Trying (2020): Season 1, Episode 7 - Good Old Family Map - full transcript
Nikki grows paranoid about Jason after reading a suspicious text on his phone. A family gathering takes a turn for the worse.
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[BIRDS CHIRPING, SINGING]
[PANTING]
[EXHALES]
- Whoo!
- [DOOR CLOSES]
Oy, oy, oy.
[JASON] Mate.
- What's going on?
- Been running.
- What? Why? What's happened?
- Nothing's happened. Just been running.
- I don't understand. Someone chasing you?
- No. [CHUCKLING] No one's chasing me.
I've just been for a run. People run.
[JASON INHALES]
- Okay.
- Ah...
Went to the, uh, corner shop and back.
- Our corner shop?
- Oh, yeah.
- On Ellerslie Road?
- Yeah. Why?
No, no, no reason.
- Measured the distance, exactly a mile.
- Oh.
So... beat my personal best.
What's your personal best?
- Half a mile.
- [NIKKI CHUCKLES]
[JASON WHISTLES]
I think it's difficult for me to shift
weight on account of my head being so big.
- Head's half a stone.
- Half a stone?
Look, it's extremely big.
Oh, yeah. That is pretty big.
Oh, yeah.
[SHOWER RUNNING]
Hmm. I said, "Next time you tell someone
you're taking their kids off them",
do it with respect.
"You put on a shirt
and some smart shoes with laces."
- I'm not having it, not on my team.
- You're such a badass. [CHUCKLES]
Excuse me. Sorry, could I trouble you
for a glass of water?
Oh, sorry. I don't work here.
No, I know, but it's just over there.
Uh, okay.
- So, how are we doing with the family map?
- Oh, yeah.
Mm.
- [WOMAN] Here you go.
- Lovely. Thanks so much.
- Thank you.
- [WOMAN] Yeah.
Mm. Goody. Lovely. Good old family map.
You'll need this lot.
These are your troops.
Adoption panels love
a strong family network.
And this lot? They a good bunch?
Supportive?
Or is it a tramadol-
to-get-through-Christmas situation?
Oh, no. They're great.
We couldn't have wished
for a more supportive family.
- And how's Jason?
- Yeah, he's great. He's perfect.
[STAMMERS] He's working today,
which is why he couldn't, you know, um...
Yeah, totally perfect. [GIGGLES]
[NIKKI CLEARS THROAT]
It's rare to get through this process
without some bumps.
You know, some doubts, some tension.
Honestly, it's all good. It's all good.
- It's all perfect.
- Perfect.
Yeah, exactly.
Right, bear with me. Nature calls.
Oh, Christ, it is like running a bath
with the bloody plug out.
- [NIKKI CHUCKLES]
- Mm-hmm.
[PENNY] Occupied.
- Penny, I can't use them.
- What have I told you?
Yeah, I know. I just... I thought
it might count against us if we got,
I don't know, an Asian child or...
Okay, I tell you what...
let's call this whole session
off the record.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Could we get a fork?
- Sure.
- Aw.
- She's nice.
- Mm. [CHUCKLES]
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
[JASON] A party? With both
of our families? Are you out of your mind?
[NIKKI] Penny thought it might help.
- I just think it's a bad idea.
- Yes, again, noted.
We've got a week till panel, and I've said
our family are a great support network.
So basically we've got a week
to make them into one.
Can't we just lie? Say we've done it.
I mean, no one's gonna...
Jason. This stuff matters.
We're not gonna be able to do all this
on our own.
We're gonna need their help.
[BABY CRYING]
- Plus, Erica agrees with me, so...
- Erica doesn't know 'em.
Yeah, well, I think she's got
an idealized view of families
- 'cause both her parents are dead.
- Well, I'm sorry about that.
But both of our parents are still alive.
And in many ways that's much harder.
[FREDDY, INDISTINCT]
- Mom, would you like some more?
- Mm.
Thanks. Oh, that's... Okay, thanks.
Sandra, would you like a top-up?
- Go and talk to Mum, please.
- Why?
Because it's really quiet.
It's not going how I hoped.
It's fine. It's going well.
No. Karen, there's no flow.
Parties, they have to have flow.
Oh, it's a party?
[SPEAKERS: SOFT ROCK]
Oh, okay then.
No, no, it's not going well.
Karen, will you just go and talk to her?
I am a 38-year-old woman with no children.
I have got nothing
to talk to my parents about.
Please. For me.
Fine.
I'm taking this though.
And at the end of all of it,
you're getting a very troubled child.
Seems like a lot of hoops to jump through
to get something that's already damaged.
I don't think that's quite fair.
There are certain things
you don't get secondhand.
Underwear, bed linen, children.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.
I just tell it like it is.
- You gonna take the job?
- Oh, I don't know.
No, I don't think so.
