When Nature Calls (2021–2022): Season 1, Episode 4 - A Partial In-Ground Pool - full transcript

A judgmental flamingo; a groundhog who thinks a snake is his friend Steve; words of wisdom from Matthew McOtterhey; a searing Mantis love triangle.


Mirren: Earth.

A glistening jewel,

set against the velvety black
of the universe.


A true wonder.

Bird: [ Valley girl accent ]
Hull, yeah.

From this vantage,

natural forms exist
only in abstract.

To fully embrace
this vibrant, wild place...

we must lean in
for a closer look.

Monkey: Do you think this is
gonna make us famous?

Monkey #2:
It worked for Kim and Paris.

Why wouldn't it
work for us?


And as we explore
the peaks and valleys

of our celestial home,

we are beckoned closer still...

by the animals.

[ Bird calls ]

Our earthly neighbors,
so like us,

woven into the fabric
of this world,

and imbued with the
wisdom and poise of nature.

Warthog: I farted and
a little bit of poop came out.


Mirren: Take note of
these noble creatures,

for their stories ‐‐

and their secrets ‐‐

are now ours to share.

Mobster hawk:
You tell anyone about this
and we'll break ya beak.

Hawk: Okay, okay!
I won't tell nobody!

I promise!

Prepare to see the world
around you

in a startling new light.

A universe of revelations
whispered to you,

when nature calls.


Animals exist in
an unpredictable world

full of threats, anger,
and simmering resentments,

all the more notable,

as many of them aren't
even on social media.

To persevere, they must suppress
the instinct to lash out.

But on Rodrigues Island
in the Indian Ocean,

the fruit bat shows us that
conflict resolution

is not easily achieved.

[ Bats chittering ]

[ Blows landing loudly ]
[ Grunting ]

Bat #1:
You're insane!

Val Kilmer was
the better Batman!

Bat #2: What? George Clooney
was the better Batman!

No, Kilmer.

No, Clooney!

Look, Clooney's fight scenes
were trash, bro.

Kilmer's Batman was
exactly like the comics.

Well, at least Clooney's Batsuit
had way better Batnipples ‐‐

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What are we doing?
This is crazy.

You're right.
We need to stop.

'Cause Michael Keaton was
the best Batman of all time!

Oh, I know you're not gonna
trash my boy Ben Affleck!

[ Grunting ]

Good lord!

Cut your fingernails!

[ Bats chittering ]


[ Birds chirping ]


Animals must toil to maintain
status in their social groups.

The apes...

the fish...

the ants...

they're all participants in
this so‐called "rat race."

Even the rats, I suppose ‐‐

an animal who, thankfully,
we have no footage of.

Although actually, there was
that cute video, wasn't there,

of a subway rat
eating a slice of pizza ‐‐

do we own that one?


Oh, well.

As a long day draws to a close,
many animals,

like the white‐flippered penguin
on the coast of New Zealand,

seek out the rejuvenating
pleasures of alone time.


[ Penguin panting ]

It took me 10 years to find
the Beach of Solitude,

but finally,
peace and quiet is mine.

Finally, I could exclaim
with no one to hear that

I! Am! Alooooone!

[ Shouting ]

Oh, crap!

Look at dis beach!

Oh, you've got to
be kidding me.

Wowza, mama!
This is paradise!

Walk around naked

chugging mai tais all day
on this sucker!

Gonna grill me
some hot dogs,


Spring break!

Aw, that's too bad.

Guess I've gotta
kill this guy.



Mirren: Survival on this planet
can be arduous,

and that's without the presence
of annoying interlopers.

Therefore, it is important
to reward hard work

with simple indulgences.

Creatures in the wild
need to cut loose,

and perhaps grab
a stolen moment

at their favorite
watering hole,

which is really just
their version of having a beer.

Ooh, speaking of which...
[ Can pops open ]

Jerry: Actually, I don't
think we're allowed to have

in the studio...

