30 Miles from Nowhere (2018) - full transcript

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Oh, shit!

Shit.

Max?

Norma?

This girl is how old?

23.

Ah wow, that is...
even for Jack.

Yeah well, he's in LA.

23 is like, you
know, fossilized.

He's become
that guy, you know,



the one you see with
some teenage girl,

think he's a father
with his daughter

until he like, kisses
her on the mouth

or smacks her ass.

Then you don't know whether
to call Family Services

or just call him an asshole.

Yeah, an asshole who's
getting 23-year-old pussy.

Is it that much better?

Yeah it's something
that every man covets.

Why, because it makes your
dick feel less geriatric?

That's right.

Um, excuse me, what kind
of tequila do you have?

The one with the worm.

Jesus.



It is a college bar,
what do you want?

Fine, I'll take
that on the rocks.

No worm.

Hi, yes, sorry.

What cabernets do you have?

The red one.

I will take it.

Embarrassing.

I cannot believe we drank here.

You practically slept here.

That I did.

Remember Funny Hat Fridays?

Ah, I was always the pirate.

Oh, you were.

So what do you
think the note said?

Probably "Sorry I bailed,
sorry I made you fly

"800 miles to my funeral
in the middle of Larry's

"fucking busy season."

No, I mean about his wife.

Like do people say
why or just goodbye?

I don't know.

It probably just said "Fuck
you, I win, love Max."

Oh come on.

Good luck finishing
a crossword puzzle.

Oh my god, totally.

Who does Sundays in pen?

So aggressive.

By the way, I'm so
sorry about your mom.

But I...

Ah, well, that's what
happens when you have

a gastric bypass at 70,
become a late-life alcoholic.

Thought I'd get a jump
on it.

Hey, is Paulie coming?

Yeah, apparently.

Fuck, now they
decide to make up.

Oh, be nice.

I am nice, I'm always nice.

I'm here, aren't I?

Um, I gave you a 50.

No, it was a 20.

Cool.

Okay you keep the change.

All righty, so when do
we board the fun bus?

Are you kidding me?

Excuse me, should I...?

♪ Go you Maple dogs,
take it down the line ♪

- ♪ With the tails a-flying ♪
- Hey! Bessy!

♪ We will beat you
just in time to ♪

♪ Boom, have a drink, have
a drink, drink, drink ♪

Hug it up, hug it up.

Hey, oh me too!

Oh my god it fell all out.

Sorry, I can
taste my teeth.

Mmm, it's airplane pretzels
and house red,

and the recycled air, and the
breathing other people's farts

for four hours.

Haha, for JFK?

Yeah, two on the
runway, two in the air.

It wasn't that bad.

Oh, you were
in first class.

Well, people fart
in first class.

So how are you?

Oh, it's been like
a really long time.

Your wedding.

No.

No, no, there was that
winter in New York.

Oh god, that was like...

Years... ago.

I know, I know.

And I've been meaning to...
and you have kids now,

oh my god, so cute.

You post all those
great pictures.

Yeah, thanks.

And thank you for the flowers.

It's too bad you couldn't
make it to either baby shower.

It was like, impossible
to leave town

with like life stuff and
work, it's been insane.

For the last six years?

I'll have a white wine.

So, suburban life, how's that?

Very good, we're managing.

Managing, sounds promising.

How's your man Chad?

-Brad.

Brad.

So what is it like, uh,

the playdate soccer
practices, dinners at six?

Actually I enjoy it.

It's the most important
job I've ever had.

Good, 'cause
nothing's as important

like a four bedroom
Tudor in Connecticut.

Better than herpes on
a Grateful Dead poncho.

♪ Anyway ♪

That poncho was handcrafted
in the fucking Appalachians.

So, how's the job, Elaine?

Oh, be awesome if I
don't wanna kill myself

by 9:15 in the morning.

And I didn't
give you herpes.

Well somebody did.

And, cut!

Sylvia, hi.

I'm just kidding,
the lighting was terrible.

Oh, you poor thing,
I am so sorry.

Oh, and I did not mean
that thing I just said.

I'm so sorry about Max.

But I remember
that poncho.

Oh god, uh.

Once a filmmaker,
always a filmmaker, huh?

Oh yeah, I guess so.

Sorry, can you
delete that?

How does that, like work?

I mean it's not exactly L.A.

- Larry.
- at least the herpes part...

- I don't actually have...
- No, it's not, is it?

But I just, you know,
I still like to dabble.

...I mean it's not contagious.

That'll
be eight dollars.

Sorry.

My country's overrun
with psychotherapists

and Max, you know, he
liked academic life.

He was the breadwinner, so.

Oh please, I think we'd
all love to get away,

move to Iowa, or...

Wisconsin.

Or Wisconsin.

30 miles from nowhere.

Exactly, I mean if
I never saw another

six-inch cockroach
in the subway.

Oh, no cockroaches here.

The cold kills them.

And it's so civilized and quiet.

Just you and the great outdoors.

Well,
it certainly is now.

Sylvia, I'm so sorry
about Max, it's just...

Awful.

Terrible.

It's so sad.

Do you want a drink?

Oh, no, no, no, I
can't, I can't really.

So what happened?

Unless you don't...
I mean, if it's private...

We should probably get
Paul and head north

before it gets dark.

Sure.

Oh. Wait, what about Jack?

Oh, they missed their flight.

They?

His girlfriend Amber,
apparently she's coming too.

Sweet.

Yo!

Smally Pauly!

Hi!

Get over here!

I...

Your bag.

Uh, yeah.

I'm just...

Hi.

You look great, Paul.

Oh, totally, dude.

Starving social worker
thing looks good on you.

Larry.

What, I'm saying, fancy
dinners make you fucking fat.

You look awesome.

So, how's the practice?

Oh yeah, reporting
live, shrink good.

No, no, that was
a slow news day.

Max would have killed
for a story like that.

It was about the center, not me.

You're still a big
deal though, huh?

Well no.

Yeah, yeah if it's on
NPR it's a big deal.

Trust me I had to hear
enough about it to know.

...but sometimes,
these studies have

unintended consequences.

There are casualties,
psychologically speaking.

