27 Dresses (2008) - full transcript

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Mozart found his calling at age five...

composing his first minuet.

Picasso discovered
his talent for painting...

- when he was nine.
- Oh. Thanks.

- Oh!
- Tiger Woods swung his first club...

well before
his second birthday.

Me? I was eight when I discovered
my purpose in life.

I was at the St. Thomas Church next to the
Hyatt Regency in Weehawken, New Jersey.

It was my cousin Lisa's
wedding.

Here, Dad. Let me.



It was our first big
family event since Mom died...

and Dad was not in great shape.

Daddy, can you take me to the girls' room?
I have to go pee.

Uh, come on, Tess.
Let's go.

Shit! Oh, shit!

- Oh,Janey, I'm sorry.
- It's okay. We have cable.

What'll I do?
What the f--

The heck am I gonna do?

Thank you so much, sweetie.
You saved the day.

Janey, get my train.

And that was the moment.
That's when I fell in love with weddings.

I knew that I had helped someone
on the most important day of their life.

And I couldn't wait
for my own special day.

Oh,Jane, that's stunning.
It really is. It's the perfect dress.



Oh, my God.
You look so beautiful.

Really? You really think so?

It's amazing,
like it was made for you.

- It's for you. It's the bride.
- Oh, great.

Thank you. Hi, Suzanne.

-Jane, is it ready?
- Yeah. They just finished hemming it.

- It fits?
- I know. Thank God we're the same size.

- Are you coming now?
- I'm gonna have it over to you in just a minute.

- Don't worry about anything. This is your day.
- Thanks,Jane.

Come on.
Get that out of here.

There you are! You look great.

- Thanks!
- Okay. Let's go. Come on.

Oh. Here.

- What's this?
- I brought you a shawl, Visine, Tylenol...

- a pair of my earrings.
- Ooh.

- About your hair--
- What? The bitch said, "Up." It's up.

Okay. I'll fix it
inside.

What's all this stuff?

Let's just hurry.

Aren't the dresses great?
The best thing about them is...

-you can shorten them and wear them again.
- Definitely. So true.

Give me a smile.

Okay. Excuse me.
On the right-

We are gathered here today
to celebrate the union...

of Suzanne and Greg.

This is a time
of great joy...

as we honor two people
who have come together...

to be joined
in holy matrimony.

- Oh, wow.
- Sorry.

Taxi!

Great.

Thanks. 31 Water Street.
Brooklyn.

Okay. I will give you
$300 flat...

- for the whole night on one condition--
- Yeah.

You don't look in the rear view mirror
or I deduct.

- Deal? Great.
- Yeah.

What are you doing?

Hey. You just cost yourself
20 bucks.

I-- No one's looking.

I'll be right back.

Thank God you're here. I'm freakin' out.

- I forgot my thingy.
- Oh! Um--

I brought extra.
No worries.

- Perfect.
- Thank you.

- Hi!
- Hi!

Are these dresses great? And the best thing
is you could shorten it and wear it again.

That is definitely so true.

We gather here today
to join in holy matrimony...

- Shari Rabinowitz--
- And Prakash Maharasti...

known to his friends
as "Woody."

Shari and Prakash are so happy
that so many of you are here today-

What are you doing?
Get in the car! Come on!

Go! Go! Go!

- You in?
- Yeah.

Hey! Hey!
You are down to 260.

Are you sure you wanna
keep this up?

- No!
- Okay, then.

Okay. Which one do you want?
The brunet or the blond?

I kinda want the blond.
I'm not gonna lie.

Casey, can't you keep it
in your pants for one wedding?

Are you kidding? The only reason to wear
this monstrous dress...

is so some drunken groomsman
can rip it to shreds with his teeth.

What time is it now? Well, I'm just gonna be
about two more hours, so--

I'll call you back.

Holy--

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

#Lovely is the feeling now #

Hey! Wrong shoes!
Wait a minute. Wrong shoes.

Ziggy! What?

# Temperature's rising now #

- Ha!
- #Power #

Oh! Geez!

Jane, I'm so hungry. Did you eat anything?

- Oh, yeah.
- It looks gorgeous. I haven't eaten anything.

