3 in a Bed (2014) - full transcript

(film rolling)
(orchestral music)

(soft rock music)

♫ Was I supposed to be keeping track

♫ Of where we were going

♫ I was a little distracted

♫ By the strangers around me

♫ The strangers that I see

♫ Get them up in the air figuring out

♫ Is there a place for me here

♫ I put my foot down
because I'm not checking out

♫ Not just yet.



♫ We're not done counting heads

♫ With three in a bed

♫ I've been lulling myself to sleep

♫ With all that I said

♫ We're not done counting heads

♫ With three in a bed ♫

- [Jay] Morning Nate.

- Afternoon.

So, how was your night?

- Oh, you're not ready for it.

Sammy got so messy Nate,
it was so embarrassing.

She needs to sort it out.

She won't listen to me,
maybe you can talk to her.

And she's sofa surfing at the moment.



Maybe she could stay with you.

I mean, me and Jase would
have her at ours but,

It's Jase's flat and I don't want him

to think I'm taking the piss.

I mean Sammy's taking the piss but

I think she'd be different
if she was living with you.

Nate, Nate?

- What?

- So what do you think
about Sammy living with you?

- No, she can jog on.

- Um.

- Uh, it's kinda your responsibility Nate.

- Responsibility?

Look, ever since mum died all I've done is

look after you guys.

You need to learn how to
stand on your own two feet.

I know that she's already
asked you and Jase,

and you said no because you
want your own little love nest.

So jog on.

- Mum, yeah, what did
mum say on her deathbed?

She said you need to look
after your little sisters,

protect us, thanks Nate, I'll
tell Sammy you (mumbles).

- Jay, Jay I said no!

Oh fuck off!

- Shame on you.

(electronic music)

- So anyway, he's not texting me back.

Shagging some slag it's
like sort your head out,

she's just left school.

- Excuse me can I have a lighter?

- I was talking.

You've got no business coming
over here interrupting me.

It's rude.

- Sorry.

- Anyway, where was I before
I was rudely interrupted.

- You shouldn't be sleeping
with a married man anyway Sammy,

It's not very karma friendly, is it Poppy?

Pops, I said it's not
very karma friendly is it?

- No, no it'll come back around.

- Poppy's right Sammy,
it'll come back round.

- I am starving, my bra
strap it's proper rubbing.

I wanna take it off.

Hey it's a shame Nate's
not here to see this,

he might enjoy it.

- That's not very appropriate is it Poppy.

He's our brother.

Apologize please.

- Sorry.

- Good girl, well done, much appreciated.

Now let's get you fed.

- Yes please, chips
cheese and gravy please.

Mmm, I can almost taste it.

- Poppy, we've talked about

chips cheese and gravy haven't we.

You know I can't be seen
with you eating that.

- Go on, be boring, go and get some food.

Can always get stamped in first.

- [Jay] Oh go on then.

(clearing throat)

- Sorry.

- How much has she had to drink?

- Who?

- You.

- Have you heard him?

It's four o'clock!

- You ain't coming in love.

- [Sammy] Well I don't want to
go in your shitty bar anyway

it's full of little slags.

- True that.

- Who you calling a slag?

- Can smell your fanny from here.

- Yeah, well it's probably

her boyfriend's cum you can smell.

I shagged Jase this morning, it was shit.

- Jase wouldn't do that.

- Hold me fucking bag.

- [Voiceover] To my beautiful boy Nathan.

I don't need to tell you to
look after Sammy and Jayden,

I know you will.

But look after each other.

I wish I could be around
to protect you all,

this is what scares me the most,

knowing I'm leaving you all behind.

Sammy may appear to be strong
but she's the most vulnerable.

Not that she would ever admit that.

Jay, let her think she's right.

Her heart's in the right place even though

her head isn't half the time.

She takes a while.

They both look up to you, and Nate,

you need to look after you.

Find yourself and make every day count.

Breathe your music.

(melancholy music)

- I'm sorry Nate.

I didn't mean what I said before.

- Don't be stupid.

Anyway, I've already got
some cheese on toast on.

You always did have a
pathological sense Nate.

- Do you mean telepathic?

- Yeah exactly, you had that too.

(melancholy music)

(phone ringing)

What is it Jase?

Put her on the phone.

She's an absolute Jezebel.

What is it, did she stick
her fingers up your arse

because I wouldn't?

Put her on the phone!

(smoke detector beeping)

(smoke detector beeping)

- You having trouble mate,
do you want the number?

- Phone number?

- No, it's five four three O.

The number to silence the alarm.

- Oh yeah.

(beeping)

Sorry about that.

- Condoms.

- What?

- Stick a condom over it,

stops your alarm going off.

- Right yeah.

- Do you fancy a joint?

- I'd love to but me
sister's upstairs crying so

I'd better go and sort that out.

- Alright, give me two
minutes I'll come right up.

- Okay, right.

- It's like the fucking Illuminati
are just everywhere man.

They've got these chips,

which they're gonna put in
your hand one of these days,

and we'll need to scan them

when you wanna buy pizza at Tescos.

- No thanks.

- Your money's stored on this chip,

and they pay you for
the chip in your hand.

- Sounds fucked.

- Maybe you should write a song about it.

What kind of stuff do you write anyway?

- Nothing much at the moment,
I've got writers block.

There's this open mic night thing

coming up in a few weeks
but they want new material.

- Fucking go for it man.

Look, I'll help you write a song.

(out of tune chords)

♫ My name is Nate

♫ I got writers block

♫ Please make it stop

♫ Or my heart will go on

♫ And on and on ♫

- No, yeah, that was brilliant that.

- It's a shame Adriana's not here.

She loves chatting shit,
she'll be well gutted.

- She your bird then?

- No.

She's not my type mate, trust me.

I'm single.

Me and Andy work together in a bar.

- What's your type then?

- Dark hair, good body, bit
of facial hair would be nice.

- She sounds proper fit.

- She's clearly a man.

