2BPerfectlyHonest (2004) - full transcript

(metal chimes)

- I understand.

I understand.

I understand.

Absolutely.

What?

Is he an expert?

Well, then, Mr. Abrams,
why should we have to...

You didn't have these
questions two years ago.

But the company
is still the same.

Mr. Abrams.



But, we should be capitalizing
on the weaknesses, sir.

If anything, we should
be putting more money in.

What about a bridge loan?

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

Yes.

Yes.

Absolutely.

You too, sir.

(thumps into glass)

Ow!

(screams)
(groovy music)

(sighs)



- Went real well, did it?

You try the loan angle?

- Uh, yes.

And he gave me a lecture about

throwing good money after bad.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

- I'm sending him a virus.

- No, you're not.

No you are not.

He's gonna know it was
you, and then what?

Huh?

You know, I'm out of
dials at this point, okay.

I have called everybody.

Everybody!

Even Stanley.

- How is Stanley?

- I don't know, 'cause
he won't return my calls.

- You shoulda let
me call Stanley.

- Oh, well, I would have, Josh,

except you're
allergic to the phone.

- After all we've
done for him, too.

- What have we done for him?

What have we done for him, Josh?

- He's 21, he makes his
own decisions, okay?

C'mon.

Things are a little tight.

- Tight?

Josh, things are a little
worse than tight, Josh.

A little worse.

- Yeah?

How much do we need?

- 150. At least.

- Wow.

Asshole!

(phone beeps)

- Dad, are you gonna get that?

- Ah.

Okay, sorry.

Yeah?

- [Jeff] So, what's goin' on?

- (laughs) What's using going
on this time of night, Jeff.

C'mon, I'm puttin' Danny to bed.

What are you doin'?

- We're havin' some coffee.

- [Josh] I thought
you were off tonight.

- I swapped shifts.

So, if you need me, call, okay?

- Alright, thanks a lot.

Now, can I put my
son back to bed?

- Alright.

Hey, what kind of
story you tellin' him?

- Are you eating a doughnut?

- [Jeff] Excuse me?

Believe you'd ask
me such a thing.

- C'mon, I can smell
the sugar from here.

I can't believe your wife
lets you eat that stuff.

Look, I gotta go, alright?

- [Jeff] Nighty-night.

- Alright, see ya.

So, alright.

Where were we?

- Frank was packing
up his office.

- Right.

Okay, so,

Frank knows the
business is doomed.

And, as you can well imagine,

things look pretty bad.

- A little early for
cocktails, isn't it?

- Not really.

I always drink at funerals.

- So, that's it,
I mean, we just...

Game over.

Turn off the light,
clean out the desk.

What do I tell my kid?

(bluesy music)

- Hi, Mom.

- [Mom] Is that everything?

- Pretty much.

Everything else is in storage.

- I just don't understand how
they can simply kick you out.

Aren't there laws against this?

- They didn't kick me out, Mom.

I told you, the building
has structural problems,

and, besides, it's only
for three or four months.

- Well, what are all
the other tenants doing?

- I don't know.

Maybe they got lawyers.

I'm gonna go
upstairs and unpack.

I'm beat.

Okay?

(sighs)

(grease crackles)

- Why can't I call
him from the office?

- Because I think
something is wrong.

You can be late for
once, he's out only son.

Have some more coffee.

- I've had enough.

- Francis, your
breakfast is ready.

And your father has to leave.

- [Frank] I'm coming.

- He's coming.

(sighs)
Toast is ready.

- I'm not really hungry, mom.

- [Father] How'd you sleep?

- Not so good.

What's with the birds?

They're louder than traffic.

- This is what happens when
you live in the city too long.

You'd rather listen to
sirens than to songbirds.

- They're crows, mom,
they're not songbirds.

- So, tell us what's going on.

- There's nothing to tell.

Look, I don't want to turn this

into a federal case, alright?

- Are you sure they weren't
looking for an excuse

to turn the building
into condos?

- That would be illegal, dad.

- [Father] That
doesn't mean they won't

still try to screw
you, you know.

- It's under control.

- Alright, I'm not
trying to push.

Well, how is the work?

And Josh?

- [Frank] He's fine.

- Hmm, well, I guess
everything's fine.

In that case, I can go to work.

- Not so fast, honey.

I bet it's weeks since
you had a good breakfast.

- Mom, this isn't breakfast.

This is a heart attack
waiting to happen.

- Frank, please, just
enjoy it, will ya?

(clock chimes)

(sighs)

- You know, I gotta go.

- You're not going
anywhere until you eat.

You know breakfast is
the most important meal.

- You know, it looks great, mom.

But, I'm gonna be late
for my meeting, so.

You know what, I can save this,

and I can have it for dinner.

How about that?

- Well, at least take the toast.

You can eat it on the train.

- It's a breakfast meeting, mom.

- Enough.

I'll drop you at the station.

- So, how was Italy?

- [Man] Not bad.

But it's tiring
being on the road.

- So, let me get this straight.

You're complaining about
traveling first class to Milan

and staying in a
five star hotel.

- Things are never
what they seem, Frank.

You of all people
should know that.

- Oh God, eating like
that is gonna kill you.

You know that, don't ya?

- That might not be
such a bad option.

- Ooh.

So, what's eating you?

- Nothing, really.

- You sure?

Parents okay?

- Mm-hmm.

- How's business?

- Good, busy.

- Josh.

- He's fine.

- That's not what he told me.

- You talked to Josh?

- I ran into him last week.

He told me the lights are out.

Said he hasn't spoken
to you in over a month.

Hey.

Come on.

Every millionaire goes bust
at least once in their life.

You're gonna be fine.

- You know how many
resumes I've sent out?

- Yeah, well, you're not alone.

A lot of people
feeling the pain.

- Yeah, well, I don't need
sympathy, I need work.

Any work.

I was thinking maybe
you had something.

- Well, sure, if I
had something, but...

- Well, what about
marketing help?

You know, Josh and I
could build you a website.

- I don't think Josh wants
to talk to you right now.

And, even if he did,

when my customers
want something,

they pick up the phone and call.

- Not forever they won't.

Web is the future.

- Well, you talk to
me when that happens.

In the meantime,

there's too many boarded-up
websites out there.

You know, it's too bad

you can't do something
with all that junk.

Hmm?

- Hmm.

(classical music)

- You want a hit?

- No.

- It'll calm you down.

- Who said I need calming down?

I just gotta get
back in the game.

(hookah bubbles)

(exhales sharply)

Jesus Christ.

- Dad.

So, what's the story about?

- What do you think it's about?

- Is this one of
your lesson stories?

- No, absolutely not.

This is pure action adventure.

And there's also a
wizard thrown in.

- Dad, how come Sal smokes pot?

- I never said Sal smokes pot.

I said he smokes a water pipe.

- I bet you smoked pot.

- Never.

Alright, come on
let's get you...

Give me that thing.

Alright.

Alright.

So.

Sal and Frank were
playin' chess,

and Sal says to Frank...

- It's a temporary setback.

- Living at home is more
than a temporary setback.

(hookah bubbles)

Will you cut it out, Sal?

