18 Again! (1988) - full transcript
By means of an accident the soul of David and his swinging grandfather get swapped. While the grandfather's body is still in coma, he enjoys having a young body again and repairs some facts in David's life, who he finds not to be self-confident enough.
Cops!
Cops!
What?
Cops!
Give me the paint.
Are they gone yet?
No, I think they're
waiting over there
to take us out for
some donuts later.
Give me the paint.
Oh, Dan, I'm sorry.
Now the can.
See you later in
History... class.
Hi Grandpa.
Squid!
What is it you do
at night, Watson?
Whatever it is, pledge, stop it.
That's right.
Where's my Art History paper?
It's almost done.
What's it on?
Uh, Cezanne, the impressionist.
Like Rich Little.
Sort of.
Give us 20.
No, no.
Leave the backpack on.
And one, all the way down.
Two... keep your back straight.
Three.
Very good.
Here's a little incentive.
Now, you all
have your assignments
for the midterm paper?
Yeah.
Every
student has been
assigned a topic
entirely at random.
Look, you think it's
love but it's merely lust.
Merely?
What do you know
about her, huh?
Well, she has a head on her
shoulders, for one thing.
Most of her appendages
seem to be properly placed,
I'll give you that.
OK, you got me there.
But remember who
she goes out with.
Just forget it, OK?
Robin?
Um, I guess I'm just a little
disappointed, professor.
You are?
Well, yeah.
You see I... I was sort
of hoping that I could do
my thesis on the
Kennedy administration.
Now why is that, dear?
Because he was
cuter than Truman?
No.
Because I... I feel
the air is more
relevant to current history.
And of course, you don't know
as much about Truman, do you?
No.
Well, we are here
to learn, are we not?
I'm sure you'll find Harry
Truman to be very stimulating.
Everybody wants your girl.
Shut up.
Come on, look...
Shut up.
Look at the...
Shut up!
The subject is a specialty
of mine, as you know, Robin.
So I'll be able to
give you guidance.
Input.
Thank you.
Pick up the pace, boys!
Come on, run!
Get out my way, man.
You're slowing me down.
I'm not kidding, man.
Go!
That was a bad break.
Look out!
Are you OK?
Yes, I'm fine.
Hey, aren't we, um, I mean, you
in my American History class?
Yeah, I think so.
And how do you like it?
Class or history?
Uh...
Class, uh, I'm not crazy about.
Professor Swivet?
But I love History.
It's my major.
It's your major
and you love it?
Mm-hmm.
That's a new one.
What about you?
Me?
Uh, my major is Business.
Oh.
But I'm... I'm really
not interested...
Hey babe!
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Tough break out there, man.
But, uh, that's the way
they fall sometimes, huh?
Excuse me.
I didn't even tell her my name.
I am a dweeb.
Squids!
I'm, uh, here to see
my father at uh...
my brilliant son here yet?
Yes sir.
Send him in.
I'll thank you to treat me
with a little more respect, sir.
You have to press the button if
you want your dad to hear you.
I know how it works.
Send David in as
soon as he gets here.
Dad?
I know you thought
the duck phones
were a mistake
from the beginning.
I know I said my department
could guarantee moving at least
500,000 units in the first year.
I don't feel, though,
that we're reaching
Duck hunters.
When a duck hunter sees a
duck, he wants to shoot it.
He doesn't want to
talk into its ass.
It might answer back.
Any way you earn sales.
Just sell the damn things.
What have you got there?
Oh, well, uh, these are some
blueprints I drew up for, uh,
retooling the...
Retooling?
What are you doing down there,
pretending to be a designer?
Is that why you
keep screwing up?
What else are you pretending
to be, an astronaut?
Well, come down to
Earth, I need you here.
You're late.
All I ask of you is
two afternoons a week
at 3:30, sharp.
Is that so much to ask, really?
But you would rather hoist some
beers with your frat buddies
or pal around with
your track teammates.
What's funny?
Do you know what
most people would
give to have a solid
accounting position
in a company like this?
Waiting for...
Give the kid a break.
Hello, David.
Hey, grandpa.
What kept you this time?
Track practice again.
What was your time?
4:56.
4:56?
What is it with
only one broken leg?
No, he's right.
I could do better.
So could Oprah Winfrey.
All right, dad.
He didn't inherit your legs.
That's because I'm
still using them.
4:56.
When I was your
age I ran a 4:56.
But I had Lucy Mulhaney on my
back and a beer in each hand.
4:56.
I'll see you both tonight.
Why am I leaving?
It's my office.
Out, kids.
4:56.
Heh!
Happy
Birthday, Jack!
Ma'am?
Here we go.
Betty!
Oh!
I've never seen
you look better.
Oh, I hope this doesn't mean
your eyesight is failing.
Not at all, not at all.
Getting stronger.
I still can't figure out
how my son here hooked you.
Did he put something
in your drink?
Dad!
That's a joke, kid.
Lighten up.
I'm glad you both could make it.
Make it?
Oh!
Oh, you mean the party.
The party, yeah.
Are you kidding?
We wouldn't miss this for...
Holly Bravemiller,
it's good to see you.
Happy
Birthday, sweetheart.
For anything.
Hello, everybody!
Let the games begin!
She should be thankful she's
not young as she says she is.
If she were as young
as she says she is,
those would be school
books she's carrying.
I think you all
know my companion,
playmate, and
confidant, Madeline.
But not like I know her.
But we'll get into that later.
Doesn't she look sensational?
Um, you're requested in
the kitchen, Miss Evelyn.
Madeline.
Thank you.
Oh yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Miss Evelyn was the tall one.
Some girl, huh?
Hmm.
Don't you think she's a
little too young for you?
Look, I'd go out
with women my age,
but there are no women my age.
I think you better find one.
Do you want your
mother to do that?
Is this a clip-on?
God, don't let your
grandfather see it.
Where did you get this?
It's one of dad's.
Grandpa, I just want to say
that... well, when I'm your age,
I hope I'm half as
lively as you are.
Don't look to the future, kid.
Be half as lively now.
Is that a clip-on?
You heard him. "Glad
you could make it."
He... he just meant he was glad
we could make it to the party.
You underestimate him.
The man is obsessed with sex.
When he says, "glad you
could make it," it's a barb.
A sexual barb.
Yeah.
Hello, David.
Great party, huh?
Your grandpa deserves the best.
Like me.
I'm the best.
He's uh, quite a guy.
Ah, yes.
He is remarkable.
But David, there is such a
great difference in our ages,
you know.
Well that's true, but...
But how could you
possibly know unless you've
been with an older woman?
Have you?
Um...
Then again.
You and I aren't that
far apart, are we?
In age, I mean.
It's a sexy tie.
Is it a clip-on?
Um, yes.
I believe so.
Do I make you nervous, David?
Um... I have to go
to the bathroom.
Oh, there you are.
How are you two getting along?
Famously.
Come on, David.
There's some people
I want you to meet.
Oh.
Later, David.
Gentlemen.
You know my grandson, David.
He's a freshman.
Lambda Ki Delta at Grossmont.
Hi, good to know you.
Nice to meet you.
You have some grip.
Do you play football?
Track Track.
Track.
Just like me.
Well, not exactly
like me, but track.
You must do pretty
well with the girls.
He's a Watson, Watson.
I'll bet he's beating
them off with a stick.
- Yeah.
They act like I am.
What'd he say?
He said, "you
better believe I am."
Oh, is that we he said?
I just... I just...
I didn't hear it.
Well say it, "you
better believe I am."
You better believe I am.
Yeah, he said it.
Yeah.
Happy
birthday to you...
Happy
birthday to you...
Shh.
Happy
birthday dear Jackie.
Happy birthday to you!
Oh Jack!
Jack, Jack, Jack.
Wait a minute.
You have to make a wish.
What could I wish for?
I've got everything
a man could want.
A beautiful and
talented girlfriend,
family that loves
me, great friends.
So what could I wish for?
Only one thing.
B flat.
Now time
turns the pages,
and oh, life goes so fast.
The years turn the
black hair all grey.
I talked to some young folks,
hey, they don't understand.
The words this old
man's got to say.
I wish I was 18 again.
Going where I've never been.
But old folks and old oaks
standing tall just pretend.
I wish I was 18 again.
Lord, I wish I was 18 again.
I wish I could do it again
because I had that much fun.
David, come up here and
help your grandfather.
Come on, kid, give me a hug.
Thanks for letting
me drive the Rolls, grandpa.
You're welcome, kid.
You hungry?
Uh, naw.
Not really.
I mean, there was all that
good food at the party.
Don't tell me you
ate any of that stuff?
No.
Good.
Go to Kellers.
OK.
Where is it?
It's in Altoona.
Where is it?
Keep driving kid.
Where's Altoona?
Right next door to Kellers.
Where's Altoona?
Tell me.
What's uh, what's school like?
It's OK.
It's OK?
It's OK?
It should be the
time of your life.
I know.
What about, uh,
what about girls?
You'll never again have
as wide a selection.
Trust me.
Well there is one.
Well, that's
enough for starters.
What's her name?
Robin.
What's she like?
She's great.
She's smart, she's beautiful.
Tell me she's got money
and I'll book a church.
I don't know.
I mean, we haven't said
much to each other.
What, is she a mime?
Talking to women is no big deal.
Here, watch.
More coffee?
Please.
Rita?
Is that your name,
or are you wearing
somebody else's clothes?
That's my name.
