Uri and Ella (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Mama Ella - full transcript

- Good morning.
- Mm.

You were sweating like a pig.

Well, you're pressing up against me
all night long, I can't breathe.

-You're clinging to me.
-Because I'm crazy about you.

-What is it?

Stop it, you're hurting me.

You should get that checked out.

I don't want you to get cancer.

That's the last thing I need,
for you to start chemo and stuff.

You'll be so beautiful with a bald head.

I'm just kidding, honey.

But do you know
what the cure for cancer is?

-French toast.

You've never had
French toast like this!

This is French toast fit for princesses!

Are you pooping? Go ahead, honey.

You're the first girl
who ever pooped here.

And do you know what I just realized?

That all of those gorgeous women
I've dated never took a dump here.

It shows there was never any intimacy.

A sad testament and a badge of shame.

I'm so glad you're opening up,
you're like a flower...


I'm pregnant.

What was that, honey?


I can't believe this!
This is so great! You're the best!

Mama Ella! What's up, Mama Ella?

-It's mine, right?
-Come on.

Little Bird...
What are you so worried about?

This is a blessing, honey.

You know you'll be the most
gorgeous mother in the neighborhood.

Our baby will be such a prince!

But I don't even have a job.

What job? Forget about that,
listen to me carefully.

Don't worry about a thing.
You are my queen.


Sit here, put your feet up,

and fertilize this child with love
and water it with life's nectar.

-Will you breastfeed?
-I don't know.

Look at me. What do you mean?

This is a blessing, do you realize that?

No, no, you don't get it,
I don't think you're getting it.

This is the best thing that's ever
happened to you, look at me!

Do you get it? Do you realize?

-I'm starting to get it.
-Daddy's gorgeous girl!

My beautiful girl!

My little baby, my beautiful baby!

Listen to me,
this baby will be a prince.

I swear, look at me. if it's a boy,
I'll call him Cannonball!

Aren't you on...?

- On what?
- The pill.

It's not good for you.

Doesn't he wear...?

Tzuki doesn't like it.


- Stop it, Dad. Stop it.
- What did he say?

He was excited.

- Excited.
- He's really into it.

I knew that Tzuki guy was bad news.

I knew from the start that this idiot,
with that earring and his ATV license...

I just don't understand you sometimes.

Show some responsibility.

-Stop it, Dad!
-You're a big girl.

I'm stressed out,
I don't need this right now!

Alright, let's... I'm sorry.

Let's calm down, okay? I'm sorry.

Let's call Arielli,
he'll get it done in no time.

But Tzuki wants it so bad, Dad,
he's so excited.

Right, but...
But do you think that's normal?

Having this child right now?
No, you tell me.

Shmick, what...

What, do you want to keep it?

-What is it?
-No, no. Alright, no.

I know it doesn't make any sense,
of course it doesn't, but...

But Tzuki won't go for it.
You should have seen him,

he was over the moon,
he was picking me up, he...

We won't tell him. We won't.
It's you I'm worried about.

Have the abortion,
we'll deal with him later.

How can we not tell him?
Are you serious right now?

How can we not tell him?

What's so funny? I'm telling you...

-Not tell him?
-I know men.

He'll drive you crazy,
never leave you alone.

I don't understand what you mean
by not telling him.

-For now, we won't tell him for now.
-For now? Until what?

Until you do it.

-Honey, you're in a weird state.

I'm in a weird state?
Dad, how can we not tell him?

Honey, sweetheart,
you're very odd, I'm telling you.

I swear.

You're stressed out. Trust me.
Let me handle this.

You'll have the abortion
and then we'll tell him,

and you'll just act normal
in the meantime.

Let me call Arielli, okay?
Can I call him?

Enjoy, honey.

Thanks, honey.

-Look what I got you.
-What's that?

-Rub it on your stomach.
-What is it?

It's for the stretch marks,
so you'll stay hot, a chick.

-Thanks, honey.
-Gladly, honey.

You need to rub it every night
before you go to bed, okay?

Natan, hit play.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you know I don't usually
address you this way.

I usually talk to you through my food.

But if you told me a year ago,

"Listen, Tzorad,
you're going to fall madly in love,"

I would have told you you're
just jealous of my success with women,

or that you just need to reflect
and see if you're happy with your life.