And let me give you some advice,
do not drink Moet on an empty stomach.

I'll tell ya. Whoa. Fall right off.

- Did you meet my grandma?
- Yeah. She was great. I really enjoyed her.

- I think she's having fun.
- Oh, yeah. Lots.

#Don't stop
till you get enough #

- #Keep on with the force #
- Whoo-hoo!

- #Don't stop till you get enough #
- #Keep on, baby #

#Don't stop till you get enough ##

-Jane, what is that thing on your forehead?
- Oh.

I'd like to take a moment
to give a special thank-you to a girl...

who's really gone
above and beyond.

The girl who not only hosted my shower
and helped me design the invitation--

She went with me to the caterer,
the florist, the wedding cake bakery-

And to eight bridal stores...

where she helped me cling
to my self-esteem--

As I tried on dress
after dress.

So thanks,Jane!

Thanks,Jane.

Okay! Everybody ready?

Is she all right?

Is she all right?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy.Just take it easy.

You don't wanna move around too much.
Okay. This is a serious injury.

I need you to give me some ice.
You, give me a bottle of 100-proof liquor...

and something
she can bite on-- stat!

All right. She's fine,
folks.

Just a little bump
on the head. Carry on.

You a doctor?

No, but Tweedledee and "Tweedledrunk"
were bugging me, so--

- Okay. Do you know your name?
-Jane.

Jane. I'm Kevin.

Hmm. Thank you
for helping me.

- Sure. Got it?
- Uh-huh.

- Okay. You're good?
- I'm fine.

All right.

Whoa, whoa. Okay.
Why don't we get you a cab?

All right. Nice and easy.
Let's walk.

# That I'm irresponsibly mad #

#For you ##

I loved your thong,
by the way.

You buzzed past me earlier.
I saw you changing gowns.

You were in two weddings
in one night, weren't you?

- That's a little upsetting, don't you think?
- They're both good friends...

and their weddings happened to be on
the same night, so what was I supposed to do?

Oh, no. That's not the upsetting part.
How do you stand it?

- I mean, isn't one wedding bad enough?
- I love weddings. I always have.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Which part, the forced merriment,
horrible music or bad food?

Actually, it's meeting
upbeat people like yourself.

Love is patient. Love is kind.
Love means slowly losing your mind.

- What is it you do again?
- I'm a writer.

Right.

- This is my building.
- I got it.

- No. I got it.
- Sure?

Yeah.

All right, sweetie. A hundred and forty.
You know what you did.

Hey! What's-- No.
He's gonna be right back. Hold on.

Don't you think it's a whole lot of ritual
for something that--

Let's face it-- It's got about a 50-50 shot
of making it out of the gate.

How very refreshing.
A man who doesn't believe in marriage.

- I'm just trying to point out
the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
- Oh.

That's so noble of you.
Do you also go around...

telling small children
that Santa Claus doesn't exist?

'Cause someone needs
to blow that shit wide open.

So you admit that believing in marriage
is kind of like believing in Santa Claus.

No. I--

I don't know why I'm arguing
this with a perfect stranger.

But, yes, marriage, like everything good
and important, isn't easy.

Cynicism, on the other hand,
always is.

- It was very interesting meeting you.
- Bye.

Yeah.

You gonna be in more
weddings next weekend?

- I have to go.
- How many have you been in, by the way?

- Just, like, ballpark.
- Good night.

- Hey, you know what? Could you--
- Yeah?

- Forget it.
- Yup.

Okay.

Death. Destruction.
Wedding vows. Yea.

Come to mama.

Oh.

Jeter hit a walk-off
in the ninth. Did you see it?

Uh, no. I work
Saturday nights, remember?

- Here. From the happy couple.
- Oh, that's right.

You were eating coconut cake
and doing the Electric Slide.

- So how'd it go?
- Oh, let's see.

The bride wore a gown that sparkled
like the groom's eyes...

as he saw her approaching
through a shower of rose petals.

And you're not
getting laid?

Commitments is the gold standard
of wedding announcements.

Every girl on the planet rips open that page,
first thing Sunday.

Brides kill to get in there.

Do you have any idea
what you can be doin'?

