20 Male Gay NYC (2012) - full transcript

- [Renato Voiceover] Well
everyone's a little bit gay,

but the whole point,

that's already putting things in a box,

the point is that everyone's
a little bit different.

But yeah, I would identify as gay

because it's easier to do that,

but that doesn't mean

that I don't wanna fuck women

every so often.

- [Alex Voiceover] I
mean obviously I'm gay,

but I don't identify
with the gay community.



- [Alden Voiceover] I recently
came out of the closet

just about a year ago,

so I've just run through that
whole self-labeling process,

and it was something that
initially I didn't at all.

I knew that I liked men

but the word gay itself

didn't seem like it described who I was.

- [Nico Voiceover] I don't
think being gay is something

that really is a big
facet of my personality.

It's not something that
I think about every day.

- I don't know, when
people ask me if I'm gay

kind of just without thinking,

I usually respond with, "I like guys."

It means more than just
your sexuality now, I think.



Cause I think now it's
sort of become an identity

that I don't necessarily
identify with completely.

- The idea of community
is different definitely

in New York than in other places.

I think in other places
it's a support system,

and in New York,

being gay is not as big

of an obstacle as other places,

so the idea of community
sort of fades away.

- I feel like sometimes I avoid

having too many gay male friends,

because I automatically
compare myself to them,

all the time.

- Potentially a stereotype
of the gay community

is that all gay guys are

just trying to sleep with each other,

and that even if they're friends,

they're just waiting until they, like,

that something that
becomes more than that.

- [Ken Voiceover] I would say

all of my close gay
friends I've either like,

had a sexual encounter with,

or it's been on the table.

- Like being new to the city,

I really only had one
friend when I moved here,

and just trying to meet new people,

like if I'm not going
to have sex with you,

(snaps fingers)

that tends to be the conversation
stopper when they're like,

"Oh, come over" and I'm like,

"Can we meet somewhere public?"

- The guys that I'm more
interested in are more masculine,

or come across as straight,

straight-acting in the sense
that they're not flamboyant,

and I know that I am very flamboyant.

But I like someone that
can counter my craziness.

- Masculine men tend to be
attracted to masculine men,

and feminine men seem to be attracted

to masculine men as well.

- I feel like also in the gay community

there's a lot of people
who are trying so hard

to act overly masculine,

just because they're like,

"No, I'm the super butch gay guy,

"like, I'm cool, I'm chill, I'm a bro."

And it's like, that's just as bad.

- Lady GaGa is a straight woman

who's co-opted gay culture
because it works for her.

And for every suicide she's prevented

with her awful music,

great. That's great.

But I think these gay men who are trying

to behave like women and
who are responding to women,

women can be great role models

but I think we need gay male role models.

- Like I grew up in a
somewhat urban neighborhood,

and there were a lot of black
and latino guys around me,

and I often find myself attracted

to black and latino guys,

like straight-acting guys,

and I wonder how much that has to do with,

well I just realized
that that has a lot to do

with how I grew up.

- It's like, okay,

I'm really insecure
about myself but I'm gay.

I can adopt this gay
stereotypical personality

and then I will just be the gay guy,

and people will be my friend
just because I'm the gay guy

that the other fag hags will get,

your other gay friends,

and you know exactly how to act

and you don't even really
have to be yourself.

And then if someone doesn't like you,

then they don't like you just
cause you're that one gay guy.

You're not putting
yourself out there at all,

you're just hiding behind what people

expect you to act like.

- And I think a lot of gay
people hold onto this idea

of individuality cause you spend

so much of your childhood and early teens

feeling repressed and confused,

and not understanding why

you don't fit in with
the other boys and stuff,

and then you realize that
you're really fucking special

and you get all this
other kind of attention,

and then you move to New York,

and you go to the Boiler Room,

and everyone's getting that attention.

I'm just at the point where
I'm starting to process that.

- I would say that I
do like other gay guys.

It's a difficult question

because there are people I don't like

and there are people I do like,

and some of them are gay and
some of them are not gay.

I tend to be friends with more
straight guys than gay guys.

- There definitely is a
reason for this stereotype

of a certain type of gay
person who looks a certain way,

dresses a certain way, has a nice body,

and is also very dumb.

