You made me, you made me..."

Cold!

"My love, my love..."

What's going on?

The water!

Where's the water going?

There must be a leak!

Help!

Someone...

How do I get out of here?

Someone, help me!

Help!

Get me out of here,
everything's drying up!

Who's that? Who's screaming?

You, good man! Help me!

- Mother of God!
- Go and fetch a ladder!

Get me out of here!

- No, I didn't see anything!
- Of course you did!

I'm a prisoner in here!

- Get down here!
- I didn't see anything, I'm short-sighted!

- I didn't see anything!
- Help! Come back!

Where are you going?
I don't bite!

'Cola!

'Cola?

'Cola!

'Cola, where are you going?

'Cola!

'Cola?

- Gigì!
- No!

What are you doing?!

You're no man.

- You're no man!
- Shit!

The French lady is coming.

Sweep!

Good morning!

- She spoke to you!
- No, she spoke to you!

Ladies and gentlemen...

... the opportunity of your lives has arrived,
all the way from Catania...

... from the streets of old Sicily.

Just look at what we have for you today!

Special products for the elegant woman.

Because the elegant woman always
defeats both the husband and lover.

My dear lady! Finally, a woman!

Do not pass up on this opportunity:
Socks by Dior, straight from Paris...

Oh, really?

- And look, a garter belt...
- Stop that!

French?

You're leaving?
If only I could take you home with me!

I'll make that woman mine,
even if it's the last thing I do!

- Mother...
- Yes?

I think I shall leave.

But why? You are the Queen around here,
your every wish is granted.

Yes, I know, but...

There's something in the air,
in the atmosphere...

... something strange.

- Has someone been rude to you?
- No, of course not.

But... there's something I
don't understand.

Mr. Smith has drunk his coffee.

Mr. Smith...

The American that bought your
husband coffee in Paris.

Now he has drunk his coffee, too.

Really? With sugar?

No, with arsenic.

No.

Shit!

You were going to see the lady Giselle,
Don Ciccio's widow. How dare you?

No!

So, you despise her?

You despise the widow of Don Ciccio?
Do you know what that means?

What can I do now?

That's it, I'm leaving!
Arsenic, coffee...

I've had enough!

What a place! What people!
I've never seen anything like it!

First the shoemaker...

Then that poor idiot.
What am I, the Queen of Caribbean?

And poor Ciccio, so good, so kind,
he was really a hunter!

No, I'm leaving! That's enough!

Chicago, cousins, coffee...

And that poor 'Cola...

Gigì, I am a man...

... a dead man.

Lady Matilde, there is a man
in the lady's room.

How can that woman not
enjoy television?

- Get out of here!
- If I stay, it's be an insult.

If I go, it's a discourtesy.

- We should at least...
- At least...

- At least make love, Gigì!
- 'Cola!

'Cola, I'm so sorry!

Gigì, you're killing me.

CLOSED FOR MOURNING

- Don Ciccio's widow is leaving, thank God!
- Let me out, I haven't been out in a week!

If she's gone by tomorrow,
you can go out.

- Our respects, and bon voyage.
- Thank you.

If you need anything...
you know where we are.

All aboard, ladies and gentlemen!

All aboard!

I've decided, I'm not leaving.

Young man, what is your name?

My name... was Carmelo.

GOOD-WILL-BROTHERS

Come on!

Ghiga!

Can we go, please? Come on.

With you one can't do anything.

Go on, then!

Hello!

In such a hurry and then you drive slow
enough to be overtaken by a Cinquecento!

Don't annoy me, I'll drive how I want.
The car is mine, after all.

- At least give me one of your cigarettes.
- In 15 minutes. I told you, one an hour.

Can I have one of your sweets, then?

- Petrol!
- It's empty already?

- 4-star, please!
- Right away.

- 2,000.
- Sorry?

2,000.

Thanks.

Damn it!

Then come and get me tomorrow at six.
Don't make me wait, okay?

- When are you taking me to Milan?
- Why, don't you like my mansion?

It feels like I'm in Montecarlo!

- Bye.
- Bye.

- And don't speed, go slowly!
- Yes...

- Where am I?
- At the Good-Will-Brothers Convent.

A convent?

We also have a small hospital for
diseases of the skin.

- Then why am I here?
- Because you can't be moved just now.

And also, we're kind of responsible.

The cart that caused your accident
belongs to the convent.

- What happened to me?
- Don't worry, nothing serious!

You just have a few fractures: the legs,
three ribs, the shoulder and both arms.

- Anything else?
- Nothing else..

Now you just need to rest.
If you need anything, call me.

Praise the lord Jesus Christ.

- Did you call?
- Yes.

- I'd like a cigarette.
- I'm sorry, I don't smoke.

