Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 1 - Not So Happy Campers: Part 1 - full transcript

YO!

WE'RE COMING AT YOU LIVE

FROM CAMP WAWANAKWA,

SOMEWHERE IN MUSKOKA, ONTARIO.

I'M YOUR HOST, CHRIS MCLEAN.

DROPPING SEASON ONE OF THE

HOTTEST NEW REALITY SHOW

ON TELEVISION, RIGHT NOW!

HERE'S THE DEAL, 22 CAMPERS

HAVE SIGNED UP TO SPEND

EIGHT WEEKS RIGHT HERE AT THIS



CRUMMY OLD SUMMER CAMP.

THEY'LL COMPETE IN CHALLENGES

AGAINST EACH OTHER.

THEN HAVE TO FACE THE JUDGMENT

OF THEIR FELLOW CAMPERS.

EVERY THREE DAYS, ONE TEAM

WILL EITHER WIN A REWARD,

OR WATCH ONE OF THEIR

TEAM MEMBER'S WALK DOWN

THE DOCK OF SHAME.

TAKE A RIDE ON THE LOSER BOAT

AND LEAVE TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,

FOR GOOD.

THEIR FATE WILL BE DECIDED HERE,



AT THE DRAMATIC CAMPFIRE

CEREMONIES WHERE EACH WEEK,

ALL BUT ONE CAMPER

WILL RECEIVE A MARSHMALLOW.

IN THE END, ONLY ONE WILL BE

LEFT STANDING

AND WILL BE REWARDED

WITH CHEESY TABLOID FAME

AND A SMALL FORTUNE,

WHICH LET'S FACE IT,

THEY'LL PROBABLY BLOW IN A WEEK.

TO SURVIVE,

THEY'LL HAVE TO BATTLE.

BLACK FLIES.

-GRIZZLY BEARS.

-(GRIZZLY BEAR ROARS)

DISGUSTING CAMP FOOD!

HEY NOW.

AND EACH OTHER.

EVERY MOMENT WILL BE CAUGHT ON

ONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF CAMERAS

SITUATED ALL OVER THE CAMP.

WHO WILL CRUMBLE

UNDER THE PRESSURE?

FIND OUT HERE RIGHT NOW ON...

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

WELCOME BACK TO

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

ALL RIGHT, ITS TIME TO MEET

OUR FIRST 11 CAMPERS.

WE TOLD THEM THEY'D ALL BE

STAYING AT A FIVE STAR RESORT,

SO IF THEY SEEM A LITTLE T.O.ed,

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY.

BETH, WHAT'S UP?

IT'S SO INCREDULOUS

TO MEET YOU.

WOW, YOU'RE MUCH

SHORTER IN REAL LIFE.

UH, THANKS.

D.J.

YO, CHRIS MCLEAN.

HOW'S IT GOING?

HEY, YOU SURE YOU GOT

THE RIGHT PLACE HERE?

WHERE'S THE HOT TUB AT?

YO, DAWG, THIS IS IT.

CAMP WAWANAKWA.

HUMPH. LOOKED A LOT DIFFERENT

ON THE APPLICATION FORM.

CHRIS: HEY, GWEN.

YOU MEAN WE'RE STAYING HERE?

NO, YOU'RE STAYING HERE.

MY CRIB IS AN

AIRSTREAM WITH A.C.

THAT-A-WAY.

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.

ACTUALLY, YOU DID.

THE GREAT THING

ABOUT LAWYERS IS...

THEY MAKE LOTS OF COPIES.

I AM NOT STAYING HERE.

COOL.

I HOPE YOU CAN SWIM THOUGH,

BECAUSE YOUR RIDE JUST LEFT.

(HORN HONKING)

JERK!

GEOFF: CHRIS MCLEAN!

SUP, MAN?

IT'S AN HONOR

TO MEET YOU, MAN!

THE GEOFF-STER.

WELCOME TO THE ISLAND, MAN!

THANKS, MAN.

IF THEY SAY "MAN"

ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA PUKE.

EVERYBODY, THIS IS LINDSAY.

NOT TOO SHABBY.

LINDSAY: HI!

OKAY, YOU LOOK SO FAMILIAR!

