16 to Life (2009) - full transcript
On her 16th birthday, never-been-kissed Kate decides to play cupid for two people she works with, pairing her boss with a paraplegic customer and setting up short-order cook Rene with an oversexed co-worker. But in the process of matchmaking, Kate learns some surprising lessons about love and the mechanics of romantic relationships.
♪ Slow down, sir
♪ How you gonna move
and ask her ♪
♪ Isn't life
a cruel laughter ♪
♪ Everybody's pretty
mixed up, mixed up ♪
♪ And okay...
[Narrator] This is the story
of a small-town girl...
[Kate] Call me Ishmael.
[Narrator] ... who just
finishedMoby Dick.
[Kate] My favorite books right
now areTwilight
andSurvival in Auschwitz.
Before that, I was into
Huckleberry Finn,
not because I live
on the Mississippi,
but because fundamentalists
want to ban it.
♪ And rush in with a lie,
you know we'll die ♪
[Narrator] This small-town
girl reads.
Some might say too much.
♪ My way, love
♪ You'd roll the dice
[Kate] I live in
a beautiful place.
[Narrator] Though roadkill
can blow the tire on a bike
if a person isn't careful.
[ bird cawing ]
[Kate] I love it here and
I'd stab myself in the heart
with a ballpoint pen if
I thought I'd never get out.
[Narrator] Someone's prone
to exaggeration.
[ bell dinging ]
[Kate] My mother died
when I was nine.
[Narrator] That's true.
[Kate] My dad's a collector.
[Narrator] Handguns.
♪ ... to fool you
♪ If you're living...
[Kate] I fantasize
jumping a boxcar
and following the rails,
but I'd probably
be raped by vagrants
forced to sing Woody Guthrie
songs nonstop to Wichita.
[Narrator]
This is not that story.
♪ The dream of something
♪ Is better than
a leaf of nothing ♪
♪ So, take your seat
and play cool, but not sober ♪
♪ Play the fool,
but don't control her ♪
♪ 'Cause all this time...
[Kate] What else?
It's my birthday.
[Narrator] She's sweet 16
and never been--
[Kate] That's enough.
♪ You'd roll
the dice my way ♪
♪ Would you roll the dice
♪ You'd roll the dice my way
♪ Guaranteed to save the day
♪ So, roll the dice,
roll the dice,
♪ Roll the dice my way
♪ My way
[ telephone rings ]
-[Grandma] Hello?
-[Kate] Hey, Gram.
Did Terry
stay there last night?
[Grandma] No, she didn't
stay here, doll.
Did she get busted again?
[Kate] Oh, no,
I was just worried.
Today's my birthday.
[Grandma] It is?
Did you forget?
[ horn blaring ]
The Yangtze river in China
is twice as long
as the Mississippi.
[Narrator]
Kate's new book is about
the cultural
revolution that took place
in China 40 years ago.
[Kate] China is 12,000 miles
from here.
Halfway around the world.
[Narrator]
Kate just discovered that
China's population is over
a billion, 300 million,
yada, yada, yada, people.
[Kate] Our county,
lumping the farmers
farmers and the river town
into a stew,
is half a person per acre.
Give or take a person.
Since someone
will die this month...
[ bird cawing ]
... and someone else
will be born.
[Narrator] The book Kate is
reading was written by a girl
who lived through
the cultural revolution
when she was Kate's age.
[Kate]
Did I say it's my birthday?
I'm 16.
Louise?
[ door rattling ]
Rene?
[ exhaling deeply ]
[ playing "Smoke on the Water"
off-key ]
♪ I look like a retard
♪ You can't play
this song very well ♪
Louise is coming in.
[ strumming ]
And you didn't
clean the grill.
Aw, shitcakes.
It's my birthday.
Aw, happy birthday.
[ birds cawing ]
-[Harley] Moo.
-[Darby] Boo.
-[Harley] Moo.
-[Darby] Boo. I want to be moo.
[ chuckling ]
I don't know
how I'm gonna wait.
Love you, boo.
[Darby] I love you, too.
[Harley] Who's your boogerhead?
Harley, don't be stupid.
4:00, baby.
Hey.
Hey.
Your hair needs to be wet.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so you're in an elevator
with a fat man...
-[ bell chimes ]
-... a man with really, really
bad breath, and then
a guy whose nose has been,
like, completely
eaten away by cancer.
And you have to have sex
with one of them.
Who do you choose?
That's easy. The fat one.
Totally.
You guys are sick.
Terry never
came home last night.
You think she hooked up?
She's wild.
Or maybe she's
dead in a ditch.
Should I take
your necklace off for this?
No, it's okay. I don't care.
I asked my dad for one.
I love it.
Hey, Darby?
Hmm?
Aren't you
forgetting something?
Oh, my gosh. Happy birthday!
Aw, Kate. Sweet 16.
-No, no, no. Shut up.
-What?
I don't want
anyone to say it.
Say what?
-Hi, Crystal.
-Hi, Kate.
Mom wants a tenderloin,
fries, and a Coke.
I want fries.
[ playing "Twinkle, Twinkle,
Little Star" off-key ]
Stop it.
What?
Tender caress.
Two French kisses.
[ European accent ] Why don't
you shove ticket up ass, huh?
That's funny.
You're funny, Rene JonBenét.
-What? Would you just tell me?
-Okay.
"Sweet 16
and never been kissed." Jesus.
You've never been kissed?
And you have?
Of course.
Not even one guy
has kissed you, ever?
Not even once?
That's sad.
So, you've never been kissed.
It's not a big deal.
Nobody cares.
Oh, hey, I'm gonna
have sex with Harley.
-What?
-In less than eight hours.
[ bell tolling ]
We were gonna wait.
I got bored.
Well, what about my birthday?
I had plans.
Oh. I bought you a present.
Happy birthday.
Ow.
We were gonna wait 'til
we loved somebody.
Yeah. Well, I do.
[ bell dinging ]
[Rene]
[ normal voice ] Burger.
[ sighs ]
'Til we were in real love.
We are in real--
You know what? Eff you.
Crystal.
-Pshhhh!
-Katie, how's the world?
Actually, it sucks.
-The egg?
-Yeah.
How about you, Ben?
Nothing.
Why don't you
play right down there?
Just sit down. Go.
So, what's up?
I'm reading
that book you gave me
on the cultural
revolution in China.
Really? What do you think?
You know, it's just...
It's a little hard
to understand.
I mean, there's people
spying on each other
and turning in their families.
It's like Mao was God.
Well, you have to understand
that the Chinese
have suffered for centuries
under the feudal lords, right?
And Mao was like--
He was like
their hope, their liberator.
Yeah, but I would
never turn in my family.
You're very noble, Kate.
-[ bell dinging ]
-Makes you think, huh?
Yeah, I got to go pick up
my mom at the clinic
and drop her off
before I open up the shop.
Drop my nephew
off at my sister's.
Boy, you can really feel fall
in the air, can't you?
Canada geese pooping
their way to Florida.
Must suck to have to come to
come out here from California.
-Hey.
-How is your mom?
She's waiting around to die,
playing solitaire.
That's sad.
Yeah.
-It's my birthday.
-Happy birthday!
Thank you!
How old are you?
17.
Wow. 17. Hmm.
Here. That's for you.
Ready? All right. We'll see ya.
-See ya.
-Bye.
-Bye!
-Bye.
All right. Let's go.
[Darby]
Hey, did that what's-his-face
become a quadriplegic in Iraq?
[Kate]
He's a paraplegic,
and it was a snowmobile
accident when he was our age.
Hey, have you even
been watching the time?
Um...
Kate?
[Kate]
All right. You need to rinse.
Go. Go, go, go,
go, go, go.
You didn't even like giving
Harley a blowjob.
Having sex
is way more intimate.
No, it isn't.
And I do like giving
Harley blowjobs, okay?
-Can I help you?
-Can I have an ice cream cone?
Sure. What kind would you like?
Chocolate.
Oh, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Damn it.
[ tuning guitar ]
What's up, guys?
Uh, what can I get for you?
I didn't know you were
gonna be jealous.
Maybe you have the hots for me.
Maybe you're a lesbian.
[ groans ] My hair froze.
[ bell clanging ]
[ hair dryer whirring ]
What the hell?
$6.23.
-Look at my hair.
-For two cones?
My hair, bitch.
Well, you got waffle
instead of sugar,
which is a dollar more each.
Um, I asked
for little gold streaks.
I only have $5.
Whatever. Just give me
what you got.
You did this on purpose.
My hair is sweet.
Aah!
I can't have sex like this.
What-- what are you doing?
You're ruining--
Get out of here!
I can't wait 'til
this thing comes off.
One more week.
I didn't do it on purpose.
Louise can fix it.
Can I help you?
I think you can.
How are you today?
I'm cool.
I've seen you
around the river.
What's good?
About the river?
In your stand?
The egg sandwich.
Wonder bread, eggs, fat.
I'll have the egg sandwich.
Egg sandwich, nose picker.
Where are you from?
Well, Darby...
Minneapolis.
Well, summer-house boy,
what can I get you to drink?
You have a boyfriend?
We have shakes and sodas.
You choose.
I don't know what you like.
I'm very easy.
I'm not.
-He's lucky.
-Who?
The boyfriend.
[ humming ]
[ door closes ]
Oh, the grill
hasn't been cleaned.
Yeah, it's a long story, man.
I don't like long stories.
Put 'em away, please.
Hi, Louise.
I'm highlighting Darby's hair.
I read your horoscope for you.
Even though
I don't believe in them.
Oh, thanks, honey.
"You'll be the same age
whether you go after
your dream or not."
Hmm.
What's your dream?
[Louise]
Kate, I'm too old for dreams.
You know, this place
could use a good cleaning
before we close
up for the winter.
I dated a guy once
that was into Mao.
-Really?
-Yeah.
We used to lay around on his
futon, all covered in dog hair.
I'd listen while he read
from Mao's little red book.
I pretended to be interested.
His idea of foreplay.
It's my birthday.
Virgo.
Makes perfect sense.
But I don't
believe in horoscopes.
All the men in my life,
they've been Virgos.
Charming,
gregarious, pigheaded.
With a dark side.
Addictions.
I don't have addictions.
Honey, everybody
has addictions.
I don't know which is worse,
men or cigarettes.
It's been so long
since I met somebody nice.
[ horn blaring ]
[ bell dinging ]
-Hi, Dad!
-Hey, Kate.
Hey, Reverend Kerr.
Did you enjoy the gun show?
Oh, you betcha.
Got a couple
of gut-hook knives.
[ laughing ]
That'll put the fear of God
in somebody, wouldn't it?
Too bad you got
to work on your birthday.
Yeah. No one
could take my place.
Happy birthday.
Dad, you got the necklace!
I didn't think you'd --
-How do you open it?
-Gosh, no.
It's a stun gun.
To protect you.
It's kind of
a neat little device.
Not police caliber.
But delivers a shock,
so be careful.
Could-- could you
take it home for me?
No, honey.
You keep it in your purse.
Did you talk
to your grandma today?
She's sweet 16 and
never been kissed.
[ echoing ] never been kissed,
never been kissed.
... never been kissed.
never been kissed,
and never been kissed.
[ laughing ]
Katie girl.
Okay, Huckleberry. Let's go.
[ groaning, sighing ]
[ laughing ]
You're not gonna
shoot me now, are you?
No, I'm...
leaning towards agnostic.
Oh.
What can I get you?
Cheeseburger and fries.
Drink?
Coke?
Carson?
I changed my mind.
I want a lemonade.
And a lemonade.
One lemon... ade.
[ sighing ] Lemonade.
Bunny, I don't
have any money.
I'll get your Coke... bunny.
Do you have your period?
Electric flashes.
Oh, shit.
I-- I put the straw
from my shake
that I was drinking
in your Coke. I'm sorry.
I'll-- it's disgusting.
I'll get you a new one.
[ bell dinging ]
$4.25.
-I'm Carson.
-Kate.
Hey, bitch. What the hell
are you trying to do to me,
telling everyone I didn't
come home last night?
Well, everyone was worried.
I didn't know
what happened to you.
-Ow!
-Little miss freakin'
perfect Girl Scout kiss-ass.