Well I don't get
it, why would anyone...

This was a dedicated student

wanting to please a professor.

Even stayed at the
house for a time.

Jesus, sounds like
a fucking prisoner.

Oh, no.

No, no.

It was just images that
might be disturbing

to people with
certain constitutions.

But nothing tactile.

So what happened?

Well I mean he failed,
pathologically speaking.

Did he quit?

He disappeared.

And I mean just gone
without a trace.

The university opened
an investigation

so they canceled
all Max's classes,

his grants dried up overnight.

I mean as you know,
Paul, an incomplete study

is a useless one.

Whoah.

Whoah!

Oh my god.

What was that?

Should we stop?

No, gross, no.

We got a lot of
stray dogs out here.

I'm sorry, I'm not good with...

Blood, yeah we know.

With the economy,
people just

stopped caring for them.

But they do what they
have to do to survive...

-So sad.

...until they don't.

Okay, so how did Max
do it, did you say?

- Larry.
- Dude, come on.

A 1911 Colt 45.

I mean, I don't know from guns,

but that's what
the police told me.

I'm so sorry, Sylvia.

I'm glad we could be here.

We all are.

Those college years
meant the world to Max.

You guys, the McHale Hall Crew.

It was the closest he
ever got to family.

I think he always
knew that you guys

would be there in the end.

I can't believe it.

It looks exactly the same.

Ah, the memories.

This is very Big Chill.

Please, those people
were like a hundred.

Ooh, we're
like a hundred.

And didn't they all
sleep together?

Did they?

I don't know, I'm assuming.

Don't they always?

Don't forget to
sign the guestbook.

Even in death, Max would
wanna know who was here.

He was always a
stickler for detail.

He's not asking for
a fucking cheek swab.

Anyhoo, I put you
all in the loft.

Paul and Larry can
take the twins.

Bess, you and Elaine
can share the queen,

you're good friends.

And I put Jack and his
girlfriend in the back bedroom.

Pssh, per usual.

Max's mother and I will
be in the main house

if you need anything.

Oh, I didn't know
Norma was living here.

She's been staying
here year-round

for the last few months now.

She was having some...

confusion, and Max
was always fascinated

by the aging process,

so she's here but her
mental state is not.

Oh wow.

But you don't turn
away family, so.

Paul, your father,
didn't he have...

Yeah, it's not easy.

Amazing what strain
does to the human brain.

So, uh,
the kitchen's the same.

We're still on well water.

The filtration system is
not what it used to be

so you might catch
a little sediment.

It has its own flavor but
it's drinkable, and oh!

- Oh!
- Ugh.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Maisy!

Maisy, get in here!

Oh, that cat.

Max used to work out
here in the guesthouse.

Maisy would bring him a
dead rat every morning.

Guess she misses him too.

Well anyhoo, it's
one less rat for you

to have to worry about.

Okay, so the cellphones,
they don't work up here.

You'll have to use the landline

if you wanna make outside calls.

I left some menus in case
you want to order food.

There are only two
or three places

that will deliver this far out

so I would say Top Ling's
Chinese is the best of them.

Ooh, I'd kill for a pork bun.

I remember.

Just stay away from
Caldova Lucha.

We're so hard to find

and all they have are
these kids driving.

Half of them never even make it.

God forbid we had
a real emergency.

We'd be decomposing by the
time the cops got here.

Thank you...

All of you, for coming.

It means the world to us.

Wow, she perked
right the fuck up.

I'm exhausted, no
wonder he offed himself.

She's lonely.

She probably hasn't talked
to anyone in months.

Weren't they gonna get a
divorce 10 years ago?

They got married 10 years ago.

Exactly.

Guys, can we focus on
food, I'm starving.

Wow, does Chinese food in
Wisconsin not sound good?

There's Indian
here too and Thai.

It's the midwest, shouldn't
there be cheeseburgers?

Well, they probably
don't deliver

to the middle of
fucking nowhere.

Oh, come on, you loved it here.

You were the slut
of Chez Lehman.

Was I?

It was like
hunting season, man.

Everyone's date was fair game.

Grouch much?

I'm just saying I
always drove home

with a full pack of condoms
and an awkward car trip

to look forward to.

Well dude, you can't spend
four nights in the woods

and spend three of them with
chicks crying on your shoulder.

No one wants to have sex with
their fucking teddy bear.

Yeah, okay.

So, dumplings?

Yes ma'am.

Yes.

Okay, if I have to.

Uh, not a word.

Wait, wait,
wait, hold on.

Not a word.

Sure it is.

- Meaning?
- Bruns.

I don't know what it means,
but I know it's a word.

We'll never
know, will we?

Not without wifi, we won't.

How does a guy with
a PhD not have a dictionary?

Language of the mind.

Words are superfluous.

As are ethics, apparently.

There, there it is.

Did you hear that?

No.

Like a buzzing, I
keep hearing this hum.

Scientists are
always misunderstood.

Like Mengele.

I don't hear anything.

It's gone now.

You seriously equating
Max with a Nazi?

Well, why do you have the
right to torment people

just because you have a
degree and some funding?

They weren't tormenting people,

they vet these
studies, you can't do...

Do they thought?

There!

Where'd it go?

You know, just because you
work with the unwashed masses

doesn't mean that all
shrinks are saints.

Did I say that we were?

Nothing like paying a guy
like 200 dollars an hour

to tell you your life sucks.

Now you're a sad
sack and a sucker.

You would make a
terrible patient.

Damn right.

I don't need some
dick in a turtleneck

to tell me how to
process my feelings.

I don't think people
wear turtlenecks anymore.

No?

Max isn't a dick,
he's a scientist

and he is your friend.

Was, Paul, he was a scientist.

None of us have
seen him in years.

Who knows what he is now?

Dead.

He's dead now.

Okay, whatever.

This kid knew what he
was getting himself into,

otherwise he shouldn't have
signed on the dotted line.

What, what was he like, 18?

Think of us at 18.

Caveat emptor.

Crazy always finds its way out.

Who's ready to party?!

What is up?

Hey Jack.

Oh, baby girl!

There he is!

Hey buddy.

Good to see you, buddy.