So what's your type then?

- I dunno.

- Dark hair, good body,
bit of facial hair?

Sure you're not tempted?

- Shut up you dick (mumbles).

♫ Chris and Emma at breakfast

♫ On Radio Gay UK Gaydio ♫

- [Voiceover] (mumbles)
And Lee Jennings on vocals,

and Paul Ing on (mumbles).

- Don't mind me.

I'm just enjoying my breakfast.

- Who the fuck are you?

- I'm Poppy, Jay's friend.

Your future wife.

(laughing)

Just kidding.

- Jay!

- Jay he is really fit.

- Poppy, close your
mouth when you're eating.

Looks like I missed out on
all the fun last night boys?

Nate where did you get
your little friend from?

Just to let you know,

I caught my boyfriend
cheating on me last night so,

quite vulnerable.

- Right.

(knocking)

- Poppy, go and get the
door make yourself useful.

Go on, hop to it.

Good girl.

Oh, cosy.

- Morning Andy.

This is Adriana, me flatmate.

- Oh, so you're not
girlfriend boyfriend then?

Hiya I'm Jayden, pleased to meet you.

- Course I'm not his girlfriend, he's--

- Leaving, you're all leaving
I've got to get to work.

- This is not what I was going to say.

- [Jase] Jay, babe!

- Jay, I suggest you go and sort that out.

- Poppy, tell him I'm not interested.

Go (mumbles) please Poppy.

- Jay, no you go and do it.

Before I go and knock him out.

- As if Nate, you're so funny.

- Right, I think we should make a move.

Do you fancy a beer later?

- Yeah.

- She said you're an F-ing knob Jase.

- For fucks sakes Pops.

Tell her she's my only sexy face,

that girl meant nothing and
I was absolutely smashed.

- He said,

for fucks sake Poppy, tell
her she's me only sexy face

that girl meant nothing he was so smashed.

- Unacceptable.

- Right.

She said unacceptable.

- Fuck, I didn't know what day it was,

I didn't know my own name.

Nothing happened that I
remember, It's an easy mistake.

- He said--

- I heard what he said Poppy.

- And tell her,

tell her she's the only
one that I'm hot for.

- Then you need to cool down.

- For fucks sake babe.

- I've moved in here
and I'm not coming back.

Poppy you need to go and
get my things from Jase's.

There's some money in my purse.

- But there's only £1.50 in here Jay.

- The bus is only a pound Poppy.

- But it takes 45 minutes!

- I'm going through trauma here.

The last thing I need is you
scrounging money off me okay.

- Okay yeah, sorry Jay.

I'll be back in a couple of hours.

- Quick as you can please Poppy.

- Yes Nate.

- Alright mate.

- Just thinking about you.

Got off work early and thought

I'm taking Nate out for a pint tonight.

- Look I'd love to but I've
got some stuff to sort out.

- Our Jay's moving in
for a couple of weeks so,

I kinda need to lay down the law.

- That's alright, you've got to do

your big brother thing I get it.

- I promise we'll go out
for a beer soon yeah?

- Alright, sounds good
to me, catch you later.

- Later mate.

(electronic music)

- [Jay] She doesn't care, Adriana.

- [Adriana] What, she tell me she move it,

so I (mumbles).

- Sammy, pop some hairspray
in before you do that.

Otherwise it won't stay.

- Don't tell me what to do.

(electronic music)

- [Jay] Which, which--

- Go on darling tell me,
this one, or this one?

- Um, either I don't really care.

Don't care.

I feel like we've known
her for ages, don't you?

Sammy?

- Nate's home, do you want a drink?

- Hiya Nate.

- Oh Nate, you're not with Jonny?

You should come out tonight.

It's so hard living with a
man sometimes, so smelly.

- I know that, I know I know.

I was saying the other day wasn't I Nate?

Nate, this place needs
a girly touch, Nate?

(electronic music)

- Check one two, what go on?

Hello, hello everyone welcome
to our first open mic night,

my name is Damien Ludlow and
I'll be your host this evening.

- You alright.

You alright mate.

- Check you out Mr Popular!

- You can nae be this good
looking and not get noticed.

- Very funny, and big headed.

- First on the mic this evening we've got

My Lyrical Mind!

(cheering and applause)

- I've worked in a lot
of the bars around here.

I work for a bit, save,
then go travelling.

I love it.

- Sounds perfect, I'd love
to do something like that.

- Well you make it sound
like it's something

you can't do Nate.

You can do anything you want
if you put your mind to it.

♫ Beautiful scene ♫

- I was gonna sign up to do this you know.

♫ Saw us there ♫

- Well let's enter you now then,

It's probably not too late.

- No, I don't really feel like it.

- Oh come on, you know
you want to do it really.

Look I'll fill in the form,
all you have to do it turn up.

It's probably not for a while anyway.

You should at least give it a try.

- Nah.

- Look. You stay here, I'll go to the bar,

grab us a pen and then
we'll fill in the form--

- Look, I just said no, I
don't want to sing alright.

Will you just leave it?

- What?

Oh don't be like that.

- Do you know what, I'm gonna go.

I'll see you later.

♫ Just say you won't ♫

- [Jonny] Nate!

♫ Look back with a rare song

♫ The wild wind swept us all

♫ But when it landed in one piece ♫

(knocking)

- Yeah?

- You left your front door open,

just wanted to check if you were alright.

I get a bit carried away sometimes mate.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have gone on like that.

- No, I'm sorry I was being a dick.

- Well good night Nate, see you around.

- Do you fancy a beer?

Um, I've got some beers if you want.

- I'll never say no to a beer.

You mind if I have a smoke?

- No.

- So you are at least
thought about entering then.

- Yeah well, I thought
about it the other day but,

I dunno, I've never really
sung in front of people before.

- I'd love for you to sing for me.

I mean I heard you the other day

and I though you was like, wow.

But I'd love it if you
actually sang for me.

- I dunno.