Terry, you're a crazy bitch!
Oh, man!
[Kate] She didn't even
wish me a happy birthday.
I'm gonna get you kissed.
I don't need your help.
Well, if I can't find anybody,
we can--
we can always use Rene.
Or...
you can kiss Harley.
[Kate] This is so stupid
compared with you having sex.
And it's really not about that.
-Then what is it about?
-[ horn honking ]
Sorry. Harley's here.
Ow.
[Kate] "My father came home
one day and told us
he was being sent
to the countryside
to labor with the peasants.
He'd been
a businessman in Beijing."
[ ducks quacking ]
I've been sent to duck farm #13
as a farm laborer!
[Kate] "I wouldn't see
him again for six years."
[ ducks quacking ]
Goodbye, children.
He needs to be re-educated to
lose his bourgeois thinking.
All I said was, "You're sweet
16 and never been kissed."
You turned
father in, traitor.
[Louise] What am I supposed
to say here, huh?
I mean, are you
even ready for this?
Do you even have condoms,
for God's sakes?
Well, I would use Rene's,
but I'm sure
it's so old, it's leaky.
You know
the thing about girls?
They're way dirtier
than guys are.
-Kate?
-Bobby.
Is my mom in there?
She's kind of busy, Bobby.
Tell her she needs to pull
in that trash receptacle.
Too close to a public highway.
I don't want
to give her a citation.
You got a Kleenex
in your nostril.
Which one?
Louise, your son, Bobby, says
the garbage needs to be pulled
in further from the street.
From the first moment
I held him in my arms,
I knew there was
something different about him.
By the time he was five,
he was writing me up
for moving violations.
I mean, he wouldn't even let me
put the key in the ignition
without him being buckled up.
Girls, addictions.
-Yeah, I'm almost done.
-Wait, wait.
[Louise]
No. Come on. Come, come, come.
-Girls, girls.
-[ snapping fingers ]
Addictions. Come on.
Thank you.
Vamoose.
Tatiana takes
my place at 4:00.
And she's got a boyfriend.
Why are you always
setting people up, huh?
I'm not. I just think
it's sad you're alone.
[ bell clanging ]
[Louise] You know, you girls
don't have to wear
your uniforms that
short if you don't want to.
Well, we like them that way.
[ electricity crackling ]
[ screaming ]
What happened?
[ coughing, gagging ]
What? I'm gonna kill Rene!
Oh, my God. [ coughing ]
It's like the Chinese people
were brainwashed.
I don't get cults.
I was in a cult once.
It was called marriage.
You wouldn't marry again?
I don't know what happened.
I just couldn't
find a good man.
Plenty of bad ones.
My dad's single.
But he's not dating material.
Who were you most in love with?
Hmm.
Someone I was never with.
No chance to get disillusioned.
[Kate]
Maybe you're wiser now.
Love and wisdom don't really
work together, do they?
The head is so far
from the heart.
I know a guy...
you could date.
I'm really not that desperate,
honey. Thank you.
What about tonight?
Tatiana might get busy
with the Tabernacle people.
I could stay, maybe.
You are gonna go out
and celebrate your birthday.
[ bell dinging ]
Not work a double shift.
Oh, hey, you should come to
the Tabernacle later.
We've got revival music
for Christ at 7:00.
Oh, and clog dancers tonight.
I don't know what that is.
No, clogging, you know?
It's really cool.
I mean, I'm-- I'm not trained.
I just do it for him.
Okay. Thank you.
Jesus.
[ machine whirring ]
-Hey, boo.
-Hi, babe.
I can't wait until 4:00.
Stop.
I'll bet your virginity is
a huge burden right now.
Just like you
not being kissed.
Stop talking about it. God.
[ bell dinging ]
Yeah, so what's up?
Hey, Ronald, you got
my message at the store?
Yeah.
You know it's my birthday.
Yeah, you keep reminding me.
How can I forget?
I do? I want you
to give me a present.
Can I afford this present?
Yes.
Are you, um...
are you dating anyone?
Do you want to?
[ chuckling ]
Uh, no, and-- and it depends.
Good.
Are you open
to a really great person?
Dear God.
I can't do this, honey.
For my birthday,
I want you to go out
with a really nice person.
Kate, do you--
do you think I'm lonely?
If someone were wonderful,
but they were missing fingers
or something,
would that bother you?
Is he missing fingers?
She's really pretty
and really cool,
and you're really cool.
Tonight? That's tonight?
Yes. I mean, otherwise,
you'll change your mind.
No, I mean, it's just
something like that.
Like if he were blind or
didn't have a sense of smell.
Katie, what are
you getting at here?
Just come here at 8:00.
You know,
you can go get coffee.
It can be really casual.
And she wants
to go on a blind date.
[Kate]
Yes, you can.
It doesn't really matter what
she wants.
I know what's best for her.
[ bell dinging ]
She's really, really great.
Mm-hmm.
She doesn't smoke...
and loves to fish.
I don't know
about this, Kate.
In your horoscope,
it says you'll be the same age
whether you go
after your dream or not.
I think your dream
is to fall in love.
I'm going to the bank.
Whoa!
He'll pick you up at 8:00.
I'll take your place.
It's settled.
By the way, Rene,
you owe me a phone.
[ coughing ]
I set Louise up with Ronald.
Ronald lives with his mom.
You live with your mother.
Oh, hey, Harley's thinking
of who we can find.
You told him?
I can't believe you.
Do you know what he said
to me about having sex?
He was like,
"Baby, don't be nervous.
I just want to put
my love inside of you."
All right.
You're getting so annoying.
I'm going on break.
[ playing chords ]
[Kate]
"During the revolution,
Mao decided
lawn grass was bourgeois.
Students were ordered
to pull it up by hand.
The dirt caused dust storms.
We were also discouraged
from developing
romantic attachments.
Teenage boys
and girls were told
to put their energy
into making China great.
But I had a secret crush
on a boy in my school."
Chairman Mao says we should
be devoted to the revolution,
not our personal needs.
[ shouting in Chinese ]
How can I help you?
You're not usually
at this window.
No, I'm not.
I'm usually at that window,
way down there.
I'll have a cheeseburger
and fries and a Coke.
-I'm Jordan.
-I know.
How do you know?
I gave you my number.
I'm kidding. You came up
here with your dad.
[ chuckling ]
He dropped a little bottle
of Kahlúa
-into his shake.
-[ laughing ] Oh, yeah.
That's my old man.
[ strumming guitar ]
[Rene] Yeah, yeah.
What do you think of the guy
at Darby's window?
He's wearing
a pink polo shirt.
Anything else you need to know?
I know he's kind of
full of himself.
And there's
no electric current.
Electric current?
You're a sad man.
If you've never felt it,
I can't explain it.
Ah...
[Jordan]
You don't have a name tag.
No, I don't.
Can you tell me your name?
-Lucinda.
-Lucinda.
Spanish.
You can call me Cindy.
-Jordan.
-Hmm.
But you already knew that.
You're very formal, Jordan.
-Where are you from?
-Madrid.
My parents came here
when I was a baby.
You're from the city.
You have a house on the river.
[ bell dinging ]
Burger. Burger, burger.
$4.25.
Keep the change.
You've got a, uh, beautiful
smile. You know that?
You're staring at my breasts.
If you get bored, Cindy.
Or whatever your name is.
Kate, someone at your window.
Oh, hi, Grandma!
[ tires screeching, crashing ]
[ hissing ]
Tatiana, are you okay?
[ Russian accent ]
Here. Here. Gas pedal.
She is where brake should be.
[Kate] Do you need to get
your neck checked out?
No. No, I have neck brace
in trunk from last time.
Wow. That, uh, sucks, Tatiana.
Um, I have to run.
Don't worry.
I haven't forgotten
about you, okay?
I'm still working on it.
All right. Just wish me luck.
We were going to wait.
I'm gonna get my stuff.
I talked to
your sister, doll.
She stayed with
friends last night.
Yeah. Whatever.
You working at the craft
store today, Grandma?
My feet get so swollen, I go
barefoot behind the counter.
[ laughing ]
Happy birthday, doll.
Oh.
Hi, Grammy.
Happy birthday.
Better get to work.
Bye-bye.
Love you, Grandma.
I'll make you a nice cake.
Grandma,
could I borrow 10 bucks?
Sure, doll.
♪ I don't want
to bother you ♪
♪ Just look what I found
♪ It's the smallest
heart on Earth ♪
♪ But louder than a gun ♪
[ chuckling ]
Rene! Open up!
The door's locked!
-There's a guy masturbating.
-Where?
In his car by the dumpster.
[ telephone dialing ]
Yeah. Yes, sir.
We'll be here.
All right, Bobby. Thank you.
I'll see you soon, man.
-Okay.
-You called Bobby?
Called Bobby.
Great.
Perp got away.
He got away?
Well, I could
have followed him,
but I'm kind of low on gas.
[ laughing ]
How about a tenderloin?
I left my lunch
across the street.
[Rene] You got it.
[ horn blaring ]
Hey. Honey, do you think I
should have discouraged Darby?
I mean, I was 15 when I lost my
virginity, so who am I to talk?
[Kate] You can have great
romance, but die young.
Or you can have no romance
and live to 100.
Die young after
great romance.
Me, too.
Your turn.
One of your parents
has to die.
Who you choose?
My mother did die.
When I was nine.
No. How?
Cancer.
Hmm. So sad.
Okay, if your mother
still alive,
one of your parents
never see you again.
Who you choose?
I love my dad, but I think
mothers need their daughters
more emotionally.
I choose my dad.
I hate my mother.
If something happens to her,
you're gonna feel horrible.
No, I hate.
When I'm 12,
she come on to me sexually.
She have no boundaries, even
though she's family therapist.
I tell her, put down the vodka
and get away from me.
This is really good fudge.
Is that why you emigrated?
Lots of Russians emigrate now
if you're a Jew.
This is old story.
Very anti-Semitic in Russia.
Today's my birthday.
Happy birthday. How old?
Nineteen.
[ laughing ]
Okay.
If you could have sex with
anyone, who you do it with?
Oh...
My nose was bleeding earlier.
I'm a virgin.
So? This is fantasy.
Well, who would
you do it with?
I knew it!
You like Rene!
Rene won't talk me up.
I try.
Have you ever had, like...
electrical currents...
just from talking with someone?
Sure!
In Russia, we call it...
[ speaking Russian ]
Bzzz!
Aah! [ laughing ]
I wonder if I...
if I'll always be alone.
Yeah, I heard about the kiss.
-What?
-Darby calls me.
She wonder if I know anybody.
-She called you today?
-Darby called me
about you
wanting the birthday kiss.
The birthday kiss?
It's okay. Just natural.
You need to get love.
Everybody need to get love.
[Kate] Can I borrow your cell?
[ phone ringing ]
[Carol]
You've reached Carol Harding.
[ beep ]
Darby, this message
is to tell you
I'm totally pissed at you.
I can't believe
you told Tatiana
that I haven't been kissed.
And I don't want to think
about you having sex
every time I think
about my birthday.
[ exhaling deeply ]
[ dialing ]
[Jordan] What up? It's Jordan.
Leave something.
Hi, Jordan. It's Kate.
I-- I mean, uh, Lucinda.
Lucinda Kate.
Um, y-- you know,
Cindy for short.
I'm from the ice cream stand.
Um, so, uh, you can call me
back or... or not.
[ cellphone beeps ]
Shit!
[ thud ]
Hey.
Two cheeseburgers, fries,
and a Coke.
[ European accent ] Yeah.
They are super tasty.
Would you like
anything else, please?
[biker] That's it for me.
Okay. Uh,
is all together?
No.
Okay. And could you
give me your name, please?
-Candi.
-[ chuckling ]
Candi.
You got a problem with that?
No. No.
-[ pounding on door ]
-[ Rene, normal voice ] Dudes.
You can come out now.
Thanks.
-Hi.
-[Harley] Is Darby here?
Uh, no. She's-- she's
with you. She's meeting you.
She's not
answering her phone.
Our phones got microwaved.
Seriously,
Rene microwaved them.
But she's got her mom's phone.
[ sighing ]
She said you guys were...
going out.
Can I borrow your phone?
Thank you.