Yo, man, how you been?
It's been a long time!

Yeah it's been a
while, I'm good.

Yeah, all right.

Hey, let me help with those.

So you're a model,
is that right?

Give up the dream, Larry!

Once you go Jack,
you never go back.

You got me, I'm a dreamer.

You don't change, man.

Oh thank god, someone
brought booze.

So this is...?

Oh, Amber.

Amber this is everyone.

- Hey.
- Hello.

So, who's ready to
grieve into a 2008 Pinot?

Lucky for you, we went shopping.

We got spray cheese.

Beef jerky.

Glow
in the dark condoms.

So come on, fill me in!

Do we know why this
fucker offed himself?

Yeah, he didn't talk to
me for like two weeks

because I wouldn't fill out
that dumbass sex survey.

Oh god the sex survey.

Am I the only one
who filled that out?

You sucker!

He was like Houdini, man,
he got you every time.

Because it was
flattering though,

I mean I think we all want to
be the subject of something.

The quickest way to get
your ass broken up with

is to be honest about
your sex habits.

Cause and effect, man.

We get dumped because
of his shitty survey

and then he gets his
pick of our exes?

Yeah, pick exes!

Oh he would have loved you.

Absolutely, totally.

Dude.

But what, no, whatever,

that was, it was a psych study.

That wasn't like a sex plot.

Well, you two had your
level of shit going on.

It was college man,
it was competitive.

Yeah, then you had to
rat him out to the IRB

for quoting a fucking
science journal.

It was a little more
than just a quote.

Well it's none of your business

is what it was, Mr. Rogers.

Or was it?

Guys, shut up.

Got you the grant
though, didn't it?

Yeah, it did, because
you don't get funding

unless you have numbers.

Right, which you're
not gonna have

if all your friends
are ratting you out.

Oh Larry, come on.

I apologized, okay?

I'm still apologizing.

Hey, you don't have to
apologize to me, man.

Pickaxe for a pickin' ass!

Oh yes.

Shirt down, babe, we
can see your tits!

Thank you for that.

Do you need help with those?

- Oh, I do.
- Yo!

Okay, the only way that

having sex with a stranger
does not count as cheating

is if you're a hooker.

Then it's like
your nine to five.

Holy shit,
what the hell is that?

Whoah, whoah, whoah,
where you going, dude?

It's a woman.

It's a ghost.

Why is he talking to it?

- Holy shit!
- What the hell?

Oh my god,
is that a wolf?

Get out of here!

Go on, shoo!

Do you have dogs?

No, she's just an alpha.

I can also be beta.

Oh, I totally have
the shakes, dudes.

Oh, shit like detox shakes?

'cause I think I
killed the bottle.

How many does that make?

Oh don't judge.

I'm the only one here with
no hope of getting laid.

Hello, married.

I don't think pork
buns is getting laid.

It's a funeral, you really
wanna get laid at a funeral?

That was Norma.

She said she was
looking for Max.

She didn't even recognize me.

Oh, what was in those pork buns?

Bartendo, what have we got?

Ah, whiskey, two
lights and a zinfandel.

Larry?

Top Ling just tried to kill me.

I want red, white,
and a little bit of Jack.

Oh you want a
little bit of Jack?

You want a bit of Jack?

Come here.

Oh shit!

What the fuck?

What the...?

Oh fuck.

Whoah, you all right?

Yeah fine, fine.

I'm just getting used
to the well water.

Oh yeah, it's like
an egg being filtered

through a fucking diaper.

Yeah, hey, was anyone in
the basement just now?

Uh, not unless that kid
came back for his dignity.

Larry.

Bessie.

What's up, you're tense.

Yeah, I wonder why.

Yeah, dead friend.

Are you missing
the little people?

The rocky marriage?

What?

Oh please.

We're managing?

I mean, I know a sinking
ship when I see one.

Believe me, I've
sunk two of them.

Karen, oh, really?

Yeah, it's all over
but the signing.

Oh Larry, I'm
sorry, that's awful.

Yeah.

It's not so bad.

Off, what do you say we
revisit the summer of '05?

You have puke breath.

Goddammit.

Oh my god!

What happened?!

Oh my god, there's
somebody out there.

Oh my god.

He was on the balcony.

He was there up against
the glass like a vampire.

A hot one?

What?

Babe, you're tired.

No, there's somebody out there!

Did you see a ladder?

No.

Did you see wings?

Oh my god, fuck you!

'Cause you know last time I
checked, man couldn't fly.

I can't believe I
forgot she does this.

We used to call
it pulling a Cho.

Well, I mean we could just
like adjust her, right?

Please, I've lifted her off
the bathroom floor before.

She's like a concrete slab.

Okay well, I'll sleep with her,

and you can push the
twins together.

After 20
years of wussing out,

now you're gonna make your move?

I will leave my clothes on.

Of course you will.

No, no, we'll take the twins.

Like old times.

Why are we always the
ones stuck in the balcony

while everyone else
played the sick card

or fucked their faces off
in the actual bedroom?

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

I mean I didn't really
have any options, but you...

No, I was surrounded by wolves.

Well the pack leader
ain't getting any tonight,

not after those pork buns.

This room used to be dark.

Seems exactly the same.

Just a little older.

A little drunker.

And without all the baggage.

Yeah right.

Good night.

Good night, E.

Can you tell me a story?

-No.

Come on, a short story.

Sleeping time.

- That's my face.
- I know.

Morning!

Hope you slept okay.

Oh yeah... hi!

What time is it?

Breakfast time.

Oh Sylvia, we should
be taking care of you.

Oh, no, no, don't be silly,

you're my guests.

Who is it?

Just thought you might
need a little something

to soak up the booze.

Oh no, I'm so
sorry, were we loud?

No, no, I just figured
old college crowd.

Max always said you
guys were a little wild.

Oh you should have joined us.

No, no, I
don't drink anymore.

Oh god.

Babe?

You okay?

So I picked these up in town.

People are closing down early,

what with the weather coming in.

Is it supposed to rain?

Rain, hail, maybe a
tornado if we're lucky.

We call it flood season.

Sometimes it's best to
just lock up and sit tight.

Oh wow, I'm sure, so...