Jesus, you're stinking
up my clothes.

- You just need to think
smarter and work harder.

Think smarter.

- You're talking to me about
working harder and smarter?

Have you even made
a sale this week?

- That's not the point.

- Oh, really?

Well, then, maybe that's
where I went wrong,

because, I thought business
was about making money.

- Well, I must be
making some, Frankie.

After all, my
lights are still on.

So, which one of us
is the schmuck, huh?

- (sighs) You didn't
talk this way a year ago.

- Well, why would I talk?

You're head was so swollen
your ears were pinched shut.

- Well, there goes your knight.

- Listen.

What do you see when you look
around this place, Frankie?

Huh?

- An empty place.

- That's why you crashed
and burned, Frankie.

You don't see
beauty in anything.

All you see is a fast buck.

- Investors don't
lend for beauty.

- Checkmate.

You ought to pay more
attention to the game.

Fiji.

When's the last time
you got laid, huh?

- [Frank] It was on
this chessboard, so.

You were here.

(laughs)

- Alright.

This

is

for you.

And this goes

in the garbage.

Open it up.

It's not gonna bite ya.

Go ahead.

- What?

In Search of Self?

What, are you kidding?

You know I hate
this self-help crap.

It's all fortune
cookie nonsense.

And, you know, this is blank.

Completely blank.

- You expect someone else
to write your life story.

Legend has it that
the wood from that pen

is from Noah's Ark.

- You expect me to believe that?

- Did you hear me
say it was a legend?

- Look, I know my
life story, okay?

I'm living at home,

I'm on the verge of
a mid-life crisis

I'm not even old enough to have,

I've got no job, no cash,

and I just lost a chess
game to a pothead.

- Hey, you're not old
enough nor wise enough

to have a midlife crisis.

- Alright, enough, Sal.

- Alright, listen,
wait a second.

Just wait a second.

I want you to meet
a friend of mine.

She's a wizard.

She's got the eyes.

- What, are you
a Zen master now?

- Go and see her.

- Okay.

(hookah bubbles)

- You want a hit?

- No, I don't.

You know, Sal, you
oughta lay off the smoke.

It's startin' to rot your brain.

(curious music)

(siren wails)

- Wow, did I miss
the weather or what?

- Oh, I thought you were asleep.

- No, no, no.

I was just resting.

Where have you been?

- Just working.

Hey, did the case settle?

- Thank God they blinked.

I'd hate it if I'd
taken that one to trial.

- Mm.

Mom in bed?

- Yeah, she left some
pot roast on the stove.

- I ate.

Want me to put it away?

- No, no, I'll take care of it.

I might have just
another little fork full.

You okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine,
just a busy day.

I think I'm gonna call it a day.

- [Father] How's work?

- Fine, fine.

- Wanna watch the weather?

- No, no, you can tell
me in the morning.

- You're not upset about
moving back home, are you?

Because you shouldn't be.

I was at home all
through law school.

It's no big deal.

- I appreciate that.

- It's the truth!

Your mother and I
like having you here.

So, stay as long as you like.

But, just don't worry so much.

And eat your mother's
cooking, okay?

- I will, Dad, but, seriously,

she's gotta lay off the
red meat and the fat.

I mean, that will kill us.

- You don't look like
you're gonna die to me.

- See you in the morning.

Everything's fine, yeah.

Nothin' wrong.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, things are good.

Mm-hmm.

(traffic clamors)

(metal chimes)

- [Voiceover] In the meantime,

there's too many boarded-up
websites out there.

You know, it's too bad
you can't do something

with all that junk.

(laughs)

- Let me know if I can
help you find anything.

- Oh, thanks.

Uh...

Actually, I'm looking for Clara.

- Any reason in particular.

- Yeah, a friend of hers,
a friend of mine, actually,

said that I should come see her.

- And what's your friend's name?

- Sal.

He has a chess shop downtown.

(laughs quietly)

- Then you must be Frank
and I must be Clara.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- So, this is a

nice shop you have here.

What's with all the, uh,

stuffed animals?

- My father was a taxidermist.

I think I inherited his love

for bringing the
dead back to life.

- That's a little
creepy, isn't it?

- Some people may think so.

I just think it's unusual.

Are you unusual?

- Not like Sal, if
that's what you mean?

(clock cuckoos)

So, have you known him long?

- Sal?

Kind of.

We met in Scotland
about 326 years ago.

- Really.

Well, you look
great for your age.

So, I guess that's why
he called you the wizard.

- The trick to life
is to think young

and not always
believe your eyes.

Wizard, I don't know, but,

I can see things that
other people can't.

- Like, what, my underwear?

- I didn't mean that, but, um,

say, since you brought it up.

You're wearing white briefs.

- Okay.

(laughs)

- If you want, I could see

deeper into your soul.

- I think we should, uh,

not go that deep today.

- Don't worry, you
have a good soul.

I mean, you're a bit screwed up,

but life does that to people.

Especially when
you're unemployed.

- Did Sal tell you that?

- You do computers?

- Oh, so, you've
been talking to Sal.

- If you wanna think that.

So, what happened?

- Even millionaires go
bust once in their life.

- [Clara] Is that your dream?

To be a millionaire?

- Why not?

I mean, is there a
problem being rich?

- I didn't say that.

I just think that maybe
it should be the ending

and not the beginning.

(door chimes)

- Um.

I better go.

- Yeah.

Well, let me know if
you need any help.

(traffic clamors)

(sighs)

(phone bleeps)

(phone rings)

- Chess Forum.

- [Frank] Hey, Sal, it's Frank.

- Frankie!

Come on over, man,
I'm here with Mike.

- No, I can't, I got a meeting.

- What is it with
you and meetings?

You're always
going to a meeting.

Do you actually do
anything at these meetings?

- Listen.

I just met your friend, Clara.

So, what was that,
like, a fix-up?

- What, with Clara?

- [Frank] No, your mother.

- No, Frankie, I
wouldn't do that.

- Oh, you wouldn't, huh?

- No, Frankie.

My mother is dead.

Frankie!

Hey, Frank, c'mon!

(phone beeps)

Lost his sense of humor.

(energetic music)

- So.

Can you tell me how this
job interview went, or what?

- Nothin' said, they
hired somebody else.

I think I'm too old.

Pretty soon age discrimination
is gonna start at, like, 25.

(laughs)

Don't laugh, Frank,
I needed that.

Unlike you, I got a
family to support.

- Forget about it,
it was a nowhere job.

I got something much better.

- Yeah, that's what you
said to me last time,

and I'm back to
drinking domestic.

- What, do you blame me?

What did I do?

Look, you and I both know

a lot about advertising
on the Internet, right?

- So what?

Nobody's gonna touch the web.

What about food?

C'mon, people still gotta eat.

What about the
internet cafe idea.

- What, have you been
talking to Stanley?

Josh, you really
wanna be worried about

people coming up and complaining

about their french
fries are cold

and the network went down.

I got something much better.

Web boards.

- Web board, what the
fuck is a web board?

- It's kind of like a billboard,

except we use bankrupt websites,

and we put ads on them
and call them web boards.