Can't I get you anything else?
Just your phone number.
We'll trade.
You can have my social
security number.
You hear that?
She practically threw herself
naked across the table.
Not quite.
Anyway, you can
get away with that.
Me, I just sound like
50 other guys that day
who gave her the same lines.
It's not the lines.
It's the delivery.
I should get myself a cigar.
Good night.
We should do this more often.
Grandpa!
I should have let the kid drive.
He opened his eyes.
Hm.
You should be a doctor.
Hm.
He's awake.
Hm.
So should you.
Oh brother.
My body's broken and
they send an optometrist.
Can you talk.
Sure.
What do you want me to say?
What the
hell happened to my voice?
I must've straddled
the gear shift.
Oh god.
Thank god.
Are you all right?
Fine.
My voice sounds a little funny.
But otherwise I
feel like I can go
ten rounds with Jack Dempsey.
How's David?
Holy shit!
Take it easy, David.
What the hell is this?
Here, honey, why
don't you sit down?
That's a good idea.
I've got
to try to figure this out.
Boy, David, did you get
the short end of the deal.
I really wish you'd come
home and sleep in your own bed
tonight.
No. No thanks.
This'll be bad enough.
Well all... all right.
We'll let you know
how grandpa's doing.
Not
too well, believe you me.
All right.
Good night.
Good night, daddy.
Take it easy.
Goodbye, honey.
Daddy?
Hold that smile, Jack.
You can do it.
No, no, no!
This
could be interesting.
You'll get used to them.
Trust me.
Papers.
Papers?
What am I, a cocker spaniel?
They're due, Watson.
They are?
Can you run that by me, again?
We don't mean to bother
you, but we'd like to get...
Oh.
Then think nothing of it.
I'm always eager to
help out a fellow Lambda
Chi Delta brother.
Don't jerk around, Watson.
If we don't get those
papers in on time,
we get some serious shit.
Let me see if I
understand this correctly.
You boys want me to
do your schoolwork?
Give me 20, Watson.
Well, I can lend
you $10 for now.
A simple
"no" would be enough.
20 push-ups now.
By the way, smart ass,
nobody better find out you're
doing this work
for us, understood?
Who am I
going to tell, Dan Rather?
Don't slack off, Watson.
Six
more push-ups and I'll
be able to kill this kid.
Jesus.
Does David wake up
to this every day?
What the hell do
you want, 20 more?
Don't take it out on me.
They were kind of
rough on you, huh?
So this is
that weirdo friend of David's.
What?
It's my earring.
What next?
Does this kid ever
give his mouth a break?
Somebody wake me
when he shuts up.
Why do they force
these humanities courses
down kids' throats?
It's got no bearing on
the real world whatsoever.
That's why it's
your favorite class.
It is?
Today we are going to
do some quick studies.
Rhea.
You got to stop hitting
that snooze button.
Whoa!
Hey yeah!
Hello!
David.
Do you have a problem?
Do you realize the last
time I saw a naked lady?
It
was last Thursday.
But it still gets me.
If there is one person I expect
to take this class seriously,
it's you.
Yes sir.
After class,
I'll buy you a cup of coffee
and a large house with servants.
You're loosening up, David.
That's good.
I'm shocked to see a bit of
a Picasso influence here.
That's not like you.
Oh sure.
I threw that in.
Not too much, just a little.
Like a Sprinkling.
A seasoning on top.
Are we In every
class here together?
This is beginning to worry me.
What's that supposed to mean?
Ah, look.
There she is.
Robin.
She is something.
Even without speaking.
So.
Everybody moving along
with their paper?
Oh, um...
Yes, Robin.
I can't find Harry
Truman's middle name.
Hands
off my girl, you old itch.
That's because Harry Truman
didn't have a middle name.
His parents couldn't
decide on one,
so they gave him an
initial, S, but the S
doesn't stand for anything.
Yes?
Um.
I'm sorry.
No. No, no, no.
Please, go on.
You're not the first
fish to swallow that line.
And your name is?
He doesn't even know my
name, and I'm in his class!
David Watson.
I see.
Well what does the S
stand for, Mr. Watson?
Sergei.
From an East European uncle.
But, foreseeing the Russian
troubles that would follow
after World War II, Harry made
up that hogwash about the S.
And where did you come
by this information?
From the man himself.
Harry told you?
No, he... he didn't tell me.
He told my grandfather.
My grandfather and Harry
were very close friends.
My grandfather told me.
I see.
Anything else you want
to know, professor,
don't hesitate to ask.
You going to stay out
of my way today, Watson?
Hey, wait a second.
What are you looking at?
Ron Deacon.
You're Ron Deacon's
grandson, aren't you?
I thought you looked familiar.
You've got that same
dull look in the eyes.
The same junior jock strap.
What?
I've got some bad
news for you, Russ.
Your grandfather was bald
by the time he graduated.
Which means that you're probably
going to start losing your hair
in... what time is it?
What's going on here?
Nothing, coach.
Well come on, get
your fannies in action.
Get your butts in gear.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Don't waste your time.
Watch this, honey.
Yeah!
I'm exhausted.
I've got to cut down
on those push-ups.
Look what you get
for first place.
Second place, you get a
hug from the pudgy coach.
David!
You qualified.
Would've blown his doors off if
I wasn't wearing these wedgies.
Yeah, but you made it!
You made it!
Hi.
Hi.
You're making quite a
name for yourself today.
You qualified, didn't you?
Hey, is that true about
Truman's middle name?
That's what he told me.
Well, no.
He told your grandfather.
That's right.
Yeah.
Well, did he tell you a
lot about Harry Truman?
Everything he knows.
Listen.
I'm doing this paper
on him in our class.
And, um... I'd much rather talk
to you than Professor Swivet.
That's flattering.
Oh no, I didn't
mean it that way.
I... I just...
I'd be glad to.
Now, um, this
weekend is no good.
It'll have to be Monday
night over dinner.
Around 8:00 I'll
come by for you.
OK.
OK, great.
Um... I'm Tri Omega.
Oh yes. "Trite'll"
"Make Ya" I know them well.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Hello, David.
I'm glad you could come over.
David, I'd like you
to meet my parents.
What happened?
Was there an accident?
No, David.
It's... it's a
pleasure to meet you.
Hello.
Don't worry, it won't come off.
Robin tells us you're
involved in track.
I go a couple of times a week.
I usually break even.
Robin's got a boyfriend.
Robin's got a boyfriend.
Want me to hit her?
Have some more to eat, David.
You're still
shrinking... growing.
Tell me, David.
How do you plan to
support our daughter?
Support her?
She wants support,
she can buy a cane.
You know, he knew
Harry Truman personally.
I wouldn't be
surprised if he hung
around with Ulysses S. Grant!
We're thinking of
traveling through Europe
together this summer.
Well, that should be
fascinating for you, David.
It's changed a lot
since the Renaissance.
I knew this wouldn't work out.
Our ages are too far apart.
They'd be closer if you
drop a zero from yours.
Look, mister, you better
hope you never grow old.
I'm hoping you won't.
Don't be alarmed, folks.
We are taking this man
back where he belongs.
He's not David Watson.
He's Jack Watson, David's
81 year-old grandfather.
What?
Then where's David?
This is a nightmare.
David?
David!
Wake up!
It's me!
It's Barrett.
Come on.
We've got to finish
the mural tonight.
Murial?
Who's Murial?
I did this?
I mean, it's hard to
believe now that I'm
in my new Picasso phase.
Look, let's just worry
about that after you
finish this, all right?
David, can you
help me with this?
Come on!
Oh, sorry.
Right there.
I can't do this
Why not?
Because I
can't paint, you little pest.
My head is still a little
fuzzy after the accident.
That never stopped you before.
Why do you do this?
What are you talking about?
Help me.
Set up.
Clean up.
The shit work.
Why?
That's not all I do, is it?
I don't know why
I help you, David.
This is fun for me.
I like your work.
Somebody's got to
shine the light.
You're OK.
David?
David, can you hear me?
Come on, David, I
know what happened.
It's me, it's Jack.
David?
Uh.
It's uh... it's him all right.
It's Jack.
Oh, Charlie.
It's great to see you, Charlie.
Yeah.
Easy... easy there.
Easy kid.
You're cutting off
my circulation.
Oh, sorry.
I'm glad you're all right.
He's not doing too good, huh?
God damn it, Jack.
We've got plans.
Poker Tuesday, to track.
None of it's going to
be any fun without you.
Jack.
Please.
Ah, what's the use?
No, go on.
Ah, he can't hear me.
Sure he can.
Charlie.
Yeah?
You remember my
wish at the party?
You made a wish?
No, uh, Jack did.
Oh, I see.
Jack did, you didn't.
No.
Do you believe that a person
can go from one body to another?
Not if that person's
got a weak back.
That's not what I mean.
I mean their soul.
Look into my eyes, Charlie.
What do you see?
Don't you see experience?
Wisdom?
Huh?
I'll tell you the truth, kid.
I don't see anything.
Which one is the wisdom?
Forget "kid."
You're the kid.
I'm 81 years old.
Yeah, Uh, look David.
Maybe... maybe we
ought to go back
to the hospital and
find you a nice nurse...
Nice.
See you're the one who
goes for nurses, Charlie.
And that's not all I know.
Aqueduct, 1942.
The $1,200 payoff
on the daily double
from the ticket you
found on the floor.
$1,217.28, to be precise.
On a horse named Prune Danish.