I'm a teacher. I'm not a manager.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, listen, I have
a little saying for decisions like this.
"Follow your heart."
What line of work
are you looking to get into, Scott?
Right. Um, I used to work in finance.
Uh, I think, at root, I'm a storyteller.
Right.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. No, yeah. I'm fine.
I'm just... [SIGHS]
I just want everyone to get along.
Will you go and speak to Jason's dad?
He's just reading his iPad.
He's not really engaging.
Yeah, okay. Where is he?
Vic, what are you doing?
Well, there's no point in being here
if I'm not gonna be useful.
There are other reasons to be here.
Like spending time with your family.
Come on.
Oh. I can fix that lock as well, if...
No, come on. Down...
Actually...
No, come on. Downstairs.
- [VIC] All right.
- You take a seat over there, Vic.
I'll go grab you a drink.
[SIGHS]
What did you do for tea last night?
Uh... lasagne.
Just lasagne?
And salad.
That's nice.
- And you?
- Sausages.
What, just sausages?
And a bit of mash.
Cool.
[SCOTT] There we are.
I know a fellow tech-head when I see one.
- It's Vic, isn't it?
- [VIC] Yes.
- Has Scott had any luck work-wise?
- No.
[SCOTT] Oh, what are we up to?
I just want him to find something before
all of his self-confidence drains away.
[SCOTT] It's small talk, isn't it?
That's the hard... That's the icebreaker.
That's the hard thing, I think,
is just to sort of come in, as I did then,
- and break the proverbial ice.
- I think we've got a while.
[SCOTT] It's just... It's small talk.
It's language.
And we talk a lot about
the contingency of language, don't we?
But, for me, the real wolf at the door,
subjectivity-wise,
and apologies to Rousseau for saying this,
but none of us self-create.
Although I do feel very historically
contingent. I don't know if you do.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
All right. Go and have a drink
with my dad.
That's much better.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
Okay.
Good.
[WHISPERING] Oh...
Good.
This is your dad's. Can you hide it?
- I want him to talk to people.
- Why?
Because we need to be able
to walk into that panel and say,
"Yes, our family
are supportive and engaged."
- That's not really his sort of thing.
- Don't know how your mum does it.
How can anyone be with someone
that unavailable?
- Jason.
- Yes, sorry. Go on.
I've got to go to the shop
and get some posh wine for your mum.
She's doing her face again.
Have you got 8 quid?
Can't believe it's still light.
I sort of thought it would be dark by now.
- We've only been in there two hours.
- Yeah.
Two hours with Jason's mum
feels like a week with anyone normal.
Oh, yeah.
- Hey, you really okay?
- Yeah, why?
You just seem a bit on edge.
Something's going on with Jason.
I don't really know what.
- The training thing?
- Yeah.
Also...
What?
I saw a text he got
from this woman called Sofia.
We don't know anyone called Sofia.
So, what did it say?
"We should do that again soon."
And then two kisses at the bottom.
Right.
- Still, though, Jason...
- Also, he's running. He never runs.
Hmm.
So I'm thinking,
who is he getting in shape for?
No, look. I'm sure it's completely fine.
You're probably just thinking
the worst because,
you know, that's how you two got together.
And chili in everything.
I mean, in an omelet?
They'll be putting samosas
in a full English breakfast next.
One thing I will say is,
for the multiculturalism,
if you do want a plumber at Christmas...
I'll bet they charge you the earth,
do they, at Christmas?
Obviously, your own child is preferable.
- They did try.
- Oh, God, yeah.
I'd think to myself,
"Christ, they're still trying."
They had to give it a shot.
But it is very modern, isn't it?
To try and change things?
I think for our generation,
if you couldn't do something,
you just did something else.
There are more options now.
But is that good?
I don't know.
We saw what it did to Nikki, emotionally.
I mean, you know what she's like.
[GIGGLES]
Would you like to try this wine, Sandra?
Oh.
There you go.
[SIGHS] It's worse.
The real question is,
is it even moral to have a baby? You know?
Just to rip it out of nonexistence
into a dying world?
Scott, would you mind
taking some ice through to Sandra?
Yeah, sure. Where is it?
Where's what?
The ice.
- Where's the ice?
- Yeah.
Well, it's in the freezer.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, I was thinking probably freezer.
Okay.
What?
[SCRAPING]
[JOHN] But, you know, that's the way
the world looks at it.
Yeah. If you don't have competition,
you never get any better, do ya?
If you want the family to get along,
he's part of the family, all right?
I'm sorry, I just... I don't get it.
She doesn't even want kids.
She's got time to find someone proper.
Do you know he claims
he's never heard of Beyoncé?
Beyoncé. I mean,
why would you even boast about that?
[VIC] Yeah, yeah.
Well, we invented cricket, didn't we?
And now we go over there, they hammer us.