- Could you send for some, please?
- Not at this hour.

- What time is it?
- 8 in the evening.

Are you afraid of the dark?

No, but the rules of the convent state
that we cannot leave after sunset.

- Praise the Lord Jesus Christ.
- Hey, you!

- Father!
- I'm new here...

- You can call me brother.
- Listen, will you get me the nurse?

I'm the nurse.

Are there no females around here?
Do you do everything?

No, there's the farmer's wife,
I'll go and get her for you!

Hurry up!

Sir, you can consult whoever you wish.

But I assure you we've done everything
in our powers.

The only cure now is rest and immobility.

Besides, here the young lady has
all the assistance she needs.

This way, Sir.

- We are vegetarians.
- You, perhaps, but the lady isn't.

Couldn't you have found a nicer
place to break your neck?

- You can go back to Milan.
- And leave you here alone?

Don't worry, there's no competition here!

- Are you hungry?
- Only if you feed me.

Hot!

Is your father very angry?

Why are you laughing?

I don't like the soup.
Can I try some of the vegetables?

So, I'm going to call the professor
in Milan and see if we can move you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Do you need anything, Ghiga?

50 packs of cigarettes, a bottle
of whiskey, a new car...

The car will have to wait.
Bye.

And you will have to wait, too!

- Well, what do you think of my Gibò?
- He's your husband?

- He isn't your husband?
- Not exactly.

Let's just say he's my boyfriend.

- Do you love him? Will you get married?
- No!

Who needs that?
It's so nice being free!

- Do you work?
- Well, I get paid.

- And what kind of work do you do?
- I keep Gibò company.

Sorry?

He thinks I'm nice, attractive...

Isn't it right that he should pay me?

- What are you doing, praying?
- Yes.

- Why?
- For you.

Don't waste your time,
I don't need anything.

Will you pass me a cigarette?

Hey, don't go!
I can't smoke by myself.

- Want a chocolate?
- No, thank you.

They're very nice.

Hey, do you have a name?

- What do they call you?
- Brother Felice.

Felice means happy. Are you happy?

Why is it you can't wait to leave
when you're with me?

- There are other sick people to see.
- Well, none as serious as me.

I need someone here all the time.

That kind of assistance is
reserved for dangerous cases.

But I am a dangerous case!

Hold on, give me another drag!

Praise the lord Jesus Christ.

A coat for the professor.

Miss, are you in such a hurry
to return to Milan?

- Everything hurts...
- Perhaps when she is off the traction...

- Doctor, when would you remove the traction?
- Well, two weeks from now.

I'm certain that in this condition
you shouldn't be traveling.

- I don't know...
- We shouldn't move her now.

I will return 20 days from now,
here she will heal well.

The doctor who put her in plaster apologises for
not being here, he is away on an urgent visit.

I will prescribe her some painkillers.

- Sir, how much do I owe you?
- 100,000.

Ouch!

Do you have a light?

There's no smoking here!

In such a state and you're
trying to smoke, as well?

Go back to sleep!

I've never seen you before.

And you won't see me again if you
carry on with such nonsense!

- Is Brother Felice not here?
- No, I'm here. Am I not good enough?

Ah, good, they're connecting the telephone.
That way I can call you this evening.

I really must get back to Milan
you see, darling. Do you mind?

- I guess not...
- Bye.

- Ouch!
- Sorry, did I hurt you?

- My arm!
- I'm sorry. Bye.

Bye.

Here you go, Miss.
The telephone is working.

- Will you call Milan for me?
- What number?

37 - 23 - 15.

- Milan is on the line.
- Closer, there. Hello?

"In the Painted Blue"? Is the Maltese there?
Will you call him for me?

Hello, this is "Baby Girl".
Hi, darling.

At the hospital, yes, an...

... an accident.

No, I'm not dead yet!

Yes, in plasters.
For 40 days.

I was with Gibò, but he left.

Yes, he was driving!

No, how silly of me!
First he was driving, then me.

Darling, why don't you come
and see me tomorrow?

Yes, in plasters.

But how am I supposed to...

Sorry?

Yes, because all you think about is...

Well...

Go to hell!

What are you doing with that?
Can't you see that I'm finished?

I made them put the telephone in,
just for him...

I'm terrible at relationships.

Every time I like someone,
it always ends up like this!

It's useless to look at me like that.
Even if you wear a cassock, it doesn't matter to me.

Did you pick these flowers?

- Yes.
- For me?

Yes, and I brought you something else.
The cigarettes they confiscated. Want one?

Thanks, I'm desperate without cigarettes.

- Why weren't you here last night?
- It was my night off.

Why don't you sit here with
me for a while?

I'll sit if you allow me to do something.

You can do anything you want.
Sit down.