Of course the dead don't
wait on the rain, do they?

I'll be back in a bit to
pick you up for the service.

Ow.

That is so loud.

I don't think it's
ever even worked.

There's probably produce
from 1998 down there.

Oh, wow.

Who throws up in
the kitchen sink?

Says the man who spent half
the night in the bathroom.

How dare you.

I was poisoned by pork buns.

That woman was poisoned by
wine and youth and stupidity.

Ah, she was nervous, she's 23.

Pretty sure I was
waking up in a pool

of my own vomit at 23.

I remember, you were.

Now I have the tolerance
of an Irish seaman.

Vomit aside, I was
thinking I might tap that.

Oh Larry.

I am kidding.

You've been stealing
girlfriends for 20 years.

Give someone else a chance.

Who?

Fuck me.

I guess the storm's coming in.

That's better.

That's nice.

Hi!

Hi, sorry, sorry, did I, sorry.

I thought I'd bring
aspirin and some water,

a little hair of the dog,
if you're so inclined.

Oh yes, doggy needs some hair.

Okay here you go.

Do you want
the aspirin bit, too?

-Oh yeah.

Was it bad?

Which part?

I kind of threw up a little bit.

Oh my god, you did?

Okay, in the sink, yeah.

It's better than in the fridge.

I guess, yeah.

Besides you made
Larry feel better.

He thinks we forgot he was
shitting pork buns all night.

I just, I don't
usually drink whiskey.

I'm more of a pink
wine kind of girl.

Well, desperate times.

Oh my god,
do I seem desperate?

No, no, no, it's a quote.

Oh my god, 'cause I usually
drink when I get nervous.

And then I saw that
thing in the window.

-I get it.

It's kind of hard to be the
newbie among crazy people.

Jack gets really annoyed.

Please, he's lucky to have you.

At least I kept my
clothes on, right?

Oh my god, he's gonna kill me.

No, it was nothing.

I mean you flashed us.

-Oh that's so embarrassing.

But it was super
fast, like too fast.

And no, it's not, because
you have... a great rack.

Really?

Totally.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Maybe you should get drunk
and nervous more often.

What the hell?

Jack, what are you doing?

I thought you might need help.

No, I'm good.

Baby, I know you're having
trouble reaching your back.

Knock it off, give me a towel.

Hey, summer of '02,
what do you say?

Jack, it's his
funeral, I'm not gonna...

What, cheat on him again?

Yeah.

Come on, babe.

There's a statute of
limitations on all that.

Especially when the
injured party is dead.

You have a girlfriend
in the other room.

So?

So, she was vomiting,
maybe you should go and...

We could go canoeing.

Maybe you should
go check on her.

I won't tell Max if you don't.

Mmm, that feels good.

Mm, totally.

Who knew?

As a kid, I used to love
having my arm tickled.

But the neck feels good too.

What the hell, what happened?

Cockroaches!

There were fucking cockroaches!

Oh my god, there was
like thousands of them,

they're everywhere!

They're bugs, Amber.

I know they're bugs, Jack.

Why are you wet?

What's up,
what's going on?

There are cockroaches
in the bed!

What?

In our bed, ugh!

That's disgusting, I
thought there weren't...

No, it's a lie.

Cockroaches do not
die in Wisconsin.

They come inside to get
warm in your fucking seat.

Oh god I feel like
there's one in my mouth.

Wait, there was a cockroach?

Not a cockroach, Paul!

Like 60 of them!

And they were...

On you, we get it.

Just calm down, so we can...

Get out of here?

We're not going anywhere, babe.

We got a funeral to go to.

I didn't know him.

I'm not going.

In the woods, they're bugs.

Maybe the wind just
blew something open.

Like your pants?

Shit.

It's like the end of
the world out there.

Nope, just
Wisconsin in October.

Jesus, she's like a ninja.

Okay, time to say our goodbyes.

We are here to
celebrate the life

of Maxwell Lehman,

who now returns to his home
with our God, the Father.

With each flower, we give
our love, our hearts,

our commitment to
cherish your memory.

May you find more peace
among God's angels

and may your tortured soul
find solace in the afterlife.

Here you go.

Thanks, I'll...

- No, for the coffin.
- Sure.

No, that's okay, that's okay.

I didn't really know him.

No, any friends of Jack's
is a friend of Max, please.

Um.

These guys really miss you,

and, uh, wherever you are...

Oh my god!

Grab my hand!

Grab my hand, give me your hand!

Amber!

Well, it was a
very nice service,

- all things considered.
- Short and sweet.

Max was never one for sentiment.

I just wish that his
colleagues had come,

you know, show a little remorse.

Scientist can be so cold-hearted
when they want to be.

I remember.

Milk-livered man.

Thou bear'st a cheek for
blows, a head for wrongs.

-Norma, please.

Pluck out his eyes!

She thinks that she's
back in Pittsburgh,

doing some kind of...

King Lear.

We did it in my
cold reading class.

Madness can be so unforgiving.

You just gotta hope it's
not genetic, right Paul?

I'm sorry?

Your dad, with his early onset.

Mmm.

Stink... shit.

Eggs!

See it can happen so fast.

Max!

Max is dead, Norma.

He's dead.

She gets this way, I'm sorry.

No, no.

I think it's time for us to go.

So what the hell is that
about your dad, dude?

Doesn't matter.

Oh, come on.

I thought it was shitty.

People grieve in
different ways, you know.

When my dog Sparky died,
I got drunk for a week

and I went skeet shooting.

I've never gone skeet
shooting a day in my life.

Death does strange
things to people.

Fuck!

Why is it freezing in here?

Where is the fucking firewood?

Out there.

Oh, no thank you.

I'll go.

I'll go.

What?

I'm the perfect human.

I work in non-profit.

I just offered to go get wood.

You're welcome.

It's not his fault
he's chivalrous

and you're a dick, Larry.

Hey, at least I still have mine.

You seen the size of those
fucking ticks out there?

They don't want
your dick, trust me.

How would you know?

Yeah, we really missed out.

You didn't.

Whatever, not worth it.

Ever the pacifist.

Why, because I don't care
about your tick-bait dick?