Fine, but,

it's a dead old song so.

I'm gonna close my eyes because
I get a bit embarrassed.

- Just do it.

(acoustic guitar music)

♫ We've all lost someone

♫ In our lives

♫ That we'd loved and lost

♫ We all need someone in our hearts

♫ At any cost

♫ We all have someone

♫ In our lives ♫

- Nate, you're giving me goosebumps.

What are you doing to me man?

- So you liked it?

- I loved it.

- Sorry, I shouldn't have done that.

- I'm not.

- I can't believe she let
me finger her at the bar.

- Oh I know, disgusting, in
Brazil she would be stoned.

- Hi boys, Jonny's here.

Are you waiting for me?

- He's not here for you
darling, he fancies your--

- Who got fingered?

- Poppy, at the bar, while
she was ordering my drink.

Oh.

(imitating phone)

- Hello.

- Oh hello, Jonny, it's Jay.

- Yeah alright.

- Yeah, I just phoned to
say I'm going for a shower

because I'm really dirty.

Night night, say night night.

- Night.

- [Jay] Filthy.

- Okay, I'm off to bed.

Good night boys, have fun.

- Actually I think I'll
call it a night too.

Can I take you out tomorrow?

- Yeah.

I'd like that.

- Okay, be ready at 10.

Night Nate.

- Babe, I bought you flowers!

And I've got your favorite chocolate.

- Do you know what Jase?

You can take this and fuck off!

You could have took my
frigging eye out then.

- Good, at least then
you wouldn't be able to

stare at any fucking slag
that walked past you.

- I bought you flower.

Shit!

(rock music)

- This band are ace.

- I know you'd like them.

That'll be you up there on day soon.

- Yeah right.

Right you, shots.

I've decided every time
you moan about singing

you have to do a shot.

- Alright bring it on,
you're paying though.

♫ I got this feeling ♫

- Hey Natey boy, hi.

I didn't know that you were
into the Sons of the Strange.

- I'm not me mate loves them,

just brought me along.

- Alright.

Woohoo!

So um, are we gonna catch that
second drink any time soon?

- You alright.

- This is Debbie.

- I had a primary school
teacher called Debbie.

She was strict as fuck.

♫ Because I got this
feeling you will be mine ♫

- Anyway, let me know Nate.

I'm free Saturday.

- Cool.

♫ Time keeps turning time
keeps spinning around ♫

- She looks like she's wearing
one of my nan's numbers.

- Yeah she's just some bird I
went on a date with ages ago.

- How come she didn't make
it to the second round then?

(rock music)

I got two left feet me,
I can't control them.

- Yeah I can see that, It's embarrassing.

- Oh alright then, you
show me how it's done.

- Yes, come on!

- Alright, show off.

- Right, where to next?

- Where do you want the night to take us?

♫ Take it or leave it every time ♫

- Just listen to that.

- What?

- Your flat, sounds quiet
up there for a change.

- Yeah well that's not gonna last.

Any minute now Jay'll be
through that door crying.

And Sammy, she'll smell that a mile off.

She's like a sniffer dog.

- Has it always been like this?

- What, chaotic?

Yeah a bit of an handful.

I dunno how she did it.

Me mum was brilliant with them.

She just had this way.

- When did she die?

Sorry, you don't have to talk about it.

- It would have been eight
years ago last Friday.

- I'm sure she's proud mate.

- I doubt it.

I can't do it as well as she did.

Which is a joke because
she thought I could.

Sounds like bollocks but
they just need me here.

I'm kinda like the glue.

Fucking Pritt Stick glue.

Sammy off every weekend
getting off with married men

and Jay she just sits at
home reading horoscopes

hoping things get better.

- Yeah but, who's the glue for you?

- I dunno, music I suppose.

- Well that's bollocks mate,

she would have wanted you to be--

- No, she wanted me to look after them,

to make sure they're on track.

- Yeah but Nate, are you happy?

- It doesn't matter whether
I'm happy, are they happy?

That's what people don't get.

If you would have seen how
she was when she was dying.

If you'd have seen what
they've been through.

You'd get it.

- You don't have to explain it mate.

Just seems to me like you forget

that you've been through it too.

You know, you just have to
put yourself first sometimes.

Especially if no one else will.

- Yeah well,

sorry I just don't really
like talking about it.

Sorry mate.

There wasn't much left,
it's a pretty skinny one.

Will you promise to do something?

- I'm not singing.

I don't care if you've
got shots or whatever.

- No, will you promise to do
something for you this week.

It doesn't have to be something mental,

but just something.

- Yes.

- No, promise or I'm
having all this spliff.

- Fine, I promise.

- Good, you're still
not getting any spliff.

- Oh come on now, please!

(grunting)

Fuck!

- I knew he was gay boy.

- Relax, it's just Andy.

- Nate, you're so phony.

I knew you were gay boy,
I have lots of gay boys.

I know when I see.

- Look, Andy, don't tell
his sisters alright,

it's not like it is with me.

- Don't worry, in Brazil
we keep secrets, trust me.

- Please, you don't
understand the shit I'll get.

- It's so sex-mantic, I love it.

You're so phony.

(laughing)

- She's not going to say anything is she?

- Relax, maybe this could be

the one thing for you this week.

(soft rock music)

Trying to sneak off charmer?

- No, I've got work.

- Wish you didn't.

We could lay in bed all day,
watch films, eat crisps.

I wouldn't even mind
that you constantly fart.

- Jog on.

- Seriously mate, all
night it's pretty shocking.

You're lucky that I like you.

- Yeah, well you snore and that's worse.

- Snoring ain't as bad as farting.

- I really enjoyed last night.

- It was alright I suppose.

(chuckling)

I'll come by and see you later,

might bring you some food if you're lucky.

- Yeah well, you know what they say,

the way to any man's heart
is through his stomach.

- I'll see you.

- I hope you didn't leave the
bag in for too long Sammy.

- Um no.

- Pass it up here then.