Come on, come on.
Your grandfather could
have told you that.
Uh huh, right, sure.
And maybe... just maybe... he sat
his grandson down upon his knee
and told him about the
time he and his friend
Charlie got snowed in
with the Saint Bartholomew
all-girls choir and didn't
get dug out until Easter.
Or how once upon a time, they
got drunk with two USO girls
and... by the
light of the silvery moon,
your sister June dropped
her pants in my room.
And next door, we
were with Eleanor.
She wanted more, but
we had some before.
Jack.
Charlie, I got my wish.
I'm 18 again.
What?
Easy, Charlie.
How did you pull it off?
I didn't.
I don't know.
The accident, somehow
we got switched.
You're... so, David's
in... what happens to him?
I wish I knew.
Oh my god.
Jack Watson.
You had it all.
And now you really have it all.
Gee, I wish I could
do it with you.
So do I, Charlie.
You were always like
a kid brother to me.
But uh, this doesn't have to
change anything between us,
- right?
- Oh no, no!
No!
By the light
of the silvery moon...
What's the matter honey?
You've barely touched your food.
I'm not very hungry.
I thought Sole Florentine
was your favorite.
Look what I almost forgot.
Cauliflower Au Gratin!
Huh?
Ah, please.
I can't eat another bite.
You're not going to
waste a totally good meal.
Now eat it.
Arnold, he doesn't have to
eat if he doesn't want to.
He's been through quite a lot.
What are you
saying, the accident
injured his taste buds?
And is that his excuse
for dressing like that?
Or did you have another
accident on the way over here?
You know, it was
serious enough to put
your father in the hospital.
I wasn't talking
to my father, was I?
Watch it.
Trick question.
And speaking of dad,
I think you ought
to go down and
visit him tomorrow.
You should listen to your
wife more often, Arnie.
She's always been one
step ahead of you.
Got any decent
cognac in this place?
He's
right about one thing.
Clothes make the man, right?
Maybe they could
make one out of this.
Ah.
God, Maddie.
It's great to see you.
Well, it's good to
see you too, David.
We have to talk.
Sure.
Come in.
Who's that?
Uh, just some friends, David.
It gets so lonesome now.
Come.
We can talk in here.
Uh, can I get you a drink?
Uh, sure.
Vodka Martini, straight
up with an olive.
Just like your grandfather.
I'll be right back.
Cute kid.
How do I tell her I'm
subletting my grandson's body?
Now that's a face.
I look
exactly like I did 20 years ago.
Old.
Ah, it's good to be home.
Thanks, honey.
Sorry, but uh... what I've
got to say is difficult.
Oh, David, you can talk to me.
Well you see,
Madeline, I've gone
through some very
strange changes recently.
That happens at your age.
That's not what I mean.
I know how you feel.
Do you know what
it feels like to be
inside another person's body?
Do you?
I'm just beginning to find out.
I know what you're
going through.
I mean, one's first
sexual experiences
can be awkward
and disappointing,
even frightening.
Oh, David.
I'm so glad you came to me.
Wait a minute.
I haven't even told
her it's me yet.
What are you doing?
Now you just relax, David.
No, no.
This is what I want too.
What about grandpa?
Oh, David.
You don't know what
it's been like.
I mean, Jack's fun.
He's got style and charm and
money, don't forget that.
I mean, I will be well
provided for, thanks to Jack.
But he's an old man.
I'll kill her.
Oh, a woman my age needs
passion and... and... excitement.
And physical affection.
You're saying you
and grandpa never...
Oh, that's a rather
personal question, David.
Of course not.
Believe me, it was
strictly platonic.
Platonic?
David?
What's wrong?
I think I'm having
an angina attack.
Uh... What, you're leaving?
I don't want to
hit a lady, Gordon.
But I wouldn't mind hitting her.
Platonic.
Platonic!
Platonic my ass!
Oh!
Oh, thank you.
He's adorable.
Thank you, madame.
Where's the bar?
Right there.
Make mine a Vodka Martini,
straight up with an olive.
We met this morning at
Hoppy Anderson's funeral.
How is Mr. Anderson?
Dead.
Oh yes, of course.
She does seem quite young.
I hope you
don't mind my saying so, sir.
But, um, couldn't
this be dangerous?
You're right.
Have some oxygen standing by.
Yes sir.
I'll call you if
she passes out.
Jack, please come back.
Do you mind if I
finish this cigar?
Yes.
Come back.
I can't wait!
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
Platonic.
I tell you, this feels
good though, Charlie.
A nice lazy day.
Letting the sun warm your face.
Watching the world go by.
Hey guys!
Let me roll a few!
OK, gentlemen, step aside.
Let me show you
how this is done.
Maybe you'd rather be
hang gliding or something?
Maybe I should tell them.
Sure, why not?
What's a few more people
in the intensive care unit?
OK, OK, it's my turn here.
Here we go.
All right, gentlemen.
Down and dirty.
Poker?
Duh.
What's with the
clown suit, Watson?
Hey, isn't he neglecting
his school work?
Oh, that's right, Watson.
Don't you think you should
be, uh, at the typewriter?
Now you boys don't really want
to talk about that subject,
do you?
Now if you don't want
me to play, just say so.
I got better things
to do than stand
here and listen to your chatter.
You got the cash?
You know how to play Oklahoma?
Five Card Draw with a roll?
You know, I could
bluff you guys
into thinking that
I was a real martyr.
But I know how to play Oklahoma.
And, uh, Rooster Back.
And, uh, Nickel Hey Ride.
And Alaskan Pole.
And quite a few
others that you boys
have probably never heard of.
You see, the fact is, gentlemen,
if I sit down at that table
with all of you now, I'm
going to clean you all out.
You see, because when it
comes to playing cards,
you're just a bunch
of kids still.
See that's the candy,
and you're the babies.
And I... I want to
take it from you.
Have a seat.
Get away from me.
That's a real poker face, JP.
Look like you've got something
crawling up your leg.
No.
That's out of my league.
I'm out.
I'm in.
Just you and me, dweeb.
And uh... I think I'll
be, uh, be raising.
I'm in.
That's about $500.
Let's see it.
I'm good for it.
That should be good
enough for you.
Unless you're not too
sure about your hand.
How about your feet?
What?
Forget about these cards.
We never have to look at them.
Let's double the bet.
$1,000 says that I beat
you at the track finals.
You're on!
I was bluffing.
You were bluffing?
The track.
So now when the bet
came around to Harry,
Harry held up his last dollar
and he says, "hey guys.
No more bumps.
The buck stops here."
He first said that
at a poker game?
That's right.
I was reminded of that
story after playing
a few hands of poker
myself recently.
But I thought that came out
of his senatorial campaign
in Missouri.
Well, you see, that
comes from getting
all your information
out of books.
OK.
What about dropping
the bomb on Hiroshima?
I mean, that must have been...
The most difficult
decision of his career.
He agonized over it.
Then Nagasaki, that
was a little easier.
He'd done it once already.
After that, he started
getting a little carried away.
He wanted to drop it
on a few other places.
Switzerland, once.
When he was having
trouble with his watch.
I had to talk him out of it.
You better
not use that.
It's impossible to verify,
and if it ever gets out, well
who knows how the
Swiss will react.
More coffee, David?
Oh, no thank you, Rita.
I'm sorry, I forgot
to introduce you.
Rita, this is Robin.
Robin, Rita.
Hi.
Oh, Robin.
You look familiar.
Have you been in here before?
Well, I've been in here
with my mother a few times.
I thought so.
You look just like her.
You're just as pretty.
Look at this.
The claws are out.
Easy girls, there's at
least two portions here.
So what do you say we pick
this up again Friday night?
Uh... sorry.
You probably have
plans to go out
with your friends or
Russ or something.
I wasn't thinking.
Listen
to me, I sound like David.
No, I don't have any plans.
But... David, nobody
studies on Fridays.
Maybe we could, um, go
to a club or something.
Have some fun.
We?
You and me?
What's wrong with me?
I can't talk.
Come on, lips, you can do it.
Move!
I'd love to.
Great.
It's a date.
Great.
Yowza.
What are you doing
in grandpa's office?
I'm running the ship now.
It's a mutiny.
Here.
Run this down to shipping.
How can you deliver this many
units by the end of the month?
Come over here.
I've designed a simple way
to retool the line that
will increase our
productivity by 28%
without a significant
increase in cost.
Bypass the molding
injection function.
I'm glad you're finally
taking an interest
in what goes on around here.
That's amazing.
David.
Please don't light that.
Why didn't you ever
show these to grandpa?
I tried.
Time and again.
And he always ignored me.
A long time ago, he stuck me
in Sales and forgot about me.
I don't belong in Sales.
I belong in R&D.
Now I can finally
do what I should have
been doing all along.
I wish this could have
happened differently.
I'd like him to see me.
Like this.
I wish he'd just
given me the chance.
Get this to Shipping
and then go straight
to the Accounting department.
They've got a mountain
of filing that's
piled up since you
were here last.
Hey, uh, sweetheart.
Call an office boy.
All right, you guys.
Settle down.
Listen up!
Now, we're here to discuss the
annual celebration and rally
that will take place on the eve
of the intercollegiate meet.
Anybody have any thoughts?
What about a toga party
like they used to have?
Lots of beer, rock
and roll and...
A toga party?
Gentlemen.
Back in my day...
Your day?
When was this, nursery school?
Funny.
Very good.