No, because you don't
care that someone

called your dad crazy and said

it's only a matter
of time for you!

The woman is grieving, man,

she just lost her husband!

I'm not gonna be
a jerk about it!

No, of course not.

It would ruin your reputation
as a fucking saint!

Shut up, you don't know
what you're talking about.

There it is, there
it is, let it out.

Fuck you!

Okay, you satisfied,
prick, fuck you.

Hey!

Hey, hey, stop it.

Well, there goes
your peace prize.

I'll come with you, Paul.

Let's go get tick bit.

Don't pay attention.

They do this all the time.

Where are they going?

For a screw.

Yeah right.

So she dates girls, right?

Most lesbians do.

Paul's really nice.

And so is Mr. Rogers.

Who?

That old dude that used
to ride tiny trains

with a bunch of puppets on them?

That's really creepy.

Exactly.

That's why I always come on

when you least... expect it.

Oh, Jesus fuck!

Oh man damn, that was... fuck.

It's a raccoon.

The size of a horse?

Damn, how many of
them are there?

Oh my god, that's him.

What, who?

Him!

What about him?

That's the man.

That's the man that I saw.

In this picture?

No, in the window.

Babe, have some water.

No, no, I saw him yesterday.

And today I thought...

It couldn't be.

Why not?

'Cause that's Max.

Who's Max?

Max, the guy we just buried.

He's dead.

Very dead.

Not anymore.

Ooh!

Man it sucks out there.

You guys okay?

Yeah, yeah we're fine.

Just a little tipsy.

As you should be.

Man, the window in
the kitchen busted.

Yeah, 'cause it's a
fucking thousand years old.

All right, I'm gonna
call a cab.

Huh, I don't blame you.

Can I come?

Oh yeah, because
they're everywhere.

Just hop on down the corner
and fucking hail one.

Okay, well I'm not staying here.

We're in Wisconsin, babe.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

You wanted to come.

I want to milk cows,
I want to eat cheese.

I didn't know that
we'd be in a shack

in the middle of the woods

with fucking dead people
and rabid dogs in the walls!

Well it's not really a shack.

I said it was rustic!

This is not rustic, Jack.

This is survival!

Hello?

Hi, I need a cab to
the airport please.

No, I know, I know.

Where are we?

The Lehman house.

The Lehman house.

Black Hill road.

On Black Hill road.

Hello?

Hello?

Maybe there's service
in the main house.

Or Sylvia could drive us.

The woman just
buried her husband.

We can't ask her to drive
30 miles in a rainstorm.

That's what happens
when you live

in the middle of
the fucking boonies.

You have to drive people
places, deal with it.

Dude, let it go.

If you wanna act like a
pussy, do it on your own time.

I didn't cheat a dead guy out
of a fucking science grant

20 years ago, I have
nothing to apologize for

so don't include
me in your fucking

never ending mea culpa.

So sleeping with his
girlfriends doesn't count?

Oh Jesus, it was
college, asshole,

who didn't sleep
with his girlfriends?

You did?

What?

No, I... maybe.

I don't know.

We're here, okay.

We all did shit
we're not proud of

but we're here now so can we
please try to be civilized

for a goddamn second?

And who the fuck
finished the wine?

You have a drinking problem.

No fucking duh.

Who the hell has a funeral

in the middle of the
damn woods anyway?

Oh Max does, of course he does.

God forbid he make
anything easy.

It's like making people
go to your wedding

in Columbus, Ohio
on New Years Eve.

You didn't have to come, Larry.

No one dragged you there.

The roads are closed, Amber.

No one's gonna drive you.

Then I'll walk.

Fine, go.

You wanna go?!

Hey, whoah.

- You wanna go.
- Don't touch me!

Relax!

Hey, if you wanna go, go.

You can't even catch the
right train to Brooklyn.

You think you're gonna
find the fucking airport?

Good luck!

Oh, come on!

What the fuck?

I'm sorry.

I tried to call but
the lines are down.

Yeah, we got that.

Nature's way of telling
us to unplug I guess.

Any trouble with the rooms?

Actually, kind of, yeah.

Do you have...

-Yeah, the kitchen window broke.

Oh geez.

We're fine.

We're actually not fucking fine.

Oh geez, I am
sorry, the windows.

But don't worry about it.

We can just use one of these.

I brought these
tarps, in case, um,

we had some leaking in the
crawlspace a while back

and I'm a little worried
about the foundation.

Of the fucking house?

Under it, really.

Oh is that the animal
farm you got down there?

'Cause they were having a
fucking dance party earlier.

Oh, I don't think so.

An animal could
barely fit in there.

We used to have raccoons

but Max chased those
away years ago.

No.

No, the only thing that's
there is old boxes and dust.

Huh, well this was not dust.

It was like a couple
fat guys on a treadmill.

So you might wanna maybe
reset your traps or something.

We don't really do traps.

The only killing
that we do out here

is of the mercy variety.

Oh my god.

Anyhoo, here are
the tarps, Paul.

If you don't mind
checking the crawlspace

when you get a chance.

It's just no handyman till
after the storm passes.

Yeah, mmhmm, yeah sure.

Great.

It's through the carport.

And, um... under the house.

Great.

Listen, Sylvia.

A few of us were thinking about
heading out a little early,

you know just get ahead
of the rain, you know.

Yeah, any chance you could
drive us to the airport?

Oh, well I mean I would

but the roads are washed out.

But they should be
clear by daybreak.

Morning daybreak?

Yeah, happens every
October through March.

Nature's curfew.

That's really cute.

If the lights blow, we keep
candles and a kerosene lamp

or two in the back
of the basement.

May as well just
shelter from the storm.

Maybe we should pack
it in, try to sleep.

I'm too wired to sleep.

I'm probably too sober.

What is the deal
with this thing?

Does the garbage
disposal even work?

Maybe Amber's right, this
is kind of fucked up.

Oh please, she's a ding dong.

Hey Paul, this thing
is totally clogged.

Maybe the pump is broken.

She's not a...

I mean she's young and hot.

Hey Paul, can you
please check the well?

She's not an idiot.

Nice of you to defend her.

Well, because she
doesn't even want a beer,

give her a break.