[ phone ringing ]
[Carol]
You've reached Carol Harding.
Hey, Darby. It's Kate.
Um, if you've decided not
to go through with it,
which I think you have,
you've made the right decision.
Call me.
[ cellphone beeps, closes ]
Hi.
["Don't Let Me Fall" by Lenka]
♪ Underneath the moon,
underneath the stars ♪
♪ Here's a little heart
for you ♪
♪ Up above the world
♪ Up above it all ♪
Oh, shit.
♪ Here's a hand
to hold on to ♪
♪ But if I should break,
if I should fall away ♪
♪ What am I to do?
♪ I need someone to take
a little of the weight ♪
♪ Or I'll fall through
♪ You're just the one that
I've been waiting for ♪
♪ I'll give you all that
I have to give and more ♪
♪ But don't let me fall
♪ Take a little time,
walk a little line ♪
♪ Got the balance right, oh
♪ Give a little love
♪ Give me just enough
♪ So that
I can hang on tight ♪
♪ We will be all right ♪
♪ I'll be by your side
♪ I won't let you down
♪ But I got to know,
no matter how things go ♪
♪ That you will be around
♪ You're just the one that
I've been waiting for ♪
♪ I'll give you all that
I have to give and more ♪
♪ But don't let me fall
Go ahead.
Ooh.
[ coughing ]
[ laughing ]
Man, Louise is pretty cool
to leave this shit
for me, you know?
This is first time we talk.
[ bell dinging ]
I think you sexy, sexy.
Yes.
♪ Itsy-witsy spider
♪ Itsy-wits--
Oh.
I smoke marijuana, Kate,
with my shy little buddy-buddy.
Well, if you can
leave your little buddy,
you have a customer.
Don't be piggy on
second one, okay?
Okay.
Okay? Wait for me.
["Hurdy Gurdy Man" by Donovan]
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy," he sang ♪
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy," he sang ♪
♪ Here comes
the hurdy gurdy man ♪
I feel numb in the eyes.
♪ "Roly poly, roly poly,
roly poly, poly," he sang ♪
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy," he sang ♪
Have you ever smoked before?
No. You?
No.
-Hey, thanks for the stash.
-[Louise] Hmm?
[Tatiana] It's hot like summer.
I can't get breath.
Maybe you're allergic
to marijuana.
Louise, I think Tatiana is
having an allergic reaction.
Look at her.
God, honey.
Oh, my God. I-- I'm gonna
call the county clinic.
Um, maybe I can
get Darby back here
and you can
get ready for your date.
Can I borrow your phone?
Thanks.
Can I talk to a nurse?
[ cellphone ringing ]
[Carol]
You've reached Carol Harding.
Darby, call me immediately.
Stop whatever you're doing.
It's important.
Tatiana, honey,
you need to be looked at.
-Do you think you can drive?
-Yeah.
[ telephone ringing ]
Now?
Yes, now. Come on.
Darby, um, Tatiana got
a rash and needs to leave.
I really, really
desperately need you...
You will?
Okay. Bye.
So, Darby's coming back,
and, uh, you can get
ready for your date.
I'm supposed
to get dressed up?
This is just coffee, right?
Yeah. You look great.
Are you gonna, uh, wear that?
Um, Katie, I...
I didn't get you anything
for your birthday, but, um...
well, I want you
to have something
that means a lot to me.
You know, the whole time
I was pregnant with Bobby,
I-- I was sure
I was gonna have a girl.
And if I ever
did have a daughter,
I would want her
to be just like you.
[ smooching ]
You would be
the coolest mom, Louise.
Katie...
Darby said something about,
you know, the-- the kiss thing.
She's dead.
Well, I just...
All I want to say is,
maybe a place like this
doesn't appreciate
a girl like you.
Are you trying to say that
I'm not gonna get kissed?
Not by anybody
that's worth your while.
Why'd you stay, then?
It's complicated.
So, high heels?
[ bell dinging ]
Hi, Ronald.
-You look nice.
-Yeah, thanks.
I feel like an ass.
Well, why don't you,
uh, go in the back?
She's in the kitchen.
She's here in the kitchen?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
She's actually my boss.
[ exhaling sharply ]
[ clearing throat ]
He's here.
[Louise] Should I come out?
Louise, Ronald.
Hello, Ronald.
Hi, Louise.
Do you know each other?
-No.
-No.
No.
I-- I've got my car.
I'll just--
Actually, can we use my van?
Sure. Um, I'll-- I'll just
get my stuff.
[ train horn blaring ]
So, she didn't tell you
it was me, did she?
She didn't tell me
who it was.
How long have you been back?
I had no idea you were...
About a month.
My mom, she's...
she's really sick.
Look, Louise, if you don't
want to, you know, do this...
Are you sure you
want to do this?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
[ engine turning over ]
[ playing "Smoke
on the Water" off-key ]
[Kate]
"During the revolution,
there were
periodic struggle sessions.
An innocent person could
suddenly be accused of actions
against the spirit
of the revolution.
An accused person
was sometimes forced
to wear a dunce cap
and kneel in public
while being yelled at.
The person was encouraged to
admit her personal flaws.
I just want to be kissed!
[ playing "Smoke
on the Water" off-key ]
[Ronald]
The smell of the river.
The night sounds.
It's... It's all just the same.
Things are really
different now, though.
Yeah, they built a big casino
on the river.
[ music playing loudly in car ]
I never thought you'd stay.
Well, I went
to Missouri for a year.
And then my mom died, and...
Well, here I am,
running the ice cream stand.
So, you married? You have kids?
Yeah. Yeah.
I was married once.
Twelve years.
We're still friends.
We have a 12-year-old
daughter together.
Yeah.
-How about you?
-Once. One kid.
We're not still friends.
I mean the husband.
-Mm.
-[ chuckling ]
Or my kid, for that matter.
[Ronald]
You like running the stand?
My son wants to sell.
He's got some big ideas
about building storage units
and a paintball court.
You married Del?
Oh, God, no.
[ playing "Smoke
on the Water" off-key ]
[ "These Streets" by Trolle
Siebenhaar playing ]
♪ Always something
to be grumpy about ♪
♪ Don't you know that
you could do without ♪
♪ Notice
all the small things ♪
♪ And beauty will shout
♪ You never get away
with being unfair ♪
♪ 'Cause things get tight
and I'm not here ♪
♪ Don't lose
your smile, girl ♪
♪ Don't lose
your smile, girl ♪
♪ If we could walk
through these streets ♪
♪ And see the world
for what it is ♪
♪ Then we would have
a better chance ♪
[ bell dinging ]
Um, you scared me.
Did-- Um, did you see anything?
Please say no.
Definitely not.
You're lying.
You work a long shift.
Yeah. A girl got sick.
So, did you work here
this summer?
The boatworks.
I get a discount on ski
equipment, so that's cool.
And I helped out
this final weekend.
Do you ski?
Yeah-- No, no.
No, not at all.
I'll just, uh, have a soda.
Can I ask you
a question bluntly?
Absolutely.
If, hypothetically,
a girl
asked you to kiss her...
Hey, bitch.
Hi, customer.
What flavor?
Orange.
Clean straw.
Oh, it's clean this time.
Yes. [ laughing ]
So, uh, do you want to get
anything for your girlfriend?
Oh, the one
that calls me bunny?
Actually, I don't
have a girlfriend.
Amber's family owns the summer
house right next to ours.
We're friends.
-[ clearing throat ]
-So, um...
Thanks, Kate.
-Wow. Who is the hottie?
-Shh!
I haven't seen him around.
Well?
[ bell dinging ]
-Well, what?
Would you like
something to eat?
-Are you gonna make me ask?
-Ask what?
You know what.
[Rene] Ah, shit.
What do you think?
Harley came here first.
He was looking for you.
You know, you've never
opened your birthday present.
Nice wrapping paper.
I know how you love cashews.
They're half empty.
Or half full,
just depending
on how you look at it.
I was a little hungry when
I was wrapping it, so...
Can I actually have some of it?
So, you can either have great
sex or children, but not both.
What do you choose?
-Well, in Duck Farm Num--
-Ugh, boring.
I don't want
to hear about that anymore.
First it was that creepy
Holocaust thing.
You didn't even
look at that book
about the guy
who survived Auschwitz.
It was one of the most
uplifting books I've ever read.
[ beeping ]
If you're happy, I'm glad.
Cut the Girl Scout crap.
Oh, God.
You're still here.
I'm like a shark.
I-- I don't sleep.
I just circle and make shakes.
Well, how about two, Cindy?
J.J., I want cherry.
Uh, a-- a vanilla and a cherry.
Well, we don't
have cherry, J.J.,
but we do have
chocolate or vanilla.
Nothing, then.
You sure?
One vanilla.
[teen girl]
I'm still mad at you.
You said we'd go
on the river today.
I had to get the boat
into storage for winter.
Dad was on me.
Well, I waited all afternoon.
You could have called.
Aah!
-Hi.
-Hi.
So... how's it going?
How's it going? Oh,
just fucking awesome, Jordan.
Who's she?
[ door slamming ]
Just local trash.
But she knew your name.
Crush on me, babe.
[ paper rustling ]
Uh, $2.
[ register whirring ]
[ footsteps approaching ]
[ knock on door ]
-Darby?
-[ knock on door ]
Darby, open up.
Well, now you know
what it feels like.
Hey, which-- which fuse
turns off the freezer?
It's not a fuse.
It's, uh--
it's the cord right here.
You know, why didn't
I ever think of that?
'Cause you're too nice.
What is going on?
Darby?
When I left today,
I ran into Jordan outside.
[ birds chirping ]
Jordan?
Yeah. His family has
that summer cottage over--
-I know who he is.
-You do?
Yeah.
Anyway, we were talking,
and he just asked me
to hang out with him.
On your way
to lose your virginity?
I was just
gonna stop for a minute.
His boat was
right on the water.
So, what are you saying?
He was really into me.
It just kind of happened.
♪ Waiting for
the moment to arrive ♪
♪ I get so excited
What are you doing?
[ cellphone ringing ]
You had sex with Jordan, who,
by the way, is a total player,
when you were supposed
to have sex with Harley?
You're jealous, okay? Fine.
Just drop the
holier-than-thou attitude.
Instead of having sex
with the guy that you love,
you had sex with
a creep that you just met!
You don't
even know how I feel.
-[Harley] Darby?
-Oh, God.
Where's Darby?
Um...
Her mom's car is here.
I know she's here,
so don't lie,
'cause I'll come in there.
Moo is here.
I called you, like, five times.
Where were you?
Hi, boo.
We were supposed to meet.
Did you forget?
No. No.
Um, my mom asked me
to do some errands for her.
I'm really sorry.
That's interesting,
because I talked to your mom.
My phone broke.
I would have called you.
She didn't even know
where I was all day.
I waited at your house,
and then I drove around
looking for you.
And then my buddy
Steve calls me.
He and his dad are plumbing
somebody's summer cottage.
And he sees a girl he thinks is
you walking with some asshole
into his boathouse.
And I said,
"You're full of shit, man,
'cause Darby wouldn't do that."
Right?
'Cause we had a date.
A sort of important date?
I know.
He said some other things.
Harley, I'm really sorry.
I want the fucking second
set of keys to my truck!
You could have stopped her!
You wanted to break us up!
[ sighing ]
This birthday so sucks!
You're emotionally ten.
You've probably
never even masturbated.
I've masturbated.
A lot!
What?
I don't like your attitude.
I want the cook.
Rene, Hell's Angel
man wants you.
[ latch rattling ]
[ door closing ]
Hi.
Hey, your accent--
I noticed from earlier.
Are-- are you Czech?
Oh, no, man, I was only
kidding around with the accent.
My mother's Czech.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
You think there's something
funny about that?
I'm really sorry.
Look, uh, how about
a hot-fudge sundae?
It's my favorite.
I'd like that.
Okay. Okay.
-You ignoring me?
-Come on, Kate.
Who wants to be
judged all the time?
I don't like
being judgmental,
but I have a finely
honed sense of what's right.
It's my birthday.
So? Hitler had
a birthday, too.
[Kate] Oh, that's
an odious comparison.
You know how sympathetic I am
for the Jewish people.