I hope you'll be patient enough
to listen to me.

I wanted to read to you a few pages
from this book I always carry with me.

- What book is it?
- It's called...

"The Art of Using One's Sins."
by Saint Francis De Sales.

Some of the words made
me think about you.

So, you think about me?

"Do not torment yourself,
do not trouble yourself..."

"... if you still see such
imperfections in your soul."

"Although you must reject such things..."

"... you must not allow yourself
to be tormented by them..."

"... but to face them instead
with bravery and courage."

"When you are to fight temptation..."

Your painkillers!

The doctor said it's very important.

No, I don't want it.
I have all night to sleep.

- But you have to take it.
- No.

I've been given an order,
and if you don't take it...

... I will have to spend
all evening doing penance.

Please!

Thank you.

Praise the Lord Jesus Christ.

Help, Brother Felice!

I'm dying!

Help!

Help, my arm!

Perhaps you don't realise the seriousness
of the sin you just committed.

Life is the most precious of God's gifts,
and you wish to renounce it?

Do you really think I'm the type?

- Then why did you do it?
- Can't you guess?

"That kind of assistance is
reserved for dangerous cases."

What, are you going?

Would you deny assistance
to a dangerous case?

Very well, I'll stay.

Would it pain you so much
to spend a night with me?

No.

But I hope that the Lord will help me.

Help you do what?

I'd like to encourage you to find some faith,
but I don't know what words to use.

Tomorrow is the day of Saint Christopher,
patron of transportation.

Why don't you take communion?

Yes, to thank him for putting me in this mess.

You could have died...

Only if you listen to my confession!

How can I? I'm not yet a priest.

And I really wanted to tell you
some things about myself.

Very well.
Then tell me, if it will help.

Well, I've always looked for fun in life.
At 15 years old I ran away from school.

I had no money, but...

... I soon found men that were
willing to help me.

- They always gave me what I needed.
- Have you never loved anyone?

- No.
- It helps to love.

Why do you want to be a priest anyway?

It's a long story.

I've always been in love with everything,
ever since I was small.

I cried a lot when I was a child,
but no one knew why.

Though I wasn't sad,
I was moved by the world's charms.

Everything seemed so beautiful.
I told that to my Parish Priest.

And he told me that I needed strength
and that God would give it to me.

He said that the Lord would entrust me
with loving all men and women.

So, you love me as well?

Why are you so sad?

But have you never loved someone?
Have you never had a crush on someone?

Yes, but it shames me to say it.

- I have sinned much these last few days.
- You've fallen in love?

Every morning when I wake up I find
a lizard sitting on my window sill.

It must be very young.

I'm convinced that it sits there
and waits for me.

Yesterday it even let me stroke its back.

- A lizard?
- Yes.

It must be nice to love.

I...

... when I give a man...

... when I give him a kiss...

Not just a kiss, but anyway...

In that moment...

... I lose track of everything...

... and it feels like love.

But it's only for a moment,
then I find out he's an asshole.

If it was with you, I'm sure it
wouldn't be just for a moment.

- Don't say such things, otherwise...
- Otherwise what?

- I'll be forced to leave.
- But it's the truth.

CLOISTER

Please, leave here!

This is the cloister, women aren't
allowed in here!

Please, you don't know what you're doing!

Of course I do.

I'd like to see what you do now,
my dear little brother.

- It's a terrible sin.
- But it's my sin, isn't it?

- What do you want from me?
- Just to talk...

- Then let's go outside in the garden.
- No.

I've tried to escape once or twice,
my dear little brother.

But men never give you the chance.

If you lock the door,
they knock it down.

You feel safe in here because women
aren't allowed. But that's too easy...

And now I'm here.

That story about the lizard...

... doesn't convince me, you know.

At first I thought:
"This man must be a Saint."

But no.

- You're just one who runs away.
- One must resist temptation.

- No, one must give in to temptation!
- I have to pray.

Really?

Then pray.

Pray.

Pray.

Ghiga!

I can hear your heart beating.

I can't do it...

No one will see us in here.

Someone can see us.

Get out of here.

Please, just go.

Go.

Then you are a Saint!

Okay, but go away.

Yes, you're a real Saint.

Forgive me.

Excuse me, I didn't know...

Ghiga!

Ghiga, wait!

My Son, you might be late for the service
but there's no need to run like that!

Sorry, Father, I don't feel very well!

Good afternoon, Brother Felice!
I've come to take your patient away.

You should be happy, no?
Now she won't drive you crazy all day.

Praise the Lord Jesus Christ.

Open up, Ghiga! It's me!

Goodbye, gentlemen! And thank you!

Brother, were are you going?
You can't leave the convent after sunset!

- I'm not leaving, I'm escaping!
- Ah, fair enough...