- You mean to women who are
about to get married?
- Yeah.

They won't call you.
They won't bother you.

They will pretend they never even met you.
You can't beat that.

Well, it's not gonna
matter much longer anyway.

- You're looking at my ticket
out of the taffeta ghetto.
- Keep on dreaming.

- Uh, go away.
- Yes. Okay.

What? I wasn't gonna come
to work in my bridesmaid dress.

Two-day walk of shame outfit.
Elegant.

What happened to you
the other night?

You were barely there,
and then you disappeared.

- You meet someone?
- Come on. No.

Oh. Ridiculous question.

- Good morning, Gina.
- Hi.

- You haven't seen my Filofax
anywhere, have you?
- No.

No. Okay.
I'll go look for it.

- Did you get those catalog pages in for George?
- No.

Okay. No worries.
I'll get them from production.

Attagirl.
Show her who's boss.

- I'm not her boss.
- You're the boss's assistant.

Same diff. What's the good of your job
if you can't abuse the power?

- Casey, go to Accounting.
- Now you're bossy.

Where the hell
did I put that thing?

That is a great idea for the front page
of the section.

Oh, come on, Doyle. How many times
have I heard this from you?

- I'm telling you, Maureen. It's a great idea.
- Really?

As great as your last great idea, an expose
on price-fixing at wedding bakeries?

Yes! Yes! They're ripping people off.
Flour costs pennies per ounce.

That's an 8000/0 markup.
It's outrageous.

Yes, it is.
Also, no one cares.

What about the piece I wanted to do on
the exploitation of workers in lace factories?

- That is a killer piece.
- Oh, right.

That's what people really wanna
read about in the Style section.

Kevin, this section practically
pays for the entire paper.

Our advertisers want fun, upbeat,
colorful human-interest stories...

- opposite their products.
- So that's what we're about now? Making money?

- Get out.
- All right. Listen. That was not right.

I get it. But this one is.
Look, this woman...

- has been in seven weddings--
- So?

This year. She was in two
on Saturday alone.

But it won't just be about her.

It'll be an incisive look at how the wedding
industry has transformed something...

that should be an important rite
of passage into nothing more
than a corporate revenue stream.

In a fun, upbeat, you know,
cheerful way.

Look, Maureen, I am dying
back there in Commitments.

If I have to write another sentence about
baby's breath, I'm gonna shoot myself.

This is a real story.
This is what I wanna do.

I need you covering weddings.
That's what you're good at.

And that's what
I need you to do.

If you don't start giving me feature stories,
I'm gonna have to quit.

One chance. If I don't like it, you go back
to Commitments for the rest of your life...

with a big smile on that ridiculously
handsome face of yours.

Deal.

- You think he'll like these?
- Yes, I do.

I think those photos for the fall catalog will
cause George to take you into his office...

- and make sweet love to you for hours and hours.
- Shh! Casey.

Tell me that crazy crush is the reason you
work as hard as you do, 'cause it's upsetting.

-Just like my job. Okay?
- No. You just think that one day...

George is gonna wake up and realize
that he is madly in love with you...

- and he's gonna make some
spectacular gesture of love--
- Flowers for Jane Nichols.

Yeah. That's me.
Thank you.

That's great. I spent two days in bed
with a guy, and you get flowers.

- Nice.
- There's no note.

Oh,Jane. You don't seriously think
they're from your dream guy, do you?

Gina, can you take these
to my desk for me?

- Sure. No problem.
- Thank you.

Would you please stop
saying that? Nobody knows.

Everybody knows,Jane,
except George.

It's true.

Gatsby! Hi, buddy. Hi!

Whoa! Come on, Gatsby.
No slobbering on the ladies.

Hi.

- How was it?
- It was phenomenal. Up and back...

in 10 hours--
our best time yet.

Isn't that, like, the eighth time
you climbed Mount Whitney?

- How do you remember that stuff,Jane?
- I don't know.

- So we just got these in. What do you think?
- I think they're too corporate.

That's what I was thinking. They don't
have enough of a feel of being-

Outdoors. Right. I mean,
there's no adventure.

There's no danger. Plus, everyone
looks way too put together.