Oh, keep your shirt on,

It's just "prop" beer.



[ Can pops open ]

Oh, that's a good prop beer.


In his quest
for some rest and relaxation,

this black bear has
stumbled upon a curious spot

within Mexico's Sonoran Forest.


Dennis: Now who's the most
popular one in the neighborhood?

You have a trampoline?

[ Birds chirping ]

I have a pool.

That's right ‐‐

a partial in‐ground pool.

What's up?

Now it's time to sit back,

and wait for everyone
to come over

and hang out in
my partial in‐ground pool.

Is it totally in the ground?


Is it totally above ground?

Absolutely not.

I went with
the partial in‐ground pool.

So I'll ask again ‐‐

now who's the most popular one
in the neighborhood?


That's who.

[ Sighs ]

This is gonna be
an amazing summer.

[ Birds chirping ]


Mirren: We take our leave
of the Mexican forest

and head for the brackish waters
of the Amazon Delta

to witness
the touching interplay

between a family
of giant sea otters.

Chuck: [ Muffled ] Okay, Connor,
so here we go again.

You don't want to be a big boy
and leave the park,

and so like
a little baby boy,

you're getting carried home
from the park.

Doris: Hi, Chuck.

Hi, Doris.

And Doris' kids.

And Jimmy.

Is Connor still going through
his difficult phase?

Should pass any day now.

How old is he again?

29, Doris.

He's 29.



The awareness
of one's place in society,

whether human or animal,

can be a source
of great pride...

and great tension.


After all,
there can only be one alpha,

one queen bee,

who, you know, like,

tells the other meerkats
what to do.


The power confirmed
by social status

allows animals to thrive

and shape the world around them
with a sharp eye...

as we see in
the marshes of Venezuela,

with the haughty flamingo.

[ Flamingos calling ]


[ Upbeat electronic
music plays ]

Announcer: He's the most
outspoken supermodel

on the international
fashion scene.

He is...

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Most models prefer to be seen
and not heard,

but when Walter hits a runway,

it's the audience
who gets critiqued.

Walter: Gray, gray.
Ugh! More gray.

Short and gray,
gray and short.

Gray, gray, gray,
short, short, short.

Basic gray bird: Excuse me?
What did you just call me?

I called you gray,
because you're all wearing gray.

And you're short and basic
and trash and boring and gray,

and please, please, please
put on some pink

before you ever
speak to me again, okay?

Gray, still gray,
dusty gray...

From the streets of Milan
to Galapagos fashion week,

this catwalk king puts
his gawkers to shame.

He is...

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

You got big old feet.
Weird smile.

Ugh! Left‐handed.

Ooh! Allergic
to hot dogs.

Still believes
in Santa.

Absorbed your twin
in the womb.

leaves voicemails.

Haunted by ghosts.

Not all of that
is true!

If the library is open,
he will read you for filth.

He is...

[ Camera shutter clicks ]


[ Birds chirping ]


So how do I turn on the jets?

Must be somewhere around here.

I paid 4,500
for these bad boys.

Better work.

[ Jets whir ]

There we go.

[ Water splashing ]
Ahhhh, yeah. There it is.

That feels good
on the ole tennis injury.

Yep. Oh, yeah.


Pretty soon,
everybody on the block's

gonna wanna hang out
in my partial in‐ground pool.

Say goodbye to Dennis,

the sad, lonely bear
with no friends,

and say hello
to Dennis the bear

with the partial in‐ground pool.

Let me just
check the temperature.

[ Lapping up water ]

Mmm, yeah.

Kind of tepid.


Now to wait patiently ‐‐ ah ‐‐

for dozens of new friends
to show up.

[ Birds chirping ]



Mirren: In the natural world,

food is one of the cornerstones
of survival,

right up there with air, water,

and a decent Wi‐Fi connection.

Animals, like we humans,

can be singularly obsessed
with their next meal.