But I was on such a high
during that time,

that I wouldn't have cared
about what you thought.

But actually, I wasn't really on a high,
I was depressed,

and then a little noisy
munchkin mouse came along,

and started running around
under my feet.

And she didn't just run around,
she wanted me, too.

But I didn't want her, remember?

There, she remembers.

I thought to myself,
"She's always offended, she's anxious,

nothing ever makes her happy,
she doesn't have a job, she's lazy,

she lives with her father,"
you name it, she's got it.

Baggage. Huge baggage.

And she's not my type, either,
so what's the point anyway?

So I didn't want her.
So thank you, Ella,

for teaching me, over the age of 50,
what true love is.

And one more thing about this song.

I didn't really understand
how it translates,

and I didn't really understand it
when I read it, either.

I just noticed that
it's not a very happy song.

But who cares? It'll always be our song.
Won't it, honey?

-So cheers!

-Enjoy your meals, guys.

- That wasn't so bad, huh, honey?
- I don't get why you're doing this.

I asked you to stop,
why do you insist on doing this?

-What did I do?
-You're embarrassing me!

-Embarrassing you?
-People talk later,

and it give us a bad reputation.

I don't give a fuck
about what people think about me!

I wasn't talking about you.

You were talking about yourself?
No one knows who you are.

What? Through my dad.

Oh, yeah? Through your dad?
Who gives a fuck about you?

Who cares about you? You're delusional.

Honey, if you were embarrassed by it,
I take it back and I apologize.

-That's enough. I'm okay.
-But you know I...

It was beautiful.


Look at me.
Do you know what I just remembered?

That I haven't introduced you
to Omriki and Avivi yet.

Are we a couple of morons, or what?


So we'll do it tomorrow?

She's pregnant! She's pregnant!
Mama Ella!

And what we'll do then is pump the
pregnant material out through a tube.

We might need to expand
the cervix before we do that,

but that's only in very rare cases.

I'll be with you until you're on your
feet and on your way home either way.

-Charisma isn't her strong suit.
-Maybe, but she's the best.

What did you get there?

I don't know, it's...

They're creams for my stomach, or...

What do you want from me?
Tzuki got it for me.

Okay, you can give it to Magdalena,
her daughter is pregnant.


-She's coming over today.

-Should I pass it along to her?
-Just give her the fucking creams!

I'm proud of you, Shmick.

-You're proud, huh?
-Yes, you're smart, you're brave,

and you're doing Tzuki a favor, too.
He'll end up thanking you for this.

Of course he will.

He wants me to meet his kids now.

I don't know.

I'll tell him I'm sick or something.

No way, you're pregnant.

-What do you want me to do?
-Don't say you're sick.

-So what do you want me to do?
-You want to just tell him?

Tell him? Are you out of your mind?

I'm trying to tell you...
He wants me to meet his kids.

Spend an evening with them,
what's the problem?

"Spend an evening with them."

I'm telling you,
he can feel something's up.

-He can't feel a thing.
-He suspects it. I'm sure.

-Relax, he doesn't suspect anything.
-I... Fine.

-He'll dump me.
-Stop it, he won't.

He's so going to dump me.

He won't dump you,
and if he does, that's great,

it only proves that he's a jerk,
that little...

But he won't dump you, you'll see.

- Hey.
- Hi.

That guy almost ran me over.

-What's up?
-Hey, honey. Hi.

Do you have any cash?

-I forgot.
-Go take some out.

Right, I will.

What's up?

Fine. How are you?

Fine. I'm exhausted.

What's new?


-Is everything cool?
-Alright, I got it, you know,

"What's up? What's going on?
What's new?"

What? What do I know?

-That I'm pregnant. Just stop it.



No, it's not...

-We're getting an abortion.

Because. Because...
I don't know, because it's...

Because we've decided it's best,
and that's it.

Do you want me to take care of him?

-Who, Tzuki?
-Of course.

No, Tzuki wants to have it.

Listen, I'm not trying
to butt in or anything,

but Tzuki is amazing.

He's the perfect man.

You'll be so happy,
this is the most...

It's a mistake.

You need to think about this.

-Do you have any hand sanitizer?

So when do you want us to get back?
On a weekday, and then I'll open...