[JOHN CHUCKLES]
- I think our dads are bonding over racism.
- At this point, I'm glad they're talking.
- [DISHES RATTLE]
- [NIKKI SIGHS]
[VIC] The thing is,
you walk down the street...
- What?
- [VIC, INDISTINCT]
- Jase.
- Hmm?
Nikki. Can I just have a word, please?
- Can I come and find you in a bit?
- No, it's all right. You carry on.
I'm gonna go and break up
the English Defence League
before they start printing pamphlets.
[JOHN AND VIC, INDISTINCT]
[NIKKI] What's up?
I think that we should just
take it outside. Yeah?
[VIC, INDISTINCT]
- [SIGHS] All right. What's the matter?
- You got something to say about Scott?
What? No. What do you mean?
I just get the sense
you're not happy for me.
Why? I think it's great.
I'm glad that you found someone.
Just tell me what you think of him.
Well, I... Yeah, I like him.
- Nikki.
- I do.
You are so full of shit.
Oh, my God. What do you want me to say?
I want you to tell me the truth.
I want you to stop being so bloody nice.
It is not nice to be so nice all the time.
It is oppressive.
Fine. Fine, I don't like him.
Look, I'm sure I'll come to like him.
But currently, I'm sorry, I do not.
I knew it.
You just hate that I am getting
my shit together, don't you?
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
Why would I hate that?
- 'Cause you're insecure.
- Oh, wow. I'm insecure.
You're the one marrying a man
you barely like just for the company.
I am happy.
Please. If you were so happy about this,
you wouldn't need me to be.
You do not know him.
I know him enough to know
he's not good enough for you.
Karen... Karen!
- You know, it's not like I'm the only one.
- Oh, really?
- Yes. Yeah.
- Right. Right.
More drama.
Okay. Well, let's just see
what everyone else thinks then, shall we?
No. No, don't tell her. It's a trick.
She doesn't really wanna know.
- She says she does, but she doesn't.
- Hang on. Hang on. What's going on here?
Nikki's just getting herself
- all worked up.
- Aw!
- This is what I'm talking about.
- What did she say?
- Why is she always criticizing me?
- Pipe down, Mum.
She's not always criticizing. Are you?
I just tell it like it is.
You ever notice no one says anything nice
after that though?
I mean, no one ever says, "I tell it
like it is. Them glasses really suit you."
He speaks. How long have you been
plucking up courage to say that, John?
- Mum!
- Well, he's a slow puncture, that one.
- It's called being nice.
- Oh, the cavalry's arrived.
At least she's being honest, not like us.
It's not always good to be honest, Karen.
- Right. So, you don't like him either?
- Who's that?
- We didn't say that.
- Not to his face.
Everyone just calm down. Please.
We're supposed to be a family,
not West Side bloody Story.
I don't think you, of all people,
should be lecturing anyone.
- Erica.
- What?
I think we've all just had
a bit too much to drink.
I wish. Have you tasted this?
Oh, my God. Sandra, I am sorry
that you don't like any of the wine.
Do you know what? There's some rum
and raisin cake in the fridge.
Why don't you just suck
the alcohol out of that?
- Oh!
- [SCOTT] Yeah. You know,
I actually find
that conflict can be quite useful.
- [JASON] Sit down, mate. Keep out of it.
- [NIKKI] Just shut up, Scott.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
- [KAREN GROANS]
- Yeah, lovely.
- [NIKKI SOBS]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[MUFFLED] Ahhh!
- [PANTS SLOWLY]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
I think it's going very well.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
I think we need to talk.
Ah.
Our families are useless,
so clearly all we have is each other.
So we just need to be totally honest.
Yeah. Okay.
It feels like there's something going on.
And I didn't wanna believe it.
But then I spoke to Erica, and...
She's just... She's made me think.
Is there another woman?
- There is?
- Yeah.
[SIGHS]
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
[PANTING]
- How long has it been going on?
- Quite a while.
How could you lie to me? This is us.
- This is you and me.
- I know. I just thought
that if it ended before anyone
could find out, then it would just...
It would be a mistake and everything
would just go back to normal.
No. Things don't go back to normal
after something like this, Jason.
- You know that.
- I know. I know.
- Bastard!
- But, look.
Things haven't been right
for a while, okay?
And I think if we're being honest,
there's probably blame on both sides.
No. No. No, Jason.
There is blame on one side.
When something like this happens,
it is usually a big sign there is
something very wrong in the relationship.
[WHISPERING] Oh, my God.
I know.
So, that's it then?
- It's over?
- Honestly, I don't know.
I don't know.
But what I hope, right,
[STAMMERS] what I genuinely hope
- is that we can all stay friends.
- What?
- The three of us.
- Are you insane?
- I know it will be awkward at first...
- Why would I ever want to do that?
Because there's
a whole shared history between us.