"Odious"? [ scoffs ]
You've never even
met a Jew, Kate.
Yes, I have!
Tatiana's Jewish.
No, Tatiana is Russian.
And you know
what your problem is?
You read too much. Okay?
You know too much
about the Holocaust
and being Black in America.
Oh, and Chapstick addictions?
Come on, Kate. You're nuts.
I thought you
would find it interesting
that people could be
addicted to Chapstick!
[ voice breaking ]
And technically,
it's not the Chapstick
that's addictive.
It's the putting it on
that's addictive.
[ sniffling ]
[ water lapping ]
[Louise]
I never said I was sorry.
[Ronald] No, you did.
You came and saw me
when I was in Cedar Rapids.
I guess you forgot.
[ mid-tempo music
playing on radio ]
You were wearing
a green sweater.
Your hair was
all wavy and long.
[ Louise clearing throat ]
Yeah.
Mind if I smoke? [ chuckling ]
-Kate said you didn't smoke.
-[ sighing ]
That's because
she wanted me to have a date.
[ both chuckling ]
[ couple moaning ]
Want to hear some music?
Sure.
[ "Taking a Chance On Love"
cover playing ]
[ clearing throat ]
[ humming ]
♪ Here I go again
♪ I hear the trumpets
blow again ♪
Wow. Nice.
♪ All aglow again
♪ Takin' a chance on love
Hmm.
♪ Here I slide again
Yeah, go on.
[ laughing ]
[ humming ]
♪ I thought the cards
were a frame-up ♪
♪ I never would try
♪ But now I'm taking
the game up ♪
♪ And the ace of hearts
is high ♪
[ whistling ]
♪ Things are mending now
♪ I see a rainbow
blending now ♪
♪ We'll have a hap--
[Ronald] Got a beautiful voice.
[Louise]
I thought you were dead.
Why would I be dead?
We're the same age.
[ chuckling ]
You know, when that
snowmobile crashed,
it was the longest
moment of my life.
I still dream about it.
[ sighing ]
To set the record straight,
I probably would
have raced him anyway.
Really?
You didn't just race him
to show him up because of me?
Of course I did.
I was in love with you.
You know, or as in love as
a 16-year-old can possibly be,
which probably had more
to do with lust.
[ both laughing ]
You know, Louise,
don't feel sorry for me.
It's really unnecessary,
and-- and it's a little
bit insulting.
What if
I'm feeling sorry for me?
[ couple moaning ]
Hey! Yoo-hoo!
[ horn honking ]
-Stop it.
-[ both laughing ]
[ sniffling ]
["Oh Boy" by Miss Li]
♪ Oh, boy
♪ You make me feel like,
oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
like no boy ♪
♪ Can make me feel like you
[ vehicle approaching ]
♪ I really, really want you
♪ Oh, boy, you make me
feel so oh, boy ♪
♪ You really turn me on, boy
♪ And I don't
know what to do ♪
♪ I really, really
wanna be with you ♪
♪ Like I was before
♪ This distance between us
♪ Makes me want you more
♪ And I do mean
♪ You're the cutest boy
I've ever seen ♪
♪ And you've got
that something ♪
♪ Something that I want,
something that I need ♪
♪ A dirty little
young girl's dream ♪
♪ I said that, oh, boy
♪ You make me feel
like oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
like no boy ♪
♪ Can make me feel like you
♪ I really, really
want you, oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
so oh, boy ♪
♪ You really turn me on, boy
♪ And I don't
know what to do ♪
♪ I really, really wanna
♪ Make me swirl
♪ Like a tiny little pearl
♪ I will patiently wait
♪ 'Til you are done
with this other girl ♪
♪ And I don't care
♪ About your
so-damn-good excuses ♪
♪ 'Cause they turn me on
♪ They turn me strong,
turn me on ♪
♪ You know how
to light my fuses ♪
♪ I said, oh, boy
♪ You make me
feel like oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
like no boy ♪
♪ Can make me feel like you
♪ I really, really want you,
oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me
feel so oh, boy ♪
♪ You really turn me on...
[song fades]
[ groaning ]
[ sighing ]
Rude person, go away,
or I'll stun-gun you.
[ engine turning over ]
Go!
It worked!
[ tires screeching ]
-[ screaming ]
-[ electricity crackling ]
Shit! Ow!
-Wow!
-Oh, my God.
I stun-gunned you.
Definitely worked.
I'm not gonna molest you now.
So...
-You know...
-Is it okay? I...
-Mm.
-Yeah, looks okay.
I'm sorry. I feel terrible.
[Tatiana] Party time!
Um, Tatiana... Darby...
this is Carson.
Hi.
She put smelly lotion
on the pimples, but I'm back.
Hmm.
Okay, I...
um, I'll catch you later.
-[Kate] Carson?
-Yeah?
Um... do you want to hang out?
Maybe now
is not the best time.
Don't make me beg.
-[ chuckling ]
-[ horn honking ]
[ engine shuts off ]
Carson, we've been
looking for you.
We're going to Nick's house
for a last-weekend party.
Stop hitting
on the locals, dude.
They be some freaky chicks.
Right, Darby?
-[ stun gun clicks ]
-Apologize.
For what?
For what you said to her.
She's a freak. That's cool.
-[ electricity crackling ]
-Ow!
You're crazy!
Apologize!
Kate. Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.
Oh, I-- I-- I apologize.
Get away from me.
[ crunching ]
What the-- You owe me a phone.
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
[Jordan] Let's get
the hell out of here.
-[ door closing ]
-[ sighing ]
[ knock on door ]
[ sighing, sniffling ]
Fantastic.
[Darby] Put your hair up.
Happy birthday.
[ chuckling ]
[ sniffling ]
Thank you.
We all make mistakes.
Even me.
And one day, you're gonna have
sex with the right person,
and it's gonna be so nice.
The sex?
Oh, God--
No, the sex was fantastic.
I don't like Jordan.
I knew he was a player.
I just didn't care.
He's an amazing kisser,
and he has great hands.
Harley doesn't
have great hands?
I mean, I love Harley.
I'm just not attracted to him.
I don't think you're actually
in love with Harley.
Yeah.
Well, so I'm available
for your birthday thing now.
Who cares?
♪ Happy birthday
Oh, yeah, and I liberated
my mom's orange vodka.
I'm eight years sober.
You were an alcoholic
when you were 15?
I'm passionate person.
Nothing halfway.
I'm really sorry
about the hottie.
Yeah, me, too.
Go on. Blow candle.
Thanks.
I'm not really
in the mood, though.
Go ahead and enjoy it.
[ chuckling ]
[ door opens ]
Your gun?
-[Kate] What year are you?
-A senior. You?
Junior.
What are you thinking
of doing after this year?
Since dad's a doctor, he wants
me to go to med school.
I want to travel.
Have you ever been to China?
No. Someday.
["Don't Let Me Fall" by Lenka]
♪ Up above the world
♪ Up above it all
How did you,
um, break your foot?
My sister dared me
to jump off a bridge.
-Which was pretty cool.
-Mm.
Except for the rocks
she didn't tell me about.
-Oh. Mm.
-[ both laughing ]
♪ I need someone to take
a little of the weight ♪
♪ Or I'll fall through
♪ You're just the one
that I've been waiting for ♪
So...
if you could live in
either New York or Sweden,
where would you live?
-Here.
-What?
-Yeah.
-Really?
What if you could only
live in New York or Sweden?
-I'd live here.
-No, you can't break the rules.
Don't you like
breaking rules, Kate?
I like being the one
who makes the rules.
Mm.
Do-- do you know anything
about the cultural
revolution in China?
Not much, no.
I'm reading a book about it.
Over a ten-year period,
the Chinese people just turned
their society upside down.
I'll, uh...
I'll read it.
♪ You're just the one
♪ That I've been waiting for
I'm a little obsessed,
-since I'm reading the book--
-No, no. I--
No, I meant what I said.
I'll read it.
-I'll give you my copy.
-Okay.
♪ Don't let me fall
♪ Don't let me fall
♪ Underneath the moon,
underneath the stars ♪
Are you coming up every weekend
now that school's started?
♪ Here's a little
heart for you ♪
We're closing up
the house this weekend.
♪ Up above the world,
up above it all ♪
♪ Here's
a hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Don't let me fall
[ velcro opening ]
I'm cutting my leg off.
That looks like exactly
what you're gonna do.
[ both laughing ]
[ engine shuts off ]
Had fun.
Really?
I did, too.
[ laughs ]
[ siren chirping ]
Oh, shit.
Great.
You know why
I'm pulling you over?
We're parked.
You were going north on 23.
Took a left into
the ice cream stand
without using your turn signal.
Bobby, this is Ronald.
Ronald, this is Bobby, my son.
Step out
of the vehicle, please.
He cannot step out
of the vehicle.
-He's in a wheelchair.
-Mom...
stay out of this.
Okay. Listen.
[ Louise clearing throat ]
Um, excuse me, Ronald,
for a minute.
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
See, that guy
is a rule breaker.
Why are you always
so mad at me, huh?
You know, Grandma wanted me
to have that money, too.
You want to keep this dump?
Where are you going?
-[ fabric ripping ]
-[ Louise gasping ]
[ sighing ]
Uh, Bobby, I don't know
where that came from.
That is not mine.
You're under arrest
for possession of
an illegal substance.
Bobby, please don't do this.
Every time you look at me,
you see Dad.
[ sighing ] Bobby.
Every time I look at you, I...
I see my beautiful baby boy
that I love and...
I just-- I lost someplace.
[ sighing ]
Where are you going?
Oh, just forget it.
[ sighing ]
He found
some weed in my pocket.
I have no idea
how it got there.
Should I just talk to him?
Do you want me to--
Oh, no, please.
You'll just make things worse.
I just wanted to say that...
I had a really,
really nice time.
So did I.
Um...
why are you staring at me?
You know why.
[ laughing ]
[ knock on window ]
[ siren chirping ]
Bobby, are you crazy?
[Bobby] Don't interfere with
a police officer, Kate.
I'm warning you.
[ siren wailing ]
Bobby, you can't
do that to your mom!
Touch a police officer, Kate,
you're in a world of hurt.
[ engine turning over ]
[ vehicle departs ]
I'll get her out.
Meet me there.
[ engine turns over ]
[Bobby] This is car 31.
I got a 10-45.
White female subject.
Stand by on backup.
[ "Taking a Chance On Love"
cover ]
♪ Here I slip again
♪ About to take
that trip again ♪
♪ Got my grip again
♪ Taking a chance on love
Don't make me beg.
["Tick-Tock" by ElleM]
♪ And so
♪ This is it,
this is go ♪
♪ Oh, okay, then so
What about--
what about your boss?
Oh.
[ laughing ]
♪ But, oh
♪ I guess I'm going
♪ Hope I remember
♪ The way that this feels
[ bell tolling ]
♪ Tick-tock,
life is on a stopwatch ♪
♪ No more counting sheep off
♪ Time to pull the stop plug
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Hours spinning
'round like twisters ♪
♪ Mixing now with distance
♪ Better keep my pace up
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ I'm in the thick of it
♪ And underneath it all
♪ I'm in the best of it
♪ I guess I caught my fall
♪ I'm going 'round again
♪ You want to come along?
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh
♪ Oh
♪ And I hope that I remember ♪
[Kate] Next, I'm reading
a book Tatiana gave me
about a Russian
girl a hundred years ago
who can't be
with the man she wants.
♪ Oh
If I were that girl,
I wouldn't
throw myself under a train.
I'd get on that train
with the man I love.
♪ The way that this feels
[Narrator] It looks like we're
in for several months
of depressing Russian writers.
♪ Tick-tock
♪ Life is on a stopwatch
♪ No more counting sheep off
♪ Time to pull the stop plug
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Hours spinning
'round like twisters ♪
♪ Mixing now with distance
♪ Better keep my pace up
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh
♪ Oh, uh-oh
♪ Uh-uh-oh
♪ I'm in the thick of it
♪ And underneath it all
♪ I'm in the best of it
♪ I guess I caught my fall
♪ I'm going 'round again
♪ You want to come along?