I'M CHRIS MCLEAN.

THE HOST OF THE SHOW.

OH, THAT'S WHERE

I KNOW YOU FROM.

UH, YEAH.

HEATHER.

HI!

LOOKS LIKE

WE'RE YOUR NEW FRIENDS

FOR THE NEXT EIGHT WEEKS.

DUNCAN, DUDE.

I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES.

YEAH, YOUR PAROLE OFFICER

WARNED ME ABOUT THAT, MAN.

HE ALSO TOLD ME TO GIVE HIM

A HOLLER ANY TIME

AND HAVE YOU RETURNED TO JUVIE.

OKAY, THEN.

MEET YOU BY THE CAMPFIRE,

GORGEOUS.

DROP DEAD, YOU SKEEZ.

I'M CALLING MY PARENTS.

YOU CANNOT MAKE ME STAY HERE.

(HORN HONKING)

CHRIS:

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, TYLER!

(ALL GASP)

UGH, MY SHOES!

WICKED WIPEOUT, MAN!

(CHUCKLING)

(SIGHS)

WELCOME TO CAMP, HAROLD.

WHAT'S HE LOOKING AT?

SO YOU MEAN THIS SHOW IS

AT A CRAPPY SUMMER CAMP

AND NOT ON SOME BIG STAGE

OR SOMETHING?

YOU GOT IT.

YES.

THAT IS SO MUCH MORE

FAVORABLE TO MY SKILLS.

CONTESTANT NUMBER NINE

IS TRENT.

HEY, GOOD TO MEET YOU, MAN.

I SAW YOU ON THAT

FIGURE-SKATING SHOW.

NICE WORK.

HEY, THANKS, MAN.

I KNEW I ROCKED THAT SHOW!

I SAW THAT.

ONE OF THE GUYS DROPPED

HIS PARTNER ON HER HEAD,

SO THEY GOT

IMMUNITY THAT WEEK.

LUCKY! I HOPE I GET

DROPPED ON MY HEAD.

ME TOO!

SO THIS IS IT?

ALL RIGHTY THEN.

HEY! WHAT'S UP?

ALL RIGHT.

OUR SURFER CHICK,

BRIDGETTE, IS HERE.

(SCOFFS)

NICE BOARD.

THIS AIN'T MALIBU, HONEY.

I THOUGHT WE WERE

GOING TO BE ON A BEACH.

CHRIS: WE ARE!

-GREAT.

-ALL RIGHT, THAT MAKES--

OW! DARN IT, THAT HURT!

HEY, GUYS.

HEY! I'M GEOFF.

BRIDGETTE: WHAT'S UP?

DANG, WATCH THE BOARD, MAN!

HI! I'M BETH.

HEY.

OKAY, WE'VE ALL MET SURFER GIRL.

CAN WE GET ON

WITH THE SHOW, PLEASE?

SOMEONE MISSED THEIR DOUBLE

CAPPUCCINO MACCHIATO

THIS MORNING.

GET BENT.

OUR...

NEXT CAMPER IS NOAH.

YOU GOT MY MEMO ABOUT

MY LIFE-THREATENING ALLERGIES?

I'M SURE SOMEONE DID.

GOOD. IS THIS WHERE

WE'RE STAYING?

NO, IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE,

AND WE'RE THROWING A PARTY.

CUTE. NICE PIERCINGS, ORIGINAL,

DO THEM YOURSELF?

YEAH. YOU WANT ONE?

UH, NO, THANKS.

CAN I HAVE

MY LIP BACK, PLEASE?

THANKS.

WHAT'S UP, Y'ALL?

LESHAWNA'S IN THE HOUSE!

(GASPS)

YO, BABY, HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

HOW'S IT GOING?

FEEL FREE TO QUIT NOW AND SAVE

YOURSELVES THE TROUBLE,

'CAUSE I CAME TO WIN.

OH, WHAT'S UP, MY BROTHER?

GIVE ME SOME SUGAR, BABY!

I'VE NEVER SEEN A GIRL

LIKE YOU IN REAL LIFE BEFORE.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU'RE REAL BIG AND LOUD.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU HAVE NOT SEEN

ANYTHING YET.