- What?
- Look, he's important to me, all right?
- They both are.
- Who are?
- Erica and Freddy.
- What's it got to do with them?
- What do you mean?
- What?
- What?
- Sorry, what are we talking about?
Freddy's affair.
What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about your affair.
- My affair? I'm not having an affair!
- What?
- What?
- Freddy had the affair?
- Yes!
Wha... Then, who's Sofia?
- Who?
- Sofia, Jason. Who's Sofia?
Some girl at the language school.
What's she gotta do with it?
- Why has she been messaging you?
- She... Have you been reading my texts?
"We should do that again soon.
Kiss, kiss."
My God, I've been giving her
some extra tuition, all right?
Oh, right. And you only tutor
cute girls called Sofia?
She asked for my help,
so I gave her some help.
- Isn't that what this is all about, Nikki?
- Out of the goodness of your heart?
Yeah, 'cause I'm not an arsehole
or a child. Remember that?
Well, what about the gym?
And all your running?
Fine. Fine! I...
The...
My medical's come through
much sooner than I imagined,
and I've not been sticking
to my regime at all!
- I've been smoking.
- Yeah, no. I know you have.
- I smell it on your clothes.
- And I just...
I've let you down.
And this could really mess things up.
And I've been running [STAMMERS]
And doing everything I can
to try and make it better.
What are you laughing at?
- Jason.
- Yes?
You can't...
You can't cram for a medical.
It's not a GCSE.
- I know now.
- [NIKKI LAUGHS]
Come here.
- [NIKKI LAUGHING]
- Not having a bloody affair.
Wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Freddy's having an affair?
- I feel like we've been through this.
- But does Erica know?
- No.
- Bastard!
Where are you going?
I've got a lot of anger
that I was gonna use on you
that I now need to get rid of.
[JASON GROANING]
- Oh, hey. Got any more of those...
- I want a word with you.
Ow. Wait. Why are you pushing me?
- Hey. All right. All right.
- Get in there.
Ow! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ow! Aw!
- Ow! What are you doing?
- Now, you listen to me.
Do you know who future Freddy is
without Erica?
- What?
- I'll tell you who he is.
He's a creepy old man in a bad suit
soaked in Paco Rabanne,
begging women who, by the way,
are only talking to him ironically,
to come back to his sad, lonely,
little apartment his children never visit.
This is your last warning.
End it.
[MUFFLED] I just... Look.
Okay, I just... I will. I just need to find
the right way and the right time.
The right way is with your mouth.
And the right time is now. Okay?
And if you ever do anything like this
to my friend again, I will come for you,
and I will pop your head off your body
like a bloody champagne cork. Understand?
Yes, yes. Please, just don't tell Erica.
Please.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
[HAND SLAPS LEG]
[DOOR RATTLES]
[DOOR SLAMS]
- What's the matter? You all right?
- Yeah.
[FREDDY SOBS]
- You made him cry?
- Oh, please. He's crying for himself.
Like OJ.
[SIGHS] So, this is our support network?
- Yeah.
- I heard what she said.
Tell you what though.
Everyone's still here.
- [SNICKERS] That supposed to cheer me up?
- Well, it's a shit party, innit?
No one here gets along,
and no one's having fun.
- Well, Jason, that isn't really...
- But no one's left.
[KAREN AND JILLY, INDISTINCT]
We want people that we can rely on.
- I am not sensitive.
- You are. You are.
And who else would still be here?
- [JILLY] Well, sometimes you are.
- [KAREN] I am not!
Guys. Say if not.
Any chance I could have a quick bath?
[NIKKI] Just, you need to kinda...
You need to shift your body over.
- [JASON] I've shifted my body over...
- [NIKKI LAUGHS]
As far as I can.
- Yeah, drop your head onto it.
- I'm not gonna drop it on it.
- It'll hurt, won't it?
- Drop your head onto it.
- I'm gonna place it on nice and gently.
- Okay. [LAUGHS]
Now, what's the reading?
What's the reading?
Well, you've gone up.
You're a stone and a half.
- Stone and a half?
- Yeah.
You see. Massive.
[CHUCKLES]
Are we okay?
Yeah.
'Cause I meant what I said.
I need you with me.
I don't wanna turn into Erica and Freddy
and their terrible, perfect lives.
- Well, we won't.
- [SIGHS]
I was frightened, you know.
- Are you frightened now?
- No.
No, I'm not.
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
I don't wanna be the Paco Rabanne guy.
We've got the adoption panel coming up.
And we have to convince other people
that we're a perfect couple.
Well, we will.
I'm just gonna tell them the truth.
That I can't imagine
ever being apart from you.
Because I'm trapped in the orbit
of your stupid, fat head.
Stone and a half.
[NIKKI LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING]
- It's cold.
- You cold?
Yeah.
There we go.
Gorgeous.