Back in my grandfather's day,
Jack Watson's day... out, out.
Now they knew how
to have a good time.
Let's do it that way.
Let's put on the Ritz,
go all the way out.
A bonfire.
Bathtub gin.
Music, dancing, the works.
Let's act like we
know the crash is
right around the corner, and
roar like they did in the '20s.
You'll have to excuse me.
I'm late for a date.
Sorry ladies.
You come here often?
Well, I used to.
I think it's changed a little.
Must be new management.
Jesus.
I wonder what causes that?
Excuse me.
David!
Come on, get loose!
Like these people?
They look like they got
loose from an institution!
What's going on?
Russ, what are you doing here?
What, did you follow us?
Follow you?
No.
I... I came here
for a drink and I
saw you dancing with... with him.
Is that what this is all about?
Come on, Russ, I'll
dance with you.
Take a walk, piss ant.
You're due for a diaper change.
Cut it out!
I'm taking you the hell out of
here and we're going to talk.
Let go of me!
I want you on my
side, not on my back!
David was
going about this all wrong.
I know how to handle this jerk.
OK Russ.
Russ, stop it.
Stop it!
I thought you said you
didn't want to dance?
David!
David... Oh, David, I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
Did you get the license number?
Listen, let's get
out of here, OK?
OK, fine.
Ah!
I wanted you to see this.
I think it's beautiful.
Why did you do it?
I mean, this must have
been so much work for you.
Um... well... W-When someone
builds something like this,
they don't care how
it looks to the people
who live around here.
Or, um, the kids who
play in this lot.
Those people have to live
with this big, ugly wall
in their faces every day.
I saw this wall and I thought
it could use a coat of paint.
Sounds like
a good reason to me, David.
David, there is so much
about you that surprises me.
I got
one more that's a laurel.
I'll talk to you later.
What... what is this?
Uh... you part of
this circus too?
Russ, why don't you just
leave me alone, all right?
I'm trying to have fun.
What are you saying?
That we never had fun together?
Well, maybe I didn't
know your idea of fun
was dressing up like
a carnival freak.
Hey Russ!
Gentlemen, Monday
is almost upon us.
Your papers are coming due.
I've got them, right here.
But you know, I
still can't imagine
how these ended up in my room.
JP.
This one's very impressive.
I'd give this a B plus.
Mikey.
Nice work on this Physics paper.
I'd give this one an A.
And Russ.
Oh, Russ.
This is quite a
piece of work, Russ.
This must have taken
you all semester.
Why, this almost assures you
an A in Political Science.
Well, that's it, gentlemen.
This squid is out of ink.
David, look out!
Come on, get him!
Get him!
Go!
That only works once, Russ.
We're having a party here.
You assholes want to fight?
Why don't you go beat
each other over the head?
I am your goddamn
president, fat head!
Well, President Fat Head.
If you had done
your own schoolwork,
maybe you'd be familiar
with the term "impeachment".
You think he's hot stuff?
You watch him in
the meet tomorrow.
You'll see how hot he looks
when he's choking on my dust!
Gentlemen.
A little music, please.
Something snappy.
Oh boy, David.
I wish you could
be here with me.
I really do.
David!
David!
David!
David!
Hey, it's... it's
your grandfather.
What?
They're pulling the plug!
Come on!
Jack, your mother called me.
Oh, you know what I mean.
They don't know what
they're doing, Charlie.
They're killing their own son.
And that's not the only surprise
they've got waiting for them.
I re-wrote my will.
I gave Madeline half
of Watson Dials.
If I go, that bitch
will run the place.
That bitch?
Since when?
Since she tried to seduce
my grandson, A.K.A., me.
Christ, Charlie.
If this happens, I've screwed
Arnold, I've screwed David,
I've screwed myself.
That's a lot of screwing
for a guy your age.
That wasn't dad.
Just his body.
I know.
It was the only decision.
Of course it was.
He'd suffered enough.
God knows his soul
deserves peace.
Suddenly she's Mother Teresa.
Hm.
On wheels.
Hey!
What, are you crazy?
Jack!
You got a phone?
Yes, here.
Oh.
Where's the old man
who was in this room?
Mr. Watson?
We took him off life support.
Where is he?
Is he...
He would be on four or five.
OK.
Wait!
Put it back!
She likes it that way.
Sorry.
What the hell was that?
He's alive.
Where are you taking him?
541.
As long as he hangs on.
He's got to be hooked back up.
I just push him around, OK?
Hey!
Hello?
Hello?
Hello, security?
David?
David, can you hear me?
It's me, David.
It's Jack, your grandfather.
David.
541?
Have a nice day.
Please, David.
Push on, David.
You're strong.
David, wake up!
541.
541.
Jack!
Jack, what happened?
Jack, are you all right?
I'm just fine, Charlie.
Jack!
Charlie.
Help me up.
Charlie.
Oh, Jack.
Good.
Give me a cigar, kid.
Left inside breast pocket.
Thanks.
I'm going to miss you, dad.
This place may run all right
without you, but who cares?
Without you, it's
just a factory.
I'm even going to miss the
smell of your damn cigars.
Then I've
got some good news for you.
My god.
Dad.
We've
got some talking to do, Arnie.
We can communicate
through this?
They pulled the plug.
I've got good batteries.
What the hell are you
doing in my office?
And then again, what
are you doing in Sales?
You don't belong there.
Look Arnie, I know
I've been tough on you.
I haven't listened
to any of your ideas,
and you have some good ones.
I just get a little too
full of myself sometimes.
I'm sorry.
Let's work together
from now on, OK?
Do me a favor, Arnie.
Don't do the same thing to
David that I did to you.
I'm not.
Did you ever ask
yourself whether David
wants to be an accountant?
Did you ever ask David?
For all we know, he might
want to be, oh I don't know,
uh... an artist.
A minute ago, you were
pining away for these.
Well, I've got a little piece
of business to take care of.
Nice boy.
Horton?
Horton!
Oh, sir!
Tell Rick I'll be right there.
You better put
that back on ice.
I know.
You're wearing black underwear.
Oh.
Jack!
Oh, thank god, it's a miracle.
Don't send the check
to old Roberts just yet.
I thought you were gone.
See?
We should drink
to your recovery.
I've got a better idea.
Put on that little cat
outfit of yours, OK?
Cat outfit.
OK.
I'm going to put you
out on the street.
What?
You can play in somebody
else's litter box.
Horton!
Oh, you wouldn't!
Well... I don't understand this.
You've been a lovely companion.
But a person my age
needs excitement,
passion, physical affection.
That come with her?
It did, sir.
Give it to her.
You'll regret this.
No!
Jack...
Goodbye, kid.
Don't be... you be...
Call Phil Bremmer.
Mm hmm.
Have him take Evelyn
out of my will.
Oh, it's Madeline.
OK.
Madeline.
Remind me to give you a raise.
Ah.
Madeline.
Kick ass, Watson.
All right, do it man!
All right, come on!
Get those rears in gear!
Get those backsides outside!
Come on, get going men.
You know what I'm talking about.
Watson.
You've come along way, kid.
Two weeks ago, you couldn't
even stay on your feet.
Go out there and get them.
Hello, kid.
Hey, grandpa.
I'm a little confused.
Well, 18 is a confusing age.
I didn't qualify for this meet.
Don't worry about it.
Did you do it?
What?
Pull some strings.
No, I wouldn't do that.
I know track doesn't
mean that much to you.
But this race means a lot.
If only to prove to yourself
that you can beat Russ Deacon.
You're stronger than
you think, David.
Don't ask me how I know.
I just do.
I'm telling you, you can do
it if you believe in yourself
half as much I believe in you.
I couldn't hold a
candle to you, grandpa.
When you're out there,
listen to the crowd.
They believe in you too.
They'll be cheering
for you, David.
For you.
Not because you're a Watson,
because you're David Watson.
Thanks, grandpa.
Here.
I thought these might help.
I was wearing those when
I won the meet in '28.
I think they'll fit you.
Thank you, kid.
Runners
take your mark.
Set!
What is he doing?
Sweeping up after them?
How's he doing?
Hi Barrett.
He's not doing too good.
He's all the way in back.
You can do it, kid.
You can do it!
Wait a minute.
Come on, David.
Come on!
Thanks.
Great finish, David.
Thanks a lot.
Geez.
Is this guy ever going
to stop giving me shit?
Thank you, grandpa.
For uh, letting me
wear your shoes.
Same to you.
I'll explain to you later.
David!
Oh, David.
You were wonderful.
Oh, thanks.
The last... I love you.
I mean, how are you?
Aw, sheesh.
Oh, Robin Morrison, uh,
this is my grandfather...
Jack Watson.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
That's it?
I got robbed.
Listen, David,
can I talk to you?
All right, see you later.
David.
You know, I was thinking
that maybe you and I could
get together later on and go
over some Truman together.
What do you think?
My grandfather knew him!
I know.
Listen, I've got to go.
You were wonderful.
Bye!
Grandpa!
Can you do me a
really big favor?
Would you tell me
everything you know...
About Harry Truman?
It'd be my pleasure, David.
I
wish I was 18 again.
And going where I've never been.
But old folks and old oaks
standing tall just pretend.
I wish I was 18 again.
Now time turns the pages.
And oh, life goes so fast.
The years turn the
black hair all grey.
I talked to some
young folks, hey,
they don't understand the words
this old man's got to say.
I wish I was a 18 again.
And going where I've never been.