- [Sammy] Make you one in a minute.

- No.

- Ooh.
- [Sammy] Alright.

The wanderer returns.

So where did you stay
last night you dirt box?

- Looks like you've got competition Poppy.

So Prince Charming, spill the beans.

- A gentlemen never tells.

- You don't have to, by
the smile on your face

you definitely emptied your ball bag.

- I wouldn't put it quite like that

but you do look radiant.

Your aura is speaking volumes.

Poppy, yours is green.

- What does that mean?

- Envy.

- So, who is the bitch then.

- I told you, I'm not saying.

Jay, stick some toast on,
I'm gonna get a shower.

- So you definitely
got your end away then?

Go and wash the smell
of sex, you reek of it.

- Poppy, toast.

Nate's been making love all night,

he's probably ravenous!

(laughing)

(rock music)

- Morning handsome.

- You alright mate.

- Right, I thought it's
a shame that you and I

can't go on a picnic so I
decided to bring one to you.

We've got peanut butter sandwiches,

jam sandwiches, Monster
Munch and scotch eggs.

But you fart enough so
I'll be eating them.

- Shut up.

- Oh what, you're not a scotch egg man?

- No, but Monster Munch and peanut butter?

I think you're my hero.

- Of course I am.

- Oh, check this out I've
been writing a new song.

- [Jonny] Cool.

- Hello boys, did you have fun last night?

- We did.

- Aw good, so I'm doing a
shift at a new bar tonight

and I wondered if you
boys wanted to join me?

I can get you in for free,
the bouncer he fuck me.

(laughing)

(rock music)

- Right, I'm going toilet.

- Alright.

♫ Hello hello I'm back again

♫ Singing the same old song again ♫

(rock music)

- Why don't you ever text me back?

- Jesus Christ!

(rock music)

I've got a new phone haven't I.

I haven't got your number.

- Well take it now then.

Or take me, here now.

- No no, I'm with someone.

- What, who?

- You probably haven't seen her.

- She's very short.

- What?

Is she a dwarf?

- No.

- He's with me.

- Yeah right, Nate's not a turd burglar.

- What did you say?

- I said he's not packing your fudge.

- You stupid little girl!

- Jonny, just leave it alright.

- No, she can't go around
saying stuff like that.

- Will you just fuck off.

- Fuck you Nate!

(rock music)

- You want a drink?

Look if you're not gonna speak
you can go back to your flat.

I'm not forcing you to be here.

- No because the thing is Nate,

I wanna know what the
fuck's going on here.

Are you just taking the
piss out of me or what?

- What?

- That girl, she thinks
I'm an absolute joke.

Are you gay or not.

- I'm not, I'm just Nate.

- Yeah well that's not good enough for me.

- Why do I have to be anything?

Why do you have to stick me in

some fucking pen with gay written on it?

- Okay, so what is it we've been doing,

because I thought that we were.

- What?

You thought we were what?

Because we've just been hanging out.

- Right, so you kiss everyone
you hang out with do you?

That's very straight.

- Oh don't take the piss.

I don't know what I am alright?

- Well are you gay or not?

- I don't know, it's not as easy as that.

- So you're bisexual then?

- I don't know, will you just leave it.

Fine, I'm gay.

Is that what you wanna hear,
does that make it better?

(whooshing)

- Fucking pregnant.

- Oh for fucks sake.

- Get me an ice lolly
out of the freezer Nate.

- Pregnant?

Are you sure?

- Of course I'm fucking sure!

- She made me steal one from
a Boots late night chemist.

Do you think they've got CCTV?

- Poppy, you need to get
Sammy a yellow ice lolly now.

- Why does he always leave when I turn up?

Must me a Leo, I clash with Leos.

- Why's she got a bag with her?

- Because I'm staying here for a bit.

Poppy's mam kicked me out.

She said I have an aggressive tone.

- She's got a bun in her oven.

A pea in her pod.

She's Keith Cheggers.

You can't kick her out Nate.

- Who's the dad?

- Don't start Nate, he's married.

- Oh quality, and where do
you think you're gonna sleep?

- With you and Jay.

- It's only 'til the baby's
born Nate, chill out.

- That's nine months!

(whooshing)

- What fucking have you done to Jonny?

- Who the fuck is she talking to?

- Oh you gay boys have drama all the time.

You, come with me.

- Uh, what does she mean gay boys Nate?

- Who the hell is she calling gay?

- In Brazil I beat
bigger women than you up.

- Yeah, well I'm fucking pregnant.

- Well then we no fight today.

- Look she's chatting shit, I'm not gay.

- Poppy get her out.

- I leave myself, don't touch.

- Poppy, stay here sweetheart.

- Nate!

(mumbles)

- [Sammy] She better watch her mouth,

coming in here calling you a poof.

She'll get her fucking head kicked in.

- Oh she's alright Sammy,

she doesn't know what
she's going on about.

He aura's everywhere,
colors, off the chart.

- Yeah well I'm going
to sleep so good night.

- No you're not, where's it come from?

- You're not gay are you Nate?

- No, goodnight.

- Well, leave him to it.

If he says he isn't then he isn't.

As bad as that Brazilian wax.

- Uh, that's racist Sammy.

Go on then, who have you slept with?

- Do you really want a list?

- Yeah.

- Fine.

Carla Benson, Michelle,
that bird with the lazy eye

who works behind the bar in Vaults.

- You better have been smashed

because she's fucking hanging.

- Lisa from the gym, fat Donna,

- [Sammy] Not fat Donna!
- Twice.

Kate Thompson, on and
off for about six months.

- Kate Thompson, she gave
me a piggy back once.

She had her fanny surgically tightened.

I don't wanna talk about this any more,

it's making me feel sick.

- [Nate] Exactly.

Just because I don't talk about it,

doesn't mean I'm not shagging anyone.

You're me sisters for fucks sake.

I don't worry about your fucking sex life.

- Right, so he's a slag.