Brother Felice!

Excuse me, do you know where I might
find Miss Ghiga Lazzarini?

Who? Never heard of her.

- "Baby Girl"?
- Ah, yes, but I haven't seen her this year.

- Did she not leave an address?
- I have her telephone number...

... and also an old bill of hers.
I've never been able to get hold of her.

- Is her bill very much?
- No, not much. Just 700 lire.

- May I pay it?
- Of course you can!

- Thank you.
- Here's the number, call her if you like.

Thank you.

- Hello, who's speaking please?
- Hello, is Miss Ghiga Lazzarini there?

- No...
- Do you know where I might find her?

Sorry?

Where?

Excuse me...

Come on Marcello, let's go!

Are you crazy?

Let's take a photo!

I hope you can muster some happier faces
than that for this wonderful ceremony!

Alright, here we go.

Don't move!

Hold it!

Done, thank you!

Let's go, it's late.

- Goodbye!
- Congratulations!

- You can drive.
- Goodbye.

Is he okay?

- Where am I?
- At the Good-Will-Brothers Convent.

I brought him back because I am
sure that would be the Lord's will.

Praise the Lord's will...

- I trust, brothers...
- Don't worry, sister.

If he tries it again, we'll break his other arm.

THE CHILD BRIDE

Very good, the explorers!

Let's go round and round!

Now the swan!

Now in single file!

The grand finale!

How tiring!

Shall we go and take a shower?

Last one there is a rotten egg!

- What's going on?
- It's your husband!

Excuse us, Giuliano!

- Why didn't you tell us?
- I didn't know!

- Let's go and shower at mine.
- Bye!

- Hi.
- Hi, darling.

- Sorry about that, how come you didn't say hello?
- I saw that you were playing, didn't want to disturb.

- How are you?
- Good... well, you know.

Do you feel depressed today, too?

No, not really.

I'll cure you myself with a brand new
Swedish technique. Count to three and laugh!

- What?
- That way you won't be depressed.

- One...
- Alright, one...

- One, two...
- One, two, and another makes three.

- Did you say three?
- Yes...

- How long do you need to get dressed?
- Sorry, I'm late. Will you get my jacket?

- Why can't you get it yourself?
- Because I can't. I tried, but...

- Claustrophobia again?
- Yes, the doors might just close...

... and I...

- I want to be your lover!
- Why?

So that I can close you in the wardrobe
when my husband gets comes home.

- You must want me to die!
- No, I want you to get better!

It's nothing but nonsense,
see, even I'm happy in here!

- Come in, you'll be cured forever!
- Stop that, it's annoying!

And take off that white thing,
it makes you look like a ghost!

Here we are again, the phobias are back.

He's afraid of wardrobes again.
Ghosts... did you hear him?

Is he even scared of the colour white, now?
What should I do, apologise?

But for what?
I never know why he gets so angry.

Perhaps making love would help.

Just like that, in the afternoon.

Isn't there a way for husband and
wife to speak to one another...

... to explain things, to talk!

We really love each other
don't we, Giuliano?

How am I supposed to talk to this madman?

- Your coffee.
- Did you make it, or Teresa?

- Teresa.
- Then it really is coffee.

- Tomorrow night we're at Alberto's for dinner.
- Really? Did he call you?

- No, I called him.
- Why?

Because I want you to talk to him.
He's a doctor, and your friend.

You've known each other for so many years,
why can't you let him take a look at you?

Giuliano, darling, you're exhausted.

Perhaps you just work too much,
I don't know, but it upsets me.

Don't worry about me.
And you're right, I'm a bit tired.

- Then give yourself a rest.
- Why, do I bother you that much?

No, but it's making your look ugly,
your skin is all wrinkled...

- Well, I've never been handsome. I'm old.
- Come on, don't be so boring.

"Get some rest, you're sick..."
You young people seem like martians to me.

- Yes, Dad! - Actually, presumptuous martians.
- Yes, Pappy!

You think you can take me to the doctor
as if I was some kind of child.

Do you think it's so easy to cure this...
what you refer to as an illness?

It's getting cold!

What do you young people know
about the ills of my generation?

You weren't even born when the
world fell down on our heads.

When you were born, we were just
starting over. We found everything empty!

And empty inside is how we were left,
something you can't cure with injections.

From tomorrow, I'm taking the Bianchina and you can have
the Jaguar. - What?! - Actually, from this evening.

- What do you mean?
- I'm giving you the Jaguar, I prefer the Bianchina.

- Oh, thank you!
- But don't speed, alright?

- You prefer the Bianchina? - Yes, the roof can
be removed, one can actually breath when driving.

It's not a box, like that one is!

I don't know, it's low, tight, closed-off.
And it's red, reminds me of a hairy spider!