But old folks and old oaks
standing tall just pretend.
I wish I was 18 again.
Lord, I wish I was 18 again.
Cops!
What?
Cops!
Give me the paint.
Are they gone yet?
No, I think they're
waiting over there
to take us out for
some donuts later.
Give me the paint.
Oh, Dan, I'm sorry.
Now the can.
See you later in
History... class.
Hi Grandpa.
Squid!
What is it you do
at night, Watson?
Whatever it is, pledge, stop it.
That's right.
Where's my Art History paper?
It's almost done.
What's it on?
Uh, Cezanne, the impressionist.
Like Rich Little.
Sort of.
Give us 20.
No, no.
Leave the backpack on.
And one, all the way down.
Two... keep your back straight.
Three.
Very good.
Here's a little incentive.
Now, you all
have your assignments
for the midterm paper?
Yeah.
Every
student has been
assigned a topic
entirely at random.
Look, you think it's
love but it's merely lust.
Merely?
What do you know
about her, huh?
Well, she has a head on her
shoulders, for one thing.
Most of her appendages
seem to be properly placed,
I'll give you that.
OK, you got me there.
But remember who
she goes out with.
Just forget it, OK?
Robin?
Um, I guess I'm just a little
disappointed, professor.
You are?
Well, yeah.
You see I... I was sort
of hoping that I could do
my thesis on the
Kennedy administration.
Now why is that, dear?
Because he was
cuter than Truman?
No.
Because I... I feel
the air is more
relevant to current history.
And of course, you don't know
as much about Truman, do you?
No.
Well, we are here
to learn, are we not?
I'm sure you'll find Harry
Truman to be very stimulating.
Everybody wants your girl.
Shut up.
Come on, look...
Shut up.
Look at the...
Shut up!
The subject is a specialty
of mine, as you know, Robin.
So I'll be able to
give you guidance.
Input.
Thank you.
Pick up the pace, boys!
Come on, run!
Get out my way, man.
You're slowing me down.
I'm not kidding, man.
Go!
That was a bad break.
Look out!
Are you OK?
Yes, I'm fine.
Hey, aren't we, um, I mean, you
in my American History class?
Yeah, I think so.
And how do you like it?
Class or history?
Uh...
Class, uh, I'm not crazy about.
Professor Swivet?
But I love History.
It's my major.
It's your major
and you love it?
Mm-hmm.
That's a new one.
What about you?
Me?
Uh, my major is Business.
Oh.
But I'm... I'm really
not interested...
Hey babe!
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Tough break out there, man.
But, uh, that's the way
they fall sometimes, huh?
Excuse me.
I didn't even tell her my name.
I am a dweeb.
Squids!
I'm, uh, here to see
my father at uh...
my brilliant son here yet?
Yes sir.
Send him in.
I'll thank you to treat me
with a little more respect, sir.
You have to press the button if
you want your dad to hear you.
I know how it works.
Send David in as
soon as he gets here.
Dad?
I know you thought
the duck phones
were a mistake
from the beginning.
I know I said my department
could guarantee moving at least
500,000 units in the first year.
I don't feel, though,
that we're reaching
Duck hunters.
When a duck hunter sees a
duck, he wants to shoot it.
He doesn't want to
talk into its ass.
It might answer back.
Any way you earn sales.
Just sell the damn things.
What have you got there?
Oh, well, uh, these are some
blueprints I drew up for, uh,
retooling the...
Retooling?
What are you doing down there,
pretending to be a designer?
Is that why you
keep screwing up?
What else are you pretending
to be, an astronaut?
Well, come down to
Earth, I need you here.
You're late.
All I ask of you is
two afternoons a week
at 3:30, sharp.
Is that so much to ask, really?
But you would rather hoist some
beers with your frat buddies
or pal around with
your track teammates.
What's funny?
Do you know what
most people would
give to have a solid
accounting position
in a company like this?
Waiting for...
Give the kid a break.
Hello, David.
Hey, grandpa.
What kept you this time?
Track practice again.
What was your time?
4:56.
4:56?
What is it with
only one broken leg?
No, he's right.
I could do better.
So could Oprah Winfrey.
All right, dad.
He didn't inherit your legs.
That's because I'm
still using them.
4:56.
When I was your
age I ran a 4:56.
But I had Lucy Mulhaney on my
back and a beer in each hand.
4:56.
I'll see you both tonight.
Why am I leaving?
It's my office.
Out, kids.
4:56.
Heh!
Happy
Birthday, Jack!
Ma'am?
Here we go.
Betty!
Oh!
I've never seen
you look better.
Oh, I hope this doesn't mean
your eyesight is failing.
Not at all, not at all.
Getting stronger.
I still can't figure out
how my son here hooked you.
Did he put something
in your drink?
Dad!
That's a joke, kid.
Lighten up.
I'm glad you both could make it.
Make it?
Oh!
Oh, you mean the party.
The party, yeah.
Are you kidding?
We wouldn't miss this for...
Holly Bravemiller,
it's good to see you.
Happy
Birthday, sweetheart.
For anything.
Hello, everybody!
Let the games begin!
She should be thankful she's
not young as she says she is.
If she were as young
as she says she is,
those would be school
books she's carrying.
I think you all
know my companion,
playmate, and
confidant, Madeline.
But not like I know her.
But we'll get into that later.
Doesn't she look sensational?
Um, you're requested in
the kitchen, Miss Evelyn.
Madeline.
Thank you.
Oh yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Miss Evelyn was the tall one.
Some girl, huh?
Hmm.
Don't you think she's a
little too young for you?
Look, I'd go out
with women my age,
but there are no women my age.
I think you better find one.
Do you want your
mother to do that?
Is this a clip-on?
God, don't let your
grandfather see it.
Where did you get this?
It's one of dad's.
Grandpa, I just want to say
that... well, when I'm your age,
I hope I'm half as
lively as you are.
Don't look to the future, kid.
Be half as lively now.
Is that a clip-on?
You heard him. "Glad
you could make it."
He... he just meant he was glad
we could make it to the party.
You underestimate him.
The man is obsessed with sex.
When he says, "glad you
could make it," it's a barb.
A sexual barb.
Yeah.
Hello, David.
Great party, huh?
Your grandpa deserves the best.
Like me.
I'm the best.
He's uh, quite a guy.
Ah, yes.
He is remarkable.
But David, there is such a
great difference in our ages,
you know.
Well that's true, but...
But how could you
possibly know unless you've
been with an older woman?
Have you?
Um...
Then again.
You and I aren't that
far apart, are we?
In age, I mean.
It's a sexy tie.
Is it a clip-on?
Um, yes.
I believe so.
Do I make you nervous, David?
Um... I have to go
to the bathroom.
Oh, there you are.
How are you two getting along?
Famously.
Come on, David.
There's some people
I want you to meet.
Oh.
Later, David.
Gentlemen.
You know my grandson, David.
He's a freshman.
Lambda Ki Delta at Grossmont.
Hi, good to know you.
Nice to meet you.
You have some grip.
Do you play football?
Track Track.
Track.
Just like me.
Well, not exactly
like me, but track.
You must do pretty
well with the girls.
He's a Watson, Watson.
I'll bet he's beating
them off with a stick.
- Yeah.
They act like I am.
What'd he say?
He said, "you
better believe I am."
Oh, is that we he said?
I just... I just...
I didn't hear it.
Well say it, "you
better believe I am."
You better believe I am.
Yeah, he said it.
Yeah.
Happy
birthday to you...
Happy
birthday to you...
Shh.
Happy
birthday dear Jackie.
Happy birthday to you!
Oh Jack!
Jack, Jack, Jack.
Wait a minute.
You have to make a wish.
What could I wish for?
I've got everything
a man could want.
A beautiful and
talented girlfriend,
family that loves
me, great friends.
So what could I wish for?
Only one thing.
B flat.
Now time
turns the pages,
and oh, life goes so fast.
The years turn the
black hair all grey.
I talked to some young folks,
hey, they don't understand.
The words this old
man's got to say.
I wish I was 18 again.
Going where I've never been.
But old folks and old oaks
standing tall just pretend.
I wish I was 18 again.
Lord, I wish I was 18 again.
I wish I could do it again
because I had that much fun.
David, come up here and
help your grandfather.
Come on, kid, give me a hug.
Thanks for letting
me drive the Rolls, grandpa.
You're welcome, kid.
You hungry?
Uh, naw.
Not really.
I mean, there was all that
good food at the party.
Don't tell me you
ate any of that stuff?
No.
Good.
Go to Kellers.
OK.
Where is it?
It's in Altoona.
Where is it?
Keep driving kid.
Where's Altoona?
Right next door to Kellers.
Where's Altoona?
Tell me.
What's uh, what's school like?
It's OK.
It's OK?
It's OK?
It should be the
time of your life.
I know.
What about, uh,
what about girls?
You'll never again have
as wide a selection.
Trust me.
Well there is one.
Well, that's
enough for starters.
What's her name?
Robin.
What's she like?
She's great.
She's smart, she's beautiful.
Tell me she's got money
and I'll book a church.
I don't know.
I mean, we haven't said
much to each other.
What, is she a mime?
Talking to women is no big deal.
Here, watch.
More coffee?
Please.
Rita?
Is that your name,
or are you wearing
somebody else's clothes?
That's my name.
Can't I get you anything else?
Just your phone number.
We'll trade.
You can have my social
security number.
You hear that?