What the fuck am I gonna
do about this little brat?

- You're gonna keep it, right?

- Keep it, have you heard him?

- Oh she's fucking keeping
it Nate, Jesus Christ.

- Well have you told him?

- Who?

- [Nate] The married bloke?

- His name is Harry, and no.

He won't give a shit.

- Sammy, you've gotta tell him!

- Nate, don't tell me what to fucking do.

- Well at least sleep on it, yeah?

Whatever happens me and
Jay are here for you.

- Yeah, wouldn't be in your bed otherwise.

- Oh, this is nice isn't
it, like old times.

Do you remember when we all used to share

that manky old bed with
the spring in the middle?

And Sammy got her head caught
between the child safety bars.

And you got butter, smeared
it all over her neck

to try and pull her out.

She was screaming for hours.

(mocking scream)

- Jay, just because I'm
pregnant doesn't mean

I can't smack you one.

- "Oh I think me head's gonna fall off,

"I think me head's gonna fall off."

I wish it fucking had.

- It wouldn't have stopped talking

if it had though would it.

- Get off get off, stop tickling!

- Hold her down Nate!

- [Sammy] Stop tickling.

- We're gonna wake the neighbours.

(laughing)

- [Sammy] Get off, get off.

(giggling)

- Ow!

(giggling)

- Sexy face!

- What is it now?

- Look at me, I'm a mess without you.

- Yeah you are, you've
only got yourself to blame.

- I know, it's all my
fault, I'm really sorry.

Please, I just need a cuddle.

- Well maybe you should
go and see your mum.

- No, I need a cuddle from
you, from my sexy face.

- Well if you want that
you're gonna have to--

- Yes, anything, just say it.

- You're gonna have to
go and see a therapist.

- Therapy?

- She specializes in cheating spouses.

- We don't need therapy,
we just need each other.

Okay babe, wait!

Anything.

- Good, I'll text you the number.

Don't come back until
you've made an appointment.

- Therapy it is.

- He's out here every
week arguing with her.

- Aw, bless them.

- Oh, the rubbish hasn't
been taken out yet.

- No darling, you wear it.

- Close that mouth, that
breath is disgusting.

Smelly breath and smelly fannies,

two things I can't stand, darling.

- My Jonny has been up
all night because of him.

- Are you thick?

Tell him to find another fucking gay

because our Nate's not.

- Jonny tells me different.

They have date, wonderful time, dancing,

music, countryside, crisps.

- He's a liar.

He in there now, tell
him to get him out here.

- He sleeps.

- I'll go in there myself if you like.

- Don't get starting with me

because your brother
homo and you can support.

- Move, tell Jonny I'll see him later.

- Stupid fat bitch.

(acoustic guitar music)

♫ Six o'clock on the dot
I stop the rocking tops

♫ From their ticking tocking clocks

♫ Now I've got to find my socks ♫

- Morning.

- You alright?

You're up early.

- Yeah I didn't really
sleep last night so.

♫ Missed the beat again

♫ I wanna sleep 'til 10

♫ I've gotta go running for the bus stop ♫

- How's Sammy?

- Yeah she's fine.

Look, I just wanted to
apologize about last night.

I just need some time, It's
all got a bit confusing.

♫ On and on and on ♫

- Yeah I get that, I've been there.

♫ On and on and on ♫

- Look, I don't wanna
put pressure on you but,

♫ On and on and on ♫

- I've never felt like
this about someone before.

It takes a lot for me
to let my guard down.

But if you need time, I get that.

- I just need to get my head straight.

Excuse the pun.

♫ And I'll go down ♫

- Look, if there is one thing that I know,

it's that I want you in my life,

I just need time.

- Well that's good to know.

Nate, I think I'm falling.

♫ On and on and on on and on and on

♫ On and on and on on and on and on ♫

- I need to get going.

I've got to see a mate about a job

and then I'm at the bar tonight.

I think you and I could
have a good thing you know.

♫ In the bars and the
places where I tread and sit

♫ But for a beer I need the
moneys that we spent advance

♫ Don't know where the
next bill is coming from

♫ Wonga dot com give it
when you're back done

♫ Sending hashtags
never get your cash back

♫ And when you need the
money it's always running out

♫ I go build the paper I never worked ♫

- I'm gonna make a joint, anyone joining?

- You're pregnant,

you're not allowed to smoke, or drink.

- Well said Nate.

- It's not even formed yet,

it's just a fucking blob.

Fucks sake, right well I'm going bed then.

- Well that's the last of
the wine, I'm off to bed.

- That means you have to leave Poppy.

- Oh okay.

- You can stay if you want.

- Okay, thanks.

- Want some vodka?

- Yeah.

- If you don't drink it our Sammy will.

(giggling)

- Oh!

- You ever been in love Poppy?

- I have, yeah, have you?

- I dunno.

I think you know when you're in love.

There's no mistaking.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

- You know when you
find your prince because

no only do you have a smile on your face

but in your heart as well.

- You are so right Poppy.

Look I'm gonna have to.

- I've wanted you for so long.

- Poppy, no!

- You said I was right, saying
that you were my prince.

- No, no I didn't mean it like that.

- I am so embarrassed, I'm sorry.

I just thought that--

- No, no you don't need to
be embarrassed it's fine.

Poppy you're great but
I'm not your prince.

I'm not anybody's prince.

- Nate, if only you knew.

I've got to go, I'm sorry.

- Poppy!

Let me get you a taxi.

(sighs)

Fucking hell.

(rock music)

Jonny?

You alright?

You going somewhere?

- What?

- What's up, can you turn the music down?

Are you alright, what's wrong?

- There's nothing wrong,
I'm good actually.

Yeah, off to France tonight,

got a good job putting up tents.

- You're joking, what about us?

- Us?

- Don't be a dick Jonny,
you know what I mean.

- No, I don't you're gonna
have to be more specific.

And if you can make it quick,
I've got a lot to get sorted.