Yeah. Like models. Got it.
I will talk to Marketing.

See? That's why I keep
you around,Jane.

I mean, who else could finish my sentences?

Your design meeting
is at 11:00.

And the 92nd Street Y called to confirm
that you'll be attending their benefit.

- You wanna go?
- Do I have to make a speech?

Just a few words about ecologically
responsible business practices.

Something light and fun.
You in?

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.
Put it on the calendar...

but I'm probably gonna need
to dig up a date for that, huh?

- Yeah. Probably.
- At least that's the one thing in my life...

-you don't have to take care of for me, right?
- Yeah.

Oh, my... God!

- Leave me alone.
- Jane!

- Yeah?
- Did you put that breakfast burrito on my desk?

I just thought
you might be hungry.

That's why I love ya.

I love you too.

Oh! Yeah.

Yeah. You're right.
I needed that.

Okay, everybody. I hope to see you all
at my engagement party tonight.

And,Jane, thanks again
for arranging everything.

No problem.

Do you wanna come over
to my place before the party?

Some of the guys from Shipping
are coming...

- and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.
- Fun!

I can't. I gotta pick up
Tess from the airport.

God! Wouldn't it be great if there was
a service that you could hire to do that?

Like yellow cars or shiny
black sedans--

I want to pick her up.
She's my baby sister.

Plus, she needs
my help, so--

- See ya.
- Wouldn't wanna be ya.

Hi!

Yea!

Hey! When did you start
traveling so lightly?

Oh.

I always meet the nicest
people on planes.

Hmm. Come on.
Parked in P-9.

Rudolfo said he wanted to come back
to New York with me, of course...

but I told him that
I needed space, you know?

Spazio, Rudolfo!
Spazio.

Oh! This is so tiny
and cute. I love it.

Ah. Feels so good
to be home.

Six months away
feels like forever.

Mom was my age,you know?

- Almost to the day.
- Yeah.

It was the perfect wedding--

The Boathouse, the big band,
ceremony at sunset.

Except that dress.

I mean, the synthetic lace
and the inverted box pleats.

I think it was perfect.

- Well, they really did love each other.
- Yeah.

What are these?
Wedding announcements?

I'm-- No. They're just--
I was--

Excuse me. I was going
to recycle them.

Well, excuse me.
Into what? Wallpaper?

It's just this one guy.

Malcolm Doyle-- I only keep his.
He writes the best ones.

I just-- I love the stories--
The crazy proposals...

the engagements.

Yeah. Never mind. It's not really your thing.
So, um, how long you stayin'?

Um, a week or two 'cause the fall fashion
shows are done, so I don't have much work.

Speaking of work. I am meeting up with some
people from the office tonight for a party.

- You wanna come?
- Actually, I'm having drinks
with some friends from Milan.

All right. So, let me
get this straight.

You would rather go have drinks
with Italian models...

than come to my awesome
work party?

- Weird, huh?
- Yeah.

- But I'll try to make it.
- Well, thanks.

Grey Goose is in the freezer.
Red Bull's on top of the 'fridge.

-In the cupboard there are--
- Strawberry Pop Tarts.Jinx!

I said it first. I beat you.

- St. Marks and A.
- You got it.

- Hi, Gina.
- Hey, George.

- Great party.
- Thanks for comin'.

- You got them champagne glasses
and a bottle of Cristal.
- Good.

All right. Any way she's gonna believe
that it actually came from me?

- Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it.
- Nice. Nice touch.

Ah, look. I'm gonna go to the bar,
get a couple of drinks.

You guys need anything.
A little liquid courage?

Maybe some hair of the dog for you?

I'm good. Thanks.

He asks if you want a drink,
you smile and you say, "Vodka soda."

If you already have a drink, you down it. Then
there's some flirting, some interoffice sex...

an accidental pregnancy,
a shotgun wedding and a life of bliss.

How many times do we
have to go over this?

- I don't want him
to think I'm irresponsible.
- Hey, guys.

Yeah. That's what guys want,
responsible. Mmm!

You're wrong. George appreciates
me for the way I am.

What good is it being
appreciated if no one is naked?