Please.

Uh, Sylvia?

Oh, good, it's you.

Could you give me a hand, Paul?

Oh, I was just coming
down to check the well.

The sink's all backed up.

Oh, sorry about that.

There really is no good
way to dispose of these.

What do you care?

It's not like you're
gonna remember anyway.

You'll be blacked out by nine.

What the fuck?

I mean, two baby
showers, Elaine?

Oh my god.

And you didn't come to Jojo's,

you didn't come to Sally's.

She's your step-kid.

She was four years old!

She was two and a half and
she was still my first baby!

Seriously, who doesn't
visit their best friend

just because they live
a fucking bus ride away?

It's Connecticut,
Bess, not a bus ride.

It's called the
Metro North, Elaine,

and it takes about
an hour and a half!

You're right, I'm so sorry!

Between paying two rents,
changing adult diapers

and keeping my mom from
falling down the stairs,

I definitely had time for
a joyride to the suburbs!

We would have come in, okay?

We could have come
to the funeral,

taken you out to lunch,
taken you to the park.

Oh because going to
a fucking petting zoo

with your perfect family is
exactly how I want to spend

my first days as an orphan!

You made a choice!

You were all about work.

You never once talked
about having kids!

Oh how could I?

You never for a second stopped
fucking talking about yours!

Everyone okay?

I think we unclogged the sink.

Oh, come on, dudes!

Fuck.

I'm gonna change.

Of course it doesn't.

Come on.

Oh gosh.

I should be listening
to my uh oh feelings.

Ah, smells like shit down here.

That's what I tell the kids.

Listen to their uh oh feelings.

What are they, five?

They're fucking idiots.

I don't see any lamps.

Okay, hold up, would you please?

She said back of
the basement, ah.

Back of the basement.

Come on, Larry.

I'm sure it's in here.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe some old
Playboys back here.

Blow up sex doll.

That'd be fun, huh?

Okay, wait.

Is this it, this is
one of those, um...

Oh yeah, that's, let me see.

- Camping lamps, right?
- Yup.

I think you just...

I think you just...

- Yup.
- Ah, cool.

Boom.

We have light.

Oh, it smells like a
damn public bathroom, man.

It was like a stack.

It was like a stack
of animals, dude.

And Sylvia was just...

Dude, I don't wanna know, man.

I'm sorry, I can't.

I just, I don't
have my pipe here

and I just...

I'm not high enough
to hear this shit.

And you definitely can't
be telling the girls.

We cannot take any
more crazy right now.

Fine, can you just hand
me the tarps please?

You know, you're nuts, man.

The last thing we
should be doing

is Sylvia's damn housework.

Right, whatever, come on.

You know, that's
why she asked you.

She knew that you would be
the only sucker to say yes.

Bye.

Look at that.

Is it on?

Yeah, say cheese.

Maybe Sylvia's working
on a rat documentary.

Wanna say a few words?

Turn it off, it's super creepy.

You look really
hot in this light.

Shut up.

Maybe Max has a science
blog, LonelyMax15.

Right, Max on the internet.

He wouldn't even be
in photographs.

Okay, let's see.

Let's see what's on it.

No, Larry, stop, okay,

what if he's masturbating
or something?

I don't want that
image in my head.

Dead guy jacking off?

Larry.

And, ah, not naked.

Needs a shower maybe but...

Oh, Max.

Yeah, uh.

Those were some
really great years.

You know, you guys, you were
the McHale Hall Crew, and...

...my best friends, so.

I know I'll see you
on the other side, so...

Forgive me.

What the fuck?

Oh Jesus.

Why did you show me that?

Why the fuck did we
watch that, you asshole!

I didn't know.

I didn't know!

How was I supposed to know

that he was gonna off
himself on camera?

She didn't tell us.

She did, remember?

She said he asked for us.

Not before he offed himself,
she didn't say that!

Well, she didn't have to,

we got to see for ourselves.

Why didn't he say anything?

I mean who did he have, Sylvia?

He had us.

Yeah, right.

He should
have told somebody.

Who?

He's a therapist.

Another fucking
therapist, I don't know.

Fuck, Larry, we
shouldn't have seen that.

It was private.

Please, she didn't
take the tape out.

The camera was on.

Well maybe it was a
shrine or something

too painful to deal with.

So she sends us down
here to get candles

and kerosene lamps?

Oh shit.

Um... uh dude?

I think there's something in...

Ah shit!
No, fuck, get off!

Get the fuck off!

Yo!

Goddamn shit!

The fuck?

Dude?

You all right, man?

No, I'm, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

He reloaded?

Is that Sylvia?

Yeah.

Not exactly sheltering
from the storm.

What was that?

Oh Jesus.

Oh my god.

Fuck!

What, what, come on, come on!

It won't budge!

I can't do it, it's just locked.

- Guys!
- Guys!

Hey guys!

You are a saint, dude.

Not enough people like
you in this world.

Thanks, man, thanks.

Oh shit
man, what happened?

- Oh, there's this...
- You gotta wrap that, man,

that is nasty.

Thanks man, I'll do that.

Hey, so what'd you find?

Any cash?

Oh no, it's just
a bunch of junk.

Total hoarders huh?

Yeah, yeah some
people don't know

when to let things go.

- Hey guys!
- Guys!

Where the fuck did everybody go?

Fuck, I can't get through that.

Wait.

Do you hear that?

Hey!

Yo guys!

Who is that?

Fuck if I know.

Maybe Jack and Gandhi are
done underneath the house.

It doesn't sound like Jack.

Yeah, sure shit ain't Paul.

Holy shit!

Open the fucking door!

Help guys!

Hey, hey, hey!

Fuck, fuck, come on!

Fuck!

What the hell, dudes,
what are you doing?

Going to second fucking base,

what do you think we're doing?!

Well what happened?

It's Max.

What?

Max?

He's fucking back.

What you said was that
you saw Max shoot himself.

We did.

Well who the hell is
gonna kill a guy twice?

Fuck me, come on!

He was right there, I swear.

Told you.

There was fighting, okay?

Someone was fighting,
we heard a thump

and then suddenly his dead
ass body is on the ground

staring back at us.