We take dead dot com sites

and we're gonna turn them into
advertising opportunities.

(laughs)

- Where do you come
up with these ideas?

- Don't laugh, look at this.

I got the business
plan right here.

I think I can get
this funded, Josh.

- When did you do this?

- Nights.

It's mostly a cut and
paste job, but it proves

that we can capitalize on this.

Now, I know you
think it's bullshit,

but, will you at
least consider it?

Hmm?

- [Josh] You really think
you can find someone

stupid enough to fund this?

- Yeah, I do, actually.

The numbers work.

- Equal partners?

- 60/40.

- Come on, friends are supposed
to share things equally.

- It's my idea, Josh.

- What about startup cash?

- I'm working on that.

I have a meeting
set up with Abrams.

And I sent it to a
few other VCs as well.

- That's a nice toss.

- [Receptionist]
Hi, can I help you?

- Yes, I'm Frank Costello
to see Mr. Abrams.

- What?

- Frank Costello to
see Mr. Abrams, please.

- [Receptionist]
Mr. Abrams, Mr...

What?

- Costello.

- Mr. Costello is
here to see you.

Sure.

He said to go back.

- Thanks.

- [Receptionist] It's the
first door on your left.

- Yeah...

- Listen, my boss wants me to
ask if you want some coffee.

Would you like some?

- Oh, no, no, thank you.

- Oh, good, because
I don't get coffee.

I can tell you where it is,
though, if you change your mind.

- Alrighty, I'll
keep that in mind.

(knocks on door)

- Hello, Frank.

How's your father?

- Oh, he's fine, thanks.

- Please, sit.

You look hot.

How 'bout some spring water.

- Sure, thanks.

- Did you know that
coffee dehydrates ya?

It's as bad as alcohol.

- [Frank] No, I
didn't know that.

- Yeah, and people think that
all liquids are the same,

but nothing is
ever what it seems.

And I've seen it all.

Go ahead, enjoy.

Spring water, that's
what flushes the pipes

and keeps the piss pure.

I bet yours is yellow.

Piss should be clear.

You drink eight glasses a
day, watch the difference.

You'll thank me.

- Hmm.

I'd rather thank you for
other things, Mr. Abrams.

- I haven't read your
business plan yet.

You mind walking me through it?

- Well, it's right
there in front of you.

I can walk you through
it quickly if you'd like.

- Mr. Abrams, when you
drive down the highway,

what do you see?

- Traffic.

- That's right, traffic, sure.

But, what else?

- I don't know, all
sorts of things.

Um, road signs,
potholes, buildings.

- What about billboards?

You ever seen any billboards?

- Sure, too many.

- Yeah, lots of billboards.

And it doesn't matter if the
buildings are vacant or not,

you still read the billboards
because they're in your face.

Now, that's the model
behind WebBoards.

These bankrupt dot com sites
are like vacant buildings

littering the superhighway,

but, they still get
thousands of hits a day.

It's prime advertising space,

and WebBoards can make
money both leasing

and linking to these sites.

That's the pitch.

So, what do you think?

- Would you, uh,

like some more water?

(curious music)

- Maybe just the bathroom.

- Hi, Frank.

- Hi, Jane, how are you?

- I'm going on
vacation next week.

You wanna come and lay
in the sun with me?

- No, I hate the beach.

Too much time to reflect.

- Not to me.

The only time I'm gonna leave it

is to get a drink, a man, and
some sleep, and in that order.

Your dad's in the
conference room.

- Send me a postcard?

- Something topless?

- Well, only if
they're real, Jane.

(chuckles)

- [Father] Now, I don't think
my client would agree to this.

(knocks on glass)

Look, can I call you
back in about an hour?

Someone's just coming
into the office

I'm gonna have to talk to.

Right, okay.

- Hey, Dad.

- Anything wrong?

- No, no, everything's fine.

I just wanted to talk
to you about something.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, make it fast, I've
got a deposition in an hour

and I can't cancel it.

- I'm not really comfortable
asking you this, but, um,

I'm kind of in a jam.

I was wondering if I could
maybe borrow some money.

- What, you got some problems
with the business or what?

- No, that's fine, it's just

some of the work got
pushed back a quarter.

You know how that is.

- How much do you need?

Well, I was thinking, maybe,
5,000, if that's okay.

- Frank, I tried
calling your office.

- Does Mom know?

- I'm not the one to tell her.

(sighs)

- I'm sorry.

I didn't know what
to say to you guys.

It's hard admitting
you're a fuckup.

- Son, you are many things,
but a fuckup is not one.

Alright.

I'll give you, um,

4,000.

Nobody gets
everything they want.

And I think, uh, 80%
is pretty damn good.

Now,

when are you going to tell her?

- I was thinking maybe never.

- Never is too
long, think sooner.

After all, it is your
mother, you know.

Was the story about the
apartment bullshit too?

- Yes, but I'll get
out as soon as I can.

- No, I didn't mean
that, the room is yours.

All I'm asking is that you
eat your mother's cooking.

I mean, I know it's a
little greasy, but...

- Well.

Maybe we can get her
a nonstick frying pan.

(chuckles)

Alright, thanks.

And I'll get it back to
you as soon as I can.

- Is there anything else
you wanna talk about.

- Not really.

Well, there is one thing, but,

I don't think you'll understand,

and I know mom definitely won't.

- [Father] Well, maybe
I'll surprise you.

- I met a wizard.

- A wizard?

- Yeah, actually I met
a she-wizard, and, uh,

I'm having dinner with her.

- I gave you money to have
dinner with a she-wizard, huh?

- Come on, Dad,
it's not like that.

I mean, maybe she can
help me see better.

- Well, I think if you're
having trouble with your eyes

you ought to see an eye doctor.

Now get out of here
before I change my mind.

- Will do.

And thanks again.

(romantic piano music)

- Hi, come on in.

This is my house.

- Uh, this is for you.

- Oh, thank you.

That is very sweet of you.

Sal did not tell me that
you were a gentleman.

Let me put this in some water.

- This is a great
apartment you have here.

- [Clara] Thank you.

I love color.

I love color and flowers.

Here you go.

I hope you like sushi.

- You know, actually,
I don't, uh,

I don't

eat raw fish.

- Okay, I should've asked, um,

well, we have dumplings,
two kinda of dumplings,

and there's seaweed salad,
which is really good for you.

And, I've got some edamame,

which is, um,

very good, and I'm gonna
show you how to eat it,

'cause you have to
know how to eat it.

You just put it in your mouth,

and then you such out the bean.

(slurping)

Like that.

- So, um,

how long have you
had your store for?

- Um, oh, about 10 years.

Before that, I was a singer.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

- So, what happened?

(sighs)

- Life.

So, now I sing in the shower,

or at family weddings,
or at friends' weddings.

- Plus you're a wizard.

- No, Sal says I'm a wizard.

But, I am a little psychic.

- Now, let me get this straight.

Does that mean you know when
the Knicks are gonna win?

- (chuckles) Still
with the jokes, huh?

- What?

- You know, it's a lot
more scientific than that.