- I feel like fainting when I'm inside.
- Can't your see that you're sick?

Yes, I'm sick! And if you must know,
I saw Alberto a month ago.

And he told me the cause of my illness.

- What is it?
- You! - Me?

Yes, you! Because I love you too much,
because you've blocked me in.

Because I'm too faithful,
because I think about no one but you.

Because I so abruptly stopped
my old life over you.

So, you're my sick saint!

- He even recommended me a cure, you know.
- What's the cure?

He says that...

... I should go with other women.
- What?!

Then you're a dirty old man,
you and your friend Alberto!

No, he meant to re-accustom myself,
to open up, to unblock myself again.

Come on! Of course, I have no
intention of listening to him.

Little girl! You know that I care more
about you than I do my health, don't you?

Doctor, the prescription!

- Alberto.
- What is it? - Listen...

- Go ahead.
- Come here...

- What do you want?
- I've wet myself again.

- Again... you know it's not true, right?
- Yes, but it feels like I have.

The exact same sensation.

- Should I go and check?
- Check what?

It's only because that guy is dancing with your wife,
do you think he's going to take her away?

- Well, he's dancing with his eyes closed.
- That's how they dance these days!

Are you dancing with me or someone else?
You seem like a piece of wood.

Dancing with you isn't exactly mind-blowing,
and you even messed up my dress!

- Shall we go again?
- How much do I owe you?

This time, be careful what you reject.

Do you know that there's such a thing
as doctor-patient confidentiality?

- I want to see what's written about my husband.
- It's nothing to do with you. Give me the papers.

Cirilla, give them to me!

Look what a mess you've made!

- Then tell me what's wrong with Giuliano.
- You still don't know, after 2 years of marriage?

- No.
- And yet it's quite clear.

He has all the characteristics of
a man who has married a child.

That's all. And don't be upset, because you fell
in love with him when he was your professor.

- A father-figure.
- Oh, really? What else?

It's illogical to deny such things.
Now he's older and is busy with work.

And you do nothing but play around,
which only aggravates the situation.

So, according to you I'm not
the right wife for him.

- That ours is doomed marriage?
- Don't be foolish.

Giuliano is very much in love with you.

- You think so?
- What's that? One of your husband's tics?

Yes. Does a person do that 20 times
a day when they're in love?

Then he must love you too much.

I understand that love isn't everything,
but is it always so painful?

He's a complicated man.
See, the men of our generation...

How annoying it is, your generation!
What makes you so special? The War?!

Untie this for me, it's annoying.

During the War Giuliano was in the
Swiss guard, wearing a uniform like this.

And that's not all, he even deserted them
The cardinals were looking for him everywhere.

- Yes, I remember. So many things happened to him!
- So what should I do? Stay, or leave him?

If you leave him, he'll die!

- Then he always dies! Even if I'm with him, he's dying.
- It's just a period of depression.

It's nothing serious, you'll see.
With the change in season he'll get better.

Alright, alright...

Either you play seriously, or...

- Listen, young man...
- It's a typical Italian game, come and play.

Yes, I'll be right there.

- Cirilla, does it look good like this?
- No, what have you done to yourself?

- Hey, you recommended this dress!
- Really?

- You know, I'm having doubts.
- About what?

- That you're just using your condition.
- What do you mean by that?

What did you tell Cirilla?
That she's the cause of your phobias?

- That's what you told me.
- Yes, but not to repeat to your wife!

- It will only alarm her, she's just a girl.
- It slipped out...

You let everything slip out, even piss!
You're trying to play the victim!

I want to play, too!

Did you even tell her that I advised
you to sleep with another woman?

Me?

- Even the ladies have to write something!
- You're number 6...

... and you're number 7.

Giuliano is number 9 and you're number 10.

Guys, have you written something saucy?
If not, it's no fun!

And no questions about sex!
What you are, what you aren't?

Here we're all normal!
And anyway, I'm not attracted to any of you.

Hand it over, thank you.

Hand it over.

Gabriella, why don't you tell them
about the time you took cocaine?

- You don't spell "cocaine" with a Y!
- And yours, Doctor?

Listen to what's written here!

"Should I send Giuliano
off with another woman?"

Who's this idiot?!

You don't understand anything!

Listen, if you were me what would you
reply to this: Yes, or no?

- That all depends on the question!
- It's the usual question.

Aren't you Donatella?
The daughter of... the one from boarding school?

Finally!

Look at you!

- Pretty, did your wife design it?
- Yes, she enjoys that kind of thing.

"This is Cirilla:
Would you sleep with my husband?"

I can't stand seeing him with
that sad face of his every day!

How strange!
Men are capable of just about everything!

- When I think that...
- What did I tell you about thinking?