She practically threw herself
naked across the table.
Not quite.
Anyway, you can
get away with that.
Me, I just sound like
50 other guys that day
who gave her the same lines.
It's not the lines.
It's the delivery.
I should get myself a cigar.
Good night.
We should do this more often.
Grandpa!
I should have let the kid drive.
He opened his eyes.
Hm.
You should be a doctor.
Hm.
He's awake.
Hm.
So should you.
Oh brother.
My body's broken and
they send an optometrist.
Can you talk.
Sure.
What do you want me to say?
What the
hell happened to my voice?
I must've straddled
the gear shift.
Oh god.
Thank god.
Are you all right?
Fine.
My voice sounds a little funny.
But otherwise I
feel like I can go
ten rounds with Jack Dempsey.
How's David?
Holy shit!
Take it easy, David.
What the hell is this?
Here, honey, why
don't you sit down?
That's a good idea.
I've got
to try to figure this out.
Boy, David, did you get
the short end of the deal.
I really wish you'd come
home and sleep in your own bed
tonight.
No. No thanks.
This'll be bad enough.
Well all... all right.
We'll let you know
how grandpa's doing.
Not
too well, believe you me.
All right.
Good night.
Good night, daddy.
Take it easy.
Goodbye, honey.
Daddy?
Hold that smile, Jack.
You can do it.
No, no, no!
This
could be interesting.
You'll get used to them.
Trust me.
Papers.
Papers?
What am I, a cocker spaniel?
They're due, Watson.
They are?
Can you run that by me, again?
We don't mean to bother
you, but we'd like to get...
Oh.
Then think nothing of it.
I'm always eager to
help out a fellow Lambda
Chi Delta brother.
Don't jerk around, Watson.
If we don't get those
papers in on time,
we get some serious shit.
Let me see if I
understand this correctly.
You boys want me to
do your schoolwork?
Give me 20, Watson.
Well, I can lend
you $10 for now.
A simple
"no" would be enough.
20 push-ups now.
By the way, smart ass,
nobody better find out you're
doing this work
for us, understood?
Who am I
going to tell, Dan Rather?
Don't slack off, Watson.
Six
more push-ups and I'll
be able to kill this kid.
Jesus.
Does David wake up
to this every day?
What the hell do
you want, 20 more?
Don't take it out on me.
They were kind of
rough on you, huh?
So this is
that weirdo friend of David's.
What?
It's my earring.
What next?
Does this kid ever
give his mouth a break?
Somebody wake me
when he shuts up.
Why do they force
these humanities courses
down kids' throats?
It's got no bearing on
the real world whatsoever.
That's why it's
your favorite class.
It is?
Today we are going to
do some quick studies.
Rhea.
You got to stop hitting
that snooze button.
Whoa!
Hey yeah!
Hello!
David.
Do you have a problem?
Do you realize the last
time I saw a naked lady?
It
was last Thursday.
But it still gets me.
If there is one person I expect
to take this class seriously,
it's you.
Yes sir.
After class,
I'll buy you a cup of coffee
and a large house with servants.
You're loosening up, David.
That's good.
I'm shocked to see a bit of
a Picasso influence here.
That's not like you.
Oh sure.
I threw that in.
Not too much, just a little.
Like a Sprinkling.
A seasoning on top.
Are we In every
class here together?
This is beginning to worry me.
What's that supposed to mean?
Ah, look.
There she is.
Robin.
She is something.
Even without speaking.
So.
Everybody moving along
with their paper?
Oh, um...
Yes, Robin.
I can't find Harry
Truman's middle name.
Hands
off my girl, you old itch.
That's because Harry Truman
didn't have a middle name.
His parents couldn't
decide on one,
so they gave him an
initial, S, but the S
doesn't stand for anything.
Yes?
Um.
I'm sorry.
No. No, no, no.
Please, go on.
You're not the first
fish to swallow that line.
And your name is?
He doesn't even know my
name, and I'm in his class!
David Watson.
I see.
Well what does the S
stand for, Mr. Watson?
Sergei.
From an East European uncle.
But, foreseeing the Russian
troubles that would follow
after World War II, Harry made
up that hogwash about the S.
And where did you come
by this information?
From the man himself.
Harry told you?
No, he... he didn't tell me.
He told my grandfather.
My grandfather and Harry
were very close friends.
My grandfather told me.
I see.
Anything else you want
to know, professor,
don't hesitate to ask.
You going to stay out
of my way today, Watson?
Hey, wait a second.
What are you looking at?
Ron Deacon.
You're Ron Deacon's
grandson, aren't you?
I thought you looked familiar.
You've got that same
dull look in the eyes.
The same junior jock strap.
What?
I've got some bad
news for you, Russ.
Your grandfather was bald
by the time he graduated.
Which means that you're probably
going to start losing your hair
in... what time is it?
What's going on here?
Nothing, coach.
Well come on, get
your fannies in action.
Get your butts in gear.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Don't waste your time.
Watch this, honey.
Yeah!
I'm exhausted.
I've got to cut down
on those push-ups.
Look what you get
for first place.
Second place, you get a
hug from the pudgy coach.
David!
You qualified.
Would've blown his doors off if
I wasn't wearing these wedgies.
Yeah, but you made it!
You made it!
Hi.
Hi.
You're making quite a
name for yourself today.
You qualified, didn't you?
Hey, is that true about
Truman's middle name?
That's what he told me.
Well, no.
He told your grandfather.
That's right.
Yeah.
Well, did he tell you a
lot about Harry Truman?
Everything he knows.
Listen.
I'm doing this paper
on him in our class.
And, um... I'd much rather talk
to you than Professor Swivet.
That's flattering.
Oh no, I didn't
mean it that way.
I... I just...
I'd be glad to.
Now, um, this
weekend is no good.
It'll have to be Monday
night over dinner.
Around 8:00 I'll
come by for you.
OK.
OK, great.
Um... I'm Tri Omega.
Oh yes. "Trite'll"
"Make Ya" I know them well.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Hello, David.
I'm glad you could come over.
David, I'd like you
to meet my parents.
What happened?
Was there an accident?
No, David.
It's... it's a
pleasure to meet you.
Hello.
Don't worry, it won't come off.
Robin tells us you're
involved in track.
I go a couple of times a week.
I usually break even.
Robin's got a boyfriend.
Robin's got a boyfriend.
Want me to hit her?
Have some more to eat, David.
You're still
shrinking... growing.
Tell me, David.
How do you plan to
support our daughter?
Support her?
She wants support,
she can buy a cane.
You know, he knew
Harry Truman personally.
I wouldn't be
surprised if he hung
around with Ulysses S. Grant!
We're thinking of
traveling through Europe
together this summer.
Well, that should be
fascinating for you, David.
It's changed a lot
since the Renaissance.
I knew this wouldn't work out.
Our ages are too far apart.
They'd be closer if you
drop a zero from yours.
Look, mister, you better
hope you never grow old.
I'm hoping you won't.
Don't be alarmed, folks.
We are taking this man
back where he belongs.
He's not David Watson.
He's Jack Watson, David's
81 year-old grandfather.
What?
Then where's David?
This is a nightmare.
David?
David!
Wake up!
It's me!
It's Barrett.
Come on.
We've got to finish
the mural tonight.
Murial?
Who's Murial?
I did this?
I mean, it's hard to
believe now that I'm
in my new Picasso phase.
Look, let's just worry
about that after you
finish this, all right?
David, can you
help me with this?
Come on!
Oh, sorry.
Right there.
I can't do this
Why not?
Because I
can't paint, you little pest.
My head is still a little
fuzzy after the accident.
That never stopped you before.
Why do you do this?
What are you talking about?
Help me.
Set up.
Clean up.
The shit work.
Why?
That's not all I do, is it?
I don't know why
I help you, David.
This is fun for me.
I like your work.
Somebody's got to
shine the light.
You're OK.
David?
David, can you hear me?
Come on, David, I
know what happened.
It's me, it's Jack.
David?
Uh.
It's uh... it's him all right.
It's Jack.
Oh, Charlie.
It's great to see you, Charlie.
Yeah.
Easy... easy there.
Easy kid.
You're cutting off
my circulation.
Oh, sorry.
I'm glad you're all right.
He's not doing too good, huh?
God damn it, Jack.
We've got plans.
Poker Tuesday, to track.
None of it's going to
be any fun without you.
Jack.
Please.
Ah, what's the use?
No, go on.
Ah, he can't hear me.
Sure he can.
Charlie.
Yeah?
You remember my
wish at the party?
You made a wish?
No, uh, Jack did.
Oh, I see.
Jack did, you didn't.
No.
Do you believe that a person
can go from one body to another?
Not if that person's
got a weak back.
That's not what I mean.
I mean their soul.
Look into my eyes, Charlie.
What do you see?
Don't you see experience?
Wisdom?
Huh?
I'll tell you the truth, kid.
I don't see anything.
Which one is the wisdom?
Forget "kid."
You're the kid.
I'm 81 years old.
Yeah, Uh, look David.
Maybe... maybe we
ought to go back
to the hospital and
find you a nice nurse...
Nice.
See you're the one who
goes for nurses, Charlie.
And that's not all I know.
Aqueduct, 1942.
The $1,200 payoff
on the daily double
from the ticket you
found on the floor.
$1,217.28, to be precise.
On a horse named Prune Danish.
Come on, come on.
Your grandfather could
have told you that.
Uh huh, right, sure.