-Look at the princess.

This is Ella.
Ella, these are my princes,

Omriki, the heartbreaker, and Avivi...
What do you want to be?

-Handsome Avivi.

-Hello. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

These are my treasures,
my treasure chests.

Their mother just went away
for a week to Club Med...

-In Antalya.
-So we're having fun together.

-Right. Yes.

She thinks she's a princess,
but she's from Rishon.

You guys are so sweet,
I'm so happy to meet you guys,

I've heard so much about you.

So do you like coming
to Daddy's restaurant?

Did you see his personal body?
You know what a personal body is, right?

- I...
- When you take your clothes off,

- and take a shower together.
- How old are you guys?

Two hundred.

Sorry for the delay,
there was a mix up in the kitchen.

-Be careful.

- Yeah...
- She needs to be careful, huh?

-What was that?
-No, that... you should be careful.

Pssh. It's gotten to her head, huh?

Dad, she forgot to bring me an ork.

Do you know what an ork is?

A fork. It's the first word
he's ever said.

-I'll get one for you.
-And some parmesan, Dad?

Of course. Right away.

Why don't you have a pregnant tummy?

Can you get me a fork
and some parmesan?

I'll be right back.

Are you a farm animal?
Why did you leave them alone?

It's not like I left them in a war zone,
your Hadar can watch them.

What are you talking about?

-Why did you tell them?

Are you an idiot, or what?

What do you mean?
They need to know about these things.

You're insane!

You're insane.

My angel...

It's beautiful that the kids
make you this nervous.

-Alright, stop it.
-They love you, you know.

Great, that's awesome.

Hey. Avivi's just told me
you're super bangable.

That's the way I like it.

It'll be okay, right?

-It'll be a dream, not just okay.

I swear on Parole.
What more do you want?

-And you'll always love me?
-Mama Ella! My sweet Mama Ella!

-I'm sorry.

Are you one of those skanks
who smoke and burn at the same time?

It's good, huh?

Take a deep breath.

I'll go back to them,
join us when you're ready, okay?



So? How did it go?


What happened?

Nothing. Kids.

Are they obnoxious?

I don't know if obnoxious
is the right word,

but you know, they're nuts, like him.

Little Mini-Tzukis.

But it was okay.

Did he notice anything?

- Hey, Dad?
- Yes?

Do you remember
what my first word was?

When I was a baby,
what my first word was?

- I don't remember. Why?
- No reason.

My friend. How did it go?

They found out.

What, because of your tummy?

-What tummy?
-It's just a little bloated.

Why would it be bloated?
There's nothing in there yet, Zohar.

I think it's just because
of all of the changes.

What? It's scientifically impossible
there's something in there. Seriously?

Just forget about it.

-How did they find out?
-From the head idiot.

I don't have a tummy,
it's just the polenta.

- Of course.
- And Shmulik's?


What was Shmulik's first word?

I don't know, Shmick.

All I remember is
that you were good, beautiful kids.

He doesn't remember a word we said.

-Thank you.

Your stomach also gets bloated
when you eat polenta.

I'm not good at these things,
it was your mom's territory.

- VoilÃ.
- Thanks.

What is it, Lul?

Stupid! Why am I pregnant? Why?

Oh, my God...

Goodbye! Farewell!

Come watch a movie with us.

-What movie?
- Lost Highway .

- Are you trying to kill my dad?
- Mm-hmm.

I wish I had a hand sanitizer
dispenser at home.

Shmick, this committee's no big deal,
it'll be over in no time.

By this time tomorrow,
it's all behind you.

Ella, is this the first time
you're going through this process?


Is anyone making you or forcing you
to terminate this pregnancy?


Why do you want to terminate
this pregnancy?

-It doesn't work for me. What?

-It's an extra-marital pregnancy.
-She knows I'm single.

He means that the state acknowledges
that extra-marital pregnancies

-are more complicated...
-Everything's fine.

If I'll have a baby,
it won't be a junkie.

Why are you complicating things?

Do you want to talk or should I?
Is this my baby or yours?

Ella, we are aware of the
mental difficulty of this process,

we really do know
where you're coming from.

There's one more tiny part
of the questionnaire and that's it.

By this time tomorrow,
it's all behind you.

Do you have any doubts
about terminating the pregnancy?