- [JASON, INDISTINCT]
- [NIKKI LAUGHS]
---
[BIRDS CHIRPING, SINGING]
[PANTING]
[EXHALES]
- Whoo!
- [DOOR CLOSES]
Oy, oy, oy.
[JASON] Mate.
- What's going on?
- Been running.
- What? Why? What's happened?
- Nothing's happened. Just been running.
- I don't understand. Someone chasing you?
- No. [CHUCKLING] No one's chasing me.
I've just been for a run. People run.
[JASON INHALES]
- Okay.
- Ah...
Went to the, uh, corner shop and back.
- Our corner shop?
- Oh, yeah.
- On Ellerslie Road?
- Yeah. Why?
No, no, no reason.
- Measured the distance, exactly a mile.
- Oh.
So... beat my personal best.
What's your personal best?
- Half a mile.
- [NIKKI CHUCKLES]
[JASON WHISTLES]
I think it's difficult for me to shift
weight on account of my head being so big.
- Head's half a stone.
- Half a stone?
Look, it's extremely big.
Oh, yeah. That is pretty big.
Oh, yeah.
[SHOWER RUNNING]
Hmm. I said, "Next time you tell someone
you're taking their kids off them",
do it with respect.
"You put on a shirt
and some smart shoes with laces."
- I'm not having it, not on my team.
- You're such a badass. [CHUCKLES]
Excuse me. Sorry, could I trouble you
for a glass of water?
Oh, sorry. I don't work here.
No, I know, but it's just over there.
Uh, okay.
- So, how are we doing with the family map?
- Oh, yeah.
Mm.
- [WOMAN] Here you go.
- Lovely. Thanks so much.
- Thank you.
- [WOMAN] Yeah.
Mm. Goody. Lovely. Good old family map.
You'll need this lot.
These are your troops.
Adoption panels love
a strong family network.
And this lot? They a good bunch?
Supportive?
Or is it a tramadol-
to-get-through-Christmas situation?
Oh, no. They're great.
We couldn't have wished
for a more supportive family.
- And how's Jason?
- Yeah, he's great. He's perfect.
[STAMMERS] He's working today,
which is why he couldn't, you know, um...
Yeah, totally perfect. [GIGGLES]
[NIKKI CLEARS THROAT]
It's rare to get through this process
without some bumps.
You know, some doubts, some tension.
Honestly, it's all good. It's all good.
- It's all perfect.
- Perfect.
Yeah, exactly.
Right, bear with me. Nature calls.
Oh, Christ, it is like running a bath
with the bloody plug out.
- [NIKKI CHUCKLES]
- Mm-hmm.
[PENNY] Occupied.
- Penny, I can't use them.
- What have I told you?
Yeah, I know. I just... I thought
it might count against us if we got,
I don't know, an Asian child or...
Okay, I tell you what...
let's call this whole session
off the record.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Could we get a fork?
- Sure.
- Aw.
- She's nice.
- Mm. [CHUCKLES]
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
[JASON] A party? With both
of our families? Are you out of your mind?
[NIKKI] Penny thought it might help.
- I just think it's a bad idea.
- Yes, again, noted.
We've got a week till panel, and I've said
our family are a great support network.
So basically we've got a week
to make them into one.
Can't we just lie? Say we've done it.
I mean, no one's gonna...
Jason. This stuff matters.
We're not gonna be able to do all this
on our own.
We're gonna need their help.
[BABY CRYING]
- Plus, Erica agrees with me, so...
- Erica doesn't know 'em.
Yeah, well, I think she's got
an idealized view of families
- 'cause both her parents are dead.
- Well, I'm sorry about that.
But both of our parents are still alive.
And in many ways that's much harder.
[FREDDY, INDISTINCT]
- Mom, would you like some more?
- Mm.
Thanks. Oh, that's... Okay, thanks.
Sandra, would you like a top-up?
- Go and talk to Mum, please.
- Why?
Because it's really quiet.
It's not going how I hoped.
It's fine. It's going well.
No. Karen, there's no flow.
Parties, they have to have flow.
Oh, it's a party?
[SPEAKERS: SOFT ROCK]
Oh, okay then.
No, no, it's not going well.
Karen, will you just go and talk to her?
I am a 38-year-old woman with no children.
I have got nothing
to talk to my parents about.
Please. For me.
Fine.
I'm taking this though.
And at the end of all of it,
you're getting a very troubled child.
Seems like a lot of hoops to jump through
to get something that's already damaged.
I don't think that's quite fair.
There are certain things
you don't get secondhand.
Underwear, bed linen, children.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.
I just tell it like it is.
- You gonna take the job?
- Oh, I don't know.
No, I don't think so.
I'm a teacher. I'm not a manager.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, listen, I have
a little saying for decisions like this.
"Follow your heart."