Listen to me...
Yes, come on over!

We've decided to pass this weekend
at Chiarin's place down by the sea.

Leave it here, please.

- Why don't you come too?
- But Peppino might be coming to Rome.

- Do you want some Gin?
- No, heaven forbid!

You think I'm trying to corrupt you?

I don't mean to corrupt you,
but you're the only one that can help me!

Don't act like you don't understand,
what's one more man to you?

- What do you mean by that?
- What about Guido?

- Well, so what?
- And Giovanni?

- And Marco?
- Well, all I end up with is material men!

- Do you love me?
- Yes.

Then help me. Don't make me insist
over something so ridiculous.

It's better that he goes with
you than with some stranger.

Cirilla, what can I say?
If it's so important to you...

And stop acting like such a martyr!
Is my husband that ugly?

No, actually he's quite interesting,
but I don't know if he'll like me.

He doesn't have to like you, that's the point!
Just do it...

.. do it for me.

Now's your chance, they're all asleep!

Listen...

It doesn't seem right to me.

Isn't it me who should be
getting cold feet?

Maybe, but I don't want to cheat on Peppino!

- Peppino now, as well?
- I told him to meet us here.

Please, don't make such a big deal about it.

Cirilla, what is I lose Peppino over this?
I mean, he's rich, he owns a cotton mill!

Go!

Now you've got what you want.

If you think I believe that story
about not wanting to do it for me...

... you're mistaken. Are you ill?

Here's your medicine,
just as the doctor prescribed.

Now we'll see if those tics of yours go away!

- Peppino!
- This place is in the middle of nowhere!

I felt like I had driven all the way
down to Africa trying to find this place!

- Where's Gabriella?
- In bed, she's sleeping.

- Peppino, you're too noisy! Let's go!
- Not in the sun, I hate the sun!

- Where are we going?
- For a swim!

But I'm still dressed! At least let
be take my shoes and socks off!

Why are you moving over like that?

Well, the bed sheets are too warm,
over here they're cooler.

- Don't you like the heat?
- No, not when it's this hot.

It also depends on the bed sheets,
these are too coarse.

- Why don't we get rid of the bed sheets?
- Why don't we get rid of you?

Come out of there!

You could have at least let me get changed,
I'm not used to this kind of heat!

- I'm going to get sunstroke!
- If you want to get undressed, get undressed!

But I don't even have my swimming trunks!
What am I supposed to do, use my underwear?

- Then use your underwear, who'll see you?
- I really will get undressed, you know!

Why did you bring me all the way out here?
It's like you've kidnapped me.

- What did you have in mind?
- Nothing.

- I just wanted to spend time with you.
- Spend time with me?

Is that right, Blondie?

What's that, your bathing cap?
How refined!

But don't say anything to Gabriella.

Shall we go further out to sea?

- What did you say?
- Are you listening to me or not?

Cirilla! Where are you going?
Don't tell Gabriella, will you?

I was kidding! Baby, come back here!
Where are you going?!

Come out of there,
we don't have much time!

- Gabriella, that's enough!
- Come out of there!

I can't, I'm suffocating!
Get out of here!

- Who's forcing you to stay there?
- You! Get out of here, please!

Why are you shouting?

- Because I'm naked and sweaty, go away!
- Then I'm going!

You could have warned me.

- What happened?
- Nothing...

The cheek of these girls today!
They jump all over you!

Without any warning,
and with the wife two feet away!

Whenever someone tries to force something
so impulsive on me, I always react this way.

My God...

It's strange, I don't feel...

Cirilla!

Cirilla!

- What is it?
- Cirilla, it's just...

I think I'm better, I feel relieved!

- But how?
- All of a sudden I feel somehow free!

- I was under the bed...
- Doing what?

No, I mean that I was under the shower...
And I felt somehow vigorous again.

I went into the wardrobe to get a towel,
all by myself. See how many I got?

- Were you alone?
- Of course I was alone, I told you...

So, the pressure has gone?

You know what these things are like.
A sudden shock and it's back to normal.

Almost as if a spell has been broken.

You should be happy!

- I am happy, even if you're lying.
- Lying?

- Who?
- You and Gabriella!

What do you think...
I sent her myself, you know!

But, Gabriella...

Now I understand.

You and that wicked Gabriella
came up with this idea together.

You're a couple of idiots!

Luckily I have my dignity,
as a reasonable adult...

Otherwise I'd be down at your level,
like some kind of animal!

Who did I marry?

I knew that I was marrying a minor,
but I didn't think you were so immature!

Alright, I'm immature.
But you and Gabriella...

- Me and Gabriella, what?
- Yes or no?

No, no!

Because I told her to get lost!

But I'm sure this kind of thing is
just normal for you.