[ Paper bag rustling ]

Jerry, those boneheads
forgot my onion rings again.

Sorry about that.

Ohh, it's alright.

I'll make do with these
so‐called "curly fries."

In the wild, meals provide
not only sustenance,

but a much‐needed chance
for socialization,

as we shall witness with
this gathering of tundra swan

in the Colville River Delta.


Swan #1: Swear‐da‐God,
if Emily says one thing

about us three being late
to brunch, I swear‐da‐God.

Emily: You're late!

You know I can't make
reservations on the app,

and they won't seat us until
we all land, I swear‐da‐God.

I swear‐da‐God,
we can have bottomless mimosies

while we wait...
Swear‐da‐God, it's gonna be
a two‐hour wait now.

Swan #2: Guys, swear‐da‐God,
can we not fight at brunch?

Okay, I just talked
to the hostess.

She's a total bitch,

She's says she can't
seat us until 6:00 p. m.

That's not brunch!

That's, like, some other meal
or something, swear‐da‐God.

Swear‐da‐God, I am just gonna
check for another place.
[ Cellphone keypad tapping ]

[ Gasps ]
Let's go to Marsh Cafe!

Oh, swear‐da‐God,

they put a tiny cheeseburger
on top of their bloody!

their wait is even longer.

You guys were late ‐‐
now brunch is ruined!

Both: Swear‐da‐God,
how can you say that?

[ Crying ]

you guys can't gang up on me
like this.

Both: Swear‐da‐God,
we are so sorry.

[ Sighs ]
Well, this was fun.

Both: Swear‐da‐God, let's do
brunch again next Sunday.

Swear‐da‐God, yes!
I love brunch, swear‐da‐God!

Announcer: Thank you
for watching...

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Kirkpatrick's Testicle Powder.

When ya boys need dustin',
put your trust in...


that's our sponsor?!



Mirren: The sounds of
the wild can combine

to create
a veritable orchestra.

[ Tapping ]
There are the percussive taps
of waterfowl...

[ Howling ]
...the haunting arias
of the timber wolf,

and to simulate a tuba,

whatever blasts out of either
end of this large gentleman.

[ Croaking, roaring ]

They all create a symphony
of nature, one note at a time.

[ Birds calling ]

However, the emperor tamarin
of the Amazon Basin

makes a joyful noise

of a different kind.

Tamarin: [ Southern accent ]
Only got one more ditty

in me tonight,
purdy ladies and dandy gents!

Any rootin‐tootin' requests?

Play "Marmoset Baby"!


I could play that toe‐tapper
till the cows come home!

[ Scratching ]

A‐one, a‐two,
whatever‐comes‐next ‐‐

[ Banjo playing ]


♪ Wellllll ♪

♪ My baby's fur
is soft and sweet ♪

♪ Tail for days
and cute little feet ♪

♪ But the reason why she looks
so fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine? ♪

♪ Her mustache
is bigger than mine ♪

[ Banjo string snaps ]

Oh, dag‐nabbit!
I broke my tail string!

I was just gonna get to
the part of the song

with the swear words!



Mirren: Even
the free‐wheeling tamarin knows

that the larger world is full
of uncertainty and danger.

And as children navigate
this perilous realm,

there is nothing more valuable

than the guiding hand
of a loving parent ‐‐

even if that parent doesn't
have much else to offer

besides noogies, corny jokes,
and meandering anecdotes.

These noble, oft‐misunderstood
creatures are known as "Dads,"

like this paternal deer

near the northern coast
of British Columbia.


Stag Dad:
Hey, sweetie!

Come check this out!

Alli: What, Da‐‐Dad?
What the heck is that?!

What? You mean
my super cool new earring?

Who told you this was cool?

Uh, the new receptionist
at work, Jenna,

said this was hot,
"no cap."

You know,
"cap" means "lie."

That's a total cap,

What? No!
Jenna would never cap to me.

Oh, my God.
Stop saying "cap."