The same dead ass body
we buried this afternoon?

I don't know.

Okay, so
where's the body?

I mean did he walk away?

I don't see drag marks.

Well, it's been raining.

What are you, CSI guy now?

Wanna test for
fucking coat fibers?

What happened
to your arm?

All I'm saying is that
if there was a body

it would be here.

Well so maybe that freaky
kid dug up Max's body

and he's running
around scaring the shit

out of people with it.

Jack?

Hold on, babe.

I don't
know, it's Wisconsin.

What do people do
for fun around here?

So an 18 year
old's gonna drag around

a 200 pound dead man?

Maybe he had help.

Who would do
that, another student,

a member of the faculty?

Maybe.

Why?

Jack, what is that?

Just a second, babe.

I don't know
dude, I don't know why.

Max wasn't exactly the
easiest to get along with.

But he's
not a monster, man.

I mean you wouldn't dig him
out of the ground over it.

To someone out there,
death was not punishment enough.

Jack!

What?

Shit!

Oh... oh shit.

Oh god.

Jack!

Are you all right, man?

What the fuck was that, man?

What the fuck was that?

Oh my god, it's a trap,

a fucking animal trap.

Look at that shit!

It's gotta be like a trip line

right, for the dogs, to
keep them off the property!

What was that?

We've gotta get out of here.

No, we have to take
him to a hospital

'cause he doesn't look good.

We're gonna have to ask
Sylvia to borrow her car.

No, fuck that,
we're gonna take it.

I'm not stealing a car, Larry!

You know what, you stay here

and console the fucking widow.

And tell him how bummed you are

that her husband keeps
showing up covered in blood.

But I am done here!

We have to tell Sylvia.

I mean it's gotta be a prank!

Oh because this is
really, really funny.

And even if it's not,

I mean if somebody is
desecrating her husband's grave

she has a right to know!

Okay fine, you
want to tell Sylvia

someone dug up her husband,
now's you're chance.

Good luck with that, dude.

Oh that's typical.

What was that?

You, sticking your neck out,

it's not really
your thing, is it?

What the hell, man,

now you're gonna ball up?

It's cool, I'll go.

No, no, no, fuck that, I'll go.

Yeah, up to you.

Let's go!

You picked the fucking hell
of a time to ball up, dude.

I'm taking her car.

I'll come too.

- What?
- What?

Or I could stay here, you know

if Amber needs me.

Bess can stay!

I'll be back in a sec, babe.

If you leave without
me, I will find you,

set fire to your apartment

and tell your girlfriend
we fucked in the shower.

You must be an amazing mother.

I'm serious, Jack.

Don't you fucking start
that engine without me.

What are you gonna
do with a knife,

the guy's already dead!

You're right, you're
totally right.

I need a shotgun.

Can you fire a shotgun?

No, okay, but like
an ax or something.

But we like to have
decapitate him.

Okay, you watch a lot of TV.

Sorry, I don't want
my brains eaten.

Look, look, there's that
wack job student of Max

who's just pissed off
decides to freak out his wife

to fuck up his
body, I don't know,

people are sick.

Knives, knives.

Will you stop it, you
don't need a knife!

How do you know?

How do you know that
he's not gonna come back

with a dead guy, with a
whole bunch of dead guys?

Amber, stop it!

It's about to be the zombie
freaking apocalypse in here!

Amber, stop!

- Mrs. Lehman?
- Norma?

- Louder.
- Norma?

Sorry to bother
you, Mrs. Lehman.

Oh my god, wait, a camera.

This place is a dump,
there's nothing to steal.

They're not watching the house.

They're watching us.

Norma, it's Jack and
Elaine, Max's friends.

Can we come in?

We're looking for car
keys, to Sylvia's car.

Do you mind if we...

Oh.

Norma, sorry to wake you.

Do you have the keys
to Sylvia's car?

Oh no, no, don't get up, we can.

Oh shit, holy shit.

What the fuck, is she dead?

Norma?

Norma?

Oh fuck, what the fuck?

Out, out!

Out out out now,
get out now, now!

I found another one.

Fuck.

Found one.

Over the sink, sick fucks.

Points directly at the toilet.

Hah, they asked for it.

You put a camera
in the bathroom,

you're gonna see some shit.

Oh, come on!

- Hey!
- Open up!

What the hell, dude?

Hello?

Are you watching or playing?

'Cause either way,
you're paying.

Hello, anybody home?

You don't seem
particularly concerned.

Norma's been going downhill
for a very long time now.

Well, there's nothing I can do
until the phone lines are up.

What about the rat massacre?

It's hardly a massacre.

Maisy used to
kill one rat a day.

Well, it's not my job to
monitor my husband's work,

strange as it is.

Then what's with
all the cameras?

Oh, Max got nervous.

He received a bunch
of phone calls

and threatening emails.

This place is wired like
the fucking White House.

He was afraid he
was being targeted.

By scientists?

I wouldn't expect
you to understand.

Where are Paul and Larry?

They're not with you?

Where's Max?

Max is dead, Jack.

You sure about that?

I don't have to listen to this.

You do, if you ever wanna see

your creepy ass footage again.

Amber?

I got 'em.

Good, so you tell us
where Paul and Larry are,

why Max's corpse
keeps showing up,

or Amber burns every
memory card in this house.

Oh, it's Max's project.

I don't particularly care.

Although I'm sure it's
exactly what he would

have expected of you.

Not me, he didn't know me.

Well he didn't need to,
you're kind of obvious.

You see, human nature
never disappoints.

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

Follow me.

No, no, no, no.

Well I can't really
explain it to you.

I wouldn't do it justice.

Try.

But I know just the one who can.

If we're not back in
15 minutes, burn them.

Oh my god, Larry?

What the hell, Max?

Please, please don't touch them.

These are consenting
adults, albeit implied.

Jesus, what the hell?

I said don't touch them!

Whoah, I don't believe this.

Sylvia, Sylvia,
put down the gun.

I'm sorry, that
doesn't feel right.

Now Max would explain everything

but our creative differences
have rendered him speechless.

So, I will.

Oh Sylvia, please, can we just...

Back the fuck up!

Back the fuck up.