And maybe... just maybe... he sat
his grandson down upon his knee
and told him about the
time he and his friend
Charlie got snowed in
with the Saint Bartholomew
all-girls choir and didn't
get dug out until Easter.
Or how once upon a time, they
got drunk with two USO girls
and... by the
light of the silvery moon,
your sister June dropped
her pants in my room.
And next door, we
were with Eleanor.
She wanted more, but
we had some before.
Jack.
Charlie, I got my wish.
I'm 18 again.
What?
Easy, Charlie.
How did you pull it off?
I didn't.
I don't know.
The accident, somehow
we got switched.
You're... so, David's
in... what happens to him?
I wish I knew.
Oh my god.
Jack Watson.
You had it all.
And now you really have it all.
Gee, I wish I could
do it with you.
So do I, Charlie.
You were always like
a kid brother to me.
But uh, this doesn't have to
change anything between us,
- right?
- Oh no, no!
No!
By the light
of the silvery moon...
What's the matter honey?
You've barely touched your food.
I'm not very hungry.
I thought Sole Florentine
was your favorite.
Look what I almost forgot.
Cauliflower Au Gratin!
Huh?
Ah, please.
I can't eat another bite.
You're not going to
waste a totally good meal.
Now eat it.
Arnold, he doesn't have to
eat if he doesn't want to.
He's been through quite a lot.
What are you
saying, the accident
injured his taste buds?
And is that his excuse
for dressing like that?
Or did you have another
accident on the way over here?
You know, it was
serious enough to put
your father in the hospital.
I wasn't talking
to my father, was I?
Watch it.
Trick question.
And speaking of dad,
I think you ought
to go down and
visit him tomorrow.
You should listen to your
wife more often, Arnie.
She's always been one
step ahead of you.
Got any decent
cognac in this place?
He's
right about one thing.
Clothes make the man, right?
Maybe they could
make one out of this.
Ah.
God, Maddie.
It's great to see you.
Well, it's good to
see you too, David.
We have to talk.
Sure.
Come in.
Who's that?
Uh, just some friends, David.
It gets so lonesome now.
Come.
We can talk in here.
Uh, can I get you a drink?
Uh, sure.
Vodka Martini, straight
up with an olive.
Just like your grandfather.
I'll be right back.
Cute kid.
How do I tell her I'm
subletting my grandson's body?
Now that's a face.
I look
exactly like I did 20 years ago.
Old.
Ah, it's good to be home.
Thanks, honey.
Sorry, but uh... what I've
got to say is difficult.
Oh, David, you can talk to me.
Well you see,
Madeline, I've gone
through some very
strange changes recently.
That happens at your age.
That's not what I mean.
I know how you feel.
Do you know what
it feels like to be
inside another person's body?
Do you?
I'm just beginning to find out.
I know what you're
going through.
I mean, one's first
sexual experiences
can be awkward
and disappointing,
even frightening.
Oh, David.
I'm so glad you came to me.
Wait a minute.
I haven't even told
her it's me yet.
What are you doing?
Now you just relax, David.
No, no.
This is what I want too.
What about grandpa?
Oh, David.
You don't know what
it's been like.
I mean, Jack's fun.
He's got style and charm and
money, don't forget that.
I mean, I will be well
provided for, thanks to Jack.
But he's an old man.
I'll kill her.
Oh, a woman my age needs
passion and... and... excitement.
And physical affection.
You're saying you
and grandpa never...
Oh, that's a rather
personal question, David.
Of course not.
Believe me, it was
strictly platonic.
Platonic?
David?
What's wrong?
I think I'm having
an angina attack.
Uh... What, you're leaving?
I don't want to
hit a lady, Gordon.
But I wouldn't mind hitting her.
Platonic.
Platonic!
Platonic my ass!
Oh!
Oh, thank you.
He's adorable.
Thank you, madame.
Where's the bar?
Right there.
Make mine a Vodka Martini,
straight up with an olive.
We met this morning at
Hoppy Anderson's funeral.
How is Mr. Anderson?
Dead.
Oh yes, of course.
She does seem quite young.
I hope you
don't mind my saying so, sir.
But, um, couldn't
this be dangerous?
You're right.
Have some oxygen standing by.
Yes sir.
I'll call you if
she passes out.
Jack, please come back.
Do you mind if I
finish this cigar?
Yes.
Come back.
I can't wait!
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
Platonic.
I tell you, this feels
good though, Charlie.
A nice lazy day.
Letting the sun warm your face.
Watching the world go by.
Hey guys!
Let me roll a few!
OK, gentlemen, step aside.
Let me show you
how this is done.
Maybe you'd rather be
hang gliding or something?
Maybe I should tell them.
Sure, why not?
What's a few more people
in the intensive care unit?
OK, OK, it's my turn here.
Here we go.
All right, gentlemen.
Down and dirty.
Poker?
Duh.
What's with the
clown suit, Watson?
Hey, isn't he neglecting
his school work?
Oh, that's right, Watson.
Don't you think you should
be, uh, at the typewriter?
Now you boys don't really want
to talk about that subject,
do you?
Now if you don't want
me to play, just say so.
I got better things
to do than stand
here and listen to your chatter.
You got the cash?
You know how to play Oklahoma?
Five Card Draw with a roll?
You know, I could
bluff you guys
into thinking that
I was a real martyr.
But I know how to play Oklahoma.
And, uh, Rooster Back.
And, uh, Nickel Hey Ride.
And Alaskan Pole.
And quite a few
others that you boys
have probably never heard of.
You see, the fact is, gentlemen,
if I sit down at that table
with all of you now, I'm
going to clean you all out.
You see, because when it
comes to playing cards,
you're just a bunch
of kids still.
See that's the candy,
and you're the babies.
And I... I want to
take it from you.
Have a seat.
Get away from me.
That's a real poker face, JP.
Look like you've got something
crawling up your leg.
No.
That's out of my league.
I'm out.
I'm in.
Just you and me, dweeb.
And uh... I think I'll
be, uh, be raising.
I'm in.
That's about $500.
Let's see it.
I'm good for it.
That should be good
enough for you.
Unless you're not too
sure about your hand.
How about your feet?
What?
Forget about these cards.
We never have to look at them.
Let's double the bet.
$1,000 says that I beat
you at the track finals.
You're on!
I was bluffing.
You were bluffing?
The track.
So now when the bet
came around to Harry,
Harry held up his last dollar
and he says, "hey guys.
No more bumps.
The buck stops here."
He first said that
at a poker game?
That's right.
I was reminded of that
story after playing
a few hands of poker
myself recently.
But I thought that came out
of his senatorial campaign
in Missouri.
Well, you see, that
comes from getting
all your information
out of books.
OK.
What about dropping
the bomb on Hiroshima?
I mean, that must have been...
The most difficult
decision of his career.
He agonized over it.
Then Nagasaki, that
was a little easier.
He'd done it once already.
After that, he started
getting a little carried away.
He wanted to drop it
on a few other places.
Switzerland, once.
When he was having
trouble with his watch.
I had to talk him out of it.
You better
not use that.
It's impossible to verify,
and if it ever gets out, well
who knows how the
Swiss will react.
More coffee, David?
Oh, no thank you, Rita.
I'm sorry, I forgot
to introduce you.
Rita, this is Robin.
Robin, Rita.
Hi.
Oh, Robin.
You look familiar.
Have you been in here before?
Well, I've been in here
with my mother a few times.
I thought so.
You look just like her.
You're just as pretty.
Look at this.
The claws are out.
Easy girls, there's at
least two portions here.
So what do you say we pick
this up again Friday night?
Uh... sorry.
You probably have
plans to go out
with your friends or
Russ or something.
I wasn't thinking.
Listen
to me, I sound like David.
No, I don't have any plans.
But... David, nobody
studies on Fridays.
Maybe we could, um, go
to a club or something.
Have some fun.
We?
You and me?
What's wrong with me?
I can't talk.
Come on, lips, you can do it.
Move!
I'd love to.
Great.
It's a date.
Great.
Yowza.
What are you doing
in grandpa's office?
I'm running the ship now.
It's a mutiny.
Here.
Run this down to shipping.
How can you deliver this many
units by the end of the month?
Come over here.
I've designed a simple way
to retool the line that
will increase our
productivity by 28%
without a significant
increase in cost.
Bypass the molding
injection function.
I'm glad you're finally
taking an interest
in what goes on around here.
That's amazing.
David.
Please don't light that.
Why didn't you ever
show these to grandpa?
I tried.
Time and again.
And he always ignored me.
A long time ago, he stuck me
in Sales and forgot about me.
I don't belong in Sales.
I belong in R&D.
Now I can finally
do what I should have
been doing all along.
I wish this could have
happened differently.
I'd like him to see me.
Like this.
I wish he'd just
given me the chance.
Get this to Shipping
and then go straight
to the Accounting department.
They've got a mountain
of filing that's
piled up since you
were here last.
Hey, uh, sweetheart.
Call an office boy.
All right, you guys.
Settle down.
Listen up!
Now, we're here to discuss the
annual celebration and rally
that will take place on the eve
of the intercollegiate meet.
Anybody have any thoughts?
What about a toga party
like they used to have?
Lots of beer, rock
and roll and...
A toga party?
Gentlemen.
Back in my day...
Your day?
When was this, nursery school?
Funny.
Very good.
Back in my grandfather's day,
Jack Watson's day... out, out.
Now they knew how
to have a good time.
Let's do it that way.