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh
♪ Mm
♪ Tick-tock
♪ Life is on a stopwatch
♪ No more counting sheep off
♪ Time to pull the stop plug
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Hours spinning
'round like twisters ♪
♪ Mixing now with distance
♪ Better keep my pace up
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh
♪ How you gonna move
and ask her ♪
♪ Isn't life
a cruel laughter ♪
♪ Everybody's pretty
mixed up, mixed up ♪
♪ And okay...
[Narrator] This is the story
of a small-town girl...
[Kate] Call me Ishmael.
[Narrator] ... who just
finishedMoby Dick.
[Kate] My favorite books right
now areTwilight
andSurvival in Auschwitz.
Before that, I was into
Huckleberry Finn,
not because I live
on the Mississippi,
but because fundamentalists
want to ban it.
♪ And rush in with a lie,
you know we'll die ♪
[Narrator] This small-town
girl reads.
Some might say too much.
♪ My way, love
♪ You'd roll the dice
[Kate] I live in
a beautiful place.
[Narrator] Though roadkill
can blow the tire on a bike
if a person isn't careful.
[ bird cawing ]
[Kate] I love it here and
I'd stab myself in the heart
with a ballpoint pen if
I thought I'd never get out.
[Narrator] Someone's prone
to exaggeration.
[ bell dinging ]
[Kate] My mother died
when I was nine.
[Narrator] That's true.
[Kate] My dad's a collector.
[Narrator] Handguns.
♪ ... to fool you
♪ If you're living...
[Kate] I fantasize
jumping a boxcar
and following the rails,
but I'd probably
be raped by vagrants
forced to sing Woody Guthrie
songs nonstop to Wichita.
[Narrator]
This is not that story.
♪ The dream of something
♪ Is better than
a leaf of nothing ♪
♪ So, take your seat
and play cool, but not sober ♪
♪ Play the fool,
but don't control her ♪
♪ 'Cause all this time...
[Kate] What else?
It's my birthday.
[Narrator] She's sweet 16
and never been--
[Kate] That's enough.
♪ You'd roll
the dice my way ♪
♪ Would you roll the dice
♪ You'd roll the dice my way
♪ Guaranteed to save the day
♪ So, roll the dice,
roll the dice,
♪ Roll the dice my way
♪ My way
[ telephone rings ]
-[Grandma] Hello?
-[Kate] Hey, Gram.
Did Terry
stay there last night?
[Grandma] No, she didn't
stay here, doll.
Did she get busted again?
[Kate] Oh, no,
I was just worried.
Today's my birthday.
[Grandma] It is?
Did you forget?
[ horn blaring ]
The Yangtze river in China
is twice as long
as the Mississippi.
[Narrator]
Kate's new book is about
the cultural
revolution that took place
in China 40 years ago.
[Kate] China is 12,000 miles
from here.
Halfway around the world.
[Narrator]
Kate just discovered that
China's population is over
a billion, 300 million,
yada, yada, yada, people.
[Kate] Our county,
lumping the farmers
farmers and the river town
into a stew,
is half a person per acre.
Give or take a person.
Since someone
will die this month...
[ bird cawing ]
... and someone else
will be born.
[Narrator] The book Kate is
reading was written by a girl
who lived through
the cultural revolution
when she was Kate's age.
[Kate]
Did I say it's my birthday?
I'm 16.
Louise?
[ door rattling ]
Rene?
[ exhaling deeply ]
[ playing "Smoke on the Water"
off-key ]
♪ I look like a retard
♪ You can't play
this song very well ♪
Louise is coming in.
[ strumming ]
And you didn't
clean the grill.
Aw, shitcakes.
It's my birthday.
Aw, happy birthday.
[ birds cawing ]
-[Harley] Moo.
-[Darby] Boo.
-[Harley] Moo.
-[Darby] Boo. I want to be moo.
[ chuckling ]
I don't know
how I'm gonna wait.
Love you, boo.
[Darby] I love you, too.
[Harley] Who's your boogerhead?
Harley, don't be stupid.
4:00, baby.
Hey.
Hey.
Your hair needs to be wet.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so you're in an elevator
with a fat man...
-[ bell chimes ]
-... a man with really, really
bad breath, and then
a guy whose nose has been,
like, completely
eaten away by cancer.
And you have to have sex
with one of them.
Who do you choose?
That's easy. The fat one.
Totally.
You guys are sick.
Terry never
came home last night.
You think she hooked up?
She's wild.
Or maybe she's
dead in a ditch.
Should I take
your necklace off for this?
No, it's okay. I don't care.
I asked my dad for one.
I love it.
Hey, Darby?
Hmm?
Aren't you
forgetting something?
Oh, my gosh. Happy birthday!
Aw, Kate. Sweet 16.
-No, no, no. Shut up.
-What?
I don't want
anyone to say it.
Say what?
-Hi, Crystal.
-Hi, Kate.
Mom wants a tenderloin,
fries, and a Coke.
I want fries.
[ playing "Twinkle, Twinkle,
Little Star" off-key ]
Stop it.
What?
Tender caress.
Two French kisses.
[ European accent ] Why don't
you shove ticket up ass, huh?
That's funny.
You're funny, Rene JonBenét.
-What? Would you just tell me?
-Okay.
"Sweet 16
and never been kissed." Jesus.
You've never been kissed?
And you have?
Of course.
Not even one guy
has kissed you, ever?
Not even once?
That's sad.
So, you've never been kissed.
It's not a big deal.
Nobody cares.
Oh, hey, I'm gonna
have sex with Harley.
-What?
-In less than eight hours.
[ bell tolling ]
We were gonna wait.
I got bored.
Well, what about my birthday?
I had plans.
Oh. I bought you a present.
Happy birthday.
Ow.
We were gonna wait 'til
we loved somebody.
Yeah. Well, I do.
[ bell dinging ]
[Rene]
[ normal voice ] Burger.
[ sighs ]
'Til we were in real love.
We are in real--
You know what? Eff you.
Crystal.
-Pshhhh!
-Katie, how's the world?
Actually, it sucks.
-The egg?
-Yeah.
How about you, Ben?
Nothing.
Why don't you
play right down there?
Just sit down. Go.
So, what's up?
I'm reading
that book you gave me
on the cultural
revolution in China.
Really? What do you think?
You know, it's just...
It's a little hard
to understand.
I mean, there's people
spying on each other
and turning in their families.
It's like Mao was God.
Well, you have to understand
that the Chinese
have suffered for centuries
under the feudal lords, right?
And Mao was like--
He was like
their hope, their liberator.
Yeah, but I would
never turn in my family.
You're very noble, Kate.
-[ bell dinging ]
-Makes you think, huh?
Yeah, I got to go pick up
my mom at the clinic
and drop her off
before I open up the shop.
Drop my nephew
off at my sister's.
Boy, you can really feel fall
in the air, can't you?
Canada geese pooping
their way to Florida.
Must suck to have to come to
come out here from California.
-Hey.
-How is your mom?
She's waiting around to die,
playing solitaire.
That's sad.
Yeah.
-It's my birthday.
-Happy birthday!
Thank you!
How old are you?
17.
Wow. 17. Hmm.
Here. That's for you.
Ready? All right. We'll see ya.
-See ya.
-Bye.
-Bye!
-Bye.
All right. Let's go.
[Darby]
Hey, did that what's-his-face
become a quadriplegic in Iraq?
[Kate]
He's a paraplegic,
and it was a snowmobile
accident when he was our age.
Hey, have you even
been watching the time?
Um...
Kate?
[Kate]
All right. You need to rinse.
Go. Go, go, go,
go, go, go.
You didn't even like giving
Harley a blowjob.
Having sex
is way more intimate.
No, it isn't.
And I do like giving
Harley blowjobs, okay?
-Can I help you?
-Can I have an ice cream cone?
Sure. What kind would you like?
Chocolate.
Oh, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Damn it.
[ tuning guitar ]
What's up, guys?
Uh, what can I get for you?
I didn't know you were
gonna be jealous.
Maybe you have the hots for me.
Maybe you're a lesbian.
[ groans ] My hair froze.
[ bell clanging ]
[ hair dryer whirring ]
What the hell?
$6.23.
-Look at my hair.
-For two cones?
My hair, bitch.
Well, you got waffle
instead of sugar,
which is a dollar more each.
Um, I asked
for little gold streaks.
I only have $5.
Whatever. Just give me
what you got.
You did this on purpose.
My hair is sweet.
Aah!
I can't have sex like this.
What-- what are you doing?
You're ruining--
Get out of here!
I can't wait 'til
this thing comes off.
One more week.
I didn't do it on purpose.
Louise can fix it.
Can I help you?
I think you can.
How are you today?
I'm cool.
I've seen you
around the river.
What's good?
About the river?
In your stand?
The egg sandwich.
Wonder bread, eggs, fat.
I'll have the egg sandwich.
Egg sandwich, nose picker.
Where are you from?
Well, Darby...
Minneapolis.
Well, summer-house boy,
what can I get you to drink?
You have a boyfriend?
We have shakes and sodas.
You choose.
I don't know what you like.
I'm very easy.
I'm not.
-He's lucky.
-Who?
The boyfriend.
[ humming ]
[ door closes ]
Oh, the grill
hasn't been cleaned.
Yeah, it's a long story, man.
I don't like long stories.
Put 'em away, please.
Hi, Louise.
I'm highlighting Darby's hair.
I read your horoscope for you.
Even though
I don't believe in them.
Oh, thanks, honey.
"You'll be the same age
whether you go after
your dream or not."
Hmm.
What's your dream?
[Louise]
Kate, I'm too old for dreams.
You know, this place
could use a good cleaning
before we close
up for the winter.
I dated a guy once
that was into Mao.
-Really?
-Yeah.
We used to lay around on his
futon, all covered in dog hair.
I'd listen while he read
from Mao's little red book.
I pretended to be interested.
His idea of foreplay.
It's my birthday.
Virgo.
Makes perfect sense.
But I don't
believe in horoscopes.
All the men in my life,
they've been Virgos.
Charming,
gregarious, pigheaded.
With a dark side.
Addictions.
I don't have addictions.
Honey, everybody
has addictions.
I don't know which is worse,
men or cigarettes.
It's been so long
since I met somebody nice.
[ horn blaring ]
[ bell dinging ]
-Hi, Dad!
-Hey, Kate.
Hey, Reverend Kerr.
Did you enjoy the gun show?
Oh, you betcha.
Got a couple
of gut-hook knives.
[ laughing ]
That'll put the fear of God
in somebody, wouldn't it?
Too bad you got
to work on your birthday.
Yeah. No one
could take my place.
Happy birthday.
Dad, you got the necklace!
I didn't think you'd --
-How do you open it?
-Gosh, no.
It's a stun gun.
To protect you.
It's kind of
a neat little device.
Not police caliber.
But delivers a shock,
so be careful.
Could-- could you
take it home for me?
No, honey.
You keep it in your purse.
Did you talk
to your grandma today?
She's sweet 16 and
never been kissed.
[ echoing ] never been kissed,
never been kissed.
... never been kissed.
never been kissed,
and never been kissed.
[ laughing ]
Katie girl.
Okay, Huckleberry. Let's go.
[ groaning, sighing ]
[ laughing ]
You're not gonna
shoot me now, are you?
No, I'm...
leaning towards agnostic.
Oh.
What can I get you?
Cheeseburger and fries.
Drink?
Coke?
Carson?
I changed my mind.
I want a lemonade.
And a lemonade.
One lemon... ade.
[ sighing ] Lemonade.
Bunny, I don't
have any money.
I'll get your Coke... bunny.
Do you have your period?
Electric flashes.
Oh, shit.
I-- I put the straw
from my shake
that I was drinking
in your Coke. I'm sorry.
I'll-- it's disgusting.
I'll get you a new one.
[ bell dinging ]
$4.25.
-I'm Carson.
-Kate.
Hey, bitch. What the hell
are you trying to do to me,
telling everyone I didn't
come home last night?
Well, everyone was worried.
I didn't know
what happened to you.
-Ow!
-Little miss freakin'
perfect Girl Scout kiss-ass.
Terry, you're a crazy bitch!
Oh, man!
[Kate] She didn't even
wish me a happy birthday.
I'm gonna get you kissed.
I don't need your help.
Well, if I can't find anybody,
we can--
we can always use Rene.