That word is
not for you!

Alli, sweetie,
I'm an adult.

You have
a cool dad now.

You're gonna have to
get used to my flex.

Jenna said
"flex" means ‐‐

I know what
"flex" means!

Also, and this might not be
the right way to tell you,

but, uh, Jenna and I are
sleeping together.

Yep, it's going
pretty well.

Your mom and I
are getting a divorce.

[ Gasps ]
Are you serious?


No cap.
[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, we are.


To make sense of a mystifying,
chaotic world,

humans often turn to a belief
in a higher power,

or they channel
their existential dread

into believing something
really goofy,

like the healing ability
of crystals.

For their part,
animals cluster together

to find comfort
in social groups.

like the African elephant,

are just really into dank memes
and fire video drops.

Dirty Dumbo: Yo, what up, fam?

it's me, your favorite
prank‐playin' pachyderm,

Dirty Dumbo.

Today, I'm getting in it
at the muuuudhole

with the classic prank,

"Yo, I Think You D‐D‐D‐Dropped

Dirty Dumbo: Exsqueeze me,
you dropped something.

Elephant: Go away.

Yeah, yeah,
you dropped your ‐‐


[ Distorted laughter ]

You little [bleep]!

Sir? Sir? Do you have
a second for...


Elephant #2: Why are you
doing this with your life?

[ Laughing ]

Dirty Dumbo!

Elephant #3: Dude,
what is your problem?

Dirty Dumbo: [ Laughing ]

[ Making chomping
sounds ]

Real Dirty Dumbo!

Dirty Dookie Dumbo!

Bird #1:
Please leave us alone.

Bird #2:
We're going to a funeral!


[ Video rewinds ]

[ In slow‐mo ]
We're going to a funeral!

Dirty Dumbo: That was sick!

[ Laughing ]

And if you love Dirty Dumbo

and all of my splashies...
[ Scream! ]

...then don't forget
to st‐st‐stomp

that "subscribe" button!

[ Boing! ]

[ Zwip, thud! ]

Yo, do people like me?

[ Laughter ]



[ Birds chirping ]

Announcer: WNC Sports

proudly presents

the clumsiest, most frantic

two minutes in racing,

the legendary Kenturkey Derby!

And they are off!

Right out of the gate,
it's No‐Thanksgiving in first,

Gobbler's Delight second,
followed by Light as a Feather,

who gets distracted and passed

by Singing Giblets
on the inside

with Scimitar close behind
and Necktie Nuggets gaining.

Out of the cactus,
it's Gobbler's Delight,

Singing Giblets next,

and Necktie Nuggets
half a link behind,

but here
comes Mama's Leftovers!

Mama's Leftovers is
coming on fast!

And Mama's Leftovers
takes the pole!

to Mama's Leftovers,

who just became
our new champion.

And please give a round of
applause to our runners‐up,

who will be served with a side

of mashed potatoes
and cranberry sauce.


Animals are driven by instinct,

but do they have minds
capable of abstract thought?

Can they embark on
creative flights of fancy?

More importantly,
can they accurately predict

the winners
of NHL playoff games?

Because I've got
a good feeling about

the Ottawa Senators this year.

Perhaps animals can test the
limits of their consciousness,

like this Arctic ground squirrel
near Alaska's Yukon River.

Rodent: Ahh, this
is exactly what I needed.

Escape to nature,
expand my mind.

See? [ Chuckles ] I'm fine.

I don't know why Michael
was so worried about me

taking this stuff by ‐‐


Oh, look how bright green
those leaves on that tree are.

That is so b‐‐ Oh, my God!

Whaaaaaaaat theeee heeeeeck?

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh, boy!

Woo‐hoo! It is kickin' in!

The stuff is kicking in!
Is it too much?

What does it mean when the
leaves start to fly off
the trees like that?

Does that mean it's too much?

Ooooooh, man. Aaaaaaah!!

