1313: Actor Slash Model (2011) - full transcript

Hey, how'd the audition go?

Interesting.

Oh yeah? They like you?

Who knows with those guys.

But there was this dude, he came
barging into the casting room
and totally flipped out.

What? He was upset he didn't get
a part?

Pretty much.

You serious?

Oh yeah.

He got right up into the casting
director's face.

Started threatening him and
stuff. They had to call
security.



That's what I keep telling you
man. This business will wear
you down until there's nothing
left.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Guys?

Hello?!

Guys?

Hello?

Guys?

Guys?

Hello?

[intense music]

How you doin'?

Hello?



Hello?

Guys!

Some party!

[door creaking]

Hello?

Matt?

Hello?

Hello...?

[slicing sound]

[splash]

[electronic music]

[indistinguishable teasing,
laughing]

[mysterious music]

[heartbeat]

I don't care if the shoot was
rained out for three days.
That's not my problem!

My problem is money.

So you can tell the director if
that pilot doesn't come in on
budget I'll fire him and shelf
the production!

Damn it Brad.

So. Have you decided if you're
going to renew another season of
"Fall Boys?"

Don't worry, Babe, I've
got you covered.

I know it's just...I was
thinking maybe I might take a
break.

You know, from the show.

What are you talking about?

I just figured I've been playing
the lead role of Jake for three
seasons now and I'm thinking I
might want to take a break.

Check out my options.

Are you kidding me? You want to
quit the lead role of successful
television series? And do what?

Oh, don't tell me you want to
pursue movie roles! Because I
can tell you right now,

you may share Brad's name but
Brad Pitt you're not.

Suzy you wanted to see me?

There's my new leading man. Come
in, come in.

I was just getting ready to
review your tape again.

Brad.

Why don't you make yourself
available later and maybe we'll
finish this up, hmm?

Yeah.

Jerry?

I knew it was my roomie.
What's it been like two, three
years?

Three.

Well how've you been?

Been better.

Still pursuing the acting
career?

You could say that.

Hey I told you then and I'll
tell you now.

Follow me. I could get you in to
see my modelling agent and then,
bam!

I guarantee you'll start getting
called in for all sorts of
roles.

I'm an actor, Matt. Not a meat
puppet.

Well this meat puppet's landed
recurring roles in two Suzy
Prescott series.

Don't you think that's messed
up?

I mean all these shows. They
don't care about casting quality
actors.

They just want to make sure you
look good when you take your
shirt off.

So. What's the big deal? I mean

Hell. I think I'm a pretty good
actor and...I look pretty good
with my shirt off.

Relax. Have some fun. And call
my print agent in the morning.

Make yourself available. Like
Hell I will.

You're Brad May.

Yeah. So what?

I auditioned for your role.

That's right. Three years ago.
Before they called in all the
model-slash-actors they
auditioned real actors.

Are you insulting me? Because I
really couldn't care seeing as
I'm done with that role.

As a matter of fact you could
probably take another stab at
it.

I got to go sweat this out
before I hurt someone.

I couldn't agree more.

It's like she thinks she owns
me, you know?

Yeah she gave me my break but
that doesn't me I get to be her
boy toy until she decides she's
done with me.

And believe me: The next hot
thing is right around the
corner.

You know, that's what irks me
even more. How ungrateful you
are.

I mean. You're a model, you're
not an actor. You should never
have been cast in that role,

and now you're complaining about
it.

I just want out.

No strings attached, no threats
from Suzy like that 'you're
never work in this town again'
crap.

I just want a nice clean break.

Well I think I can help you with
that.

[metallic swish]

Poor ungrateful Brad. Just wants
a nice, clean, break.

[stabbing sound]

[Jerry's voice, echoing]
Before they brought in all
these actor-slash-models,
they auditioned real actors.

So Kerry. Now that you're
working for me I want you to
know that everything you see
here, is at your disposal.

I'm not like other producers. I
am very involved with the
process and I treat all my
leading men as family.

Understood?

You bet.

Good.

Suzy. I heard another actor was
promised my role...