Or...
you can kiss Harley.
[Kate] This is so stupid
compared with you having sex.
And it's really not about that.
-Then what is it about?
-[ horn honking ]
Sorry. Harley's here.
Ow.
[Kate] "My father came home
one day and told us
he was being sent
to the countryside
to labor with the peasants.
He'd been
a businessman in Beijing."
[ ducks quacking ]
I've been sent to duck farm #13
as a farm laborer!
[Kate] "I wouldn't see
him again for six years."
[ ducks quacking ]
Goodbye, children.
He needs to be re-educated to
lose his bourgeois thinking.
All I said was, "You're sweet
16 and never been kissed."
You turned
father in, traitor.
[Louise] What am I supposed
to say here, huh?
I mean, are you
even ready for this?
Do you even have condoms,
for God's sakes?
Well, I would use Rene's,
but I'm sure
it's so old, it's leaky.
You know
the thing about girls?
They're way dirtier
than guys are.
-Kate?
-Bobby.
Is my mom in there?
She's kind of busy, Bobby.
Tell her she needs to pull
in that trash receptacle.
Too close to a public highway.
I don't want
to give her a citation.
You got a Kleenex
in your nostril.
Which one?
Louise, your son, Bobby, says
the garbage needs to be pulled
in further from the street.
From the first moment
I held him in my arms,
I knew there was
something different about him.
By the time he was five,
he was writing me up
for moving violations.
I mean, he wouldn't even let me
put the key in the ignition
without him being buckled up.
Girls, addictions.
-Yeah, I'm almost done.
-Wait, wait.
[Louise]
No. Come on. Come, come, come.
-Girls, girls.
-[ snapping fingers ]
Addictions. Come on.
Thank you.
Vamoose.
Tatiana takes
my place at 4:00.
And she's got a boyfriend.
Why are you always
setting people up, huh?
I'm not. I just think
it's sad you're alone.
[ bell clanging ]
[Louise] You know, you girls
don't have to wear
your uniforms that
short if you don't want to.
Well, we like them that way.
[ electricity crackling ]
[ screaming ]
What happened?
[ coughing, gagging ]
What? I'm gonna kill Rene!
Oh, my God. [ coughing ]
It's like the Chinese people
were brainwashed.
I don't get cults.
I was in a cult once.
It was called marriage.
You wouldn't marry again?
I don't know what happened.
I just couldn't
find a good man.
Plenty of bad ones.
My dad's single.
But he's not dating material.
Who were you most in love with?
Hmm.
Someone I was never with.
No chance to get disillusioned.
[Kate]
Maybe you're wiser now.
Love and wisdom don't really
work together, do they?
The head is so far
from the heart.
I know a guy...
you could date.
I'm really not that desperate,
honey. Thank you.
What about tonight?
Tatiana might get busy
with the Tabernacle people.
I could stay, maybe.
You are gonna go out
and celebrate your birthday.
[ bell dinging ]
Not work a double shift.
Oh, hey, you should come to
the Tabernacle later.
We've got revival music
for Christ at 7:00.
Oh, and clog dancers tonight.
I don't know what that is.
No, clogging, you know?
It's really cool.
I mean, I'm-- I'm not trained.
I just do it for him.
Okay. Thank you.
Jesus.
[ machine whirring ]
-Hey, boo.
-Hi, babe.
I can't wait until 4:00.
Stop.
I'll bet your virginity is
a huge burden right now.
Just like you
not being kissed.
Stop talking about it. God.
[ bell dinging ]
Yeah, so what's up?
Hey, Ronald, you got
my message at the store?
Yeah.
You know it's my birthday.
Yeah, you keep reminding me.
How can I forget?
I do? I want you
to give me a present.
Can I afford this present?
Yes.
Are you, um...
are you dating anyone?
Do you want to?
[ chuckling ]
Uh, no, and-- and it depends.
Good.
Are you open
to a really great person?
Dear God.
I can't do this, honey.
For my birthday,
I want you to go out
with a really nice person.
Kate, do you--
do you think I'm lonely?
If someone were wonderful,
but they were missing fingers
or something,
would that bother you?
Is he missing fingers?
She's really pretty
and really cool,
and you're really cool.
Tonight? That's tonight?
Yes. I mean, otherwise,
you'll change your mind.
No, I mean, it's just
something like that.
Like if he were blind or
didn't have a sense of smell.
Katie, what are
you getting at here?
Just come here at 8:00.
You know,
you can go get coffee.
It can be really casual.
And she wants
to go on a blind date.
[Kate]
Yes, you can.
It doesn't really matter what
she wants.
I know what's best for her.
[ bell dinging ]
She's really, really great.
Mm-hmm.
She doesn't smoke...
and loves to fish.
I don't know
about this, Kate.
In your horoscope,
it says you'll be the same age
whether you go
after your dream or not.
I think your dream
is to fall in love.
I'm going to the bank.
Whoa!
He'll pick you up at 8:00.
I'll take your place.
It's settled.
By the way, Rene,
you owe me a phone.
[ coughing ]
I set Louise up with Ronald.
Ronald lives with his mom.
You live with your mother.
Oh, hey, Harley's thinking
of who we can find.
You told him?
I can't believe you.
Do you know what he said
to me about having sex?
He was like,
"Baby, don't be nervous.
I just want to put
my love inside of you."
All right.
You're getting so annoying.
I'm going on break.
[ playing chords ]
[Kate]
"During the revolution,
Mao decided
lawn grass was bourgeois.
Students were ordered
to pull it up by hand.
The dirt caused dust storms.
We were also discouraged
from developing
romantic attachments.
Teenage boys
and girls were told
to put their energy
into making China great.
But I had a secret crush
on a boy in my school."
Chairman Mao says we should
be devoted to the revolution,
not our personal needs.
[ shouting in Chinese ]
How can I help you?
You're not usually
at this window.
No, I'm not.
I'm usually at that window,
way down there.
I'll have a cheeseburger
and fries and a Coke.
-I'm Jordan.
-I know.
How do you know?
I gave you my number.
I'm kidding. You came up
here with your dad.
[ chuckling ]
He dropped a little bottle
of Kahlúa
-into his shake.
-[ laughing ] Oh, yeah.
That's my old man.
[ strumming guitar ]
[Rene] Yeah, yeah.
What do you think of the guy
at Darby's window?
He's wearing
a pink polo shirt.
Anything else you need to know?
I know he's kind of
full of himself.
And there's
no electric current.
Electric current?
You're a sad man.
If you've never felt it,
I can't explain it.
Ah...
[Jordan]
You don't have a name tag.
No, I don't.
Can you tell me your name?
-Lucinda.
-Lucinda.
Spanish.
You can call me Cindy.
-Jordan.
-Hmm.
But you already knew that.
You're very formal, Jordan.
-Where are you from?
-Madrid.
My parents came here
when I was a baby.
You're from the city.
You have a house on the river.
[ bell dinging ]
Burger. Burger, burger.
$4.25.
Keep the change.
You've got a, uh, beautiful
smile. You know that?
You're staring at my breasts.
If you get bored, Cindy.
Or whatever your name is.
Kate, someone at your window.
Oh, hi, Grandma!
[ tires screeching, crashing ]
[ hissing ]
Tatiana, are you okay?
[ Russian accent ]
Here. Here. Gas pedal.
She is where brake should be.
[Kate] Do you need to get
your neck checked out?
No. No, I have neck brace
in trunk from last time.
Wow. That, uh, sucks, Tatiana.
Um, I have to run.
Don't worry.
I haven't forgotten
about you, okay?
I'm still working on it.
All right. Just wish me luck.
We were going to wait.
I'm gonna get my stuff.
I talked to
your sister, doll.
She stayed with
friends last night.
Yeah. Whatever.
You working at the craft
store today, Grandma?
My feet get so swollen, I go
barefoot behind the counter.
[ laughing ]
Happy birthday, doll.
Oh.
Hi, Grammy.
Happy birthday.
Better get to work.
Bye-bye.
Love you, Grandma.
I'll make you a nice cake.
Grandma,
could I borrow 10 bucks?
Sure, doll.
♪ I don't want
to bother you ♪
♪ Just look what I found
♪ It's the smallest
heart on Earth ♪
♪ But louder than a gun ♪
[ chuckling ]
Rene! Open up!
The door's locked!
-There's a guy masturbating.
-Where?
In his car by the dumpster.
[ telephone dialing ]
Yeah. Yes, sir.
We'll be here.
All right, Bobby. Thank you.
I'll see you soon, man.
-Okay.
-You called Bobby?
Called Bobby.
Great.
Perp got away.
He got away?
Well, I could
have followed him,
but I'm kind of low on gas.
[ laughing ]
How about a tenderloin?
I left my lunch
across the street.
[Rene] You got it.
[ horn blaring ]
Hey. Honey, do you think I
should have discouraged Darby?
I mean, I was 15 when I lost my
virginity, so who am I to talk?
[Kate] You can have great
romance, but die young.
Or you can have no romance
and live to 100.
Die young after
great romance.
Me, too.
Your turn.
One of your parents
has to die.
Who you choose?
My mother did die.
When I was nine.
No. How?
Cancer.
Hmm. So sad.
Okay, if your mother
still alive,
one of your parents
never see you again.
Who you choose?
I love my dad, but I think
mothers need their daughters
more emotionally.
I choose my dad.
I hate my mother.
If something happens to her,
you're gonna feel horrible.
No, I hate.
When I'm 12,
she come on to me sexually.
She have no boundaries, even
though she's family therapist.
I tell her, put down the vodka
and get away from me.
This is really good fudge.
Is that why you emigrated?
Lots of Russians emigrate now
if you're a Jew.
This is old story.
Very anti-Semitic in Russia.
Today's my birthday.
Happy birthday. How old?
Nineteen.
[ laughing ]
Okay.
If you could have sex with
anyone, who you do it with?
Oh...
My nose was bleeding earlier.
I'm a virgin.
So? This is fantasy.
Well, who would
you do it with?
I knew it!
You like Rene!
Rene won't talk me up.
I try.
Have you ever had, like...
electrical currents...
just from talking with someone?
Sure!
In Russia, we call it...
[ speaking Russian ]
Bzzz!
Aah! [ laughing ]
I wonder if I...
if I'll always be alone.
Yeah, I heard about the kiss.
-What?
-Darby calls me.
She wonder if I know anybody.
-She called you today?
-Darby called me
about you
wanting the birthday kiss.
The birthday kiss?
It's okay. Just natural.
You need to get love.
Everybody need to get love.
[Kate] Can I borrow your cell?
[ phone ringing ]
[Carol]
You've reached Carol Harding.
[ beep ]
Darby, this message
is to tell you
I'm totally pissed at you.
I can't believe
you told Tatiana
that I haven't been kissed.
And I don't want to think
about you having sex
every time I think
about my birthday.
[ exhaling deeply ]
[ dialing ]
[Jordan] What up? It's Jordan.
Leave something.
Hi, Jordan. It's Kate.
I-- I mean, uh, Lucinda.
Lucinda Kate.
Um, y-- you know,
Cindy for short.
I'm from the ice cream stand.
Um, so, uh, you can call me
back or... or not.
[ cellphone beeps ]
Shit!
[ thud ]
Hey.
Two cheeseburgers, fries,
and a Coke.
[ European accent ] Yeah.
They are super tasty.
Would you like
anything else, please?
[biker] That's it for me.
Okay. Uh,
is all together?
No.
Okay. And could you
give me your name, please?
-Candi.
-[ chuckling ]
Candi.
You got a problem with that?
No. No.
-[ pounding on door ]
-[ Rene, normal voice ] Dudes.
You can come out now.
Thanks.
-Hi.
-[Harley] Is Darby here?
Uh, no. She's-- she's
with you. She's meeting you.
She's not
answering her phone.
Our phones got microwaved.
Seriously,
Rene microwaved them.
But she's got her mom's phone.
[ sighing ]
She said you guys were...
going out.
Can I borrow your phone?
Thank you.
[ phone ringing ]
[Carol]
You've reached Carol Harding.
Hey, Darby. It's Kate.
Um, if you've decided not
to go through with it,
which I think you have,
you've made the right decision.
Call me.
