Tigtone (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Tigtone and the Freaks of Love - full transcript
When the breeding time for a pack of female centaurs arrives, they realize that their irresistible and incredibly potent stud is missing, so Tigtone suffers through the worst kind of quest: an escort quest.
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---
Our
1,000-year wait is nearly over.
Today, and today only,
the Fertile Centaur shall emerge
from scenic Fertility Lake
to breed with us all!
Oh, no.
"Apologies,
had to follow my heart.
I am sure you'll be fine.
Signed, Fertile Centaur."
We are doomed to extinction!
You found my seeds.
Thank you, Tigtone.
The reward is gold,
and here it is.
Happy to help, right, Tigtone?
More quests! Keep them coming!
Huh?
Huh? Tigtone?
Tigtone!
Is it another quest, Tigtone?
A quest, a quest, we only get
to start this one.
It's a quest.
The 99 centaurs!
Did you hear that, Helpy?
A quest!
Here are the details.
Rescue a fertile centaur...
Ah... before the sun sets.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Save species
from extinction... Whoo-hoo-hoo.
...with my Helpy. Ah!
This quest has
all of these things.
Ya-ha-ha-ha!
You don't
have to rescue him.
Just find him
and escort him back.
An escort quest?
Ah, the worst kind of quest.
Helpy, let's escort ourselves
to a real quest.
But, Tigtone, you can't spell
"escort quest" without "quest."
All right, 99 centaurs.
We'll do it.
Return the Fertile Centaur
by the time
this shadow dial reaches zero...
or we will all die!
Escort quest,
the worst kind of quest.
"So, Tigtone,
is the world at stake?"
"I don't know.
I'm on an escort quest!"
"Ah, what a waste of your time."
So are you!
Tigtone, it looks like
he's been here.
And here.
He's been
all over the place here.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant. Uck.
Oh. Huh?
Oh. Ooh.
You must be the Fertile Centaur.
The one and only, my loves.
Oh, yes, tie me up.
No!
Oh, shot down
by the mighty Tigtone.
We're taking you back
to scenic Centaur Grove
whether I don't like it or not.
No, thank you.
Centaur sex is just so boring.
My heart 'twas into it
no longer.
I had to get out there,
sow some wild oats,
eat some wild oats.
Sometimes, they are even
the same oats.
Everyone be quiet so I can get
this over with in peace.
Bye, my loves.
Enjoy your babies.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Do not listen to them,
my darling.
Can I fly with you?
The centaur's daughter?
No way! Freak!
My darling.
Oh, my darling.
Oh.
Wow.
Isn't it an honor
to be saving the centaurs?
Honor is the look
a mummy gives me
as I cut its throat
or the sound of my fist
ending an evil lord's bloodline,
not this!
I'm allergic to pollen.
We have to go around.
Hmm.
Oh, no, Dart Canyon.
It's like he wants
to go extinct.
What are you doing?!
Everyone knows the berries
of Dart Canyon are poisonous.
I'm allergic to poison.
Oh, now I'm hungry again.
Here is my last roast chicken.
Try not to get it pregnant.
Whether it's a Fertile Centaur
or a lost baby-bear prince,
all escort quests
are the same... hated by me!
Yeah!
Some lava for the father.
Lava monsters cannot
get pregnant!
It doesn't hurt to try.
Yes, it does!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!
Help me. Help me, my loves!
Help! Tigtone, help!
Whoa! Tigtone!
Why is he so light?!
Oh, what now?!
I'm sinking to death,
but the mud
feels so good on my skin.
Then there's only one word
to describe the frustration
I'm feeling... aah!
This is your fault, Helpy.
If it is anyone'sfault,
it is yours.
It doesn't matter
who's at fault.
The point is, I've had enough.
Great.
I'll just stay here
and fulfill your responsibility.
Aah! Help me!
Finally, a quest
worth killing for!
Help me!
"Help"?
Where have I heard
that word "help" before?
Hi. My name is Helpy.
Hello. How are you?
I'm Helpy.
Good morning, Tigtone.
Nice to meet you.
How can I help?
A-ha! That's right!
Go ahead, Tigtone.
I understand. Aah!
Tigtone?
I have realized something.
I follow my heart
through every quest,
and so every quest
isan escort quest
because my heart escorts me.
What I have just witnessed
has truly moved me.
I know now what I must do.
Escort me, Tigtone.
Escort me to my responsibility,
Tigtone.
Be gone, bee.
Aah!
After a lifetime of searching,
I've found you.
Prepare to die, Father!
Ah!
I'm allergic...
Allergic to beestings!
You made me a hideous freak!
You area freak...
A freak of love,
unique, beautiful,
and I love you
from the tips of your wings
to the bottoms of your hooves.
No!
I wasted my one sting
on pointless vengeance!
Forgive me!
Oh, no! We failed!
What will we do now, Tigtone?
Ah, what are you doing?
Following my heart!
If the Fertile Centaur
doesn't arrive
before the Staff of Time
breaks...
we are doomed!
I have returned your precious
Fertile Centaur.
No, you have not.
That is not him!
Okay. He'll do.
Quickly, we must get
to the magical lake
and procreate
before the eclipse ends.
As the 99 centaurs
enter the fertile lake,
its magical waters
wash over them
as their vital life essence
mixes with that of the horse.
What a magnificent sight,
and as they slowly
dissolve to death,
we wait for the next generation to be born.
The newborn centaurs emerge.
Oh, no.
Thank you for saving
our species.
Ah, the circle of life!
We have made hideous freaks,
Tigtone!
No, you have made
freaks of love!
Why did we take
this awful escort quest?
I have to get out of here.
No, Helpy.
Let us stay a while
and bask
in the majesty of nature.