Oh don't worry about him.

He's been taken care of. So
you just enjoy. After all, this
party's for you!

That's funny. I thought it was
for both of us. Seeing as we're
both on the new show, right?

Just kidding. Of course the
party's for Kerry. He's the
leading man. I'm just his trusty
side kick. The comic relief.

Whoah. The party is for both
of us. It's for everyone on the
new show.

Thanks buddy.

You know how many auditions me
and this guy have fought for?
It's guaranteed.

Everytime I walk into that wait
room. There's Kerry. And
guaranteed, he always gets the
gig. He's like my doppleganger.

Very cute. Trent, if there's
going to be a problem with you
sharing the spotlight with
Kerry,

I want to know about it right
now.

because if there's something I
can't stand, it's set problems.

I don't have the time and I
don't have the money for them.

Hey, easy. I'm not a problem. I
told you: Comic relief.

Yeah, I'm in hysterics.

Hey look, Trent. You gave as
good of an audition as anyone.

But, as we know, they
probably flipped a coin. It
picked the star. It picked the
co-star.

Sure, whatever. Flip a coin. But
personally, I take my career a
bit more seriously then that.

[door slam]

[tapping]

Come on, Kid. Get out here.

You don't get invited to Suzy
Prescott's and sit in the car.

I told you. This is my turf. My
playground. So I get to choose
who gets to...gets to...Damn it!

Who gets to stay and play.

Thanks. I don't why I can't seem
to remember these lines.

Maybe I can help run some with
you.

Really? That'd be great.

How'd you know that?
The line?

I auditioned for that role.

Really? I didn't see you. At the
audition.

I was called in on an earlier
round.

Look, Dude. You're too stiff.
You need to relax into the role.
Really feel the action.

I mean in this scene, it's hot.

I mean these guys have been
waiting around in this hundred
degree airless, windowless
warehouse for two hours.

Only to get screwed around.

You're right.

Of course I'm right. Now, let's
take this off.

Much better. Exactly. See?

Are you ready?

Yes.

Alright, here's the deal. My boy
comes and works for you and I
collect commission.

I told you. This is my turf. My
playground. So I get to choose
who gets to stay and play.

And your boy there. He's not
welcome 'cause... cause...damn
it!

What the Hell am I going to do?
I can't remember my lines? Suzy
just said she hates set
problems.

Well maybe she should have hired
a real actor then.

I mean, no offence Kerry but,
wasn't your last gig modelling
for an underwear ad?

Hey. I got this fair and
square.

Really? Because last time I
checked, I got this role fair
and square.

You're the other guy. The other
actor.

That's me. The other actor. Or
as I like to see it, the only
actor that was and should have
been cast in your role.

Listen, I heard that they
haven't cast it yet.

Didn't you? I mean, I'm pret
ty sure I just heard you talking
to Suzy about it.

But you know what? It doesn't
mat ter. It looks like I'll be
doing Suzy a favor.

I mean if she doesn't like
set problems and you obviously
aren't cut out for the job,

well then I guess cutting you
out isn't such a bad idea.

[stabbing sound]

[echoing voice:]
'Well maybe she should have
hired a real actor, then.'

'I mean, no offense, Kerry, but
wasn't your last gig modeling
for an underwear ad?'

'Of course, before they brought
in all these "actor-slash
models" they adutiioned real
actors.'

'Last time I checked, I got this
role fair and square.'

'Well maybe she should have
hired a real actor, then. I mean
no offense, Kerry but wasn't
your last gig

modeling for an underwear ad?'

'Last time I checked, I got this
role fair and square.

'All these TV shows, they don't
care about casting quality
actors.'

'They just want to make
sure you look good when you take
your shirt off.'

'I'm an actor. I'm not a meat
puppet.'

Ah, the best casting agent
in town. How are you Paul?

Been better.

What? Business is slow?
It's pilot season.

Had a bit of a problem at the
casting house the other day with
that actor you cast and then
dumped.

Had to get security to escort
him out.

Thin skinned. People shouldn't
be in this business if they
can't hack it. And who's this?