Hey,Jane. Look.
By the way...

did you get that thing
I left on your desk this morning?

- O-On my desk?
- Yeah. Was that okay?

- Okay? It was great.
- Okay. Good. Good.

'Cause, you know, we haven't really
had that kind of relationship before...

so I just wanted to make sure
you were okay with it.

- George!
- All right. Excuse me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
He gave me flowers. He gave me flowers.

Okay. Stop it. This is real life.
This is not a fantasy.

You have to go over there
and tell him how you feel.

Okay. It's now or never,
so-- so now.

- Now, now. Go. Now!
- Yeah.

Whoo!

-Jane.
- Sorry.

George, this is my sister, Tess. Tess, this is
my George-- No! I didn't mean it like that.

Jane is my assistant.
Kind of like my right hand.

Lucky her.

Yeah.

It's kind of like whatever I need,
she takes care of.

As if I don't take enough
advantage of her already...

I even dropped my dry cleaning
slip off on her desk today.

Your dry cleaning slip.

- It was an emergency, so--
- Of course.

Good fluff-and-fold
is no joking matter.

Yeah. Especially when you're
down to your last pair of socks.

Right.

- You wanna get a drink?
- Mm-hmm.

Came to have a drink
with my sister.

Janey?

Hi. How are ya?

Were the flowers too much?

- They're from you.
- Uh-huh.

You sent them.
The angry marriage-hater.

Oh, that's--That's such...
good news.

Good news. Hey, Kev,
can you hold this for one sec?

- Uh, sure.
- Thanks.

Motherf--

Why? Why?

Oh.

I'm so sorry.

Congratulations.

Fifty. Wow. That's--

I'm sorry.
You were saying.

Uh, I just asked
if you'd got my flowers.

Oh, and I have
something for you.

I wanted to give you-

- Here you are.
- Oh, my God. Thank God.

Yeah. You left it in the cab.
It was either the engagement party tonight...

or Thursday's bikini wax,
so-- I thought that--

- You read it?
- Yeah. Well, no. I tried to read it.

It was very hard. All your little notes
in the little cramped handwriting.

It's very Unabomber. You know, they do have
these Space Age computer date books now...

- that take care of everything for you.
- Oh, yes.

- I don't need to be taken care of. Thank you.
- Uh, have a drink with me.

- Yeah?
- Uh, you know--

Thank you for bringing back
my Filofax. That was very nice.

It's a drink. It's not a week in Oahu.
Come on. It'll take the edge off.

Come on.Just one drink.

I'm sorry. I'm really not
gonna be very much...

fun tonight.

Got it. Totally got it. So maybe
I'll bump into you on Thursday.

Maybe not. I'll see
you around.

Who was that? And where
can I get one?

Is he coming back?

That's freakin' insane. I could never do that.

- No, no.
- You didn't eat it?

Oh, my God.
I didn't even see it. I promise.

It's late. You must be exhausted.
Let's--You wanna--

- Let's go dancing.
- What? No. I don't-- George, you don't wanna--

Yeah. No. I'll go.
Okay.

- Yeah, but I gotta warn you.
I'm a terrible dancer.
- Come on.

No. It's true. In fact, on several occasions,
they've had to call the paramedics.

- You wanna come too,Jane?
- Um--

No, no. You guys go.

- Have a good time.
- Okay. Let's go.

Go to sleep,Jane.

Go to sleep.
3:00 a.m.?

# Well, sometimes
I go out by myself #

#And I look across
the water #

#And I think of all the things
what you're doin'#

#And in my head
I paint a picture #

# 'Cause since I come home #

# Well, my body's been
a mess #

#And I miss your tender hair #

#And the way
you like to dress #

#Oh, won't you come on over #

#Stop making a fool
out of me #

# Why don't you come on over,
Valerie ##

Oh, hi, Tess.
How was your date? Nice? What?

You talked about me
the whole time?

Don't feel bad. I'm a really important
part of his life.

We spend every hour,
every day together.

- Hey! Still up?
- Hi.

Yeah. Yeah,just doin' a little bit of cleaning.
Harnessing my chi.

Janey, I had...

the best night ever.

Oh, that's right!
I totally forgot you went out.