Actually, for such
important questions,

I'd like to consult
my oracle, excuse me.

Ta-da!

- You gotta be kidding.

- No.

See, you think this is crazy

because you think this is
just, like, a silly 8-ball.

But, actually, it
is a delivery system

through which my energy passes.

So, if you wanna ask a question,

you have to have the energy
flow through both of us

so we, you know, maybe we
should hold hands or something

just for the energy, for
us to flow, obviously.

- Should I get a little closer?

- Yeah, a little bit closer.

Okay, like that, is
that close enough?

- Yes, it's close,
just ask the question.

- Uh.

Will I get the
money for WebBoards?

- Okay, don't think about it.

And the answer is

most likely.

- How soon?

- It has to be, like,
a yes or no question.

- Oh, okay, will I
get the money soon?

- Will he get the money
for WebBoards soon?

Yes.

(chuckles)

- Excellent.

- Okay, not, it's my turn.

Should you spend the night?

(phone rings)

- Hello.

Yes, this is WebBoards.

Speaking.

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, I sent it
to you last week.

(energetic music)

Hi, I'm supposed to
meet Gene Williams.

You know where I might find him?

- Are you Mr. Costello?

- Yes, yes.

- Wallet.

- (scoffs) Wallet?

- Mr. Williams said you are
to meet him in steam room.

You been here before?

- No, uh,

steam room?

- No black mud treatment?

Opens up pours,
takes out toxins.

- I'm sure that's
true, no thank you.

- Take the door on
the left, any locker.

- Thank you.

- Oak leaf treatment, on house.

(steam whooshes)

- Gene?

- [Gene] You must be Frank.

Find it okay?

- Uh, no problem.

- Thanks.

I love the steam.

Clears the pours and lungs.

You don't mind
meeting here, do you?

- Beats having
coffee at McDonalds.

- I steam every day.

Been doing it for over 10 years.

Like it?

- Not really, it makes me sweat.

(laughs)

- Thanks, boys.

So.

I read your business plan.

Not bad.

You write it?

- Yes.

- According to my reading,

you need about four, 450
to get this bird to fly.

Think that'll do it?

- I know it.

- Confidence.

I like that.

But, now comes the tough stuff.

Say my firm did give you the
financing you're looking for.

What makes your
concept so unique?

- Me.

It's my idea.

No one else thought of it.

- (chuckles) Exactly.

- I don't understand.

- What stops a copycat?

What stops someone
from taking this idea,

undercutting you,

then blowing past you faster
than shit through a goose?

- It's my plan.

I bring the vision
and the management.

- Come on.

I can have a truckload of MBAs

delivered to my
doorstep by 9am.,

no, make that 8am,
tomorrow morning.

- I don't understand.

I mean, you read
the business plan.

You saw by reading it

that there weren't
any patents involved.

I mean, why bother
even getting together?

- I wanted to meet
my competition.

- Is this a joke?

- Not to me.

I've been listening for a
reason why I need you, and

you haven't give me one.

- (coughs) How about the
fact that it's my idea

and how about the fact
that, to cut me out,

would be completely unethical?

- Calm down, Frank.

I'm not a lawyer, but
I'm sure you know,

you have no claim to an idea.

I deal in business,

and business has only one rule.

It's the golden rule.

The guy with the gold rules.

Look, I worked
hard on this idea.

Okay?

You can't cut me out.

You know, my father
is an attorney.

- Courts are open to
everyone, so be my guest.

- Well, there's another reason.

- I hope it's better
than the others, Frank.

(tense music)

- I'm gonna...

I'm gonna...

(Frank thumps on the floor)

(light classical music)

(light snoring)

(coughs)

- Excuse me.

Do you know if there is
anyone who can help me?

- Well, that depends on what
kind of help that you need.

- Sales help, please.

- Well, that would be me.

- And you are?

- Me?

That's a long story.

- Could you tell me about this?

- That?

- Yeah.

That's called The Florentine.

The board is made of alabaster

and the pieces are, uh, bronze

and are gold and silver plated.

- It's just gorgeous.

I think it would be perfect
for my coffee table.

- Now, that would be a waste.

- I beg your pardon?

- He said, uh, do you play?

- No.

I just thought it would be a
wonderful conversation piece.

- I prefer
conversations about sex.

- You know, I've had my
eye on that set myself.

But, I'm gonna have to wait
'til I hit the lottery.

- How much is it?

- $6,700.

- Really?

That much.

- I'd say that was cheap, lady.

- Couldn't you do a
little bit better?

I've seen it for less.

- Where?

- On the Internet.

- Get outta my store!

- Well, you don't
have to be rude.

I was just asking
about the price.

Oh, for God's sakes.

- That's a hell of a
way to make a sale, Sal.

- She'll be back.

Or she'll send her slave.

- Yeah, what makes you so sure?

- Because she's full
of shit, that's why.

No dot com piece of shit
sells for less than I do.

- So, I met Clara.

She's no wizard, Sal.

- Big deal, Frankie.

- Sal, she consults
a bowling ball.

- We've had presidents who
consulted astrologists.

She's someone to talk to,
do you like to talk to her?

- Yeah, but it's
not gonna work out.

- Why not?

- Because she likes sushi.

Sal, raw fish, she's
like a cannibal.

- She likes to eat it raw.

It's every man's fantasy.

- No, it's a sign
we're incompatible.

- You're not thinkin'
straight, Frankie.

- Yeah, well, I don't
know what to think.

You know, I was at a meeting,

this guy tells me, to my face,
he's gonna steal my idea.

Yeah, and the funny thing is,

I didn't think my idea
was good enough to steal.

- So, what did you do?

- Well, what could I do?

- What could you do?

This is what you
could do, Frankie.

- Jesus, Sal.

Put it down before
somebody comes in.

- A guy like that needs to know

that there are ethical
ramifications to his actions.

If a guy like that did
something like that to me,

I'd put one right in his back.

- Sal, you can't shoot
people in the back, okay?

It's like completely against
the Geneva Convention.

- Did you ever hear
of mustard gas?

- What?

- Guys like that are amoral,

and they need to die.

An amoral death.

- Sal.

Seriously.

- [Sal] Frank.
- [Frank] Sal.

- Sal, Sal, Sal.

- [Sal] Frank, Frank.
- [Frank] Sal, Sal.

(screams)

(laughs)

- You're sick, you know.

You're a sick, you're
a sick, sick man.

- So, what, we're all sick
here, this is New York.

- That's not funny.

- When are you gonna realize
that a man either has balls

or goes through his life
peeing in his pants.

- I could've had a heart attack.

- Your heart's fine,

it's your mind that needs to
be placed on life support.

- I'm not kidding, you know,

I passed out in that steam room.

- So, you steamed too
long, so what, it happens.

- [Frank] Pry my
mother's cookin'.

- See, you always have excuses.

Have you started writing?

- What am I gonna write?

I have nothing to write about.

- When you gonna learn, Frank.

Everyone has a story.

Even you.

Checkmate.

- What?

- Excuse me.

My mother was just in here
looking at this chess set,

may I see it?

- What did I tell you, Frankie?

Drinks are on me.

- Dad.

