Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 4, Episode 2 - Truth or Laser Shark - full transcript

[Chris] Last time on Total Drama
Revenge Of The Island:

Thirteen new competitors
were blown away

by this year's challenges!

They were treated
to an early morning swim,

said hello to the island's wildlife

and did some totem surfing.

Explosive!

In the end, Staci's team got so sick

of her non-stop tall tales
that they sent her packing,

Hurl of Shame-style.

Who'll go home next?



And how much pain can
I put them through first?

Find out right now on Total...

Drama...

Revenge Of The Island.

[theme music]

♪ Tell mom and dad
I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me what
I wanted to be ♪

♪ Now I think the answer
is plain to see... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna live
close to the sun ♪

♪ Oh, pack your bags
coz I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove,
nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪



♪ Coz I wanna be famous ♪

♪ Nananana nana nana na... ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

[whistling]

[bird twittering]

[Dawn] Really? Oh, no!

Will you keep it down?

If I don't get my beauty sleep,
I'll lose it.

Yes, because your need for fame

is really a depressed cry for love.

Who told you that? My therapist?

I see people's auras and it looks
like someone threw up on yours.

Oh, go eat a worm!

Ah, no, thanks.

[snoring]

Hey, man, what's with all the dirt?

Oh, just had an early
morning make-out session

with one of the honeys.

Sha-doozy! Which one?

Umm?

[screaming]

A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.

You kissed a gentleman?!

All right, I was out looking
for that hidden immunity item,

not that they need to know.
It's all a part of my strategy.

Let my team lose,
so that the Maggots develop

a false sense of security,
before I pick 'em off.

-[knocking on door]
-Occupied!

[roars, screams]

Hey! How'd you'd sneak that in?

Easy, I stuck it in my pouf!

[snoring]

[as Chester] These young whippersnappers

with all their jammerin' and tomfoolery.

[as Mike] C'mon, Chester, keep it down.

[as Chester] Fine... for now...

I had a hard time falling asleep.

It was my first night outside my bubble

but, finally, I recreated it
with my sleeping bag.

I was out like that. What an adventure!

As the only soldier here
with any military training,

I've definitely got a winning edge.

My biggest competition
is probably Jo.

Yeah, good thing we're on the same team.

Like my drill sergeant always says,

"Keep your enemies close
and your rivals closer."

Uh-uh-uh, wait, I did that wrong.

"Keep your family close and
your enemy at arm's length!"

No-no-no, hold on...

[panting]

[Jo and Brick] Owww!

-Just did my morning 5K run, you?
-8K.

I mean, I did an 8K warm-up,
then 5K at a full sprint.

My entire run was uphill.

Yeah, uphill with my eyes shut.

I ran backwards with ear plugs!

-Why ear plugs?
-I dunno!

Team Maggot is lucky to have us.

We won the challenge yesterday.

We'll carry them all
the way to victory!

I'll carry them to victory.

Just being "nice" so that aptly named
clump of cadet-meat will be loyal.

But when the time comes...

Ow! Splinter!

You little--

[horn sounds]

Up and at 'em,
my little morning glories.

It's time for today's challenge!

What?!

But Lightning hasn't had his DPA!

Huh?

Daily Protein Allotment, duh!

And I haven't had
enough beauty sleep.

C'mon, you look--

Great Sons of Orion!

You can catch up on your
sleep after the challenge.

Right this way
to the Bay of Dismay!

[all] Awwww!!

Hey, it's me.
We're going to some bay... Hey!!

[Chris] Contraband! Now it's mine.

Confiscators-keepers!

[Chris] C'mon, your humiliation awaits.

Bay of Dismay?! Yikes.

Sounds like one of those fight
locations in Total Warriors 2.

You like action movies?

If you're into Ultimate Kick boxing,
I may have to marry you!

Hey, Dakota,
sorry about before.

I was just so taken
by your beautiful...

nostrils.

Nostrils?

Nostrils?!

Thanks.

I like your, uh...

Can I get back to you on that?

Ughh...

I hope this isn't another
physical challenge.

I prefer something
a little more academic.

I bet you do, toothpick.

I'm surprised your scrawny neck
can even support that giant head.

My greatest strengths are mental.

Well, you're mental if
you think you can win

Total Drama without getting physical.
Just stay out of my way.

So what do you think the
challenge is gonna be?

You don't talk much, do ya?

Welcome to the
"Getting to Know You"

Trivia Game Challenge!

Everyone strapped in
all nice and snug?

Too snug.

It's cutting into my shoulders.

Yeah, children-sized
harnesses will do that.

[laughs]

I'll be asking our players
embarrassing personal questions.