Tzuki can't raise any kids.

-You don't say.
-Yes, I do say.

-Fine. He's doing a great job at it.
-The man is insane, Ella.

-Alright, fine.
-Do you know what he told me?

-I don't care.
-When his kids were young,

he used to fertilize his garden
with their shit. Unbelievable.

-Tzuki is amazing!

Do you have any idea
what kind of dad he is?

He pampers them, he's warm,
he's funny, he's fun, he's cool,

living with him
is like a rollercoaster ride.

You're out of your mind.

And for all I care,
he can take his kids' shit

and smear it all over the windows,
I don't care what he does to his garden.

Cancel tomorrow's appointment.

If your mother was here,
she'd strangle you.

-Mom was pregnant when she was my age.
-It's not the same.

She's always wanted Shmulik,
how can you compare the two?

What's the matter with you?

A week ago, you were convinced
you didn't want this baby.

You can't change your mind
the day before, it's a child.

You're a child, look at your behavior.

You change your mind every five minutes.

It's obvious you're not ready.

I'm glad you believe in me.

-Of course I...
-Drop me off here.

-Drop me off! Pull over!





What's up, gorgeous?

-What do you want for dinner?
-Nothing special. A cheese omelet.


Alright, Avivi.

Get out and dry yourself off.
Let's have some supper.

Are you okay there, Omriki?

Honey, your dad is on the phone.

I can't be bothered with him,
he's annoying.

What's up, Grandpa?

Of course, Uri. How are you?

Yes, of course.

He's so serious.

What's up?

No, no, listen.

I heard you, I got it,
I have nothing to say to you.

Okay. Don't call me anymore,
and don't call Tzuki anymore.

Do you understand me?

Bite your lips. Now's my turn.

Hey, honey.

What's up?

Have some wine.
You don't feel like it?

-I'm so tired.
-Let me try it.

-Rest for a bit.
-Avivi, give it.

They're so funny.

I'll show you the best one. Look.


- Ouch!
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

- Are you okay? Are you okay?
- Woah...


You idiot!

So... are you here to apologize?


So what are you doing here?

I'm pregnant.

-It's not yours.
-Of course not. Thank God.

-Is this good news, or...?

-So congratulations.

-You don't say "congratulations."
-What, then?

-"Bless you."
-Bless you.

-So bless you.
-Thank you.

-Would you like to play?
-Let's go.

I'm Barcelona.

Is that still fresh?

Um... Yeah. Yes.

-Is it or isn't it?
-Sorry, I'm just... a little shocked.

Did you ever get anyone pregnant?

No. I think I'm sterile.

Why? Have you ever been pregnant before?


Maybe I'm barren, too.

I don't think so.

- In a baguette.
- We said pitta bread!

You're driving me crazy.
I'm not stupid.

I got it, Avivi wants a baguette
and Omriki wants a pitta bread.

It's not that complicated.

Avivi, were you really scared?
Did you think I'll throw you in jail?

-You're crazy.

- Good morning, Shrek.
- Good morning.

Listen to this, Avivi wanted
to wake you up by slapping you,

but I told him I'll throw him in jail.

You know I don't have that authority.

Isn't it a school day today?

A dip in the hot tub is a must
before you go to school.

We're chilling the moment
we wake up in the morning, right?

To relax a little
before the craziness starts.

Right, carpe diem.

Livin' la vida loca.

Would you like to join us? Okay.

Come on in, you can wear
Hadari's bathing suit.

We're just kidding.

She's worried her hair
might get ruined.

-What was that?
-That's right.

Daddy, she's worried
her hair might get ruined.

She's worried
she might ruin her makeup.

You should come in.

-It's really nice.

You're so convincing! Look at that!

-Sit next to me.
-Move over, make some room.

-I hate myself when I'm in love.
-What time is it?

Why do you keep asking what time it is?
What do you care?

This kid is unbelievable,
ever since he learned to tell time

he wants to know what time it is
every two seconds.


Come with me, please.


Sorry, I didn't wax.

That's okay, we do that here, too.

This is your last chance
to change your mind...


...and wear a green cap
instead of a white one.

One, two, three...


Do you know
who's crossing the line lately?

Rubi from the grocery store.

He's becoming such a nag.