And then you laugh when I say
that you young people are like martians.

Do you realise that the thing
you just tried to make happen...

... it's something that a proper
wife wouldn't even dream of!

But it's because I love you!

I don't understand anything anymore.
First you're fine, then you're ill...

- Right now I'm fine.
- I'm getting you all wet with my costume.

I'm already all wet. Wouldn't it be better
if you take that costume off?

- Yes, Daddy!
- Yes, Daddy...

Come on, cover yourself up
or you might get sick as well.

And hurry up and grow up,
otherwise this Daddy will be your Granddaddy.

Cirilla, I think that...

- You feel it again?
- Yes...

Then it's all my fault, Alberto was right!
I play around and you suffer!

Who's suffering?

Being able to enter and exit wardrobes
isn't such such an important thing in life!

- Cirilla, I'm happy to be your sick man.
- Even if I'm a martian?

Better not to answer that.

What does one say to a wife who sends
her friends to his bed?

And to cure what?
I don't even know that I'm really ill!

But if I get better,
what charisma will I have left...

... for this child bride?

It's much easier to be ill.

Even martians show respect
to those who are ill.

- Donatella, hurry up!
- Yes, Mother!

Other people are waiting!

Gabriella and I only go "topless"
when we're behind closed doors!

Good job!

She's put it on, too.
What do you say to that?

I'd have a word with
both her and her mother.

Congratulations, Ma'am.
You have an extraordinary daughter!

Poor thing, I just wanted to
make her happy this year.

She's been studying all year long
and hasn't asked me for anything.

She wanted to look fashionable
and I thought it wouldn't harm anyone.

Anyway, to me it's a bathing costume
that carries a certain innocence.

Really? Well, I have an identical costume,
and I'm going to put it on as well.

Guys, Cirilla is going to
change into her topless costume!

It's time for the second round!
You guys are crazy, you know...

- What's going on?
- Afternoon. - Afternoon.

Nothing, Donatella has changed into her topless
costume, now Cirilla is doing the same.

See? It's the same, at least the colour is!

What do I care about the colour?
It should look the same as well!

Virtuoso!

Come on guys, it's time for a swim!
Virtuoso, are you coming?

Professor, do you really think
I'd wear a topless costume?

What a nice couple we'd make,
you with those socks and me half-nude...

I love you just as you are,
but you'll never be modern like me.

I'll have to come and meet you.

Yes, I've decided.

I want to become more mature, well...

More adult-like.

- We're here.
- Take these rolls.

Next time we'll take my car
because these are all broken.

Are you crazy? Your car is so closed-off
that it might as well be a tortoise shell.

He has a Jaguar and drives a car like that!

Let's sit here where we'll be more
comfortable, make yourselves at home.

Let's take a look at this project.
Yes, take your jackets off.

And this one?

Good evening.

- Good evening, gentlemen.
- Hi, Darling.

See how much of a lady I can be?

Are we working standing up? Sit down.
So I take it you brought the stairs backward.

Yes.

Now, let's see how elegant
I look while sitting down.

On the grandmother's chair,
and with the foot-stool!

Poor grandmother must have had
really short legs!

Are these the specifics for the stairs?

- The specifics for the stairs?
- Yes, that's sheet number 6.

The prospective for the entire ramp.

I was thinking of an alternative,
if you think it might be approved?

- How much did you raise it again?
- We calculated 17 and 29. - Before I...

Can I get you something to drink?

- Coffee? You, too?
- Yes. - Coffee, please.

- Thank you.
- Right away.

Enjoy your work, darling.
I'll be back soon.

- How much?
- 17 and 29.

Too much, make it 17 and 28.

- I'll draw up that estimate then...
- Very good.

- Goodnight, thanks again.
- Goodnight, sorry I kept you so late.

Goodbye!

- Hello, who's that?
- Giuliano, it's your wife.

- Are you alone?
- Yes, they just left. They send their regards.

Tell me, what happened to your hair?

Did you like it?

I thought it would be the best hair-cut
for a woman who has such a...

... balding husband!

Ah, yes...

- And the dress?
- Yes, it's nice, very serious.

See, I didn't design it myself,
I had a tailor do it.

But you'll have to pay the bill,
just like a good husband!

- Ah, you're here?
- I have to tell you something important.

I'm very happy, you know why?

- Why?
- Because I feel like I'm changing inside.

Now I think I can manage to be
a proper wife, after all.

- Mature, and maybe even boring!
- What's wrong with you tonight?

I've renounced being a girl.

It was fun while it lasted, but I...

- Ah, so this is a confession?
- Let me finish.

It was a real shock.

That I had to see you get so ill just
to realise how kind and generous you are!

You should have told me to go to hell!