- Is this because I
haven't told my sisters?

I told you I need time, I
need time to think Jonny.

- Yeah well time ain't something I've got.

I'm in a bit of a rush.

Maybe you can tell that
little girlfriend of yours,

she seems to have a lot of time for you.

- Are you serious?

Look, I just wanna talk!

- Oh hi boys, which one,
this one, or this one?

You alright?

- Nate was just about to
tell me he wanted something.

So go on Nate, what is
it I can do for you?

- I,

just wanted to see if you're
about for a chat later?

- Nah sorry mate, I'm off to France.

- Ooh la la.

Maybe you'll find yourself
a nice French boyfriend.

Holiday romance.

- It's not a holiday.

Gonna be gone for a
couple of months actually.

But yeah, maybe I will.

- Oh well, make sure
you send me a postcard.

Au revoir.

- Alright well I'd better get on.

Unless there was something you wanted?

- [Jay] Hurry up Nate, I need
you to see these tops on.

- I hope you find what your looking for.

- So I guess this--

- Goodbye, yeah I suppose it is.

I thought you were a bigger man.

(acoustic guitar music)

- Morning Nate.

- Alright.

- Oh, I got postcard yesterday.

You know, he would have
stayed if you asked him to.

Okay, I have to go.

- How is he?

- He's good.

- Right, has he ever, forget it.

- He has, of course he has, you know Nate.

Jonny was in love with you.

- Is there an address or anything?

- No, he said on postcard he goes

from campsite to campsite so.

I'm sure you get postcard soon.

- Thanks.

- Okay.

(giggling)

- Ah, stop it I'm ticklish.

- Have you got a spare key Nate?

Thanks.

- So, we're gonna go out
for some drinks tonight,

there's gonna be a singer on
and that isn't there babe.

- Yeah you'd like him
Nate, you should come.

Sammy's going to some
speed dating tonight.

Heaven knows why, should
be you doing that.

- Yeah well a singer sounds
better so I think I might.

- We'll have loads of
drinks we'll get messy!

- No you won't Jase.

- No we won't Jase.

- Good, right so I'll
pick you up at seven then.

Wear a shirt, make an effort.

- Woo, bye!

(electronic music)

♫ Yeah

(electronic music)

♫ Oh ♫

(electronic music)

- April fool, surprise!

- It's June, are you taking the piss?

- Come on, speed dating, get hooking up.

- I'll just get some drinks.

- Nate, wait, there is a
singer on afterwards I promise.

But your horoscope said today was the day

that you were gonna
meet someone special so.

Speed dating.

Fine, but you're getting a drink.

- Yes right, stay away
from bog eyes over there.

And cradle cap head, she's
the one wearing the red dress.

- I'm not signing up.

I said I'll watch.

- We've already signed you up!

- This is Marble, she's got a
tick on her eye at the moment.

She doesn't like being stroked though.

So don't stroke her when
you meet her, she kicks.

- Next.

- Right, let's cut the shit,

I'm here to get laid,
you're here to get laid.

I'm horny, you're horny.

Are we saying yeah, because
everyone else in here looks like

they've been let out of
the fugly farm for the day.

- Right, I'm fucking pregnant,

living at my brother's
and I'm skint as fuck.

- I have a two year old,
the ex-wife's a bitch,

and I'm fucking rich.

- Right.

- So what kind of songs do you write then?

I actually write music myself,

I'm in a band.

- I'm writing a song for
someone that I lost actually.

- Oh no, I'm sorry.

- Yeah, he was probably
the love of me life.

- Well if he's the love of your life,

then why are you here?

You should go find him, go tell him.

It's been really nice
meeting you, good luck yeah?

- Next!

(acoustic guitar music)

♫ I'm holding it down
but just about lately

♫ Paranoid thoughts find
it hard to escape me

♫ These are the thoughts that shape me

♫ That's why I think
that everybody hates me

♫ Crawling deeper in a hole I'm digging up

♫ Calling on the people
that I used to be bigging up

♫ Bitterness and hatred in the water ♫

- He's got a two year old,

he's older, he's rich.

- [Jay] Married?

- No, I checked for a
ring, definitely single.

Wife's a bitch apparently though.

- Wife?

- Ex-wife.

♫ When you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be when
you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be oh

♫ I know how life can be oh oh ♫

So did you meet anyone Nate?

- No.

- No he's not!

- So what if he is?

- He's not gay!

That bird over there just
said Nate's gay, here.

- Nate, is this serious or what?

- Shut up Sammy.

- Well we really are complete.

Willy woofter, airy fairy
and fucking pregalicious.

- Shut up Sammy.

- Nate, we don't give a
fuck I mean look at us two.

- You've really fucked things up

with Jonny now though haven't you.

Why didn't you tell us.

- I don't know, I fucked things up.

- Well done big gob, I'm telling
the counselor everything.

- What, is he gay?

- Why couldn't you tell
us you were gay Nate?

You're our brother I mean we're
not arsed if you like cock.

In fact, it gives us more in common.

But that fucking Andy downstairs.

- What's Andy got to do with it?

- Never trust a woman with hairy toes.

You don't look after your feet,

you don't look after your fanny.

That's all I'm saying.

- What's that got to do with Jonny?

- How long have you been gay Nate?

- Look, can we just talk
about something else?

- Well how long have you not told us for?

- Ever since Jonny, I've
never felt that way before.

- Well if he means that much to you,

you need to do something about it.

What are you playing at sat here crying?

Get off your arse, stop worrying

about everybody else's problems.

I'm up the fucking duff, she's
fannying about with Jase.

- Yeah well he's in France now.

- You're an idiot Nate.

I'm the most considerate
person I know, ask Poppy.

For Christ's sake I pay for
the Africans at Christmas.

We both love you, and if
you wanna be with Jonny,

that's fine with me, he's fit.

- Little brat.

- What?

- Kicking the shit out of me.

- He's just feisty.

- How do you know what sex it is?

