Uri and Ella (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Uri - full transcript



Dad, Dad. Dad.


Two words.

First word.








Are you tricking me?

-What? I'm tricking you?
-Come on!


Oh, foreign language. Okay.


- Excuse me.
- Second word...


Second word.



Do I have money?

Pass to you.



What's with you?

What's your problem?

You're crazy.

Are you a prostitute?

I knew it.

War Prostitute?

War Hooker?

War Slut?

Here you are,
bean pate with root vegetables.

- Looks fantastic.
- Veal scaloppini with bean noodles.

It took me hours to cook.

-Okay, thanks.

I thought she wouldn't leave.



Can I help you?

-Grab a taxi and get over here.
-Cut it out, Dad.

-Suddenly you're looking for a job?
-Why not?

-What happened?

I don't get it.


-You're bailing out on a Danish film?

-Looks like a crappy movie.

-There's a funny smell. Feet maybe...

-Why don't you come anyway?
-Forget it!

-Okay, bye.

- Excuse me, is this row 11?
- Unfortunately.

Oh, sorry.

- Too close.
- What?

Tip: Take the number of rows,
divide by two, add one,

and that's your row.

Your life will never be the same
once you know that.

A Coke commercial.

Still hasn't caught on.

In life you run long distances.

To breathe, to see...

Water. No future in it.

Is this row 4?

Excuse me, is this row 4?


You're in my seat.

- No, this is my seat.
- No, it says seat 16.

- Lady, will you sit down?
- She's in my seat.

Come on time next time!

I'll come when I feel like it
and I'll sit wherever I want to, okay?

But the theater's empty!
Sit down already!

Shut your husband up, big mouth.

- Just take an empty seat!
- I'll sit on your head...

- Your voice is nauseating.
- Who said that?

You didn't give her a chance.

And your hairdo is appalling!

Shut up. Who said that?
Bobbed redhead? Put a cork in it.

You owe me a ticket, lady.

At least bend down.

How about working with people?
You're good with people.

Fine. Like what?

-All jobs are with people.
-That's not true.

Yes, all jobs are with people.
Give an example, be specific.

Let's hear one of your brilliant ideas.


This Jobsy thing sucks.

You have to sign up, too?

What about a user interface?

I had an idea for a flashlight
on a phone, before iPhone.

I had an idea for a phone
with an alarm clock

that wakes you up based on location,
so you can sleep on the train.

That's brilliant.

-Is there one already?

Okay, my gut feeling is
we need to move up a notch.

We need some movement here,
everything's very, very static.

A quantum leap.

-Maybe have some kids.

I'm thrilled to hear you say that.

You mean you're thinking
we should move in together?

Yeah, whatever...

This is an endurance test.

Never seen anything like it.
World record boring.

He's looking us straight in the eye.

My God, it's torture.

- Finally...
- For heaven's sake.

Great, no ending. How original.

Shut it.

So... See you later.


Someone takes a shit
and everyone comes to see.

What a load of crap.

What's the problem?

Who said "watch your mouth"?

I was actually being polite.

What are you lookin' at?
What are you lookin' at?

Everyone thinks they're hot shit.

Just look at your phones
and shut up.

Not a goodbye yet, then.
How does this always happen?

Think you're hot shit, huh?
That was you, right?

Sure. It's dark,
you thought you'd get away with it.

I got eyes in the back of my head.

- Come here.
- I was lookin' for my seat.

How about a drink?

I thought only I used that word.

-It's a good word.
-It is.

- Look, you're wonderful.
- Too kind...

Too kind...

I'll have to say no.

I'm going through a period where...


-I'll have to say no.
-Just because I had a drink

doesn't mean I don't know...


Slap her face.

Harder. Wake her up.

-Excuse me?

-Excuse me? Excuse me?
-Are you okay?

-I don't feel well.
-Where do you live?

-Where do you live?

Right around the corner.

-Here, sit up.

Take her to there
so she can lean on something.

-Ouch! Wait!
-Breathe deep, honey.


Do you want me to help you?

Wait a minute...

-No, no. This is no good.

Come here... honey...

Roll over, honey.

Good, good.

Here, sit up.

- There you go.
- Watch her head.

Now take deep breaths.

Long, deep breaths.
Here, her color's coming back.

-Well, I...
-I have to go.

Me, too.

She looks okay, doesn't she?

-Will you be okay?
-Where's my ticket?

She's out of it.
Do you remember your address?

-13 Rashi St.
-Good, that's right here. Bye.

-I gotta go, someone's waiting for me.
-But you invited me for a drink.