[ cellphone beeps, closes ]
Hi.
["Don't Let Me Fall" by Lenka]
♪ Underneath the moon,
underneath the stars ♪
♪ Here's a little heart
for you ♪
♪ Up above the world
♪ Up above it all ♪
Oh, shit.
♪ Here's a hand
to hold on to ♪
♪ But if I should break,
if I should fall away ♪
♪ What am I to do?
♪ I need someone to take
a little of the weight ♪
♪ Or I'll fall through
♪ You're just the one that
I've been waiting for ♪
♪ I'll give you all that
I have to give and more ♪
♪ But don't let me fall
♪ Take a little time,
walk a little line ♪
♪ Got the balance right, oh
♪ Give a little love
♪ Give me just enough
♪ So that
I can hang on tight ♪
♪ We will be all right ♪
♪ I'll be by your side
♪ I won't let you down
♪ But I got to know,
no matter how things go ♪
♪ That you will be around
♪ You're just the one that
I've been waiting for ♪
♪ I'll give you all that
I have to give and more ♪
♪ But don't let me fall
Go ahead.
Ooh.
[ coughing ]
[ laughing ]
Man, Louise is pretty cool
to leave this shit
for me, you know?
This is first time we talk.
[ bell dinging ]
I think you sexy, sexy.
Yes.
♪ Itsy-witsy spider
♪ Itsy-wits--
Oh.
I smoke marijuana, Kate,
with my shy little buddy-buddy.
Well, if you can
leave your little buddy,
you have a customer.
Don't be piggy on
second one, okay?
Okay.
Okay? Wait for me.
["Hurdy Gurdy Man" by Donovan]
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy," he sang ♪
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy," he sang ♪
♪ Here comes
the hurdy gurdy man ♪
I feel numb in the eyes.
♪ "Roly poly, roly poly,
roly poly, poly," he sang ♪
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy," he sang ♪
Have you ever smoked before?
No. You?
No.
-Hey, thanks for the stash.
-[Louise] Hmm?
[Tatiana] It's hot like summer.
I can't get breath.
Maybe you're allergic
to marijuana.
Louise, I think Tatiana is
having an allergic reaction.
Look at her.
God, honey.
Oh, my God. I-- I'm gonna
call the county clinic.
Um, maybe I can
get Darby back here
and you can
get ready for your date.
Can I borrow your phone?
Thanks.
Can I talk to a nurse?
[ cellphone ringing ]
[Carol]
You've reached Carol Harding.
Darby, call me immediately.
Stop whatever you're doing.
It's important.
Tatiana, honey,
you need to be looked at.
-Do you think you can drive?
-Yeah.
[ telephone ringing ]
Now?
Yes, now. Come on.
Darby, um, Tatiana got
a rash and needs to leave.
I really, really
desperately need you...
You will?
Okay. Bye.
So, Darby's coming back,
and, uh, you can get
ready for your date.
I'm supposed
to get dressed up?
This is just coffee, right?
Yeah. You look great.
Are you gonna, uh, wear that?
Um, Katie, I...
I didn't get you anything
for your birthday, but, um...
well, I want you
to have something
that means a lot to me.
You know, the whole time
I was pregnant with Bobby,
I-- I was sure
I was gonna have a girl.
And if I ever
did have a daughter,
I would want her
to be just like you.
[ smooching ]
You would be
the coolest mom, Louise.
Katie...
Darby said something about,
you know, the-- the kiss thing.
She's dead.
Well, I just...
All I want to say is,
maybe a place like this
doesn't appreciate
a girl like you.
Are you trying to say that
I'm not gonna get kissed?
Not by anybody
that's worth your while.
Why'd you stay, then?
It's complicated.
So, high heels?
[ bell dinging ]
Hi, Ronald.
-You look nice.
-Yeah, thanks.
I feel like an ass.
Well, why don't you,
uh, go in the back?
She's in the kitchen.
She's here in the kitchen?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
She's actually my boss.
[ exhaling sharply ]
[ clearing throat ]
He's here.
[Louise] Should I come out?
Louise, Ronald.
Hello, Ronald.
Hi, Louise.
Do you know each other?
-No.
-No.
No.
I-- I've got my car.
I'll just--
Actually, can we use my van?
Sure. Um, I'll-- I'll just
get my stuff.
[ train horn blaring ]
So, she didn't tell you
it was me, did she?
She didn't tell me
who it was.
How long have you been back?
I had no idea you were...
About a month.
My mom, she's...
she's really sick.
Look, Louise, if you don't
want to, you know, do this...
Are you sure you
want to do this?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
[ engine turning over ]
[ playing "Smoke
on the Water" off-key ]
[Kate]
"During the revolution,
there were
periodic struggle sessions.
An innocent person could
suddenly be accused of actions
against the spirit
of the revolution.
An accused person
was sometimes forced
to wear a dunce cap
and kneel in public
while being yelled at.
The person was encouraged to
admit her personal flaws.
I just want to be kissed!
[ playing "Smoke
on the Water" off-key ]
[Ronald]
The smell of the river.
The night sounds.
It's... It's all just the same.
Things are really
different now, though.
Yeah, they built a big casino
on the river.
[ music playing loudly in car ]
I never thought you'd stay.
Well, I went
to Missouri for a year.
And then my mom died, and...
Well, here I am,
running the ice cream stand.
So, you married? You have kids?
Yeah. Yeah.
I was married once.
Twelve years.
We're still friends.
We have a 12-year-old
daughter together.
Yeah.
-How about you?
-Once. One kid.
We're not still friends.
I mean the husband.
-Mm.
-[ chuckling ]
Or my kid, for that matter.
[Ronald]
You like running the stand?
My son wants to sell.
He's got some big ideas
about building storage units
and a paintball court.
You married Del?
Oh, God, no.
[ playing "Smoke
on the Water" off-key ]
[ "These Streets" by Trolle
Siebenhaar playing ]
♪ Always something
to be grumpy about ♪
♪ Don't you know that
you could do without ♪
♪ Notice
all the small things ♪
♪ And beauty will shout
♪ You never get away
with being unfair ♪
♪ 'Cause things get tight
and I'm not here ♪
♪ Don't lose
your smile, girl ♪
♪ Don't lose
your smile, girl ♪
♪ If we could walk
through these streets ♪
♪ And see the world
for what it is ♪
♪ Then we would have
a better chance ♪
[ bell dinging ]
Um, you scared me.
Did-- Um, did you see anything?
Please say no.
Definitely not.
You're lying.
You work a long shift.
Yeah. A girl got sick.
So, did you work here
this summer?
The boatworks.
I get a discount on ski
equipment, so that's cool.
And I helped out
this final weekend.
Do you ski?
Yeah-- No, no.
No, not at all.
I'll just, uh, have a soda.
Can I ask you
a question bluntly?
Absolutely.
If, hypothetically,
a girl
asked you to kiss her...
Hey, bitch.
Hi, customer.
What flavor?
Orange.
Clean straw.
Oh, it's clean this time.
Yes. [ laughing ]
So, uh, do you want to get
anything for your girlfriend?
Oh, the one
that calls me bunny?
Actually, I don't
have a girlfriend.
Amber's family owns the summer
house right next to ours.
We're friends.
-[ clearing throat ]
-So, um...
Thanks, Kate.
-Wow. Who is the hottie?
-Shh!
I haven't seen him around.
Well?
[ bell dinging ]
-Well, what?
Would you like
something to eat?
-Are you gonna make me ask?
-Ask what?
You know what.
[Rene] Ah, shit.
What do you think?
Harley came here first.
He was looking for you.
You know, you've never
opened your birthday present.
Nice wrapping paper.
I know how you love cashews.
They're half empty.
Or half full,
just depending
on how you look at it.
I was a little hungry when
I was wrapping it, so...
Can I actually have some of it?
So, you can either have great
sex or children, but not both.
What do you choose?
-Well, in Duck Farm Num--
-Ugh, boring.
I don't want
to hear about that anymore.
First it was that creepy
Holocaust thing.
You didn't even
look at that book
about the guy
who survived Auschwitz.
It was one of the most
uplifting books I've ever read.
[ beeping ]
If you're happy, I'm glad.
Cut the Girl Scout crap.
Oh, God.
You're still here.
I'm like a shark.
I-- I don't sleep.
I just circle and make shakes.
Well, how about two, Cindy?
J.J., I want cherry.
Uh, a-- a vanilla and a cherry.
Well, we don't
have cherry, J.J.,
but we do have
chocolate or vanilla.
Nothing, then.
You sure?
One vanilla.
[teen girl]
I'm still mad at you.
You said we'd go
on the river today.
I had to get the boat
into storage for winter.
Dad was on me.
Well, I waited all afternoon.
You could have called.
Aah!
-Hi.
-Hi.
So... how's it going?
How's it going? Oh,
just fucking awesome, Jordan.
Who's she?
[ door slamming ]
Just local trash.
But she knew your name.
Crush on me, babe.
[ paper rustling ]
Uh, $2.
[ register whirring ]
[ footsteps approaching ]
[ knock on door ]
-Darby?
-[ knock on door ]
Darby, open up.
Well, now you know
what it feels like.
Hey, which-- which fuse
turns off the freezer?
It's not a fuse.
It's, uh--
it's the cord right here.
You know, why didn't
I ever think of that?
'Cause you're too nice.
What is going on?
Darby?
When I left today,
I ran into Jordan outside.
[ birds chirping ]
Jordan?
Yeah. His family has
that summer cottage over--
-I know who he is.
-You do?
Yeah.
Anyway, we were talking,
and he just asked me
to hang out with him.
On your way
to lose your virginity?
I was just
gonna stop for a minute.
His boat was
right on the water.
So, what are you saying?
He was really into me.
It just kind of happened.
♪ Waiting for
the moment to arrive ♪
♪ I get so excited
What are you doing?
[ cellphone ringing ]
You had sex with Jordan, who,
by the way, is a total player,
when you were supposed
to have sex with Harley?
You're jealous, okay? Fine.
Just drop the
holier-than-thou attitude.
Instead of having sex
with the guy that you love,
you had sex with
a creep that you just met!
You don't
even know how I feel.
-[Harley] Darby?
-Oh, God.
Where's Darby?
Um...
Her mom's car is here.
I know she's here,
so don't lie,
'cause I'll come in there.
Moo is here.
I called you, like, five times.
Where were you?
Hi, boo.
We were supposed to meet.
Did you forget?
No. No.
Um, my mom asked me
to do some errands for her.
I'm really sorry.
That's interesting,
because I talked to your mom.
My phone broke.
I would have called you.
She didn't even know
where I was all day.
I waited at your house,
and then I drove around
looking for you.
And then my buddy
Steve calls me.
He and his dad are plumbing
somebody's summer cottage.
And he sees a girl he thinks is
you walking with some asshole
into his boathouse.
And I said,
"You're full of shit, man,
'cause Darby wouldn't do that."
Right?
'Cause we had a date.
A sort of important date?
I know.
He said some other things.
Harley, I'm really sorry.
I want the fucking second
set of keys to my truck!
You could have stopped her!
You wanted to break us up!
[ sighing ]
This birthday so sucks!
You're emotionally ten.
You've probably
never even masturbated.
I've masturbated.
A lot!
What?
I don't like your attitude.
I want the cook.
Rene, Hell's Angel
man wants you.
[ latch rattling ]
[ door closing ]
Hi.
Hey, your accent--
I noticed from earlier.
Are-- are you Czech?
Oh, no, man, I was only
kidding around with the accent.
My mother's Czech.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
You think there's something
funny about that?
I'm really sorry.
Look, uh, how about
a hot-fudge sundae?
It's my favorite.
I'd like that.
Okay. Okay.
-You ignoring me?
-Come on, Kate.
Who wants to be
judged all the time?
I don't like
being judgmental,
but I have a finely
honed sense of what's right.
It's my birthday.
So? Hitler had
a birthday, too.
[Kate] Oh, that's
an odious comparison.
You know how sympathetic I am
for the Jewish people.
"Odious"? [ scoffs ]
You've never even
met a Jew, Kate.
Yes, I have!
Tatiana's Jewish.
No, Tatiana is Russian.
And you know
what your problem is?
You read too much. Okay?