Logan Branch. You may
have heard of him.

Of course. How could I not,
seeing as you were just listed
on EW's list of hot new up and
comers.

That's right. And he just landed
the lead in one of RHN's new
pilots.

Really? Why didn't you didn't
bring him in for my casting?

What? You're not happy with your
new cast?

[phone ringing]

I've got to take this.

Why don't you get yourself a
drink, take a swim, enjoy
yourself.

Aah. The smell of new meat.

Trent Oxley. Or I should say Ox.
They said Oxley wasn't catchy
enough.

Logan. Or rather Mike. That's my
real name. I guess it wasn't
catchy enough either.

Well Mikey, sounds like you've
hit the big time. RHN. Not bad.

But are you ready to take on the
bigger role?

Excuse me?

You know, the role of the big
star, celebrity. Kiss ass. All
that's way more important then
the role.

I mean for that all you got to
do is memorize your lines and
show up.

But for the rest of it, it's a
dance. A dance you'd better
learn quick or else you'll be
eaten alive.

And Suzy Prescott, she's one of
the hungrier ones.

You know. I get the sense you've
got a lot of anger brewing
inside of you.

What are you talking about?

I mean, I've known you
since we dropped out of
college.

There's something really biting
at you.

Ever since you came here, you've
been sulking the kitchen, and
the Jer' I know, he would have
been the life of the party.

Talk to me.

You want to know what's biting
at me? You. And all these other
actor-slash-models.

No this again. Come on, Jer, you
can't fight it. I mean it's what
the public wants.

They don't want to see
ugly faces when they get
out of their crappy jobs.

They want to see us beautiful
people. And that's us. And you.

And you need to learn to work it
Jer. I know you can do it.
Instead of being a
hater, you could be a joiner.

Wow. What an inspiring speech.
You know, you could make
t-shirts with that slogan.

'Don't be a hater. Be a
joiner.'

Jerry have you met Trent Powers?
He's a bit of an over
achiever, to put it nicely.

Hey if you're happy being an
underachiever that's your deal.

Not underachiever, just not
willing to step on whomever it
takes.

You still pissed about that gig
I beat you out on?

You didn't beat me, you
told the casting director I had
a conflict of interest.

Well you were repping that jean
company weren't you?

Yeah, but that was for the
client to decide whether it was
a conflict of interest or not.

My agent was in the process
of working on it until you
stepped in.

Why, are you going to sidle your
way into Kerry's lead role, too?

Who knows. Maybe the trusty
sidekick will steal the show.

Jesus Trent!

Sorry about that. Better go top
up.

That guy's a Jerk. Poor Kerry's
got to work alongside that goon.

Yeah poor Kerry and his leading
role that should have been mine.

What are you talking about?

I had that role. Of Lee
Saunders before Suzy Prescott
decided she wanted one of you
sell outs to play the part.

Look, that sucks, and I'm sorry
about your luck Jer but you got
to let that all go.

That's right. Be a joiner, I
forgot. What about being a
sell out?

You know, I'm done with this
Jer.

If you want to wallow in your
bad luck, go for it!
I'm done.

That you are.

[stabbing sound]

'You want to know what's biting
at me? You, and all these
actor-slash models.'

'I had that role. Of Lee
Saunders before Suzy Prescott
decided she wanted one of you
sell outs to play the part.'

'Before they brought in all
these actor-slash-models, they
auditioned real actors.'

'I'm an actor. I'm not a meat
puppet.'

'Last time I checked, I got this
role fair and square.'

'Maybe she should have hired a
real actor.'

'I had that role. Of Lee
Saunders before Suzy Prescott
decided she wanted one of you
sell outs to play the part.'

'You want to know what's biting
at me? You, and all these
actor-slash models.'

'You know, all these TV shows,
they don't care about casting
quality actors.'

'They just want to make sure you
look good when you take your
shirt off.'

Hey kid, why don't you relax?
Have a swim? Suzy likes seeing
her guests have fun.

So how long does RHN have him
for?

At least a season.

Showing off the goods are we
rookie?

Let me show you how it's done.