And I mean majorly humiliating.

If the player I'm talking about
hits the poorly wired buzzer

and owns their humiliation
before the time runs out,

their team gets a point.

First team to five wins part one

and a distinct advantage in part two.

But If no one owns up,
this happens...

[screams]

[all scream]

There's some kind of two-legged
shark monster down there!!

You mean Fang?

Yeah, it turns out
toxic waste can mess

with stuff underwater too.

Who knew?

Better them than us.

[Chris] Any who, if a team gets
dunked, their opponents

can "steal" by guessing
which dunkee is guilty.

Guess right and you get a point.

Guess wrong and this happens.

[water bubbling]

Now that we understand
the rules, let's start the game.

To the Rats.
Now listen carefully, who did this

on the one and only
date they ever had?

[fart sound]

[all laughing]

Where did you get that?

-[electrical buzzing]
-Oww!!

Who wet their pants on the first

and last day of school?

Woah... one of us
is a pants wetter?

He who sweats it, wets it.

Team before pride, Maggot!

-[electrical buzzing]
-Ow!

Fine, it was me.

[all giggling]

[Chris] And it's one all!

[cheering]

Aww, thanks, Brick.
I know that must have been tough.

Rats, whose first name
is really Beverly?

That's not an
embarrassing question.

Who cares if a girl's
real name is Beverly?

[electrical buzzing]

[Chris] Correct... Beverly.

Rats get the point
but I would have preferred

a verbal response.

But B never talks,
just look at his aura.

[Chris] Don't care!
So as a quick punishment...

[screams]

No... wait for me!

Owww...

What the?

A shark tooth?

[growling]

Thanks for leaving
me down there, team!

You can win this stupid
challenge without me.

If he's not playin',
then I'm not either.

Uhh, since I've already
been humiliated, can I go?

Okay, everyone just settle down.

I'm with Anne Maria, we should stop.
Not that I've got any secrets to hide.

Sit down, Pointy!
I'm not losing this game!

Whoa! Take it easy!!

Hey, host talking here!
I decide when the challenge is over!

-[Scott] Whatever, I'm outta here.
-Not until we win!

Hey, it's me...

[screams]

Yeah, I'm using my
back-up phone.

Don't tell me what to do!

[all talking together]

All right, shut it!!

Thanks to that
pathetic digression,

now we don't have enough time
to finish this challenge.

Happy?

[all talking]

Quitters!

Well, you won't be happy for long.

Come back after the break
for an all new challenge

from which there is no escape,

and in the meantime...

[all screaming]

Thank goodness
the challenge ended

before Chris could ask me
an embarrassing question.

Let me guess?
Who needs their diaper changed?

I haven't worn a diaper
since I was eleven!

[all laughing]

The challenge is over.

You don't have to keep
humiliating yourself.

No, please go on.

Or does baby need his bottle?

I have just enough right
to be here as you do,

and I'll prove it
in the next challenge!

You'll see!

Why did I say that? Why!?

This is the longest I've ever gone
without playing a video game.

My hands feel so empty.

Chris is such a jerk.
I could have sent like 600 texts by now.

Wow, we have a lot in common!

Why would you say
something like that to me?

No! No!

I meant about the
tech withdrawal.

Trust me, you're nothing
like me otherwise.

Awww, thanks!

Chris sure did
a number on our team.

He took away Sam and
Dakota's lucky gadgets

right before the big game.

Oh, man! This stinks!

Man, Chris should have let
Lightning be a team of one.

Lightning's used to carrying
his teams back home.

But at least those guys
can actually play the game.

Not like this bunch of losers.

[Chris] Welcome players.

Now that you're all here,

It's time for part two
of today's challenge.

The mad skills obstacle course.

The relay race begins with a
mad dash from the Kick-Start.

Forget coffee, if this
baby doesn't get you going,

nothing will.

Then it's on to the race against time

that is the Cannonball Run.

Over to my personal fav,
Wrecking Ball Alley.

Hurts so good.

And moving on,
we head to the Gangplank,

complete with rabid
mutant beavers,

followed by... the bouncy
agony of Double Trouble.

And finally, the Grand Slam,

where you'll use ropes to swing
into the giant baseball mitt

while avoiding those deadly bats.

Piece of cake!

Oh, and as you may remember,

I said that the winning
team from part one

would have a distinct
advantage in part two?

But there was no winner!

Yeah, don't remind me.

The losing team was gonna wear
snazzy specs while competing,

but since we never actually
finished the competition,

I've decided that
everybody has to wear them.

Hey! What's with
the Grampa glasses?

We won't be able to see
anything wearing these?