You know too much
about the Holocaust
and being Black in America.
Oh, and Chapstick addictions?
Come on, Kate. You're nuts.
I thought you
would find it interesting
that people could be
addicted to Chapstick!
[ voice breaking ]
And technically,
it's not the Chapstick
that's addictive.
It's the putting it on
that's addictive.
[ sniffling ]
[ water lapping ]
[Louise]
I never said I was sorry.
[Ronald] No, you did.
You came and saw me
when I was in Cedar Rapids.
I guess you forgot.
[ mid-tempo music
playing on radio ]
You were wearing
a green sweater.
Your hair was
all wavy and long.
[ Louise clearing throat ]
Yeah.
Mind if I smoke? [ chuckling ]
-Kate said you didn't smoke.
-[ sighing ]
That's because
she wanted me to have a date.
[ both chuckling ]
[ couple moaning ]
Want to hear some music?
Sure.
[ "Taking a Chance On Love"
cover playing ]
[ clearing throat ]
[ humming ]
♪ Here I go again
♪ I hear the trumpets
blow again ♪
Wow. Nice.
♪ All aglow again
♪ Takin' a chance on love
Hmm.
♪ Here I slide again
Yeah, go on.
[ laughing ]
[ humming ]
♪ I thought the cards
were a frame-up ♪
♪ I never would try
♪ But now I'm taking
the game up ♪
♪ And the ace of hearts
is high ♪
[ whistling ]
♪ Things are mending now
♪ I see a rainbow
blending now ♪
♪ We'll have a hap--
[Ronald] Got a beautiful voice.
[Louise]
I thought you were dead.
Why would I be dead?
We're the same age.
[ chuckling ]
You know, when that
snowmobile crashed,
it was the longest
moment of my life.
I still dream about it.
[ sighing ]
To set the record straight,
I probably would
have raced him anyway.
Really?
You didn't just race him
to show him up because of me?
Of course I did.
I was in love with you.
You know, or as in love as
a 16-year-old can possibly be,
which probably had more
to do with lust.
[ both laughing ]
You know, Louise,
don't feel sorry for me.
It's really unnecessary,
and-- and it's a little
bit insulting.
What if
I'm feeling sorry for me?
[ couple moaning ]
Hey! Yoo-hoo!
[ horn honking ]
-Stop it.
-[ both laughing ]
[ sniffling ]
["Oh Boy" by Miss Li]
♪ Oh, boy
♪ You make me feel like,
oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
like no boy ♪
♪ Can make me feel like you
[ vehicle approaching ]
♪ I really, really want you
♪ Oh, boy, you make me
feel so oh, boy ♪
♪ You really turn me on, boy
♪ And I don't
know what to do ♪
♪ I really, really
wanna be with you ♪
♪ Like I was before
♪ This distance between us
♪ Makes me want you more
♪ And I do mean
♪ You're the cutest boy
I've ever seen ♪
♪ And you've got
that something ♪
♪ Something that I want,
something that I need ♪
♪ A dirty little
young girl's dream ♪
♪ I said that, oh, boy
♪ You make me feel
like oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
like no boy ♪
♪ Can make me feel like you
♪ I really, really
want you, oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
so oh, boy ♪
♪ You really turn me on, boy
♪ And I don't
know what to do ♪
♪ I really, really wanna
♪ Make me swirl
♪ Like a tiny little pearl
♪ I will patiently wait
♪ 'Til you are done
with this other girl ♪
♪ And I don't care
♪ About your
so-damn-good excuses ♪
♪ 'Cause they turn me on
♪ They turn me strong,
turn me on ♪
♪ You know how
to light my fuses ♪
♪ I said, oh, boy
♪ You make me
feel like oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me feel
like no boy ♪
♪ Can make me feel like you
♪ I really, really want you,
oh, boy ♪
♪ You make me
feel so oh, boy ♪
♪ You really turn me on...
[song fades]
[ groaning ]
[ sighing ]
Rude person, go away,
or I'll stun-gun you.
[ engine turning over ]
Go!
It worked!
[ tires screeching ]
-[ screaming ]
-[ electricity crackling ]
Shit! Ow!
-Wow!
-Oh, my God.
I stun-gunned you.
Definitely worked.
I'm not gonna molest you now.
So...
-You know...
-Is it okay? I...
-Mm.
-Yeah, looks okay.
I'm sorry. I feel terrible.
[Tatiana] Party time!
Um, Tatiana... Darby...
this is Carson.
Hi.
She put smelly lotion
on the pimples, but I'm back.
Hmm.
Okay, I...
um, I'll catch you later.
-[Kate] Carson?
-Yeah?
Um... do you want to hang out?
Maybe now
is not the best time.
Don't make me beg.
-[ chuckling ]
-[ horn honking ]
[ engine shuts off ]
Carson, we've been
looking for you.
We're going to Nick's house
for a last-weekend party.
Stop hitting
on the locals, dude.
They be some freaky chicks.
Right, Darby?
-[ stun gun clicks ]
-Apologize.
For what?
For what you said to her.
She's a freak. That's cool.
-[ electricity crackling ]
-Ow!
You're crazy!
Apologize!
Kate. Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.
Oh, I-- I-- I apologize.
Get away from me.
[ crunching ]
What the-- You owe me a phone.
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
[Jordan] Let's get
the hell out of here.
-[ door closing ]
-[ sighing ]
[ knock on door ]
[ sighing, sniffling ]
Fantastic.
[Darby] Put your hair up.
Happy birthday.
[ chuckling ]
[ sniffling ]
Thank you.
We all make mistakes.
Even me.
And one day, you're gonna have
sex with the right person,
and it's gonna be so nice.
The sex?
Oh, God--
No, the sex was fantastic.
I don't like Jordan.
I knew he was a player.
I just didn't care.
He's an amazing kisser,
and he has great hands.
Harley doesn't
have great hands?
I mean, I love Harley.
I'm just not attracted to him.
I don't think you're actually
in love with Harley.
Yeah.
Well, so I'm available
for your birthday thing now.
Who cares?
♪ Happy birthday
Oh, yeah, and I liberated
my mom's orange vodka.
I'm eight years sober.
You were an alcoholic
when you were 15?
I'm passionate person.
Nothing halfway.
I'm really sorry
about the hottie.
Yeah, me, too.
Go on. Blow candle.
Thanks.
I'm not really
in the mood, though.
Go ahead and enjoy it.
[ chuckling ]
[ door opens ]
Your gun?
-[Kate] What year are you?
-A senior. You?
Junior.
What are you thinking
of doing after this year?
Since dad's a doctor, he wants
me to go to med school.
I want to travel.
Have you ever been to China?
No. Someday.
["Don't Let Me Fall" by Lenka]
♪ Up above the world
♪ Up above it all
How did you,
um, break your foot?
My sister dared me
to jump off a bridge.
-Which was pretty cool.
-Mm.
Except for the rocks
she didn't tell me about.
-Oh. Mm.
-[ both laughing ]
♪ I need someone to take
a little of the weight ♪
♪ Or I'll fall through
♪ You're just the one
that I've been waiting for ♪
So...
if you could live in
either New York or Sweden,
where would you live?
-Here.
-What?
-Yeah.
-Really?
What if you could only
live in New York or Sweden?
-I'd live here.
-No, you can't break the rules.
Don't you like
breaking rules, Kate?
I like being the one
who makes the rules.
Mm.
Do-- do you know anything
about the cultural
revolution in China?
Not much, no.
I'm reading a book about it.
Over a ten-year period,
the Chinese people just turned
their society upside down.
I'll, uh...
I'll read it.
♪ You're just the one
♪ That I've been waiting for
I'm a little obsessed,
-since I'm reading the book--
-No, no. I--
No, I meant what I said.
I'll read it.
-I'll give you my copy.
-Okay.
♪ Don't let me fall
♪ Don't let me fall
♪ Underneath the moon,
underneath the stars ♪
Are you coming up every weekend
now that school's started?
♪ Here's a little
heart for you ♪
We're closing up
the house this weekend.
♪ Up above the world,
up above it all ♪
♪ Here's
a hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Don't let me fall
[ velcro opening ]
I'm cutting my leg off.
That looks like exactly
what you're gonna do.
[ both laughing ]
[ engine shuts off ]
Had fun.
Really?
I did, too.
[ laughs ]
[ siren chirping ]
Oh, shit.
Great.
You know why
I'm pulling you over?
We're parked.
You were going north on 23.
Took a left into
the ice cream stand
without using your turn signal.
Bobby, this is Ronald.
Ronald, this is Bobby, my son.
Step out
of the vehicle, please.
He cannot step out
of the vehicle.
-He's in a wheelchair.
-Mom...
stay out of this.
Okay. Listen.
[ Louise clearing throat ]
Um, excuse me, Ronald,
for a minute.
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
See, that guy
is a rule breaker.
Why are you always
so mad at me, huh?
You know, Grandma wanted me
to have that money, too.
You want to keep this dump?
Where are you going?
-[ fabric ripping ]
-[ Louise gasping ]
[ sighing ]
Uh, Bobby, I don't know
where that came from.
That is not mine.
You're under arrest
for possession of
an illegal substance.
Bobby, please don't do this.
Every time you look at me,
you see Dad.
[ sighing ] Bobby.
Every time I look at you, I...
I see my beautiful baby boy
that I love and...
I just-- I lost someplace.
[ sighing ]
Where are you going?
Oh, just forget it.
[ sighing ]
He found
some weed in my pocket.
I have no idea
how it got there.
Should I just talk to him?
Do you want me to--
Oh, no, please.
You'll just make things worse.
I just wanted to say that...
I had a really,
really nice time.
So did I.
Um...
why are you staring at me?
You know why.
[ laughing ]
[ knock on window ]
[ siren chirping ]
Bobby, are you crazy?
[Bobby] Don't interfere with
a police officer, Kate.
I'm warning you.
[ siren wailing ]
Bobby, you can't
do that to your mom!
Touch a police officer, Kate,
you're in a world of hurt.
[ engine turning over ]
[ vehicle departs ]
I'll get her out.
Meet me there.
[ engine turns over ]
[Bobby] This is car 31.
I got a 10-45.
White female subject.
Stand by on backup.
[ "Taking a Chance On Love"
cover ]
♪ Here I slip again
♪ About to take
that trip again ♪
♪ Got my grip again
♪ Taking a chance on love
Don't make me beg.
["Tick-Tock" by ElleM]
♪ And so
♪ This is it,
this is go ♪
♪ Oh, okay, then so
What about--
what about your boss?
Oh.
[ laughing ]
♪ But, oh
♪ I guess I'm going
♪ Hope I remember
♪ The way that this feels
[ bell tolling ]
♪ Tick-tock,
life is on a stopwatch ♪
♪ No more counting sheep off
♪ Time to pull the stop plug
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Hours spinning
'round like twisters ♪
♪ Mixing now with distance
♪ Better keep my pace up
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ I'm in the thick of it
♪ And underneath it all
♪ I'm in the best of it
♪ I guess I caught my fall
♪ I'm going 'round again
♪ You want to come along?
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh
♪ Oh
♪ And I hope that I remember ♪
[Kate] Next, I'm reading
a book Tatiana gave me
about a Russian
girl a hundred years ago
who can't be
with the man she wants.
♪ Oh
If I were that girl,
I wouldn't
throw myself under a train.
I'd get on that train
with the man I love.
♪ The way that this feels
[Narrator] It looks like we're
in for several months
of depressing Russian writers.
♪ Tick-tock
♪ Life is on a stopwatch
♪ No more counting sheep off
♪ Time to pull the stop plug
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Hours spinning
'round like twisters ♪
♪ Mixing now with distance
♪ Better keep my pace up
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh
♪ Oh, uh-oh
♪ Uh-uh-oh
♪ I'm in the thick of it
♪ And underneath it all
♪ I'm in the best of it
♪ I guess I caught my fall
♪ I'm going 'round again
♪ You want to come along?
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh
♪ Mm
♪ Tick-tock
♪ Life is on a stopwatch
♪ No more counting sheep off
♪ Time to pull the stop plug
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Hours spinning
'round like twisters ♪
♪ Mixing now with distance
♪ Better keep my pace up
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh
♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock
♪ Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh