Walker, Texas Ranger (1993–2001): Season 3, Episode 11 - The Big Bingo Bamboozle - full transcript
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WOMAN 1: Under the I, 16.
I, 16.
I'm gonna win this.
Under the N, 36.
N, 36.
Under the O, 63.
O, 63.
Remember, the name
of the game is Crazy T.
One column across the
top, one down the middle.
Double jackpot.
Under the N, 44.
N, 44.
Under the B, nine.
B, nine.
Bingo!
Possible Bingo.
All right, everyone,
this is a bust.
Stay seated. Stay down.
Could you turn that off, please?
Sit down, pal.
MAN: Hey. WOMAN 2: Hey.
( fast action theme playing)
You're kidding me.
(siren wails)
I'm counting.
(gasps) Oh.
(panting): Oh, my God.
( fast action theme playing)
Look, guys, I don't
have time for this.
Can't we do this peacefully?
Say please.
(grunting)
(grunting)
Please.
( light rock action
theme playing)
♪ In the eyes of a Ranger ♪
♪ The unsuspecting stranger ♪
♪ Had better know the
truth Of wrong from right ♪
♪ 'Cause the eyes
of the Ranger ♪
♪ Are upon you ♪
♪ Any wrong you
do He's gonna see ♪
♪ When you're in Texas ♪
♪ Look behind you ♪
♪ 'Cause that's Where
the Ranger's gonna be ♪
( upbeat theme playing)
ALEX: Don't give
me that look, Walker.
I can't believe you
sent me on a bingo bust.
Well, start believing.
Bingo brings in $200
million a year in Texas
and we believe a lot
of that is laundered.
Very interesting,
but what's that
got to do with me?
The bingo parlor that
you busted last night
belonged to Ricky Ricketts.
Are you sure?
I've got a witness in my office.
Now I'm interested.
ALEX: If we can get
her to the grand jury,
there's a chance that
we can finally get this guy.
Speak of the devil.
Long time, no see, Walker.
Not long enough, Ricketts.
I'm willing to forget
the past, if you are.
What do you say?
I'm not willing to
forget anything.
And I made a promise
a long time ago to bust
that sleazy operation
of yours, and I will.
Mr. Ricketts came
here voluntarily
to counter the ludicrous charges
being brought against
his establishment.
Now, I see no
reason for threats.
I didn't make a
threat, counselor.
I made a promise.
I never trust a man
who can't keep his promises.
Well, this is one
promise I will keep.
We've got a witness this time.
This witness is gonna
put you behind bars
for the rest of your life.
It'll end up the
way it always does.
I win, you lose.
Don't count on it.
See you again real soon.
Real soon.
Thank you.
Ranger Cordell Walker,
I'd like you to meet
Elaine Portugal,
our star witness.
Mr. Walker, do
you mind telling me
what this is all about?
I-I've never been
so scared in my life.
I mean, a-all these police
a-a-and the guns.
Mrs. Portugal...
No, please, everyone
calls me Elaine.
We've been
watching this operation
for the past several months,
and each day, the bingo
parlor takes in $2,000.
Well, they've been
reporting $20,000.
We have reason to believe
that the excess is
laundered drug money.
Oh, no.
(gasps)
Oh, I had no idea.
Mrs. Portugal... Please, Elaine.
Elaine, the man you
work for, Ricky Ricketts,
has been convicted
of manslaughter,
and a suspect in
several other killings.
Oh, my. Killings?
(gasps)
Oh, he looks like
such a nice boy.
ALEX: You counted all that money
and you never
made the connection
between the small crowds
and the large amount of
cash that was coming in?
No, no, you see,
I-I work in the back.
I never see any customers.
Elaine, you expect
us to believe that?
Well, why should I lie to you?
Look at me. Am I a gangster?
No, I'm a widow
on a fixed income.
Well, I did one
thing that was wrong.
See, I... I got paid in cash
so I wouldn't lose my benefits.
I suppose you could
report me to social security.
ALEX: We don't
want to report you.
We want you to testify
against Ricky Ricketts.
Testify?
Me?
You.
Oh.
Oh, l-l-look, Mr. Walker,
I wanna do the right thing,
but if... If Ricketts is
as bad as you say he is,
he'll kill me if I talk.
Elaine, if you don't
testify and we let you go,
Ricketts is gonna
come after you,
and there's nothing we
can do to protect you.
So, what you're telling me
is I don't have any choice.
I'm gonna be a stool pigeon?
You know, maybe if I
had gone further in school,
I might have had a
nice career like you,
but in my day, they said:
"Get married, have
children, make a home."
And they look at me now.
I'm a criminal.
You're not a criminal
if you'll testify.
Where's the good news?
( ominous theme playing)
Ricky, it's me, Oscar.
RICKY: Done yet?
Not yet. We had
a little problem.
I don't like problems.
The thing is,
the Rangers have
been with her all day.
We couldn't set anything up.
Where is she now?
We're gonna be right
on her tail. No problem.
No problem?
My home is locked up,
my assets are frozen,
I'm paying 500 bucks an hour
for lawyers, they got a witness,
Walker's on my case.
Don't tell me no problem.
Boss, she's an old lady.
How much trouble could she be?
Enough that we should
have whacked her last week.
Don't call me until
you got good news.
It's as good as done.
I'll see you later. Okay.
Y-you're not coming with us?
No, you'll be fine with Alex.
You be careful
today, Mr. Ranger.
I'm depending on you.
Don't worry, Elaine.
He's such a nice guy.
TRIVETTE: What do you think you're
gonna find at Ricketts' warehouse?
WALKER: Won't know until I look.
( pensive theme playing)
Bingo.
(knocks on table)
Are you sure I can't
help you in there?
(chuckles)
I used to cook every night
for my husband, Irving.
How long were you married?
Thirty-seven years,
and then, last year,
he had a stroke,
and in a week, he was gone.
Oy, vey.
But I'm so used
to cooking for two,
so that I always cook too much.
Wow.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Eat the soup
first, while it's hot.
Mm, this is great.
It's matzo ball.
It's wonderful.
It's chicken broth
with matzo dumplings.
Eat, darling, eat.
(chuckles)
(chuckles)
So, you seeing anybody?
Not really.
No?
What about that Ranger fellow?
He's a very handsome man.
Yes, he is, but
we're just friends.
(chuckling) Oh, yeah?
I saw you together
with him today.