But instead you stayed faithful,
even though you're ill!

- Good morning, Darling.
- You're up already? It's 7 O'clock!

So late? Your coffee is ready.

- Why, did you make it?
- Yes, I hope you like it.

Bring me a cup, please.

Ah, you're testing me, are you?
You'll see!

See how easy it is to open a cupboard!

All I need is to be a proper wife for
a few days and he'll be a different man.

Ask me for some sugar
and watch what happens!

Darling, could you get the sugar, too?

- Is it in here?
- No, in the other cupboard.

- What's wrong?
- In there, I can't...

- That one no, but the other one...
- It's strange, I know, but...

- Alright, I'll get it...
- I should throw myself out of the window!

How long will it take for
him to get better?

It's easier this way, otherwise I'll have
to go back to driving the Bianchina.

And that's asking a lot after
driving the Jaguar!

Well! All over a simple cupboard...

It doesn't matter, don't get upset.

No, you know...

... I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

Well, I should get going.

- Good morning, Sir.
- Good morning.

- What shall we do tonight, go to the cinema?
- I don't know, I'd prefer to stay in tonight.

I bought a few books to read,
and we can talk...

A light dinner and then we'll talk.

- Sounds wonderful...
- Bye, Darling. - Bye.

Concettina, don't wake me up before midday!

Very good, Miss!

That sounded like the Jaguar!

He's taken it back, I should have known.

He must know that I only play the
proper wife when he's home.

He knows, and that's why he's taken it back.

But I want to ask him if that's
really why he's taken it back.

How can he be so strict?
Suffering like that, just to teach me a lesson?

That's what he said, he suffers in there.
Doesn't it seem like a spider anymore?

- Hi, Darling. - Hi.
- I brought cream horns for you. - Thanks...

- Shall I put your car away for you?
- Oh yes, thanks...

I should at least spare him that.

Closed, inside a car, inside a garage.

It's like being inside two boxes.

Who knows if I'll ever make it out!

Why is this mirror crooked?

Perhaps he has friends that like
to touch up their lip-stick?

No, it can't be.

Then what?

Cirilla, he's cheating on you
like a proper wife!

Cirilla...

He's cheating on you!

- With who?
- That's Giuliano's car, isn't it?

- And it's shining, he's had it washed...
- I know, I followed him here!

Good, but now what are you going to do?
Destroy the entire hotel?

I'll destroy everything!
The hotel, the car, his face!

- Giving up already?
- I don't know what to do!

Damn him!

You must catch him in the act!

- And then what?
- And then face the truth, my dear Cirilla.

Why did you wear the detective outfit
if you're afraid now?

I was ill, problems with my nerves...
And then, just like a miracle...

... I was under the bed...
- Doing what?

I was under the bed, then I felt
this strange vigorous sensation...

And then I felt relieved!

The morning after I felt so much better,
when I saw you.

Seeing your bare belly, on that beach.
I thought: This girl can cure me.

- If Cirilla knew it was me...
- No, she still believes that I'm sick.

That way she's happy because she thinks
I'm getting better, and I'm happy too.

Yes, in the hotel lounge!

The band will be here at 8 O'clock!

- What?
- The singer, no, I don't know...

- Excuse me, are you the one singing tonight?
- No, I'm looking for a Mr. Massari.

Oh, excuse me.
No, I don't know what happened to the singer.

Guys, can you turn the music down?
I can't hear myself think!

Now she's trying to turn herself
into a proper wife.

She's a wonderful girl.

So you like your wife more than me?

No, I like all of you,
I don't know why...

When I wasn't depressed,
Cirilla was like all you young people...

.. now you're all like Cirilla!

You're all my children!
I love you, do you know that?

Who's that?

Hello? I told you that...

You must me mistaken,
I don't have any children!

I'm very sorry...

Actually, if you could send up...
What?!

Down there?
What did she say her name was?

Ah, now I remember...
Tell her that Daddy will be right down.

- What is it? Where are you going?
- What do you mean, where am I going?

Go back to your room, I have to...

- What are you saying?
- Listen, we don't know each other...

Perhaps you could just smile at me...
No, actually don't smile at all.

- You're leaving me here?
- Here's the key!

Hi...

Hi, Daddy! I'll be right there.

Is that your father?

Yes.

- With that face?
- I'm sure he's better than yours!

Do you have a man?
Want to go out with me?

I have a married man!

- Another strip tease.
- Take it off!

Take it off!

Hi!

Are you going home, Daddy?

Who did you come here with?
Not with me...

- So you must be cured?
- We'll talk later...

Come on, let's go home.

In the Jaguar, darling, I can't...
Right away!

What's she doing?

She just slapped her father?
What kind of generation is this?!

Wait for me, wait for me...