- Ow!
- Is that weird for you?

What? Weird? Why would it be weird?
He's my boss. I don't care. Whatever.

- Okay. Great. 'Cause we're
having lunch tomorrow.
- That's so great!

Yeah. I think so too.
Except not quite at that decibel.

So tell me about George.

Oh. Well. I--

Uh, he, uh--

Well, he dropped
out of college...

and then climbed
every major peak in the world.

And then he started Urban Everest
from his apartment...

and turned it into one of the most eco-friendly
philanthropic businesses in the world--

all before he was 30.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

And that's just his resume.
He is an unbelievable boss.
Everybody loves him. Everybody.

And he loves his dog, Gatsby,
more than anyone.

He doesn't eat red meat,
which is kinda cool.

And he would rather spend
all his time outside than anywhere else.

My God.
He sounds amazing.

Yeah. Yeah, but he has flaws.
He does.

He is flawed.

- What do you mean?
- Well, he hates cashews...

which is weird.

And sometimes he doesn't
wear socks with sneakers.

I just think that's gross.

Jane.Jane, those aren't
exactly deal-breakers.

Deal. Wh-What deal?

I mean, nothing happened
between the two of you tonight, did it?

- Did it?
- Well.

Oh. I got ya. Nice.

Mmm. Fun.

Sounds fun.

- Dad?
- Oh, hey, sweetie.

How are you? Oh,
you didn't have to--

Tessie! Oh! Oh!

- Hi.
- Look at you.

Oh, Dad. This place
looks exactly the same.

Now that's not fair.

I got a brand-new awning. I just stripped
and re-varnished all the woodwork. Look.

- New cash register. Digital.
- Oh.

Wow, Dad. I'm sorry.
I don't know how I missed all these...

remarkable improvements.

Give me that. Let's go upstairs.

There we go.

Dad, aren't we a little
old for these?

- No.
- Good, 'cause I love 'em!

So, Tess, how long you here for?

One to two weeks, right?
That's what you said.

Um, actually, it just depends
on how a few things pan out.

What things?

What-What-What few things? What's--

- Hello? Hi!
- Let me guess.

Some new guy is chasing
after her?

I wouldn't call it
"chasing."

- Oh, George. I would love to.
-Jane?

- What?
- You okay?

Yeah! Oh, yeah. Great.
Fine. Everything's fine.

Of course.

I gotta stop.

She's gonna call me.
I guarantee it.

- I got a way of making
the ladies reach out to me.
- Oh, yeah. How?

Oh, God.

Whoo! Ah. "Yello."

You ripped a week out of my planner.
Are you insane?

It's a little experiment. See how you do
without every second of your life mapped out.

By the way,
your life is insane.

What do you do besides
work and help people get married?

You know what? I don't see how
that's any of your business.

How do you afford
these weddings?

I mean, the dresses, the airfares,
the wine of the month clubs?

Hey, people love that gift.
And I'm a frequent member.

So sometimes they throw in
a free gewurztraminer.

Wow. That is terribly sad.
I'm sorry about that.

Ah. Well, look. I wanna
make it up to you.

Okay? How about a new date book
or maybe just a date?

Uh, yeah. Sure.
Let me just pencil you in.

Except, hey! You already did.
Every Saturday for the rest of the year.

You know what? Can you please, please
find someone else to be creepy with?

Nope. Tell you what. Anytime
you wanna hang out with somebody...

who doesn't need you to take them
to a fitting or a cake-tasting...

or a coed mojito and burrito rehearsal dinner,
just give me a call.

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, God.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Are we getting too old for hugs?
- No.

Thank you.

There he is.

- Pedro. How's it goin'?
- Hey, what's up?

- So Pedro is my, uh--
- I'm his little brother.

From the Big Brother
Program at the Y.

- Oh.
- Pedro, Tess happens to be Jane's sister.

- Oh.
- Hola, Pedro.

Yeah. Um, look,Jane,
Tess and I...

are gonna take Pedro to his baseball game
if you wanna join us.

I can't. I've got so much work to do.
I should stay here.

Are you kidding me,Jane?
Look, your boss is a jerk anyhow.

- Let's go. I don't wanna have to fire you.
- Okay.