But we didn't go out for a drink.

Will you be okay?

I can't feel my legs. Oh...


No, I'm not allowed to lift things.


Here, I'm watching you.

What a lousy singer, your songs...

-No, no...

-I want to rest.

I need to rest, I can't...

Is everything okay, Uri?

- Is that him?
- Want some water?

- Yes.
- It's him, of course that's him.

"Who are you?"

"For occupational guidance,
answer this questionnaire

and in less than a minute
you'll get an analysis

of the perfect job for you. Begin.

Numbers fascinate me.
Yes, no, sort of."

No! I was really good at math.

We were in the remedial class.

-I switched to the remedial class.

So it'd be easier.

Sort of.

"I don't get mad easily."
What does that have to do with jobs?

Sort of.

"Before making a decision

I'll always ask
several people's advice."


Suddenly you're looking for a job!

-You again?
-How could you make me go alone?

It's great that you went alone.

How are things at home?

- What's with you?
- I did it...

Where are you?

What a nightmare.

Do you realize where I am,

-what I'm going through?

- Do you know where I am?
- Where?

-I went to see the film...
-I did it.

Never mind. We'll talk later.
You'll pay for this.

It came out.

Your wife?



I'm a widower.


When did she die?


A year ago.

Of what?

-I can't hear you.

Breast cancer?

Where do you live again?

You know that
Paul McCartney's wife died, too?

She didn't...
Yes, I know. Tell me...

You know that
Paul McCartney died, too?

-What's so funny?
-He just released a CD.

Anybody can release a CD and write
"Paul McCartney" on it.

I'm surprised at you.

Tell me...

-Are we heading...
-"Paul is dead. I buried Paul."

-Can you get home from here?

Do you know where you are?
Are you okay?

-Yes? Okay?

-Yeah, yeah.
-Good. Then...

-Are you giving me your umbrella?

-You're so sweet.
-No problem.

-Thank you so much.

You're a kind man, really.
I got you totally wrong.

I thought you were mean.

I don't know why,
because I can't relate to your music...

-No problem.
-Not because you're old fashioned.

Even if I were your age
I wouldn't like it.

Thank you so much,
you were here for me.

-Fine. Fine.
-You're such a good man.

-You're wonderful, generous...
-Okay, thanks.

-I work at a florist's on Workman's St.
-That's fine.

-I'll make you a thank-you bouquet.
-That's great. Good night.

-Come pick it up!

-It's a great bouquet.
-Fine. Bye.

-Where's the shop?
-I don't remember.

-Workman's St.
-Workman's St.

-Come get it.
-I will.

-Or I'll kill you!
-I will.

Just kidding. Where's the shop?

-On Workman's St.

Good night!

-What is it? Your hair?
-My hair.

-Here. Hold on.
-I need water.

Are you okay?

-I need water.
-I don't have any water.

-Take me to a kiosk.
-Where'll we find a kiosk?

- Hello.
- Give me a beer.

For God's sake...

-Can you open it for me?

I haven't...

Haven't had a drink in a long time
so after two sips I'm tipsy.

"The Salinas Valley
is in Northern California."

I love reading aloud.

"It is a long narrow swale
between two ranges of mountains.

The Salinas River
winds up and twists up the center

until it falls into Monterey Bay.

I remember my childhood names
for grasses and secret flowers.

I remember where a toad may live..."

-Wasn't this a good idea?

I remember where a toad may live

and what time the birds
awaken in the summer

-and what trees..."
-I told you, movement, movement.

I really needed this.


A little further.

Come on.

It doesn't work.

-What floor do you live on?

Why did I leave the house today?

What is this, a skyscraper?

- Here.
- Take me to the couch.

-Why? You're home now.
-I have to lie down.

Please, help me.

-And that's it?

-To the couch and that's it?


What did you do yesterday?
I went to a movie.

-It was an uneventful evening.
-Put me on the couch.


-Careful, okay?

Okay, here you go. Careful.

Stop it...

-Sorry, it was an accident.
-No, it's okay. Stop that.

- Okay, good night.
- You're sweet.

Look who I brought home.

-You recognize him?
-She didn't feel well...

-Sorry, I brought her because...
-What are you doing here?

Isn't this...?

- What's the problem?
- I'll just be going...

No way, you can't just
dump her here and leave.

-You promised not to do this anymore.
-Cut the crap.

- If you'll excuse me...
- Oh...

You're not going anywhere. Get her out.

-Take her, please.
-No, I... Sorry, but I'll be going.

You aren't going anywhere.
I'm very sorry, you're taking her.