He looks at you like a
wolf looking at a pork chop.
(both chuckle)
Well, maybe we're a
little bit more than friends.
So, what are you waiting for?
We work together a lot and
I'm afraid if we
had a relationship
outside the office,
it would impact the
relationship inside the office.
Darling,
when you get to be my age,
you're alone a lot,
and love is such a rare thing.
Don't throw it away.
(woozily): You know,
maybe you're right.
Maybe I should get
out a little more often.
(sighs)
I feel a little dizzy.
Are you all right, huh?
You want me to get you anything?
No.
Can I call a doctor?
No, no,
I think I'd just like to go
over there and lie down.
Okay, okay, okay, here.
Okay, come.
All right, hold on to me. Okay.
Oh, it's okay. I got you.
Here, here, here.
Here.
I'll get you some water.
( fast, suspenseful
theme playing)
Sleep, princess, sleep.
Oh!
Oh!
Ms. Portugal? Ms. Portugal?
You lowlife, attacking
an old woman.
Don't hit me with
that damn purse.
I'm C.D. Parker.
I'm a Texas Ranger.
Been one for 28 years.
You got any
identification? Yes, ma'am.
Cordell Walker sent me over here
to watch you and
Alex's apartment.
You almost gave
me a heart attack.
Did I hurt you?
I'm all right.
What are you doing
out this time of night?
Where's Alex?
Oh, the poor darling,
she was exhausted,
so she's taking a nap.
See, I just came out to take
a walk, get some fresh air.
I've been cooped
up upstairs all day.
That might not be a good idea.
Might be some
people looking for you.
Let's go back up
to the apartment.
Oh, I don't wanna bother you.
I'll just finish my
walk, then I'll go up.
No, ma'am, I think we should
go on back to the apartment.
(chuckles nervously) Well, who
am I to argue with a Texas Ranger?
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, dear.
Oh, well, you know,
it's been a very long time
since a gentleman
escorted me home.
Yes, ma'am.
I'll just walk you up
to Alex's apartment.
Okay, but no
hanky-panky at the door.
Hanky-panky?
(chuckling)
I like you.
You got a good sense of humor.
Hanky-panky, my eye.
(knocking on door)
Alex, Alex, it's C.D.
C.D.?
Alex?
Oh, did we wake you, darling?
(chuckles) You were
sleeping so peacefully.
ALEX: Where did you go?
Well, she took off like a
saiga in a thunderstorm.
That's where she went.
You didn't?
Elaine, do you
know how dangerous
that could be?
(chuckling): Hey,
I used to walk in
Central Park at midnight.
Don't talk to me about danger.
Oh, anyway, I... I didn't
mean to upset you.
I won't do it again.
Boy, this sure does look good.
Elaine made us dinner.
How would you like a nice
bowl of chicken soup, huh?
It'd be good for you.
I can get some
fresh in the kitchen.
Oh, I don't think so.
I'll just have a latke.
Hah.
How do you know from latke?
I know a lot of things
about a lot of food.
I'm a gourmet.
Well, back to the salt mine.
Goodbye.
( playful theme playing)
You know, that soup was
good and I'm still hungry.
Oh, no, honey, no, no, no.
It's cold now. No.
You know what? I'll
make you a couple of eggs.
You're sweet.
You know, between
you and those Rangers,
I think Mr. Ricky Ricketts
had better watch himself.
(chuckles)
All right, the scientific
method of police work.
This is how the
Ricketts operation works.
Walker?
Oh, I'm all ears.
All right, the ships
leave Columbia
with the cocaine on board,
they dock at the
Galveston Harbor.
At one of the piers
that Ricketts controls,
and so anything can go through.
Right.
And then the cocaine is loaded
on trucks owned by...
You'll never guess.
Ricketts' Fruit and Nut Company.
That's right.
How'd you know that?
It's on the box.
Uh... Anyway...
The, uh... The cocaine is
distributed to the dealers,
the dealers sell it,
they turn over the
cash to Ricketts' men,
who load it into
boxes of bingo cards
that are delivered to
the back of the parlor.
And then the dirty
money is mixed in
with the, uh, clean bingo money.
Then all of the money
is reported clean
to the Texas Bingo Commission.
Right.
Yeah, right.
Well, I enjoyed the lecture.
Learned a lot, Trivette.
Now let's go pick
up our star witness.
He can't.
He is helping me
make arrangements
for, uh, San Antonio.
San Antonio?
Yeah, Alex wants
a change of venue
because she doesn't
want Ricketts' attorney
to say that the jury was
influenced by the media.
I just wanna make
it really difficult
for him to find
a friendly judge.
Well, San Antonio it is.
(laughing)
Trust me, I know from goods.
See, my late husband
was a tailor all of his life.
So I'll give you the name
and the address in
New York, all right?
Oh, I was just
telling the boys that...
That my nephew
is in the rag trade,
and that even with shipping,
the price is
right for the suits.
I'm sure they appreciate it,
but now we gotta get going.
Okay, okay. I'll give
Walker the address,
so you just mention
my name, you know.
It wouldn't hurt you to
have a nice suit or two
hanging in your closet.
I'll remember that.
You got a big family
out at your place?
No, just me.
(scoffs)
A good-looking guy like you
should be married
and have lots of kids.
Maybe someday.
There's nothing wrong with Alex.
She's a beautiful girl
and, boy, she's smart,
and I see the way
she looks at you.
Elaine, maybe someday.
Sorry.
Sometimes I get nosy.
(chuckles)
I know, I should shut up, but...
Okay.
You know, I talk about family
because I miss my late husband,
and when all this is over,
I'm gonna go to San
Marcos and visit his grave.
Mr. Walker, you
are a terrific man.
I only wish I had
a son like you.
Thanks, Elaine.
Eat up. Eat up, hon, that's
some mighty good stuff.
It's hot.
Did I hear somebody
say free food?
Come on in, Jimmy.
Feeding time at the zoo.
Hi, Ranger Trivette.
What do you say?
What a nice surprise.
You here for this
kick-ass chili?
Oh, excuse my expression.
Yeah, it's my favorite.
Do you recognize
these guys, Elaine?
Yeah, these two.
Sometimes, I see
them loading the van
in back of the bingo hall.
Oscar Kane and
Hector Johnson. Who?
Ricketts' top two goons.
Aggravated assault,
armed robbery.
They got rap sheets as
long as your arm. Thank you.
How about this other guy? Uh-uh.
Is this Ricketts man
gonna try to kill me?
It's a possibility, Elaine.
Well, he's gonna
have a tough time,
with three strong
Rangers protecting me.
Lady, he fools with you,
we'll put him on the
wrong side of the grass.
(chuckles)
ELAINE: So you
strain the cabbage first,
you go easy on the mayonnaise.
See, it doesn't get
mushy that way.
Not that yours wasn't terrific.
Well, I'll... I'll try
that next time.
I thought it was pretty
good, C.D. Thanks.
I'm gonna make you
matzo brie someday.
You're gonna love it.
Yeah, I'll bet.
I'm gonna get out of here, okay?
Drive carefully.
The dishes, Jimmy.
Boy, you got a
beautiful place here.
I gotta give you that.
This is where you forget
the Ricketts of the world.
We'd better turn in.
Okay.
You coming?
No, I think I'll sit
outside for a while.
Oh, now, if it gets
cold, you come inside.
Yes, ma'am.
Good night. Good night.
You have good friends.
That I do.
Everything's gonna
be all right, isn't it?
Everything'll be fine.
C.D.'ll be out in
front, I'll be upstairs.
You have nothing to worry about.
You know something?
When you say it, I believe it.
Good night. Good night.
Walker, sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
( ominous theme playing)
Oh, I thought you'd gone to bed.
Oh, I just couldn't sleep.
Well, it's kind
of chilly out here.
I know. That's why I
brought this blanket for you,
but you know what
would be even better?
A nice, hot cup of tea.
You know, if you tell me
where things are, I'll go make it.
I'll tell you what. I know
where everything is.
Let me go make it.
Oh, that's wonderful.
You make me feel like a queen.
I'll just sit right here
and wait for you.
(chuckles)
( suspenseful theme playing)
Not a sound, you old
bat, or I'll break your jaw.
Do you understand?
(screaming)
ELAINE: C.D.!
(continues screaming)
Hold on there, you sidewinder.
(sobbing)
( light rock theme playing)
Oh, Walker, are you all right?
Yeah. Did they hurt you?
No. Where in the hell
did they come from?
I was sitting on the
porch waiting for you,
and suddenly,
somebody grabbed me.
Cordell, I just went
in to make some tea.
Well, let's tie these guys up
and get the wagon out here.
I'll go in and make some coffee.
I don't think I'll be doing
much sleeping tonight.
( suspenseful theme playing)
ELAINE: Oy, Walker, heh,
you're gonna be a bigger
problem than Ricky Ricketts.
(sighs)
Something's bothering
me about all this.
If they wanted Elaine dead,
they had the
opportunity at the ranch.
They want her
alive, yeah, but why?
Maybe they wanna
know what she knows.
Or she's got
something they want.
( dramatic theme playing)
Yeah.
(speaking indistinctly)
Excuse me.
(grunts)
If I have anymore visitors
at my ranch, Ricketts,
I'm gonna come looking for you.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
You can't make those
accusations and harass my client.
We're not in the
courtroom, counselor.
We're in a parking lot.
Different rules here.
Cordell's right about
this. Take my word for it.
Better to testify in San Anton,
and a lot safer
to fly out today.
So you wanna put me in the same
room as that Ricketts gangster?
You're gonna be safe,
once he's behind bars.
Yeah, but w-what if he gets out?
Well, that's what the Witness
Relocation Program's about.
Oh, sure. You change my name
and you put me in another city,
and then you let me go. I'll
stick out like a sore thumb.
No, let me take care of myself.
No, no, no, just a minute.
Just trust me on this, will you?
If anything happens to me,
it's gonna be on your head.
You're gonna be riding
down there with Cordell.
C.D.: He's sent Jimmy ahead
to make all the preparations.
You couldn't be in better hands.
I've always felt safe with you.
Well, that's nice. You should.
I hope you have
a real pleasant trip.
Aren't you forgetting something?
I don't think so.
(mumbling) I mean,
is there something I...?
(chuckling) No, no.
Guess.
Um.
(chuckling)
It's just that I
don't... I don'tknow.
How about a goodbye kiss?
Oh, oh, yes, ma'am.
( soft theme playing)
(exhales)
Bye, C.D.
Yes, ma'am.
(sighs)
(sniffs)
Dag gone it.
Well, she couldn't help herself.
ANNOUNCER: Flight number
17 is now boarding at Gate 4.
Flight 17 to San Antonio,
now boarding at Gate 4.
Oh, look, a magazine stand.
San Antonio's a
hop, not a flight.
I don't have anything to read.
We don't have time.
I need the bathroom.
Look, we only have ten
minutes to get on that plane.
This isn't negotiable.
No, no, I'm serious.
Now, don't worry, I'm
fast. Frequent, but fast.
That's what happens
when you get older.
Well, hurry up. Okay.
ANNOUNCER: From Los Angeles.
You may claim your
baggage at Carousel 3.
Oh. That's a lovely outfit.
Oh, thank you. You're welcome.
How nice of you to say so.
Yeah, see, I have
family in the business,
so I know from goods, yeah.
Oh, it wasn't expensive. Really?
I got it on sale. Yeah?
ANNOUNCER: This
is the final boarding call
for flight number
17 to San Antonio.
The last call for
final boarding,
flight number 17 to San Antonio.
All passengers holding
tickets, please board now.
( suspenseful music playing)
Elaine, come on, we're late.
You're not Elaine.
(women screaming)
Sorry, ladies.
Taxi.
Hold it, hold it.
(Elaine groans)
Elaine, what do you
think you're doing?
I hate to fly.
Well, don't worry about it
now. The plane's already left.
Now we have to drive.
I get carsick.
Ricky, it's me.
They didn't get on.
What do you want me to do?
Follow 'em, at a distance.
Right.
Tell our reception
committee in San Antonio
they're now coming
down on the road.
You got it.
If I see her in court,
I'm sending someone for you.
(airplane flying overhead)
(indistinct chatter)
ANNOUNCER: Flight 17
has now arrived at Gate 2.
Flight 17 has now
arrived at Gate 2.
Excuse me. Yes?
Did you see a Texas
Ranger on board,
with a black hat and beard,
and an older woman, talked a lot?
She probably talked
all through the flight.
No, I don't think
they ever got on.
Are you sure?
Well, from your description,
they'd be pretty hard to miss.
Yeah, you're
right. Thanks. Sure.
Walker, I have to
go to the bathroom.
For real.
It had better be
for real this time.
(telephone ringing)
Walker.
Hey, what's going on?
You wouldn't
believe it if I told you.
Where are you?
I'm about an hour
from the courthouse.
You're cutting it short, man.
Yeah, I know. I'll see you soon.
All right. Bye.
(birds chirping)
(car door closes)
Thank you. Where's
your ladies' room?
WOMAN: Around the corner.
Right there? Thank you.
Trust me.
Hi, partner. Hi.
You got a hat just like me, huh?
Yeah. (chuckles)
Nice meeting you.
Okay, let's go.
Bye. Bye-bye.
( suspenseful theme playing)
(screams)
(panting)
You almost gave
me a heart attack.
Let's go, Elaine.
"Trust me." I really
did have to go.
Yeah, sure. I did.
( menacing theme playing)
Get down. (screams)
Stay down, Elaine.
(glass shattering) (man grunts)
Get out of there.
Get out.
Against the van.
MAN: All right. All right.
Get out.
Drop it.
( suspenseful theme playing)
(grunts)
WALKER: Elaine.
(grunts)
(grunting)
Elaine.
Dang that woman.
She's beginning to irritate me.
MAN (over radio): Breaker,
breaker, anyone on the horn?
Ten-four, good buddy.
Granny on the hog
northbound on 35 toward Austin.
Are there any smokies
down the line? Come on.
That's a big negative, Granny.
This here is Wild Bill,
and there's no
smokies northbound
until you hit Georgetown.
You're all clear.
Yee-haw-ha-ha-ha.
Thank you, good buddy.
(indistinct chatter over radio)
TRIVETTE: Walker,
what's goin' on?
Ricketts' men jumped me.
Elaine split. Did you
come up with anything?
Yeah, uh...
I ran her name through the
computer file this morning.
She didn't come up,
but her husband did.
Irving? Yeah, I know.
He died last year.
Really? Then how come
he was picked up last week
for passing bad
paper in Kansas City?
What? Are you sure?
My computer doesn't lie.
I think I know where she went.
Here's what I want you to do.
( peaceful theme playing)
(giggling)
Pleasant dreams, Irving.
(gasps)
Hi.
What are you doing here, Larry?
I wondered where you
were hiding the money.
I've been following
you for weeks.
Ricketts knew you
were up to something,
but, uh, he didn't check
the books like I did.
(chuckles)
You're his accountant.
You're supposed to be
good with figures. Big deal.
I figured I'd let
you keep skimming
and if they didn't
catch you and kill you,
then I'd get my share, partner.
Partner?
So you've come for your share?
Oh, that's right.
(chuckling)
I'll give you your share.
( suspenseful theme playing)
Hello, Elaine.
Walker, not you again.
I'll tell you one thing.
You're a sly old gal.
Why did you tell us that
your husband was dead?
He is. Here, here's
his grave right here.
Elaine,
Irving was picked up last
week on a counterfeiting charge.
(groans)
Okay.
About four years ago,
Irving and I were
gonna go to Florida,
and a week before we left,
he leaves me for another woman.
So I told everybody
I was a widow.
See, if you're a widow, you
get respect and sympathy.
If you've been jilted,
all you get is pity.
(sirens wailing)
Well, it's time to
go testify. Let's go.
(indistinct chatter over radio)
Okay, take that guy and the
money and hold it for me, okay?
Yes, sir. Let's go.
L-let me just look at the
money one more time.
No.
(helicopter blades rotating)
( light rock theme playing)
JUDGE: This is only
a pre-trial hearing.
All the witnesses need
not be present at this time.
I understand, Your Honor,
but I need our next
witness to testify
so the court can understand
the complexities of the charges,
to act on my
motion to deny bail.
I feel the defendant
is a significant
flight risk and...
JUDGE: Five o'clock,
Ms. San Remo. That's it.
Now, this court has been
more than patient
with you so far.
Thank you, Your Honor.
(whispers) They'd better hurry.
( rock theme playing)
(whispers) We're gonna be okay.
Well, we're approaching 5:00,
and I see no sign of
this mystery witness.
Unfortunately, I have
no choice but to...
Sorry we're late, Your Honor.
(spectators
murmuring indistinctly)
( action theme playing)
(spectators chattering, yelling)
Order. Hold it.
Sit down. Right here, pal.
( ominous theme playing)
Look out.
Move it, move it, move it.
Look out. Look out.
(tires screeching)
(tired screeching, horn honking)
Keep moving.
(yells)
Shake him off.
(tires screeching)
(horns honking)
(grunts)
MAN: You all right?
( suspenseful theme playing)
Move, move. MAN: Hey.
(both grunting)
You had enough, Ricketts?
Guess not.
(grunting)
(grunts)
(grunting)
WALKER: Give it up, Ricketts.
(yells)
You all right?
Better than him.
TRIVETTE: Miss.
Yes. No.
This is getting
boring, Trivette.
Five out of seven.
My God, Jimmy,
Cordell's on a roll.
I'm a slow starter. My
momentum's changing.
Don't these two ever give up?
Competition, honey. It'll
get you right on the edge.
Speaking of that,
I heard you were
a little competitive
out at Walker's ranch.
Well, I, uh, don't
wanna brag or anything.
I was just my... My
usual fantastic self.
(laughs)
Oh, really?
That old gal is something else.
She's smooth as a baby's behind.
WOMAN (on TV): She's lived a
life most have only dreamed of.
Danger, romance, action.
She's the geriatric James Bond,
and she's just sold her story
for an upcoming TV movie called,
The Big Bingo Bamboozle.
Let's welcome Elaine Portugal.
Oh, my God. ( applause)
Chased by vicious criminals.
Hunted like an animal.
You had to outwit everyone,
even the famous Texas
Rangers, just to stay alive.
Well, what was it like?
Well, there's
something about danger
that brings people
close together.
In fact, um,
two of the Rangers
had the hots for me.
(in unison) Hots?
Really? Well, tell us about it.
Oh, sorry. I'm saving
that for my book.
(in unison) Book?
(laughing)
♪ 'Cause the eyes of a ranger ♪
♪ Are upon you ♪
♪ Any wrong you do ♪
♪ He's gonna see ♪
♪ When you're in
Texas Look behind you ♪
♪ 'Cause that's where
The ranger's gonna be ♪
---
WOMAN 1: Under the I, 16.
I, 16.
I'm gonna win this.
Under the N, 36.
N, 36.
Under the O, 63.
O, 63.
Remember, the name
of the game is Crazy T.
One column across the
top, one down the middle.
Double jackpot.
Under the N, 44.
N, 44.
Under the B, nine.
B, nine.
Bingo!
Possible Bingo.
All right, everyone,
this is a bust.
Stay seated. Stay down.
Could you turn that off, please?
Sit down, pal.
MAN: Hey. WOMAN 2: Hey.
( fast action theme playing)
You're kidding me.
(siren wails)
I'm counting.
(gasps) Oh.
(panting): Oh, my God.
( fast action theme playing)
Look, guys, I don't
have time for this.
Can't we do this peacefully?
Say please.
(grunting)
(grunting)
Please.
( light rock action
theme playing)
♪ In the eyes of a Ranger ♪
♪ The unsuspecting stranger ♪
♪ Had better know the
truth Of wrong from right ♪
♪ 'Cause the eyes
of the Ranger ♪
♪ Are upon you ♪
♪ Any wrong you
do He's gonna see ♪
♪ When you're in Texas ♪
♪ Look behind you ♪
♪ 'Cause that's Where
the Ranger's gonna be ♪
( upbeat theme playing)
ALEX: Don't give
me that look, Walker.
I can't believe you
sent me on a bingo bust.
Well, start believing.
Bingo brings in $200
million a year in Texas
and we believe a lot
of that is laundered.
Very interesting,
but what's that
got to do with me?
The bingo parlor that
you busted last night
belonged to Ricky Ricketts.
Are you sure?
I've got a witness in my office.
Now I'm interested.
ALEX: If we can get
her to the grand jury,
there's a chance that
we can finally get this guy.
Speak of the devil.
Long time, no see, Walker.
Not long enough, Ricketts.
I'm willing to forget
the past, if you are.
What do you say?
I'm not willing to
forget anything.
And I made a promise
a long time ago to bust
that sleazy operation
of yours, and I will.
Mr. Ricketts came
here voluntarily
to counter the ludicrous charges
being brought against
his establishment.
Now, I see no
reason for threats.
I didn't make a
threat, counselor.
I made a promise.
I never trust a man
who can't keep his promises.
Well, this is one
promise I will keep.
We've got a witness this time.
This witness is gonna
put you behind bars
for the rest of your life.
It'll end up the
way it always does.
I win, you lose.
Don't count on it.
See you again real soon.
Real soon.
Thank you.
Ranger Cordell Walker,
I'd like you to meet
Elaine Portugal,
our star witness.
Mr. Walker, do
you mind telling me
what this is all about?
I-I've never been
so scared in my life.
I mean, a-all these police
a-a-and the guns.
Mrs. Portugal...
No, please, everyone
calls me Elaine.
We've been
watching this operation
for the past several months,
and each day, the bingo
parlor takes in $2,000.
Well, they've been
reporting $20,000.
We have reason to believe
that the excess is
laundered drug money.
Oh, no.
(gasps)
Oh, I had no idea.
Mrs. Portugal... Please, Elaine.
Elaine, the man you
work for, Ricky Ricketts,
has been convicted
of manslaughter,
and a suspect in
several other killings.
Oh, my. Killings?
(gasps)
Oh, he looks like
such a nice boy.
ALEX: You counted all that money
and you never
made the connection
between the small crowds
and the large amount of
cash that was coming in?
No, no, you see,
I-I work in the back.
I never see any customers.
Elaine, you expect
us to believe that?
Well, why should I lie to you?
Look at me. Am I a gangster?
No, I'm a widow
on a fixed income.
Well, I did one
thing that was wrong.
See, I... I got paid in cash
so I wouldn't lose my benefits.
I suppose you could
report me to social security.
ALEX: We don't
want to report you.
We want you to testify
against Ricky Ricketts.
Testify?
Me?
You.
Oh.
Oh, l-l-look, Mr. Walker,
I wanna do the right thing,
but if... If Ricketts is
as bad as you say he is,
he'll kill me if I talk.
Elaine, if you don't
testify and we let you go,
Ricketts is gonna
come after you,
and there's nothing we
can do to protect you.
So, what you're telling me
is I don't have any choice.
I'm gonna be a stool pigeon?
You know, maybe if I
had gone further in school,
I might have had a
nice career like you,
but in my day, they said:
"Get married, have
children, make a home."
And they look at me now.
I'm a criminal.
You're not a criminal
if you'll testify.
Where's the good news?
( ominous theme playing)
Ricky, it's me, Oscar.
RICKY: Done yet?
Not yet. We had
a little problem.
I don't like problems.
The thing is,
the Rangers have
been with her all day.
We couldn't set anything up.
Where is she now?
We're gonna be right
on her tail. No problem.
No problem?
My home is locked up,
my assets are frozen,
I'm paying 500 bucks an hour
for lawyers, they got a witness,
Walker's on my case.
Don't tell me no problem.
Boss, she's an old lady.
How much trouble could she be?
Enough that we should
have whacked her last week.
Don't call me until
you got good news.
It's as good as done.
I'll see you later. Okay.
Y-you're not coming with us?
No, you'll be fine with Alex.
You be careful
today, Mr. Ranger.
I'm depending on you.
Don't worry, Elaine.
He's such a nice guy.
TRIVETTE: What do you think you're
gonna find at Ricketts' warehouse?
WALKER: Won't know until I look.
( pensive theme playing)
Bingo.
(knocks on table)
Are you sure I can't
help you in there?
(chuckles)
I used to cook every night
for my husband, Irving.
How long were you married?
Thirty-seven years,
and then, last year,
he had a stroke,
and in a week, he was gone.
Oy, vey.
But I'm so used
to cooking for two,
so that I always cook too much.
Wow.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Eat the soup
first, while it's hot.
Mm, this is great.
It's matzo ball.
It's wonderful.
It's chicken broth
with matzo dumplings.
Eat, darling, eat.
(chuckles)
(chuckles)
So, you seeing anybody?
Not really.
No?
What about that Ranger fellow?
He's a very handsome man.
Yes, he is, but
we're just friends.
(chuckling) Oh, yeah?
I saw you together
with him today.
He looks at you like a
wolf looking at a pork chop.