I need to use the bathroom.

- You do that, and I
will check on your mom.

Everything okay?

- Oh, I want him out.

How's the story going?

- He's a tough critic.

- (laughs) Try and
remember he's only 10.

- Going on 35.

Can I get you anything?

- Yeah.

Whiskey and that leftover curry

on the second shelf
of the refrigerator.

- Really?

- Shelly went into labor

when she had whiskey
and Indian food.

- I hear sex does it.

- [Danny] Dad, I'm ready.

- What happened to
the girl I married?

(elevator dings)

And so, about a week later,

Josh and Frank went
to see Mr. Abrams.

- What?

(sighs)

- I got to go to the bathroom.

(water splashes)

What's the matter, Frank?

Too much time to reflect?

Hmm?

To much time on your
hands just to reflect,

starin' at yourself in
the mirror, day after day.

When is it gonna
change, Frankie?

When will it fuckin' change?

(speaks in foreign language)

(scoffs)

Um.

I don't know what just
happened, but, um,

if you can hear me, um,

please...

(sighs)

- You alright?

- Sure.

(briefcase slams on counter)

- Hi.

Can I help you?

Yeah.

I'm Frank Costello, this is
my associate Josh Gilbert.

We're here to see Mr. Abrams.

- [Receptionist] I'll let
him know that you're here.

- Great.

- Mr. Abrams, Mr. Costello

and Mr. Gilbert are
here to see you.

Sure.

He said you can go right back.

- Thanks, love.

- Would either of
you like some coffee?

- No.

But, if we do, we'll get
it ourselves, won't we?

(knocks on door)

- Mr. Abrams.

This is my partner,
Josh Gilbert.

- Hi.

- Nice to meet you, Josh.

Sit.

How 'bout some
fresh spring water?

- I'm all set, thanks.

- And I've already had my eight
glasses for the day, so...

- Well, then let's get to

the good news is

that I decided to
take a second look.

Any idea why?

It's simple.

Venture capital
runs on two rules.

The first is that no one knows

what the next
Microsoft looks like,

and the second is every
new idea seems stupid.

The Wright Brothers
had a stupid idea,

and Edison had several.

- And the bad news?

- Well,

I'm afraid it's
too small for us.

- No problem, we'll
just make it bigger.

- It's not that simple,

and also, it's not quite
what we're looking for.

- I'm sorry, but
why are we here?

- I wanted to meet both brains

before I give it to a
group of private investors

who deals within
your funding figures.

They're willing to sit down.

- Finally.

Thank God.

- God may not have
anything to do with this.

How about thankin' me?

- Oh, you're absolutely right.

Thank you, thank you Mr. Abrams.

Thank you so much.

- His name is Eugene Arnold.

You call him at this
number, and use my name.

- And, just out of curiosity.

What's the finder's
fee if this goes down?

- Nothing this time,

but next time I'll
take your first born.

Just joshing, Josh.

(laughing)

(jazz music)
(overlapping conversations)

- Just remember, we're not
committing to anything.

We're just gonna hear
him out, alright?

- I was gonna tell you
the exact same thing.

- [Josh] Hi.
- [Frank] Good evening.

- Hi, we have reservations

with a party by the
name of Eugene Arnold.

- He already arrived.

If you follow me, I'll
show you to your seat.

- Great.

- We're just gonna
hear him out, alright?

- [Frank] Josh, enough.

(laughing)

(knocks on door)

- [Eugene] Come and
join us, Gentlemen.

Thank you, Angela.

Which one is Frank?

- I am, this is my
partner, Josh Gilbert.

- I'm Eugene.

- Hi.

And this is my cousin, Peter.

- Nice to meet you.

And you.

- Please, sit down.

I'm having the hanger steak,

and Peter went for
the porterhouse.

Either one is a blue chip.

- I guess I'll have
the hanger then.

How 'bout you, Josh?

- Uh.

Maybe just a piece
of fish for me.

- Josh, we're in a steakhouse.

- Thank you, Frank, I
wasn't aware of that.

- Don't tell me you're worried
about your cholesterol.

- (laughs) Maybe
just a heart attack.

- You know, when I was in
college, during the summer,

I used to work at a
fish processing plant.

And some of the fish that
came in off the boats

had so much cancer
from the PCBs,

that by the time we cut all
the tumors off the fish,

there was only enough
left for fish cakes.

- Perhaps the shrimp scampi
would be a good compromise.

- Yeah, that would be fine.

- And, Richie, pour a
shiraz for the carnivore.

And a pinot grigio for Josh.

So, you met with Abrams.

- Yes, and he said
you liked the plan,

and he thought there
might be a possible fit.

- That's true.

But, to be perfectly
honest, Frank,

I don't know much
about the Internet.

All my investments have been
in old economy businesses, but,

Abrams things I
need to diversify.

- Well, you know, it's true,

the Internet has
taken quite a hit.

But, what industry hasn't?

You know, I still think there's

a lot of upside potential, and,

let's face it, it's
sexier than most.

- It also offers more risk.

- Well, the only way
I know to avoid risk

is to invest in T-bills.

- Well, I never said that
I was adverse to risk,

I just prefer to minimize it.

- Well, I think we've
addressed that concern

by offering very conservative
growth projections.

- You did,

and it's one of the reasons
your plan caught my eye.

I also happen to think
your idea has potential.

Although, what do I know?

My kids are glued
to those chat rooms,

and I can't even
turn on a computer.

(laughing)

- What do you think, Peter?

- Well, I understand the model.

- But, do you think it'll fly?

- Well, flight's a
funny think, Josh.

I mean, can man fly?

Some say yes, some say no.

But when I'm on an
airplane five miles up,

I think that I can fly,

but, I know that I need
a plane and a pilot.

So, when you ask
me if it can fly,

I need to know first if
your plane is air worthy,

and secondly, if you
two are good pilots.

- Fair enough.

So, what do we have to do

to make you say yes
to these questions?

- Did Abrams tell you
what type of businesses

I like to invest in?

- We didn't get that far.

- Waste management.

Solid, liquid, and nuclear.

You know why?

Because America is a
disposable society.

We throw out more trash
than half the world.

That makes for profit margins
as lucrative as bottled water.

- Well, now, nothing is as
lucrative as bottled water,

I mean, not gasoline,
not even fancy coffee.

- Yeah, whatever, Josh.

- And, like us, you
also deal in garbage.

- I don't think I follow.

- I'm not sure I do either.

- You wrote the plan, didn't ya?

- Yes, but I don't recall
anything about garbage in it.

- Well, tell us what you
two know about garbage.

- I don't think I know
anything about garbage.

Except you put it out
on Wednesday nights.

- Websites that go belly up.

What did you call them again?

- Vacant buildings.

- Right, vacant buildings.

And you know what a vacant
building is to me, Frank?

- Garbage.

- Exactly.

- You see, I can
visualize what you do,

because the Internet
is built by humans.

And if there's one thing
humans make, it's waste.

I invest in waste.

You manage waste.

All that other stuff about

networks and
backbones, forget it.

I'm no doctor.

Waste management, I understand.