And I suppose that that kind of person,

I don't really like them.

- You know, I've realized,

I thought--

for awhile I just thought
that I just hated gay people,

but I think that I really just
don't like people in general.

- But also there are
one's that I'm just like,

I don't want anything to do with you.

I don't wanna be your friend,

you don't interest me in the slightest.

- People who say, "I hate gay
guys" are really reductionist,

and they're boiling
things down to stereotypes

that I don't even think they believe in.

I think it's a way of
seeming more masculine,

of like, oh I don't identify

with those boa-wearing
gay guys type thing,

but I mean what does it matter

if someone's wearing a
boa and someone isn't?

I think that says more about
the people who hate gay guys

than it says anything about gay guys.

- If you were to just say gay guys,

an image pops into my head that
I guess I'm not so fond of.

- Do I like gay guys?

No, I mean I don't really like gay guys,

or I have sort of a complicated experience

when I meet gay people.

I have a friend who coined this term,

he calls it like,

IGH, Irrational Gay Hatred,

which is the same as when
two gay men meet each other,

they immediately dislike each other,

which I actually find to be really true.

I find that when I meet another gay guy,

it's almost like you're either

sort of instantly attracted to each other,

or you're repelled.

- Sometimes in conversations

I say that I don't like
stereotypical New York gays.

And I think there's a part of that

that's like self-hate,

but I think there's
also a part of me that--

Well okay, I think that it has to do

with something in me just
hates the showiness of it.

The idea that when pride becomes
something more than pride,

it becomes,

I'm even more unique than you are.

- I think that this idea

that we hate stereotypical gay guys

is based on other people's stereotypes,

and I don't understand
why the gay community

has chosen to embrace what hateful people

outside of the community
have decided to state,

to say about us.

I think saying you hate
a stereotypical gay guy

is saying that you hate a person,

not a sexual orientation.

And if you hate a person
for the way they act,

there's something wrong
with that to begin with,

but to blame it on their sexuality,

to say that because they're gay

they act in this particular way,

or that because they're gay I hate them

and I hate the way they've
chosen to represent themselves

is so backward-thinking,

and I think is rooted in insecurity.

- I just feel like it's kind of silly

to group yourselves based on sexuality,

and when a cultural group
makes the center of,

all they have in common
is their sexuality,

so the center of gay culture is sex.

- Behavior that would otherwise be called

quote unquote slutty

is maybe not considered so

in the gay community,

and I think that's

problematic.

I mean it's probably because
there's no woman involved,

so there's no-one to really
properly call us that,

but I think,

I think I've exhibited
behavior in the past

that if my straight friends exhibited it,

someone in my friend group
maybe would have said something.

And I think no-one ever
said anything to me.

- Me and my boyfriend,
our one year anniversary,

it's this month actually,

and he was saying that,

"Oh, you know, one year
for gay relationships,

"that's like seven years."

- I mean I guess that if I
really wanna parse it out,

I couldn't give you any real reason why,

when I see a 90 pound boy
in a tank top screaming,

I'm just like,

No, no, I'm sorry, you know what it is?

I think what it is,

is that I think what stereotypical gay guy

has come to mean in our culture

is totally derivative of
straight culture, actually.

- [Cole Voiceover] If
you go to a gay club now,

it's the same horrible top-40 shit

that you hear on the radio,

and that's--

even the things we look for in guys,

it's very

Justin Bieber-y,

One Direction,

little pop perfect twink, muscle-y.

It's very

basic.

It's very basic.

And I feel like we're still not

completely accepted by society,

so we feel the need to try
and become more like them,

but we're not.

We're just becoming like a caricature

of pop culture and it's kinda gross.

- [Alex Voiceover] Sometimes
I feel like the whole scene

is like super fake.

Like people will be like,
"Oh my God, hi, how are you?

"It's so good to see you!"

And then turn around and
be like, "Oh, that bitch!"

So, like

I don't know, that kind of freaks me out.

Just like, what are
people saying about me?

- [Dan Voiceover] I'm always
surprised that while gay people

are always fighting to fit
in and be accepted by others,

they're not always the
most accepting people.

Cause when someone new comes into a room,

it's immediately like,

you have to win me over
rather than me welcoming you.