(both chuckle)
Well, maybe we're a
little bit more than friends.
So, what are you waiting for?
We work together a lot and
I'm afraid if we
had a relationship
outside the office,
it would impact the
relationship inside the office.
Darling,
when you get to be my age,
you're alone a lot,
and love is such a rare thing.
Don't throw it away.
(woozily): You know,
maybe you're right.
Maybe I should get
out a little more often.
(sighs)
I feel a little dizzy.
Are you all right, huh?
You want me to get you anything?
No.
Can I call a doctor?
No, no,
I think I'd just like to go
over there and lie down.
Okay, okay, okay, here.
Okay, come.
All right, hold on to me. Okay.
Oh, it's okay. I got you.
Here, here, here.
Here.
I'll get you some water.
( fast, suspenseful
theme playing)
Sleep, princess, sleep.
Oh!
Oh!
Ms. Portugal? Ms. Portugal?
You lowlife, attacking
an old woman.
Don't hit me with
that damn purse.
I'm C.D. Parker.
I'm a Texas Ranger.
Been one for 28 years.
You got any
identification? Yes, ma'am.
Cordell Walker sent me over here
to watch you and
Alex's apartment.
You almost gave
me a heart attack.
Did I hurt you?
I'm all right.
What are you doing
out this time of night?
Where's Alex?
Oh, the poor darling,
she was exhausted,
so she's taking a nap.
See, I just came out to take
a walk, get some fresh air.
I've been cooped
up upstairs all day.
That might not be a good idea.
Might be some
people looking for you.
Let's go back up
to the apartment.
Oh, I don't wanna bother you.
I'll just finish my
walk, then I'll go up.
No, ma'am, I think we should
go on back to the apartment.
(chuckles nervously) Well, who
am I to argue with a Texas Ranger?
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, dear.
Oh, well, you know,
it's been a very long time
since a gentleman
escorted me home.
Yes, ma'am.
I'll just walk you up
to Alex's apartment.
Okay, but no
hanky-panky at the door.
Hanky-panky?
(chuckling)
I like you.
You got a good sense of humor.
Hanky-panky, my eye.
(knocking on door)
Alex, Alex, it's C.D.
C.D.?
Alex?
Oh, did we wake you, darling?
(chuckles) You were
sleeping so peacefully.
ALEX: Where did you go?
Well, she took off like a
saiga in a thunderstorm.
That's where she went.
You didn't?
Elaine, do you
know how dangerous
that could be?
(chuckling): Hey,
I used to walk in
Central Park at midnight.
Don't talk to me about danger.
Oh, anyway, I... I didn't
mean to upset you.
I won't do it again.
Boy, this sure does look good.
Elaine made us dinner.
How would you like a nice
bowl of chicken soup, huh?
It'd be good for you.
I can get some
fresh in the kitchen.
Oh, I don't think so.
I'll just have a latke.
Hah.
How do you know from latke?
I know a lot of things
about a lot of food.
I'm a gourmet.
Well, back to the salt mine.
Goodbye.
( playful theme playing)
You know, that soup was
good and I'm still hungry.
Oh, no, honey, no, no, no.
It's cold now. No.
You know what? I'll
make you a couple of eggs.
You're sweet.
You know, between
you and those Rangers,
I think Mr. Ricky Ricketts
had better watch himself.
(chuckles)
All right, the scientific
method of police work.
This is how the
Ricketts operation works.
Walker?
Oh, I'm all ears.
All right, the ships
leave Columbia
with the cocaine on board,
they dock at the
Galveston Harbor.
At one of the piers
that Ricketts controls,
and so anything can go through.
Right.
And then the cocaine is loaded
on trucks owned by...
You'll never guess.
Ricketts' Fruit and Nut Company.
That's right.
How'd you know that?
It's on the box.
Uh... Anyway...
The, uh... The cocaine is
distributed to the dealers,
the dealers sell it,
they turn over the
cash to Ricketts' men,
who load it into
boxes of bingo cards
that are delivered to
the back of the parlor.
And then the dirty
money is mixed in
with the, uh, clean bingo money.
Then all of the money
is reported clean
to the Texas Bingo Commission.
Right.
Yeah, right.
Well, I enjoyed the lecture.
Learned a lot, Trivette.
Now let's go pick
up our star witness.
He can't.
He is helping me
make arrangements
for, uh, San Antonio.
San Antonio?
Yeah, Alex wants
a change of venue
because she doesn't
want Ricketts' attorney
to say that the jury was
influenced by the media.
I just wanna make
it really difficult
for him to find
a friendly judge.
Well, San Antonio it is.
(laughing)
Trust me, I know from goods.
See, my late husband
was a tailor all of his life.
So I'll give you the name
and the address in
New York, all right?
Oh, I was just
telling the boys that...
That my nephew
is in the rag trade,
and that even with shipping,
the price is
right for the suits.
I'm sure they appreciate it,
but now we gotta get going.
Okay, okay. I'll give
Walker the address,
so you just mention
my name, you know.
It wouldn't hurt you to
have a nice suit or two
hanging in your closet.
I'll remember that.
You got a big family
out at your place?
No, just me.
(scoffs)
A good-looking guy like you
should be married
and have lots of kids.
Maybe someday.
There's nothing wrong with Alex.
She's a beautiful girl
and, boy, she's smart,
and I see the way
she looks at you.
Elaine, maybe someday.
Sorry.
Sometimes I get nosy.
(chuckles)
I know, I should shut up, but...
Okay.
You know, I talk about family
because I miss my late husband,
and when all this is over,
I'm gonna go to San
Marcos and visit his grave.
Mr. Walker, you
are a terrific man.
I only wish I had
a son like you.
Thanks, Elaine.
Eat up. Eat up, hon, that's
some mighty good stuff.
It's hot.
Did I hear somebody
say free food?
Come on in, Jimmy.
Feeding time at the zoo.
Hi, Ranger Trivette.
What do you say?
What a nice surprise.
You here for this
kick-ass chili?
Oh, excuse my expression.
Yeah, it's my favorite.
Do you recognize
these guys, Elaine?
Yeah, these two.
Sometimes, I see
them loading the van
in back of the bingo hall.
Oscar Kane and
Hector Johnson. Who?
Ricketts' top two goons.
Aggravated assault,
armed robbery.
They got rap sheets as
long as your arm. Thank you.
How about this other guy? Uh-uh.