What line of work
are you looking to get into, Scott?
Right. Um, I used to work in finance.
Uh, I think, at root, I'm a storyteller.
Right.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. No, yeah. I'm fine.
I'm just... [SIGHS]
I just want everyone to get along.
Will you go and speak to Jason's dad?
He's just reading his iPad.
He's not really engaging.
Yeah, okay. Where is he?
Vic, what are you doing?
Well, there's no point in being here
if I'm not gonna be useful.
There are other reasons to be here.
Like spending time with your family.
Come on.
Oh. I can fix that lock as well, if...
No, come on. Down...
Actually...
No, come on. Downstairs.
- [VIC] All right.
- You take a seat over there, Vic.
I'll go grab you a drink.
[SIGHS]
What did you do for tea last night?
Uh... lasagne.
Just lasagne?
And salad.
That's nice.
- And you?
- Sausages.
What, just sausages?
And a bit of mash.
Cool.
[SCOTT] There we are.
I know a fellow tech-head when I see one.
- It's Vic, isn't it?
- [VIC] Yes.
- Has Scott had any luck work-wise?
- No.
[SCOTT] Oh, what are we up to?
I just want him to find something before
all of his self-confidence drains away.
[SCOTT] It's small talk, isn't it?
That's the hard... That's the icebreaker.
That's the hard thing, I think,
is just to sort of come in, as I did then,
- and break the proverbial ice.
- I think we've got a while.
[SCOTT] It's just... It's small talk.
It's language.
And we talk a lot about
the contingency of language, don't we?
But, for me, the real wolf at the door,
subjectivity-wise,
and apologies to Rousseau for saying this,
but none of us self-create.
Although I do feel very historically
contingent. I don't know if you do.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
All right. Go and have a drink
with my dad.
That's much better.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
Okay.
Good.
[WHISPERING] Oh...
Good.
This is your dad's. Can you hide it?
- I want him to talk to people.
- Why?
Because we need to be able
to walk into that panel and say,
"Yes, our family
are supportive and engaged."
- That's not really his sort of thing.
- Don't know how your mum does it.
How can anyone be with someone
that unavailable?
- Jason.
- Yes, sorry. Go on.
I've got to go to the shop
and get some posh wine for your mum.
She's doing her face again.
Have you got 8 quid?
Can't believe it's still light.
I sort of thought it would be dark by now.
- We've only been in there two hours.
- Yeah.
Two hours with Jason's mum
feels like a week with anyone normal.
Oh, yeah.
- Hey, you really okay?
- Yeah, why?
You just seem a bit on edge.
Something's going on with Jason.
I don't really know what.
- The training thing?
- Yeah.
Also...
What?
I saw a text he got
from this woman called Sofia.
We don't know anyone called Sofia.
So, what did it say?
"We should do that again soon."
And then two kisses at the bottom.
Right.
- Still, though, Jason...
- Also, he's running. He never runs.
Hmm.
So I'm thinking,
who is he getting in shape for?
No, look. I'm sure it's completely fine.
You're probably just thinking
the worst because,
you know, that's how you two got together.
And chili in everything.
I mean, in an omelet?
They'll be putting samosas
in a full English breakfast next.
One thing I will say is,
for the multiculturalism,
if you do want a plumber at Christmas...
I'll bet they charge you the earth,
do they, at Christmas?
Obviously, your own child is preferable.
- They did try.
- Oh, God, yeah.
I'd think to myself,
"Christ, they're still trying."
They had to give it a shot.
But it is very modern, isn't it?
To try and change things?
I think for our generation,
if you couldn't do something,
you just did something else.
There are more options now.
But is that good?
I don't know.
We saw what it did to Nikki, emotionally.
I mean, you know what she's like.
[GIGGLES]
Would you like to try this wine, Sandra?
Oh.
There you go.
[SIGHS] It's worse.
The real question is,
is it even moral to have a baby? You know?
Just to rip it out of nonexistence
into a dying world?
Scott, would you mind
taking some ice through to Sandra?
Yeah, sure. Where is it?
Where's what?
The ice.
- Where's the ice?
- Yeah.
Well, it's in the freezer.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, I was thinking probably freezer.
Okay.
What?
[SCRAPING]
[JOHN] But, you know, that's the way
the world looks at it.
Yeah. If you don't have competition,
you never get any better, do ya?
If you want the family to get along,
he's part of the family, all right?
I'm sorry, I just... I don't get it.
She doesn't even want kids.
She's got time to find someone proper.
Do you know he claims
he's never heard of Beyoncé?
Beyoncé. I mean,
why would you even boast about that?
[VIC] Yeah, yeah.
Well, we invented cricket, didn't we?
And now we go over there, they hammer us.
[JOHN CHUCKLES]
- I think our dads are bonding over racism.
- At this point, I'm glad they're talking.