- I've got an eighth
sense about these things.

You know I've always been supernatural.

- It's amazing.

- Get off you two.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go
downstairs and see Andy.

Find out where Jonny is.

- Sammy will you just leave it?

- I'm much more tactful
about these things,

I'll go and find him.

- Right, turn the light off.

- Nate, your knee.

- Night.

- Move over.

- Knee!

- [Sammy] I'm not happy.

- [Jay] Turn the light off Sammy

Sammy light, Sammy turn the light off!

- Oh for fucks sake!

(melancholy music)

- Hello Samantha, is Jay here?

- No she's out.

- Okay, bye.

- Hang on, I should probably apologize

for all the shit with Jonny
and Nate, you were right.

- I know, go on.

- What?

- Apologize, say Adriana
darling, I'm sorry.

- Sorry, there done.

So, what did you want Jay for?

- Actually you might be better.

I think I'm pregnant.

- Have you had a test?

- I do it now, when I take out.

- Take out?

Out of where?

- Oh for fucks sake you haven't?

You haven't stuck it up your
fucking flower have you?

- No darling, I stick it up my pussy.

- Hi, I've got some news.

- It can wait.

- Okay so what do I do now?

- Well you either wait
for one or two stripes.

- [Jay] Oh my god you're pregnant.

- No she's not, well we don't know yet.

Anyway, while we're waiting

me and Jay wanted to talk to you.

We know that Jonny's changed his number,

and wherever he is,

they don't have modern
technology like Facebook.

So we was wondering if you
would give us Jonny's number.

- Very tactful Sammy, well done.

- No sorry,

Jonny told me not to give
his number to anybody.

Nate especially.

- But he didn't say you
couldn't give it to us did he?

- Look, we know you love Jonny.

- Yes.

- And we love Nate, but
they love each other,

so let's do something about it.

- No, sorry I can't.

Okay listen I tell you a secret.

Jonny is back for a
few days next Thursday.

- So maybe we could--

- Accidentally go round

to his friends house
and say we was looking

for his long lost auntie.

- Or maybe we could bump into each other

next Friday night when we go for a drink?

- Either way.

- One strip.

- Not Pregnant.

- Oh sorry.

- No, is good, I hate bambino.

Anyway, Nate doesn't even--

- Alright.

- Hi Nate.

- What are you guys doing next Saturday?

- I'm off to an orgy, why?

- I've just signed up
to do an open mic night.

- Well that's fab-tastic
and perfect timing.

Perfect timing for what?

- Oh for um, your star sign to be aligned.

- Andy thought she was pregnant,

and instead of pissing on the stick,

she shoved it up her flower.

- Not flower darling.

(horn blares)

- Hiya Nate.

- You alright.

Oh if you're looking for Sammy
she's gone on a date thing.

- No, I come to see you actually I,

I wanted to.

(grunting)

- You alright?

(grunting)

Jay said you're homosexual now.

- Yes I am, I think I was then too.

- Good, I was starting to think
that maybe I repulsed men.

- Poppy, don't be daft.

You're beautiful and any man
would be lucky to have you.

- Thanks Nate, I hope so.

I heard you fell for Jonny.

You know Nate if you find
someone that you love,

you shouldn't let them go.

- Yeah I know, but it's
a bit late now isn't it.

- It's never too late Nate.

Anyway I'd, oh!

I'd better go, I'll see you soon.

- See ya.

(chatter)

- Right, where is he?

- Who?

- It work, I knew it would.

- What's going on?

- Don't go mad, Jonny's here.

It's the only way we could
get you both together.

One day you'll probably be thanking me.

- Are you joking?

I'm the last person he wants to see.

- [Sammy] I'll get you a pint.

- Oh I'll have one too darling,

I left my purse at home.

- You heard her?

She's got arms deep pockets that one.

- Do I look alright.

Do you know what I'm just gonna leave it.

- He's there.

- [Nate] Oh great.

- Well it's probably
just his mate from work.

- No, I know him, he works
in the Duke, he's gay.

- Don't be such a pisser mister Nate.

- Yeah.

Give me a minute.

You alright Nate?

- Yeah, sorry I didn't know you were back.

- I'm not, well I am but just for

a few days passing through.

- Cool.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Do you want another drink?

- Yeah, double it though.

Well aren't you joining us for a pint?

- No I was just nipping
in with these guys,

I'm probably gonna get off.

- Alright well maybe catch you later then.

I'm staying at Andy's so.

- Yeah see ya.

- Oh Nate, Nate don't go!

Nate!

- [Sammy] Fucks sake.

- That's £10.80.

- What the fuck!

- Can I come in?

- Yeah.

- How come you ran off?

- I'm a fucking mug, everyone knows that.

But I don't deserve to sit there
watching you with some guy.

- He's my mate, I've
known him longer than you.

- Sorry it just looked like.

- Like I was on a date?

No!

- How was France?

- It's amazing the place where
I'm saying you should see it.

- You'd love it out there.

- I told Sammy and Jay.

Look, I know I was a dick but,

ever since you left I haven't
stopped thinking about--

- I fucking pissed the bed.

Oh I don't feel well.

- The fertility god has
spoken Sammy, praise be.

- What is she on about.

- I think your waters have broken Sammy.

- My God is it coming already?

- I'd better leave you to it.

Sammy, it'll be fine, good luck.

Nate I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon.

- Well meet me here at 12.

- Alright.

- Poppy, ring a taxi.

- Poppy's not here.

- Get me a red ice lolly Nate.

- We haven't got any!

- Where's my phone?

- No!

(screaming)
(piano music)

(piano music)

- It's a girl and she's called her Tamara.

- How is she doing?

- [Jay] Good.

- I've bought her some flowers.

- She'll like that, go on.

Come on Nate.

♫ Let's stop the clocks
because time is running out

♫ Let's hold the moment
as he's fading fast

♫ You and I will never be at ♫

- Jonny!

- He's gone darling, he left letter.