Is this Ricketts man
gonna try to kill me?
It's a possibility, Elaine.
Well, he's gonna
have a tough time,
with three strong
Rangers protecting me.
Lady, he fools with you,
we'll put him on the
wrong side of the grass.
(chuckles)
ELAINE: So you
strain the cabbage first,
you go easy on the mayonnaise.
See, it doesn't get
mushy that way.
Not that yours wasn't terrific.
Well, I'll... I'll try
that next time.
I thought it was pretty
good, C.D. Thanks.
I'm gonna make you
matzo brie someday.
You're gonna love it.
Yeah, I'll bet.
I'm gonna get out of here, okay?
Drive carefully.
The dishes, Jimmy.
Boy, you got a
beautiful place here.
I gotta give you that.
This is where you forget
the Ricketts of the world.
We'd better turn in.
Okay.
You coming?
No, I think I'll sit
outside for a while.
Oh, now, if it gets
cold, you come inside.
Yes, ma'am.
Good night. Good night.
You have good friends.
That I do.
Everything's gonna
be all right, isn't it?
Everything'll be fine.
C.D.'ll be out in
front, I'll be upstairs.
You have nothing to worry about.
You know something?
When you say it, I believe it.
Good night. Good night.
Walker, sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
( ominous theme playing)
Oh, I thought you'd gone to bed.
Oh, I just couldn't sleep.
Well, it's kind
of chilly out here.
I know. That's why I
brought this blanket for you,
but you know what
would be even better?
A nice, hot cup of tea.
You know, if you tell me
where things are, I'll go make it.
I'll tell you what. I know
where everything is.
Let me go make it.
Oh, that's wonderful.
You make me feel like a queen.
I'll just sit right here
and wait for you.
(chuckles)
( suspenseful theme playing)
Not a sound, you old
bat, or I'll break your jaw.
Do you understand?
(screaming)
ELAINE: C.D.!
(continues screaming)
Hold on there, you sidewinder.
(sobbing)
( light rock theme playing)
Oh, Walker, are you all right?
Yeah. Did they hurt you?
No. Where in the hell
did they come from?
I was sitting on the
porch waiting for you,
and suddenly,
somebody grabbed me.
Cordell, I just went
in to make some tea.
Well, let's tie these guys up
and get the wagon out here.
I'll go in and make some coffee.
I don't think I'll be doing
much sleeping tonight.
( suspenseful theme playing)
ELAINE: Oy, Walker, heh,
you're gonna be a bigger
problem than Ricky Ricketts.
(sighs)
Something's bothering
me about all this.
If they wanted Elaine dead,
they had the
opportunity at the ranch.
They want her
alive, yeah, but why?
Maybe they wanna
know what she knows.
Or she's got
something they want.
( dramatic theme playing)
Yeah.
(speaking indistinctly)
Excuse me.
(grunts)
If I have anymore visitors
at my ranch, Ricketts,
I'm gonna come looking for you.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
You can't make those
accusations and harass my client.
We're not in the
courtroom, counselor.
We're in a parking lot.
Different rules here.
Cordell's right about
this. Take my word for it.
Better to testify in San Anton,
and a lot safer
to fly out today.
So you wanna put me in the same
room as that Ricketts gangster?
You're gonna be safe,
once he's behind bars.
Yeah, but w-what if he gets out?
Well, that's what the Witness
Relocation Program's about.
Oh, sure. You change my name
and you put me in another city,
and then you let me go. I'll
stick out like a sore thumb.
No, let me take care of myself.
No, no, no, just a minute.
Just trust me on this, will you?
If anything happens to me,
it's gonna be on your head.
You're gonna be riding
down there with Cordell.
C.D.: He's sent Jimmy ahead
to make all the preparations.
You couldn't be in better hands.
I've always felt safe with you.
Well, that's nice. You should.
I hope you have
a real pleasant trip.
Aren't you forgetting something?
I don't think so.
(mumbling) I mean,
is there something I...?
(chuckling) No, no.
Guess.
Um.
(chuckling)
It's just that I
don't... I don'tknow.
How about a goodbye kiss?
Oh, oh, yes, ma'am.
( soft theme playing)
(exhales)
Bye, C.D.
Yes, ma'am.
(sighs)
(sniffs)
Dag gone it.
Well, she couldn't help herself.
ANNOUNCER: Flight number
17 is now boarding at Gate 4.
Flight 17 to San Antonio,
now boarding at Gate 4.
Oh, look, a magazine stand.
San Antonio's a
hop, not a flight.
I don't have anything to read.
We don't have time.
I need the bathroom.
Look, we only have ten
minutes to get on that plane.
This isn't negotiable.
No, no, I'm serious.
Now, don't worry, I'm
fast. Frequent, but fast.
That's what happens
when you get older.
Well, hurry up. Okay.
ANNOUNCER: From Los Angeles.
You may claim your
baggage at Carousel 3.
Oh. That's a lovely outfit.
Oh, thank you. You're welcome.
How nice of you to say so.
Yeah, see, I have
family in the business,
so I know from goods, yeah.
Oh, it wasn't expensive. Really?
I got it on sale. Yeah?
ANNOUNCER: This
is the final boarding call
for flight number
17 to San Antonio.
The last call for
final boarding,
flight number 17 to San Antonio.
All passengers holding
tickets, please board now.
( suspenseful music playing)
Elaine, come on, we're late.
You're not Elaine.
(women screaming)
Sorry, ladies.
Taxi.
Hold it, hold it.
(Elaine groans)
Elaine, what do you
think you're doing?
I hate to fly.
Well, don't worry about it
now. The plane's already left.
Now we have to drive.
I get carsick.
Ricky, it's me.
They didn't get on.
What do you want me to do?
Follow 'em, at a distance.
Right.
Tell our reception
committee in San Antonio
they're now coming
down on the road.
You got it.
If I see her in court,
I'm sending someone for you.
(airplane flying overhead)
(indistinct chatter)
ANNOUNCER: Flight 17
has now arrived at Gate 2.
Flight 17 has now
arrived at Gate 2.
Excuse me. Yes?
Did you see a Texas
Ranger on board,
with a black hat and beard,
and an older woman, talked a lot?
She probably talked
all through the flight.
No, I don't think
they ever got on.
Are you sure?
Well, from your description,
they'd be pretty hard to miss.
Yeah, you're
right. Thanks. Sure.