- [DISHES RATTLE]
- [NIKKI SIGHS]
[VIC] The thing is,
you walk down the street...
- What?
- [VIC, INDISTINCT]
- Jase.
- Hmm?
Nikki. Can I just have a word, please?
- Can I come and find you in a bit?
- No, it's all right. You carry on.
I'm gonna go and break up
the English Defence League
before they start printing pamphlets.
[JOHN AND VIC, INDISTINCT]
[NIKKI] What's up?
I think that we should just
take it outside. Yeah?
[VIC, INDISTINCT]
- [SIGHS] All right. What's the matter?
- You got something to say about Scott?
What? No. What do you mean?
I just get the sense
you're not happy for me.
Why? I think it's great.
I'm glad that you found someone.
Just tell me what you think of him.
Well, I... Yeah, I like him.
- Nikki.
- I do.
You are so full of shit.
Oh, my God. What do you want me to say?
I want you to tell me the truth.
I want you to stop being so bloody nice.
It is not nice to be so nice all the time.
It is oppressive.
Fine. Fine, I don't like him.
Look, I'm sure I'll come to like him.
But currently, I'm sorry, I do not.
I knew it.
You just hate that I am getting
my shit together, don't you?
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
Why would I hate that?
- 'Cause you're insecure.
- Oh, wow. I'm insecure.
You're the one marrying a man
you barely like just for the company.
I am happy.
Please. If you were so happy about this,
you wouldn't need me to be.
You do not know him.
I know him enough to know
he's not good enough for you.
Karen... Karen!
- You know, it's not like I'm the only one.
- Oh, really?
- Yes. Yeah.
- Right. Right.
More drama.
Okay. Well, let's just see
what everyone else thinks then, shall we?
No. No, don't tell her. It's a trick.
She doesn't really wanna know.
- She says she does, but she doesn't.
- Hang on. Hang on. What's going on here?
Nikki's just getting herself
- all worked up.
- Aw!
- This is what I'm talking about.
- What did she say?
- Why is she always criticizing me?
- Pipe down, Mum.
She's not always criticizing. Are you?
I just tell it like it is.
You ever notice no one says anything nice
after that though?
I mean, no one ever says, "I tell it
like it is. Them glasses really suit you."
He speaks. How long have you been
plucking up courage to say that, John?
- Mum!
- Well, he's a slow puncture, that one.
- It's called being nice.
- Oh, the cavalry's arrived.
At least she's being honest, not like us.
It's not always good to be honest, Karen.
- Right. So, you don't like him either?
- Who's that?
- We didn't say that.
- Not to his face.
Everyone just calm down. Please.
We're supposed to be a family,
not West Side bloody Story.
I don't think you, of all people,
should be lecturing anyone.
- Erica.
- What?
I think we've all just had
a bit too much to drink.
I wish. Have you tasted this?
Oh, my God. Sandra, I am sorry
that you don't like any of the wine.
Do you know what? There's some rum
and raisin cake in the fridge.
Why don't you just suck
the alcohol out of that?
- Oh!
- [SCOTT] Yeah. You know,
I actually find
that conflict can be quite useful.
- [JASON] Sit down, mate. Keep out of it.
- [NIKKI] Just shut up, Scott.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
- [KAREN GROANS]
- Yeah, lovely.
- [NIKKI SOBS]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[MUFFLED] Ahhh!
- [PANTS SLOWLY]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
I think it's going very well.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
I think we need to talk.
Ah.
Our families are useless,
so clearly all we have is each other.
So we just need to be totally honest.
Yeah. Okay.
It feels like there's something going on.
And I didn't wanna believe it.
But then I spoke to Erica, and...
She's just... She's made me think.
Is there another woman?
- There is?
- Yeah.
[SIGHS]
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
[PANTING]
- How long has it been going on?
- Quite a while.
How could you lie to me? This is us.
- This is you and me.
- I know. I just thought
that if it ended before anyone
could find out, then it would just...
It would be a mistake and everything
would just go back to normal.
No. Things don't go back to normal
after something like this, Jason.
- You know that.
- I know. I know.
- Bastard!
- But, look.
Things haven't been right
for a while, okay?
And I think if we're being honest,
there's probably blame on both sides.
No. No. No, Jason.
There is blame on one side.
When something like this happens,
it is usually a big sign there is
something very wrong in the relationship.
[WHISPERING] Oh, my God.
I know.
So, that's it then?
- It's over?
- Honestly, I don't know.
I don't know.
But what I hope, right,
[STAMMERS] what I genuinely hope
- is that we can all stay friends.
- What?
- The three of us.
- Are you insane?
- I know it will be awkward at first...
- Why would I ever want to do that?
Because there's
a whole shared history between us.
- What?
- Look, he's important to me, all right?
- They both are.
- Who are?
- Erica and Freddy.