Dorktacular goggles
won't make part two easy

or attractive, but it can be done...

in theory.

[all moan]

Competitors, take your positions.

First up at the Kickstart,

it's Lightning against Anne Maria.

Then it's Dawn versus Brick

versus the Cannonballs.

Scott faces Jo
in Wrecking ball Alley,

B is up against Zoey
at the Gangplank,

Sam and Mike will
battle Double Trouble,

and Dakota will fight
Cameron for the Grand Slam.

First team to finish
wins the whole shebang.

And the other team
loses a member tonight.

Since it's a relay race,
you'll need something to pass:

your mascots.

Oh, intern!

Team Rat gets a mutant rat

and Team Maggot
gets a mutant maggot.

Ew, it's a what?!

-And go!
-[sounds horn]

And Lightning gets the boot!

Awwwww!

Anne Maria takes the early lead!

Here!

Sir, yes, sir!

Yeah, I got it goin' on.

Woah!!

Ow!

Ow!

Sha-bam!

Go, creepy girl, go!

[Chris] The Rats take the lead! Or not...

-Anybody want to swap?
-[rat squeaks]

What's that? Duck now?

Duh-aay!

[Chris laughs]

Wow, we're in the lead, great.

Nice 'n' slow...
all the way to last place.

Right, little guy?

Owwww!!!

Whoa!

Oow!

Faster, soggy pants!

Go! Go! Go!!

Here's your cat.

Aww, who's my good freak?

Who's my good little freak?

There, there little guy.

Uncle Scotty kept
you safe and sound.

Oh, do you want this?

Why didn't you say so, Beverly!

[chewing]

[roars]

Yeah!

[wolf whistle]

[Chris] And in a surprisingly
touching move,

B extends the Rats' lead!

Oh, come on!

Go! Go!

[growling]

-[chewing]
-[screams]

Yes! Go, B.

Lay it on me!

Dakota! Take it!

Okay. Ready.

No! Come back!

Here!

Got it!

[romantic music]

Okay, I'm going.

[screams]

Okay, Mike,...it's just
some jumps over an area

you can barely see,
you can do this, c'mon!

[as Svetlana]
Only one person can do this!

Svetlana, the Olympic
Queen of gymnastics.

Whoa.

Mike unveils a secret skill

and the Maggots re-take the lead!

Svetlana?

Mike, how did you do that?!

Huh? Uh! Do what?

Here you go.

Here!

Eww, can you at least wipe it off?

Yes, yes!

I've never felt so alive!

I'm a dead man.

Please let me go.

Ohh!

I said let me go!

Oh, sorry.

But I did tell you to stop.

Well, Dakota fans,
here goes nothing.

[yells]

[screams]

[groans]

Dakota! Over here!

Sorriso per noi!

Smile for us, beautiful heiress!

Finally!

Hi!

You're just in time
for my, er, mud bath!

No! Ignore them and swing!

Swing!!

[camera shutters clicking]

Velocity times mass times wind speed--

Woaah!

[screams]

[Chris] The Maggots win!

[cheering]

To the Maggots, the spoils -

McLean Brand soap,
shampoo and conditioner

guaranteed to wash off the stink.

Stink...

Rats, see you at the
elimination ceremony!

-[all moan]
-I can't believe this!

Lightning is on a team of losers.

Come on. Winning isn't everything.

[yelling]

Oh, and as for Dakota's
annoying "entourage"... Chef?

[air hisses out]

Um, rude!

Alright, guys, Dakota's gotta go.

She's only in it for the photo op.

Hang on, guys.

I mean sure she's
easily distracted,

but she's also
a tenth-level hottie.

Uh, not that that's
important or anything.

Let's give her a chance.

A great darkness is
surrounding Dakota.

If she stays on the island,
disaster will befall her.

Sha-please, I think you
should all get the boot

after today's performance.

Ready?

Everyone gets a marshmallow,
even the loser,

but that's one marshmallow
you do not want to eat.

To the votes!

The following people
are safe: Lightning,

Dawn,

Scott,

and Sam,

which leaves Dakota and Bev.

What?

And the marshmallow
of loserdom goes to...

-Dakota.
-No! This has to be a mistake.

I didn't get my spin-off series yet!

NO!!

Man, I can't believe Dakota's gone.

I was ready to repeatedly ask her out
and get turned down all season.

Uh!

Any last words before you ride
the Hurl of Shame, Dakota?

Um, ya? First of all--
[screams]

It was a rhetorical question.

Two Hurls down, eleven to go!

Who'll be eliminated next?

Tune in and find out, on Total...

Drama...

Revenge Of The Island!

[theme music]