Walker, I have to
go to the bathroom.
For real.
It had better be
for real this time.
(telephone ringing)
Walker.
Hey, what's going on?
You wouldn't
believe it if I told you.
Where are you?
I'm about an hour
from the courthouse.
You're cutting it short, man.
Yeah, I know. I'll see you soon.
All right. Bye.
(birds chirping)
(car door closes)
Thank you. Where's
your ladies' room?
WOMAN: Around the corner.
Right there? Thank you.
Trust me.
Hi, partner. Hi.
You got a hat just like me, huh?
Yeah. (chuckles)
Nice meeting you.
Okay, let's go.
Bye. Bye-bye.
( suspenseful theme playing)
(screams)
(panting)
You almost gave
me a heart attack.
Let's go, Elaine.
"Trust me." I really
did have to go.
Yeah, sure. I did.
( menacing theme playing)
Get down. (screams)
Stay down, Elaine.
(glass shattering) (man grunts)
Get out of there.
Get out.
Against the van.
MAN: All right. All right.
Get out.
Drop it.
( suspenseful theme playing)
(grunts)
WALKER: Elaine.
(grunts)
(grunting)
Elaine.
Dang that woman.
She's beginning to irritate me.
MAN (over radio): Breaker,
breaker, anyone on the horn?
Ten-four, good buddy.
Granny on the hog
northbound on 35 toward Austin.
Are there any smokies
down the line? Come on.
That's a big negative, Granny.
This here is Wild Bill,
and there's no
smokies northbound
until you hit Georgetown.
You're all clear.
Yee-haw-ha-ha-ha.
Thank you, good buddy.
(indistinct chatter over radio)
TRIVETTE: Walker,
what's goin' on?
Ricketts' men jumped me.
Elaine split. Did you
come up with anything?
Yeah, uh...
I ran her name through the
computer file this morning.
She didn't come up,
but her husband did.
Irving? Yeah, I know.
He died last year.
Really? Then how come
he was picked up last week
for passing bad
paper in Kansas City?
What? Are you sure?
My computer doesn't lie.
I think I know where she went.
Here's what I want you to do.
( peaceful theme playing)
(giggling)
Pleasant dreams, Irving.
(gasps)
Hi.
What are you doing here, Larry?
I wondered where you
were hiding the money.
I've been following
you for weeks.
Ricketts knew you
were up to something,
but, uh, he didn't check
the books like I did.
(chuckles)
You're his accountant.
You're supposed to be
good with figures. Big deal.
I figured I'd let
you keep skimming
and if they didn't
catch you and kill you,
then I'd get my share, partner.
Partner?
So you've come for your share?
Oh, that's right.
(chuckling)
I'll give you your share.
( suspenseful theme playing)
Hello, Elaine.
Walker, not you again.
I'll tell you one thing.
You're a sly old gal.
Why did you tell us that
your husband was dead?
He is. Here, here's
his grave right here.
Elaine,
Irving was picked up last
week on a counterfeiting charge.
(groans)
Okay.
About four years ago,
Irving and I were
gonna go to Florida,
and a week before we left,
he leaves me for another woman.
So I told everybody
I was a widow.
See, if you're a widow, you
get respect and sympathy.
If you've been jilted,
all you get is pity.
(sirens wailing)
Well, it's time to
go testify. Let's go.
(indistinct chatter over radio)
Okay, take that guy and the
money and hold it for me, okay?
Yes, sir. Let's go.
L-let me just look at the
money one more time.
No.
(helicopter blades rotating)
( light rock theme playing)
JUDGE: This is only
a pre-trial hearing.
All the witnesses need
not be present at this time.
I understand, Your Honor,
but I need our next
witness to testify
so the court can understand
the complexities of the charges,
to act on my
motion to deny bail.
I feel the defendant
is a significant
flight risk and...
JUDGE: Five o'clock,
Ms. San Remo. That's it.
Now, this court has been
more than patient
with you so far.
Thank you, Your Honor.
(whispers) They'd better hurry.
( rock theme playing)
(whispers) We're gonna be okay.
Well, we're approaching 5:00,
and I see no sign of
this mystery witness.
Unfortunately, I have
no choice but to...
Sorry we're late, Your Honor.
(spectators
murmuring indistinctly)
( action theme playing)
(spectators chattering, yelling)
Order. Hold it.
Sit down. Right here, pal.
( ominous theme playing)
Look out.
Move it, move it, move it.
Look out. Look out.
(tires screeching)
(tired screeching, horn honking)
Keep moving.
(yells)
Shake him off.
(tires screeching)
(horns honking)
(grunts)
MAN: You all right?
( suspenseful theme playing)
Move, move. MAN: Hey.
(both grunting)
You had enough, Ricketts?
Guess not.
(grunting)
(grunts)
(grunting)
WALKER: Give it up, Ricketts.
(yells)
You all right?
Better than him.
TRIVETTE: Miss.
Yes. No.
This is getting
boring, Trivette.
Five out of seven.
My God, Jimmy,
Cordell's on a roll.
I'm a slow starter. My
momentum's changing.
Don't these two ever give up?
Competition, honey. It'll
get you right on the edge.
Speaking of that,
I heard you were
a little competitive
out at Walker's ranch.
Well, I, uh, don't
wanna brag or anything.
I was just my... My
usual fantastic self.
(laughs)
Oh, really?
That old gal is something else.
She's smooth as a baby's behind.
WOMAN (on TV): She's lived a
life most have only dreamed of.
Danger, romance, action.
She's the geriatric James Bond,
and she's just sold her story
for an upcoming TV movie called,
The Big Bingo Bamboozle.
Let's welcome Elaine Portugal.
Oh, my God. ( applause)
Chased by vicious criminals.
Hunted like an animal.
You had to outwit everyone,
even the famous Texas
Rangers, just to stay alive.
Well, what was it like?
Well, there's
something about danger
that brings people
close together.
In fact, um,
two of the Rangers
had the hots for me.
(in unison) Hots?
Really? Well, tell us about it.
Oh, sorry. I'm saving
that for my book.
(in unison) Book?
(laughing)
♪ 'Cause the eyes of a ranger ♪
♪ Are upon you ♪
♪ Any wrong you do ♪
♪ He's gonna see ♪
♪ When you're in
Texas Look behind you ♪
♪ 'Cause that's where
The ranger's gonna be ♪