But there is one thing I
don't understand, gentlemen.

And that's a company
without profits.

Investors need to see
black on the bottom line.

- Not a problem.

We'll be in the black
in eighteen months.

- You know, if I invest,

I need to see profits
within one year.

- Now, come on.

We'll hardly be
operational by then.

- It's a deal breaker, Josh.

- We can do it in a year.

- [Eugene] Don't say it
unless you can deliver.

- No, we can do it.

- Josh?

- Well, I'm, thanks.

Well, I'm strictly the
technology side, but

Frank wouldn't say it if
he couldn't do the numbers.

- Good.

Eat.

How's the steak?

- You can cut it with a fork.

- [Eugene] And the shrimp?

- Tumor free, thanks.

(laughs)

- You're a funny guy, Josh.

- Now, there's one last item,

and that concerns Peter.

Since it's my money,

I want somebody
managing it I can trust.

So, Peter comes on
board as the CFO.

- Not a problem.

- No, wait.

Don't you think we
ought to have somebody

with some accounting a
business management experience?

- That's true.

Do you have any experience?

- I studied business in college.

I think I can balance the books.

- Oh, that's good enough
for me, how 'bout you, Josh?

- You know, Mr.
Arnold, we just met.

Maybe we outghta
take a step back

and think about this a minute.

- Josh,

my father always told me,

too much thinking

makes you stupid.

(laughing)

- I could second that.

Well, I think that
went pretty good.

- Do you?

- Sure, why not?

- What you doing, Frank?

- I'm going home, it's late.

- That's not what
I'm talkin' about.

- Look, I negotiated
the best deal I could.

I mean, what do you expect
them to give us the money

with no strings attached?

- Why didn't you just
pull down his pants

and kiss his ass?

- I was trying to make it work,
what's your problem anyway?

- My problem is these people
don't even know what we do.

I mean, they deal
in waste management.

- So?

- So, we don't have
anything in common.

- Yeah we do.

Money.

They've got it and we need it.

So, we close the deal.

- But at what price?

- Josh, when no one
else is bidding,

any price is a good price.

You know what, we just
came from a funeral.

Here.

- This is not worth
celebrating, alright?

Look, if you wanna
walk away, walk away.

- I'm not saying that.

I'm just saying it's
not a perfect fit.

- There's no such
thing as a perfect fit,

or a perfect opportunity.

But, what we do, Josh,

is we take this
imperfect opportunity

and we make it work
to our advantage.

- You don't turn chicken shit
into chicken salad, alright?

It's all I'm saying.

- Screw chickens, man.

I just wanna take lemons and
turn 'em into lemonade, okay?

Now, are you with this or what?

Alright.

- [Jack] Hey, maybe we
should finish this tomorrow.

- No, keep going.

- Are you sure, your eyes
are filling up with sand.

- I'm awake.

So, does Frank become
Bill Gates or somethin'?

- Well, you gotta be patient.

Okay, Frank and Josh
dive into their work

with all the enthusiasm and
energy of a new startup.

I mean, they god long hours,
late dinners, hardly any sleep.

In fact, things are
lookin' pretty good.

I mean, their burn rate is low,

they even got lucky with
a couple of clients.

Frank's able to move back into
his high-living apartment.

Josh moves his family
into a Manhattan loft.

They're finally
back in the game.

Or, so they thought.

A couple of months pass,

and while Frank is
workin' at his desk,

Peter walks into his office.

- Frank.

- Yeah.

- Can I talk to
you for a minute.

- Oh, sure, come on in.

- Peter, I haven't
even had my coffee yet,

and you're closing my door?

- (laughs) It's just
better to do this alone.

Eugene has this idea that
he wants me to run by you

about adjusting the
business, a little.

- What exactly does that mean?

- He wants me to turn Phoenix
into a holding company.

- I mean, you understand
that term, right?

- Yeah, yeah, it's
like a parent company

which holds several
other companies.

But we don't have
several companies, Peter.

- Right, but, he does.

- Okay.

So, we're a holding company.

- [Peter] So, I can tell
him you're cool with that?

- Is there a downside?

- Well, there's additional
accounting, but, uh,

I can deal with that.

- You're the CFO,

and, if it's okay with
you, it's okay with me.

- Okay, so, I'll pass it by you

as soon as I have
it all worked out.

- Sounds great.

- Oh, and by the way.

Eugene wanted me to tell
you how much he appreciates

the way that you and Josh have

gotten the place up
and running so fast.

He's authorized
bonuses for you both.

- Really?

That's great, man, I
can totally use that.

Great.

Hey, you wanna have lunch?

- No, I can't.

I'm on my way to meet
with a potential client.

- That's the second one
this week, who is it?

- No way, the last time I opened
my mouth we didn't get it.

But, I will tell
you, if we get it

it's a big one.

- Big is good.

- Big is better than good.

- (laughs) Alright.

(laughs)

Josh, where are you.

Don't, don't.

Meet me at El Vagabando
in 45 minutes, okay?

Just don't worry about that,

I'll explain when
we get there, okay?

Josh, Josh, Josh, just
get there, alright?

Will you, please?

Thank you.

(sighs)

(tense music)

- So, what's up?

- Mornin' Frank.

- Mornin'.

- Some coffee?

- Yeah, please.

- Anything else?

- How about you, Josh?

- No, I'm all set, thanks.

- Have some toast.

- I don't want any toast.

- Have some toast.

- I don't want any toast.

- You know what, give
us two cinnamon toasts,

but, for him, don't give
him any butter, okay?

Not so fast.

I have to talk to you
about a business thing,

and I want to do it calmly,

because I know you have
a tendency to panic.

But, there's no need to panic,

not at this point.

- That's reassuring.

- Peter told me this morning

that he's turning us
into a holding company.

Are you listening to me?

- Yeah, we're turning
into a holding.

- [Frank] Thanks.

- Thanks.

We're becoming a holding
company, so what?

- Do you know what one is?

- Yeah, what, it's a quiz?

It's like when a big company
takes other businesses

and holds them under
their umbrella.

- Right, very good,
that's good, Josh.

Yeah, they're consolidating
their other businesses,

and they're turning us
into a holding company.

- Uh-huh.

- You don't get it, do you?

Josh, I think we're being
turned into a laundromat.

- Yeah, I thought they were
in the rubbish business.

- What is with you, okay?

You know, I just checked, you
know how much money we have?

- I have no idea.

- 900.

- Nine?

- How did we go through
all that so fast?

- 900 thousand, Josh.

- That is not possible,
where did that come from?

- I don't know, and
I don't wanna know.

Question is, what are
we gonna do about it?

- Nothin'.

We don't know anything about it,

we haven't done
anything wrong, period.

- We know the books are dirty.

And Peter is giving us a
bonus, why is he doing that?

- Because we deserve it.

- We deserve it.

- Yeah.

- Or to keep us quiet,
what about that, huh?

- Look, Frank, c'mon.

We're makin' good
money, I got my family,

you're living large again.

We don't have a problem, c'mon.

- The problem is we could
be in some very deep shit.

- What's the alternative?

You go to the cops
and you're back

living with your parents again.