Ah, look at that idiot.

He'd better not make me sorry I
cast him.

Yeah, why did you cast him? You
know he likes to stir things up.

I know. He just rated so damn
high with the female viewers.

Why don't you go find a room and
sober up?

Hey Rick it's Trent. Look I got
a line that the lead role in
that show I just landed might be
back up for grabs...

don't worry about how I know,
just make sure you get the jump
on this, alright?

If you do I'll bump your
commission.

You are bit of an over achiever,
aren't you?

What do you want?

I want exactly what you do.

Fine. That's cool. I'll make a
deal. You get the lead and I
keep my gig. Sound good?

Hmm. It would, except I'm not
sure if I could trust a co star
who won't even report it if he
found me all chopped up.

No. The more I think about it,
you'd probably just stab me in
the back.

[stabbing sound]

Like what you see?

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to
snoop...

Not at all. Feel
at home. Who knows?
Maybe one day you'll be
on one of my shows.

Let me ask you this. Did you
get a call for an audition for
my latest show, 'Fallen
Men'?

No. I mean I heard that you were
casting and I even asked my
agent,

but he said RHN really wanted me
and that I shouldn't
overexpose myself.

Overexposed? And you
believed him?

Of course you did. Logan did
Paul say anything to you to make
you believe you had the part?

Not really. But he did say he
had an in with one of the
producersat RHN,

and that I shouldn't commit to
anything until I'd heard
from him.

That little weasel.

Excuse me?

You might want to put your
clothes on, seeing as that your
ride's about to leave.

You shut me out.

Of what?

You know what. That hot new
thing that RHN just scooped up.

You made a deal with Gary that
if you brought him Logan you'd
get a cut.

Okay, so you got me. But just so
you know, I'd do the same for
you, as long as you offered me
something a little extra.

You're a snake Paul. I've been
casting out of your house for
ten years!

I put you on the map in
this town when you were just a
backroom casting upstart no one
had heard of!

And I''ve thanked you time and
time again.

'Thank you' does
nothing for me. What would have
helped me and my ratings,

is if you had brought me the
next hot thing and not sold him
from under me to Gary Klein!

Now why don't you get Hot Shot
and yourself and show yours
door.

Bitch.

Logan?

Hello Paul.

Sorry, do I know you?

Hey you're that guy I
had kicked out of my space.

Yeah, that was completely
unnecessary.

You threatened me and my staff.

Well don't worry. I'm past that.

What the hell are you doing?

Didn't you hear me? I said I was
past threatening. Now I'm
on to doing.

Where the Hell is Brad?

I don't know what you're playing
at here. But I can tell you,
you're killing any chance you
have at a career in this town.

You know, that's funny, '
cause I thought that was your
job.

Hey, I had nothing to do with
you losing that role.

You were only too willing to
bring in another round of
actors,

or should I say models, because
we all know they're not really
actors. Even though you knew
somebody would get screwed.

Hey, I only do what the clients
says, and Suzy wasn't happy. She
wanted to see more faces.

And you were more then happy to
oblige, even though you knew
somebody would be getting
screwed.

And that someone just happened
to be me.

You know, I've always wondered
what it would be like to run a
casting session.

I mean, what really gets you
the role? Is it your look, the
lines, or just the mood in the
room?

Let's take you for example.
Let's say I was casting the role
of the guy who gets killed.

Am I looking for someone who
looks scared? Am I
looking for someone who
looks defiant?

Come on. Show me what you've
got.

That's it. Not bad. Very
believable. In fact.
Congratulations.

You got the role.

[stabbing sound]

Hello?

Hello...?

Hello?

Hello...?

[metallic swish]

[echoing voice:]
'I'm passed threatening. Now I'm
on to doing.'

Hello?

Hello?!

'We all know they're not real
actors.'

Hello?

Suzy?

Hello?

Hello?

'Come on, show me what you've
got.'

Hello?

Is anyone here?

Hello?

Hello...?

'I'm an actor. I"m not a meat
puppet.'

Hello?

Is anyone here?

Come on, guys, this isn't funny.