I'LL SHOW YOU BIG, BABY.

OH, YEAH, YOU WANT

SOME OF THIS?

WELL, COME ON, THEN!

ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS.

SETTLE DOWN.

LADIES! SADIE, KATIE,

WELCOME TO YOUR

NEW HOME FOR EIGHT WEEKS.

(INSECTS BUZZING)

OH, MY GOSH.

SADIE, LOOK.

IT'S A SUMMER CAMP.

OKAY, I ALWAYS WANTED

TO GO TO SUMMER CAMP.

EEE!

EZEKIEL! WHAT'S UP, MAN?

I THINK I SEE A BIRD.

(LAUGHS)

OKAY, LOOK, DUDE.

I KNOW YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH.

BEEN HOME-SCHOOLED

YOUR WHOLE LIFE,

RAISED BY FREAKY

PRAIRIE PEOPLE,

JUST DON'T SAY MUCH

AND TRY NOT TO GET KICKED OFF

TOO EARLY, OKAY?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S JUST... WOW.

CODY. THE CODE-STER.

THE CODE-MEISTER.

DUDE, PSYCHED TO BE HERE, MAN.

I SEE THE LADIES

HAVE ALREADY ARRIVED.

ALL RIGHT.

SAVE IT, SHORT STUFF.

EVA?

NICE. I GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

OW! WHAT'S IN THERE,

DUMBBELLS?

YES.

SHE'S ALL YOURS, MAN.

OWEN: WOO-HOO!

CHRIS, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

THIS IS AWESOME!

WOO-HOO!

OWEN, WELCOME!

AWESOME TO BE HERE, MAN.

YEAH! MAN, THIS IS JUST SO...

AWESOME?

YES, AWESOME!

WOO! ARE YOU GONNA BE

ON MY TEAM?

OH, I SURE HOPE SO.

WOO!

YOU ABOUT FINISHED?

SORRY, DUDE.

I'M JUST SO PSYCHED!

COOL. AND HERE COMES COURTNEY.

THANK YOU.

HI! YOU MUST BE

THE OTHER CONTESTANTS.

IT'S REALLY NICE

TO MEET YOU ALL.

HOW'S IT GOING?

I'M OWEN!

NICE TO MEET YOU, O... WOW.

THIS IS JUSTIN.

WELCOME TO TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

THANKS, CHRIS. THIS IS GREAT.

JUST SO YOU KNOW,

WE PICKED YOU BASED

ENTIRELY ON YOUR LOOKS.

I CAN DEAL WITH THAT.

I LIKE YOUR PANTS.

THANKS, MAN.

'CAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE

THEY'RE ALL WORN OUT.

DID YOU BUY THEM LIKE THAT?

UH, NO.

JUST HAD THEM FOR A WHILE.

OH.

COOL.

STUPID!

CHRIS: HEY, EVERYONE, IZZY!

HI, CHRIS. HI!

HI! OW!

OOH, THAT WAS BAD.

(LAUGHS)

GUYS, SHE COULD BE

SERIOUSLY HURT!

IZZY: THAT FELT SO...

GOOD!

EXCEPT FOR HITTING MY CHIN.

THIS IS SUMMER CAMP?

THAT IS SO COOL!

DO YOU HAVE PAPIER-MACHE HERE?

ARE WE HAVING LUNCH SOON?

THAT IS A GOOD CALL!

FIRST THING'S FIRST.

WE NEED A GROUP PHOTO

FOR THE PROMOS.

EVERYONE ON THE END

OF THE DOCK.

OKAY, ONE, TWO, THREE...

OOPS!

OKAY, FORGOT THE LENS CAP.

OKAY, HOLD THAT POSE.

ONE, TWO--OH, NO, WAIT.

CARD'S FULL.

HANG ON.

COME ON, MAN.

MY FACE IS STARTING TO FREEZE.

GOT IT. OKAY.

EVERYONE SAY, "WAWANAKWA!"

ALL: WAWANAKWA!

AAH!

OKAY, GUYS, DRY OFF AND MEET

AT THE CAMPFIRE PIT IN 10.

THIS IS CAMP WAWANAKWA,

YOUR HOME

FOR THE NEXT EIGHT WEEKS.