- What's it got to do with them?
- What do you mean?
- What?
- What?
- Sorry, what are we talking about?
Freddy's affair.
What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about your affair.
- My affair? I'm not having an affair!
- What?
- What?
- Freddy had the affair?
- Yes!
Wha... Then, who's Sofia?
- Who?
- Sofia, Jason. Who's Sofia?
Some girl at the language school.
What's she gotta do with it?
- Why has she been messaging you?
- She... Have you been reading my texts?
"We should do that again soon.
Kiss, kiss."
My God, I've been giving her
some extra tuition, all right?
Oh, right. And you only tutor
cute girls called Sofia?
She asked for my help,
so I gave her some help.
- Isn't that what this is all about, Nikki?
- Out of the goodness of your heart?
Yeah, 'cause I'm not an arsehole
or a child. Remember that?
Well, what about the gym?
And all your running?
Fine. Fine! I...
The...
My medical's come through
much sooner than I imagined,
and I've not been sticking
to my regime at all!
- I've been smoking.
- Yeah, no. I know you have.
- I smell it on your clothes.
- And I just...
I've let you down.
And this could really mess things up.
And I've been running [STAMMERS]
And doing everything I can
to try and make it better.
What are you laughing at?
- Jason.
- Yes?
You can't...
You can't cram for a medical.
It's not a GCSE.
- I know now.
- [NIKKI LAUGHS]
Come here.
- [NIKKI LAUGHING]
- Not having a bloody affair.
Wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Freddy's having an affair?
- I feel like we've been through this.
- But does Erica know?
- No.
- Bastard!
Where are you going?
I've got a lot of anger
that I was gonna use on you
that I now need to get rid of.
[JASON GROANING]
- Oh, hey. Got any more of those...
- I want a word with you.
Ow. Wait. Why are you pushing me?
- Hey. All right. All right.
- Get in there.
Ow! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ow! Aw!
- Ow! What are you doing?
- Now, you listen to me.
Do you know who future Freddy is
without Erica?
- What?
- I'll tell you who he is.
He's a creepy old man in a bad suit
soaked in Paco Rabanne,
begging women who, by the way,
are only talking to him ironically,
to come back to his sad, lonely,
little apartment his children never visit.
This is your last warning.
End it.
[MUFFLED] I just... Look.
Okay, I just... I will. I just need to find
the right way and the right time.
The right way is with your mouth.
And the right time is now. Okay?
And if you ever do anything like this
to my friend again, I will come for you,
and I will pop your head off your body
like a bloody champagne cork. Understand?
Yes, yes. Please, just don't tell Erica.
Please.
[NIKKI SIGHS]
[HAND SLAPS LEG]
[DOOR RATTLES]
[DOOR SLAMS]
- What's the matter? You all right?
- Yeah.
[FREDDY SOBS]
- You made him cry?
- Oh, please. He's crying for himself.
Like OJ.
[SIGHS] So, this is our support network?
- Yeah.
- I heard what she said.
Tell you what though.
Everyone's still here.
- [SNICKERS] That supposed to cheer me up?
- Well, it's a shit party, innit?
No one here gets along,
and no one's having fun.
- Well, Jason, that isn't really...
- But no one's left.
[KAREN AND JILLY, INDISTINCT]
We want people that we can rely on.
- I am not sensitive.
- You are. You are.
And who else would still be here?
- [JILLY] Well, sometimes you are.
- [KAREN] I am not!
Guys. Say if not.
Any chance I could have a quick bath?
[NIKKI] Just, you need to kinda...
You need to shift your body over.
- [JASON] I've shifted my body over...
- [NIKKI LAUGHS]
As far as I can.
- Yeah, drop your head onto it.
- I'm not gonna drop it on it.
- It'll hurt, won't it?
- Drop your head onto it.
- I'm gonna place it on nice and gently.
- Okay. [LAUGHS]
Now, what's the reading?
What's the reading?
Well, you've gone up.
You're a stone and a half.
- Stone and a half?
- Yeah.
You see. Massive.
[CHUCKLES]
Are we okay?
Yeah.
'Cause I meant what I said.
I need you with me.
I don't wanna turn into Erica and Freddy
and their terrible, perfect lives.
- Well, we won't.
- [SIGHS]
I was frightened, you know.
- Are you frightened now?
- No.
No, I'm not.
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
I don't wanna be the Paco Rabanne guy.
We've got the adoption panel coming up.
And we have to convince other people
that we're a perfect couple.
Well, we will.
I'm just gonna tell them the truth.
That I can't imagine
ever being apart from you.
Because I'm trapped in the orbit
of your stupid, fat head.
Stone and a half.
[NIKKI LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING]
- It's cold.
- You cold?
Yeah.
There we go.
Gorgeous.
- [JASON, INDISTINCT]
- [NIKKI LAUGHS]