He couldn't wait any longer.

If you're gonna stop him
then you'd better leave now.

Go!

♫ Hold down the 22

♫ He's the only one who comfort you

♫ Hold down the 22 because
there's no one else

♫ Quite like you

♫ You and if I

♫ Hold down the 22

♫ I can close my eyes and I'll see you

♫ We can hold down the 22 because

♫ No one really ♫

- He's gone.

- Oh Nate.

Three, no matter what happens, three.

- What do you mean?

- Three of us, together.

Me you and Sammy, oh and Tamara, four.

You've got your special gig tonight.

- I don't think I can do it Jay.

- What would mum say?

She'd say get off your arse and do it.

Anyway I bought my special gig outfit.

(laughing)

Oh Nate, it'll be alright.

(cheering and applause)

- Jackie B waiting down the line everyone.

Now I know how much you love that like,

but this next guy, it's
his first time on stage,

so I wanna hear a huge round of applause

for Nate Carson!

(screaming and cheering)

- [Jay] I'm so proud of him.

- Um.

I just wanna say,

that this song is about
someone that I love.

Anyway this is the song.

♫ I love your eyes they make me smile

♫ They are so true

♫ I love your lips they make me smile

♫ The way they kiss me like they do oh

♫ I'm addicted to you

(screaming)

♫ I'm addicted to you

(acoustic guitar music)

♫ I see your face when I
am chilling with my mates

♫ When I'm eating I can't get
your image off of my plate no

♫ I'm just trying to tell
you right now how I feel

♫ I'm in love with you and
this love is for real yeah

♫ And when we hold hands
it gives me self esteem

♫ I'm so proud to call you mine

♫ You are the one from my dreams

♫ I'm addicted to you

♫ I'm addicted to you

♫ There's no easy way
out I've gotta stand tall

♫ I fight with my fists
before I crumble and fall

♫ I ain't saying that
I can't make it through

♫ But if I do then I've
got to be standing with you

♫ Because on my own I'll fall and break

♫ Two lights might call
for you to take you

♫ Shake and break and crumb

♫ I'll take your plate of faith we'll run

♫ Into the sun when I have one

♫ I'm not leaving until it's done

♫ I grab your hand tight while you shiver

♫ We'll climb mountains and swim rivers

♫ Because I'm addicted to you

♫ I'm addicted to you

(cheering)

♫ I'm coming up top my head's
above water you caught her

♫ Man on the border

♫ Treading the thin line
of order and disorder

♫ Now I'm on the line to order

♫ And disorder's getting shorter

♫ Now I'm breathing there's
oxygen inside my veins

♫ I forget the pain and I
distract myself from the rains

♫ That were holding me deep inside my hole

♫ Now I'm in control and
with you here I'll grow

♫ Into a bigger man and we'll
see things that only we can

♫ Into a bigger man and we'll
see things that only we can

♫ Because I'm addicted to you

♫ I'm addicted to you ♫

(screaming and cheering)

- Nate Carson everyone!

Shit, it's all good.

(screaming)

- I don't get it, I came
to the train station and,

look, I'm sorry.

How could I leave knowing
you were gonna be up there

doing what I've always
wanted to see you do.

You were amazing.

(piano music)

(knocking)

(knocking)

- Do you think if we're quiet
enough they might leave?

- It's very doubtful Nate.

- Can we try?

- I give it another minute
before we hear Sammy's voice.

(knocking)

They're not leaving.

- Well you better go and
answer the door then.

- Me?

- Go on, I'll put the kettle on.

- Got a present for you in the living room

so get out of bed knob head!

- [Nate] Sammy, what are you doing?

- You know there's a time for that?

- [Jay] We need to have
our keys back Nate.

Budge up Jonny!

- There's not enough room!

- Sammy, move over!

(mumbling)
(laughing)

- Sammy, stop it, stop moving!

♫ I'm holding it down
but just about lately

♫ Paranoid thoughts find
it hard to escape me

♫ These are the thoughts that shape me

♫ That's why I think
that everybody hates me

♫ Falling deeper in
the hole I'm digging up

♫ Calling on the people
that I used to be bigging up

♫ Bitterness and hatred
in the water I sip a cup

♫ Trying to get out of this
rut don't think I'm big enough

♫ So we'll scrap that step might fall in

♫ Hear your warning
you hear me calling out

♫ Stuck in a rut I'm bawling now

♫ You're stalling now

♫ Because you hate to see me falling down

♫ But I know how life can be

♫ When you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be when
you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be oh

♫ I know how life can be oh oh

(acoustic guitar music)

♫ There's no easy way
out I've gotta stand tall

♫ And fight with my fists
before I crumble and fall

♫ I ain't saying that
I can't make it through

♫ But if I do then I
gotta be standing with you

♫ Because on my own I'll fall and break

♫ Two lights might call
for you to take you

♫ Shake and break and crumb

♫ I'll take your plate of faith we'll run

♫ Into the sun when they have won

♫ But I'm not leaving until it's done

♫ Grab your hand tight while you shiver

♫ We'll climb mountains
and swim rivers because

♫ I know how life can be when
you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be when
you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be oh

♫ I know how life can be oh oh

(acoustic guitar music)

♫ I'm coming up top my head's above water

♫ She caught her man on the border

♫ Treading the thin line
of order and disorder

♫ Now I'm on the line to order

♫ And disorder's getting shorter

♫ Now I'm breathing there's
oxygen inside my veins

♫ I forget the pain and I
distract myself from the rains

♫ That were holding me deep inside my hole

♫ Now I know I'm in control
and with you here I'll grow

♫ Into a bigger man and we'll
see things that only we can

♫ Oh oh

♫ Into a bigger man and we'll
see things that only we can

♫ Oh oh

♫ I know how life can be when
you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be when
you're not standing next to me

♫ I know how life can be oh

♫ I know how life can be oh oh

♫ Woah woah woah

♫ Woah woah woah ♫

(acoustic guitar music)