- Beats living in a jail cell.

You got a better idea?

- Yeah, we do nothing.

- Oh, yeah, well, that's
good for three to five.

- Look, Frank, like I said,

technically, we didn't
do anything wrong.

Okay, finish your coffee,
I'm going back to work.

- So, just like that, huh?

Business as usual.

- Well, on second thought,

we should probably get out
a life insurance policy.

- What?

- What, you think I'm stupid?

- No, I never said
you were stupid, Josh.

Eugene said that.

Tom, can I get a check?

- Yeah.

(clock gongs)

- Dad.

- Oh, must've dozed
off, what time is it?

Did I miss the weather or what?

- Yes, you did.

- Well, how did it go today?

- Okay.

- What's wrong?

- Why do you think
something's wrong.

- I'm your father.

- It's nothing I can't handle.

- Is that all I get?

- No, no.

You get this.

- Oh, thank you.

- Thanks for the loan.

- No problem.

- And this

is for not telling mom.

- What did you do, win
the lottery or what?

- Kind of.

Me and Josh got bonuses.

- Oh.

- So, what do you
think, you like it?

- It's very nice, very nice.

- You can play movies on it.

- Well, I take your mother
out if I wanna see a movie.

What did you do to
deserve this bonus.

- Well, I guess they
like the way Josh and I

are running the company.

- Oh.

Congratulations, then.

- Hey, dad, let me ask
you a legal question.

Hypothetically.

- Yeah.

- If someone's messing
with a company's books,

but the owner of the company

doesn't know that somebody's
messing with them,

could he be in trouble?

- Well, it depends, I mean, if
he doesn't know, that's fine.

But if he suspects something,

and he's an officer
in the company,

that definitely implicates him.

Why?

Something wrong?

- No, no, no, no, I was
talking to a friend of mine,

he works on Wall Street, and
he was telling me a story.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, if your friend
wanted some legal advice,

advise that people that cook
the books generally get burned.

- I mean, do you
see my point here?

- Yes, yes, I do.

But, like every client,

they're trying to put
10 pounds of manure

into a five pound bag.

- This is a weed.

You know what, I am
absolutely done with this.

Be my guest.

- What is wrong with you?

Don't ignore me, Frank.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't
know you were talking.

- You signed off on this?

- What are you talking about?

- Don't, please,
I know you, Frank.

Please.

- Josh, what are
you talking about?

Where are you going?

Josh, what are
you talking about?

- Ask Peter, alright?

- What does Peter have
to do with anything?

- Look, this isn't funny, Frank.

- Who said it was funny?

Josh, get over here,
Josh, stop right now.

- Frank says he knows nothing
about the tobacco account.

- What tobacco account?

- I closed on a smoke
deal, a major smoke deal.

- We agreed no porno,
no guns, no tobacco.

We agreed to that, didn't we?

- The numbers were
too good to pass up.

- What was the offer?

- I don't care what the offer,

I don't care if it's
10 grand a site.

- [Peter] It's more.

- It's more than 10 grand?

- Potentially, five times more.

- We're gonna need to
rethink this, Josh.

- Fuck it.

- He'll come around.

- You know, Frank, I like Josh.

But he's startin' to get
in the way of business.

- He'll be fine.

What are you doing?

- What does it look
like I'm doing?

Last time I waited too
long, you boxed up first.

This time, you can turn
out the lights, okay?

- Look, Josh, I don't
know what your problem is.

- You know, not only
are you a whore,

willing to sell out your best
friend for an Armani suit,

but you do it and you make
it seem like I'm the problem.

- You're the one that said
we can make this work.

- Yeah, well, I guess
I was wrong, okay?

- [Frank] Josh, enough,
okay, I need you.

- Yeah, well, it's a little
late for that, isn't it?

- You really think they're
just gonna let you walk away?

- I'm not washing money and I'm
not selling tobacco to kids.

Okay, my father died
of lung cancer, Frank.

- You never told me that.

- Yeah, well.

I also got a kid
who looks up to me.

I'd like to keep it that way.

- I heard you,
Josh, I heard you.

I will think of
something, alright,

but we are in a dog eat
dog situation in here,

and we need to make
sure we don't get eaten.

(sighs)

Christ, motherfucker.

(melancholic music)

Hey, it's Frank.

Is Peter in his office?

Do you know when
he's gonna be back?

(tense music)

(knocks on door)

- [Man] Come in.

- Hi, I'm Frank Costello, I
spoke to you on the phone.

- Sure, have a seat.

You have signing
authority on this account?

- Yes.

- Then, I just need
some identification.

Okay, how would you like that?

- Hundreds.

- Well, an amount this large,

I'll have to place
a special order.

It'll take a couple hours.

- Okay, when do you close?

- [Man] 4 o'clock.

- I'll see you at 3:30.

- Very good.

- [Frank] Thanks again.
- [Man] Sure.

- May I speak to Peter, please.

- What's goin' on?

(grunts) Easy!

Fuck.

- Good morning, Frank.

- What's going on?

- How should I know?

So, Peter, (laughs)
what's goin' on?

You'll find out.

Just relax.

Help yourself to a
drink from the bar.

- Listen, Peter, if it's about
the tobacco account thing,

I mean, I'm sure that
we can work that out.

- Yeah, Peter, I mean,
Josh was just kidding.

I mean, weren't you, Josh?

- Right, I mean, all the time...

- Would you shut the fuck up?

(engine revs)

(funky music)

(laughing)

(shouting in foreign language)

(laughing)

(shouting in foreign language)

- Now, which one of
you is Frank, huh?

- Who wants to know?

- Pedro.

(punch thuds)
(grunts)

(gasps for air)
- I'm sorry, my mistake.

(cries out)

- I ask the questions, si?

- [Frank and Josh] Si.

- Frank.

We can do this the hard
way or the easy way.

The choice is yours.

- Well, I always say,

why make it hard when
you can make it easy?

- Be careful,

your life is not worth the
trouble you have caused me.

(gargles)

Where is my money, huh?

- What is he talking
about, Frank?

- He doesn't know
anything about this.

- Josh doesn't have anything
to do with anything.

- I ask again.

Where is my money, huh?

- Don't worry, it's safe.

- [Roberto] In a safe?

- No.

- What he means is, he has it.

- In a safe?

- It's safe.

- That's what I said, in a safe.

- I think I'm gonna throw up.

- Where's the money, Frank?

- My father has it.

- He's lying.

- [Roberto] He's lying.
- [Thug] He's lyin'!

- Enough!

- I swear.

Is that real?

- There's one way for sure
to find out, my friend.

- Wait.

I need a phone.

Call your father,

tell him Josh is coming
by to pick up the money.

- Yeah, yeah, I'll go.

- Make it convincing,
or we shoot Josh.

- What?

- Hi, Jane, it's Frank,
is my father there?

Do you know when
he's gonna be back?

No, that's okay, I'll
just call back, thanks.

You too.

Yeah, he'll be
back in 20 minutes.

- Okay, Peter.

Drive Josh over there,
call us from the street.

For Frank's sake, don't
screw this up, Josh.

- I can't believe
you got me into this!