Hello?

'Before they brought in all
these model-slash-actors, they
auditioned real actors.'

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

[stabbing sound]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello...?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Hello.

Is anybody here?

Yoo-hoo.

Is anybody home?

Hello?

Hello?

'I'm passed threatening. Now I'm
on to doing.'

Shooie.

'We all know they're not real
actors.'

'I'm an actor. I'm not a meat
puppet.'

'All these TV shows, they don't
care about casting quality
actors.'

'They just want to make sure you
look good when you take your
shirt off.'

Oh shit.

'Come on. Show me what you got.'

[stabbing sound]

Brad?

Brad, are you in here?

Miss Prescott.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
scare you.

What is it?

I can't seem to find Paul.

Well I can't seem to find
anyone. It's as if we're the
only ones here.

Why don't you come with me to my
office, and uh..we can talk some
business.

So. Your good friend
Paul screwed me from getting
my hands on you.

I'm sorry...

He made a deal with Gary so no
one else could snap you up.

I didn't know I...

Of course. And I'm
not accusing you of anything.

But, just to show you there
are no hard feelings,

I'd like you to
come on board and play with
me and my boys.

I could offer you, maybe a guest
role. Or even a recurring
character.

But whatever you decide, I want
you to know...

That you're going to be
very well taken care of.

[laughing softly]

Who the hell are you?

You're not serious now, are you,
Suzy? Take another look.

I'm not into playing games.
If you haven't been invited I
suggest you leave.

Oh, I was invited. In fact. This
party should be in my honor. You
know, as your new lead on Fallen
Men.

Of course. You're that actor,
the one we cast and then
replaced. So what?

You're here to try and convince
me what a bad mistake I made?

We made it perfectly
clear to your agent we've
recasted.

And you were compensated for
the time you were on hold.

I'm just going to get going...

No, actually I think you should
stay right there.

Because I'm pretty sure I can
convince Miss Prescott that I'm
the one meant for the role.

Okay, um, fine. If it's more
money you want for your trouble,
then I'm sure we could cut a
deal.

I don't want the money. I want
to act.

Because unlike all these
model-slash-actors you have
roaming around here, I've honed
my craft.

I've been working towards
my big break since I was a kid.
And now I'm ready for it.

Here you go! You're going to
want this on tape. Because it's
going to be the best damn
audition you've ever seen.

Please!

Feed me my lines.

Please, you don't have to-

Do it!

If you leave now we can cut a
deal.

There's nothing you could offer
me that's going to get me off
the hook. You know that. I
know that.

There is. I mean I could get you
the role. Any role. Whatever you
want.

I mean look at you. This
is some of the best acting I've
seen. Please.

Why would I trust you?

Because you're right. I need
actors. Real actors. Like this!

[stabbing sound]

[impact]

What? You didn't think I'd leave

anybody behind, now, did you?

Let's make that deal.

'Before they brought in all
these actor-slash-models they
auditioned real actors.'

'I'm an actor. I'm not a meat
puppet.'

'Last time I checked, I got this
role fair and square.'

'I'm passed threatening. Now I'm
onto doing.'

'I mean, all these TV shows,
they don't care about casting
quality actors.'

'They just want
to make sure you look good when
you take your shirt off.'

[indistinguishable
voices on the TV]

Hey, go back.

[sirens on TV]

Television producer Suzy
Prescott is known for her hit TV
crime dramas.

But today, her own home was the
scene of a real crime:

A series of horrific murders
committed by local actor Jerry
Heinz.

More news on this topic later in
our program.

That's the guy. You know the one
I told you was taken away by
security at my audition.

You know maybe you should think
about quitting the business. I
mean look at that guy.

It's put him right over the deep
end. And I've seen how it gets
you down.

I mean hell, the rejection could
make anyone crazy.

Maybe you're right. I mean my
uncle's been bugging me to go
work for him.

Steady work. Steady paycheck.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

[phone ringing]

Hello?...Yeah...Really? That's
awesome. Great! Thank you.

That was my agent. That audition
I went to...

I just got the role.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[music fades]