THE CAMPERS SITTING AROUND

YOU WILL BE YOUR CABIN MATES,

YOUR COMPETITION,

AND MAYBE EVEN YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU DIG?

THE CAMPER WHO MANAGES TO STAY

ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND

THE LONGEST WITHOUT GETTING

VOTED OFF WILL WIN $100,000.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT WILL THE SLEEPING

ARRANGEMENTS BE,

BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO REQUEST

A BUNK UNDER HER?

THEY'RE NOT COED, ARE THEY?

NO.

GIRLS GET ONE SIDE OF EACH CABIN

AND DUDES GET THE OTHER.

EXCUSE ME, KYLE?

CAN I HAVE A CABIN

WITH A LAKE VIEW

SINCE I'M THE PRETTIEST?

CHRIS: OKAY, YOU ARE.

BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY

HOW IT WORKS HERE.

AND IT'S CHRIS.

I HAVE TO LIVE

WITH SADIE, OR I'LL DIE.

AND I'LL BREAK OUT IN HIVES.

IT'S TRUE.

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.

AW, COME ON, GUYS,

IT'LL BE FUN.

IT'S LIKE A BIG SLEEPOVER.

AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE

TO SLEEP NEXT TO HIM.

HERE'S THE DEAL.

WE'RE GONNA SPLIT YOU

INTO TWO TEAMS.

IF I CALL YOUR NAME OUT,

GO STAND OVER THERE.

GWEN.

TRENT.

HEATHER.

CODY.

LINDSAY.

BETH.

KATIE.

OWEN.

LESHAWNA.

JUSTIN.

AND NOAH.

FROM THIS MOMENT ON,

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY

KNOWN AS...

THE SCREAMING GOPHERS!

YEAH! I'M A GOPHER!

WOO!

WAIT!

WHAT ABOUT SADIE?

THE REST OF YOU, OVER HERE.

GEOFF.

BRIDGETTE.

D.J.

TYLER.

SADIE.

IZZY.

COURTNEY.

EZEKIEL.

DUNCAN.

EVA.

AND HAROLD.

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!

BUT KATIE'S A GOPHER!

I HAVE TO BE A GOPHER!

SADIE, IS IT? COME ON.

IT'LL BE OKAY.

THIS IS SO UNFAIR.

I MISS YOU, KATIE!

I MISS YOU, TOO!

CHRIS: YOU GUYS

WILL OFFICIALLY BE KNOWN AS...

THE KILLER BASS!

IT'S AWESOME.

IT'S, LIKE...

AMAZING.

CHRIS: ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS!

YOU AND YOUR TEAM WILL BE

ON CAMERA IN ALL PUBLIC AREAS

DURING THIS COMPETITION.

YOU'LL ALSO BE ABLE TO SHARE

YOUR INNERMOST THOUGHTS

ON TAPE WITH VIDEO DIARIES

ANY TIME YOU WANT.

LET THE AUDIENCE AT HOME KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE REALLY THINKING,

OR JUST GET

SOMETHING OFF YOUR CHEST.

UM, OKAY.

SO FAR THIS SUCKS.

LINDSAY: I DON'T GET IT.

WHERE'S THE CAMERA GUY?

(QUACKS)

HEY, EVERYONE, CHECK THIS OUT.

I HAVE SOMETHING

VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY.

(FARTS)

ALL RIGHT, ANY QUESTIONS?

COOL. LET'S FIND YOUR CABINS.

GOPHERS,

YOU'RE IN THE EAST CABIN.

BASS, YOU'RE IN THE WEST.

HEATHER: BUNK BEDS?

ISN'T THIS A LITTLE SUMMER CAMP?

THAT'S THE IDEA, GENIUS.

SHUT UP, WEIRD GOTH GIRL.

YOU'RE SO SMART.

I FEEL THAT.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE

ON THE BOYS' SIDE?

CODY: AAH!

LINDSAY: WHERE ARE THE OUTLETS?

I HAVE TO PLUG

IN MY STRAIGHTENING IRON.

THERE ARE SOME IN THE COMMUNAL

BATHROOMS JUST ACROSS THE WAY.