- Fight him back
like a man, man.

I should blow your balls off,
but I'm feeling good today.

- How good?

- Very good.

(laughs) I want you to pee
pee in your pants, huh?

- What?

- You heard me.

- Pee pee.

- Do it.

- You're kidding.

- Either you pee pee,
or I blow them off.

- Okay, okay.

(tense music)

(heavy breathing)

This is really hard
with you standing there.

- You need some privacy?

- Yeah.

- I don't got all day,
man, I wanna hear it.

I wanna hear that stream, man.

(water trickles)
(sighs)

Yellow, man.

You gotta drink more water.

- At least eight glasses a day.

- You act like a boy,
I treat you like one.

Now sit down.

This never should've
happened, man.

- That's obvious.

How would I know they'd
do something so stupid.

- They also know too much.

- That's not my line of work.

- [Roberto] What if the
money isn't there, huh?

- Frank, tell Roberto
he'll get his money.

- Oh, you'll definitely
get your money.

- Oh, I better
get my money, man.

- [Eugene] Okay.
- [Roberto] Okay.

- Now, if you need me for
anything, I'll be in my office.

(sirens wail)

(shouts in foreign language)

(sirens wail and tires screech)

- FBI, Roberto!

We got you surrounded.

Give it up, get your hands up!

- Hey, put your guns
down or I kill Mr. Frank.

- We can't do that, amigo.

You let him go and we'll parley.

- There's no way out, Roberto,

let my lawyer handle this.

He'll have us out
by this evening.

Don't shoot, I give up!

(gun fires)

(grunts)

(sad music)

(gun fires)

- You shot him in the back.

- Is there any other way for
lawyer-licking cowards to die?

(tense music)

Listen.

Mr. Frank is next.

I shoot him unless you back off.

- You're in a heap
of trouble, boy.

Where are you gonna go?

- Get up!

I want a plane to Cuba!

- We can't do that, it's a
Republican administration.

- Well, then I want
political asylum.

I'm a Cuban refugee.

- No problemo.

Just put down the gun.

- Somehow I don't
believe you, amigo.

- This is your last
change, Roberto.

- Please don't hurt my son.

- Your son?

Your son has no balls, man.

Look at him, no balls,
he pee peed in his pants.

Someone get him a diaper, man!

(gun fires)

(guns fire)

(screams)

(angelic music)

(grunts)

(funky music)

- Dad!

I screwed up.

Tell mom I love her.

And I do like her cooking.

Where's Josh?

- Right here buddy.

- Josh, I never
meant to be a whore.

- Could've fooled me.

- [Father] Me too.

- Dad.

I couldn't even make lemonade.

- [Paramedic] One, two, clear.

(machine beeps)

- We were just talking,

then, all of a
sudden, he passed out.

Is he gonna be okay?

- Hopefully.

Okay, let's get him an IV
and get him out of here.

This place makes me sweat.

(machine beeps)

- You had us worried.

- Where am I?

- Where do you think you are?

- May I see Josh?

- Who's Josh?

- I have to talk to Josh.

- Whoa, whoa, Frank,
listen, not so fast.

You know what happened?

You remember being
in the steam room?

Frank, you had a heart attack.

You passed out and fell, you
hit your head pretty hard.

You remember any of that?

- Kind of.

- How's your vision,
any blurriness?

- How did I get here?

- By ambulance.

If you want a blow by blow,
that paramedic is outside.

Get some rest,
I'll be right back.

Frank.

This is Emily.

She's the paramedic who
got your heart pumpin'.

- [Emily] Hey, Frank,
how's the bump?

- Don't I know you?

- Frank, let me
just take a look.

- You're the paramedic
that saved me?

- It's no big deal.

I mean, it is for you, but

it's my job.

How you doin'?

- Fine.

I'm just trying to decide
if I'm happy to be alive

or if I with I was dead.

- I would recommend life.

I think we're all
gonna die soon enough.

- Easy for you to
say, life isn't hell.

- Frank, I'm gonna
have 'em come in

and give you something to relax.

- So, you probably hear
this all the time, but,

I feel like I should do
something to repay you.

- Oh, well, we don't
accept tips, so...

- What about dinner?

- Dinner we can do.

Yeah, when you're
feeling better.

Just not sushi, I
don't eat raw fish.

- The Ilenroy House was
opened in June of 1929.

- [Jack] Over the next few
days, while he recovered.

Frank became more
and more depressed,

until he finally
got to the point

that he stopped eating.

He was transferred
to the psych ward

where he spent seven weeks.

WebBoards

never funded.

When Frank was finally released,

he thought about
starting his life over.

He also had Chinese
dinner with Emily,

and it wasn't long after that

that they fell in love.

And, as for Josh,

well,

let's save that story
for another night.

(moans and groans)

Honey?

You okay?

- The curry worked!

Oh, it's time!

- Okay!
(cries out)

Okay, let's get you
dressed, okay, that's yours.

Okay, okay baby,
everything's fine.

Keep breathing, let's
get you dressed.

- Oh shit!

- Okay, okay, what is it?

- This is gonna be
a home birth, Jack!

- Don't say that,
it's gonna be okay!

(cries out)

- Mom, are you okay?

- Alright, come here,
son, talk to your mom.

(phone beeps)

Come on, Jeff.

Jeff.

Hey, hey, it's happening!

(laughs) Yeah, it's happening.

Come on, okay, alright bud.

Okay!

Okay, let's get you
dressed, sweetie.

- What about me?

- [Parents] You go get dressed!

- Go get dressed!

Where are your slippers,
where are your slippers?

- [Lynn] I don't want
to wear slippers.

- Okay, you don't
have to wear them.

- Okay.

- Okay, okay, okay!
(screams)

Alright, you stay in
there, you hear me?

I'm your father talking, I'm
telling you to stay in there.

(door buzzes)

- Hey, sweetie.

- [Danny] She's in the bedroom.

(moaning)

- [Emily] How you doin'?

- Fine, but I don't think
we're gonna make it.

- Hi, beautiful,
how close are they?

- Every few minutes.

- Can I ride up front?

- If it's okay with
Jeff and Emily.

- Why not.

My wife might even
let you use the siren.

- I could use some company.

- Cool!

- Danny, give mommy a kiss.

Alright, wear your seat belt.

I think this is the first
time I've seen you in uniform.

- Pretty sexy, huh?

(funky music)

(screams)

(grunts)

(groans)

- [Jeff] How are things
at the diner, Jack?

- It's not a diner.

- Oh, that's right,
Internet cafe.

- There's a difference.

- They both sell coffee.

- Yeah, well, we
don't do fries, okay?

- You know, to be
perfectly honest,

I forgot you were in a
classy establishment.

- So, how's our
old friend Stanley?

- You never liked Stanley.

- Well, as I recall,
neither did you.

Although you did like his money.

- Are you two ever gonna stop?

Enough is enough, just let
me have my baby in peace.

- I am taking some of
your advice, though.

- Really, you're taking
some of my advice?

- I'm turning lemons
into lemonade.

- Did I say that?

(screams)

- [Jack] Alright, baby.

I think it's just gas.