All right?
All right. Let's go.

- Hey. How you doin'?
- All right.

Let me get three Diet Pepsis,
three fries and--

- Chili dog. You want a chili dog?
- Uh, no.

- Not unless it's a tofu dog with meatless chili.
- I'm sorry. What?

- You're a vegetarian?
- Uh-huh. It's recent.

- Oh, is it?
- You know, 'cause I'm a vegetarian too.

- Oh.
- I used to be a vegan,
but it was too much of a hassle.

Oh, God. I know. I mean, even being
a vegetarian is a challenge.

I mean, every time I go hiking, I have
to bring my homemade "to furky jerky."

You go hiking?
I mean, no offense...

but you hardly seem like the kind of girl
that hits the trails--

Especially
in those shoes.

Don't be silly. The best "to furky"
is made by publicists in kitten heels.

I can see how you would think that,
but I actually love...

all that outdoorsy
type of stuff--

You know, hiking and biking
and climbing up things.

But, to tell you the truth, I haven't been
hiking since--Well, since my dog died.

See Jane and I had this
dog growing up, Tory.

I just-- I loved him.

He would just go on nature hikes
and climbing adventures.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about
that bag of fleas.

Good ol' Tory.

Jane, how come you never
mentioned Tory?

I don't know. I must have
repressed the memory of Toby.

Yeah. His name was "Toby," but I called him
"Tory" because I had a lisp.

A lisp that turned
your "B's" to "R's"?

You know what?
When I was a kid, I had a stutter.

No way!

- We have more things
in common than I thought.
- Yeah, me too.

I'm gonna go out and shag
some flies with Pedro.

Ooh! I'm jealous. It sounds fun.

- What are "shagging flies"?
- What are you doing?

- What?
- You hate dogs and tofu and being outside.

No. I like yachts. I like flowers.
I like, you know, tanning.

- I mean, it's not exactly the same--
- And you hated Toby.

You hated him. The only animals you ever
cared about are dead ones with sleeves.

You're just saying all this stuff
because George is so... attractive.

- Or some people think he is.
- I did not hate that dog.

I just hated it
when he slobbered on me.

And I could like soy milk
and hiking if I tried it. Maybe.

Hey, Tess. What do you say
you come out here. Let's see that arm.

Ooh. Fun. Are we gonna shag now?

- Ever done this before?
- No. I don't know how to do this.

- Here you go.
- Okay. Like that?

Put this arm down there. All right?
Hold that elbow up.

- Okay.
- All right. Hold it there.

Hi.

Thank you.
Thank you.

- Oh.
- #I'm in like with you #

- "Love, George."
- Ah.

#Not in love with you
quite yet #

- George.
- #My heart's beginning to #

Oh, that's terrific.

#Slightly overrule
my head #

#Oh, no, oh, no
My self-control #

#It won't hold up for very long #

#Oh, no, oh, no #

- # You touch my soul #
- We should all go fishing together sometime.

Wouldn't that be great?

# 'Cause I might need
a moment #

#And I wouldn't wanna spoil it
Who knows #

#If I am
ready or not #

- # To date or not #
- #Only time will tell #

# Who knows #

#If we are ready
to make this #

#Something #

# Who knows #

#Mmm,yeah #

You know that in sign language,
this means "I love you."

- #But I haven't fallen in quite yet #
- I love you too, Tess.

#Oh, no, oh, no #

#My self-control #

#It won't hold up
for very long #

#Oh, no, oh, no #

# You touch my soul #

#I can't help falling
too fast for you #

- # Who knows #
-Jane!

#If I am
ready or not ##

- Which one sucks less?
- This one.

- Good. Maybe, uh, would you mind again?
- Nope.

- Thank you.
- I do it for my dad all the time.

You okay? You seem
a little bit nervous.

Yeah. No. I'm cool.

- How's it look?
- Great.

- Here you go. Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.

Oh, hey. Guys, guys! Hold it.
She's not the one. She's not the one.

Hey.Jane.

I'm so sorry. I should've called,
but you forgot your wallet.

Oh. Well, thanks.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, guys. Now, now.

Jane, what's going on?