No! No!
Get a hold of yourself, Larry.

Calm down. Calm down!

It's fine. It is fine.

Just let it wash over you ‐‐

Ahh! Ohhh!
It's too much washing over me!

I don't like it! I don't
like it! I don't like it!

I need somebody to talk me down!

[ Echoing ] I'm losing it!

Oh, man,

somebody completely
redecorated my apartment?

Rodent #2: Who are you and what
are you doing in my house?

Rodent: Oh, God,
now I'm being home‐invaded!



Dennis: I guess nobody's
coming over to the pool today.

Oh, man.

I thought this partial in‐ground
pool would make me happier.

Less lonely.

But I still just feel

Maybe it's true what they say ‐‐

you can give a bear
a partial in‐ground pool,

but you can't stop a bear
from being a pathetic loser.

Hold up.

Did somebody steal my clothes?

I could've sworn I had
a towel and a hat

and a button‐down.

Ugh. Classic Dennis.

Well, I know what I'm talking
about in therapy tomorrow.

With all my patients.

[ Sighs ]

[ Birds chirping ]


Mirren: Another sojourn into the
natural world draws to a close.

You witnessed beauty
in its rawest form.

You found kinship with
our distant animal relatives.

And perhaps
you learned something,

which I assure you
was completely accidental.

But, hey, you never know
what you'll get...

when nature calls.

[ Weapons clinking,
indistinct shouting ]


Ant #1:
For the queen!

Enemy Ant:
Nay, for the other queen!

Ant #3:
We can't hold them any longer!

Fall back, I say! Fall back!

Enemy Ants: Ahhhhhh!

Ant #4: They've broken
through the gate!

Ant #5:
Call in the special attack!
Call in the special attack!

[ Horn blows ]

Enemy Ant General: Brace
yourselves for anything, men!

What on earth
are they doing?

Ant #1: Arrrrgh!


Enemy Ant General:
What was that?

That was absolutely the most
disgusting thing I've ever seen!

[ Squirting ]

‐Don't you dare!

Fall back!
The enemy is too gross to fight!

‐I think I'm going to be sick!

‐I think I'm going to be sick!
‐[ Gagging ]

Ant #3: We did it!

We achieved victory
the old‐fashioned way ‐‐

by being disgusting!


Ally Ants: Huzzah!



Mirren: This planet, a rarity in
the cosmos, is a true miracle,

sustaining life
against all odds.

Turtle: [ Breathing heavily ]
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

I hate this.

Luxuriate in nature itself ‐‐

golden vistas...

whistling winds...

roaring waters...

and delight in
every note of beauty,

each flourish of color,

each rumble of wild power.


[ Groans ] I hate this.

Amidst it all,
perhaps the most breathtaking

earthly sight of all ‐‐
the animals.

A host of fascinating creatures,
each containing multitudes ‐‐

stories, perspectives,

Hot, hot, hot, hot,

hot, hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot!

Ohh, I hate this!
Hot, hot, hot, hot.

Oh, so hot!
Hot, hot, hot, hot.

Their voices honor
the one‐of‐a‐kind world

we all call home...

[ Birds calling ]
...a chorus

of wild, reverent celebration.


Penguins: We hate this!


Mirren: Settle in for a journey
like no other,

as we dive headlong
into the sights and sounds

that explode all around...

when nature calls.



The future of a species
rests in the hands

of its youngest members...


...who have sway and influence
over us all,

which must be why
my publicist keeps insisting

that I sign up for TikTok.

Let us begin our journey
in the Alaskan timberlands,

with the charming interplay
of two black bear cubs,


Bear cub: [ Humming ]

Bear cub #2:

I am
the ninja master!

Hi‐ya! Hi‐ya!

My skills of sneakiness
are unrivaled.

Hey, Randy.

You pretending to be
a ninja again?

Who is
this "Randy"?

I am but a whisper on the wind,
a shadow, a specter!