Let's put on the Ritz,
go all the way out.
A bonfire.
Bathtub gin.
Music, dancing, the works.
Let's act like we
know the crash is
right around the corner, and
roar like they did in the '20s.
You'll have to excuse me.
I'm late for a date.
Sorry ladies.
You come here often?
Well, I used to.
I think it's changed a little.
Must be new management.
Jesus.
I wonder what causes that?
Excuse me.
David!
Come on, get loose!
Like these people?
They look like they got
loose from an institution!
What's going on?
Russ, what are you doing here?
What, did you follow us?
Follow you?
No.
I... I came here
for a drink and I
saw you dancing with... with him.
Is that what this is all about?
Come on, Russ, I'll
dance with you.
Take a walk, piss ant.
You're due for a diaper change.
Cut it out!
I'm taking you the hell out of
here and we're going to talk.
Let go of me!
I want you on my
side, not on my back!
David was
going about this all wrong.
I know how to handle this jerk.
OK Russ.
Russ, stop it.
Stop it!
I thought you said you
didn't want to dance?
David!
David... Oh, David, I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
Did you get the license number?
Listen, let's get
out of here, OK?
OK, fine.
Ah!
I wanted you to see this.
I think it's beautiful.
Why did you do it?
I mean, this must have
been so much work for you.
Um... well... W-When someone
builds something like this,
they don't care how
it looks to the people
who live around here.
Or, um, the kids who
play in this lot.
Those people have to live
with this big, ugly wall
in their faces every day.
I saw this wall and I thought
it could use a coat of paint.
Sounds like
a good reason to me, David.
David, there is so much
about you that surprises me.
I got
one more that's a laurel.
I'll talk to you later.
What... what is this?
Uh... you part of
this circus too?
Russ, why don't you just
leave me alone, all right?
I'm trying to have fun.
What are you saying?
That we never had fun together?
Well, maybe I didn't
know your idea of fun
was dressing up like
a carnival freak.
Hey Russ!
Gentlemen, Monday
is almost upon us.
Your papers are coming due.
I've got them, right here.
But you know, I
still can't imagine
how these ended up in my room.
JP.
This one's very impressive.
I'd give this a B plus.
Mikey.
Nice work on this Physics paper.
I'd give this one an A.
And Russ.
Oh, Russ.
This is quite a
piece of work, Russ.
This must have taken
you all semester.
Why, this almost assures you
an A in Political Science.
Well, that's it, gentlemen.
This squid is out of ink.
David, look out!
Come on, get him!
Get him!
Go!
That only works once, Russ.
We're having a party here.
You assholes want to fight?
Why don't you go beat
each other over the head?
I am your goddamn
president, fat head!
Well, President Fat Head.
If you had done
your own schoolwork,
maybe you'd be familiar
with the term "impeachment".
You think he's hot stuff?
You watch him in
the meet tomorrow.
You'll see how hot he looks
when he's choking on my dust!
Gentlemen.
A little music, please.
Something snappy.
Oh boy, David.
I wish you could
be here with me.
I really do.
David!
David!
David!
David!
Hey, it's... it's
your grandfather.
What?
They're pulling the plug!
Come on!
Jack, your mother called me.
Oh, you know what I mean.
They don't know what
they're doing, Charlie.
They're killing their own son.
And that's not the only surprise
they've got waiting for them.
I re-wrote my will.
I gave Madeline half
of Watson Dials.
If I go, that bitch
will run the place.
That bitch?
Since when?
Since she tried to seduce
my grandson, A.K.A., me.
Christ, Charlie.
If this happens, I've screwed
Arnold, I've screwed David,
I've screwed myself.
That's a lot of screwing
for a guy your age.
That wasn't dad.
Just his body.
I know.
It was the only decision.
Of course it was.
He'd suffered enough.
God knows his soul
deserves peace.
Suddenly she's Mother Teresa.
Hm.
On wheels.
Hey!
What, are you crazy?
Jack!
You got a phone?
Yes, here.
Oh.
Where's the old man
who was in this room?
Mr. Watson?
We took him off life support.
Where is he?
Is he...
He would be on four or five.
OK.
Wait!
Put it back!
She likes it that way.
Sorry.
What the hell was that?
He's alive.
Where are you taking him?
541.
As long as he hangs on.
He's got to be hooked back up.
I just push him around, OK?
Hey!
Hello?
Hello?
Hello, security?
David?
David, can you hear me?
It's me, David.
It's Jack, your grandfather.
David.
541?
Have a nice day.
Please, David.
Push on, David.
You're strong.
David, wake up!
541.
541.
Jack!
Jack, what happened?
Jack, are you all right?
I'm just fine, Charlie.
Jack!
Charlie.
Help me up.
Charlie.
Oh, Jack.
Good.
Give me a cigar, kid.
Left inside breast pocket.
Thanks.
I'm going to miss you, dad.
This place may run all right
without you, but who cares?
Without you, it's
just a factory.
I'm even going to miss the
smell of your damn cigars.
Then I've
got some good news for you.
My god.
Dad.
We've
got some talking to do, Arnie.
We can communicate
through this?
They pulled the plug.
I've got good batteries.
What the hell are you
doing in my office?
And then again, what
are you doing in Sales?
You don't belong there.
Look Arnie, I know
I've been tough on you.
I haven't listened
to any of your ideas,
and you have some good ones.
I just get a little too
full of myself sometimes.
I'm sorry.
Let's work together
from now on, OK?
Do me a favor, Arnie.
Don't do the same thing to
David that I did to you.
I'm not.
Did you ever ask
yourself whether David
wants to be an accountant?
Did you ever ask David?
For all we know, he might
want to be, oh I don't know,
uh... an artist.
A minute ago, you were
pining away for these.
Well, I've got a little piece
of business to take care of.
Nice boy.
Horton?
Horton!
Oh, sir!
Tell Rick I'll be right there.
You better put
that back on ice.
I know.
You're wearing black underwear.
Oh.
Jack!
Oh, thank god, it's a miracle.
Don't send the check
to old Roberts just yet.
I thought you were gone.
See?
We should drink
to your recovery.
I've got a better idea.
Put on that little cat
outfit of yours, OK?
Cat outfit.
OK.
I'm going to put you
out on the street.
What?
You can play in somebody
else's litter box.
Horton!
Oh, you wouldn't!
Well... I don't understand this.
You've been a lovely companion.
But a person my age
needs excitement,
passion, physical affection.
That come with her?
It did, sir.
Give it to her.
You'll regret this.
No!
Jack...
Goodbye, kid.
Don't be... you be...
Call Phil Bremmer.
Mm hmm.
Have him take Evelyn
out of my will.
Oh, it's Madeline.
OK.
Madeline.
Remind me to give you a raise.
Ah.
Madeline.
Kick ass, Watson.
All right, do it man!
All right, come on!
Get those rears in gear!
Get those backsides outside!
Come on, get going men.
You know what I'm talking about.
Watson.
You've come along way, kid.
Two weeks ago, you couldn't
even stay on your feet.
Go out there and get them.
Hello, kid.
Hey, grandpa.
I'm a little confused.
Well, 18 is a confusing age.
I didn't qualify for this meet.
Don't worry about it.
Did you do it?
What?
Pull some strings.
No, I wouldn't do that.
I know track doesn't
mean that much to you.
But this race means a lot.
If only to prove to yourself
that you can beat Russ Deacon.
You're stronger than
you think, David.
Don't ask me how I know.
I just do.
I'm telling you, you can do
it if you believe in yourself
half as much I believe in you.
I couldn't hold a
candle to you, grandpa.
When you're out there,
listen to the crowd.
They believe in you too.
They'll be cheering
for you, David.
For you.
Not because you're a Watson,
because you're David Watson.
Thanks, grandpa.
Here.
I thought these might help.
I was wearing those when
I won the meet in '28.
I think they'll fit you.
Thank you, kid.
Runners
take your mark.
Set!
What is he doing?
Sweeping up after them?
How's he doing?
Hi Barrett.
He's not doing too good.
He's all the way in back.
You can do it, kid.
You can do it!
Wait a minute.
Come on, David.
Come on!
Thanks.
Great finish, David.
Thanks a lot.
Geez.
Is this guy ever going
to stop giving me shit?
Thank you, grandpa.
For uh, letting me
wear your shoes.
Same to you.
I'll explain to you later.
David!
Oh, David.
You were wonderful.
Oh, thanks.
The last... I love you.
I mean, how are you?
Aw, sheesh.
Oh, Robin Morrison, uh,
this is my grandfather...
Jack Watson.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
That's it?
I got robbed.
Listen, David,
can I talk to you?
All right, see you later.
David.
You know, I was thinking
that maybe you and I could
get together later on and go
over some Truman together.
What do you think?
My grandfather knew him!
I know.
Listen, I've got to go.
You were wonderful.
Bye!
Grandpa!
Can you do me a
really big favor?
Would you tell me
everything you know...
About Harry Truman?
It'd be my pleasure, David.
I
wish I was 18 again.
And going where I've never been.
But old folks and old oaks
standing tall just pretend.
I wish I was 18 again.
Now time turns the pages.
And oh, life goes so fast.
The years turn the
black hair all grey.
I talked to some
young folks, hey,
they don't understand the words
this old man's got to say.
I wish I was a 18 again.
And going where I've never been.
But old folks and old oaks
standing tall just pretend.
I wish I was 18 again.
Lord, I wish I was 18 again.