Come here, boy.

Golly. Here you go.

- Oh!
- Hey, Tess.

- Sorry.
- Um--

Will you do me a favor?
Sit down a second.

Okay.

So, Tess. My parents met playing hopscotch
when they were, like, eight years old...

and they were married
for 42 years.

And I've been waiting my whole life
to feel the way my dad felt about my mom.

And maybe I've been too busy
trying to make something of myself...

- but, I think I...
- Oh!

missed some
of those moments.

- But, Tess, the second that I saw you...
- Okay.

I knew that we could
be great together.

So, um--

Tess, will you marry me?

Yes, of course I will.

George.

So, wait. Does this mean
that you're moving back here?

Yup.

Whoa. Well, I-- I don't know what to say.
You give Jane a job...

then you get Tessie
to move back home.

George, you're my hero.
I mean it.

Oh, thank you. You have a couple
of pretty great girls here.

Wait.Just a second. I wanna get somethin'.
Don't go anywhere.

Who isn't?

I'm so excited
that we did this today.

- He's so happy.
- Tess.

Daddy!

- Your mother would've wanted you to have it.
- Daddy, thank you!

Okay.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

-Jane, you don't mind, right?
- No. No.

- You can have it after me.
- No. That's good. It's right.
Mom would've wanted that.

- Yeah. Mom would've wanted that.
- That's my Jane.

Okay. Yeah.
That's right.

It was my mother's.

- Isn't that amazing?
- That's beautiful.

Dad, I don't even know
what to say.

Uh, so I'm just trying to figure out why
you decided to meet with me.

You've been ducking me
and then, all of a sudden--

My little sister's
getting married.

- Ah, before you.
- That's not what I'm upset about.

Then what are you
upset about?

You don't know Tess.
She's gonna want me to do everything.

I'm not gonna just be
her maid of honor.

I'm gonna be taking care
of everything.

- So why don't you just say, "No"?
- What?

Say, "No."

- You have said, "No," to people before?
- Yes. Of course.

Many, many times.
In this situation, never. Not once.

Ah, but you want
to say, "No."

But I can't.
It's my sister.

But you can say, "No."
Because it's your sister--

All right. You know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna practice.

All right? We're gonna practice saying, "No."
You think I'm kidding?

Turn around. We're gonna play this game.
Come on. Humor me.

All right.Jane,
give me 50 bucks.

- No!
-Jane, it's 50 bucks. I'll pay you back.

No.

Jane, I need you...

to give me 50 bucks.

No?

Eh, not bad.

- Can I have your drink?
- Sure.

No!

- Oh, no.
- You were doing so well.

- That's terrible.
- Mm-hmm.

- So you went by the flower shop
and ordered the favors?
- Yup.

- Uh-huh.
- What about the invitation mock-ups?

- Done.
- This is so much fun!

Did I tell you I asked Julie
to be one of the bridesmaids?

- Who?
- Cousin Julie. Second cousin twice removed.

- What about Mimi? Cousin Mimi?
- Oh, no way.

She's so pregnant. It'll just throw
off the aesthetics.

I'm sorry. I know
you don't love Julie.

What's not to love about
a woman who asked me if I chaired...

the Itty Bitty Titty Committee
all through my teen years?

Just don't listen to her. Your boobs came
in eventually. They just missed high school.

As for the third bridesmaid,
I want you to ask your friend...

- that really rude one.
- Casey?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- My Casey?

She's really pretty.
She can pull off the strapless.

I don't have that many girlfriends.
For some reason, girls just don't like me.

I don't know why.

Okay. Fine. I know why.
Will you just ask her?

Sure. Of course.

So I was also thinking we could
do a slide show for the rehearsal dinner.

You know, put pictures of George
and I together and say funny things.

- Okay.
- Oh, and guess what.
That writer you obsess about...

he wants to do a whole Commitments
column on us in the Journal.

He called me.
Can you believe it?

At this point,
I absolutely can.

Listen, um, I've been thinking a lot about
what you said, and I think you're right.

I think it would be so special if I did
a wedding just like Mom and Dad's.

-Just like?
- You know, especially since
I'm wearing Mom's dress.

So, ta-da!