Yeah, we gotta stop
playing that game where

we see how long
we can hold our breath.

You've done some pretty serious
damage to yourself. [ Chuckles ]


[ Whispers ]
You can't seen me.


[ Birds calling ]

From outward appearances,

nature may seem chaotic,

but in truth, there is
a delicate balance at play.

Humankind honors this harmony
with symbolic pairings ‐‐

the yin and the yang,
the alpha and the omega,

the Tango and the Cash.

But in the animal kingdom,
this tricky balance

between two different species

plays out
in a more literal sense,

as with this Arctic ground
squirrel and European viper.

Hey, hold on, is that ‐‐

I think it...

Is it?


Oh, he
can't hear me.

I'll get closer.

Is it him?

I can't...

Hey, Steve?

Snake: What the ‐‐

Oh my goodness,
gracious God!

I'm so sorry.

I thought you were
someone else.

[ Laughing ]

So...so very sorry.
Didn't mean to bother you.

From behind, you just look
a lot like my friend Steve.

Huh? That's odd.

I'm not your S‐S‐Steve,
but my name is Steve.


you're kidding!

[ Chuckles ]
Pretty crazy!

[ Both chuckle ]

Yeah, that's crazy.

Well'p, good luck
finding S‐S‐Steve.

[ Chuckles ]

Alright, buddy.
Sorry again.

Squirrel: Hmm.

Wasn't Steve,
but name's also Steve.



Animals toil, as we humans do,

to gather resources,
support their families,

and shape their world,

even though in most
of the footage I've seen,

these guys are usually just
laying around and napping.

Either way,
our animal relatives,

like the long‐tailed macaque
in the trees of Sri Lanka,

embrace the importance
of a job well done.


[ Tattoo needle buzzing ]

Monkey: And how do you
spell "Mom" again?

Monkey #2:
Uhh, M‐O‐M.

Right, got it.

Say, uh, how do you feel about
an alternate spelling?

Like "M‐A‐M?"

No reason.

Just ‐‐
Just curious.

[ Whispering ]
Ahh, crap.

[ Buzzing continues ]


Now, let us plunge deeper

into the mysteries
of the wild.

Behold this awesome majesty ‐‐

the shimmering sands,

oh, the big‐ass mountains,

the powerful tides ‐‐

like, all boom...


fsssshhhhh ‐‐

[ Click, music stops ]
Jerry: Uh, Dame Helen?


Oh. Oh, sorry.
Sorry, Jerry.

[ Chuckles ]

My edible
was just kicking in.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, dear. [ Sniffles ]

Mm. Serious Dame Helen.


[ Music resumes ]

But I stand by the sentiment ‐‐

if you want to truly appreciate
the splendor of this planet,

it is best to follow
the sea otter of coastal Alaska

and take a moment
to soak in the beauty.


[ Water splashing ]

Matthew McOtterhey:
Seems like everybody's obsessed

with famous folks these days.

Always talkin' about
Harry Styles.

Harry Styles this.
Harry Styles that.

Well, the only "hairy styles"
I care about...

is the way my fur blows gently
in a cool breeze.

And why's everybody wanna
keep up with the Kardashians?

I dunno.

Their lives seem
pretty stressful to me.

A lotta text messaging in cars.

So many cameras,
so much manufactured drama.

That's not my style, man.

Only thing I try to keep up with

is the present moment.

And the only "reality show"
I need...

is this beautiful breeze.

But I'm just living
that Laid Back Life.


Chimp #1:
Good game.

Baby chimp:
Do I have to say it, too?

Good game.

Was that so hard?

Chimp #2: Good game...
[lowers voice] loser.

Chimp #3:
Nice game, nice game!

[ Lowers voice ]
"Nice game"?

It's good game,
you dummy!

Chimp #4:
Good game or whatever.

It's JV soccer.
We all suck anyway.


Mirren: Our animal cousins
are capable of emotional depths

far greater than their stoic
appearances may suggest.