Ugh.
Ooh! Oh!
Oh!
Whoo! Ah!
So good.
We are the same size.
---
Our
1,000-year wait is nearly over.
Today, and today only,
the Fertile Centaur shall emerge
from scenic Fertility Lake
to breed with us all!
Oh, no.
"Apologies,
had to follow my heart.
I am sure you'll be fine.
Signed, Fertile Centaur."
We are doomed to extinction!
You found my seeds.
Thank you, Tigtone.
The reward is gold,
and here it is.
Happy to help, right, Tigtone?
More quests! Keep them coming!
Huh?
Huh? Tigtone?
Tigtone!
Is it another quest, Tigtone?
A quest, a quest, we only get
to start this one.
It's a quest.
The 99 centaurs!
Did you hear that, Helpy?
A quest!
Here are the details.
Rescue a fertile centaur...
Ah... before the sun sets.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Save species
from extinction... Whoo-hoo-hoo.
...with my Helpy. Ah!
This quest has
all of these things.
Ya-ha-ha-ha!
You don't
have to rescue him.
Just find him
and escort him back.
An escort quest?
Ah, the worst kind of quest.
Helpy, let's escort ourselves
to a real quest.
But, Tigtone, you can't spell
"escort quest" without "quest."
All right, 99 centaurs.
We'll do it.
Return the Fertile Centaur
by the time
this shadow dial reaches zero...
or we will all die!
Escort quest,
the worst kind of quest.
"So, Tigtone,
is the world at stake?"
"I don't know.
I'm on an escort quest!"
"Ah, what a waste of your time."
So are you!
Tigtone, it looks like
he's been here.
And here.
He's been
all over the place here.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant. Uck.
Oh. Huh?
Oh. Ooh.
You must be the Fertile Centaur.
The one and only, my loves.
Oh, yes, tie me up.
No!
Oh, shot down
by the mighty Tigtone.
We're taking you back
to scenic Centaur Grove
whether I don't like it or not.
No, thank you.
Centaur sex is just so boring.
My heart 'twas into it
no longer.
I had to get out there,
sow some wild oats,
eat some wild oats.
Sometimes, they are even
the same oats.
Everyone be quiet so I can get
this over with in peace.
Bye, my loves.
Enjoy your babies.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Do not listen to them,
my darling.
Can I fly with you?
The centaur's daughter?
No way! Freak!
My darling.
Oh, my darling.
Oh.
Wow.
Isn't it an honor
to be saving the centaurs?
Honor is the look
a mummy gives me
as I cut its throat
or the sound of my fist
ending an evil lord's bloodline,
not this!
I'm allergic to pollen.
We have to go around.
Hmm.
Oh, no, Dart Canyon.
It's like he wants
to go extinct.
What are you doing?!
Everyone knows the berries
of Dart Canyon are poisonous.
I'm allergic to poison.
Oh, now I'm hungry again.
Here is my last roast chicken.
Try not to get it pregnant.
Whether it's a Fertile Centaur
or a lost baby-bear prince,
all escort quests
are the same... hated by me!
Yeah!
Some lava for the father.
Lava monsters cannot
get pregnant!
It doesn't hurt to try.
Yes, it does!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!
Help me. Help me, my loves!
Help! Tigtone, help!
Whoa! Tigtone!
Why is he so light?!
Oh, what now?!
I'm sinking to death,
but the mud
feels so good on my skin.
Then there's only one word
to describe the frustration
I'm feeling... aah!
This is your fault, Helpy.
If it is anyone'sfault,
it is yours.
It doesn't matter
who's at fault.
The point is, I've had enough.
Great.
I'll just stay here
and fulfill your responsibility.
Aah! Help me!
Finally, a quest
worth killing for!
Help me!
"Help"?
Where have I heard
that word "help" before?
Hi. My name is Helpy.
Hello. How are you?
I'm Helpy.
Good morning, Tigtone.
Nice to meet you.
How can I help?
A-ha! That's right!
Go ahead, Tigtone.
I understand. Aah!
Tigtone?
I have realized something.
I follow my heart
through every quest,
and so every quest
isan escort quest
because my heart escorts me.
What I have just witnessed
has truly moved me.
I know now what I must do.
Escort me, Tigtone.
Escort me to my responsibility,
Tigtone.
Be gone, bee.
Aah!
After a lifetime of searching,
I've found you.
Prepare to die, Father!
Ah!
I'm allergic...
Allergic to beestings!
You made me a hideous freak!
You area freak...
A freak of love,
unique, beautiful,
and I love you
from the tips of your wings
to the bottoms of your hooves.
No!
I wasted my one sting
on pointless vengeance!
Forgive me!
Oh, no! We failed!
What will we do now, Tigtone?
Ah, what are you doing?
Following my heart!
If the Fertile Centaur
doesn't arrive
before the Staff of Time
breaks...
we are doomed!
I have returned your precious
Fertile Centaur.
No, you have not.
That is not him!
Okay. He'll do.
Quickly, we must get
to the magical lake
and procreate
before the eclipse ends.
As the 99 centaurs
enter the fertile lake,
its magical waters
wash over them
as their vital life essence
mixes with that of the horse.
What a magnificent sight,
and as they slowly
dissolve to death,
we wait for the next generation to be born.
The newborn centaurs emerge.
Oh, no.
Thank you for saving
our species.
Ah, the circle of life!
We have made hideous freaks,
Tigtone!
No, you have made
freaks of love!
Why did we take
this awful escort quest?
I have to get out of here.
No, Helpy.
Let us stay a while
and bask
in the majesty of nature.
Ugh.
Ooh! Oh!
Oh!
Whoo! Ah!
So good.
We are the same size.