-I just met her. I don't know her.
-I don't care.

-I just helped her, she threw up.
-You're gonna take her out of here.

-You brought her here, you get her out.

-People are waiting for me.
-Don't shout.

Don't talk to him like that,
he helped me all night.

Please just take her.

-I'm changing all the locks, I swear.
-Go ahead, change the locks.

You're a real man, changing the locks.

Is this your apartment?
Did you ever buy anything?

- Take her.
- I don't know where...

Did you speak to my mother?

Yes, we're friends.
What's the problem?

She's worried about you.

Sure, your entire family
is worried about me, right?

Everyone is worried about me.

I'll just see the girls and go.

Do you think I'll let you see them?

-Do you think I'm asking you?
-Let them see you like this?

-Am I asking you? Your mama stinks.
-Stinking drunk and wasted.

- Don't...
- Stay out of this. Don't shout.

- Don't call me filthy.
- Pal, this is unnecessary.

- Don't call me pal. Stay out of this.
- I'm not drunk.

-Get her out of here.
-Fine, we're going.

-Leave me alone.
-You aren't going anywhere.

-Let me go! Let me go.
-I won't let you see the girls.

I won't let you see the girls,
not like this.

I'm fine! Leave me alone.

-You're not.
-Yes, I am!

Don't act like you...

I'm a way better mother than you!

Get out of my way!

Let me see my daughters, moron!

-Fuck off!
-Stop it...

-Fuck off!
-Stop it.

- I'm not asking you.
- Honey, calm down.

That's enough.

-I can't take it anymore.
-You won't let me see them?!

-Stop it!
-I can't take it.

I'm fine now. I'm working on it.

-Leave me alone.
-That's enough.

I already started making her costume.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm a good mother.

No, you aren't.

Kinneret, I think he's right.

They shouldn't see you this way.

I just want to see them for a second.

You'll feel better
if you come back tomorrow

after a shower and some rest.

They're sleeping, it's a bad idea.

Get some sleep
and come back tomorrow, fresh.

Let's go.


Hey, sweethearts.


Are you sleeping over?

No, sweetie,
I just came to get something.

- What?
- Something.

Who's he?

-I'm a friend of your daddy's.
-What's his name?


-Are you wearing makeup?

- She refused to take a bath.
- She wanted to show you.

It burned a little
but still she wanted to.

Can't I have a kiss?

-You stink.
-Sorry, honey.

-What's your name?

Oh, Nof.
I hear you're getting married.

- Not true.
- Not true.

- How was kindergarten?
- We picked carrots.

-Really? Shall we make carrot juice?
-Are you crying?

- No, don't be silly.
- No.

-Mommy's tired.
-Yeah, it's very late.

- That's why I'm so tired.
- You know what time it is?

She got something in her eye.

You know what time it is? -30.

12:30? That's very late.
It's a real problem.

You'll be too tired to get married, Nof.

Go on, go to bed, girls.

Let's go to bed.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Good evening.
- What'll you have?

You should have
the ham Emmental croissandwich.

Sorry, we're out of Emmental.

You have the same thing
with Camembert, right?

Try that, you'll like it.

Make the croissant nice and crispy.

Look, I...

I'm not ready for this yet.
I mean, I...

It's only been a year.

And you're very special, really.


I think I'll have to say no.

I mean...

So, am I better than your wife?

-I don't...
-Knock, knock.


-Are you okay?
-I'm fine, you're just not...

Uri, who's this?

Us, before.


-Here you go.
-Oh, wow.


Tasty, huh?

So if you don't want me,
why are you here?

-You're special.
-This is amazing. Want a bite?

-No, I...
-Sharing food grosses you out?

-Because we kissed after I threw up.

- So...
- True.



I think I'll get going.

Don't you want some ginger lemonade?

No, I... It's late.

You're really very special...

You're a great person, really...

I guess we're just...

-...in different places.
-Totally different.

It's been a unique evening.

A momentary spark.

-So, will you manage?
-Yeah, yeah.

-Don't forget the umbrella.


Okay. Alrighty...

Excuse me?

No, I meant the waiter.

- Oh, I thought...
- Sorry.

-See you later.

Oh, hello there. Where've you been?

What the...?

What the...?

You find this funny?

What happened to you?

- Long story.
- Where were you?

The movie ended at 11:20,
I looked it up.

-Dad! for God's sake...
-How was your evening?

Where were you? What happened?

Did you make any progress this evening?

- Of course.
- What did you do?

What do you mean, a specific moment?

Geez, Dad...

Damn it.

What a goofball!