They can feel joy...


or just jealousy,

like when their buddy
stumbles on

a pond full
of fresh turtle droppings.


Looks yummy.

Animals can also
feel resentment,

as evidenced by the behavior

of this North American
great horned owl.


Owl #1: [ Boston accent ]
So anyways...
Owl #2:
[ Boston accent ] Yeah?

I says to the guy, I says ‐‐
Frank: [ Slurring ]
How dare you play our song?!

Frank, who you talkin' to,

I'm talking to this wannabe
tough‐guy DJ.

He knows damn well
this is me and Jenny's song!

Frank, you're talkin'
to a wall.

Oh, yeah?
I got your wall right here ‐‐

[ Thud ]

Oh, Frank.
Not again, bro.

What'd I do?

Wait a second.
What're you lookin' at?


Yeah, you!


The propagation of the species,

also called mating,
physical intimacy, or boning,

is a singular obsession
in both the animal world

and humanity.


And this leads to
questionable behavior,

awkward misunderstandings,
and bizarre grooming choices.

Like this dude here.

Ugh! Get it together, my man.

Clearly, when it comes to
mating rituals in the wild,

anything is fair game,

as typified by
the Japanese sika deer.

Guy deer: Can ‐‐
hey, can you see her too?

Gal deer: See who?
That woman.

There's ‐‐
There's an old lady over there.

I think
she's watching us.

Old lady deer: Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Mm. Kissy.

No she's not.
You're being paranoid.

Keep kissing!

Put those agile, young tongues
to use! Mm!

Did you hear that?

She's definitely
watching us!

I think she was talking
to somebody else.

She definitely

I'm talking to you!

Now move on to
some light petting.

Maybe graze a boob,
or, mm, a booty.

Okay, I heard that one.
Told you.

Let's get outta here.

W‐Wait, before you go, rub
your antlers together for me.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
Just the tips.

Rub 'em good.

[ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah.

Mm, that's yummy.

Ooh, oh. Oh! Mm.


♪ She's Doris! ♪

♪ The Sex Positive ♪

♪ No Boundaries Havin' ♪

♪ Octogenarian ♪

♪ Deer! ♪

Old lady deer: I just wanna
get your juices flowing.


From the forests of Japan,

we venture southward...

to discover that
the pursuit of a mate

often pits one animal
against another...

in a scramble to
propagate the bloodline.


Or at the very least,
to find a suitable side piece.

Even insects,

like the orchid mantis
in the jungles of Malaysia

know this struggle.


[ Blows landing loudly,
insects grunting ]

Denise: Devante, Tremaine,
what are y'all doing?


Denise is mine!

No, she's mine!

Wait, are you two fighting...

over me?

Denise, look away.

I don't want you to
see me like this.

No way, I ain't going nowhere!

I've never had two men
battle over me before.

[ Whispering ] Keep going.

You could never please Denise
the way I could!

Yeah, well, I'd treat Denise
like the queen she is!

[ Monotone ]
Oh, my God, somebody stop them.

[ Whispering ]
This is too hot.

Dude, you don't want
any of this!

Think it through!

Bro, look at my thorax!
You can't handle this!

Okay, well now I'm feeling like
I'm not even a part of this.

Let's not forget
the reason we're fighting ‐‐

you both love
beautiful Denise.

[ Blows landing loudly,
insects grunting ]

You know,
this could end a lot faster

if you can answer
one question ‐‐

are either of you able to
co‐sign on a car?




Matthew McOtterhey: Seems like
everybody's always worried

about politics.

The latest scandals

and the rise of fascism
and all that ballyhoo.

The only politics I care about

is the "pile of ticks"
on my back.

I gotta get these removed,

but I don't have
health insurance.

Wish I did.

So I suppose I do
care about politics.

But you know,
in a cool, detached way.

Just living that Laid Back Life.