Now if he could
speak, Max would say

he had no choice.

An unfinished study
is a worthless one

and I promised him that we
would finish it together.

But I'm all about the art.

And he's all about the science

which does get annoying.

Sylvia, come on.

It's a damn college study!

What the fuck?!

Shit, Sylvia!

So uh, we've had to give
each other a little space.

Healthy in any marriage.

Shut up, Max.

Hey.

Did you guys know
that in World War II

only 25 percent of soldiers
actually fired their weapons

at an exposed enemy soldier?

Our mammalian brains,
our dog brains

kept getting in the way.

Reluctance to kill one
of our own species,

can you believe that?

What a waste of
government spending.

I'm very uncomfortable
right now.

-Quiet!

Stimulate that amygdala
enough, that fear center,

follow it up with a little
loathing, make it personal,

and that little dog
brain just goes to sleep.

Just a little nap, just long
enough to pull the trigger

and then, voila!,

your ordinary citizen
becomes an instant soldier.

As you can see Jack, it's not
just a damn college study.

This is a potentially game
changing tactic of war!

That's really fucked up.

Isn't it?

But no ending, no cash.

So Max's friends were
the obvious choice.

The perfect petri dish of
boring middle class America.

Just give us our
friend and we will go.

Which friend?

You can only have one.

Shut up, Jesus, I cannot think

with you moaning all the time!

Hey, hey, hey, what did I say,

what did I say?

If it was up to you we
would still be on the web

searching for fucking zip ties.

Now shut it!

Sylvia, you don't
need to do this.

This is Max's fucked up thing.

I mean you're like the real
deal, you do documentaries.

No one funds
documentaries anymore.

Unless they're about
orphans in Sudan

or fat people in America!

Max was in on all
of this of course.

Hey!

Until now.

This is where we
part ways, creatively.

Max?

And literally too, I suppose.

Yo, Max, are you...?

Guess I don't know
my own strength.

Well, it's time to put
it to some good use.

Shit, man!

Ooh, I might have to
make that hole bigger.

Oh come on, Sylvia.

If you kill us,
your project's dead.

You're just part of the story.

You're ultimately dispensable.

No, no, no, if we're not back,

Bess and Amber are gonna
burn all the footage.

You really think
they'll still be there?

Yeah I do.

You would.

You are relentlessly optimistic

for someone with such
a sad little life.

Oh no.

Oh I didn't say that,
he did.

Now's your chance
to get him back.

Get up!

- Oh shit!
- Hey, hey!

Get the fuck up before I
kill off your character!

Still gotta have an ending.

So, here's the deal.

One of you could run and
have a 10 percent chance

of making it out that door.

If all of you run
at the same time,

your odds go up to
40, maybe 50 percent

but the odds that I
shoot your pal Larry here

at close range are 100 percent.

So you might live
but your friend

will most certainly
die, up to you.

Oh, well, you're
eyeing the exit.

And who can blame you?

No sense in risking your life

for someone who wouldn't even
hail you a cab in the rain.

You're crazy.

Well, look around you.

It's all relative.

You're on the fence.

Oh, I can tell.

He's a dick of a friend, but,

you're really in no condition
to make any new ones.

Huh, I'd say misery
loves company

but you see your sad little life

is the only thing keeping
his sad little life

from seeming
comparatively less sad.

You really wanna sacrifice
yourself to someone

who's sitting here thinking

at least I'm not you.

That's nice Larry,
that's really nice.

But not you, Jack.

You never liked Larry.

He never let you forget

that he was a lawyer, and you
were selling phone bundles

to housewives in the valley.

You make in a week what
he makes in an hour,

I mean that has gotta be hard.

Guys like Larry are what's
wrong with this world,

taking your jobs,
your girlfriends,

maybe it's time
to take them back!

Hey, hey, hey.

It is not your turn to speak.

Well, I mean, come on.

I think we all knew that
Connecticut thing wouldn't last.

You're hanging on
by a small thread

just calculating, how much
more therapy you'll need

to get over the latest trauma

and how much guilt
you should feel

for refusing to fuck
Larry in the kitchen

last night for old time's sake.

Jesus, Bess.

What do you care?

She has a point.

Yeah.

I mean we may as
well clear the air

while we're all
still breathing it.

So.

Kill or be killed, my
little lab rodents.

You choose.

Fascinating!

Ah, you think the
outcome would be obvious!

But the D.O.D. do love to
have the numbers crunched!

Oh, I almost wish Max
was here to see this!

But my film will finally
show our work, my work,

to the world!

All I need now is
the perfect ending.

And there's nothing
more final than fire.

All right, all right.

Paul, Paul.

Ma'am, you're
gonna have to stay back.

No, no, no
you don't understand,

there's been a mistake.

Ma'am I don't
have to understand,

that's not my job.

No, but you can't
just...

Ma'am I'm gonna
ask you one more time.

He's a therapist,
he's a pacifist!

With a loaded gun.

Paul would never
hurt anyone, that's not him.

It isn't
till it is, ma'am.

They don't walk
around wearing a sign.

Ah, it's a shame too.

She was a real nice lady.

This is all wrong, okay?

He's not, he's the
one who's unstable.

Well I'm not a doctor, ma'am.

I don't diagnose.

But you're all
consenting adults.

And if you don't
want to participate,

you shouldn't sign the waiver.

The what?

Weaponizing fear.

A comprehensive study
of the effects of fear

on the human brain.

Sound familiar?

These your signature?

I didn't sign that.

Ah, at least someone's got
some brains around here.

The things people do
for money these days.

Okay folks.

We'll give you a ride
down to the station.

Max.

Hey Max!

Yeah, what the fuck, man?

They'll take your
statements in town.

Let's go.

No wait, no, no, no, wait wait.

What about that kid,
that student, you know,

he freaked out, he
disappeared, and...

Dropped out of college.

Say it ain't so.

I mean, but look at him,

his wife is dead,
he's not even...

Who, Professor Lehman?

Ex Professor Lehman.

No ma'am, he still
works at the university.

He runs that psychology
department or something.

And he'll be the first
to tell you...

Crazy always finds its way out.

Subtitles by explosiveskull