LINDSAY: COMMUNAL BATHROOMS?

BUT I'M NOT CATHOLIC.

NOT COMMUNION, COMMUNAL.

IT MEANS WE SHOWER TOGETHER.

IDIOT.

OH, NO!

COME ON!

I'M GLAD WE'RE IN OUR

OWN CABIN WITH JUST GUYS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

(CHUCKLES)

I MEAN NO, I DIDN'T

MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

I LOVE CHICKS.

I JUST DON'T WANT

TO SLEEP NEAR THEM.

(STAMMERS) I MEAN...

GEOFF: EXCUSE ME, CHRIS.

IS THERE A CHAPERONE

OF ANY KIND IN THIS FACILITY?

YOU'RE ALL 16 YEARS OLD,

AS OLD AS A COUNSELOR

IN TRAINING

AT A REGULAR SUMMER CAMP.

SO, OTHER THAN MYSELF,

YOU'LL BE UNSUPERVISED.

YOU'VE GOT A HALF AN HOUR

TO UNPACK AND MEET ME BACK

AT THE MAIN LODGE STARTING NOW.

NICE!

(LINDSAY SCREAMING)

OH, MAN, THAT WHITE

GIRL CAN SCREAM.

WHAT IS IT?

KILL IT! KILL IT!

(GASPS)

AAH!

THAT WAS MY BED.

(ALL SHOUTING)

HELP ME!

WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY

TO KILL A COCKROACH.

HAROLD: AWESOME!

IF YOU EVER SEE

ONE OF THOSE AGAIN,

JUST LET ME KNOW, OKAY?

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

I COULD DO THAT, TOO.

THEY ALWAYS GO FOR THE JOCKS.

CHEF HATCHET: LISTEN UP!

I SERVE IT THREE TIMES A DAY,

AND YOU'LL EAT IT

THREE TIMES A DAY!

GRAB YOUR TRAY, GET YOUR FOOD,

AND SIT YOUR BUTTS DOWN NOW!

EXCUSE ME.

WILL WE BE GETTING

ALL THE MAJOR FOOD GROUPS?

HAROLD: YEAH, 'CAUSE I GET

HYPOGLYCEMIC REAL BAD

IF I DON'T GET ENOUGH SUGAR.

YOU'LL GET A LOT OF SHUT

THE HECK UP.

HAVE A COW.

CHEF HATCHET: WHAT WAS THAT?

COME CLOSER, FAT BOY.

I DIDN'T HEAR YOU.

UH, I DIDN'T REALLY SAY

ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T!

YOU, SCRAWNY KID.

GIVE ME YOUR PLATE.

HEY, WHAT'S UP, GIRL?

OH, IT'S GONNA BE

LIKE THAT, IS IT?

NEXT!

LINDSAY: EXCUSE ME,

MY NUTRITIONIST SAYS

I SHOULDN'T EAT ANY WHITE SUGAR,

WHITE FLOUR, OR, LIKE, DAIRY.

I DON'T THINK

THAT'S GONNA BE A PROBLEM.

COOL!

OKAY, I HATE TO BE PREDICTABLE

AND COMPLAIN ON THE FIRST DAY,

BUT I THINK MINE JUST MOVED.

RIGHT!

OKAY, THEN.

WELCOME TO THE MAIN LODGE.

GEOFF: YO, MY MAN.

CAN WE ORDER A PIZZA?

WHOA, IT'S COOL, "G."

BROWN SLOP IS COOL.

RIGHT, GUYS?

YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE

BEGINS IN ONE HOUR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK

THEY'LL MAKE US DO?

IT'S OUR FIRST CHALLENGE.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

OH, (BLEEP).

NEXT TIME ON

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

YOUR FIRST TASK

IS TO JUMP OFF

THIS 1,000-FOOT-HIGH CLIFF

INTO THE LAKE.

I'M LOOKING AT THIS GUY

AND THINKING,

"THERE'S NO WAY

HE'S GONNA MAKE IT."

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT,

"IF HE JUMPS THIS...

HE'S GONNA DIE."

OWEN: I'M GOING TO DIE NOW.

I'M GOING TO FREAKING DIE NOW!

(ROAR)