[ Birds chirping ]

[ Leopard snoring ]

[ Blissful music playing ]


[ Snoring continues ]


[ Grunts ]


[ Dramatic music playing ]

Bugs? Unh, no! Bugs?

[ Screaming ]

Weird little fishies!


[ Breathing heavily ]

Oh, I gotta stop watching
so many nature documentaries.

[ Sighs ]


Within the animal world,

sharpened senses
are crucial for survival.

The observational skills
of our animal cousins

have been honed by millions
of years of evolution ‐‐

to detect predators
or fresh water,

or the camera crew that's been

recording their every move
for some TV show.

But time can weaken
even the strongest of senses,

as the crested caracara of
Central America demonstrates.


Grandpa: What do you mean I'm
"too old to fight?"

Grandchild: Nothing!

I just don't think you should be
picking fights, Grandpa.

You can barely see!

I have
perfect vision!

Just gotta ‐‐

Where'd you go?
Where'd you ‐‐

Ha! See that little mouse
down there?

Not a mouse,

You think I couldn't give that
little rodent a butt‐whuppin'?

It's not a mouse!

Go on, say I won't
fly down there. Say it.

It's a mountain lion,

You can't fight
a mountain lion!

Alright, my tiny,
slightly blurry friend,

prepare to meet
your maker.

[ Mountain lion growls ]
Ooh! Uh, uh ‐‐

You're lucky
the wind is so strong!

The wind is the only reason I'm
not eating that mouse right now.

Too old to fight,

[ Sighs ]
This is so embarrassing.

Who said that?


Mirren: The beauty of nature
is intoxicating.


Stately woodlands,
ripe with ambrosial aromas.

Grand oceans, exploding
with a bracing effervescence.

And the turgid marshlands
of the hippo, which,

if we're being honest,
probably smell like total ass.

But can these earthly pleasures
be too heady for our senses?

Is it possible to be
so in thrall

to the delights of the wild
that you lose yourself?

One passionate macaque
in northern Japan

is about to find out.


[ Wind rushing ]

Tell me I have a problem.
I don't have a problem.

I can quit whenever I want.
It's just snow!

Pure, uncut, natural snow.

Plus, it makes me
more fun at parties.

They say it's a problem?
It's no problem!

Hey, hey, hey, that's great!

"It's snow problem."

That's genius!
I gotta write that down!

Just one more hit of snow
and then I'll write it down.

[ Inhales deeply ]
Oh, just two more.

Oh, okay, just three more.

[ Inhales deeply ]

Announcer: Snow addiction
is no laughing matter.

If you or a loved one
needs help,

we're here for you at...

There's no snow here,

but somebody might
offer you cocaine.



[ Water splashing ]

Matthew McOtterhey:
Seems like everybody's obsessed

with the latest
social media trends,

always filming dance videos
to go viral on TikTok.

That sounds like a lot of work.

The only TikTok I care about

is the steady flow of time.

Gotta cherish every second
we got on this big blue marble.

All we can do is kick back
and enjoy the ride.

Just living that Laid Back Life.


Mirren: The animals have thrown
open the doors to their home

once again ‐‐
metaphorically speaking ‐‐

and beckoned us inside
for a visit.

But now,
as the shadows grow long,

our hosts
are handing us our coats

and calling us a cab ‐‐

metaphorically speaking ‐‐

and ushering us back
to our human world.

We shall
commune with them again,

our wild, welcoming neighbors,

for another round of
thinly stretched metaphors...

when nature calls.


Pirate Bird: Ahoy, landlubbers!

So, you wanna know
how I lost me leg, do ya?

All started in Tortuga!

I was three sheets to the wind
one night,

preparin' to pillage 'n' plunder
a nearby port,

chuggin' rum like
the thirsty sea dog I am.

When in from the storm,
Blackbeard 'imself

walked into the tavern!

Seeing him in person
was pretty neat!

Then a few weeks later, I got
scurvy and lost me leg to it.


Back to work, scallywags!